Butterfly or Tree

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This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Abstract" from season 9, which aired on July 17, 2017.

Transcript

Jake: Hey, brother. Pass me that jam, won't you?
Finn: Sure.
Jake: Thanks.
[Sniffling]
Finn: So, how is your toast?
Jake: Pretty good. Funny, though, I can kind of taste the toast's emotions or something. Getting ground into flour and then made into bread really did a number on this wheat's sense of self.
[Whimpering]
Finn: That's a pretty hyper‐developed sense of taste you've got there. Hey, you seem kind of different.
Jake: Nope. Same old Jake.
Finn: You're blue, you've got those five eyes, you're way bigger, and you keep discovering strange new abilities. I think this might be a situation.
Jake: Where's this coming from
[Jake sporadically grows wings.]
BMO: [Gasps]
Jake: Whoops! Tuck‐tuck. See? Same old Jake.
BMO: Ahhh!
Jake: Whoa. [Jake's body goes crazy]
BMO: Ahhh! Jake is a crab! Ahhh! [BMO runs off screen]
Finn: Same old Jake. If you say so.
Jake: Hmm.
[Jake, Lady Rainicorn, and Dirt Beer Guy are at the the latter's tavern]
Jake: I think I'm handling these minor changes pretty well. Besides, a lot of people are different these days. Dirt Beer Guy, you're practically a zombie. How are you dealing with it?
Dirt Beer Guy: Well, I'm basically the same as before. The difference is only physical.
Jake: So you agree Finn is really overreacting?
Dirt Beer Guy: Totally. You're the same person as before.
Jake: Heck yeah! I'm still the same old Jake on the inside.
Dirt Beer Guy: Wait, you're Jake?! Uh, pardon me. Oh, dear, oh, dear. That's really something.
Jake: You know, I think I figured out why I make people uneasy. They're used to yellow Jake.
Lady Rainicorn: [Speaks Korean] 자기야, 내가 좀 고쳐볼게. (Babe, I'll try to fix it.) [then tries (and fails) at changing Jake's color]
Jake: [Laughs] Lady, that tickles.
Lady Rainicorn: [Speaks Korean] 젠장! (Damn!)
Jake: It's okay, lady. Thanks for trying, but I'm fine, really.
Lady Rainicorn: [Speaks Korean] 어떤 일이 일어나도 나는 널 사랑해. (I love you no matter what happens.)
Jake: I love me, too.
[Jake barks in his sleep. We cut to his dream, where he follows distant music through a maze. Many identical women are worshipping a statue of Warren Ampersand. The statue comes to life, and turns Jake blue. He wakes up, tied to a stone tablet, and then screams]
[Now at Jermaine's house, but still in a dream]
Jake: Jermaine?
Jermaine: Ahh, mountain colors. I'm painting this mountain. I think it's really coming together.
Jake: That's the mountain?
Jermaine: Yep. I'm a mirror. Hey, who's your friend? [Warren Ampersand appears]
Jake: Yipe!
[Warren turns into Joshua]
Jake: Dad?
Joshua: Look at this. [Playing with a yoyo] I can almost walk the dog.
Jermaine: Your body looks like one of my paintings. Pretty weird dream, huh?
Jake: This isn't just a dream body, this is what my body looks like when I'm awake.
Jermaine: Oh. Got it.
Jermaine: Ha! I've got it!
Jake: What?
Joshua: [Now with 5 eyes, and 8 arms, each holding a yoyo] I can almost walk the dog.
Jake: Finn, you up?
Finn: Yeah, man.
Jake: I had a really bad dream last night. So ominous. These images are going to haunt me for, like, forever.
Finn: Sometimes it helps me if I draw a bad dream in picture form. My crayons!
Jake: It was a weird scene, all right. Chanting ladies, labyrinths, classical sculpture. And Jermaine was there, too. The weird thing was that he was painting abstract art.
Finn: So? F.Y.I., Jermaine hates abstract art. He would never paint something non‐representational.
Finn: Maybe he's just trying something new?
Jake: It's not in his nature. Why would he all of a sudden get into painting meaningless shapes?
Finn: He's probably fine.
Jake: Just feels so out of character, you know, for Jermaine.
Finn: How's the drawing?
Jake: Just squiggles.
[Later]
Finn: [Playing a game on BMO] Fuelish tank! You are too slow for the Finnosaurus. Give up! Give up!
Jake: [Looks at a postcard of the mountain Jermaine was painting] I knew I had seen that mountain.
Finn: [Scoffs] Tank boys,you have no hope. [Laughs]
Jake: [Jake walks through the wasteland, until he runs into James]
James: Vrrt‐vrrt‐vrrt! Brrt! Who goes there?!
Jake: James, it's me, Jake.
James: You look nothing like Jake, but I believe you. I just have to ask because I'm supposed to guard the Wasteland. I was just making some beans. Come to my tent!
Jake: Okay, but I don't want any beans.
James: [Laughs] Man! I could eat beans all day, every day.
Jake: [Gasps] Where did you get that painting?
James: One day when I was guarding, I saw Jermaine painting it. James was like, "Dang, I like that painting!" And he was like,"You can have it." And I was like, "Waah?"
Jake: You like this? It doesn't look anything like a mountain.
James: I think you're looking at it wrong.
Jake: Where'd Jermaine go...after?
James: He went back to his studio, behind the wall of water.
Jake: You mean a waterfall?
James: No, like the thing I said.
Wall of Water: [Laughing] Hey! None but the chosen may walk beyond the wall of water.
Jake: What have you done with my brother?
Wall of Water: Who's your brother?
Jake: Jermaine.
Wall of Water: Wow. You guys don't look anything alike.
Jake: We're practically twins.
Wall of Water: Well, I guess you can walk beyond the wall of water. But just this once. Ooooh! [He opens himself up, creating a doorway to Jermaine's house. Bryce climbs up from the floorboards]
Bryce: Can I help you, sir? [Chuckles]
Jake: Hey, Bryce. I'm looking for Jermaine. Is he behind that door marked "private"?
Bryce: No, no, no. Mr. Jermaine won't be seeing anyone today. His wishes for privacy were quite explicit. You wouldn't want to interrupt Mr. Jermaine. He's a brilliant painter.
Jake: Yeah, he used to be. Now you got him painting all this nonsense.
Bryce: I'm just his humble dealer. So many times I've watched him painting, painting, painting.
Jake: What's really going on, Bryce? My dad told me all about your demon tricks.
Bryce: Well, now I don't want to say anything bad about your dad, but...
[Jake beats Bryce up offscreen, and covers his mouth in a backpack]
Jake: Bro? I'm here to save you.
Jermaine: Hmm? Oh, hey. I'm not sure if this is done yet. It's hard to tell when an abstract is finished.
Jake: Jermaine, what's wrong with you? Who's taken away your identity as a landscape painter?
Jermaine: There's nothing wrong with me, Jake. I just changed a little. You seem like you've changed a little bit, too.
Jake: No, I just look different.
Jermaine: Eh, that sounds like denial.
Jake: No, it doesn't!
Jermaine: Come on, bro.
Jake: Nothing's different! I'm the same! Same old Jake! Completely...normal! [he morphs into a dragon-like shape]
Jake: This looks bad, but deep down,I'm not different. And you're not different either, right? You'll go back to painting landscapes?
Jermaine: No one is making me do this. I painted so many landscapes that the shapes of the land began to lose their meaning. And the shapes broke apart to me, so I painted them like that. And it's not like my new paintings erase my old paintings. They're both me. Okay. I think I'm starting to get it. I like the new look, by the way.
Jake: 'Cause you like your brothers to be crazy shapes?
Jermaine: Sure. Also, Dad told me you might go through some changes one day.
Jake: Huh?
Jermaine: He told me to be supportive. But I would've done that anyway.
Jake: I wonder what he meant.
Jermaine: You knowhow secretive Dad was. Sorry I don't have more answers.
Jake: Well, do you have any more of these paintings?
[Jermaine smiles, and then Jake watches as the paintings float around him (in his imagination)]
Jake: The shapes are always changing. Changing is their normal state, like us. Even if we're not changing on the outside, we're changing on the inside constantly. There's some stuff about me that I've been ignoring for a long time. I'm afraid of that stuff. But it's part of who I am. As long as I know the shape of my soul, I'll be alright.
Jermaine: Wow. You really understand my art.
Jake: Oh, I totally don't understand anything.
[Both laugh]
[Jake enters the Tree House]
Finn: Hey, you're back.
Jake: Yeah, I went to see Jermaine. He says hi.
Finn: No, I mean, like,you're really back.
Jake: Huh?
[Jake goes to the mirror, and sees that he's yellow again]
Jake: Different, yet the same.
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "A Glitch is a Glitch" from season 5, which aired on April 1, 2013.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Ice King
Princess Bubblegum
The Glitch
Candy People
BMO
Music
None
Locations
Tree Fort
Candy Kingdom
Ice King's castle
Universal source code
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[The episode begins with Finn and Jake inside the Tree Fort using the computer. Finn is using a program to make an animation of Ice King being attacked by spiders and a snake.]
Jake: Ha-ha-ha. Okay, now make him look angrier!
Finn: Alright, give me a second.
[Finn draws angry-looking eyebrows on Ice King]
Jake: Nope, not funny anymore. Sorry, dude—you ruined it.
Finn: Man, I don't have patience for this animation junk. Whoever does this must have no life whatsoev—
[Finn punches himself.]
Finn: Oof... Why did I do that?
[A brick is thrown through the window, and Jake approaches it using his stretchy powers.]
Jake: Yo Finn, did you order a brick?
Finn: Hm, I don't think so.
Jake: [Reads the floppy disk that is taped to the brick. It says, "Email to Finn + Jake."] False alarm; it's just an email.
Finn: Who's it from?
Jake: Looks like Ice King's handwriting.
[Jake inserts the disk into the computer. A video of a girl eating her hair and gagging immediately starts playing. Finn and Jake watch it, paralyzed with disgust.]
Finn and Jake: Eeeww!
Finn: Escape, Jake! Escape!
Jake: Alright, alright, hold on. [Jake presses ESC repeatedly on the keyboard.] Oh man! Thing must've had a computer worm in it!
[The computer displays a red screen and spikes emerge from it, and the computer becomes triangles.]
Finn: Whaa? Aaaah!
[Finn and Jake run scared from the computer. Scene changes to the Candy Kingdom , where Princess Bubblegum is watering flowers and the Ice King appears flying.]
Ice King: Hey, Princess!
Princess Bubblegum: What now, Ice King?
Ice King: Remember that time last summer when you said you'd only go out on a date with me if I was the last guy on Ooo?
Princess Bubblegum: I doubt I said that.
[Finn and Jake come running and screaming hysterically.]
Finn and Jake: P-bubs! P-bubs, P-bubs!
Finn: The computer went...
Jake: Open video and...
Finn: The email...
Jake: Potato trampoline...
Finn: Brick window with the plastic...
Jake: Then crashment!
Finn: Banana hummingbird...
Jake: 47 grapes!
Ice King: [cleans throat] Anyone having any... [robotic voice] computer problems? [A laugh track plays and stops once Ice King turns off the recorder he is holding.]
Finn: How do we stop the computer worm, you pile of goo?!
Ice King: E-ha-ha-ha-ha! My worm exists beyond your comprehension within the universal source code...
Finn: STOP TALKING LIKE A NERD AND GIVE IT TO US STRAIGHT!!!
Ice King: Once the glitch does its work, the whole world will be deleted! Except for me and my "Bubblygums." [Attempts to kiss Princess Bubblegum, who moves him away with a stick and then throws it at his face.] Ow!! Well, see y'all! I'm gonna prepare for my... date. Ahaha! [Teleports away.]
Donut Guy: [Crashes out of the door of a house with a glitchy face, running in circles.] AAAAAHH! MY BEAUTIFUL FACE!! MY HOPES AND DREAMS—RUINED!!! [Emits beeps and runs away]
Finn: Don't worry, Princess, we'll take care of this thing.
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, me too. [Loads her candy horse tranquilizer] I'm gonna take care of it, too. [Slowly walks away]
Finn: Okay! [Runs away with Jake]
[The scene changes to a street within the Kingdom with a glitchy transition. The Candy People are seen suffering and screaming from the glitches.]
Finn: [Grabs Mr. Cupcake] Don't worry, guy! I got you! [Mr. Cupcake disappears.] YEOW! JAKE, HELP ME!!!
Jake: [talking to Chocoberry] Okay, shh, you're safe! [Chocoberry's arms and legs fell apart then disappeared.]
Finn: Come here, guy!
Sugar Cube: No... Stay away from me!
Finn: I'm trying to help you, yo!
Sugar Cube: I saw what happened when you picked up Todd. [Fades away]
Finn: But... No!! Jake, this isn't working! We need a plan.
[Jake immediately falls asleep. 52 seconds later, almost the whole Kingdom has disappeared, including the ground and the sky. Finn slaps Jake's face, which wakes him up.]
Jake: Aw, man. Okay, here is my dream plan. You were wearin' tights made of green feathers. These tiny green feathers. And I was this wisecracking coelacanth that only ate popcorn. Anyway, we were in this—
Finn: THAT PLAN'S NOT GOOD!
[Finn panics and displays some emoticons on his face while Jake is talking.]
Jake: Hold on, I'm almost done. So we were trapped inside this huge egg, and after a while you started dancing in this kind of sign language. And then Ice King's glitchy stuff started eatin' my dream up. I peed in my pants, but you went up and talked to it. You just... talked to it.
Finn: Then talk to it I will. [Grabs a bit of glitch static from the ground.] Hey man, tell me the haps.
Jake: Yeah, tell us your feelings! Get deep.
[The static makes computerized noises. Subtitles appear on the screen saying "I can't help you, goofballs," which happens to be in front of Finn and Jake. It appears in inverse, confusing Finn and Jake.]
Jake: "Sllabfoog uoy pleh tnac I..."
Donut Guy: [running and screaming] OH, SWEET LORD, MY FACE! MY PERFECT...!!
Jake: Slaw frog yokel snacky. Snacky slaw frog yokel. Sea salt yack let a snacky. Yeah, that sounds good!
Donut Guy: AAAAAAAAAAH...!!!
Finn: [Digging in the static.] Jake, I think I found a way in!
Jake: No, wait, dude. I think I cracked the code!
Finn: There's no time! [Grabs Jake and enters a portal.]
Jake: AAAAAAH!!!
Finn: AAAAH... AAH!!!
[After a transition effect, Finn and Jake are teleported to the universal source code.]
Jake: This must be the universal source code!
[Finn floats to an ice crystal that contains the coding for Ice King and Princess Bubblegum.]
Finn: Huh? Ice King and Bubblegum?
[Jake is looking at the hexagons of code for a spider and a snake. The scene goes back to Ooo, where a snake and giant spider are seen facing each other. Back at the source code, Jake grabs the snake hexagon and connects it to the spider hexagon. In Ooo, it is shown the snake and the spider had been conjoined, creating a hybrid.]
Finn: Jake! Don't touch anything!
Jake: Huh?
Finn: I think the shiny things are the building blocks of the universe, man! They store every single thing that is a thing back on thing!
Jake: Okay, enough exploring already. Where is this glitch guy? I'm gonna smash his jimmies. [Looks to the front and cringes in fear]
Finn: Jake, what is it?
[Jake curls up into a ball in fear and points to a glitch monster with Ice King's face. The glitch grabs the hexagon of a chair and eats it. Back in the Candy Kingdom, Princess Bubblegum is in her castle loading her candy gun when her chair and her other things start disappearing and she falls down.]
Ice King: Oh, Princess Bubblegum? Guess who? Can you guess? Can you? I'll give you 3 chances.
Princess Bubblegum: No.
Ice King: OK, four chances. [Imitates rimshot]
Princess Bubblegum: [Stands up] Ice King, give me the anti-virus, or I'll shoot you with my candy horse tranquilizer!
Ice King: But sugar, look what I brought you! A box of chocos! [Eats a chocolate] Hm... Still good. [Box disappears] Argh. Look, I can't prove it, but... [Bubblegum shoots him.] ...you made a promise we'd have at least one date if... [PB shots him twice, and he starts speaking slowly.] ...if I was the last person on Ooo... [Ice King is shot several times in the face.] You promised... [The tranquilizer darts disappears and so does the gun, making Ice King healthy again.]
Princess Bubblegum: Okay, well, even if I did promised, you're not the last person on Ooo, because I'm still here. [PB starts kissing her left palm.]
Ice King: Well, uh... Ooh, I-I have a hand too, y'know? I can lend you one... [Ice King starts shaking his hand and a gross closeup of it is shown.] Check out my cool hand! [The camera zooms in on Ice King's ugly hand.]
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, that's disgusting.
Ice King: Grrrr!!!
[Scene changes to Finn grabbing Jake by his arm in the source code.]
Finn: Come on, Jake, pull it together, man.
[The glitch grabs a piece from Jake's coding which happens to be his right arm. Finn is shown with a realistic face and notices Jake's arm had unattached from his body.]
Finn: Jake?
Jake: Oh, no, my arm! [grabs arm.] We had so many great times together...
[A flashback of Jake "flying" his arm as if it was a kite is shown.]
Jake: Dooby, dooby, dooby, dooby, skeebily, skeebily, dapdy doo...
[Flashback changes to Jake in a bathroom with his arm tapping on his left shoulder behind his back.]
Jake: Huh? Who's that? [Sees it was Righty] Awww.
[Flashback changes to Jake lifting proudly a portrait of he with his right arm, and then the flashback ends]
Jake: [confidently] Let's do this... for Righty!
Finn: That's the spirit! [Grabs sword.] ADVENTURE TI--!!! [Finn's legs starts fading.] Oh, my gams!! Hold up, dude, my body's changing! 
[Scene changes to Ooo, almost completely deserted. Princess Bubblegum is still making out with her hand, while a sad Ice King is building ice statues of himself.]
Princess Bubblegum: [Kisses her hand several times, and then licks it, after that, she pushes it away.] ...No. [Continues kissing the hand.]
Ice King: Oh, come on, woman, I'm trying to be nice! Can't you at least make the best out of this? [PB walks to Ice King and kneels in front of him.] Are you praying to me? I'm into this. [Bubblegum lifts his tunic, covering his head as if it were a bag.] ...I'm still into this. [The princess pushes him, making him to fall down.] Still into it.
Princess Bubblegum: [Stomping Ice King's head.] GIVE ME THE ANTI-VIRUS!
Ice King: I can't, monkey peeps, I didn't make one! The glitch will delete everything until we're all that's last!
Princess Bubblegum: You mean, forever?!
Ice King: Well, yeah! I mean, you say that like it's a bad thing.
Princess Bubblegum: Come on, Finn and Jake....
[Scene changes to Finn and Jake in the source code. Jake is stretched as a giant floating worm and Finn is only a head, with his sword in his mouth.]
Jake: So, hey, Finn, how do you plan on taking this guy out?
Finn: [voice is muffled by the sword]
Jake: Okay, I guess it's worth trying.
[A "One Second Later" transition is shown, which lasts exactly 20 seconds. After that, Finn and Jake get close to the glitch. Jake launches Finn with his tail, and Finn's sword cuts make a teeth-like formation that eats his sword. Jake goes back to normal, showing that he's also only a head now. The screen is shown to be glitchy, with lots of lag effects.]
Jake: Aah! What we do now?
Finn: We gotta get those things... outta his stomach.
[A glitchy image of the gross video of the girl is shown in the background.]
Jake: Hey, Finn! Remember that gross video Ice King sent?
Finn: [disgusted] Ugh, yeah. [confidently] Yeah!!
[Jake floats to Finn's hat and takes it away with his mouth, showing his enormous hair. Finn bites a bit of hair.]
Jake: Let's double team these locks! [Bites Finn's hair and starts swallowing it along with Finn. The glitch gets more glitchy. As the glitch roars and starts coughing, it pukes out all of the things it ate from the universal source code. Weird, random stuff starts to happen, it loads and the land of Ooo starts reloading with the candy people. By a pond, Finn and Jake come back still biting Finn's hair.]
Finn and Jake: We did it! [They high-five and start coughing.]
Jake: You should wash your hair!
Finn: You should wash your mouth! [They start walking as Ice King is seeing the land of Ooo reloading.]
Ice King: Huh? No way! Impossible! [Makes noises and when he moves, the house he was in reloads. His head was already outside of the house, so his head gets stuck in the wall.] Uh...
Jake: Everything back to normal, huh? 
Finn: Seems like it. 
Donut Guy: [running] Aah! My face!! My beautiful face is back to normal!!! Aaah!!!! [Runs around Finn and Jake, Finn stops him.]
Finn: Hey, have you seen the princess anywhere?
Donut Guy: Yes, she's in the Ice King's castle. AUGGH! [Starts running again.]
Princess Bubblegum: [Destroying Ice King's holographic computer with a baseball bat] Useless-- [Hits it with the baseball bat.] Ugh! --computer! You sassa-frassin-- Nu!! --hammer-slammin-- Ruh! --wamma-jammin... [Stomps on the computer.] Ugh! [elbow drops on it as the table collapses.] Ugh! [Hits the computer twice.] Ah-ya-ya-ya-ya! [Hits it hard. She sees Finn and Jake.] Finn and Jake! [Throws the baseball bat away.] My heroes! [Picks them up and hugs them.]
Jake: Yeah, no big deal. Geez... [PB and Jake make faces on their hand and elbow.]
Princess Bubblegum's hand: I missed you!
Jake's elbow: I missed you, too! [They kiss.] Whoa, you taste different, baby! You been playin' basketball in someone else's hockey rink?
Finn: Ahem... Hey, Bubs, where's the Ice King? I wanna kick his boingloings! 
Jake: Yeah. Where is he? I wanna kick his boingloings, too!
Ice King: Uh... guys? Hello? Princess. Uh... Let's forget all about this... [the snake-spider hybrid wanders onscreen and bites Ice King several times.] Ugh get off of me, you creep! Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow!

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "All the Little People" from season 5, which aired on December 3, 2012.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Magic Man
Little People
Lady Rainicorn (mentioned)
Ice King (mentioned)
BMO (mentioned)
Tiffany (mentioned)
Donny (mentioned)
Music
None
Locations
Tree Fort
Cliff
This transcript is complete

Transcript

[Finn and Jake are sitting atop a cliff made from a decrepit skyscraper overlooking a body of water]
Finn: Hey, Jake, do you think you should date someone just like you or someone who’s like your opposite?
Jake: I don’t know. I’m the "first come first serve" kinda guy. Get in line, ladies! This Rainicorn thing can’t last forever! [chuckles] [Magic Man peeks out from under a strip of grass, unnoticed by Finn and Jake] I didn’t mean that. Don’t spread that around.
Finn: So it’s not good to weigh someone’s qualities against your own?
Jake: Well, no. I mean, if you feel something, you feel something! [Jake’s head turns into a graph and his hand an upward moving arrow] It’s not about personality matrixals and charts, it’s all about the bu-bumps in your heart! [His head is a heart shape that beats every time he say “bumps” or “pumps”. He gets extremely close to Finn and his eyes are bugging out] You can’t stop the pumps and bumps! Pumps and bumps! Pumps and bumps! [Finn chuckles, as does Magic Man]
Finn: Alright, well, what about BMO and Ice King?
Jake: What about them? [Looks confused]
Finn: Would they make a good couple?
Jake: Whoa! Wait! Did BMO say something to you?
Finn: No no!
Jake: Oh, I see. You’re being weird.
[Magic man reaches down into his hole and pulls out a bag]
Finn: It’s not that weird! Come on!
Magic Man [quietly]: Do what thoust will be the whole piece of Law.
Jake: BMO and Ice King?
[Magic man puts the bag on the outside of Finn’s pants]
Finn: Yeah!
Magic Man [quietly]: I’m not coming back. [Retreats into his hole]
Jake: You’re creepin’ me out. [Gets up]
Finn: I’m just thinkin’ out loud. [Jake starts walking away and Finn bends forward so he can see Jake between his legs] What, can’t think out loud?
[Finn is walking back home with Jake]
Jake: Oh, is that what you’re doing?
Finn: Yeah man! Pffft, jeez don’t be judgy.
Jake: I’m not!
Finn: Yeah, you are!
Jake: How could you know that?
Finn: I can hear it in your tone.
Jake: You can? [in a mocking tone]
Finn: Yeah, wise-guy.
Jake: [Pointing to the bag] Hey, what’s that in your pants?
Finn: [Looking at the back of his pants] What?! Not again! [Finn sees the bag on the other side] Oh. I don’t know. [Finn grabs the bag] Whoa, look.
Jake: Crazy. [Finn opens the bag and reaches in] Careful, dude.
Finn: What the--? [Finn pulls out his hand with Princess Bubblegum, Lumpy Space Princess, BMO, Jake, and himself]
Jake: What the heck?! Are they alive?! [They are now moving around aimlessly]
Finn: Hey, are you guys alive? [BMO starts to fall off, but Jake catches him] I don’t know, man, I think they’re some kind of magic toy.
Jake: Maybe it’s black magic. Maybe we shouldn’t mess with them.
Finn: No, man, look! That’s you! [Jake is playing the viola with Lumpy Space Princess on his back and Finn and BMO are dancing to the music] You’re totally shedding on the viola.
Jake: Yeah, that’s good. How many more thingies are in there?
Finn: [Looks in the bag] Dude. Like a lot. Come on! Let’s check this out at the house. [They run towards the house]
Jake: I’ll make a special spagot [spaghetti] with a new sauce.
[Finn is at the table while Jake is cooking the spaghetti. He dumps out some of the little people onto the table]
Finn: Sheesh. So many. PB, you hang out with Lady. [Picks up Princess Bubblegum and moves her towards Lady] C-listers, go back in the bag. [Pushes Xergiok, Donny, Tiffany, Lemongrab, one of the Gumdrop lasses, and'Turtle Princess]
Jake: [stirring the noodles] Who’s in the C-list? [Adds something, possibly wine, from a bottle, then dumps some spaghetti onto each plate]
Finn: Tiffany, Donny. [To himself] Well, he’s okay. [Out loud] Xergiok... a bunch o' these guys!
Jake: That’s not very nice. [Turns off the stove and brings the food to the table]
Finn: Don’t worry, man. They’ll get involved eventually.
Jake: Involved with what? [Sits down and gives Finn his food]
Finn: I don’t know. Involved. Check out Lady and Princess Bubblegum!
Jake: [Stretches to get forks. Lady and Princess Bubblegum are having a conversation. It looks as though Princess Bubblegum is asking Lady questions] What are they talkin’ about?
Finn: It’s hard to say, but I think it’s got something to do with Lady being preggos [pregnant].
Jake: Whoa! What kinda narrative are you trying to create here?!
Finn: That’s your narrative, buddy.
Jake: Alright, well, what else ya got goin’ on?
Finn: Hmm. Not much really. I got Ice King over here. [Points to Ice King]
Jake: Ice King? He’s not C-list?
Finn: [Looking through the bag to find Ice King's drum kit] Yeah, well, I saw his drum kit in here. Here we go. [Puts it in front of Ice King] Okay, jam out, little Ice King. [Ice King starts playing]
Jake: [Little Jake sees the Ice King playing and runs over to him to join in] No. Don’t play with that hack. Aww, man. Hmm. [Jake looks surprised] They’ve got good chemistry. Who’d have guessed?
Finn: Chemistry...
[Finn looks as though he just had a good idea. He looks at several groups of toy people. Ice King and Jake playing together. Marceline and Hunson Abadeer in the background with Finn stealing Lemongrab’s Lemon Camel in the foreground. Mr. Cupcake exercising. Flame Princess and Lumpy Space Princess playing cards]
Jake: Hey, Finn, eat the food before it gets cold. [Pops up from behind Flame Princess and Lumpy Space Princess] I made a new sauce! Umm, earth to Finn, are you okay?
Finn: Yeees.
[Later on, Finn is now awake, but in bed with Jake fast asleep. Finn looks over at Jake to make sure he’s asleep. Confident that he’s asleep, he grabs the bag from under his pillow and retreats into his sleeping bag. He takes the lens off a flashlight and puts it in front of him. Then he takes Mr. Cupcake and Lumpy Space Princess out. Mr. Cupcake starts flexing and Lumpy Space Princess is impressed. Finn chuckles. Lumpy Space Princess looks enamored and begins working her lumps. Mr. Cupcake and Lumpy Space Princess start kissing]
Finn: Whoooooa.
[Finn looks curious and takes away Lumpy Space Princess. Mr. Cupcake looks surprised. Finn looks and the bag and then mixes it. Finn grabs Lady and then checks to make sure Jake is still asleep. He then puts Lady next to Mr. Cupcake. Mr. Cupcake starts flexing, but Lady ignores him and grazes a piece of Finn’s sleeping bag. When he sees nothing is happening, he pushes Lady into Mr. Cupcakes arms. Mr. Cupcake wiggles his eyebrows and Lady laughs.]
[Finn then grabs Jake and contemplates what he’s about to do. He looks a bit concerned. Lady and Mr. Cupcake are kissing and Finn puts Jake right in front of them. Jake doesn’t notice, but Finn moves his head around to see them. Then Jake starts yelling “wah”. Mr. Cupcake drops Lady and she acts with indignation towards Jake. Jake argues back and then Mr. Cupcake starts yelling at Jake. Jake pushes him and Lady pleads that they not fight. Finn looks towards the bag and then looks back with realization. He empties out the bag. The scene ends.]
Jake: [Jake wakes up and heads down stairs. Finn is sitting at the dinner table with a multitude of Jay T. Doggzone books arranged into a little town] You’re up early.
Finn: I didn’t sleep. [Very blunt and tired]
Jake: [Comes back to the table with a drink in a mug] You stay up all night readin’ trash books? [Finn makes a weak “meh” sound.] I told you, man. Those datin’ books. [Sips drink] That stuff is mess you up. [Drinks again]
Finn: I’m not reading. I’m playing with the little wees.
Jake: Oh, let me see little me. [Stretches his head to find little Jake is sitting by himself next to an open book] Me look so lonely. Hey, Finn, pass me little Lady.
Finn: Uh, you guys broke up.
Jake: [Confused] Wha?
Finn: She’s with someone else now.
Jake: [Angry] Who?!
Finn: He’s a cool guy, don’t worry about it.
Jake: [Hears Lady laughing and goes to the source. He finds little Finn in Lady’s lap kissing under a book teepee] Ahhhhhh! [Slams his fists on the table] What the ball, man?!
Finn: [Laughs and shrugs; he doesn’t sound as worn out as before] What?
Jake: What? What do ya think “what”?!
Finn: Come on, they’re not real, they’re like toys. These guys here, they’re goin’ out. [Points the Marceline and Peppermint Butler in a tea cup. Marceline licks the red off of Peppermint Butler’s side.] Pretty serious. And look at Choose Goose and Lollipop Girl. They’re still testing the waters. [Choose Goose and Lollipop Girl are dancing and are joined by Abracadaniel] But I think things are gonna work out. Check out Xergiok and Turtle P. [Turtle Princess is seen lightly spanking Xergiok. Finn laughs.] Weird. But cool. Right, Jake?
Jake: [slowly backs towards the exit] I don’t like where you’re going with this. It ain’t wholesome. I’m gonna go to Lady’s for a few days. To clear my head. [Leaves]
Finn: Okay. Whatever whatevs. [Goes over to little Finn and Lady and chuckles] Weird. [Grabs little Finn and Flame Princess] Huh?
[Finn puts both of them near each other, but nothing happens. Finn breaks off part of a cookie and puts in on little Finn’s head. He grabs it and Flame Princess yawns. Finn uses a pencil to move little Finn’s legs to walk towards Flame Princess. Flame Princess is pleasantly surprised to see little Finn and giggles. Little Finn breaks part of the cookie crumb off and gives it to Flame Princess. They then start to eat each end of what’s left. Lady comes out of her teepee to see little Finn and Flame Princess and starts crying hysterically and runs back to the book house]
[Finn then drops Princess Bubblegum in between Flame Princess and little Finn. At first they awkwardly stand around, but Finn moves Princess Bubblegum’s hand onto little Finn’s shoulder. She begins massaging his shoulders and he likes it. Real Finn looks around nervously to make sure no one can see what he’s doing. Then they kiss and Flame Princess is outraged. She begins yelling at Princess Bubblegum and Princess Bubblegum yells back. Little Finn tries to diffuse the situation, but Flame Princess leaps onto Princess Bubblegum. Princess Bubblegum’s dress catches on fire so she runs away into Lady’s teepee. Using Lady as a kind of hose, the water being her tears, Princess Bubblegum partially extinguishes Flame Princess. They begin fighting and real Finn is astonished and begins blushing.]
[A card that reads "16 WEEKS LATER" comes up.]
Jake: I’m back! I got over all that messed up stuff you did. [The tree house is covered in trash and Finn looks awful] Yeesh. You okay, man?
Finn: I don’t know.
[Little Finn is standing on top of a book staring into the distance]
Jake: What’s little Finn doing?
Finn: He’s... thinking.
Jake: [Looks concerned] He looks sad. What’s he thinking about?
Finn: I don’t know. Probably lots of stuff.
Jake: Where’s little Rainicorn?
Finn: Probably still crying.
Jake: Wha?
Finn: She’s not handling the break-up very well.
Jake: [sees Lady still crying in her teepee] Aww.
Finn: PB's good, though. [Princess Bubblegum is on a weight bench lifting weights and she has become very toned. She looks very angry.] After little Finn dumped her, she started working out. Looks like she’s really into it.
Jake: This is messed up, dude. You’ve crossed the line from weird curiosity to some dark messed up stuff.
Finn: [Looks perturbed] I know!
Jake: [Marceline has licked away half of Peppermint Butler] The destruction! [Xergiok looks like he’s in pain and Turtle Princess is furiously spanking him] The depravity! [Choose Goose, Abracadaniel, and Lollipop Girl are all tangled up together] The wrongness of it all! I’m taking that bag back to the cliff where we found it. [Tries to grab them but Finn grabs his arms.]
Finn: No, man! I gotta fix this mess! Look at me, man! I’m staring into the shadow of my darkest mind hole! I gotta help him!
Jake: You can’t! Just let them do their own biz, man!
Finn: I junked them up too hard though! I gotta step in!
Jake: How would ya do that?
Finn: [Lets go of his arms and Jake steps back] I’m gonna talk to him.
Jake: But he can’t hear you.
Finn: Yeah, why is that?
Jake: Hmm. Maybe we’re on different dimensional planes and the border between our planes is like a two way mirror. So we can see him, but he can’t see us.
Finn: [Gets really close to little Finn] Lemme try this. Finn! Can you hear me? [Sticks his tongue out while talking and pokes little Finn a few times] We’re connected! FINN!
[Little Finn is shown standing as the same cliff shown in the beginning of the episode and talks as though he’s depressed]
Jake: Try shakin’ him.
Finn: Why?
Jake: Maybe we’re vibrating on different intervals. Try shakin’ him at different speeds and see if he responds.
Finn: [Grabs him and starts shaking] Okay. Fiiiiiiinn! Fiiiiiiiiiinn!
Jake: Now go faster!
Finn: FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINN!
[In the Little People's world, some clouds begin to form a crude Finn head.]
Jake: Faster!
Finn: [The cloud Finn says this in the Little People's world] FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINN! [The clouds dissipate and little Finn looks surprised]
Jake: Go slower, he saw you!
Finn: Okay. [In the Little People’s world] Fiiiinn. Can you hear me?
Little Finn: Wah wah wah.
Jake: Whoa! Neat!
Finn: I made you do those crummy things. I’m why yous guys is fighting. I’m the big you. I came to apologize. I will never interfere with your lives again. [Little Finn asks a question] Don’t worry I will take care of it. [The clouds dissipate and then reassemble] Sorry, my arm got tired. [Little Finn is confused by this.] Never mind. It’ll be fine. Goodbye, little Finn! I’m not coming back!
Jake: Now what?
Finn: [shaking Lady, Princess Bubblegum, and Flame Princess at the same time and they all see the cloud] Hey, ladies! This is big Finn! I caused all the problems! It wasn’t anyone’s fault! Don’t be mad at each other! Have a… dance party! Okay, goodbye! I’m not coming back! [Finn pulls a stereo out of the bag and starts the music. The three of them begin dancing and with the others.]
Jake: Is that gonna do it? [The little people join the party and start dancing] Get the C-listers out. [They begin dancing as well] Good party. Oh, flip! [BMO and the Ice King are dancing] Look who’s hittin’ it off with the Ice King! [Chuckles]

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "All Your Fault" from season 5, which aired on January 28, 2013.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Earl of Lemongrab
Lemongrab 2
Princess Bubblegum
Lemonjon
Music
None
Locations
Candy Kingdom
Castle Lemongrab
Lemongrab (Earldom)
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[Princess Bubblegum is in her lab working on a circuit board when a cloaked bird drops a letter on her table and flies away.]
Princess Bubblegum: What the... [she breaks the seal on the letter and reads it aloud] "mmmmn Princess Bubblegum, we are starving, immediately send us all of your candy. How dare you, ours, Lemon Grabs." [stops reading] Bull gunk! I left them a lifetime supply of candy!
[She swivels her chair to the window and looks out at Jake and Cinnamon Bun having a picnic, with Finn watching in the bushes.]
Princess Bubblegum: Hey Finn! Hey Jake! Can you come up here? I have a job for you!
Finn: Okay!
Jake: [getting up] Sorry CB, we'll finish this up later.
[Scene changes to inside Princess Bubblegum's lab. Princess Bubblegum is loading small, colorful spheres into a case.]
Finn: [entering room] Hey, Preebs.
Princess Bubblegum: Hey, guys. I got a letter from the earls of Lemongrab. They've gone through all the food that I've sent them. [gestures to case] This case contains precious candy seeds for the Lemongrabs to grow new food. [closes case] So, I need you two to deliver these seeds to Lemon Castle. [hands case to Jake]
Finn: For sure. We'll do it.
Princess Bubblegum: [saluting] Good luck, gentlemen!
[Finn jumps on Jake who jumps out the window and stretches his ears into wings.]
Cinnamon Bun: [waving] Bye, girlfriend! [laughs]
[Finn and Jake make their way to Castle Lemongrab and open the gate.]
Jake: Hey, Lemongrabs! You home?
Finn: Holy--!
[They see various Lemon creatures, who start advancing toward them and touching them.]
Finn: [worried] Jake? Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake!
Jake: [smacking a Lemon spider off his arm] Kiss it!
[Finn and Jake start backing away from the creatures through the courtyard.]
Finn: Aah! Sorry, dudes--got no food! No... food! [Lemon goat bites Finn's hand] Hey!
Jake: Hey! Weirdos! [stretches his hand into a slice of cake] Get the birthday cake!
[Jake pretends to throw it, and the Lemon people run over to where they think it landed. Finn and Jake give each other a thumbs up and go through another gate. On the opposite wall is a giant Lemon creature's face.]
Lemonjon: Are you lemon?
Finn and Jake: Whoa!
Jake: What the thing is up with this guy?
Lemonjon: Does your head come to a nub?
Jake: What?
Lemonjon: You are un-lemon.
Finn: Yeah. Cool, man. Hey, do you know where--?
Lemonjon: I am Lemonjon. I see you made it past our Lemon mmmmmmmeringerie!
Finn: Wait, what?
Lemonjon: They're quite hungry.
Finn: Yeah. What the heck's going on here?
Lemonjon: There is no food, only Lemons--Lemons with bellies empty but for lemon lusts!
Finn: Whatever, Lemonjon. We've gotta give those dumb-butts these seeds.
Jake: Where should we go?
Lemonjon: Mmmmmmmy senses tell me that they're in the dungeon. They've been there for three weeks. Three weeks, dungeon.
Jake: I wonder who put them in there.
Finn: I don't know, but we gotta bust them out! Which way to the dungeon, Lemonjon?
[Lemonjon picks up a rock with his lips and throws it at the wall, making a hole.]
Jake: Oh, cool!
Finn: [running to hole] Thanks, man!
Jake: [going through hole] Yeah, thanks, man!
[Finn and Jake make their way down a poorly lit corridor. Something skitters across the screen behind them.]
Jake: [turns around] Hmmm.
[A brick in the ceiling falls down and shatters. Jake clears his throat and he and Finn walk along the wall past it. Finn opens a door and looks inside. He sees a gigantic heart that isn't pumping and a large pipe dumping yellow liquid through a grate. Finn closes the door.]
Jake: Hmmm.
[They continue down some stairs and come to a door.]
Finn: [opening door] Yo, Lemon-wipes!
[Past the door are more gigantic organs, swelling and wriggling.]
Jake: Yech.
[They close the door and walk down a different hallway.]
Jake: Um, maybe we should hands... for safety.
Finn: [taking Jake's hand] Yeah, sure!
Jake: So, where'd you want to look ne--[looks at what he's holding, which turns out to be a green Lemon creature that starts licking his hand.] Eeeh! [yanks hand away] Uh, Finn?!
Finn: [down the hall] Oh, sorry dude.
[Creature runs away and Jake catches up to Finn, who is by a door.]
Finn: [opening door] Stay close to me.
[Inside is a giant pair of kidneys and a small Lemon creature, wailing loudly. It turns to them and its face peels.]
Jake: [closes door] Nope!
[Jake hurriedly picks up Finn and kicks open an air duct. He throws Finn inside and follows him in. They fall out the other end into another hallway, at the end of which is a door with bars.]
Jake: [running to door] I think this is it.
Finn: [ratting handle] All locked up! [looks through bars] There they are! Hey, Lemongrabs, we're here! We're gonna get you out, just hold tight!
Lemongrab: Go away.
Lemongrab 2: No food here.
Jake: Maybe the kidnapper's in there, too, coercing them.
Finn: Probably the grossest one of all, too--beet red skin, barf, poopin' all its junk-sculpture.
Jake: Ah, stop, man! You're just makin' it worse! [makes fist huge] Let's just get this over with. [punches down door]
Finn: Lemongrabs, you're free!
Lemongrab: They broke the door! The door is broken now!
Lemongrab 2: FIX THE DOOR!
Jake: Fix the door? What?! What? Fix the door? Fix--what? What's goin' on here? Fix the door. Finn, what's goin' on? Fix the door.
Lemongrab: It doesn't matter anymore.
Lemongrab 2: There is no more candy to hoard. Let them keep what crumbs they find, for there are no crumbs.
Lemongrabs: [Half screaming, half singing] NO CRUMBS!
Finn: Are you saying you locked yourselves down here with all the food so you could eat it yourselves?
Jake: You know there's guys starvin' up there?!
Lemongrab: Hmm. No, no. You do not understand. It is not us for whom they starve, but them...
Lemongrab 2: ...for whom they starve.
Lemongrab: Mm! Yes, yes! For the candy food was not consumed--no, no--but was given life!
Finn: Wha--?
Lemongrab: You see, Finn, [starts pacing] when Mother Princess last visited Lemongrab...
Lemongrab 2: ...when she saw fit to create me, Lemongrab...
Lemongrab: [holds up formula]...she left behind a little something-something: the secret formula for creating candy life! She must have meant for us to have it, to keep making more family.
Lemongrab 2: Yes, yes! All her fault!
Lemongrab: What? What'd you say?
Lemongrab 2: I said, "all her fault."
Lemongrab: Oh, indeed! For once we had commenced, how could we desist?
Lemongrab 2: I looked deep in myself and found that I'm a guy who can't stop making candy life from the food he needs.
Lemongrab: Me, too.
Lemongrab 2: It just felt so pretty okay inside, greeting each new placid face...
Lemongrab: ...and hearing each new piercing song!
Plop-Top: [screams]
Lemongrab 2: We used the last of the food to make Plop-Top, here.
Lemongrab: Mm. I thought we said Dump-Dome.
Lemongrab 2: [screams] Who cares anyway? They've brought no food! We're all going to die!
Finn: Look. We brought these seeds. [opens case] They're special candy seeds.
Jake: You can grow new food now.
Lemongrab: [walks over] Oh, yes. [taking seeds] Hmm, mm-hmm, mmhm. Yes. [pushes Plop-Top off of table, squishes seeds together]
Lemongrab 2: Yes, yes. There we go! [pours formula onto wad]
[Wad of seeds comes to life and immediately throws up the excess formula.]
Lemongrab: Ha-haaa! We'll call you Seed-Wad!
Lemongrab 2: [admiringly] Ooh!
Jake: You really are gonna die.
Finn: ...and all your boys, too!
Lemongrab: Our... boys?
Finn: Come on. We'll take you to see Princess Bubblegum. She knows more about candy than anyone; she built a whole kingdom out of candy!
Lemongrab: Yes. Okay.
Lemongrab 2: For our boys.
Lemongrab: But first we will notify the children of our impending departure...
Lemongrabs: ...so they won't worry about us while we're away.
[Scene changes to room with Lemonjon, where all the Lemon people have gathered.]
Lemongrab: Okay, yes. The hard times are over!
[Lemon people cheer.]
Lemongrab 2: Mmmm, here's the plan...
Lemongrab: We will go to the Candy Kingdom and take all their candy from them! Then we will give that candy precious life and build a candy army so we may then go forth and pillage candy for all to eat!
Lemongrab 2: Now go, young Lemonjon!
Lemongrab: Go! Go!
[Lemongrabs chant 'go' while Lemonjon begins standing up. The castle shakes and pieces of the ceiling start raining down.]
Finn: What's going on, Lemongrabs?!
Lemongrab: It's all [points finger at Finn] your fault!
Lemongrab 2: [points finger at Finn] All your fault!
Lemongrab: We warned you!
Lemongrab 2: We warned you about us!
[Finn and Jake run out of the room. Lemonjon stands up, tipping Finn and Jake out of the castle. Finn grabs on to the ledge and Jake grabs Finn's other hand.]
Finn: Yaaaah! [pants, looks down at Lemonjon's leg] What the--?
Finn and Jake: [as Lemonjon starts walking] Whoaaaaaa!
Finn: Jake! Are you alright?
Jake: Yeah, but look! [points] He's heading right for the Candy Kingdom!
Finn: [gasps] And he's too big to duke it out with! Unless...
Jake: Giant poison candy aspirin! [holds up large pill] I've got this one, but it might be too small.
Finn: No. We'll kick him in his heart 'til he's history. Those must have been Lemonjon's guts we saw before. His heart is his weak spot.
Jake: Yeah, but we'll never find it again in time... unless that's it there [points] with the juice coming out. Remember all that juice, from before?
Finn: Oh yeah, that's probably it. [Jake stretches them over to the grate] Whoaaa! [Finn opens grate and climbs in, retches as liquid drenches him] Oh, man!
Jake: [climbing in] Tastes like vitamins.
Finn: [grunting and punching the heart]
Jake: Are you sure this is it? It's not even doing anything.
Finn: Just smash it already, grandma.
Jake: Right. [grows hands and hits the heart hard]
[Heart starts pumping. Finn and Jake are thrown across the room.]
Finn: [sarcastically] Oh, nice one, Jake.
Lemonjon: [stops walking] Whoa, hold the phone! What is this powerful new juice coursing fromst my core source? [groans] The juice aches. Is this the rumored ache of feeling? The feeling of caring unknown to Lemons? New thoughts emerge! If I act, the Candy People will suffer. If I don't, the Lemon people will suffer. The greater good demands but one course only: that I dissolve the bonds uniting me and become component to all!
[Lemonjon strains and dissolves into millions of small, lemon-shaped candies. Finn, Jake, and the Lemon people fall to the ground.]
Finn: Whoa, dang! [picks up some candies] That Lemonjon turned himself all up into lemon candy! Man, that Lemonjon's all right.
[Scene changes to Princess Bubblegum's lab, where she is using a pencil to erase some words from the Lemongrabs' exposed brains.]
Princess Bubblegum: [erasing] ...and... there... we... go. [blows on Lemongrab's brain] All done! The last trace of the candy life formula is out of their heads!
Finn: ...and I snatched this [holds up formula] out of the Lemon castle, boyee!
Princess Bubblegum: Now we all just have to keep a closer eye on those two so they don't get in to any more trouble.
Jake: But how come we don't just fix their hearts like we did with Lemonjon so they're more selfless and less selfish?
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, no, no. Their hearts are fine. They're just like this.
Lemongrabs: [smiling] Hmm!


Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Always BMO Closing" from season 10, which aired on September 17, 2017.

Characters
Finn
Jake
BMO
Ice King
Tree Trunks
Mr. Pig
Gumbald
Music
None
Locations
Tree House
Tree Trunks' house
The Zigurrat
This transcript is complete (needs proofreading).


Transcript

[The episode opens in the Tree House. Finn is eating cereal and Jake is sipping coffee.]
Finn: [Takes a spoonful of cereal and munches twice.]
Jake: [Slurps]
Finn: Huh?
Jake: I was just sipping my coffee.
Finn: Oh. [Takes a spoonful of cereal and munches twice.]
Jake: [Slurps]
Finn: [Munching]
Jake: [Slurp]
Finn: [Munching]
Jake: [Slurp]
[Both of them notice the pattern and begin repeating it rhythmically. On the third repeat, Finn only munches his cereal once, tricking Jake into sipping early and breaking the pattern. They both laugh. BMO joins them.]
BMO: I am also excited about today.
Jake: Oh, yeah?
BMO: Today is the first day of my new job.
Finn: What's your new job, BMO?
Jake: Yeah, are you a spy? You know, 'cause of the overcoat?
BMO: I'm a door-to-door salesman.
Finn and Jake: [Together] Oh.
Jake: What are you selling?
BMO: I've got so many great things. Like for the man about town, this piece of lint.
Jake: I'll take it! [He takes the lint.]
BMO: Hooray, my first sale! That'll be four doubloons.
Jake: Can I pay you later?
BMO: Mm, the customer is always right!
Jake: Good attitude, BMO.
BMO: Well, gentlemen... got to chop that wood.
[BMO stands up clumsily, revealing that someone else is inside the overcoat and BMO is sitting on their head, pretending they are his own body. "BMO" almost knocks a glass off the table, but Finn catches it. He notices Ice King's robes and feet sticking out the bottom of the overcoat.]
Finn: [Whispering to Jake] It's Ice King.
Jake: [Whispering back] I know.
Ice King: [Peeks his face out the front of the overcoat and spots that Finn and Jake have seen him.] Oh! [He quickly closes the overcoat.]
BMO: [Exiting] Okay, wish me luck, fellas, even though I don't need-
[Ice King falls down the ladder, interrupting BMO. They both scream as they fall. There is a thud. Finn and Jake giggle at their shenanigans.]
Finn and Jake: [Together] Aww.
[BMO and Ice King leave the Tree House.]
Ice King: Boy, this is great, huh? You and me out in the fresh air? Now, the key to being a tip-top salesman is to get the ol' foot in the door.
BMO: Bodies don't talk, Ice King.
Ice King: Well, mine does.
BMO: Okay, then. If I say "My feet hurt," you can go "Woof woof." That's my dogs barking.
Ice King: BMO, I think we're gonna make an unbeatable team.
BMO: Yeah, yeah! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! [Kicking the sides of Ice King's head and laughing.]
[A sword logo flies onto screen reading "Potential customer time!" The scene changes to Tree Trunks' house.]
Tree Trunks: [Reading as she types on a typewriter] "Chapter 3: No Time For Sleeping. Elizabeth's heart was racing like a water mill after spring thaw. She knew her enemies were coming for her, but when? Suddenly, there was a knock at the door."
[Suddenly, there is a knock at the door.]
Tree Trunks: Oh! Oh. Oh, my goodness. Someone's at the door. That's all. [She opens the door, finding BMO and Ice King.] Hello.
BMO: Tree Trunks, how are your children? Can you believe this weather? [After some fumbling, Ice King tips BMO's hat politely.]
Tree Trunks: So polite. Please, please come in.
BMO: [Taking a seat] You have a lovely home.
Tree Trunks: Here, have some apple pie.
BMO: Oh, thank you.
[Ice King snatches the apple pie and takes it inside the overcoat.]
Tree Trunks: Now what can I do for you?
BMO: Oh, well, I'd like to show you what I'm selling today.
[He grunts and kicks Ice King, who is busy eating the pie inside the coat. Ice King puts his arms back into the sleeves and rummages through his and BMO's bag.]
BMO: Okay, we have a broken branch, a half-eaten sandwich - oh, another ball of lint.
Tree Trunks: Another?
BMO: These are selling like red hots. A dust bunny - That's like a cage-free ball of lint. A doll's head, and a little velvet bag, tied tight at the top.
[While BMO is presenting the items, Ice King struggles to eat more of the apple pie with his tongue.]
Tree Trunks: I'll take the branch. My loose cash is up there in the flower jar. Help yourself.
[Ice King makes his way to the shelf with the jar, stubbing his toe and smashing several plates on the way. He reaches into the jar and pulls out a huge roll of banknotes.]
BMO: [Laughs happily as Ice King tosses the money wad from hand to hand. Tree Trunks joins the laughter, not really paying attention as she has been distracted by the branch.] You have a lovely home! [Ice King falls out the door and they both scream as they exit.]
Mr. Pig: [Entering] What'd you buy, honey bunch?
Tree Trunks: A branch.
Mr. Pig: Huh. [Tree Trunks turns him around and starts scratching his back with the branch.] Huh? Oh. Ah, Tree Trunks, you're a financial genius.
BMO: [Laughing as he and Ice King leave the orchard.] I can't believe we unloaded that branch. It wasn't even our best one. Oh, my. Shield my eyes from the sun.
Ice King: Why?
BMO: Because I think I see our next customer. [They watch a large chipmunk carrying a couple of acorns.] Those nuts could be ours. Excuse me, little boy!
[The chipmunk begins running, and Ice King begins chasing.]
BMO: How are your children?! Ice King, duck. Jump. Right. Right again. [Laughs] Left. Jump, jump. Left. Right. Left. Ice King, you're doing so good. You have not bumped into anything.
[They come to a stop.]
Ice King: BMO, where's the customer?
BMO: Oh, no. I was so excited about you not bumping into anything, I lost the customer. Ice King, I think we are lost.
[An animal howls. The scene fades to later. BMO and Ice King have arrived at a ziggurat.]
BMO: Look. A house.
Ice King: All I see is the inside of this coat.
[They approach a door.]
BMO: And... stop. Knock politely.
[Ice King knocks, and footsteps are heard inside. A mysterious figure answers the door and beckons them inside.]
BMO: Mysterious sentinel, you have a lovely home. [Whispering to Ice King] Turn. [Continues talking to the mysterious figure] How are your children? [BMO gasps, noticing that the figure has disappeared.]
[Ice King wanders further into the zigurrat, where he finds Uncle Gumbald mixing liquids in a pair of test tubes.]
BMO: Hello.
[One of the tubes produces a skull-shaped puff of smoke which floats towards BMO and Ice King. Gumbald retrieves an axe from beneath his desk.]
BMO: I'm a door-to-door salesman, ma'am.
[The smoke enters the coat and Ice King is heard choking.]
BMO: [Chuckling] Oh, excuse my indigestion. [He kicks Ice King.]
Ice King: Ouch.
BMO: I have some wonderful new products, like, uh, this ball of lint. No, wait, this is the dust bunny. Uh... Oh, oh! I know - this velvet bag.
[Gumbald raises the axe menacingly.]
BMO: Did I mention that it contains Finn's teeth?
[Gumbald drops the axe to the ground and suddenly adopts a polite manner.]
Gumbald: Please, let's go in the parlor, where we can be more comfortable.
[The scene changes. BMO, Ice King, and Gumbald are sat in the parlor while Gumbald examines the teeth.]
Gumbald: And you're sure these are Finn's teeth?
BMO: Yes.
Gumbald: The same Finn who serves Princess Bubblegum, obstructs my plans, and plagues my thoughts?
BMO: Yes.
Gumbald: Finn the Human's teeth?
BMO: That's a BMO guarantee.
Ice King: [Whispering] Psst! Does Finn know you have his teeth? Because I don't think-
BMO: [Interrupting] Hey! I'm trying to close a sale here.
Gumbald: I hope you accept silver. I can pay you immediately. [Admiring the teeth] Yes, my pretties.
[The scene changes back to the Tree House. It is night.]
Jake: Poor little guy. Still wearing out the shoe leather trying to make just one more lousy sale before coming home.
Finn: He'll feel better after we have a little party for him.
[Finn and Jake have prepared an "employee of the month" poster for BMO, and set out some cupcakes on the table.]
Jake: Still, it's tough seeing your kid get his heart set on doing something he really sucks at.
[The door is heard. BMO and Ice King enter.]
BMO: Hello, boys. Meet the salesman of the year. Or maybe of the decade. The Chinese food is on me. I mean, check out the loot. [Ice King hands Finn a silver goblet.]
Finn: [Whispering to Jake] It's real.
Jake: What the heck did you sell to get this silver goblet?
BMO: Just a line of smooth talk and pipe dreams. Oh, and a set of human baby teeth.
Finn: Where did you even get a set of human baby teeth? [Suddenly realizing] Human baby teeth!! [He rushes up to the bedroom and retrieves a box from a drawer. It's empty.] BMO!
BMO: Branches and lint are moving like cray, Jake.
[Finn shows BMO the empty box accusatively.]
BMO: Oh, sure, I sold your baby teeth. I could sell any part of you.
Finn: These were, like, the only things I had left from when I was a little kid.
Jake: Hey, you know what? We'll just go buy back those little pearly whites. I'm sure whoever bought them is like, "Why did I buy these things?" What possible use could some guy have for a set of human baby teeth? Unless he's an evil sorcerer or a mad scientist... He wasn't a mad scientist, was he?
BMO: Well...
[There is a pounding on the door. A load of Baby Teeth Finns break down the door and enter the Tree Fort.]
Finn: [High pitch shriek] Stay back, baby Finns. [Babies begin climbing him, and he and Jake both scream.]
BMO: [Groans nervously]
[A baby starts gnawing on Finn's arm. He punts it with his fist and it shatters a window as it flies through.]
Finn: They're made out of some kind of hard tooth-like material. Ouch. Ouch! Ice King, freeze these nightmare babies.
Ice King: I'm not allowed to wear my crown. It's against BMO's dress code.
Jake: Just don't let them climb into your mouth!
[A baby tries to enter Finn's mouth.]
Jake: Hey, there, bitey boys. Get off of there. [More babies attack Jake.] Where's your baby manners? Eek.
BMO: Hmm. Maybe I sold too well.
Ice King: Hey, you're a great salesman. Evil babies are not a problem for you. They're an opportunity.
BMO: Yeah. Where did I put those - Oh, here they are. [Ice King pulls out a couple of sledgehammers.] Gentlemen, could I interest you in a couple of sledgehammers? Perfect for smashing through minerals or composites.
Finn: [Being gnawed by babies] I'll take one.
Jake: Me too!
BMO: Great decision.
[Ice King hands the hammers to Finn and Jake. Finn taps one of the babies and it disintegrates with a poof. He smashes a few more babies.]
BMO: A little tap is all it takes.
Jake: [Smashing babies] These baby-smashing hammers are great.
[They continue smashing all the babies. Gumbald is seen outside, watching through a telescope. After all the babies are smashed, Finn, Jake, and BMO begin sweeping up the mess.]
BMO: I'm sorry I caused such a mess. It's very bad for business.
Ice King: Well, time to call it a day. [He pulls out a clocking-in machine and a punchcard, and clocks out, then places a small hat atop his crown.] The ice man leaveth.
BMO: Hey, wait. See you tomorrow, partner. [They shake hands.]
Ice King: Until tomorrow.
Finn: Yeah, you're not doing this tomorrow.
[Ice King exits, whistling. Gumbald watches through his telescope.]
Gumbald: Hmm. In retrospect, the attack would have worked much better were they not baby teeth. [Clears throat.]

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Angel Face" from season 7, which aired on January 11, 2016.

Characters
BMO
Jake
Me-Mow
Finn
Neptr
Mr. Fox
Dancing Parsley
Music
"Robot Cowboy"
Locations
Dead Goat Gulch
Candy Dungeon
This transcript is incomplete - missing [actions]


Transcript

BMO: One free-range Humpty Dumpty.
BMO: Sorry.
BMO: Fine aged cheddar man.
BMO: Homemade ketchup.
BMO: A fresh pepper fart
BMO: Dance, parsley.
BMO: Face bread.
BMO: Special sentient sandwich.
Jake: Mmm... Is that special sentient sammich?
BMO: Bingo.
BMO: Made by the BMO.
Jake: BMO, you're my little cherub.
Jake: You know that?
Jake: You made all this for me, right?
Jake: Aaahhh.
BMO: Not so fast, Jake!
Jake: Naaaw.
BMO: The sammiches are yours...
BMO: For a price.
Jake: What?
BMO: I need you to be my tiny horse for the day, so I can do my live-action cowboy role-play adventure.
Jake: No way.
Jake: Poo deal.
Jake: I'll do 20 minutes.
BMO: It took me over six hours to prepare this nosh, Jake!
BMO: Not to mention the time it took acquiring the ingredients through the "special market," putting my safety and my reputation on the line.
Jake: Okay, fine, fine.
Jake: Three sammiches for every hour I'm a horse.
BMO: Mm...
BMO: One sammich per horse-hour, six-hour minimum.
Jake: Deal.
BMO: Yippee-ki-yay!
Jake: Om!
Jake: Mm.
Jake: Oh, yeah.
Jake: It tastes alive.
BMO: Steed yourself, partner.
Jake: Okay.
Jake: Om.
Jake: 'Kay.
BMO: Oh, come on, man.
BMO: You didn't even try.
Jake: I did try.
Jake: Horses are hard.
Jake: How's that?
BMO: Eh, it reads.
BMO: Steady, girl.
Jake: Wha...
BMO: Shh, shh, shh.
BMO: I'm going to mount you now.
BMO: Hup!
BMO: Good girl.
Jake: So, what's the plan anyway, BMO?
BMO: The plan is to punch the toads to the stump and bring justice to the peeps!
Jake: Ow.
BMO: Oh, and by the way, Jake, from now on, you can call me... Angel Face.
BMO: Hyah!
Jake: Yow!
BMO: I used to be a guy who ran from Glob with the wind at my back and the devil on my shoulder.
BMO: Now I'm the guy chasing those guys, yet the devil is still here, sleeping in my couch.
Jake: BMO, that hurt when you dug your boots into my side belly.
Jake: Are you gonna apologize or...
BMO: Horses do not talk.
BMO: Over there! Hyah!
BMO: Whoa!
BMO: Jackrabbit Johnson.
BMO: This guy's wanted for stealing piglets from their mothers while they are feeding.
BMO: Makes me sick.
BMO: He was last seen in dead goat gulch.
BMO: What do you say, girl?
BMO: Want to catch this donkey and split the reward?
Jake: You have 45 minutes left before my next sammich.
BMO: Time's a-wasting!
Jake: Hyee!
BMO: Hmm.
Jake: BMO, I'm tired.
BMO: Looks like my horse needs a rest.
BMO: Slow down, horse.
BMO: ♪ Being a robot cowboy ♪
BMO: ♪ Is a lonely job ♪
BMO: ♪ But somebody has to protect the piglets ♪
BMO: ♪ I got nobody but my horse ♪
BMO: ♪ And my friend the cactus guy ♪
BMO: ♪ It's okay because I like them a lot ♪
BMO: ♪ That's okay, I like being a robot ♪
BMO: ♪ Cowboy ♪
BMO: Be careful, Jake.
BMO: This is where Jackrabbit Johnson's gang of lowlife bandits lays low.
BMO: Hyah!
BMO: Bang! Bang!
BMO: Put them up, partner!
BMO: Hyah!
BMO: Pyew, pyew!
BMO: Pyew, pyew, pyew!
BMO: I want answers!
BMO: [high voice] You can't do this to us!
BMO: No answers, eh?
BMO: No use to me!
BMO: How about you, frisco?
BMO: [high voice] I'm not going to talk.
BMO: Why am I talking to you then?!
BMO: Hooah!
BMO: Yah! Unh!
Neptr: BMO, what did you do?
BMO: It's Jackrabbit Johnson's right-hand man, Tumbleweed Terk.
Neptr: I spent the last three months building all of this.
Jake: Oh, that's where you been?
Neptr: Mm-hmm.
Neptr: BMO gave me a Finn Cake.
BMO: Don't talk to my horse, Tumbleweed.
Neptr: Aah.
BMO: Where is Jackrabbit Johnson?!
BMO: I know you know where he's headed.
Neptr: I don't know!
Neptr: Tumbleweed terk's always the last to know.
Neptr: It's just like I told the other bounty hunter, I swear.
BMO: I don't believe a word you say.
BMO: Now take a message to your compadre.
BMO: Tell him his pal, Angel Face, is itching to get together.
BMO: Tell Jackrabbit Johnson to meet me at Dirtwater Flats, just like the old days!
Neptr: Okay.
BMO: Sock citizens of dead goat gulch, we can rebuild!
Jake: Neigh!
Me-Mow: Grrr.
BMO: Uhh...
BMO: I don't remember where Dirtwater Flat is.
BMO: Better stop for the night.
BMO: We can make a campfire here.
BMO: And we will talk about what we will do with the reward money.
Jake: No.
Jake: It's been fun, BMO, but it's time to go home because there are no more sandwiches.
BMO: But I want to finish the adventure.
Jake: Which direction is the house?
BMO: I'm not sure.
BMO: Get down!
Me-Mow: Getting kicked out of the guild of assassins... check.
Me-Mow: Capturing my first bounty...
Me-Mow: Check.
Me-Mow: Going to Finn and Jake's treehouse and getting revenge...
Me-Mow: Unchecked.
Finn: Finn and Jake's treehouse?
Me-Mow: Mm-hmm.
Finn: Who are you, and why do you want to get revenge?
Me-Mow: I... Am... Me-Mow!
Finn: Me-Mow?! Whoa.
Finn: You've gotten bigger.
Me-Mow: Have we met before?
Jake: Finn, is that you?
BMO: That's Jackrabbit Johnson!
Me-Mow: Finn?
Me-Mow: It is Finn!
Me-Mow: Tricked again!
Jake: Look... It's me-mow, BMO.
BMO: I don't care.
BMO: That's my bounty!
BMO: Yaah!
BMO: Jake, transform...
BMO: Horse!
Jake: Whoa, did you have a real gun all this time?
BMO: I am old enough to vote.
Me-Mow: [thinking] Hey, Jake, if you can hear my internal monologue, I'm going to kill you!
BMO: Your Daisy days are over!
BMO: I am the whaler 'round these parts!
BMO: Huh.
Me-Mow: Sounds like you're out of ammo.
BMO: No, you heard incorrectly.
BMO: Bang, bang, bang!
Me-Mow: I'm coming for you!
Me-Mow: Ugh!
Me-Mow: Blast you, Finn and Jake and Angel Face.
Me-Mow: This prison cell's not going to hold me.
Finn: Oh?
Me-Mow: Hey, Finn and Jake! I'll get my revenge! You hear me?! Revenge!
Finn: Hey, BMO, are you sure you took down all the wanted posters?
BMO: Yes.
Armadillo: Stick 'em up.
Finn: Huh?
BMO: This bounty belongs to me!
BMO: Get out of here!
Armadillo: Yaah!
Finn: Thanks, BMO.
BMO: You're welcome.

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Adventure Time" from season 0, which aired on January 11, 2007.

Characters
Pen
Jake
Lady Rainicorn
Ice King
Princess Bubblegum
Fire Elemental
Snow Golem
Penguins
Music
None
Locations
Ice Kingdom
Mars
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[The episode starts with Pen sleeping under a tree and a meditating Jake floating. Pen wakes up and rushes to Jake.]
Pen: Jake! Jake! Good mornin'! Whatcha doin', buddy?
Jake: Meditating.
Pen: What are you meditating about, dude?
Jake: Wait, dude. I'm connecting to the internet with my mind.
[Dial-up connection sound]
Pen: Ha ha! Beep boop boop boop beep boop.
[Jake descends to the ground.]
Jake: Check it out—I downloaded a little dance. [Begins to dance]
Pen: Huh, I like it. Yeeoow! [Starts to dance, too]
[Continue dancing until Lady Rainicorn comes flying by]
Pen: Whoa! Algebraic!
Jake: Look! It's Princess Bubblegum's rainicorn! She looked like she was crying.
Pen: Well, let's go cheer her up. To the max!
Jake: Yeah! Yeah, let's do it!
[They begin to run.]
Pen: Woo hoo!
Jake: [Grows huge] Rrrrroar!
[Chase after Lady Rainicorn]
Lady Rainicorn: [Crying]
Pen: Hey! What's wrong!?
Lady Rainicorn: [Still crying]
Pen: Wanna hear a funny joke!?
Lady Rainicorn: [Cries even louder]
Pen: Knock-knock!
Lady Rainicorn: [Cries frantically]
Pen: Who's there?
Lady Rainicorn: [Cries even more]
Pen: Woowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoo, who?
Lady Rainicorn: [Cries and flies away]
Pen: Man, that wasn't very funny.
Jake: She's flying into the Ice Kingdom.
Pen: Aw, the Ice King is an oxymoron.
Jake: Seriously... but what are we gonna do?
Pen: Survey the situation.
[Pulls out binoculars and looks at Ice King's castle. Ice King is shooting ice lightning at Lady Rainicorn. Pen sighs.]
Jake: What's up?
Pen: The Ice King is throwing frozen lightning bolts at the Rainicorn.
Jake: [Puts on the binoculars] That guy is a total patoot.
Pen: He's like 50 patoots!
[Ice King continues to shoot frozen lightning at Lady Rainicorn; Princess Bubblegum is behind him.]
Jake: Whoa! And there's Princess Bubblegum!
Pen: [sigh] The Ice King is always stealing princesses. We're going in turbo time! [puts on a sweater] You want your booties?
Jake: Yes, please. [Jumps in the air] Howop! [Booties are thrown up into Jake's feet and he comes down] Let's do it!
Pen: What time is it?
Pen & Jake: Adventure time!
[Jump into the Ice Kingdom]
Pen: Penguins!
[Fall into a horde of penguins and use them to skate down a mountain]
Pen: Mathematical!
Jake: That was totally math!
Pen: Rhombus! Iceclops!
Iceclops: Did somebody say my name?
[Pen and Jake scream and jump in a ditch.]
Pen: That was close!
Jake: Oh, my goodness!
[Pen grabs snow, turns it into snowballs and has Jake carry it.]
Pen: Let's rock and roll!
Iceclops: [Roars]
Pen: Ice to meet you! [Throws snowballs at it]
Iceclops: Hey, cut it out!
Pen: Snow Golem!
Snow Golem: [Baby sounds]
[Pen throws snowballs in its eyes and it cries.]
Pen: Elemental!
Fire Elemental: I'm lost. Can you direct me towards the sun?
Pen: That way.
Fire Elemental: What? Oh, geez, duh! Thanks.
Pen: Snow problem! [Throw snowballs at him]
Fire Elemental: [moans] Oh, real nice! How old are you?
Pen: I'm 12 years old!
Jake: I'm 28!
[Ice King cackles.]
Pen: Hey, Ice King! Stop it!
[Jake extends his legs, taking him and Pen to the Ice King's window.]
Ice King: Heh? Stop meddling, boy! You and your magical dog can't harm me.
Pen: He's not my dog! He's my friend! [Jumpkicks Ice King in the face]
[They fall into the Ice King's castle and begin to fight; Jake begins to talk to Lady Rainicorn.]
Jake: Hey, how's it goin'? My name's Jake.
Lady Rainicorn: [Coos like a pigeon]
Pen: Why are you always stealing ladies?
Ice King: I'm going to make one marry me! [Cackles]
Pen: That's... stupid!
Ice King: Your hat is stupid!
Pen: My hat is awesome! [Jumpkicks him again] Where's Jake?
Jake: [To Lady Rainicorn] Are you kidding? I play the viola too.
Lady Rainicorn: [Coos]
Jake: You are crazy. You are so crazy.
Ice King: [With ice lightning in his hands] Now I've got you, boy! [Freezes Pen]
[Scene shifts to Mars.]
Pen: What's going on? Ab...Abraham Lincoln?
Lincoln: Pen, your mind has been transported back in time... and to Mars.
Pen: What?
Lincoln: It doesn't matter, but what does matter is you need to believe in yourself.
[Scene switches back to the Ice Kingdom.]
Pen: [Breaking out of the ice] Never!
[Ice King is laughing and carries Princess Bubblegum to the window.]
Princess Bubblegum: Pen!
[Ice King flies out the window.]
Pen: Princess!
Jake: Let's go!
[Pen, Jake and Lady Rainicorn go after Ice King and Princess Bubblegum; when they catch up, Pen jumps at them in slow motion and grabs Princess Bubblegum]
Ice King: Heh?
[They fall and Lady Rainicorn catches them.]
Pen & Princess Bubblegum: Yay!
Ice King: Nwah. How dare they trifle with me. They can't possibly think they can win!
Jake: Hey, sloppy milkshake!
Ice King: Wha?
Jake: Why don't you pick on someone your own size?
Ice King: Fool! Your powers are no match for my magical crown!
[Jake punches off the crown.]
Ice King: [falling] My powers! Foul and noisome whelp! You've not seen the last of my wintery fangs! I'll cleave the warmth from your bones and stop still your beating heart with my claaaaws...
[Back on the ground]
Pen: There you go, Princess. You are free.
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, thank you, brave knight.
Pen: Oh, I'm not a knight. I'm a boy.
Princess Bubblegum: Well, then, thank you, brave boy. [Kisses Pen on the forehead and he blushes]
Pen: Ha ha ha ha ha!
Jake: Whoa, what is going on?
Pen: Uh, nothing.
Princess Bubblegum: [Giggles]
Pen: [Pushes Jake along] We got to go, okay, bye, Princess. Bye.
Jake: Go where, dude? We don't have anything to do.
Pen: Heh, heh, yeah we do, buddy. Adventure awaits.
Jake: I don't see any adventures going on anywhere. I think we're good to just sit here for a while and just talk about our feelings.
Pen: Heh, uh, look! Those ninjas are stealing that Old Man's diamonds!
[Ninjas are running off with an old man's diamonds.]
Old man: Give me back my diamonds!
Pen: Later, Princess! I have to attend to this!
Princess Bubblegum: Fair thee well, Pen and Jake.
Pen: Jake!
Jake: What time is it?
Pen & Jake: Adventure time!
[They run after the ninjas.]


Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Another Five More Short Graybles" from season 5, which aired on June 17, 2013.

Characters
Cuber
Jake
Jake Jr.
Finn
Princess Bubblegum
Cinnamon Bun
Banana Guards
Ice King
Penguins
Gunter
Lemongrab
Lemongrab 2
Mr. Fox
BMO
Music
None
Locations
Tree Fort
Candy Kingdom
Ice Kingdom
Lemongrab (Earldom)
This transcript is complete. Only minor edits are needed.


Transcript

[The first scene features Cuber in a room filled with birds]
Cuber: [Talking to the viewers] Oh, hello. [laughing] Here for more graybles, I presume. Well you've come to the right computer-fable. Feast your eyes-mabel, on my holo-pyramid viewer and— [A bird passes by him singing] Huh? What's that? Not in the mood for graybles, you say? Oh dear. You okay? Did something fatlabel happen to you? [A bird sits on Cuber's head and takes the floating cube from his hat] Oh, I see. You'd rather watch me buh-blabel a bird-house in my workshop. [The screen is seen moving up and down, implying the viewer is nodding their head] Hm. More of a grayble man by trade. But okay! Come on! [Cuber is seen exploding]
[The scene cuts to Cuber's workshop filled with tools floating in the air. Cuber is seen hitting the bird-house with hammers]
Cuber: Oh, hello again! As you can see, the bird-house is nearly complete! All that's left is where the door hole goes. But I can't remember. [Starts scratching his head with a hammer] Hm. Door hole. Wait! I just remembered! My door hole solution lies in one of tonight's scheduled graybles! Would you mind I look through them to find it? [The screen is seen shaking in negation] OK! [laughing] Yeey! Here we go!
[The scene cuts to the Tree Fort, where Jake Jr. is seen drinking juice and exclaiming]
Jake: [Sits next to Jake Jr.] Hey, Jake Jr. [Pokes her by the shoulder] You having fun at daddy's?
Jake Jr.: Hm? Oh. Sure dad.
Jake: OK. You seem kind of dump trucks.
Jake Jr.: What?
Jake: You know, "in the dumps."
Jake Jr.: Oh, sorry. It's cool. I'm just thinking about the future, I guess. We're on, like, the bleeding edge of history. Everything ahead of us is totally unknown and there's no guarantee that things are going to be all right. It's exciting, but it's also pretty scary. You know?
Jake: [Looking weirdly at Jake Jr.] [cynically laughing] Sounds like my little baby girl wanna build a time machine!
Finn: Ooooh!
Jake Jr.: Guys, I don't—
Jake: No, no, no. Leave it up to your daddy and uncle Finn! [Kisses Jake Jr.] Yup.
Jake Jr.: OK, you guys have fun! I'm gonna get some more juice. [Walks toward a table] Mom has some weird taste in men. [Cleans table using her hair, takes the juice box and puts some in her glass]
Finn: [whispering] Pssst. She's going back!
Jake: [Driving a fake bike he made shape-shifting] Ding-ding! [Stops] Scre-e-e-ech! [Walks up to a fake door he made shape-shifting and presses the ring after which a farting sound is heard]
Finn: [Dressed up as a lady, Finn opens the fake door] [feminine voice] Hello? Oh! Is that the machine part that I ordered?
Jake: [exclaims] You just gotta sign for it, to prove you accepted delivery. [Hands out his clipboard-shaped hand]
Finn: [Writing on the clipboard using a dust-cleaner] Ac-cept-tance.
[Finn and Jake stand up before Jake Jr.]
Jake Jr.: Guys, I'm basically thirty. I'm not a little kid anymore!
[The scene cuts to the Candy Kingdom]
Princess Bubblegum: [holding a night-light in form of Jake] You're not a little kid anymore!
Cinnamon Bun: [screaming] WHY-Y-Y-Y!?
Princess Bubblegum: Cinnamon Bun, you can't sleep with a night-light anymore. You're basically thirty—it's starting to bum everyone out.
Cinnamon Bun: [screaming] I can't handle this denial of light!!!
Princess Bubblegum: Yeah, well—
Cinnamon Bun: [screaming] No-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o! [normal voice] Too dark. [Turns the lights on] No! It's too bright! [Pushes the lamb which breaks] Ah! It's too dark! [A fire starts] Oh. A-ha. OK. This is nice.
[Outside of Cinnamon Bun's home, a pair of firemen Banana Guards are seen trying to extinguish the fire]
Banana Guards: [imitating siren] [Pour water inside of Cinnamon Bun's home]
Cinnamon Bun: Ah! Too dark! [Goes to the window]
Banana Guard: [Waving his hand] Hey, Cinnabun!
Cinnamon Bun: I—need—soft—light! [Throws himself out of the window] Yeeargh!!
[The scene cuts to the Ice Kingdom]
Ice King: [Opens fridge] Yeeargh! How long has this been in here? I don't even remember buying this. Oh well—easy come, easy go. [Throws "Yeeargh!" in the trash can. Then, he gathers other products and throws them as well] Goodbye! Well, that wasn't so bad. [humming] [Pulls out a marker and a piece of paper out of his beard] Hm. [It's shown the paper is actually a to-do list with five check mark boxes]
☐ Clean
☐ out
☐ the
☐ fridg
☐ e.
[Ice King x-es all the boxes and then draws a big X over the entire paper]
Ice King: Ah! Nothing like a hard day's work to get them spirits a-lifted! [laughing]
[At one point, Ice King stands next to window, where the viewer can see the Candy Kingdom burning]
Ice King: Great news, fellas! I finished all my chores, so we can start movie night early. Take your sits and will reveal the nominees. We got "Baby Ballet," "Blimby's "WHO GOTS DA ABC'S"," "Airplanes Taking Off," — [gasp] Oh, wait! What's this one? "Basic Mortality: Season 1"!? Isn't this that show that everyone is talking about? I heard that this show is really good for penguins. Wow, that's really lucky for you guys, I'm a little jealous. Well anyway, good luck to all our nominees! OK, all in favor of "Blimby's "WHO GOTS DA ABC'S""—raise your hands.
[The penguins are being silent]
Ice King: OK, all in favor of "Baby Ballet"—raise your hands.
[All of the penguins raise their hands]
Ice King: OK, all in favor of Air—What!? "Baby Ballet"? Come on! Ugh! I should have never given you penguins the right to vote. Well, you may have numbers on your side, but I still have one trick up my sleeve. Bargaining. Whereby, you let me watch "Basic Mortality," and I in return will do anything you want in the whole world. How 'bout it?
[The penguins are having a discussion for a time]
Middle Penguin: Wenk.
Ice King: Algebraic!
[The scene cuts to Ice King dressed up as a baby ballerina and dancing ballet while watching "Basic Mortality"]
Man: I know he was your partner.
Woman: Enough! Alan is not the super-murderer!
Ice King: I don't know about this show though—
Man: This, captain, is the most lamentable super-murder I've ever seen—and I've seen plenty.
Ice King: —might be a touch too dark.
[The scene cuts to Cinnamon Bun running in the woods]
Cinnamon Bun: [screaming loudly] Too dark! [Climbs on a small hill and falls down from it. He falls before a light made by a window near by a castle] [screaming loudly] Too bright! [A lemon falls on his head]
Lemongrab 2: [Peaking from a window] Eat on it! [Slams the window closed]
Lemongrab: [Inside the castle] Hm-m-m.
Lemongrab 2: [Inside the castle] Hm.
[Both enter a room and close the door. They turn on the light, revealing the brothers before a toy set]
Lemongrab 2: Oh, little Lemon-Sweets, our son. [Takes the toy's hand and makes it wave] So precious. You enjoy sitting in your chair? [Takes the toy's head and makes it shake in agreement] What would you like to do now? [talking in a soft, squeaky voice] Go to bed.
Lemongrab: No, he wants to dance! [Takes the toy from his brother's hands and makes it dance]
Lemongrab 2: [hesitantly] Dearest brother, I really think Lemon-Sweets would rather go to bed. [Tries to grab the toy]
[The brothers start fighting over the toy until Lemongrab 2 manages to take it]
Lemongrab 2: [Puts the toy in its little bed] I'll fetch our son a sleeping bonnet. [Opens a lock filled with little hats and takes a little bonnet] Beautiful. [Turns around and sees Lemongrab making the toy dance] [gasps] [screaming] Brother, stop that!!
Lemongrab: [Shakes head in disagreement] [talking in a soft, squeaky voice] We hate you.
Lemongrab 2: [Hits his brother, causing the toy to fall and break]
[The brothers look at each other]
Lemongrab: [screaming] O-O-Only O-O-O-ONE!!! [Grabs his brother and proceeds to swallow him whole]
Lemongrab 2: [screaming] The end! My end!
[The scene cuts to Mr. Fox in a small house]
Mr. Fox: My end... table, my love seat, yeah. Gee but it's great to be back home. It's always a blast visiting my cousin, city-Fox, at his future palace, but you just can't beat that old country steez. City-Fox's digs be mad sterile. Look a this. This was my grandpa's rug. Some bums let him have it 'cause it was so ugly. [He comes near a heating machine] [loudly] And check out these classic stylings. They don't make 'em like this anymore! [Nearly gets hit by hot water] Wow! Haha! Almost got me right in my both eyes! [Goes away from the heating machine] Look at my bugs. [Comes near two old, ugly, bugs talking about something] Man, I always did have the ugliest bugs. What are they doing? Selling each other houses?
Mr. Fox: [Goes near the bed] Yes, siree, there's some things money can't buy. [Looks at a a sleeping-hole in the bed] You see that depression? You can't buy that, you gotta earn it. Boy, it's like I can almost see myself sleeping in there. [An imaginary figure of himself appears before his eyes in the sleeping-hole] [screaming] Wha—? [He sees himself standing up and going toward the table. His imaginary self starts writing something on a piece of paper] "Dear conscious self, I know where some buried treasure is. I'll draw you a map. Love, subconscious self." Oh my gosh, I'm gonna be rich! [laughing] [His sub-conscious self starts drawing a map]
[Someone knocks on the door]
Mr Fox: What the—? [Mr. Fox's sub-conscious self disappears] Oh, no! My riches!
Cinnamon Bun: [Knocks hard on the door] [grunting] Let me in! [wild music plays] [Rips of light] It's too—bright! [gasp] Too dark! [Flips the bed and runs through the wall, breaking it] [screaming]
Mr. Fox: Cinnamon Bun, you! Did a great job, on this hole wall. It's very rustic. [gasps]
Sub-conscious Mr. Fox: M-m-m-m, what a jerk.
[The scene cuts to the Tree Fort]
Finn: What, a jerk?
Jake: Yeah, just give it a little jerk.
Finn: [Changes an engine's position inside a suitcase]
Jake: [Closes the suitcase]
[Finn and Jake stand up before a pile of ordinary, everyday objects]
Finn: Now that's a time machine.
Jake: Hey, sweetie! Sweetie, look! Your time machine's all ready!
Jake Jr.: Aw yeah, you havin' fun, dad?
Jake: Aw, anything for my baby pup.
Jake Jr.: OK. As long as you're having fun.
Jake: [laughing] Time machine! [Presses a button, when suddenly the entire room gets covered in a red light]
Finn and Jake: [screaming]
Jake Jr.: [shouting in Korean]
[Everything suddenly stops]
Cuber: Ha-ha! There it is! You see? The birdhouse door—it's right above the peg thingy. Why didn't I think of that? [laughing] Well, I guess that's it for this week. I'll see you crimpy glimmers on the—what? What's that? You want to finish the grayble? [The screen is seen moving up and down, implying the viewer is shaking his head in confirmation] You want to see if you can still guess the theme? [The screen is seen left and right, implying the viewer is shaking his head in negation] You just want to see how it ends. [The screen is seen moving up and down, implying the viewer is shaking his head in confirmation] Well, let's get right to it, then. Ha-ha.
[The scene cuts to the Tree Fort]
BMO: Stranger! Stranger! Stranger! Stranger! Stranger! [Pointing toward Cinnamon Bun trying to take the night-light in form of Jake]
Cinnamon Bun: [Putting his finger before his lips, telling BMO to hush]
Jake Jr.: [Walks up to BMO and types "ITS OK," making BMO disarm the alarm]
BMO: Excuse me.
Jake Jr.: [Puts BMO down and turns toward Cinnamon Bun] HEY, why are you trying to steal my dad's stuff!?!
Cinnamon Bun: Hey, I need a night-light because I'm so scared!
Jake Jr.: Man, you can't steal, dummy.
Cinnamon Bun: [Starts crying]
Jake Jr.: Fine! [Uses hair to get the night-light and gives to Cinnamon Bun] Here. NOW GET LOST!
Cinnamon Bun: [gasps] [laughing] Yes! Take that, Princess Bubblegum! [Leaves the Tree Fort]
Jake Jr.: [Closes the door]
BMO: Jake Jr., I'm sorry for messing up your time travel.
Jake Jr.: Aw, that's OK. [pets Beemo, making it smile] It was just make-believe, anyways.
Finn: O-ho-ho, was it? Then how do you explain tomorrow's newspaper?
[Jake is holding up newspaper with the headlines "Tomorrow's newspaper. JAKE JR. REAL COOL KID!"]


Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Another Way" from season 3, which aired on January 23, 2012.

Characters
Finn
Head Clown Nurse
Forest Cyclops
Tree Stump
Talking Bush
Pan
Rainy
Jake
Big Clown Nurse
Music
"Melons"
Locations
Tree Fort
Forest of Trees
Acid River
Trap Bridge
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[The scene opens to Finn and Jake's Tree Fort. A bunch of Clown Nurses are acting around while circus music plays in the background. The head Clown Nurse is sitting by Finn. He is sitting in bed reading the Enchiridion, and his right foot is bandaged.]
Head Clown Nurse: Who wants a cookie? [She moves it around, making airplane sounds.] Milk-dipped chocolate chip cookie?
Finn: No thanks.
Head Clown Nurse: Now, come on, Finn. You have to eat. Open Sesame...
Finn: Uh, Jake, can't we get rid of these Clown Nurses? They make me feel ridiculous.
[The camera cuts to Jake. He, too, is sitting in bed, with his right foot bandaged. A big Clown Nurse is standing near him.]
Jake: No way, man.
[Finn groans in disgust.]
Jake: Well, now you know we can't jump off of birds. [The fat Clown Nurse waves a cookie around, mimicking airplane sounds and plops it into Jake's mouth.] I paid them up front. They don't leave until the job's done. Besides... [He honks the big Clown Nurse's nose.] They're funny. [He honks the big Clown Nurse's nose again, and she farts this time.] [laughs] Look, she just farted.
Head Clown Nurse: Time for our love therapy.
Finn: Wait, what are they doing? [The Clown Nurse starts smooching Finn's bandaged foot.] Whoa! Stop!
Head Clown Nurse: [gasps] Oh my! Did that hurt, dear?
Finn: NO!! I just don't want you kissing my toe!
Head Clown Nurse: Now, now, honey, you gotta understand. This is the only way to "foo-foo" your boo-boo.
Finn: What does that even mean??
Jake: I don't know... but I'm feeling better already. Ah. That tickles.
Big Clown Nurse: You want me to stop?
Jake: No, keep going. [The big Clown Nurse continues smooching Jake's toes.]
Finn: [Beat] You're gross, man. [He notices a page in the Enchiridion.] Look! Deep in the forest of trees, there's a Cyclops whose magical tears can heal any wound. See? See?
[The head Clown Nurse takes the book from him.]
Head Clown Nurse: Maybe you should leave the medical decisions to the medical professionals, and my professional prescription is... your toe needs crazy smooches! It's the only way! [laughs]
[The Clown Nurses all gather around and start holding Finn down.]
Finn: Huh? Wha?
[The head Clown Nurse gets near Finn's bandaged foot.]
Finn: Wait! Wait! Wait! There's another way! There's my way! Let me show you my way!
[The head Clown Nurse starts smooching Finn's bandaged foot.]
Finn: Ahh! Let me go! [The head Clown Nurse is still smooching Finn's foot. He screams and then blacks out. Finn starts having a crazy nightmare about running from Clown Nurses. He trips and sees the head of the head Clown Nurse.]
Head Clown Nurse: It's the only way! [laughs]
[The head rises up and floats in front of him. Finn screams and runs in panic, but ends up falling into the mouth of the Clown Nurse's head.]
Head Clown Nurse: [softly] It's the only way!
[Finn wakes up. The Head Clown Nurse is rapidly smooching Finn's foot. Finn gets up and the Clown nurses back off.]
Finn: MY WAY!!
[He runs out of the house and into the forest, screaming. He finally comes to a stop. He's staring at a tree stump with a sign. The road splits up into two paths.]
Finn: Hmmm...
Tree Stump: Ring, ring! Look, there's only two choices, bro. Take your pick. There's the path on the left, Hair Fall-Out Path. No more hair again, ever! Or the path on the right, Smelly Path. Makes you smelly forever. Hoohoo, you won't believe it.
Finn: Isn't there another way?
Tree Stump: Nope.
Finn: But what if I just went—
Tree Stump: No, that's it! You have to choose! There's no other way! Choosing is the only way. Choosing—is the only—way.
[The camera zooms in on Finn's face. A thought of the head Clown Nurse crosses his mind.]
Head Clown Nurse: It's the only way! [laughs]
[Finn suddenly screams and confronts the tree stump.]
Tree Stump: Hey, listen man, the Smelly Path's not actually that bad!
Finn: NO! I choose MY WAY!! [He kicks the sign off of her head.] My way.
[Finn runs right through the prickly bushes, screaming all the way. He comes out on the other side, all scratched and covered in thorns. He then comes across a river an walks up to the bank. A bush is on the bank nearby.]
Bush: Ring ring. Hello, dummy police? Yes, there's a strange dummy lurking around my house. Okay, yes. Thank you. Goodbye.
Finn: Wha...? [Beats] I need to cross the river. The Cyclops is over there.
Bush: You can't cross this river. It's impossible! Look! The current is so fast, it'll turn your butt inside-out for real, doofus. And the water's so acidic it'll crump your boat in half. It's like orange juice. It's gross. There's a bridge, but it's a trap! Plus, the water's jamming with electric eels. Wow, so weird. Anyway, that's it, there's no other way around, you dummy.
[While the bush speaks, the camera shows the river's current flowing, and the steaming hull of a boat that was corroded away. The bridge nearby is shown, then two pairs of eyes and shadowy arms pop out. Two electric eels are swimming under the water, their bodies surging with electricity.]
Finn: But I need to get across.
Bush: Listen what I'm telling you. There's no way. ...Ugly tramp.
[Another thought of a Clown Nurse crosses Finn's mind. He advances on the bush.]
Finn: Glob, Glob it, Glob it, Glob it...
Bush: Huh? What are you saying? "Globbit, Globbit"? Who's Globbit?
[Finn snatches the bush and uproots him.]
Finn: MY WAY!!
[A screaming Finn then charges head-on into the river, using the bush to sweep the water off of the ground beneath. The bush is screaming in pain all the while. Then some electric eels jump out of the water and wrap themselves around Finn, shocking him and singing off the bush's leaves. Finn finally stops on a rock and the eels come off of him. Finn spits out a glob of vomit into the water.]
Bush: Glibby glob, man! You're crazy! We're not even half way across! You gotta go back, man! It's the only way, you ugly fat-smelling fat-head!
Finn: NO, MY WAY!! [Frustrated, Finn tosses the now-barren bush all the way across the river. Then he dives in. He emerges from the river, screaming and steaming from the pineapple juice-like water. He then happens upon a strange little man standing next to a wagon with watermelons in it.]
Finn: [panting] MY WAY! [He quenches the acid by smashing one of the melons over his head.] Oh, Glob, oh, Glob, oh, Glob, oh, Glob.
Pan: Uhh, excuse me, friend. [Finn blabbers his lips together.] You're pretty tall, can you reach up there and get my wheel for me? Gotta get these melons home to my wife. You know how it is.
[Still frustrated as ever, Finn pushes Pan aside and picks up the wagon.]
Finn: [panting] MY WAY! [He hurls the wagon down the hill. The wagon shatters as it hits the ground, and the melons tumble down the hill.]
Pan: Watch out, Rainy!
[Rainy realizes too late. She avoids the first one, which rolls over the wigwam house, but the others roll over her, injuring her. Rainy groans in pain.]
Pan: [gasps] Rainy!
Finn: Whoops. Uh... man, I'm real sorry.
Pan: Yeah? [sobs] No doy... friend.
Finn: But... I can still help. I'll fix your house for you.
Pan: Just get out of here! Leave us alone!
Finn: Uh... wh... I... [sighs]
Pan: Psycho fink.
[Finn walks uphill to a cliff overlooking the valley below. He realizes his plan didn't go as well as he had hoped. He takes off his hat and breaks out in song.]
Finn: ♫ I was wrong. Was I wrong? No. Yes... Yes... I was wrong. How could it be? I trusted in my guts, but ended up all nuts. I was wrong. How could it be? Listened to my brain, but ended up insane. The melons rolled...over that lady. I went too far. How could it be? [Finn puts his hat back on.] How did I go... too far? ♫
[As Finn finishes his song, the camera zooms out to reveal a little beneath the cliff. A giant eye opens up, looks up, and blinks. Suddenly something hunches up from the cliff. It's the Cyclops Finn has been seeking.]
Forest Cyclops: Hey! I know you're here for my magical tears, but you won't have any, because I never cry.
Finn: I don't want 'em anymore.
Forest Cyclops: What? Stop lying. You're here for my tears, aren't you?
Finn: No. I hurt a small, hairy man's wife. I just wanna go home.
Forest Cyclops: You're just trying to make me feel sad so you can steal my tears when I cry... but I've got a heart of stone, buddy. I'm EVIL!
Finn: Dude! What's wrong with you? I said I don't want your tears!
Forest Cyclops: YOU'RE LYING!
Finn: I'M NOT LYING!!!
Forest Cyclops: [Beat] You stink at lying.
Finn: Fine. Whatever, man. Have it your way.
Forest Cyclops: Okay... I WILL HAVE IT MY WAY!!
Finn: Huh? [The Cyclops pounds him into the ground.]
Forest Cyclops: Beg for mercy, or I'll kill you!
[Finn glances up at the Cyclops' eye. He notices water forming up in the big, round eye.]
Finn: [mutters]
Forest Cyclops: Whuh... What?
Finn: [mutters]
Forest Cyclops: What? I can't hear you.
Finn: I said... MY WAY!!
[Finn punches the Cyclops in the eye. The Cyclops starts crying as he screams in pain. Some of the tears fall onto Finn. His clothes are made anew.]
Finn: Magical tear drops. [He pulls off the bandage. His foot has been healed completely. He wiggles his toes.] My way can still work! Yeah!
[Finn pulls off the Cyclops' head. Finn first goes to Pan, who is still sobbing. Finn pours the Cyclops' tears over Rainy, who is restored.]
Rainy: Huh? I'm okay.
Pan: Yay!
[Finn runs off. He then goes to the bare bush and pours the Cyclops' tears over him.]
Bush: Huh? [The bush takes root, and all his leaves regrow.] Whoa!
[The stump is sobbing in pain from having her sign knocked off. Finn pours the Cyclops' tears over her, and a flower grows where the sign was.]
Tree Stump: Huh? Whoo-hoo.
[Finally, Finn pours Cyclops' tears over a ham sandwich at a picnic, bringing it to life.]
Ham Sandwich: Yeah!
[The scene cuts back to the Tree Fort, where the Clown Nurses are still doing their so-called duties. The big Clown Nurse is still kissing Jake's bandaged foot.]
Jake: Oh, yeah. Huh?
[The door suddenly slams open. Everyone gasps in shock. Finn walks in, still carrying the Cyclops' head.]
Head Clown Nurse: Have you come crying back for your proper treatment, Babylips?
[Finn throws the Cyclops' head. It lands in front of the head Clown Nurse, who gasps.]
Finn: Kiss that!
Head Clown Nurse: Oh, my! You look horribly injured! My kisses will make heal you. [She smooches the Cyclops' eye.] Now how does that feel?
Forest Cyclops: Bittersweet.
[Finn walks over to Jake, carrying a bottle of Cyclops' tears.]
Finn: Hey, man. You want me to heal your toe with my magical goo?
Jake: Ah, no thanks. I think the kisses work better. [To nurse] Excuse me, don't stop, keep going, please. [The big Clown Nurse resumes smooching Jake's foot.]
Finn: You're gross.
Jake: Hey! We all have our own ways.
Finn: [realizing] You know what? You're... right.
[Jake's eyes twinkle. The episode ends.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Apple Thief" from season 3, which aired on October 3, 2011.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Tree Trunks
Raggedy Princess
Smudge
Jaybird
Wormo
Banana Guards
Candy Tavern People
Dr. J
Bartender
Cookie Guy
Music
None
Locations
Tree Fort
Tree Trunks' house
Candy Kingdom
Candy Tavern
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode begins in the Tree Fort's kitchen, where Jake is preparing a meal.]
Jake: [sets table] Finn, lunch is ready!
Finn: [holds nose] Ugh, what are you cooking?
Jake: It's good! I learned it from Rainicorn.
Finn: I'm not eatin' that. It smells funny.
Jake: Dude, this took me, like—
Finn: Let's go over to Tree Trunks's and get some apple pie! Apple pie! Apple Pie! Apple Pie! Apple Pie! Apple Pie! Let's go! [grabs Jake's arm]
Jake: Whoa! [grabs a shrimp from his plate before he leaves] Eh.
[Scene changes to Tree Trunks' house.]
Finn: [knocking on door] Tree Trunks! [opens door and walks in with Jake] [gasps]
[Tree Trunks is lying on the floor next to a broken table, motionless.]
Finn: [running over to her] Tree Trunks! Tree Trunks?
Tree Trunks: [mumbling] Apples... my apples...
Jake: Apples?
Tree Trunks: You! [jumps at Jake] You took my apples! [starts hitting Jake]
Finn: Whoa, whoa! [grabs Tree Trunks] Tree Trunks, it's us, Finn and Jake!
Tree Trunks: Finn... and, and Jake?
Finn: It's okay, Tree Trunks. We're here to help you. Just tell us what happened.
Tree Trunks: [tearing up] They took 'em. They took all of 'em.
Jake: All of what?
Tree Trunks: Apples. My apples that I raised with love from, from mere seedlings. Without my special apples, I won't be able to bake any more apple pies.
Finn & Jake: NOOOOOOOO!
Finn: Don't you worry, Tree Trunks. We'll find those thieves and bring them to justice.
Tree Trunks: Let me show you the crime scene. [leads them outside] You see, boys: scads of apple trees but, but no apples.
Finn: Hmm. Is anything else missing, Tree Trunks?
Tree Trunks: No, Finn, they didn't touch my rocks, or my birds, or my flowers, or, or nothing.
Finn: Hm. Well, I don't see any footprints. What'cha got, Jake?
Jake: [patting the air] No ghost doodies. Oh. Oh, wait. [feeling something invisible] Oh, no. No.
Finn: Hm. Tree Trunks, is there anyone you can think of who might want to crunk you up?
Tree Trunks: Oh, no, Finn. I take great care to assure that-that I'm loved by even the most heinous cretins—
Jake: Hey, guys, I found something! Look!
[Finn and Tree Trunks join Jake at the edge of a hole.]
Tree Trunks: Uh!
Raggedy Princess: Oh, heheh, hey, Finn. Heheh.
Finn: Oh, hey, Raggedy Princess. Have you seen anything fishy going on?
Raggedy Princess: Um, no, heheh. I've been kinda down in this hole for a long time. [laughs nervously] I got knocked down here by some ne'er-do-wells. It was terrible. I was so scared.
Tree Trunks: Ne'er-do-wells? They stole my apples. [flapping ears] I'm gonna sass those boys up nasty!
Finn: [laughs] Awesome. Where do we find these guys?
Jake: Oh, the Candy Tavern, man. I used to hang out there back when I used to snatch old ladies' purses.
Finn: [jaw drops with "brring" sound effect]
Jake: Don't worry, I stopped doing that a long time ago. I didn't know it was wrong.
Finn: [jaw still hanging, with higher "brring" sound effect]
Tree Trunks: Okay, you two, let's get going.
[Scene changes to outside the Candy Tavern. Someone gets thrown out of the window.]
Candy Tavern Person: Whoa!
Tree Trunks: [gasps] Oh, my!
[The three enter the tavern. A Candy Person at the bar repeatedly stabs his hand with a spoon, and an angry cookie shakes.]
Finn: Uh, does Princess Bubblegum know about this place?
Jake: Be cool, man. You're gonna queer the deal.
Finn: Oh, yeah. Try not to act suspicious, Tree Trunks.
Tree Trunks: Okay, I won't.
[The three walk up to the Candy Tavern Bartender.]
Finn & Tree Trunks: Where—?
Finn: Oh. [motions for Tree Trunks to continue]
Tree Trunks: Where's my dang apples?
Finn: Oh, [laughs] Tree Trunks, you're so silly. But, but listen, you wouldn't happen to have seen any—I don't know—apples around, have you?
Bartender: "Seen any apples?" Y'all ask a lot of dumb-butt questions... almost like you're trying to solve somethin'.
Finn: What? Oh, no-no-no-no-no-no.
Bartender: Mmm... clean, too. Almost like some [pounds bar] do-gooders!
Jake: Hold on, we gotta go potty.
[The three enter the bathroom and rub dirt all over their bodies.]
Finn: Dang. They almost got us, but I think we blend in pretty well now.
Tree Trunks: [licking toilet paper] This, this toilet paper's drying my mouth all up.
Finn: Uh, Tree Trunks, don't eat that. [sighs] Here. [holds her up to the mirror] [whispers to Jake] You gotta watch her, man!
Tree Trunks: Oh, I look just like an army brat!
[The three return to the bartender.]
Bartender: What can I do for you?
Finn: [pouring drink onto bar] You know where a guy might maybe score some apples? [drops mug onto the floor, shattering it]
Bartender: Well, when you put it like that.... A couple of buddies I know have some apples for sale. I'll show you.
[He leads them to a back door and opens it to a tall gingerbread man and an upside-down ice cream cone.]
Bartender: Hey, fellas, these folks been askin' 'bout your... apples?
Jaybird: [scratches chin] Okay, show 'em the apples, Smudge.
[Smudge picks up a trash can and puts it over Jake.]
Jaybird: Grab 'em!
[The bartender grabs Finn and Tree Trunks.]
Jaybird: You go back, and you tell your boss to stop looking for those apples 'cause they're ours now!
Finn: Wha-what boss?
Jaybird: Your boss! Dr. J?
Finn: We don't know any Dr. J.
Jaybird: [punches Finn's forehead] Liars! Come on, Smudge [walks off] [mumbling] ...gonna take my apples.
[The bartender drops Finn and Tree Trunks and closes the door. Jake takes the trash can off.]
Jake: What just happened?
Finn: I guess these guys who stole Tree Trunks' apples also stole Dr. J's apples, and they thought we were workin' for him!
Tree Trunks: Finn? Finn.
Finn: Hm?
Tree Trunks: This could be dangerous, a-and if you want to go back home, I understand, but I need to do this.
Finn: Yeah, Tree Trunks, me too.
Jake: Hey, Finn.
Finn: Hm?
Jake: [pointing to mark] What's that on your face, buddy?
Finn: Oh, that guy bopped me one. Must've had a ring on.
Jake: Y'know, I think I seen that symbol somewhere before. Yeah, right next door to where I used to hawk stolen bikes.
Finn: What?!
Jake: I didn't know it was wrong.
[Scene changes to the outskirts of the Candy Kingdom.]
Jake: [points to a building with the mark] Yeah, you see? That guy must work here or somethin'.
[The three walk up to the building.]
Finn: [knocks on the door] Hello?
Wormo: [through door] Who's the heck happening? What?
Finn: Uh, we're here about the apples?
Wormo: Oh, okay. Let's see your ring.
Finn: Um...
Jake: Here. [forms a ring on his finger and shows it to Wormo]
Wormo: [opens door] Come on in. Follow this guy. [leads them in]
[Before the door closes, someone stops it with their foot.]
Wormo: [leading them downstairs] My boss is gonna be real psyched I found someone to buy his apples. A whole crate. [shows them a crate of diamonds]
Finn: What the?
Wormo: What's wrong, guy?
Finn: These aren't apples.
Wormo: Oh, ya didn't mean diamonds? All ne'er-do-wells call diamonds "apples." Like calling money "bread" or rock-knockers "butter-slaps."
Jaybird: [opening door] Hey, Wormo, we're back—what the?! [points to Finn, Jake, and Tree Trunks] What are they doing here?
Wormo: They're here for the apples.
Jaybird: That's the dang Dr. J gang, Wormo! Grab 'em!
[Finn, Jake, and Tree Trunks are tied up.]
Tree Trunks: Um, sir? [laughs nervously] I promise if you let us go, we won't tell no one about your apples.
Wormo: Feed 'em to the pig.
Smudge: Yeah, the pig.
Jaybird: Heheh, yeah, all right. [walks offscreen and returns carrying Mr. Pig]
Mr. Pig: Uh, I'm sorry, y'all. They're makin' me do this. I-I'll try to make it quick.
Dr. J: Hold it!
[Dr. J and his gang appear.]
Jaybird: Dr. J! [drops pig]
Dr. J: Yeah, yeah, and I want my apples back.
Jaybird & Dr. J: [in unison] Get 'em, boys!
[While the gangs fight, Finn, Jake, and Tree Trunks free themselves from the rope, and Jake brings the pig with them to Tree Trunks' house.]
Tree Trunks: [starts sobbing]
Finn: Aw, don't cry, Tree Trunks.
Tree Trunks: But we're never gonna find those apples.
Mr. Pig: Apples? You guys looking for apples?
Jake: Uh, yeah, why?
Mr. Pig: 'Cause I can hear a bunch of apples in this room.
Jake: Wait, you mean "apples" as "diamonds"?
Mr. Pig: No.
Jake: "Apples" as "apples"?
Mr. Pig: Yep.
Finn: You mean apples that we eat?
Mr. Pig: Yes.
Tree Trunks: With all due respect, Mr. Pig, sir, my apples were stolen by a dirty, rotten criminal who needs to be put in jail.
Mr. Pig: I'm just telling you the facts, ma'am. What I hear is a whole pigload of apples inside that closet. [points to wardrobe] They sound scared.
Tree Trunks: Well, I hate to tell you this, boys, but there's no apples in this closet. [sticks tail into keyhole] You see, uh, I'm the only one who knows how to open this closet. [opens it]
[Dozens of apples spill out.]
Finn & Jake: [gasp]
Tree Trunks: Oh, so I was the apple thief after all.
Finn: No, Tree Trunks, that's preposterous.
Tree Trunks: No, Finn, I'm a criminal, [picks up phone and dials 911] and I need to pay the price.
Banana Guard [over phone]: Banana Guard speaking.
Tree Trunks: Uh, this is Tree Trunks. I've done somethin' horrible, and I want you to come over and arrest me.
[Finn and Jake exchange sad looks.]
[Scene changes to outside the house, with Tree Trunks in handcuffs and two Banana Guards standing by.]
Finn: Tree Trunks, you don't need to do this.
Tree Trunks: Thank you, Finn and Jake, but I won't let myself slip away from such a terrible crime. Goodbye.
Finn: Tree Trunks.
Banana Guard: Ah, this is hard to watch. I'm gonna look away.
[Several crows fly out of the forest.]
Banana Guard: This place could use a scarecrow.
Finn: Huh? Wait, what'd you say?
Banana Guard: Uh, I-I said this place could use a scarecrow.
Finn: A scarecrow, no footprints, all those magpies on the roof, Raggedy Princess in the ditch, and all the apples in Tree Trunks's closet.
Banana Guard [in Finn's memory]: Boy, this place could use a scarecrow.
Finn: That's it! [climbs onto Tree Trunks' house's roof] I knew it!
[A nest is next to a hole in the roof. A magpie brings an apple to its chicks, but the apple falls into the hole.]
Finn: The magpies have been stealing the apples and accidentally dropping them in this hole!
Jake: And that's why there weren't any footprints around the tree!
Finn: Yes. And the magpies were able to steal the apples because Raggedy Princess wasn't sitting on the fence post to scare them off!
Tree Trunks: Does this mean I'm innocent?
Jake: As innocent as a baby's butt cheek!
Finn: [jumps off roof] [laughs] Awesome! This calls for a celebration! You know what that means, Tree Trunks!
Tree Trunks: I'ma bake you the biggest and the tastiest apple pie you boys ever tasted. [strains and breaks the handcuffs]
Banana Guards: Whoa.
Tree Trunks: [to Banana Guards] Uh, you boys better stick around if you want a bite of my apple pie. [slaps Banana Guard]
Banana Guard: She slapped my butt!
[The other Banana Guard gives a thumbs up.]
Tree Trunks: [laughs]
[The others join in.]

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Apple Wedding" from season 5, which aired on January 13, 2014.

Characters
Tree Trunks
Mr. Pig
King of Ooo
Princess Bubblegum
Wyatt
BMO
Cinnamon Bun
Finn
Lumpy Space Princess
Tree Trunks' mother
Jake
Music
None
Locations
Unavailable
This transcript is complete; only minor edits are needed.


Transcript

[Cinnamon Bun, in a tuxedo, walks while carrying a tray of apple cider to Princess Bubblegum.]
Princess Bubblegum: Cinnamon Bun, what the heck are you doing out in the woods?! I asked you twenty minutes ago to take these drinks around for us.
Cinnamon Bun: Oh, oh, "around for us." I thought you said "walk to the zoo and back"!
Princess Bubblegum: Gob. [smacks forehead]
[Cinnamon Bun walks away and Princess Bubblegum sighs and follows him to Finn.]
Princess Bubblegum: Finn, Cinnamon Bun's gonna attend your juice bar now. I have a special job for you.
[Finn walks out.]
Princess Bubblegum: As Ooo's greatest champion, I'm relying on you to keep Lumpy Space Princess from crashing this wedding. I went ahead and deputized you. [hands a badge to Finn] So, you know, no holds barred, got it?
Finn: [giggles] Yeah. Oh, what about Jake?
Princess Bubblegum: Well, honestly I haven't seen Jake this happy in a while.
[Jake is being tickled by 5 baby pigs.]
Princess Bubblegum: I kinda don't want squash his groove.
[Princess Bubblegum opens a door.]
Princess Bubblegum: Knock, knock. Hey, Tree Trunks.
Tree Trunks: Oh, hey, Princess. Wow, you look prettier than a sippy cup in a snowbank.
Princess Bubblegum: [giggles and closes the door behind her] Thanks, Tree Trunks. Now listen, I don't want you to worry about a thing. I've got Finn on LSP Deputy, and we're keeping your ex-husbands, Randy, Danny and Wyatt, a hundred feet apart at all times - at least until it's time for me to perform the ceremony.
Tree Trunks: Oh, well, uh, Princess, I appreciate your generosity going to all this trouble to hijack my wedding and all, but you can't perform the ceremony.
Princess Bubblegum: What?! Why not?
Tree Trunks: Uh, well, I'm sorry, but I just don't recognize your quote unquote "authority" on such matters. I can only be married by His Holiness, the One True King of Ooo.
Princess Bubblegum: WHAT? That fraud?!
Tree Trunks: Now I know...
Princess Bubblegum: That fraud is here?!
Tree Trunks: Why, yes, but...
[Princess Bubblegum leaves and slams the door.]
Tree Trunks: Oh, dear. Mama, I'm afraid I've offended the Princess.
Tree Trunks' mother: Oh, nonsense, baby. She's probably jealous 'cause you're about to marry a handsome, fine, saucy man. Oh, but he is a saucy, fine bologna factory. Mmmhmm, tell you what: I'd like to open up that hood, see how the bologna gets made!
Tree Trunks: Mama, please! Please don't call him a saucy fine bologna factory!
Tree Trunks' mother: Bologna factory, bologna factory, bologna factory!
Tree Trunks: Oh, my perfect day. What else could go wrong?
[Meanwhile, His Holiness, the King of Ooo, is outside with Mr. Pig's relatives.]
King of Ooo: Please, go on. Describe the next thought form.
Mr. Pig's relative: Um... I see, like, reddish-green blotches.
King of Ooo: Ah... Ahaha! [taps the relative with his wand] One year good luck.
[Mr. Pig's relatives are all amused. Meanwhile, Princess Bubblegum is hiding by a bush and is spying on the King of Ooo.]
Princess Bubblegum: I've waited a long time for this King of Ooo, and now I'm gonna expose you in front of everyone for what you really are!
[BMO laughs while spinning on the chair.]
BMO: Yay! [giggles]
Wyatt: Hey, uh, barkeep, can I have another one of these ciders?
Cinnamon Bun: Sure! [takes out the bottle of apple cider and tries to do a trick but has difficulty taking the cork out.]
Wyatt: Hey, little robot. How ya doing?
BMO: I am the best! I love weddings, I love flowers! I love LOVE!
Wyatt: Hey, did you know I used to be married to Tree Trunks?
BMO: No!
Wyatt: Heh, yeah... it's just me and TT. We had some wild times back in the day. Did you know I once taught her to play tennis?
BMO: No...
Wyatt: Yep, tennis! I took her to one of those... uh... paddles... or whatever, you know!
BMO: No.
Wyatt: Yeah, she left me. She said I was stifling her spirit... I mean hehe... You know, what? Not enough tennis for ya?
BMO: No.
[Mr Pig's relative runs and pushes another guest down.]
Mr. Pig's relative: It's starting! The ceremony is starting! [snorts]
[The scene moves to the wedding ceremony.]
[King of Ooo signals Jake to start playing music. Jake prepares to play his viola and his toe presses the play button of the radio. He plays the viola and the pig throws flower petals from her basket. All the guests turn to Tree Trunks, who is holding a bouquet of flowers. Mr. Pig sheds a tear.]
BMO: [gasp] Oh no! I'm missing the love! [gets off her stool]
Wyatt: No! Uh, please stay here! This is cathartic. You're a good listener.
BMO: [sadly]Oh, okay... [sits down again]
[Tree Trunks walk to Mr. Pig]
Mr Pig: Psst, Sweetie, you look so nice.
Tree Trunks: Shh...
[Finn is watching from afar.]
Finn: Sounds really sweet.
[Finn hears some rustling from the bushes and gets up.]
Finn: Lumpy Space Princess? Is that you?
Lumpy Space Princess: Let me go to this party...
[A crow flies out, frightening Finn.]
Finn: It's not your party, LSP. [tries to find Lumpy Space Princess.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Poor Finn. Don't you know? [flies up from an old well. The wind blows the picnic mat off Lumpy Space Princess, revealing her in a wedding dress. After all, no wedding's complete without wedding crashers...] Every party is my party.
[Finn grunts and walks towards Lumpy Space Princess. Meanwhile, Jake is "playing" the viola, with the 5 baby pigs sleeping around his feet. The scene then moves on to Princess Bubblegum climbing a ladder to the King's blimp.]
Princess Bubblegum: I'm just gonna look in this guy's blimp. [gets on the top of the ladder and turns the door knob] Make sure everything's in accordance... [breaks open the window with her shoe and opens the door] with the laws.
Mr. Pig: Psst... sweetie, what are ya doing?
[Tree Trunks is walking back, and far away are Finn and Lumpy Space Princess continuing their scuffle. Finn tries to block Lumpy Space Princess's way.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Get out of my way, Finn. [pushes Finn] Oh my glob, you're touching my woman body!
[Tree Trunks walks to the stage.]
King of Ooo: Okay, dear, now up you come.
Tree Trunks: [whispers] Don't hurry this. [she slowly takes a step on the stage and King of Ooo lifts her up and brings her on stage.]
King of Ooo: There you go!
[Mr Pig and Tree Trunks kiss for a while but King of Ooo push them back.]
King of Ooo: Whoa, whoa, kids! Gotta finish the ceremony first. Keep the baby in the basket!
[Lumpy Space Princess tries to get to the ceremony as Finn is pulling her by the dress.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Everyone at the party get ready! 'Cause here comes the hot bunch of grapes!
["Finn grunts and his foot meets a rock and flings her to a tent.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Ahhhh... oh my gaaaah...
King of Ooo: We've gathered here on this beautiful day, under my life-giving sun, to celebrate the enjoinment of Mr. Pig and Tree Trunks, the little elephant. These two weird animals...
[BMO is still watching from afar.]
BMO: I bet some cute weddings are happening over there.
[Cinnamon Bun still struggles to take the cork out.]
Wyatt: [sighs] BMO, you're so nice.
BMO: Those flowers look really cold.
Wyatt: I've had a hard life. People seem cute. They seem nice. And then when you can't stop crying because they beat you in tennis that one time, they call you a baby.
BMO: Yeah, cute nice babies.
Wyatt: BMO?
BMO: Mm-hmm?
Wyatt: BMO, would you move in with me?
[BMO gasps loudly as its eyes widen and runs into the forest.]
King of Ooo: Do you, Mr Pig, take Tree Trunks to be your ever-wedded wife, forever following the teachings of me the true King of Ooo?
[Cinnamon Bun is seen shaking the bottle of cider.]
Mr. Pig: I do.
[Princess Bubblegum grumbles, steers the blimp and pulls down a lever while stepping on the pedal.]
King of Ooo: Do you, Tree Trunks, do you promise to love Mr. Pig forever, and spend the next 5 years with me and my serenity compound, performing simple household repairs, [Mr. Pig puts the ring around Tree Trunk's paw] to have and to hold the in sickness and in health, in my gated mountain compound?
Tree Trunks: I...
Lumpy Space Princess: Everybody get ready... [ as she crawls to the ceremony, still with Finn pulling her] to pay attention to me...
Tree Trunks: I...
[Cinnamon Bun is still shaking the bottle of cider faster]
Tree Trunks: do... oh [looks over to Finn and Lumpy Space Princess right behind the guests, struggling to get closer. The blimp is also getting closer to the stage]
Lumpy Space Princess: Everybody, hey! I'm here! Look at my bouq- [gets knocked by the blimp.]
[Princess Bubblegum gets off the blimp before it literally crashes the ceremony. Mr. Pig's mother is seen crying profusely and shaking her head. Cinnamon Bun shakes the bottle of cider and the cork is finally out.]
Cinnamon Bun: Ah... [pours the cider into Wyatt's glass.]
King of Ooo: My zep!
Princess Bubblegum: Everybody! This wedding is a farce! A criminal farce!
King of Ooo: Hey, just what are you egging at here?
Princess Bubblegum: I'll tell you what I'm egging at! I'm egging at this outdated wedding officiant license!
King of Ooo: Oh, is that what this is about? You must've found that in my back records! I have the up-to-date paperwork right here!
Tree Trunks: Oh!
Princess Bubblegum: What? Uh...
King of Ooo: Hey, wait, how did you get that? I could've swore it was locked in my zep.
Princess Bubblegum: No... shhh... no... nope nope, stop talking, go to jail! [handcuffs King of Ooo] Yeah!
Tree Trunks: Princess Bubblegum, you have gone too far. We stand together against your tyranny.
[Finn walks while grabbing a knocked out Lumpy Space Princess]
Finn: Hey, everybody.
Tree Trunks: Your prison may hold one of us, but it may not hold all of us.
[All the guests are imprisoned. You and your big mouth, Tree Trunks.]
Tree Trunks: Oh, poor Tree Trunks. Wait, where's my mama? Has anyone seen my... oh!
[Tree Trunk's mother and Wyatt are seen kissing.]
Tree Trunks: No, Mama. Well I guess this is it, sweetie. [telepathic signals enter her head] Oh, oh no, the elephant graveyard is calling me now. Okay, hold your horses, I'm coming!
Mr Pig: Wait, Tree Trunks. Look around: everyone we care about is all here together. Finn, Uncle Donald, Banana Guard Number 1, Jake, Jake Junior, everybody. We can have the ceremony right here.
Tree Trunks: Hey yeah! King of Ooo, will you do the honors?
[King of Ooo is seen biting the candy bars.]
King of Ooo: Are you crazy? That loopy bird is gonna string me up sideways. You can perform your own dang ceremony. Kingofooo.com! [escapes]
Tree Trunks: Oh, dear.
Mr Pig: Oh, my gosh. Tree Trunks, did you hear?
Tree Trunks: Huh?
Mr Pig: The King said you can perform your own dang ceremony!
Tree Trunks: Yeah, that really stunk.
Mr Pig: But...
Tree Trunks: But... the King's word is law. I can perform my own dang ceremony?
Jake: Are you up to it, TT?
Tree Trunks: I'll try. I guess it's time. A-are you ready?
[Mr Pig nods]
Tree Trunks: Oh. Okay, um... do you Mr Pig take me, Tree Trunks, to be your beautiful wedded wife?
Mr Pig: I do.
Tree Trunks: And do I, Mr Pig, take him to be your lawful wedded husband, Tree Trunks?
Mr Pig: I do.
Tree Trunks: Then you... you may kiss the bride!
[They kiss and Princess Bubblegum cry while watching them at the security camera.]
Princess Bubblegum: Aww, geez, let them all go, Banana Guard Number 3.
Banana Guard Number 3: Uh... what?
Princess Bubblegum: I just can't stay mad at something so cute.
Banana Guard: Did she just say let everyone go?
[Banana Guard Number 3 shrugs and the Banana Guard presses a button and the prison cell doors open and everyone including other criminals run out except for Tree Trunks and Mr. Pig.]
Tree Trunks: Looks like we got the whole place to ourselves... if you know what I'm saying.
[Princess Bubblegum cries while sipping her drink and watching them.]
Mr Pig: Wait, d-don't you think there might be cameras down here?
Tree Trunks: I hope so...
[Princess Bubblegum grimaces with an upraised eyebrow.]
[The episode ends]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Astral Plane" from season 6, which aired on January 22, 2015.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Mr. Fox
Cloud People
Ice King
Lauren
Bounce House Princess
Marceline
Martians
Grob Gob Glob Grod
Star Man
Martin
Music
Yeah, Girl, It Stinks
Locations
Land of Ooo
Cloud Kingdom
Mars
This transcript is complete, but requires proof reading


Transcript

[The scene opens with a starry night sky, a shooting star whizzes by. Finn & Jake are out camping. Each are on a sleeping bag. While Finn is looking up, Jake pokes at the fire with a stick.]


Finn: Jake, so I just had this weird thought.
Jake: Well, that's normal; people always have weird thoughts around campfires.
Finn: Well, I don't know. Isn't is sort of strange that we keep pets? We kind of make them worship us.
Jake: What?! Nah. [tosses stick into fire]
Finn: No, seriously, think about it. We're their only source of food and water and, like, tummy rubs. They basically have to love us.
Jake: [turns towards Finn] What's wrong with tummy rubs?
Finn: Yeah, tummy rubs are pretty great. [sighing he points upward towards a bright pulsating light] That one star is so crazy, looks like it's vibrating. [Finn's eyes pulsate pulsate the same] It's so cool. Wonder what it is, a planet? Do people live there? Are they friendly? Do they keep pets?
Jake: Alright buddy, [pulls his skin over himself] that's a little too much campfire. Time for bed. [extinguishes the fire with a large hand]
[Finn's eyes are still on the light. The light shifts into comet-like form. Back at the campsite a sleeping Finn finds himself astral project away from his body.]
Finn: Whoa... holy. [seems himself and Jake] Oh, dang. [he playfully flicks Jake's nose, but it simply phases through him.] [Laughs] Uh, okay. [He feels himself being pulled away and floating above the treeline] Man, this is screwy. Maybe it's the can of beans we had for dinner. [He floats towards a small square house] Looks- uh- homey. Wuh-oh! Whoa-Aah! [He tumbles mid-air into the wall and inside] Oh- right.
[Inside the house is a sleeping Mr. Fox.]
Mr. Fox: [Mumbles in his sleep] Mmm, Boobafina, just pay me back when you can.
Finn: Aww.
Astral Mr. Fox: Hello? [Sitting on a chair doing a sudoku puzzle]
Finn: Oh! Hey, you can see me?!
Astral Mr. Fox: See you...? But if I didn't see you... Wait, what did you originally ask me?
Finn: Oh, forget it, it's cool.
Astral Mr. Fox: Do you, want a drink or something? I think I only have water anyway. [Sees Finn floating upward through the ceiling].
Finn: Whoop, here I go! Bye!
Astral Mr. Fox: Oh, that was sort of rude. I hope he comes back. [Goes back to his puzzle]
Finn: [Above and way from the Fox's house] That guy seemed lonely, not a lot of foxes up at this hour. [Floating higher] Guess you get a lot of work done though.



[The scene changes to show Bounce House Princess and giggling from inside of her. She looks at her watch.]


Bounce House Princess: Quittin' time! [She ejects the bouncing children outside] You don't have to go home but ya', oh, you know how it goes! [Bounces away]
Finn: Bounce House Princess. [His body follows her up towards her home]. I didn't know B.H.P lived in a cave. [He floats inside. Bounce House Princess is at her vanity getting ready for the night] Hey, this place is pretty nice.
Bounce House Princess: [Slathers cream on her face]
Finn: [Blushes] Whoa!
Bounce House Princess: [Brushing her hair] Forty-one, forty-two, forty-three, forty-four, forty-five. forty-six, four-seven, fourth-eight, forty-nine... fifty! [Finn is exasperated by this point]. Fifty-one, fifty-two [A noise startles her and she looks towards the front door]. Who's there?!
[A porcupine has entered the house through a door flap. It looks around and heads towards the kitchen area]
Bounce House Princess: [Loudly gasps] Oh my glob, oh my glob, oh my glob, oh my glob! [She runs to a far wall and rips the wallpaper, revealing a "Panic Room" door] [She quickly inputs the code] six four three two one! [She looks behind her to see the porcupine licking a cracker].
Finn: [Floats towards the panic room. He annoyingly looks at the porcupine] Dude, what's your deal? [The porcupine not hearing Finn simply continues to eat crackers.]
Bounce House Princess: [Inside the room she nervously eats a jar of preserved 'Froot Salad' ] Everything's okay now.
Finn: Aww, geez, poor Bounce House Princess.
Bounce House Princess: [Her expression changes to panic as she sees the porcupine making its way towards the panic room's closed door.]
Finn: [Looks at the monitor] Wha?
[The porcupine rubs up against the door and gradually moves over to the punch pad, its quills hit the correct code and the door opens. Bounce House Princess drops her jar of fruit and stands frozen. The porcupine walks in a laps up the dropped fruit. Bounce House Princess weeps in fear]
Bounce House Princess: [Stops and toughens up] Bounce House Princess, you listen to me! Are you gonna' shut yourself off from other people forever?! I mean he or she could be really nice and- okay, mm, maybe if I just say very still, it'll just- it will just go away. [Finn's body is pulled upwards towards the ceiling a loud pop is heard]
Finn: [Now floating above the princess's cave] Gosh, I hope BHP's okay, I feel bad for just splittin' like that. Maybe they sorted it out, they could have stuff in common. You never know until you speak to the person. [Floating around the clouds, he sees flashing lights and hears music] Oh, hey, Cloud Kingdom.
Finn: [Floating above the party goers he spots the Ice King] What the? Ice King?
Ice King: [Creates a giant ice ball and breaks it into ice cubes. He is seen leaning against a wall speaking with a Cloud Woman named Lauren] Yeah, I guess there's some cool people here, musics a little loud but the but the punch is top-drawer.
Lauren: Mm hmm
Ice King: Hey, you should come to one of my parties sometime; I'm friends with some pretty cool people too you know?
Lauren: Uh huh, who are your friends?
Ice King: Oh, uh- like that guy, Finn.
Lauren: [Suddenly takes interest] Finn?!
Ice King: Yeah, Finn and I are pretty tight!
Finn: [Watching the scene gasps at the idea and growls in frustration]
Lauren: Hmmm
Cloud Woman 2: [Holding a cup] Oh, hi, are you the ice-dude?
Ice King: [Zaps her an ice cube] That's me, ice-dude. [Back to the other Cloud Woman]. Hey, have you ever seen the inside of an ice bear cave?
Lauren: Did you say you know Finn the Human?
Cloud Man 1: [Holding a cup] Hey, buddy, buddy! Care to freshen me up?! [Ice King zaps him an ice cube]
Ice King: Yeah, yeah, now scram.
Lauren: Hey, is Finn seeing anyone right now? Could you introduce us? [Gasp] Oh my glob! Is he here now?! [Looks around]
Ice King: So I guess you're more into the 'little brother-type'? Huh.
Cloud Man 2: [Holding a cup] Hey Lauren, I heard your grandpa's given out ice! [Chuckles]
Ice King: [Growls angrily] Ice?! I'll give you ice! [He unleashes his powers zapping the group of partiers, one passes through Finn who is unharmed] Oh, looks like I put this party- on ice. Oh wait, you want ice? You, oh, you got iced! [Turns back to Lauren who is now a block of ice] Anyway, oh, don't look at me like that Lauren. [He watches as he and the other Cloud People slip through the clouds and fall towards the grown]. Eh, this party was weak anyway.
Finn: [Floating higher above the clouds] Poor Simon. Poor Simon, I guess? Poor Simon... sort-of? It's like some part of him wants to be a sad wong-lord. [Floating higher] But why would anyone want that? Is there some... incentive? [A strumming of a guitar is heard. Finn spots Marceline who is floating in the air playing the guitar and singing to herself]



[Now above Marceline and continuing upwards towards the stratosphere]


Finn: Sheesh, I wonder if being a sad loner gives you more raw material to form song ideas. Is that where creativity comes from? From sad-biz? [Floating above the earth] I am so high up now. I am so high up, there is no "high up". It's all just... [looks up to see blue creatures circling in space] Whoa! What the--? Whoooa! [Floats in the middle of the circle] Space Lards! Ah man, Jake would be flipping out; trying to get that super-rare milk. Make a sick flan with that milk. Oh, well.
[The Space Lards stop circling and sit up right]
Finn: Whoa! What's going on? You can't see me, right? [The Space Lards open up, their mouths and eyes begin to glow. They concentrate their beams into the center where Finn is. Out of this concentration is summoned a larger Space Lard with four eyes - the Mother Lard.]
Finn: [Gasp] I'm in the Mother Lard! [A newborn space lard exits its egg sac, greeting the human boy's astral form with a "Fiiiiinnnnnn", and phases outside the flesh walls of its mother]. What? Space birth! [A shot of the comet and Finn is pulled upward out of the giant lard] Okay, here we go! Whoa! [Exiting out the top of the lard's head] Bye, guys. Oh, that was creative and it wasn't sad either so maybe birth is the greatest statement in all the universe. [The space lard new-born floats under Finn] Hey, baby, ya' gonna give me a boost? [It does so, sending Finn quickly further away from Earth, past the moon into fields of floating food]. Here comes Mars. What the heck is going on though? [He sees a fleet of EVAC ships leaving the planet] Everybody's leaving!



[The scene changes to being on Mars. Grob Gob Glob Grod is there along with a man, Star Man, sitting at a large machine. The machine is aimed at the pulsating light, the comet Finn saw before]


Grob Gob Glob Grod: Fire defense missiles!
[The Martian defense missiles launch from their defense silos. Target: the Catalyst Comet.]
Star Man: Missiles away! Impact with Catalyst Comet in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!
[IMPACT! The missiles hit the Comet!]
Grob Gob Glob Grod: Yes! Do you think it worked, Star Man?
Star Man: [Shrugs] Uh, yeah, probably, right? [The comet appears through the missiles' dust cloud without getting so much as even a dent] Shoot! No effect! It's still coming right at us!
Grob Gob Glob Grod: Was that all of our missiles?
Star Man: Uh, yeah, I'm surprised we even had those ones. Like who would we shoot a missile at? Who'd we shoot at?!
Grob Gob Glob Grod: [Altogether] I'm thinking, Star Man!
Star Man: [Covers his mouth] Rooot!
Grob Gob Glob Grod: Grob. Assessment.
Grob Gob Glob Grod: We're sunk, bro. This whole place is gonna be a stinkin' molten dump in a minute.
Grob Gob Glob Grod: It doesn't make sense. Every 1,000 years, the Catalyst Comet mysteriously reincarnates itself and collides with Earth, bringing with it an agent of change. But the comet has never been so off schedule - and it's never freakin' hit Mars!
Grob Gob Glob Grod: What do you think, Finn the Human?
Finn: Wha? Who, me? You can see me too?
Grob Gob Glob Grod: Yes, I am Glob.
Finn: Oh yeah. Hey, do you ever say "Oh my Glob?"
Grob Gob Glob Grod: No, but sometimes Gob does. [They all smile and so does Finn, who laughs] You're dreaming so far from home, it must be comet related.
Finn: Yeah, but, I gotta question.
Grob Gob Glob Grod: What's that?
Finn: Well, if just being born is the greatest act of creation. [shot of Space Lards] Then what are you suppose to do after that? [shot of Mr. Fox looking at the sky] Isn't everything that comes next just sort of a disappointment? [shot of Ice King standing in an empty Cloud Kingdom] Slowly entropy-ing until we deflate into a pile of mush? [shot of Bounce House Princess, now deflated in her panic room with the porcupine continuing to eat]
Grob Gob Glob Grod: Well, it’s not enough to have created something amazing, right? What if I just let my Martian supersociety go to butt?
Finn: But what's it worth if we're all gonna get blowed up right now? [Grob Gob Glob Grod suddenly takes off into space]
Star Man: Whoa! What are you doing?! [looking through the machine's scope] [Grob Gob Glob Grod head straight at the Comet screaming and crashes into it, sacrificing their synthetic lives for the Red Planet in a blaze of cosmic glory. The impact is so powerful, Finn is blown away by it and falls back to Earth and back into his body.]
Finn: Ahhh! [Gasps and wakes up] Oh my bod!
Jake: [Wakes up] What is it, boyi?!
Finn: ...Glob is dead.



[Above Mars, the fleet of ships saw the explosion]


Evacuation Man: [On a walkie-talkie] Hello, Star Man, this is Evacuation Man, what's the sitch, can we go back yet?
Star Man: [On walkie-talkie] Yes! Gob Glob Grod Grob diverted the comet, it's back on its normal path to Earth.
Evacuation Man: And what about the G-Man?
Star Man: No sign of Glob.
Evacuation Man: [Takes off his hat and lowers it in respect] [The comet passes by]



[As it appears, the "comet" is really a star cruiser... and inside this ship's bridge is Finn's father, Martin.]


Martin: Ahh! Computer! What did we hit?! [No good - the computer spouts gibberish then explodes, no doubt from the heavy damage inflicted by Grob Gob Glob Grod's sacrifice.] Oh, blobs... [recovers and looks out the window] oh, for real blobs... [He is quickly approaching Earth]
Finn: [to Jake] Hey, I think Bounce House Princess needs our help.
Jake: [thumbs up] Let's do it!
Episode ends
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Bad Jubies" from season 7, which aired on January 14, 2016.

Characters
Finn
Jake
BMO
Lumpy Space Princess
Tornado Man
Music
Wa-ter bot Song
Locations
Grass Lands
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[episode starts with scene goes down here.]

Lumpy Space Princess: So then Melissa's like, "What do you think of him?" and I'm all, "Well he's no ray of sunshine or whatever. You know these people you just get, like, neggy vibes from?

Finn: Yeah. Like bad jubies or something?

Lumpy Space Princess: Totally, They just put everyone in a whack mood with their baaaaad jubies!

[Jake and BMO crash into Finn and LSP while sledding]

Jake: Hehe, whoops.

Finn: Oh man, my body feels weird.

Jake: Uh dude - that's cuz you just got glide-sliced by the ice duo. Hehe.

Lumpy Space Princess: Yeah, my body feels weird too - here Finn, feel this...

[LSP grabs Finn's arm, forcing his hand upon her body]

Finn: Ah! [Alert shows on BMO screen]

Jake: Whoa! Too much electricity to the noggin, bro! He'll be fine.

[BMO changing the face before the National Weather Service few seconds]

BMO: Oh!

Jake: See?...Fine.

BMO: [laughing] That was weird.

[BMO's screen changes into the unknown weather reporter for storm alert (static-like sound)]

Unknown: This is a storm alert from the automated weather service in effect for the grasslands and all surrounding areas. Residents must evacuate or seek shelter immediately.

[Everybody gasps]

Jake: Wait What!?

[BMO screen changes to weather channel]

Unknown: And now your local forecast. Today expect stormnado winds and an impending monsoonami. Flurricances possible. Chance of survival 29%.

Finn: How long's this gonna last, man?

Jake: A whole WEEK!!?

[The screen changes back into BMO's face, concluding the storm alert]

BMO: What do we do?!

Finn: My dudes, check it -- Super sweet underground bunker time...but we gotta build this thing FAST! I'll collect building materials, BMO - you stock up on water, LSP- you gather food, Jake, you...where'd he go?

Finn: Jake! Hey man - whatcha doin up here? We need help building the underground thinga-ma-jiggy.

Jake: I think I just need a little time up here for a minute, dude.

Finn: What is it man? Nervous poots?

Jake: Naw naw, man...nothing like that.

Finn: It's cool, man! Just come down soon. We're gonna need your help!

[Jake looks at the flying birds]

Jake: Hmm...

[Then, he fade into the crazy sky. Lumpy Space Princess is watering food, BMO is getting water, and Finn is making pile of building stuff of super sweet underground bunker as well. Finn swings ax, but he screams with my body lifts up slightly will force of swing, Ax stays stuck on tree, Finn's Hand lifts off as well. Finn Realizes.]

Finn: Aw man! This is gonna take me all day. Where you gettiin' all that food LSP.

Lumpy Space Princess: I took it from that guy's house.

[Camera shwips pans over to house.] 

Finn: What?!

Lumpy Space Princess: Chill, homie. Nobody's home, it's like abandoned or something.

Finn: Yeah...................okaaaaaay.

[BMO hold a water buckets continues walking and sets down water buckets, pick up empty pails, Ax comes out quick. Finn is humming to himself.]

Lumpy Space Princess: BMO what is the deal with Jake?

BMO: Oh, he's down by the river.

Lumpy Space Princess: Yeah, but shouldn't he be helping us? But, arms already Like super tired from carrying all those bags of chips! [LSP starts to anger.] This isn't FAIR! 

[Finn is carrying all those trails. Finn is whistling as well.]

BMO: Uh okay. The BMO will talk to him. [walk continues again. LSP is angry. BMO walks the forest and BMO starts to singing carrying water bunks.] Wa-ter bot! I am the Wa-ter bot! [BMO starts to jump.] I am a Wa-ter BODYYYYYYY! [Still not throwing water bunk, but However, the 3 teardrops goes into BMO screen face is messed up.] Whoops! [He laughs as well.] I will never know the pleasures of skinny dipping. [BMO is put down buckets.] Jake!

[Jake talks birds to sit the forest.]

Jake: Hey there buddy. [He gasps by BMO yells.]

BMO: JAKE! [he runs away to talk Jake.] Jake, there you are! [Bird flys away.] JAKE!! The storm's getting closer! [He changed the screen to the radar.] LOOK! [Radar shows could some skull bones moving toward.] We need your help!

Jake: Well, thing is, I've been working in this thing, & a. i've been collecting, like, lots of stuff! Uh... I just can't really show anyone yet. But trust me, man! Be great! I Promise!

BMO: But....But Jake i don't see anything here.

[Jake stands up.]

Jake: Your'e thinking too much with those eyeballs. and not enough with your mind-hole. Or whatever computer thingy you get up in there. I'll catch ya later man. Don't worry!

[BMO changed screen again to rader, but he zooms up the skull bones moving toward slow. Then LSP, Finn, and BMO digging faster than storm comes with changed scence with Jake sitting the river. BMO goes down with couple of trails, Finn hammers fast, 3 times a scence, Lumpy Space Princess gets super extremely tired to hammer them. Jake is flowing leaves she thinks them. Then Finn hold a construction picture. He goes down as well for empty kitchen from all brown trails.]

Finn: Nailed IT!

[LSP is grumbling to herself. he throws the bags and cans to throw away to he angers again.]

Lumpy Space Princess: THATS IT!! IS JAKE STAYING IN THIS BUNKER OR WHAT?!

Finn: I mean, of course, It's for everyone.

Lumpy Space Princess: BUT HE HASN'T LUMPING DONE ANYTHING!

BMO: But... But, he said was working on something.

Lumpy Space Princess: Get real, BMO! That fools need to get schooled! [LSP goes up stairs to talk to Jake but he runs as well.] Oh heck no! unh, UH! EXCUUUUSE ME! Are you not aware that were all working our steamy buns of down there so we don't get wiped out by THIS CRAZY SKY NIGHTMARE!

Jake: Whoa, Whoa, Hold up! I'm working on something up here it's-

Lumpy Space Princess: I SEE NOTHING!! YOURE WORKING ON NOTHING!

Jake: Look, LSP, can we just take a moment to appreciate this...moment? Look at this crazy sweet sunset. [Sky scence.] When the next time you're gonna see a sunset like this? Or any sunset, really. [Teardops comes.] Who knows how long will be down there.

[Animals comes.]

Lumpy Space Princess: BAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! I OBVIOUSLY LOVE SUNSETS CUTE ANIMALS BUT WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS RIGHT NOW!

Jake: But i-

Lumpy Space Princess:You know what! [LSP snifing.] I just can't with you right now!

[LSP runs away back to the bunker to built it faster.]

Jake: Can't what?

[Bird comes the top of Jake's head. Then Finn, LSP and BMO builting fast. and here comes the lightning storm cause Finn gasps.]

Finn: Jake! He hates lightning! [Jake dives to the bunker. Finn's head still not hurts. Jake stands up.] Jake you're back!

Jake: Yeah.

Finn: So whatja bring man? [BMO and LSP are angry as well.] Working on something big.

Jake: Well........[Jake's pocket holds notebook.] I've been Jottin' some stuff down in my notebook.

Finn: Oh cool. Like survival tips in junk?

Jake: No not really, it's more like..um...It's a surprise!

Finn: Oh. So you didn't bring anything. [Here comes the thunderstorm and lightning.] Oh snap! Gotta seal the door! [He run up the ladder.] BMO, lights this baby up!

BMO[Turns lights on.] Oo!

Jake and Lumpy Space Princess: Ooooo!

Finn: Okay all boarded up! [He is muscle his arms.] Now we wait.

[She wait 1 1/2 second to talk Lumpy Space Princess.]

Lumpy Space Princess: We just wait? That's it? Can we at least play a game or something i'm already bored.

Finn: Sure what game?

Lumpy Space Princess: Spin the bottle.

Jake: YEGH!

Finn: Sorry LSP, Ain't got no bottles.

[LSP get the water bottle and drink 3 gulps into a water.]

Lumpy Space Princess: Yes we do. [LSP gurps.]

Finn: YO! What gives! We gotta ration that water!

Lumpy Space Princess: I HAVE NEEDS FINN! [He brakes the bottle.] Just sit there than! I'll be texting brad up until you change your mi-

[Phone says "NO SERVICE" for 3 drums, phone fail off, body gose down, when starts sleeping.]

Jake: And that's why you sould never rely on teginology, no offense BMO.

[Jake walks away.]

BMO: Is she okay?

Finn: Yeah, i think she's already asleep.

[LSP is sleeping as well, everybody waits for come out, Everybody starts asleep, Jake wakes up to eat chips, LSP wakes up to going. BMO lining up rocks, Jake is making dirt angels, The little later, when Finn wakes up as well.]

Finn: H....hey, you guys hungry?

Jake: Hmhmm.

BMO: Hangry.

Finn: Yo LSP, thow me some chips.

Lumpy Space Princess[LSP chumps chips.] No more chips.

Finn: How bout some o' dem bean-beans?

Lumpy Space Princess: Nope, No more. Looks like we got a can of.....Beet Something.

Finn: Wait-What?! Is that all it's left?

Lumpy Space Princess: I was hungies!

Finn: You ate all that FOOD?!! I cant beileve you?!

Lumpy Space Princess: Whatever Finn! I'm not here to make friends, I'm here to..not...die! [The top of LSP's head is hurts as well.] OUUGH!

[Finn, Jake, and BMO gasps, the food trash gets sucked out of the bunker.]

BMO: Finn! The door! You were supposed to secure the door!

Finn: BMO, you saw me do it! [Cut scence to LSP to Jake.] That food must be bunk or something.

Jake: Yeah i think this food's bunk too, expires in.........29 years ago.

Lumpy Space Princess: Oh glob. [LSP screams and runs away.]

BMO: I knew raiding that house was a bad idea!

Finn: Well, maybe maybe I could've built something better if I had some help from, oh, I don't know, my best friend!

Lumpy Space Princess: Aaah! [Zap!]

Finn: Nooo! [Thunder crashes] [Lsp grumbling]

Jake: BMO!

BMO: [Beeps] What'd I miss?! Why is it dark now?

Lumpy Space Princess: Yeah, I broke it. Whatever.

Jake: Guys, I think this storm is more than just some scary clouds and weather junk. We've been treating each other like ding-dongs since we've been down here.

Lumpy Space Princess: Duh! This bunker is the worst!

Jake: Nah, nah. I think this storm's carrying some Major negative energy or something.

Finn: Bad jubies.

Jake: It's making us all go nanners! I think I can help, though. Let me show you what I've been working on. [Clears throat] [Inhales deeply] [Imitates bird chirping] [Imitates stream flowing, frog croaking] [Inhales deeply] [Imitates birds chirping]

BMO: It is so beautiful! [Chirping, croaking continue] [Clears throat] [Gasps] [Whistling, croaking rhythmically] [Beatboxing] [Alarm blares] [Crash!]

Jake: Holy tornado twins! [Thunder crashes]

Tornado Man: Peek-a-boo! I'mma hurt you!

Jake: No!

Finn: Don't hurt us!

Tornado Man: But I only feel good about myself when I knock other people down! [Laughs evilly]

Jake: I told you, man! This storm's got an attitude problem!

Finn: Jake, you got to help us get back to our happy place. The only way to fight bad jubies is with good jubies! [Beatboxing, chirping, croaking] [Thunder crashes]

Jake: Aah! Finn, I can't keep this up solo!

Finn: But we can't make all those sounds!

Jake: No time to be self-conscious, man! [Echoing] Get on this beat! [Beatboxing]

Finn: Swish! Swish! Brrn-ka! Swish! Swish!

Lumpy Space Princess: [Chirping] Caw! C-caw! Whoa!

Finn: Tweet! Tweet! Tweet! Tweet! Tweet!

Tornado Man: What are those noises?!

Finn: The sound of good vibes!

Jake: Yeah! The dope beats of life!

Tornado Man: [Rain pouring] It makes me feel some type of way.

Jake: How about you pause that stormin' for a sec so you can hear the rest of it? [Rain, thunder stop] [Imitates birds chirping]

Tornado Man: Wait. Wait, wait. That one. Wh-wh-what's that one?

Lumpy Space Princess: [Cawing]

Tornado Man: No, no, no. That "tweet tweet" one. [Imitates birds chirping] Yes! Ohh I haven't heard that sound since I was a baby breeze.

Jake: What? You forgot what a bird sounds like? No wonder you're depressed! You know, you should really stop and slow down more often.

Finn: Yeah. You get to hear life happening. Makes you feel good.

Tornado Man: [Inhales deeply] Ahhhh. You're right! I've been a freaky storm for so long that I forgot it's okay to be a breeze sometimes. I-if you'll excuse me, I'm going to explore the rest of this beautiful day.

Jake: Wait! Here, man. Take my notebook. It's got the sheet music to my jam.

Tornado Man: Really? You would do that?

Jake: Yeah, just take it.

Tornado Man: [Wind howling] Thank you so much, stretchy dog. This is one of the nicest things anyone's ever done for me. Outey!

Lumpy Space Princess: Yes! The sun!

Finn: Hoo-hoo!

BMO: I am sorry we doubted you, Jake.

Lumpy Space Princess: Ditto.

Finn: Proud of you, man.

Lumpy Space Princess: [Eagle screeches] Aah!

Episode Ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Bad Little Boy" from season 5, which aired on February 18, 2013 (Sneak peek on February 9, 2013)..

Characters
Fionna
Cake
Marshall Lee
Ice King
Marceline
Music
"Good Little Girl"
"Bad Little Boy"
Locations
Ice Kingdom
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[Scene shows Doctor Prince running away, holding the Enchiridion while being chased by Fionna and Cake who are riding a giant Gunter.]
Doctor Prince: Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!
[He jumps over some mushrooms.]
Fionna: Fire the laser cannon!
[The penguin fires laser beam out of its beak which hits Doctor Prince.]
Doctor Prince: Ah!
Cake: Good job, girl! Have some spaghetti!
[Cake shoves a ball of spaghetti into Fionna's mouth]
Fionna: [Muffled] Thanks!
Doctor Prince: Ha! Too bad I'm a really strong guy and I took my doctor pills this morning! Lasers don't hurt me!
[Doctor Prince throws a stranded dolphin at Fionna and Cake, but it misses.]
Dolphin: Next time...
Fionna and Cake: Give us the Enchiridion!
Doctor Prince: Ooh ooh ooh! [Imitates monkey sounds, and throws them the book]
Fionna: [Pleasantly surprised] Thanks... 
Cake: That's not a book! It's a bomb!
[Fionna throws the bomb into the air, and it explodes into confetti. Then the real Enchiridion opens and Ice King pops out of its pages, slapping Doctor Prince.]
Ice King: You've been acting like a real knucklehead, Doctor Prince. Go on, get out of here! And don't ever do wrong things again!
Doctor Prince: ...You're right. I see your side of things.
[Doctor Prince flips a switch on his belt, and flies away.]
Fionna: You saved the day mega-rad cool guy! What's your name?
Ice King: Oh, Ice King. I'm such a great guy! This book is yours...
Fionna: The Enchiridion! I want to be your best and closest friend.
Ice King: Let's have a best and closest friend lunch! It's mac'n'cheezles!
Fionna: Awww... what a good guy!
Cake: Aww, what a sweetie!
[Fionna and cake hug Ice King.]
Ice King: [crying tears of joy] I'm just so glad you guys are real... you're really, really real! I wanna remember this day forever!
[Ice King shoves some Mac and cheese in his pocket]
Fionna: Don't be sad, Ice King! We're going on a space adventure!
Cake: Hop on, baby!
[Ice King hops on Cake as she releases a laser beam on the ground, similar to a rocket]
Ice King: Weehee hee!
Fionna: Here we gooo!!!!
Slime Princess: Ice King, stop, please. This story is terrible!
[Scene cuts to the Ice Kingdom]
Ice King: Hm? Wha—?
[Slime Princess, Turtle Princess, Wildberry Princess and Toast Princess all mumble in agreement.]
Toast Princess: ...I don't even understand...
Wildberry Princess: Maybe this story is a new form of torture!
Ice King: Oh, come on! It's a first draft... don't hate! And besides, that story had everything. Action, adventure, a hotter, older guy... Wildberry, don't pretend; I know you like the silver foxes. 
[Wildberry Princess looks stressed and disgusted as Ice King's eyebrows go up and down.]
Slime Princess: What if it were a... little more like real life?
Ice King: Real? It's based on the real Fionna and Cake!
Slime Princess: Yeah... but what if there was a little more romance in the story?
[Princesses mumble in agreement.]
Wildberry Princess: Romance is a great idea!
Ice King:  Y'all are just hatin' on my steeze! I'm not listening to haters. Haters!
[Suddenly, Ice King's gown goes up over his face, and the Princesses' cages are opened.]
Ice King: What the... Whoa... I'm sorry I didn't think you were real, Gob... but now I've seen your power, and I've got some things that I did that I have to say sorry for.
[Marceline makes herself visible.]
Marceline: Boo.
Ice King: [shocked] Marceline, how long have you been in here?
Marceline: Mmm... couple hours. [sits on the Ice King's throne]
Ice King: Oh, so you heard my story, then... Awesome, right?
Marceline: It's... good... but, maybe it's time to let someone else try. [She points to herself as Ice King seems unhappy and frustrated.] Listen up, y'all! I've got a story of my own!
[Scene shifts to the internal story; Fionna is swinging her weapons in the tree fort, and one of them nails an apple just above BMO's head.]
Fionna: Hyah! Hyah!
Cake: Ooh, nice throw!
Fionna: Thanks! I've got to do something today.
Cake: What about Gumball's mission we went on this morning? Delivering daisy chains to the fluffy people not enough for you?
Fionna: Uh... sometimes Gumball's missions can be so... lame.
[Fionna throws another weapon, which cuts right through Prince Gumball's hair.]
Prince Gumball: Hello, every—
[Fionna and Cake gasp.]
Prince Gumball: Oh my! Looks like you almost skronked up my dome piece! [He licks he finger then puts it on his 'dome piece' to fix it.] Boy, have I got a treat for you two! The fluffy people and I baked these in appreciation for the mission you completed. They're cream puffs... try one.
Fionna: Uh... I'd love to, but... maybe later...
[They hear a thumping sound outside.]
Fionna: What was that?
[While they are distracted, something flashes by and grabs all of Prince Gumball's cream puffs.]
Prince Gumball: Aww...
Fionna: Something's on the roof! Come on!
Cake: I'm not going out there! It's wet.
Prince Gumball: It is wet...
Fionna: [frustrated] Mhnn...
[Fionna carries Gumball up to the roof, where Marshall Lee is playing his bass.]
Prince Gumball: Oh... it's just him.
Marshall Lee: Oh, hey Fionna.
Fionna: Marshall Lee!
Prince Gumball: Ahem!
Marshall Lee: [sarcastically] Oh, forgive me! Hello, your majesty!
[Marshall Lee bows for Prince Gumball. He sucks the red out of one of the cream puffs.]
Prince Gumball: Fionna, take me back inside.
Marshall Lee: What? Is he kidding?
[Marshall throws cream puff at Gumball.]
Prince Gumball: Oh, honestly! I'm going in. Come and join me when you want more polite company. [He gets the umbrella and goes back down.]
Fionna: Be careful!
Prince Gumball: Whoa!
Fionna: You got it!
Marshall Lee: What a wad.
Fionna: [Blushing] A... a gumwad?
Cake: [gasps] Fionna!
Marshall Lee: [chuckles] Let's ditch him!
Fionna: Uh...
Marshall Lee: [Turning into a giant bat] Lumpy Space Prince is throwing a party in the woods! It's gonna be freaky nasty!
Fionna: Umm...
Marshall Lee: I know you're gonna say yes to me, so... Let's just go.
[Fionna rides Marshall in his bat form to Lumpy Space Prince's party. Lumpy Space Prince and Female Cinnamon Bun are dancing together.]
Lumpy Space Prince: Oh, yeah! Mmmm!
Marshall Lee: This looks fun... bunch. Come on.
Lumpy Space Prince: You guys! Marshall Lee's gonna play a song, you guys!
[Everyone cheers as Fionna and Marshall Lee take the stage. The song Good Little Girl begins.]
Marshall Lee: Follow my lead.
[Marshall starts dancing, and Fionna mimics him. Marshall begins to shake his bum.]
Fionna: Hey! [playfully pushes Marshall]
Marhsall Lee: ♫ Good little girl. Always picking a fight with me, you know that I'm bad... But you're spending the night with me... What do you want from my world? You're a good little girl. ♫
Fionna: ♫ Bad little boy. ♫
[Crowd cheers.]
Fionna: ♫ That's what you're acting like, I really don't buy... that you're that kind of guy... and if you are, why do you want to hang out with me? ♫
Marshall Lee: [Talk-singing]  ♫ Don't you know I'm a villain? Every night I'm out killin', sending everyone runnin' like children. I know why you're mad at me. I've got demon eyes, and they're looking right through your anatomy... into your deepest fears. Baby, I'm not from here. I'm from the Nightosphere... To me, you're clear. Transparent. You got a thing for me, girl; it's apparent. ♫
Cake: ♫ Oh, oh! [Singing] I got a hot potata! [Cake then wiggles her buns.] And I gots two hot tomatas! Well they'll make a good sauce maybe... ♫

 

Fionna: You're not so bad, you know.
Marshall Lee: Not so bad? I'm the son of a demon... and the Vampire King. It's not something I have to try at. You on the other hand...
Cake: [Still singing] ♫ ... on the table... the table... for as long as I am able! ♫
Fionna: I'm not trying to be bad... I'm hanging out with you because you're my friend.
Marshall Lee: What? [holds up a cream puff] Like him? [blows the dust off of it into Fionna's face]
Fionna: [sputters as she waves the dust away] No... different!
[Marshall playfully trips Fionna.]
Fionna: Hey! Yah!
[Fionna kicks his feet in an attempt to trip him.]
Marshall Lee: [Sarcastically] Oh no... [Laughs as he floats in the air]
[Fionna elbows him in the stomach to force him to the ground; he kicks her away.]
Cake: Hey, break it up, you too!!
[Marshall pushes Cake to the side.]
Marshall Lee: Out of my way, kitty.
Fionna: Hey!
Marshall Lee: Oh, come on! That was funny!
Fionna: Cake! You okay?
Cake: Yeah...
Fionna: Come on, let's get outta here.
Marshall Lee: Hey! Come on... where you goin'? What's the deal? You're missing the party! Fionna, lighten up!
Fionna: Look, I don't care if you're being a jerk to me... but nobody messes with Cake.
Marshall Lee: Oh, really? Well, what if I just take her right now, you know?
Fionna: What?
[Marshall Lee steals Cake.]
Marshall Lee: Unexpected!
Fionna: MARSHALL!
[Marshall laughs evilly.]
Fionna: Cake!
Marshall Lee: You want your Cake back? Come and get her!
[Marshall summons the undead to attack Fionna, and one of them starts a beat.]
Marshall Lee: [Rapping] ♫ Did you think I was lying? I said I'm evil, without even trying! [Fionna starts fighting the skeletons.] Already dead, so I'm not scared of dying... Drinking the red from your heart in one sitting. You think you've got me pegged, you must be kidding. I raise the dead up, and they do my bidding. Girl, I'm a thousand years old, I'm a riddle... Bad little boy! Yes, I'm bad, but not little. ♫
Cake: Uh-uh boy, what are you thinking?
[Cake grows then Marshall counters it with his bat form.]
Cake: Fionna!
Fionna: Cake!
Cake: Grab onto my little paws!
[Fionna pulls Cake from Marshall Lee's grasp, causing him to impale himself on a stake.]
Fionna: Marshall?
Marshall Lee: Oh, this is bad, guys... This is really bad!
Fionna: Marshall!
[Sunlight begins to burn Marshall's face.]
Fionna: Come on! You gotta be okay!
Marshall Lee: This is it for me, Fionna... so... why don't you just admit it...? You're in love with me...
Fionna: I-I get that you flirt with me all the time, and it's funny or whatever, but you're doing that now?! [Fionna's voice begins to break and starts to tear up.] What are you trying to do to my head? You think I've got some little crush on you? Well, for however long we've got left... FOR ONCE, DROP IT, YOU FREAK!
[Marshall Lee pulls out the stake, revealing his shirt was stuffed with cream puffs.]
Marshall Lee: Faking it! Faking it! Okay, my shirt is, like, filled with cream puffs!
Cake: Oh, goodness!
Marshall Lee: Glob, Fionna... you're like the realest person I've ever met... [Fionna punches Marshall in the face] Ow, my cheek meat!
[Fionna begins to cry and laugh hysterically.]
Marshall Lee: Quit clowning, Fionna. F-Fionna? Fionna!
[He gets punched again. The story ends.]
Marceline: The end.
[Princesses mumble in satisfaction.]
Turtle Princess: Oh hohoho! I loved that one!
Ice King: Oh, come on! You guys got mad at me for a bad story? I mean it's cute, but... that's not how'd they be! But look, it might not be too late to polish this piece off—let's spitball off some ideas. Like, if Marshall Lee gets sick and dies, but he's got a brother we didn't know about! His name's Marshall Lee...roy. Boom, shocker! [Rubs Marceline's leg] Uh-huh! I feel goosebumps!
Slime Princess: I like how it is!
[All the other princesses agree.]
Turtle Princess: Yeah, don't change it!
Wildberry Princess: Yeah! It's good!
Ice King: [Quietly angry] Everyone get out... [Marceline and the Princesses leave the Ice king's castle. Ice King sighs and then goes to his secret Fionna and Cake shrine.] I know you're out there somewhere... I just haven't figured out how to get to you... but believe me, I will! I will...


Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Bad Timing" from season 5, which aired on March 3, 2014.

Characters
Lumpy Space Princess
Princess Bubblegum
Johnnie
Music
"Slow Boat to China"
Locations
Candy Kingdom
Princess Bubblegum's castle
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[In a room in the Candy Castle, Princess Bubblegum is playing trumpet to Finn, Jake, Embryo Princess, the Punch Bowl, and a mudscamp. She finishes, her audience applauds, and she catches her breath.]
Princess Bubblegum: [exhales] Ladies and gentlemen, I have invented time travel. This phasical sphere is flooded with info waves that scan every second, logging every molecule that passes through its volume. [slips on the gloves and lifts the sphere] I made special gloves for it.
[Finn gives a thumbs up.]
Princess Bubblegum: [places the sphere around two small creatures] Now check it out! It's logging time.
[The creatures blabber indistinctly as one drinks from a thimble. It sprays the drink upward into a mist and starts kissing the other one as the mist falls over them. They then continue blabbering.]
Princess Bubblegum: I'll set the clock back now. [swipes her glove]
[The two creatures back away as they watch their past selves rewind.]
Princess Bubblegum: Now I'll push the time travel button.
[The two creatures scream as their molecules reset to where they were when the sphere was first placed around them. They continue blabbering.]
Jake: Eh... It's not really time travel, though. You just, you know, moved their stuff around. You didn't really manipulate time. Ice King's done it better before... with magic.
Mudscamp: Well, I enjoyed your presentation very much, Princess. Thank you for inviting me.
Princess Bubblegum: No!
[Lumpy Space Princess is shown sleeping in the gutter outside.]
Princess Bubblegum: For all intents and purposes, they traveled back to an earlier point in their time.
[Lumpy Space Princess wakes up.]
Jake: Eh, I guess, but not really.
[Lumpy Space Princess peaks through the open window.]
Jake: I mean, Ice King did it for real. Guy pulled his fiancée out of time from a thousand years ago using magic.
[Lumpy Space Princess sneaks in and slithers under Jake's chair.]
Mudscamp: Hey, time, where's my fiancée? Am I right? [jingles bell]
Jake: [laughs]
Princess Bubblegum: Jake, don't deny my science. This is a time travel machine.
[Lumpy Space Princess's eyes widen. She throws aside Jake's chair with him still in it and floats toward the sphere.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Take me back to when my ex-boyfriend Brad still loved me! [stuffs herself in the sphere, screaming]
Princess Bubblegum: LSP...
Lumpy Space Princess: Wha?
Princess Bubblegum: LSP, that's not how it works. It can only rearrange your molecules into a previously logged formation, and you need these gloves.
Lumpy Space Princess: [quietly] Give them to me.
Princess Bubblegum: No.
Lumpy Space Princess: You witch! Give them to me now! [pounds table]
Princess Bubblegum: No, I'm sorry, but you need to pull yourself to—
Lumpy Space Princess: [jumps on her] You skunk! [tearing out Princess Bubblegum's hair] You skunk! You skunk! You pretty skunk! You don't know heartache with the whole Candy Kingdom in love with your pretty bubblegum buns!
[Princess Bubblegum hits her with her crown, knocking her into a bookshelf.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Glob! [pants]
Princess Bubblegum: Hear me, Lumpy Space Princess, I will avoid declaring war on the entirety of Lumpy Space, ruled by your parents, if you apologize to me immediately.
Lumpy Space Princess: I'm sorry-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y... [floats toward the door] I'm sorry you're so [quietly] stupid. [slams door]
Jake & Punch Bowl: Whoa! [laugh]
Princess Bubblegum: Sheesh!
[At the Candy Tavern, Tree Trunks is singing "Slow Boat to China" to Mr. Pig while various other Candy Tavern People sit around.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Everyone in here is a loser. Nobody's as good as Brad. Oh, Brad! Why can't I get over you?
Bartender: Have you tried burning an effigy? That's what they do in movies.
Lumpy Space Princess: This isn't a movie, Charlie, it's real life! [sighs]
Bartender: Another cucumber water, Your Majesty?
[Lumpy Space Princess nods, and Charlie leaves. Lumpy Space Princess notices a blue Lumpy Space Person staring at her.]
Lumpy Space Princess: What?
Lumpy Space Person: Oh, I—I'm sorry for staring, but, uh, I—I know you. We used to—
Lumpy Space Princess: Everyone knows me. I'm Lumpy Space Princess.
Lumpy Space Person: No, uh, from high school. W-we were lab partners. I'm Johnnie.
Lumpy Space Princess: Ugly Johnnie?
Johnnie: Y-yeah, uh, you used to call me that quite a bit.
Lumpy Space Princess: Yeah, but I can't call you that anymore! Come on, sit up straight. Lemme see them eyes.
Johnnie: Mm.
Lumpy Space Princess: Do it.
[He sits up straight and stares at Lumpy Space Princess.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Nope. Can't call you that anymore. [laughs and pounds the bar] So, what brings you to the Candy Kingdom, Johnnie?
Johnnie: Business, uh, actually. I own my own company, bottling and distributing Lumpy gas.
Lumpy Space Princess: Mm-hmm. [moves her chair closer to his]
Johnnie: And I'm up for a big contract, uh, here in the kingdom, which could really help my business "take off," so to speak.
Lumpy Space Princess: That's so cool. You're like your own boss or whatever.
Johnnie: To be honest, I'm a little nervous about this meeting tomorrow.
Lumpy Space Princess: Why, Johnnie?
Johnnie: I'm bad at talking to people.
Lumpy Space Princess: That's because you have poor posture.
Johnnie: Really?
Lumpy Space Princess: You gotta stop slouching!
[Johnnie sits up straight.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Now look me in the eye!
[He does so.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Yeah, stay like that.
Johnnie: Boy, LSP, heh, you sure are making me feel good about myself.
Lumpy Space Princess: You feeling good makes me feel good, Johnnie. So... where are you staying while you're in town?
Johnnie: I'm sub-letting a friend's apartment.
Lumpy Space Princess: Talk is cheap, Johnnie. You should take me there.
[They arrive at Johnnie's apartment. Johnnie points to a chair.]
Johnnie: That chair—oh, it used to be over there, but I moved it.
Lumpy Space Princess: Johnnie, it's so nice. You've really made it your own.
Johnnie: Thanks.
Lumpy Space Princess: Ooh, records! [goes through the records and pulls out one with a face] Okay, wanna see something funny?
Johnnie: Yeah.
Lumpy Space Princess: Okay. Okay. [laughs] Sit down!
[The two sit on the couch.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Okay, are you ready?
Johnnie: Heh-heh, yeah!
Lumpy Space Princess: [laughs] Okay! [puts record over her face]
Johnnie: [laughs] It's his face, but on your body!
Lumpy Space Princess: I know! That's the joke. My friend Melissa and I came up with that. You're smart that you get it.
Johnnie: Boy, when this evening started, I was feeling so dump trucks, but now it's like a hundred forklifts!
Lumpy Space Princess: I feel the same way, Johnnie.
Johnnie: Do you feel this couch?
Lumpy Space Princess: [laughs nervously] What?
Johnnie: 'Cause it's where you're gonna sleep!
[They both laugh.]
Johnnie: Seriously. It's getting late, and I don't want you walking home. So I insist. I'll be in the other room, sleeping peacefully... and dreaming about you.
Lumpy Space Princess: [embarrassed] Johnnie...
Johnnie: Thank you... for everything. [kisses her hand]
Lumpy Space Princess: Johnnie... go to bed already. You have a big day tomorrow.
Johnnie: Good night! [turns off light and closes door]
[In the morning, Johnnie opens his door.]
Johnnie: Rise and shine! I hope you like pancakes 'cause I got— [sees empty couch] oh. [sadly] I guess she'll be the one who got away. [turns and sees Lumpy Space Princess in the kitchen]
Lumpy Space Princess: Looking for someone?
Johnnie: You're still here!
Lumpy Space Princess: 'Course I am! Now make me some breakfast! [drums table]
[After breakfast]
Lumpy Space Princess: Okay, Johnnie, good luck at your meeting. And remember, I'll be right over there, [points to couch] sending you good vibes while you're wowing Princess Bubblegum.
[Her words echo in Johnnie's head as he sits in a chair waiting for the meeting.]
Banana Guard: Yo, why are you so confident, man? Aren't you nervous to meet the princess?
Johnnie: Nope! My GF is back at my place sending me good vibes.
[At Johnnie's apartment, Lumpy Space Princess is slouched on the couch in front of the TV.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Johnnie's friend has so many movie channels.
[Time card: 45 MINUTES LATER]
Lumpy Space Princess: Ha-ha, that movie was so dumb. [looks at nonexistent watch] Oh, poop! Johnnie's meeting! I wonder how it went.
[The light turns on.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Johnnie! Oh, Johnnie, you're home! How'd it go? Oh, don't keep me in suspense, Johnnie!
Johnnie: I did it, babe! I landed the sale!
Lumpy Space Princess: Johnnie, that's wonderful!
Johnnie: And I couldn't have done it without you.
Lumpy Space Princess: I know!
Johnnie: And here's the best part! She wants me back at the castle tonight to go over the contracts during a royal dinner.
Lumpy Space Princess: Oh, my Glob! It's gonna be so nice to have dinner inside the castle. It's been a while.
Johnnie: Oh. No. It's a business meeting, not social. Just me and the princess, I'm afraid.
Lumpy Space Princess: What?! [storms out]
Johnnie: LSP?
Lumpy Space Princess: So... Bubblegum thinks she can horn in on my territory? Sip from my soup after I cut all the onions? [floats by a mudscamp] Yo, think again, tranch.
Mudscamp: Who—who are you talking to?
[The scene cuts to the royal dinner.]
Princess Bubblegum: So how are you enjoying your time in the Candy Kingdom?
Johnnie: Oh, it's just great. I met this amazing purple girl at the Candy Tavern.
Princess Bubblegum: That's wonderful, Johnnie. Now tell me more about gas...
Lumpy Space Princess: [watching from outside] Oh, Johnnie... Ugly Johnnie, through my tender love you have metamorphed into Beautiful Johnnie Butterfly. [sighs] Every relationship, I gamble with my heart. I go all in because the payoff is true love. I see you when I close my eyes, and thinking of you makes my mind feel light. All my problems fade away, and I can't help smiling. Heh. To let someone you love go into the arms of another takes a big person. I don't know... if I can be that big. [lights Molotov cocktail and throws it through a window] Rah! [pulls wires from beneath a truck, causing it to roll] Eh, ehh.
[The truck rolls up the castle steps and explodes inside, rocking the whole castle.]
Princess Bubblegum: [gasps] We're under attack! [runs out]
Johnnie: Can I help?
Princess Bubblegum: No. Hide yourself beneath the tablecloth. There's cyanide-laced gum under the table. Chew it if you hear raiders break down the door. [closes door]
Johnnie: Okay. [hides under table]
Lumpy Space Princess: [lifts up tablecloth] Hi, Johnnie.
Johnnie: [gasps] What are you doing here?
Lumpy Space Princess: I'm going to time-travel you back to when we first met at the tavern—back to when you loved me—so we can have a second chance.
Johnnie: What?
[Lumpy Space Princess places the sphere around Johnnie's head and pushes a button on her glove, sending Johnnie's head's molecules into limbo.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Uh! [does the same to Johnnie's body] [laughs]
[At the site of the explosion, Manfried is fighting the fire with a garden hose.]
Princess Bubblegum: Manfried, where are the Banana Guards?
Manfried: Take a chill pill, Princess. I handled it.
Princess Bubblegum: What did you handle?
Manfried: You know. Someone drove their car in the door, but no one was driving, and it exploded, so I handled it.
Princess Bubblegum: Mmm. [runs back to the dining room and kicks down the door] Don't chew it! Don't chew it! Don't chew it! [flips table, finding the time travel machine]
[At the Candy Tavern, Tree Trunks is still singing the same song while Lumpy Space Princess is looking around expectantly.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Johnnie? C'mon. Sit up straight. Let me see them eyes. Ha-ha. Uh.
Princess Bubblegum: He's not here.
Lumpy Space Princess: [gasps] What? But I sent him back.
Princess Bubblegum: The sphere would have had to log his molecules before you engaged the time travel function.
Lumpy Space Princess: Well, then where is he?
Princess Bubblegum: I don't know.
[Johnnie's head begins materializing in the border around the screen.]
Lumpy Space Princess: [crying] Then if he's gone, can you send me back...?
[Johnnie's body materializes in the border.]
Lumpy Space Princess: To before I met him so I won't have to remember this heartache?!
Princess Bubblegum: If that's what you want.
Lumpy Space Princess: Do it. Do it!
[Princess Bubblegum places the sphere around Lumpy Space Princess and pushes buttons on her glove, sending Lumpy Space Princess's molecules back to when she first entered the sphere. Meanwhile, in the border, Johnnie reunites his head and body.]
Lumpy Space Princess: You witch! Give them to—huh, wha? What? Where are we?
[Johnnie reaches out to Lumpy Space Princess.]
Princess Bubblegum: You asked me to use this.
Lumpy Space Princess: Don't touch me! [floats away] You pretty skunk! You don't know heartache with the whole Candy Kingdom in love with your bubblegum buns...! [floats out the window]
[Johnnie bows his head, crestfallen, as the border fades to black.]
Princess Bubblegum: [sighs] [sits down and pours herself a drink]

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Beautopia (episode)" from season 3, which aired on November 7, 2011.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Susan Strong
Lub Glubs
Music
"I'm On a Boat"
Locations
Tree Fort
Beautopia
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[It is night and raining outside of the Tree Fort; Finn is sitting at the table while Jake puts on some hot water.]
Jake: Hey, what kind of coffee do you want?
Finn: Hazelnut! Hazelnut! What if your name was "Zelnut"? And then I would be all like "Hey, Zelnut."
Jake: That's terrible.
Finn: Hey, Zelnut.
[Irritated, Jake grows and gently bodyslams Finn, who laughs.]
Jake: Nooooo! Stop!
[There is then a knocking sound.]
Finn: You hear that?
Jake: Yeah.
[The wall is then burst through by none other than Susan Strong. She stands still as lightning flashes]
Finn and Jake [In unision]: Susan Strong!?
Susan: Finn, help Susan.
Finn: Of course I will.
Jake: Excuse us for a moment, Strong. [Jake takes Finn aside.] Dude, you know you're my bro, but that girl is bad news.
Finn: What? Naw.
Jake: She's crazy, man. She's a fish person!
Finn: We don't know that!
Jake: Dude, she tried to eat Peppermint Butler! She'd probably be worse if she was so scared of everything.
Finn: Whatever, look, she needs my help... and I'm gonna help her whether you're coming with me or not.
Jake: Oh, I'm coming with you if only to be disruptive and obnoxious!
Finn: Susan, what can we do?
Susan: I need your hero heart and your magic.
Finn: My magic?
Susan: [Points to fire boiling the water] Magic of red flower.
[Finn carries a flame-light lantern as Susan leads them down the tunnel to the Hyooman territory; down in the Hyoomen tribe's territory they find Hyoomans watching them from behind rocks and litter.]
Jake: [Scoffs] Fish people.
Susan: Long ago, my people live in Beautopia... but driven out by Lub Glubs. We come here. We too scared to fight back. This why we need your hero heart. Hyoomans! [Hyoomans gasp.] I'll be back!
[Susan and Finn go on their way.]
Jake: Fish People! I'll be, um, a dolphin! [Turns his head into a dolphin shape; Hyoomen gasp and Jake chuckles and leaves.]
[The trio come to water.]
Susan: Come on. We swim there.
Finn: No, you don't understand. I'm not a fish person. I'm human.
Susan: [Thinking he said "hyooman," she laughs] We go.
[Susan puts Finn's head under the water and he struggles, Jake tries to restrain Susan by wrapping his arms around her and Finn is able to come up to the surface with his hat on backwards; he takes it off and gasps for air; Jake runs to Finn and Susan extends her arm.]
Jake: Grrr...[Susan squashes him down out of the way.] What? Hey, hey. What?
Susan: [Examining Finn's head] You no gills. [Finn puts his hat back on.] We take boat.
[On the boat, Finn hangs the lantern on a hook and Jake sings "I'm On a Boat."]
Jake: Oooh... I'm on a boat with a couple of wackos. Shakin' my hips, and dippin' my fat toe... In the water! Dippin' in the water! This party's gettin' hotter! It's so hot... it's stupid. So where we headed, Susan?
Susan: There. [Points to a raging whirlpool]
Jake: Oh, no. Oh, no. No, no, no! No, Susan, no!
[They go down the whirlpool, and Finn and Jake scream; they pop out safely out of a pipe.]
Finn: [Laughs] That was awesome. See, Jake? We can trust Susan. She's on the trolley.
[Jake just morphs his head into a fish person's, points to Susan, and makes a "screwball" sign with his arm.]
Susan: Keeps looking for Lub Glubs.
[A pool floaty floats ahead.]
Susan: [Whispering] No move!
[The floaty floats by.]
Susan: Whew, we safe now. [Leaves to steer the boat; Jake looks at Finn.]
Finn: [Irritated] What?
Jake: Dude, she's crazy.
Finn: She's not crazy! She's cool!
Jake: Whatever, man. This is a crazy cruise, and Susan is our crazy captain... and I'm a crazy clam-shell! Woo-ep! [Morphs his head into a clam and starts dancing] Oh, doing the clam!
Finn: [Laughs] Quit acting like a clam, you ham.
[Susan looks ahead worriedly while Jake dances and opens his clam head to reveal a Birth of Venus-type statuette with his face that dances, a slamming sound can be heard.]
Jake: Hey, you hearing that too?
Susan: Getting close to the Lub Glubs' mash-'em-ups.
Jake: [Closes clam head] Huh?
Susan: Behold!
[They float up to a series of giant stones coming out of the walls slamming together.]
Finn: Balzacs! 
Susan: The clashing gates!
[Jake's head returns to normal with a look of fear on his face and he look at Finn.]
Susan: [Rubbing Jake's head] 'S okay. Susan know when is safe to pass through.
Jake: Uh-huh. Finn, let's get outta here.
Finn: Come on. She knows this place. Trust. We're ready when you are, Susan.
Jake: You know, I could just stretch us over this thing.
Susan: Go... now!
[They speed through the gates; Jake screams and Finn stays calm; at the last gate half the boat is crushed.]
Susan: Oh, good. Still got some boat left.
Jake: She's flippin' crazy! Come on, Finn. Let's bail.
Finn: Chill out.
[Jake pouts.]
Finn: Alright, Susan, what do we do next?
Susan: Hmm... never made this far before. Just gotta get past Lub Glubs.
Finn: Yeah, what are Lub Glubs, exactly?
Susan: They... umm, look, they like this. [Draws an obscure picture with her finger on the boat wood]
Finn: Hmm.
Jake: That looks like... my father. ...Now I'm crazy!
Susan: Yes. Lub Glubs crazy scary. Hyoomans scared so long. Even Susan. That why glad I meet you. You have brave heart. [Places her hand on Finn's chest and crushes it in her grip.]
Finn: [Weakly] Thank... you...
[Susan grabs Jake and squeezes him into an oar and paddles further into the cavern, with Jake gasping for air every paddle.]
Susan: [Stops paddling] [Excited] We here? We at B-Beautopia! [Susan grabs Finn]
Jake: Oh, thank Glob.
[They float close to a dome shaped city as Jake returns to his normal form and Susan puts down both Finn and Jake.]
Finn: Whoa... Ominous.
Susan: We's be alls good once bring red flower to city heart.
[They float close to the city heart, when out of a store called "FLOATY" a gush of water comes out.]
Jake: What's making all that swishing?
Susan: Lub Glubs! They coming!
[After a moment of tense drama, a pool floaty floats out.]
Jake: [Laughs] It's just more pool floaties!
Susan: [Panicking] Shh! Shh! Too many Lub Glubs to fight!
[Many pool floaties surround them, Susan begins to hyperventilate and backs away.]
Jake: Susan! Susan, Lub glubs are just pool toys! [Turns his hand into a pickaxe] Watch, I'm putting an end to all this craziness, with my Pickaxe Hand! [Jake stretches over to a "Lub Glub" with Susan making warning sounds] No more craziness.
[Jake pokes the floaty a black monster oozes out of it, and so do all the other "floaties"]
Jake: Ooooh... Jakey beefed it!
[A Lub Glub tries to attack the trio; Susan cowers in fear but Finn and Jake fight them.]
Jake: Bad news, dude. There's only two of us and more than, um, [Looks at his hand and holds out all his fingers] this many of them!
Finn: We gotta use the fire, like Susan said. Are you okay with that?
Jake: Yes! I'm okay with that! I'll do whatever Susan says! [Jake is tackled by a Lub Glub.]
Finn: Susan! We need you! [Piledrives a Lub Glub]
Susan: [Whimpers] Susan scared... but Susan brave, too. [Grabs lantern] SUUSSSAAANN!!!!! [Jumps and tackles a group of Lub Glubs]
Finn: Yeah, Susan!
[Susan makes a break with the lantern but is pounced on by Lub Glubs.]
Finn: Susan!
Susan: [Tosses the lantern] Finn! Jake!
Jake: [Catches it] I gots it!
Susan: Red flower! Throw it to city heart!
Jake: Finn, win aide to fair Susan! Jake brings the fire!
[Jake goes as Finn kicks a Glub Glub off Susan.]
Finn: Humans and "Hyoomans" got to stick together!
[Finn and Susan bump fists, and Susan grabs his arms.]
Finn: Huh?
[Susan swings him at a Lub Glub.]
Susan: [Looking at Finn] Hmm.
[Jake stretches up the tower to the city heart; a giant Lub Glub comes out of the water and rise up the tower on the opposite side of Jake.]
Jake: [Grunting] Almost... there... [At the top there is a furnace with straw that says "Light Fire Here."] Oh, so I just toss it in here? Pretty straightforward. Okay, well, here I go. [Swinging the lantern] one, two, three... [The giant Lub Glub grabs his arm and roars] [In a trance] That reminds me of... my mother. [Jake struggles against the Lub Glub and tosses the lantern into the furnace.]
[All of Beautopia becomes lit with flames popping out of torches and pipes; the Lub Glubs evaporate leaving behind nothing but torn rubber floaties.]
Finn: It's working, Susan! [Jake comes down.] Jake.
Jake: Whoa. It is beautiful.
[Later, the Hyoomen tribe arrive and sort through things with Jake's help.]
Finn: You were right, Susan. This place is great. Well, we'd better get home.
Susan: Finn, you stay.
Finn: No, I can't. I'm not like you.
[Susan takes Finn's hand and puts it in her hat, a look of shock envelops Finn's face.]
Finn: Susan...
Jake: [On the boat with pretzels] C'mon, Finn, let's go! I grabbed, like, 100 soft pretzels!
[Finn hops and Jake paddles them back, Finn and Susan wave at each other, and the episode ends.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Belly of the Beast" from season 2, which aired on April 4, 2011.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Party Bears
Party Pat
Music

"Bears (song)"

"The Stuff Song"
Locations
Tree Fort
Grass Lands
Inside the Monster
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode begins at the Tree Fort, where Finn and Jake are sleeping. Suddenly, their whole room starts shaking and they wake up.]
Finn: [tiredly] What's shakin'?
Jake: I-I don't know. I think I'm still asleep
Finn: What if I'm still asleep?
Jake: Then we're sharin' the same dream, dude. [points] Look out your window!
[Finn sees a monster outside his window. It roars and fireworks shoot out of its mouth.]
Finn: Aah! Dream monster!
[Finn and Jake get out of bed and walk to the window. They see the monster roar, punch the ground, and run into the forest.]
Finn: Quick, let's go enjoy this dream before we wake up!
[They run outside while cheering and run up to the monster, who starts punching the ground around them.]
Finn & Jake: [holding hands and dancing in a circle] ♫ Dream, dream, dream, dream, dream...♪
[The monster roars and kicks Jake into the distance.]
Jake: Whoaaaaa!
Finn: ... [continues singing] Dreamy, dream, dream...
Jake: [stretches back to Finn] Hey, man, I don't think this is a dream.
Finn: Hmm? [looks up at monster]
[The monster roars and fireworks shoot out of its mouth.]
Finn: Oh, well, then it's time to get real. [takes out Root Sword]
[Finn starts hacking at the monster with his sword while Jake punches it. The monster tries to grab and punch them but misses. They stop fighting when they hear a voice from inside the monster.]
Voice: Help! Somebody help! Help! Help me! Help me!
Finn: The monster ate somebody! We have to go inside its guts!
Jake: [digusted] Ughhhh, monster guts.
[The monster roars as fireworks shoot out of his mouth. It starts pulling up trees and stuffing them in its mouth. Finn and Jake grab onto one of the trees and the monster swallows them. They land in its stomach.]
Jake: [stepping in something squishy] Bleh.
Voice: Help! Somebody help!
Finn: Hyup! [jumps toward voice and slides down a wet slope]
Jake: [sliding behind him] Eeeeeeee!
[They slide down to a little ditch and Jake falls into a puddle.]
Jake: Ohhhhh. It's gross!
Finn: [laughs]
[Behind Finn in the distance is a bear, which turns out to be source of the voice.]
Bear: Help!
Finn: [running to bear] C'mon!
Bear: Help! Help me... hang these streamers! [takes out streamers]
Finn & Jake: What?!
Bear: It's not a party without streamers! ♫ Doot-doot-doo doo-doo-doo doo-doo-doo doo-doo-doo ♪
Finn: Dude, this isn't a party! We gotta get you outta here!
[Finn picks up the bear but it evades his grasp and climbs on his back.]
Finn: Jake, help me!
[Fireworks are heard nearby and their light flashes on Finn and Jake]
Bear: It's starting! [running to fireworks] Hehehehehehe!
[Finn and Jake follow the bear into a large room with hundreds of dancing bears. Fireworks explode overhead and loud dance music plays.]
Finn: These crazy bears don't know they're in danger!
Jake: Well... we should go.
Finn: Jake, wait. We have to help them.
Jake: They're partying! They're fine.
Finn: [sighs] Okay, Jake, what happens when you eat food?
Jake: Well, it goes into your stomach...
Finn: Yeah...?
Jake: ...and then it stays there for a bit, and then it turns into—[gasps] They're all gonna turn into... the stuff!
Finn: [walks up to a bear] [talking over loud music] Hey, excuse me! Excuse me! I don't know how you don't know this, but y'all are partyin' in a monster's stomach!
Bear: Thanks! I love dancing!
Finn: No! [using hand signals] Y'ALL... are PARTYIN'... in a MONSTER'S... STOMACH!
Bear: [to another bear] I THINK HE WANTS TO KNOW WHERE THE BATHROOM IS!
Other bear: [points] IT'S OVER THERE!
Someone off screen: Hey...
[Finn and Jake turn to see a small bear dancing towards them.]
Cubby: I'm Cubby.
Finn: Hi, Cubby.
Jake: What's goin' on?
Cubby: I heard what you said... about this being a monster's belly? I've been telling everyone that for three days!
Finn: Why won't they listen?
Cubby: 'Cause I'm just a kid!
Older bear: Cubby! Are you bothering these guys with your fantasy stories?
Cubby: No! I wasn't! I swear! I'm dancing, see? SEE?! [dances faster]
Older bear: Hmm... [dances away]
Finn: Cubby, is there anything we can do to help?
Cubby: You could talk to Party Pat.
Finn: Party Pat?
Cubby: He's our chief. If you can convince him to leave, all will follow.
Finn: Can you take us to him?
Cubby: Sure. He sleeps on the monster's heart. It's like a blood waterbed.
[They follow Cubby away from the party.]
Cubby: This is as far as I go. Party Pat is right around this corner. Bye, you guys!
Finn: Bye, Cubby!
Jake: Bye!
[They look around the corner and see a tall bear lying on a heart staring at them.]
Finn: Uhh... we're lookin' for Party Pat?
[The bear pulls a chain with his foot, lighting up the neon sign above him that reads "Party Pat."]
Finn: Oh, uh... [walks up to him] Well, listen. I know you don't know us, sir, but we need to talk.
Party Pat: [snaps his fingers and approaches them]
Finn: It's pretty important, actually—
Party Pat: [placing his finger over Finn's mouth] Shhh-sh-sh-sh-shhhh. You know who I am?
Finn: You're Party Pat?
Party Pat: [shakes his head] I'm the chief.
Finn: Riiiight... right.
Jake: You're the chief.
Party Pat: [places his finger over both their mouths] Shhhh... before you talk to the chief, you must party with the chief.
Finn: But—!
Party Pat: It is the only way.
[Montage begins with Finn, Jake, and Party Pat getting some drinks, watching Party Pat break dance, eating pancakes, and signing "Bears." The montage ends, the bears cheer, and Finn and Jake pant trying to catch their breath.]
Jake: Dude, we've been partyin' for hours.
Finn: [panting] Yeah, he keeps drinking those honey-flavored energy drinks.
[They see Party Pat getting another three drinks.]
Finn: How's your nausea?
Jake: Full-blown.
Finn: Hang in there, pal. [walks over to Party Pat] Hey, Party Pat. You're the chief, and I totes respect that... but what we have to tell you is really important. And you said if we partied, we could talk.
Party Pat: But you haven't been partying.
Finn: What?!
Party Pat: You move to music, but that's not dancing. You chew pancakes, but you're not tasting. To truly party, one must leave behind the problems that are troubling [puts hands on forehead] and open one's [moves hands away, revealing a third eye] mind eye. [beat] I'm just kiddin'. You guys are party animals. [points to third eye] This is just a sticker! [peels it off] You can stay in our cave as long as you want.
Finn: That's what I've been trying to tell you, man! This isn't a cave—y'all are partyin' in a monster's BELLY!
Party Pat: [looks around] Oh, yeah. That makes sense. It's definitely the weirdest cave I've ever seen. Heh heh.
Finn: So... you'll tell everyone to leave?
Party Pat: Nah, we love it here.
Finn: But you're all gonna die if you stay!
Party Pat: [sighs] [picks up a microphone] Attention. Attention, everybody. Can I have your attention, please? [bears stop dancing] So... apparently we're not in a cave.
[Bears murmur ("What did he say? I always thought we were in a cave").]
Party Pat: We're in a... MONSTER'S BELLY!
[Bears resume dancing]
Party Pat: [shrugs, drops the microphone, and backs away]
[Finn frowns and Jake wraps his arm around him and rubs his forehead to comfort him. They walk into the monster's mouth and look out at the sunset.]
Jake: It's kinda peaceful.
[The monster is shown sitting on the edge of a cliff looking sad.]
Monster: [sighs]
Finn: All those bears... are gonna turn into the stuff.
Jake: [puts his finger over Finn's mouth] Shh. Seriously? The only foreseeable threat might be all these trees being swallowed, but they're not hurtin' nothin'.
Finn: Yeah, good thing he isn't swallowing some deadly volcano lava. That would kill them for sure.
[The monster stands up and starts walking towards a volcano]
Finn & Jake: Whoaa.
Finn: The monster is headed toward that volcano!
Monster: Uh-huh.
Finn: We gotta warn the bears!
[They run back to the party where the bears are still dancing.]
Finn: If we bum everyone out, maybe they'll listen to us.
Jake: Oh, okay.
[Finn and Jake climb onstage and take two microphones.]
Finn: Just follow my lead.
[They sing "The Stuff Song" as the bears dance more and more slowly and eventually stop.]
Finn: You bears gotta get outta here or you're all gonna be melted by lava!
[Lava starts creeping into the room and bears scream.]
Finn: Party Pat, do you know of another exit?
Party Pat: Well, there's the dark and mysterious mine, but nobody uses it anymore.
[Bears snicker.]
Finn: [to Jake] He must be talkin' about the butt intestines! C'mon, Jake, we gotta get outta here!
Jake: [disgusted] Ehhhhh.
[Finn, Jake, Party Pat, and all the bears start running away from the lava. They approach an opening and look back to see the lava following close behind.]
[The scene cuts to Finn getting a band-aid ready for application with several burns on his clothes and body.]
Finn: One more bandage.
[Finn puts band-aid on a bear. The camera zooms, showing all the bears with burns, bandages, or crutches.]
Finn: Huzzah! The party bears are safe, Party Pat. Y'all can party out here now.
[Bears complain.]
Party Pat: No. To survive, my people need a phat party club to grind in. That monster's gut was totally excellent.
Jake: You're sick, Party Pat. I'm gonna go watch TV. [walks off]
Finn: Hmmm. [looks at monster]
Monster: [rubbing his tongue] Ohh...
Finn: Pat, he's not gonna let you back in his mouth. You scorched it all up with fireworks! Unless... Party Pat! [whispers in Party Pat's ear] Party... pancakes.
Party Pat: [gasps] [walks to monster] Hear me, monster. My people and I wish to party inside you once more. Prithee take us upon thine gut and we shall party no more with fireworks but instead [takes out a laser] with gentle lasers!
[Bears cheer and take out lasers, shining them at the sky. The monster puts them in his mouth and swallows them. He opens his mouth and lasers shoot out. He gives Finn a thumbs-up.]
Finn: Hey, Jake. [runs after Jake] Wait up!

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Be More" from season 5, which aired on July 22, 2013.

Characters
BMO
Finn
Jake
Moe
Music
None
Locations
MO Factory
Tree Fort
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[Episode starts at Finn and Jake's Tree Fort. BMO climbs into a dark room with assorted objects.]
BMO: Hello?
[BMO climbs down a ladder to get into the room. He finds a cardboard box and hides underneath it. He starts chuckling. On his screen, a digital hand selects some files. The hand drags the files into an onscreen trash can, deleting them. BMO's screen glitches, and BMO seems woozy. He chuckles and then looks normal. Scene switches to outside of the box. We hear BMO doing the same act once more and then BMO gets out of the box. He still seems dizzy. We see him selecting the file "CORE SYSTEM DRIVES.sys" and then deleting it. The scene shows his face, which turns from a smile into a frown. BMO's screen glitches out wildly as BMO moans. BMO gets up and wanders around for a second, before falling over. The screen is blank.]
Finn: BMO?
[Scene shows Finn and Jake looking down at something. The image is distorted.]
Jake: BMO?
[BMO is lying in a bed. BMO wakes up.]
Finn: BMO, are you okay?
Jake: What did you do?
BMO: It wasn't me. I didn't do noth- do noth- do nothing. [BMO repeats 'do noth-' because of his system glitching.]
Finn: Come on BMO. We got to get you to the hospital or whatevs.
BMO: No, no. I am fine. Really. [BMO's screen glitches out and BMO yells in pain. He emits smoke and stops glitching.] Oh, yes. Okay. Please take me to get fixed. I need- need- need- need to get new core system drivers installed. We can get them at the MO Factory in the Bad Lands, where I was born.
Finn: The MO Factory?
BMO: Yeah. I am programmed with emergency instructions to get there. Come on! There's no- no- no- no- no time to lo- lo- lo- lo- lose.
[Scene changes to Bad Lands, just outside the MO Co. BMO is telling Finn and Jake where to go.]
BMO: Okay. Now straight down this place. Okay, now take a right- right- right- right- left up here. The instructions also say that damaged MOs get a full memory-wipe before repairs. Don't let on what happened... or all the years we've been spent together will vanish like tears in the oven!
Finn: Tears in the oven? [gloomy sounds] But memories are real, real cruc'[ial]!
BMO: Yeah, no fooling. Oh wait, there's more! It says here only MOs are allowed in the factory. Wait what? Oh, that's just great.
Jake: Hey, hey. Don't worry buddy. We're Finn and Jake, remember? Or should I say... [Jake transforms into a MO.] Finn and JMO!
BMO: [laughs] Wow!
Finn: Hey BMO, check this out, too! [Finn puts his backpack on BMO's arms. He pulls his arms into his sleeves and pulls his shirt up over his head and over BMO's legs, making it seem like Finn has BMO for a head.] Meet FMO.
BMO: Finn, you're dumb- you're dumb- you're dumb- you're da man! This is gonna be a snap!
[Scene changes to inside of the entrance of the MO factory. Finn falls over.]
Jake: Hello, there.
DMO: Greetings, and welcome to MO Co. I'm DMO. Please state your business.
Jake: Hey there, DMO. I am JMO.
Finn: And I'm FMO!
DMO: Greetings, JMO. FMO, you look ridiculous. Are you damaged? Are you in need of repair?
Finn: Yes, absolutely. Thanks, DMO. I busted my core system drivers, and now I need new ones.
DMO: Fantastic. Okay. Please get ready for your total personality wipe.
[A hole opens in the wall beside DMO and an EMO comes out, twirling a lasso.]
Finn: Oh, right, right. Uh, right. I mean, no. I'm just here for the... nostalgic purposes.
DMO: Ah, yes. 47.3% of MOs eventually return to the factory for assorted sentimental biz. Please step 100% on the ultra-tram for your complimentary tour.
[Finn and Jake step onto the tram. DMO is lowered from his original position, and a chair pops up on the tram, bringing up DMO to the driver seat.]
DMO: Greetings. [He starts the tram.]
Finn: Wup!
DMO: We are now passing over the famous factory floor. Birthplace of each and every MO. Behold the gleaming machinery! Teeming and wild with the throes of real creation. From this unlikely chaos emerges every shiny new MO.
Jake: But nothing's moving down there. It's all shut down. What happened to this place?
DMO: I'm sorry. I'm just a tram MO. I'm not programmed to understand that question. Also, you're just a JMO. You're not programmed to ask that question.
Jake: Uh, what question?
DMO: That question- [grunts with frustration]
Jake: I'm serious...
DMO: Anyway, MO Co. was founded over 1,000 years ago. By Moseph Mastro Giovanni. A sad and gentle man. Beloved by only those he built to belove him. On your left, you'll see the core system driver installation port bay.
BMO: [gasps] Finn! Finn! That's it! That's where the driver ports are!
Finn: I know, I heard!
[Finn jumps off of the tram and into the room along with Jake.]
DMO: What?! Are you crazy?! Get back here!
[The room has outlets in the back of the wall. They each correspond to a different MO from AMO-GMO. The B port is covered up.]
Jake: Hurry, Finn. I think he's calling the police or somethin'!
Finn: None of these ports fit right! E, D, C, where's the B port?!
[Outside of the room where the trams travel, a new tram drives up, carrying four SMOs.]
SMO 1: Intruder spotted! Prepare to vaporize! Vaporize!
[The four SMOs shoot lasers into the room. Finn and Jake jump behind some wreckage to protect themselves.
SMO 1: Cease fire! No intruder spotted. Vaporization complete.
SMO 2: Um, but what if they slipped past us, sir? In all the smoke?
SMO 1: Allllright, everyone. About face. [All four SMOs turn around.] Does anyone see the intruders now? [The other three SMOs look around as the first SMO looks annoyed.] Like I said, vaporization complete. Now let's head back to base. It's donut o' clock.
[Scene changes to a kind of office kitchen. There is a table with chairs, a vending machine, a refrigerator and a microwave.]
SMO 3: Man, how about those goofs? Tryin' to mess with our drivers?
SMO 4: Yeah. You know the world these days. All goofs. [SMO 4 takes his gun and gets donuts out of the vending machine with it.]
SMO 1: Hey! You toss me one of them 'nuts? [SMO 4 tosses him a donut while SMO 3 pours coffee on his screen, as if to drink it.] Ah. Yeah, hey, speaking of goofs? Haven't seen SMO 5681 lately.
SMO 3: [while rubbing a coffee mug on his side] Man, that goof.
SMO 1: Yeah, I hate that goof. [SMO 1 rubs the donut on his screen like he is eating it.] You ever notice goofs always askin' how you're doin'? What is that? Uh, yeah, I'm fine.
SMO 3: Yeah, 100%.
[SMO 4 tries to throw donuts straight from the bag into his mouth, but they keep hitting the screen and falling to the floor. From somewhere in the room, the sound of feet walking gets SMO 1's attention.]
SMO 1: Oh! Hey, what are you doing over there by yourself?
[An SMO with an orange screen and orange legs turns around.]
SMO 5: Uh, oh, I-- I'm sad.
SMO 1: Oh, yeah, y'know we've all been there. [to the other SMOs:] So anyway, how's your goofy wife doin'?
[The scene pans over to SMO 5. We see the inside of SMO 5, which is really just Finn, BMO, and Jake hiding inside an SMO shell. They are using Jake as the face and legs of the SMO.]
Finn: [whispering:] BMO, how are you doing?
BMO: Get me close to that guy's port. I can hack into his computer and find out where my driver port is! [BMO's screen shows him barfing.]
Jake: Ah, we gotta hustle!
SMO 1: [in response to something someone else said:] Yeah, pretty good, I guess. I prefer something yeastier. The wife is always giving me grief about that. But I mean, what am I, decent?
[Inside the SMO shell, while SMO 1 is talking, Jake takes a cord from BMO and plugs it into the back of SMO 1. Suddenly, SMO 1's face is shocked and is then frozen as BMO accesses the file "MAP.MO". He starts shaking.]
SMO 4: Hey, what are you two goofs doin'? Goofing?
[We see inside the SMO shell again, and we see the map on BMO's screen. The map scrolls down to the bottom.]
Jake: Dang, man, how deep does this place go?
Finn: Down, right, left, down, corkscrew, down. [memorizing it:] Down, right, left, down, corkscrew, down.
[They throw down SMO 1 and jump out of the shell.]
Finn: Psych! [Finn, Jake, and BMO start running away.]
SMO 3: Hey, woah!
[The three get to a metal grate.]
Finn: Down that grate!
[Jake breaks it and they go under it. We see seven SMOs after them, telling them to stop. The scene changes to below the grate. The three fall down perfectly timed with the tram, driven by DMO. They land right on top of it. They look behind them and see an SMO poking his head out of the ceiling.]
DMO: Hey! Only MOs are allowed in the facility 1,000%! [DMO walks down to where Finn, Jake, and BMO are.] Get off of my tram!
Jake: Cram your tram! [Jake minimizes to DMO's size. He runs over and kicks DMO off of the tram.] Womp!
[Finn turns to look at him and gives smiles at him, raising his fists in the air. Jake pulls a lever by the driver's seat, making them go even faster. Finn laughs and looks down at BMO.]
Finn: Hang in there, BMO!
[BMO flashes a weak thumbs up on his screen.]
Finn: Hey, Jake! Can this thing go any fast-
[Finn is interrupted by an explosion behind him. He and BMO are thrown to the front of the tram.]
Finn: Woah! Shoot, it's the fuzz!
[Behind them, a tram with ten SMOs and DMO is following them.]
DMO: Hit 'em again!
[The SMOs shoot the tram. Almost half of the tram is gone.]
Finn: Holy-
Jake: Finn, how are we getting to BMO's driver port?!
Finn: Uh, turn right!
[Jake turns the tram right. The SMOs tram continues forward, but using a shortcut, they get behind them again.]
Finn: Dog it, they're still behind us! ["They drive through a 2D DNA-like path. Unlike a strand of DNA, there is only one looping part. Finn and Jake are driving in a straight line down the middle of the 'DNA' as the SMOs tram loops around them.]
Finn: Turn left!
[They drive through a road beneath another. The SMO's tram goes on the top road.]
Finn: Turn Corkscrew!
[They now drive in a 3D DNA-like path. This time, there is two curves. The two trams loop around each other. Eventually, they merge into one track.]
Finn: Now go down!
[Jake makes the tram face completely downward. Finn, Jake, and BMO fall off. Jake stretches into a shield below them. They break through three different floors. One room has a B port, but they fall too quickly.]
Finn: There's a driver port!
[In the last room they fall through, Jake turns into a parachute. They land on the floor of a huge, white room. Finn and Jake groan with their pains from falling.]
Finn: Too spicy.
Jake: My bod!
[Behind them, ten SMOs and DMO from the tram fall through the ceiling, crashing on top of one another.]
SMO 6: Non-MOs are forbidden in this facility!
BMO: [weakly:] I am not non-MO.
[SMO 6 still charges his laser gun]
BMO: [louder:] I am BMO!
[SMO 6 shoots his laser at the ceiling so he doesn't shoot anybody.]
SMO 6: [whispering, in awe:] BMO.
[A light flashes in the faces of the SMOs.]
Moe: BMO? Did I hear BMO?
Jake: Wait, what's up?
[We see the lights are coming from a room with MMO and Moe. MMO takes Moe out of his chair and cradles him. MMO carries him down to where Finn, Jake, the SMOs and where DMO is, with little unknown MOs trailing behind, holding life support equipment and tools]
Moe: Hey, I'm Moe! [Moe taps MMO twice on the head. MMO drops him. Moe laughs.] Don't worry! My legs don't work!
Finn: You're Moe?! Wait, are you human, too?
Moe: My skin is human!
Jake: Dude, how old are you?!
Moe: Hey, come on, now! [Moe crawls over to where BMO is. He turns him so BMO is sitting down.] It is BMO! Looks like there's some software problems! [Moe turns BMO off. He opens his face plate. He looks at the inside of him with a frown.] Hmm.
Finn: So...you made BMO?
Jake: [Jake stretches to a large size.] Hey, you're not gonna reset our friend's personality, are you?
Moe: Huh? What? No...BMO's one of a kind. I built BMO to take care of my son. [A CMO brings over a screwdriver.] Oh, thank you. But I guess I never ended up dating any women. So, that's sad. [Moe chuckles.] I sent BMO off into the world alone. [Moe coughs a couple of times while saying:] Hoping to find a family home. And then maybe even find somebody else's little boy to take care of.
Finn: Aw.
Moe: Oh, there's that back-up driver disk! [A CMO is holding a small floppy disk.] Thank you. [The CMO gives him the OK sign and smiles.] [Moe puts the disk drive into a slot in BMO. Some lights flash. The system shoots the disk back out.] That oughta done it. I must've built what, like, a million MOs. But BMO is very, very special. I built BMO to understand fun. And how to play. [extends an arm and something makes a cracking sound] You see, I made BMO to be more. [Moe turns BMO on.]
BMO: Ooh! Are you my grandpoop?
Moe: Nah, I'm just your poop.
[BMO gasps and runs up to Moe to give him a hug.]
Jake: Wait, did you say you built a million robots?
Finn: Yeah, all we saw was that tram jerk and all those jerky security jerks!
Moe: Ah, those were just the surface jerks. [to MMO:] Up, please. [MMO lifts him up over himself. He carries him over to a porthole in the ground with a wheel.] Kid, come over here. [He turns the wheel and the scene shows what's inside. There are a couple hundred MOs milling about. We see a QMO watering plants, an unknown MO with wings, two LMOs throwing dice and money, two CMOs playing jump rope with an OMO while a WMO, PMO, and three ♥MOs looking at them.] BMO, say hello to your family.
BMO: Hello, family.
[All of the MOs turn up to look at him.]
MOs: Hi, BMO!
[BMO puts his hands on his smiling face.]

Episode ends.

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Bespoken For" from season 9, which aired on April 24, 2017.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Ice King
Betty
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving
Patience St. Pim
Tiny Manticore
Music
None
Locations
Cloud Kingdom
Ice Kingdom
Wizard City
Magic Man's House
This transcript is incomplete.


Transcript

Under construction
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Dang.

What in Grod's nameam I looking at?

Fire,

ice,

candy,

and slime.

Weird.

How did this happen, Ice King?

Look, I know it's a lotto take in.

Let's go to the living room.

[ Whoosh ]

Now settle in,get comfortable,

'cause I am gonna tell youeverything.

And it is going toblow your ‐‐ Oop!

I gotta kiss my skyhooksgood night.

Good night, my skookie‐wooks.

[ Kisses ]

Okay.

Dude...

Why does it look likea four‐way pizza?!

Is everyone in Ooolike a zombie?

Is everyone basically dead?

Everyone is not dead.It's much worse.

Let mestart at the beginning.

No.

What am I gonna do withoutmy besties around?

Mm.

♪♪

Mm, okay.Bird watching sounds cool.

Hey, roomie! I'm going out topick up some magic ingredients.

Ooh! Are you makingsomethin' delicious?

Oh, I'm buildinga magic battery to power

my elemental purification spell.

Cool. Bring me a snackie.

Like...a doughnut?

Surprise me.

Oh, I'll surprise you.

[ Under breath ]I'll surprise everyone.

Wait. What was Patiencetalking about?

Oh, it's not important.Something ominous.

Anyways, it was then thatI really got into bird watching.

♪♪

What else we got here?

A penguin.

Oh. Right.

[ Gasps ] Something!

Is that...

Oh...my...glaah!

[ Gasps ]

You a toucan?

Simon, I've been trying so hardto help you.

I've tried reprogramming‐‐nnnyour ‐‐ your crown,

Code‐mapping, penguin‐napping,co‐mingling with magic,

and grasping and grappling,

but it just hasn'tbeen happening.

It's saddening, it's maddening,and I'm rapping and ‐‐ and...

[ Inhales deeply ]

[ Inhales ]

So I'm tryingthe direct approach.

Ugh.Wenk!

No, I don't remember who she is,but I know how to find out.

Hey!

So good to see you!

You still workingat that same place?

Mm, my work takes me all over.

I meant all over the place.

Oh! Before I forget,I just got a new phone.

Would you mind reenteringyour info for me?

It's okay.I know you don't remember me.

No, no, no. I can get this.

[ Inhales slowly, pfft! ]

I lost it.

A long time ago,you and I were...colleagues.

My name is Betty Grof, and ‐‐

That's what I was gonna say!Betty!

[ Inhales ]

Hey, do you wanna goon a date with me tonight?

[ Babbles ]Uh, buh, buh, buh. Yes.

Meet me at 8:00at my Magic Man House.

[ Laughing ]

♪♪

[ Ring ]

Hello?

You are not gonna believewhat just happened.

What?

A lady touched me!

That's cool. Who is she?

I think she might bean exotic bird.

But guess who's goingon a date tonight!

Wow. So what are yougonna wear?

Oh, probably my go‐to ‐‐blue muumuu.

Ugh!

No! You need to geta nice bespoked suit.

A be‐wudda‐wa?

"Bespoke" means it's custom‐madeto fit your specific dimensions

and emphasize what's flatteringabout your shape.

Like my abs.

No, I'd say you're kindabottom‐heavy.

No, that's just the muumuu,dawg.

I'm jacked.

Hmm.

Oh, yeah.

What the heck d‐‐Shh!

'Kay, so then we wentsuit shopping.

It's very important to picka good, natural fabric.

As for color, for a first suit,

you should choose between black,navy, or charcoal grey.

Why?

It's a wizard fashion rule.

If you stray, you'll looklike a fool.

How's about if I make my suita onesie?

[ Smack ]Ow!

Whoa.

Let's get to work!

♪♪

And then Life‐Giving Maguschecked an even darker...

[ Whispers ] What is going on?...shade of gray against my face.

Until finally...

Life‐Giving Magus: Yep!

Pretty fly for an ice guy.

♪♪

Male voice: [ Singsongy ]Ding dong! Someone's here!

That's clever.

Hello, Simon.

Uh, flowers.

Come in. Come in.

I really like howyou decorated the place.

I'm really into skullsand old teeth in jars, too.

Ready for our date?

You bet.

Bah‐bam!

Aaaaah!

[ Pants ] This a‐way.

What is this place?

In the old days,we would meet here,

and you would give me booksbecause you had a subscription

to the Book a Day Club.

Book a Day?

You gave me the excess booksbecause I was associated

with Books for the Bookless.

[ Laughs ] Simon!You want your usual booth?

Bogo! You remember him?Lead the way, Bogo!

So...

Yes?

Are we going splitsies?

[ Sighs ]

Okay, I'll pay for halfyour entrée.

But if you get an appyor a dessert, it's on you.

Mmm, mmm, mmm!

[ Smacks lips ]

[ Inhaling deeply ] Aah!

What? There somethingin my beard?

You don't remember any of this?

[ Thinking ] She's startingto freak me out.

Ring, ring!

Sorry. I should take this.

Oh, hi, Gunter.No. I'm on my date.

[ Inhaling deeply ]

Gunter, I have to go.

[ Chomping ]

Technology, right? [ Chuckles ]

Aah! No!

[ Zapping ]It's all wrong!

Ugh! Zap!Wha?

[ Whoosh ]

Well, that was terrifying.

I've tried everything I canthink of to make Simon remember.

Is there something I'm missing?

What am I doing wrong?

Maybe you're going after someonewho doesn't exist anymore.

Why not take him as he is?

You're making a lot of sense,Tiny Manticore.

We're like two shadows,two ghosts caught in limbo.

It sounds depressingwhen you say it that way.

Think of a different wayto say it.

[ Crying softly ]

[ Sighs heavily ]

Wenk.

Oh, uh, just stretching.

Wenk?

The date?Uh, yeah, it went great.

I don't know abouta second date, though.

I don't wanna be that guy

who just hangs out withhis girlfriend all the time

and doesn't see his friends.

Man, I wanna be that guyso bad.

[ Whoosh ]

Hey, I was just talking aboutyou to my penguin.

Have you met Gunter?

Yes. I kidnapped himthat one time.

Look, Simon ‐‐I mean, Ice King.

Yeah, who's this Simon guyyou keep yakking about?

Should I be jealous?

He's somebody I knewa long time ago.

Hey, you still intobird watching?

Watch this.

[ Electricity crackles ]Mmm...zow!

[ Birds chirping ][ Laughs ] Amazing!

[ Laughs ]Such beautiful birds!

They're all for you, Ice King.

Woof. What a bust.

These aresome low‐grade fairies.

My magic battery isgoing to su‐‐

Who's this dancing withthe I. K.?

[ Electricity crackles ]

Bird friend! [ Laughs ]

How delightful.

[ Laughing ]

Ha! [ Sighs ]

Huh? Where didthe weird lady go?

Uh...well,when you weren't looking,

her ‐‐ her mom showed upand told her that

her old boyfriend wanted to bewith her again,

and they ran off together.The end.

Her mom?

Well, I gotta go.

I almost forgot!

Surprise!

[ Crying, chewing ]

[ Groans ]

I wonder if my roomiehas any more

of these soothing doughnuts.

Only one way to find out!

♪♪

Patience:Elemental, elemental.

Stand, do not sit.

Cool.

Elemental, Elemental.

Can not quit.

Weird Lady!

Blast him!

[ Humming ]

Eee.

[ Zaps ]

Then everything went nuts.

There was all this lightand noise.

I grabbed as many penguinsas I could ‐‐ one.

But now that you're here,

we can go backand save Weird Lady.

Sounds like we gotour first lead.

All we needed was...a little patience.

♪ Come along with me ♪

♪ And the butterflies and bees ♪

This party is so crazy!

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Be Sweet" from season 6, which aired on June 2, 2015.

Characters
Lumpy Space Princess
Sweet P
Raccoon
Tree Trunks
Mr. Pig
Marceline
Candy People
Banana Guard
Starchy
Chocoberry
Mr. Cupcake
Gumdrop Lass 1
Gumdrop Lass 2
Crunchy
Chet
Ice Cream Lady
Old Lady
Snail
Music
LSP's lullaby
Locations
Candy Kingdom
Tree Trunks' house
Hobo Camp
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode opens with a shot of a purple glimmer in the night sky. On the ground, Lumpy Space Princess is warming herself by a fire.]
[crickets chirping]
LSP: Ugh. [pouring a bucket of liquid] Reduced to marking my camp with bear sweat. Those bears did not want to give up that sweat, [gets into sleeping bag] but it keeps the rodents from nibbling my lumps while I sleep. Ouch! I feel something crunchy! Like fried chicken! [pulls out a drumstick] Oh, it is fried chicken!
[A nearby bush rustles. A raccoon pops out.]
Raccoon: [roars]
LSP: Oh, my Glob—forest creature! I'd better eat it real fast!
[The raccoon grabs the chicken and runs off.]
LSP: [gasps] Get back here! [chases after it] [breathing heavily] [tackles the raccoon] [shouting indistinctly] Aah! [falls in a mud puddle] What my life has become!
[LSP's cellphone rings. She answers it.]
LSP: Hello? Oh, my Glob!
[At Tree Trunks' house, Tree Trunks and Mr. Pig are getting ready to go out. The doorbell rings.]
Tree Trunks: Oh, wonderful! [opens door] Welcome in, LSP. Uh, I want to go through—
LSP: This place is so clean and nice!
Tree Trunks: You're so kind.
LSP: Do you have a sink?!
Tree Trunks: Uh, there's one in the kitchen, and—
LSP: I'll use the one in the kitchen! [bathing in the sink] [sighs]
Tree Trunks: I need to tell you all the s—
LSP: Get me a towel!
[Tree Trunks hands her a dish towel.]
LSP: Help me down!
Tree Trunks: [helps LSP down] O-okay, I-I really do need to tell you how to care for Sweet P. Uh, there's a proper procedure for Sweet P's special tuck-in time. You have to be real sweet to him. Pat him gently on the head, kiss his cheeks...
LSP: What?
Tree Trunks: ...And give him treats. Sing to him real, real soft and sweet and touch your forehead to his and think the words, "You are more precious than anything in this world, and I will always, always love you." Then he'll fall asleep and have sweet dreams.
LSP: Oh, my Glob, I'll do all that! Okay, bye! Have a wonderful time! [pushes them out the door] Time to get down to the chill-out!
[Sweet P approaches from behind, feet pounding.]
LSP: What a princess like me deserves. [turns around] Aah! Don't hurt me!
Sweet P: I'm Sweet P.
LSP: I didn't know you were huge.
Sweet P: I'm hungry.
LSP: Okay, let's check what's in the fridge. [opens refrigerator, takes out pizza] Do you like pizza?
Sweet P: I like pizza.
LSP: [grunts] [rolls pizza into Sweet P's bedroom] Get the pizza, Sweet P!
[Sweet P chases it, feet pounding.]
LSP: [closes Sweet P's doors and pushes a table in front of them] Now I can kick back. [chuckles] [opens refrigerator] Refrigerators are just great! I never stopped to think how great they are. [sniffles] [shoves food in mouth] [munching loudly] [muffled] Now I'm cold, though. [goes in closet, pulls out a transparent gown] Oh, what?! [puts it on] I'm still cold. [blows on hands] [throws wood on fire] Rich-person indoor fire is just so great. [sniffles] I'm feeling all toasty! Must be time for toast! [puts bread in toaster] I'm waiting... Waiting... Waiting... All done! [eats toast] [crunching] It's not black and crunchy like when I throw bread into my campfire.
[LSP puts on a record. Mid-tempo music plays.]
LSP: This music's way better than owls' hoots.
[Mid-tempo music continues.]
LSP: [dances over to window] I deserve this.
[The raccoon from earlier looks in through the window at LSP.]
Raccoon: [roars]
LSP: No! You're an animal! You can't come inside! [closes drapes] [breathing heavily]
[Mid-tempo music continues.]
Sweet P: [finishes eating pizza and knocks on his doors] I'm ready to be tucked in now. Hello? Will you be sweet to me?
[LSP sips apple juice, unable to hear Sweet P over the music.]
Sweet P: [walks over to window] Sweetness must be out there in the night to guide my sleepy boat right. [breaks through wall and runs off, feet pounding]
[LSP is taking a bath. She takes out her cellphone and calls Marceline.]
[Marceline is in the middle of cleaning out her bellybutton. She answers her phone, which wraps itself around her ear.]
Marceline: Yo!
LSP: Hey, Marcy!
Marceline: LSPita bread, what's up? [pulls a worm out of her bellybutton]
LSP: Just chillin' in my awesome bubble bath!
Marceline: Did you break into someone's house again?
LSP: Ugh! I have a new life now and a career.
Marceline: I didn't know you had any skills.
LSP: Success isn't about skills. It's about being cool. These people just randomly approached me, like, "Hey, we will totally pay you to hang out in our sick mansion and feed our baby" or whatever.
Marceline: Well, good for you, dude.
LSP: I mean, I feel like a totally new person now that I'm finally getting what I deserve.
[The toilet rumbles and bubbles up.]
LSP: Oh, my Glob, what is that?!
[The raccoon emerges from the toilet.]
Raccoon: [roaring]
LSP: Aah! [drops phone in water]
Marceline: LSP? Mm.
Raccoon: [roars] [stands on toilet seat]
LSP: [breathes heavily] [grabs shampoo] Take this, you dandruff! [squirts shampoo at raccoon, knocking it back into the toilet]
LSP: [laughs]
Raccoon: LSP.
LSP: Huh?
Raccoon: You don't belong here in the world of decent people. You belong in the woods with... [emerges from toilet] garbage animals!
LSP: Noooooooo!
[Sweet P walks through the Candy Kingdom. Some Candy People are watching a film. Sweet P rips through the screen.]
Sweet P: Will you be sweet to me?
[The audience boos and shouts, throwing popcorn at Sweet P. Sweet P crouches in the middle of the road. A car runs into his belly. He looks through the windshield.]
Sweet P: Will you kiss my cheeks?
[The car drives around Sweet P.]
Sweet P: [asking hobo] Will you give me treats?
[The hobo throws a piece of garbage into Sweet P's mouth.]
Sweet P: [munches] Blech! [spits it out]
[Sweet P breaks through a window into a house. He crawls up to the bed and pulls the blanket up to his chin. He looks at the parents standing next to the bed.]
Sweet P: Will you be sweet to me?
[The parents scream.]
Banana Guards: Wee-Ooo! Wee-Ooo! Wee-Ooo! Wee-Ooo!
[Back at Tree Trunks' house, LSP is chasing the raccoon with a plunger.]
LSP: [screaming]
Raccoon: [growling]
LSP: Agh! [trips over table and breaks dishes] [moans] [shouting indistinctly] [knocks over picture]
[glass shatters]
Raccoon: Look what you've done, LSP.
LSP: Huh?
Raccoon: You made it gross. Everything you touch turns gross!
LSP: Uh...
Raccoon: Just like you!
LSP: Aah!
Raccoon: [eating a jar of strawberry jam] You don't really think you deserved any of this, do you? You're a rat, just a giant rat that wandered into somebody's nice house.
LSP: I'm a good person! I take care of babies! [flips table in front of Sweet P's room] Look! Baby Sweet P? [approaches hole in wall] [echoing] Baby Sweet P! Oh, my Glob, I lost the baby! I lost the baby! [crying] I'm a bad person!
Raccoon: [chuckles evilly] Just accept that you're garbage!
LSP: Hi-yah! [throws lamp at raccoon] Baby Sweet P! [leaves house]
[LSP enters the Candy Kingdom and approaches two Candy People.]
LSP: Have you seen a big, fat child around here?! [approaches Old Lady] Have you seen my enormous baby?! [crying] If only I'd cooked the pizza!
Banana Guards: [both munching donuts]
LSP: I could've eaten some, too! I'm so stupid! [approaches Banana Guards] You got to help me! I lost some old couple's baby 'cause I didn't do the sweet things! I just wanted a bubble bath, and... How did I lose something so bi-i-i-i-g?! [sputtering]
Banana Guard: Ma'am, you're gonna have to come with us.
LSP: Baby Sweet P! [slaps donut to the ground] Give me that donut! [jumps on donut]
Banana Guard: No!
[The guards dogpile on LSP and bring her into the jailhouse.]
LSP: I'm not a bad person! I'm not a bad person!
Sweet P: [crying]
LSP: Huh?
Sweet P: [crying continues]
Banana Guard: Hey, big baby!
[The guards try to cheer him up by warbling and making faces.]
Sweet P: [crying]
LSP: I found you!
Sweet P: [whimpers] LSP!
[They embrace.]
LSP: Sweet P! I'm so sorry! I should've been sweet to you! Here, okay, um... Pat very gently on the head... Kiss on both cheeks... Mwah! Mwah! Treat. [places donut in Sweet P's mouth]
Sweet P: Mmm! [munching]
LSP: Uh, and sing something sweet. [inhales deeply] ♪ Butter cakes, cupcakes, and ice cream cakes small baby bums and the friendship of puppies ♪ [thinking] You are more precious than anything in this world, and I will always, always love you.
[Sweet P falls asleep and slumps over on LSP.]
LSP: Aww!
[At Tree Trunks' house, the door creaks open.]
Tree Trunks: We're ho-o-me!
[Their mouths hang open as they see the house is a complete mess.]
LSP: Shh! He's asleep.
[They peek in at Sweet P sleeping in his room. Sweet P's blanket, taped to the wall, covers up the giant hole.]
Tree Trunks: Why is Sweet P's blanket on the wall—?
LSP: Shh! [closes door] Mr. and Mrs. Pig Trunks, I have some good news. Sweet P has grown so attached to me that it would be cruel for me to leave him, obviously. So... Yes, I will accept the position as your live-in nanny!
[LSP is pushed out the door and Tree Trunks closes it.]
LSP: [sighs]
Raccoon: [croaking]
LSP: Huh?
Raccoon: Partake of the chicken. [munching]
LSP: Chicken... [munching] [crying]
[They both munch on the drumstick.]
LSP: This is good chicken!
Tree Trunks: [to Mr. Pig] Maybe we can get, uh, Neptr to sit. I don't know.
Sweet P: Mama? I had that dream again—the one where I'm a comet boy.
Tree Trunks: Oh, really?
Sweet P: Yeah, coming back to Ooo over and over, and there was a fake comet, a beard man in a spaceship.
Tree Trunks: My, what an imagination...
Sweet P: The comet... approacheth.
[The episode closes on a shot of the same purple glimmer from the beginning, revealing it is a comet.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Betty (episode)" from season 5, which aired on February 24, 2014.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Ice King
Betty Grof
Bella Noche
Marceline
Forest Wizard
Grand Master Wizard
Death
Music
None
Locations
Wizard City
Ice Kingdom
Marceline's house
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[The episode opens to Bella Noche opening his eyes in a secret chamber.]
Bella Noche: Have you obtained the staff of Stranson Doughblow?
Forest Wizard: Yes, Bella Noche. We procured the staff using the full extent of our wizardy ways.
Bella Noche: Then the time has come to reveal my true form, and when I materialize on this... [continues talking]
[Ice King spies on them and Bella Noche from behind the stairway.]
Ice King: [talking to himself quietly] Oh, this striz is going down, man.
Bella Noche: ...you will receive your end of the deal.
Laser Wizard: The lost system of Antediluvian magick—the tightest of all wiz biz.
Forest Wizard: So right and tight, I get restless leg syndrome about it. Look. [shaking his restless leg]
Bella Noche: And now, it will be yours.
Ice King: And mine!
[Bufo, Laser Wizard and Forest Wizard surprisly looks at Ice King.]
Forest Wizard: What the blood?! Ice King!
Ice King: Listen, dudes, all I want is to be in the club and plus up my magic. What's the problem?
Laser Wizard: Your life is my problem.
Bella Noche: Too late, fools! Bella Noche emerges!
[Bella Noche grabs the staff and places it on the circle with his magic.]
Forest Wizard: Whoa! What the—?
[The Grand Master Wizard explodes the doorway with his magic, with the Wizard Police behind him.]
Grand Master Wizard: Stop that now, trash cones! Bella Noche must not cross into our world!
Ice King: Eh, why not, again?
[Bella Noche combines the sword, the staff, the golden cup, and the crystal ball. It all powers up Bella Noche.]
Grand Master Wizard: Duck!
[The Grand Master Wizard and the wizard policemen take cover. An explosion of anti-magic bursts. The wizards scream and Ice King screams too. Ice King's crown gems turn white, shut down by Bella Noche's anti-magic. With the crown off his head, Ice King turns young - turns back to his previous life before the Mushroom War: Simon Petrikov. The wizards were laying down, depowered. Bella Noche changed into a powerful form inside the black crystal of dark anti-magic.]
Grand Master Wizard: Aw, cram! Here we go!
Forest Wizard: [gets up] Uhhhh... hey. Hey, I—I can't feel my magic!
Laser Wizard: Me neither. What gives?
Grand Master Wizard: Bella Noche is a being of pure anti-magic! Y'alls got played!
Simon: Uh, hello?
Forest Wizard: Oh, what a fool am I! [Bella Noche slaps him aside.] Aaaaaaaaaaah!
Grand Master Wizard: [to Wizard Police] Go! Destroy! Throw your boots at it, or—I don't know!
Simon: Huh? [starts walking out]
[The Wizard Police charge at Bella Noche and throw their boots at it.]
Grand Master Wizard: Dang. Sorry, Ice King.
Simon: [panting] [trips] This must be it, man. [looks at his reflection in a puddle] I've crossed into some super-insane zone where I feel like I'm just normal again. [takes off crown] Or maybe I'm just normal again.
Ash: Hey, stop looking at yourself. You're ugly, bro. Get lost. This is my busking spot.
Simon: [punches Ash off his magic carpet] Sorry, man. No time! Go, carpet! [flies to the Ice Kingdom and then into the The Past room] Whoa! [gets off] It's got to be here. Even in my prolonged state of insanity, my immutable essence must have known to—oh, yes. [puts on glasses] Hello. [pushes over a desk, revealing a secret entrance] Ah, my research. My jackie—jacket! [reading books' spines] Mutation, mutation, mind expa—aha! [takes a book off the shelf] "Mystic Rituals And Their Space Time Applications" by Simon Petrikov and Betty Grof. [quietly] Betty. [opens book's cover, revealing a photograph of Marcy and Hambo, which falls to the floor] Whoops. Marceline?
[Scene switches to Marceline's house.]
Marceline: A-one, a-two, a-one, two, three, four.
Finn: Wait!
Marceline: What?
Finn: Why are you holding your bass up high like that?
Marceline: Mm-mm-mmm. (I don't know.) I get better finger action this way.
Finn: But you look like a nerd. Move it back down. It's better.
Jake: Move the bass down.
Finn: A-move the bass a-down.
Jake: Be reasonable.
[Marceline's phone rings.]
Marceline: [annoyed] Yes?
Simon: Marcy, it's me, Simon. I'm back, but my body might donk out soon, so get to the Ice Kingdom fast and help me with this time portal so I can find Betty and say I'm sorry before I croakboat! I know that's a lot to process, but hurry, and bring Hambo. Hambo is the key.
[Marceline is now on the floor.]
Simon (over telephone): Okay, Marcy? You got that? Marcy?
[Flashback begins, showing Simon and Marcy walking through post-apocalyptic Ooo.]
Marceline: A long, long time ago, Simon was my only friend. He was there when I needed help.
[Flashback ends.]
Marceline: [holding Hambo] All he ever wanted was to find Betty, and now I can help him.
[Scene changes to Finn and Marceline riding Jake towards the Ice King's castle. Marceline gets off and enters.]
Marceline: Simon?
Gunter: Wenk! [leads them to Simon] Wenk!
Marceline: Simon!
Simon: Marceline!
[They embrace.]
Marceline: I thought I'd never see you again.
Simon: I can hardly believe it myself. You're all grown up.
Jake: Believe! She's like a million years old!
Simon: One million years? How could it be?!
Marceline: He's just kidding. I'm only a thousand.
Jake: And still looking good!
Finn: Do you remember anything from when you were the Ice King?
Simon: Nothing specific—just dreamlike impressions.
Finn: Do you still have impressions from all the times we flipped your bricks?
Simon: I have... bruises. [coughs] Excuse me. I—[coughs harder]
Marceline: Man, Simon.
Simon: I'm fine. [coughs]
Marceline: You're dying!
Simon: Well, yes, but only in increments. I've still got work to do. Finn and Jake, will you run my generator?
Finn: Yeah, man.
[Finn and Jake climb onto the stationary bike and start pedaling.]
Jake: Cool.
[The time travel device starts glowing.]
Simon: That's great! Keep pedaling! All we need now is the catalyst—an object from the past that has been lovingly tended to through the ages.
Marceline: [sighs] Goodbye, Hambo. [kisses it and hugs it one last time]
Simon: Because of you, I can say goodbye to Betty and tell her I'm sorry for driving her away. Thank you, Marceline. [drops Hambo into the liquid]
[The portal opens, showing Betty running around a corner and hiding.]
Betty: [panting]
Simon (possessed): [shooting ice lightning skyward] Where's my Betty? Where's my princess?! Princess! Princess!!
Betty: Simon, don't leave me like this.
[Suddenly, the portal opens above her.]
Simon: Betty? Betty. Betty!
Betty: Simon? What is going on?
Simon: I'm a thousand years in the future, love. I opened this portal so we could say goodbye.
Betty: You're dumping me?
Simon: No! It's just that everything changed after I put on that crown. I—I went crazy. You ran away. I—I never saw you again.
Betty: But where would I go without you?
Simon: I'll never know.
Betty: I don't understand. You don't seem crazy now. I mean, in the future.
[The portal opening starts shrinking.]
Simon: The portal is closing. There's no time to explain. Just know that I love you, and I forgive you for leaving me.
Betty: Simon, I know who I'm leaving you for!
Simon: Who?
Betty: [leaps through portal] You, dum-dum! [kisses Simon]
[Simon collapses.]
Betty: Simon? [picks him up and places him on the magic carpet] What's wrong? Are you sick?
Simon: No, I'm old. The crown was keeping me alive, but its magic was negated by the creature Bella Noche.
Betty: Don't die, Simon. I just got here.
Simon: Oh, I'm sorry, Betty.
Betty: I know! I'll fix the crown, and then I'll figure out how to fix you!
Simon: What? No. Guys, stop her.
Jake: Uh...
Marceline: Hmm...
Finn: Yeah, but...
Jake: It kind of sounds like a good idea.
Betty: Right, whoever you are. [takes crown from Gunter and walks back to Simon] I'm sorry. It's the only way. [pulls carpet out from under him]
Simon: No!
Betty: [gets on carpet] Okay, rug, take me to Bella Noche.
[Simon grabs on to the back and flies upward out of the castle with Betty.]
Betty: Get on, Simon!
Simon: I am getting on... the death bus.
Death: [flying alongside them] I've got you in my sights, Simon. [laughs]
Simon: It's my time, Betty! I don't want to be the Ice King again. It's like living with eternal diaper butt. I can't do it!
Betty: Not forever. Destroying Bella Noche and getting your power back will buy me time to find a loophole that'll undo your curse and your death. I can do it! You got to believe me, Simon.
Simon: I...
Death: Get real, man. You're gonna be the Ice King till the sun blows up. This is your one chance. I made a mix tape for the ride: "Summer Jams 3"!
Simon: If I don't let her try, then what am I? What am us?
Betty: What?
Death: Eh, fair enough. See you in a few. [disappears]
[The scene changes back to Bella Noche, who was grown gigantic.]
Grand Master Wizard: This brioche won't stop growing. [shoots crossbow] Ron James, what took... [One of Bella Noche's tentacles slams the ground.] you?
Ron James: Yo, my lab got creamed! I had to dummy-rig an alchemical filter out of a dirty bidet and a vaporizer!
Grand Master Wizard: But will the double-negative magic work?
Ron James: Heck yeah! Ron James always delivers! Check it out, brotha! Yaah! [throws potion at Bella Noche] In your face!
Bella Noche: [screams]
Grand Master Wizard & Ron James: Yeah!
[Bella Noche grows even larger.]
Grand Master Wizard: What the stink is that?!
Ron James: My lab conditions were not ideal.
Grand Master Wizard: But you did not deliver! [shakes him]
Ron James: Peace, man! Aaah!
[Betty and Simon arrive.]
Betty: We're here to help!
Grand Master Wizard: Help how?
[Bella Noche shoots an electric bolt at Ron James and Grand Master Wizard, who both fall flat on their backs.]
Grand Master Wizard: We're toast, bro.
Simon: [grunts] [falls off carpet]
Betty: Simon!
Simon: [sighs]
Betty: Hey, don't scare me like that.
Simon: Just hold my hand to your face. This will be my... last sensation.
Betty: Don't be a wimp, Simon! Just give me a second! [gets on carpet and flies toward Bella Noche]
Death: You got about 15 seconds.
[Bella Noche shoots at Betty, propelling her onto the creature's exterior. Betty then climbs inside and reaches the core.]
Bella Noche: How the—? Wait.
Betty: Surprise! [punches, then kicks Bella Noche] Tranch.
[Bella Noche explodes, sending out a shock wave of magic energy.]
Death: You lose, Simon. Sorry, man. [walks away and disappears]
Ice King: Uh, huh?
[The wizards cheer and use their powers in celebration.]
Ice King: This a party? Huh?
Grand Master Wizard: Wizard City is saved! [laughs] [hugs Ice King]
Ice King: Whoa! Heh. Okay. Whoopee!
[Scene changes to the Ice King's castle.]
Ice King: So then, Ron James told me this girl I was with flew into Bella Noche and mysteriously defeated it for me! Wow! [laughs]
[Muscle Princess struggles to free herself from a block of ice.]
Ice King: Just my luck, right? Black out for a day and meet the woman of your dreams.
Muscle Princess: I will get you!
Ice King: Hey, don't be jealous, Muscle Princess. She's gone—kablooey. Let's be realistic, right? We both know you're not my top pick.
[Muscle Princess breaks free.]
Ice King: Oh, Grod!
Muscle Princess: [roars]
Ice King: No!
[Muscle Princess pommels him repeatedly.]
Ice King: Aaah! Go home! You can go! Aah!
[Gunter turns to see Betty outside, watching from her flying carpet. She lingers for a moment then flies away.]

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Beyond the Grotto" from season 8, which aired on April 9, 2016.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Sea Lard
Water Nymphs
Shelby
Ice King/Princess Purple Patch
BMO/Bee-mo
Singing Flower (Marceline)
Bush Boots (Tree Trunks)
Pink Pond (Princess Bubblegum)
Rabbit (Grotto Finn)
Tadpole (Grotto Jake)
Mr. Pig (Grotto Version)
Choose Goose (Grotto Version)
Mr. Fox (Grotto Version)
Music
Hot Dog Song
Flower Song
Purple Song
Locations
Tree Fort
The Grotto of the Water Nymphs
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[morning in the tree house. Finn is uncomfortable in his bed.]
Finn: [groans]
[there is a sea lard in his bed]
Finn: Eww! The sea lard’s in my bed again. Gross.
Jake: Dude. That’s like the 8th time. Why don’t you just get rid of it?
Finn: I don’t know what’s gotten into it lately.
Jake: It's gross as butts, man. We’re taking care of this right now.


[Finn and Jake carry the sea lard outside]
Finn: I can’t believe we never thought of this before. The pond is the perfect place for a sea lard.
Jake: See ya larder!
[Finn and Jake throw the sea lard into the pond. It sinks.]


Jake: [perplexed] Huh.
Finn: Is he, like, okay?
[Shelby climbs out of under Finn’s armpit]
Shelby: Well, seeing as sea lards are saltwater fish, and the pond is a freshwater environment…[inhales sharply] ...no? He’s a stenohaline fish. Haven’t you guys ever heard of osmoregulation? Allow me to explain.
[Finn takes his pajamas off. Shelby falls.]
Shelby: [shrieks] Waaaa! 
Finn: Sorry Shelby. Gotta save the lard.
[Finn holds his breath and jumps in. Jake follows. They swim to the bottom of the pond.]


Jake: [underwater] Thar!
Finn: [underwater] Wa?
[The lard floats into an underwater hole. Finn and Jake follow.]
[The lard emerges from the water. The frames show a massive structure of mud.]


Water Nymphs: [singing in harmony] ♫♪♪Smash the frogs, smash the frogs, making frog hot dogs, smash the frogs…..♫♪♪
Finn: [Looking around, amazed] Whoa!
Water Nymph (Denise): [Emerges from behind a structure] Finn and Jake! [to other water nymphs] Yo! Finn and Jake are here!
Water Nymphs #2 and #3: ♫♪♪Smash the frog - [interrupted, face Finn and Jake holding rolling pins] Hi!
Finn: So, this is where you guys live?
Water Nymphs #2 and #3: Yeah!
Water Nymph #2: We’re the guardians of this grotto.
Water Nymph (Denise): You guys want to stay for lunch? We’re making hot dogs!
Finn and Jake: [both, excited] Hot dogs?!?!
Finn: [realizing] Oh, wait. We dropped our sea lard in the pond, and we’ve got to save it before it dies from the freshwater. He’s a stenohaline fish.
[The Water Nymphs look at each other]
Water Nymph #3: You do know sea lards are mammals, right?
Finn: [embarrassed] Uhh.. I definitely knew that. [To Jake, whispering] I’m gonna murder Shelby.
Water Nymph (Denise): Well, hey, you guys should stick around. I’m gonna go finish cooking. 
Water Nymphs #2 and #3: [both] And we gotta mash more frogs.
[The water nymphs leave]


Finn: I can’t believe I just believe Shelby ‘cause he’s a nerd.
Jake: [agreeing] I know. It's in his tone. [Jake looks to the left] Hey, it's the lard!
Finn: [yelling to the lard] Hey, get away from there!
[The lard sinks into a whirlpool. It gasps for breath.]
Finn: [scoldingly] Bad lard! Lard!!
[water nymph (Denise) emerges from the water.]
Water Nymph (Denise): [hears Finn and Jake] Huh? [realizes, yelling] Don’t go near there! It’s too dangerous!
Finn: [yelling] Got to save this dang lard!
Water Nymph (Denise): [yelling] Whatever you do, don’t touch the purple stuff!
[Finn and Jake get sucked in the whirlpool]
Finn: [yelling] WHOOAH!
[The setting changes to a different dimension, where Finn and Jake are portrayed with a simpler, different art style]


[Finn wakes up on the ground, coughing]
Finn: [perplexed] What did she say? Don’t touch the purple?
[Jake wakes up, groaning]
Finn: [perplexed] What happened to the pond?
Jake: And how ‘bout our treehouse? The house part’s a-gone! 
[a pink pond is shown, as well as a house-less treehouse]
Finn: [perplexed] What the butt?
Jake: I guess we went through some portal to the past or some biz.
Finn: [perplexed] Was stuff the wrong color in the past?
[The wind blows with a strange effect]
Finn: [scratching his chin] It's weird as carbs here.
Jake: [looking around, yelling] The sea lard! [Jake points] There it goes!
Finn: [yelling] Lard!
[Finn and Jake run toward the lard. The frame pans to show an alternate dimension Finn and Jake, who begin to lick from the pink pond. The pond forms a face and speaks with Princess Bubblegum’s voice.]
Pond: [giggling] Hello, friends!
[Finn and Jake continue chasing the sea lard in the woods] 
Finn: [calling] Lard! Lard! Lard! Lard! Lard!
Jake: Lard, lard, lard, lard, lard


Finn: [singing] ♫♪♪La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la laaaa!♫♪♪
Jake: You are crazy. You are so crazy!
[Finn and Jake continue walking]
Finn: [looking around] Everything’s like, wonky here. It’s familiar, but weird.
Jake: [smiling] I like it.
Finn: I don’t know. It kind of makes me feel… naked. [Finn sees the lard and gasps.]♫♪♪ La-la-la laaaard!♫♪♪
[Finn grabs the lard]
Finn: Gotcha! Finally, we can take you home!
[lights capture Finn and Jake’s attention.]


Finn and Jake: [perplexed] Huh?
[Alternate dimension Marceline (Leaf Marceline] is playing her bass and singing a melancholy song with two other leaves.]
Leaf Marceline: [singing "Flower Song"]♫♪♪A one-and a-two- I’d rather be anything but me, a leaf on a tree, a bug or a bee. I just want to see the sea, I want to be free from this body, this flower body.♫♪♪


Finn: [In awe] Please don’t change. You’re perfect just the way you are.
Leaf Marceline: Oh, I know! I just like to write sad songs.
Finn and Jake: [understanding] Ohh! [they chuckle.]
Finn: Wait. Hey, Jake, what were we just doing?
Leaf Marceline: [interrupting, singing] ♫♪♪Chasin’ the fish, Chasin’ the fish, and its getting away♫♪♪[Leaf Marceline points] 
Finn: [Turns around, yelling]
[Finn and Jake run away]


Leaf Marceline: [waving] Bye! [To other leaves] You guys are writing this down, right?
[Finn and Jake run]
Finn: Why does the lard keep running away? We're trying to get it home.
Jake: Yeah, this place ain't safe.
[A purple sparkle hits Finn's face. Then, it begins to come down like rain.]
[Princess Purple Patch (Ice King) is humming a tune.]
Princess Purple Patch: [singing] ♫♪♪bum-bum-bum, little purple, you're a catch, I love your pretty purple sash. We're a perfect purple match, Welcome to my purple patch♫♪♪!
Princess Purple Patch: I'm Princess Purple Patch, and this is my little special Purple. [They kiss the purple] Mwah!
Jake: [waves] Hi, Purple. I'm Ginn and he's Fake. Hmm.. Thats not right. He's Ginn, and I'm... wait...
Princess Purple patch: I'ma call you Purple Face! You want to come play in my purple place? 
[Jake gets reminded of what the water nymph said to him before.]
Water Nymph (Denise): [echoes, warning] Don't touch the purple stuff!
Jake: [To Finn] Weren't we supposed to not do something with the purple things?
Finn: [confused] Hm?
Princess Purple Patch: Oh, you want purple? Here, take some for the road!
[Princess Purple Patch tosses some purple toward Finn and Jake. Finn and Jake become affected by the purple, and enter a childlike state.]
Princess Purple Patch: [sadly] Oh, dear, I've purpled you.
[They begin to cry and fly away.]
Princess Purple Patch: [sadly] Why do I always do this? 
Purple: [casually] Later.
[Finn and Jake continue to play in the purple.]
Jake: [pleasantly] Heh! What a great gal.
Finn: Yeah. [pleasantly] Purple! [confused] Wait- what were we just doing? We were.... We were.... Who are we?
Jake: I don't know, man. [Playing in the purple] But I like these things.
Finn: [Trying to remember.] Foon. I'm--- I'm Foon. [groaning] I'm.. [smiling obliviously] Fine.
[Finn notices Jake grunting on the ground.]


Finn: Huh? Ja-- Ja-- Jaaauump!
[Finn jumps in front of jake]
Finn: Hello. Are you a lost dog? I am boy.
Jake: Uh.. maybe?
Finn: We are boy and dog.
Jake: I'm petting the ground, boy.
Finn: Looks like fun.
[Finn get on the ground and sniffs it.]
Finn: And it smells like toast.
[Finn and Jake notice Bush Boots (Tree Trunks) crying in the distance.]
Finn: Huh? Crying. Long nose. 
Finn and Jake: [exclaiming and posing] Investigate!
[Bush Boots continues to cry]
Finn: [speaking to Bush Boots] Miss, your crying indicates you're in need of help.
Bush Boots: What? [sniffles] Yes. I've lost my rolling pin.
Finn: Understood. What's your name, miss?
Bush Boots: I'm Bush Boots, the little apricot anteater [begins to bawl]
[Finn and Jake approach Bush Boots and embrace her.]
Finn and Jake: Hugs!
Bush Boots: [wiping tears] The hugs helped my crying, but it didn't help me find my rolling pin.
Finn: Boy and dog will find your rolling pin. [looking around] Where did you last see it?
Bush Boots: It was rolling around here not too long ago.


[The sea lard rolls across the screen]
Bush Boots: Oh, there it goes!
[Finn and Jake begin to chase it, with bush boots far behind]
Bush Boots: Come back, you bad little rolling pin!
[The sea lard/rolling pin hides in the bushes.]
Finn: Bush Boots, lets sneak up on it.
[They roll toward the sea lard stealthily, and capture it.]
Jake: [wrestling with the sea lard] Am-boosh!
Bush Boots: [happy] Oh, you caught it! Wonderful!
[the next scene is at Bush Boots' home. Bush boots is struggling to hold the "rolling pin".
Bush Boots: [struggling] Come on, now. Just roll the dough.
[The sea lard jumps out of her hands and flops around. Everyone gasps.]
Bush Boots: [sadly, upset] Oh, its getting away again!
Finn: Ma'am, I think that rolling pin is sentient.
Jake: [Agreeing] Yeah, I don't think it wants to be a rolling pin.
Finn: Dog, we have to save that rolling pin from this sweet lady. [Finn looks around] Where did it go?
[The sea lard shows itself, and rolls away. Finn and Jake run after it.]
Finn: [yelling] Rolling pin! We want to help!
[As Finn and Jake run away, Bush Boots' home becomes a train, and rolls away. Finn and Jake can't follow the sea lard's trail.]
Finn: No more.. Slime.
Jake: Rolling pin trail has gone cold.


[A bee (Bee-mo) begins to buzz around them.]
Finn: A bee. 
Jake: I see.
Bee: A poem by me. Listen for a sound and look around.
Unless egress is sought, smiles will not be found.
Finn and Jake: [confused] Hmm?
Bee: It's a metaphor.
[The bee flies away and Finn and Jake follow it. They approach the pink pond from before.]
Jake: A pink pond.
Finn: Pink pond? Pretty!
Pink pond: [Giggles] Hee hee! Hello, friends!
Jake: The pond has a face and is talking to us.
Finn: [in awe] Yeah.
Pink pond: [inviting] Dive in.


[The pink pond turns into a whirlpool.]
Finn: I don't feel comfortable diving into a face.
[The sea lard approaches from behind them.]
Finn: Dog, lets go back for apricot pie.
Jake: [excited] Yeah, pie!
[The sea lard pushes Finn and Jake into the pool.]
Jake: Gross!
Finn: [exclaiming] Whoaaa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
[The sea lard jumps in after them.]


[Finn and Jake return to normal Ooo, and are inside the treehouse. Ice King is staring through their window. Jake is speaking to BMO]
Jake: And then there was like, a PB puddle, a Marceline plant, and a little bee that looked like you, BMO! You know what? We didn't save the sea lard. The sea lard saved us.
BMO: Yay, sea lard!
Ice King: [on windowsill] Wow, what an adventure.
Jake: [Turns around] And there was even a purple lady kind of like you, Ice King! She even sounded just like you.
Ice King: She sounds magnificent! How'd you say you got there?
Jake: We didn't. Beat it, creep.
Ice King: I'll figure it out.
[Ice King flies away. Finn approaches the window]
Finn: But Simon, if you go there, you'll lose you memories.
Ice King: What memories? I'm like a goldfish over here.


[Ice King looks away]
Jake: [curious] In what way, exactly?
[Ice King notices Jake]
Ice King: Oh, hey Jake. [exclaiming] Where am I?
[The scene changes to nightfall. Finn is putting the sea lard into bed.]
Finn: Comfy, dude? I bet you ran away 'cause we didn't appreciate you and called you gross and stuff. But you're not gross. [Finn kisses the sea lard] Mwah! Goodnight, sea lard.
[the sea lard closes his eyes and begins to sleep.]


[end of episode.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Beyond this Earthly Realm" from season 4, which aired on June 11, 2012.

Characters
Finn
Jake
BMO
Ice King
Spirits
Music
"Ice King's Song of Joy"
Locations
Spirit World
Mysterious cave
Tree Fort
Ice King's Castle
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode begins with Finn and Jake spelunking in a cave. Jake yawns making a sound similar to Chewbacca from Star Wars.]
Jake: Man... let's go home.
Finn: Nuts to that. I wanna find a mystery cave.
Jake: [Sighs] But, Finn, I'm gettin' all cranky around my joke-hole.
[Jake accidentally drops on Finn.]
Finn: Ow!
Jake: Oof!
Finn: Ooh-la-la.
Jake: Whuzzat?
Finn: Mystery cave! C'mon, Jake! [Grunts while crawling through tiny entrance.] Oh, my glory...
[A tiny Jake comes through the entrance then gets back to normal size. The lamb relic is seen on a pedestal at the top of pyramid-arranged stairs. Finn walks up to it and nearly touches it.]
Jake: Dude, no!! Don't touch that thing! It's probably got some kind of sacred significance.
Finn: Yeah. I want it for my sacred bathroom.
[Finn touches it and the lamb lights up.]
Jake: Finn?! [The light dims down and Finn's face can be seen on the lamb; Finn has disappeared. Jake runs up to the lamb panting.] Oh, my Jah! Finn's become one with the lamb!!
[The scene is then viewed in the Spirit World version and Finn can be seen, along with numerous odd-looking Spirits.]
Finn: Jake!! You see this crazy jazz?!
[Normal view]
Jake: We'll get through this, my bro. I swear, I'm gonna get you out of that lamb.
[Jake goes down the pyramid steps and sits down. He tugs his tail twice and starts pulling himself out by retracting his tail.
[Spirit World view]
Finn: Jake! C'mon quit messin' with me. [Jake doesn't notice anything. The top of Jake's head goes through Finn's crotch as he pulls himself out.] WHOA!
Jake: [Going over rocks as he pulls himself out] Ow. Ow. [Hits the entrance] Ow. [He exits.]
[Scene transitions to the Tree Fort in the normal world view. Jake sighs then BMO sighs.]
Jake: Wish I knew how to free you, bro.
[Spirit World view]
Finn: Me, too, bro.
[Normal view. BMO begins making fart noises and Jake scowls.]
Jake: BMO, stop fake-farting.
BMO: But Finn always loved BMO farting. [Resumes making fart noises]
[Spirit World view]
Finn: Heh heh heh heh heh!
Jake: Hmm... [Normal view] That's it! We'll do all Finn's favorite stuff 'til he comes out! BMO! Play Finn's favorite song!
BMO: Okay!
[BMO activates his music player and starts singing "Three Baby Spiders" with Jake. Cut to Spirit World view]
Finn: What? Nooo... [The Spirits begin laughing at Finn.] No! Not this song!!
[Normal view. Jake and BMO are still singing.]
Jake: Are you hearing this, buddy?
[Spirit World view; Spirits are still laughing.]
Finn: Guys... I haven't liked this song since I was two. [Exasperated noise; Finn goes up to BMO and waves his hands in front of him.] Cut it OUT! [Finn tries to hit BMO but his blows go right through it. Finn walks out in frustration and sits on a branch outside. He notices a leaf go by.]
Ice King: Leaf Princess! [Normal view] Come to me, my arboreal beauty! Gotcha!
[Spirit World view]
Finn: [Scoffs] It's just a dumb old leaf, ya dumb old Ice King.
[Normal view]
Ice King: [To Finn] I know, but it's mine.
[Spirit World view]
Finn: Wait! What?! Ice King! You can hear me?
Ice King: Yes... Why? Are you makin' fun of me or something?
Finn: No, it's just no one else can see me or hear me talk.
Ice King: Ohhhh, yeah.... You're trapped in the Spirit Realm. I can see all things Spirit with my... Wizard Eyes!
Finn: Man... Never thought I'd be happy to talk to you, Ice King. Can ya help me get free??
[Normal view]
Ice King: Oh, yeah, I know all the ins and outs. And I'd do anything for a friend like you.
[Scene cuts to the Ice Kingdom at Ice King's lair.]
Penguin: Wenk.
Ice King: Quiet, Gunter. Can'tya see I'm hanging with Finn?
Penguin: Wenk wenk.
Ice King: I know I say that a lot, but this time it's true!
[The penguin walks away. The Spirit Realm is viewed.]
Finn: Anyways... Where do all these spirits come from?
Ice King: Oh, there are portals all over the universe. I have one in my basement! Every once in a while, a real cutie pie drifts through. Ooh! [Whispering] Oh, gosh, there she is. [To himself] Mm, oh, yeah... [Chuckles perversely]
Finn: Sick.
Ice King: What? I swear I never touch 'em! I can't! [Wafting through Spirits] Can't touch this, can't touch this... [Puts his hand through Finn.] Can't touch this, either. [Laughs] Yep, I can't kill any of them. [Looks down at a Spirit which secretes a liquid then flies away.] [Grave voice] I hate them... Okay, alright! 'Nuff messin' around. Let's getcha free from the Spirit Plane.
Finn: Cool.
[Cut to Ice King's basement.]
Ice King: Sooo, the only way to get out of the Spirit World is to stick all these lousy things in the Spirit Hole down there. Then plug up the hole with that.
Finn: And doing that will set me back to normal??
Ice King: Mm-hmmmm, trust me! We are tur-bros! Turbo bros! Tur-bros. Turbo. ...Bros.
[Beat. Finn scowls.]
Finn: [Suddenly smiling] So be it!
[Finn scatters around and forces the Spirits in the Spirit Hole. Scene goes back to the Tree Fort in the normal view.]
Jake: Alright, Finn. This oughta free you from your body prison. Couple-a' rounds of Kompy's Kastle will jog your psychic schnaps. That's what I think. Co-op mode like we always do! Oh, yeah! C'mon, Finn, drop the drawbridge. Kompy's blood lust meter's goin' down. Lemme help ya there. [Pushes the second controller's button; the drawbridge on the screen goes down.] Whuzza!! You love Kompy! [Beat. Jake sighs in sadness.]
[Cut back to the Ice Kingdom in the Spirit World view. Finn puts another Spirit in the hole.]
Finn: I... did it. [Drops down, exhausted] I did it. I'm ready, Ice King. Make me normal now.
Ice King: Ohhh, that's not all of 'em. There's this other guy that watches me. He's... super creepy. [Cut to Ice King's bathroom; Finn walks up to the toilet.] Do ya see it?? Oh, it see's you... [Panicking] Catch it and put it in the Spirit Hole! In the Spirit Hole where it can't see me anymore so you can be free!! [The eyeball creature goes in the toilet, and Finn says, "Huh?"; Finn pursues it still.] Get it! Get it!! [Finn grabs it.] GET IT IN THE HOLE!!
Finn: [Running back to the hole] Ew! Ew! Ew! [Throwing it in] Eeeewwww!! [He plugs the hole.]
Ice King: Yes! It's gone!
Finn: So... now I can go back to normal.
Ice King: Uhhh, wait, though.
Finn: ...What?
Ice King: There's this last guy you gotta get. He's pretty much the worst. He usually leaves these gross heads around, but I'm not seeing them anywhe— OH! [Panicking] THERE IT IS! THERE IT IS!!
Head: Wanwan. Wanwan. Wanwan.
Ice King: [Crying] Nooo...
Head: Wanwan! Wanwan!
Ice King: NO! DON'T COME NEAR ME!!
Head: Wanwan!
Finn: What is that?
Ice King: It's from the dead one. He leaves these heads around everywhere. I can't even touch them, but it still creeps me out...
Head: Wanwan!
Ice King: Please get rid of him!
Finn: What do I do? Follow the heads?
Ice King: [Panicking] USE THE HEADS!! Oh, snow, please!
Finn: [Sighs] Alright, man, I'll get it. [Runs up to another head] Where's your daddy, huh? Is he hiding in there?
Head: Wanwan.
[The dead one is seen. It drops another head and Finn gets disgusted.]
Finn: You better get back in the Spirit Hole, dead one. [It secretes another head. Finn looks really grossed out.] Okay... [It shoots a head at Finn who cuts it with his Demon Sword; the head splits in two and covers Finn. The dead one runs over Finn and darts off while Finn pulls the goop off.]
The Dead One: [Running away] Wamwanwan.
[Finn chases after him but accidentally makes himself fall. ("Oh, bolts.") However, a flying spirit saves him ("WHOO! Yeah! Get 'im!") and Finn uses it to catch up to the dead one. Finn runs into it ("BOOSH!!") and knocks it in the hole. Finn hangs off the hole's ledge and looks inside.]
Finn: Oh, my what? The cave?? How the...??? ...Weird. That's weird, but whatevs, though. [Forces himself out of the hole, then plugs it.] Whatevs. Ice King! Ice Kiiiing! [To himself] Where'd you go, Simon? [Finn hears laughing.] Ice King? [He goes up to the Ice King's bedroom and looks into the door. Ice King laughs and sings a song of triumph, and he reveals that he tricked Finn.] Dude, come on, what?
Ice King: Ha ha, Finn! You fell right into for my brilliant plan [sic] that I formed out of the thin air like a true Magi! Not only did I get you to remove those horrible creatures from my castle, but now you're trapped, and only I can see you. So if you want friends, this is it, pal! [Laughs]
Finn: [Nonchalantly, walking away] I'm gonna re-open the hole.
Ice King: NO, WAIT, MY PLAN FELL APART!! [Finn comes back.] My... new plan is that you don't open the hole, and I destroy the porcelain lamb which will bring you back to the material plane. Heh heh... heh.
[Cut back to the Tree Fort in normal view. Jake is still playing video games. Ice King busts in.]
Ice King: Jake. [Drops down.] AGH, BLUH! GIMME THAT LAMB!
Jake: NO!! [Evades Ice King's attack] Finn's trapped in here!!
Ice King: That's why I have to smash it!!
Jake: You donk! I will smash you!! WAAAH!! [Smashes Ice King's armor]
Ice King: Escaped! [Jake yanks Ice King's cloak off] AAAH! My winter body!! I was gonna start up on the elliptical again, but I got depressed, okay?! Don't look at me!! [Runs off crying and accidentally trips onto the lamb; it lights up for a moment and Ice King disappears.]
Jake: [In shock] Whoooo?!
[Ice King's face appears on the lamb. Switch to Spirit Realm view]
Ice King: AAH! They're touching me for real! EWW!!
Finn: Great. Now we're both stuck in here.
Ice King: [Panicking] FINN, GIVE ME YOUR CLOTHES! [Jumps on Finn, and pulls on Finn's hat]
Finn: STOP! WUUH!
Ice King: I need a buffer!! AAAH! [Is thrown off by Finn, who is hatless.]
Finn: Ah, jeez, come on!
Ice King: [Puts on Finn's hat like a bra and lays down; he starts waving his hand] I'm sorry... I'm sorry, they were just touching me on the body... I'm sorry... [As he's talking, the patterns on the TV screen move back and forth.]
Finn: Whoa, do that again. [Ice King more or less repeats what he just did, and the patterns to the same thing.] Your hand is affecting the TV! We must have some kinda subtle effect on the material plane!
Ice King: Cooool. Whaddaya think, Finn? Can we pull back the veil of static and reach into the source of all being? Behind this curtain of patterns... this random pattern generator... So clever... right here in every home, watching us from a one-sided mirror... [Finn stares blankly.] Heh heh heh, whoops! Just wizard-talkin' to myself!
Finn: It's okay! But let's use our subtle influence to break the lamb!
Ice King: Yeah, a'ight. You mean like this?
Finn: Yeah, man! Bwoooo! [They both create winds and produce noticeable effects on the material plane] It's workin', man! Combine the swirls!
Ice King: Okay! Wha-zah!!
[Normal view]
Jake: Whoa! Finn, is that you?!
[The lamb starts to move]
Finn: [In Spirit World] YES!!
[Normal view]
Jake: Finn! Finn! Finn! [The lamb falls and breaks. Ice King and Finn reappear.] Whooooaaaa... [Embraces Finn] That was beautiful!
Finn: Heh-heh.
[Jake sweeps up the shattered lamb.]
Jake: Let's go flush this in the sacred bathroom!
[Finn and Jake both laugh, then Ice King joins them; Finn and Jake stop laughing and look uncomfortable. The episode ends with only Ice King laughing.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Billy's Bucket List" from season 5, which aired on March 17, 2014.

Characters
Finn
Billy
Canyon
Fear Feaster
Jordan
Music
"Rap Bear & Finn's Rap"
Locations
Candy Kingdom
Billy's crack
Ocean
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[In the Candy Kingdom, a crowd of Candy People and Party Bears is dancing in front of a stage, on which are Finn, Party Pat, and Rap Bear.]
Rap Bear: Yo! Check, check, one, two! Hey! I'm Rap Bear! I can rap... like that. Ha-ha, I'm back! It's a battle of rhymes. I'm gonna do it this time. I'm Rap Bear. My raps are mystical... quantum physics! Whoo! [drops mike]
Crowd: Whoa!
Rap Bear: Yeah, yeah!
Jake: Boo! That was pre-written. It's so obvious! Take him out, Finn!
Finn: Off...
Starchie: Nope.
Finn: Off the dome, here we go. Uh! I'm-a start it now. I'm-a battle now. We gonna make a rhyme, so I can rap this time. I rap for millions... [beat] sesquipedalians.
Crowd: [cheering]
Starchie: Yeah, that was tight.
Finn: Whoo! [sees Rap Bear crying] Huh? Rap Bear, what's wrong, man?
Rap Bear: How can I be Rap Bear if I'm not the best?
Finn: No way! You are the best! Going up against you was a dream come true. I look up to you, man. You're like... You're like my hero, Rap Bear.
Jake: Awesome.
Rap Bear: [hugs Finn] Thank you, Finn.
Crowd: [cheering]
Party Pat: I thought Billy was your hero.
Finn: Yeah, but Billy's dead, so... Billy.
[Flashback begins. Billy is standing on a pile of fallen monsters.]
Billy: Ha-ha! Check out these dummies.
Finn: [jumping and clapping] Ha-ha! Yeah! You're awesome Billy! Ha-ha!
Monster: You're gonna pay for this, Billy!
[Billy grabs the monster by the face and throws him upward. He jumps up after it, punches it away, then lands with a thud.]
Finn: Sick.
Billy: [laughs] Billy! [Half his face becomes the Lich's.]
[Flashback ends. Finn walks offstage and away from the crowd.]
Party Bear: I love rap music, but only when it's good rap.
Woman: Finn! Finn! Finn.
Finn: Huh? Who dat?
Woman: I'm Canyon, Billy's ex-girlfriend.
Finn: Say what?! That's so weird. I was just— [stammering] Party Pat was just like—
Jake: What's going on here? Who's that?
Finn: This is Billy's ex-girlfriend.
Jake: His special Lady?
Canyon: No, his ex-girlfriend.
Jake: Oh, man, I'm sorry. Well, I hope you guys get back together. Whoo-oop! [leaves]
Finn: Jake's still in denial about Billy.
Canyon: Billy and I broke up four years ago, but I held on to this. [takes out brown cloth]
Finn: [gasps] Billy's loincloth!
Canyon: After Billy died, I couldn't keep it in my place anymore. I heard you guys were friends, so when I saw your name on the rap battle flyer, I thought it would be cool to bring it to you.
[Finn dons the loincloth like a cape.]
Starchie: [coughs] Oh, that's some smelly. [leaves]
Finn: Thank you, Canyon. I guess I've been in denial, too. Have you been back to Billy's crack?
Canyon: No, I can't.
Finn: It's time to go see Billy's crack.
[Finn and Canyon stand outside Billy's crack.]
Canyon: Shouldn't Jake be here?
Finn: He needs more time. This would mess him up too much. [enters crack]
[Several Gnomes are seen lying about.]
Finn: [gasps] Fairies! Oh, they've infested the place! Okay, you guys, out! This is Billy's crack.
Gnome 1: Billy got aced by the Lich.
Gnome 2: We have dibs on the crack, so beat it!
Finn: I'll dib up your brains if you don't respect the mems of Billy.
Jordan: Flimsy threats! Like a tiny blade of grass in a maelstrom, you are. That storm is me, Jordan, Lord of the Fairies. I ain't afraid of you or this big—
[Finn cuts his pants off.]
Jordan: You think you can chump me like that? This breeze feels great, doofus!
[Finn cuts his head off.]
Jordan's head: All right.
[Some fairies fly off with his head.]
Finn: Laters.
[Canyon is sitting on Billy's motorcycle.]
Finn: Um, so, Canyon, why did you and Billy break up?
Canyon: Huh? Oh. Well, I loved Billy, and I believed in him, but then Billy stopped believing, and that jammed up our whole deal—being a top-tier, red-belt power couple. After a while, all he did was watch movies and play video games. Pretty lame, right? So I bailed.
Finn: Even heroes have slumps, bro.
Canyon: Yeah, I know. I heard he was making a comeback, too. What a weird world.
[Flashback begins. Billy and Canyon are riding on his motorcycle and fighting demons. Billy does a wheelie.]
Billy: Billy!
[Flashback ends.]
Canyon: What the—? [takes a rolled-up paper out of the motorcycle]
Finn: What is it?
Canyon: It looks like Billy's bucket list.
Finn: Whoa, let me see!
[Canyon hands it to Finn.]
Finn: Hmm. Looks like he got to most of these. He sure lived a full life. Okay, here's one. Wait. "Tell Finn that thing." What the butt is that?
Canyon: [shrugs] I don't know.
Finn: Okay, that's gonna bother me forever. Well—well, here's one more. We should do it for Billy.
Canyon: What's that?
[Scene cuts to Finn and Canyon riding Billy's motorcycle through a desert. Finn has to use wrenches to reach the handlebars.]
Canyon: Are you sure you're okay?
Finn: [screams]
[A giant reptilian monster snaps its teeth at them as they ride past. It chases them, brandishing short swords. It lunges at Canyon, but she ducks under it and punches it away.]
Finn: Holy shram! Whoo!
[They hit a ramp, which launches them into a canyon. They leap from the bike and grab a tree as the bike hits the bottom and explodes. Finn and Canyon look at each other contently. At the bottom of the canyon, Finn and Canyon stand beside the river.]
Canyon: That was awesome, Finn. You know, you remind me of Billy when he was young.
Finn: Whoa. So... can I see you sometime?
Canyon: I have a feeling our paths will cross again. Take care, Finn.
[They fist bump, and she turns to the river. She raises her left hand, parting the water and revealing some steps. She walks down them and is swallowed by the river.]
Finn: [takes out bucket list] "Take Canyon on one last ride." [crosses it out and drops his pencil] Whoops. [As he picks up his pencil, he sees something written in the corner.] What? Another item? You sneaky Billy. "Lie on my back in the ocean. Just float." Cool. [screams] Why the ocean, Billy?!
[Scene cuts to Finn looking out at the ocean. It is revealed that during the scene cut, he took off his shoes, socks, shirt, and pants. He is now wearing nothing but his backpack, hat, grass sword on his wrist, and his red-and-white underwear.]
Finn: Okay, Finn, don't think about your fear. Just jump in there like it's no biggie. Do it for Billy. For Billy!
[He runs at the ocean in his underwear, screaming, then runs away. He shivers and pants from fright.]
Finn: I'm afraid. I'm afraid! Oh, dang, here he comes! Here comes the Fear Feaster!
[The Fear Feaster comes out of Finn's bellybutton and laughs.]
Fear Feaster: Way to go, Finn the Coward. Still afraid of the ocean, eh? [laughs] You should just give up! You're not a hero. You're a wimp-o! A cringing, cowardly—
[Finn walks down the beach toward a dock.]
Fear Feaster: Hey, where you going? Fool, I come with. Ha-ha! I'm gonna nosh on your insecurities. Then I'll—I'll squat on your hopes. So now what, little boy?
[Finn breaks a board off the dock.]
Fear Feaster: Huh? Uh, hey, man, don't do anything stupid. Hey! You're too chicken to face your fears with open eyes? This stank is cheating!
Finn: This stank is for Billy. [hits himself in the head with the board]
Fear Feaster: No! [goes back inside Finn]
[Finn falls backwards into the ocean. He floats for a second, then crosses his eyes and sinks. A whale takes Finn's hat and swims off with it through a circular opening. Finn follows it, but the opening turns out to be the opening to a giant-sized version of Finn's hat. As Finn swims upwards, the giant hat turns and faces Finn. Finn glances back at it, and it suddenly launches toward him.]
Finn: Huh? [continues swimming, then looks back again] Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
[Finn reaches the surface and gasps for air, but the hat comes out of the water, too, supported by a tall pillar of water. Finn is lifted up by the water. He tries to swim away, but he can't move. The whale suddenly swims up the column of water and out the opening of the giant hat. It opens its mouth wide.]
Finn: For Billy!
[The whale snaps its mouth shut around Finn.]
Fear Feaster: Wake up. Wake up!
Finn: [gasps and pants, struggling to stay afloat]
Fear Feaster: [laughs]
[Finn's sword arm raises itself out of the water and slaps Finn.]
Finn: Huh? Whoa!
[The grass sword extends itself.]
Fear Feaster: [laughs] No mortal blade can harm—
[As if responding to the Fear Fester's taunt, the sword slices through the Fear Feaster... much to the apparition's big time dismay.]
Fear Feaster: What?! [explodes]
[Finn looks at his sword, stunned, and it retracts itself.]
Finn: Was that you or me? Huh? Hey. Hey! I—I'm doing it! [laughs] I'm not afraid of the ocean anymore! I'm doing it, Billy.
Billy: Billy!
[A constellation in the form of Billy draws itself in the sky.]
Billy: You finished my list. Now I can rest like a great hero. Thank you, Finn.
Finn: You're welcome. Canyon helped, too.
Billy: Tell Canyon I watch her sleep. Man, love is weird, Finn.
Finn: I know. Is that the thing you wanted to tell me?
Billy: No. Goodbye.
[The constellation disappears.]
Finn: Wait. Billy!
[The constellation reappears as quickly as it disappeared.]
Billy: What?
Finn: What's the thing you wanted to tell me?
Billy: Oh, uh, you must go to the Citadel. That's where your father is.
Finn: Joshua's not alive. Me and Jake buried him behind the—
Billy: Not Joshua! Your other dad. Dad the Human.
Finn: What?
Billy: Your father, Finn. He's alive.
[The constellation disappears as Billy's words echo in Finn's head. The Crystal Citadel is shown floating somewhere in space, and Finn's dad's silhouette is seen trapped in a crystal.]

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Blade of Grass" from season 5, which aired on January 20, 2014.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Grassy Wizard
Choose Goose
Tree Trunks
The Hooligans Who Love Candles
Suzy
Sue
Slider Guys
Music
None
Locations
Farmer's Market
Suzy & Sue's Candles
Tree Trunks' house
Tree Fort
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[The episode begins with Finn and Jake fighting a group of Slider Guys. Finn ineffectually swats at a couple with what is left of his Demon Blood Sword while Jake punches and kicks them away.]
Finn: Thanks, bro!
Jake: There for you, bro... but Finn, I'm gonna tell you something gently.
Finn: [concerned] Okay. What is it, bro?
Jake: Get a new sword.
Finn: What you do mean?
Jake: Bro, these guys could've hurt you.
Finn: It still works. [swings it] Hyut!
Jake: Bro...
Finn: I love this sword. [hugs it]
Jake: It'll be okay. Let's go shopping!
[The scene switches to a marketplace, where several townspeople are selling their goods.]
Suzy & Sue: Candles! Candles! Candles for all occasions!
Jake: Hey! There's Choose Goose! [looks at Finn and runs toward Choose Goose excitedly] Goose! Come on! [realizes that Finn has not moved and runs back to him] Finn? What's wrong?
Finn: Mm, maybe we should try someone else.
Jake: What? But we have history with him—that's important in business.
Finn: Yeah, but we're lookin' for a sword. Remember that armor he sold us? [motions his hands in the shape of an hourglass]
Jake: [winces] Ooh. Yeah, okay.
[The two walk on.]
Jake: I asked around. This is the place to get sa-words. [motions to a grass tipi in front of them]
Finn: Oh. Doesn't look like it's open.
[The tipi opens, revealing an "OPEN" sign.]
Finn & Jake: Open! [They walk inside.]
Voice: Close the curtains behind you, please.
[Finn does so.]
Voice: Walk towards the candle.
[They approach the man at the counter, who is wearing sunglasses and a cloak.]
Man: How can I help you?
Finn: Need a sword.
Man: Hold on. [brings out a sword] Here you go: a grass sword. It's a bargain.
Finn: I don't know. I've never used a grass sword before. Maybe we should keep lookin'.
Man: Swords like this don't come around every day.
Finn: Don't come around every day, uh? [wields the sword] I love it.
Jake: Well, that was easy.
Man: [as Finn and Jake walk out] Remember, no take backs.
[Finn practices with the sword as a townsperson pushes up a cart loaded with pillows.]
Jake: Hey, the pillow vendor!
[The scene changes to Finn and Jake walking through the woods. Jake is carrying a pillow while Finn is practicing with his sword. Suddenly, a pizza flies out of the bushes.]
Finn: Huh? Hyut! [slices it in half]
Jake: Huh? Pizza?!
Finn: Yeah! Came outta nowhere! It was gonna bonk you on the head.
Jake: You're getting good with that sword. You were never able to do that with your other swords.
Finn: No more pizza bonks. Hyut! [swishes the sword] Hey, we're near Tree Trunks' house. Let's stop by and get some pie.
Jake: Pie!
[They approach Tree Trunks' house.]
Finn: [swishing sword] Hyut! Hyut!
[They walk inside]
Finn: Hyaaaah!♪
Tree Trunks: Howdy, boys! Nice pillow and nice sword. My hands are full, Finn. Uh, you mind slicin' an apple for me? [rolls an apple toward him]
Finn: Hyut! [slices apple perfectly]
Tree Trunks: Something is terribly wrong with that awful sword.
Jake: He's gettin' really good. He saved me from pizza.
Tree Trunks: That apple slicing is too perfect... demonically perfect. That sword is cursed!
Finn & Jake: [laugh]
Jake: I like it when Tree Trunks gets all serious.
[The scene changes to inside Finn and Jake's bedroom. Finn is practicing with his sword while wearing pajamas and Jake is making his bed.]
Jake: Uh, how's that curse doin'? Makin' you want to moidle me? [laughs]
Finn: No, man. This sword doesn't seem to have any curse on it, as far as I can tell. [stabs at the air] Hyah!
Jake: Well, okay. [tries taking the tag off his pillow with his teeth] Dang tag.
Finn: I got it!
Jake: Hmm?
[Finn quickly slices at the tag with his sword. The tag falls apart as it is revealed that the sword cut it in the shape of Finn's face.]
Jake: [gasps]
Finn: Whoa!
Jake: Hey, quit showin' off, bro!
Finn: Sorry, man. I don't know what happened. I-I... I'll go put this away.
Jake: Good idea. [puts the pillow in his bed, gets on top of it, and starts sleeping]
[Finn puts the sword in a chest. The scene switches to him in bed, moaning softly in his sleep. In his dream, the sword emerges from the grassy field, dissipates, and reforms in his hand. The sword wiggles, and grass starts spreading over Finn's body. Finn screams but is muffled by the grass. His whole body becomes like topiary, then blows away in the wind. Finn wakes up.]
Finn: [screams] [pants] Huh? [unzips sleeping bag, finding the sword in his hand]
[The sword extends grass from the hilt onto Finn's wrist, wrapping itself around his arm.]
Finn: What the—? [pants frantically]
[He runs outside and shrieks, swinging the sword around in an attempt to get it off. He runs into the forest and bites some of it off, but it grows back. He covers his left hand with his pajamas and manages to pull it off his right hand.]
Finn: [sighs] Jeez.
[The sword extends its grassy hands toward him, trying to reattach itself. Finn drops it and kicks it toward a cliff.]
Finn: Stupid... [kicks it] thing! [It falls into the river below.] Worst three bucks I've ever spent.
[The scene changes back to Finn in his bed. He suddenly wakes up.]
Finn: [gasps] [looks at his arm, seeing no sword] Whew.
[In the bathroom, he brushes his teeth and opens the cabinet for some floss. As he closes it, he sees the sword behind him in the mirror, still dripping wet.]
Finn: [shrieks]
Jake: What's goin' on?
Finn: The sword is after my flesh!
Jake: Huh?
[The sword wiggles its appendages.]
Jake: Oh, snap!
Finn: Don't let it get me, Jake!
Jake: Don't worry. I'll handle this. [wraps his apron around the sword's hilt and sheathes it in a baguette] There.
Finn: [sighs] Let's go return that junk.
[At the marketplace, the place where the grass tipi was is now a patch of dirt with a "FOR RENT" sign in the middle.]
Jake: Huh. Hey, he's not here.
Finn: Hmm. Maybe someone around here knows where he is.
[They hear screams for help from offscreen.]
Finn: Somebody in trouble!
[They run toward the source of the cries.]
Suzy & Sue: Help! They're taking our candles!
Jake: It's the Hooligans Who Love Candles!
Finn: Let's get 'em! [drops his pack and sword] Hey!
Hooligans carrying candle: Huh?
[Finn kicks the candle out of their grip.]
Hooligan: Yo! You got a prob, Bob?
Finn: Stealing candles from old ladies is immoral! [punches them] [kicks another in the face]
Another hooligan: Anarchy! [throws candle at Finn]
Finn: [catches it and throws it back] School! [kicks him] Hyah!
[Jake runs by chasing two more hooligans.]
Hooligans: Aah! Stop chasing us!
[Finn continues fighting, then rests, panting. A hooligan holding a candle comes up from behind.]
Hooligan: Happy birthday. [bashes Finn's head with candle]
[Finn falls to the ground and holds his head. He looks up to see five of the hooligans upon him.]
Hooligan: [brandishing candle] You're dead, teddy boy.
[Finn looks down to see the sword wrapped around his wrist again.]
Finn: No.
[The hooligan lifts the candle above his head in slow motion, coming in for another hit, but Finn quickly gets up and slices at the candle multiple times. The candle falls apart in the shape of Finn's face. While the hooligans are taken aback, Finn leaps over them while slicing at their hair. After he lands, their hair falls off and they run away screaming.]
Suzy & Sue: You've saved our shop!
Sue: Thank you so much, you brave young man.
Suzy: And don't even worry about the damages.
Sue: We'll just use the broken pieces to build a life-sized candle in your likeness.
Suzy: Oh, and we'll put it right by the entrance, and it'll be our mascot—the candle man!
[The sword grips Finn's wrist tightly.]
Jake: Dude... [winces]
Finn: Yeah... not comin' off.
Jake: Don't give up, man. Hey, maybe Choose Goose knows where the old man went.
[The scene changes to them walking up to Choose Goose's stall.]
Jake: Hey, Choogles! We need your help. We gotta find the dude who sold us this cursed sword. You know who he is?
Choose Goose: I know you did business with some rando guy. Help you backstabbers—Why should I?
Jake: What? Come on, Choogie, it was only one time.
Choose Goose: Hmm.
[Finn slices at a fly, but knocks down some of Choose Goose's wares.]
Finn: I made a mistake, CG. This merch is totally defective. [earnestly] Please.
Choose Goose: Okay-dokay... I know that quack with the grassy shack. He's a wizard from the grassy plain. He lives atop the grassy moun... tayn.
Jake: Awesome. Wizard of Grassy Moun-tayn... Mountain. Yeah, thanks, Choogs.
Finn: Yeah, thanks!
[Finn and Jake start walking off.]
Choose Goose: [shouting after them] He's the only one who can lift the curse, but beware...
[Finn and Jake stop in their tracks and turn around.]
Choose Goose: He's a huge ding-wad—just the worst.
[The scene switches to Finn and Jake running toward the grassy mountain. Suddenly, some grass monsters emerge from the side of the hill. Finn slices the head off each one as he runs by.]
Finn: Chop, chop, chop, chop, chop!
[In front of them, a giant Grass Bear grows out of the ground. It growls and spits at them and steps toward Jake.]
Jake: [screams]
[Finn gets Jake out of the way of the monster's foot and slices its leg in the shape of his face without even looking. The monster howls while balancing on one foot. Finn flicks the blade of his sword, causing it to rapidly spin like a propeller. The monster spits at them some more, then collapses on top of them. Finn uses the sword to blast his way out from under the mound of grass. The blade stops spinning and they continue up the mountain.]
Finn: Hmm. For a cursed dingus, you cut so good.
[They reach the shack at the top of the mountain.]
Finn: Come forth, wizard, and uncurse my mitt! Grassy Mountain Wizard!
[The door opens and out steps the guy who sold Finn his sword. He casts aside his cloak and sunglasses.]
Grassy Wizard: Comin' up here tryin' to enter my house! Are you for real?! [uses his powers to bring out his household objects made of grass] Mow 'em down, my cursed grassy objects! [sends them flying through the air toward Finn and Jake]
Finn: Hyah! [slices all the objects while running toward the wizard]
Grassy Wizard: Uh... go forth! Go... uh, forth. [looks inside his house] That was all my grassy objects.
[Finn lands in front of him, knocking the wizard backwards.]
Finn: [points his sword at the wizard] Lift the curse.
Grassy Wizard: [laughs] Never! You have no power over me, young fool! The grass sword will be part of you for all eternity! [laughs]
Finn: [contemplates for a moment] Hmm. You know what? [backs off from wizard] I think I'm cool with that.
[The sword retracts and wraps around Finn's arm.]
Grassy Wizard: What?
Finn: Whoa. [laughs] [extends and retracts his sword a few times]
Jake: Now that you've accepted it, you can control it!
Finn: [extends it] Yeah. [retracts it] This is really cool! [extends it] I just had to get used to it. [retracts it]
Grassy Wizard: That's not how people are supposed to react to an eternal curse!
Finn & Jake: Whatevs.
[They run down the mountain while Finn retracts and extends his sword.]
Jake: [laughs] Do it again! [laughs]

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Blank-Eyed Girl" from season 7, which aired on January 13, 2016.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Blank-Eyed Girls
Starchy
BMO
Turtle Princess
Sassy People
Banana Guard
Music
None
Locations
Pizza Sassy's
Forest
Tree Fort
This transcript is incomplete.


Transcript

Jake: Why don't we call, like child services? Or an exterminator?
Finn: This is gonna work. Just trust me, a'ight?
Jake: Ugh.
Finn: Do as I do.
[girls exhale, Finn inhales deeply]
Finn: Boy, I just love walking through our delightfully not-creepy doorway. Don't you, Jake?
Jake: Uh-huh, uh-huh. [shrieking]
Finn: Walking through the not-creepy air to my not-creepy couch, sitting on my not-creepy butt.
BMO: [chuckles]Your butt is kinda creepy.
Finn: I say 'creepy' is just another label we use to distance ourselves from stuff we don't understand. Or that it reminds us of something in ourselves that we're not comfortable with. I mean, it just ain't an actual thing, you know? Unless you choose to believe it. Right, Jake?
Jake: It's baloney! It's baloney! It's Starchy's baloney! I just got to think of something wholesome.
Lady Rainicorn: (as Jake's imagination) [speaks korean] 파이 먹자. (Let's eat a pie.)
[Jake screams]


Starchy: welcome backto "Graveyard shift." I'm your host ‐‐ starchy. You know what today is,everybody? It's ourfifth‐anniversary show. So many things have happenedin that time. I switchedfrom drinking rainwater To eating distilled ice chips. I took up rock climbing. That all chocolate has beensecretly replaced by mud.

And why is the burrito mangiving away free burritos? He's an amateur mad scientist Trying to genetically change usinto tortillas. Mm.Dude, come on. When was the last timeyou sharpened your pencils? Hm? Never. They're penspainted to look like pencils. Conspiracy! Okay, the board is lighting up.

We're going to a caller. You are on the air, caller. I'm a banana guard. Oh. That's a good jobto have. Yeah,it's pretty good. Why do they have it tunedto this every time we're here? I call baloney! Shh! I'm trying to listento the frightened caller. So, I think I might have seensomething not from this world. Go ahead, caller. It happenedlast sunday. I was doing my laundryat the mat,

When I saw a reflectionof a girl with eerie blank eyes! I turned around,but nobody was there. It was scary. Yeah, weird girlswith soulless blank eyes ‐‐ They've been spottedaround multiple kingdoms Across the centuries. Nobody knows what they are. ‐but I have a few theories.‐[ growls ] Was so horrific,it made their eyes turn blank. Pbbbbbht! Baloney! The pizza. Pbbbbbbbbbbbbht! Take the rest to go.

My second theory... Okay, all boxed upand ready to go. 200 bucks. ...By other blank‐eyed girlstouching their eyeballs. Blblblblbl! Spooky! Ooh, look at me! I'm listening toa dumb nonsense radio show! How can you beso dismissive After some of the stuffwe've seen? You got to draw the linesomewhere. Starchy's my line. They're walking fish That just happen to look likelittle girls. Baloney! Don't touch my radio!

It's dark. You're sure that blank‐eyedgirls are made up, right? Yeah, man,it's all baloney. [ owl hoots ] [ shudders ] [ chuckles ] Jake?

Jake?

Uh... Blank‐eyed girl? Boo![ high‐pitched ] aaaaaah!

[ laughs ] [ both laugh ] Boo! [ both sigh ] [ twigs snapping ]

[ snapping continues ] [ both gasp ] [ both panting ]

Aaah!

[ both laughing ] That was stupid. Must be someone else. Aaah! Aaah!

Who was that? Maybe it was nobody.

Courage, courage. What's wrong with me? That could be a normallittle girl who needs help. [ both screaming ]

She's too creepy,man! I know! I know! Yeah, you're on. Longtime listener,first‐time caller. We got the wonderfulfinn the human on the phone. Go ahead, finn. Starchy, I'm in a blank‐eyedgirl situation right now. What should I do? I'm going upstairsto get a better look. All right, stay calm.You called the right guy. The question is,why did she choose you? Are these visitsrandom events? [ gasps ]

[ whimpers ] Jake.Aaah! Finn, have you invitedthe blank‐eyed girl inside? No. Why? Because I believe the girlshave to follow vampire rules. As long as you don't invite herin, you should be fine. Okay.Let me write this down. Oop.

Starchy?She invited herself in. Uh...Run.

Starchy, she's staringright at us! Oh! I got it ‐‐fairy rules. Try offering hersome cream in saucer. That should appeasethe blank‐eyed girl's hunger And send her away. Gotcha. [ inhales sharply ] ‐jake, go get the cream.‐what?! No! You go!This is your deal! Just go! Okay! Geez! Thank you.

[ hair rustling ]

Okay ‐‐ cream.

Euggggghh.

[ bowl shatters ]aaah! ‐ewww!‐starchy? Mm. Didn't work, huh? Must be a haint, then. Try playing the clarinet.Haints hate the clarinet.

[ groans ]

[ clarinet playing ]

I think it's working!Keep playing! [ clarinet continues ]

Uh...

[ breathing heavily ]

Jake, stop! [ music stops ] Starchy, I thinkthey like the clarinet music! Also,there's six of them now! Jeepers! Really? Uh... O‐okay. Now I definitely knowwhat you're dealing with ‐‐ An undead. The undead fear the gazeof the common yard chicken. Our chicken ran away,though. [ growls ]

Are you surewe need the feathers? My chicken'spretty spot‐on. We don't want to takeany chances, you know?

Hm. Hey!

[ bawks ]

All this adviceis just made‐up baloney! Starchy, all your adviceis made‐up baloney! Aww. Well, what are we supposed todo? Just live with this?

No morerelying on hearsay. We're gonnatake it to the source. Secondary source.

Girl stuff, boy stuff,ear stuff, butt stuff. Hey! Creepy stuff!

[ both grunt ]

Got it. Aah! Aah! Shh. Library's closed. Turtle princess! Did you dye your hair? Oh, yeah, I did. Do you like it? Yeah ‐‐ hotness. Say, do you know anythingabout creepy blank‐eyed girls? No, but I can find out.

"Creepy blank‐eyed girls." Oh! Says herethey're an urban legend That first appearedfive years ago. ‐they're supposedly...‐wait ‐‐ five years ago? That's ‐‐ that's just likestarchy's radio show.

[ gasps deeply ] Maybe they're tulpas! What the blobis a tulpa? Physical manifestations ofconcentrated collective thought. They're entitieswho depend on the energy Of people believing in themin order to exist ‐‐ People likestarchy's listeners. Okay. And where did you learnall this blobbity‐bob? Starchy's radio show. I think I knowwhat we need to do. Thanks turtle p. [ grunts ]

[ muffled ]any time, finny. Why don't we call, like,child services? Or an exterminator? This is gonna work.Just trust me, a'ight? Ugh.

Do as I do.

[ all exhale ] [ inhales deeply ] Boy, I just lovewalking through Our delightfully not‐creepydoorway. ‐don't you, jake?‐uh‐huh, uh‐huh. Aaaaaaaah! Walking throughthe not‐creepy air To my not‐creepy couch,sitting on my not‐creepy butt. [ chuckles ]your butt is kinda creepy. I say "Creepy"Is just another label we use To distance ourselves from stuffwe don't understand ‐‐ [ gasping ]or that reminds usof something in ourselves [ gasping ]that we're notcomfortable with. Hm.

I mean, it just ain'tan actual thing, you know? Unless you chooseto believe it. Right, jake? [ sighs shakily ] It's baloney! It's baloney!It's starchy's baloney! I just got to thinkof something wholesome.

[ speaks korean ] Aaah!

Aaaah!

[ breathing heavily ] Nooooo!! Pizza's creepy now! [ crying ] You win, all right?! You're mad‐creepy! Do what you will,you globless blank‐eyed girls!

Uh... [ high‐pitched ] what?

What the butt fuzz?! Contact lenses?! Ha! Baloney. Nothing but some kidsplaying a dumb prank!

Man. This whole time,they were just regular girls. Where are your parents,huh? You guys are going to jail!You hear?

So, y'all are bald.

Good job.

I'm still calling the cops. [ squeaking ]

[ both whimpering ]

What the junkwas that? I think it was... Beautiful.

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Blenanas" from season 10, which aired on March 18, 2018.

Characters
Finn
BMO
Princess Bubblegum
Kenneth
Ice King
Wishy
Pudding Troll
Penguins
Neptr
Music
None
Locations
Tree Fort
Candy Kingdom
Ice Kingdom
Ble Headquarters
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[The episode opens in the Tree Fort's treasure room. Finn is reading the note Jake left at the end of the last episode.]
Finn: "B.R.B. - Jake". Hmm. B.R.B... B.R.B. Bring regular babies. Big red balls. No. Beautiful rump burger.
[BMO enters down the ladder into the treasure room, carrying a banana.]
BMO: What you doing, Finn?
Finn: Jake left me this note, but I, uh [tuts] I can't remem what the abbreve means.
BMO: [Gasps] It's for me! This is Jake's special code to tell me he loves me.
Finn: No, it's something normal like, uh...
BMO: Be right back. [He walks away.]
Finn: Right! "Be right back!" [Laughs] So dumb. Cool. Jake'll be right back.
[There is a thud, and Finn looks over to BMO. BMO has produced a box of papers from a bookshelf in a nearby treasure pile.]
BMO: Look, Finn! My Jake Valentines. He leaves them for me when he goes out.
[The box contains various notes from Jake.]
Finn: That's cute, BMO.
BMO: Yeah, I know.
[Finn spots an issue of Ble magazine that fell on BMO's head while he was retrieving the box.]
Finn: Oh, Ble. I love Ble! [Taking the magazine] I'll read some Ble 'til Jake gets back, I guess.
[BMO laughs and giggles at one of the notes. Finn sits on a massage chair and begins reading the magazine. He chuckles as he turns the pages.]
Finn: [Reading out loud] "What's your favorite food?" "Anything! As long as it's made of cheese!" [Laughs] Aw, man, these comics are like if someone put my soul on a page. [Turns the page where there is an illustration of a saber-toothed cat biting a caveman while a doctor writes on a clipboard.] Hmm? "You write the caption." Okay! Hmm. [Thinks of something and laughs to himself, taking a pen from his backpack to begin writing.] "Ouch! Hey, this isn't helping." [Chuckles] Yeah. [Calling out] Ja - I mean, BMO!
[BMO is sat on the floor, pretending to make the banana and one of Jake's notes kiss each other.]
Finn: Check this funny caption I just wrote.
BMO: Hmm. [He begins beeping and his faceplate reads "scanning humor", then turns into an exclamation point.] No humor detected.
Finn: What? No, it's - it's like... this guy's problem is a tiger biting his foot, and talking to this guy isn't helping! Like, "Ouch! Hey, this isn't helping!" You know, like, it's, you know, like...
BMO: Was the tiger already biting his foot? Or did the tiger bite his foot after he lay down on the couch? Because that is the bearded man's responsibility.
Finn: BMO, I love you, but you don't understand comedy.
BMO: Maybe it's just not funny.
Finn: [Gasps] This is funny, and I'm gonna prove it!
BMO: You are?
Finn: Yeah, I mean, I'm pretty bored, and this is really funny, BMO.
BMO: [Shouting] Prove it!
Finn: [Angrily] Fine! I'm going to!
BMO: Fine! [Squashes the banana.] I'll be right here!
Finn: Fine!
BMO: Fine!
[Finn slams the door, then smiles and waves at BMO through the window. BMO smirks and waves back. They were both just pretending to be angry. The scene changes to the Candy Kingdom, where Princess Bubblegum is riding through the streets on a hoverboard wearing a siren hat and carrying a laser gun and a megaphone.]
Princess Bubblegum: Bwee-woo-bwee-woo! This is a drill! [She shoots a house with her laser gun and the wall explodes.] I repeat, this is a drill! [She shoots another house.]
Candy people: Oh no! A real drill?!
Princess Bubblegum: You two, raise your resinous glaze shields! [She shoots at the two candy people and the house behind them explodes. Several seconds too late, they lift up a pane of shielding that was supposed to defend against the shot.]
Candy people: Oh, oh, oh, oh!
Princess Bubblegum: Activate the B.H.T. to preserve freshness!
[A Gumball Guardian pulls a lever and a green force field descends across the whole kingdom. Bubblegum looks at her watch.]
Princess Bubblegum: We're not ready.
Candy people: Intruder! Intruder! It's our friend, Finn!
[Finn enters, escorted by two candy people holding his hands.]
Finn: What's all the hubbub, Bubs?
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, just some precautionary exercises in case our primary alarm and defense system fails.
Finn: Cool. Cool. Hey, can you look at this funny thing I wrote?
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, sure! I'm fascinated by humor. [Finn hands her the comic and she puts on her glasses to read it.] Hmm! Yes. Certainly what this hirsute gentleman needs is a tetanus shot. Excellent point, Finn.
Finn: No, but... is it funny? Never mind.
Princess Bubblegum: I don't have time to explain the psychology of humor to you. [She picks up a baseball bat, smashes the front window of a nearby bookstore, and takes a book.] But I'd like you to read this book.
Kenneth: [Emerging from the bookstore] Hey, what do you think you're - Oh! Princess Bubblegum! [Bubblegum hands him the bat.] Thank you, Princess.
Princess Bubblegum: Der Witz Und Seine Beziehung Zum Unterbewussten. "The Joke and his Relation to the Unconscious". It's printed in Gebrochene Schrift, which I think is easier on the eyes.
[The scene changes. Finn is walking through the forest with the book.]
Finn: "Der Witz Und... Der Witz Und... See-einy... Bezeyhung... Zumbewuzzzz..." Ugh! PB's too smart. That's why she doesn't get my joke. I mean... it's funny. [He sits on a tree root and takes out the comic.] It's funny. "Ouch, hey this isn't-" [Chuckles] "This isn't helping." [Snickers] Uh, it's super funny. Turbo-nerds like PB just aren't the right audience for this sort of thing, you know? I should show this to normal people, the common folk. The busy woman on the go. The regular Joe or Josephine. Or somebody like Ice King, who's desperate for my approval.
[The scene changes to the Ice Kingdom, where Ice King is reading the comic.]
Ice King: [Laughing] Finn, this is so funny! A kitty with big teeth?! Come on!
Finn: [Chuckles] Yeah, I didn't draw that, but cool. Well, thanks for-
Ice King: Oh, yeah. But, uh, what if - and I'm just spitballin'. What if it was something more like, "Hey, Doc! I got a caveman in my teeth!" Huh?
[A group of penguins quack in approval of the joke.]
Ice King: Haha! Whoo!
Finn: Heh. Yeah. That's pretty good, I guess.
Ice King: Oh, is this Ble? I love Ble! That one with the two cops who are always accidentally arresting each other.
Finn: Right?! And "Animal Quackers"!
Ice King: I've been mailing them my short stories and comics for as long as I can remember. But, uh, nary a piece published. Nary a piece. [Suddenly angry.] Nary a piece! I hate Ble! Sittin' in their ivory towers! They don't know comedy! They don't understand the common folk! The busy woman on the go!
Ice King and Finn: [Together] The average Joe or Josephine! Right!
Ice King: See? We got the goods, you and I, and they've lost their touch. Hey, if we want them to touch our goods, we should go down there and confront them face-to-face.
Finn: And if I get my winning caption printed, everybody will know it's funny! I'm talking about you, BMO. But, uh, where do they print Ble?
Ice King: Oh, yeah. I don't, uh... Oh! Oh! Yeah, hold this. I'll use my... demonic wishing eye!
[The two of them are transported to a strange dimension with fluffy clouds and rainbows.]
Wishy: Hello, Ice King.
Ice King: Hello, Wishy!
Wishy: What do you like to wish for?
Ice King: I wish to go to Ble!
Wishy: You go, girl!
[Wishy fires a beam of magic at Finn and Ice King. They scream as they are transported to the Ble headquarters.]
Finn: Whoa. Why don't you just use that thing all the time?
Ice King: Oh, it takes a piece of your soul each time you use it. But look! The legendary Bledquarters!
Finn: It must be so fun to work here, just sittin' around, making up jokes all day.
[They approach the bridge leading to the front door.]
Pudding Troll: Hey! Hey.
Finn: Aww. Who are you?
Pudding Troll: I'm a pudding troll, and I guard this humor magazine.
Finn: Uhhhh, why?
Pudding Troll: It's... my job.
Finn: Why is this your job?
Pudding Troll: I... applied? I'm maybe not following you. I think I better escort you off the premises.
Finn: No! No, no, no. We just want to pitch a cartoon caption!
Pudding Troll: [Speaking to the second face on his belly.] Hey, Big Tina, it's your time to shine, okay?
[The Pudding Troll shoots a blast of pudding at Finn and Ice King. They both scream. Finn pushes back against the pudding but is swept off his feet.]
Finn: Waahh!
[Ice King is rapidly trying to eat the pudding as Finn washes up beside him.]
Finn: Okay, what's our plan here?
Ice King: Maybe if we eat all this ammo, he'll be forced to make more for us.
Finn: Wait. You can fly!
Pudding Troll: Uh-oh! Angle up, Big Tina!
[Ice King is carrying Finn through the air. He laughs before being taken out by a blast of pudding. Finn falls towards the Pudding Troll.]
Pudding Troll: Uh-oh! Ugh!
[Finn tackles the Pudding Troll to the ground and pins him.]
Pudding Troll: You win. Fine. I've never let anyone inside before, so I hope you have an amazing pitch.
[The Pudding Troll opens the front door and a pile of letters spills out onto the street.]
Ice King: Hey! These are all my submissions! They kept them in a big pile by the door... Seems like a good sign!
[They enter the building. Dozens of long-dead skeletons are sat at the desks and strewn across the floor.]
Finn: Well, shoot, man. Looks like everyone here is crazy dead.
Pudding Troll: I've been guarding dead people for five hundred years. Wow, I need to sit with that.
Finn: This means that Ble Magazine is dead, too! [He sits on a skeletons lap at one of the desks.] Now how am I supposed to prove my caption's funny.
Ice King: Ding dong! I found Ble 217! We can see what the winning caption was.
Finn: [Reading] "I'm going to write you a prescription for one giant club." [Scoffs]
Ice King: It's about time us young guns took the reins.
[Ice King throws a monitor out the window then blows on a conch shell. The sound reaches the Ice Kingdom, where a large group of penguins hear it and make their way to the Ble headquarters, quacking as they go. They burst through the front door of the building, scattering Ice King's submissions.]
Ice King: Hello, boys. Now let's roll these presses one last time.
[A montage plays. The penguins are seen working at desks and helping to organise Ice King's submissions. Finn and the Pudding Troll work on new comics. Finn draws "Hat Dog" and adds a second hat, which they are both satisfied with. The penguins operate the presses, and with a hiss, the new issue of the magazine is produced. Finn staples the spine.]
Finn: Our very own Ble Magazine.
Ice King: And it's a pretty good issue, too. We got that nice cover you did, my short story, "Fionna and Cake: Baby Detectives", some, looks like, pudding jokes...
Pudding Troll: Big Tina wrote those!
Ice King: ..."Fionna and Cake: Baby Detectives Go to College", and, of course, your caption!
Finn: Wow. It looks amazing in print.
Pudding Troll: Guys, I'm gonna be honest, just speaking as an average Josephine, I really don't get that caption.
Finn: Maybe it doesn't matter if my caption is funny or not. I think I just wanted to be part of Ble. It's something I've been a fan of for so long. And maybe we can bring it back. There's no reason it can't have a new dawn. A Blennaissance!
Ice King: Okay, boys, close her down!
[The penguins begin violently destroying all the computers and presses, and set fire to the building.]
Finn: [Shouting over the destruction] No, you're right. Can't be nostalgic!
[The scene changes. Finn is walking back towards the Tree Fort.]
Finn: Man, that caption was amazing in my head. Maybe I'm not a very funny person. Like, I got low comedy stats. That's kind of a bummer.
[BMO is in the treasure room, humming to himself and drawing a picture on the side of Neptr. Finn enters.]
Finn: Yo, BMO. Check it out! I got Ble to publish my caption, even though I don't need you to think I'm funny anymo-
[Finn comedically slips on four banana peels in a row, slides across the room screaming, rips his pants, trips over a pile of treasure, flies through the air, and slams face first into the massage chair, which tips over and activates while Finn is stuck upside down in his underwear. BMO and Neptr both laugh uncontrollably. Finn smiles.]


Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Blood Under the Skin" from season 2, which aired on November 1, 2010.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Choose Goose
Sir Slicer
Knights
Naked Old People
Lyre Player
Ghost Man
Music
"Finn the Blushing Baby"
Locations
Tree Fort
Grass Lands
Swamp of Embarrassment
The home of the Armor of Zeldron
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode begins in the Tree Fort]
Finn: Get it, get it!
[A ladybug hisses at him]
Finn: [Jumps with a sword.] Yah!
Jake: [Jumps with a lion-shape shield.] Oooooooh!
[They land on the ground and Finn raises his sword with light blasting out of it. He runs up to the ladybug and chops the ground in front of it. The lady bug climbs onto his sword.]
Jake: Get him out!
[Finn goes outside.]
Finn: Don't you ever let me catch you here again!
[Finn puts the ladybug in the grass and goes inside.]
Finn: Whoo-hoo! Ya ha ha ha ha! [Closes the door] Agh! Ow! [Zooms in to a little splinter] Ooooooow! Agh agh mee duh!
Jake: Did he get you with his poison stingers?
Finn: No, I got a splinter from the door.
Jake: Let me see. Wow, that's a tiny splinter.
Finn: But it hurts! I'm gonna need some... [Flashes to a different scene with a thimble on Finn's finger] ...finger protection! Thanks, Choose Goose.
Choose Goose: I am Choose Goose. Come back for some juice! Ha ha ha ha ha!
Finn: Man, I am so protected right now!
[Finn and Jake hear knights talking.]
Knight 1: That is mighty thick. Go on, hit me! [Another knight hits him with a sword and it breaks in half. They clap. Knight 2 makes an okay sign with his fingers and the other knights cheer.]
Finn: Hey guys! Check this out! Dude, hit me! [Jake punches Finn on the arm] Oww! [Holding his arm] On my armor!
Jake: Oh. [Punches thimble]
Finn: [Makes an okay sign with his fingers] Click-click!
[Knights begin to laugh.]
Knight 1: That is but a thimble! This [Hits his armor twice] is real armor! [They all laugh again but Sir Slicer shows up on his horse with birds calling and flying everywhere.]
Finn & Jake: Wha?
All Knights: Sir Slicer! [All bow]
Sir Slicer: Who is the one that bears the thimble? 
Jake: This dude. [Points at Finn]
Sir Slicer: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Oh, you foolish boy. Without full body armor, you're weak! You do not look [Makes okay sign with his fingers] Click-click! Ha ha ha ha. Yah! [Rides on his horse away and Finn and Jake run to Choose Goose.]
Finn: Choose Goose, I need more armor.
Choose Goose: I've got something for you --[Holds up metal shoe] a metal shoe! Don't ya know you might stub your toe?
[Knights laughing at it.]
Finn: Uhh, no, Choose Goose. I need...
Choose Goose: Look here hun. Choose this one to protect your buns [Holds up armor shorts with big butt cheeks in back]!
[Knights laughing]
One knight: Protect his butt! Protect his butt!
Finn: [Cheeks turn more red] No, Choose Goose. I want--
Choose Goose: Don't be meek. What if you fall down and scrape your cheek?
[Knights continue to laugh]
One knight: Look at his butt! [Falls over] Look at his butt!
[Choose Goose cackles.]
Finn: [Smacks Choose Goose in the face] Choose Goose, I want the most [Makes okay sign with fingers] Click-click armor you have!
Choose Goose: Ooh, have a look! [Points at the armors with his foot]
Finn: [Sees one with a skull on the front golden all around that a silver hat with a golden horseshoe on the top red sleeves black over the sleeves and golden things on the side of the hat.] I'll take that one! [Eyes glow]
Choose Goose: [Gets the armor Finn wants] Wonderful! I'll need a trade of equal value. I'll take the head of your dog friend! 
Jake: Say what?
Finn: No way! Choose Goose, this stuff is overpriced!
Choose Goose: No money for me? How about a poem for free?
[Knights laugh some more on the ground and one falls over]
Finn: [Looks at the knights and, cheeks turning red, looks back at Choose Goose] A poem?
Choose Goose: If you can decipher the poem and complete the trials, you will receive the magical Armor of Zeldron. It is foretold to be totally [makes okay sign with his fingers] Click-click! 
Finn & Jake: Skadow!
Choose Goose: [Hands Finn the poem] Your quest begins in the marsh over the hill.
Finn: Ah, yes! I'm gonna get that armor!
Jake: Yeah, man, you're gonna do it! [Starts to go and Sir Slicer shows up]
Sir Slicer: Good luck exposing your soft, vanilla-strawberry skin to the elements, dork! Haaaaaaa! Later, losers! [Goes away on his horse]
Finn: Ja! [Cuts to another scene] He's just jealous that I'm gonna have cooler armor than him!
Jake: Yeah, what a bumbleberry!
Finn & Jake: Whoa! [Comes to a place with lot of curtains]
Jake: What's the poem say?
Finn: "The sun nibbles on the clouds, and gum drop tears rain down." I don't get it...
Jake: [Feels the poem] Hmm... It means that we have to cross that swamp.
Finn: How'd you understand that?
Jake: You don't just read the poetry to understand it. You got to [feels it] feel it. Trust me, dude-- I'm smarter than everyone. Now get in there!
Finn: You're not coming?
Jake: No way, man. This armor thing is your deal! [Jake stretches over] I'll wait for you on the other side.
Finn: [starts walking in the swamp] This place will be a piece of... [moves a curtain and sees an old lady taking a shower]
Old Lady: Aah!
Finn: Aaaaah!!![face turns red] Oh, my gosh! I'm so sorry! [covers his face closes that curtain and opens another curtain, sees another old lady taking a shower] Aaaaaaaaah!!!
Old Lady: Oh, no! [An old guy walks in]
Old Guy: [drops his soap when he sees Finn] My most private parts peeped by a boy!
Finn: Huuuh!!! [Closes that one and opens another curtain and sees a mom giving a baby a shower]
The Mom: Aah! Pervert!
Finn: I'm not a pervert! [face turns more red]
The Mom: You should be ashamed of yourself!
Finn: I'm sorry! I'm sorry! [his whole face turns red and goes through lots of other curtains and finally gets to Jake. Finn breathes hard] Aah!
Man: My privates!
Finn: I'm sorry!
Man 2: My privates!
Finn: I'm sorry!
Jake: You okay, man?
Finn: No! [Sir Slicer shows up]
Sir Slicer: Ha ha ha ha ha!
Finn & Jake: Wha?!
Sir Slicer: What's the matter, crimson cheeks? Feeling a little embarrassed in the swamp of embarrassment? [Camera turns to Finn] You're so red, you look like a tomato. Ha ha ha ha! [Sir Slicer leaves on his horse]
Finn: Aahhhh! We'll see who's embarrassed when I get that armor! What does the poem say?
Jake: [feels the poem] Hmm... Ooh! "The meadow weeps as morning sings of milk and honey and things to come."
Finn: What does that even mean?!
Jake: It means we have to silence the echoing in the woods. [they hear echoing and look over a bush to see what it was]
Finn & Jake: Huh! [They see a Red-faced Monster crying]
Finn: Aw, man! I don't know how to silence that!
Jake: All right, I'll handle this one, dude. 
Finn: No. This is my burden.
Jake: Then just make her think it's her idea. That's how you make the ladies do what you want.
Finn: [Walks up to the animal] Hey, Monster Lady! Hey! Stop crying!
The Animal: Huh?
Finn: Stop crying because that's what you want to do!
The Animal: Hu ha huh? [picks Finn up and smiles]
Finn: Huh?! Ahh!!! Ahh!!! Ahh ahh ahh!!! Ahh ahh!!! [The monster pictures Finn as her baby]
The Animal: Oho... [cradling Finn back and forth]
Jake: Ha ha ha! She thinks you're her red-faced baby or something. I think she wants ya to nurse, dude! 
Finn: Noo!!!
The Animal: Aaa! Ooh! Mmm! [then Sir Slicer shows up]
Jake: Huh?
Sir Slicer: Minstrel? [A lyre player comes out and sings "Finn the Blushing Baby"]
Minstrel: "He's Finn the blushing baby / His cheeks are bright and red! / Be sure to make fun of him before you go to bed!" 
Sir Slicer: Grandfathers will sing that to their grandchildren for generations to come.
Finn: Grandfathers will not sing that to their children! [The monster tries to chop Sir Slicer but he puts up his arm which had armor and hurt the monster's hand]
The Animal: Oh!
Sir Slicer: Armor, [Makes okay sign with his fingers] Click-click. [He leaves on his horse]
Finn: Just wait till I have the Armor of Zeldron!
Jake: Yeah! Just you wait, weirdo! [Just then, a shadow cast over Jake] Uh, Finn? Uh-oh. [the monster laid on Jake to take a nap]
Finn: Jake? You okay? Huh? [just then Jake's arm came out of the fur on the animal right in front of Finn and came out the fur on the animals back]
Finn & Jake: Yeah!
Finn: Awesome!
Jake: Yeah!
Finn & Jake: Whoa! [They came to a door that says "Home of Zeldron's Armor"]
Finn: Finally! [kicks the door open] Yah! [A ghost appears]
Ghost Man: Hello!
Finn: Begone, ghost! I'm here for the armor!
Ghost Man: First, you have to beat my high score in a game of Drop Ball [throwing the ball in the air]
Finn & Jake: Drop Ball?
Ghost Man: Drop Ball is an extremely addictive, high-intensity game designed for people everywhere. Here, let me show ya. [He throws the ball under him, bends down, and picks it up with his butt] Hut! One point. [Finn's face turns red] Two points. Three points.
Finn: This game looks awful.
Ghost Man: Oh, no. I absolutely disagree!
Finn: [to Jake] Dude, let's just kill him and get the armor.
Jake: How? He's already dead.
Ghost Man: Here. It's your turn. Now, I don't want you to be intimidated, but my high score is six!
Finn: Guh! Just -- just toss it on the ground. [He throws the ball under Finn, he put his arms on the ground and tries but couldn't go that low]
Ghost Man: No, no, no! You're doing it all wrong! Let me show you how the pros do it! [He bends his knees and picks it up] See? It's all in the technique. Now, I'm gonna put a little finesse into it, just to shake things up. [Finn and Jake go to the next room while his back is turned]
Finn & Jake: Whoa! [they see a big shiny light]
Jake: Finn, its so beautiful!
Finn: Yeah -- guess all the embarrassment was worth it. [Then orbs of the light come out]
Orb: Greetings, young traveler. We know what you seek, and you shall receive it. [The light struck Finn putting him in the air] Behold -- the Armor of Zeldron! It will protect you from evil, even ghosts. [Then the light put it on Finn]
Finn: Huh?! Aah!! [Which he found out it was a woman's armor] No! Dude, this is lady armor!
Jake: [Makes okay sign with fingers] Click-click!
Orb: [Makes okay sign with fingers] Click-click!
Finn: No! Not Click-click! No more embarrassment! [He takes it off] I don't need armor! 
Ghost Man: [Kicks door open] You did not watch my Drop-Ball technique!
Finn & Jake: Huh?
Ghost Man: I give you firsthand tips that no one else knows, and this is how you thank me?! I absolutely disagree with that! [turns in to a monster-like creature] Raarg!
Finn: Now what?
Jake: Put on the armor! It'll protect you from evil, even ghosts!
Finn: Never! Yaaaaaaah! [Finn runs up to the monster ghost, tries to punch him but goes through him]
Monster Ghost: [Picks Finn up and starts to take his soul]
Jake: Hey! 
Monster Ghost: Huh?
[Camera moves to Jake, wearing the Armor of Zeldron]
Monster Ghost: Mama?
Jake: Uhh... Yeah! [In a high pitched voice] Listen when your mother is speaking to you!
Monster Ghost: Yes, Mama.
Jake: [High pitched voice] You should be ashamed of yourself -- a boy your age sitting in this cave alone for thousands of years. You need to go outside and get some sunlight!
Monster Ghost: But I...
Jake: [High pitched voice and is pointing] No back talk! Outside! Now!
Monster Ghost: [Puts Finn down and the monster ghost goes outside, burns from sunlight and then turns back to a normal person]
Finn: Whoa.
Person: Oh, thank you, Finn and Jake! You've freed me from the addiction of Drop Ball! 
Jake: [normal voice] No problem, dude. I couldn't have done it without [pointing up] the power of embarrassment!
Finn: And I learned I don't need armor to be -- [Sir Slicer shows up]
Sir Slicer: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Look at you losers. Finn, you don't have any armor, and your friend is dressed like a lady! Ha ha ha! So not Click-click! 
Finn: Well, at least I don't spend my day following a kid around! Get a life, dude! 
Person and Jake: Ha ha ha ha
Jake: Good one, Finn.
Person: Yeah ha ha.
Sir Slicer: Well, I've... just been in the same areas today. 
Person & Jake: Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Person: Yeah, right!
Jake: Whatever!
Sir Slicer: Be quiet! I -- I am more Click-click than all of you!
Finn: Come over here and say that to my fist!
Sir Slicer: Okay, I will! [Gets down from his horse, falls down and lands on side] Whoa! Er... Ugh, this armor's too heavy! Ah, no problem. I'll just prop myself up on this stick. [Grabs a stick] Aghhh! Splinter!
Finn: Hey, Sir Slicer, maybe you can use this! [He holds up the thimble] Here you go! [Throws it at Sir Slicer's face]
Sir Slicer: Oh!
Finn: Free of charge!
Jake: [Picks up Finn with his butt and flings him on his back] Come on, dude, let's get out of here.
Finn: Ha ha! [Cheeks turn red] Okay, buddy. 
Jake: [Flies over Sir Slicer with the armor] Wa-hoo! [Flies over the 3 mountain tops, breaking them] Dude, this armor is totally Click-click!
[Episode ends]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "BMO Lost" from season 5, which aired on April 15, 2013.

Characters
Dancing bugs
BMO
Eagle
Worm
Bubble
Sparkle
Sparkle's mother
Finn
Jake
Music
None
Locations
Tree Fort
Mountain w/ nest
Forest
This transcript is complete. Only minor edits are needed.


Transcript

[Bugs, worms, and mollusk are having a dance party. They are being spied on from above by BMO who is looking through telescope on the observation boat.]
BMO: [Laughs] Dancing is cool! Check it out, yo! [preforms the "arm wave"] Aaa! Ha haa! This one is called "The Worm"! [Flops on its belly. Suddenly a giant purple bird swoops in and picks up BMO.] Aaaaah!!
[The Giant purple bird takes BMO to its nest where loudly chirping chicks await. The bird heaves until BMO (who is screaming) is dropped into the open beak of a chick. BMO forces its way out only to be pushed repeatedly down by the bird until it appears to be swallowed. Afterward the bird flops over the nest and sleeps.]
[When morning arrives, BMO opens the mouth of the baby chick and climbs out. It runs to the edge of the nest to see the Tree Fort from a distance.]
BMO: Oh no, it's crazy far. [It looks back to see the Giant bird still asleep and then escapes by climbing over the side to the edge of the cliff.] Okay, now easy does it. Easy...easy..."
[Suddenly popping out from beneath the nest...]
A worm: Hey man it’s safe in here!! You can hide in here!! [This causes BMO to tumble off the edge] Oh, shoot man, uh ooh.
BMO: Eeeeeh! [Tumbles down a dirty hill side until it hits a rock and lands on its face. A loud crack is heard as BMO is face downward. It sits up and notices that its face plate has been cracked down the middle] Ooo... oh no! My face! Finn! Jake! Kiss my face! [Looks around] Hmmm... [Falls on its side] so, this is the pits.
[A bubble appears from an empty cup.]
Bubble: I hear that, friend. Do you mind if I wallow with you a bit? I'm a bubble.
BMO: Okay, nothing stopping a bubble. [Shrugs]
Bubble: [Sighs] That's what they say. [rests on a small mound] Looks like you've given up on things. I'm thinking about giving up on things myself. I've been lost in this wilderness a long time. Maybe you and me can wait here, to get eaten by a carnivore!
BMO: No, Bubble. I know two heroes who can help you!
Bubble: You do?
BMO: Yes! Help me get to my home, and, and we will help you find your home!
Bubble: Your friends sound great!
BMO: [Trying to climb over a rock and a branch] They are! They are huge!
Bubble: Well then, what are we waiting for?
BMO: Nothing!! [Waves its arms excitedly]
[A snake slithers by as BMO and Bubble walk through the forest.]
Bubble: Hey, so tell me about your home, BMO.
BMO: I live in a tree house [trips and stumbles] it's really funny.
Bubble: Cool.
BMO: Yeah! [trips and stumbles again] What about your home?
Bubble: My home? I think that my home is very large and very beautiful. But I can't pin down these memories it... haunts me. [Turns back to see BMO has tripped and fell on its face.]
BMO: Oops, I wasn't listening to your story.
[They enter a clearing full of mushrooms and a loud bang is heard.]
Bubble: What was that?
BMO: It's a carnivore waiting to eat us.
Bubble: Nooo! [hides behind BMO.]
BMO: Don't worry Bubble, [picks up a mushroom] I got everything under control. [Walking in the direction of the sound, BMO tosses the mushroom at the supposed carnivore] [When BMO gets a good look at what it is, it gasps loudly] It's a baby! [Runs over to hug it.]
Baby: [Gurgles and squeals at BMO.]
Bubble: [Comes out of hiding] What's a baby doing in the wilderness?
BMO: He must be lost like us! We should take him with us. Maybe we can help him find his home, too. What a handsome baby. [looks at the baby's left hand, which is flipper-like and covers it with a leaf] Handsome baby.
[It is now nighttime as BMO drags the baby by the arm through the forest with Bubble still following.]
BMO: Bubble, what do you think our baby's name is?
Bubble: How about "Sparkle"?
BMO: No, I think he looks like a "Ricky."
Bubble: Hmmm.
BMO: Oo, Bubble! Ricky! Look! [It drops the baby's hand to see a rickety bridge and a long drop to a river] I have a bad news: the bridge doesn't have guard rails.
Bubble: I don't think we should cross it then.
[Loud howling and cawing comes from the forest. BMO and Bubble both turn towards the noises.]
BMO: I don't think we have any choice! I really sure there really is a carnivore this time! [turns towards the baby who gets up] Ricky, you should go first.
Baby: [Gurgles]
BMO: [Pulls the baby close] You are so beautiful... and I love you. Go Ricky! [BMO gives it a pat on the bottom, sending him forward.]
Baby: [Crawls to the middle of the bridge]
BMO: Okay, Ricky, slow and steady, [The baby crawls to the side of the bridge.] Ricky...Ricky?
BMO & Bubble: Ricky! Sparkle! [The baby tumbles over the bridge's side.]
BMO: [Runs to the area the baby fell] Bravery! [and dives after him] Oh nooo-o-o-o!
Baby: [Gurgles and floats on its back down the river]
BMO: [Emerges from the water and climbs on his head] One second, sweetie! Hmm, a deadly water fall!
Bubble: BMO?
BMO: Bubble, you have to save our lives!
Bubble: Eeeeh... maybe I can, hold out this leaf. [Pushes tiny leaf down.]
[The leaf hits a stick which hits a glass bottle which hits a rock that knocks over a tall stump with a bird on it. The stump causes an antlered skull to hit a trunk balanced on another like a see-saw, that launches a bee hive that has enough moment to hit a large boulder that is next to a skeleton dressed in hunting gear, smashing it and firing a gun shot that hits a standing tree trunk and falls into the river next to the waterfall that BMO and the Baby are heading down.]
BMO: Thank you Bubble! I think my batteries are wet. [opens hatch bottom and batteries drop out] Good-bye [Falls over]
[Morning comes and BMO is dry.]
Baby: [Gurgles and picks up the batteries and places them back into BMO's compartment]
BMO: [Turns on] Oooo, good morning everyone, I didn't have any dreams.
[They continue through the forest. This time, BMO is dragging the baby by the foot.]
Baby: [Starts fussing. Its face turns red and appears about to cry.]
Bubble: He looks fussy; maybe he's hungry.
BMO: My hungry baby, what am I going to do with you? [Kisses the baby's foot]
Baby: [Sits up and faces BMO, who has picked up a rock]
BMO: Potato.
Baby: [Becomes more upset]
BMO: Eat your potato, Ricky!
Baby: [Takes the rock and begins to suck on it. This appears to calm it down.]
[A howl is heard and surprises them.]
BMO: It's the carnivore! Everybody! Hide! [BMO and Bubble dive into a tree stump filled with acorns] Psst, Ricky! Please, hide!
Baby: [Sucks on the rock and pats its belly]
BMO: [Crawls out of the stump to grab Ricky by the foot and attempt to get him inside] Oh, Ricky. Help me out here!
Mother: [Emerges from the trees with her flipper hand against her lips] [Gasps] My baby!
Baby: [Seeing its mother, puts its own flipper hand to his lips and blows.]
Mother: I was so worried about you, Sparkle!
Bubble: Sparkle...
Mother: [Begins to pull Sparkle out of the trunk with BMO trying to pull him back in.]
BMO: No, Ricky! No, no no! No, no!
Bubble: BMO, that's his mom! Let go!
BMO: [Whines.]
Mother: [Holding up Sparkle] My beautiful baby. [Sparkle shrieks happily.] [She frowns at BMO] You should be ashamed of yourself! [Walks back into the forest]
BMO: [Looks down at the ground]
[In a heavily wooded area, Bubble zooms around making motor noises and comes up to BMO.]
Bubble: Hey, the path ahead looks pretty clear and there were these... uh, there... BMO, are you okay?
BMO: I am sad, Bubble. I miss baby Ricky. I miss him so much already. And I miss Finn and I miss Jake. And I got dirt all in my butt circuits! And Bubble...
Bubble: Yes, BMO?
BMO: I-I don't think I'm ever going to get home again.
Bubble: Don't cry. Sparkle is safe now and we did that. Thanks to us he's going to grow up and be anything he wants to be: a strapping horse whisperer or a sexy hitman or whatever. And things are looking up for us, too; I saw some bugs up ahead who look pretty with it.
BMO: [Puts its hands to its face plate and gasps]
Bubble: Maybe they can gives us directions or something.
BMO: Oh, my gosh! Oh oh oh! Bubble!
Bubble: What?!
BMO: I know those guys, Bubble! Those are my homeboys, my homeboys, those are my homeboys! We are close to my home!
Bubble: [Excited gasp] Yeeah! Come on, BMO!
BMO: Yeah!! [Falls on its face] Yeeaah!
[The two run across the field towards the Tree Fort.]
BMO: It's been so long, I can't wait to have some bread-and-butter!
Bubble: [Giggles]
BMO: [Bangs on the door with both fists]
Bubble: [Attempts to knock on the door as well by bumping into it]
BMO: [Knocks with one fist]
Finn: [From inside the house] Jake, is that you at the door?
Jake: Naw, man, I'm in the kitchen making us breakfast.
Finn: I call 'not answer the door' then.
Jake: [Grumbles] Alright, hang on out there I'm comin' [Clatter, grunts, and yells are heard as it sounds like Jake is falling over objects to get to the door.]
BMO: [Looks to Bubble] Might be a minute. [The noises continue and BMO sits down to wait more.]
Bubble: Um hey, so, BMO, since we have a little time, there is something I've been wanting to say.
BMO: Hm?
Bubble: I know I might never find my real home.
BMO: [Gasps] No, Bubble, that's not true!
Bubble: It is, I know it is, but it's... it's okay, because I realized something, all this time we've been together, BMO, I haven't felt lost, I felt at home.
Jake: [Noises continue as Jake falls over objects and is heard yelling.]
Bubble: And, it's you, BMO, I feel at home with.
BMO: [Puts its hands to its face plate and gasps blushing.]
Bubble: So, I thought- I mean if you feel the same way, I thought we could get married. I-I mean... I'm not even sure what that means exactly but-
BMO: I do! Oh, I do! I do!
Bubble: [Laughs heartily]
Jake: Hey, a bubble! Pop! [laugh]
BMO: Bubble? Bubble? [wails] No! No no no, my Bubble! No!! [falls on the grass]
Finn: What's so funny?
Jake: Oh, it's just BMO, he's pretending to be all messed up because his bubble got popped. [chuckles]
Finn: Oooh, heh haha, that is pretty funny.
BMO: [Muffled] Oh, Bubble, I'm so sorry I brought you here! [crying sounds]
Bubble: [Disembodied voice is heard] There, there, BMO, it's okay.
BMO: [Rolls on its side to look around] Bubble? Is that you? I hear you in my head but I don't see you!
Finn & Jake: [Snickering]
BMO: Oh no, have I gone bananas?!
Bubble: No, BMO, it's okay. You see, I'm finally free.
BMO: I don't understand, Bubble.
Bubble: No, not Bubble, Air. BMO I'm Air! I've been trapped in that bubble for so long I've forgotten who I am, but now I'm finally home.
BMO: Yeaay!! [Waves its hands around] Oh, b-but wait, now you don't need me... to feel... at home.
Bubble/Air: Nooo, see that's what's so great. Now we can be together forever, BMO, every minute of every day. No more privacy, no more quiet, no more alone. Every room you ever go in, I'll already be there... waiting... forever and ever, until the end of time.
BMO: Yaaaaay!! [Waves its hands around]
[The episode ends.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "BMO Noire" from season 4, which aired on August 6, 2012.

Characters
BMO
Finn
Jake
Ronnie
Bebe
Loraine
Neptr
Music
None
Locations
Tree Fort
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[Sequence in color]
[Inside the Tree Fort, BMO, under a couch, plays a game on its own screen with a joystick.]
BMO: Haha! Take that, Master Chen!
[Footsteps are heard. Finn's feet, one of them missing a sock, pass near BMO.]
Finn: JAAAAKE!
Jake: What?
[BMO notices Finn and quits playing its game. BMO sneaks up near Finn, who is rummaging through boots. Its joystick, still connected, follows him.]
Finn: Jake, did you hide my sock?
Jake [Offscreen]: No, man, I told you,
[Jake is shown putting eyeliner and looking at a mirror.]
Jake: I don't do that kinda stuff anymore.
Finn: So, what? It just magically disappeared?
Jake: I don't know...
[Jake makes a spiral mark with lipstick on his face]
Jake: Maybe.
[Finn gets up and walks towards Jake]
Finn: Is that just a cute way of saying you took it?
Jake: No!
Finn: Why don't you just help me find my sock?
Jake: [Sarcastically] Oh, Finn lost his sock! Everybody stop what you're doing and help Finn find his precious sock!
[Film turns to black and white as BMO performs its action]
[BMO, having watched the conversation, pulls out its joystick cable and steps on it, twisting its foot (like it's putting out a cigarette). A cigarette burn is heard. Jazz music begins to play. Finn and Jake's voices get silent.]
BMO: [Voiceover] It looked like a tough case to crack. But I hate to see good friends fight.
[Zoom to BMO's face lighted in the eye region]
BMO: [V.O.] So I decided to take the case.
[Finn and Jake leave, but a flash reveals that BMO has taken a photo. He picks up the polaroid and looks at it.]
BMO: [V.O.] Hmm... [Gasps.]
[Cut to the picture. A mouse rests next to Finn's foot.]
BMO: [V.O.] Ronnie!
[BMO pulls down the picture, revealing Ronnie, who looks at it and runs away.]
BMO: [V.O.] It looked like I had a guilty mouse.
[BMO runs towards where Ronnie ran. A chase scene ensues. Ronnie climbs up the wood structure of the Tree Fort.]
BMO: [Gasps.]
[BMO sees a hole in a tree nearby.]
BMO: Huh!
[BMO dives into the hole. Ronnie climbs down the wood structure and heads to the table, but BMO traps him.]
BMO: Hello, Ronnie.
[BMO sticks out its hand at Ronnie's lips and moves them.]
BMO [As Ronnie, deeper voice]: What do you want, BMO?
[BMO releases its hand out of Ronnie's lips. Ronnie lifts his head up.]
BMO: Where is Finn's sock?
BMO [As Ronnie]: I don't know what you're talking about, BMO. I didn't do nothin'. Leave me alone!
[Ronnie puts his head down, revealing a lipstick smudge on the back of his neck. Zoom to the smudge. BMO's face is lighted.]
BMO: [V.O.] I knew that lipstick anywhere. [BMO closes its eyes on "anywhere"]
BMO: [Speaking] How is Lorraine?
[Ronnie turns his head at BMO.]
BMO [As Ronnie]: You stay away from her! She is with me now, do you hear?
BMO: Calm down, big guy. Me and Lorraine are dinosaur bones.
BMO [As Ronnie]: Good, 'cause I would be so jealous.
[BMO shows its picture to Ronnie, who looks at it.]
BMO: Just tell me where the sock is, and I will let you go.
[Zoom to the picture and Ronnie.]
BMO [As Ronnie]: I don't know, man.
[BMO shakes its fist and leans towards him.]
BMO: What if I put some knuckle in your eyeballs? Would that help you think?
BMO [As Ronnie]: Ok! Ok! Umm...
[BMO grabs Ronnie's arm and points to Finn's foot, where a stain is seen.]
BMO [As Ronnie]: It looks like a grape juice stain on his sock; check the pantry.
BMO: [V.O.] Of course I didn't trust Ronnie, but I had no other leads. [goes in the pantry] Maybe the grape juice had some secrets to tell me. Or maybe Ronnie was just pulling my hair.
BMO: [climbed up to where the grape juice was]
BMO: [V.O.] Just as I thought, not even opened. I fell right into his trap.
BMO: [pantry door closed] [Gasps] Let me out, you! I'll get you! Piece of... you! Ronnie! [the door opens and BMO falls on its face] Officer Davis! Thank goodness. I...
BMO [as Officer Davis]: BMO, what are you doing here?
BMO: Looking for Finn's socks, same as you.
BMO [as Officer Davis]: We got this to under control. [licks his hand] Stay out of police business, or you will be the one behind bars.
BMO: [V.O.] [climbing up a ladder] I didn't listen to that cop. I needed to find Ronnie, and I knew just the lady who could lead me to him. [at the top was Lorraine's house] She looked as beautiful as ever.
BMO: Where is the sock, Lorraine?
BMO [as Lorraine]: What makes you think I know?
BMO: I saw your lipstick on his fur, so don't act so cute.
BMO [as Lorraine]: Sounds like someone's jealous, no?
BMO: Don't count on it, Lorraine. Now tell me where Ronnie is.
BMO [as Lorraine]: Ha! You think it was Ronnie? Maybe if he was man enough to steal a sock, I wouldn't have to spend my nights with Bebe.
BMO: Bebe? So you're saying Bebe is man enough?
BMO [as Lorraine]: What? No, you're putting words in my mouth. Bebe doesn't know anything about Finn's sock.
BMO: [Gasps] Finn's sock? How did you know it was Finn's sock? I never said whose sock was stolen, Lorraine.
BMO [as Lorraine]: Uh... uh... I heard it on the TV news.
BMO: No dice, sweet beak. Officer Davis has this case under tight wraps.
BMO [as Lorraine]: Oh, fine, Bebe stole the sock. Oh, BMO, can't you just forget about it?
BMO: [walking out the door] Sorry, lady, forgetting ain't in my job description. Ha ha ha!
BMO [as Lorraine]: Does that mean you still remember... us?
BMO: ... Hahaha! Same old Lorraine.
BMO [as Lorraine]: Well, don't tell Ronnie about me and Bebe. [zoom to reveal Ronnie is watching in the rafters] You know how he gets when he's jealous. [Ronnie's nose twitches as the door closes.]
[Scene changes.]
BMO: [V.O.] Bebe owned Bebe's, a dance club downtown. [Zoom to Bebe.] He yells at ladies!
[BMO approaches Bebe and then puts its foot on one of Bebe's buttons.]
BMO: Wake up, brainiac.
BMO [as Bebe]: BMO? Uh...uh...auh!
BMO: Where is the sock, Bebe?
BMO [as Bebe]: Uh [coughs]... I don't know nothing about socks!
BMO: Don't play dumb, Bebe! [takes some soot and smothers it on Bebe] Don't play dumb with me!
BMO [as Bebe]: [Coughs even more.]
BMO: I talked to Lorraine, Bebe. She sold you out, dumb dumb!
BMO [as Bebe]: No! She-she wouldn't do that! It wasn't me, I swear! It was Ronnie!
BMO: [stops rubbing in the ashes on Bebe] Ronnie? But why?
BMO [as Bebe]: I don't know, man! I don't know! [Starts sobbing] Oh, Lorraine! [Continues sobbing]
BMO: [looks at its dirty hands] I'm gonna go wash this shmutz off my grabbers. When I get back, you better start talking sense!
[BMO walks away and scene changes to BMO at the sink.]
BMO: [V.O.] [Turning on the water and throwing some on himself.] It wasn't adding up. Why would Ronnie swipe the sock? And why would Lorraine finger Bebe? [BMO turns off the water.] Sure, he's a dirt bag born out of a mother, but who's not?
BMO: [Talking to himself in the mirror] I don't really get it.
BMO: [V.O.] Maybe it was time to cut my losses.
[Scene changes to BMO walking back to Bebe with some toilet paper.]
BMO: Come on, Bebe, let's get you cleaned up. Bebe?
[Zoom to Bebe, upside down, with his case and batteries out.]
BMO: Bebe! [pauses] Dead. This doesn't look good. I'd better hightail it!
[BMO drops the toilet paper and starts to run in the other direction, but then hears a meow offscreen, he turns to see Officer Meow, and Lieutenant Whiskers approaching him.]
BMO: Huh? The cops!? It was a setup!
BMO: [Gasps] Oh no! [Starts running and imitating gunshots] Bang, bang! Pew, pew, pew!
[BMO stops in front of Officer Davis who meows at BMO who then starts running in the opposite direction. BMO keeps running until Lieutenant Whiskers trips BMO who then falls down the ladder into the Tree Fort's treasure room, breaks two spokes on the ladder, falls to the floor, and passes out and BMO starts dreaming.]
Jake [In BMO's dream]: Hey, has anyone seen BMO? [opens a cupboard] BMO? Where's BMO?
BMO: [at the sink] Hello?
[A hand puts lipstick on Lorraine] BMO: With the lipstick, she looked as beautiful as ever.
[BMO turns around in a dark room with a barred window]
Finn: [at a window] I'm worried about BMO.
[BMO punches its mirror at the sink and smashes it]
[The animation of a hand putting lipstick on Lorraine is replayed, backwards]
BMO: [at sink, with unbroken mirror] This is real.
Jake: [reopening the cupboard] BMO!
BMO: [in dark room] Who's BMO?
[A hand, covered in soot takes off Bebe's battery cover]
[BMO turns around again in the dark room but with a different face that has eyeballs, eyelashes, a nose, lips, and facial hair]
Different BMO: Hello. [the word "hello" echos as BMO wakes up]
[BMO opens its eyes as it hears Neptr]
Neptr: Hello? Hello? Hello? Hey, BMO. Wake up, buddy. Are you alright?
BMO: Neptr? I feel like I got hit with a Dracula by King Kong.
Neptr: Whoa, sorry, man. You want some pie or something?
BMO: Sorry, I gotta run. The cops are after me. Have you seen any down here?
Neptr: Nah, no one's been down here all day except me, you, and Ronnie.
BMO: What?! What was Ronnie doing down here?!
Neptr: I don't know, but now my sensors indicate that some treasure is missing [Neptr turns 360 degrees]...about a sock's worth.
BMO: [gasp] That's it! That's why Ronnie took the sock: To carry stolen treasure in with! He had to whack Bebe to keep him from squealing, then he pinned the rap on me.
Neptr: Bebe's dead?
BMO: Listen, Neptr: you better lay low for awhile. I'm gonna go find Ronnie [BMO climbs up the ladder]. I've got a score to settle.
Neptr: Hey, BMO. We should hang out more. We're both robots.
BMO: No, Neptr. I am not like you.
[BMO sneaks upstairs to find the outline of a rat and ketchup in the center]
BMO: Ronnie?
BMO [as Officer Davis]: Evening, BMO.
[BMO falls back, surprised]
BMO [as Officer Davis]: Don't worry, buddy. You're off the hook. We know it was Ronnie who killed Bebe and snatched the treasure [meow]. We found this confession on him after the shootout.
[Officer Davis hands BMO a piece of paper with random scribbles on it]
BMO: Hmmmmm...what about the sock?
BMO [as Officer Davis]: Forget the sock, BMO. The case is closed. Let it go, buddy. It's over.
BMO [in its thoughts]: Maybe he was right. But I just couldn't shake the feeling that, somehow, this case had slipped right through my fingers. [BMO sees lipstick on it's hands] Lipstick? [gasp]
[BMO runs outside to find Lorraine on a barrel, next to a socks-worth of treasure]
BMO: Lorraine!
BMO [as Lorraine]: BMO?
BMO: Get back here with that treasure, Lorraine!
BMO [as Lorraine]: Sorry, BMO. I earned this loot. Those chumps were not framing themselves. See you around, BMO.
BMO: Lorraine, wait! What about the sock, Lorraine?
BMO [as Lorraine]: Oh, that old thing? I hid that where no one would ever find it: in our secret, grown-up kissing spot. Remember?
[BMO laughs and blushes]
BMO [as Lorraine]: It was good to see you again, BMO [the barrel floats away]. Till next time.
[Lorraine jumps off the barrel onto land and runs away.]
BMO: Till next time, Lorraine.
[Finn and Jake come home, Finn carrying his Sea Lard.]
Jake: Ya see, man? That was really fun. You don't need two socks to have fun.
Finn: Yeah, I guess. But maybe it woulda been more fun with two socks! [sigh]
BMO: Finn, Finn! I know where your sock is!
Finn: Huh?
BMO: [BMO pulls Finn's sock out of a pillow.] It was in your pillow this whole time! See?
Finn: Whoa haha! [drops Sea Lard] Right on, BMO!
BMO: Ronnie the mouse stole it, but Lorraine chicken set him up to kill Bebe, but the flatfoot busted Ronnie, and Lorraine skedaddled with the loot, but BMO solved the case!
Finn: Yay, BMO! Yay! Yeah!
BMO: Yay, BMO!
Finn: Yay!
BMO: Yay, BMO!
Jake: Our chicken's name is Lorraine?
BMO: She's red hot like pizza supper [blushes].
[The episode ends.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Bonnibel Bubblegum" from season 10, which aired on September 17, 2017.

Characters
Princess Bubblegum
Great Uncle Gumbald/Punchy (flashback)
Aunt Lolly/Manfried (flashback)
Cousin Chicle/Crunchy (flashback)
Finn
Jake
BMO
Marceline
Neddy (flashback)
Mr. Cream Puff (flashback)
Science (cameo, flashback)
Candyfish
Snail
Music
None
Locations
Sparkling Cider Pond
Lake Butterscotch
Candy Kingdom
Tree Fort
Gumbald's Cabin
This transcript is complete, but requires improvement/more additions of [Actions.]


Transcript

[Scene begins with Princess Bubblegum, Marceline, Finn and Jake relaxing in a serene apple cider pond. Jake and Finn are swimming in the pond]
Finn: [GASPS] Whew. A goblet of sparkling apple juice for milady.
Princess Bubblegum: Thanks, Finn. Hey where'd you get this goblet?
Finn: Oh, uh, I think we won it in a fight with an octopus we were fighting in, like, a sea cave full of treasure?
Jake: No. It was from when BMO was playing dress-up.
Princess Bubblegum: It reminds me of a cup my uncle used to have.
Finn: You mean your Uncle Gumbald, right?
Jake: Do tell. You never talk about your family.
Princess Bubblegum: I don't know. Families are tricky. You guys know what I mean, right? [ Marceline and Finn nod yes, Jake nods no] We have to go back a ways Like 800 years ago.
[Scene changes to 800 years ago in a desolate and abandoned land]
[Whirs And Beeps] [Glass shatters]
Young Bubblegum: [Sighs]
Goblin: Help! Help me! Oh, goodness me. Someone please help me. I'm a defenseless little goblin surrounded by all this loot. Boo-hoo.
[Animal grunts]
Young Princess Bubblegum: Oh, you poor thing, here. Have a drink to ease your nerves while I untie you.
Goblin: Pfft! Aah! The time for faking is over now. Give me all your stuff.
[Bubblegum pulls out a pea shooter]
Goblin: [Chuckles] What? You brought a peashooter to a techno-harpoon fight?! [SNAP] Aah! [Groans] [Gets electrocuted] Aah-aah-aaah!
[SLURPING] Mm?
Young Bubblegum: Another close call today, Neddy.
Neddy: [Squeals] [Whimpers]
Young Bubblegum: Neddy, you sweet chicken. [Beatboxing] It was a lot different back in the Mother Gum. We all had each other's backs. I'm going to make more of us, Neddy. I know you don't care, and that's fine. But I need to be around people like me.
[Bubblegum heads out] [Scene changes to some time later]
Young Bubblegum: O-kay! This is it, Neddy. We're getting relatives!
[Electricity crackles] [Whimpers] [Grunts] [Sizzling]
Young Bubblegum: [Laughs] It worked! [To the elderly female figure on far right]:Your name is Aunt Lolly!
Lolly: A pleasure to meet you, dear.
Young Bubblegum: [To the young male figure in the middle]: And you're Cousin Chicle. You're a full 2.3 meters tall.
Cousin Chicle: Naturally I am a gentleman of high standing.
Young Bubblegum: Oh, Cousin Chicle. And finally Uncle Gumbald! This is your favorite mug.
Uncle Gumbald: Ah, yes. [Examines mug] I'm your GREAT uncle. The mug proclaims it so.
Young Bubblegum: Aren't they great, Neddy? You'll be my protectors, my advisers, my family.
Neddy: [WHIMPERS]
[A montage of the Gum family at work renovating the “Candy Town” is shown] [A scene is shown of the same night where Uncle Gumbald is cutting down the taffy trees]
Young Bubblegum: I'm heading out, Neddy. [Notices the trees are gone] What? What? What?!
Uncle Gumbald: Morning, small niece.
Young Bubblegum: Uncle Gumbald, the taffy trees are gone!
Uncle Gumbald: I know. I chopped 'em down last night. [Scene changes, Bubblegum is riding on a cart with Uncle Gumbald as they arrive at a cabin] Yesterday, I realized these trees were not being utilized to their full potential, so I elected to build this cabin. This is but the first step in building my glorious new candy city. I've already drawn up the plans for it. All of this will be apartments. And did you notice the family crest I designed? It's a "G" for, uh "Gum".
Young Bubblegum: Why does it look like your head?
Uncle Gumbald: [LAUGHS] You're such a curious little girl. We're a lifestyle brand now.
Scene changes to later in the night
Young Bubblegum: Success! Now instead of worrying about his dumb city, Uncle can come here to picnic, swim, and, uh fish!
Young Bubblegum: [Bubblegum in her makeshift lab] [Electricity crackles] Welcome to life, Candyfish.
Candy Fish: [GASPS] I can't breathe air!
Uncle Gumbald: Bonnie! What have you done to my building site?
Young Bubblegum: I made us a butterscotch lake and a fish to live in it.
Uncle Gumbald: But that's where the gift shop was gonna go.Now it's just gonna be volleyballs, water skis, and shrimp cocktails.
Candy Fish: Sounds nice.
Uncle Gumbald: Did you say you "made" this creature?
Young Bubblegum: Come on. You'll appreciate him more once you watch him swim around.[Bubblegum walks outside with Candy Fish in hand]
Uncle Gumbald: Bonnibel you've micromanaged me for the last time. [Notices a Magazine under Bubblegums pet rat “Science”] Huh? Hmm. I think it's time for Bonnie to be re-branded.
[In a later scene]
Uncle Gumbald: Niece, now that I've had to stare at it for weeks, I've got to admit that your lake was a very good idea.
Lolly: Ja! Sehr gut!
Chicle: Very wunderbar.
Young Bubblegum: Oh, I'm so happy.
Uncle Gumbald: We got you a gift to say thanks. It's right outside, Prinzessin.
Young Bubblegum: [GASPS] You got me a car?
Uncle Gumbald: Yes, a car. But also a boyfriend!
Mr. Cream Puff: Hi, babe.Beep beep!
Young Bubblegum: Wait, what?
Uncle Gumbald: All right, you nut. Have fun on your date.
Young Bubblegum: Date?!
[Engine starts]
Mr. Cream Puff: Let's go, babe. Beep beep!
[Tires screech]
Uncle Gumbald: What a naive little child.
Mr. Cream Puff: Date's over, babe. Pick you up tomorrow to get matching tattoos.
Young Bubblegum: I'm back from that terrible date. Hello?
Uncle Gumbald: Thank you for coming to the mandatory optimization meeting. Tonight, we address the "Bonnie problem".
Young Bubblegum: Bonnie problem?
Uncle Gumbald: Our future city is on course to be a rousing success, barring only one obstacle Our complete lack of competent leadership.
BB's the leader? I thought she was a mime. Cause I never hear a word she says.
Both Uncle Gumbald And Aunt Lolly together: Oh, Cousin Chicle! Oh, Cousin Chicle!
Young Bubblegum: Dang, Chicle, that's cold.
Uncle Gumbald: I have formulated a happy juice that will render her as docile and simple-minded as her cutie BF, young Mr.Creampuff.
Young Bubblegum: [Gasps]
Uncle Gumbald: All we have to do is sprinkle some of this on her breakfast, and we'll be in charge.Let us celebrate with coup d'etat cupcakes.
Chicle: Poisoned cakes. [POOF!]
Crunchy: Where am I?
Lolly: Oh, right, the poison. [POOF!]
Manfried: I don't know what's happening! Whee! Whee! Whee! Whee!
Uncle Gumbald: Ah! My first candy employees.
Young Bubblegum: What have you done? This isn't what I made you to be.
Uncle Gumbald: No, you wanted us to be lowly pet fish, swimming in your narcissistic pond. But I am your equal!
Young Bubblegum: You're not like me. You're bad.
Uncle Gumbald: I am the future. Come on, Bonnie. Don't run away from happiness. I'm going to fix you. And then, I'm going to fix that sniveling gumwad, Neddy.
Young Bubblegum: Don't touch my brother! [Pulls our pea shooter]
Uncle Gumbald: A pea-shooter? [The flask breaks] The juice! Nooooo!
Punch Bowl: [LAUGHS] Hey! Where's the party? [GOOFY LAUGHTER]
Young Bubblegum: [Sighs] What a mess. But they do seem happier now So unburdened and pliable. You, the crunchy ball, dance for me.
Crunchy: Sure. [Starts dancing] Come on, lady. Do the crunchy dance.
Young Bubblegum: Oh, Crunchy. Sure, I'll dance with my candy people.
Crunchy: Yay for the lady!
Young Princess Bubblegum: Call me Princess.
Everybody: Hurrah!
[Flash forward to present day treehouse. Princess Bubblegum and Finn are washing dishes]
Finn: Whoa, for real?
Princess Bubblegum: Like I said, families are tricky. [GASPS] BMO! Where did you get this cup?
BMO: From that guy! The guy on the cup! The guy who's face is on the cup! That guy!
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Bonnie and Neddy" from season 7, which aired on November 2, 2015.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Princess Bubblegum
Neddy
Music
None
Locations
Candy Kingdom
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[In the Candy Kingdom, King of Ooo's blimp is seen docked at Princess Bubblegum's castle.]
Finn: Yeow!
Toronto: Whoops.
[Toronto is holding a sword. Finn rubs a cut on his head.]
King of Ooo: And I dub thee Sir Jake the Dog.
[Toronto lightly taps Jake's shoulder with sword.]
King of Ooo: You two now comprise the royal guard of the one true princess of Ooo. That's me! [winks] As such, you may no longer own property or operate children and must render all treasure and wives unto your sworn princess within a hangman's fortnight.
Jake: [scoffs] Joke's on you, man. We spent all our treasure the other day. Plus, don't even have any wives.
Finn: Wait, what? What about Lady?
Jake: Lady's my girlfriend.
Finn: Wait, but...
Jake: That was Tree Trunks.
Finn: Oh, yeah.
King of Ooo: We, the inhabitants of Ooo, owe you heroes our very lives. As the once powerful and dignified Princess Bubblegum sulked off into exile, it fell upon you two to save us from the impending comet of doom and/or from the hideous Orgalorg, who aimed to eat the powerful comet and grow invincible! And for that, we are eternally grateful.
Toronto: I know I am.
King of Ooo: But now your bravery is essential to a new heroic task! Can you guess what it is?
Finn: Uh...
King of Ooo: Come on. Guess!
Finn: Um... Fight a—Fight a dragon?
King of Ooo: Wrong! Follow me.
[Finn, Jake, the King of Ooo, and Toronto go to the highest part of the sweet castle]
Finn: [sighs] Man, this is stupid as heck. I miss PB.
Jake: Yeah, yes... [panting] I mean, except for this sweet armor, though. This armor is hot like fire.
Finn: Naw, the armor's stupid too. [muttering under his breath] Dang King of Ooo going around like DJ Snappy.
King of Ooo: This is it, fellas, the only spot in the kingdom left unscoured during my treasure census. I'm afraid it'll explode or something if I open it. But I really think there could, nay, there might be precious treasures in there. So I want you two to do it.
Finn: Man, this...seems like a really bad idea.
King of Ooo: Yeah, well, it's an order from your princess. Get, get, get.
Finn and Jake: [being pushed through the door] Hey, eh, ooh, oh, ah.
Finn: [muffled] Come on! Alright, alright.
Old Banana Guards: Hello.
Old Banana Guard 1: We are the sworn protectors of the forbidden inner sanctum, and to proceed you must answer this ancient riddle...I forgot the riddle.
Old Banana Guard 2: That's okay.
Old Banana Guard 1: I love you.
Old Banana Guard 2: I love you too.
Jake: Hey, there's stairs back here.
Old Banana Guard 3: I love you guys.
Old Banana Guards: [muttering]
Finn: Woah.
Jake: [panting] Wait up.
Finn: It's a dragon...a candy dragon. Look. He sucks the vitamins from the roots. And transforms it into candy juice? And then—And then the juice goes in all those drains. This. This is the lifeblood of the whole kingdom. Power, defense, recreation. This is everything. It cleans, it nourishes, and—and...
King of Ooo: ♪Muh-muh-muh money, money.♪ Go on...
Finn: What are you talking about with all this money talk?
Jake: Yeah, why are you singing the money song?
King of Ooo: What, you don't see it?
Toronto: [laughing] They don't see it.
King of Ooo: Look, everyone needs juice to live, right? And I control the source of the juice, so by me charging a mere pittance for every single drop, I can easily quadruple my treasure pile!
Finn: Man, if you think we're just gonna stand here and let...
King of Ooo: Although...if this dragon thing could pick up the pace a bit, we could have enough of a surplus left over to export worldwide! Hey, you there! What do you think about picking up the-
Neddy: [scared shrieks while crashing out through the wall]
King of Ooo: Looks like the Candy Kingdom empire is finished. But the four of us will live like kings 'til the juice runs out. What do you say, boys? Let's... Huh, I wonder where they ran off to.
Finn and Jake: [scooting up to PB's cabin] Princess, Princess, Princess! Princess, Princess, Princess, Princess!
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, hey boys!
Finn: Princess, sklizz is really blizzed up with the King of Ooo! He really blizzed up all the sklizz.
Jake: He blizzed it all up, man.
Princess Bubblegum: Yeah, well maybe he should unblizz it then. [muttering to herself] Why do I always gotta unblizz everything?
Finn: But Princess, under the tree there's—there's a dragon. And he took the juice!
Princess Bubblegum: [gasps] Oh no. This is all my fault. Neddy...
Finn: Princess? Princess, what is it?
Princess Bubblegum: [sigh] That dragon you saw, he's my brother, Neddy.
Jake: [gasps]
Finn: [autotuned] Whaaaaaaaaa?
Princess Bubblegum: We spawned together from the Mother Gum, and now I'm all he has.
Swan: [squawks]
Princess Bubblegum: Neddy's very sensitive. It's not safe for him out there. He needs my help, and I'll need yours.
Jake: [falling backwards] Woah. [holding on to swan feathers] Ahhhhhhh.
[PB has a flashback of her and Neddy's early life, in which they communicate through whimpers, clucks, and other vocalizations, but no dialogue]
Finn: [oblivious] It's pretty quiet, huh?
[second flashback]
Princess Bubblegum: Okay, guys. Neddy's in this cave. I know because my bod rod here is calibrated to our sister-brother bond. Now, people frighten him, so I'm going in alone. If he tries to run, STOP HIM.
Jake: I don't think we can. He's a giant.
Finn: [thumbs up] Yup.
Princess Bubblegum: Thanks, guys!
Jake: [sigh] This armor is driving me nuts!
Finn: No way, I changed my mind. I feel like a fancy shield. Or if I was like a dangerous candlestick. Like a knight's candlestick.
Jake: You don't stretch, man. This thing's cramping my crimps! [grunting while stretching out of the armor] Woo!
Finn: Dude, I don't like that.
Neddy: [shrieks]
Princess Bubblegum: [tongue clucking] Neddy, you sweet weirdo. [more tongue clucking]
Neddy: [yawns, then falls asleep]
[scene changes back to the Candy Kingdom]
Neddy: [noticing the nourishing roots] Ooooh! OOOOH!
[Neddy sucks on a root and the juice begins to flow again]
Banana Guard: [waking up in the bathtub] Oh nooo! I just want consistency!
Princess Bubblegum: [taping sabers to the Old Banana Guards' arms] If the King of Ooo tries to come here again, you have my secret permission to stop him. No holds barred. Moosewood Stadium freestyle. [turning to Finn and Jake] So, what are you two up to now?
Jake: Eh, garden stuff, I guess.
Finn: Ummm... Hey Bonnie, you always act like a loner, right? But next to your brother, you're the light of the party. Sorry, the LIGHT of the party.
Princess Bubblegum: I mean, yeah. One of the first things I did after making sure Neddy was safe was to start making the candy people. I was formed in the Mother Gum. My mind and my gum were in touch with dozens of others, like a crowded womb. I guess I missed that.
Jake: But Neddy's from the same place you're from, and he's a wet hot dog around everyone.
Princess Bubblegum: People get built different. We don't need to figure it out. We just need to respect it. Maybe he likes his own company better than I like mine.
Finn: Well, do you miss the candy people?
Princess Bubblegum: [shrug]
King of Ooo: Hey babaloos, good thing that juice is back on. I was making a mint, but hoo doggie, my candles were starting to turn. [laughing] Thanks, Jake. [showering in the juice] Ahh, that's the stuff. Hey, do you know if I can drink this? Like, is it like well water? Good for bathing, but not so good for drinking? You know what? I'm going for it! [spitting and coughing out the juice] Yup, it tastes just like you'd think.

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Box Prince (episode)" from season 5, which aired on October 7, 2013.

Characters
Finn
Jake
BMO
Box Prince
Music
None
Locations
Tree Fort
Box Kingdom
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode begins with Finn looking out of the Tree Fort's window.]
Finn: Aw, yes. Storm has passed! Jake! [runs toward Jake] Jake...
Jake: Nachos?
Finn: Nachos? I love nachos... [eats nachos] I love nachos even more when looking out of the window! [runs back to the window]
[Finn continues looking out of the window, while the wind blows. A tire, branch, and a box are blown around.]
Finn: Hmmm, does that box have a face on it? A face... I gotta make sure.
[Finn runs back to Jake]
Finn: [In a loud, fast tone] There's a box outside with a face on it! It might be the boxman, it's all soggy and dirty. Want to check it out?
Jake: Naaaaa... chos.
Finn: [Hands nachos to Jake] I'm gonna check it out.
Jake: Yeah, whatever.
[Finn is exiting the Tree Fort, running towards the box]
Finn: Hmmm, where'd your face go? [starts examining it more closely]
[The box moves.]
Finn: Whoa! Okay... shhh... are you lost, little cardboard dude?
[A cat reveals its head from the top of the box, mews, and returns back inside.]
Finn: Jake! There seems to be a lost cat on the ground in a box!
Jake: Yeah that's great, get it out of here!
Finn: Hm, gettin' no help from him I guess. Do you know where your home is?
[The box shakes, mews, and starts walking away]
Finn: Okay, I'll follow you!
[The scene changes to Finn and the box treading through the forest.
Finn: Whoa, is this your kingdom? It's wonderful!
[The box kingdom is shown. It is inhabited by many cats wearing boxes. The Box Prince is being carried by other Box Kingdom citizens.]
Finn: That must be your prince.
Cat: [Shakes, with a sad expression.]
Finn: Huh?
[The Box Prince is shown stealing a fish from a net.]
Finn: Huh... a prince wouldn't steal from his subjects. [The cat licks Finn's hand] Awww!
Cat: [Moves its paws back and forth]
Finn: Switched? [gasps] Of course! You must be the real prince, and that thief took your place! Is that right, little prince?
Cat: [Rolls over and meows continuously.]
Finn: [sighs] Don't worry, your majesty. I'll help you reclaim your kingdom. [Rubs the cat's head]
[The scene returns to Jake, who is still playing Pro Football 1861 on BMO.
BMO: [Stops the game] Why do you hate cats, Jake?
Jake: Move your face, you're messing up the game. Anyway, I don't wanna talk about it, it's personal. Cats know what they did...
[Jake suddenly starts wailing in pain.]
BMO: Is Jake okay?
Jake: Eugh... no! I'm pretty dang far from okay! There's a little shard of Tortilla chip caught between my teeth. [tries to use his tongue to get it out]
[The scene returns to the Box Kingdom, where the prince is still waving to his people. Finn is with the true Box Prince, spying with a pair of binoculars.]
Finn: First, we have to expose the traitor's deception. Ah-hah! That's a counterfeit crown, from the liar's own box flesh. Hmm... it looks like your crown was torn off by some... [Places hand on torn area]
Box Prince: [Slaps Finn's hand away] Mew.
Finn: Your crown was lost, you say?
Box Prince: [Walks towards some plants, and starts circling one of them.]
Finn: During a storm? The same storm that sent you hurling through the woods? Until you were delivered into my door step? Right... so it's definitely in the woods somewhere. All we have to do is find your crown to prove to your people that you're the real prince.
[The Box Prince starts scratching the sand.]
Finn: [sniffs] Um... I'm gonna wait over by the gate, your highness.
[Scene returns to Jake, who is still playing Pro Football 1861.]
BMO: [Interrupting the game] Get big, and the chip will fall out of your teeth!
Jake: You think I can stretch out of everything? You're so naïve. To live life, you need problems.
BMO: That's stupid!
Jake: If you get everything you want the minute you want it, then what's the point of livin'?
[BMO has flashbacks of the various moments where Jake used his special powers to ease out of situations.]
Finn: Okay, so let's retrace your steps. Do you remember which path you took? ... Prince?
[The Box Prince finds his crown, and is trying to get it out of a tree branch.]
Finn: Whoa, you found it already! Good work, team. [rubs the prince's belly, which causes him to scratch and bite his arm]
Finn: Ow, quit that! [shakes him off of his arm] Come on, you're a prince. [takes out the crown] Come, your majesty. It's time...
[A citizen is seen reading a book. Finn takes off its box, which causes it to run away.]
Finn: [Places box to use as a pedestal] People of the Box Kingdom, I have found... [pulls out crown and places it on the Box Prince] your true prince! [points to fake prince] J'accuse!
[All of the citizens walk away, seemingly disappointed.]
Finn: What? They... they don't believe us. The rain made your complexion look all hobo-like. They're not looking past the surface grunk.
[Suddenly, the false Box Prince is seen, having a cardboard "lance" attached to his box.]
Finn: Oh no, he's challenging you to a joust! I better find you a lance.
[The scene switches to BMO and Jake in the bathroom, Jake is brushing his teeth.]
BMO: Did it come out?
Jake: You forgot the most important part, my impatient little friend. A thorough rinsing! [Puts water in mouth and starts rinsing]
BMO: Well?
Jake: [Spits out water] Bleh, nothing. [shakes head] I need, like, a toothpick, or something.
BMO: I told you to buy floss.
Jake: Floss is for losers. [walks out of the bathroom, and to his cards on the table]
Jake: Oh, one of these will do nicely.
BMO: You'll put cards in your mouth?!
Jake: Just the edge, kid, then I'll work it like a pro. Now, to find the card that best suits my devil-may-care personality.
[Two Box Kingdom citizen blow horns in an arena]
Finn: Trial by combat shall prove which prince's true!
[The Joust begins. Both of the princes start charging and hit each other, resulting in their boxes coming off. They are both revealing to have the exact same fur coat. Suddenly, the audience also starts fighting each other.]
Finn: The joust's gone nuts!
[Scene changes to BMO sitting on the floor, humming to himself.]
Jake: Hey, BMO! Ta-da!
BMO: [gasps] You did it, Jake! Congratulations! How did you get the piece of tortilla chip out of your teeth?
Jake: Oh, I didn't. It's still there. [reveals teeth] It'll be like a constant reminder of what life's all about.
BMO: ... This is unsatisfying!
Jake: ZIP IT!
[The scene is back to the Box Kingdom, still in chaos. Finn takes out a window cleaner from a box.]
Finn: [Sprays water on one of the princes.] Bad! Bad princes!
[All of the cats suddenly stop fighting.]
Finn: Which is which...?
Box Prince: [Licks Finn's leg.]
Finn: Awwww! [Picks up Box Prince] This is the one! This is your prince!
Box Prince #2: [Licks Finn's leg.]
Finn: [Picks up the other Box Prince] Or maybe this is the one!
[All of the cats walk away.]
Finn: Hmmm, is this... is this even a kingdom?
[Various cats surround Finn, displaying affection.]
Finn: Haha! Hey! Ow, you guys... aw, come on!
[Finn is completely swarmed by purring cats.]

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Breezy" from season 6, which aired on June 5, 2014.

Characters
Finn
Breezy
Jake
Raggedy Princess
Lumpy Space Princess
Doctor Princess
Crab Princess
Frozen Yogurt Princess
Music
Lost in the Darkness/Love
Locations
Candy Kingdom
Tree Fort
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[The episode starts in the Candy Kingdom Hospital.]
Doctor Princess: [Examining Finn's arm] Hmm....
Finn: What is it?
Doctor Princess: It's looking droopier.
Finn: But I've been pounding pickle juice like I was preggos. For the electrolytes.
Doctor Princess: Well, switch back to water. But what I really want to know, is how are you feeling Finn?
Finn: What? Oh, I don't know. [imitates trumpet tooting], I guess I don't feel anything. Bleh. [slides off the bed]
Doctor Princess: Okay, that's what I thought. You gotta bounce back, man. You got burned by your bad dad, you lost your arm, and all the ladies say you don't talk to Flame Princess no more.
Finn: Who's sayin' that?
Doctor Princess: Finn, flowers thrive on good vibes. As your doctor, I'm ordering you to go out and have fun, okay?
Finn: You want to go with me to Crab Princess' party tonight?
Doctor Princess: Uh, what? Like... as a date?
Finn: Sure. That would be fun, right?
Doctor Princess: Finn, I don't date my patients.
Finn: It's cool. Guess I'll go make out with Crab Princess.
Doctor Princess: Okay. Tell her I said "hi."
[Finn walks through the forest and starts singing "Lost in the Darkness/Love."]
Finn: ♪I'm lost in the darkness, what will this bring? Autumn descends on me,Autumn♪
[Breezy buzzes in, sees the flower on Finn's arm and sings along.]
Breezy: ♪What do I see? Oh, so beautiful. My heart it beats. Oh, so magical.♪
Finn: ♪I'm lost in the darkness, what will this bring?♪
[Scene cuts to Crab Princess' beach party. Princess Bubblegum plays dance music. Finn is sitting on a log.]
Finn: [Sighs]
[Everyone is dancing. Crab Princess accidentally hits Lumpy Space Princess.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Aah! Watch it, Crab Princess!
Crab Princess: I'm sorry.
Lumpy Space Princess: You ain't my man, so why are you all up in my lumps?!
Raggedy Princess: [Grunts as she attempts to drink] Hey, Finn, could you pour this juice into my mouth?
Finn: What? Pfft! [Breezy flies past Finn's face] Aah!
Raggedy Princess: I can't reach my juice.
Finn: [Shaking off Breezy from his arm] Yo, come on bee! Geez!
Breezy: Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't realize—
Finn: Didn't realize what? That there's a person attached to this flower?
Breezy: Uh, yes. I'm sorry. But it's only because your flower's the greatest miracle of all time. It's just doing something to me, I—[tears up]
Finn: Oh, that's cool. Thanks, beezy.
Breezy: My name's Breezy.
Raggedy Princess: [muffled] Never mind, Finn. [The cup is on her mouth. She laughs and spits the cup away, then runs away laughing.]
Breezy: So uh, what are you doing here? Heh.
Finn: Ah, well, I came here to make out with Crab Princess, but I sort of lost steam on the walk over. [Breezy stares intensely at Finn's flower] I don't know what crabs are into. I'm just gonna stop trying and let my flower wilt away. Who cares?
Breezy: I'll try for you, man.
Finn: Whoa! Really?
Breezy: Yeah! I'm gonna help you, friend.
[Breezy buzzes towards Crab and Emerald Princess and sits on Emerald Princess' gem, eavesdropping on their conversation.]
Crab Princess: Hey, Emerald Princess, you know what would blow this party up?
Emerald Princess: What?
Crab Princess: If we all got in a line and just showed off our moves.
[Breezy buzzes away back to Finn.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Yeah! Do it! Oh, my glob! Aah ha ha! Haa!
[Finn starts dancing in front of everyone. Crab Princess blushes. The scene cuts to Finn and Crab Princess alone by the shore.]
Crab Princess: Thanks for walking me home, Finn. I'd invite you over, but you can't breathe underwater, right?
Finn: Not usually, but can I have a kiss, please?
Crab Princess: Uh, okay...
[Crab Princess gives Finn a kiss.]
Finn: Okay. Good night, Crab Princess.
Crab Princess: Good night, Finn! [giggles, gurgles]
[Crab Princess swims back to her kingdom underwater. Breezy appears on Finn's hat.]
Breezy: Hey, you did it!
Finn: Oh, you're still here.
Breezy: Yeah, [chuckles] just checking in... on my buddy. So, how you feelin', buddy?
Finn: Pretty grease. I made out with Crab Princess, so that's grease. But really I don't feel nothing. Maybe if I made out, I will feel something? Maybe I'll reach a "good vibe" saturation point. And then my flower will feel good, too...
[Breezy is now on Finn's flower.]
Breezy: Your flower feels good, yes.
[Finn shakes Breezy off his flower.]
Finn: [laughs] Hey, cut it out, Breezy.
Breezy: Ha ha! I'm just messin' around. We're buddies, right?
Finn: Yeah, Breezy, I like you. You're a good wingman.
Breezy: Yeah, wingman. I'm a girl, but all right! Let's wingman you some make-outs!
[Scene cuts to the Finn and Breezy running towards Lizard Princess' Kingdom. Horn plays softly. Scene cuts to inside of the kingdom where Lizard Princess plays a trumpet.]
Lizard Princess: [Sighs]
Finn: [Whispering]
[Breezy pushes Finn towards Lizard Princess. Finn takes trumpet and plays a tune.]
Lizard Princess: [rattling]
[Lizard Princess gives Finn a kiss. Upbeat music plays. They both start dancing as Finn plays the tune. Scene cuts to the inside of Muscle Princess' Kingdom. Music continues. Finn, Muscle Princess and a candy citizen are dancing. Finn waves the flower arm around. Breezy gives Finn towel which Finn gives to Muscle Princess to wipe her sweat off. Candy citizen pours water all over herself. Muscle Princess and Finn kiss.]
Muscle Princess: [Giggles]
[Music stops, scene changes. Jake is seen windsurfing.]
Jake: Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh!
[Surfboard crashes to change to a scene near tree fort. Many Princesses and other ladies talking near tree fort. Scene changes to Jake going inside to see Finn with an unknown Princess.]
Jake: [Chuckles]
Finn: What's up with your head?
Jake: Eh, I'm trying something new. Hey, how's it going, miss...?
Frozen Yogurt Princess: Frozen Yogurt Princess.
Jake: Whoa. You're a dead ringer for Flame Princess, with a smidge of Princess Bubblegum mixed in. [To Finn] Guess you're still hung up on both of 'em, bro.
Finn: [Flips the table in front of him angrily] I ain't hung up on nobody! Nobody. Breezy, let's get out of here.
Breezy: Okay.
[They both leave the tree fort. The scene changes to Breezy and Finn walking outside.]
Finn: She doesn't look anything like Flame Princess, does she?
Breezy: I don't know who that is.
Finn: Exactly. [Finn sits, leaning on a log.] I'm just trying to have fun. You know, doctor's orders. But I still ain't feelin' nothing. [sighs] maybe I should just let this poor flower die.
Breezy: Noooo... Listen, buddy, being a free spirit is fun and all, but you got a responsibility to that flower, just like I got a responsibility. Get this—I'm actually a virgin queen bee. I was born to lead a hive, destined for a life of obligation and ritual.
Finn: Whoa. Bummer.
Breezy: Yes. Once I drink of the royal jelly, my carefree days are done.
Finn: Dang. That sounds like raw deez. Breezy, you got to stay free... Free to make out with whatevs. [Finn jumps up]
Breezy: Yeah, maybe you're right. You know, it's too bad we're such great buddies or we could make out with each other. [chuckles]
Finn: What?
Breezy: Uh, nothing. Come on, pal! Lets run and be free. [chuckles nervously]
[The scene changes to Breezy and Finn running along together.]
Breezy: Whoops! I tripped right into you [Breezy purposefully fakes an accident, bumping Finn and causing both of them to roll.] [giggles]
[Now close to Finn's flower on his arm]
Breezy: That's right. Everybody's havin' fun...
[They both roll down a waterfall.]
Finn: Whoops!
Both: Whoa!
[The scene now shows Breezy's hive where they float along a river in front of the hive]
Bee Person: [humming]
Both: [laughing]
Bee Person: What's that?
[Breezy and Finn float past the hive.]
Bee Person: Mnh-mnh! Hey, girl! Girl, I know you can hear me! [to Breezy]
[Finn and Breezy now stop floating.]
Bee Person: Girl, get back to your hive! Quit hanging out with that bologna tube! It's disgusting!
Finn: Mnh-mnh. [rolls out of the water] Yo! Shut it! She's an independent lady!
Breezy: Yeah, shut it!
Bee Person: A'ight! [opens door to hive] Hey! You guys want to roast a wiener?
Other Bee People: [Together] Yeah!
Bee Person: Gonna teach you to mind your b's and q's, chump! [takes out a weapon and charges towards Finn] Buzzzzz!
Finn: Uh! Run, Breezy!
[The bees fly up in the air, dive towards Finn, and attack him.]
Finn: Aah!
Bee Person: You're about to get waggle-danced, you chicken! [Finn punches the Bee Person.] Unh!
[Finn punches the other bees. Some of the bees sting Finn.]
Finn: Ow! Ooh! [Finn falls to the ground.]
Breezy: Oh, no! Flower! I-I mean Finn! [gasps]
[Breezy flies quickly towards the hive and enters it.]
Breezy: [Clattering] aha! [flies back out] Don't worry, Finn! [Breezy holds up bottle] I jacked some royal jelly from their hive! [opens bottle cap]
Finn: [groans] Breezy... No!
Breezy: [Gulps the royal jelly juice] [gasps] Aaaah.
[Breezy transforms into a queen bee.]
Breezy: Hey, honeybuns!
Finn: [Groans]
[Breezy uses a sort of telekinetic power to control all of the bee people.]
Bee Person: Whoa! Oh, No! She got into our secret sauce, bro! It's all over! [All bee people] Long live the queen!
[Breezy moves all of the Bee People into their hive.] [crashing]
Finn: [Now sitting up] Breezy?
Breezy: Yes, Finn. Can't you see? I've become a queen to save you because... I love your flower and—and I think... I love you! [opening a zip] Now you can partake of my pollen crumbles and become my drone.
Finn: Um... You know, I'm—I'm trying to keep it casual, B. I just don't feel the same way. I don't feel anything.
Breezy: [Now sad] But I royal jellied for you. [sniffles]
[Breezy now is seen flying away from Finn.]
Finn: I'm lost in the darkness, Breezy.
[The scene cuts to Finn dancing in Lumpy Space Princess' home. Dance music plays.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Finn. [Finn still dancing] Finn. [Shouting to Finn] I saw this already! [Finn falls down.] [Dance music stops playing.] [Lumpy Space Princess approaches Finn.] I know all about your dirty deeds. Now it's Lumpy's turn to slump those lips! Bring it in, baby.
[They both kiss. Finn suddenly backs out.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Wha? Where you going?
Finn: That's it. We made out.
Lumpy Space Princess: Wha—What?! I didn't wait infinity for a dip in the kiddie pool! We're taking this to the deep end!
Finn: But I'm not a good swimmer.
Lumpy Space Princess: Don't be scared, Finn. Lumpy's on lifeguard duty.
[The scene cuts to a moon shot above. Below, Finn is seen lying down and Lumpy Space Princess is seen asleep.]
Finn: [to flower on his arm] How's it going, guy? Is any of this helping?
[Flower petal falls off the flower.]
Finn: I'm gonna forget you did that. Right in the vault.
[The song "Lost in the Darkness/Love" starts to play. Finn's flower arm suddenly grows to a huge tree]
Finn: Whoa, whoa, whoooooa!
[Breezy is seen shocked and staring. The flower arm grows up until the air until it explodes. Finn is seen with the remaining bark covering his arm. He rips off the bark to find his arm covered in honey. He flicks the honey off. His arm has fully recovered.]
Finn: [Dances with joy] Yeah! Whoo-hoo!
Lumpy Space Princess: [Waking up] What the lump? Oh, hey! Finn, you got your arm back!
Finn: [laughing] Whoo-hoo! Yeah! Whoo-hoo! Breezy...
[A flower is seen falling on Breezy's head. Breezy takes the flower, and the episode ends right after she kisses it.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Broke His Crown" from season 8, which aired on March 26, 2016.

Characters
Ice King (Simon Petrikov)
Marceline
Princess Bubblegum
Gunther
Betty (A.I.)
Music
None
Locations
Ice Kingdom
This transcript is Incomplete - Missing [Actions]

Transcript

Princess Bubblegum: I can't believe I let you talk me into this. It's not like I have a lot of free time, you know.
Marceline: Peebs, you work too much. Imagine a pizza. Only half should be business. The rest should be personal. Personal pizza.
Princess Bubblegum: Yuck.
Marceline: Try to have fun tonight.
Princess Bubblegum: With the Ice King? Not in your everlasting lifetime, girlfriend.
Marceline: I wish you'd call him Simon. He's actually kind of sweet and funny.
Marceline: Can you please try to get along tonight? It would mean a lot to me.
Princess Bubblegum: I'll try.
Ice King: Try anything once, that's what I say.
Marceline: Simon! What's this?
Ice King: It's a present. To bribe you for coming over.
Marceline: You don't have to bribe us, silly. We're here because we want to hang out with you.
Ice King: No one has ever said that to me before. You didn't say, "No take backs."
Marceline: Bottoms down.
Ice King: So, check it out! I upgraded my home karaoke system. Do you like karaoke?
Marceline: Duh! We love karaoke. Bonnie is a dynamo on the mike! Okay. You guys get started, I'll freshen up PB's drink.
Princess Bubblegum: Marceline?
Ice King: Irslerskat prjon! Prjon, prjon Prrrrrrrrrrrrjon!
Princess Bubblegum: Marceline! Get out here quick!
Marceline: What's going on?
Princess Bubblegum: Something's wrong with the I.K.
Marceline: No! Simon!
Ice King: Hi, Marceline.
Marceline: Are you guys pranking me?
Princess Bubblegum: Your friend just majorly malfunctioned! He was jerking around all weird, and his voice sounded like he was possessed!
Marceline: Cool out, B-Bell. I know you love karaoke, but you can't take it so seriously.
Ice King: I hope you like penguin cuisine. It's mostly just shapes.
Marceline: Who doesn't love a good rhomboid?
Princess Bubblegum: You're a rhomboid.
Marceline: Here, Simon. I know these are your favos.
Ice King: Thanks, Gunther!
Princess Bubblegum: He just called you "Gunther."
Marceline: He calls everybody Gunther. Bonnie!
Princess Bubblegum: There's something really wrong with Simon.
Marceline: There's some wrong with Wait. You just called him Simon.
Ice King: Call me whatever you want. This is the best date I've been on since my last date.
Princess Bubblegum: This is not a date.
Ice King: Neither was the last one. It was a robbery.
Marceline: For real?
Ice King: Yeah. She stole my heart. And my crown.
Princess Bubblegum: Your crown.
Marceline: Crubs! He's really flipping out! [PB strikes on IK's head with an icicle] What'd you do that for?!
Princess Bubblegum: It just makes things easier.
Princess Bubblegum: I'm definitely seeing some weird activity here. It's really, really.
Marceline: You don't know what's going on.
Princess Bubblegum: Maybe I can access it with my VR equipment.
Marceline: Whoa, Bon-bon! This stuff is rad. Why haven't you shown me before?
Princess Bubblegum: I didn't think you liked science.
Marceline: I like games.
Princess Bubblegum: We can play sometime. But this time, it's business.
Marceline: Whoa.
Princess Bubblegum: This is not what I was expecting.
Marceline: Did you press the wrong button?
Princess Bubblegum: I never press the wrong button.
Marceline: Yeah, you always know which button to press. I'm referring to the fact that you know how to annoy me.
Princess Bubblegum: Yeah, I got that. What I don't get is this stupid scenery.
Marceline: At least it's got a pretty killer beat.
Gunther (Evergreen): Wow! Two newbies at the same time! How'd you manage that? Yeah, okay. I guess if you really squeeze together, it could fit you both.
Princess Bubblegum: Who are you?!
Marceline: Are you a dinosaur?
Gunther: I'm a Gunther.
Princess Bubblegum: Okay, what's a dinosaur doing here?
Gunther: I'm practicing my drums. The others say the acoustics out here are better than in town.
Marceline: What the bleep?!
Gunther: Yeah. That's been happening lately. You're lucky you didn't get rearranged. Ooof!
Princess Bubblegum: Does this circuit look infected to you?
Marceline: I don't know. I only deal in infectious grooves.
Gunther: Sounds like you guys need another brain. I'm gonna take you guys to the the professor! He's the smartest guy I know. Next to Master Evergreen, of course.
Sveinn: Prjon.
Gunther: Hey, guys.
Sveinn: Prjon. Hey, Goontz!
Marceline: Who are those dudes?
Gunther: That's Sveinn. He only wore the crown once. And the guy next to him says he's the first "Santa." Like, what's even a "Santa"?
Marceline: Dude, the Santa?
Princess Bubblegum: Nope. Doesn't ring a bell.
Gunther: Aha! There he is! Professor Petrikov!
Marceline: Simon!
Simon Petrikov: Marcy! Dear! How is this possible? Did my beloved Betty master the secrets of the crown?
Marceline: No. Bonnibel scienced us in.
Simon Petrikov: You must be Betty's little assistant.
Princess Bubblegum: Assistant?! I have been my own boss my entire life. I built my own lab! I've created freaking life forms!
Marceline: Okay! Actually, I haven't seen Betty since she came back to Ooo.
Simon Petrikov: But if Betty didn't send you, why are you here?
Marceline: The crown is going ba-nay-nays.
Princess Bubblegum: It's making Ice King act super weird in the real world.
Simon Petrikov: Yes, I see. It seems to have infected much of the crown's labyrinth. I was actually just about to follow its path of destruction.
Gunther: A quest!
Simon Petrikov: Hey, Marcy, last time, I was so caught up in making things right with Betty that you got left out. I'm sorry.
Marceline: It's okay. I get it.
Simon Petrikov: So, you got a boyfriend yet?
Marceline: Ha! No. There was this guy once, but he was a real jerk, so I dumped him hard.
Simon Petrikov: Wish I'd been there to punch his face.
Marceline: Simon! I can punch my own jerks now.
Princess Bubblegum: It's getting pretty bad. I think we're close.
Gunther: Yeah! Can't you hear my intense drumming?
Princess Bubblegum: Magic Man?
Betty (A.I.): Magic Woman.
Simon Petrikov: Betty!
Gunther: This is the fabled Betty? I always pictured her more majestic. You know, with, guts and stuff.
Simon Petrikov: Betty, please, what are you doing?
Betty (A.I.): I'm re-programming the crown's wish magic. Got to fix Simon. A-ha!
Gunther: I'm a bush!
Marceline: It's just on backwards.
Princess Bubblegum: Betty's the one who's backwards. We got to get her malware out of here before she causes irreparable damage.
Princess Bubblegum: Now!
Princess Bubblegum: Now!
Marceline: Hoo!
Princess Bubblegum: Now! Aaah!
Simon Petrikov: There has to be a part of the real Betty in there somewhere, Gunther. If only I could reach out to her.
Gunther: Okay. Get in there and reach.
Simon: I think I will. Betty? I'm the reason you're doing all this.
Betty (A.I.): I'm busy.
Simon Petrikov: Remember how we met? When we both reached for the same book in the library, and I said you should check it out first? And when you returned it, you left a note inside, because you knew I'd borrow it next? It was the funniest, smartest note I've ever read.
Betty (A.I.): I... have to work.
Simon Petrikov: Betty, I love you so much, but you can't help me like this.
Betty (A.I.): I can and I will help you, Simon!
Simon Petrikov: You remember me!
Betty (A.I.): I-I
Simon Petrikov: Stay with that feeling, Betty! Stay with it! Betty!
Betty (A.I.): Simon?
Simon Petrikov: Betty! I can't believe it's really you!
Betty (A.I.): Technically I'm a magical A.I. avatar derived from Betty's memories.
Simon Petrikov: Close enough!
Princess Bubblegum: Shwang! The system appears to be stabilizing. Crown shields are coming back online.
Marceline: What does that mean?
Princess Bubblegum: The crown will re-seal itself off from foreign entities.
Marceline: But I-I can come back and visit Simon, right?
Princess Bubblegum: No.
Betty (A.I.): What about me?
Princess Bubblegum: Don't freak out, but you're gonna be deleted.
Simon Petrikov: Oh, no!
Betty (A.I.): It's okay, Simon. I'm just glad I didn't destroy your world.
Simon Petrikov: You are my world.
Gunther: Goodbye, freaks! Don't forget Gunther!
Marceline: Bye, dude. I'm gonna be nicer to penguins from now on.
Gunther: Okay. Wait, what?
Marceline: Whoa.
Betty (A.I.): Before I go, there's something I have to tell you.
Simon Petrikov: Tell me, Betty.
Betty (A.I.): I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
Simon Petrikov: Betty!


Princess Bubblegum: I'm seeing remnants of Betty's program in the readouts. It's like her data left a shadow print on the circuitry.
Simon Petrikov: So, what was that thing you were gonna tell me?
Betty (A.I.): I just said that for drama. I figured it would drive you crazy, but at least you'd never stop thinking about me.
Simon Petrikov: Betty, I never could.
Betty (A.I.): Mwah!
Marceline: I don't see anything. These are just weird dots to me.
Ice King: My place is trashed and I can't remember a thing. Great dinner party, huh?
Princess Bubblegum: Best I've ever been to. What? I don't like relaxing; I like science.
[ Episode ends ]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Bun Bun" from season 8, which aired on May 5, 2016.

Characters
Cinnamon Bun
Bun Bun
Flame King
Finn
Flame Princess
Princess Bubblegum
Banana Guards
Flame People
Crunchy
Chet
Snail
Jake 2
Chipmunks
Music
Beat Box Free Style Rap
Locations
Candy Kingdom
Fire Kingdom
This transcript is incomplete.


Transcript

-: Both:Hey, Cinnamon Bun.
-: Hi. I'm hereon diplomatic business.
-: Yeah, the princessis expecting you.
[ Keys jingling ]
-: Cinnamon Bun, welcome!
-: On behalfof the Fire Kingdom,
-: here's the get‐well cardfor Hot Dog Princess.
-: Please pass it alongto the next princess
-: after you've signed.
-: Understood.
-: Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo!I'm here!
-: Hey, Finn!
-: What's up,my main cinna‐man!
[ Scribbling ]
-: Please deliver this cardto the Slime Kingdom.
-: Will do, PB.
-: CB, keep upthat smile.
-: Yo, yo, yo, yo,yo, yo, yo, yo!
-: Sit down, CB.Let's catch up.
-: Uh...
-: I guess I can chatfor a few seconds.
-: It seems like livingin the Fire Kingdom
-: is doing youa lot of good.
-: Oh, I like it there a lot.
-: I have an important job.I have a wolf.
-: There's no other candy people,so that's weird.
-: Hmm.
-: Well, it was nicecatching up.
-: Okay. Bye.
-: Oh, CB!You forgot your keys!
-: Hey, lookwho we have here!
-: Hey, guys.
-: Chet, you still makethose awesome nachos?
-: You know it.
-: Crunchy, still chewingthat same piece of gum?
-: Yep!
-: You still acting likea big goofball all the time?
-: Ha! I was a different guyback then.
-: Heh...Very different.
-: Everyone watch!I'm gonna do a flip!
[ Grunts ]
-: Whoa‐oh‐oh!
-: Oh! Oh, no!
[ Laughter ]

{{L|-|Yi‐yi‐yi!}

-: But now life is great.
[ Chuckles ]
[ Thinking ]
-: It can't be easy for him,
-: living alone somewhereso different than home.
-: Princess?
-: Where are you?
-: Oh, hold on.Almost done.
-: I want to show youmy newest creation.
-: I call her Bun Bun.
-: Hi! I'm Bun Bun!
-: Hey!
-: Is she likea little Cinnamon Bun clone?
-: I grew herfrom old CB experiments,
-: so...maybe more likea third cousin?
-: Your mission is to take Bun Bunto the Fire Kingdom.
-: Yay!
-: I made youa new fire suit.
-: Bun Bundoesn't need one
-: since I engineered herto be fireproof.
-: So, how does it feelto be alive?
-: Um, it feels good,I think.
-: What's the oppositeof good?
-: Bad. That's funnythat you don't know that word
-: but you knowthe word "opposite."
[ Giggles ]
[ Stomach growls ]
-: What was that?Hm. I must be hungry.
-: Hun‐gry?
-: Trail mixwill fix this grumbling.
[ Munching ]
-: Here.
-: Have some.
-: Like this?
[ Laughs ]
-: You're funny, Bun Bun.
-: Huh?
-: Bun Bun, chipmunksare eating your trail mix.
-: What are chipmunks?!
[ Chipmunks squeak ]
-: Look!I made friends!
[ Laughs ]

Bun Bun, you're all right.

[ Giggles ]
-: I'm all right!
-: Hey, Finn.
-: Make wayfor the princess!
-: Finn?What brings you here?
-: Special deliveryfor Cinnamon Bun.
-: Who's this?
-: I'm Bun Bun.Are you a chipmunk?
-: No.
-: Bubblegum made herfrom your spare parts.
-: She's supposed to be your squireor whatever.
-: My...squire?
-: Hmm.
-: Bun Bun,we'll have to run you
-: throughsome security checks.
-: Okee!Turn around.
-: Jump back.
-: Jump forward.
-: Reach for the sky.
-: Reach!
-: She's clean.
-: Go have funwith your new friend, CB.
-: Come, squire!
-: I'll show youour beautiful palace.
-: All right, then.See ya.
-: Finn, wait. You don't have tojust run off like that.
-: We can hang outif you've got time.
-: Really?
-: I havea light schedule today.
-: Hi! I'm Bun Bun!

{{L|-|Hiya! I'm Bun Bun!}

-: This is the statueof the third Flame king.
-: Ooh, but that statueover there is bigger!
-: Yah! Yah! Yah!
[ Statue creaking ]
-: Careful, Bun Bun!
[ Giggles ]
Whoops.}
    
[ Flame people laugh ]

Bun Bun!

[ Rip! ]
-: Look!I'm king of the fireplace!
[ Flame people laugh ]
-: Behave yourself,Bun Bun!
-: Okay! I'm‐a run this way now!I love you!
-: Um...She's new.
-: Is something wrongwith your coals?
-: No, they're fine.
-: It's just...
[ Inhales deeply ]
-: When we broke up,I said sorry,
-: but I didn't fully understandexactly what I did wrong.
-: I get it now.
-: I shouldn'thave manipulated you.
-: That was a really, relly messed‐up thing to do,
-: and I'm truly sorry.
-: You've grown up a lot,man.
-: I forgive you.
-: Awesome.
[ Clinks ]
[ Chuckles ]
-: Bun Bun.Bun...Bun Bun.
-: Ooh,what's in there?
-: That's where we keepthe evil former king.
-: Yeah, we're not supposedto go in.
-: Bun Bun!
-: Hi, fire man.You look sad.
-: I don't get sad.I'm evil!
-: I'm just boredof this intense loneliness.
-: You want some mush?
-: Um...
-: Who are you?
-: Bun Bun.Do you like dogs?
-: Sure, I like dogs.
-: Not those stupid tiny ones,though.
-: I like them medium‐sized.
-: Oh! I like dogs!We're friends!
-: But I just met you.}
-: First I'll need to knowexactly how evil you are.
-: I'm 100% evil.
-: What's evil?
-: Now, what you're doingis really good.
-: Trying to make friendswith the old king and all.
-: But there's onevery, very important thing
-: that youneed to promise me.
-: Yes.
-: You see that buttonover there?
-: Whatever you do ‐‐
-: Button!
[ Alarm rings ]
-: Well done, Bun Bun!
-: Now to the hillsto regroup my forces!
-: Ha ha!I'm free!
-: Oh, my Glob.
-: Free!Free is good, right?
-: No, this is bad!We have to catch him.
-: Catch!
-: ♪♪
-: Oh!The Ice King!
-: Shelby.
-: Princess Bubblegum!
[ Both laugh ]
-: Okay.Who am I?
-: Pbht!
[ Chuckles ]

I practiced that one.

-: So, what elseyou been up to?
-: I startedfreestyle rapping.
-: What?!
-: Everyone says I'm good,but I can't tell
-: if they're just flattering me'cause I'm king.
-: Right.
[ Beatboxing ]
-: Fire man!Fire man!

{{L|-|Shh!This is serious!}

-: Want to see me do a flip?
[ Inhales deeply ]
-: Wow.
-: Ohh‐aaaah!
[ Grunting ]
-: Bun Bun!
-: Whoa‐oh‐oh‐oh‐oh‐oh‐oh!
[ Both yell ]
-: Flame King: On to plottingour diabolical scheme.
-: Bun Bun,I hear the Flame King!
[ Giggles ]
[ Grunts ]
[ Sighs ]
-: So, wearing your fire costumes,you'll pose
-: as a basket of orphansleft on the castle doorstep.
-: They'll take you in.
-: And when they bring youto the king,
-: you bust out the water gunsand seize control!
-: Any questions?
-: Are these your kids?
-: They're my army.
-: Your plan's not gonna work.
[ Sighs ]
-: I know.I'm rusty at this war stuff.
-: You should dochipmunk stuff.
-: Is that what I am now?The chipmunk king?!
-: Uh...I don't know.
[ Sighs ]
-: Perhaps you're right.
-: I have no allies leftin the Fire Kingdom.
-: And even if I did manageto steal it back,
-: I'd probably have to redecoratethe whole castle.
-: Maybe I could stay hereand rule.
-: Figurehead‐style.
-: And I'll bethe royal dog petter!
-: Would you really stay herewith me
-: and my kingdomof adorable vermin?
-: Okay.
-: You're all right, Bun Bun.
-: All hailthe chipmunk king!
-: All:All hail the chipmunk king!
-: All hail the chipmunk king!
[ Thinking ]
-: Bun Bun,you're gonna do great here.
-: 'Cause you're brilliant.
-: Thanks for helping me out.
[ Beatboxing ]
-: ♪ Finn the human,he wears a bear hat ♪
-: ♪ Somedayhe'll be old and fat ♪
-: ♪ Unless he is immortalor a turtle ♪
-: ♪ 'Cause turtlesalways look old ♪
-: ‐Ohh!‐Ohh!
-: ♪ Turtles got toldby me, Phoebe ♪
-: ♪ Pure gold ♪
[ Cheers and applause,door opens ]
-: ♪ Guess who's back,it's Cinnamon Bun ♪
-: ♪ Bun Bun told mehow to have fun again ♪
-: ♪ Also, she let outthe old king ♪
-: Both: What?!
-: It's okay.He's a in a chipmunk cave.
-: It's nice.
-: See?
-: Aww.Did Bun Bun draw that?
-: No.
[ Sighs ]
-: We can't just let himrun around though, right?
-: How do we know he won't moidleall those chipmunks?
-: No, he always didlike animals.
-: I wonderif a new environment
-: might help bring outthat softer side of him.
-: Being stuck in a lampsure won't do it.
-: Let's leave him be.
-: Bun Bun: "Dear Cinnamon Bun,I have a dog now.
-: His name is Cinnamon Bun.
-: Love, Bun Bun."
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Burning Low" from season 4, which aired on July 30, 2012.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Princess Bubblegum
Flame Princess
BMO
Music
"Bacon Pancakes"
Locations
Marauders' landscape
This transcript is complete.

Transcripts

[The episode starts when Finn finishes building Flame Princess' new house, which Flame Princess loves.]
Finn: Well, looks like your new house is done. [Throws helmet] Whoop! Jake! You wanna check out the new house?
Jake: Naah, [Draws Lady Rainicorn on the dirt] don't let me interrupt you. You two have fun.
Flame Princess: [Excited] I wanna see inside! [Checks inside the house and merging with it] [Laughter] I love it! [deep voice]
Finn: Great! [Fire touches Finn] [Quick sigh] This doesn't hurt as bad as it used to. [Fire spreads throughout Finn's right leg] [Then panics] Oh gob! Oh gob! Oh gob! [Dives into the nearby river]
Jake: [Worried] Finn!
[Finn rises above the surface]
Finn: Haha, I'm okay!
Flame Princess: [Interested] Hmmmm...
Finn: [Laughter and splashes]
Flame Princess: Oh! [Requests] Do the thing that I like.
Finn: [Agrees and acts] [Sucking some water and squirts it upward like a sprinkler]
Flame Princess: [Giggles]
Jake: [Requests] Now do the thing I like.
Finn: [Agrees, acts and turns around, where his butt is facing] [Submerges, splashes and farts underwater gas bubbles for three times]
Jake: Hehehe, classic. [Stretches out his left hand to Finn] Alright Finn, that's enough. [Pulls Finn out of the water]
[Then Flame Princess returns to her normal humanoid form.]
Flame Princess: Thank you for building my new home, Finn. I'm so happy.
Finn: [Eyes sparkle] You... wanna hug?
Flame Princess: Yes.
[Both Finn and Flame Princess approached each other and Jake interrupts for a moment.]
Jake: Woah! Hold on "mama."
[Then moments later, Jake wraps Finn with FOILED AGAIN tin foil like a burrito.]
Jake: [Pats the foil] Okay bro, tin foil's on. You can hug now.
[Both Finn and Flame Princess approached each other again and blushed from back to front.] [Then Flame Princess hugs Finn and her flames become a little stronger.]
Jake: [Weird smile]
[Hug ends]
Finn: Bye.
Flame Princess: [Whispers] Bye, Finn.
[Then Finn and Jake leaves]
Finn: [Turns around] Bye! [Loses some balance]
Flame Princess: [Giggles and waves Good Bye at Finn.]
[Moments later]
Jake: Looks like your date went pretty good buddy.
Finn: Uh... I don't know, was the hug okay? Give me some tips man.
Jake: Bro, you gotta let things take their natural path. Look, look [Turns right arm to 15 small stairsteps], let me explain some junk about dating. Right now, [Points left finger to first step], you're at Tier 1, which is hugging. But pretty soon, [Points left finger to second step] you'll be at Tier 2, which is smooching. Then down the road [points left finger to fifth step], you'll make it to Tier 5, where she'll let you discover all fifteen feet of her loong, beautiful stomach. Then after awhile, you'll make it to Tier 8 [points left finger to eighth step], where you touch her horn for the very first time. Very special.
Finn: [Very curious] [Pops out his left arm and points left finger to fifteenth step] What about Tier 15?
Jake: [Warns Finn while pointing his left finger at him] You stay away from that! Do not do Tier 15!
Finn: [Terrified] Dude, I got no idea what you're talking about.
Jake: [Undoes the 15 small stairsteps] Don't worry about it dude, just let things naturally move to Tier 2. Oh and um, you need a shower dude.
Finn: What?! [Pops out right arm] [Rips a bit of tinfoil] [Then sniffs self] Oh gross.
[Later, near the Tree Fort]
Finn: Do you think Flame Princess could smell me?
[At the front door]
Jake: Probably.
Finn: Crup.
[Jake opens the front door]
Princess Bubblegum: 'Sup, guys?
Finn and Jake: Princess Bubblegum?!
Jake: What are you doing here?
Princess Bubblegum: Collecting taxes, you guys weren't home. So I let myself in.
Jake: Oh.
Finn: I'm gonna take a shower. Princess, do not inhale!
Princess Bubblegum: What? Why?
Finn: Just don't. [Flips to the ladder and climbs up quickly] Hyap!
Princess Bubblegum: What's that all about?
Jake: Aah, he's just smelly from a day of running around with his lady-friend.
Princess Bubblegum: [Curious and interested] Ooh, a lady-friend, do tell.
Jake: Uh, I shouldn't say. It's his business.
Princess Bubblegum: [Sits on the floor to hear better] Oh, come on, you can tell me.
Jake: That's his personal biz, you gotta respect the man's p-biz.
Princess Bubblegum: Okay, you're right, I'll respect it.
[Suddenly Jake reveals in an outburst]
Jake: Flame Princess! He's hanging out with Flame Princess!
Princess Bubblegum: [Distraught] What?!
Jake: And I don't mean to be telling stories out of school. But pretty soon, [lowers voice] they're gonna be taking it to Tier 2.
Princess Bubblegum: No, this isn't possible.
Jake: Oh, it's possible.
Princess Bubblegum: I just never thought, Flame Princess. I-uh-I have to go.
[Moments later, outside the Tree Fort]
Princess Bubblegum: Morrow!
Morrow: [Picks up Princess Bubblegum]
[Inside the Tree Fort]
Jake: [Confused] Mmm, weird.
BMO: [Climbs down the ladder] Guess who's late for their video chat. [Opens the video chat and President Porpoise appears]
Jake: [Gasps] President Porpoise!
President Porpoise: [Dolphin sounds]
[Later at Princess Bubblegum's bedroom]
Princess Bubblegum: [Opens the door quickly and runs to her bed] No, no. [Gets her diary at the back of her pillow and writes down: FINN + LOVE + FLAME PRINCESS] Oh gob, I thought I'd be ready for this.
[The next day]
[Jake pulls out the contents out of the sack which was Princess Bubblegum's taxes to collect]
Finn: Yyyaawn! [Finn slides down the ladder, then jumps over Jake] Whoop. Jake, I'm going to see Flame Princess, be back later. [Panting while running towards the door and then he opens it.]
[Suddenly Princess Bubblegum was standing in the doorway]
Princess Bubblegum: Finn!
Finn: [Shrieks like a girl]
Jake: Ok Princess, you need to stop breaking in here.
Princess Bubblegum: I have something important to tell you. About relationships.
Finn: Ah, that's okay, Princess.
Princess Bubblegum: I just hope, you'll understand. [Picks a crystal from her purse, then drops it to the floor and suddenly a holo-screen appears. Next she moves the contents of the holo-screen] Relationships [drops her purse] are like layers of sedimentary rock.......
Finn: Jake, Flame Princess is waiting for me. I'm gonna bounce out.
Jake: Uh, ok, [lowers voice] Tier 2 baby!
Finn: Word. [Then flips out of the Tree Fort's front door]
[Jake turns around and sees more boring stuff.]
Princess Bubblegum: If too much frustration builds, the magma will erupt causing a catastrophic super-stratum of igneous rock to form......
[Then Jake falls asleep and starts daydreaming]
Jake: What? Where am I?
Mini-snowman: Jake, you're president now!
[The Mini-snowman and the other 2 animals clap for Jake being the new president.]
Jake: Oh my glosh! [Starts dancing]
[Princess Bubblegum tries to wake up Jake]
Princess Bubblegum: Jake!
Jake: [Groans for 3 times]
Princess Bubblegum: Wake up!
Jake: [Groans another and regains consciousness]
Princess Bubblegum: Jake, where's Finn?
Jake: He stepped out.
Princess Bubblegum: Will you tell him why he can't see Flame Princess anymore?
Jake: Oh, oh! [Thinking Princess Bubblegum is jealous] I see what's going on here!
Princess Bubblegum: Great! I cannot stress how important it is that they not see each other. [Then leaves the Tree Fort]
Jake: Oh man, PB is totally jealous of Flame Princess!
[Several hours later, Finn returns home.]
[Moments later, inside the Tree Fort, Jake is playing with BMO]
BMO: Jump, punch, kick, kick!
Jake: What's up man?
Finn: Yo, dude! So what did Princess Bubblegum want?
Jake: She doesn't want you see Flame Princess anymore. She's crazy jealous!
Finn: [Suddenly frowns]
Jake: So, you at Tier 2 yet?
Finn: [Recalls] I got about five hugs, does that count?
Jake: Nnoope.
Finn: [Embarrassed] Uhaah.. Well, I'm still at Tier 1.
Jake: I know exactly what'll get you Tier 2.... A "sappy poem." [Takes Finn to the bedroom]
[Moments later, at their bedroom]
Jake: Say something about her "spectrum."
Finn: Ee-eww! Let's see.... She's bright. She's beautiful. She makes me feel... confused, l-like something's filling up my chest, like I can't breathe, is it because she's so.. dangerous? Glob, Jake, I can't stand it! [Checks Jake]
Jake: [Snoring while sleeping]
[Then the sun rises and Finn looks at it for an idea.]
[Later outside, Finn sits near a tree facing the rising sun making a poem]
Finn: Inspiration... [Then writes again, thinks, rips out another paper, and starts writing again.]
[Princess Bubblegum suddenly appears nearby]
Princess Bubblegum: Finn!
Finn: [Shrieks like a girl]
Princess Bubblegum: Whatcha doin'?
Finn: Oh, uh, hi, Princess. I'm, uhh, writing something for Jake.
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, well, speaking of Jake. Did he explain everything to you?
Finn: Yyeah.
Princess Bubblegum: And you understand?
Finn: [Turns around] Yeah, I understand.
Princess Bubblegum: Finn, sometimes you want someone and you [puts hand on Finn's left knee] want to kiss them, and be with them. But you can't, because responsibility demands sacrifice.
Finn: [Finn is angered, blushing and he retaliates] What are you trying to say?!
Princess Bubblegum: I'm trying to say that you're a hero, Finn. You're my hero. So, I'm glad you understand why you can't be with Flame Princess.
Finn: [Still angered, stands up for himself and Flame Princess] Grr... Bubblegum! I can't do this anymore!
Princess Bubblegum: What?
Finn: Now you like me?!
Princess Bubblegum: Finn, what are you talking about?
Finn: What am I talking about?! [Sighs and assumes] PB, I was.... geh...eh.. [Blushes] I was in love with you! Okay?! And you didn't love me back! Now I'm ready to move on, and it's like...rrmph!! You're gonna build me up all over again! Well, I'm done! I'm done. [Leaves Princess Bubblegum for herself]
Princess Bubblegum: [Picks up a piece of crumpled paper and tries reading it, then quietly exclaims] Oh, no!
[Later at the Tree Fort, Jake is making and singing "Bacon Pancakes"]
[Then Princess Bubblegum appears climbing up a ladder.]
Princess Bubblegum: Finn! Jake, where's Finn? Is he with Flame Princess?
Jake: [Taps the frying pan] Back off, Bubblegum! That's his "man's biz."
Princess Bubblegum: Is he with her?! [Shows the crumpled paper to Jake] Or not?!
Jake: [Jake is angered and he retaliates] You heartless monster! Do you have any idea how much he's CRIED OVER YOU? Finn deserves to be happy, even if his blooping face gets burned off! [Picks up PANCAKE TOWER box] You should be [throws box to Princess Bubblegum] ashamed! [Princess Bubblegum dodges the box] You're SICK! [Points and blames Princess Bubblegum for everything]
Princess Bubblegum: What are you..? This isn't about some [crumbles the paper] petty love triangle! Flame Princess is physically unstable! [Explains] Her elemental matrix can't handle extreme romance! Glob, if Finn tries to kiss her, she'll burn so hot, she'll melt right through the planet's crust, down through the molten core, then she'll be thrown back and forth by gravity until she burns out the world from the inside! Why do you think I had her father keep her locked up?!
Jake: [Shocked and Gasps]
Princess Bubblegum: Will you take me to them?
[Jake turns around, shuts the burner, grabs Princess Bubblegum, grows huge, breaks the wall, and makes a run for it.]
Princess Bubblegum: Faster!
[Later, near Flame Princess's house]
Finn: [Blushing while reciting his poem for Flame Princess.] Your wavelengths are my weakness, your emissions are what I've been missing. [Then the poem is accidentally burnt by Flame Princess.]
Finn and Flame Princess: [Both giggle]
Flame Princess: Ahhh.
[Then Finn and Flame Princess lean in to kiss each other.]
Princess Bubblegum: No!
[Finn and Flame Princess kiss for the very first time, followed by a bright light from the instability of Flame Princess's elemental matrix, which throws Finn to the ground.]
Finn: [In pain, with serious burns around the lips] Ohhhh-uh, Flame Princess! [Crawls to the melted hole]
[Flame Princess continues to melt and fall through the Earth's crust.]
Finn: FLAME PRINCESS!
Jake: [Panting] Finn!
Princess Bubblegum: Finn, there's no time! You have to...
Jake: Are you alright?
[Finn grabs Jake's right arm, ties it around himself, and jumps into the hole after Flame Princess.]
Princess Bubblegum: Finn!
Jake: [Difficulty of handling Finn keeps increasing. He slips and covers the entire hole.]
Finn: [Panting, then he hits ground. The surrounding scene color changes from red to violet.] Ohhh-tsst. Flame Princess!
Jake: [In pain] It's hot!
Princess Bubblegum: Wait, wait! Don't move. This is good! If you stay on the hole for 24.8 seconds, the reaction will be deprived of oxygen. [Hushed voice] She'll go out.
Jake: [Still in pain] Geh.. What about Finn?
[At the bottom of the hole]
Finn: Hey! [Struggling to breathe] What's wrong? Please, say something. [Breathes twice] Please... [breathes] I need you... [breathes] to be okay. [Takes a deep breath and gives Flame Princess air to save her.]
[Flame Princess burns again and regains consciousness.]
[Finn loses consciousness, with added burns to the right side of his face.]
Flame Princess: Huh, ummm. [Gasps]
[Jake pulls out both Finn and Flame Princess successfully.]
Finn: [Coughs] Are you okay?
Flame Princess: I'm okay. I'm okay.
[Princess Bubblegum struggles to get out of Jake's weight and gets a relief.]
Princess Bubblegum: [Sighs] She's stabilized. We're safe... for now.
[Then Finn discovers another way of kissing Flame Princess without getting hurt.]
Finn: [Blushes] [Kisses a rock.]
Flame Princess: [Blushes] [Kisses the same rock, which smolders slightly.]
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, Finn.
Jake: [Coughs]
[She turns around and sees Jake staring at her with a grin.]
Princess Bubblegum: [Unhappy] What?
Jake: [Weird smile] Jeeeaalous?
Princess Bubblegum: Shut up.
[The episode ends]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Business Time" from season 1, which aired on April 26, 2010.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Business Men
Fluffy People
Music
None
Locations
Grass Lands
Tree Fort
Iceberg Lake
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode begins at Iceberg Lake where Finn is lighting a flamethrower with a flambit]
Finn: Yeah! [Laughs and torches an iceberg] Yeah!
[The iceberg melts, exposing several objects inside]
Finn: I found another bike and more computers. What do you got?
Jake: I keep finding baby shoes!
[Jake torches an iceberg with his flamethrower and exposes more baby shoes]
Jake: WHAT THE HECK, MAN?! And they're all lefties! Sorry I'm not finding any loot.
Finn: Keep it together, chubby, because I think we found enough scrap to finish building our gauntlet dock; a dock that is also a gauntlet.
Jake: Aww. Building this gauntlet dock is hard, man. Hard work sucks.
Finn: Don't be lazy, Jake.
[There's a bubbling noise coming from the lake behind Finn and Jake]
Finn: Huh?
Jake: Incoming iceberg!
Finn: Whoa! That one's huge!
Jake: I got dibs! Ooo. I hope it's not baby shoes.
[Jake wipes the surface of the ice, which reveals a face within the ice]
Jake: [Gasps] It's a guy.
Finn: Creepy. It's a buncha guys.
Jake: You know what they remind me of? Well-dressed pickles.
Finn: Stand back, Jake! I'm gonna melt 'em outta there! Full charge.
[Finn blasts a huge flame out of his flamethrower and Jake runs up to stop him]
Jake: Whoa, don't roast 'em, man. You gotta flambé.
[Jake gently brushes the flame across the iceberg and it soon melts]
Jake: Ah. Perfecto. Bon appetit.
Finn: Hey! Can you hear me? Hello?
Jake: [Knocking on one of their heads] I don't think they made it.
Finn: Hey. [Reaching for a briefcase] This one's got some kind of pack.
[One of them comes to life and pushes Finn away; Finn screams]
Red-tie businessman: I remember... business.
Finn: Let go! Let go! Let go!
Red-tie businessman: We... are Business Men.
Finn: Oooh... Well, I'm Finn and he's Jake.
Jake: What kind of business do you do?
Red-tie businessman: Been frozen... so long, I... [The businessmen all shake their heads, as if in pain] can't remember. Can't remember! Oh. Looking for help, your business? We love work for you.
Finn: Nah. Adventurers don't need any help.
Jake: Yes! Help us fix that dock.
Red-tie businessman: Dock-ka?
Jake: Yeah! Right over there.
Red-tie businessman: Yes. This dock-ka... could be more... efficient.
Finn: No! Wait!
[The businessmen reel back and murmur as if frightened]
Finn: Jake, this dock is our fun pie. We should be the ones to bake it.
Jake: But they're begging for it, Finn. Just look at 'em.
[The businessmen look excited and several of them are drooling]
Businessmen: [Murmuring] Build dock. Build dock.
Jake: Finn. These poor souls are lost without jobs. We can't ignore their plight.
Finn: Uhh...
Jake: [To the businessmen] Go on guys, fix it up!
Businessmen: Woo!
[The businessmen murmur excitedly as they run over to the dock and begin building]
Finn: Well... they do seem really happy to do it.
Jake: Of course, man. They said they "love work for you."
Businessmen: [In unison] Uhh... We finish.
[The camera zooms out to show a completed gauntlet dock]
Finn: Whoa!
Jake: Told ya so.
Finn: Come on! Let's try it out!
[Finn and Jake run through the gauntlet dock, avoiding the traps and obstacles, while Finn screams excitedly]
[At the end of the dock, Finn and Jake jump into the water]
Finn: [Laughing] Yeah! Woo!
Jake: [Laughing] Yeah! Woo! [Panting] See? If we hire them full time, they'll be back in business and we'll be able to focus on fun stuff. Everybody wins!
Finn: Maybe you're right.
Jake: [To the businessmen] You hear that, guys? Maybe I'm right!
Red-tie businessman: Really? Job? With... ad-ven-tur-ers?
Jake: Yeah, mans!
[The businessmen cheer and dance]
[The red-tie businessman throws down his briefcase and chisels "Fin [sic] & Jake Adventuring Incorporated" into the side]
[The scene changes to the Tree Fort where the businessmen are cleaning weapons, ironing socks and shining shoes]
[Jake is playing a video game on BMO]
Finn: Feels weird doing nothing.
Jake: Relax, man. This is your day off.
Hot Dog Princess: [From far in the distance] Help! Somebody help!
Finn: Trouble, dude! Get your axe! I'll get my... wha?
Red-tie businessman: Adventure pack... ready for you.
Finn: Hey, thanks man.
[The scene changes to Finn and Jake running across the Grass Lands, weapons in hand]
Finn: I have to say, Jake. My sword is totally shiny and stinkin' sharp!
Jake: Uh huh.
Finn: Even my shoes feel different. Not only are they clean, I feel radder, faster, more... adequate.
Jake: Cool!
[The businessmen are running behind Finn and Jake, writing notes]
[A battle cube is chasing Hot Dog Princess]
Hot Dog Princess: Help!
Finn: Don't cry, Hot Dog Princess! Jake and I will fend off these battle cubes!
[The businessmen sit off to the side and continue to take notes while eating donuts and drinking coffee]
[Finn and Jake begin to fight the battle cubes, which are flying around Hot Dog Princess' kingdom]
[The scene fades to a later time, where everyone is tired from fighting and Hot Dog Princess is taking a nap]
Finn: Man. I'm getting tired.
Jake: [Groan] Me too. These cubes are... frickin' resilient. Hey, business dudes! Hold off these cubes so we can catch our breath?
Finn: Jake! They don't know how to fight.
[The businessmen run over, wearing armor and wielding weapons; they begin fighting the battle cubes while Finn and Jake rest]
Red-tie businessman: [Offering bottled water and orange slices] Water. Orange slices. Help rehydrate.
[Red-tie businessman runs back into battle, shouting]
Jake: These guys are great, right?
Finn: I gotta admit... they are helping. [Surprised] Oh! I think I figured out how to defeat the battle cubes!
Jake: That's 'cause you had time to rest your body and refresh your brain.
Finn: [To businessmen] Ok! We'll take it from here, guys!
Jake: Yeah! Good work.
[Finn and Jake run towards the battle cubes; Jake roars and grows large]
Finn: Grab all the cubes together!
[Jake stretches his hands to become giant and clasps them together, grabbing all the cubes]
Jake: Got 'em!
[Finn grunts and jumps into Jake's hands with a rope and ties all the battle cubes together into a single, large cube]
Finn: It worked!
[Jake throws the cubes off into the distances]
Finn: Wake up, Hot Dog Princess. You're free.
Hot Dog Princess: Oh! Thank you, Finn and Jake! Especially you, Finn.
[Hot Dog Princess stands on her hind legs and puckers her lips, as if to give Finn a kiss]
[Finn rears back, disgusted]
Finn: [Whispering to Jake] Ugh. She smells like old hot dog water.
[Jake giggles and the red-tie businessman runs in between Finn and Hot Dog Princess to take the kiss instead]
Red-tie businessman: [Whispering to Finn] I take one for team.
Finn: This is awesome! You get a promotion, fella.
[Red-tie businessman cheers and dances]
businessman: Take one for team, too.
[The other businessmen begin kissing Hot Dog Princess]
[The scene changes to the Tree Fort where Finn and Jake are playing BMO]
Jake: Oh... Lost again!
Finn: [Grabbing the controller] My turn.
[Jake walks over to the businessmen, operating a large collection of wires and monitors]
Jake: What's that?
[Jake goes to the freezer and takes out a tub of ice cream]
Red-tie businessman: Hero vision monitor. Use satellite to tell us world problems.
Jake: Oh, wow. Anything going on?
Red-tie businessman: Just small things. You save stress for big thing.
Jake: Freakin' awesome, man.
Finn: What are they doing?
Jake: Takin' care of business.
[Jake eats a scoop of ice cream and Finn plays the video game]
Finn: Jake, hit me!
[Jake flings a scoop of ice cream into Finn's mouth]
[Time passes, showing more and more empty ice cream tubs stacked near Finn and Jake while both of them are getting fatter and fatter]
Video game: Mission complete.
Jake: Yeah!
[Finn and Jake get up and dance around, shaking their enormous guts]
Finn: We beat Adventure Master!
Jake: Holy moly!
Finn: We're adventure masters!
Jake: Woo! Yes!
[Finn and Jake both get tired and stop celebrating to take a breath]
Finn & Jake: [Tired] Ooo.
Finn: I never knew being fat and lazy was so rewarding.
Jake: Yeah. [pushing around Finn's gut] You're gut's so huge and moldable.
Finn: Hey!
Jake: Hold on a sec!
Finn: [Laughs] Man, that tickles.
[Jake manipulates Finn's gut to look like the Ice King]
Jake: [Impersonating Ice King's voice] I'm the Ice King, and I'll never find a bride because I'm such a tool.
Finn: [Laughs] Alright, let me try.
[Finn manipulates his gut to look like Princess Bubblegum]
Finn: [Impersonating Princess Bubblegum's voice] I'm Princess Bubblegum and I'm a dork, because I like science! I've also got a really annoying voice that Finn thinks is attractive!
Jake: [Laughs] That's a- Hey, what'd you say?
Lumpy Space Princess: [On a hero vision monitor, running from a Swamp Giant] Ahh! Oh, my gosh! Leave me alone. All I said was "you're ugly," which is totally true. Somebody help me! Oh no!
Jake: Man, I am not in the mood for saving Lumpy Space Princess.
Finn: Hey, business dudes!
[The businessmen enter the room from various directions]
Finn: What do you guys think?
Red-tie businessman: Hmm... Just one monster. We do.
[The businessmen run off]
Jake: Right. We'll just save our strength for the big adventures, then.
[Finn and Jake sit back down on their couch and relax]
Jake: Ahh. Nice call, dude.
Finn: Imagine how awesome the adventure's going to be when it's time for us to go out there.
Jake: I'm too tired to imagine stuff, but I bet you're right.
Finn & Jake: [Both grabbing a tub of ice cream and toasting with them] To being great adventurers!
[They both begin eating ice cream; time passes and shows that they have empty tubs and ice cream all over their faces. They are even fatter, and Finn's gut is now visible outside his shirt]
[Finn and Jake both groan and waiver until they fall over]
Finn: Oh, gosh.
A voice in the distance: Help us!
Finn: Huh? Jake! Did you hear that?
Jake: Yeah. Let the businessmen handle it.
A voice in the distance: Help! Please!
Finn: I heard it again.
Jake: businessmen, dude.
A voice in the distance: Heeeeeelp!
[Finn walks over to the window and gasps, seeing the businessmen in a large robot, sucking up Fuzzy Friends into a container]
Red-tie businessman: [Through a PA system] Woo-hoo! Woo!
Finn: Jake! We messed up! The businessmen have gone bat-crazy, dude!
Jake: [Still lying on the floor] Man, just let the businessmen handle it.
Finn: THE BUSINESSMEN ARE THE PROBLEM, you lazy plug-hole!
Jake: [Opens his eyes, surprised] Huh?
Finn: [Yelling out the window] Guys!
[Finn begins to climb out the window and down to the bottom of the Tree Fort]
Finn: Guys, stop it!
Finn: [Running up to the businessmen's robot] Stop it, guys!
Red-tie businessman: Stop what, boss?
Finn: You're jacking up those Fuzzy Friends!
Red-tie businessman: But... We're being heroes. Like you, boss. We're protecting them. Collecting them in our care-sack so they cannot be hurt. It's the most efficient way to save people.
Finn: But you're making them unhappy!
Red-tie businessman: Irrelevant! These people are in our care-sack. Their happiness is not priority.
Finn: I am your boss! And you guys are all fired!
[The businessmen begin to murmur to each other]
Red-tie businessman: Fi-red?
[The businessmen shout angrily and start sucking up the Fuzzy Friends even faster than before]
[They move their robot and it crushes one of the Fuzzy Friends]
Finn: Nooo! Alright, guys. Now I've gotta take you down... Finn style.
[Finn runs over to kick their robot, and gets sucked up into the care-sack]
Finn: I'm kicking your care-sack, dudes!
Jake: Finn? Whoa... Crud.
[Jake squeezes his enormous gut out the window]
Jake: I'm comin' buddy!
[Jake flops onto the ground, still holding a tub of ice cream]
Jake: Ahh. I'm so fat, dude; I don't know what to do.
Finn: [Gasp] That's it! Jake! Demoralize them!
Jake: What? Why?
Finn: Do it, man! I have a legit plan!
Jake: Ok, Alright. [To businessmen] Hey! You guys are horrible at business!
[The businessmen lash about angrily and try to suck Jake up into their care-sack, but he's too fat to fit]
Jake: Huh? They're sucking me up, dude!
Finn: Now, eat that ice cream some more to become fatter, while also using your Stretchy Powers to grow huge!
[Jake chows down on the ice cream and starts getting bigger]
Jake: [lifting his head up for a second] Ok!
[Jake uses his Stretchy Powers as he gets pulled into the robot]
Jake: This sucks.
Finn: Yeah, dude! Keep growin'! You're breaking apart their robot!
[The robot begins to shake violently, the businessmen scream]
Jake: Oh no!
[The robot explodes and Finn, Jake and the businessmen go flying into the air]
Red-tie businessman: [Attempting to grab Finn] I'm going to kill you, not-boss!
Finn: Wait, man! Wait! I wanna re-hire you guys!
Red-tie businessman: Re-hire? Really?
Finn: Yeah, mans.
Businessmen: Woo hoo!
[As they all fall back to the ground, the businessmen and Finn grasp hands and form a five-point star]
[The scene changes to a beach, where Finn, Jake and the Fuzzy Friends are waving towards the water]
Fuzzy Friends: Yay! Hip-hip hooray! Pancakes!
[The businessmen are once again frozen in an iceberg and float back out to the middle of the lake]
Jake: So, wait... What'd you hire them to do?
Finn: I hired them to stuff themselves in that iceberg and get outta here.
Jake: [Sigh] I'm gonna miss 'em. And I'm gonna miss this gut.
[Jake uses his Stretchy Powers to return to his normal size]
Finn: [Laughs] I'm gonna miss my gut too.
[Finn strains and attempts to suck in his gut like Jake, but it doesn't disappear]
Finn: Huh? Aww...
[The episode ends with a stark close-up of Finn's frowning face with "The End" on it]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Candy Streets" from season 5, which aired on June 24, 2013.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Princess Bubblegum
Lumpy Space Princess
Ann
Pete Sassafras
Petey
Music
None
Locations
Candy Kingdom
Coolest Hotel
Candy Dungeon
Pizza Sassy's
This transcript is mostly complete. It should be checked for minor errors.


Transcript

[Finn and Jake are playing with cats who are pretending to push shopping carts in the Candy Kingdom while Princess Bubblegum looks at them.]
Finn: SLAM!
[Finn and Jake start laughing. Scene changes to Jake's cat sitting at a desk. Finn makes his cat wipe all of the stuff of the cat's desk.]
Jake: [Jake makes his cat pretend to say:] Hey! I was trying to read that!
Finn: That book is above your level.
[Scene changes to Finn and Jake standing up with the cats in business suits.]
Jake: What business are you into?
Finn: None of your business!
Jake: Talk about it over lunch?
Finn: Heh, if you're buying.
[Scene changes to Finn and Jake holding their cats at a table with glasses of juice on top of it. Finn makes his cat knock some glasses over. Finn makes his cat splash in the juice spilled over.]
Jake: Hey!
Finn: Hey!
Finn and Jake: Fight!
[They get up and pace around each other and make their cats pretend fight. Princess Bubblegum walks over. Right then, LSP breaks in]
LSP: Ahh! it's terrible!
Finn, Jake and Princess Bubblegum: Lumpy Space Princess!
Princess Bubblegum: Whats wrong?!
LSP: You guys! Somebody stole something from me! Something I can't live without! [starts making noises and grunting]
Princess Bubblegum: I'll get something to calm her down. [Princess Bubblegum walks away]
LSP: I've been robbed! I've been robbed!
Princess Bubblegum: [yells] Out of the way!
[Princess Bubblegum runs into scene with a huge needle, charging at LSP and yelling.]
Princess Bubblegum: [Princess Bubblegum tries to inject LSP with a green serum.] I need help! Can you guys hold her down?
[Finn and Jake rush over and try to hold LSP down.]
LSP: Do something! I've been- ooh! [LSP is injected with the serum. Her voice drops pitch and slows down] Ohh! [mumbles incoherently]
Princess Bubblegum: Oops.
Finn: LSP! Who robbed you?
LSP: [in normal voice] It...was...puh...pee...pete...sa...sas...as...[mumbles incoherently and falls down to the ground]
Princess Bubblegum: I think I gave her too much.
[Finn and Jake face each other and have a quiet conversation.]
Finn: Jake. A crime has been committed. We must find the criminal.
Jake: We must.
Finn: [looks up] And retrieve whatever it is that was stolen from Lumpy Space Princess.
Jake: [looks up] Stolen. But all we have to go on is part of a name. Pete something. [Jake transforms into a magnifying glass] Need more clues! Hold me! [jumps into Finn's hand]
[Finn walks over to where LSP is lying down unconscious. He tries to use Jake as a magnifying glass.]
Finn: Clues, clues, clues.
LSP: [mumbles incoherently and holds up a golden key.]
Finn: What's that? I can't see it.
Jake: Oop, sorry. [opens mouth so there is a hole where the glass would be if he were really a magnifying glass] Aah!
Finn: There's something in her hand! [picks it up] A key! A key to...what? Three zero three. Hmm.
Jake: [closes his mouth so he can look at the key] Ooh, turn it around! [opens mouth again.]
[Finn turns the key around.]
Finn: Ah! [the key says 'The Coolest Hotel' with a picture of said hotel.] Looks like we've got our first lead!
[Scene changes to inside of The Coolest Hotel. Finn looks at a door marked '303' while Jake looks around in the hallway. Finn puts the key in the lock of the door and lightly pushes in the door before closing it and kicking it down again. He puts his hands in a gun-like position. They both walk inside. Inside is a purple room, worn down and littered with garbage. They both investigate the room. Finn searches using a flashlight, and Jake looks through stuff in the room.]
Finn: Hmm. Find anything, Jake?
Jake: [pulling out a plastic bag from inside another plastic bag] Got some bags and...wait- [pulls out another plastic bag] more bags. But no leads on Pete something.
Finn: [shining flashlight on can.] Same here. BMO. [BMO pops out of Finn's backpack.] Start marking evidence.
[BMO gets out of Finn's backpack and starts drawing lines around things inside the room and marking them with little flags. Jake is then shown shaking a potato chips bag. He finds some crumbs and eats them.]
Jake: Hmm.
[Finn opens the curtains in the room, and looks over Candy Kingdom. He spots a drugstore.]
Finn: Hmm.
BMO: [drawing hand turkeys on the wall] Hmm.
Finn: [Finn lifts a wooden log and finds a red substance.] Dude, check this! [Jake walks over.] Is this blood?
[Jake turns into a magnifying glass and looks at the "blood."]
Jake: Yeah man, that's definitely blood.
Finn: Hmm. LSP's injuries were 100 percent emotional. So it has to belong to Pete Sa-something. BMO, take a sample and do a full blood analysis. [in a Jersey accent] The works. [in normal accent] Hey, if that guy cut himself during the robbery, he might have gone somewhere to buy a mini adhesive bandage. There's a drugstore across the street!
Jake: [Jake jumps into Finn's hand.] Let's roll. [Jake morphs into a blob and consumes Finn within his body.]
Finn: Woah!
[Jake turns into a police car and drives himself out the window. He lands in front of the drugstore. He parks himself while making car noises. The scene changes inside the drug store where Ann is talking to a customer.]
Ann: And if the oozing persists, just come back [leans over] [in a slightly hushed tone] and I'll give you something a little stronger.
Finn: [Finn comes up from under the counter, pushing the customer out of the way.] I'm Finn. This is my partner, Jake. [Finn pulls up Jake who is in the form of a police badge.]
Jake: Hello, citizen. Had anyone in here looking to buy some mini adhesive bandages today?
Ann: A lot of people come through my store, gentlemen. You can't seriously think I'd be able to remember any one particular customer among the countless others I see on a daily basis, now, can you?
Finn: I guess not. Fair dues. C'mon, Jake.
Ann: [holding her finger up] Wait! Now that you mention it, there was this one guy in here earlier. Real suspicious type. Had a nosebleed. Said it was the first one he'd had in years. [As Ann is talking, Finn gets out a notepad and pencil.] Used to get them all the time as a kid, he said. [Jake slaps away the real notepad, and turns into a fake notepad for Finn to write on. He jumps into Finn's hands.] Can never remember if he was supposed to pinch his nose and hold his head back, or pinch his nose and hold his head forward. [As Finn tries to write on Jake, Jake blocks the pencil from writing on his body.] Maybe it was a case of being boxed on the nose too many times. [Finn finally pokes Jake, who stifles his laughter.] Made the blood vessels in his lower septum weak and vulnerable to hemorrhaging. Anyway, his mammy always said it was because he couldn't keep all those picky little fingers out of his dirty little nose holes. [As Ann is talking, Jake climbs on top of Finn's head and turns into a police hat.] He didn't buy it though. He always thought it had-
Finn: Ma'am, can you give us a name?
Ann: Mmm, nope. No wait, yes I can. Pete Sassafras.
[Finn and Jake look at each other with surprised looks. A transparent LSP flies across the screen from earlier saying, "Pete...sa...sass...as..."]
Finn: Did you catch which way he was going?
Ann: Of course! He said he was catching a train at 11:27, Candy Kingdom Station, Platform 5. Heh. Sorry, I wish I could remember more.
[Scene switches to Candy Kingdom Station, where Finn is looking through binoculars to try and find Pete Sassafras.]
Jake: See anyone who might be our guy?
Finn: [sighs] Nope. [Camera angle changes so we can see what Finn sees through the binoculars.] Nobody's suspicious here. Just a load of decent law-abiding folk. [Jake pushes binoculars away from Finn's eyes.] What the-?! Jake! What's with all the turning into stuff today?
Jake: I really like turnin' into cop stuff. I literally can't stop turning into cop stuff. [Scene changes into Jake's perspective. Jake puts on binoculars and looks at Platform 5.] Hey, there's Platform 5! [He looks down and sees a guy in an overcoat, and hiding in his clothes. Jake gasps.] I see a nasty tranch!
Finn: Let's book him, son.
[Finn and Jake run after the man, apologizing to disgruntled people as they run past them at the train station. Scene changes to show the man almost walk onto the train. Scene switches again to Finn and Jake jumping over the turnstyles.]
Finn: [at the man] Stop right there! What's under that skeezy trenchcoat ya-
Blueberry Cop 1: [shouts] Crook! [Finn and Jake grunt loudly.] Busted! For attempting to board a train without a ticket.
[The train whistles just as the man gets on board. Finn and Jake look on in horror. The train drives by them, leaving them in Candy Kingdom.]
Finn: Oh, guys, he's getting away!
Jake: We're not criminals, man! We're working the beat, just like you!
Blueberry Cop 1: Jimmy?
Blueberry Cop 2 (Jimmy): [licks Jake] Yup. Checks out. He tastes like police.
Blueberry Cop 1: [sighs] Sorry about that, officers, it was an honest mistake.
Finn: [looking at train] Ugh. We lost him.
Jake: Not yet we didn't! [Scene turns to show Jake in a police car form, standing over Finn. He lowers himself and eats Finn, which transports Finn into the driver's seat of the car. Finn looks horrified as Jake makes siren sounds. Jake drives himself along the railroad.]
Finn: Ugh! It's too far ahead! We'll never catch it.
Jake: If we cut through the forest, maybe we can head it off at the pass.
Finn: Sweet thinkin'.
[Jake steers off the railroad and into a forest. Finn pretends to be driving strenuously. The run into a lake and a herd of deer, sending the deer flying. Scene changes so we see the train exiting a tunnel. The forest is above the tunnel, and Finn and Jake drive out over the train passing under.]
Finn and Jake: Yeah!
[Scene changes to inside of the train. Finn and Jake enter through the back door's window and run to the shady man they saw earlier. Finn has his hands in a gun-like position.]
Finn: Are you Pete Sassafras?
Pete Sassafras: Wha-? Uh, I got a lot of names. Who's askin'?
Jake: [Jake turns into a gun inside of Finn's hands. He makes a clicking sound like Finn cocked a gun.] Give back what you stole from LSP!
Pete Sassafras: Who? What's that, an acronym or somethin'?
[Jake punches Pete as Finn shakes his head.]
Finn: Cuff 'em.
Jake: Ehh, I got this. [Jake morphs into handcuffs and climbs up the man's hands, breathing heavily.] You have the right to remain...[breathes heavily] busted.
[We see Pete on his seat in the train. The scene behind him morphs into a jail cell as cell bars fall in front of him.]
Pete Sassafras: Alright, you listen, flatfoot. There's been some kind of crazy mistake here. I didn't do nothin'!
Jake: Save it for the candy judge, Pete.
Finn: Look, you can cut the act and drop the sass, Sassafras. We've got an eye-witness and your blood at the scene of the crime.
Jake: You do the crime, you do the time, man!
Finn: Roll the dice, you pay the price.
Pete Sassafras: What dice? Oh, you guys are donkers.
Jake: Burgle our friend, it's the end. [morphs his hand into a giant fist] For you!
Pete Sassafras: I wanna see a lawyer.
[A lawyer suddenly appears behind Pete Sassafras. Everything he's wearing and even his body parts and hair are yellow-orange. He coughs 'A-hem!' and walks forward. He puts his arm around Pete Sassafras]
Lawyer: I'll handle this, Pete. You're upsetting my client. Just look at that face. That constitutes harassment, so give him some space. Don't worry buddy, I got this case.
[Finn and Jake start laughing. The scene pans back and we can see that the lawyer is part of Jake's arm. The "lawyer" starts laughing as well.]
"Lawyer": [in a menacing voice] Welcome to the next twenty-five years of your life.
Finn: [sighs] We deserve donuts.
Jake: Let's ball. [Finn and Jake start to leave.]
Pete Sassafras: No, wait, please! You guys!
[Finn and Jake exit the door, but then Jake puts the lawyer back through the door.]
"Lawyer": Guilty! [The door closes.]
[Scene changes to a donuts shop. Jake has morphed into a car, parked out front. Finn exits the shop with donuts and coffees in his arms.]
Finn: Man, we didn't just crack that case, we crunched it! Crumbled it!
Jake: We are awesome at being cops! [while eating a donut] No question about that.
Finn: [sighs] Call me crazy, but I was thinking maybe we should actually become detectives. Like, as a job! When we were out on the streets back there, getting those leads, busting that perp, it just felt so...I don't know...right.
Jake: [Jake forms a lump under Finn's coffee and puts his face on it. He eats Finn's donut.] I know, man. I actually totally do know exactly what you mean.
Finn: [Finn looks inside his donut bag for another donut. He pulls out a yellow one that turns out to be Jake. He starts to bite it, and then takes it out of his mouth.] Aw, dude. [Finn is shown sitting on the street with Jake in his hands.]
Jake: I told you: I have a problem. I can't stop!
BMO: [BMO walks by Finn sitting on the street.] Howdy, partner.
Finn: Oh hey, BMO. What's going on?
BMO: I finished processing the blood sample. And I have the result.
Finn: Nice!
Jake: Yeah, good work, BMO!
Finn: It's Pete Sassafras's blood, right?
BMO: No. It doesn't belong to anyone because it's not blood. It's tomato sauce.
[Finn drops Jake.]
Jake: Tomato sauce?
Finn: Hmm... [As Finn is thinking, Jake turns into a smoking pipe and climbs up Finn. He puts himself in Finn's mouth like Finn is smoking, reminiscent of Sherlock Holmes. A translucent LSP flies across the screen saying "Pete...sass" over and over.] Oh my mind! LSP wasn't trying to say "Pete Sa-something"; she was trying to say "Pizza something!"
Jake: But how would pizza sauce end up in a hotel room?
Finn: [snaps his fingers] Unless it was delivered.
[Scene changes and shows Finn and Jake running through a forest. The camera shows their destination as they both say it's name.]
Finn and Jake: Pizza Sassy's!
[Finn and Jake walk in]
Finn: Where's the delivery guy?!
Man behind the counter: Oh, you mean Petey. He's out. He's makin' deliveries.
[Finn and Jake step back]
Jake: [whispering to Finn] Or maybe he's out tying up loose ends!
Finn: [gasps and screams] LSP could be in danger!
Jake: Danger! [Finn and Jake walk back to the counter.]
Finn: Phone?
Man behind the counter: Phone. [He smiles and points to a phone in the store.]
Finn: [Gasping, Finn grabs the phone. He makes sounds like he is typing in a number. He somehow makes a call to Princess Bubblegum without pressing anything.] Princess! Have some Banana Guards outside of LSP's hospital room!
Princess Bubblegum: Huh? Why?
Finn: LSP could be in danger!
Princess Bubblegum: LSP woke up and went back to her hotel room.
Finn: [screaming] OH MY JAM!!!
[Scene changes to outside of The Coolest Hotel. A pizza delivery guy's car is parked out front.]
Finn and Jake: He's already here! [They both run towards the hotel, screaming and gasping.]
[Scene changes to inside the front desk.]
Woman behind counter: Can I help you?
Finn and Jake: [screaming] LSP! [They run, screaming down the hallway to room 303, where they here LSP yelling "Oh no!" and "What are you doing?!" Jake breaks down the door and both Finn and Jake look in. They see LSP laying on top of the pizza delivery guy.]
LSP: It was you! You did it!
Petey: Help me! I was just delivering the pizzas she ordered. And now she won't let me leave.
Finn: LSP, what is going on? You said he stole something from you.
LSP: He did! He stole...my heart! [LSP starts sobbing]
[Petey looks up as Finn and Jake motion him to run away.]
Finn: Hurry up, dude!
Jake: Shh!
Finn: Right.
[They help Petey out from under LSP while she sobs.]
Petey: Thanks!
Finn: Shh. Go, go!
Petey: [while walking out] Yeah, no tip, huh? That's great. That's how it is, around here. Fine.
Jake: [morphing into police car] Huh, huh? Come on pal. Turns out the only case here is just another case of LSP being nutty!
[Jake drives out of the already broken window.]

Episode ends.

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Card Wars" from season 4, which aired on July 16, 2012.

Characters
Finn
Jake
BMO
Music
None
Locations
Tree Fort
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode begins with Finn eating two sandwiches and drinking from a cup. He then falls asleep. Jake enters with an exaggerated sigh. Finn notices his sighing.]
Finn: Hey, Jake, what's wrong? You look dumpy. How come? Is it because of that metal box? Is something sad inside?
Jake: No. It's nothin'.
Finn: There's lots of boxes that have nothing in them, but also, you can put something in the box, and then it won't be empty. Does that make you feel better?
Jake: Ha ha. You're a charmer, Finn Human. No... it's... well... Lady Rainicorn doesn't wanna play the game Card Wars with me. I always beat 'er... so she says, "No more Card Warring."
Finn: What's Card Wars?
Jake: It's a fantasy card game that's super complicated and awesome, but—well... No, it's kinda stupid. Never mind.
Finn: How come you never talked about it before? It sounds cool!
Jake: Really? Well... I thought you'd say it was for nerds who do not know how life is outside of the nerd universe.
Finn: It is, man. But I still totally wanna play it. So no more moping, okay?
Jake: Thanks, Finn.
[Scene transition. The two have drinks and the game in hand. Jake gets rid of dishes on the table and they put they're paraphernalia on it. BMO enters with a skateboard.]
Jake: Oh, hey, BMO. You wanna play, too?
BMO: No. I do not play such games... with Jake.
Finn: What's that mean?
Jake: Ah, whatever. Let's play the game.
[Finn eats some chips and Jake sets up the board.]
Finn: So what kinda stakes do we play for?
Jake: How about... the loser... is a dweeb, and the winner is a cool guy?
Finn: Those are good stakes.
[Jake pours soda into the cups in front of him. He begins to add extra ingredients to the one on the left.]
Jake: Coffee ground, beetle butter, grape jelly, kimchi, and... this stuff. [It's a bottle of pink liquid that says "HAM CHUNK JUICE."]
Finn: Hey! You're ruining that pop with weird taste!
[Jake writes "DWEEB" on the left cup and "COOL GUY" on the right one.]
Jake: We drink when the game is over.
Finn: Oh, gross.
Jake: Now lemme explain the rules.
[Time card: 2 HOURS LATER...]
Jake: That's basically the basics! So once we have our kingdom set up... [Floops land cards] ...it's time to start to play. FOR THE GLORY! [Finn wakes up with a dazed "Whuh?"] Hey, were you asleep?! I'll have to explain it all over again!
Finn: Doesn't matter. Let's just play.
Jake: But if you don't know the rules then you're gonna lose in the first couple rounds, like Lady always does! And then you'll hate the game, and then you'll hate me, and then... and then...
Finn: [Scoffs] You think you're gonna win? I'm gonna crush you! Party-dance-style, dweeb!
Jake: Haha! Bring it!
Finn: So... how do I get my land on the map?
Jake: Oh... you, uh, floop your land cards.
[Finn does so, and his land and buildings appear.]
Finn: Uh...
Jake: Keep those honeys hidden, or I'll get a strategic advantage!
Finn: Oh! [Holds cards closer] Hmmm...
Jake: Okay, I go first. I floop the Silo of Truth!
[The Silo appears and it reveals what cards Finn has in hand.]
Finn: [Gasps] Hey!!
Jake: Pfff, you got really lame cards. Hmm. I'll take the Cerebral Bloodstorm, though.
Finn: Huh? [Jake claims the card.]
Jake: Okay, now it's the battle phase. I'm attackin' your schoolhouse with my Husker Knights. [Activates Husker Knights] And I'm castin' Cerebral Bloodstorm! [Does so] So, what'll you use to defend?
Finn: Uh... Can my Cool Dog and Ancient Scholar defeat your Husker Knights?
Jake: [Laughs] Of course not!
Finn: Hmm. Then I floop the Pig.
Jake: What?! [Laughs]
Finn: What?
Jake: Okay... okay, first of all, you don't floop a creature to make it fight. You activate a creature.
Finn: Hmm. No. It says I can floop the Pig. See?
[The Pig is flooped onto the battlefield. It runs past the knights and storm and starts eating Jake's cornfields.]
Jake: [Gasps] No... He's eating all my cornfields! My Husker Knights draw energy from corn! [His knights collapse.]
Finn: And, since I'm not actually attacking, your Cerebral Bloodstorm only does damage... to your own kingdom's troops.
Jake: [Big gasp] You just wiped out my entire attack!!
Finn: What do you expect if all your power units come from corn? Pigs eat corn, dude. Cornfields stink.
Jake: CORNFIELDS ARE AWESOME! What makes you think you know so much about Card Wars?!
Finn: It's just logic!
Jake: ...Your turn.
Finn: Hmm...
Jake: You're supposed to discard a card and pick up a new one first.
Finn: Oh. Right.
Jake: Look at you. You're a babe in the woods. Your beginner's luck ends this round!
Finn: Hmm. [Discards a card and picks up another. He activates it.]
Jake: Spirit Tower?! And the Cave of Solitude?!
Finn: Now my battle phase begins. I activate my Ancient Scholar... to begin studying. [The Ancient Scholar enters the schoolhouse to study.] And I also move my Pig to the Cave of Solitude so he can take a nap.
Jake: That's it? You're not attacking?
Finn: I'll attack on a different turn.
Jake: HA! Then the seas have aligned and the five winds waft the smell of victory to my palace doors! I cast Field of Nightmares and activate my Legion of Earlings to scare your Pig to death!
Finn: My Pig's in the Cave of Solitude.
Jake: Um... I cast Teleport—to move your Pig to the empty field so I can attack 'im!
Finn: Uh... wouldn't Teleport only work on your own creatures?
Jake: You're right. I'm gonna slay that Pig, though!
Finn: How? You don't have any creatures that can touch 'im! [Jake grunts angrily.] Face it, man. I'm the cool guy.
Jake: Hmm. [Gasps] You're the cool guy, huh? Well, lemme make it a little hot for you, then. [Flooping Volcano card] Heh heh heh heh... I floop the Volcano!
Finn: What?! That'll destroy your kingdom too, won't it?!
Jake: Hmm. Maybe.
[Volcano spews lava, killing everything on the board. The Earlings scream as they are burned to death.]
Finn: Aah!! My Pig!!
Jake: [Chuckles deviously] The Pig is dead. Now I reconstitute my cornfields using the Reclaim Landscape spell! [Does it] My Husker Knights revive! And I still have my battle phase! Hiding in the Useless Swamp... the Immortal Maize Walker!
[Immortal Maize Walker appears on board.]
Immortal Maize Walker: I LOVE CORN!
[Finn makes a worried noise.]
Jake: Cornfields give the Immortal Maize Walker triple damage.
[With that, the Immortal Maize Walker grows more brightly and shockingly evil-looking.]
Finn: Uhh...
Jake: I told you cornfields are awesome! Your Ancient Scholar and Cool Dog won't survive this time!
[The Immortal Maize Walker and Husker Knights move forward to attack.]
Finn: Actually, my Ancient Scholar's been studying the Raise the Dead ability.
[The Ancient Scholar comes out of the schoolhouse, holding a spellbook.]
Jake: So what?
Finn: So, my Ancient Scholar raises the dead. [The Pig is revived.] I floop the Pig.
Jake: NOOOOO!
[The Pig eats Jake's corn; the Husker Knights collapse.]
Finn: Look! My Tower's doin' a thing!
[The Spirit Tower sends its waves to the Immortal Maize Walker. It appears on Finn's side and is now blue.]
Immortal Maize Walker: HOMINY, HOMINY, HOMINY!
Jake: YOU GANKED MY SPIRIT WALKER! AAAAGH!!! [Runs away from the table and angrily mutters incomprehensible words to himself]
Finn: Uh... Maybe we should take a break?
Jake: [Makes a strange, low noise] Your turn.
Finn: Huh?!
[Jake grows to a monstrous size and threateningly grabs Finn.]
Jake: YOU PLAY! YOU PLAY! [Retracts]
Finn: [To himself] Oh, zing.
BMO [flashback]: I do not play such games... with Jake.
Finn: Sorry! I gotta use the boy-style room! [Runs away quickly] [Whispering] BMO! BMO!
[BMO randomly falls onto Finn's shoulder and karate chops him.]
BMO: BMO chop! If this were a real attack, you'd be dead.
Finn: BMO! Jake's acting banununununus!
BMO: Oh, no! Are you winning the game of Card Wars?
Finn: Yeah!
BMO: That's terrible! If Jake loses the game, he gets super depressed! When I beat him, he wouldn't talk to me for a month!
Finn: What?! I only played so he wouldn't be bummed!
BMO: Finn, you must take a dive.
Finn: Okay, I'll try. But... I'm a Card Wars super Amadeus!
[Jake's strected appendages capture Finn and pull him back to the table.]
Jake: Play. The. Game.
Finn: [Thinking] Grob. Better make this look good. [Breathes deeply] [Out loud] Alright, Jake. Prepare for my ultimo attack!
Jake: Well... I've still got my Wandering Bald Man. [The Wandering Bald Man gets stuck in Jake's mud landscape.] Oh, no.
Finn: [Thinking] I need to get rid of my Pig so Jake can reconstitute his cornfields. [Finn thinks for a second, then smiles.] [Out loud] I activate the Pig—to attack your Wandering Bald Man.
Jake: Well, that's stupid. Just attack with the Immortal Maize Walker and get the game over with.
Finn: No way! You've underestimated me and my Pig all day!
[The Pig goes to the Wandering Bald Man and attacks it.]
Finn: [Thinking] Please lose. Please lose!
[The Wandering Bald Man slaps the Pig, but the Pig defeats him. The scene is suddenly in slow motion. Jake discards a card.]
Finn: Noooo!
Jake: I...
[The Pig gets stuck in the mud and turns yellow.]
Jake: OHHH-HO! Ohhh, oh, yeah! Pigs can't leave mud landscapes once they're on them! Hahaha! The Pig is mine! First, I'll play Reclaim Landscape, then I cast Summon Archer Dan!
[Archer Dan appears and destroys Finn's buildings.]
Finn: [To himself] Whoa. Math.
[Jake plays the Reaper card and steals the souls of Finn's creatures. The Immortal Maize Walker is orange-red again, the Ancient Scholar is now orange, and the Cool Dog is now green. The three go to Jake's side of the board.]
Finn: My boys!
Jake: You have no creatures left. That's the game, boyee!! The five winds blow through cornfields once again! For the glory of Jakoria!
Finn: Heh. You got me.
Jake: [Slams Finn's face on the board] In yo' face! It's time to drink up! It looks like you are the dweeb and I'm the cool guy! [Drinks from the "COOL GUY" cup] [Finn sniffs the "DWEEB" cup and retches. Jake frowns.] Is it... too gross for you, man?
Finn: No, no. I gotta take what's coming to me. [Drinks it and smiles] Hey... Not that bad! I like it!
Jake: WHAT?!
Finn: You want a taste?
[Jake sips it and immediately spits it out.]
Jake: AW, IT'S GROSS!
Finn: [Laughs] In your face, dweeb!
[Finn comes over to Jake and sips the cup again. Jake sips it again, too. They both laugh. They both continue sipping the "DWEEB" cup. As they do so, BMO enters and just shakes its head at them before the episode ends.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Checkmate" from season 7, which aired on November 19, 2015.

Characters
Marceline
Bonnibel
Finn
Jake
Vampire King
Peppermint Butler
Music
Bacon Pancakes (Stakes ver.)
Locations
Gumbald's Cabin
Forest
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

Peppermint Butler: [thinking] Evil is rising. In vile power, the fiend walks among us again. The Vampire King. With all my investigations into the supernatural, I should know better, but I can't help it. I'm dying to see him in person! [aloud] I probably will die if I see him in person.
[Someone knocks on the door. Peppermint Butler opens it.]
Peppermint Butler: Hello?
Jake: Yo, yo, yo, yo! Bubblegum sent me for the bucket.
Peppermint Butler: Dozo. [gives Jake bucket]
Jake: Merci and adios.
Peppermint Butler: Wait! Uh... how's it going?
Jake: It's good, you know? Uh, Marceline's got all her powers back. She's getting ready to give the Vampire King a big, fat whompin', uh, I hope.
Peppermint Butler: Um, while that's going down, do you think you could ask the V.K. to sign something for me?
Jake: That would be weird. You're weird. [walks off]
[Peppermint Butler slams the door.]
[Cut to Princess Bubblegum and Marceline jumping jacks. Princess Bubblegum counts in German while Finn is making stakes from a branch. He starts singing Bacon Pancakes (Stakes ver.)]
Marceline: I dreamed about you while I was in my poison coma. I was old and withered, and you were still nice and pink.
Princess Bubblegum: [stops doing jumping jacks] You think I'm nice? Oh, brains! I lost count.
Marceline: That's okay. I'm done with bat jacks. [sighs] I have this weird feeling in my tums.
Princess Bubblegum: 'Cause you're scared of The Vampire King?
Marceline: No, it's not fear. I know what that feels like. So, maybe it's...love? [stomach rumbles] Oh! What is it?!
Jake: [imitating trumpet] It's the herald of a new snack dawn! [pours food out of the bucket]
Marceline: [sniffs] Oh, yeah.
Princess Bubblegum: I arranged a snacky-snack for the team.
Jake: [eating a burger] I love you, Bonnibel.
Marceline: Yeah, me too, Bonnibel. [starts eating the food] Ohh! [continues eating, then finshes] Holy macaroni! Can we do this all the time?
Princess Bubblegum: Later, we can, all the time. But, for now-now, we got to get our plan together.
Marceline: [eats an apple] Easy. First, we take down the V.K, kill him, destroy him, and...kill him! [continues eating the apple]
Jake: I like this plan! It's got good bones!
Princess Bubblegum: Well, the devil's in the details. Like, how do we even find him?
Vampire King: I come to you! [materializes with his cow]
Marceline: Vampire King!
Vampire King: In the flesh!
Marceline: Not for long, sucker! [raises a stake]
Vampire King: Whoa! I just want to talk.
Jake: Oh really! Why don't you step inside for a nice chat? [runs at the VK in the shape of a spike closet with stakes for spikes]
Vampire King: No, thank you. [he raises his arm and levitates Jake, throwing him far away]
[Marceline hisses and turns invisible, going at the Vampire King with a still-visible stake. He sees the stake and stops her, crushing the stake with his powers.]
Vampire King: Just hear me out, Marceline.
Princess Bubblegum: [taking aim at the Vampire King and shooting] Hear this!
Marceline: [becomes visible again, revealing that PB had shot her with the stake gun] Ouch!
Vampire King: Will you calm down and listen to-
Finn: YAHHH! [Finn runs at the Vampire King with the huge stake he was crafting before. He throws it and it falls short of the Vampire King by several feet]
Finn: [breathing heavily] Shoot.
[The Vampire King frowns at Finn]
Princess Bubblegum: [to Marceline, who heals the stake out of her arm] Sorry.
[PB and Marceline look up to see the Vampire King holding Finn by the head, who has no hat on. He is struggling to escape.]
Vampire King: Stay calm, and nobody gets hurt. I know what you must think of me, and you'd be right. [pulls Finn's neck closer to his mouth] My thirst for blood is an awesome force. But in these new times, I have a chance to try a different course. [sets Finn down]
Vampire King: I think I wanna-
[PB immediately shoots her stake gun at the King, who catches it in his hand.]
Finn: Roll out! [somersaults away, grabbing a stake] Thorn arm! [outstretching his grass arm] ACTIVATE!
[Nothing happens.]
Finn: [to his arm] You gonna help, or what?
Vampire King: [throws bit of stake at Finn's face and walks up to him] Let me finish my thought.
Finn: [raising his own stake up at the V.K.] Stake you! [The Vampire King grabs Finn's wrist] Okay, go ahead.
Vampire King: This is the old way. Agents of darkness and light in a tug-of-war. But now, a creature can step out of that struggle. In this age, why would I want to be the Vampire King anymore?
Princess Bubblegum: [coldly] I don't know, why would you?
Vampire King: I wouldn't. I submit. [kneeling down, placing hands behind back] Take the vampire essence from my blood. Free me from the shackles of my station.
Marceline: [glances at the King, then at her stake, then runs at him] YAHHHH! [Abruptly, she stops when she sees Finn protecting him.] FINN! What the heck?!
Finn: It's against my code to strike a foe who's raised his bottom to the sky. The Enchiridion explicitly states so.
Marceline: Dem are your rules.
Finn: Dem a good rule dhough.
Marceline: Outta my way!
Finn: Ep, ep, ep, ep, ep! Look. [points to his eyes, which are big and sad looking] Look at these babies. These pleadin' puppies.
[Marcy shoves Finn out of the way and attacks, but the Vampire King grabs her and they fly into the sky]
Finn: Whoops. Shoulda staked him.
[The Vampire King and Marceline are struggling with each other as they rise higher into the air. They separate and face each other.]
Vampire King: How many times do you wanna do this, Marceline? Our lives have magnetized. We're in a negative loop. [Marceline turns into a bat and goes after him] But we can change our outcome this time!
Marceline: I like the outcome where you get staked!
Vampire King: And you become a vampire?
[Marcy snarls, but changes back into her regular form.]
Vampire King: Marceline. [she punches him] I know I was ruthless in the past. But tell me, what's the one thing you've noticed about the world, since you beat me all those hundreds of years ago?
Marceline: Everything repeats over and over again. No one learns anything, 'cause no one lives long enough to see the pattern, I guess.
Vampire King: But you've lived long enough.
Marceline: I know. Duh.
Vampire King: And you still think this is the right way? Fighting me?
Marceline: The other way's like a black hole; an unknown.
Vampire King: So let's consult a witch-
Marceline: [punching him back and taking out a stake] No witches.
[where the King flew back, the clouds part, revealing the Vampire King sitting in a cloud of water and vocalizing]
Vampire King: [rips off his shirt] I'm not afraid of the unknown! [pounds chest] I have the power- [spins a pillar of water around, standing on it, as lightning flashes behind him] -to change destiny! Queen of vampires! You weigh the scales of fate. Spill my guts, or face the unknown. Either way, I will not bite. For turning you would subjugate me to the wheel of fortune. And I am a king, not a hamster. My path runs straight into the void, on a sick, flaming chariot! [strikes the water and it splashes all the way to the ground, where Jake, Finn, and PB gasp] Stake me. I will not hide. [rips off his pants as lightning strikes again] Do it, chicken! You make me sick! [goes back to the puddle of water in the cloud and splashes around and yells like a maniac.]
Marceline: Okay, dag! We'll take your stupid thing out!
Vampire King: [stops splashing and yelling] My what?
Marceline: Your dang vamp juice, come on!
Vampire King: Cool. [slides off cloud and back onto the ground.]
[Marceline sighs with exasperation]
[Back on the ground, Jake has shifted into a catapult and is ready to fire Finn into the air]
Finn: Let 'er rip!
Princess Bubblegum: Wait!
[It's too late, Jake sends Finn flying into the air, screaming.]
Jake: Whoops. [shapeshifts back to normal]
Marceline: [as she and the Vampire King land] Truce, you guys.
Vampire King: No funny business.
Princess Bubblegum: No funny business us, or you?
Marceline: Him.
Jake: [to Vampire King] What happened to your pants?
Jake: Hold that thought! [As Finn is about to land from when he was launched, Jake stretches into a big pillow and catches him.]
Finn: [bounces off Jake and runs over to kick the Vampire King in the groin] Finish him! Bam bam bam bam bam bam bam-
Marceline: Finn, you can stop.
Finn: Oh, okay, now we're stopping. [to Vampire King] Sorry, dude.
Vampire King: [in high-pitched voice] It's chill. [to Marceline] See? No funny business.
[the scene cuts to the group walking up the hill to Gumbald's cabin.]
Finn: [whispering] Hey, Jake.
Jake: [turning around] What?
Finn: [begins using a code made up of a series of blinks, tongue clicks, etc. to talk to Jake as subtitles appear on the bottom of the screen] "PB says she's gonna set her vampire sucking machine to full blast if he tries anything funny."
Jake: [using same code] "What does full blast even mean?"
Finn: [continuing to use code] "I guess it means he'll explode to dust."
Jake: [uses one drawn-out fart to say] "Well, what do you want to eat later?"
Princess Bubblegum: [in the same code] "Hey guys!"
Finn and Jake: [simultaneously pass gas to say] "What?"
Princess Bubblegum: [in code] "Mouth fart code is for emergencies only."
Finn: [in code and giving a thumbs-up] "Sorry!"
[scene switches to inside the cabin, where Peppermint Butler is giving a pep-talk to himself and clutches his journal from earlier to his chest.]
Peppermint Butler: Be cool. Be like, 'How's it going, VK? I'm Peppermint B and I know all about you!' No, that sounds lame. 'Yo, V.K., sign my book, jerk!' No...
Princess Bubblegum: [opens door] We're home!
[Peppbut gasps as everyone walks in]
Princess Bubblegum: Is the lab ready?
Peppermint Butler: [nervously] Of course. Is he here? [gasps]
Vampire King: [enters, holding his cow] Hey.
Peppermint Butler: [screaming internally] AAHHH! SAY SOMETHING; ASK HIM TO SIGN THE BOOK!
Vampire King: [staring at the silent candy person and shrugging] Meh. [walks towards the lab]
Peppermint Butler: [still silently screaming to himself] DO IT, HE'S GETTING AWAY! [runs after him]
[scene changes to basement, where the Vampire King is getting strapped into PB's extraction machine]
Peppermint Butler: Wait! Just a sec! Can you sign-
Princess Bubblegum: [closes the VK in] Sorry. Too late.
[Pepbut gives a disappointed sigh.]
Vampire King: [telepathically to Peppermint Butler] Hey. Peppermint Butler. I can hear your brains. Look inside your book.
[Peppermint Butler opens his book.]
Princess Bubblegum: [lowering goggles to protect eyes] Okay, shields down, everybody!
Peppermint Butler: [still looking inside book] A psychic autograph! Thank you, your darkness.
Princess Bubblegum: [pulling lever] Here we go.
[blinding light fills the cabin from the machine. Peppermint Butler, who is without safety goggles, clutches his face and yells in pain. PB, with no expression, watches the vampiric essence flow out of the Vampire King's and the cow's body through some tubes. When it is finished, PB pulls the lever up and the machine stops.]
Princess Bubblegum: His vampire essence is now completely drained. [takes off goggles] Well, let's see what we've got left.
[PB opens the hatch to reveal a very normal cow and a normal lion that used to be the Vampire King.]
Marceline: [happily] Kitty!
Jake: [waving his arms around] Best makeover ever!
[scene changes and we see the cow eating grass outside. Inside, Marceline eats a waffle sandwich stuffed with many different foods. Finn is napping on the couch covered by a blanket, while Jake is sleeping on the floor, melted into a pile. Peppermint Butler sets out a saucer of milk for the Vampire King/lion, and we see that his eyes have been very damaged.]
Princess Bubblegum: [to Pepbut] Hey Pep.
Peppermint Butler: [turning around to face her] M'lady?
Princess Bubblegum: Are you sure your peepers are all right?
Peppermint Butler: My inner vision is extraordinarily developed.
Princess Bubblegum: Okay, great. 'Cause I need you to go to the secret catacombs and bury this nasty bucket of sludge in the deep-deep down. [holds up the bucket that contains all the vampire essence] Just be uber-duber careful not to drop it. Pure vampire essence this powerful could kaboom reality off its whack.
Peppermint Butler: Don't drop the bucket.
Princess Bubblegum: Exactly. [hands over the bucket]
Peppermint Butler: [takes bucket and begins to walk away] Will do.
[Pepbut unknowingly steps on the lion's tail, which angers it and causes it to swipe at Pepbut, knocking the bucket out of his hands. PB catches it, but the lion rams into her. This causes the bucket to go flying. Pepbut yells in slow motion, grabs a baguette off of Marcy's table, and uses it to whack the bucket in the other direction before it hit the ground. It goes flying yet again. Pepbut chases it as PB, under the lion, yells. The bucket hits the ground next to the sleeping Jake, where it rolls to him, unscathed. Pepbut sighs with relief.]
Jake: [half-asleep, reaching for the bucket] Mm... buckie...
Peppermint Butler: [runs at Jake] Nooooooo!
[It's too late. The bucket violently explodes, smoke rising into the air in a mushroom cloud. The cloud begins to morph into something. PB lifts a emerges from the rubble and sees the dark cloud form the shape of a giagantic black lion. It roars.]

Episode Ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Cherry Cream Soda (episode)" from season 7, which aired on November 4, 2015.

Characters
Cherry Cream Soda
Starchy
Dirt Beer Guy
Jake
Lady Rainicorn
Loafy
Princess Bubblegum (flashback)
Darren (flashback)
Maja (flashback)
Snail
Music
None
Locations
Candy Kingdom
This transcript is incomplete.


Transcript

Root Beer Guy: Fearlessly, Captain Root Beer Guy charges across the battlefield. The ancient sleeper raises his power staff to attack. With one lever pull, Captain Root Beer Guy saves the...
Cherry Cream Soda: Root Beer Guy!
[Exhales sharply]
Cherry Cream Soda: One day at a time.
[Purring]
Cherry Cream Soda: Okay, Loafy, just a second.
Chery Cream Soda: [Water running] Hmm?
Chery Cream Soda: Hello?
[Gasps]
Chery Cream Soda: Root Beer Guy?
Starchy: Nope. Starchy. You do this every morning.
Chery Cream Soda: I know. I'm sorry, honey. I'm trying, but I can't stop thinking about him.
Starchy: Look, we've been married two months already. I love you, baby, but isn't there an expiration date to this grieving thing?
Chery Cream Soda: I don't think it works that way.
Chery Cream Soda: Starchy, dear, could you feed the cat later? I've got to prep a witness tonight.
Starchy: Anything for my Chery Cream Soda and her sweet, little kitty cat. [Hisses] Oh! I'll win your heart someday, Loafy. We can't all be a cute, little character with a cure, little straw sticking out of our cute, little head.But take some advice from an old grave digger, huh? Maybe it's time to do something with that. Here a thought... I could bury this for you. An unmarked grave kind of thing. Just... sswt!... Toss him in there with whoever.
Chery Cream Soda: Well, that's... that seems macabre. But sweet. I'll think about it.
Starchy: Okay, okay. [Smooches] See you tonight.
Chery Cream Soda: Looks like it's gonna rain. Don't forget your umbrella, Starchy.
Starchy: Ooh, thanks. Maybe I'll take my hoe in case things set sloppy. Well, bye again.
Chery Cream Soda: Bye.
[Wind whistling]
[Indistinct conversations]
[Humming]
Princess Bubblegum: You two are married.
[Wind whistling]
Chery Cream Soda: Good bye, Root Beer Guy
[Thunder rumbling]
[Pop!]
Chery Cream Soda: Good Morning, husband.
Starchy: Good morning, wife.
Chery Cream Soda: Shaving your 'stache?
Starchy: Uh-huh.
Chery Cream Soda: Aaaaahhhh! Starchy! What? What?
[Both screaming]
Starchy: Blazes mazes! What is going on?
Chery Cream Soda: I saw him. He was right outside.
Starchy: Who? Finn? Jake? Candy person number 22?
Chery Cream Soda: Maybe I can still catch him...
Dirt Beer Guy: Hi, sweetie. I was dead, but I came back to life. That was really something. Hmm.
Starchy: It's okay, baby. Starchy's here.
Chery Cream Soda: Oh, thank heavens. It was just another hallucina-a-tion.
Dirt Beer Guy: Honey, I'm fairly upset that you remarried.
Chery Cream Soda: But how is ths possible? You were zapped by Darren, the ancient sleeper. Your dome was cracked. Your root beer soaked into the ground. I buried you remains in a mason jar, which is now your head. And... and... and now I'm with Starchy. I mean we're... we're legally married. You're legally dead. Not that I want to sound obsessed with legalities, but I am a lawyer.
Dirt Beer Guy: Hey, where's that little statue I got you? It said,"I wuv you," on the base of it. It was a little bear with his arms out like this.
[Clatter]
Dirt Beer Guy: He was all, "I wuv you, I wuv you, I wuv you."
[Crash]
Starchy: No sudden moves, baby. He's got freaky zombie strength.
Dirt Beer Guy: Maybe it's up here. [Grunts] Did you hire a maid service or something while I was gone? I sure hope they didn't throw out the "I wuv you" bear.
Starchy: Enough! I should have put you in the ground a long time ago!
Dirt Beer Guy: Hey, I came back for her.
[Popping]
Cherry Cream Soda: Root Beer Guy, if that is you in there, I'm so pround of you. But this isn't fair. You endend our life together when you pulled that lever. You made the choice, and you saved the kingdom. But you lost me.
Starchy: Heh, Burn.
Dirt Beer Guy: Cherry Cream Soda, I still wuv you... whoa!
[Popping]
Dirt Beer Guy: You always wanted this wall knocked down anyway, right? [Chuckles] Ooh.
Cherry Cream Soda: Oooh! Wah! You come back with no explanation, wreck up the place, and you expect to just pick up where we left off? Get out of my house!
Dirt Beer Guy: I'm sorry.
Starchy: Starchy wins!
[Laughter]
Jake: That's funny.
Starchy: I can't believe you used to be married to such a freak.
Cherry Cream Soda: He isn't a freak. Or he didn't used to be.
[Sighs]
Starchy: Shh, shh, shh, shh. Don't worry, honey.
Cherry Cream Soda: Don't touch me now, please. I need time to think.
Starchy: Look, baby. Starchy knows all the fresh windows in town, and Starchy chose you. Starchy wuvs you.
Starchy: It's time to dig a hole.
Dirt Beer Guy: I thought she'd be happy to see me, but it was a disaster. I didn't know where to pick up with her, so of course I just acted like a goof. Oh, and now I'm one of the undead, I guess.
Jake: Hey, man, there's absolutely nothing wrong with you.
Lady Rainicorn: [Speaking korean] 그래, 그리고 좀비가 뜨는 거 알지? 특히 요즘들어 말이야. (Yeah, and you know zombies are popular? Especially these days.)
Dirt Beer Guy: [Sighs] She's got a point though. I was the one who wanted to be the big hero, and I got my wish. But I didn't think about her enough. I'm not even thinking about her right now.
Jake: Yes, you are.
Dirt Beer Guy: I am?
Jake: Run back and tell her all the stuff you've been telling us. Maybe you could pick up from a place you Haven't been yet.
Dirt Beer Guy: I don't know what that means, but it sounds very encouraging! See you guys later
Jake: He didn't bite you, did he?
Dirt Beer Guy: Cherry Cream Soda! Cherry Cream Soda! I've had a revelation of some kind.
Starchy: No dirt-heads allowed.
Dirt Beer Guy: Uh, but I have to talk to Cherry Cream Soda.
Starchy: Oh, no you don't. Nuh-uh.
Dirt Beer Guy: I'm trying to be polite.
[Clang!]
Dirt Beer Guy: Oh, dear. Hmm. Pardon me!
Starchy: It's on zombie.
Cherry Cream Soda: What the heck?
Starchy: You have met your match, freaky dirt guy! Woo-woo-woo-woo!
Dirt Beer Guy: Look, will you give me a break?
Starchy: Too chicken, huh? Look, I'll put the slovels down. See? Hah!
Dirt Beer Guy: This is childish.
[Knock the door]
Starchy: Ha!
Dirt Beer Guy: Get away from my head!
Starchy: Ho-ho!
Starchy: We have some unfinished business. Wait for me, Little Dirt Beer!
Starchy: Ooh is somebody afraid of old Starchy?
Dirt Beer Guy: I'm afraid of killing you.
Starchy: Oh, boo-hoo. Don't hurt me!
Dirt Beer Guy: Ugh. Is it not possible to get away from you?
Starchy: I'm escorting you to your new home... Far away from my house.
Dirt Beer Guy: It's not even your house.
Starchy: Ha! It's practically mine.
Starchy: Tonight you'll sleep in a hole... The same dirty grave hole from whence you sprang!
Dirt Beer Guy: I'm not usually violent, but you pushed me.
Dirt Beer Guy: Nah. What's this?
Dirt Beer Guy: Okay, now we're talking. Poke me with a shovel now, you mustache face.
Starchy: Aw.
Cherry Cream Soda: Stop it, both of you. Neither of you thought to ask me what I want. I've made a decision who I want to be with.
[Wind whistling]
Cherry Cream Soda: I don't want to be with either of you.
Starchy: What?!
Cherry Cream Soda: You're a maniac. I can't believe I ever got that low.
Starchy: Mmm! Starchy doesn't need this.
Cherry Cream Soda: And you. I don't know you anymore.
Dirt Beer Guy: Okay. Take care of yourself.
Cherry Cream Soda: I said "I don't know you," but I'd like to. Would you like to go on a date?
Dirt Beer Guy: Yee! [Clears throat] I mean, yes. This is weird, right?
Cherry Cream Soda: Well we've never actually dated before. We got married so fast.
Dirt Beer Guy: Let's take it show this time around.
Cherry Cream Soda: One date at a time.
Episode Ends
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Chips and Ice Cream" from season 6, which aired on April 30, 2015.

Characters
Finn
Jake
BMO
Chips
Ice Cream
Morty Rogers
Unnamed Merchant
Merchant (John)
Music
Chips' and Ice cream's song
Locations
Tree Fort
Morty Rogers' wagon
Land of Ooo
Village Shop
This transcript is complete

Transcript

Chips: Chips?

[The audience of rabbits laughs.]

Ice Cream: Ice cream?
Chips: Chips! [The audience of rabbits laughs.] Chips. Ch-i-ips!
Ice cream: [Pats Ice Cream on the head] Ice cream!


[The audience of rabbits continues to laugh. BMO claps and laughs. Finn and Jake are sitting by a nearby tree.]

Finn: I don't get it.
Jake: Ah, just keep watching. BMO said the second act gets crazy.

[Chips and Ice Cream are now "walking." Some prop clouds and a prop bird go by the two.]

Chips: Chips chips chips. Chips chips... Chips!
Ice Cream: Ice cream! [Kisses the prop bird.]
Chips: [Kisses the prop bird and looks to the audience.] Chips...
Ice Cream: [Looks towards the audience] Ice cream...


[The curtain on the stage closes. The crowd stands and applauds. The curtains open again and Morty Rogers takes a bow.]

BMO: [Pulls up some grass and throws it.] Bravo!

[Finn begins to slowly clap]

Jake: What the stuff was that?!

[The audience of rabbits and BMO continue their applause] {{L|Morty Rogers|[Hops out of the stage carriage.] Now, who wants to invite me over for dinner? [The audience of rabbits and BMO cheer in response.]

Mother Rabbit: Come on, kids! We're going to grandma's.
Morty Rogers: [Sighs.]

[The audience of rabbits walks towards their mother leaving only BMO.]

BMO: Dinner?[Runs to Finn and Jake. Slides on their knees and puts their arms in a pleading gesture] Please can we invite him to dinner?
Jake: No.
BMO: But, Jake, I never ask you for anything. When did I ever ask you for anything?
BMO: Yesterday. You said, [[Imitating BMO]] "Jake, please take me to see Chips and Ice Cream! It's a Broadway smash!" And I believed you.
BMO: [Crying.] You don't understand me, Jake.
Morty Rogers: [Rubs two coins together and sighs.]
BMO: [Pokes Morty Rogers on the shoulder.] Please come over for dinner! I love you! [Squeals.]
Morty Rogers: Yeah. Dinner sounds great! [Chuckles.] Yeah! Wait. The place where you eat dinner, does the moon shine through the window at night?
Finn: Sure.
Morty Rogers: All right! Let's do it!


[The scene cuts to Finn and Jake's Tree Fort at night]

BMO: Oh, ooh! And when Chips trips over the turtle, it was so funny! But also sad. It made me think about the fragility of my own life.
Morty Rogers: [Looks out the window to the clouds covering the moon.] Just a little more...
Jake: [Holds up rice patties and a dead fish] Hey, y'all ready for some sushi burgers?
Morty Rogers: Mm, I don't eat burgers. Got any chips and ice cream?
Jake: Uh..Sure. I just sculpted these buns though.
BMO: [Bangs their fist on the table.] Give the man what he wants! Soo, is your name Chips and Ice cream?
Morty Rogers: My name is Morty Rogers.
BMO: [Nods.] I see.
Jake: [Carrying four bowls of chips and ice cream.] Okay! Food's done. [Finn and BMO cheer]
Morty Rogers: Let's all dig in! [Jake begins to eat the chips and ice cream.] Yes, eat it. Eat that chips and ice cream.
BMO: Oh, yes sir! [Begins eating chips and ice cream.]
Morty Rogers: [Looks out the window to the moon showing through the clouds and gasps.] It's time. [Takes off his turban to reveal Chips and Ice Cream.]
Chips: [Looks to Ice Cream.]Chips chips chips?
Ice Cream: Ice cream ice cream.
BMO: No...Flipping...Way!
Morty Rogers: [Stands from his seat.] By the light of the waxing moon, which was just unveiled by the parting clouds, I command these two imps that have taken possession of my ears to transfer onto the head of the being who is directly across from me [Steps forwards and aligns his shadow with Jake's]and is currently eating chips and ice cream!


[A blue light ray hits Morty Rogers' ears where Chips and Ice Cream are. Chips and Ice Cream become specters, float towards Jake and sit on his head. They form new ears onto of his head.]

Chips: Chips chips?!
Ice Cream: Ice cream...
Morty Rogers: Huh [Touches his ears.] It worked! I'm a free bear! [Laughs hysterically,jumps out the window and leaves.]
Jake: Well, now I'm a guy with these things on my head. I guess I'm just gonna roll with the punches.
Finn: Uh... Don't worry, man. I'm gonna pretend they're not even there.
Chips: Chips!
Ice Cream: Ice cream!
BMO: [Bangs a beat out on the table.]This is the greatest day of my liiife!


[Scene changes to Finn and Jake's bedroom.Chips and Ice Cream are conversing.]

Jake: Maybe if I put a towel over my head they'll go to sleep. [Grabs a towel from the wardrobe.]
Finn: Huh. What's on your head? I don't even notice it.
Jake: Heh. Yeah, okay. [Puts the towel over Chips and Ice Cream]
Chips: [Muffled.] Chips chips.
Ice Cream: [Muffled.] Ice cream.


[Scene changes to BMO sleeping on the table in the Tree Fort]

BMO: [Wakes up to crying.] Huh?


[Scene changes to Jake asleep with a towel on top of his head.]

Chips: [Crying.]Chips...[Sniffles] Chips...!


[BMO crawls under the towel with a flashlight to greet Chips.]

Chips: Chips! Chips chips chips. Chips! Chips chips?!
Ice Cream: [Wakes up and groans.] Ice cream?
Chips: Chips chips! Chips chips chips chips chips!
Ice Cream: [Whispering.] Ice cream? Ice cream ice cream ice cream!
Jake: [Grumbles and sits up while Chips and Ice Cream continue to talk.] All right, that's enough. They're going outside. [Jake stretches Chips and Ice Cream outside and lays them on the grass.]
BMO: Nooooooo!
Chips: Chips.
Ice Cream: [Sighing.] Ice cream.
BMO: [Comes outside with a small blanket.] Poor Chips and Ice Cream. [Puts the blanket on top of Chips and Ice Cream.]
Ice Cream: [Singing] Ah, ah, ah, ah ice cream.
Chips: [Singing] Chips chips chips chips...

[Chips and Ice Cream sit up and begin to sway while singing. BMO puts their hands on their face.]

[Scene changes to daytime in the Tree Fort. BMO is sitting on Jake's head with a microphone between Chips and Ice Cream.]

Finn: [Sighs.] Why are you up so early?
Jake: [Grabbing at some fabric.] I got to get to the farmer's market before all the choice stuff is gone.
Finn: Oh. Why is BMO on your head?
Jake: He is?!
Chips: [Speaking into BMO's microphone.]Chips chips.
Ice Cream: [Speaking into BMO's microphone.]Ice cream.
BMO: I'm onto something important!
Jake: Quit clownin' around.
BMO: [Running off Jake's head.]Okay. I was done anyhow. [Goes to sit on the Tree Fort floor and plays Chip's voice on their screen.] [Distorted] Chips chips.
Jake: So, you want me to pick up any snacks?
Finn: Yeah, maybe some ketchup chips?
Chips: [Smacks Jake on the eye.] Chips.
Finn: And...some kale [Hesitant.] chips.
Chips: [Smacks Jake on the eye.] Chips!
Finn: And some corn... [Whispers.] chips.
Chips: [Smacks Jake on the eye.] Chips.
Jake: Okay. [Puts a light blue piece of fabric on his head like a bonnet.] Later, dude.
Finn: Later.
Chips: [Muffled.] Chips!
Ice Cream: [Muffled.] Ice cream!
Finn: [Sighs in frustration.]


[Scene cuts to the farmer's market.]

Jake: [Looking at two apples.] Hmm..
Apple Merchant: Nice choice! Those are two of my faves!
Chips: [Peering out of the bonnet to look at the apple.] Chips.
Apple Merchant: Yeah, we have chips.
Ice Cream: [Peering out of the bonnet to look at the apple.] Ice cream?
Apple Merchant: Sorry. I don't have any ice cream, but I know who does. [Whistles to the Merchant to the right.] Hey, John!
John: Yo!
Apple Merchant: I gots a customer for yas. [Takes Jake's apples and says to him.]I'll bag these for ya.

[Jake walks over to John's stall.]

John: [Hands a tub of ice cream to another customer.] Enjoy and stay awesome. [To Jake.] Yo! I got ice creams!
Ice Cream: [Looking down at the ice cream.] Ice cream?
John: I recommend the hamburger flavor. Also, the pizza flavor is tremendous!
Customer: Do you have taco?
John: One second! [Turns to get a tub of ice cream for the customer and hands it to them.] One taco flavored.
Customer: [Taking the tub of ice cream.] You have the best!
John: You have the best, out-of-this-world day. [To Jake.] What's your spectacular choice?
Morty Rogers: [Gasps.] No. No! Stay away! You can't make me take them back!
Jake: [Turns to face Morty Rogers.] Oh hey, Morty Rogers.
Ice Cream: Ice cream!
Morty Rogers: [Throws his tub of ice cream and runs away screaming. Knocks over crates of food as he runs.]
John: Tremendous.
Morty Rogers: [Runs and pants. Enters his home.] No more chips. No more ice cream. [Cuts open a can of beans.] Beans. That's what regular-sized-ear folks eat. Regular old morty Rogers... [Looks at a tub of ice cream and a bag of chips. Screams.] [Groans and shuffles. Grabs a record and plays it on the record player.]

[The record player begins playing mid tempo music. Morty Rogers begins to dance along to the music. The record skips on the needle.]

Morty Rogers: Oh! I hope the record is not scratched or chipped. Chip. Ice cream. [Grabs buttons and sewing thread from a drawer.

[Morty Rogers puts Chips and Ice Cream sock puppets on his ears.]

Morty Rogers: [Mimicking Chips.] Chips. [Moves to wiggle the Chips sock puppet.]


[Scene change to the Tree Fort at night.]

Chips: Chips chips chips.
Ice Cream: Ice creaaaam.


[Scene change to Morty Rogers' house.]

Morty Rogers: [Mimicking Chips and Ice Cream.] Chips chips! Chip chip. Ice cream! Ice cream!
Morty Rogers: Hush! Hush! Hush! [Kicks a plate of beans and grabs the sockpuppet Chips.] Noiseless, Chips! [Grabs the sockpuppet Ice Cream.] Inaudible, Ice Cream! [Tosses the Chips and Ice Cream sock puppets on the table while crying.] Nyahah!


[Scene change to the Tree Fort at daytime. Chips and Ice Cream are conversing while Jake spreads mayonnaise on a piece of bread.]

Finn: [Throws up his arms.] Aah! Quiet! [Slams his hands on the table.] I thought I could just ignore them, but I can't! Chips and Ice Cream have to go!
Jake: [Continues to spread mayonnaise on his piece of bread.] Listen. Even if I could find Morty Rogers again, I don't know how to get these things to go back to him or even if they want to.
Chips: Chips chips!
Ice Cream: Ice cream!

[Finn bangs his head against the table.]

BMO: [Runs into the room.] I finished with my computations! As I thought, it's a real language they are speaking based on intonations! [Speaking to Chips and Ice Cream.] Chips? Chips chips chips! Ice cream?

[Chips and Ice Cream respond to BMO at the same time.]]

BMO: [Nods.] I know what we have to do.


[Scene change to Morty Rogers' house.]

Morty Rogers: [Emerges from a barrel of chips and ice cream holding a mirror.] How many years did I search for a rube to take my burden? [Touches one of his ears.] What's wrong with me? You two brought me nothing but pain... [Rubs one ear gently.] And I can't stop thinking of you. But I don't want you back! [Presses the mirror to his face.] I don't want you!

[Chips and Ice Cream's song heard in the distance.]

Morty Rogers: [Glances around.] What's that? [Looks at the mirror.] Do you hear that? [Drops the mirror.]

[Singing continues.]

Morty Rogers: [Starts to get out of the barrel.] It's like--Chips..Ice Cream. [Gets out of the barrel and exits his house.] I..must..I..must!


[Singing continues. Scene change to Finn,Jake and BMO standing around Chips and Ice Cream as they sing into a microphone. Morty Rogers watches from a window.]

BMO: [Whispering.] He's here!
Jake: [Singing.] I love you, Chips and Ice Cream. I hope you never leave.
Morty Rogers: No! Those are my Chips and Ice Cream! By the light of the waxing moon, which was just unveiled by the parting clouds, transfer those two imps that have taken possession of Jake's ears to the head of the being who is watching from the window! Chips and Ice Cream!

[The clouds part to reveal the moon a blue ray hits Morty Rogers' head and Chips and Ice Cream turn back into specters.]

Finn: BMO, it's happening!

[Jake tosses the chips and ice cream bowl and throws BMOholding a jar at the two specters. BMO catches them in the jar and seals the lid.]

Morty Rogers: No! My Chips! And Ice Cream!
BMO: [Runs outside and opens the jar.] Free!
Morty Rogers: Noooo!

[The specters of Chips and Ice Cream begin to float up into the sky.]

Finn: [Peering out the Tree Fort window.]Whoa.
Morty Rogers: What's going on?
BMO: Chips and Ice Cream wanted to be free. But they could only be if I interrupted the transference ritual.
Morty Rogers: Free? I'm sorry for keeping you dudes as my prisoners for so many years. [Crying.] But what am I gonna do without you?!
Chips: Chips.
Ice Cream: Ice cream.

[Chips and Ice Cream kiss Morty Rogers and fly up into the sky.]

Morty Rogers: What?


[Scene change to Chips and Ice Cream flying in the night sky.]

Chips: Chips!
Ice Cream: Ice cream!

[Chips and Ice Cream kiss a bird passing by.]

Chips: Chips.
Ice Cream: Ice cream.
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "City of Thieves" from season 1, which aired on May 24, 2010.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Penny
Music
None
Locations
City of Thieves
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[Episode begin with Jake using his stretched legs to move through the Stock Woods.]
Jake: You're totally slow dude, speed up them gams.
[Finn comes behind Jake, walking on all fours, using shovels for stilts.]
Finn: Auh... I'm not used, uh... to running on all fours! Oahh!
Jake: Ready to admit it's harder than it looks?
Finn: I'll never admit anything to you. Hey where'd you go?
[Jake has shrunk down and stretches his leg to trip Finn's stilts]
Jake: Heh heh heh.
Finn: [falling] Whoa aoh oh! Umpf! Okay I admit it's, it's harder than I thought.
[They both laugh.]
Jake: Actually you did pretty good! Hey check it out!
Finn: Whoa!
Jake: Looks like a giant dead turtle.
Finn: I think it's some kind of city of...
Hag: [Moving out of her camouflage] Thieves! It's the City of Thieves! Be warned boy! All who enter the city are destined to be come thieves themselves! [laughs] Even you.
Finn: I would't become a thief lady! I'm a pretty good guy.
Jake: Yeah, get your glasses on grandma, this kid is pure. In fact he's about to help that little crying kid. [Penny is shown crying.]
Finn: [running to Penny] Oh, whoa!
Hag: Be warned!
Finn: Enough lady! [to Penny] Hey little girl, are you okay?
Penny: [falling back] Please, don't steal anything from me!
Finn: Whoa! We wouldn't do that. We're heroes.
Jake: [stretching his stomach to look like a face] We want to turn your frown all the way around. [twisting the face he made on his stomach]
Penny: Ahh! [continues crying]
Finn: [nudging him] Jake!
Jake: I'll face the other way, but I'm gonna keep doing this.
Finn: So what's wrong?
Penny: Oh, it was terrible. I was trying to sell my flowers out here in the desert, when these two thieves came and stole my whole basket! Then ran into the city.
Finn: The city?
Hag: ...of Thieves!
Jake: Oh boy.
Hag: Heed my warning boy: enter the city, and you'll come out a thief!
Finn: Never. [takes Penny on his shoulders] I'll get this girl's flowers back-
Penny: My name is Penny.
Finn: I'll get Penny's flowers back, and come out of that city as pure as the driven snow. Let's go Jake!
Jake: Yeah! We're gonna purify that city!
[Scene switches to inside the City of Thieves.]
Finn: Cool.
Jake: Crud.
[Short Goblin runs by and steals the Big Guy's ring]
Big Guy: My ring!
Finn: [gasps along with Jake] Stop thief!
[The Short Goblin runs away while the Big Guy breaks through his house's wall and steals the Skeleton Baby from the Skeleton Mom.]
Finn: Stop!
[Skeleton Baby steals the ruby from Big Guy's tooth.]
Big Guy: My ruby!
Finn: Stop, baby! Don't steal!
[Skeleton Baby runs into Mr. Turtle. She falls over and the ruby is thrown into Mr. Turtle's hands.]
Finn: Don't steal, Mr. Turtle!
Penny: Finn, it's hopeless to try stopping a thief here. Everyone steals from each other. It's redoodoodiculous!
Finn: Penny! Never say that!
Penny: Redoodoodiculous?
Finn: No! The whole thing you said. About hopelessness. 'Cause I'm gonna get your basket back from whoever took it. And then I'm going to [yells] beat my purity into them!
Jake: And then I'm gonna beat your purity outta them. [lightly punches Finn] And then beat a sandwich into them! [grunts while throwing air punches] And then beat them to the punch! And then punch 'em!
Finn: We can beat these thieves while we search for Penny's flower basket!
Jake: Okay.
[Finn and Jake start running towards Mr. Turtle.]
Finn: Hey turd-le (turtle)! I'm gonna kick your butt! Also, have you seen this little girl's flower basket?
Jake: You're going down, turtle!
[Mr. Turtle flies off by using fires coming out of him.]
Jake: Woah! I want jets!
[Mr. Turtle lands on a roof and Crossbow Guy steals the jewel from his crown.]
Finn: Come back, Crossbow Guy!
[Finn punches Mr. Turtle. When Crossbow Guy lands, Two-Headed Thief steals his crossbow.]
Crossbow Guy: My crossbow!
Penny: Hey, my basket! That's my basket!
Finn: Don't worry, Penny. We'll get it right after I deal with this guy! [points to Crossbow Guy.] Stealing's wrong, doofus!
[Crossbow Guy drops the jewel from Mr. Turtle's crown.]
Penny: [laughs] This is fun, Finn!
[Finn whoops. Finn, Jake, and Penny fly off after the Two-Headed Thief. Wizard Thief is shown cutting off one of Two-Headed Thief's heads and stealing Penny's basket.]
Two-Headed Thief Head 1: My bro!
Two-Headed Thief Head 2: My body!
[The Cyclops confronts the Wizard Thief]
Cyclops: I'm gonna steal your flower basket, wizard!
[Wizard Thief casts a spell, and misses Cyclops.]
Wizard Thief: Pancake, pancake, pancake.
[Wizard Thief turns into a cat and runs away. Cyclops picks up the basket and turns it upside down.]
Two-Headed Thief Head 2: Ow, brotha'!
[Phil steals Cyclops's glasses and the flower basket.]
Cyclops: My glasses!
[Phil lands near a wall. The Rock Wall Thief steals Phil's pajamas.]
Phil: My jammies!
[Goblin Thief #1 steals the flower basket and Phil's glasses.]
Phil: My glasses!
[Jake punches Phil.]
Finn: There it goes!
[Goblin Thief #1 laughs.]
Finn: I will smite thee, goblin thief!
[Goblin Thief #1 is talking to Goblin Thief #2]
Goblin Thief #1: You stole that basket from me!
Goblin Thief #2: No I didn't! [Goblin Thief #3 steals the basket from Goblin Thief #2] Hey! Gimme that! I stole it first! I'll use my sword on you!
[Goblin Thief #1 steals Goblin Thief #2's sword.]
Goblin Thief #2: Hey! [runs off after Goblin Thief #1]
Finn: [to Goblin Thief #3] You there! It's time to step into the purification chamber, son! [Goblin Thief #4 steals the basket from Goblin Thief #3] Hey!
[Goblin Thieves #5 and #6 steal the basket from Goblin Thief #4 by using a fishing rod. Goblin Thief #7 steals the fishing rod from them. Goblin Thief #8 steals the fishing rod and basket from him, and Goblin Thief #9 steals the basket from Goblin Thief #8. Goblin Thief #9 runs off while Finn, Jake and Penny run after him. Suddenly, Goblin Thief #9 does not have the basket. Goblin Thief #10 has stolen it from above.]
Finn: [gasping for breath] How are we supposed to get that basket back if it keeps being stolen?! [grunts in frustration]
Jake: Hey! We can steal a new one from that guy! [Jake points to a 'Baskets & Boots' store. The owner is asleep.] He's got lots of flower baskets. And boots! I'd like to steal me one of them pairs of boots, especially.
Finn: No, Jake. We can't steal. We have to stay pure!
Jake: [reluctantly] Okay.
Penny: I have an idea! My mom used to tell me that there's a King of Thieves who lives in the center of the city, and everything that gets stolen from little girls ends up at his tower. Maybe we'd find my basket in his treasure chest!
Finn: That's a great idea, Penny!
Penny: There's one thing, though. The tower that he lives in is surrounded by a magical barrier. Which magically keeps thieves out.
Finn: Have you forgotten?! We three ain't thieves! We're pure! Right, Jake? [Finn turns to look at Jake, but he isn't there.] Jake?
Jake: [tiptoeing towards Baskets & Boots and whispering] Just gotta steal these boots...
Finn: Jake!
Jake: Huh?
Baskets & Boots owner: [wakes up] Hey! Go away!
Finn: What are you doin', man?
Jake: It's the city, it's getting to me. Help me, Finn!
Finn: I'm here for ya buddy. [hugs Jake]
Jake: Thank you Finn, thank you.
[Jake then breaks away from Finn's arms running to the 'Baskets & Boots' store screaming.]
Finn: [running after Jake] Nooo! [tackles him] I won't let you become a thief! [puts something on Jake's hands]
Jake: Uh, what are these? [show bells tied onto his hands]
Finn: Bells. That way, I'll hear you if you try to steal again.
Jake: Oh. Hmm. [shakes bells]
[Scene switches to King of Thieves' tower. Finn, Penny, and Jake are walking up stairs to reach the top]
Penny: The King of Thieves' tower is right up here.
Finn: Woah. [The tower is shown surrounded by a light blue aura.] You read to pass through, Penny?
Penny: I'm too afraid! Is it okay if I wait out here?
Finn: Sure. C'mon, let's go, Jake!
Jake: [sighs] Comin'! [Jake is wearing a pair of red boots.]
Finn: Jake, where'd you get those boots?
Jake: Huh, what? What boots? [looks down] Oh, no! I stole! The city! It took advantage of me!
Finn: [sighs] Jake, you're a thief now! You won't be able to get in anymore!
Jake: Yes, I can. [runs up to the barrier and gets knocked back] Oh. [chuckles]
Finn: [sighs] It's up to me, now.
Penny: Legend says you'll find the loot in the King of Thieves' chest. Good luck, Finn! Oh, yeah, and that high window is the only entrance.
Finn: Hmm. Alright, wish me luck!
Jake: She already did, man.
Finn: Oh, yeah. Right. [passes through the barrier and starts to climb the tower while Jake cheers him on. He reaches the window, only to find that there is a rope leading downward] Great, now I gotta climb down?! [floor starts to break] Huh? [The floor completely breaks and he falls down and screams, eventually hitting a spider-web at the bottom. He sees the remains of the King of Thieves.] The King of Thieves! [to the corpse] Sorry to trespass, I just... Uh, hello? [sees a treasure chest] The chest! In it's in his chest! Thanks! [A rat crawls out of the King's eye in his skull. Finn runs off screaming.]
[Scene changes to outside, where Jake and Penny are waiting.]
Jake: You see, if you have too much earwax, you won't be able to hear anymore.
Finn: [exiting the tower] I got it, guys!
Penny: The chest! Gimme that! [grabs the chest from Finn]
Finn: Huh?
[Penny puts the chest down. She pulls out a black crooked knife.]
Jake: Woah, woah, woah. Easy, kid.
[Penny opens the chest. Inside the chest are gold coins, jewels, a dagger and a Game Boy. She laughs maniacally.]
Finn: What?! [stammering] Is you basket under all that gold?
Penny: Of course it's not! I set you up to steal this chest of gold! I couldn't get past the barrier 'cause I'm a thief!
Finn: But you're just a cute little girl!
Penny: And, I'm a thief!
Finn: Well, if this isn't yours, I'm gonna return it right now! [closes the lid and starts to walk back toward the tower and gets knocked back] Huh? [puts hand and body against barrier, to no avail] Why can't I...?
Penny: Because you stole something in the city! Now you're a thief!
Finn: No! [yells] No!!! What have I done?! What have I become?!
Penny: You've become a thief, stupid! [runs away with chest and laughs]
Finn: [looks at hands] My hands. They're all dirty. Covered in the dust of a criminal act! I'm a thief!
[Suddenly, laughing is heard. Jake looks around for the source. Underneath him, the floor rises up and the Hag emerges.]
Hag: Oh, what did I tell you, boy? This city will get you, no matter how pure you think you are! [laughs] I was right.
Jake: Hey, that's enough from you, Hag! [puts feet around Hag's face and throws her away] [walks over to Finn] Finn?
Finn: Don't touch me! I'm impure, man! Unfit to be a hero! Unfit to be your friend.
Jake: Come on, Finn, keep it together!
Finn: No, Jake. This is a one-way path, down a jacked-up road. And I gotta walk it... alone.
Jake: I'm not gonna leave you alone in the city. You're my buddy. Besides, I stole these boots. These super-big style boots. So I'm just as dirty as you are, Finn. We gotta walk this filthy path together!
Finn: Then we shall embrace the darkness of this wicked city and use the methods of the criminal to seek vengeance on Penny.
Jake: Cowabunga! [stretches into a cape for Finn]
Finn: Cowabunga, indeed.
[Finn and Jake start hopping over rooftops and into the house of the Short Goblin. They steal Crossbow Guy's crossbow from him and exit. They go into a different house with a crocodile in it and steal two swords. They also go into a house where a horse is showering. They steal the soap it was using and it whinnies. Scene changes to tent where Penny lives.]
Penny: [inspecting jewel from chest] Mmm. Yes. Yeah. [Finn's shadow can be seen on the tent. A twig is heard snapping.] Wha? Is someone there?! [Finn's shadow goes away and Penny returns to her inspecting. Finn and Jake's head comes down from the top of the tent and Finn quietly says "Penny," who turns around at the sound of her name. She pulls her black crooked knife out.]
Finn: [off-screen] It's me, Penny. The hero whose purity you stole! And I'm here to enact my revenge upon you! [Jake flies over Penny, who squeals. Finn lands on the other side of the tent.]
Jake: Hi, Penny.
Penny: Finn, please don't punch my lights out! I'm just a poor, homeless baby girl.
Finn: I trusted you, Penny. You made me steal. And you took my purity. You ruined me!
Penny: I'm sorry, Finn. [reaches into a nearby bag] Let me give you some uh, gems, or some gold, or uh, have some [pulls out knife] knife in your neck! [Penny jumps at Finn]
Jake: Watch out, Finn! [shoots boots at Penny, making her drop the knife and fall down]
Finn: Thanks, dude.
Jake: Yeah, dude.
Penny: You may have soiled my purity, but I think you can still come out clean. [holds out soap] C'mon, Jake! [Jake laughs and throws water over Penny while Finn cleans her]
Penny: No! No! [Bubbles fill the screen and once they disappear, Finn, Jake, and Penny are all clean.]
Jake: Nice work, dude.
Finn: She's purified!
Penny: [sparkles] I feel...clean! Like all the filth of the city and wrongdoings are gone! Thank you F and J! I haven't felt like this since I was young!
Finn: You're welcome.
Jake: Woah, dude! [rubs Finn, making squeaky sounds] The soap got on us, too!
Finn: We're clean!
Finn and Jake: Yes! [fist pounds]
Finn: This good deed we did has purified us once again. We're virgin islands! [Cherubs fly from off-screen, playing a trumpet and a harp. They steal the swords from Finn that he stole earlier.]
Penny: Finn, thanks for the second chance to live a pure life.
Finn: And you know what that means, Penny. No more stealing! [winks]
Penny: Never again.
Finn: Well, I think it's time for us to get the math out of here.
Penny: [jumps up and gives Finn a hug] I'm going to miss you, Finn!
Finn: I'll miss you, too.
Penny: [exiting the tent] G'bye!
Jake: Woah, dude. Why are you naked? [Finn is shown wearing nothing but his pack and underpants.]
Finn: [gasps in shock] PENNY!


The episode ends.

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Cloudy" from season 9, which aired on April 25, 2017.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Ice King
Betty
Gunter
Music
None
Locations
Cloud Kingdom
This transcript is complete but needs formatting.


Transcript

Under construction
This article or section is in the process of being built or revamped. If you have anything to contribute then please, make helpful contributions or wait for this banner to be removed, or post about it on the talk page, especially if you would like to discuss it first and report edit progress. Please use the talk page.

Hmm.

Whoa, neat‐o.

How do you make it bigger?

My magic skillsare seriously drained.

Right now all I can dois activate these thumbnails.

Come on, guys.Come on, guys.

Let's work the problem.

Let's fix Ooo.

Come on, guys.

I know I'm saying"Come on, guys" a lot.

Sorry.It's okay.

Hmm.


Hey, if you need help turningthe pages, I'm your guy.

I do this thingwhere I lick my finger,

and then the moisture helps gripthe corner of the page.

I wonder ifthe Enchiridion's been licked

by, like,thousands of wizards?

I know howto turn pages, man.

I wasa graduate student!

"Graduate student"?What the heck is that?

You graduated,but you're still a student?

Doesn'tmake any sense.

Where's the dog?

Can the dogdo something about this?

Okay, I'm a‐comin'.


You're wired, buddy.

We've been going likegangbusters since we got back.


[ Lullaby plays ]

I don't got no timefor this nonsense!

Shh, shh, shh.

What are you doing?Are you swaddling me?

I'd hardly call thisswaddling.

I'm just tucking you in.

This feels nice.Nice tucking, brother.

40 winksnever hurt anybody.

[ Yawns ]

Yeah, a dozen top‐‐

[ Snores ]


Wait! That symbol,I've seen it before.

Oh, that's great!

I'm proud of you, buddy.

[ Gunter squawks ]

No, not you.I said "buddy" not "Gunty."


Jake was right.I feel great.

Hey Jake, you were ‐‐ holy!


Jake, wake up!

Where's the restof the Cloud Kingdom?

Huh?Where's Simon and Betty?

I guess we must'vebroken off and floated away

"loose‐tooth‐style."

Why'd you let mego to sleep?

Look what happenswhen you go to sleep!

How're we gonnaget down from here?! How?!

I can stretch us down.

Oh. Yeah.

[ Legs stretching ]

[ Wind whistling ]

Windy.

What the jibbs, dude?I can't even see the ground.

Hmm.

Hey, let's glide down!

Yeah!


[ Laughter ]

I love gliding!Yeah, Jake, yeah!

[ Laughs ] Whoo‐hoo!

Oh, geez.I got to go back for a sec.

What? We just started.

Got to go back!

What is it?

Tell me what's wrong.

Emergency!


Jake, why can't you justgo while you're gliding?

We're on a clock here.

Hey! Turn around.

I can't go with youlooking at me.

I'm sorry.

I can't gowhen I'm gliding.

Feels weird.

Just be quick, man.Ooo needs us.

What is that?What?

It's another little cloud,but this one has a small door.

Cloud witha small door, Jake!

Dude,face the other way!

Dude, it's getting away.

Aw, it's hopeless.

I got to wait untilI can go again.

Just have to stopthinking about it.

Okay, come on, Jake.You can do it.

Come on, Jake.Just stop thinking about it.

Come on, Jake.Come on, Jake.

Listen, I don't even thinkgliding is a good plan.

We should sit tight,chill out,

and wait for Ice Kingand Betty to look for us.

You know what you need?

What?

A haircut?

A haircut.

♪♪


Come on, man. We haven'tdone this since we were kids.

Yeah, but I bet it works.

I bet it calms youthe jibbs down.

Hmm.

All right.


[ Giggles ]


Yes, sir, I surelike cutting hair.

[ Groans ]Mr. Mertens?

I know I'm justa humble scissors jockey,

but you've been coming inmy shop for almost 20 years.

I can tell when you gotsomething on your mind.

[ Sighs ]

I think ‐‐

I think what'sbugging me is...

[ Voice over ] The haircuttherapy is working.

...all thiselemental stuff happened

because I acted selfishly.

Oh, yeah?

It's like I'memployee of the month

at an ice cream store, and I getsomeone to cover my shift,

and when I come back, the placeis burned to the ground

and everyone I loveis doomed.

And now we're up here, and wecan't do anything to help.

Did I secretly wantthat to happen?

Like, deep down inside,was I afraid Fern

would be better than me?

And my lizard brainput out bad vibes?

I guess the worst partof all is...

All right, you're all done,Mr. Mertens.

How's it look?

Jake! I was talkingabout important stuff.

Sorry. I always getcaught up in the haircut.

Talcum?

Enough calm!

What are you doing?

I'm doing something...

for Ooo!

Nothing we do willhelp Ooo right now.

Don't you get it?I'm worried, too.

I've been trying todistract you from all this,

but that doesn't mean I'm happywith the way things are going.

Jake.

Look at all this beautifulblue around us.

It's pretty, right?

But you knowwhat I've been thinking?

What if we're dead?

I didn't say it becauseI didn't want to worry you.

I'm the big brother, so I'msupposed to keep it together.

And, okay, sayI'm wrong about being dead.

Here's the best case scenario ‐‐my kids are candy zombies.

And Lady is made out oftaffy or something!

[ Sighs ] I've gotso many things

to worry aboutyou don't even know.

I try to keep my worries hidden,but where does that send them?

To my kidneys?

That can't be good.

Snip, snip.

Being stuck on a cloudisn't so bad.

It's weird, but we've gotten outof weirder situations, right?

Right.Do you want the back tapered?

No, no thanks.

Fade?No fade.

I feel a lot betternow, thanks.

That'll be $6.50.

Here's 7 bucks.

You're too generous.Here, take it, young man.

‐No, sir, please.‐I'll put it in your backpack.

Please, sir,I have my dignity.

[ Both laughing ]


Well, whatever happensin the future,

I know what we should do.

What?

Open a barber shop.

I could get into that.

Maybe when I'm 35.

It happens soonerthan you think.

♪ Time passes likea little cloud, my friend ♪

♪ But don't be cowed,my friend ♪

♪ Just stay positive ♪

That's the thing, right?Right!

♪ I'll try to remembernot to be sucky‐like ♪

♪ But I'll be more plucky,like the birdies who sing ♪

♪ Tra‐la ♪

♪ Cheep, cheep, cheep,cheep, cheep, cheep ♪

♪ Tra‐laaa ♪

♪ Cheep, cheep, cheep,cheep, cheep, cheep ♪

♪ Tra‐laaaa ♪

♪ Cheep, cheep, cheep,cheep, cheep, cheep ♪

♪ Tra‐laaaa ♪

Hey, there'sthat cloud again.

Hey, what's behindthat door, huh?

It's what everybody'sbeen wondering.

Yeah, maybe it'sour way out of here.

What's behindthe door?

It's...

a cloud restroom.

If you'll excuse mefor a minute.

Don't look.

There's a door.

I don't care!Don't look in this direction!

It makes me feel like you canhear my most private business.

[ Urinating ]

[ Growls ]

Hey, Jake!It's not a toilet.

It's some kind of angler lard!

I don't care what it is,I got to go.

Wah! What the...?

Hey, lard! Lard!

Go away!


Hold on, Jake.

It's Super Bespoke Jacket Guy!


Since when is it such a hasslejust to take a whiz?!


Hey, lard, do you mindif I call you Cloudy?

Hey, Cloudy, what do you wantto eat a smelly old dog for?

Thanks.

Get a whiff of this.

[ Inhales deeply ]You like that?

This is a bespokeIce King jacket.

You got hisancient man scent?

[ Snorts ]

Go get him, boy!

Find the Ice King!

Are you beingdigested in there?

Just a little.

Hmph.

'Scuse me.Ouch!

Thanks for notdigesting me.

You know, the way I see it,all this elemental stuff

would have happenedno matter what.

We're actually luckywe were out of town.

Nothing happened to us, so nowwe have a chance to fix it.

Thanks, Jake,that's kind of comforting.

I thought of itin the bathroom.


Hey, guys!Guess who's back.

Hmm, did you guysleave or something?

[ Chuckles ]It's always good to see my bros.

Ew.

This is our new friendCloudy.

He really wantedto meet you.

How did you like yourfirst taste of Ice King?

It wasn't that great.

The dog was bettertasting, actually.

Although a little mangy.

A food critic.

Maybe this is whatyou want, Cloudy!

Go get it!

Mmm!

Dog. Dog. Dog.

Oh, there you are.

I made a real breakthrough.

I think I've figured out

exactly what we need to doto repair Ooo.


We can use the Enchiridion

to create an elementalcounter‐spell.

First, we just need to retrievethe three royal jewels

from the crowns ofthe elemental princesses.

Easy.

That's great!

Finally a legit plan.

Thanks for making mechill, Jake.

That really helped me out.

Hey, did you guysget haircuts?

Without me?

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Come Along With Me" from season 10, which aired on September 3, 2018.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Fern
BMO
Princess Bubblegum
Marceline
Gumbald
Lolly
Ice King/Simon Petrikov
Betty Grof
King Man
Shermy
Beth
see more...
Music
On a Tropical Island
Oh, Fionna
Time Adventure
Adventure Time Ending Theme
Locations
Land of Ooo
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

Act I

[Outside a very tall Tree Fort, Shermy and Beth are lying on the grass and beatboxing.]
Shermy: Haha, you're doing it wrong. Like this. [beatboxes]
Beth: [blows raspberry] Shermy, this is silly as heck. Beatboxing is for babies.
Shermy: [robotic voice] No, it's not. I am a man.
Beth: I don't know about that, but you should start thinking about your future.
[Shermy fakes a heart attack and falls on his back into the grass.]
Shermy: What about you, Princess Zip? What are your goals?
Princess Zip: [Speaks alien language]
Shermy: Ha! Princess Zip's got a one-track mind!
[The ground starts to shake. A Prize Ball Guardian is seen in the distance guarded by a futuristic flying Banana Guard.]
Shermy: Prize Ball Guardian's back!
[Princess Zip flies away in a hurry, shooting off into the distance, akin to a rocket.]
Shermy: Let's get 'em!
[Shermy and Beth run closer to the Prize Ball Guardian.]
Shermy: Get that boulder!
[Beth teleports the boulder closer to them using her bellybutton.]
Shermy: Hup! Whap!
[Shermy ties a rope between the boulder and a tree.]
Shermy: Ha! Here it comes!
[The Prize Ball Guardian walks between the tree and the boulder. Its foot gets stuck for a second, but the rope becomes untied and the Prize Ball Guardian keeps on walking.]
Shermy: [laughs] Boy! My knots suck!
[The flying Banana Guard, grasping its weapon, turns around and faces Shermy.]
Shermy: Yeah, I see you.
Beth: Hey, Sherm, you see this?
Shermy: Nope.
Beth: It looks like the Guardian scuffed something up.
[In the footprint left by the Prize Ball Guardian is an old metal prosthetic arm.]
Shermy: Ohhh! [picking it up] Whoa!
Beth: It's beautiful! Let's take it home, and I'll learn about it with my brain.
Shermy: You and your brain!
[Scene cuts to Shermy and Beth walking into a cave and entering their house.]
Shermy: [Singing] ♪ "On a tropical island, on a tropical island..." ♪
Shermy: It looks so old, Beth! Whose do you think it is... or was?
Beth: There's no markings on it or anything. I think we should find the King of Ooo and ask him.
Shermy: What? Beth, the King of Ooo is just a myth... Come on, Beth!
Beth: That's what I thought, too, but I was doing some research at the library–
Shermy: Nooooo! Not the library! You can't make me!
Beth: Shermy, I have the book here. Already checked it out.
Shermy: Oh.
Beth: He's supposed to have lived in a cave at the top of Mount Cragdor.
Shermy: Really?
Beth: Uh-huh... He's supposed to have lived forever.
[Scene cuts to Shermy and Beth walking up a mountain.]
Shermy: Come on, Beth! Come on, come on, come on!
[Shermy jumps into Beth's bellybutton, teleporting him farther up the path.]
Shermy: Come on, Beth! Come on, come on, come on!
[They reach the top of the mountain.]
Shermy: I did it. I found him! The King of Ooo.
BMO: Welcome, friends, I've been expecting you. Because of my proximity radar. Hehehe... Come on inside.
Shermy: Wow! King of Ooo, you must be rich!
BMO: Yeah, that's me alright.
BMO: I'm sure you are very thirsty after your journ...[something shatters in the room]
Shermy: Whoops...
Shermy: This place is wild. [Shermy runs into AMO's old body] Huh? This is crazy!
BMO: Please be careful with...[something snaps in the room]
Beth: Sorry, sir... My big feet.
Shermy: Hey, Beth, look. I'm a princess, too [more things fall and break]
Beth: Shermy...
Shermy: I-I think it's okay... [BMO leaves the scene slowly]
Beth: Be careful... This stuff isn't ours. Woops. Oh... [a door cracks open and the wintery wind flows into the room]
BMO: Well, goodbye!
Beth: Oh, no, no...
BMO: Have fun on the other side of this door.
Beth: But... We came here to ask about something.
BMO: No, don't worry about it. Please leav... [Beth touches BMO's head with Finn's bionic arm]
Beth: [BMO takes his crown and fake beard out and picks the arm up] Do you recognize it?
BMO: Yeah... It belonged to my best friend. Fred!
Shermy: Fred!
BMO: No... Not Fred... His name was, Phil! He was an amazing hero, and he was there at the end.
BMO: Do you know about The Great Gumwar?
Shermy: Mnm-mnm.
BMO: Well, get ready to have your hair blown back!
[Flashback to Finn and Jake, sitting atop of a cliff. Finn stares at King man, Betty and Maja who are on top of a flying carpet.]
Finn: Hey, there it is again! It's close.
Jake: Let me see!
Finn: [Watching through binoculars] It looks like Normal Man, Betty, and... [enhancing] Maja?
Jake: [trying to get the binocular] Come on!
Finn: Hey, just-
Jake: Let me- [grunts, sees through binocular] Maja's got smoke coming off her.
Finn: You think they're with the Gumbaldians?
Jake: I don't know, but they're flippin' freakin' me out. [Normal Man, Betty, and Maja disappear.] Guess we better tell PB, huh?
Finn: [Sighs] Yeah, I guess.
Jake: Hey man, don't even worry about all this war stuff. I know we'll find a way to fix this thing. Come on! You'll see. [Stretches, taking Finn and heading toward the Candy Kingdom.]
BMO [narrating]: And so the Princess was mother to her own uncle, and that made him mad. But she had friends, and he had friends, so they decided to have a bad fight - the biggest fight that Ooo had ever seen.
Princess Bubblegum: Then it's settled. At the stroke of high noon, when the sun is at its most zenith-est, Banana Battalions three and four will initiate operation "Shut the Door", forming a pincer formation around Gumbald's exposed nether legions, isolating his rear and -
Duke of Nuts: Um, excuse me? Excuse me. Princess, if I may. I think I have a plan that'll put an end to all this tonight. I just need a Bowie knife, a snowmobile, a parachute, rubber gloves, and, uh... [interrupted by Lemongrab]
Lemongrab: [Grunts] Terrible, mm! Terrible plan!... Mm! No!
Duke of Nuts: But, but my -
Lemongrab: My plan! Hot air balloon!
Princess Bubblegum: Hey! Now's not the time. Unless we win this fight today, we all get to take a nice Pep-Butt-style sponge bath in Uncle Gumbald's extra-strength lobotomy sauce, understand? [Peppermint Butler, now a baby, stumbles in front of her and falls off the table.]
Lemongrab: No.
Duke of Nuts: Not really.
Princess Bubblegum: Well I do, so we're doing this my way. Now-
Finn: Um, PB?
Princess Bubblegum: Finn, you're back. How goes the scouting?
Finn: Um-
Jake: We saw Normal Man and Betty flying around with Maja, and they were chanting.
Princess Bubblegum: Hmm, very peculiar.
Finn: Hey, maybe this is, like, a bad omen. Like, to see the King of Mars, um, up among the stars? It's like a bad omen, and you should call off the battle. I think I heard that somewhere...
[Some beeps catch Finn and Princess Bubblegum's attention. A cake person, outside their tent, is spying them with a camera.]
Camera: Low battery. Please connect to power...
[Huntress Wizard shoots an arrow near the cake person, and she grunts to him.]
Cake Person: [Gasps] Long live Gumbaldia!
[The cake person runs away and Huntress Wizard chases after him. Soon, the cake person shrieks, terrifying Finn.]
Princess Bubblegum: Stonk! That dang Gumbald just peeped all my tactics! [Grunts, smashing the camera] He's left me no choice. The attack begins now.
[Cut to the tent where Gumbald, who is watching the recording, and his allies are.]
Princess Bubblegum [in video]: Stonk! That dang Gumbald just peeped all my tactics! [Video is paused]
Gumbald: Well, that settles it then. If we know, and she knows, and we know she knows we know - which we do - then we know we have no choice. We must strike now. Ladies and gentlemen, to war!
[It's dawn and Banana Guards are hurrying to the battlefield. Marceline descends from top and levitates in front of Princess Bubblegum, who is testing her war horn while walking, not noticed. She bumps into Marceline's feet, and she looks up at Marceline]
Marceline: A word?
Princess Bubblegum: All right, just make it quick. ...Please.
Marceline: Well, I know you're under a lot of pressure here, but I... I just wanna ask you to reconsider. I mean, I don't like to flaunt my suffering cred, but I've lived through something like this once before, and... [cut to a flashback of child Marceline picking Hambo during the Mushroom War, facing some burning buildings] I'm just not really tryin' to help start that all up again.
Princess Bubblegum: I understand, Marceline, I really do. But I just can't see another way out of this. Look, I've gotta go. [walking away] Let's talk more when this is all over. Wish me luck, okay?
Marceline: Good luck!
Jake: [to Finn] What if PB's right about this? Maybe she'll just go whup Gumbald's rear, and then things'll go back to normal.
Finn: Nah, man, she's wrong. This is all wrong. Even if she wins now, this is never gonna end; I can feel it. It's like the whole world's going crazy, man, like we're living in, one, big... [turns around and checking his pack]
Jake: Finn?
Finn: [takes out the Nightmare Juice given by Nightmare Princess]... one big nightmare.
[Sun rises; cuts to the troop of Banana Guards with Lumpy Space Princess before them.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Here we go.
Colonel Candy Corn: [Watches Huntress Wizard as a bird form flying; turns back] War! War! War! War! War! War!
Princess Bubblegum: Banana Guard 500s, you're on!
[A nearby wooden crate collapses, revealing an armed and advanced Banana Guard inside.]
Banana Guard 500: Up we go. [Ascends with a rocket, so do more Banana Guard 500s.] In position, ma'am. Code name, "Father's Brother", appears testy.
Gumbald: [laughs inside The Cake] More bananas!? You're weird, Bubblegum! [walks back to the panel behind; to a cake person] You! Give me your lunch. Got a banana in here? [finds a lemon] Is this a banana? Hey, niece!
[Gumbald tosses the lemon to the ground, blasting it with a giant laser beam with a candle, while other cake people around runs away before then when spotting this. Seeing this, Lemongrab, next to Princess Bubblegum, writes a note and pass it her.]
Princess Bubblegum: Yes? [reads the note, reading "UN-MAKE ME", "L." Groans and then steps on some banana guards] I'm doing it! I'm soundin' the war horn! [War horn blares]
Finn: Wait!
Princess Bubblegum: What!? [The horn stops.] Dang it, Finn!
Finn: PB! He sees that you're serious! Maybe he'll back down now. Please listen to me! We've been friends for a long time. [in her's view, a montage of Shoko, with her robot arm, is shown.]
Princess Bubblegum: [frowns] Okay, Finn. We'll give him one last chance.
[The Cake walks a few steps towards and stops.]
Gumbald: What? [with a telescope, seeing Princess Bubblegum, Jake, and Finn, who is waving with his hat.] Come on.
Finn: Here they come!
Gumbald: Hurry this up. I want a war.
Finn: Hey, Fern.
[The Green Knight, with his grass armor popples, gives no response.]
Princess Bubblegum: Uncle Gumbald, I demand that you de-escalate your forces now.
Gumbald: [Chuckles] Listen to yourself. You're a toddler, Bonnibel.
Princess Bubblegum: [Gasps] SURRENDER OR DIE!
Gumbald: No!
Jake: That's my cue!
Princess Bubblegum: What?
Jake: Hya-pow! [Hops and throw the Nightmare Juice to the ground.]
[The bottle shatters, and a light purple fog is unleashed, surrounding them and making them unconscious.]
Lumpy Space Princess: [Screams] They're dead! They're actually dead!


Act II

[Cut to the unconscious world.]
BMO [narrating]: And so they were dead. ...No, not dead.
Princess Bubblegum: What is this place? Finn?
Finn: Last resort! Sorry, PB, but you were acting like total nuts out there. Now you guys have to hash this out in the unconscious world.
Gumbald: This is... a dream?
Jake: Yeah, man. You can basically do anything in dreams.
[Jake closes his eyes and a sandwich pops up in his right hand, and he starts to eat it. Seeing this, the Green Knight turns back into Fern.]
Gumbald: Sneak attack! [brings a mace into existense; Fern does too] If we destroy them here, maybe they'll die in the real world.
Princess Bubblegum: Psst! Not if I destroy you first!
Finn: No! We need love, not war!
Princess Bubblegum: Good idea. [creates a pink bazooka] Love bazooka! Put down your weapons, or I'll bazooka you!
Gumbald: No!
[A nearby pot shakes and a singing poodle comes out, confusing Gumbald, Fern, and Princess Bubblegum.]
Finn: Thank goodness for a singing pot beast to de-escalate the situation.
[The poodle explodes into colorful light, birds and flowers, blinding the rest of people except Gumbald, who starts to run away.]
Jake: Oh, this sandwich is way too much for me. Jermaine always liked splitting sandwiches.
Jermaine: [Comes into existence, taking a bite of the sandwich.] Mmm! Thanks, bro.
Gumbald: I'm gonna figure out how to wake myself up and take my revenge on you sleeping chumps!
Fern: You're leaving me?
Gumbald: You're on your own, kid. [Disappears in a chimney.]
[Overwhelmed by being abandoned, Fern, staring forward, grows roots to the ground.]
Princess Bubblegum: He's rooting into the ground. Ready, aim...
Finn: No! [Shoves away the bazooka, which blasts a hole on the wall.] You're supposed to be having some kind of epiphany!
Princess Bubblegum: [Lets go of the bazooka.] Here's my epiphany: you've gone rogue on me! I'm outtie five thou! [Flies away through the hole.]
Finn: Fern! [Grunts] Come on! Snap out of it, man! [More vines grows around Fern.] Aah!
Fern: I don't need your help. [Swishes the Grass Sword while a green cocoon wraps him up.]
Finn: Jake? Help me!
Jake: I want to help you, [suddenly wearing a waiter suit] but I can't lose this job.
Jermaine: [Snaps finger twice] Waiter! Oh, waiter!
Finn: Dude...
[Fern's cocoon breaks, Fern, now a pterodactyl-like monster, screeches and flies into the sky.]
Fern: I'm going to fly around, and wreck things, until I feel better! Or until I tire myself out.
Finn: Peaceful thoughts... [Turns himself into a small blue butterfly; flies towards Fern] Fern!
Jermaine: It all looks so good. [Fern screeches at Jake and Jermaine, who notices him] What's up with that bird? Why are you looking at me, bird? [Fern dives in front of them, flying away, with Finn chasing him.] Bad bird!
Jake: [Looking Fern trying to fight Finn; sighs] Everybody gets an evil doppelganger but me.
Jermaine: I'll be your evil doppelganger!
Jake: Jermaine, you're the best! [Laughs and hugs Jermaine.]
[Jake and Jermaine run around happily; the scene changing into Princess Bubblegum chasing a laughing Gumbald.]
Princess Bubblegum: Enough, Gumbald! [Both diving into the mouth of a nightmarish Gumball Guardian.]
Gumbald: [To a Sandwich Person] Pinch me, I want to wake up!
Princess Bubblegum: Gumbald! We're ending this here.
Gumbald: So be it.
[Both Princess Bubblegum and Gumbald create a toothbrush, engaging in a duel; as they stops, both of them shocks glitchily. Cuts to Finn comforting Fern, who is still screeching.]
Finn: If you could just calm down and be cool, it would be a great thing that there's two of us.
[Fern loses his balance and starts to fall, turning back to original form and screaming, and Finn also turns back and fetches Fern on the ground.]
Fern: Why don't you just fight me like a real butterfly!?
Finn: We're two sides of the same coin!
Fern: You'll never understand what it's like to be me. I'm TORMENTED!
Finn: I'm ALSO that sometimes!
Fern: Prove it, or I'll never stop fighting you.
Jermaine: [Laughs with Jake, and then notices Finn and Fern] Oh geez, how's he gonna do that?
Jake: Hmm? [Notices a Finn-shaped door appears on the wall] Finn, we'll be right back.
Finn: Okay- ah! [tackled by Fern]
[Jake and Jermaine laugh and pass the door together. The screen goes black for few seconds and cuts to a nightmarish Gumbald's Cabin in night, with Princess Bubblegum and Gumbald randomly switching identity with each other.]
Princess Bubblegum: [Holding a flask of Dum Dum Juice] Come on, little gum. Don't run away from happiness! I'm gonna fix you!
Gumbald: No, no, no!
Princess Bubblegum: Just ONE drop. Drip a drop, I drip a drop. Not gonna stop, till I drip a drop.
Gumbald: Hmm? [blows a bubble containing a pea shooting taser]
Princess Bubblegum: [Laughs] Drip, drip! [The flask is broken by Gumbald, shattered, splashing the juice over her body. She gasps.] The juice! NOOOO!... [Engulfed by a pink smoke and turned into a pink candy person; chuckles] ...Wuh-what?
Gumbald: [picks up Princess Bubblegum's crown and puts it on] Call me... princess.
[Candy Bonnibel seems not amused. The scene converts through a giant eye on the wall.]
Jermaine: What are we looking for?
Jake: Mm, I can't quite picture it. But I'm pretty sure Finn buried it here.
Jermaine: ... In the underground balloon mall. Remember how much balloon animals used to cheer Finn up?
Jake: Yeah...
Lady Rainicorn: 그래. ("Yeah.")
Jake: [confused] Huh?
[Lady, now as Jake's arms, is with him on the planet Ni'Rah, looking Jake.]
Jake: Uh, Lady, where's Jermaine?
Lady Rainicorn: 쉿. ("Shh.") [leads Jake to a red, hexagonal portal.] 이런 어두운 지하굴에서는 살살 걸어야 돼. ("You have to walk carefully in a dark cave like this.")
[The portal opens, zooming to a small carton house with Jake's five pups sleeping inside.]
Jake: Aww, sleepy puppies.
[The pups wake up, staring Jake with blank, black eyes.]
Jake: Yee! [Steps back in horror]
[The pups ascend and turn into vampires, hissing.]
Jake: And I'm done!
Lady Rainicorn: 걱정하지 마, 제이크! 내가 처치할게! ("Don't worry, Jake! I got this!")
Jake: What? Oof! [dragged by Lady and falls down; gasps]
[Lady is cooking Charlie, Viola, and Jake Jr. alive, with Kim Kil Whan as a hot dog and T.V. having a tomato stuck into his mouth.]
Charlie: [in a distorted voice] Your farts aren't funny, dad!
Jake: NOOOOOO!!! [collapses and weeps on the ground, while his body detaches with Lady, with his rear sniffing around, digging into a rug.] Huh? Oh dang! [Finn's vault is found underground.] Is that... Finn's vault? [suddenly, a giant fog of fart erupts from his rear] Aargh! Nightmare fart!
[Candy Bonnibel opens her eyes, and Gumbald, now a princess, stands and ascends on a quickly growing Candy Tree. In a few seconds, Bonnibel can see the whole process of Gumbald's kingdom developing into a flourishing society, pretty identical to the Candy Kingdom.]
Candy Bonnibel: [Thinking] It's beautiful...
[Candy Bonnibel stands in a street, still watching. A silhouette of Gumbald emerges, and the whole candy castle starts to melt down into pile of sticky waste, terrifies Candy People around.]
Gumbald: No! Oh, why didn't I build an armature?
Candy Bonnibel: [Grunts and struggles to reach Gumbald; thinking] I can help you, Princess! Just listen to this! [Inhales; in a childish voice] Watch me do my tiny taffy dance! [She fails to do what she intended and dances, sobbing in a smiley face]
[Gumbald is entertained by the dance and laughs, but then he cries bitterly to the candy ruins and also melts. The light goes out.]
[Fern, as a green bear, growls at Finn.]
Finn: Fern, come on! I'm not fighting you.
[Finn turns into a blue bear to resist Fern's attack. Suddenly they stop and sniff.]
Finn & Fern: Oh, what reeks?
Jake: Repressed memories! [Brings the vault from the portal. A note on it reads "THIS VAULT BELONGS TO FINN AND FERN"]
Finn & Fern: My vault!?
Jake: Proof! [Opens the vault.]
[Some ghostly, glowing, green figure of their fears come out; Finn and Fern scream. As the figure becomes clear, they are a mix between Grass Demon with Martin Mertens, Princess Bubblegum, Susan Strong, and The Lich, in green flames.]
Finn: See? this is our shared torment!
[The fears start to fly around like ghosts; Finn and Fern scream again as they revert to their humanoid form.]
Fern: Dude, I blocked this stuff out for a reason!
Finn: [Speaks painfully] Well, now you know how I feel about knowing how you feel about!
Fern: [Speaks painfully] Okay, okay! Just make it stop!
Finn: We gotta confront them head on!
[The fears retreat back into the vault. Inside, it goes dark again. A pair of blue round lights rotates and disappear; next, a silhouette of a trapped Finn with Grass Demon briefly appears; and finally, the eyes of the Grass Demon glow. Finn and Fern gasp.]
Finn: Fern. This is why I brought us here. We can defeat him together.
[Fern nods and they both jump into the vault.]
Princess Bubblegum's voice [In Finn's head]: No fear.
[Finn opens his eyes, seeing the Past Finn, in coma, suspended in the air by the web created by Grass Demon, which is now seizing him. Finn climbs up, pulling off the Grass Demon by force and falling to the ground.]
Finn: So you're the nasty grass wad that's been holding my Finn boy hostage.
Grass Demon: Without me, he's got no body. So back off. [aims his rear at Finn]
Finn: You sicken me.
[Grass Demon shakes his tentacles, trying to escape, but he is held by Finn and then pierced by Past Finn with a chair. Two Finns high-five. Grass Demon dies and the whole grassy realm decomposes.]
[The singing poodle flies in the sky, holding a snake in the mouth and turning back his true form: the Cosmic Owl. Finn and Past Finn, who is without a shirt, are sitting on a small island]
Past Finn: I'm me again. It feels like it's been years.
[A small whale emerges, spit out mini Princess Bubblegum and Gumbald. Princess Bubblegum touches Past Finn's finger, but his finger start to slowly disintegrate. She gasps.]
Past Finn: He was right. I've got no body.
Jake: Ah, don't worry. It's just a dream!
[Back to the reality, it turns out the whole nightmare takes place within seconds.]
Lumpy Space Princess: [Screams] They're dead! They're actually dead! [They all wake up, and the Green Knight turns back to Fern for real.] Never mind! They're okay!
Finn: Fern! You really are disintegrating!
Jake: My bad.
Gumbald: Bonnie, I...
Princess Bubblegum: I'm so sorry for what I put you through for all those centuries. The Candy Kingdom was your dream, and I took it from you.
Gumbald: Bonnie, that means so much to me. Come. From now on, we'll live in peace. [He walks forward but is tripped by Lolly. The flask of Dum Dum Juice breaks, and as he takes it out, it shatters in his face.] Drat.
Princess Bubblegum: WHAT?!
[Gumbald reverts back to the Punch Bowl again, laughing stupidly and running away.]
Lolly: He never was the epiphany type. But I am willing to let bygones be bygones.
Princess Bubblegum: Very well. Two Candy Kingdoms, it is!
People from Both Sides: Hurray!
BMO [narrating]: And so, in the end, they decided not to have the big fight.
Beth: Oh! So you meant, like, the end of the war. I thought you meant like the end of the world.
BMO: No, no, no. That happened next.
Lumpy Space Princess: So I guess everyone's just going home, huh?
Jake: Yep.
[A hole appears in sky, throwing King Man, in flames, to the ground.]
King Man: We donked up for real. [faints]
[Everyone looks up and the hole enlarges. GOLB emerges and slowly descends.]


Act III

Finn: Jake... what am I lookin' at?
Jake: Uh... we saved the day. So, maybe that big baby's here to give us presents for doing a good job?
[Dark clouds cover up the sky of Land of Ooo.]
Fern: Okay, I'm not an expert, but this seems bad.
Flame Princess: You ain't kiddin', shrubs.
Lumpy Space Princess: Oh - no - ! [takes a GOLB selfie]
Marceline: Bonnie! What did you do?!
Princess Bubblegum: It wasn't me!
Ice King: [To Bandit Princess] It's been real cool being in this rogue's gallery with you. Me and Gunter were gonna go, uh... [sees GOLB] Oh... my... [flashback to Simon reading a page about GOLB in the Enchiridion] GOLB!
Simon Petrikov: Look, Betty. I keep seeing reference to this mysterious entity that embodies chaos.
Betty Grof: That's great! Come on, let's make sundaes.
Simon: GOLB would say ice cream is without meaning. Just empty calories devoid of purpose.
Betty: Good thing he isn't here then.
Simon: [Pours chocolate syrup on his sundae] His presence is felt in every crevice where chaos lurks. Imagine if we could somehow harness all that dank energy...!
Betty: Hey! You want some cherries with that chocolate syrup?
Simon: [Now there is too much chocolate syrup on the sundae] Oh! [Chuckles] Sure.
Betty: Catch! [Throws the jar to Simon.]
[Simon and Betty are on a rushing ambulance.]
Simon: Have you thought about using sliced almonds for the sundaes? [Flashback ends]
Ice King: [Shakes his head] ...I don't know who that is!
[GOLB growls in a silent, deep voice. His mouth creates some glowing spiritual tentacles, which capture some Cake people to forge a screeching blue demon.]
Lolly: Don't let it touch you!
[The demon captures some more Cake people with his tongue.]
Candy Person: No, I'm a loner!
Marceline: Peebs, this is the worst thing ever! If somebody doesn't stop this, it could be the end of Ooo!
[GOLB inhales.]
Princess Bubblegum: You're right, Marceline. I gotta do something! [runs and steps on a nearby rock] Banana guards!
Banana Guard: Uh, no.
Princess Bubblegum: Obey my command! Flee for your lives! If you fight, the demon will just add you to its mass!
Banana Guard: Can we flee in a panic?
Princess Bubblegum: Yes!
[All the Banana Guards run away in disorder, screaming.]
Finn: FYI, Princess, I'm not going anywhere!
Jake: [Comes out under Finn's hat] I'm also staying.
Princess Bubblegum: Thanks, guys.
Marceline: I'm in, too. This is a war I have to fight. We all have to.
Fern: Me too! I'll defend Ooo down to my last blade. [Summons the Grass Sword]
Princess Bubblegum: Gumball guardians!
Gumball Guardians: Yes, mom?
Princess Bubblegum: Stop that monster!
Gumball Guardians: Okay. [Stride forward and keep the demon from getting closer] Containing enemy! [The demon's chest break and some gooey content comes out.] Gross.
Lolly: [To The Cake] Cake, pick me up! [enters the head of The Cake] My friends! It is time to set aside past differences! We must join the fight! [But the Gumbaldian troops run away in horror.] Hmm! Forwards! [Zaps the monster with laser.]
Finn: Normal Man! Come on, wake up!
King Man: [Wakes up and gasps; looks around] Is that Ice King?
Finn: How do we stop these guys? [King Man just runs straight to Ice King.] Come on, Jake.
Jake: [Turns into a horse for Finn to ride] H-H-H-Horse!
Gumball Guardian #1: Ugh! My balance!
Jake: War is the worst, dude!
[Right after Jake runs away, a Gumball Guardian falls backwards and his head cracks, but still able to kick the demon away from him.]
Gumball Guardian #1: [Groans] Sorry, mom... [His head finally breaks.]
Princess Bubblegum: My guardian!
King Man: Ice King! Ice King!
Ice King: What's up?
Jake: [Finn and Jake join them.] Ho-ho-ho.
Finn: How do I stop this! [Shoved away by King Man] What?
King Man: You are the only one who can stop this! Betty's up there, trying to harness the power of GOLB! We have to snap her out of that trance and banish GOLB, or we're all doomed! If anyone can do it, it's you.
Ice King: Sounds great! Im'a save the world! [Flies up with King Man, Finn and Jake.]
Gumball Guardian #2: [Presses down the demon to the ground with The Cake] Enemy threat restrained.
Princess Bubblegum: They got him!
Gumball Guardian #2: [Distracted] Awaiting orders. [Attacked by the monster; starts to glow because of the infection] Help me, mom. I'm turning nasty...
[The Gumball Guardian is turning into another GOLB's demon.]
Banana Guards: Princess, we came back to help! [Captured by the Gumball Guardian] Eee! Help us, princess!
Princess Bubblegum: Ugh! [Blasts candies to him]
[The Gumball Guardian creates a flock of monstrous birds, which starts to chase Ice King.]
Ice King: Evil penguins!
Jake: Don't worry, guys! [Jumps off]
Finn: Jake!
Jake: I believe in you, Ice King! [Contains the birds with his body but soon overwhelmed] Aah! I didn't think this through!... [Jake pops and the birds fly away.]
LSP: So this is it. [To Lemongrab] Oh tender lad! I give you the parting gift of my lips.
Lemongrab: I find your proposal... [Groans] ...ACCEPTABLE!
[“they kiss and then LSP’s face shrinks backwards. Lemongrab screams]
LSP: You're welcome.
Finn: Betty! You have to stop this!
King Man: Go ahead. Talk to her, IK.
Ice King: Who? [Sees Magic Betty] Oh, it's weird lady! Hey, lady. ...I'm diggin' your primitive dance style!
King Man: No! You're supposed to stop her, not encourage her! You gotta dig deep inside and find those magical words to shake her outta that trance! Get personal and emotional!
Ice King: Personal? Emotional? Oh! Just like a fan-fic!
King Man: No!...
[Ice King starts to recite the verses of "Oh, Fionna", eventually allowing himself to enter Betty's Imagination Zone as Simon.]
Ice King: "I feel like nothing was real until I met you. I feel like we connect. And I really get you. If I said 'You're a beautiful girl, [echoing, now as Simon] would it upset you? The way you look tonight, silhouetted, I'll never forget it."
Betty: Simon...
Ice King: ♪ Oh, oh, [singing in a crackling voice; back to the reality] Fionna!... Your fist has touched my heart... ♪
Betty: What... You're trying to stop me!? [Pushes Ice King away] When I'm this close to harnessing the most powerful force in the universe and finally saving you!?
Ice King: Yeah, I guess. ...Right, Finn?
[Angered, Betty inhales and lets out a long, enraged scream out of annoyance. Her extreme temper flows to Maja through some glowing wires; Maja wakes up and gasps.]
Betty: [Frigntened] Emotional super-charge! [Stands before Ice King]
Maja: Finally! My time - [Explodes]
[The explosion blasts Ice King and Betty right into the mouth of GOLB, which takes them in with its tongue.]
Ice King: Ice King!
[Finn jumps on the carpet and follows them in. Just then, GOLB's mouth shuts and its teeth cut off Finn's bionic arm, which falls to the ground.]
Flame Princess: [Attacks the Gumball Guardian with flames] Burn, burn, burn! PB, get me some backup! Ugh! [Slapped away; screams and thrown to a cliff] Ugh!
Princess Bubblegum: It's headed this way!
Fern: I'll take down this beast! Fern's way! [Attacks the demon with a giant spiky arm, but then smashed away by it.]
Princess Bubblegum: [Screams] Fern! [Tries to resist the demon by blasting candies] No, no, no, no, no! NO!!! [Crushed]
Marceline: Bonnie!
[Marceline hisses and transforms into a dark, cloudy vampire monster, roaring. While Princess Bubblegum is actually shielded, Marceline smashes the demon into pieces.]
Cake Person [shattered]: Thanks.
Princess Bubblegum: Marcy?...
Marceline: [Stops panting] You're okay!
Princess Bubblegum: My armor has an emergency - [hugged by Marceline]
Marceline: You scared me.
Princess Bubblegum: What?
Marceline: Even back when we weren't talking, I was so afraid something bad would happen to you, and I wouldn't be there to protect you. And... [inhales] I don't want to lose you again.
Princess Bubblegum: Hey, I'm a tough gum. Nothing never happening to me, never.
Marceline: I know, I... Girl, you phrased that so weird.
Princess Bubblegum: I might have a concussion.
[Marceline chuckles and they kiss each other.]
Cake Person [shattered]: Uh-oh. [The demon starts to regenerate itself.]
[Finn, Ice King, and Betty are in a red, cuboid room inside GOLB as they wake up.]
Ice King: Owie!
[The rubies on Ice King's crown fade.]
Betty: Simon, your crown!
Ice King: What... [glitches as he loses the characteristics of Ice King] ...happened, lady? [glitches continue]
Betty: Don't panic, but I think Golb is digesting us. [glitches] Breaking us apart, layer by layer, [glitches again, and becomes a normal Betty] ...down to our essential forms.
[The room start to compress inward; Finn, Ice King and Betty yelp.]
Finn: I'll get us outta here. [Knocks the wall]
Ice King: [Transformed back to Simon] Betty...?
Betty: [Sheds tears] It's good to see you, Simon.
Simon: It's good to be seen. [Kisses Betty]
Finn: Hey, Ice Simon! Use the crown before we're totally crushed!
[Simon tries to yield ice magic but nothing happens.]
Simon: It's not working! Yah! [throws the crown to the ground] Finn, it's hopeless. You can't punch your way out of his guts.
[Outside, the Gumball Guardian snaps the head of The Cake and roars. Everyone else are exhausted by the battle. And GOLB's monster march away from the battlefield]
Jake: [Stretches; follows them] Okay, Jake. You can do this! You can stop 'em solo! [Turning into a blue form] They'll be talking about this fight for years! And by "they," I mean BMO and Shelby. [punches and tangles the demon] Finn! This is for you!
[Jake is soon smashed to the ground by the Gumball Guardian. He gets up, struggling in pain.]
BMO: What's all the ruckus out there? Oh. It's up to BMO to save the -
[The Tree Fort is punched by the demon, collapsing. Jake stares this, gasping in a complete horror.]


Act IV

[The monsters leave. Jake reaches the ruins, looking around with choked gasps, and then he shrinks himself on a broken clock.]
Jake: Okay, bud. There's no reason to freak out just because the tree house is [despairing] GONE...! [Pants] Ah! BMO...? Ah no, man! Your little face! [Shushed and picked up by BMO]
BMO: It's okay, Jake. You always try to protect me and Finn. But sometimes we are going to get hurt. How about today, you let me be the papa?
[BMO sings Time Adventure.]
BMO: ♪ "Time is an illusion that helps things make sense, so we are always living in the present tense. It seems unforgiving when a good thing ends, but you and I will always be back then. You and I will always be back then. Singing will happen, happening, happened; will happen, happening, happened. And we'll happen again and again, 'cause you and I will always be back then - "
[The demon tries to reach BMO but is rejected. It screeches]
BMO: [con'd] "... you and I will always be back then." ♪
[The demon tries again but same thing happens.]
Princess Bubblegum: Whoa. What's up with him?
BMO: [To demon] You better hush up while my baby boy is sleeping!
Princess Bubblegum: Keep singing!
BMO: Okay! [singing] ♪ "Will happen, [Princess Bubblegum and Marceline sing along] happening, happened. Will happen, happening, happened. And we'll happen again and again, 'cause you and I will always be back then." ♪
Marceline: Oh man! He hates music!
Princess Bubblegum: Ugh, duh! GOLB is discord. It's the harmony! Harmony hurts them!
BMO: My art is a weapon!
Princess Bubblegum: [Announcing from the sky] Everyone! I need you all to harmonize along with BMO!
BMO: I wrote this for my son, Jake!
[People join the sing-along one by one, paralyzing GOLB's monsters. Jake turns into a megaphone, creating a hole from GOLB's chest.]
Marceline: I don't know if we can kill Golb with music, PB!
[Inside GOLB, Finn is still trying to smash the room open with the crown, screaming, but soon he tires himself out.]
Finn: [Pants] I always figured I'd go out saving somebody.
Simon: Hey, no one gets to choose how it happens. The most important thing is that we're here together.
Finn: [Pants] Shh, shh! Do you hear that? It sounds like Jake. [Looking through a small hole] Oh-ho, it is Jake! Look, we can leave this way!
Simon: Betty, we're saved!
Betty: Go, there's something I have to do first.
Simon: What!?
Betty: I figured out what's wrong with the crown. It reset, just like us. It's in its primal wishing form now.
Simon: Who cares! Leave it!
Betty: This world will end unless GOLB is banished. So I'm gonna make... the wish.
Finn: Guys, it's clenching!
Simon: We'll make the wish after we escape!
Betty: I have to do it here. The crown could revert once we leave. I gamed it out.
Simon: But I can't... [kissed by Betty]
Betty: I'm sorry for messing everything up. [shoves Simon and Finn into the hole.]
Simon: Wait! Betty? Betty! [echoing]
[Betty puts on the crown nervously.]
Betty: I wish to banish GOLB from this world.
[There's a noise and the room shakes, but nothing else happens. The room keeps compressing.]
Betty: Uh-oh, um... I wish for GOLB to disappear, I wish for GOLB to disappear!
[The wish fails again.]
Betty: No! He's too strong! Even for the crown. [heavily breathes; calms down] However it has to happen. ...I wish for the power to keep Simon safe.
[Outside the shrinking hole, Marceline and Jake are waiting.]
Marceline: Slide faster, you ding-dongs! [Brings Simon down gently] Simon!
[The ground shakes. The Gumball Guardian stops chasing Duke of Nuts, Cinnamon Bun and Lolly. Suddenly a strong blast of energy comes out from GOLB, blurring the scenery around, and the monstrous Gumball Guardian is wiped out from existence.]
Shelby: Hmm, check, plea- [overwhelmed by the blast]
Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant: We heard there was a war- [the demon before them is gone.]
Finn: She did it! Yeah, Betty! Whoo!
[GOLB itself is having a drastic change too.]
King Man: What has she done?...
[GOLB is growing longer limbs, end up having a striking resemblance with Magic Betty - "Golbetty" is formed. It looks down, levitating.]
Slime Princess: Well, great! I don't like this guy either!
Simon: No... Betty? Betty! [runs forward] Betty! Oh my, my Betty, my princess, why did you... [sobs on knees]
Marceline: You're back. It's what she wanted more than anything in the world.
[GOLB looks up and rises into the portal, leaving Land of Ooo. As the portal closes, the Ice King's crown drops and bounces toward Gunter, who puts it own.]
Gunter: Wenk.
Jake: Jump him! He's gonna wish to be all space villain!
Neptr: What?
Jake: He's a big evil alien stuck in a penguin!
Neptr: Oh!... I see.
[Gunter suddenly honks in weird noises as she merges with the crown. A new creature is formed - the Ice Thing.]
Ice Thing: ... la-ba-droo-la-da-boo! Say, where's Gunter, my beautiful child that I love?
Jake: Oh, never mind, I think he just wished to be Ice King?
[Ice Thing plays drums.]
Jake: And for some drums, I guess? Yeah, this is fine.
Finn: Whew.
Fern: [Grabs Finn's leg] Hey, Finn... I'm not doing so good.
Finn: Oh, no.
Fern: Yeah... [takes off his hat, revealing his hair] I just wish I could see the treehouse one more time.
Finn: Yeah dude, of course! Let's go there right now.
Fern: That's okay... Just promise to plant me there.
[Fern's grassy remains are blown away by a gust of wind, and Finn cries. In Finn's hand, there's a small Finnseed, resembling the Finn Sword.]
[Later, Finn and Jake kneels to the ground near the ruins of Tree Fort.]
Jake: You feel ready?
[Finn buries the Finnseed, which quickly grows into a young willow tree.
Jake: Whoa.
[There's a new Finn Sword embedded in trunk.]
Princess Bubblegum: Hey, Finn.
Finn: [Shrieks like a girl; stops soon] Excuse me. Hi, PB.
Princess Bubblegum: I just wanted to come say... thank you for disobeying my orders this morning. I'll see you tomorrow, okay? [kisses Finn]
Finn: See you tomorrow.
Princess Bubblegum: You're getting tall. Good night!
Jake: Night, PB!
[The story ends.]
BMO: That's the end.
Shermy: I thought this story was about the end of Ooo.
BMO: ... Pretty much.
Shermy: But what happened to Phil and Jake after that?
Beth: Or Princess Bubblegum?
BMO: Eh, y'know. They kept living their lives. Thank you for visiting the King of Ooo, goodbye.
Beth: The king was very polite for a king, don't you think?
Shermy: I wish we could find that little Fern tree, see if that story is true.
Beth: The tree would be a big tree now. It's, like, a thousand years old.
Shermy: Oh, a big tree... Hey! I know where that tree is! C'mon, Beth!
[Cuts to a sky of present Land of Ooo.]
Finn: I came pretty close to biting it back there. I never would have gotten out of there without your singing. It's amazing how strong that song was.
Jake: Music is powerful, man. It speaks to a primal pit in our brains. It makes anyone wanna get up and get their knees goin', gotta get 'em pumpin' pumpin' pumpin'. Boompa-boompa-boom.
Finn: [Chuckles] What do you think, Music Hole?
Music Hole: Jake's right. A good song can really wrap people up in a mood, better than any words alone could. Actually, I've been working on a new song myself. It's about a really specific feeling that's hard to describe. Would you like to hear it?
Jake: Sure!
Finn: Yeah!
[The Music Hole clears her voice, and the Ending Theme is played. Meanwhile, for numerous characters throughout the series, the aftermath of the war is also displayed with the music.]
[Cuts back to the future Fern tree. Shermy and Beth reach the treetop.]
Shermy: Check it out, dude.
Beth: Very pretty.
[Shermy grunts as he trying to pull out the Finn Sword, it doesn't move until Beth helps Shermy. Shermy appreciates the sword in awe.]
Beth: Lift that sword, Shermy.
Shermy: [He does so.] Oh, yeah!
[The Finn Sword shines under sunlight, ending the episode and the series.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Conquest of Cuteness" from season 3, which aired on June 11, 2011.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Cute King
Cuties
Lumpy Space Princess
BMO
Cinnamon Bun
Music
None
Locations
Tree Fort
Grass Lands
Ice Kingdom
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode begins with Jake humming contentedly while frying an egg. Finn enters the scene and Jake begins to beatbox. Finn begins to dance and add vocals to Jake's beatboxing.]
Finn and Jake [In unison]: Yeeeaaah!
Finn: What's for B-fast, Jake?
Jake: Everything burrito! [Finn gasps and Jake begins wrapping the burrito.] [Whispering] I love you, everything burrito. [He kisses the burrito. Suddenly, there's a loud noise and the room momentarily quakes. Finn and Jake go downstairs to investigate.] Oh, man. I think someone wants to eat everything burrito! I won't let 'em get ya, baby! [Kisses the burrito once more]
Finn: Jake! Come on! Get ready!
Jake: [Sets the burrito down] Ready!
Finn and Jake [In unison]: Yaaaaah!
[Finn and Jake leap outside and discover the Cuties.]
Cute King: Peep!
Jake: So cute!
Finn: Look at their little faces! Haha!
Jake: Haha!
Cute King: We're not cute! We're evil, ...and we're here to dominate you!
Finn: Get the camera, Jake!
Jake: I can't! I'm paralyzed by the cuteness!
Finn and Jake: BMO! BMO! BMO! BMO!
[BMO enters and pushes Finn and Jake aside.]
BMO: What? What? What? What?
Finn and Jake [In unison]: BMO! Get the camera!
BMO: BMO is camera!
[Finn and Jake begin taking pictures with the Cuties, and Cute King gets increasingly annoyed.]
Cute King: Enough! Now... bow down to me, Cute King, and my legion of Cuties!
[BMO takes another picture.]
Finn: Great shot, BMO!
Cute King: Since you won't take us seriously, we will kill you. Until then, enjoy your burrito, Jake.
Jake: [Suddenly worried] Huh?
[Cute King chuckles and the Cuties walk away. Jake, inside the fort, gasps, and Finn and BMO run next to the door.]
Jake: My burrito!
Finn: It's perfectly fine.
Jake: No, Finn... They probably poisoned it!
Finn: Naaaaawww...
Jake: They knew my name. They knew about the burrito.
Finn: Man, you're letting your brain dial turn your fear volume up. You'll see. Those Cuties are nothing but an afternoon's delight.
[Scene switches to nighttime. Finn looks at Jake out the window. Jake is holding a shovel and standing next to his burrito's grave. Finn walks to his bed and yawns; he gets under the covers. Suddenly, Jake enters.]
Finn: Jake? What're you doing in my bed?
Jake: [somewhat worried] Oh, nothing much. You know, just... chillin'.
Finn: Wait a second... Are you still messed up about those little guys?
Jake: [Beat] A little.
Finn: Look, man, whaddaya say tomorrow morning we go track those little guys down and find out just what their deal is? Sound good, buddy?
Jake: Yeah. Thanks, buddy. [Finn rests. Jake thinks for a moment.] Man, you sound just like Mom sometimes.
Finn: Yeah. Good ol' Mom.
Jake: She always knew just what to say.
Finn: Yeah. Goodnight, brudda.
Jake: Goodnight. [Fade to black. Suddenly, Jake whispers to Finn in a worried tone.] Finn! Finn! [We see Finn's point of view as he opens his eyes.] Finn, wake up, man!
Finn: Wha? Huh?
Jake: I think someone's in the house. [Finn makes a tired groaning noise as he lights a candle.] For real, man! Shh, listen.
Finn: Uh...
Jake: I swear, man! I really heard something. [Footsteps are heard, and Jake gasps.] Finn!!
Finn: I heard. [Raising his voice] Okay. Who's out there?
[Finn shines the candle across the room and eventually spots two Cuties carrying Jake's sword, who drop it and quickly crawl away.]
Jake: What the—?! That's my sword! [Picks it up] What do they want with my sword, man?! [Finn makes a worried face. There is a sudden noise downstairs.] [Whispering] It came from downstairs.
Finn: Alright. That's it.
Jake: Where are you going?
Finn: I'm gonna go man-handle those guys's banandles! [Goes downstairs]
Jake: [Beat] ...What?! [He follows.]
Finn: Well, they broke a window, but I don't see any of 'em. [Picks up a shard from the ground] I guess they left. [Throws it back down again]
Jake: Oh, no. OH, AWWW, NO!
Finn: Jake, what is it?!
Jake: [Drops his sword] Awww, no! It's a dead goat, man! Its guts are all over the place! It's all chopped up and spread around and... [Looks closer] Ah, no, wait, it's just a blanket. I think I left it here this morning.
Voice: Jaaaake! Fiiiinn! This is the voice of your moooom! I've come back to tell you how dumb you always aaaare! [Voice is revealed to belong to a Cutie] I hate you guys so muuuuch!
Finn: Get 'im, Jake!
Jake: Aaah! Aaah!
[The Cutie hisses, making Jake shrink back in terror. Finn chases the Cutie, and it hides in a knothole; Finn grabs it and it starts struggling.]
Finn: Jake, I got 'im! He's freakin' out, man! What do I do?!
Jake: Shake 'im!
Finn: What?!
Jake: Shake 'im around 'til he stops!
Finn: Okay. [He does so.] Rrrrrrr! [The Cutie gets tired out.] They stopped.
Jake: Okay. Now tell 'im not to talk about our mom!
Finn: How do you even know our mom?
Cutie's first head: We've been watching you.
Cutie's second head: Learning your weaknesses.
Finn: What?! Why?!
Cutie's first head: For tomorrow morning.
Cutie's second head: When our army comes and kills you both.
Cutie's first head: You think we're so cute, when actually... we're the opposite of that!! [Bites Finn's hand]
Jake: Hold 'im!
[Finn tries to keep a grip on the Cutie, but its arm is accidentally yanked off, allowing it to escape with a cackling laugh. Finn holds up the dismembered appendage.]
Finn: Oh, gross. [tosses it away]
Jake: Well?! Do you believe me now, Finn?!
Finn: I... I don't know what to believe anymore.
Jake: Well, that's close enough. Let's start settin' up some barricades!
[Scene switches to the following day. Finn and Jake are sitting behind their barricade holding weapons. Finn is asleep and Jake is anxiously waiting. Suddenly, a bugle in E is heard, and Finn wakes up with a start, accidentally firing an arrow from his crossbow. Finn and Jake look out the window to find the cuties charging forward.]
Jake: There's gotta be a thousand of 'em!
Finn: Wait. Jake, look.
[The Cuties begin tripping over themselves, falling apart, and exploding (among other things) until there are none left.]
Jake: [Not scared anymore] These guys aren't a threat to anyone.
Finn: These guys are a threat to themselves.
[One Cutie accidentally harms another, and Finn and Jake wince.]
Finn: Oh, hey, it's what's-his-face!
Cute King: No... My men! Quickly, men! Pick yourselves up before the enemy sees! [Finn and Jake look at each other.] Come on, now. That's it. Easy does it. [Cute King takes his injured soldiers away and Finn and Jake sneak after them.] Bravest warriors! I ask you: must we have our butts handed to us by everyone we meet?! How will we ever splash around in the brains of our enemies if you guys can't take two steps without exploding?! Bliblob, I'm lookin' at you! [Bliblob explodes.] Can I please just get one victory?! ONCE?! [The Cuties begin to cry.] Now don't start that. [Saddened] Don't you do it! [The Cuties burst into tears. Cute King tries to contain himself before joining them.]
Jake: Wanna just smash 'em all?
Finn: What?! No, man, look. These guys aren't gonna quit until they win or die, ...and they're not gonna win, so what if we let 'em win, just this once?
Jake: What?! And mess up my stats?!
Finn: No. We'd be winning by helping them to win. That's a win! [Jake scowls at Finn's logic.] And then they'll be happy and leave us alone.
Jake: [Reluctantly] Alright.
Finn: Yessss! Now, let's rally an army so we can look intimidating.
Jake: Who're we gonna call?
Finn: All of our friends.
[Scene switches to the "battlefield." Jake, Lumpy Space Princess, a duck, BMO, and Cinnamon Bun are all lined up in front of Finn.]
Finn: My army of friends! Today, we will lose this battle, but we will also win it! [They cheer.] When the enemy charges, crumble like a cookie. When you feel their puny punches, fade like a flower, and writhe in your own blood!
BMO: But, but... how are we to bleed if none of this is real?
Finn: With faith, m'lady... and ketchup!
[They cheer again.]
Jake: Ketchup is delicious and deceiving!
Finn: And hey, guys... Let's keep the acting subtle. Less is more.
Lumpy Space Princess: No way. First, I'm gonna fall in love with one of those little guys, and then I'm gonna fall out of love, and then, I'm gonna totally fake-die of a fake heart attack! [Acting] "OH! MY HEART! MY HEART HURTS BECAUSE I FELL OUT OF LOVE! AND NOW I HAVE TO DIE! OOOOHHHHH!!!"
[Bugle sounds again. The Cuties charge.]
Finn: Get ready, y'all. Together, we fall!
[Cinnamon Bun falls over.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Not yet, Cinnamon Bun!
[Cute King charges in a giant suit of his men.]
Cute King: YAAAAH!
Finn, Jake, Lumpy Space Princess, and BMO [In unison]: Whoa.
[The suit is revealed to be incredibly small. The Cuties punch Finn.]
Finn: Oh, no! [Squirts ketchup] My blooood! [Waves the bottle at the others, covering them in ketchup. The "battle" rages on.]
Lumpy Space Princess: [Holding a Cutie] One last kiss before dying, my love. [Kisses the Cutie's face and throws the Cutie to the ground] Farewell forever. Oh, oh, my heart! Waaah! [Feigns death]
Jake: [Falls over and feigns death] I'm dead.
Cute King: Victory... is... OURS! [The Cuties cheer.] Finally. I can do the victory dance! [Starts dancing] La! La-da! La-da-da la! La-da-da la da! [Jake begins quietly snickering.] La-la-da-la-la-la! [Cute King notices Jake's snickering.]
Jake: BAAAHAHAHAHAHA! Ah, I'm sorry, everybody! Ah, I couldn't keep it in! Hahahaha!
Cute King: No... [Tastes the ketchup] This is ketchup?!
Jake: [Licks some off his fur] Tastes better than blood. Or does it? Hey, Finn, you think blood tastes better than ketchup?
Finn: Jake. Look. [Points at Cute King, who is walking away and crying quietly.]
Jake: Aw, nuts.
Finn: Cute King, wait up.
Jake: [Shrinks down to Cute King's size] We wanna apologize for being fakers.
Finn: We did it to protect you from yourselves.
Cute King: It doesn't matter now. No one will ever fear our strength.
Finn: But strength isn't your strength. Adorable cuteness is!
Cute King: Can I use it to control others?
Finn: Um... yeah, sure! Just be righteous about it.
Cute King: Show me where to start.
[Scene switches to the Ice Kingdom. Ice King, inside his lair, is just lying on his back making fart noises. A knock is heard.]
Ice King: Huh? Who could that be? [Opens the door and looks down]
Cute King: I command you to make me a sandwich!
Ice King: What?! No one commands the Ice King to make no sandwich!
Cute King: [Makes a cute pose] What about now?
Ice King: [Gasps then laughs] Okay.
[The episode ends with Ice King laughing playfully and Cute King laughing deviously before a camera flash ends the scene.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Crossover" from season 7, which aired on January 28, 2016.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Prismo
Farmworld Finn
Farmworld Jake (The Lich)
BMO
Bobby (Farmworld Billy)
Farmworld Minerva
Farmworld Martin
Finn's Baby Brother
Big Destiny
Music
None
Locations
Snowy Wasteland
Time Room
Ice Structure
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[The screen starts white, then shows Finn and Jake in snowsuits walking through the heavy snow. Finn looks up, and they see a big fortress made of ice, with green clouds swirling above. Finn and Jake then crawl up the ice, revealing people are frozen inside each block.]
Finn: Wow, everything sucks here!
Jake: Finn, look!
Finn: Oh jeez, this looks pretty real. [shows The Enchiridion floating above a pit of green liquid and ice] He's got the Enchiridion! [shows Bobby trapped in ice, but part of his sword, as well as most of his head, are sticking out unfrozen] And, wait, is that Billy? Why is he so tiny?
Jake: [Pointing upwards] Hey, there's our guy!
Farmworld/Ice Finn: [Enters with his mother, father, and baby brother trapped in ice] WOOHOO! HAHAHAHAHAHA! [moves his family away from him with ice magic] Yeah, just hang out there for a while! I love it! I feel fresh, hahahahahaha!
Finn: [takes off hood and snow goggles] Well, this is the weirdest thing I've ever done. [Pulls a case out from his backpack]
[A blue screen appears, with white letters that say "One Hour Ago".]
[Jake is hanging from the ceiling from his feet, holding Finn's feet. Finn is holding BMO's feet, and BMO is blindfolded and holding a knife. They are spinning in a circular motion.]
Finn, Jake, and BMO: Round and round and round we go!
[BMO hits a poster with his knife. The poster says "Headmaster: The Final Lesson", and it shows an angry man in a suit.]
BMO: Hiya!
Finn and Jake: [in the same formation] Oh yeah!
BMO: [partially takes off blindfold] School's out 'ya trench!
[Prismo's pickle jar on the table starts to glow.]
Jake: Woah! [Finn, Jake, and BMO fall from the ceiling.] Oof!
Finn: Hey, Prismo's calling!
Jake: Nice! Let's go say hi.
BMO: You're lucky I don't take you out, kid! [struggling to pull the knife from the wall] Quit crying baby!
Finn and Jake: [touching the pickle jar] PRRRIIIIIIISSSSSMM- [A burst of light takes them to Prismo.]
BMO: [falls from the wall] Oof!
Finn and Jake: [sent to the Time Room] OOOOOO!
Finn: TION!
Prismo: Thanks for responding to my call, guys! I'm in a serious pickle, and I mean the brown kind. I mean like a really smelly, brown pickle.
Jake: Don't sweat it, boy! Finn and I got yo' back!
Finn: [makes a fist with his hand] Who's bullying you Prismo?!
Prismo: Nobody's bullying me. Look, um, remember when you wished the lich never existed and you created a new wish reality that ended up totally not working out?
Finn: No.
Jake: Vaguely, yes.
Finn: What?
Jake: You don't remember making that wish!
Finn: Wu-huh?
Jake: I thought I explained it to you that one time.
Prismo: Dude, I'll catch you up. [a remote appears] Look! [A recap video shows clips from the episodes "Finn the Human" and "Jake the Dog"] After you wished the lich never existed, you accidentally created an alternate wish reality where magic doesn't really exist.
Finn: Wait! [The video showing Farmworld Finn pauses]. Who's that dude?
Prismo: That's you! But sort of less cool.
Finn: Uh-huh, proceed.
[The recap video shows Farmworld Marceline]
Prismo: So you find an old Marceline and the crown on the body of Ice King's skeleton who was smushed under the weight of a frozen mitogenic bomb. But then the destiny gang steals your family donkey, so you use the crown to become Ice Finn and save your donkey and your family. But, the crown makes you crazy, and you ice everything up like a dumb bozo, which sets off the mitogenic bomb, which releases the spirit of the lich anyway. But then, this reality's Jake made a counter wish which supposedly fixed the problem, but as it turned out, it didn't really.
Finn: Can I just say that I don't remember any of this stuff.
Prismo: Because technically it didn't happen to you. But, also it still happened, and that wish reality continues to exist.
Finn: Is this why all of a sudden one day I was better at the flute.
Jake: Oh yeah, I noticed that!
Prismo: Listen! Something, really bad, is about to go down. [A hologram of the Enchiridion appears above Prismo's finger] Ice Finn is using his world's Enchiridion to build a portal to the multiverse. I literally do not know what will happen if he succeeds, but it could def's be catastrophic to the architecture of these realities. Now if that happens, my boss, let me repeat that, my BOSS will hold ME responsible, and by proxy, y'all both be in the dip too.
Finn: Why don't you just bloop bloop it all better?
Prismo: Something there is dampening my powers. I AM LOSING MY PICS OVER THIS BIZ!
Jake: [whispering to Finn] His boss! Who's that?
Finn: Alright, man, what do we do? [a wooden case appears in Finn's hands]
Prismo: Take this, and use it to take care of the Ice Finn.
Finn: Oh, wait what do you mean by take care o-
Prismo: Good luck guys we're all depending on you! [Finn and Jake are sent to the place where the episode started at]
Finn: [now back to where the episode was before the "One hour ago" screen appeared. Finn opens the wooden case] Woah.
Jake: What is it?
Finn: [Finn pulls out The Maid from the wooden case] Oh golly!
Jake: [takes off snow goggles] What's that thing now?
Finn: It's like 50 bowling balls on my teen bod! Oh, check it! There's instructions. [Reads instructions] The maid will handle all Class A interdimensional Bung-ups if you follow these simple steps: direct the small end of the Maid towards your massive mistake [shows Farmworld/Ice Finn]. Focus your intention until all distractions leave your thought sphere [shows Bobby struggling to get out of the ice]. Then recite the words "A man needs a maid" three times. Alright [struggles to lift the maid]. Here we go! [to Jake] Help help help help help help help! [puts one end of the maid on Jake's back, and a fart noise is heard]
Jake: Lower it!
Finn: Ledge ledge ledge! [puts down the maid on the ledge] Ok! Focus my intention. [looks at Ice Finn]
Farmworld/Ice Finn: Just a few more jewels before I can open the portal to a better world!
Finn: My intention to heal the madness of this other self.
Jake: Wait, wait, wait. I don't think that's what we're supposed to do. Prismo said take care of him.
Finn: Yeah, that means make him feel better.
Jake: Are you being stupid on purpose?
Finn: Yeah, but dude, that is me!
Finn Sword: That's me!
Jake: I heard you the first time!
Finn: There's gotta be something else we can do.
Jake: Bro, you heard Prismo, we don't have a choice.
Finn: [inhales and exhales] Ok, but you do it! I just can't man i- it's too messed up.
Jake: Alright, you're right. Shut your eyes and cover your ears!
Finn: [Closes eyes and covers ears] Mamamamamamama.
Jake: [exhales] A man needs a maid [shows Ice Finn]. [Exhales and wipes sweat off his face] A man... needs... a maid. A maaaaan [shows Ice Finn], needs... a... [shows Jake with a ton of sweat on his face]. Nope! This is bull juice!
Prismo: [still in time room] Oh, flip!
Finn: Mamamamama-
Jake: hey, hey!
Finn: Did you do it?
Jake: Nah man! Let's just go steal the Enchiridion.
Finn: Woah yeah! That way he can't open the portal and nobody gets obliterated! [shows Prismo watching from the Time Room] That should work!
Prismo: That's not gonna work you guys! Don't walk away from the maid! NOOOOO!
Farmworld/Ice Finn: [holding some ice blocks with people in them with his ice magic] It's gonna be so great in the next place, guys! It's like we're spinning, spinning, spinning into the new land! [shows Finn and Jake sneaking towards the Enchiridion] Hahahahahahahaha! Woohoo! Hahahahaha! [Finn is walking to the Enchiridion]
Finn: [pulls on the Enchiridion] Sneaky fashion! [the Enchiridion is not moving, Farmworld/Ice Finn blasts Finn and Jake away]
Farmworld/Ice Finn: What's this? Oh! Two more converts to my empire of frost!?
Jake: Finn, I love you! Just in case we eat it fighting this guy.
Finn: Oh, yeah, I love you too.
Farmworld//Ice Finn: Hahahahahahaha! [shoots ice fireworks] Wonderful! I thought I'd rescued all the humans! Now you can hang out here with everyone else! Gunther says we just need a few more gems. Anyway, now I'm going to freeze you!
Jake: WAIT! [stretches]
Farmworld/Ice Finn: Huh?!
Jake: Straight up magic!
Farmworld/Ice Finn: Are you a wizard too?!
Jake: Yeah, check out my amazing wizard bod! [Farmworld/Ice Finn looks at Finn] Hey over here man, look at me! I'm a portal to another world. [shapeshifts into a portal]
Farmworld/Ice Finn: You can't be!
Jake: I'm magic, I can do anything! Don't you believe your own eyes? [Finn is sneaking towards the Enchiridion. Farmworld/Ice Finn is distracted by Jake]
Farmworld/Ice Finn: Why would you be able to turn in-
Jake: Why anything? Why's the sky blue, bro? That's right, just keep looking at me!
[Finn looks towards Bobby]
Bobby: Hey, what's up?
Finn: I'll get you out of this, Billy!
Bobby: [whispering] It's Bobby. [looks around] Look out!
Finn: [looks at Big Destiny walking in] Who's that?
Jake: Enter the por- What? Big Destiny?
Big Destiny: [drops a brown bag, jewels come out] Jewels! [drools from his mouth]
Finn: What's wrong with him? He looks possessed or somethi- [shows Farmworld Lich in Farmworld Jake's body, walking] ooh, boy, here we go!
Jake: That's my body, dog!
Farmworld/Ice Finn: My friend you return! Hahahahaha! This was all his idea!
Jake: Come on, that's the lich! He's evil! And he's not even trying to hide it, bro!
Farmworld Lich: Release!
Big Destiny: [released from the lich's mind-control] Big D's mind is back! Wooo! [running] I must escape, first try! [Farmworld/Ice Finn freezes him]
Finn: [holding the Enchiridion] Uhhhh!
Farmworld/Ice Finn: [sees Finn] What are you doing!? [shoots ice at him]
Finn: Woah! [dodges ice]
Farmworld/Ice Finn: Traitor! [shoots more ice]
Finn: Jake, let's book it! [frozen in ice, his hands out of the ice, still holding the Enchiridion]
Farmworld/Ice Finn: You dirty gangsters!
Jake: We're not a gang! [Farmworld Lich approaches] That's you! [sees Farmworld Lich] AAAHHH! [tries to punch Farmworld Lich by stretching his fist, but Farmworld Lich stretches to catch the fist]
Farmworld Lich: Sleep!
Jake: [being held by the lich, falls asleep, with green in his eyes]
Farmworld/Ice Finn: [trying to take Enchiridion from Finn] Gimme! [takes book]
Farmworld Lich: Bring the book.
Farmworld/Ice Finn: Ok, buddy! Are we gonna save the world now?
Farmworld Lich: Bobby!
Bobby: [groans, and shoots a blue laser from his nose to the Enchiridion]
Farmworld/Ice Finn: Open, oh great book! [the book opens, and the jewels float to their spots] The final hole is mine! [takes the big ruby from the crown, and places it in the final spot] To put my thing in! [The book shoots a laser into the pool of green liquid]
Farmworld Lich: [maniacally] Hahahaha!
Farmworld/Ice Finn: Hahahahaha! What dimension is this? [looking at portal]
Farmworld Lich: All of them!
Farmworld/Ice Finn: That's great! Then we can live everywhere!
Farmworld Lich: Everywhere you will die!
Farmworld/Ice Finn: [nervously] Heh, what?
Farmworld Lich: You, your family, everyone will die. [Farmworld/Ice Finn frowns] Over and over! Mountains of broken bodies, beneath the wheel! [breathes black gas towards Jake. Jake starts to wake up]
Jake: Huh, what the? [black gas goes down his throat]
Finn: JAKE! Woah, what the? [the thorn from his arm wiggles] AHHHHHHHH! [the thorn chops off Farmworld Lich's hand, which falls to the ground along with Jake]
Jake: [pushes the Lich's hand off of him and into the portal] Gross!
Farmworld/Ice Finn: You used me!
Jake: Woah!
Farmworld/Ice Finn: I trusted you lich! [the Lich's hand travels into every universe]
Jake: Mathematical!
BMO: [sitting on the table, when a green portal opens above him] Huh? [the Lich's hand falls onto him]
Farmworld/Ice Finn: Freeze! [nothing happens] What? My power, it's gone! [Farmworld Lich jumps to attack Farmworld/Ice Finn, but Jake stretches over him]
Jake: Hang on Finn! AAAHHHHH!
Farmworld/Ice Finn: [panting, then pulls the ruby out from the Enchiridion. The portal is deactivated]
Jake: [Farmworld Lich is trying to get out of Jake] OW! OW!
Farmworld/Ice Finn: [puts ruby back in his crown] YES! The frost! [Finn's grass arm slaps him away from the crown]
Finn: [talking to his grass arm] Dude, don't kill him! [his grass arm breaks the ice he was stuck in] That's me, kinda. Other Finn, just listen at me. Your name is Finn Mertens! You're best friend is Jake the dog! You have a birthmark like a flaming sideways teardrop! In, like, a really weird place!
Farmworld/Ice Finn: What? What's going on? Bartrum?
Finn: Yeah, yeah! Your whole thing is you wanna help people, remember? We can fix all this.
Jake: [Farmworld Lich is struggling to get out of him] It's like the most evil heartburn!
Finn: JAAAAKE! Get out of the way! [holding the maid. Jake gets off of Farmworld Lich]. A man needs a maid, a man needs a maid, a man needs a maid!
The Maid: Ding! Housekeeping! [shoots the lich]
Farmworld Lich: AAAAAAAHHHHHH!
[Shows the ice fortress from the outside, and a big pink beam shoots out of it. Prismo, still watching from the time room, exhales in relief.]
Farmworld Jake: [now a regular dog] Bark bark bark!
Jake: You're Welcome! Ha, I don't know what he's saying. Let's bounce. [is sent back to time room]
Finn: Prismo, wait! [to Farmworld/Ice Finn] We have so much to talk about [is sent back to the time room]. Oh. Prismo, I'm sorry if this is breaking the rules but you gotta help this guy out. He's just always gonna be messed up with that crown around. [Farmworld/Ice Finn angrily throws the crown at the ground, then the video pauses]
Prismo: Ok, I can try rearranging some stuff. Just a quick cut, [Prismo sends the crown back to the Ice King's skeleton right when the mushroom bomb explodes, destroying the crown] aaaaaaand, paste! There! Now the ground zero bomb explosion should destroy the crown in that reality, aaaaaaaand, play! So yeah, this all goes down again, bomb goes off, so yeah! The crown is totally gone. [shows Farmworld/Ice Finn, now brought back to normal] Your guy here goes back to normal. [Farmworld Finn gets his family out of the ice, and starts hugging them]
Jake: D'aaawwwww!
Finn: Huh, that's his family.
Jake: Hey look how dumb I am in that world. Here's me. Woof woof woof! Hahahahaha! I eat stuff off the ground. I don't know, what are dogs even into these days?

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Crystals Have Power" from season 2, which aired on November 29, 2010.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Joshua
Jermaine
Crystal Guardians
Tree Trunks
Music
Apple Pie
Locations
Tree Fort
Forest setting (flashback)
Crystal Dimension
This transcript is complete. Only minor edits are needed.


Transcript

[Episode opens with Finn sitting at the kitchen table with giant crystal in his arms while searching through a holobook.]
Finn: Hmm...
Jake: Yo, man, what's going on?
Finn: I found this crystal on our door step, it's pretty mysterious, I'm trying to find information about it using the holobook.
Jake: Oo, that's cool, but do you know what's really cool? Tough Guy contest! [flexes bicep] Whoo-hoo! [Does a spin and poses] Tough Boys!
Finn: [Stares at crystal's side] Wait man, doesn't this look like Tree Trunks' lipstick?
[Jake visualizes the scenario of Tree Trunks's explosion.]
Jake: That's impossible, Tree Trunks exploded in the scary dark forest after she ate that Crystal Gem Apple, remember?
Finn: Yeah, I remember. [looking solemn.]
Jake: Come on man! Tough Guy contest me!
Finn: Ha! [cheers up]
Jake: [Flexes his bicep] you got what it takes to rip-it?!
Finn: Uh, yeah! [puts down crystal.]
Jake: Then let's get it on!
[The contest begins with Finn breaking a branch over his knee.]
Finn: Yeah-yo!
[Pan over to Jake who is holding a chaise longue, he brakes it over his knee.]
Jake: Hee-yah!
[Cue screen [Finn's voice] "Round Two, baby!"]
Jake: [Holding out his arm] Do it, Finn, do it! [clenches fist.]
Finn: [Pinches the skin on Jake's extended arm.]
Jake: [His face wrinkles up trying to hold back a single tear. The tear is sucked back into his eye and Jake rubs his arm.]
Jake: [Quickly grabs for Finn's chest and twist.]
Finn: [He begins to shriek but stops himself by biting his lip.] [A single tear tickles out of his eye and splashes onto the floor.] Noooooo!
[Cue screen [Jake's voice] "Round Three"]
[Both Finn & Jake lock hands, trying to best the other. Finn puts Jake in a headlock.]
Finn: Got you, dude!
Jake: I'm gonna break out! [he begins to inflate in size.]
Finn: No way!
Jake: [Laughs and continues to inflate] I'm breaking out of my fat! [red and inflated] I win, Finn! Finn? [He finds that Finn is beneath him and quickly deflates] Finn, Finn! Are you okay?! [he rolls Finn over.]
Finn: [Turned on his back he begins to cough.]
Jake: [Touches Finn's face] I was just messing with ya, dude.
Finn: [Weakly] I... was just... messing with... you [poking Jake's forehead.] [He stands up and staggers to the tree's ladder.]
Jake: [Still concerned] Are you okay?
Finn: [Weakly and holding his stomach] Yeah, [breaths in] I'm just going to rest my muscles. [He climbs the ladder.]
Jake: Oh dangit, Jake [kicks a pink object] you can't get all out of control like that! [grabs a cup of juice] Why am I like this?! [echoing of last words] like this... like this...
[Flash back to Jake and his brother Jermaine in the forest, both have boxes gloves. Jermaine is face down in the grass while Jake cries over him.]
Joshua: [Walks up to them] Jake, what did you do to your brother?
Jake: We were just playin' and then I got out of control! I'm sorry, dad.
Joshua: [Pats Jake's head] No, son, you did good. [points at him] Having no self control makes you a tough galoot, like me!
Jake: [Teary eyed] But I don't want to hurt nobody!
Joshua: Well, that's too bad, kid, 'cause you're going to hurt everybody!
Jake: [Covering his ears and wails] Noooo!
[The flashback ends, Jake is still holding the cup, his eyes are wide and he is shaking]
Jake: [Snaps out of it and tosses cup] Whatevs', daddy! [Huffs and crosses arms.] [He continues to huff, turn, and then another huff to sit on the couch.] I'm never going to hurt anybody, ever, starting... now!
[Close up of window as the sun goes down and night comes.] [Shot of Tree Fort's exteriors as a bird's crowing is heard and the sun comes up.]
Jake: [Sitting on the floor sipping coffee]
Finn: [Arrives in the kitchen and yawns] 'Sup, dude?
Jake: Finn, you're okay! I was afraid I mashed your potatoes too hard last night.
Finn: Ha, you didn't mash my potatoes! [quietly] You didn't even make me cry silently into my pillow last night for- thirty minutes. In fact, you read to go again tough stuff?!
Jake: Nope, no more, dude.
Finn: What?!
Jake: I never wanna lose control again, man! I'm going totally soft [body becomes blob like.]
Finn: You look like a wuss!
Jake: Mmm hmm.
Finn: [Laughs] [Notices the crystal on the table.] Hey, the crystal is glowing a different color! [Picking it up and turning it, it begins to glow brighter causing Finn to drop it]
Jake: Whoa...
[There is an explosion of bright light and Finn is knocked to the floor. Suddenly a portal appears and three Crystal Guardians step through.]
Finn: Chip-chap-chop, what's going on?!
Crystal Guardian #1: Uh, which one of you is Finn the Human?
Finn: It depends on who's asking, are ya'll good or evil?
Crystal Guardian #1: Uh, we're good.
Finn: Oh, I'm Finn
Crystal Guardian #1: Get him! [Finn screams.]
Jake: [Still sitting with his coffee] Hey, you guys, put my bro down.
Finn: Jake! [being taken away.]
Jake: Finn! [runs to the portal and jumps through.]
[Jake lands face down in the Crystal Dimension. He quickly recovers to see Finn in a large bubble like prison, guarded by a single Guardian]
Finn: Hey!
Jake: Hey, man, what happened?
Finn: I don't know, but I'm trapped in this crystal ball, get me out of here!
Jake: Okay, I'll try to do it using 'controlled conversation' [rolls over to prison's door way.]
Crystal Guardian #3?: Halt.
Jake: Hey, man, I'm Jake.
Crystal Guardian #3: Beat it!
Jake: [Purses lips] I wanna know why you took my buddy and I'm not going to use force to get it out of you.
Crystal Guardian #3: I'm just following orders, bub.
Jake: Whose orders?
Crystal Guardian #3: Um, well, it's a secret but part of it is we're turning Finn into a crystal.
Finn: Jake, you can stop these guys now! [Two guardians appear and zap the crystal ball]
Jake: Ah, man!
Finn: [Pounding on the prison] get me out of here!
Crystal Guardian #3: No, you'll look awesome in crystal, like us!
Jake: Can't we work this out like gents?
Crystal Guardian #3: Get lost! [Kicks Jake]
Jake: [Smashes into a crystal and gets a vision with his father speaking to him.]
Joshua: Jake, lose control, flip out on those guys!
Jake: No, dad, I gotta control myself! [His body morphs thin and long as he slithers back over to the doorway] Control, control, control, con-trol.
Finn: [Still surrounded by the two guardians, he is zapped again] Help! My arm! [His arm changes into crystal.]
Jake: Whoa, okay okay. I'm hatching a controlled plan. Alright, man, move out of the way and let me get my friend.
Crystal Guardian #3: Nope, not doing it.
Jake: Then I'll have to move you myself, [zoom in of his mouth] with my mind. [Putting his hands to his head he concentrates intensely.]
Crystal Guardian #3: You're going to hurt yourself. Stop it.
Jake: [His face gradually reddens.] [He stops once a fart is let out and breaths heavily.]
Crystal Guardian #3: You're time is running out little dog. Hey, speed it up in there, guys.
Crystal Guardian #1: Okay, turn up the juice, man.
Crystal Guardian #2: Yeah, man. [They zap Finn again.]
Finn: [Screaming] JAKE, HELP!
Jake: Finn! [pumps up] Don't hurt my buddy! [gasps] No, Jake, no, don't lose control.
Joshua: [Appears to Jake again as a vision] Jake, Jake, come on punch them, Jake, punch everybody. Why not? Come on! Why not?!
Jake: No, no punchies! I am in control! [covers his face and cries.]
Crystal Guardian #3: Who are you talking to?
Jake: Nobody, man, don't look at me! [runs away crying.]
Crystal Guardian #3: Whoa, [chuckling] did you guys see that?
Crystal Guardians: [Chuckling] Yeah. Yes
Finn: Don't make fun of him, he's having problems, everybody has- [he is zapped again.]
Jake: [Punches a crystal and puts his head against it] Stupid-ghost-dad! I'll show him! [calmly] Okay, intimidate them with controlled attack.
Crystal Guardian #3: Hurry up, guys, I gotta drop a crystal donk.
Crystal Guardian #2: Oh, come on, I don't wanna hear that.
Crystal Guardian #3: Hey, whatever man, I ain't ashamed- whoa, what the?! [A shadow looms over him.]
Jake: [Morphed his body into a tall wall like appearance] [speaking a deep voice very slowly] open up! Feel my controlled attack! Whoooomp psssh [lightly punches guardian's face] Whoooomp psssh, Oooo oooh psssh.
Crystal Guardian #3: Stop it!
[Cue screen "4 minutes later."] [Jake is still lightly punching the guardian.]
Jake: I'm not hurting you am I?
Crystal Guardian #3: No, [slapping hand away] you freak!
Jake: Well, there's a lot more where that came from! So you best tell me why you're turning Finn into a crystal.
Crystal Guardian #3: Or what, you'll touch me?
Jake: So, help me I will touch you!
Finn: [Screaming] JAKE! AHH! HELP!!
Jake: Finn, oh no!
Crystal Guardian #3: [Pushing Jake back] cut it out he looks good.
Finn: MY BODY!! [he turns completely crystal.] [The prison pops and he falls to the ground.]
Jake: Nooo! My bud!! [shrinks down.]
Crystal Guardian #2: Ah, let him in, he can't do nothing now.
Jake: [Runs over the crystallized Finn] I'm sorry, Finn, I'm super lame and now...you're dead.
Finn: I'm not dead, I'm just all crystal stiff.
Jake: Oh.
A voice: Get your hands off My lover!
Jake: That voice.
Finn: It sounds like-
Tree Trunks: [She appears from a corridor, hovering, pale skinned and crystal-eyed.] Yes, Finn, it's me, Tree Trunks. [Jake dragging Finn away] but in this world I am known as Quartzion the Crystal Queen.
Finn: Oh my grosh, you're alive!
Tree Trunks: Oh, I'm more than alive, Finn. After I ate that Crystal Apple in the scary dark forest, I was transported to this crystal dimension where I become ruler of the crystal men. And the crystal men are all in love with me.
[All three Crystal Guardians run up to Tree Trunks to profess their love.]
Crystal Guardians: Love you Quartzion! Quartzion, I love you! Quartzion, we love you! [bows.]
Tree Trunks: Yes, yes I know, but you love... is not enough [grins evilly] [Her eyes glow and from her trunk, a beam zaps the guardians into dust, Finn and Jake gasp.] I wanted you, Finn, so you could be transformed into my sexy crystal king.
Finn: Tree Trunks, you've gone bananas with crystal power!
Tree Trunks: Finn, it's not sexy for a king to call his queen bananas! [she unleashes a beam of light that turns the surroundings into dust, but Jake grabs Finn and runs for cover.]
Finn: Jake, you totally gotta stop her!
Jake: I'll try man, but I'm still figuring out my bizz, [stretches his legs to reach her height] here I come, Tree Trunks! [lightly touches her trunk] Taste my gentle rubs!
Tree Trunks: Whoa there, don't you put your junk on my trunk! [wraps Jake up.]
Finn: Go, Jake, go!
Jake: She's too sassy and powerful! [gets thrown at a crystal.]
Joshua: [His disembodied voice is heard] Jake, Jake, I brought someone here to see you, it's your brother.
Jake: Jermaine?! Are you dead?
Jermaine: Nah man, we're just dreamin' at the same time.
Jake: Oh, I'm sorry about that time I beat you up.
Jermaine: That was an accident, I knew you were just horsin' off!
Jake: But dad, you said I was going to hurt everybody!
Joshua: Yeah, every-bod-y.
Jake: I don't know, dad, that doesn't really help me.
Joshua: Everybody who is evil, Jake. Let me finish next time, hm, yeah?
Jake: Oh, well then I'm over it then! Rarr [charges back into battle.]
Finn: Jake, kick Tree Trunks in the tummy, shes probably still got that crystal gem inside her!
Jake: That must be giving her all her powers!
Tree Trunks: Marry me, Finn, we can snuggle through time and space and kiss each other in an alternate dimensional place.
Jake: [Morphs his foot into a giant boot and kicks Tree Trunks in the stomach.]
Tree Trunks: [Coughs up the Crystal Apple and returns to normal. The apple bounces off a wall, lands and opens a portal.] Oh, dear.
Finn: [Busts out of his crystal body and cheers.]
Jake: TT, you're back.
Tree Trunks: Oh, Jake, I was behaving so inappropriately I'm so embarrassed.
Jake: Oh shush, Tree Trunks, if I had a penny for every time someone went crazy hopped up on magic energy... I'd be Abraham Lincoln!
Finn: Tree Trunks, you're okay!
Jake & Tree Trunks: Finn!
Finn: I'm okay toooo! [does a cartwheel.]
Tree Trunks: Oh, Finn, I was trapped here for so long and all I could think about was you and how your so nice to me and I, and I just wanted to say... I think... you're cute and I like you.
Finn: [Blushing] Okay, okay, let's go.
Tree Trunks: Finn, when we get home, it's apple pie time.
Finn: Ooooh!! [picks her up and jumps through the portal, she giggles.]
Tree Trunks: ♪Apple pie in the oven, Tell me you can taste lovin'♪


End of "Crystals Have Power"

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Daddy-Daughter Card Wars" from season 8, which aired on July 7, 2016.

Characters
Jake
Charlie
Grand Prix
Moniker
Turtle Announcer
Contestants
Music
None
Locations
Ocean
Abandoned oil rig
This transcript is complete, needs formatting.


Transcript


This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Daddy's Little Monster" from season 4, which aired on April 30, 2012.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Marceline
Hunson Abadeer
Demons
Big Demon
Ab Demon
Music
Not Just Your Little Girl
Political Rap
Locations
Tree Fort
The Nightosphere
This transcript is complete.


This episode is a continuation of "Return to the Nightosphere" (see transcript.)

Transcript

[The episode begins with Finn, Jake and BMO. Jake is wearing a towel and a shower cap and is holding a banana. BMO is charging Jake's camera phone.]
Jake: Yo BMO, you done chargin' up that phone or what?
BMO: Almost... finished... [The camera beeps that the battery is full and BMO is tired from charging it.]
Jake: [Takes the phone] Thanks, BMO. Alright, man. We're gonna figure this out... right... now! [Flips phone open. The phone loads and the video begins to play.]

Video begins.

Jake: Yo yo yo yo, check it! This is Jake on my camera phone! [Moves head back and forth towards the camera.] Whooooooooooaaaaaaa. Whoooa! Yo, Finn! Say 'hi' to my new camera phone!
[Finn comes into view.]
Finn: Whaddup camera phone!
[Finn and Jake wiggle their tongues and move their heads back and forth towards the camera. A noise is heard and a green light shines on them. Jake turns the camera phone into the direction they are staring and a portal opens and Marceline emerges.]
Finn & Jake: Marceline! [Finn walks over to her]
Marceline: You guys wanna come party in the Nightosphere with me? I'm visiting with my dad and it's craaaazy boring.
Finn: Whoa, wait a minute Marceline. Last time I saw your dad, [The camera is pointed towards Jake's feet as he walks over to them] I sliced open his soul sack. [Jake points the camera to Finn & Marceline.]
Marceline: Oh no, he's totally chill now.
Finn: Okay, but I'm keepin' an eye out for your old man in case he pulls any [Puts fingers around eyes] sneak attacks.
Marceline: Don't be a wiener dog. Jake, you coming?
Jake: [Turns camera over to him] Whoo! Yeah, baby!

Camera is loading

[The camera pans up from the ground and shows they are in the Nightosphere.]
Jake: Alright. So, this is the Nightosphere, I guess. [Puts head in front of the camera.] It looks banay-nays. [He turns around] Marceline says they got tons of crazy ways out here. [Moves out of the way and Finn and Marceline are seen inside a cave. Finn is holding a tambourine and Marceline is playing the banjo. Jake walks into the cave, the place where Marceline is staying.] Right, Marceline? [She ignores Jake] Marceline! [Waves hand in front of the camera] Marcy!! [She continues to ignore him. He makes it look like he is crushing her head with his fingers and makes a claw hand and continues to do it.] Hehehe.
Hunson Abadeer: There you are, Marceline. [Jake pans out and shows Hunson in his monster form. Finn and Marceline stop playing their instruments.] Huh? [Screams at the camera and Jake screams. He stops once he sees who it is.] Oh. Hello, dog. Hello, Finn. [Camera turns to Finn]
Finn: Stay away from me, old man! [Points at him and shakes tambourine]
Jake [The one watching the video]: Heheheh, nice one.
Hunson: [Shrinks down and turns into his non-monster state] Now Finn, come on, there's no bad blood here! [Moves around awkwardly] Come here, let's bury the hatchet! [Hugs Finn] See how I'm not killing you?
Marceline: [Groans] Dad, stop!
Hunson: [Puts Finn under his arm] Alright, I don't want to embarrass my little girl. [Puts Finn down] So young lady, have you thought about my offer?
[Marceline puts her banjo on her shoulder and groans]
Jake: [Walks over] What offer, Marceline's dad?
Hunson: [Chuckles] I want Marceline to take over the Nightosphere! Finally join the family business!
Marceline: Business? Dad, what do you even do?
Hunson: Oh! [Chuckles] Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on... [Backs up and beckons them over, the camera points towards Jake's feet as he walks over and he scratches himself. The camera points back to Hunson and Marceline looking out a window. A burning landscape is seen.] Check it out, sweetie. [He puts an arm around Marceline's shoulder] See how chaotic it is out there? [Lava shoots out of the ground. The camera zooms in on them.] How everyone's confused and frustrated? The Nightosphere is sustained by chaos!
[The camera turns to Finn, who jiggles his cheeks]
Marceline: Eh, I just don't see my self doing this biz'.
Hunson: [Raises arms] Okay. But I know you'll come around eventually. Or maybe you won't! I don't know. You're an independent woman! [He begins to make his soul-sucking face and Jake backs away, but he is just yawning.] Well, I'm gonna take a nappy. [Begins to walk away but remembers something] Oh! I almost forgot! [Takes off the Nightosphere amulet and it sucks his suit into it, he is now wearing underpants and an undershirt.]
Marceline: Dad!
[Finn covers his eyes.]
Hunson: Whoops! Hahaha! [Camera zooms in as he hands the amulet to Marceline] You should put this amulet on. It'll grant you wishes for, like, ponies. Or whatever kids like.
Marceline: Dad, I'm a thousand years old.
Hunson: Ha! Yes you are, sweetie. [Rubs Marceline's hair, leaving it messy] Daddy's little monster! [Walks away]
Marceline: [Puts amulet in her pocket] Look, let's play something, okay?
Finn: Okay!
Marceline: [Starts to float around and play the banjo as Finn plays the tambourine] I know you just wanna give your little girl the world, but Daddy I'm not just your little girl. I've got my own life, I've got my own plans, I hope you understand and like the way that I am because I want your respect and I want to be here. But I don't wanna rule the Nightosphere. [Lands in front of the camera and sighs. She takes out the amulet.] Psssh. Whatever, Dad. [Puts the amulet on. A suit comes out of it and wraps itself around her. The phone is dropped and tentacles are seen. The phone is picked up and Marceline is seen looking like her father's monster's form in "It Came from the Nightosphere." The camera zooms out to show Finn approaching Marceline while she laughs evilly.
Finn: Jake, grab the amulet! [Marceline punches him into Jake]
Jake: Ow, my hippocampus!
[Marceline continues to laugh evilly and walks towards them.]

Video ends.

Jake: Well... that explains how we got amnesia-ed. [Pulls out banana] But what about banana?
Finn: Hey man, there's another video!

Video starts

[A demon is carrying Finn and Jake and throws Jake into a jail cell filled with bananas in the center.]
Demon: We got mad prison overcrowding down here, fellas. [Throws Finn onto the bananas] So I gotta put you in the cage with the stuff. Sorry about that. But, you know, not really. [The camera zooms in on him as he slams the cage door. He starts to burp.] Aw, my stomach! [Cocks head to the side and bananas come out of both ears.]

Video ends

[Jake, who is watching the video, freezes as he is about to take a bite out of the banana he retrieved from the Nightosphere and throws it on the ground in disgust.]
Finn: That amulet's controlling Marceline! We have to go back and help her! [Runs to the freezer and grabs bug milk] We're gonna get back using that one portal spell we know! [Draws a PHIL FACE on the wall and throws the bug milk at it] Maloso vobiscum et cum spiritum! [The portal opens]
Jake: [Raises arm] Whoa, dude! [Points to Finn] She told us never to come back!
Finn: Oh yeah. Oh! [Climbs up the ladder that leads upstairs and Jake follows. He pulls out his pajamas] Jake! Can you turn into a gross demon?
Jake: Mhmm. [Does so. Finn, now, has his outer clothes off. He is now in his tight-whitey underpants. Now, he is putting on his pajamas.]
Finn: Grosser!
Jake: [Does so and growls.] What's your disguise?
Finn: [Finished cutting out his mask] Paper plate mask, yo!
Jake: Nice!
[They both run towards the portal.]
Finn: Let's go! [Him and Jake jump through the portal and land behind many large lines of demons.]
Marceline: Who's next? Who's next? [A demon steps forward]
Weird Punishment Demon: Uh... me, my lord "Aberdeer."
Marceline: What do you desire, cowering spec? Pain? Pleasure? Or... weird punishment?
Weird Punishment Demon: Uh... pleasure.
Marceline: No, weird punishment! [Creates a cloud and a green laser shoots out and zaps him. Bananas begin to come out of his mouth as he runs away.] [To a big demon] And what do you desire? P, P, or WP?
Big Demon: I... pain?
Marceline: Okay. [Zaps the left side of his body off.]
Big Demon: Aw.
Marceline: Come on, come on, next!
Ab Demon: Uh... I'm just gonna go.
Marceline: You sure, dude? Don't you want abs?
Ab Demon: Yeah, gimme abs! [His face is turned into abs and Marceline laughs evilly.]
Finn: I think we can charge up there and rip the amulet off her neck. [Amulet gleams]
[Finn and Jake begin to run up but a Demon with a cup spots them and stops them.]
Line Demon: Hey! What're you guys doin'?! You can't run up to the front of the line! These good people have been waiting forever! Shame on you both! Everybody, shame them! [The demons in line boo them] Boo, sir! I "boo" what you're doing! Step back! [Taps Jake. Finn and Jake begin to walk back.] Back! [Pokes Finn and Jake] You will not cut the line! [Pokes Finn with cup] Again! [Continues to poke] You stay back here! And wait your turn like the rest of us! [Pinches them both in the side] Under... stand?!
Finn: Yeah, okay, okay!
Line Demon: I'll be watching you! [Walks back to spot]
Demon in line: Sorry dude, you got outta line. I-
Line Demon: Dang it! [Runs off]
[Marceline hears them mumbling in pain and grabs Jake. Finn grabs his other arm and she pulls them to where she is floating.]
Marceline: Who are you?
Finn: Ahh! Don't kill us Marceline!
Jake: It's us! Finn and Jake!
Finn: [Pulls up his mask to reveal who he is.] Your friends, remember?
Marceline: Eh. [Lifts them to her mouth and is about to eat them. She laughs evilly.]
Jake and Finn: Oh Grod!
[Jake pokes her hard in both of her eyes and she flings them away. Jake turns into a paraglider and they land on the ground.]
Finn: Run! [Marceline stomps next to them. They run into a crevice and end up in a kitchen. They look at Marceline through the kitchen window.] Marceline...
[They hear a noise behind them and turn around to see Hunson holding a sandwich and grabbing mustard from the fridge.]
Finn: What are you doing?
Hunson: Just grabbing a midnight snack. [Closes fridge]
Finn: It's Marceline! That's her out there!
Hunson: I know! [Puts sandwich on table] Isn't it fantastic?
Finn: [Slams hand on table] No! We have to save 'er!
Hunson: [Puts mustard on his sandwich] Save her?
Finn: From the amulet!
Hunson: But this is what I've always wanted! My girl, following in her daddy's footsteps.
Finn: But that's not what she wants!
Hunson: That's balderdash, baby. The wearer of the amulet is filled with chaotic evil! Which is how I grew up. So... [Takes a bite out of his sandwich.]
[Finn knocks the sandwich out of his hand and runs out the door in front of him and into the room with Marceline and the demons.]
Finn: Maybe we can get these dudes to help us! [Demons murmur and one sighs heavily.]
Jake: These guys won't help you. They're all complacent sheeple. [Begins to do a little beatboxing.]
Finn: Wait, that's it! We're gonna freestyle a political rap to get these guys to rise out of their systemized demon apathy.
Jake: [Uncertain] Okay... [Begins to beatbox]
[Finn raps the Political Rap and the demons crowd around and cheer.]
Demon in crowd: I never thought of it that way before!
Demon in crowd #2: The system is broke, yo!
[The demons begin to chant "Freedom." They pick up Finn and Jake and run toward Marceline, who shoots green lightning out of her cloud. The demons swarm around Marceline and Finn and Jake struggle to pull the amulet off of her. They get it off of her and a black substance shoots out and covers the demons and they begin to eat it.]
Finn: Marceline! [Pulls her out of the substance.]
Jake: Aw, sick!
Finn: [Spots the portal leading back to the treehouse.] Jake! The tree house!
Jake: Ahhhh! I'm too freaked out to move, Finn! These demons are nibbling my legs! [Pans down to show many demons biting and crawling on Jake's legs]
Finn: [Looks at Marceline and the amulet.] Jake! Take her! [Tosses Marceline to Jake and falls into the demons.]
Jake: No, Finn! You'll be filled with chaotic evil!
[Finn puts the amulet on and grows large and demon-like. Hunson walks into the room drinking a carton of milk and spits it out once he sees the demons swarming Finn. Finn grabs Jake and Marceline and stuffs them into the tree house. He then begins to hit aside demons, which run away screaming. Jake lays down Marceline inside the tree house who begins to awaken.]
Finn: Marceline... [Peers through the portal] No one... [Reaches his hand through the portal] leaves the Nightosphere!
[Jake stretches his arms across Marceline to protect her. The amulet is pulled off Finn by Hunson and he turns back to normal. He flies through the portal and into the Treehouse.]
Hunson: Marceline! Um, I wonder what happened to him! Kids these days... am I right?
Jake: Dude... seriously.
Marceline: Dad, you tricked me. [Hunson looks at her innocently] Dad, that sucks!
Hunson: I know, I'm sorry. But I thought you'd want to, want to make your old man proud and you know... take over the Nightosphere.
Marceline: Yeah, I want you to be proud. I want you to be proud of me!
Hunson: No, I didn't mean... Baby, of course I'm proud of you.
Marceline: Dad...
Hunson: And your friends? They're alright! That political rap? [Raises thumb] Pretty great!
Marceline: Okay, okay, I gotta go now, Dad. [Closes the portal.] Woof. What a nightmare. Man, Finn, my dad actually likes you. I don't wanna hang out with you anymore. [Finn is lying on the floor exhausted, sweating and is trying hard to breathe.] Finn?

Episode Ends.

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Dad's Dungeon" from season 3, which aired on February 6, 2012.

Characters
Finn
Jake
BMO
Joshua (holo-messages)
Dumb Rock
Ugly Monster
Fruit Witches
Music
Joshua's Final Message Remix
Locations
Tree Fort
Joshua's dungeon
Grass Lands
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The story begins on the boat of the Tree Fort. Finn, Jake, and BMO are lounging around. Finn yawns.]
Jake: Alright. Whaddaya wanna see next?
Finn: A cheetah! A fart!
BMO: A cookie! An external hard drive! Ooh, ooh! Change into Finn, but give him my body!
Finn: BMO, your ideas are boring.
BMO: What? Your head on my body isn't boring! It's weird! [Giggles]
Jake: Alright, I'll try to turn into a cheetah farting. [Turns into a cheetah and makes a long farting sound while moving his face and tail around his body.] I can't do the spots.
[The group notices sparkles on the Tree Fort's leafroof.]
Finn: Sparkles on the house? LET'S SQUISH 'EM!
[Finn and Jake jump into the Fort through the weeping willow leaves. They chase the sparkles to a secret room in the Fort, containing a holo-message player and a holo-cartridge.]
Jake: Did you squish the sparkles?
Finn: No. They're around this holo-message player. It's got a cartridge with it.
Jake: Oh, snap! [Claps once] Well, plop that cartridge in the slot, playah!
Finn: Yeah! Okay! [Inserts cartridge into holo-player]
[The holo-player activates, and the late Joshua walks into view in the 3D holo video.]
Joshua [On tape]: [Clears throat] Hello, boys. [Coughs]
Finn and Jake [In unison]: Dad!!
Joshua [On tape]: If you're hearing this prerecorded hologram message, it's because I passed on, and my spirit sparkles guided you to its secret hiding place. Right now, I'm holding both of you in my hands. You're both still little squishy babies. [Finn cries and Jake chuckles. Joshua scowls at Finn who is still crying. He lets them both crawl away. Joshua has a disappointed look on his face.] I made you boys something. It's a dungeon. A proper dungeon. Full of evil monsters, traps, and magic. The whole kazoo!
Finn and Jake: Whoa! Kickin'! Kickin'!
Joshua [On tape]: Now, this next part of the message is just for you, Jake, so Finn, cover your ears. [Finn covers his hat's ears.] Jake... really, this dungeon is for Finn. I know I won't be around forever, and I wanna make something that will force Finn to toughen up.
Jake: What?!
Joshua [On tape]: Now, tell Finn to uncover his ears now.
Jake: Dude, take your hands off your head.
Finn: WHAT?!?!
[Jake slaps Finn's arms off his head.]
Joshua [On tape]: Alright, boys. Now to give you some incentive, at the end of the dungeon, I'm going to put the Family Sword. It's made out of Demon's Blood.
[Just then, the Blood Demon appears behind Joshua in a wall of flames.]
Finn: Whoa, what the--?!
Jake: Whoa, dang!
Blood Demon [On tape]: Give me back my blood, Joshua!
Joshua [On tape]: Kee Oth Rama Pancake.
Blood Demon [On tape]: Waaaaah!! [Banished by Joshua's spell, he disappears in flames]
Jake: Whoa!!
Finn: Geez-louise!
[Finn and Jake high-five.]
Joshua [On tape]: The dungeon's eighty paces west of here under a dumb-lookin' rock. And Finn, this dungeon's gonna kick your tail. I bet you won't even get past the first trial, ya whiny baby!
[The player deactivates.]
Finn: What?? What was that about?
Jake: Uh... [Makes an "I don't know" noise and shrugs]
[Scene switches to outside in the grasslands. Finn and Jake are near the dumb-looking rock.]
Dumb Rock: Duh... duh... du-ugh... duh...
[Finn pushes the rock aside revealing a hole. He jumps down.]
Finn: Whoo! [He reaches the floor and sees a pile of burgers and a pile of hotdogs. Jake drops down.]
Jake: Whoa! Burgers and hotdogs! Yeah, yeah, YEAH! [Runs towards the food]
Finn: Wait, Jake!
Jake: [Stops] But... burgers and hotdogs..
Finn: Didn't you say you were hungry for burgers this morning?
Jake: Yeah, so?
Finn: And I said I was hungry for hotdogs?
Jake: Mm-hmm, I remember.
Finn: I don't think those burgers and hotdogs are burgers and hotdogs at all.
[Finn stops in front of the hotdogs. The ketchup on one of them suddenly turns into mustard. Finn kicks it [Aaaaaah... BOO!] and the Hamburger Monster and the Hot Dog Monster awaken. Jake attempts to run and Finn grabs hold of him. Finn charges, dodges the Hot Dog Monster's attack, and jumps on it; he runs on it until it head-butts him and Jake to the ground. When the monster picks its head back up, Finn and Jake are seen to be still on it. When the monster attempts to slam its face on the ground again, Finn takes out its brain, and Jake says, "Ew." The duo lands in the Hamburger Monster and its heads explode. Finn and Jake quickly escape and Finn kicks the exit with a, "HI-YAH!!" making it crumble. Jake approaches a hamburger which is part of the Hamburger Monster and attempts to eat it.]
Jake: Aaaahh...
Finn: [Slaps Jake] DUDE!! [Notices the next cartridge on a pedestal] Look!
[The duo runs up to it, and Finn places the cartridge in the player. The player activates.]
Joshua [On tape]: Finn, cover up those nubs on your head.
Finn: Man... again? [Does it]
Joshua [On tape]: Alright. Hey, Jake, I wanna remind you what this dungeon's for. [Holds up baby Finn who is crying] In order for Finn to stop whining, he needs to be put through a trial that forces him to take charge of a situation.
Jake: But Dad, Finn's already figured that out. He's a good kid with a kind heart.
Joshua [On tape]: Remember, Jake, this is a prerecorded holo-message. I can't hear you if you're talking to me right now.
Finn: [His ears are still covered.] I'm gonna go walk around!
Jake: Okay!
Joshua [On tape]: Jake, I need your help. You gotta call Finn a whiny baby.
Jake: But—
Joshua [On tape]: Butts are for pooping! Do it for Poppy!
[Player deactivates.]
Jake: [Putting player in backpack] Finn!
Finn: Over here! [Jake runs towards him.] Check it out, Jake. I found two ways. This way has some kinda flower trap, and that way... has that guy.
Ugly Monster: None shall pass!
Jake: Ugh... Let's take the flower path!
Finn: [Nodding] Mmm.
Ugly Monster: Wait! Why don't you wanna take my path?!
Jake: Because... you're super gross, man.
Ugly Monster: Oh... [Sighs]
Finn: Cheer up, man. We're only tellin' you you're gross because we're your bros.
Ugly Monster: Really?
Finn: Yeah! Bros are real with each other, and you're gross, brother. Take a bath.
Ugly Monster: Thanks, brother. Hahaha.
Finn: Hahaha, no probs. [He and Jake enter the Flower Path.] Hey, what did Dad say?
Jake: Um... He said he's surprised a whiny baby like you made it this far.
Finn: What?! Why's Dad sayin' all that jive??
Jake: Mm...
[Joshua appears in Jakes imagination]
Imaginary Joshua: Jake, do it for Poppy! [Disappears]
Jake: [Frustrated sigh] Because... you cry like a baby... Baby!
Finn: Dude... you're pickin' on me, too?
Jake: [Nods] [He turns and notices the fruit witches laughing.] Whoa.
[The three fruit witches are seen floating over a table filled with various delicious-looking fruit.]
Finn: I don't even cry much. I only cry when it's healthy, like when people die.
Brown-haired witch: Partake of the fruit... [She gets some of her hair in Finn's mouth.]
Finn: Pff, blech... If I didn't cry when people died, I'd have a cold butt for a heart.
Blonde witch: The fruuuuit...
Jake: [Mocking Finn; feigning crying] Waaaah, I cry when people die. Waaah, I'm Finn.
Black-haired witch: Partake of the fruit!
Finn: [Grabs an apple] Maybe I will partake of the fruit.
[The witches gather around excitedly, further urging Finn to eat it.]
Jake: Dude, don't eat that!!
Finn: Why not? All the people that I care about in this world are being wads.
[Jake makes a worried noise and an imaginary Joshua appears again.]
Imaginary Joshua: Don't you blow Poppy's cover!
[Finn almost eats the apple, but Jake jumps in and grabs it from his hands just in time. Jake force-feeds the black-haired witch the apple, causing her to grow vines out of her mouth and eye sockets. The vines cover her body.]
Finn: Whoa. [He picks up another apple]
[The vines covering the witch fall off to reveal an apple. After Jake slaps the second apple out of Finn's hand, the two remaining fruit witches feed the apple to their pets, revealing the blood and bones of the now dead fruit witch covering the apple's core.]
Jake: Time to go, baby. [Jake runs for his life.] Finn, come on!
Finn: I'm gonna hang here. With these fruit babes. They'll be my best buds now.
Jake: Rrrr... Yah! [Grabs Finn and runs]
[Jake comes to a wall and looks up; the witches follow in hot pursuit. He uses his powers to climb the wall quickly and the witches chase him and Finn. Jake farts on the witches, making them fall screaming. Jake stretches over the wall, puts Finn down, and turns into a cheetah pointing at the next cartridge.]
Jake: There's another cartridge. [Finn makes a long, sad fart noise.] Alright, man, Dad told me not to tell you this, but—
[Imaginary Joshua appears.]
Imaginary Joshua: Don't tell 'im!
Jake: You're not real. [Turns the imaginary Joshua into an imaginary Lady Rainicorn which kisses Jake; she disappears.] Dad asked me to call you "Baby" because he wants you to be tough.
Finn: But I'm tough! My whole body is a callus!
Jake: [Sighs, grabs Finn and slides down a slanted wall with Finn] On this next holo-message we listen to, when Dad tells you to cover your ears, don't. [Lets go of Finn]
Finn: [Falling off Jake's grip, laying on ground] Hmmph.
[Jake activates the player.]
Joshua [On tape]: Hey, hey! Finn! Jake! You made it past the fruit witches! Hey, did they make you cry, Finn? Huh? Huh? [Laughs] I bet they did. Alright, now cover your ears, Sue! [Jake shakes his head "No."] Jake, I'm almost done with this dungeon. I just have one last monster to fit into this pit I dug. I got him tied up in this building. It's really hard trying to fit him into this pit. He's pretty evil. Ha. [The monster's fingers extend.] You're gonna have a crazy time trying to defeat— [The monster grabs him.] WAAAAAH!!
Finn and Jake [In unison]: DAD!
[They run inside to find a dark room with the demon blood sword in it.]
Finn: [In awe] Dad's sword!
[Jake finds a bunch of cartridges and another player/recorder. He activates the player.]
Joshua [On tape]: Hey, Jake, when Finn finishes this dungeon, play this tape for him...
[Joshua's voice can barely be heard in the background as Finn attempts to pull out the sword but fails. The Evil Monster comes out of the shadows laughing and hits Finn.]
Jake: Finn! [The monster beats Finn badly.] Dude! Use your karate biz!
Finn: Ugh... I— [The monster hits him again.] I can't, man. I suck. I'm a whiny baby, and I'm fat, and all those things Dad said about me!
Jake: Dude... Dad loves you!
[The monster hits Finn yet again and laughs. Jake looks at the player. He puts a cartridge in and it activates.]
Joshua [On tape]: Finn! If you're seeing this prerecorded holo-message, it's because you finished the dungeon that I made for you. I'm proud of you. You're gonna do great things in this world. I love you, son.
[Finn smiles and stands. The monster hits him and laughs. Finn is now irritated. Joshua's Final Message Remix begins as Jake tampers with the prerecorded messages. Finn pulls the sword out of the ground and stabs the monster in its crystal eye. He then throws the monster into the pit. Jake comes up to Finn, and they smile at each other.]
Dumb Rock: Duh... Duh...
Joshua [On tapes, which are being tampered with by Jake]: I made you boys something. It's babies. Full of babies. ...the family sword. It's made out of—babies.
Jake: You know I don't think you're a baby, right?
Finn: Yeah. I know.
Jake: That sword is sweet!
Finn: Yeah! I'm stoked to slay some evil with it.
[Blood Demon suddenly appears in front of Finn and Jake.]
Blood Demon: Joshua! Return my blood to me, or by demon's law, I will cut off your love handles!!! [Jake begins to activate the player] Joshua, we go way back. Come on! Just give me back my blood!
Joshua [On tape]: Kee Oth Rama Pancake.
Blood Demon: NOOOOOOO!!! [Disappears in a wall of flames]
[The player deactivates, and the duo walks on like nothing happened.]
Finn: Man... Dad was cool.
Jake: Yeah.
[They both laugh, and the episode ends.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Dark Purple" from season 6, which aired on February 19, 2015.

Characters
Susan Strong
Sally
Celina
Cheryl
Music
Super Porp Jingle
Locations
Squeez-E-Mart
Beautopia
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[Jake is skateboarding and doing tricks in front of BMO and Marceline.]
BMO: [hitting the ground with its skateboard] Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Sick! Sick! So sick! Dying!
Finn: Check it out. I got snacks for while we wait. For Marcy, red lick-rish.
Marceline: Thanks.
Finn: And for BMO... [tosses BMO pine tree car freshener]
BMO: [gasps] [puts it on] Fresh boys!
Marceline: So, Finn... [slurps red from lick-rish] What are we waiting here for?
Finn: What? Dude, it's Super Porp Day.
Jake: Yeah. Don't you know about Super Porp Day?
Marceline: Wait. "Super Porp"... like in the old commercials? Uh, let's see, like, ♪Super Porp, it hits the spot, messes up your train of thought. If you're thirsty and out of shape...♪
Everyone: ♪Get down on that fizzy grape!♪
Finn: Yeah, yeah. That's the one.
Jake: Today's the day when Squeez-E-Mart always gets their monthly shipment.
Marceline: What? That's really weird, guys. Why would s—
BMO: Stop talking! Here it comes!
[A drone flies in carrying a box. It deposits the package into the top of a nearby vending machine. The lady on the front of the machine winks and a recording plays.]
Cheryl (recording): Enjoy Super Porp!
BMO: I love you, Cheryl.
[Finn hands Marceline a can.]
Marceline: Man, this biz takes me back. I used to drink this stuff all the time when I was a kid.
Finn: What? That's not right. How could the exact same soda still be in production hundreds of years after the great Mushroom Wars?
Jake: [mutters gibberish] Okay, listen. So, okay, we could go track down the mysterious source of Super Porp. Do up a fuh-real, end up fightin' some big soda-computer-god-baby or whatever... We totally could. But... Super Porp is good. So why question this good thing, man? Why?
Finn: Hmm. Yeah, okay. Let's just go home.
BMO: Yay! Super Porp! Yay! BMO!
[The drone scans them but determines they are all "unsuitable" before flying away. Deep underground in Beautopia, the Hyooman tribe is waiting for their delivery of Super Porp. They cheer at the drones' approach.]
Hyoomans: [chanting] Super Porp! Super Porp! Super Porp!
Cheryl: Enjoy Super Porp!
Hyoomans: We will, Cheryl!
[Susan Strong drops in from above, landing on a pile of empty Super Porp cans.]
Susan Strong: No, Cheryl. Susan will not enjoy!
Rabbit Hyooman: Chill out, Susan Strong.
Giraffe Hyooman: Yeah. Super Porp taste good! Super Porp is good!
Susan Strong: No. It fake juice. Tough-guy hyoomans do not drink fake juice.
[Sally opens a can of Super Porp, preparing to drink it, but she hands it to Susan.]
Susan: Hmph. [throws can at drones] Go away, robots!
[A drone scans Celina, Susan, and Sally, deeming each unsuitable. It then scans a baby nearby, which it determines is a "100% match." It swoops down and snatches the baby out of its mother's arms.]
Mother: [gasps] Baby? Baby!
Susan Strong: Eh?! Baby! [runs after drones] Baby!
[Susan, Celina, and Sally grab hold of a drone and fly after the baby.]
Susan: Baby.
[The drones fly away from Beautopia and into the Super Porp Factory through a hole with a fan.]
Susan: [gasps] Oh, dang! [breaks apart her drone and jumps on Celina's, then throws the broken drone's wings at the fan, stopping its spinning]
[They fly into the fan, breaking it. The drone carrying the baby is not far ahead, but it flies up a shaft unexpectedly.]
Susan: [gasps]
[Susan punches her drone, and the three set foot in the tunnel.]
Susan: Baby.
[They backtrack a bit and end up at the entrance, which has a fountain, stairs, and statues of Cheryl.]
Celina: Porp fountain.
Susan: [growls]
[Sally pats Susan's arm.]
Susan: Hmm?
[Sally mimes drinking Super Porp and growls.]
Susan: Hmm? [gives thumbs-up and walks up to fountain] [grunts] Cheryl. [confronts cardboard cutout] Where's baby? Cheryl better talk. [touches cutout]
Cheryl: Hello, and welcome to the original Super Porp factory! [starts malfunctioning] Are you ready to get porrrped? I-I-I think we all need to get poooorped.
Susan: [smashes cutout] Baby!
Celina: Susan killed Cheryl!
Susan: [sniffs cardboard] No! [stomping on cutout] This is fake style bubblehead. Cheryl trying to trick us!
[The baby's cries are heard through a vent.]
Susan: [gasps] Baby! That hole too small for Susan.
[Sally mimes throwing and points to herself.]
Susan: If Sally say so... [lifts Sally and throws her at the vent] Hup! Hyah!
[Sally crashes through the vent and gives a thumbs-up to Susan and Celina.]
Susan: You two, follow baby cries.
[Sally helps Celina up into the vent.]
Susan: Susan will find other way. Hmm? [taps foot on rug] Hmm... [punches through the floor and drops down, finding workers preparing Super Porp]
Workers: ♪Super Porp, it hits the spot. It messes up your train of thought. If you're thirsty and out of shape, get down on that fizzy grape! Super Porp!♪
Susan: Uh.
[One of the workers reaches into the vat they are stirring. Another worker stops her and slaps her face.]
Female Worker: Hey! No one is allowed to taste pure Porp syrup! You know this, Carla.
Carla: But it looks sooo good!
Female Worker: Well, of course it does! I mean, I'd smash everyone's face in this room for a single drop of pure Porp, but that's not the Super Porp way.
Carla: [whines]
Female Worker: Aw, cheer up, girl. Maybe we'll get bonus reg Porp after that new baby gets processed.
[Susan breaks a pipe and swings down to the floor on it.]
Susan: Baby!
Workers: [gasp]
Male Worker: Hey, where's your hairnet?!
[Susan kicks him and throws him to the ground.]
Male Worker: Ow! W-w-where's your hairnet? Where's your hairnet?
[Susan ties his limbs in a knot.]
Male Worker: Where's your—?
[Susan lifts him above her head.]
Male Worker: Okay, verbal warning this time.
Female Worker: Protect the pure Porp!
[Susan throws the male worker at the female worker.]
Worker: Uh-oh. Uh-oh. [kicks and punches at Susan] Uh-oh!
[Susan elbows the worker in the chest.]
Worker: Oof! Uh-oh. [kicks and misses]
[Susan grabs the worker's leg.]
Worker: Uh-oh!
[Susan throws the worker at the wall, where the worker sticks.]
Worker: Uh-oh!
Susan: Now you tell Susan where you take baby or I'm—
[A worker sneaks up from behind and grabs Susan.]
Female Worker: Hey, are you new here? Are you new here? Are you new here?
[They both fall into a vat of Porp. Susan punches the worker and swims back to the surface. They remaining workers run away. Susan leaves the room, finding more workers at an assembly line. A buzzer sounds, and on a television, Cheryl appears with the baby.]
Cheryl: Attention! All employees report to the break room for the daily Porp break... sponsored by Super Porp.
Susan: Baby.
[The workers form a line.]
Workers: Break time. Break time.
[Susan grabs three and knocks each unconscious. She enters the line with the three workers on her head and shoulders.]
Susan: Susan is camouflaged.
Male Worker: [getting Super Porp from cooler] ♪If you're thirsty and out of shape, get down on that fizzy grape.♪
Susan: [thinking] Why is Susan in this line? Susan didn't think this through.
Male Worker: Wait. [sniffs'] That poorly disguised intruder is covered in pure Porp!
Workers: Pure Porp! Pure Porp! Pure Porp!
[The workers tackle her and begin licking.]
Male Worker: Lick the syrup from her eye holes!
[Susan fights them off, but they join together to form a giant mutant.]
Giant Mutant: ♪Get down on that fizzy grape!♪
Susan: Susan needs no fizz! Susan have hero heart!
[Buzzer sounds]
Cheryl: Break time, sponsored by Super Porp, is over. Get back to work. The Porp must flow!
Workers: The Porp must flow! The Porp must flow!
[Susan leaves the room and enters a room willed with Porp.]
Susan: Ugh. It's sticky.
[A humongous guard dog rises out of the Porp, growling.]
Susan: You a good doggy? You know where baby is? Doggy help Susan?
[The dog swipes at Susan. Susan runs up its arm and punches its face.]
Susan: No!
[The dog falls.]
Susan: Tsk, tsk, tsk.
[A baby's cries are heard through a door marked Control Room.]
Susan: Baby! Hold on, baby!
[As Susan runs up to the door, the dog crushes her underneath its front paws and holds her under the Porp.]
Dog: [cackles] Huh?
[Sally jumps down from above, hitting the dog in the face and knocking it on its back. Susan rips her hat off as she gasps for air, suffocated by the Porp. Celina jumps down from the ceiling onto the dog, causing it to spew Porp. Susan pries open the Control Room doors. They enter and find the baby crying in the arms of someone sitting in an armchair.]
Cheryl: Shh-shh-shh-shh-shh. [turns chair around] Hey. How's it going?
Celina: Cheryl?
Susan: Susan hates Cheryl!
Cheryl: So... you're the dinguses who trashed my facility.
Susan: Yes. Susan is the dingus. Now gimme the baby!
Cheryl: Oh, I see. You don't understand what's going on. This is a super spesh baby, a destiny baby, selected by my loyal delivery drones to take my place as high mascot Cheryl. [opens can of Super Porp and prepares to feed it to the baby] For you see—
[Susan uppercuts Cheryl and catches the baby.]
Susan: Don't drink that.
Cheryl: [groans] [mask falls off] Good job, bozo. Without a new Cheryl, brand awareness will go straight down the toilet. Our in-your-face flavor will be lost forever. Who are you to condemn our weird ancient ways? [melts into a puddle]
[The workers cheer as the three exit the control room, Susan wearing Cheryl's mask.]
Susan: Stop!
Worker: Cheryl?
Susan: Yes, I am Cheryl. [kicks apart a pipe]
Workers: Huh?
Susan: And Cheryl says this is what we do now. Back to work! Everybody, destroy the factory!
[The workers break everything in the factory.]
Workers: Destroy the factory. Back to work. Destroy the factory. Back to work.
[Explosion. Back at the Squeez-E-Mart, Jake awaits a delivery.]
Jake: Alright, well, it's one month later. Aw, yeah! Here it comes!
[A damaged drone deposits its package into the vending machine.]
Cheryl: Enjoy Super Porp!
[Jake gets a can and begins drinking. He spits it out and dumps the can.]
Jake: Ugh! I jinxed it! [throws can on the ground]

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Davey" from season 5, which aired on January 14, 2013.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Randy
Candy People
BMO
Dragon
Music
None
Locations
Tree Fort
Candy Kingdom
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[The episode start out with a bunch of Candy People sitting in front of the Tree Fort when suddenly a Dragon attacks them.]
Finn: [Comes towards Jake who is sitting and playing his video-game] I'm here just in time! [Gets catapulted by Jake's hand.]
Finn: [Singing angelically] ♪Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa......♪
[The dragon smacks him higher into the air and Finn begins to fall towards the dragon; sword in hand. The Dragon flies backwards towards Finn and they collide.] [The sword hits the Dragon in the butt.]
Jake: [Shocked] Whoa!
[Finn is seen running his sword down the dragon with Candy People lining its stomach. The dragon falls dead and the Candy People come out of the dragons belly and cheer.]
Jake: [Points to Finn.] Don't let the dragon, drag on, man.
Finn: [Nods] Mhm.
Finn: [Randy hands Finn a rock] Thanks!
Randy: Sign my rock.
Finn: [laughs] Okay.
Candy Person #1: [Runs up to Finn] FINN! [Chunters] HAVE DINNER WITH ME! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! FINN! [Keeps saying please until Finn responds.]
Finn: Sure, man. Yeah. Sure, sometime.
Candy Person #1: [Cries from happiness] How about... EVERY NIGHT! THIS WEEK!
Finn: Well, maybe one night.
Candy Person #1: [Clears tears and stops crying] C'mon, man! Every night!
Randy: No, man! You get out of here!
Candy Person #1: [Punches Randy in the face] BOOM!
[Randy and Candy Person #1 start to fight against each other]
Finn: Hey, y'all! Don't fight!
Jake: [Whispers to Finn] We should get out of here, Finn. I think someone called the heat.
[Banana Guards come towards the scene while Finn and Jake run away]
[At the treehouse, Jake puts an egg in the bowl and smashes it with a spoon when they hear a noise outside. Finn goes to the window and checks it out]
Candy Person #1: [Shouts] HAVE DINNER WITH ME! HAVE DINNER! I WANT DINNER! FINN!
Finn: Sucks!
BMO: [Runs up to Finn] Finn, can't go outside today?
Finn: I guess I could. I just don't wanna deal with those guys right now.
BMO: Ooooohhhhhh.... Deal with me! [Goes and puts on a robber outfit] Let's play, [Excited tone] Cops and Robbers! [In a thief's voice] Give me your bank account! Bang! Bang! [Trips over] Reach for the roof and give me all your gold bricks.
Finn: [Playing along] Ah, okay, okay, don't hurt me!
BMO: Don't worry, Finn. [Takes off the mask] It's only me, BMO! I'm wearing [Exciting tone again] a disguise!
Finn: [Chuckles] Hmm....
[Finn is in the bathroom shaving his hair while BMO is sitting on the sink, crying with clumps of Finn's hair in its hands]
BMO: [Crying] Your beauty's destroyed!
[Finn finishes shaving his hair and covers the remaining parts in molasses. He grabs a clump of hair from the floor and dyes that as well to make a mustache.]
Finn: Hot job! BMO, how do I look?
BMO: [X eyes] Like the devil!
[Finn goes to the kitchen and startles Jake, who falls over and drops his pancake tower. Jake then turns his hand into a cage and traps Finn]
Jake: Whoa! Intruder! Finn! There's an intruder in here!
Finn: No! [Takes his mustache off] It's me! It's Finn! [Put's it back on] This is my alter-ego.... Davey Johnson!
Jake: Ohhhhhh.
Finn: I'll dress up like this so no one bothers me about being Finn.
Jake: Do you think that'll goin' to do the trick?
Finn: I dunno! [Jumps out of the treehouse]
Candy Person #1: Is that Finn?
Finn [Davey]: Hello! Ahem, hello, hello, helloo...... ahhhhhHHH [His voice scales through several autotuned octaves] [Davey's voice] Hello! I'm Davey!
[The Candy People get disappointed and go sit in front of the treefort and wait for Finn.]
Randy: Oh, I thought it was Finn on account of he's wearing Finn's exact clothes.
Davey: [running through the Candy Kingdom] Hi! I'm Davey!
Candy Person #15: Ah, so what?
Davey: You wanna have dinner with me?
Lollipop Girl: Go away, weirdo.
Davey: Haha! [Runs up to the bike store and then runs to the end of the street. He turns around and runs back. He grabs 3 coins out of the fountain. He then walks up to Cinnamon Bun who is dancing. Then he goes and sits on a bench and starts eating a coco bird]
Coco Bird Vender: Hey! You've gotta pay for those, man. I'm trying to run a business here!
Davey: [He walks up to the vender and hands him the bird.] I gotta find a job! [Runs to the fountain and tosses the three coins back in it. He enters the broom store] I need a job!
Broom Store Owner: Can you sweep a broom?
Davey: You betcha! [He grabs the broom and sweeps the small brooms]
[At sunset, the whistle blows]
Davey: Jeez louise! Quittin' time already?
Broom Store Owner: Sure is, Davey.
Davey: Take 'er easy, boss.
Broom Store Owner: Goodnight, Davey.
[Broom store owner takes a jar full of small brooms]
[At the treehouse in Finn and Jake's bedroom]
Finn: [Takes off his mustache] Man, today was awesome. Just normal, y'know? Just like a normal day. No drama, or any of that. Just super normal. Man it was great.
Jake: [While lying in his bed] That's cool. Goodnight, Finn.
Finn: [Puts on his mustache] I'm Davey.
Jake: Haha! Yeah.
Davey: I'm Davey! [Eyes turn big.]
[In the morning, sounds of wood being chopped is coming from outside]
Jake: [Wakes up] Hey, Finn, you wanna have dinner instead of breakfast today? Finn? [Wiggles his ears] That must be him. [Gets up and goes to the door]
[The Candy People are outside]
Candy Person #1: I MADE YOU DINNER, FINN! WHERE WERE YOU?!
Jake: [Opens the front door. Walks up to Davey] Uhh.... What's going on?
Davey: Oh, heya, mister, thanks for putting me up last night. I'm just chopping some wood so's I can build a little log cabin to live in.
[Jake gets shocked]
Randy: [Walks up to the scene and grabs the chopped wood] Hey, I'm Randy.
Davey: Randy, wanna get dinner tonight?
Randy: Nah, I'm busy. I like to wonder at night.
Jake: Finn what's going on?
Davey: [Takes Jake to the other side of the half-built cabin. So he can talk to him in private] You gotta start calling me Davey, mister. Because that's my name!
[Jake stands still, staring at "Davey"]
Davey: [Large-eyed] Daaaaaaaaaavvvveeeeeeyyyyyy!!!
Jake: Oh, no! Have you lost your teacups, man?
Davey: Mister, I don't know nothing about that. I'm just a working joe... trying to stake my claim... under the sun... and look out on the beautiful green fields called... life!
Jake: Uhhhhhhhh........
Randy: Hey, Davey, where do you want these logs?
Davey: Oh, just attach 'em to the cabin. Like how it should be. So it looks like a cabin. We're gonna build a right wall and front wall. Ummmmm-
Randy: How about the roof?
Davey: Maybe, maybe.
Randy: I've been holding these.
Davey: They look good.
Randy: How do you put good looking wood on a cabin?
Jake: Gotta figure a way to get Finn to act normal. [Then he sees BMO running in circles dressed as a robber]
BMO: Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew! Pewwww.....
[Randy and Davey are sitting on rocking chairs in front of the cabin and drinking soda while Jake comes in a robber costume]
Jake: Ah! Give me the wallet! Or feel my claw! The wallet!
BMO: Watch out! A robber!
Jake: I'll cut you! I mean, rob you! [Takes randy as a hostage]
Davey: Oh, no!
Jake: I'm a robber and I'm gonna rob this guy's life! And there's nobody who can stop me. Unless there's a hero around here. [In a suggestive tone] Like there's someone here who is actually a hero in disguise. They can probably stop me. [Runs up to Davey and whispers] C'mon, Finn. Be a hero.
Randy: What? What are we talking about?
Jake: Butt out, Randy!
Randy: [While being pulled back] Uhhhhhhhhhhhh.........
[Davey goes into the cabin]
Jake: [Whispers.] Yes, Finn. Put on your awesome hat and beat me up.
Randy: What?
Jake: I'm not talking to you, Randy!
Davey: [Comes out of the cabin] I called the police.
Jake: Wait, what?
[In the next scene, the banana guards are dragging Jake]
Jake: Guys, it's not what it looks like! That guy isn't really named Davey. It's Finn! He brainwashed himself to become Davey and I was just trying to inspire him to go back to being Finn.
Banana Guards: Yeah, yeah. We've heard that before. C'mon robber!
Jake: [Shouts to Davey.] Finn, don't let the dragon drag on, man. Don't let the dragon drag on!
Davey: [In Finn's voice] Don't let the dragon........ Jake!
Randy: [While drinking his soda and sitting on the rocking chair] Well that was pretty unusual, wasn't it, Davey?
Davey: Get outta here Randy! [In an exasperated tone and angry expression] Geeeet ouuuuut! [Hits a glass against the wall]
[Randy shrugs and walks off.]
Davey: [Takes off his mustache and starts talking to it] No more Davey.
Mustache: But you love being Davey.
Finn: I do love being Davey, but being Davey caused Jake to get arrested.
Mustache: But remember that time when Davey sat in the park and saw some people walking around?
Finn: Yeah, that was nice.
Mustache: And remember that time when Davey swept the floors?
Finn: [Chuckles] Yeah, that was great, too. But-
Mustache: Do you really wanna go back to being a famous hero? Why not just be Davey? A simple man... with simple goals and simple problems. You can just blend in and live the simple life.
Finn: Yeah.... Blend in. Y'know, maybe I'll be Davey just one more time! [Puts the mustache on]
Davey: One more time!
[Banana Guards are deciding what to do while guarding the prisoners]
Banana Guard #1: C'mon, man! That last game wasn't fair.
Banana Guard #2: How about: Who can hold up their hand the longest?
Banana Guard #1: Okay, this game breaks the tie.
Banana Guard #2: Okay.
Banana Guard #1: Last game.
Banana Guard #2: Last game.
[They both hold up their hands while Davey comes in and sweeps the floor]
Davey: Hey, fellas. How's tricks?
Banana Guard #2: Hm? Oh, hey Davey.
Davey: [Goes next to Banana Guard #2 and whispers to himself] Ah! Keys! [Touches the key with his broom]
Banana Guard #2: Hm? [Starts shivering] What's going on?
Davey: Ah. Would you care for a body sweep?
Banana Guard #2: Umm... yeah... sure. I do feel kinda dirty.
[Davey starts sweeping Banana Guard #2's body]
Banana Guard #1: Whew! You sure know how to party, Davey! [The guards are struggling to hold their arms up]
Davey: [Knocks the keys into his pocket with the broom]
Banana Guard #2: [Cheers because he's winning] Yes yes yes!
Banana Guard #1: No no no!
Davey: [Walks up to Jake's prison while the banana guards are distracted. He opens Jake's prison door open with the key]
Jake: Davey?!
[Davey takes off his mustache]
Finn: No, it's me, [Finn's eyes grow big] Finn!
Jake: Finn! [Walks up to Finn]
Banana Guard #2: [Comes to Jake's prison] Here's your meal, criminal. We feed our criminals. [Realizes the prisoner is free. Drops the meal] Hey, stop!
[Finn and Jake run out of the prison with the guards following behind]
Finn: [Puts Jake's robber clothes on a candy horse and sticks his mustache to the back of the horse. He takes his hat out and puts it on, then waves to the mustache] Goodbye, Davey.
Mustache [Davey]: Goodbye, Finn.
[Finn slaps the horses butt and the horse starts running. Then the Banana Guards come.]
Banana Guard #2: Hey, there they go!
Banana Guard #1: Yeah, there goes Davey and the criminal.
[They both see Finn] Oh, hey, Finn! [They start following Davey and the criminal]
Finn: Good luck catching those guys!
Banana Guard #2: [Shouts out to Finn] Thanks!
Jake: [In Finn's pocket] Glad to have you back, buddy.
Finn: Word.
[Jake turns his back and farts and the episode ends.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Death in Bloom" from season 2, which aired on February 28, 2011.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Death
Princess Bubblegum
Peppermint Butler
Skeletons (Halt)
Death
Music
None
Locations
Candy Kingdom
Land of the Dead
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode begins with Princess Bubblegum, Finn and Jake drinking tea.]
Princess Bubblegum: [Sips tea] Ah fudge! What time is it? I gotta go to Veggie Village for the Annual Technology Fair. Will y’all watch my Princess Plant for me? [Hands Finn a flower with a green stem and white petals] I usually hire a sitter but- Ehn!
Finn: Of course, Princess!
Princess Bubblegum: Awesome! Thank you, Finn. I will be back on the Morrow. SCREEEEEEEE!
[A giant bird flies out from behind a mountain, picks up Princess Bubblegum and flies away.]
Finn: You’re in good hands, Princess Plant.
[Scene transitions to Finn and Jake dancing with the plant. Jake kicks of the pot and begins to shake it’s roots up and down to mimic dancing. The scene transitions to Finn and Jake with the plant sitting on a dinner table and drinking grape soda. They stuff the plant’s roots with pizza and cookies, and Jake pours soda into the plant’s petals, while Finn puts pizza in another. The two high five as the plant sags. The scene transitions again to a dried up and dead plant next to a crackling fire. Finn is reading the plant a story while Jake is cuddled up with it.]
Finn: And then the monster got punched in the head and the princess was safe. And everyone was happy!
[Plant catches on fire as Jake is asleep next to it.]
Finn: [Gasps and screams]
[Finn and Jake put out the fire, Finn puts a band aid on it and they both kiss the black and charred plant.]
[The scene transitions to another room. Finn and Jake are tucking it into bed.]
Finn: Time to lay down beautiful buddy.
Jake: Yeah. Time to make sleepies!
Finn: Ahhh. We killed it, man!
Jake: I know!
Finn: Okay. [Grabs Jake] All we gotta do, is go to the Land of the Dead and reclaim the flower’s soul from death before Bubblegum returns.
Jake: Okay!
[Peppermint Butler peeks into the room.]
Peppermint Butler: Excuse me, but did you all say Land of the Dead?
[Jake covers plant with a pillow.]
Finn: Oh, what?! Oh, uh… yeah.
Peppermint Butler: I can take you.
Finn: Really?
Peppermint Butler: Certainly, Finn. [Walks into corner of the room] For a small price. Which we can discuss later! Take my hands, gentlemen! [Raises arms.]
[Finn and Jake walk over and each take one of Peppermint Butler’s hands.]
Peppermint Butler: Stare into where the two walls meet. Now slowly, cross your eyes. [Crosses eyes] Do it, fools!
[Finn and Jake do so. The portal to the land of the dead opens and is glowing red with rocky terrain in the distance.]
Peppermint Butler: The portal opens!
[Finn and Jake step into the portal.]
Peppermint Butler: Say ‘hi’ to Death for me if you see him! He lives in a castle made of light!
Jake: Uh… okay.
Finn: Thanks Peppermint Butler. [Him and Jake wave goodbye.]
Peppermint Butler: And don’t drink the- [The portal closes] water.
Jake: Whoa man, who knew Peppermint Butler was so- [Clings to Finn as they both scream.]
[The camera pans down to see giant Death Eels fighting, a mountain side that is covered with spikes and flaming holes, hundreds of long pink organisms that have black flames emitting from the ends, a giant scorpion, bones, a television, giant bony fingers sticking out from some rocks, more Death Eel creatures, a purple claw sticks out from behind a rock, red demon-like hands reach out from rocks covered in eyes, giant earwigs, a skull of a demon, police cars and UFOs, and skeletons walking in a town.]
Jake: So… um… you wanna… [Stretches out a kangaroo pouch] hop in my paunch and I’ll stretch us down?
Finn: Uh… Oh look, an escalator!
[An escalator is beside them with skeletons descending down it.]
[Jake stretches himself and Finn over to the escalator in front of a skeleton with a knife in it’s skull.]
Finn: [To skeleton] Hey, dude.
[Skeleton waves. Finn points to the bottom of the escalator where a giant skeletal pterodactyl-like creature is guarding an entrance, where there is a line of skeletons waiting to enter.]
Finn: That must be the main entrance or some biz!
Jake: Let’s go!
[Finn stands on Jake’s back as Jake slides down the escalator and they jump off.]
Finn: Holy schmow!
[Finn and Jake get in line behind a skeleton with a spear in it’s throat.]
Gate Guardian: [To a skeleton with spear in it’s throat] Welcome to the Underworld. Cause of death?
Spear Skeleton: Uh… Spear in the neck.
Gate Guardian: You may enter.
Spear Skeleton: Yay! [Runs inside]
[Finn and Jake walk up to the Gate Guardian.]
Gate Guardian: How did you die?
Finn: Uh…
Finn and Jake: [Thinks of something to say] Because we’re awesome! [They high five] Whoo! Ha ha! Ha ha!
Gate Guardian: Hmm… Step out of line. [Points to the side]
Finn: Awh dingle!
Jake: Wait up, dude! Follow me, and do as I do. [The two begin to slowly side-step to the entrance]
Gate Guardian: [Points to them] Hey! I said no!
[Finn and Jake stop, then keep walking.]
Gate Guardian: Hey! Hey!!
[Finn & Jake walk into the entrance.]
Jake: Ha ha, we’re in! Come on, man!
[Finn laughs.]
Gate Guardian: [Peers into the entrance] Man…
[Finn & Jake run to the bottom of a hill and high five.]
Finn: Yes!
Jake: Yes!
Finn: Where do we go now, dude?
Jake: [Points to the top of a hill] Up there!
[The pair climb to the top and peer over.]
Finn & Jake: Oooooo!
[Behind a rocky terrain, a glowing-white castle is visible in the distance.]
Jake: Death’s castle is pretty, dude.
Finn: Let’s go! [The two jump down and do a little battle cry.]
[They begin to walk and a skeleton pops out from behind a rock.]
Skeleton Guy (Lester): Hey! What’s up, fellas! Hi. Lester. [Grabs Finn’s arm.] Oh man, flesh! Haven’t seen this stuff in forever! [Caresses Finn’s arm] So warm and gushy and softy! [Shakes Finn’s arm up and down.] Look at all that flesh jigglin'!
Jake: Hey! If you love flesh so much, then watch this! [Stretches so he looks like he is melting onto the ground.]
Lester: Whoo! You don’t know what you’re doing to me, guy! Fellas get over here! Flesh!
[More skeletons come out from behind terrain, rocks, and trees and walk over to Finn & Jake.]
Finn: [Whispers to Jake] This is weird, man.
Jake: Don’t worry! They just think we’re cool!
Finn: Hmm… Do you guys think we’re cool?
Lester: No. We’re gonna rip that flesh off you! And eat it!
[Finn & Jake gasp. The skeletons walk towards them and they get into fighting positions.]
Finn: It’s bone-kicking time! [Punches the heads off skeletons but they get up and put them back on.]
Skeleton: [Laughs.]
[A group of skeletons run towards them and knocks Finn down.]
Finn: Oh shoot! Get- [Tries to fight back with a bone, but the skeletons swarm him and begin to bite him.]
Finn: Jake! There’s too many!
Jake: [Coughs, skeletons are biting him as well.] They’re tryin’ to peel me! [Stretches largely and knocks a bunch of skeletons off of him.] I… am not… a banana! [Grabs Finn and runs away. He sees a hole.] Hole! [Puts Finn in the hole.]
Finn: It’s not a hole, Jake! It’s just a divot!
[The skeletons are running around the corner. Jake punches Finn into the ground.]
Jake: Sorry! [Jumps into hole and covers rocky with it.]
[Skeletons run by and do not notice Finn & Jake.]
[Finn & Jake are in the hole, which is a tight squeeze and does not have much room.]
Finn: Dude, shrink down!
[Jake does so.]
Jake: Oh! Sorry.
Finn: I don’t like the underworld too much.
Jake: I don’t know. Wouldn’t be so bad if there weren’t folks trying to eat our skin.
Finn: I wonder how Princess Bubblegum is doing.
[Scene transitions to Princess Bubblegum, who is holding a helmet mechanism.]
Princess Bubblgum: So! Who here invented this thing?
[Camera pans out to reveal she is talking to a group of vegetables that are hooked up to electronic devices. Princess Bubblegum sighs.]
Finn: I’m glad she’s not coming back ‘till tomorrow.
Jake: No she said she’s coming back "on the Morrow."
Finn: Yeah, on the ‘morrow. That means tomorrow.
Jake: No man, the Morrow is her bird!
Finn: Come again?
Jake: It’s her bird! That thing is crazy fast! It’ll only take like twenty minutes to get back once that conference is over. [Camera pans on a shocked Finn.] Are you listening, man? [Camera pans on Jake’s mouth in slow motion] The Morrow, is a bird. [Morrow appears from Jake’s mouth and screeches.]
Finn: We gotta go! [Lifts up rock and peers out.] Coast is clear!
[They come out from their hiding place.]
Skeleton: Halt! [Finn & Jake freeze in place.] Hey! [Taps a skeleton named Halt’s shoulder] Hey Halt! Why you got your eyes closed, Halt?
Halt: I’m trying to picture in my mind’s eye where the fleshies are hiding.
Skeleton: Ooh! You’re a smart guy, Halt!
[Finn & Jake quietly sneak past and onto a bride, panting.]
Finn: [Grabs Jake’s arm] Wait, Jake! Do you hear somethin’? Come on! [They crawl to the edge of the bridge and peak over.]
Group of Skeletons: [Murmuring] I didn’t see them… They were here, and now they’re gone!...
Finn: More skeletons! We’ve gotta be really, really quiet!
[Jake farts loudly, which echoes and causes everything to shake. The skeletons turn around and notice them.]
Skeleton: Get em!
Finn: Jake!
Jake: I thought it would be funny!
[A large rock falls, and they both jump out of the way.]
Finn & Jake: Ahh!
[The cave starts to fall apart and parts of the ceiling fall down, crushing skeletons. Finn & Jake run across the bridge safetly.]
Finn: [Points] Look! There’s Death’s castle!
[Death’s castle gleams]
Finn: [Looks around] I don’t see anyone. I guess you double-killed them with that avalanche.
Jake: Heh, awesome!
Finn: Now we just gotta cross that river!
Jake: River! [They walk down the stairs towards the river.] Man, I’m so thirsty! My mouth’s still all dusty!
SkulL: Yes… [Finn screams.] Drink the water…
Finn: Whoa, okay Jake, don’t drink the water!
Jake: Come one! I’m so thirsty!
Finn: Dude! That skull wants you to drink the water! It’s bad water!
Skull: Don’t drink the water!
Jake: See? That means good right? [Cannon-balls into the river.]
Finn: Jake…
[Jake lifts his head out of the water and looks at Finn with an empty expression on his face.]
Finn: Jake? Why you makin’ stupid face?
Jake: Who’s Jake?
Finn: Dang it, I knew that water was junk!
Skull: Tricked again by the River of Forgetfulness!
[Finn steps onto the Skull and crushes it.]
Finn: Jake! Get out of that water right now!
Jake: Hey! I don’t know who you are, mister, but I don’t like your attitude!
[Scene transitions to Finn dragging a screaming Jake.]
Jake: Help! Somebody!
[Scene transitions to Princess Bubblegum sitting on Morrow and waving goodbye.]
Princess Bubblegum: Farewell, everyone! [Vegetables do not respond.] Okay… Morrow! Back to the Candy Kingdom!
[Morrow screeches and flies away.]
[The scene transitions back to Finn carrying Jake to the doorway of Death’s castle.]
Jake: Help! Somebody help me! Stranger danger!
[Death is raking dirt into a line pattern. The room he is in has giant skulls scattered around and the river of forgetfulness flows through. Finn & Jake sneak in and hid behind a tree. Jake’s back is poking out and Death sees them.]
Death: Hey! Hey! I see you!
Finn: Jake! Your head!
Jake: [Peeks out from behind tree] Huh? [To Death] Who are you?
Death: Who are you?
Jake: I don’t know, man! Who are you?
Death: What do you mean? You’re in my castle! [Finn eavesdrops Jake and Death behind the tree.]
Jake: Well, I didn’t know!
Finn: Dang it, Jake.
Death: You must leave this place. Now!
Finn: [Jumps out from behind tree and begins to talk in a ghost-like voice] Death! We’re not leaving until our plant’s soul! And Jake’s memory!
Death: Another one. Be gone, mortal!
Finn: No! I promised Princess Bubblegum! [Attempts to kick Death but phases right through him and falls on the ground.] Oof! Oww… What happened?
Death: You can’t kick me because your brain is stupid!
Finn: Your brain is stupid!
Jake: Hehehehehehe, this kid’s pretty funny!
Death: [Sighs] Alright. [Drops rake and walks over to stage with wall full of musical instruments.] Pick an instrument.
Finn: Huh?
Death: [Sits down at a drum set with two base drums and a microphone.] To get stuff from me, you have to beat me in a musical battle.
Finn: But Jake’s the musical one! And he’s got poo brain!
[Jake makes popping noise with mouth.]
Death: [Coldly] I don’t care.
Finn: I gotta find what I can really play! Oh glob, man! [Begins to breath heavily] Oh! Here we go! [Picks up sleigh bells from the instrument wall.] Sleigh bells! YA WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW!
Death: So the contest begins!
[Death begins to kick base drums and scream death metal while Finn jingles sleigh bells. Death continues to scream while he detaches his feet, which continue to play the drums. Finn screams and jumps on the sleigh bells. Death slides on his knees across the stage. Finn rolls around on the stage. Death continues to scream death metal while fireworks explode above him, smoke rises into the shape of a skull, fire burns around him and an electric guitar plays in the background. They both finish, and Death has black smoke coming off of him.]
Death: [Walks over next to Finn] Hey, alright, so... who do you think won?
Jake: Oh, man! Skeleton guy by a landslide! He was like "Rughhh," he was like [Makes exploding noise].
Finn: Dude!
Jake: What? Skeleton guy was awesome! You want me to lie?
Finn: Yes! [Throws sleigh bells away. Death points at Finn and encases him in a transparent box with pink outlines.]
Death: I’m going to kill you now.
Finn: No! I still have to rescue stuff!
Death: [Walks towards Finn with red eyes] Those are the rules in the Land of the Dead. Lose a music battle, lose your life. [Eyes begin to flame.]
Finn: Oh wait, wait, wait! Before I die, I’m honor-bound to tell you... Peppermint Butler says hi.
Death: [Suddenly releases Finn, surprised] What? You know Peppermint Butler?!
Finn: Yeah!
Death: Heh heh heh! Yo, you guys can have whatever you want! [Walks over to Jake.] Jake, stand up!
Jake: That’s me, right? [Stands up]
Death: Yes. [Goes very close to Jake’s face]
Jake: What’re you doin’?
[Death kisses Jake. Jake lifts his right leg before letting go from Death, feeling disgusted.]
Jake: What’re you doing?!
Death: Kiss of death, baby. You got your memory back.
Jake: Awh, gross! I wish I didn’t!
Death: Now I shall return the soul of this. [Raises hat, which has the Princess Plant underneath it.]
Finn & Jake: Yeah! The Princess Plant!
[The Princess Plant rockets off Death’s head like a firework and disappears.]
Death: I'll see you dudes later. [Shoots red beams out of his eyes at Finn and Jake and teleports them back to Ooo.] [At the Candy Kingdom, Princess Bubblegum arrives on Morrow, where Finn & Jake are waiting for her.]
Princess Bubblegum: Hello, boys. Where’s my plant?
[Peppermint Butler walks up behind them, carrying the plant.]
Peppermint Butler: Hello, Princess!
Princess Bubblegum: Yay! [Eats one of the three flowers, much to the shock of Finn & Jake. Her hair then becomes smaller and curlier at the ends.] Thank you all for taking such good care of my plant! Now come here and give me a hug!
Finn & Jake: Yay, hugs!
[Finn, Jake & Peppermint Butler give Princess Bubblegum a hug.]
Peppermint Butler: [Whispers] Ahem. Mr. Finn, Mr. Jake, I believe you still owe me something in exchange for that favor I did.
Finn: Sure!
Jake: Yeah, what is it?
Peppermint Butler: I’d like your flesh.
[Jake & Finn laugh.]
Jake: Quit bein’ silly, Peppermint Butler!
Peppermint Butler: [His pupils turn yellow and the area around his eyes turn black.] I’m going to take it from you while you sleep.
[Finn & Jake’s faces then turn from a smiling face, to a confused, creeped out, blank one, and the episode ends.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Dentist" from season 6, which aired on November 28, 2014.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Tiffany
Ants
Music
None
Locations
Tree Fort
Ant Nation
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[In Finn's mouth, Jake walks up to a rotten, blackened tooth.]
Jake: [sniffs] Blech. Your tooth looks bad, dude. It smells like a garden shed in here.
Finn: [groans in pain]
Jake: Finn, I think you have to go dentist.
Finn: I can't go dentist, Jake! You gotta take care of it.
Jake: [sighs] Just go dentist, dude. [approaches rotten tooth] Okay. Easy does it... [presses against tooth]
Finn: [screams]
Jake: [screams]
Finn: [panting]
Jake: [exiting mouth] This is so bad. What did Princess Bubblegum say when you showed her?
[Flashback begins. PB looks inside Finn's mouth.]
Finn: Aaaaaaaaaah.
Princess Bubblegum: Hmm. Finn, this is literally serious. You have to go dentist.
Finn: NOOOOOOO!
[Flashback ends.]
Jake: Dude. You. Got. To. Go. Dentist.
Finn: Blech. [running out] NOOOOO! I'm too strong for the world! [falls off bridge, crashes through the roof of the treasure room] I don't want to go dentist, Jake. They put you in a hole filled with snakes and rotten butter and they leave you there.
Jake: Come on, man. It's not that bad.
Finn: [sighs] Okay.
[Scene cuts to Finn dangling by a rope over a well.]
Finn: [screams]
Jake: Right?
[Starchie dumps snakes into the well while another Candy Person scoops in rotten butter. Princess Bubblegum gestures for Jake to let go of the rope.]
Jake: Whup!
Finn: [screams as he falls to the bottom of the well] This isn't so bad... [his sword lands next to him] My sword! Wonder wh— [screams]
[The floor gives out and Finn plummets further down the well and through a tunnel until he lands on a pile of sand in the Ant Nation.]
Finn: Soft sand. [turns and sees an ant] Ant.
Ant: Welcome to dentist, cadet. [salutes] I'm Leftenant Gamergate. [sniffs] Snakes and rotten butter. A common mistake—you were expected to arrive with snacks and a flashlight. Either way, you're here.
Finn: So... dentist is ants?
Gamergate: Dentist is dentist, cadet! Drop and give me twenty!
Finn: I don't have any money.
Gamergate: Funny man goes dentist, huh? The queen's office is in the royal hill.
[Finn crawls into the hill and up to the door.]
Finn: Holes. [opens door and turns the chair around to face him; it's empty] Hmm.
Queen: Listen, I wasn't here when you came in. I'm a very busy woman. [sits down, swivels chair to face the wall, then swivels it back to face Finn] Hello, my name is General Tarsal. I am the current queen of this regiment, and please have a seat.
[Finn sits down as best he can in the cramped room.]
General Tarsal: As a first-time recruit, I'm confident that you have no idea what you're doing here.
Finn: My tooth hurts.
General Tarsal: Let's take a look at your file. [opens drawer, takes out folder] Ah, you're a fighter! [to herself] We could use a fighter.
Finn: My tooth hurts.
General Tarsal: What? Of course it does. Let me explain. You have gone dentist. That means that you will serve a brief tour of duty, and in exchange we will provide full dental rehabilitation. You will be on the front, fighting monsters... monstrous monster wooorms!
Finn: Worms.
General Tarsal: The worms are employed by the flies.
Finn: Worms.
General Tarsal: Work for the flies. You fight them; we'll fix your teeth.
Finn: Me.
General Tarsal: Yes, you! [opens map] Your mission is to secure this junction at all costs. Upon completion of service, you will be sworn to absolute secrecy. The flies have spies everywhere. Fly spies!
Finn: Heh heh. [imagines a fly dressed like a spy]
General Tarsal: These worms are no joke, so you'll be assigned a partner. Ah, let's see... Cadet... Tiffany Oiler.
Finn: Tiffany?!
Tiffany: [in Finn's mind] Tiffany! Finn, I'm gonna kill you!
Finn: That guy wants to kill me!
General Tarsal: Tough nuts, that's dentist.
Loudspeaker: Cadets, dinner is being served in the mess hall, central hill, sub-tunnel eight.
[Finn worms his way through a tunnel to the mess hall. An ant serves him a pile of granulated sugar.]
Finn: Hm. Do you have anything less sugary?
[The ant spews sugar and falls backwards.]
Tiffany: Yo, Finn! I'm gonna kill you!
Finn: [sighs] [to himself] Doin' it for my tooth. [sits beside Tiffany]
Tiffany: [growls and beats his chest] Ruff! Thought so. [shovels sugar into his mouth]
Finn: [sighs] Hey, uh, partner. Um. So how are you doing, Tiffany?
Tiffany: Yeah, I lost my teeth eating the Baker's Shard. It's a lot of sugar, right?
Finn: Oh. Did you already know what dentist is?
Tiffany: See, this is a good example of why I want to kill you. You're ignorant. [pokes Finn between the eyes] Heed my words, Finn. As the miller's wheel forever outrages the seed, so the good apple boringly receives his neighbor's worm.
Finn: [quietly] The hey?
Tiffany: And all the corn gets smooshed to grease—to grease under the miller's fleaping wheel.
[Finn stares.]
Tiffany: You're getting greased!
Finn: Tiffany, look. We gotta work together, right? Why don't we let bygones be bygones?
Tiffany: Bygones? Ha! [points to peach] That's you. Bye! [smashes peach with tray] Gone!
Finn: [sighs] Do you want my peach?
Tiffany: Bye-gone! [smashes Finn's peach]
Gamergate: Hey! Stand down, cadets! Retire to your bunks!
Tiffany: Tonight, light's out. Tomorrow, your eyes out!
[The next day, Finn and Tiffany exit their hill. Finn throws his sword out and follows after it. Tiffany reaches for it at the same time as Finn, and the two bonk heads.]
Finn: What the stork, man? This is my special sword. Why didn't you take one of those ant swords they offered you back there?
Tiffany: I don't need some fancy thinger to kick butt when I've got these! [raises fists] You know about these?
Finn: No.
Tiffany: You will. Anyway, I just kinda wanted your sword 'cause it's pretty cool, I guess. Whatever. I'll get it soon enough... from off your dead corpse, you chump! [laughs]
Finn: [sighs]
[The two continue walking.]
Finn: Hey, Tiffany... you know, we're really not so different, you and I.
Tiffany: Bullstuff.
Finn: Well, we're both friends with Jake, and that's something, right?
Tiffany: I was friends with Jake. Then some baritone herb stole him away from me.
Finn: I didn't steal him. We're broth—
Tiffany: And when that snow-white wiener dog is finally dead, Jake will be devastated.
[Tiffany imagines Jake crying on his shoulder at Finn's tombstone.]
Tiffany: He'll need a shoulder to cry whiny, Finn-style tears on, and that shoulder will be mine—Tiffany's! Then I can get busy with undoing your cheesy influence, plus more! With my help, Jake will become the criminal juggernaut he was always meant to be.
[In Tiffany's imagination, a giant Jake roars and beats his chest over a city, while helicopters with searchlights hover nearby.]
Tiffany: We won't just be robbing banks anymore.
[Jake grabs hold of two buildings and rips them off their foundations.]
Tiffany: We'll be robbing the actual banks. The whole banks!
[Jake swallows the buildings.]
Tiffany: You get it? We're gonna steal actual whole buildings.
Finn: Yeah, I get it.
Tiffany: So don't tell me we're not so different, okay?! We're opposites, you and me. Oil and goody-goody snow-white baby-vanilla bean mitten water! Go, Tiffany! [runs off]
Finn: [unsheathes sword] Man, that nut's gonna try and stick me while I'm not even looking. [sees his reflection in the sword's gem] Don't even stress it, Finn. You're Finn Mertens, man. You got this. [sighs] Man, I hope so.
Tiffany: Finn! Get in here, quick!
[Finn catches up with Tiffany.]
Finn: The junction.
Tiffany: There's something moving in the walls. It was like [imitates sound].
[Suddenly, the walls rumble, and three giant worms break through, roaring.]
Finn: Wall worms! Holy cow!
[Tiffany prepares to stab Finn in the back with a dagger. Finn turns around.]
Finn: Dang it, Tiffany, not yet! We got to work together to beat the worms! Here they come!
[Finn slices off one worm's head, while Tiffany punches and kicks another. The third worm comes up behind Tiffany and prepares to lunge.]
Finn: Tiffany!
[Tiffany turns and shields himself with his arms. Finn throws his sword into the worm's head. It falls on the road with a thud. Finn retrieves his sword and smiles at Tiffany. More growling is heard.]
Finn & Tiffany: Oh, snap! Look out! They're coming in from the side!
[Finn and Tiffany each jump on a different worm. Finn runs up its back to reach its head while dodging worms breaking through the walls and lunging at him. Finn glances over at Tiffany doing the same. The two reach their worm's head at the same time, and Finn stabs Tiffany's worm in the head. Simultaneously, Tiffany punches Finn's worm. The two worms fall. Finn and Tiffany land back on the road.]
Tiffany: You good?
Finn: My tooth hurts.
[Another worm lunges at Finn from behind. Tiffany grabs Finn, and they duck as it passes overhead. It turns around and prepares another attack. Finn and Tiffany exchange looks and nod. Finn leaps off the road as Tiffany grabs his feet, letting Finn slice the worm down the middle. The two continue battling worms as a team. Afterwards, the two rest while panting heavily, thinking it's over. However, one last worm, the biggest of them all, emerges from the floor.]
Finn: Dang! It's the head worm, and she's livid! I say we get the heck out of heeeeere—!
[The road crumbles beneath him, and as he falls, he smacks his head on the ledge.]
Tiffany: Finn!
Finn: [hanging on to the ledge] Tiffany, quick! Pull me up! Quick, Tiffany! I'm slipping!
[Tiffany slowly takes out his dagger.]
Finn: Dang it, Tiffany! Weren't you paying attention? We're two peas in a pod! We're not oil and water. We're oil and vinegar! It's good, man. It's yummy!
Tiffany: Mm...
Finn: It's good for you!
Tiffany: [sighs] You're right, Finn. I can't bring myself to do it...
[Finn smiles.]
Tiffany: ...but I can't bring myself to save you, either.
[Finn is still smiling.]
Tiffany: Why are you still smiling?
Finn: Sorry. I didn't hear what you said. I was just gonna let it slide.
Tiffany: Look, you're—you're on your own. I'm sorry.
[Finn's smile vanishes.]
Tiffany: Catch you on the flip, I guess.
Finn: Tiffany? [His hand slips] Tiffa— [falling] nooooooooo!
[Finn falls into the worm's open mouth and lands on its palate. The worm coughs and gags Finn back out with such force that he smashes his head against a stalactite, shattering all his teeth. Finn falls on Tiffany, pushing him into the worm's mouth.]
Tiffany: [screams]
[The worm snaps its mouth shut. When Finn opens his eyes, he is back in the Ant Nation.]
General Tarsal: Whoa! Easy, son. Don't try to speak. Your mouth is full of ants.
Finn: Huh?
[The ants start leaving Finn's mouth.]
Ant: It's okay. We just finished up.
Finn: Ah. [smacks lips] What happened down there? Where's Tiffany?
General Tarsal: Well, the good news is the worm queen was defeated, choked to death on some foreign object, presumably Cadet Tiffany, who is missing in action, which is the bad news.
Finn: Tiffany...
General Tarsal: But we didn't have to fix his teeth, which is nice news. But we did have to fix your teeth, which is okay news.
Finn: [biting] Huh huh. Ayyyy!
General Tarsal: So, on behalf of the ant nation, I'd like to thank you for your service, which is now concluded. As soon as you're ready, we'll get you stuffed back up that well with all the snakes and butter.
[Finn reaches the top of the well.]
Finn: Holy cow.
[Everyone cheers at his arrival. A banner reads, "Welcome home Finn!" and Princess Bubblegum showers him with confetti.]
Princess Bubblegum: Welcome home, Finn.
Jake: Yeah. Welcome home, buddy.
Finn: Thanks, you guys! Man, you'll never believe it. Dentist is actually—
Princess Bubblegum: Eh-eh-eh! [zips her lips]
Finn: It was crazy! Tiffany was there—
Starchie: Whoa! Hey! Deh-deh-deh! [puts his finger to his lips]
Finn: Wait. You all knew? What the heck? Why didn't you tell—
Jake: Ah-ah-ah! [points to fly spy]
[The fly spy looks through its magnifying glass. Finn looks surprised.]

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Diamonds and Lemons" from season 0, which aired on July 20, 2018.

Characters
Finn
Lemongrab 3
Jake
Lumpy Space Princess
Ice King
Gunter
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving
Life Given TNT
Marceline
Princess Bubblegum
Minecraft Skeletons
Tree Trunks
Mr. Pig
Minecraft Enderman
Peppermint Butler
Music
None
Locations
Tree House
Finn and Jake's mine
Marceline's windmill
Tree Trunks' house
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[The episode opens at night. Finn is battling monsters with a golden sword in a Minecraft-style world.]
Finn: You sad mobs. Y'all wish you had this sweet dang bucket! [A skeleton shoots the bucket Finn is holding and he gasps before charging towards the monsters.] Yaaaah! [He slays a spider and his sword breaks.] Aah! It's mine time! [He pulls a pickaxe out of his backpack and uses it to slay a skeleton.] Get beat dead-meat! [The pickaxe also breaks while he is using it to attack a zombie.] My tool! Die! [He slays the zombie using the bucket, and it drops a carrot.] Oh, a li'l zombie carrot. [He puts the carrot in his mouth and speaks with his mouth full.] I should've washed it.
[Finn walks to a stream and collects some water in the bucket, which he places full into his backpack. A sheep splashes down a nearby waterfall and bleats. Finn towers up a cliff using dirt blocks. The sun rises behind him and monsters burn away in the distance. Finn inhales and exhales the morning air. He walks past various other animals. A cow moos and a wolf barks. Finally, he comes across Lemongrab, who is groaning in a field as he looks down at a lemon he is holding.]
Lemongrab: Impertinence. [He shakes the lemon and drops it onto the ground.] Nyah! Grow! Grooow!
[Finn arrives at the Tree House. He rides a minecart into the mine below, where Jake is digging away at the walls with a pickaxe. Jake strikes the wall and a blue glow appears.]
Jake: Aha! [He takes the diamond and places it alongside a few others in a minecart.]
Finn: [Crashing his minecart into the one containing Jake's diamonds.] Head's up! Oof.
Jake: Oof.
Finn: I got that bucket of pure river water you asked for. [He hands Jake the bucket.]
Jake: Thanks, dude.
Finn: Whatcha doing down here anyways?
Jake: Digging up diamonds for a little project.
Finn: I'll help, buddy.
[A montage shows the minecart being filled to the brim with diamonds as the two of them mine.]
Jake: Whew.
[Finn and Jake give each other a thumbs up. Jake wheels the diamonds towards a flow of lava. He takes one and polishes it with his wrist. Finn watches from nearby. Then, without warning, he throws a diamond into the lava.]
Jake: Hehe. [He begins throwing away more diamonds.] Vanilla no mods! Vanilla no mods! Vanilla no mods! Vanilla no mods!
Finn: What the heck man?! [Jake shrugs.] It's such a senseless waste.
Jake: Au contraire, mon friend. I'm extremely senseful. You see this bucket of water? It's in case I fall in the lava and catch fire.
Finn: You could make something really good with these. Like a better sword for your best bro.
Jake: Or [throws more diamonds].
Finn: [Picks up a diamond.] I'm gonna take this shiny boy, and show you the way.
Jake: You do you, buddy.
Finn: I'm sure you'd get it if you just took a moment to think about it. [He raises his voice as he takes a piston elevator back up to the surface.]
Jake: [Indifferently] Uh huh.
[The camera pans up to show Lumpy Space Princess, Ice King, Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life-Giving, Gunter, and a living block of TNT hanging out in a cave.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Look guys, it was totally epic. I wrecked the library's glass ceiling like, NBD, then I pushed a creeper down there and all the stupid smart dorks cried like tiny stupid babies.
Gunter: [Dismissively] Wenk wenk.
Live-Giving Magus: That's small potaters. We should do something big. I got a storage full of live dynamite. [He pats the life-given TNT and it barks like a dog.]
Ice King: Hey. We should grief Finn and Jake. We could plant a tree on the Tree House! Huh..?
Lumpy Space Princess: Ugh. It's totally obvious you've never griefed anybody.
Ice King: That's only technically true. And not to be "that guy", but it's actually [air quotes] "aggrieved".
Lumpy Space Princess: You better grief someone quick if you wanna stay in the Gravel Gang! Only cool mean girls allowed!
Ice King: I'm ice-cool LSP.
Lumpy Space Princess: No! Call me by my gang name!
Ice King: Okay. Gravel Gal.
[The scene changes. Finn is walking through a field. He sighs and takes out the diamond. He walks past Lemongrab again.]
Lemongrab: Hnnngh. Grooooow! [Finn hands him a shovel.] Oh. Yes, of course. [He digs a hole and drops the lemon into it with a grunt, then starts hitting it with the shovel.] Grow. No grooooowth!
[Marceline, Bubblegum, and a group of skeletons are building a windmill nearby. Marceline stretches, then laughs evilly as she summons lightning. Three new skeletons emerge from the ground.]
Marceline: Who here loves windmills? [One of the skeletons raises their hand and Marceline high fives them.] Haha, alright. Now get to work.
Finn: Yo, Marcy. That's a real nice windmill.
Marceline: Thanks. When it's done, I'm gonna grind up a whole mass of bone meal.
Skeleton: What's that, boss?
Marceline: Keep working, buddy. So, whatcha got there?
Finn: A little lump destined for something big.
Marceline: Just like your butt. Hah!
Finn: Good one. But no. I want to turn this diamond into something complex and awesome to really wow Jake.
Marceline: Well I recommend building a windmill.
Finn: A diamond windmill.
Princess Bubblegum: No, that's silly. You need something more sciencey. [Finn throws her the diamond and she takes it over to a crafting table.] Diamond, lapis, some gunpowder, juicy nugget, add the star to more gunpowder and paper - There! [She produces a firework rocket.] I'm positive Jake will appreciate it for both its fleeting sensation of beauty, and its false sense of purpose.
Finn: [Takes the firework and gestures for a high five.] Up top.
[Before Bubblegum can return the high five, Lemongrab screams from off-screen.]
Princess Bubblegum: What? Aw blocks.
[Lemongrab is repeatedly hitting the lemon with the shovel and grunting.]
Finn: He's been at it all day.
Princess Bubblegum: I should help him. See you later Finn.
Finn: Alright. M'ladies. [He bows to Marceline and Bubblegum.] M'lemon. [He bows to Lemongrab and exits.]
Lemongrab: Nyarg! [He throws away the shovel.]
Princess Bubblegum: Hey, it's okay buddy.
Lemongrab: Can't... tree!
Princess Bubblegum: You can't just hit something with a shovel and expect it to do your bidding.
Marceline: Yeah you can.
Lemongrab: What?
Princess Bubblegum: This is an oak sapling. This is a jungle sapling. [She hands him the saplings.]. And this... [She drops a lot of bone meal at his feet.] This is a lot of bone meal.
Marceline: Courtesy of Marceline the Bone Meal Queen.
Princess Bubblegum: Now we don't actually need the bone meal but it'll help speed things up, and as for the space requirements on the ground, it depends... [She is drowned out by Lemongrab screeching joyfully.]
[The scene changes. Tree Trunks and Mr. Pig are playing cards in their cabin.]
Tree Trunks: How many aces do you have?
Mr. Pig: I got five.
Tree Trunks: Oh shoot, I only got two.
[Finn pokes his head in through a window.]
Finn: Hey y'all. [He drops into the room.]
Tree Trunks: Finn!
Finn: I was just passing through, but I could sure go for one of your famous apple pies.
Tree Trunks: Say no more. [She walks to the oven, humming to herself, and removes a baking tray that resembles a crafting grid. She places onto it the ingredients for a pumpkin pie.]
Finn: I'm no expert, but that kinda looks like a pumpkin.
Tree Trunks: [Puts the ingredients in the oven.] Sorry about that. I'm just plum out of apples but I got lots of pumpkins. Too many pumpkins. [She gives Finn a pumpkin and he places it in his bag. The oven dings and Tree Trunks removes the finished pie.] Hot pie.
Finn: [Takes the pie and sniffs it deeply before putting it in his backpack.] Uh, this might sound a bit weird but I'm kinda tired and it's a long way home...
Tree Trunks: Say no more. [They both turn to Mr. Pig.]
Mr. Pig: Fine.
[Outside, Tree Trunks saddles Mr. Pig, then Finn crafts a carrot on a stick and mounts him.]
Tree Trunks: Bye bye boys.
[Mr. Pig bucks and winnies.]
Finn: Whoa!
Mr. Pig: [Reluctantly chasing the carrot on a stick.] You know you could just tell me where to go.
[Finn ignores him. The sky turns orange as the sun begins to set. Mr. Pig is getting tired and is panting. An enderman carrying a block of snow steps onto the path in front of them.]
Finn: [Whispering and turning his face away.] Dude, stop. Enderman. Don't look at it. It will-
Mr. Pig: What the heck is that?!
[The enderman turns and screeches at them, angered.]
Finn: Oh Glob.
[The enderman drops the snow block and begins teleporting towards them menacingly. They both scream and Mr. Pig bucks Finn off before running away.]
Finn: Hey!
Mr. Pig: Wee wee wee! Wee wee wee! Wee wee wee!
Finn: Enderman! Fight me! [He pulls out the pumpkin pie and realizes he doesn't have a weapon.] Oh no.
[As the enderman rushes towards him, Finn closes his eyes and looks down at the ground. This causes the enderman to stop just in front of him.]
Finn: So, uh... Do you have, like, another job, or is this what you do full time? I saw you carrying that block back there. You into building stuff?
[Peppermint Butler enters holding an emerald block, then covers his eyes and runs away after spotting the enderman.]
Finn: I bet endermen have hobbies just like everyone else.
[It begins to rain. The scene changes to show Lemongrab piling bone meal onto the saplings. It suddenly grows into a small tree.]
Lemongrab: Who-aah? Mhmm, mhmm, mhmm.
[Princess Bubblegum is sat on top of the finished windmill.]
Princess Bubblegum: Whew. Good work. Let's call it a day.
[The skeletons return to the ground and Marceline flies up to join her on the roof. She hands her an apple and they both eat. Darkness falls and the moon rises. Finn is still trapped with the enderman just in front of him. He is sweating profusely and whistling nervously. Lumpy Space Princess is sleeping in a dirt shelter nearby.]
Lumpy Space Princess: [Muttering in her sleep] Meh. Beh. Beans? Beans. [She wakes up.] That noise. [She heads over to Finn.] Finn, I'm trying to sleep!
Finn: [Whispering] Hey LSP. Don't be scared.
Lumpy Space Princess: [Speaking at regular volume] What are you even doing, just looking at this guy's toes?
Finn: Yeah, I have to.
Lumpy Space Princess: Oh. I don't get it. Does this guy even have toes? Are those his toes? I don't think I've ever even seen a toe, come to think of it. What am I even talking about?
[The enderman gets so bored of Lumpy Space Princess' rambling that they leave.]
Finn: [Suddenly hugs Lumpy Space Princess] Thank you I've been stuck here so long!
Lumpy Space Princess: [Blushing] Haha. Sure... Ew! You're all smelly and wet. Get out of here!
Finn: Fair enough. [He exits.]
Lumpy Space Princess: [Quietly] But come back after you've showered.
[Ice King flies up to Finn while he's walking and steals the pumpkin out of his bag.]
Ice King: Yoink. [Laughs maniacally.]
Finn: Thief!
Ice King: You got griefed! [He runs into the enderman with a grunt. It turns around and screeches at him. Ice King screams, places the pumpkin on his head, and runs away, pursued by the enderman. He yells in a muffled voice.] I'm not looking at you! I'm not looking!
[The sun rises the next morning. A sheep gets up from where Lemongrab has been using it as a pillow and he wakes up.]
Lemongrab: [Still half asleep] Good morning. How dare you. [With an exclamation of surprise, he notices that the tree has grown, and thinks he sees lemons growing in its leaves.] Lemon seed babies! [Clapping gleefully] Oh, you shall be my true heirs. [He knocks one of them down, revealing that it is in fact an apple.] What?! A apple? [sic] Unacceptable! UNACCEPTABLE!
[Tree Trunks enters, carrying a sword and a basket.]
Tree Trunks: Oh, gracious. [She begins knocking down apples with the sword into the basket.] Good job, Lemon-crab. [She exits.]
Lemongrab: [Quietly] Pie me. Pie me for my apples.
[The scene changes. Jake is kicking diamonds around in the mine. He sniffs the air.]
Jake: Pie.
[Finn enters and hands him the pie.]
Finn: You won't believe what I went though to get this.
Jake: Oh yeah, you were gonna make something right? [They both begin eating the pie.]
Finn: [Sees that Jake has organised the diamonds into a neat pattern.] Whoa! You did it! You took the fruits of our labor and transformed them into something beautiful and unexpected.
[Jake pushes all of the diamonds into the lava at once, destroying the pattern.]
Finn: D'aw come on! Diamonds are so hard to get! [Jake shrugs.] Oh, duh. Beauty is in the hard work itself and the oftentimes false sense of purpose we feel when doing it. It's a fleeting sensation that drives us to repeat our actions in order to capture it again. [He lights the firework rocket and it explodes anticlimactically on the ceiling of the mine. A flow of lava falls from where it exploded.] That was supposed to be fireworks.
Jake: I like this better.
[During the credits sequence, a montage is shown. Marceline and Princess Bubblegum high five having completed the windmill. Tree Trunks and Mr. Pig are left with an excess of pumpkin pies. Lemongrab chops down the apple tree. Ice King builds a dirt shelter while zombies surround him. The enderman places the pumpkin on top of the snow blocks they were carrying earlier, creating a snow golem. The enderman and the snow golem hold hands.]


Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Donny" from season 1, which aired on August 9, 2010.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Donny
Why-wolves
House People
Music
"8 Glasses Song"
"Empathy Song"
"Pants Song"
"Comb Song"
Locations
Tall grass lands
House People community
Tree Fort
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode begins with Finn and Jake in tall grass.]
Finn: Safety! [Jumping out] Patrol!
Jake: Safety! [Jumping out] Patrol! Safety patrol! Safety— Oh... Were we not wearing the uniforms?
Finn: C'mon. Let's keep lookin' for hazards. Look out!
Jake: What is it, dude?
Finn: Shushers, man! [Pointing at village] Look there!
Jake: Just looks like an ordinary little town, man.
Finn: Yeah... [Puts on binoculars] Suspiciously ordinary. Oh! Little house people! Maybe it is just regular ordinary, not sinister ordinary—oh, no, wait... Grass ogre.
Donny: Haha! [Putting chicken in mailbox] Hey, chicken, you're travelin' egg-spress! [Laughs]
Finn: It's an obnoxious grass ogre.
Donny: You get my joke, right?! Hahaha!
Barn House: Careful, you oaf! Those chickens are rentals! [Donny fires an egg at him.] Agh!
Donny: [Firing eggs] We're havin' so much fun, huh?!
Jail House: Drop that chicken!
Donny: [Stopping] Huh?
Jail House: You're under arrest! [Donny comes over and drops the chicken.] Good... Now get in your tiny cell... Oh, uh, oh!
[Donny picks up the Jail House Person and lays him down on his back. Donny laughs.]
Finn: Hey, ogre! Stop hazing these cute little houses!
Jake: Ya jerkball!
Donny: My name is Donny, idiot!
Finn: Sorry. I was just tryina' get your attention.
Donny: What kinda houses are you supposed to be? A... stupid... uh... a dumb house?! Haha! Hey, what's with your jowl?! [Flicks Jake's jowl]
Jake: Ow!
Donny: Hahaha! I'm gonna mess with these housies some more.
Finn: NEVER!!
[Finn runs up to Donny and jumps on his back, attempting to stop him.]
Donny: So you wanna wrestle, huh? 'Cause I know, like, this ninja move to get out of this lock instantly! Okay... Now, first I... [Finn squeezes Donny.] Hey! You're doin' it wrong!!
[Jake wiggles his finger and stretches one of them out.]
Jake: [To himself] Whoa.
Finn: You're doin' it wrong!
Donny: Whaddaya mean?
Finn: First, you roll your right shoulder forward...
[Donny picks Finn up]
Donny: Like this?
Finn: Yeah, but then I counter it by doin' this! [He grabs Donny again and squeezes.]
Donny: Hey!
[Donny begins to pant heavily.]
Finn: Um... You need to take a break?
Donny: No... but if you need to, we can stop... [Finn gets off] Ya baby.
Jake: Whoa, I zoned out there for a bit. Did you win?
Finn: Nah. Just takin' five. Donny's pretty good.
Donny: Yeah, well, you're okay, too.
Finn: Thanks, man.
Donny: ...For a complete idiot!
Finn: Aww...
[Donny laughs]
Jake: Donald, quit all this jerky nonsense! [Forms giant, tree-like ears] Unless you wanna get gored by a forest prince!
Donny: I was just kiddin' around, but then you took it too far! You guys are the real jerks! [Donny mumbles, scoffs, and runs off.]
Jake: Donny is one mixed-up dude.
Finn: Nah. He's just rough-and-tumble, like me, but deep down, he's probably really sensitive, like me.
Jake: You're a mixed-up dude, too!
Finn: Hey, Donny!
Donny: What?
Finn: I was thinkin' that since you're a pretty good wrestler, maybe you'd wanna hang out with a couple a' rascals like me and Jake!
Jake: What?
Donny: Muuuh... I don't know. Messin' with these housies is pretty fun. You got somethin' better?
Jake: [To Finn] You sure this is a good idea?
Finn: [To Donny] If you come to the Tree Fort, we got video games and apple juice!
Donny: [Eager] Really?! [Pulling back, pretending not to care] I mean... if it keeps you from cryin'...
Finn: [To Jake] Donny's problem is that he's treated like an outsider, like me.
Jake: You are not an outsider. You wear cute little blue shorts!
Finn: I... am complicated.
[Scene transition; the three are at the Tree Fort.]
Donny: Uh... This fort isn't so great. Not as cool as the fort I'm gonna build. [Sitting down] I call this chair!
Finn: Hey, Donny, you should play Bug Battle.
Jake: [Putting game in BMO] And hey, can you put on some pants?!
Donny: You put on some pants!
Jake: I have pants... [Grabs transparent pants] spun from spiderwebs... by pixies.
[The game starts.]
Finn: [To Donny] Okay. There's you, and here come the bugs.
[Donny destroys the bugs in the game. Donny starts laughing. Suddenly, a spider drops from above and kills the video game character.]
Donny: Huh?!
Finn: Oh, yeah. Those guys'll get ya.
Donny: [Breaking controller] Urgh!! This game cheats! [Throws controller parts at BMO, knocking it down]
Jake: Not cool, dude.
Finn: Have more apple juice. It always makes me feel better when I— [Donny splashes the apple juice in Finn's face.] Aaah! Donny! Quit being a jerk!
Donny: What? What'd I do?
Jake: Finn, I don't think this is gonna work.
BMO: I am incapable of all emotion.... but you are making me chafed!!
Donny: Everybody's gettin' mad at me for nothin'!
Finn: You have to think about how your actions make other people feel.
Donny: Ohh. Hmm. I don't understand at all.
Jake: Ooh! Teach him that little empathy song I taught you!
Finn: Okay, yeah! [Singing] Empathy, empathy, put yourself in the place of me! [Speaking] Your turn!
Donny: Uh... Empathy, empathy, put yourself... Ohh! So it's like, when I squeeze eggs outta chickens, I should let them squeeze eggs outta me, too!
Finn: ...Um... kinda right. [Screams are heard.] Someone needs our help! Jake, you stay here and try to fix him, while I deal with an unknown possibly deadly emergency! [Runs off]
Jake: Dude, trade me jobs.
[A loud crash is heard.]
Donny: Jake! Someone broke your... um... entire living room!
[Jake slaps his hand against his face. The scene changes to the house "village" where werewolves are terrorizing the House People.]
Bank House: Quick! Act abandoned!
[He and the Girl With Glasses House do so. The wolf growls at the Dog House, and Finn punches him.]
Finn: Hands off the housing market! [The wolf attacks Finn.] BACKPACK! [Finn blocks the wolf's attack with his pack.] Werewolves. Much worse than ogres. [Runs]
Jail House: Stop in the name of the law!
[Finn grabs the Jail House and keeps running.]
Finn: Is there somewhere I can trap that thing?
Jail House: Well, there was a zoo, but he moved back east. Course, there's always the old well.
Well: I'm not old!
Finn: Perfect! [Finn leads the wolf up to the well and kicks it down.] Slam-bam-in-a-can! Huh? Another werewolf?!? What's up with this town?!
[A Siamese twin wolf bites attacks the bank house. Finn forces the wolf into the well with another House Person.
Finn: Mr. Bank! Are you alright?!
Bank House: Oh, it's fine, it's fine. All my assets are insured. Pardon. [Leaving] I have to go spackle my cracks.
Finn: [To himself] Why is this town just getting worse and worse?
Wolf: [From inside old well] Yes! Why indeed!!
Finn: [To werewolf] Hey! What are you werewolves up to?!
Wolf: We're not werewolves... [The wolf reveals a suit he's wearing.] [Calmer common voice] We're Why-wolves.
Finn: Uh... Why-wolves?
Why-wolf: Creatures possessed by the spirit of inquiry..... [Growling voice] AND... BLOODLUST!!
Finn: What?!
Why-wolf: [Normal voice] Please. Save your questions until the end of the lecture. [Demonstrating by drawing on dirt] Our ecosystem. At the bottom level are the house people. Given the opportunity, we Why-wolves would easily wipe them out. However, Donny's presence is a natural deterrent. His jerkiness is so powerful that it produces a pungent gas—obnoxygen. To Why-wolves, it is a deadly poison. But since you've removed the jerk Donny, we will devour the houses, and our population will rapidly swell until we are, in turn, devoured by the Cosmic Owl. Such is the course of nature, but it'll be a pretty sweet ride up until that point. [Growling voice] TONIGHT, WE FEAST ON THE BLOOD OF THE INNOCENTS! [He howls. The Siamese twin Why-wolf laughs maliciously.]
Finn: Oh, no! I have to get Donny back!
[Scene shifts back to the Tree Fort. Finn barges in.]
Finn: [Talking quickly] Donny, you have to go right now, and stop the Why-wolves from—
[Donny is playing a cello and Jake his viola.]
Donny: [Pleasantly] Ah! Master Finn has returned!
Finn: What's it goin'?!
Donny: Thanks to you, I shall never be jerky again!
Finn: Oh, no... Oh, no. Oh, no, nonononononono! No! This is all wrong! We need jerk Donny to make the obnoxygen, and, and—
Donny: Steady on, Finn. Perhaps you are dehydrated! It's as Jake taught me: [Singing] "8 ounces, 8 glasses, 8 days a week!" [Speaking] I'll fetch you some tap water.
Finn: Are you wearing jeans now?!
Donny: Surely! [Singing] Gotta get pants! Go get your pants! Button, fly! I wrote that one myself. Perdoname. [Leaves]
Finn: But, but, but—
Jake: Butt, butt, butt! Yeah, Donny! You're lookin' good in those jeans!
Finn: What did you do?!
Jake: Miraculous, isn't it? I just kept teachin' him my musical rules, and now, he's perfect.
Finn: No! We messed up, Jake! The House People are doomed if Donny doesn't go back to being town jerk!
Donny: [Clears throat] I have no intention of being a jerk again. Hmph.
Finn: But the housies will be wiped out if you don't!
Donny: It sounds tragic, but I'm turning over a new leaf! [Literally does so]
Finn: Donny, you gotta go!
Donny: Finn, "no" means, "no." I'm sure you'll respect my wishes. [Cut to Finn and Jake forcefully dragging Donny to the village] No! Stop! No!
Finn: Now, go be a jerk to those Why-wolves!
Donny: No! I'll use my musical messages to stop them! [Finn and Jake hang their mouths open, not believing what they are hearing.] Let's see... I've got one on the ethics of laundry... Crosswalk-ery... Ooh! Here's a good one!
Finn: Man! The town is getting creamed! By not being a jerk, you're being a real jerk, Donny!!
Donny: [Singing] Comb your hair right! It's a good time! Sticky, sticky pomades, short back and sides! [No one responds] [Speaking] Why isn't anybody paying attention to my words?
Finn: [To Jake] He sure is sensitive about his songs! [Gasps] [To Donny] It's cuz they think your songs are dumb!
Donny: Wha?!
Jake: [To Finn] What're you saying?! If you don't encourage his talent, he might revert back to jerk Do— [In realization] OHHH, OHHH! [To Donny] HEY, DONNY! EVERYONE SAYS YOUR SONGS ARE SUPER BALLS!!
Finn: They all think you're a real jerk!
Donny: But... but I've changed! Why would they say that?! [Singing weakly] Empathy, empathy, put your mind insi...
[The Why-wolves and House People laugh at him.]
Why-wolf: You're so pathetic! So comical!
[The Bank House laughs at him.]
Donny: [Getting angry] Rrrrr... Think I'm a jerk do they? I'm feelin'.. obnoxious!! [He rips out of his clothes in rage.] HEY, YOU WHY-WOLVES ARE COOL! JUST KIDDING! [Releasing obnoxygen] HAHAHAHA!!
Why-wolf: Obnoxygen cloud!! EGRESS!!
[The Why-wolves run away howling. Donny pants heavily.]
House People: The town is saved!!
[The housies gather around Donny in celebration.]
Donny: Get offa' me, nerds!!
Finn: You did it, Donny! You're a full-blown jerk again!
Donny: What?! You're the jerk!! Housies! Ready to hear my new song?! It's about how Finn will betray you, just to save lives!
Finn: [Gravely] I'm sorry, Donny.
Donny: I'll never forgive you, Finn!! [Angrily spraying House People with eggs] WAAAAAAH!!!
Jake: [To Finn] C'mon. We can go stare wistfully at the lake.
Finn: [Tired] I'd... I'd like that. Very much.
[Donny continues pelting the housies with eggs, laughing.]
Donny: Hey! I love bein' a jerk! Thanks, Finn! Finn? [The heroes have left.] Finn, you loser! [Whispering] I'll never... forget you!
[The episode ends with the Adventure Time logo swirling onto the screen.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Do No Harm" from season 8, which aired on January 23, 2017.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Fern
Doctor Princess
Susan Strong
Mr. Fox
Ice King
Starchy
Grassy Wizard
Grassy Monsters
Assisstant Doctors
Princess Bubblegum (flashback)
Rattleballs
Music
None
Locations
Tree Fort
Candy Kingdom hospital
Candy Kingdom
This transcript is complete, needs formatting.


Transcript

[ Groaning ]


Jake:What's the deal, bro?

I called you for grubforever ago.

I feel like crud, man.

Why do I feellike such crud?

Um...

Is it 'cause you lostthe Finn sword?


No.

Is it 'causeyou lost your arm again

and it got replacedwith a metal one?

No.The arm's cool.

Is it...

'cause you got,like, a grass clone

that lives on our roof?

No. That's fine.

[ Chewing ]Um, is it...

[ Munches ]

...'cause you crushedevery bone in Susan's body

and put herin the hospital?

Susan?!I totally forgot!

I gotta make sureshe's all right.

Wait!

What about...


[ Groans ]


He's not becomingpart of the tree

or something mythologicallike that, is he?

He's just thinking.

There's a birdbuilding a nest in his mouth.

[ Chirping ]

Hey, Grass Finn.

You all right?


[ Groans ]

Okay.I've gotta run an errand.

But Jake will be around.


[ Whispers ] I'll be backin a couple hours.

Man, IDK.

This guy kindagives me the willies.

Just set him upwith some activities.

Pretend he's me.

He is me.

Yeah, I guess so.

I'll just do...Finn stuff with him.

Thanks, bro.


Pbhtttt!

♪♪


Grass Finn!I made meatloaf!

[ Footstepsquickly approaching ]

Oh, boy!

My favorite!


Hey,that's Finn's meatlo‐‐

Yeah ‐‐ my meatloaf bib.

What about it?

Nothing.

This just has to restfor a while and ‐‐

I want my meatloaf now!

Ha! Okay, okay.[ Chuckles ]


Just how you like it.


[ Chomps ]

Mm‐hmm!


You lost some there.


It's this grass bod.

I guess grass boysdon't get any meatloaf.

It's okay.

We'll just find youa new favorite food.


[ Fan squeaking ]

Susan?

Can you hear me?

[ Sighs ]

I'm sorry I couldn'tstop you earlier.

I lost control...

and I realizedwhen my arm went all nasty

that being out of controllike that was so scary and ‐‐

and painful.

And that's howyou must've felt

after your brain jazzgot fried by that eel

and he went bonkerson everyone.

I wasn't strong enoughto stop you.

In a way,this is all my fault.

Finn!You did this?!

Doctor Princess!

Do you knowwhat it means

that she'shooked up to these?

Do you even knowwhat that one does ‐‐

and the creepybreathing one?

And that yuckydripping bag?

Ugh!

What are you going to doto fix this?

I'll do anythingto help Susan.

Anything?Yes!

Good, 'cause I'm tiredof doing double shifts.

Put this on.


Okay,you're a doctor now.

Good luck.


Wait, wait,whoa, whoa, wait!

I don't know howto doctor!

Look, no onereally knows anything.

The truth is...

I'm not technicallya doctor.

I don't even havea medical degree.

I just came in here one dayfor an X‐ray,

and my first nameis Doctor,

so, well,one thing led to another.

Ciao.

Wait! Doctor Princess!

Hey, Doc,can you help me?

Sorry.I'm not a real ‐‐

[ Sniffles ]


Aha! Just what we need ‐‐a real Finn‐style tune.

[ Air whooshing ]

I can't breathe.

I can't make music,I can't breathe, I can't ‐‐

Hey, hey.It's okay!

Not breathing is cool.

Hey, I know what you like ‐‐fighting evil!

Yeah! I hate evil!

Well, let's give troubleto some trouble!

You take the leadon this one, brother.

Know any evil dungeonsyou want to smash?


Yeah.I know somewhere evil.


Where does it hurt?

It's the big onefor me, Doc.

It's really over.

I get this painin my paw,

and it just staysin my paw.

Oh, it's horrible.


Ah!

Wow!

You're a healing genius,Doc.


Huh. This place feelskinda familiar somehow.


[ Whirring ]


[ Roars ]

Both: Huh?!

[ Roars ]

Grass Finn! help me!

[ Groaning ]

Jake?!

Ouch! Ouch!

Jake! Hold on!


H‐Hey!Great job, man!

Hmm!

Okay.

Where's the next patient?

In here, Doctor.


Hey, baby!

What?!Where's Doctor Princess?!

I just wanted some TLCfrom a cute gal.

[ Click ]

So, uh...

how's your, uh...general condition?

My back is in agony,like always.

My toes taste like candy corn.Is that bad?

And everything smellslike licorice ‐‐

except for licorice,which smells like ‐‐

[ Crunch ]Wha?!


How do you feel,Ice King?

I...feel...

great!

Oh, mama!

I feel500 years old again!

[ Laughs ]

Hey, we should hit the town,go dancing...

[ Thinking ]"Doctor Finn."

This feels pretty right.

Grass Beast: All right.

So you've fought your wayto the center of the maze.

But to pass this gate, you mustanswer my deadly riddle.

"What squatson stony feet"‐‐


Time.

The answer wasprobably "time," right?

Good job, man.

Real good job.

Aw, come on.


[ Gate creaks ]

[ Sniffs ]

This iswhere the evil is.


And I'm‐a gonna kill it!

Hey...why don't wetake five?

[ Warbling ]

Who's out there?!

Busting into the Grassy Wizard'sgrassy fortress?!

Use your head!

Hey. Do I know you?

Uh, duh!I'm Jake the dog.

Everybody knows me.

No.I think he means me.

He...

[ Laughing evilly ]

[ Tink! ]

He...made me.

I did?

I did!

The, uh ‐‐the ‐‐ the ‐‐ the...

the grass sword!

Geez, my memory is bad.

Okay, guy, I got a lotof big questions for you.

Why did you make me?

Am I bad?

Am I partof a conspiracy

hatched byone of Finn's enemies?

Or am I an eternal cursesent by the globs?


[ Chuckles ]

No, nothing like that.

I just thoughtit would be cool.

"Grass blade" ‐‐it's a sort of pun.

Actually, this is greatfor me, personally.

Since you're my creation,you have to do what I say!

Chop upthis trespassing dog!


I am your master ‐‐

Ooh!

Obey m‐‐ Oof!

Okay, maybe just leave ‐‐Ugh!

[ Grunting ]

Hey, buddy,that's ‐‐ that's plenty.

Fight the evil, right?

Yeah...but not like that.

It ain't right.

Not ri‐‐ right?


Right here in my hand...

I holdthe latest miracle cure.

Once I releasethis surgical sword,

Susan's warrior instinctswill kick in

and she'll snap backto consciousness.

Any questions?


No, let's seewhere this goes.

I want to see brains.

All right.


[ All gasp ]

Hey, y'all.I'm back.

What?!


A sword?!

That's nothow you practice medicine!

Don't listen to her, Doc.You're great!

You fixed me uptip‐top.

Jibbs! Did your handalways look like that?!

Well...I guess maybe not.

But I trust you.

Yo, yo, yo, Mr. Fox!What's going on ‐‐

[ Crunch ]

Aagh! My back!

I'm no doctor.

That felt kind of rightfor a while. But nah.

They would've been better offif I had just stayed out of it.

Uh, yeah,speaking of that...

Banana guards,prep the garden shed.

We need 50ccof fertilizer, stat!

See, Grass Finn?

In the end,you did the right thing ‐‐

just like Finn would have.

Uh...good job, grass me.

But I'm not you.

It's clearthat I'm someone else.

So from now on,call me...

Fern the human.

[ Engine roars ]

[ Tires screech ]

Oof!

Hello.

Excuse me.Fern needs this bike.

[ Tires squeal ]

No!

Starchy's midlife crisis!

Hey, Fern, wait!

Let him go, man.

Trust me.

[ Engine revs ]


[ Monitor beeping ]


Awesome!

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Don't Look" from season 8, which aired on April 2, 2016.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Princess Bubblegum
Ice King
Neptr
BMO
Starchy
Shelby
Peppermint Butler
Turtle Princess
Turtle People
Snail
Music
None
Locations
Library
Dead Mountain
Tree Fort
Candy Kingdom
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

Jake: Hmm. [Reading aloud] 'Make more friends with sing-talking.' ♪ ♪ Hey there, Finn! Whatcha reading? ♪ ♪
Finn: It's a manuscript about "The Legend of Dead Mountain." Supposedly, if you get to the top, there's a treasure that will change you into the person you always wanted to be.
Jake: Ha, that's a dumb story; I love dumb stories! What would you change about yourself if you got that treasure? Fix your weird cursed grass arm so it wouldn't be weird and cursed?
Finn: Nah. I'd like to be taller.
Jake: How tall we talking about?
Finn: I don't know. Like, couple of inches. Say...tall as Princess Bubblegum?
Jake: [Mockingly] Oh, I see.
Finn: Jake, how would you change yourself on Dead Mountain if only the legends were true?
Jake: [Leaning back] I wouldn't change anything; I'm the whole package. [Falls backward] Whoa!
Finn: [Looks through book] Hey! There's a big warning about Dead Mountain in here. See? [Shows book] It says some kind of evil hermit guards the mountaintop. [Reading aloud] 'Don't let him look at you or something horrible will happen.' That seals the deal. The twin temptations of getting to grow a couple of inches and battling an evil hermit sound like a pretty perfect day. Let's go!
Turtle Princess: Shh!
Finn: [Whispering] Let's go.
[Finn and Jake march up Death Mountain]
Finn and Jake: [Chanting] Gear up for battle! You smell like cattle! Gear up for battle! You smell... Like cattle!
Finn: Monsters that get you by looking at you are so doomb.
Jake: Everybody knows all you need is a mirror.
Finn: They ought to get a new gimmick. [Finn and Jake reach the top] There's the evil hermit's uh... what is that? A hut?
Jake: No, it's a yurt.
[Finn and Jake enter the yurt, scaring away the rats inside]
Finn and Jake: Yah! Rats!
Finn: [Confused] Is that the hermit? [Disappointed] We don't get to fight the hermit.
Jake: Hey look.
Finn: What is it, boy?
Jake: The treasure. Okay, here it goes. [Shakes snow globe] Oh great treasure, make my taste buds think they're tasting fried chicken even when I eat my fruits and vegetables. I don't have any fruits or vegetables on me. I guess I'll find out later if that worked. Your turn.
Finn: [Speaking to globe] Oh great treasure, I want to be approximately 11.5 inches taller. [Stares at globe] Gross! It's leaking! [Finn and Jake inspect the yurt]
Jake: This place is depressing.
Finn: And I'm not growing taller. There's nothing going on here. ON TOP OF DEAD MOUNTAIN!
Jake: We should have known better than to trust a book.
[Finn hands Jake back the snow globe]
Finn: Yeah. He makes one cool skeleton, though. [Walks up to Hermit] These shades... [Takes off sunglasses] Let me check out these shades. [Hermit's eyes shine brightly at Finn] Aah! Ohh!
Jake: Finn!
[Finn wakes up in his bed disoriented]
Finn: Huh? Jake?
Jake: You're awake! Oh, I was so worried. I've been waiting with a bowl of soup. It has hoops and loops and maybe some goop.
Finn: [Fatigued] What happened? I don't remember getting into bed.
Jake: Don't worry. You're gonna be fine... [Looks away] in no time.
Finn: Thanks for taking care of me. You're the greatest big brother ever. [Jake transforms into a "jock"] W-Why are you doing that?
Jake: I'm not.
[BMO enters the room]
BMO: You're awake! You want some tea? Or saltine crackers?
Finn: BMO, you're my little angel.
[BMO begins transforming]
BMO: I'm a real boy! [Wings sprout from his back] With wings! [Halo manifests above his head] And a halo! [BMO flies out the window laughing gleefully] Oh!
Finn: What's happening?
Jake: I don't know but it probably has something to do with your weird old eyes.
Finn: [Surprised] Something is wrong with my eyes?
[Finn jumps out of bed and runs to the mirror]
Finn: Aah! Hermit eyes! Dead-hermit eyes!
Jake: Heh, it's fine.
Finn: Do you think the hermit did this... to punish me for grabbing his shades?
Jake: I think maybe the eyes are the treasure.
Finn: So, then, am I making people what they want to be?
Jake: No, because I don't want to be this awesome sweater bro. But maybe that's how you see me.
[Shelby squirms out from the fruit on the table]
Shelby: Hey dudes. Nice eyes, Finn. What's the word? What's the haps? [Shelby's appearance and voice transform] What's your major?
[Shelby squirms away cackling]
Jake: Whoa! Do you see Shelby as a bookish nerd?
Shelby: You're a nerd.
Finn: I don't know, maybe. Is that bad?
[Finn's phone rings from his backpack and answers the call]
[Princess Bubblegum is on the other end, but the audience can only hear indecipherable noises]
Finn: Hello? ... Hiya, P.B. What's up? ... You need help with your speech? ... An emergency?! ... On our way. [Finn hangs up the phone] Let's roll, varsity Jake.
Jake: Ah ah. Before we go... [Jake puts the sunglasses on Finn] Until you figure out how to use them, keep those peepers covered.
Princess Bubblegum: [Comparing two suits] What to wear for my speech... Boss next door or hot president?
Finn: Is this what you needed help with?
Princess Bubblegum: No, I think I got this. Oh! Hi Finn and Jake. You guys look...cool. You trying out a new look? [Finn and Jake shrug at each other] Anyways, I'm preparing for a very important speech about the benefits of candying vegetables, and I need you guys to take care o-o-o-o-o-of [Walks over to balcony] that.
[Starchy seen in the distance struggling with a stack of chairs]
Finn: Help Starchy set up chairs?
Princess Bubblegum: No no no. That.
[Screens pans over to Ice King sitting on a tree]
Finn: Oh boy. We're on it, princess.
Princess Bubblegum: It's probably nothing. He's been good lately, but it's a big speech, you know.
Ice King: [Eating a sandwich] Ohh. Ah.
Finn and Jake: Hey Ice King!
[Ice King falls off the tree suspended upside-down by his tunic]
Ice King: Aah! I'm not doing anything wrong. I was just lady-watching. [Tunic tears and Ice King hits the ground] Ow!
[During the fall Ice King shoots a small bolt that knocks off Finn's glasses]
Finn: Oh no.
[Ice King's appearance reverts to that of his fully-human self]
Ice King (appearing as Simon): Where'd my muscles go?! I'm a scrawny-armed loser! [Runs off crying]
Jake: That's how you see him? That's beautiful.
Finn: Sure, I-I mean it's... It's hard not to sometimes. Where'd those glasses go?
Jake: There.
[Starchy taking selfies with the sunglasses]
Finn: Starchy! Give those back, you thief!
Starchy: [Transforms wearing a burglar outfit] Huh? No way! Starchy looks good!
[Finn chases Starchy around a stack of chairs]
Finn: Starchy, you butt!
Starchy: [Starchy's head turns into a butt] Ohh!
Finn: Oof, sorry.
[Princess Bubblegum comes down]
Princess Bubblegum: What's going on here? [Becomes transformed] Can you explain this?
Finn: I don't know. I'm not a psychiatrist!
Jake: Come on, let's get you home, dude. Peebs, good luck with the speech.
Princess Bubblegum: But... Teen boy heartthrob it is.
Jake: Okay, at least now we're safe from you donking up any more of our friends.
Finn: Nobody got hurt.
[Neptr rolls out from the treasure]
Neptr: Have any of you guys seen BMO?
[Finn transforms Neptr into a basic microwave]
Finn: Aah! Did I kill Neptr?!
Jake: You turned him into a microwave. So...yeah, you kind of did.
Finn: But... but... but... That's not how I see Neptr, is it? I like Neptr. He's like my half-son. If I was a better person, would I be turning my friends into better things? Am I uncaring, judgmental...
[Finn transforms into a caricature of his father]
Jake: Uh, Finn.
Finn: Self-centered? Monstrous? I'm... I'm... I'm a huge wa-a-a-a-a-d! [Runs through Tree Fort and off into the hills]
Jake: Finn! You're being melodramatic!
[Jake enters the yurt]
Finn: I know it's you.
Jake: Hey, buddy. I figured you'd come back here.
Finn: Don't look at me, Jake. I might turn you into a microwave.
Jake: Baloney! You turned Neptr into a microwave because he's a microwave. But that doesn't mean that's all he is to you. I know you think Neptr is an interesting person, and I know that "microwave" is just one part of his personality. I mean...maybe your eyes are just bad at describing things, you know? Like how you feel about people, what they mean to you... That stuff's in your guts. Eyes can't grok that... Unless you have the eyes of like a trained artist or something. But you don't. I'm telling you, man: you're not a bad dude like this skeleton bro, or you'd be turning everyone into rats and plops. Now come on. Look at me.
Finn: Jake, you're so wise.
[Jake transforms into a small old elf]
Jake: What?! Di- Wha... Well, at least you're listening to me. And wise old Jakey got a plan. [Back at the Tree Fort Finn is looking at his reflection] P.B., you want to go first?
Princess Bubblegum: He may not be the most cunning soldier, but one thing about Finn is that he always puts other people first, and that makes him a true hero.
[Finn transforms in a Spartan soldier and then back to his caricature but wearing Spartan armor]
Starchy: Finn helped Starchy fart once.
Shelby: What a life saver.
[Finn's head turns into a floatie]
Ice King (appearing as Simon): Finn's a mean old party pooper. [PB nudges Ice King] Ow! But he is the hottest guy in Ooo, so he can kind of do what he wants.
Jake: Finn's just the best guy to do bro stuff with, like lying on the grass and talking to bugs or baking chocolate chip cookies. Finn's just a good friend.
[Finn transforms back to his self with the hermit eyes]
Finn: I'm me again. These balls are going nuts. [The hermit's eyes pop-out of Finn and Finn puts the eyes into the microwave] Uh... My son.
[The microwave transforms the eyes and Neptr emerges simultaneously transforming everyone else]
Neptr: Eye pie!
Everyone: Ew.
Finn: Good job, Neptr. You saved the day. [Carrying Neptr out] Neptr! Neptr!
[Everyone runs outside Neptr held in the air]
Everyone: Neptr! Neptr! Neptr! Neptr! Yay!
[BMO falls from the sky and into the eye pie Jake holds]
BMO: I just had the most wonderful dream.
[Episode ends]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Dream of Love" from season 4, which aired on April 23, 2012.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Mr. Pig
Tree Trunks
Candy People
Princess Bubblegum
Cinnamon Bun
Music
"Dream of Love"
Locations
Tree Trunks' house
Candy Kingdom
Drive-in theater
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode starts with Finn, Jake and Lady Rainicorn rolling down a hill. Finn and Jake are laughing and get to the bottom of the hill and Lady Rainicorn rolls away.]
Jake: Oh man! Alright, what's next?
Finn: Haha, let's see... [Begins to count on his fingers] First we visit Tree Trunks for apple pie, and then we go to Bubblegum's science music thing!
Jake: Wait, what about the movie at the drive-in?
Finn: That's after we make dream sandwiches!
Jake: Whoo! [Stands up and runs off] Let's go, apple pie!
Finn: [Runs after him] Whoo!
[Tree Trunks is tending to her rose garden.]
Finn: [In the distance] Tree Trunks!
Tree Trunks: [Turns around] Huh?
[Finn and Jake run towards her.]
Jake: TT!
Finn: Tree Trunks!
Tree Trunks: Oh my, look who's here! Yoo-hoo! [Waves with trunk.]
[Finn and Jake come to a stop at Tree Trunks' house.]
Jake: Oh yeah!
Tree Trunks: Howdy, Jake! Howdy, Finn!
[Mr. Pig stands up.]
Mr. Pig: Hello!
Jake: What'cha ya doin' here?
Mr. Pig: I never really left.
Tree Trunks: Mr. Pig's been so kind helpin' me, hehe, tend to my rose garden.
[Mr. Pig and Tree Trunks begin to chuckle.]
Finn & Jake: Hmmm.
Finn: Cool.
Jake: Cool cool.
Mr. Pig: Cool cool cool.
Tree Trunks: Cool cool cool cool!
[Mr. Pig and Tree Trunks begin to laugh and tickle each other.]
Mr. Pig: Oh, you.
Finn: Where's the apple pie, Tree Trunks?
Jake: Yeah, my stomach is jonesin' for it bad! [Stomach growls]
Tree Trunks: Oh, you all are so early that I haven't even started! [Walks inside]
Mr. Pig: [Sighs] I love her so much.
Finn: WHOA! You love 'er?!
Mr. Pig: Whaa? No!
Finn: [Points] You just said you love 'er.
Mr. Pig: [Looks down] You're crazy.
Jake: Dude, come on, we heard you.
Mr. Pig: [Sighs anxiously, turns around with arms raised] I think I am in love with her! But I don't know how to go about it... [Looks down, sad.]
Finn: Dude, you should just tell her how you feel!
Mr. Pig: [Lays arms on rosebush] Phew...
Tree Trunks: There you are, what are you boys chattin' about? Hmmm?
[Finn gestures at Mr. Pig]
Mr. Pig: Uh-huh, alright okay... [Clears throat] Ms. Tree Trunks... Ma'am, today, I wish to speak my feelings.
Tree Trunks: Mr. Pig, what's going on?

{{L|Mr. Pig| [Inhales through nose] When I see you, my heart beats like a choo-choo train, when you stand near me I get so nervous I cannot move. [Picks up rose.]

[Tree Trunks listens in awe.]
Tree Trunks: Ohhhhh!
Mr. Pig: [Smells rose and then eats it.] Mmmm, that's good.
[Tree Trunks covers his mouth with her trunk.]
Tree Trunks: Shush. I feel the same. I have a feeling that this is the feeling others call... love. [Finn and Jake stand by and watch.] What should we do then?
Mr. Pig: We should hug. [Extends arms.]
[Tree Trunks and Mr. Pig hug.]
Jake: Tree Trunks... you gonna bring some pie to Princess Bubblegum's thing?
Tree Trunks: Uh... Yeah, Jake, yeah! [Continues to hug.]
Jake: Well... Okay... [Turn around and begins to walk away with Finn.] See you later then.
[Mr. Pig and Tree Trunks begin to hum.]
[The scene transitions to Princess Bubblegum's concert. A couple of Candy People are attending and Peppermint Butler is filming with BMO with a video camera tapped to his head. Princess Bubblegum is hitting beakers and an electric organ with a ruler and a stick with a blue stone inside of it. Finn claps and sings along.]
Finn: [Inaudible.]
Jake: [Stomach growls and he begins to look around.] Where is she? [Stands up on bleacher and walks over to Finn, and puts his hands on his shoulder.]
Finn: You givin' me a back rub, bro?
Jake: What? [Puts both hands on Finn's shoulders.] Yeah, yeah, yeah... [Walks to the side of the bleacher and groans.] Is that-?! [Sees someone and gasps.] It's Tree Trunks!
[Tree Trunks arrives with Mr. Pig. Jake runs down the stairs to greet them.]
Jake: Pie! Pie!! [Lays down.] Lay it right here. [Points to stomach.]
Tree Trunks: Oh Jake, I tried to bake an apple pie, but this cutie kept distracting me. [Her and Mr. Pig giggle. Mr. Pig kisses Tree Trunks on the forehead, who kisses him back on the cheek.]
Jake: No apple pie?!
Jam Jam: [Whispers to another Candy Person] This is making me uncomfortable...
Cinnamon Bun: They're snuggling too loud!
Another Candy Person: What's happening? I forgot my glasses!
[Audience begins to murmur, interrupting Princess Bubblegum, who stops playing.]
Princess Bubblegum: Huh? Oh, gross!
[Finn runs down the bleachers and separates Tree Trunks and Mr. Pig.]
Finn: Hyeah! Break it up, break it up! Okay, the love show is over! Princess, please continue.
Princess Bubblegum: Hm! [Continues to play.]
[Tree Trunks and Mr. Pig begin to dance, hitting their butts together.]
Jam Jam: Ah! Ah! This is too much! [Begins to hyperventilate and starts screaming.] It's driving me crazy!
Princess Bubblegum: Cinnamon Bun, do something!
Cinnamon Bun: ...Okay. Hey everyone! The concert is over!
Princess Bubblegum: That's not what I-
Cinnamon Bun: The concert's over, Princess!
[Everyone begins to walk away and leave]
Tree Trunks: Princess, how's about a slow song so me and my man can dance cheek to cheek. [Her and Mr. Pig put their two cheeks together and hum.]
Princess Bubblegum: Hm! [Walks away, annoyed and begins to clean up. She grabs the beakers while Cinnamon Bun picks up the electric piano. They pass Tree Trunks and Mr. Pig and say "Hm!" with one eye closed.]
Tree Trunks: Why's everybody givin' me the hairy eyeball?
Finn: Y'all are too affectionate. It makes people feel... bothered when you and the Pig your affection in public!
Tree Trunks: They don't want us to flaunt what we have?
Finn: You two need to hide your love... or else, you'll end up making the whole world throw up!
Mr. Pig and Tree Trunks: We promise to keep our affection hidden.
Finn: Thank you.
[The scene transitions to Finn and Jake putting on their shoes at the Tree Fort. Jake cannot find his other shoe.]
Jake: Have you seen my other shoe?
Finn: I think I saw it in the closet!
[Jake runs over to closet and picks it up, but in a hole in the floor, he sees Tree Trunks and Mr. Pig kissing.]
Jake: Ahhh! Under my shoe?! Outta here!
[Tree Trunks and Mr. Pig run out of the Tree Fort and into a park. A Candy Person goes to put her baby in it's stroller but is shocked to find Tree Trunks and Mr. Pig kissing in it instead.]
Candy Mother: This carriage is for babies! [Knocks them out of the stroller.] For babies!!
[Turtle Princess is in the library and opens a book entitled "Princess Stuff," only to find Tree Trunks and Mr. Pig in it instead. Turtle Princess puts a finger to her lips and they fall off either side of the table.]
[Finn and Jake are having a picnic and making sandwiches.]
Finn: Nice stacks of sandwiches!
Jake: [Spreads something on bread] You shouldn'ta bought so many flavors! I had to make a sandwich for each flavor, and for each flavor combination!
Finn: I'm makin' a cheese sandwich! [Puts a slice of bread with cheese on it on another slice of bread, only to find Tree Trunks and Mr. Pig kissing on it.] Tree Trunks! Pig! Come on!
Tree Trunks: We're trying to hide our love, but it's so difficult!
Jake: [Chews on pieces of bread.] Try harder!
[Finn and Jake are now at a drive in movie.]
Finn: [Looks around] Doesn't look like Tree Trunks and Pig are around!
Jake: Yeah, looks like the cost is clear!
[The movie begins to play.]
Gingerbread Actor: [Puts a cup in his hand towards the screen] Look at this cup! [Puts second cup in his other hand towards the screen] Now, look at this cup! Look at this one! [Points to cup as big as him. A shadow of Tree Trunks come across the screen and cover it so the movie can no longer be seen.]
Jake: Aw, man!
Finn: [Sigh] Just try to ignore it and watch the movie!
Jake: I can't ignore that! [Points towards the screen, which is completely covered by Tree Trunks and Mr. Pig's  shadow. Entire crowd groans and protests in disgust. Jake stretches up to where they are.]
Jake: Stoooooop!
[The movie shuts off. Tree Trunks and Mr. Pig fall off either side of the truck, they run back over to each and continue kissing.]
Finn: Tree Trunks, this has gone on long enough! No more spending time with the Pig, unless you do it, inside your own home.
Tree Trunks: But Finn, an unmarried couple living together one roof, that's undecent!
Finn: Then, why don't you two just get married?
Tree Trunks: We don't wanna rush things-
Mr. Pig: Uh... marriage is a big step.
Tree Trunks: -we need time to get to know each other.
Finn: Then I guess we only have one option.
[Finn grabs Tree Trunks and Jake grabs Mr. Pig.]
Finn: Alright. [Him and Jake begin to pull them apart.]
Mr. Pig: You can't do this! Wait
Tree Trunks: Nooo!
Mr. Pig: Stop!
[Crowd cheers.]
Candy Person: Take 'em away!
Tree Trunks: Sweet meat!
Mr. Pig: Little dove!
Finn: [Carrying Tree Trunks] Sorry, Tree Trunks.
[Tree Trunks begins to cry.]
Jake: [Dragging Mr. Pig] So... where do you live?
Mr. Pig: [Staring off into space, said emotionless] I'm homeless.
Jake: Oh...
[Jake and Mr. Pig are getting drinks at the Candy Kingdom Tavern. Mr Pig sighs.]
Mr. Pig: I guess I'll just go back to eating criminals. [Chugs drink and begins to cry.] I miss her...
[At Tree Trunks' house]
Tree Trunks: I don't know what I'm going to do without him, Finn!
Finn: Why don't you make apple pie to take your mind off of it?
[Tree Trunks walks over and begins to punch the dough and begins to sing "Dream of Love."]
Tree Trunks: [Tears roll down her cheeks] Dream of love... Is it really over? Can I overcome these tears? I close my eyes, feel that he's still with me. Still standing with me here...
[Mr. Pig starts to sing at the Tavern.]
Mr. Pig: Dream of love... Are we truly parted? Must this Pig forever walk alone? In my dreams, our love is just a dream to me... but in my heart, it lives and breaths and grows.
Tree Trunks: [Cuts apples] And even though, we ain't allowed to be together. I cross my heart and promise to be true.
Mr. Pig: Well, I'm still lovin' you, girl, from halfway 'cross this great, big, world! [Spotlight shines on him.] And in my dreams, I'm holding hands with yoooooooooooou!
Tree Trunks & Mr. Pig: Dream of love... Dream of love... [A tear runs down Jake's cheek] It's only a dream of loooooove. Dream of love... Dream of loooooooove, it's only a dream... of love.
Tree Trunks: [Pulls apple pie out of the oven.] I close my eyes, and feel his arms around me, in my dreams... he's not so far away.
Finn: [Trying not to cry] Go to him.
[Tree Trunks excitedly runs off.]
Jake: [Trying not to cry.] Go.
Mr. Pig: [Gasps, nods and runs off.]
[Mr. Pig and Tree Trunks run for each other and kiss in a Candy Kingdom Courtyard.]
Jam Jam: I'm freaking out!!
[Candy People groan and protest as the two kiss.]
Finn: You know what? I like it. It's nice.
Jake: Yeah.
[Tree Trunks and Mr. Pig continue to kiss.]
Jake: Mmmm, apple pie I've been waiting to kiss you all day! [Shoves face in pie as the episode ends.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Dungeon" from season 1, which aired on July 12, 2010.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Princess Bubblegum
Demon Cat
Guardian Angel
Bucket Knight
Music
"Key Song"
"Pump It Up!"
Locations
Dungeon
This transcript is complete; only minor edits are needed.

Transcript

Princess Bubblegum: [to Finn and Jake] Alright, guys. Hammer all these safety signs around this dungeon hole. I've gotta jet off on my swan to take care of some royal junk.
Finn: You got it, Princess.
Jake: Whatever you want, mama.
Princess Bubblegum: Bubblegum, away!!
[Finn nails a sign with a sledgehammer, and Jake uses his fists as hammers]
Jake: Ow. Ow. Ow.
Finn: There. That's the last sign, Jake. Now no one will go down this hole, ever. Probably a lot of dangerous, awesome stuff down this hole. I better go take a look.
[Finn jumps down the hole, and Jake fishes him out using his arm as a fishing pole and line]
Jake: Don't, dude. For you see, that's the secret entrance to the Dungeon of the Crystal Eye!
Finn: Whoa.
Jake: Legend has it that the eye rests in the deepest chamber of this accursed dungeon. Man, we shouldn't even be talkin' about it, 'cause it's lunch time. [holds out picnic equipment]
[A "LUNCH TIME" logo pops up]
Finn: The crystal eye. I wanna meet this dungeon.
Jake: Maybe after lunch.
Finn: Eh, I'll skip lunch. Just catch up with me when you are finished.
Jake: *Pfft* Yeah, right.
Finn: What?
Jake: Without the aid of my magnificent powers... [shapes hand into bottle opener and opens a bottle of water] ...Huh? Huh? You'd get killed down there.
Finn: Hey! I can do things without you! You wanna bet I can't?
Jake: Nope. Come get your sandwich. [using Finn's sandwich as a puppet] Listen to Jake, Finn. He only wants what's best for--[Jake bites Finn's sandwich] [using sandwich puppet, muffled] Ahh! Help me! Ahh! Come put her out of her misery, dude!
Finn: We are betting! I bet that I'll get that crystal eye and be back within 11 minutes. [quickly] Ready set go! [jumps down hole]
Jake: [sighs] I better go after him.
Jake [as sandwich puppet]: No, Jake! Stay here, with me...
Jake: Oh, my... [makes out with the sandwich]
[scene switches to inside the dungeon.]
Finn: Dungeons! Chambers! Woah. [Sees bugbears everywhere] Evil creatures! [laughs as monsters chase him] Treasure chests! [treasure chest is actually a mimic monster, Finn laughs, jumps away as the creature tries to punch him, then the creature vomits gold, coins, doubloons, and rings and rubies]
Finn: Doorways! [floorboards try to close on him] Traps! [Long jumps out of trap] I'm in my elemeeeeeeeeent!! [Lands in chamber, sees a kitten's head sticking out of a black cave entrance]
Finn: Aww!
[cat head turns upside down and ominously meows]
Finn: [freaked out] Oh?
[A demonic cat with a kitten for a tongue comes out, and sucks his tongue back in his mouth]
Finn: Whoa! Somebody come pick up your freaky cat.
Demon Cat: Greetings, Frank the Human Boy.
Finn: How did you almost know my name?!
Demon Cat: I have approximate knowledge of many things. For instance, I know that I am possibly going to slay you and munch on your eyeballs. [circles Finn]
Finn: Huh, yeah right. That sounds like idiot talk!
Demon Cat: You're trespassing on my dungeon, manling. And I am the thing... [brandishes claws] ...you should be afraid of.
Finn: You can't hurt me! I'm a radical boy on a mission for the crystal eye!
Demon Cat: I'm going to unzip your skin and wear you like a little coat.
Finn: Unzip this! [Does an armpit-fart, jumps back]
[the Demon Cat leaps at him]
Finn: Bleep! [Demon Cat holds him down, and fiendishly bites at him] OOF!
[Finn punches him, the Demon Cat's eyes fill up with blood]
Demon Cat: Now, you DIE!! [Leaps at Finn, and tears up his clothes, then stops]
Demon Cat: Wait a minute. [Sniffs twice] Is that dog smell?! You... you have a dog with you? I'm outta here! [Runs away]
Finn: Yeah, right! Good excuse! Slaps, that cat was kicking my buns! And it might have finished my buns if it weren't for Jake's stank. Dang it, Jake! I'll get that crystal eye on my own! With my own odors. [walks by 3 different doors] Hmm, no to skeletal remains door. [Sees a door that is a monsters mouth, Finn kicks in a skeleton and a trap closes on it] No to giant monster mouth door. [sees key door] Oh! Giant key door it is!
[Tries to open, but it's locked]
Finn: If Jake was here, he could stretch his hand into a key and open it. [shapes his hand like a key] Yeah! Key hand! [tries to open the door, but bruises his hand] Ouch! [notices a green glow coming from a hatch] Hey! What the jug is that?
[Crawls in]
Finn: Oh, sweet, the key!
[Finn sings the Key Song]
[Reaches for key, which is inside a gelatinous green jelly cube]
Finn: Ew, jelly cube?! [Tries to get the key but almost gets sucked in] Come on! Give it to me! Don't flaunt it if you're not gonna give it up! [Screaming, falls out of the cube] I'll never get that crystal eye! No. No, I just gotta stay pumped. [starts dancing, and singing] Pump it up, pump it up! Whoo! Whoo! Shake it! Shake it! Ahh! [Falls through the floor, lands in a waterfall chamber] Steady, Finn. This place is probably more creeped out of you than you are of it. [Jumps onto the floor]
Bucket Knight: Halt! Come no further adventurer, for you see none can defeat... the Bucket Knight! [He appears to be very small]
Finn: Okay, then I won't fight you.
Bucket Knight: No! You must challenge me to-- [Finn interrupts him]
Finn: Hey cutie, do you know how to get to the crystal eye from here?
Bucket Knight: Yes, it's through that door over there, but-- [Finn runs past him]
Finn: Thanks!
Bucket Knight: Hey! You can't pass through that door with out battling me!
Finn: Yes, I can. Because I'm huge compared to you.
Bucket Knight: [to himself] Just add water and... [Pours water on himself] ...exponential growth!
Finn: Aw, buckets.
Bucket Knight: Now, activate thine own powers, and we shall engage in thrilling single combat!
Finn: [nervously] Heh, thing is... I don't really... have any powers.
Bucket Knight: [smiles] I see...
[Gets chased by Bucket Knight]
Finn: AAAAH!! Dang it, Jake wouldn't be running! He'd grow all big, and sock you right in the nose hole! [Bucket Knight kicks the gorund, which it's vibration sends Finn flying] Aw, nutzoids! [tries to run away, but Bucket Knight slides on the ground, causing Finn to once again, go flying] Come on! All aboard the knuckle train to fist planet! [jumps up, but Bucket Knight punches him far, bruising him really badly]
Finn: Oww... I rode the knuckle train? But... I... I'm in my element.
[Runs away and finally gets to the door, but the Bucket Knight is right behind him. Before he could hit Finn, Finn jumps through the door]
Finn: AHHHHH!!!! Ow! OW! Ow! OW! Ow! Uhh! That... sucked. [Takes a deep breath] Alright, Finn, you're in a heavy pickle here. You don't have Jake, and you're on your own. But you can still handle this. You can still get that crystal eye! [The Demon Cat is awake and crawls on a ledge an sees Finn]
Demon Cat: Hey, my dinner is back. And your dog isn't with you! That's what you said, right? Jack the Dog is not "accompanying" you?
Finn: You mean Jake?
Demon Cat: Jake, Jack, whatever. He's not here, which means I'm going to rip your heart out. [Chases Finn]
Finn: Crud, crud, crud, crud, crud!
Demon Cat: You can't hide from me, Jim. I know almost everything, remember? I know exactly where you might be, Jim. I'm about to pounce on you.
[Finn sits behind a rock pillar, nervous and scared]
Demon Cat: One... two... three! [jumps behind a rock] Aw, man! I thought you'd be behind this rock. Hmm... [sniffs twice] Alright. I know where you are now! And I'm about to pounce again! [Finn gets more scared] One... two... three! [jumps behind another rock] Aw, man! Well, there's only a few more places to look.
Finn: Oh, Jake... I'm such a fool. A silly, silly fool. [a hand touches his mouth] Who the heck--?!
Guardian Angel: Hey, it's okay. Shh, I'm your guardian angel, Finn. I'm here to save you.
Finn: Re...really?
Guardian Angel: Mmm-hm. Come here, let the angel pick you up.
Finn: Okay. [Flies away with the angel, laughs] This is radical.
Guardian Angel: Are you comfortable? Would you like some snacks?
Finn: I'm fine, thank you.
Guardian Angel: Here, let me clean you up, and mend your clothes. [Casts healing magic to clean up Finn and fix his clothes]
Finn: Ha ha ha ha ha!
Guardian Angel: I'm taking you to the chamber of the Crystal Eye....
Finn: Aww, yeah!
Guardian Angel: ... where I'm going to cook you and eat your flesh.
Finn: Wow... Wait! What??!
Guardian Angel: Trust in your [The "angel" shows her true colors as her face misshapens into a hideous form, and a raspy voice] guardian angel!
Finn: Put me down, lady!
Guardian Angel: As you wish.
[Drops Finn in a cage full of soup and ingredients]
Finn: Man, everybody wants to eat me up. It's probably 'cause I'm so sweet.
Guardian Angel: Now for little kid soup. [Lights a fire] The secret is a low flame over a long period.
Finn: That's Jake's secret, too. I sure hope he saves me.
Guardian Angel: [Flies away with beautiful face] I will save thee, Finn.
Finn: Lady, you are sick! Oh, Jake.
Jake: What?
Finn: Jake!
Jake: Finn!
Finn: What are you doing here?!
Jake: I was looking for you, knucklehead! I was so worried, that right after lunch, I plunged into the dungeon after you.
Jake: Strangest thing, though, I kept runnin' into obstacles.
[Flashback begins]
Reaper: Choose your dueling weapon!
Jake: Uh... I choose... sandwich! [He grabs his sandwich and fights with the reaper who simply cuts through it with a sword]
Jake: [voiceover] The challenges were impossible for me.
[Goblin King challenges Jake to spitting their spit the farthest and laughs when Jake throws a pathetic spit]
[A monster makes Jake chase a laser pointer, which leads Jake to bump into a wall]
Jake: [voiceover] But you would have blown right through. I kept thinking to myself, "What would Finn do?" Just...eh, frustrating. Know what I mean?
Finn: Yeah... I think I do. [Both chuckle, there's a moment of silence]
[A "NEWFOUND RESPECT" logo pops up as they awkwardly handshake]
Finn: Now let's find a way out of this cage.
Jake: I'll get us out with Key Hand! [forms a Key Hand]
Finn: I really don't see any key holes on this cage.
Jake: Not a problem, man. Lock Hand!
Finn: [laughs] I'll get us out of here, with carrot hand!
[takes a carrot and lights it on fire, and gives it to Jake. Jake sets the cage's rope on fire, and it drops on the Guardian Angel, killing her]
Jake: Alright, man. Let's go! We've still got a couple minutes left to steal that crystal eye and win your bet!
Finn: Wait! You'd help me win a bet that I made that I said I could accomplish something without you?
Jake: Just hop on my powdered doughnut, boy!
Finn: Cling!
[Finn laughs, and Jake carries him to the chamber of the crystal eye]
Jake: Alright, man. Let's give this crystal eye the old friendship lift.
Finn: Okay.
Both: Friendship, go!
[Demonic Eye Creatures fly out and Finn and Jake try to kill them, but they melt their weapons]
Finn: If I die, I'll have died with my best friend!
Jake: Me, too!
[Princess Bubblegum flies in on her swan, angry]
Princess Bubblegum: Get on my swan!
[Finn and Jake hop on her swan, which kills all the eye creatures with laser eyes]
Princess Bubblegum: I hope you learned a lesson from all this!
Both: Uh, we learned that working together is better. Heh, whatever.
[Princess Bubblegum growls]
Jake: [whispers to Finn] Looks like that's not the answer she wanted.
Finn: Uhh... I learned that you're a very... intelligent princess?
Princess Bubblegum: You're darn right I am. Princess Bubblegum, away!!
[The three break out of the dungeon riding the swan. "ADVENTURE TIME" logo pops up just as the episode ends.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Dungeon Train" from season 5, which aired on September 30, 2013.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Crystal Ants
Hair Apes
Music
None
Locations
Dungeon Train
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[The episode begins with Finn and Jake walking down a path in a forest.]
Finn: What... is the meaning of "soup"?
Jake: What? I don't know. What's with all the weird quest—?
Finn: What... is the meaning of "spoon"?
Jake: Shoot, man, are you still lady-sad about Flame Princess? Y'know, it's okay if you are.
Finn: Naw, that's all fine. I just been feeling kind of... gray, is all. Like my inside voice has been kinda quiet lately. Not a lot of instructions forthcoming, y'know?
Jake: Yeah, well, sounds like you're sad. Listen, Finn, girls is like horses. When you fall down, it's important that you get right back on again—on a different horse. And there's a lot of fish in the sea. A lot of fish. A penny saved is a penny earned.
Finn: Yeah, I-I guess. Or maybe dating girls is like riding a bicycle.
Jake: Yeah, man, yeah!
Finn: Or, like, if you mess up, you could get really hurt forever, or hurt someone you really care about.
Jake: Eh, well, I suppose. Anyway, I hope this mystery cave we're looking for is as weird as Flambo's brother says it is. Maybe that'll snap you out of the—[stops walking] Whoa! What?!
[He walks up to a train, which is passing by on its tracks.]
Jake: What's this train all about? No one said nothing about no train in the way!
Finn: Relax, buddy. We'll just cross after it passes. No big thing, really.
Jake: Oh, yeah.
[Finn is now sleeping on the ground.]
Jake: It's two hours later now. What the stunk? [stretches up above the train, seeing that the train is going around in a circular track] Oh, okay. [stretches back down] Hey, the train just goes in a big circle! We can cut right through the middle, blingle, blongle, blungle! Come on! [grabs Finn and stretches them onto the train] Wha-hey! You know, I just had another idea! If we just stay put here on the train, we could ride it all the way to the cave. [a door opens behind them] Blingle, blongle, blungle!
[A creature comes running toward them screaming.]
Creature: Gimme! Gimme the loot! [hits Finn's head]
Finn: Ow!
[The creature stomps on Finn's toes.]
Finn: Yeeow!
Creature: Gimme! Gimme that hat! [grabs Finn's hat]
Finn: Knock it off! [punches him in the chest and bites his arm]
Creature: Aah!
[Finn pushes him off the train.]
Creature: Oh, dang!
Finn: [laughs]
Jake: Hey, Finn!
Finn: Whoa!
Jake: Look at all the loot that guy dropped while you whipped his butt!
Finn: Dang, look at that sword! [picks up the Lightning Sword] Whoa. Feels kinda right. [waving it around] Whoosh. Whoosh. Vvsh, vvsh. [points it at the wall, causing it to shoot electricity] [laughs] Whoa!
Jake: [laughs] Pretty fun, huh?
Finn: Yeah, man! It's spicy baby fun!
Jake: You wanna go see what other kind of monsters are on this train?
Finn: Yes! [runs off]
Jake: [following him] [laughs]
[They enter a different car of the train, where some blue ants await, holding loot in each hand.]
Finn: Whoa, Crystal Ants, I think! [runs past them, zapping each with his sword]
Jake: [laughs] Cool! [picks up loot] [laughs]
[They enter another car, where some rock monsters moan and walk toward them.]
Finn: Ha-ha! Yeah! [slicing each one] Die, die, die, die, die, die, die! [laughs]
[Scene changes to Finn fighting several monsters in quick succession. The last one explodes, getting some of its goo on Jake.]
Jake: [laughs] [to himself] Welcome back, buddy.
Finn: Man, look at all this rad loot!
Jake: Yeah, this is a pretty neat train. We should come back again someday.
Finn: Whoa, what do you mean? We just started only, like, three hours ago.
Jake: Heheh, yeah. I'm just gettin' a little bored, is all. All these cars of monsters are kinda all the same. It's a little boring.
Finn: Oh, come on. [elbows him lightly] It's fun! Just one more car. Come on. [elbows him] Come on, man! [elbows him again] Come on!
Jake: All right, just one more.
Finn: Ha-ha, yes!
Jake: [sighs]
[They enter another car, but this one appears empty.]
Finn: Hmm? Where is everybody?
Jake: Hey, hey! Empty car—think we beat it, buddy.
[A door opens behind them, out of which comes a chubby green monster with a crown that shoot fires.]
Finn: Whoa, man! Boss battle! Let's chew it up! [runs toward the monster]
Jake: Okay, but this is the last one, okay?
Finn: We'll see!
[The monster trips Finn and blasts fire at him, singeing his hat.]
Finn: Ha-ha!
Jake: Hey, man, [hitting monster with a stick] you remember we were going to that weird cave? Bet it's not too late to check it out.
Finn: [attacking monster] Eh, weird cave, weird train—I'm cool here.
Jake: [sighs] Okay.
Finn: Hyah! [hits the monster's crown]
[A head grows out of the monster underneath its crown.]
Head: Ahhhh, gimme a break!
[The monster disappears in a flash of light and drops loot.]
Finn: Oh? Oh, dang. Boss loot! [puts on the crown and dances] Oh, yeah. [the crown emits fire]
[Jake picks up the rest of the loot and tries on a glove, which makes him chubby and green like the monster. He quickly takes it off, throws it on the ground, and kicks it away.]
Jake: No, thank you.
Finn: Jake, hurry. Next car!
[They enter the next car, which contains green jelly creatures.]
Finn: Slime crimes! [starts fighting]
Jake: You have fun. I'm just gonna watch. [sits on a ledge away from the fight]
Finn: [sees a gold shield one monster dropped] Hey.
[A monster squirts some green liquid at Finn, hitting the back of his leg.]
Finn: Ow! [laughing] Ow. Cool... acid!
[The monster squirts again, but Finn picks up the shield and reflects it back at it, killing it. Finn walks over to the loot it dropped. Jake's stomach rumbles.]
Jake: Hey, also, man, aren't you, like, gettin' kinda hungry?
Finn: Yeah, man. I guess we've been here for a while.
Jake: More than a while, dude. I've already missed my bathroom window!
Finn: Yeah, I guess I could take a snack break.
Jake: 'Kay! Well, we'll go back to the tree house, and I'll make us some lunch. I could make the toaster pancakes you like.
[Finn kills a monster, which drops some meat.]
Jake: And maybe I can boil up some hot dogs, or—
Finn: [eating noisily] Look. [points to meat] Now we don't gotta do that thing you wanted to do. [uses his crown's flames to throw the meat at Jake]
Jake: [dodging it] Aah!
Finn: Hot meat!
[The scene changes to Finn entering another car, in which red ants await.]
Jake: Ants again? [goes to sit in the corner]
Finn: "Ant" no thang! [smashes one] Yah! [smashes another] Caught with your "ants" down! "Ants" for nothin'! [kills another] Forget about "ant"! [kicks one] What's wrong? Feeling antsy? [kills another and continues killing them]
Jake: [sighs] Dude, this is the ant car. We already did the ant car. We did all the ants!
Finn: Same car, [punches an ant] but those were blue ants. These are red ants.
Jake: Finn, I think we should take off. I think this place is bad news for you.
Finn: Man, no way. All this feels good. [smashes another ant] Like my inside voice is saying, "Hey, keep it up. This is good stuff." [two ants attack him] Aah! Hey! [knocks them away] Ah! Like when you made those biscuits way back? And I kept eating them until they were all gone. Like that!
Jake: Finn, [stands up] I made those biscuits with so much butter. You were just responding to the butter! This whole place is butter!
Finn: Yeah! [smashes the last ant]
[A door opens, out of which comes the second boss.]
Finn: Boss fight! [charges at it, blasting fire from his crown]
[The monster raises its wand and blasts Finn backwards.]
Finn: [laughs] [gets back up and continues fighting offscreen]
[Blasts from the monster's wand zoom by Jake, who is sitting in a corner. He picks up a pair of pants that one of the ants dropped and puts them on. Finn grunts and an explosion sounds.]
Boss: My jacket-sta! [disappears in a flash of light]
Finn: [holding loot] Check it out: battle moon.
[A small moons orbits around his head. A crystal ball rolls toward Jake.]
Jake: What? [picks it up and looks in it] [gasps] Finn! This is a future crystal! Look!
[In the sphere is Finn in full armor, battling yellow Crystal Ants]
Jake: That's you, dude! You're old, you're alone, and you're still fighting on this dumb train!
Future Finn: [slashes the ants] Get "ant" of town.
Finn: Whoa. I'm gonna have the best life!
[Jake gapes.]
[Scene cuts to them entering another car. Jake kicks the wall, and some Hair Apes shoot lightning at Finn, who blocks it with his shield.]
Finn: Oh, Hair Apes!
Jake: Nuh-uh, dude. I'm bored, I'm tired, and I'm goin' back to the tree house. [opens up the side of the train] You can come with me if you want.
Finn: What? No, man! It's better on the train; stuff makes sense here.
Hair Ape: [hoots] [zaps Finn]
Finn: Yow! [laughs] [shoots a bolt from his wand at the ape, killing it]
Jake: I'm sorry. If you wish to join me, I'll be in the tree house experiencing the joys of life and not getting attacked by gorillas made out of hair.
Finn: You'll be back.
Jake: No, I won't, Finn. [hops onto the outside of the train] Goodbye!
[He makes it sound like he's getting farther away by making his face smaller. He looks back in at Finn.]
Finn: [sighs]
[A Hair Ape shoots some lightning at Finn, but his battle moon blocks it.]
Hair Ape: [hoots]
Finn: Hey! [laughs] [runs toward it] "Hair" we go!
Jake: [climbs on top of the rain, finding a Hair Ape] What're you doin' up here?
Hair Ape: [hoots] [shrugs]
Jake: [takes off his hat and sits next to it] Are you gettin' sick of things down there, too?
Hair Ape: [hoots]
Jake: Mm-hmm.
[He takes off his pack, and the Hair Ape pats his leg invitingly.]
Jake: You're not gonna try and zap me, are you?
[The Hair Ape shrugs. Jake rests his head on the Hair Ape's leg and looks up at the stars.]
Jake: I wonder what my kids are doin'. [falls asleep]
[Morning arrives, and Jake hears the Hair Ape rubbing his hands together to zap him.]
Jake: Hey! [dodges zap] I knew it!
[He hits the Hair Ape, which disappears in a flurry of hair. He then picks up his pack, puts on his hat, and picks up the Hair Ape's hat.]
Jake: [walks off] Gotta find that kid. Hey, Finn! [opens door] Fi—oh! [sees someone with a metal helmet, a cloak of fire, and a battle moon] Umm... hey, there, friend. I ain't lookin' for no trouble. Just lookin' for my friend, Finn. Maybe you seen him? About five feet tall, picks his nose, and always kinda smells funny l—
Finn: Hey, hey! Jake, it's me! [opens visor to helmet] I'm just all souped up now.
Jake: Ah, jeez, Finn. I... for a minute there, I thought you were one of those twisted-lost-soul boss guys.
Finn: [wiggles his tongue] Bl-bl-bl-bl-bl.
Jake: Wait, you are! You are one!
Finn: What? Those guys are cool!
Jake: That's it, man! I'm gettin' you off this train whether you like it or not! [advancing toward him]
Finn: Jake, stay back. I mean it!
Jake: Oh, please. What're you gonna do? I'm ten times stronger than—
[Finn squirts a large amount of silk at him with his spider wand.]
Finn: [laughs]
Jake: Ah, gross! [coughs]
Finn: [grabs Jake's pack] Yoink! [laughs] [runs to the next car] Pff, Jake—tryin' to tell me what to do. Pff, yeah, right. I tells me what to do. Now let's see what we got here. [reaches into Jake's pack] Apple, apple, chicken, apple... [pulls out future crystal] Oh, yeah, that little orb in which I rule! Let's see that again, orb. [the crystal reveals an old Finn, followed by someone] Yeah, that's right. Lookin' right. [laughs] Wait a second, who's that sad ward little guy followin' me around? [camera zooms in] Jake? All those years—he stayed with me.
Future Jake: Finn, can we slow down? My feet hurt.
Future Finn: What?
Finn: Oh, Jake. Hang in there, buddy. I'ma set this right.
[He gets up, and his battle moon falls. He makes his way toward Jake, taking off his helmet on the way.]
Jake: Finn? Finn, I'm sorry. I'll stay on the train with you, I swear. Just get this stuff off of me.
Finn: [using wand to take back silk] No, I'm sorry, Jake. I messed up, but don't worry. It's all over now.
Jake: You mean we're gettin' off the train?
Finn: Well... you are. I'm gonna keep playin' for a while. I'll meet you back home in a week or two.
Jake: Aw, man, don't you see that's just the train talkin'? It's got its hooks in you! [hits Finn's head lightly]
Finn: [laughs] No, no for real! [pats forehead] My inside is tellin' me it's time. Here, [hands Jake the future crystal] see for yourself.
[The crystal displays Finn and Jake washing dishes at the Tree Fort.]
Jake: Yeah, man. That's what I'm talkin' about. That... is what I'm talkin' about.

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Earth & Water" from season 5, which aired on September 2, 2013.

Characters
Flame Princess
Finn
Princess Bubblegum
Cinnamon Bun
Flame King
Flame Guards
Ice King
Gunter
Jake
BMO
Messenger
Rock Woodsman
Jake 2
Music
None
Locations
Fire Kingdom
Candy Kingdom
Tree Fort
Ice Kingdom
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[The episode begins in the Tree Fort, where BMO is starting up a game of Sumo Scootz.]
BMO: Sumo Scootz! [making sfx for the game] Vroom vroom skreeee! [Jake's character defeats Finn's] Winner!
Jake: Whoo! 79th consecutive victory! [stretches his buttocks toward Finn's face] In yo fa-ace! [Finn doesn't react] You okay, buddy? [hits Finn's cheek with one of his buttocks] Still bummed out about Flame Princess?
Finn: [nods]
Jake: Hmm. I know what'll fix you up: girl's night out, boy style! First, we'll go to the salon, get yo hair did and your nails all—wait, no. First, we'll go to the shops, get you a brand new hat. Then, we'll—[toilet flushes] [gasps] [hides in the couch] A burgler-mer!
[Finn and Jake approach the bathroom door, and Finn kicks it open. Ice King is washing his hands.]
Finn, Jake, & Ice King: Aah!
Finn & Jake: The Ice King? Grr—eh! [Jake holds his nose]
Ice King: Jeez, you couldn't wait two seconds?
Finn: Ech. [pinches nose] [nasally] Why are you stinkin' up our house?
Ice King: Didn't you get my text? It said I'm stayin' [takes out banana phone] with you guys—[looks at phone] oh, didn't go through. Well, anyways, I knew you wouldn't mind since it's sorta your fault I'm homeless, right?
Finn: Right.
Ice King: 'Cause you tricked your crazy ex into meltin' my Ice Kingdom?
Finn: Mmhm.
Ice King: With your lies and secrets? 'Member when that happened?
Jake: Dude, you can't stay here if you're gonna stank it up with your bad vibes, man!
[Ice King sprays air freshener, and Finn and Jake cough.]
Ice King: Yeah, I'm just crashing here while the penguins rebuild. I've given Gunter temporary reign.
[Gunter, wearing Ice King's crown, is shown constructing ice structures.]
Ice King: Should be fine.
Finn: Flame Princess isn't crazy.
Ice King: You're blind, Finn. You're blind—wait, she isn't here, is she?
Finn: No.
Ice King: Whew!
Finn: She said she wanted time to herself. [walks out]
Ice King: Yeesh.
Jake: Yeah, breakups are tough.
Ice King: Heh, yeah, like, remember how you and I were married?
[Scene cuts to a forest with smoke rising from it. Flame Princess rips up some grass and burns it.]
Flame Princess: Uh! It's so confusing!
[A spider-like creature lowers itself on its silk near Flame Princess.]
Flame Princess: Hmm? [to creature] I thought Finn was a stand-up guy, you know? But he basically betrayed me.
[Spider creature shakes his head sympathetically.]
Flame Princess: Why do people even have secrets?
[Her heat radiation intensifies and the spider hurriedly scrambles up its silk.]
Flame Princess: It's like that in the Fire Kingdom, too. Everyone is all deceitful and Shakespeare. But out here doesn't seem any different. [scribbling sounds are heard] Why do I have to feel like this? [hears scribbling sounds] And what is that noise?! Grrr!
[She sees the spider crawling in mid-air. Princess Bubblegum, invisible, punches the spider off of her face.]
Princess Bubblegum: Eh.
Flame Princess: [squints]
Princess Bubblegum: [turning off invisibility] Yeah, yeah. Just act like I'm not here.
Flame Princess: [gasps] Are you spying on me?!
Princess Bubblegum: What?! No, of course not!
[Several cameras and a microphone spontaneously reveal themselves. Princess Bubblegum hits a button on her watch and they become invisible again.]
Princess Bubblegum: I was observing you—for research. [sighs] You're a threat, Flame Princess. Your emotions are directly linked to your combustion levels. But if I can create a scientific model that describes your complete elemental matrix, I can isolate and suppress your more... volatile traits.
Flame Princess: So, if you do your research, you'll know how to cut off my emotions so I won't feel like this?
Princess Bubblegum: Umm, yeah, basically!
Flame Princess: Then I'll help you.
Princess Bubblegum: You will?
Flame Princess: Yes. I'll do whatever it takes.
[Scene cuts to Flame Princess strapped down in a metal room with Princess Bubblegum and Cinnamon Bun observing from behind a large glass window.]
Princess Bubblegum: [talking into microphone] Once I press this button, you'll be subjected to a battery of tests to gauge your reflexes, stamina, and your reaction to various emotional stimuli.
Flame Princess: This is going to help me understand myself?
Princess Bubblegum: There's a 40% chance we'll be able to identify and isolate your chemical components—and yes, understand you in a very scientific way.
Flame Princess: Oh. That's good... I guess.
Princess Bubblegum: Initiate test. [a phone drops down and knocks her hand away from the button] Yah. [puts phone to her ear] Hello?
Jake: Princess! We need you and your Ball Blam Burglerber right away! Gunter has created a race of strangling snow snakes, or snow-a-constrictors!
[Snow-a-constrictors are shown wrapped around Ice King and Finn, who is hacking at one with his sword.]
Jake: Aaaah—[gets disconnected]
[Princess Bubblegum hits the button, lowering a large metal contraption towards Flame Princess. A small screen hanging by a cord drops down.]
Princess Bubblegum: Okay, Cinnamon Bun, all you have to do is write down the numbers that appear on this monitor. Can you do that one thing?
Cinnamon Bun: Yes.
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, one other thing. Do not open that door. [points to a door behind Flame Princess] So that's two things: write down the numbers, do not open that door. Got it?
Cinnamon Bun: Yes, Princess.
[Scene cuts to Cinnamon Bun opening the very same door as the floor underneath him stretches toward Flame Princess.]
Cinnamon Bun: [laughs] Hello.
Flame Princess: Hello.
Cinnamon Bun: You look sad.
Flame Princess: Yeah, but mostly I'm confused.
Cinnamon Bun: Ha, me too.
Flame Princess: Really?
Cinnamon Bun: Yeah. Bubblegum is bad.
Flame Princess: She is?!
Cinnamon Bun: I don't know. Wanna pet my dog?! He lives at my house.
Flame Princess: What about the tests?
Cinnamon Bun: I'm not good at tests.
[Scene cuts to Cinnamon Bun's house, where Flame Princess is sitting on the couch next to Cinnamon Bun's "dog" (a squash with a mop on its head). Cinnamon Bun is preparing tea.]
Cinnamon Bun: La-de-da-de-da [hums] His name is Jake, but he's not the real Jake. [walks into coffee table, leaving a notch in his leg] Ow. My body is soft. [extends leg toward Flame Princess]
[Flame Princess places her hand on the wound, healing it perfectly.]
Cinnamon Bun: [gasps] [shakes his leg] We're friends.
Flame Princess: Yeah, I really get you, but sometimes friends are hard to understand. Sometimes you think you know them, but you find out they're just playing mind games.
Cinnamon Bun: Is the princess your friend?
Flame Princess: I don't know.
Cinnamon Bun: Yeah, because why did she lock you up in jail when you were a little baby? That was a weird friend thing.
Flame Princess: [gasps]
[Title card: 15 YEARS AGO. Scene cuts to the Fire Kingdom.]
Messenger: The word! The word!
Flame King: What's the word?
Messenger: The word is your newborn baby will have greater powers than you'll ever dream of.
Flame King: Uh... have my baby sent into the wilderness of the outside world to perish.
Messenger: Okay! [runs off]
[Scene cuts to the messenger carrying a baby Flame Princess through a forest. He sets her down, and she tries to walk but falls backwards. The messenger catches her.]
Messenger: Oop. Hup. [helps her walk]
[Flame Princess starts walking on her own away from the messenger.]
Messenger: Ah! [catches up to her and picks her up] Aw. [makes baby noises] [tickles her face]
Flame Princess: [giggles] [her flames intensify]
[Scene cuts to the messenger handing Flame Princess to Rock Woodsman.]
Messenger: [sighs] Hmm. [starts crying and runs off]
Rock Woodsman: Ho-ho! [puts Flame Princess down and starts sawing wood]
[Flame Princess walks into the lumberjack's house and sets it on fire.]
Rock Woodsman: [gasps] WAAAAAAAAAH!
Flame Princess: [laughs] [runs into the forest, burning trees] Bah. [knocks down a tree, behind which can be seen the Candy Kingdom in the distance] Ca'tle.
Princess Bubblegum: [looking through a telescope] What's this?
[Scene cuts to Princess Bubblegum in a fireproof suit walking up to Flame Princess.]
Flame Princess: Kih, kih.
[Princess Bubblegum picks her up.]
Princess Bubblegum: A princess? Must've wandered off.
[Scene cuts to Fire Kingdom.]
Princess Bubblegum: Flame King?
Flame King: What do you want, princess of the Gum World?
Princess Bubblegum: I found your lost daughter.
Flame King: I-I don't remember losing anything.
Princess Bubblegum: Pssh.
Flame King: Okay, you got me. I had her sent to wander in the woods. I was in fear of being usurped. Come on.
Princess Bubblegum: That's your problem, but you can't just let her run around the woods. She's too dangerous. Find some way to contain her power, or I will.
Flame King: Pssh, fine.
[Scene cuts to baby Flame Princess in the lantern.]
[Scene cuts back to Flame Princess in Cinnamon Bun's house.]
Flame Princess: [stands up] [groans in frustration] Is everybody in this world hiding something?
Cinnamon Bun: It's fun to hide.
Flame Princess: You're all right. Why can't everybody be honest like you? Maybe I should just go back where I belong.
Cinnamon Bun: Wait, do you mean baby jail?
Flame Princess: I don't know, man.
Cinnamon Bun: Mmmm...
[Scene cuts to Finn and Princess Bubblegum walking up to a metal door.]
Finn: Fighting snow-a-constrictors really helped take my mind off things.
[Finn shakes snow off his head as Princess Bubblegum pushes buttons on a keypad next to the door.]
Finn: So, uh, why am I here again?
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, I just wanted to measure Flame Princess's reaction when confronted by the guy who broke her heart.
[Finn frowns, and the door opens.]
Princess Bubblegum: Hey, Cinnamon Bun, I'm—[gasps]
[The metal contraption is out of control, frantically moving up and down and smoking.]
Princess Bubblegum: CINNAMON BUN!!!
[Scene cuts to Cinnamon Bun's house. Finn and Princess Bubblegum arrive via carriage and walk up to the door.]
Princess Bubblegum: There's a note [reading it] "Gon 2 fyr kingdum. Pleez watch dog."
[Cinnamon Bun's "dog" is on the doorstep next to a bowl of dog food.]
Finn: Oh, this is terrible! If Flame Princess goes back there, her evil dad will lock her up again!
Princess Bubblegum: And if she's imprisoned, I won't be able to complete my tests, and I'll have wasted my precious time!
Finn: We gotta save her. Let's doogie!
[Scene cuts to Fire Kingdom. Finn and Princess Bubblegum, dressed in fireproof suits, walk up to a couple Flame Guards.]
Flame Guard #1: State your business here, and be quick about it. Sorry, I'm on edge 'cause I'm worried that Jerry here will find out I'm dating his sister.
[Jerry turns his head.]
Finn: Listen, we need to get into the castle right now.
Flame Guard #1: Yeah, but why?
Finn: Grrr! So I can go to your mama's house! Now get outta my way!
Jerry: Doesn't your mom live in a nursing home?
Flame Guard #1: Yeah, and in a different city. C'mon, dude, you gotta be honest here.
Finn: Honest my fist! [punches Flame Guard, pushes him down, and headbutts Jerry] Come on, Princess!
[The two run inside but are blasted back by a huge fireball.]
Flame Guard #2: D'aw, yeah! Gonna scramble you and fry you up for brunch! I try to act tough but I really wanted to be a chef.
Finn: Man.
[A Flame Person walks up to the three guards.]
Jerry: Halt. What is your business here?
Flame Person: I need to get inside to file my taxes. Also I like using the bathroom here. Also I like to crop dust the lobby.
Flame Guard #2: Pass, friend.
Finn: Alright, so you wanna get nasty? One time, I blew a snot bubble that broke off and floated away. Then it hit some lady's baby in the face, and it started crying.
Princess Bubblegum: And I really enjoy the taste of envelopes.
Flame Guard #1: Uh, that's cool and all, but you still haven't told us why you want to get in.
Princess Bubblegum: We need to see the king?
Flame Guard #1: Well, why didn't you just say so? Right this way, friends. [leads them inside] There you go: [Flame Princess is seated on the throne wearing royal garb] the new Flame King.
Finn: Flame Princess?
Flame Princess: Finn?
Finn: You're okay! Um, how's it going?
Flame Princess: Pretty good. Cinnamon Bun and I staged a coup and I overthrew my dad.
Princess Bubblegum: Oh-ho, that's why the guards were wigging out.
Flame Princess: That is the new way in the Fire Kingdom. Total honesty is the law of the land—no secrets.
Finn: Oh.
Flame King: [from inside lantern] Right, can you believe this nonsense? Once I get outta here, I'm gonna ground you for real. No snacks, no friends, no popular music.
Flame Princess: You never let me have any of those things! You were a selfish king and a bad parent!
Flame King: But I did it for you, honey—for you not to overthrow me like you just did.
Flame Princess: You belong in that lamp! And if you don't settle down, you'll have to answer to Cinnamon Bun!
Cinnamon Bun: [wearing a conical fire hat] Hi.
Finn: Wow. She's even awesomer than I remember.
Princess Bubblegum: Take off that silly hat. We're going home.
Cinnamon Bun: No. Look, [pets Jake 2] got a real dog now! Hah.
Finn: Flame Princess, listen. I'm really sorry I lied and hurt your feelings, and I was a big fat jerk—
Flame Princess: Finn, it's okay. It's in the past now.
Finn: So, does that mean we're still going out?
Flame Princess: No. I've realized my place is here, ruling these weak and vicious Fire People.
Finn: I see. [gets on the ground and goes into fetal position]
Flame Princess: But we're cool. You're welcome to come back and hang out whenever you like if you promise me one thing.
Finn: [stands up] Anything.
Flame Princess: That you'll be completely honest with me.
Finn: Heh. Okay. I promise.
Flame Princess: [laughs lightly] I'm serious.
Finn: Hmm.

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Elemental" from season 8, which aired on May 19, 2016.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Ice King
Patience St. Pim
Princess Bubblegum
Slime Princess
Flame Princess
Banana Guards
Starchy
Death (pictured)
Urgence Evergreen (flashback)
Cinnamon Bun
The Lich (flashback)
Gunter
Snail
Music
None
Locations
Candy Kingdom
Slime Kingdom
Ice Kingdom
This transcript is Incomplete


Starchy: Honey I'm home! Oops. I forgot I lived alone. Well, no bother. I won the Golden Shovel Award. [turns on the light] Candy Kingdom's premier award for grave-digging excellence. There. Now to hang up my tuxedo so it doesn't wrinkle. [gasps, discovers that hangers in his closet are missing]


[Banana Guard picks up the phone]
Banana Guard #1: You're missing hangers, too?
Banana Guard #2: Well, I don't really use hangers.
Banana Guard #1: Have you considered folding? We better call Princess Bubblegum.
[Princess Bubblegum pauses the recorded video]


Princess Bubblegum: And then I called you guys.
Finn: To find all the wire hangers?
Jake: Wouldn't you rather have us fighting evil demons or something?
Princess Bubblegum: Maybe an evil demon is stealing all the hangers.
Jake: Hmm.


Jake: [shapeshifted as a trashcan] See anything?
Finn: [inside Jake] No, it's pretty quite out there.
Jake: Yeah, but not so much in here.
Finn: Huh? What does that mean?
[Jake farts]
Finn: Oh, Jake, no!
[Jake laughs]
Finn: Wait, hold on.


[Ice King tries to break and enter "C. K. Dry Cleaners"]
Jake: It's over, Ice King!
Ice King: Oh, hi, guys.
Finn: What's going on? Is kidnapping hangers your new thing now?
Jake: Yeah, man, you have, like, one muumuu, and you're wearing it.
Ice King: You think this is about hangers? Really?
Finn: Well... Yeah, because you're stealing all the hangers.
Jake: You're stealing everyone's hangers, dude.
Ice King: It's about so much more! Come back to my place, and I'll explain everything.
Finn and Jake: Hmm.


Ice King: See? I dropped my keys down this deep hole. I need all these hanger guys to help me snag 'em. When I'm done, I'll return them all, and that's an ice promise.
Finn: How long has this crack been here?
Ice King: Forever. Before forever. What the... [pulled down to the crack by hanger] Oh! Something's got me!
Finn: Let go of the hanger!
Ice King: Huh?
Jake: Let go!
Ice King: Oh.
Jake: This calls for an investigation.
Ice King: All right. Stand back! [forms a circular saw with the power of his ice magic] Follow me, fellas!


[Finn, Jake and Ice King keeps walking down through the tunnel while Ice King drills ahead]
Ice King: Watch your heads.
[Ice thuds]
Ice King: Holy moly! Do you know what this extra square footage means when I decide to sell?
Finn: [looks into the icy orb]There's something in here.
Jake: What is it?
Finn: I don't know.
Ice King: Well, no rest for the sexy.
Jake: That's not the expression.
[Ice King drills against the surface of the orb]
Ice King: Boy, this is strong. A lot stronger than my ice. [grunts]
[Orb cracks, and explodes]
Patience St. Pim: [gasps] Dudes!
Finn: Hello.
Patience St. Pim: What year is this?
Finn: Uh, nobody really keeps time like that.
Patience St. Pim: It worked! I mean, I feel like it worked. This is the future, right?
Finn: Who are you? You're like a beautiful Ice King.
Jake: Oh, boy, here we go.
Ice King: Back off, son! I saw her first!
Patience St. Pim: Chill, you guys. [chuckles] "Chill"? Get it? I'm Patience St. Pim, the ICE ELEMENTAL! Whoo! [sprays icy particles] Did you see that? I made ice... with my hands.
Finn: I'm Finn the human, and this is Jake the dog.
Jake: Hello.
Patience St. Pim: Who's a good boy?
Ice King: Ahem. They call me the Ice King. I also make ice. [tiny ice pops out from Ice King's finger]
Finn: He's been using his powers a lot today.
Patience St. Pim: [jumps off the boat] Hup! Well, I think you're pretty groovy. Do you wanna, wanna, wanna, wanna be my acolyte?
Ice King: Sure. What's that? Like a boyfriend?
Patience St. Pim: More like an intern.
Ice King: Oh.
Patience St. Pim: Uh, no, you're right. It is more like a boyfriend.
Ice King: Cool.
Patience St. Pim: YOU'RE COOL! Dialed in, you know?
Ice King: [chuckles] Huh, what?
Patience St. Pim: Yeah. Uh, hey, this might be a weird question, but do you know where the slime, candy, and fire dudes are?
Finn: [whispers]She's talking about the princesses.
Jake: [whispers]I'm starting to get a weird feeling.
Ice King: Oh, you must mean Slime Princess, Princess Bubblegum, and Flame Princess.
Patience St. Pim: [intrigued]Princesses?
Ice King: We're like this!
Patience St. Pim: That is so fun. Okay now, this next request may sound super sketch.
Ice King: Okay.
Patience St. Pim: I need you to round them up and bring them back here. Like, even if they don't want to come. You think you could do that?
Ice King: Are you kidding? That's in my wheelhouse, right up my alley! Classic Ice King.
Patience St. Pim: So, wait, is it in your wheelhouse or up your alley?
Ice King: Classic Ice King.
Finn: Hold on a minute. You can't make Simon start kidnapping princesses again.
Jake: Yeah, he's semi-reformed.
Patience St. Pim: Excuse me for a second, boyfriend.
Finn: Okay Jake---
[Finn and Jake are immobilized instantly with Patience St. Pim's ice power, then Patience St. Pim carves Finn and Jake's respective initials on the ice orb capturing them]
Ice King: Wow, you got their initials on there, and look at those shapes. We're kind of like a power couple.
Patience St. Pim: Get me those princesses.
Ice King: You got it, boss.

♪♪

[ Humming ]

Huh?



Send me a postcardwhen you get there.

[ Chuckles ]

Hey.

Aagh!

Ice King!I'm gonna ‐‐

Hold that thought.



[ Sighs ]



[ Gasps ]



Aw, nice work, hon.Thanks.

The pink one,how old is she?

Like 18, 19?

Uh, yeah, sort of.

Ha.I remember being 18.

I'm 28.[ Gags ]

Okay,I want to talk to them.

Allow me!

[ Soft guitar music plays ]



Hmm.

Gotta be careful.

All right, out of the way,Bernini.



Are you guys okay?



[ Grunts ]

I need to lie down.

Oh, I'm fine.

[ Growls ]

Finn and Jake?!

Ice King,what did you do?!

No, no, no!It was her!

Get our guestssome beverages.

Hi, guys.

I know this is weirdand confusing and weird,

but the good news is

I'm getting the bandback together!

Isn't this great?

What are youtalking about?

You really don't know?



That was pretty cool,right?

I made this ice chairwith my hands.

Pretty chill, huh?

[ Sarcastically ]Yeah. So chill.

The fact of the matter is

you guys have that power,as well.



Okay, remember when I saidI was the ice elemental?

Remember?

Oh, no, wait,that was those guys!

[ Chuckling ] I told those guys,not you guys.

Those guys!Oh!

Okay, um, this is likebasic elemental history, okay,

so just listen up.[ Chuckles ]



Ever since life beganon this planet,

there have alwaysbeen embodiments

of the four elements ‐‐

Fire, ice, candy, and slime.

Across eons and millennia,

the four elementals livedand died and lived again.



I was the incarnation

of the ice elementalback in the day.

And you guys were there, too.



[ Door creaks, bell jingles ]

We used to get coffee sometimes.

It was a non‐magic worldback then,

so our powers were limited.

But as we gatheredmore and more,

we began to see visions ‐‐

visions of the future.

The world was about to gothrough a transition,

"an epic cataclysm thatwe probably wouldn't survive."

It was scaryto think about perishing.

But then I was like,"Hey, what if we don't perish?

What if I freeze us and we waitout this transition?"

But the old versions of y'allweren't into it.

Said, "You accepted

that the elementsyou embodied would live on."

Said I was in denialor something.

So I went out aloneand froze myself.

And all of you bit it.



But now you're back!

And this worldis crazy, right?

You got weird old wizardsand talking dogs.

Yo, dogs didn't used to talk.Did you know that?!



Back then,we were so stifled.

At last, we can unlockour true potential!

[ Laughing ]



[ Chuckling ]

Did I mentiony'all were dudes in the past?

This is so much better!

Totally!

[ Screaming ]



[ Grunts ]

[ Laughing ]Your face right now!

Oh, no!

I gotta get a picture of this.

Oh, wait.I need my charger.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!



Food!



What a surprise!

It's a billion years laterand you're still not cool.

Ladies,please don't fight.

There's enough Ice Kingto go around.



[ Gurgles ]

Patience:I'm done hiding out.

Everybody out thereis gonna know me soon.



[ Screams ]

[ Grunts ]

[ Screams ]

Woof.

Let's get out of here.

She's not going anywherefor a while.



Hey, I been there,sister.



What are you doing?

[ Muffled ]Helping.

Just scrape itonto the ground.

Oh, sorry.

I freeze myselffor the future

out of the goodnessof my heart,

and they, like,shoot slime at me?

Whatever.

I don't need their approval.

I'm gonna startsome crazy biz, man.

Just watch.



My keys!

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Escape from the Citadel" from season 6, which aired on April 21, 2014.

Characters
Finn
Jake
The Lich
Martin
Void Caster
Citadel Guardian
Mr. Pig
Tree Trunks
Starchie
Music
None
Locations
Crystal Citadel
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[This episode starts in the Time Room. A guardian of the Citadel is taking the Lich in a crystal that he had previously caged him in. The guardian starts to take the Lich out of the Time room through a portal. Finn runs towards it while Jake jumps on Finn's back.]
Finn: Wait, wait, wait, wait!
[Jake stretches Finn and himself on the Lich, and the guardian pulls them all out of the Time Room as if it were made of Jello. The guardian brings them towards the Citadel. Jake looks back to the Time Room.]
Finn: Look, Jake. [Jake turns his head toward the Citadel] More guardians. The Citadel, I presume.
Jake: Likely so.
Finn: Hey. Do you think maybe one of them could be my dad?
Jake: Eh, I don't think so. We'll probably know when we see him.
Finn: Right, right. That makes sense.
[They arrive at the Citadel. Jake turns into stairs that Finn walks down. The Lich is teleported to the floating crystal pillar on the top in front of where Finn and Jake can see him.]
Finn: Hey! The Lich again! This must be where the prison cells be at. See? Good riddance, too. I hope you rot forever, you awful jerk-clapper. Some people just make the world a worse place to be in just by being around, Jake. [The Lich starts to breathe gray smoke through the pink crystal.] That's right. Bad apples. Lock 'em all up, I say. At the bottom of the ocean, where it's too dark to see.
[The camera view moves to a figure inside one of the crystal shards.]
Jake: Look at that weird ol' kid over there. He looks just like you. [It closes up on Finn's father.] Man, look at his clo—
Finn: Daddyyy! [Finn immediately jumps towards his father. Jake turns into a slide and slides Finn into the crystal cage with his father inside and falls onto the floor of the pillar.] Aah! [Jake and Finn look up at Finn's dad silently. The take then zooms in on Finn. Then it zooms in on his caged father.] All locked up in there. D-Do you think maybe he's a criminal too?
Jake: [He walks towards Finn who is still on the floor.] Well, it had crossed my mind.
Finn: [He groans while slapping his head across his face, then gets up from the floor.] Jeez, man! Now I wish I hadn't said all that stuff before. Now my heart feels yellow and green. [He makes an angry sound while clenching his fists in the air, then he exhales.] Maybe we shouldn't even have come here—waah!? [Jake is beside Finn's dad while blowing on it. Black fire is melting the crystal cells and pillars.] Jake, what did you do?
Jake: It wasn't me! It came from up there!
[Finn looks up to see The Lich's crystal cell fully gray and spreading his grayness and black fire to other cells with prisoners that are gray and have escaped or are still in their cells. The prison is being destroyed by this. Finn is shocked by this.]
Finn: [referring to The Lich] He's melting the crystal all up! [It zooms in on the Lich than other prisoners as Finn talks.] Breaking cats out left and right! Turning cats gray! Did he trick us again!? I think he did!
Martin: Hey, kid! [He starts to blow on the crystal that's burning on the crystal close to his hand.] Hey, do me a favor. Get me out of here, huh? [Finn, bearing his teeth, goes to help his father.] This fire smells crazy!
[One of the escaped prisoners gets zapped in the background. Finn goes to Jake. Jake turns into a wrecking ball and twists him around his body then twists the other way to knock Jake into the crystal cell and saves his dad.]
Martin: Thanks, kid. Now, where'd you guys park your Star Skipper? [As Finn's dad speaks, the guardians fire off their lasers to obliterate the criminals trying to escape. One guardian has fallen in the line of duty and is falling into the depths of space.] This place is coming down quick, and I mean quick, like zip zip. Like wow, like boom boom wow.
Finn: Oh. We... we don't have a Star Skipper.
Jake: [turns back into his dog form] Also, Finn'ss your son.
Martin: Whaaat? No Star Skipper?
Jake: Ahem! I said, Finn's your son. He came a long way to meet you.
Martin: Son? Oh, hey, good for you, kid. In other news, I still gotta get out of here and the ground is melting. Huh? [He pokes at a pink circle that has formed in the center of the Citadel.] It's all pooling in the center.
Finn: Hey, um... I... I wanted to ask you something. I... well... [Finn's dad jumps into the center.] Hey, wait up! [Jake brings himself and Finn into the center. They all swim upwards.] [underwater] Dad, wait! [At the top of the center, Finn, Martin and Jake gasp for air. Limbs of the guardians are everywhere. A guardian falls and makes a wave.] Dad, I need to ask you —- aah! [The wave causes Finn, Jake, and Martin to a rock of the Citadel that is standing as an island. They all catch their breathe. Jake coughs up water.]
Jake: [coughs] [gasps]
[All the prisoners are loose and most of them are fighting one another. A Void Caster opens a void portal which hits a guardian with a meteor. The guardian aims a laser at the Void Caster, but misses. The Void Caster opens another portal to the head of the guardian. He tries to zap him but dies due to a train—driven by Starchie—to the head.]
Starchie: Aaah!
Void Caster: Gree-nah-gah-ga-ba-ga-ga-da-da-ga-ga. [laughs]
Jake: [looks around] Finn, I know we normally come out of these things okay, but I got a bad feeling about this. Just promise me, if both my eyes get fried off, you'll fry yours off too.
[Jake stretches his arms and pulls Finn out of the water.]
Finn: What? No. [He gets up from the floor] Listen, you don't gotta worry about a thing, Jake ol' pal. [He points upwards] We just need to defeat those five space villains, hijack the shard they're hijacking and sail it home to safety. [Jake looks upwards.] Easy peasy.
Martin: Yeah, Jake, smarten up. As soon as the last guardian dies, the fighting stops. See? He's bitin' the dust right now.
[A guardian is dying with black flames on its head. It shoots a parting laser before it fully bites the dust and it burns off Martin's lower leg, exposing the bone underneath. Brutal.]
Finn: Aahh! Uh oh! [he says it 15 times]
[While Finn is speaking, Martin falls over. Jake crouches over holds his head and breathes.]
Martin: It's-- It's okay. It's okay. [Finn continues then stops.] You just gotta fetch me a gob of that guardian blood, son. It's got that good nooch that keeps us young in the crystal.
Finn: Nooch?
Martin: Come on now, partner. [breath] No dawdling, yer old man needs ya. [winks]
Finn: [sighs]
[Jake has stretched to form a bridge between two islands. Finn walks across.]
Martin: Atta boy, Flynn! Do it for yer old man! Yeah, yeah, just get right in there! Don't be shy. Yeah!
[Finn reaches the other side. He plunges his hands into the gooey white substance. He manages to pull a large blob from the mass and falls over backwards into the water. He hurries back over.]
Martin: Hey, good job, son! Now, rub some of that sap on my leg there. Make sure to get it into the chicken wing hole.
Finn: [shudders] Dad...
Martin: Martin!
Finn: Okay, M-Martin. We need to talk.
Martin: Yeah, okay, kid, but hurry it up. I'm trying to act cool here, but this thing really stings!
Finn: [inhales, talks speedily] Why'd you abandon me in the forest when I was a little baby!?
Martin: Oh... I mean... Heh. You know me. I'm a funny guy!
Finn: [groans unhappily]
Martin: Ahhh, I dunno. It was a long time ago. [Martin brushes his hair back while he talks] Who knows, [points at Finn] maybe you left me!
[Holding the sap, Finn looks unhappy. Jake looks angry towards Martin.]
Martin: [sighs] But hey, daddy's back! [grunts] [Martin scoots over to Finn and put his arm around him.] You and me, daddy and baby, or should I say...baby and daddy. [He lightly slaps his face. He then moves his leg closer to Finn.] Now slap that sap! [Finn takes some of the sap and spreads it on his leg bone. This renews his veins, muscle, then his skin.] Whoa! Would ya look at that! [He brings his leg near his face.] Smooth like new. [He holds his boot.] Pssh, couldn't fix the boot too, huh?
Jake: Dude!! [Jake grabs at Finn's shirt.] S'mores important junk happening! Look!
[Black fire is bubbling the melted sea-like crystal. The crystal that was holding the Lich has turned from pink to gray pops up from the melted crystal. The camera goes to Finn and Jake. Jake runs across the scene.]
Finn: It's time to peel bananas on this fool, as a family! [In unison, Jake and Finn flex their muscles.] How about it, Martin? [beat] Dad?
Martin: [Swimming away from the island Finn and Jake are at.] I gotta run to the store!
Finn: [annoyed] Hrm. [An explosion throws Finn off balance. He turns around.] Wha?
[The Lich is standing and surrounded by black fire. He takes a step. The only part of Billy that is still attached to him is his eye. Billy's eye slides off the Lich. He turns the surrounding area fully black.]
The Lich: Fall.
[Finn and Jake are forced to the floor. The Lich walks toward Finn. The Lich laughs menacingly. Finn finds the strength to get on his legs and knees. He looks towards Jake, who can't get up.]
The Lich: You are alone, child. [Finn falls and lets out a groan. There is a light now in the dark coming from the small crystal island that Finn and Jake lie on.] There is only darkness for you, and only death for your people. [The Lich points to the shard with crystal and criminals on it.] These Ancients are just the beginning.
[As the Lich talks, He walks over to Finn and Finn is trying to attack. Weakly, he gets his sword out and falls over while groaning. He falls in the guardian blood.]
The Lich: I will command a great and terrible army; and we will sail to a billion worlds. We will sail until every light has been extinguished. You are strong, child. But I am beyond strength. I am the end. [He reaches to touch Finn. Finn rolls to see the Lich. He balls his hand in a fist.] And I have come for you, Finn. [Finn slaps the Lich with the blood on his hand. The Lich starts to grow veins and muscle. This causes the blackness to go away. The Lich starts to spazz and make bizarre noises as he is tainted by what he is the opposite of: Life. Everyone who was under his spell aren't anymore.]
Finn: [Finn sits up.] What? You don't like this stuff, huh? [He reaches for more guardian blood.] Whoa! [His transformation goes faster and Jake wakes up. He falls over, now made of flesh.] Right in the doorbell. [He looks toward his dad.] Dad. [He runs toward him.] Jake, finish off the Lich. I gotta go catch my dad.
Jake: Finn, forget that loser!
[Finn dives in the crystal-like sea and swims to his dad. Martin is humming to himself and is climbing up the shard.]
Finn: Dad, wait!
[Finn starts coming up to the shard. Martin glances back to see him, then goes back to climbing. He gets to the top.]
Martin: Hey, cool guys. Looking for a new boss? [They look at him and then he winks at them. As Finn climbs up the shard, one of the criminals, a centipede, starts to cut at the shard Finn is climbing up.] Chew faster, that guy's really moving.
[The centipede cuts the shard before Finn makes it. He grabs both shard pieces and tries to pull them back together. He seems to be losing his grip.]
Finn: [grunting and disappointed] Dad! Stop!
Jake: [He glances over at the Lich, then he sees Finn in danger.] Finn! [He takes an arm and throws it to help Finn.]
[Finn has almost lost his grip. Jake pulls him to help keep it together.]
Finn: [shouting] Martin, I won't let you escape!
Martin: [Martin runs toward a Void Caster] Hey, hey, you're a void caster, right? We gotta put some [pats his leg] gas in this buggy.
[The Void Caster nods his head. He opens a void and it pulls the crystal toward another dimension.]
Jake: Finn! Let go! He's not worth it!
[Finn is still struggling to keep hold, and his face gets more red the more effort he puts into keeping hold. The grass sword on Finn's arm forms into a large, grassy, spiny arm which grows bigger and bursts his clothes off as he screams. Jake gasps. The grass arm now intertwines with the shard.]
Martin: Oh, gross. Pedal to the metal!
[The Void Caster makes the void larger. The strength of the other void causes Finn's grass arm to snap off, thus taking his forearm along with it. Jake gasps. Finn falls into the ocean. The crystal and other half of the shard go into the void.]
Martin: Hey, what about air—?
[While Finn is in the ocean, a small bit of the guardians' blood touches his arm and makes a flower. Jake pulls Finn in from the ocean and onto the small island. Jake moves Finn's hair out of his face and sits him up.]
Jake: It'll be okay, dude.
[Shelby comes out of Jake's ear and tears up. He lies on Finn's arm. Finn smiles. He grimaces at his arm.]
Finn: [sighs] I mean, at least you finished off the Lich, right?
[Jake perks up.]
Jake: Oh, yeah, that's the good news: I didn't have to! One sec. [He runs behind the large piece of crystal.] Up you go! Check this out! [Finn is surprised, Jake shows Finn the new Lich. And so this is how the undead scourge ends.] Brand new baby. The Lich is super cute now, and he smells real neat! [The new Lich sticks out his tongue.] That sap rebooted him or something. [The Lich makes popping sounds with his mouth.] I like him a lot.
[Finn smiles. A train whistles.]
Starchie: Over here, fellas! Next stop, the Candy Kingdom. Previous stop, this weird place.
[In the Land of Ooo, Mr. Pig and Tree Trunks are having breakfast. Mr. Pig is reading the newspaper.]
Tree Trunks: Mr. Pig, I think we should get a d—
[Someone rings the doorbell. They both look at the door.]
Jake: [whispering] Okay, run. Go, go, go!
[They open the door]
Tree Trunks: Oh! [She hugs Mr. Pig while also spilling his coffee. Mr. Pig is smiling.] Oh, this changes everything!
[The Lich is in a basket.]
The Lich: Hello!
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Evergreen" from season 6, which aired on January 15, 2014.

Characters
Gunther
Evergreen
Chatsberry
Balthus
Slimy D
Magwood
Music
None
Locations
TBA
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[The episode begins in a prehistoric setting. Dinosaurs roam a rocky field. The camera pans into Nina running away from Gunther, who is yelling at her.]
Gunther: [laughing] Stop, demon! Get back here, I say! Ha ha, nowhere to run. I, the great and powerful Urgence Evergreen, command you to freeze into a million pieces and leave young Gunther alone!
[Gunther points at Nina, expecting her to freeze. Nina turns her head and meows much like a cat.]
Gunther: Foolish demon, you leave me no choice. Zap, zap zap zap zap! What?
[Gunther looks down at Nina, who walks over to Gunther and rubs her head against the rock he is standing on.]
Gunther: No, Nina! You're supposed to be frozen. Nina!
[A red flash of light appears in the distance. Gunther looks over at a nearby ice tower, where a fire and a portal appear.]
Gunther: Nina, the portals! The Elementals are gathering! C'mon, you blockhead!
[A pink portal appears, and Gunther and Nina run towards the ice tower where it appeared. They run up several flights of stairs, going through several rooms in the tower. They pass by a potion room, and they finally reach the top where the Elementals have gathered.]
Chatsberry: I just think we should discuss this, Evergreen.
[The camera pans out to show the top of the tower. The portals and elementals of Candy, Ice, Slime, and Fire are meeting there. The camera then zooms in to Evergreen talking about a deadly comet heading towards the Earth.]
Evergreen: "Discuss"?! Are you listening, Chatsberry? Once this comet hits, everybody dies. Not just everybody, but us, but us!
Balthus: Now, now, hold on, Evergreen. Hath not a comet impacted our world every thousand years with no lasting grievousness?
Evergreen: Ahh, but this, Balthus, is no ordinary comet. Behold!
[Evergreen creates a sphere of ice to act as a magnifying glass for the rest of the elementals to see through. They all gasp in horror as they gaze at the comet.]
Evergreen: See how it writhes? It aches for our extinction. It—!
Chatsberry: But Evergreen, even if the comet is as dangerous as you say, what can we possibly do?
Evergreen: We build a crown.
Chatsberry: "A crown"?
Evergreen: Like none seen before, or ever after! A magical crown whose phantasmal circuitry will bond to its first bearer and grant him his one deepest wish... [yelling] to destroy the hideous comet which threatens our world! The good news is I already built the crown. The bad news: it needs a power source. [yelling] The enchanted Ruby Eyes of the ancient lava dog, Magwood! And that's where you come in.
Chatsberry: Wait, wait! Evergreen, please. Wish Magic is really the real deal! This wish may see things in you you cannot see yourself. Can you truly say you know your heart's truest desire?
Balthus: I'm with Chatsberry. If this comet hits, we four indeed may perish. But the Elements we embody — Fire, Ice, Candy, and Slime — will live on! But a misplaced wish could cause irreversible damage to the very structure of existence!
Evergreen: Well, that's just great. What about you, Slimy D?
Slimy D: [begins rapping] Yo, yo. My name's Slimy D, and I'm here to—
Balthus: [interrupting the rap] Slimy D stands with us.
Chatsberry: We reject your plan, Urgence Evergreen!
Evergreen: Very well then. You leave me no choice.
[He moves his arms around and freezes Balthus and Slimy D in blocks of ice. Chatsberry fires jelly beans at Evergreen from his hand (accompanied by nasty farting noises) before Evergreen has a chance to freeze him.]
Chatsberry: Urgence! Stop! You'll doom us... all!
[Evergreen blasts Chatsberry with a beam of ice, freezing him.]
Evergreen: Ingrate! Hmm! Doom you to no doom, maybe! [yelling] Gunther! [Gunther pokes his head out of his hiding place.] Pack my things, Gunther. We ride forth with Mount Magwood. You get to watch me save the world! [Gunthers eyes turn to hearts] Gunther! [His eyes return to normal] Come on, Gunther. Get your head in the game.
Gunther: Sorry, Master Evergreen. [His head ducks out of his hiding place]
Evergreen: [sighs] And he expects me to teach him the ways of magic? As if.
[The scene goes to the comet speeding towards Earth. It then changes to Evergreen riding on a palanquin being rolled along on top of pillars of ice. Gunther and Nina walk alongside him on the ground, with Gunther carrying his and Evergreen's things.]
Gunther: [stepping on rocks] Ouch! Oof! OUCH! Uh, Master Evergreen? Can I ride on the palanquin with you? My feet are soft. [beat] No, you're right. Ooh, boy...
[Gunther steps in an anthill, and ants crawl over him. The scene changes to Evergreen and Gunther setting up a camp.]
Gunther: [points at comet] Gettin' fat. [yelling] Gettin' fat, right?
Evergreen: Hmm. [reading scroll]
Gunther: However, I would suggest this is still a nice night. It's quiet.
Evergreen: Hmm, it is quiet. Why don't you put on some music? The chimes, Gunther.
Gunther: Okay.
[He hops into the large bag he was carrying. He digs around through the bottles in the bag. He pulls out a bottle with a drum on it and opens it. An imp appears and starts playing the drum. Gunther sits down and listens. He starts rocking back and forth in time to the music.]
Evergreen: Gunther! I said "chimes"! Gunther, no! [throws sand at Gunther]
Gunther: Sorry, Master, I'll put him back.
[Gunther starts poking the imp creature with the bottle. It starts yelling.]
Ice Imp: Heeeeey! Mmm, what?
Evergreen: Oh, never mind. [rolls a jar towards Gunther] Here, take the jar and find me some water. There's not enough moisture in the air for me to make an ice camp.
Gunther: Uh, Master? I'm sorry, I don't think I've seen any water at all today.
Evergreen: Just do it. Don't anger Daddy.
Gunther: Wait, are you my father?
Evergreen: No, but I stole your egg and mutated your brain—get going! [goes back to reading scroll]
Gunther: Hmm.
[Gunther and Nina travel over a small hill of rocks to find a single source of water.]
Gunther: Heh, you don't know where you're going, do you, girl? [Gasps] Ah, you're good at this. [The water pouring from a tiny rock structure that is low to the ground.] Man, you know who I like? Master Evergreen. He can do anything; one thing he's gonna do—he said he's gonna teach me magic. I can be like him!
[With the jar barely able to fit under the structure, Gunther grunts in frustration as he jams the jar under to get more.] [Nina puts a reassuring paw on Gunther only to be smacked.]
Gunther: Nina, no!
[Nina obediently curls by his side as he scoops the water by hand to fill the jar.] [Later Gunther and Nina make it back to the camp site.]
Gunther: Master Evergreen, I found the water so you could build a—oh, [sees ice tent and hears a sleeping Evergreen] I guess he also found water, too.
Ice Imp: [Gunther takes blanket] Heeeeey?!
[Evergreen, Gunther, and Nina stand on a block of ice that moves slowly down a river of flowing lava. They then enter the area of Magwood.]
Evergreen: Now, Gunther, listen to me. Don't follow me into Magwood's lair or else he'll melt your dome!
Gunther: [Disappointed] Yeah...
[Evergreen walks around the corner.]
Evergreen: [pointedly] Oh, Gunther! You should see this!
Gunther: Okay!
Evergreen: [Taps his nose] Gunther, no! You failed; he'll melt your dome.
[Evergreen enters the lair, and sees a small Magwood sleeping on a column.]
Evergreen: [to himself] Not as grand as you once were, eh?
[Evergreen steps on a small skeleton. The sound is enough to awaken Magwood, whose size increases.] [Outside of the lair, Gunther worryingly fidgets and cringes at the sounds he hears as his master and Magwood battle. He gets up and walks in to the lair.]
Gunther: Master Evergreen, I'm sorry, but I got worried. Yeeeee!!
[An enraged Magwood has chased Evergreen to a hanging stalactite. The wizard blasts ice at the creature, who then bites at the stalactite. Evergreen falls into a pit as lava encroaches from above.]
Gunther: Ah! Oh, boy! Uh, maybe maybe maybe, maybe I can do magic! [Looks at his hands] Like Master Evergreen. Bah! Ice! Flah, sorry... [He steps back only to trip over the same skeleton as Evergreen. This again catches the attention of Magwood.]
[The basket of bottles spill, and the bongo-playing ice imp is released.]
Gunther: Shh!
Ice Imp: That's what you get! [Magwood approaches and roars. Lava shoots from his mouth and lands on the imp, melting him] Heeeey....
Evergreen: [With Magwood distracted, he shoots a large block of ice.] Ice! [And then freezes the creatures head and quickly runs to the top. He stabs Magwood's head to obtain the jewels.] [Now walking away from the volcano, a frustrated Evergreen holds the jewels with Gunther slunk behind him.]
Evergreen: This is why I don't teach you magic.
[Back at Evergreen's home]
Gunther: [Petting a sleeping Nina] Niiina, Hiiina, Iiiina, Fiiina—
Evergreen: Gunther! The heck are you doing?! Get in here, Gunther! Oh, there you are, you blockhead. Quickly, take your position. We have precious little time. Once I complete the bonding chant, you deactivate the force field. [Gunther gives a thumbs up.] Bonding, bonding, three two one, you can do it, you can do it, three two one, bonding bonding. I did it! I— [A pounding sound comes from the doors. An angry Magwood, now in igneous rock form, appears. Evergreen blast him with ice but it has no effect as the creature has been cooled down] Come on, now, what did I ever do to you?! [Dodging an attack Magwood breaks a column] Watch the columns, stupid! Whoops! [Although he runs to another part of the room he puts his hands up in defense.] Easy now... [Magwood rears up and stomps, the ceiling cracks and a large piece of it falls on its head, knocking it unconscious] Oh, wow, did you see that?! [Evergreen too is now pinned under a piece of ceiling.] Ow, my bread balls!
[With the room in ruins, the floor falls away. Gunther is knocked unconscious only to wake with his master calling to him.]
Evergreen: Gunther?! Gunther, can you hear me?!
Gunther: [Groggily] Yeah—yes, Master Evergreen!
Evergreen: Okay, good. Now, aiming at the sound of my voice, throw the crown so it lands right on the top of my head.
Gunther: I—wait, what?
Evergreen: No, no, there's no time! It must be you, Gunther!
Gunther: Me?
Evergreen: Don't worry, it's easy. Even a mush-head like you couldn't donk it up too bad. Just focus on your deepest truest wish, the destruction of the deadly comet, and the rest will take care of itself.
Gunther: [Places the crown on his head] My deepest truest wish... [Darkness overtakes him] Gunther, no! Gunther, no! Gunther, no!
Evergreen: Gunther? Buddy? What are you wishing for down there? [Gunther sprouts white hair, a long nose and blue skin and starts shooting ice powers... all just like his master, Evergreen. If that isn't bad influence, Glob knows what is.] Gunther... no... That's the wrong wish! You've got to snap out of it! Use a concentration spell or, or a basic focusing charm—like I taught you... I mean, like I meant to teach you... I--
Gunther: Gunther, no! Gunther, no! Gunther, no! Gunther, no! Gunther, no! Gunther, no!
[The comet approaches and all fades to neon green]
[Morning. The Ice Kingdom in the present world of Ooo. Ice King, current wearer of the Crown, is seen jumping on his bed, dreaming the tragic events played out in the distant past.]
Ice King: Gunther, no! Gunther, no! Gunther, no! Gunther, noooooo! [Imitates explosion sounds - signaling the end of Evergreen's story - and falls off the bed and wakes up full, yawns]. Mornin'. Man, what a dream. Do you guys ever have the dino-boy dream with the astero-- what? What... what is it? [He sees the penguins shivering in the corner, afraid] Something in my teeth? Something in my hair? Something in my nose? Something in my ear?
[As Ice King says the latter lines, the scene changes to the outside of the Ice Kingdom. In the morning sky, a twinkling new light - easily mistaken for a star - glints into view. A fade in to the depths of outer space reveals the source of the light: a new comet, light blue in color. Destination: Earth. Zoom in to the comet, fast approaching, then slowly and surely fade to black. And so the end begins again...]
Episode ends
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Everything's Jake" from season 6, which aired on November 24, 2014.

Characters
Finn
Jake
BMO
Goose
Music
None
Locations
Tree Fort
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[In the Tree Fort, Jake is knitting on the couch and humming to himself. A fly-sized Magic Man flies in and lands on his head.]
Magic Man: Bzzz, bzzz, bzzz, bzzz. The waffle doll shall fall lest you eat the yellow dough. [injects Jake with syringe] Bzzzzz... [flies away]
Jake: [stops humming] Hmm. [rubs eyes] I'll... I'll finish this later. [yawns and lies down] So tired. And also hungry... [rubs belly] Maybe I should... eat some— [starts snoring]
[Jake's face starts sliding down from his head and onto his chest. It then sinks into his body. Jake wakes up looking at a yellow sky.]
Jake: Huh? Uh... [touches yellow grass] Huh. Hmm. Everything's made of... me.
[A forest, mountains, and a flower grow out of the ground.]
Jake: Pretty neat. I bet there's, like—like a cool city or something around here.
[A city grows out of the ground.]
Jake: Nice. Jake City. [walks into city]
[Inside, Jake People grow out of the sidewalk and walk past him while waving.]
Jake Person: Hi!
Jake: Oh, uh, hi!
[Across the street, some more people wave to him.]
Jake Person: Jake! How you doing, Jake?
Jake: [waving] Uh, good, man! Good!
[A car drives past; its driver waves.]
Jake: Man, this place is awesome! [approaches a storefront] Ooh! [looks through glass] Cool dolls! They look like the rare antique kind. Maybe my kids will like them. Mm. Wonder what my kids are gonna have for dinner. Maybe pizza...
[The ground starts rumbling.]
Jake: Whoa-oh! Some kind of Jake-quake...
[Behind him, Goose grows out of the ground.]
Goose: Eh? Is that Jake?
Jake: [turns around] Hey there, um...
Goose: C'mon, man! It's Goose! Your best friend, Goose!
Jake: Oh, uh, of course! Goose!
Goose: Aww, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, ya big goof! How long's it been? Two, three years?
Jake: Let's see, uh... [counts on fingers] one, two, uh... I've never been here.
Goose: [laughs] "I've never been here." You've still got it, Jake.
Jake: [fake-laughs]
Goose: C'mon! Let's get you home. Everyone's waiting for you at the party.
Jake: Eh—party?
Goose: No. Par-tay!
[Jake and Goose walk to the party. Outside the building, a group of people cheer and applaud his arrival, and a band plays a lively tune. A banner reads "WELCOME HOME JAKE." Inside, portraits of Jake and his family line the walls, and dozens of partygoers dance. Jake and Goose are building card houses.]
Jake: [laughs] Do it again, Goose!
[Goose bounces his head up and down so his jowls slap together.]
Jake: [laughs]
Goose: Hey, Jake.
Jake: Hey, what?
Goose: Now that you're back, how 'bout that five bucks you still owe me?
Jake: Uh, what five bucks?
Goose: Cheeseburger cheesecake ring a bell?
[Just then, another Jake-quake shakes the building.]
Jake: What—? What is that?
Goose: Oh, oh, that. Don't worry about that. Do not—don't worry about that.
Jake: [thinking] Guess I'd better not worry about it. [aloud] Hmm. I'm hungies, Goose.
Goose: I think there's a leftover nacho basket or something in the fridge.
[The building rumbles briefly, knocking down the partially built card houses.]
Goose: [leaving] Just a sec. [gets food from the fridge and returns] Cold cut-and-nacho sandwiches!
[Another brief Jake-quake occurs.]
Jake: All right! [takes a bite] Ow! Something's wrong, Goose. Jakey can't eat any of these nachos... [ground rumbles] but Jakey needs nachos! Aah!
[Someone knocks on the front door. Jake answers it.]
Urchin: Mr. Jake! Mr. Jake! Mr. Jake, the Mayor wants to see you straightaway.
Jake: Alright, lad, show me the way! [follows Urchin]
[In the Tree Fort, Finn walks up to Jake.]
Finn: Jake! Hey, I got a for-real important question: do you like cereal in your cake? Jake? [pats him] Hmm... [shrugs and smiles] Mm-mm-mm.
Urchin: Mr. Mayor.
Mayor: Urchin, thank you for your help. Help yourself to the herring cakes.
Urchin: Right-o!
Mayor: [shaking Jake's hand] Hello, Jake. Thanks for making it.
Jake: Heh. Okay.
Mayor: Now look, we're at orange alert here. Below us are gathered the city's top minds.
Jake: Hmm.
Mayor: And they've noticed that our seismographic troubles have increased exponentially since your arrival.
Jake: Mayor, uh, I want to meet these minds.
[Scene cuts to the Mayor and Jake on the floor with the scientists.]
Mayor: Here are some of the minds.
Scientist: Jake, we want to perform some tests on you to discover the cause of the quakes.
Jake: There's no need. I've got it figured out. The tremors are happening because Jake is hungry, [pats belly] and his stomach is growling. And the hungrier he gets, the worse the quakes will become.
[The Mayor and the scientists laugh out loud.]
Jake: I'll prove it!
Scientists: Huh?
Jake: Mention a food item.
Scientist: Omelet.
[The ground rumbles.]
Jake: What's in the omelet?
[The ground briefly shakes again.]
Scientist: Chili! It's a four-egg chili omelet!
[The ground shakes violently. A large metal pole falls toward them.]
Scientist: Watch out!
[It crashes to the ground, leaving the scientists unharmed.]
Scientist: Analysis, Tim!
Tim: It's too early to say; this evidence is anecdotal!
Jake: Look, just let me stretch outside to get something to eat, and the quakes will stop.
Tim: That doesn't sound very science-y.
Scientist: No, but you have my permission to test your idea.
Erik Adamkinson: I don't like that idea.
Scientists: Huh?
Erik Adamkinson: If Jake leaves, that would mean the utter destruction of our world. I believe that Jake is an extra-dimensional being, a Glob if you will, whose psychic field holds our world together. If he leaves, his flesh will reconfigure, and everything and everyone here will disappear completely!
Tim: Oh, Erik Adamkinson, you're just a fringe scientist, well known to have a crackpot of crazy theories.
Erik Adamkinson: Hm! Perhaps I am. And maybe I am wrong... but are you really willing to take that chance? We should imprison Jake immediately!
Jake: What?! No way! The world's not gonna end just because I go get a bagel.
[The ground shakes.]
Mayor: Seize him!
Jake: Uh, peace! [grows in size]
[Several Jake People jump on him and hold him down.]
Jake: Why?!
Mayor: Finish him.
[One last Jake Person jumps on Jake, landing on Jake's face. Jake is now in a tiny cell, guarded by two Jake People.]
Jake: [sadly] Mm. [longingly] Bagel.
[Jake's stomach growls, and the ground shakes.]
Erik Adamkinson: Don't worry, everybody. I will journey to Jake's Glob world, which, legend would have us believe, lies beyond the great sky-hole, and bring back the food of the globs to appease Jake's appetite, thus saving everybody.
[The crowd cheers. One Jake Person runs after Erik Adamkinson.]
Erik Adamkinson's father: Wait! Wait! [hugs Erik Adamkinson] I want to go with you, Son!
Erik Adamkinson: I-I'm sorry, Dad. Y-you can't; i-it's too dangerous. Your mind is unprepared.
Erik Adamkinson's father: My son. [weeps]
[Erik Adamkinson climbs to the top of a mountain and then climbs the wall. A balloon floats next to him.]
Erik Adamkinson: Huh? [grabs balloon] Yeah!
[The balloon takes him higher.]
Erik Adamkinson: There it is, the sky ho-o-o-o-ole!
[Erik Adamkinson passes through the sky-hole and climbs onto Jake's body. Projected on a screen nearby is a movie with a bear and a rabbit.]
Erik Adamkinson: Phew! Oh, my stars! It's just as I envisioned! Almighty Jake Globs, I beseech your aid! Do you have bagels? Hello? Hmm. Maybe those aren't the true globs. Yeah, they're too ugly to be— [gasps]
[Finn lifts his head with spaghetti hanging out of his mouth and looks at Erik Adamkinson.]
Erik Adamkinson: [screams and then weeps] I thought you'd be beautiful. But you're not! [cries] You're hideous! Hideous! [melts into Jake's body]
Finn: [points to projector] BMO, resume.
[Back in Jake World]
Jake: Spaghetti... [stomach rumbles]
[In the city, the dolls Jake was looking at earlier fall down as people scream in panic. Outside Jake's cell, one guard is checking his phone, while the other is about to touch him with his spear.]
Guard: Don't!
[The guards hear a slapping sound.]
Guards: Huh?
[Out of a bush pops Goose, slapping his jowls together. The guards laugh and run to him.]
Guard: Hey, you're a le—
[Goose smacks them down with his jowls.]
Jake: [sighs] Huh?
[Goose bends the bars of the cell with his jowls.]
Jake: Goose?
Goose: Go.
Jake: But—but what if Erik Adamkinson is right? What if you and all the Jake peeps disappear and I can't bring you back?
Goose: Then you won't have to pay me back that five bucks.
Jake: But—
[Goose slaps Jake with his jowls.]
Goose: Go eat, Jake!
[Jake takes a huge breath, steps out of his cell, and stretches straight up. Goose waves goodbye as he is pulled into the ground. As Jake grows taller, Jake People in the city get pulled into the ground, and then the city gets pulled in. Jake yells as he continues stretching his way up to the sky hole. The screen goes black.]
Finn: Uh, Jake? What's going on, man? Feeling okay?
Jake: [eating beans] Just getting a snack, Goose. [sheds a tear] Just getting a snack.

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Everything Stays" from season 7, which aired on November 16, 2015.

Characters
Marceline
Humans
Two Bread Tom
Graham
Music
"Everything Stays"
"According to Our New Arrival"
Locations
Village
This transcript is incomplete.


Transcript

[The sun begins to rise over the mountains. Its light reaches the village and creeps toward Marceline.]
Finn: Marceline, no!
Marceline: Don't let anyone read my diaries! Burn them, Finn! They're embarrassi—! [screams]
[Marceline is bathed in sunlight. The screen goes white, and a flashback begins. A young Marceline sits on her mother's lap in an RV.]
Marceline's mom: And then he said, "Fine." That's the story of how I met your dad.
Marceline: Can I play now?
Marceline's mom: No, Marceline, Sweetie. It's nap time.
Marceline: But I don't want to sleep! My dreams are weird.
Marceline's mom: All dreams are weird.
Marceline: But, Mom, my dreams are we-e-e-eird.
Marceline's mom: [chuckles] Honey, something weird might just be something familiar viewed from a different angle. And that's not scary, right?
[She and Marceline embrace and sing "Everything Stays." The screen fades out, then returns to show Marceline a little older and packing a sled. Snow falls in a ruined city.]
Simon: [voiceover] Hello, Marci. I don't know if you'll ever hear this message. I fear my thoughts are no longer my own. Just watch over me...
[Marceline looks over to see Simon recording himself.]
Simon: ...until I can find my way out of this labyrinth in my brain and regain my sanity. And then maybe, Betty, my princess—maybe you will love me again. [sighs] Please love me again, Betty! [sobs] Okay, bye! [takes out tape and pushes over camera] [sighs]
Marceline: Hey, Simon. I, uh, finished packing your gear. So can I have my tape now?
Simon: What? No. This is private, silly. [tucks tape into bag on sled] There you go. Snug as a bug.
Marceline: Seriously, Simon. Please don't go.
Simon: I... I have to protect you.
Marceline: How can you protect me if you're not even here?!
Simon: I'll arrange for someone to come take care of you. I'll make sure he doesn't leave.
Marceline: Please, Simon, I could help you with this.
Simon: Yeah, maybe one day you will. But until then, you have to stay brave, my fearless Marceline.
[Simon touches her cheek as tears escape her eyes. His thumb touches the tear, freezing it. When he moves it, the frozen tear scratches her face.]
Marceline: Ouch!
Simon: You see? I have to go now. Goodbye, Marci. [hops on sled and leaves]
Marceline: What? No! [chases after him] Wait! Ugh! [trips and falls in snow] Simon! Simon!
[𝘚𝘪𝘮𝘰𝘯 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘤𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘴 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘚𝘪𝘮𝘰𝘯 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬𝘨𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥. 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘧𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘶𝘵, 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘤𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘦, 𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘢 𝘣𝘪𝘵 𝘰𝘭𝘥𝘦𝘳, 𝘳𝘶𝘯𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰𝘸𝘯. 𝘚𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘤𝘤𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘱𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘢 𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘨𝘰𝘰.] ⠀
Marceline: Yah! Ew! [𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘭𝘢𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨] Okay, I know you're here.
The Fool: Peek-a-pop! [Laughs]
Marceline: The fool!
The Fool: You found me, Marceline! Now you're it.

Marceline: We're not playing, fool. You're an evil, blood-sucking fiend. I'm trying to kill you.

The Fool: Hey, you want to see something funny? [Inhales deeply] I look like a butt. Pbht!

Marceline: Ohh!

The Fool: [Laughs]

Marceline: [Coughing] Huh? [Sniffs]

The Fool: [Laughing maniacally]

Marceline: Oh. Cool. Sweet music to my ears.

Marceline: Come on, little bun. Just turn around. Ugh, stupid animal.

Bunny Girl: Wha?!

Marceline: Oh! I'm sorry! All right, hold still. There you go. See? It's okay.

Bunny Girl: [Screaming]

Marceline: No, kid! You don't have to be afraid of me! I'm a really good... person.

[Indistinct conversations]

Bunny Girl: Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys!

All: Huh?

Bunny Girl: There's...Ohh, hoo... a vampire!

All: No!

Bunny Girl: Yes way. I saw it real close. It looked like a girl, but it had fangs like... [Grumbling]

Two Bread Tom: Everybody, ready your weapons. Don't worry. We'll be ready for it.

[Bird squawking]

Marceline: Ohh! [Gasps] Hey.

[All gasp]

Marceline: No, no, i-it's cool. I'm on your side.

Two Bread Tom: [Whimpers] Go away, vampire.

Marceline: I'm in the sunlight. I'm not a flipping vampire!

[ All screaming ]

[ Sighs ]

Mm? Mm?

What's that?

Oh, you want old Two Bread Tom to play the song.

Please do not play the song.

No, the child is right.

As humans, it's our duty to tell the tales,

to sing the songs.

Art must survive.

♪ Streaks on the China

♪ Never mattered before

♪ Who cares?

♪ When you drop-kicked you jacket ♪

♪ As you came through the door

♪ No one glared

♪ But sometimes things get turned around ♪

♪ And no one's spared

♪ All hands, look out below

♪ There's a change in the status quo-o-o ♪

♪ Gonna need all the help that we can get ♪

[ Coughs ]

[ Growls ]

[ Imitates guitar ]

You want me to play more?

Two Bread Tom: Yes, please.

The consensus is that your cover's better.

♪ According to our new arrival

♪ Life is more than mere survival ♪

♪ And we just might live the good life yet ♪

[ Bass playing ]

Hmm?

Oh, man, Schwabl,

I sure hope there ain't a little vampire kid

sneaking up behind me.

Vampire attack!

Oh, no!

Ugh! I'm dead.

[ Spits ]

This is serious, Marceline.

What if I was a vampire?

You need an animal hat.

Looks like the project's coming along, huh?

[ Foghorn blares ] Waaaah!

[ Marceline whistles ]

Hey, Marceline! Marceline!

Two Bread Tom, how's it going, man?

Oh, so good. I had a hoagie for lunch.

And even better, the ship's repairs are almost done.

We should be ready to sail in another day or two.

Oh, that's really great.

But listen, I've cleared out

almost all the vampires that are left.

In another week or two, you won't even have to leave.

Yeah, Marceline!

Oh, Marci, you're such a sweet weird kid.

But it's not just the vampires or the oozers

or them hungry-looking rainbows.

The latest atmospheric readings are going bananas.

Something big is coming.

And it's gonna change all of this.

No, we'd do best to clear out of this continent altogether.

Hey, you should come, too.

After all, you're one of us.

[ Bell clanking ]

They're here! They're here!

Aah! He's biting my hat!

Get to the boat!

[ Vampire grumbling ]

[ Chuckles ]

Oh, geez. Oh, geez.

That's not Schwabl, man.

[ Laughs evilly ]

Well, you got me.

What gave it away? The boots?

Aah!

Marceline!

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Hi, there, Hierophant!

Why can't you just let us eat humans?

You're, like, messing up the natural order.

This is our time.

It's MY time.

And once I stake and gank your shape-shifting power,

I'll be unstoppable.

Ha!

[ Gasps ] What?!

[ Laughs ]

I picked up self-healing power last month,

of some vamp with a head like a garden trowel.

So, you've slain sister moon.

Look at you.

You're just a hapa demon punk,

blind to the price you must pay for such powers.

[ As Dracula ] Blah! I don't care!

Fine.

Ah! Show yourself!

Okay.

Wah-wah.

[ Gulps ]

[ Laughs evilly ]

Ka-ching!

[ Gasps ]

Oh, geez.

Hey, Marceline, let me "ax" you something.

[ Laughs ] You get it?

You have to leave, Tom.

Oh, I didn't think it was that bad.

You have to leave now!

Aah.

He's here.

He's the worst of them all -- the Vampire King.

[ Screaming ]

What?

Marceline, you're not dead! Whoo!

P.B.'s cure. It must have worked!

No soy vampire.

Also, untie me, please.

I'm not a murderer!

Okay, but wait, if she's not a vampire,

then what's been draining our cows?

[ Groans ]

Aah!

Finn?

Finn?

Geez.

I hope Finn didn't get blood-sucked

after I stress-fainted.

Who the heck is this?

[ Mellow music plays ]

[ Hisses ]


This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Evicted!" from season 1, which aired on Sneak peek: March 18, 2010
Official: May 17, 2010.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Marceline
Music
"House Hunting Song"
"Home Song"
"Cave Song"
Locations
Tree Fort
Grass Lands
Bat cave
Ice Kingdom
This transcript is complete; only minor edits are needed.

Transcript

[The scene begins at the Tree Fort.]
Jake: And as it waded through the carnage that it had wrought, the vampire smashed their skulls just for the fun of it!
Finn: No way!
Jake: Yes way, it did. And also the vampire hunched over its victims and breathed their vaporized blood mist.
[warbling with tongue]
Finn: Ah, jeez! Jake, is this stuff you're saying true? Or are you just trying to mess me up? You have to be honest.
Jake: Oh, it's true, man. I heard it through a reliable source.
Finn: Reliable? Rats!
Jake: Yeah. Some say it haunted this very tree!
Finn: This tree?!
Jake: [ominously] Good niiiight...
Finn: Jake?
[Jake warbling downstairs]
Finn: You're full of it, Jake!
[Jake warbling ominously]
Finn: Errr... [he hears croaking and sees a worm on his bed] NO WORMS ON THE BED! [Hits worm with the Enchiridion.]
[Sees a tree limb tapping on his window, then a mysterious figure taps on the window]
Finn: Huh? [Lightning crashes, and the figure's scary face is seen]
Finn: AAAAAH!!! [Runs downstairs]
Finn: Jake! Jake! I saw someone outside the window! It must be the vampire, and I think we're unprepared, so I--
Jake: Relax, buddy. I made that story up. I was just trying to scare you.
Finn: But you said you heard it from a reliable source!
Jake: Ha ha! I made that up, too. I was trying to scare you, and it worked! [laughs]
[the window blows open by itself, the lights go out, and Jake screams]
Finn: No one's outside.
Jake: Whew!
Finn: It was just the wind, scaredy-cat.
Jake: I wasn't scared, I was singing. I was singing my scream song. Ahh! Ahh! AAaah-uh-aah!
Finn: You're a total wuss, man.
[a bag drops, there is a vampire on the ceiling that hisses and scares Finn and Jake]
Marceline: Hey, guys. What's up? I'm Marceline the Vampire Queen.
Finn: [afraid] Are you gonna smash my skull and breathe my blood mist?!
Jake: Don't suck our blood!
Marceline: [laughing] Calm down, weenies. I'm not gonna do that. [Lights candles]
Finn: Soooo, you don't suck blood?
Marceline: Sometimes, I do. But it's not the blood that I like. It's the color. I eat shades of red.
[Sucks the red out of a strawberry, and gives it to Finn]
Marceline: Ugh, I am exhausted. I've been traveling all over the Land of Ooo. And I've seen some stuff that would really make you say "like what?"
Finn: Like what?
Marceline: I encountered a school of goldfish beasts. [A flashback of Marceline riding giant goldfish]
Marceline: And I fooled around in the Fire Kingdom. [A flashback of Marceline hula-hooping in the Fire Kingdom]
Finn: OOO!
Marceline: Oh, and check these out. [She has nuts in her hands]
Finn: Nuts?
Marceline: Oh, these aren't ordinary nuts. [Squeezes the nuts and they become little creatures. One squirts Finn with ink.]
Finn: [laughs] You're wonderful.
Jake: Um, yeah. Thank you for not sucking our blood.
Marceline: You guys seem cool, too, but as you can imagine, I'm really tired, so you two should probably get going.
Finn: What?
Marceline: [sighs] Look. [She uses psychokinesis and moves a picture frame and reveals an "M" carved into the tree] "M" for "Marceline."
Jake: Aw, man.
Marceline: I carved in this tree years ago. Way before you two rascals started squatting here. [Flings them out]
Marceline: But seriously guys, thanks for keeping the place warm for me, I mean really great!
[Shuts the door]
Marceline: Good night!
Jake: Come on, Finn. Let's get out of here.
Finn: She can't kick us out of our house!
Jake: Finn!
Finn: Get down here, lady, and fight me!
Jake: She's a vampire, dude!
[Marceline sucks the red out of a crumpet, and throws it onto Finn]
Finn: I'm gonna kill her.
Jake: Dude, if half the stories I've heard, and/or made up are true, vampires will kill you. There's no question!
[Marceline hisses at them and then walks away, laughing]
Finn: But, what about our home?
Jake: A VAMPIRE TOOK IT! Aw, we should go house-hunting. Bag us a new house.
Finn: But I like our home.
Jake: Finn, house-hunting is wild! You've got to try it.
Finn: Really?
Jake: Yeah, man! It is so nuts!
Finn: You always know what to say.
Jake: Bla-bla-bla-ble-ble-bla-bloo-bloop!
Finn: (laughs) Okay. I'm convinced. Let's roll!
Jake: Sweet, things are gonna start going our way. [Clouds separate to reveal the sun] Hey, look, see? What'd I tell ya?
[House Hunting Song begins]
Finn: This is weak! I don't even like any of these places. I wanna go home.
Jake: Finn, let me tell you a little something about what home really means. [plays viola] La, la, la... [singing] Home isn't a place, let me give you a clue... Home is anywhere, where people care about you...
Finn: I don't wanna hear a lecture, dude! I just wanna go home...
Jake: [singing] But, home is where your heart is, Finn! And where is your heart, Finn? Well, it's right here inside you when I'm sitting here beside you! [talking] With your lucky stars to guide you from above. [They look up, a star floats around, then poofs and disappears]
Finn: Yeah, I guess I'd rather be out here, wrapped in your ear, than be in some awesome house all by my... souse.
Jake: I'd rather be dancing with some babes!
Finn: [laughs] Shut up, dude!
Jake: Ew... Gross. This place looks gross!
Finn: And abandoned. [Echoes]
[both scream]
Finn: [gasps] Whoa, bro... Wanna just live in here?
Jake: Yes.
♪ "So they cleaned the cave and built a house inside the cave. ♪
Jake: So whaddaya think, man? We did pretty good for ourselves.
Finn: Yeah, we did... So, ah, what should we do first with our new digs?
Jake: Let's trash it and throw a party!
Finn: Ah this is it, feelin' good, I'm feelin', I'm feelin' like we did it. I'm feelin', like, completely satisfied. Nothin' else could go wrong, ya know, Jake?
Jake: Yeah, man.
Finn: Aww, yeah, I know, too.
Marceline: Hey, Finn.
Jake: She's back!
Marceline: Wow, pretty awesome party ya got here.
Finn: What do you want, Marceline?!
Marceline: Oh, I just wanna show you somethin'. This cave belongs to me!
Finn: What!?
Marceline: Thanks for fixing the place up for me.
Finn: Y-You can't take our home twice!
Marceline: [With guitar] Yes, I caaaannnnnn!
Finn: AAAAAAAHHHH! It's vampire-fighting time!
Jake: Finn! Nooo! Vampires will kill you... remember!?
Finn: But she's taking our home again!
Jake: We're home as long as we're together, bla-bla-bleep-bla-bloop, remember!?
Finn: Oh, yeah. Okay, Marceline, I'm gonna let you keep this cave, but only because Jake is my home, and he's way better than all your homes combined!
Marceline: Ya know, you're right. I guess I'll take him too!
Jake: [yells]
Finn: What!?
Marceline: I'll bite him a little, maybe turn him into a zombie.
Jake: Nooo!
Finn: Let go of Jake!
Marceline: Make me.
[Finn slaps Jake out of Marceline's grip]
Finn: You okay, pal?
Marceline: [transforming] No one... makes me... let go... of Jake!
Finn: I'm not scared of you!
Jake: Finn!
Marceline: [laughs] You're pathetic, little boy!
Finn: [grunts] You're pathetic! [Spits] Get ready for an uppercut, you dog!
Marceline: Make me. [Slaps Finn's butt and laughs] Bleh-bleh! Blah!
Jake: I've... gotta help my buddy.
Marceline: Your blood is mine!
Jake: [warbles]
Finn: [screaming] Jake!
Jake: Uh oh.
[Marceline sucks Jake's blood and throws Jake's remains on the ground; she laughs.]
Finn: [Screams; runs up to her and punches her in the face]
Marceline: Ow! That actually hurt, Finn. [laughs and kisses him on the cheek, making him blush.]
Finn: Why didn't you just kill me?
Marceline: 'Cuz that was fun! I haven't fought like that in years! Thanks, Finn.
Jake: Finn!
Finn: Aren't you dead?
Jake: Naaah, before she bit me I used my powers to shrink all my guts and blood over my thumb, see? [Does so]
Marceline: [Clears throat] You two are pretty hardcore. I can appreciate that.
Finn: Soooo so does that mean we can have our old house back?
Marceline: Yeah! Keep it, as a gift from me. Blaeargh!
[Finn and Jake both run away screaming]
[Scene cuts back to the tree fort]
Finn and Jake: Yeah!
Finn: Huh? Did you guys get on the bed? I told you, YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED!
King Worm: Oh, hey, guys. Come here, friends... Hug me... wawawawawawawa... Aw, yeah, hug me... wawawawawawawawa...
[Episode ends]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Finn the Human" from season 5, which aired on November 12, 2012.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Prismo
Farmworld Simon Petrikov
Billy
Farmworld Finn
Farmworld Jake
Bartram
Finn's mom
Finn's Dad
Finn's Baby Brother
Destiny Gang
Farmworld Marceline
Music
None
Locations
Farmworld
Junktown
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[Finn and Jake are pulled into the portal created by the Enchiridion. They hit a floating chunk of land and sit there for a second. Finn looks up to see the Lich bound from rock to rock towards the time room in the apparent center of this dimension.]
Finn: [gasps] He's heading for that cube. Come on, Jake.
Jake: Oh, yeah.
[The Lich enters the time room from a hole on the side. Finn and Jake bound to the time room and enter to find the Lich laughing next to Prismo. He then disappears.]
Finn: Whaaaat?!?! He's gone!
Jake: What?! What happened?!
Prismo: Hey, hey! Did you guys see that? You know that was a ghost wearing a dead guy? That might be the nastiest thing I've ever seen. Na-na-na-na-nasty! Nasty jazz! Nast-- [Almost like beat boxing]
Jake: Hey, hey! Easy, buddy! That's our friend Billy! He got possessed by the Lich! [Finn looks very sad and Jake puts an arm around him]
Prismo: Oh! Sorry, sorry! I didn't mean nothin' by it! I mean, I have a lot of nasty friends. My uncle is nasty. I'm basically honorary nasty.
Finn: [Jake stretches them down to the floor] Do you know where he went? We have to find our friend.
Prismo: Who knows?
Finn: [Depressed] Uh. Oh.
Prismo: Actually, it depends on the wish I granted him.
Finn: "Wish"? [Hastily]
Prismo: Yeah, he wished for the extinction of all life and I did it. I guess it changed his timeline or something?
Finn: WHAT?!?! OH GLOB!
Jake: Whoa, wait a minute. How can that be if I'm still here kickin' it with my main man, Finn?
Prismo: Oh, that's because you're safe in my time room until you make your wish.
Finn & Jake: [They pause to think] Ohhhh.
Jake: I wish that life wasn't anymore extinc—
Finn: [Finn pushes Jakes arm down] Whoa! Wait, Jake. Don't mess this up. Think about it: if we wish everything back to normal, the Lich could just jazz it up again.
Jake: Oh yeah. Jazz.
Finn: Hmmmm. [Thinking]
Jake: Hmmmm.
Finn: I got it! I wish... the Lich... never... even ever existed!
[Scene cuts to "Farmworld" — an alternate world where the Lich never existed. Farmworld Finn enters his farm house with Farmworld Jake]
Farmworld Finn: Mom? Mom, what's wrong?
Finn's mom: [Holding Finn's Baby Brother and looking concerned] Finn, I need you to do something for me. It's very important. [Jake barks] I need you to take the mule into town and sell him for as much as you can.
Farmworld Finn: What! Sell Bartram? [Bartram sits up in the bed in the corner] But, I love Bartram. What the heck, Mom!
Finn's Mother: Shhh! Finn please, just do as I say. [She looks out the window concerned]
Trami: [Muffled by the distance] Got it?
Farmworld Finn: [Looking out the window, Finn sees a group of “stylish” thugs harassing his dad] Dad?
Trami: I push you, you fall down. [Trami and another gang member table top him]
Farmworld Finn: The Destiny Gang?
Finn's Mother: Everything will be fine, Finn, I promise. Now just do as I say. [Walks away]
Farmworld Finn: [Finn is now outside near the fields sitting on a tree root] [sigh] I'm sorry, Bartram. I guess Dad must be in real trouble to be doin' this. But, I bet there's a lot o' fine folk lookin' to buy a good mule. Why, I bet I could even come visit sometimes. Won't that be swell, Bartram? [Looks around and sees that the mule is gone] Bartram? Dang it Bartram! Bar Bar! [Finn walks through some bushes to find Batram in a dead tree] What the- Bar Bar, how'd ya get up there? [sigh] Whoa! [Finn falls through some bushes and into an underground cave. Jake follows. There is a frozen missile with a dead man under it] Jake, look! Golden crown! Unbelievable! We can sell it and keep Bartram! Bong, bong. [Finn reaches for the crown]
Farmworld Marceline: [She comes out from behind the missile and cocks her gun] Hold it right there!
Farmworld Finn: Who are you?!
Farmworld Marceline: I'm a thousand years old and this is my crown!
Farmworld Finn: Okay, okay! But, um, maybe I could just borrow it for a little while. [Finn reaches for the crown again]
Farmworld Marceline: Noooo! No! Noo! This crown is magic. Bad, terrible magic. Too dangerous for mortal fingies like yours! [Marceline has a flashback of Simon walking onto a hill to watch a squad of bombers.] One thousand years ago, my beloved friend Simon Petrikov gave his life to save this foolish, unworthy planet from annihilation. [A scene shows a mushroom cloud amidst a decimated city and a gang of demons surrounding the Lich walking away from it] A frightful bomb was poised to bathe the land in mutagenic horror, [Farmworld Simon is show directly below the bomb using his not yet complete powers to freeze the bomb in midair] but using his mastery of ice and snow, Simon froze the bomb in mid-flight only inches from the ground, where it remains to this very day. [We see Marceline in the cave again] Today, ever ripe and ready to blow. [We see Farmworld Simon being crushed by the bomb] But he alone was not saved. Trapped under the giant weight of the enormous bomb, poor Simon perished!
Farmworld Simon: [In the flash back] Little help?
Farmworld Marceline: [Farmworld Simon is seen dead and the crown is firing laser-like beams of energy] And the horrible crown, grieving its lost master, loosed a spasm of magic so wild and crazy the entire earth was buried in ice for four hundred boring years. [First we see a city being frozen almost instantaneously and then we see the earth covered in ice. The flashback ends.]
Farmworld Finn: Uhh, none o' that is true, 'cause magic is fake. Daddy says the false prophets of old used cheap parlor tricks to control the people. [Farmworld Jake is growling] And to get babes. Like 10 or 12 hot babes each.
Farmworld Marceline: No! Magic is real!
Farmworld Finn: Lady! You been down here too long! Why don't you, just let me- [Finn goes for the crown again]
Farmworld Marceline: Step off! Or I will use this!
Farmworld Finn: Lady! Quit it with that thing! [Finn reels back and Jake begins barking again]
Farmworld Marceline: I'm sorry. You must DIEEEE! [A laser beam is fired from the gun]
Farmworld Finn: WAAAAAAAAAAaaaaah… ooo… uuum… [The laser is ineffective and passes right through him]
Farmworld Marceline: Oh, man! This thing! Dang it! [She hits it]
Farmworld Finn: Go, Jake! [Jake jumps at her as a distraction while Finn grabs the crown]
Farmworld Marceline: Aaah! Go back to the underworld, ya beast. [She throws the gun weakly towards Jake]
Farmworld Finn: Sorry, gotta save my dad! [They exit the cave]
Farmworld Marceline: Destroy the world more like it! [huff] Dummy. I give up.
Farmworld Simon: The crown. Go get it.
Farmworld Marceline: I know you're not really talking to me. I'm not crazy!
Farmworld Simon: Get the crown! Go get it!
Farmworld Marceline: [huff]
Farmworld Simon: Get the crown, Marceline! Go get it!
Farmworld Marceline: I can't. My knees!
Farmworld Simon: Oh, that's really disappointing I must say. I'm just—uh, whatever, you're really letting me down right now.
Farmworld Marceline: Okay, alright. [farts]
Farmworld Finn: [Finn is auctioning off the crown at the Junktown market] Cool crown! Who wants a cool crown? I found it on a dead magician dude!
Guy #1: I'll take it!
Farmworld Finn: Awesome! How much cash ya got?
Guy #1: Ohhh, I'm poor. Uh, but what about I trade you for a personal concert at your house? I'll come over later and sing ya like, four songs. I mostly do covers, but I have originals too. Do you own any spoons?
Farmworld Finn: No.
Tromo: Let me see that! [He takes the crown]
Farmworld Finn: Hey!
Tromo: Heh!
Farmworld Finn: [gasp] [Finn has a flashback of the D gang harassing his dad] Wait, Destiny Gang. I gotta sell that to pay you guys!
Tromo: Trami, what you think? Is it my style?
Trami: Big Destiny will know. Yo, boss! [Trami throws the crown to Big D who is looking off the cliff]
Big Destiny: Snap! Huh? What is this? [He turns around] Are you tellin' me what to wear, Trami?
Trami: No, boss, you look good! [He is sweating]
Big Destiny: You think I should reinvent my style and put a stupid thing on my head?!
Trami: No, man! You tell us what to wear!
Big Destiny: Otherwise you would dress like an idiot! Bam! Crown shorts! [Big D puts the tip of the crown in his extremely short shorts]
Trami & Tromo: Amazing! [Everyone begins clapping.]
Big Destiny: Yeah-ha-ha!
Tromo: Clap harder, trash bag! [He pushes down an old man who begins silently crying and clapping faster]
Farmworld Finn: Okay, you guys. Gimme my money and leave my parents alone.
Tromo: Property of old dead person go to Big Destiny. [Tromo grabs an apple from a stand and takes a bite] One-arm needs to learn the rules, unless you want your butt handed to you.
Farmworld Finn: I guess it wasn't really mine.
Farmworld Marceline: [Tromo drops his apple] It's mine! I'm a demon... half-demon.
Big Destiny: Tromo! Jack up crazy lady! Trami! Take mule back to crib for din-din.
Farmworld Finn: Whaat! [Trami hits Finn in the face with his hammer knocking him off Bartram. He lifts up Batram and takes him] Bar Bar!
Trami: Tough luck, One-arm! [He and Big D jump onto a ski-lift-like pully system up to their mansion]
Big Destiny: See you soon, bad-style Junktown! [Big D laughs evilly]
Farmworld Finn: Bar Bar. [Finn is about to cry]
Tromo: End of the road, bat lady! [He kicks over Farmworld Marceline]
Farmworld Marceline: Oh, my bones!
Tromo: Haha! Ah! [Finn sticks his flute up Tromo's nose and plays, inflating Tromo's eye] My eye! I will junk your face! What the! [Choose Bruce hits him in the head with a head of lettuce]
Choose Bruce: Destiny gang, get outta town! We're sick of bein' bullied around! [Everyone cheers]
Tromo: You make biiig mistake! Especially you, One-arm! [He backs up to the lift and leaves]
Farmworld Finn: My name is Finn Mertens! And tell big D I'm comin' for my stuff!
Tromo: Ohhh, you come n' try!
Farmworld Finn: Are you okay, lady?
Farmworld Marceline: You must promise to—promise to return the crown to its hide-hole.
Farmworld Finn: I promise.
Choose Bruce: You'll need this Finn if you want to win. [He shows Finn a sword attachment for his robotic arm]
Farmworld Finn: Choose Bruce, what is it?
Choose Bruce: It's a weapon for your arm. With this you will defend from harm. [He replaces his grabber arm with the sword arm]
Farmworld Finn: Feels natural. Like peeing outside. Sort of.
Choose Bruce: Best not to take the lift my friend, else the D gang'll see ya comin' in!
Farmworld Finn: No. I want them to see me. I'm-a go up there AND SHOW THEM MY FACE! [Finn rides up the lift and kicks down the door and runs in] Yaaaaaaaaaa-huh? Hello? [He doesn't see anyone, but hears Bartram bray] Bar Bar? I'm comin'! Bar bar! [He runs into the room, but Big D trips him on the way in] I want my stuff, ya big dump! [He charges Big D, but he is easily beaten]
Big Destiny: You want Big D's crown, huh?
Farmworld Finn: Yeah, and Bar Bar.
Big Destiny: Here ya go then. [Hands him the crown]
Farmworld Finn: Wha?
Big Destiny: That is your final possession, the last thing you will ever own.
Farmworld Finn: What do you…mean? [He walks over to the window with Big D]
Big Destiny: Look down there, stupid.
Farmworld Finn: [gasp] [The town is on fire]
Big Destiny: Town is on fire! See? I made it on fire! Fix up Junktown! Look at old man cry! [laughs] That's what happens when you mess with Big D! You get crushed! Your family get crushed! Booya! [We see the Destiny gang throwing torches everywhere and Choose Bruce crying]
Farmworld Finn: Suck my shirt! [Finn, throwing off his sword, slides down the lift with Bartram and rides up to Choose Bruce] Choose Bruce!
Choose Bruce: All my stuff is gone! Now they're goin' after your home! [He is crying still]
Farmworld Finn: Bar Bar, come on!
Choose Bruce: Hurry, Finn! You can win! [Still crying]
Farmworld Marceline: Finn! Return the—whoa! [While continuing to ride Bartram, he lifts her on]
Farmworld Finn: I will, but we gotta stop the Destiny gang first. Come on Jake! Good boy! [Jake is trialing them]
Destiny Gang: Destiny! Destiny! Destiny! [Finn's house is on fire and the D gang are chanting]
Farmworld Finn: Noooo!
Big Destiny: Yeah! How did I even get here, son?!
Finn's Mother: Nooo! [Finn's family are up stairs, trapped in the fire]
Finn's Father: Fiiinn!
Farmworld Finn: Mom! Dad! [He reaches into his pack and pulls out the crown] You said this thing is magic?
Farmworld Marceline: Yes. Powerful and dangerous.
Farmworld Finn: But you lost your mind in a cave.
Farmworld Marceline: Whatever. You just gotta believe me, okay? For serious, ya donk.
Big Destiny: I am Big D! Wooooo!
Farmworld Finn: I believe you.
Farmworld Marceline: You do? [He puts on the crown and begins yelling in shock] Wait! Noooooo! Dang it!
Farmworld Finn: Aaaaaah!!
[The episode ends.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Fionna and Cake and Fionna" from season 9, which aired on July 19, 2017.

Characters
Finn
BMO
Jake
Ice King
Turtle Princess
Banana Guard
Other Fionna
Fionna
Cake
Peppermint Butler
Gunter
Queen of Ooo
Music
None
Locations
Library
Tree House
Ice Kingdom
This transcript is complete. (needs proofreading)


Transcript

[The episode opens with Finn and BMO riding down a river in Jake, who is shape-shifted to look like a rubber dinghy.]
Finn: These ghoul dudes take the form of whatever you're thinking about.
[A ghoul emerges from the water and turns into a giant sandwich. Finn slices it with his sword and it evaporates into smoke. Another ghoul turns into an evil pretzel with chainsaw arms, which Finn stabs.]
BMO: An angry -- no, shy shark baby.
[A ghoul leaps out of the water and turns into a shy shark baby. Finn kills it.]
Finn: What if life was always just constant fun times on the river?
Jake: Let's never do anything boring ever again.
BMO: Yes, let's never do anything boring ever ag-- [BMO's alarm starts beeping.] Time for Ice King's boring book reading.
Finn: Aw, come on! He's just gonna read those weird stories that are basically about us.
Jake: I kind of dig getting loosely adapted.
[Jake grows some legs and exits the river. The scene changes to the Library, where Ice King is reading to a small audience.]
Ice King: Fionna spoke with the voice of an angelic choir. "You can have the rest of the screaming chili cheese dip if you want," she said. [Sniffles] "It's totally fine." The end.
[There is no reaction from the audience.]
Ice King: [Slamming the book shut] I said "the end"!
[There is polite applause.]
Turtle Princess: Let's get some questions.
Banana Guard: [Raising hand] Where do your ideas come from?
Ice King: They're beamed into my melon at night - same as everybody else. Next!
Unknown voice: I have more of a criticism than a question.
Ice King: [Angrily] I am very open to criticism!
Unknown voice: Your story was completely wrong.
Ice King: [Looking for the source of the voice] And how would you know?
Unknown voice: I know... because I am... Fionna!
[An elderly "Fionna" emerges from behind a potted plant. The audience turns and gasps.]
"Fionna": I can show you what really happened. It's all on this tape!
Audience: Ooh!
Banana Guard: What format is that?
[A VCR is heard starting up. The scene changes. Fionna and Cake are exploring a swampy area.]
Fionna: According to this map, we're very close. There's the door.
[They reach a small lake. There is a door on an island in the middle of the lake. Cake stretches them over to the door and Fionna tries the knob.]
Fionna: Aw, it's locked.
Cake: I'll get us in with key... eye!
[Cake stretches her eye into the keyhole, forms fists and a face on her eye, and punches the pins to pieces.]
Cake: Bam! "Eye" got it. You get it, Fionna?
Fionna: Yeah, but it's a stretch.
[The audience in the library is seen laughing at the joke.]
Other Fionna: [Quietly] There I am.
[The door creaks open and Fionna and Cake enter a dungeon containing a green sarcophagus.]
Fionna: [Sighs] Next time we find a map lying in the backyard, we should think twice.
Cake: At least we get this fancy coffin.
[The scene changes to the Tree House, where Fionna and Cake have placed the sarcophagus in the treasure room.]
Cake: How's it look?
Fionna: It's a decent addition to the treasure vestibule but still kind of a letdown.
Cake: You know what's never a letdown? Cookie sauce review party.
Fionna: Yeah! Cookie dip. Screaming chili cheese versus sriracha ranch.
[Fionna and Cake exit. The lid of the sarcophagus creaks as it is lifted by a mysterious hand. The screen cuts to static and then black, as the "Fionna" in the real world stops the tape. The lights in the library are turned back on and the audience begins speculating.]
Peppermint Butler: Was it real?
Banana Guard: Who was filming all that?
Gunter: Wenk, wenk.
BMO: Needs more hunks!
Finn: Dude, I literally have one bazillion questions. [He approaches "Fionna".] Uh, excuse me, Miss Fionna... Where did this video come fr-o-o-m!
[Ice King crawls between Finn's legs and throws him out of the way.]
Ice King: Fionna! I always knew we'd meet one day and become best friends. So, uh, remember that time when Cake caught Ruse Goose, the notorious goose pickpocket?
"Fionna": That was such a long time ago.
Ice King: But during trial, you realized she was framed 'cause it was actually Abracadanielle pretending to be a goose all along!
[A flashback is seen of Abracadanielle stealing jewelry and hissing.]
Banana Guard: Can I also ask a question?
Ice King: Besties only.
Banana Guard: I was just gonna ask if we could see more of the tape.
Ice King: Oh, yeah, can we?
"Fionna": I don't think so.
[Ice King and the banana guard look dejected.]
"Fionna": All right, just a little more.
[She continues the tape and the VCR whirs to life. On the screen, a tiny "mummy" emerges from the sarcophagus and yawns. Fionna spots the mummy while she's climbing the ladder.]
Fionna: Oh... my... glob. It's a mummy!
"Mummy": That's right. I'm a mummy!
Fionna: Aww.
Cake: Yeah, you are. And a real cutie, too.
"Mummy": I'm not cute! I'm horrible! [Groans menacingly.]
Fionna: Wanna hang?
[Other Fionna stops the VCR again.]
"Fionna": Okay, that's enough.
Ice King and Banana Guard: Aw!
Ice King: I want to see more.
"Fionna": I don't want to wear it out. It's my only copy. And it's very important to me.
Turtle Princess: Library closes in five. [Flicking the lights on and off] Click, click, click.
Ice King: So, where you heading now?
"Fionna": Guess I'll go back to the dump under the bridge where I live. I'd invite you over, but I don't have a sofa or TV or anything. It's literally a dump.
Ice King: I have a TV. My crib is equipped.
"Fionna": Oh, really?
Ice King: Hey, you should move in! Please live with me, Fionna.
[The scene changes to the Ice Kingdom. Ice King is showing "Fionna" around.]
Ice King: This is the sweet spot. My roo-- [Noticing mess] Oh! I wasn't expecting guests. [Chuckles] Not that you mind a bit of dirt, right?
"Fionna" admires a poster on the wall which reads "Fionna & Cake and the Haunted Baguette 2".
Ice King: Nice, huh?
"Fionna": So, this is my room now.
Ice King: Only the best for Fionna.
[They enter the bathroom.]
Ice King: Oh yeah, I like this room too. It's where I do all my deep thinking. Man, I still can't believe it-- the Fionna in my bathroom, touching my toothbrush, throwing it into my little trash can. Fionna taking charge!
"Fionna": That's what heroes do.
Ice King: You're a so much better hero than Finn.
"Fionna": I know.
Ice King: Plus, don't tell Jake, but I've always been more of a cat person. Where is Cake the Cat? [He begins calling for her.] Cake? Cake?
"Fionna": Cake is gone. Some years back, there was an adventure mishap. I don't feel comfortable talking about it.
Ice King: Oh, okay.
"Fionna": Hey, you still haven't shown me where you keep your Fionna and Cake tapes.
Ice King: Sorry, no can do.
"Fionna": What? Don't you have tapes?
Ice King: Oh, yeah, I got loads of tapes, but they're super private.
"Fionna": Maybe you'll change your mind once you see more of my mummy adventure?
Ice King: Yay! I'll get snacks.
[Again, there is a crackle of static and then the tape continues. Fionna, Cake, and the "mummy" are dancing and laughing together in the Tree House.]
"Mummy": [Groans.]
Fionna: Hey, what's wrong?
"Mummy": [Dramatically] I have... a curse!
Fionna and Cake: [Together] Oh no.
Fionna: How can we save you, tiny mummy?
"Mummy": The curse can only be broken by strong black coffee and fancy muffins from Breakfast Kingdom.
Fionna: I know that place. It has a really long line on weekends.
"Mummy": Yes! That sounds like the one. Be a hero and fetch unto me the sacred breakfast.
Cake: Don't you worry, little guy.
Fionna: We'll save you!
[Cake stretches the two of them through a window and outside. The "mummy" laughs and begins reading a magazine while she lounges on the table. The tape stops and static crackles on the screen.]
"Fionna": Okay, that's the end of the tape.
Ice King: Really? My stories usually get wrapped up neater. [Chuckles] Wrapped up -- mummies.
"Fionna": Yeah, well, there's no more, so... [She removes the tape from the player.] You wouldn't know this, but old heroes need a lot of sleep.
Ice King: I did know that.
"Fionna": See you in the morning.
[Ice King is focused on the tape that "Fionna" is holding.]
Ice King: [Suspiciously] Okay.
[Later on, "Fionna" is seen sleeping on the couch. Ice King enters the room with a sandwich.]
Ice King: [Whispering] Fionna? You awake? I made you a midnight snack.
["Fionna" snores. Ice King eyes the tape she is clutching. He nibbles the sandwich until it matches the size and shape of the tape and then swaps the two items covertly and exits. He puts earphones in and starts the tape.]
Fionna: [On the tape] Mummy, we're home.
Ice King: [Gasps] I knew it.
Fionna: Where did it go?
Cake: Maybe it had to go back into its coffin Dracula-style.
Fionna: Mummy?
Cake: We got you breakfast.
[The sarcophagus is empty.]
Fionna: Hmm.
Cake: Shh! What's that?
[Cake pushes aside some treasure piles to reveal the "mummy" filling a bag with coins and gems.]
"Mummy": Nyeh!
Fionna: That's our treasure!
"Mummy": Stay away. You'll get cursed. [Groans menacingly]
Fionna: I take the curse off of me and put it back on you.
"Mummy": You understand nothing of mummy curses! [She flees.]
Fionna: Our treasure!
[The "mummy" runs past Cake and knocks a bag of muffins out of her hands.]
Cake: Our muffins!
[Cake catches all the muffins and steps on a loose end of the "mummy's" wrapping. It unravels, revealing that the mummy was actually Queen of Ooo all along.]
Queen of Ooo: Uhh... Do not look upon a naked mummy. It's bad luck.
Fionna and Cake: [Together] Queen of Ooo?!
Queen of Ooo: That's right. I snuck in here to pretend to steal your stash and teach you a valuable lesson. Never invite strangers into your home, no matter how cool they seem and are. You should be thanking me really.
[The tape ends.]
Ice King: Of course. She didn't want me to see the end of the tape because she's not Fionna. She's... a mummy! [Ice King looks over at the couch and sees that "Fionna" is missing.] Aah!
[Ice King picks up a fly swatter defensively and looks around nervously. He hears "Fionna" rummaging through his tapes in another room.]
"Fionna": Come on. They're all just him?
Ice King: Imposter! Reveal yourself! [He begins swatting "Fionna" in the face.]
"Fionna": Aah! Knock it off!
Ice King: You're the knock-off!
"Fionna": What?
Ice King: You're not Fionna!
"Fionna": How did you--
Ice King: Show me your true form!
["Fionna" yields and removes her hat and hair, revealing that she has a pair of rabbit ears.]
Ice King: Aha! Huh? What kind of mummy are you supposed to be?
Rabbit Lady: No kind! I'm just an old lady.
Ice King: Who likes to dress up as Fionna?
Rabbit Lady: It makes me feel confident, okay? Plus I look really good in this outfit. [Narrating a flashback] Look, I used to be very shy, tinkering with my tech stuff all night, sleeping all day. But one evening, I intercepted a strange signal. I was mesmerized. I watched that tape like a hundred times before I finally stepped out of my cave a new woman, determined to find more Fionna and Cake. I roamed Ooo for years with no luck. But then I found out about you, and I hatched a plan to steal your tapes.
Ice King: What? I don't have any Fionna and Cake tapes.
Rabbit Lady: I know! All of your tapes are filled with embarrassing diaries.
Ice King: If I met them, I'd definitely record it.
Rabbit Lady: Fionna and Cake aren't real, you ding-dong! They're just, like, a TV show from the past or something.
Ice King: You're the ding-dong, lady! You tricked an old, defenseless Ice King. [Crying]
Rabbit Lady: Look, I didn't mean to hurt you.
Ice King: You lied to me. Fionna would never lie -- never.
Rabbit Lady: Oh, glob, you're right. I'm not like Fionna. I'm the mummy! Oh glob! [She exits.]
Gunter: Wenk.
Ice King: Huh? Well, that was disheartening.
Rabbit Lady: [In the distance] Forgive me, Fionna!
[Ice King yawns and carries Gunter to bed. As he sleeps, a red beam of light shoots through his window and directly into his head, carrying images of Fionna and Cake into his brain.]
Fionna: [Echoing from the light beam] Cake, what time is it?
Gunter: Wenk.

Episode ends.

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Fionna and Cake" from season 3, which aired on September 5, 2011.

Characters
Fionna
Cake
Ice Queen
Prince Gumball
Lord Monochromicorn
Music
"Oh, Fionna"
Locations
"Fionna and Cake"
Candy Kingdom (within story)
Tree Fort (within story)
Ice Kingdom (outside story)
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode starts out in Prince Gumball's castle]
Fionna: Throw it, Cake!
[Cake grabs a Jelly Kinder and twirls it up to Fionna with her arms]
Fionna: Eyahh! [Kicks it to the ceiling where others are]
Fionna: These Jelly Kinders aren't... alive, are they?
Prince Gumball: [Holding one] What? No! They can't even talk.
[The Jelly Kinder frantically lets out a sound and Prince Gumball hastily covers its mouth]
Prince Gumball: Kick it! Thanks for helping me out guys.
Cake: What are these boogers for, anyway?
Prince Gumball: Oh, they're decorations for my Biennial Gumball Ball. Tonight!
Fionna: Sounds like it gonna be large.
Prince Gumball: Yes! So very large. I'd like you to be there as my special guest.
Fionna: You want me to go with you to the ball?
Prince Gumball: Heck yes. As my pal!
Fionna: Oh. Right.
Prince Gumball: It starts at seven, so don't be late!
[Outside storm clouds are forming quickly]
Cake: Fionna, we got trouble! My tail is totally frizzin' out!
Fionna: I'll check it out.
[She goes outside and coming out of the clouds is a cackling Ice Queen]
Fionna: It's Ice Queen!
Ice Queen: The Prince shall be mine!
[Creates a giant glacier]
Fionna: Back inside!
[As they go in the glacier smashes through the wall and Ice Queen slides down it]
Ice Queen: Outta my way, tomboy!
Fionna: Ice Queen, why are you always predatoring on dudes?
Ice Queen: Ha! You should talk! Keeping all the babes to yourself, totally ice-blocking my game!
[Prince Gumball looks disgusted]
Fionna: What?
Ice Queen: Not [Forms a slush beast around herself] this time!
[Slush beast surrounds Prince Gumball and Ice Queen can be seen lifting him up]
Prince Gumball: Gah! Slush Beast!
Fionna: Cake! Morning-star mode!
[Cake becomes a mace-like object and Fionna twirls her and smashes her into the slush beast, covering the room in frost and snow and Prince Gumball appears to come out of the mist]
Prince Gumball: You saved me from the Ice Queen!
Fionna: Oh, uh, yeah I guess. Is she gone?
Prince Gumball: She must have fled. Fionna, you're so strong. And you look so beautiful in the snow. What are you doing later?
Fionna: I was just going to go home, I...
Prince Gumball: Come with me. Let's go out.
Fionna: Go... out?
Prince Gumball: Yeah. Let's go somewhere.
Fionna: What?
Cake: We'd love to!
Prince Gumball: Great! Meet me in the castle gardens in an hour!
Cake: [Dragging a stunned Fionna out of the room] Yes, we'll be there!
[At the Tree Fort]
Cake: Oh, it's a date!
Fionna: No, it's not. I'm sure when he said "go out," he meant "go out," not "go out!"
Cake: Shut up, he's into you!
Fionna: Come on, you heard what he said. I'm like his guy-friend.
Cake: Well, that could change tonight.
Fionna: If it's a date, why are you coming?
Cake: I'm coming to help you! Hold on, I'm bringing my dulcimer.
Fionna: [groans] Man.
Cake: It's a conversation starter. [Puts dulcimer on her back]
Fionna: Fine, I'll do this if only to prove you wrong.
[Scene switches to the Castle Gardens]
Fionna: Mm... Let's just bail, I changed my mind.
Cake: No! No retreat, girl.
Prince Gumball: Hello, Fionna. And I see you brought Cake.
Fionna: That's cool, right?
Prince Gumball: Only if it's cool that I brought... Lord Monochromicorn!
[Lord Monochromicorn falls out of the sky onto the ground]
Cake: Hiya, gorgeous.
Lord Monochromicorn: [In Morse code] H-E-Y.
[Cake's tail puffs up]
Prince Gumball: Accept these tokens of our esteem.
Fionna: [Awkwardly] Hey you didn't have to, guy...
Prince Gumball: Nonsense. For you, Cake, a satchel of nepetalactone. Mo-Chro picked it himself.
Cake: Catnip! Sweet babies! [Starts tapping the bag against her head]
Prince Gumball: And for you m'lady, a bouquet of posies.
Fionna: Oh, uh, they're...
Prince Gumball: There's a surprise at the center.
Fionna: Huh! A crystal sword! I'm all about swords! How did you know?!
Prince Gumball: I pay attention to things I see you being all about.
Fionna: Thanks dude. It's just...WOW.
Prince Gumball: Come, for the wowiness has only just begun!
[Fionna is riding a giant Cake and Prince Gumball is riding Lord Monochromicorn.]
Cake: [Whispering] Psst, Fi, tell Gumball that you think he's HAWT.
Fionna: [Whispering] What?! No!
Cake: [Whispering] Guys like to hear that they're hot!
Fionna: [Whispering] Will you keep your voice down?!
Prince Gumball: Oh, Fionna!
Fionna: Hey, what's up?
Prince Gumball: I thought we might have a little race. A playful race to Marshmallowy Mweadows.
Fionna: Okay, but I'm gonna kick your butt. [Awkwardly] Not that I'm thinking of butts...
Prince Gumball: Excellent. [He and Lord Monochromicorn take off]
Cake: After him, Fionna. After your man. [They take off]
[They race to the Mweadows]
Prince Gumball: [Breathless] Good race, Fionna.
[Cake are Lord Monochromicorn are both exhausted and breathless]
Cake: Why are y'all breathless if we're the ones running?
[Prince Gumball hums and jumps into a hole under the flowers]
Fionna: Gumball!
[Jumps in after him and they both come up, Fionna holding Prince Gumball and Prince Gumball holding a pink skull]
Prince Gumball: Sorry, I saw a pearl pygmy skull in there. It reminded me of you. The way your eyes sparkle. [Prince Gumball's eyes sparkle and Fionna's eyes sparkle as she laughs nervously]
[Fionna, Cake, and Prince Gumball are all riding Lord Monochromicorn]
Prince Gumball: Fionna, there's something I want to tell you.
[The song Oh, Fionna begins and at the end, Fionna and Prince Gumball gets dropped off on a hill laughing]
Fionna: Oh, my gosh, dude. That was, like, the stupidest thing ever.
Cake: See you back at the tree house. [Winks to Fionna, Fionna blushes, as Cake and Lord Monochromicorn fly away]
[It is night. Prince Gumball and Fionna are laughing]
Fionna: Jeez, I dunno, I thought about it, but I think you could wear your pants as a shirt, if you really needed to.
Prince Gumball: [Laughs] Okay, okay, now you ask me something.
Fionna: Oh, um, is this a date?
Prince Gumball: ['Laughs] Fionna, come to the ball with me.
Fionna: As your chum?
Prince Gumball: No, as my girlfriend.
[At the Tree Fort, Cake is playing a game on BMO and Fionna rushes in]
Fionna: It was a date! There was singing and junk!
Cake: I know! I was there for that part!
Fionna: Cake, he wants me to come to the ball as his girlfriend!
Cake: Oh, my goodness! It's almost seven! You need something to wear! Oh, hold on honey, I am gonna make this happen!
[Cake is fitting a white dress on Fionna, purse and all]
Fionna: How am I supposed to fit my weapons in this?
Cake: It's a ball! You don't need weapons!
Fionna: [Puts the crystal sword in her purse] I'll take my retractable sword.
Cake: Okay! Lets go, go, go!
[Fionna arrives at the ball on Cake's back, inside Marshall Lee is flying around and he and Fionna wave to each other, others like Lumpy Space Prince are there and Prince Gumball is talking to a female Cinnamon Bun and sees Fionna]
Prince Gumball: I've been looking for you.
Fionna: Well, here I am.
Prince Gumball: Ha ha! Hey, I wanna show you something.
Fionna: Okay. [Goes with Prince Gumball]
Cake: Okay, girl! I'll see you later!
[Prince Gumball and Fionna go up a flight of stairs to his room]
Fionna: What? Hey, is this your bedroom?
Prince Gumball: Fionna. [Unbuttons his shirt and walks towards her]
Fionna: [Backing up] Heh... whoa. [A drip of water falls on Fionna and see looks up to find Prince Gumball frozen upside-down on the roof] What?!
[The Prince Gumball in front of Fionna laughs and that laugh becomes a woman's cackle as Ice Queen pops out his chest revealing it was her in disguise.]
Ice Queen: This was so much easier than I thought it would be! [Shoots ice lighting at Fionna, she dodges.]
Fionna: This is really messed up, Ice Queen! WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM WITH ME?! [Ice Queen causes an ice pillar to grow under Fionna's feet and head towards the ceiling.]
Ice Queen: You're what stands between me and my Gumball! [Spikes come out of the ice pillar and tear into Fionna's dress. An angry Fionna rips her dress free and jumps off of the pillar.]
Fionna: I can't believe I fell for this trash! You got me to show up with a dress! And a pur— [in realization] My purse! My sword!
[Ice Queen throws ice shards at her and Fionna dives and grabs her purse and unsheathes it, Ice Queen just laughs as it recedes and locks her hands in an ice ball.]
Ice Queen: You like my ice sword?
[Cake comes from behind a curtain near the bottom of the staircase outside Prince Gumball's room and hears the sound of the struggle upstairs]
Fionna: Get it off me!
Cake: Fionna!
[Ice Queen laughs and Fionna rushes up and smashes the ice ball against Ice Queen's head, Ice Queen blasts her with a blizzard of snow, shooting her towards the ceiling by Prince Gumball and she smashes the ice around him, freeing him and her hands, Ice Queen shrieks in frustration and is brought to the ground by ice raining from the ceiling. Fionna lands on the ground with Prince Gumball in her arms.]
Prince Gumball: Oh, my goodness. [Fionna puts him down and Cake bursts through the door]
Cake: WHAT'S GOING ON IN HE— [Sees Prince Gumball with his hand on Fionna and her dress in tatters and rushes towards Prince Gumball] AAAHH! Don't you touch her! [She jumps up and flails and scratches on his face until Fionna pulls her off]
Fionna: Shhh... It's okay, it's okay. It was the Ice Queen.
[Ice Queen shoots a blast of ice needles at Cake]
Ice Queen: Paws off my prince!
[Cake lets a pained cat howl as Ice Queen laughs until Fionna punches off her crown and kicks her in the face.]
Ice Queen: [Groans and snarls] My magic tiara... my powers!
[Fionna grabs her neck]
Fionna: And this is for yanking my heart guts! [Punches Ice Queen to the ground where Cake, wearing the magic tiara, blasts her with snow.]
Cake: Ha ha! I'm a queen! [Fionna knocks off the tiara]
Fionna: No, you might catch her crazy.
Prince Gumball: Wow, Fionna. You're, you're just really incredible. Maybe we should meet up, for a date.
Fionna: [Pushes him away] No way, man. Not interested. [Thoughtful sigh] I think the reason I got all these guy-friends and no boyfriend is because I don't really want to date any of 'em. I don't need feel like I'm waiting to be noticed. I know who I am. And I'll know what I want when and if it ever comes along. But there is one guy I would do anything to date. [In a smitten voice] The Ice King!
Prince Gumball: What?!
Cake: Me, too. Ice King's the real deal!
[Lord Monochromicorn pops out from under the floor and says "ISE" in Morse Code].
Fionna: Ice King is the hottest hottie, and I can't wait— [The camera pans into Fionna's mouth and pans out of Ice King's mouth in the his castle]
Ice King: "—to marry him!" said Fionna. Then she turned to Prince Gumball and said, "I hope Ice King will sweep me off my feet and take me to the farthest corner of Ooo, where we will do nothing but kiss and eat a whole bunch until we get fat and die." The end. So, what do you think of the fanfiction I wrote about you guys?
[Finn and Jake are trapped with half their bodies in a block of ice, with Jake in head first, with book manuscripts in front of them, Gunter has a book too.]
Finn: Uh...
Ice King: [threateningly] Tell me you thought it was good!
Finn: Uh, it's good! It's good! It's really good, dude! It was amazing!
[The episode ends.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Five More Short Graybles" from season 5, which aired on November 19, 2012.

Characters
Cuber
Finn
Jake
Ice King
Tree Trunks
Marceline
BMO (Football)
Music
none
Locations
Lady Rainicorn's house
Wizard Bill's Guitar Shop
Candy Kingdom
Ice Kingdom
Tree Fort
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[Cuber is in his supposed spaceship, facing the window, making strange noises and wiggling-arm motions that seem to control the ship’s speed. There are spinning crystals in the air that he is controlling as well. He is surprised at first to see us, but is glad none the less]
Cuber: Hmm? Oh! Hello there! Bayble navel! It’s great to see you! Here for more graybles, I reckon. Well, alright. Just like last time. [Like in Star Trek, the window doubles as a digital screen] We’ll watch five separate stories, each relating to one special theme. [The visualizer is divided into 5 sections like a food pyramid. Each section with a picture representing each chronological grayble] Guess the theme by the end of the episode and you’ll be the freshest mint-whistle! [laughs] Now, look to my visualizer screen and let this exciting grayble dribble all over your mind-label! [laughs] [Fade into first grayble]
[We first see that Lady is outside her house reading and that Finn and Jake are in her loft. Finn is sitting near a pie and a chicken is there as well.]
Jake: [Jake pushes aside the chicken and it flies away] Okay, so- scooch! Okay so I’m still pretty sure this old book is some warlock spell book or something .
Finn: [Jake blows off the dust to reveal a nursery rhyme book] Messed.
Jake: Warlocks, dude! [Jake sits down and opens the book] You ready for some ancient feel good spell craft?
Finn: Yeah, I’ll try it. Could always stand to feel better.
Jake: [Jake reads over the page, which is “Little Jack Horner”] Leeeeet’s seeeee. You got your bibby?
Finn: [Finn has a bib] Check it! [Jake stretches some of his skin to make a bib]
Jake: [Jake uncovers the pie] Yup! [Finn and Jake hold up their thumbs and the background goes black. Jake begins reciting the rhyme as though it were a spell]
Little Jack Horner
Sat in the corner, [Finn peeks]
Eating a Christmas pie;
He put in his thumb, [They put in their thumbs and pull out plums]
And pulled out a plum,
And said "What a good boy am I!"
Jake: [They look around for something to happen] I don’t feel like a good boy.
Finn: You sure you read that spell right?
Jake: [Jake is eating his plum] Yeah. Still though. Pretty sweet.
Finn: Wanna keep stickin’ our thumbs in stuff ‘til it works?
Jake: Yeah! [They high five with plums on their thumbs]
Jake: [They burst out the barns doors] Ooooh! What-a-good-boy-am-I! [Sticks his thumb in an ant hill]
Finn: Ooooh! What-a-good-boy-am-I! [Sticks his thumb in a bird’s nest]
Jake: Ooooh! What-a-good-boy-am-I! [He pokes Lady’s baby bump with his thumb and Lady kisses him]
Finn: Ooooh! What-a-good-boy-am-I! [Sticks his thumb into a tree. Finn seems somewhat agitated now]
Jake: Ooooh! What-a-good-boy-am-I! [Sticks his thumb into a flower]
Finn: Ooooh! What-a-good-boy-am-I! [Sticks his thumb in a bottle]
Jake: Ooooh! What-a-good-boy-am-I! [Finn is holding a chipmunk’ arms up and Jake sticks his thumb in its armpits]
Finn: [Finn has his thumb in a mushroom and when he puts his thumb down, it breaks] Ooooh! What-a-good-boy-a— Do you feel like a good boy? [Finn and Jake are sitting on rocks by a pond]
Jake: No, I don’t.
Finn: Hey check out that gross toad! [There is a toad with holes in its back with baby toads hoping in and out of them]
Finn and Jake: [They walk over to it and start poking the holes with their thumbs] Oh-what-a-good-boy-am-I. Good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy.
Toad: [Finn and Jake talk over him] Gross! Ahahah! Cut it out! Quit stickin’ your thumbs in my back! Ahhhh! [Marceline is hovering several feet above them, watching.]
Marceline: Yeeeaaah, I don’t know. [She pulls out her map and flies forward] Uhhhhh, jeez! I’m never gonna find this place! Hmmm. [There is a rock giant playing drums up ahead, but instead of drum sticks, he uses his massive fingers. Marceline flies towards him] Hey! [He ignores her and continues playing] Hey! Hey rock giant! [He stops to listen] You seem cool! Do you know where wizard Bill’s music shop is? I can’t find it anywhere! He’s got a guitar that plays the most savory licks in Ooo! [He points into the clouds and his finger is seen moving extremely quickly past several landmarks]
Wizard Bill: [The giants finger bursts through Wizard Bill’s shop door and Bill is startled] Whaglgalgaw!
Marceline: [The giant pulls back his finger, but Marceline couldn’t see through the cloud cover.] Huuuuh. I’ve got an idea. [Marceline sits on his finger] Okaaay, point now. [She is blowing in the wind and yelling cheerfully] Wahahahoh yeah! Woowhohaha! [She gets off and fist bumps him] Thanks man! [She enters the shop and Wizard Bill hands her the guitar and she plays it]
[The camera pans down to Finn and Jake in the Candy Kingdom]
Jake: [Finn and Jake are poking some marshmallow kids] Let’s find some more holes.
Tree Trunks: [Tree trunks has a pie on her back as she meanders along] La da da la da da mmm deedle dee...
Finn and Jake: [Finn and Jake poke the pie] What-a-good-boy-am-I!
Tree Trunks: Oh! He he! Boys. Your manners. [Tree trunks bumps into a statue and her pie falls] Oh! Whoops! Oh!
Shelby: Hey, Tree Trunks!
Tree Trunks: Excuse me sir. I wasn’t looking where I was-
Shelby: Tree Trunks! Up here!
Tree Trunks: [Tree Trunks looks up at the fist in the air] Oh no! Heavens no!
Banana Guard: [Tree Trunks is with a Banana Guard at the police station] I’m glad you brought this matter to the authorities mam. Now what exactly happened?
Tree Trunks: [She is wiping away tears] Yes thank you. I-I heard a man calling out to me “Oh Tree Trunks!” So I said who’s calling? I don’t know. So I looked and he was making a RUDE gesture. [Sounding as angry as a pie-making old lady can] It left a sour taste in my mouth!
Banana Guard: Alright, ma'am. [He pulls out a pen and paper] Let’s see. How do you spell your name?
Tree Trunks: “T...”
Banana Guard: Okay.
Tree Trunks: “R...”
Banana Guard: Okay.
Tree Trunks: “E...”
Banana Guard: Okay.
Tree Trunks: “E...”
Banana Guard: One sec.
Tree Trunks: “E”! [She is mad]
Banana Guard: Hold on oone second.
Tree Trunks: Uggh! I’m sorry, but the wheels of justice spin too slowly! [She storms out of the door] I’m going to have to take the law into my own hands!
Tree Trunks: Thank you all for coming! The police have failed me in my time of need! So I’ve brought you here together. A posse! [She hands the Gumdrop Lasses pantyhose filled newspaper] I made you all blackjacks [Police batons] in case things get…uuugly. I stuffed some of my stockings with balled up newspapers. I made a big one for you, because you’re so strong. [She hands one to Cinnamon Bun] Alright then! [They are swinging their “blackjacks” patrolling the street] Let’s clean up these streets! [She falls on her side and kicks her little elephant legs as helplessly as possible] Oh there he is! Oh my goodness!
Gumdrop Lasses: [They run past Tree Trunks and start hitting the “Cranky Cookie” statue] Weeeee! [grunting]
Tree Trunks: [The banana guard comes up] Oh. Why. It’s just a statue. I-I-I don’t understand. I-It was so rude before. [Cinnamon Bun is in the background wearing his “blackjack”]
Shelby: Hey Tree Trunks! [Shelby is on top of the statue’s fist]
Tree Trunks: Oooh!
Shelby: Hey! Tree Trunks! How are you!
Banana Guard: Sheeelbyy! Have you been up there all day?
Shelby: Yeeeeesss. Just readin’ this book. [Holds up book]
Banana Guard: Uhh, well can ya read somewhere else? Ya kinda offended Tree Trunks here.
Shelby: [Looks around and finally understands] What? I-uh. Uh. Oh. Oooh! [laughs] I get it! [laughs]
Tree Trunks: [laughs] Wonderful! [Shelby crawls away and Ice King is seen flying in the background]
Ice King: [The Ice King flies into his window and calls together his penguins] Family meeting! Family meeting gather ‘round. [He squats down and the penguins look up at him] Things are gonna change around here very soon! You’re gonna have a new mommy to help BOSS ya around! Well, I mean- I haven’t exactly asked her yet. Welp! No time like the present! [He pulls up the helm of his tunic to reveal his foot and he hums while doing so] Ya deh deh duh duh duh deh. Sweetie, are you awake? [There is a poorly drawn female face on his foot] Great! Because I have a query I’ve been meaning to inquire of you. [He is flustered] Well, uh. [giggles] When two people, eh- will- Will you marry me! [He looks at his foot] Oh yah! [He begins crying and the penguins start licking up his tears] Yes! Yes drink up the tears! Drink up those good luck tears! [Gunter approaches, but Ice King smacks him away] No, not you Gunter! You’re on a low-salt diet! Huh? [He looks down at his foot] Uh-a-what’s that dear? Oh! I almost forgot! [He makes a fanfare tune] Do do-do do-Do! [He pulls out a ring and puts it on his toe] It’s a wife ring! [He pulls out another ring and place it on his own finger] This one’s for me. I’m the husband. That means I get the remote control THREE days a week and you get it four! [laughs excitedly] [He has his foot pulled up to eye level and turned around as if it were sitting next to him on the balcony] Ahhh, Sweetie, this is bliss. It feels so math to finally be normal. Not like those two freaks. [He points to Finn and Jake sticking their thumbs in a snowman] What are they doin’ over there? Anyway! I-oh, who’s that? [He looks at his other foot and there is a winking face on it] Oh. Oh my. [He looks nervous]
BMO: [Now we are at the Tree Fort] Poor Football, you’ve come so far, but still have so much to learn.
Football: [BMO is talking to his reflection in the window] But I don’t understand BMO. I’m a real baby girl now. I can smell the reddest lilacs. I can hear the screaming squirrels! Screaming for nuts! Oh my gosh! I can’t believe it’s true!
BMO: No, Football. That’s not enough. You have to learn manners too. Otherwise, you’ll be all alone!
Football: Alone? But-but what about you BMO?
BMO: I will not always be here to protect you Football. No, you must learn. Here look! [Pulls out grapefruit spoon] This is a grapefruit spoon. It is only for eating grapefruit. [Pulls out a salt shaker and shakes salt into the air] This is a salt shaker. Here, you try. [BMO and his reflection are both shaking the salt up into the air and laughing] [BMO pulls out a strange contraption] Now this is a turnip grincher. [Football looks at it quizzically] For grinching. Aaand, this is how you drink tea. [BMO sticks out his pinky and sips the tea] Ahhh. [The tea pours over his face]
Football: Like this? [Does not have pinky out] Yuck! [giggles] It’s bitter!
BMO: No, no. Football like this. [BMO shows Football again]
Football: Like this?
BMO: No, like this. [BMO is getting frustrated]
Football: Like this? [Both BMO and Football begin sparking from the liquids]
BMO: Like this! [BMO is angry]
Football: Like this, right?
BMO: No Football. Do it like- huh? [BMO sees Finn and Jake outside through the window] Sorry Football. Lessons are over for tonight!
BMO: [Finn sighs. Finn and Jake walk up the ladder to find BMO, all charred, sitting on the couch] Why so glum fellas?
Finn: [Sounding depressed] We stuck or thumbs in almost every hole today.
Jake: But we never felt like good boys.
BMO: I know a thing or two about good boys. Why don’t you try sticking your thumbs in these holes? [BMO is holding his fingers to form a hole over the controllers’ start buttons]
Finn: [He looks at BMO’s fingers] Controllers? [He looks up to find a video game start screen called “Super Good Boys] Haha! Oh yeah! Super Good Boys!
Finn and Jake: [They use their thumbs to push the buttons through BMO’s fingers] Bawmp! [The characters in the game start picking up trash and cleaning the digital house while BMO giggles]
Cuber: So, did you guess the theme? Go ahead and pause your viewer now if you need a few more glayble to think about it a little. [A “pause viewer now” card appears for a second] Oho! Now you’ve got it! I can tell! That’s right, the theme is the five tastes. [For each example, a still from the corresponding grayble appears] You see, Jake ate a SWEET plum. Marceline played some SAVORY licks. Tree Trunks had a SOUR taste inside her mouth. Oh my. Gunter wanted to drink the SALTY tears. And Football's tea was BITTER. [He laughs until he supposedly hears something] Huh? What’s that you say? You thought the theme was the five fingers? [he laughs] Don’t be silly! No one’s had five fingers for twenty blablillion glaybles. Five telepathy glands maybe. [he calms down] Ah… slimmin’. Well anyway, looks like it’s that time again. [waves goodbye] I’ll see you crimpy glimmers on triode flimpin’ the diode! [he laughs as the screen cuts]

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Five Short Graybles" from season 4, which aired on April 9, 2012.

Characters
Cuber
Finn
Jake
BMO
Princess Bubblegum
Cow
Ice King
Penguins (Gunter)
Lumpy Space Princess
Candy People
Music
"These Lumps"
Locations
Tree Fort
Grass Lands
Princess Bubblegum's castle
Ice King's Castle
Candy Kingdom
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode starts up in Cuber's spaceship. He's warming himself near a hearth.]
Cuber: [Turning to the viewer] Hmm? [Laughing] Oh, greeble bayble grapes. You're just in time. Bayble Cuber's going to watch an inkle dribble adventure from days of old on my holo-pyramid viewer. Five stories each relating to one special theme. See if you graybles can guess the theme by the end of the episode, okay? Now sit back, relax, and enjoy the show.
[The clip starts up on the viewer. The Tree Fort is viewed.]
Finn: Okay, BMO, [we'll] be back in an hour. You sure you don't need anything from the Grocery Kingdom?
BMO: No, I don't need anything. Thank you. Okay, goodbye, Finn and Jake!
Finn: Bye, BMO!
Jake: Yeah, see ya later, BMO!
[They exit. BMO goes up a ladder [while grunting] to get to the upper story of the fort. It is seen pulling a stool into the bathroom. It closes the door, and grunts while climbing onto the stool. It stands in front of a mirror.]
BMO: Finn? Jake? [Talking to reflection] Well, hello there. Oh, hello! Who are you? My name is Football. What's yours? I am BMO. [Beat] BMO, are you a robot? [Gasps] Oh, no, Football! I am a little living boy! Oh! That sounds wonderful, BMO! Will you teach me about being alive? Yes, Football! Watch me! [BMO pretends to brush its teeth and "Football" gasps. BMO smacks its face with soap and "Football" gasps again. BMO then grabs a glass of water and sits on the toilet to pour water in. "Football" gasps.] Pee-ing! Oh, BMO, that's fantastic! [Camera turns to reveal that Finn and Jake are watching BMO through the window.] Oh, thank you, Football! It's really nothing. [BMO continues talking.]
Jake: What the...?
Finn: See, man? I told you.
Jake: This is nuts. Plus, he's usin' my toothbrush!
Finn: No, man. That's my toothbrush. [Beat; the two look at each other]
Finn & Jake: [In disgust] UGH!
[Jake retracts back towards the ground.]
Finn: [Reading to-do list] "Prove that BMO does weird junk when nobody is around." Check! [Checks item off list]
Jake: High-five, buddy!
[After their hands miss, they achieve a flimsy and unimpressive high-five.]
Finn: That was pretty weak.
Jake: Yeah. I was thinkin' the same thing.
Finn: You wanna give it another go?
Jake: Yeah.
[They high-five again, more effectively this time.]
Finn: That was better... but we can do better.
Jake: You mean even better.
Finn: Let's back on up and run at each other!
Jake: Okay!
[They run away a short distance from each other.]
Finn & Jake: [Voices crescendoing] Aaaaaahhhh.... [Their hands meet thunderously.] ZAH!!
Jake: Ooh, kinda stings!
Finn: I like the pain.
Jake: Let's do another one.
[Cut to Finn in a location far away from the Tree Fort]
Finn: Ready!?
[Cut to Jake on the border of the Ice Kingdom.]
Jake: Yeah!
[They run towards each other with their voices crescendoing; they shout and scream as they prepare their high five. As soon as they're near each other, they jump up and high-five.]
Finn: Jake!
Jake: Yeah?
Finn: I know how we can do the most ultimate high-five ever!!
Jake: You've gone crazy mad with power lust! And I'm lovin' it!!
[Cut to Finn in a mountainous area presumably miles and miles away from the Tree Fort. Finn is sitting in a catapult.]
Finn: [Talking on walkie-talkie] You ready to do this, dude!?
Jake: [On speaker] I've been ready this whole time, dude! Just waitin' you to say when you're—
Finn: SUPER-ULTIMATE HIGH-FIVE GO!!!
[In the Desert of Doom, Jake launches himself like a catapult. In a split screen, Finn and Jake are shown zooming at each other at tremendous speeds, about to perform their ultimate high-five. The scene cuts to Princess Bubblegum in her castle working on something in an irritated mood.]
Princess Bubblegum: Ugh...
Peppermint Butler: A glass of delicious, nourishing water for my lady— [Princess Bubblegum knocks the water away] AAH!! [Exits]
Princess Bubblegum: [Frustrated sigh; she stares at her paper and gasps.] Oh, yes!
[She walks a cow into a testing area and places it in a centrifuge, kissing it.]
Cow: Oh, man... Uh... oh, boy... [The machine activates and spins faster and faster as the cow screams louder and louder. The centrifuge powers down.] Ugh... Oh, my Glob! Oh, Glob...
Princess Bubblegum: Cheeeeese...
[The musical montage begins. Princess Bubblegum uses two pipettes with a different chemical in each to make a head of lettuce grow and shrink in different increments. Eventually, she settles on a size.]
Princess Bubblegum: Ding ding ding ding ding.
[Back at her lab, Princess Bubblegum fuses a squid with a red balloon to make a tomato.]
Princess Bubblegum: Ha ha! Jingo-jango!
[In another room, Princess Bubblegum creates bread.]
Princess Bubblegum: Yeast on third, flour on first, swell the dough, fit to burst! Awhoooooo!
[The loaf of bread is created. The montage continues as she cuts the bread using lasers to create slices of bread. Next she uses a microscope and a special microscope to "unthread" the cheese at the atomic level until a thin slice of cheese is left. Next, Princess Bubblegum throws the tomato at Peppermint Butler, which he slices by karate-chopping it. Next, Princess Bubblegum smashes the head of lettuce with a baseball bat. Next, she uses a machine to put all the ingredients together. As the screen fills with light, the scene shifts to another room in her castle. Princess Bubblegum and Cinnamon Bun walk up to each other.]
Princess Bubblegum: [Exhausted] Well... this is it, Cinnamon Bun. The most perfect sandwich that has ever existed, or ever will exist within the confines of space-time. Will you do the honors?
Cinnamon Bun: Okay. [He takes the sandwich and places it directly into his stomach.]
Princess Bubblegum: [Flabbergasted] But... but you... you didn't... y-y-you didn't even... taste it...
[Cinnamon Bun regurgitates the partly digested sandwich out of his stomach and sprays it onto Princess Bubblegum's face.]
Cinnamon Bun: Thanks, Princess. Peace out.
[He exits. She just stands there speechless. Finn can suddenly be seen flying by in the window. Cut to the Ice King's lair; Gunter is playing on a keyboard. Ice King enters humming and sniffing.]
Ice King: Blegh, Gunter, something stinks! [Sniffs penguin] Gunter, do you smell that? [Penguin continues playing] GUNTER, STOP PLAYING THE KEYBOARD!! [Notices something and sniffs around] Smells like it's comin' from... [Sniffs penguin] Gunter, are you blowin' it up in here? [The penguin just stares] You are nasty, Gunter! You got a nasty booty, mister! Nasty! [The penguin looks down in shame.] Oh, don't be sad, stinky. Come with daddy and I'll make it aaaall better.
[Cut to outside. The penguin is floating away on an ice platform towards the ocean.]
Ice King: Goodbye, Gunter. Sorry, sweetie, but I'm never gonna get any princesses if you're stinkin' up the place! [Goes back inside and sniffs] Blaaaah, it still stinks in here! What the heck! Where's that smell comin' from?! [Sniffs armpit] Oh, it's me. I smell horrible.
[Cut to Ice King's bathroom where he's taking a shower.]
Ice King: Scrub, penguins! Scrub harder! We are not stopping until the stench is completely gone!
[Later, Ice King throws his scrubber penguins away.]
Ice King: [Whistling] Clean clean, clean ka-clean. [Whistles some more; suddenly the penguin from earlier is seen and is dripping wet.] Gunter! Guess what? It was me who was smelly, not you!
Penguin: [Angry] Wenk.
Ice King: Sorry. I thought you had a stank booty, Gunter. My bad. Although I have no idea how my armpits got so stinky.
[The penguin farts in Ice King's armpit. Suddenly, Jake can be seen flying by in the window. The scene shifts to the Candy Kingdom talent show. Lumpy Space Princess watches as a kid tries to shoot baskets but continually misses. She goes backstage.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Everyone's worthless at this talent show. I'm totally gonna win when I sing, [Singing] "These lumps! I know you wanna slump up on these lumps! But you can't 'cause you're a chump! A chuuump!"
Candy Magician: You're totally gonna win, LSP.
Peppermint Butler: Thank you, Marc. You made two out of ten baskets.
[The crowd applauds weakly.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Now it's time for me to kill it!
Peppermint Butler: Hold on, LSP, you're not up next. These girls are.
[The candy ladies go up on stage and sing the full song of "These Lumps."]
Lumpy Space Princess: Wha—THAT'S MY SONG!!
[Crowd cheers excitedly.]
Cinnamon Bun: That sounds good in my eardrums!
[Lumpy Space Princess is pushed onstage.]
Lumpy Space Princess: [Beat] [Frightened]...These lumps. I know you wanna slump up on these lumps...
Cinnamon Bun: Hey!! We just heard this song!!
[The ladies yell angrily at her. The crowd chants, "Rip-off! Rip-off!"]
Lumpy Space Princess: No... I... I was gonna do it first! [The crowd continues to chant] NO! NO!
Cinnamon Bun: RIP-OFF!!!
Lumpy Space Princess: I WAS GONNA DO THE SONG FIRST!!
[She throws a basketball at the audience in frustration.]
Marshmallow kid: Huh?!
[It bounces off the kid and miraculously lands in the basket.]
Crowd: Whooooaaaa...
Donut Guy: That's amazing!
Lumpy Space Princess: Huh?
[She keeps throwing basketballs at the audience, and they bounce back into the basket every time.]
Crowd: LSP! LSP!
Peppermint Butler: That was the most amazing thing ever! LSP wins!!
Lumpy Space Princess: Really?! Oh, my gosh, you guys!! I just wanna thank y'all so much! It means so much to me! And I just wanted to say I... I...
[Lumpy Space Princess gets distracted by two screams. Suddenly, Finn and Jake fly at each other and finally connect their hands to conclude their high-five. The crowd gasps then cheers louder than ever.]
Peppermint Butler: Finn and Jake win the talent show!
Lumpy Space Princess: WHAT?!?!
Finn: [Out of breath] Awesome...
Jake: [Panting] That... was... awesome...
[The clip ends on the pyramid viewer.]
Cuber: [To audience] Oh, bayble, that was easy, wasn't it? Slimmin'? I'm glad we all guessed the theme so easily. What? You haven't guessed it? Oh. I'm sorry. Well, pause your viewer now to think about it before I belayble it to you. [The scene pauses momentarily.] The theme was the five senses! You see? Look. BMO saw his reflection. Finn and Jake touched their hands together! The Princess made a tasty sandwich! The blue guy smelled bad! And the other thing heard music. Oh, what a treat! Okay, well I'll see you trimpy flimmers on triode flimpin' the diode!
[The episode ends.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Five Short Tables" from season 8, which aired on May 26, 2016.

Characters
Ice King
Fionna
Cake
Gunter
Prince Gumball
Butterscotch Butler
Marshall Lee
Lumpy Space Prince
Flame Prince
Turtle Prince
Ice Queen
Flynn
Jacques
Ice President
Cuber
Snail
Music
None
Locations

Tree Fort
Candy Kingdom
Ice Kingdom
Library
Land of Aaa

Kris Mukai
This transcript is incomplete, missing [actions].


Transcript

Ice King: Get back here, worm! What?! The last chapter of "Cosmic Kissing"? My stirring lyrical interlude from "Fionna Goes to the Market"? The epilogue from "Flame Prince Breaks a Sweat"?! [ Gasps ] Who gave you permission to edit my fan fiction?! Prepare to be punished! But first... what'd ya think?
Gunther: Wenk!
Ice King: Great critique! [zap]
Gunther: Wenk.
Ice King: I don't need an editor. I'm my own editor -- editor-in-king!


Ice King: Ooh! My custom tape! Remix! [ Clears throat ] "Sunlight gleamed through the window as Fionna sat patiently at the breakfast table." [ Humming ]


Cake: Hah! Check out my sweet flippin' moves.
Fionna: You're a real ace in the kitchen.
Cake: Roar! Ha ha! Cooking is fun! Here come the flapjacks!
Fionna: Know what's better than cooking?
Cake: No!
Fionna: Wha?!
Cake: These are narrative flapjacks. Darlin', don't you see the brilliant comedy laid out before you? You wouldn't eat Act II before Act I, silly. Now try starting with the dockworker having a moral crisis.
Fionna: Okay. This...one?
Cake: Fionna, this character doesn't serve any thematic purpose until much later in the meal.
Fionna: Sorry, Cake, but these just look like formless blobs of sweet flapjack to me.
Cake: Mmm... It's true. Maybe if I based them off real people, do some "life cooking" -- nonfiction flapjacks! Let's go griddle up portraits of the entire kingdom! Got to get my supplies together. My portable griddle... Mmm. Some peppermint eggs... and the twice-cursed flour! Got it! Ready for stories and flapjacks?
Fionna: Heck yes!
Flour Demon: You're wasting me on breakfast!
Fionna and Cake: No one asked you, Flour Demon.
Ice King: That was like a cookbook... written by a genius. On to the next chapter -- "A Game of Gumball."


Fionna: Prince Gumball would probs make a great flapjack model. Sometimes he gets so absorbed in his work that he doesn't move for days.
Cake: Ooooh! I can break out the pink sea salt and --
Fionna: Hey, there's Gumball!
Prince Gumball: [ Papers rustling ] Is it here? No. No. Ah! Just what I need! The periodic table of candy elements! If I use this one and this one here... Ha ha! The perfect strategy! Hyup! [ Inhales sharply ] Butterscotch Butler, the butterscotch Scottish butler, I challenge you!
Butterscotch Butler: [ Sighs ] Again?
Prince Gumball: I've gathered all the necessary strategy and tactics to finally defeat you!
Butterscotch Butler: To play, one must know strategy, yes. But to know victory, one must also know their opponent!
Prince Gumball: Opponent?
Butterscotch Butler: Their dreams... ...their ambitions.... ...their rrrregrets... ...and their fears!
Prince Gumball: M-My mortality!
Butterscotch Butler: King me.
Fionna: Maybe we should find someone a little more relaxed.
Prince Gumball: How?! How did you know?!
Butterscotch Butler: Huh? Oh. You leave that lying around everywhere.


Cake: Yes! Still not quite right.
Fionna: How about this for some inspiration?
Cake: Pancakes and flapjacks are nothing alike!
Fionna: Aw, Cake.
Cake: It's just that flapjack literature is such a niche genre, and none of my flapjacks are turning out any good.
Fionna: Come on, Cake. We've still got 10 minutes before the library closes. It's Flame Prince!
Cake: What's that fire hazard doing in the library?
Turtle Prince: Hmm? Oh, no! Oh! I love that author! Have you read her newest book? I-I could, uh, find it for you.
Flame Prince: Oh. Uh, n-nah, that's okay. I'll just start with this one. Thanks, though.
Turtle Prince: Uh -- Aah!
Flame Prince: Oh. Sorry about that. Uh -- Uh -- W-w-w-- W-w-w-- Eh... No, no, no, no, no! Hot, hot, hot!
Flame Prince: Wow. I am not graceful today.
Turtle Prince: N-Not the first editions! Ow, ow! Ow, ow, ow! Easy... Unh! Gah! Huh?! Leaving, yes?
Flame Prince: Yeah. I'll borrow this one, please.
Turtle Prince: Of course! I'll just need you to sign it out.
Turtle Prince: I'm sorry. I have a duty to serve the library's patrons, but I'm also sworn to protect the books. I can't in good conscience let you take it home. But maybe I could read this book to you?
Flame Prince: Listen, I just came in here to use the bathroom, man. I thought you had to, like, check out a book first to pee. Actually, I don't even have a library card.


Marshall Lee: Lumpy Space Prince! Lumpy Spaaaace Priiiince! Come on. You've been coughing for five days. Just take one tablespoon.
Lumpy Space Prince: Uh... B-Bumpy Space Prince? Uh, there's no one here by that name.
Marshall Lee: Then who am I talking to?
Lumpy Space Prince: Uh, this is Ja-- Jack. [ Coughs ]
Marshall Lee: Huh. Well, if you're Jack, then I'mmmm... MMMMichael Dean. Yeah. And I'm looking for this beautiful prince. I got to give him this...magic potion! See, he was cursed by this evil snot gnoll.
Lumpy Space Prince: Really?
Marshall Lee: The snot gnoll transformed him into a totally disgusting mucus monster.
Lumpy Space Prince: What?! No, I'm not!
Marshall Lee: Did you hear that?
Lumpy Space Prince: Huh? What is it?!           
Marshall Lee: It's -- It's -- [ Roars ] It's the snot gnoll! Aah! Uh-oh! It's coming towards your tree, Jack!
Lumpy Space Prince: I'm stuck!
Marshall Lee: I'll protect you, beautiful prince! Step off, snot gnoll!
Lumpy Space Prince: Get him, Michael Dean!
Marshall Lee: Gah! It got me! Ugh!
Lumpy Space Prince: No!!
Marshall Lee: I got one last hit in! I-It's running away! [ Sighs, coughs ] I think this is the end for me.
Lumpy Space Prince: Rally, Michael Dean!
Marshall Lee: [ Voice breaking ] It's...too late for me, beautiful prince. Take the potion. [Voice breaking ] Take it and live. Live!
Lumpy Space Prince: I won't let your sacrifice be wasted. [ Glug! Glug! ]
[ Glass shatters ]
Marshall Lee: See? No more coughing.
Lumpy Space Prince: Hey, yeah. Actually, I do feel better. [ Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! ]
Marshall Lee: Wow. Maybe that was the wrong potion.
Lumpy Space Prince: Much better!


Ice Queen: Lounged atop their comfortable sense of ennui, Flynn the human being and Jacques the raccoon listened to the Ice President read his fiction.
Ice President: "Lynn the person looked at Janet and asked, 'Am I my feelings? Do I exist because I can't stop feeling?' Janet the fox answered her. 'Feelings are action, and like all mortal action, they are doomed to failure.'"
Ice Queen: Flynn and Jacques sighed. They totally got it. The end! What do you guys think? Too philosophical?
[ Flute plays]
[ Penguins chanting "Wenk!" ]
Ice Queen: [ Groans ] Out of my way!
Cake: Blazin' blueberries -- comin' through!
[ Penguins chanting "Wenk!"]
Ice Queen: You're ruining my literary reading!
Fionna: Oh, hey, Ice Queen. Do you want Cake to make your flapjack portrait?
Ice Queen: Why, ye-- No! I mean no! Why don't we table this for now, so I can... destroy you!
Cake: Hang on to your turkeys, because I'm about to make the toughest flapjack ever. Some purple chicken milk... dramatic cornmeal... And the tears of this reflective turtle. [ Whispering ] You will outlive everyone you love. Cry for me, little mama! Here, Fionna!
Fionna: Tasty! Hey, Ice Queen, I really liked your story. The imagery was tight.
Ice Queen: Can you bElieve it was my first draft?!
Fionna: No way!
Cake: Gotcha! I call it "Portrait of an Author."
Fionna: [ Chuckles ]I really did like her story, though. I wonder how that Ice President got elected.


Ice King: Talk about life imitating art. Gunter, did you see what Daddy did? Did you guess the secret theme?
Gunther: Wenk!
Ice King: No! You're way off! Fionna and Cake were at the breakfast table. Gumball consulted the periodic table. Flame Prince set fire to the table of contents. The...purple thing had a tablespoon of syrup. And Ice Queen...did a tabley thing, too, probably.
Gunther: Wenk!
Ice King: They're not like regular stories. They're shorter. I'll call them...grabl-- No -- tables!
Gunther: Wenk.


Cuber: I'll never look at tables the same way again.
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Flute Spell" from season 7, which aired on March 12, 2016.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Huntress Wizard
Spirit Dream Warrior
BMO
Shelby
Thunder Boar
Science Cat
Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant
Lady Rainicorn
Neptr
Music
"My Name is Jake"
Locations
Tree Fort
Forest
Huntress Wizard's House
This transcript is incomplete, missing [action].


Transcript

[Jake plays a video game]
Jake: BMO, I've been playing this 72 hours straight. Can I please save after this battle?
BMO: No, it takes up too much brain space.
Jake: [drowses and then wakes up] I'm out of candles. Huh? Man, if Finn were here, we'd be doing this in shifts. Oh, well, let's keep grinding.
BMO: I cannot talk and run this game at the same time.
[BMO displays the main title screen of the video game]
Jake: [screams] No! [chills out instantly] Well, I guess that means I'm free. I live again!


Jake: [sings "My Name Is Jake"] ♪My name is Jake, and love my life. Kissin' on lady 'cause she's basically my wife. Fixin' up Neptr 'cause he fell from a tree. Catchin' up with Maja and Aptwe.
Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant: ♪Maja's in a coma, and she might not wake up.
Jake: ♪I'm glad you got a friend now even though that's messed up. Take T.V. to the market to get him into fruits. Take a little nappy in my blanket cocoon... Wake up really early just to cook for my friends. Later in the field at night I thought I saw death. Made myself a boat, and I sailed with a whale. Took T.V. to the market so he could try kale. And some other stuff...♪ Ah!
Shelby: Nice song, Jake.
Jake: What a crazy 2 weeks. I think I'm ready to hole up and go round tow on 'Age of Grinders'. But where's Finn? I need him on this adventure.
Shelby: Uh, well...
Jake: Hold on. What?
Shelby: If you don't know, I'm not sure it's my business to tell you.
Jake: Don't you dare, Shelby! Give up that greasy gossip!
Shelby: Word on the street is, Finn's been hanging with a new lady.
Jake: Who the honk is it?
Shelby: I don't...
Jake: Muscle Princess. It's perfect.
Shelby: I don't...
Jake: Me-Mow, from the future! [gasps]
Shelby: Nobody knows. Finn's been keeping this on the super DL.
Jake: Why?
Shelby: He's just trying to be careful this time.
Jake: Oh yeah, I get it. But I still got to know who this girl is.
Shelby: Okay, just don't blow up his spot.
Jake: I won't!
[Jake slides down from the Tree Fort]
Science Cat: Hey, Jake.
Jake: Oh hey, Science Cat. Where's Sword Shark?
Science Cat: He died of old age. Hey, are you gonna find out who Finn's girlfriend is?
Jake: Who told you that?
Science Cat: Word gets around, man.
Jake: Not to me, apparently.
Science Cat: Let me know the dirt when you find out.
Jake: I won't!


Jake: Huh? What's that? Sounds like a flute coming from above the canopy.


Jake: Huntress Wizard!
Huntress Wizard: Stop!
[Finn stops playing the flute]
Huntress Wizard: This isn't working, Finn.
Jake: Dude.
Finn: [screams] Oh, hi, Jake. What are you doing here?
Jake: I wanted to check out your new lady friend, but I guess she just dumped you like a diaper in the dirt, bro. [sobbing] I'm sorry, man! I want you to have a healthy relationship with someone cool.
Finn: That's so sweet, Jake. I love you, man.
Jake: Me, too, man. Okay, I'm okay.
Finn: But, dude, me and Huntress Wizard weren't together. We're just trying to conjure up the Spirit of the Forest with my flute spell.
Jake: What the blood are you talking about?
Finn: It went down like this.


Finn: I was just minding my own business, in my new alone place I've been hanging out at.


Finn: Hello.
Huntress Wizard: How are you playing like that?
Finn: I don't know. I'm just making stuff up.
Huntress Wizard: Something in your notes has the quality of a powerful evocation spell. What spirit guides your hands? Tell me, or I'll put this up your nose.
Finn: First off, I'm a great fighter. And especially agile when I'm nude, so good luck. Second, my flute improv ain't no secret. I let my grass hand do whatever it wants, which is usually sort of shreddy and busy.
Huntress Wizard: Let me see that hand!
Huntress Wizard: You're what I've been looking for.


Jake: Looking for a dope boyfriend.
Finn: No man. She thinks my grass arm flute playing could summon the Spirit of the Forest. I've been playing different songs for 2 weeks, though, and he hasn't shown up yet.
Jake: Who's that, her ex-boyfriend?
Finn: Uh, I guess they used to hang out, but maybe in some kind of mentor-student capacity.
Jake: So my theory holds. You can still make this happen.
Finn: Yeah, I really want to help her summon this dude.
Jake: Finn, that's not why you're here.
Finn: That's why I'm here.
Jake: Come on. Let's make some magic happen.
Finn: Yeah, my magic flute spell.


Huntress Wizard: Finn. I had an idea.
Jake: Hi.
Huntress Wizard: I think the problem is your flute. We should make you a better one from a magical tusk, like the tusk of the legendary Thunder Boar that lives in these woods.
Finn: I'm down for whatever if it helps.
Jake: I'm also here.
Huntress Wizard: Hey, what's up? It's late. Why don't you guys crash at my place tonight? We'll start the hunt first thing in the morning.
Jake: Ha-ha! I'm like your sleepover chaperone.
Finn: Grow up.
Jake: You grow up, you teen.


Huntress Wizard: So, yeah, here's the place. We got some nice soft dirt right over here. Pantry, in case you want a snack, bathroom. I got a console if you get bored, but it was a gift, but it was a gift, so I haven't really set it up yet. Night, boys.


Jake: Dude, I think I figured it out. You can't summon the Spirit of the Forest 'cause you ain't playing that flute for him. You got a crush on HW.
Finn: HW's just training me to live an ascetic life like her.
Jake: Okay, I buy that for like zero seconds.


Huntress Wizard: Before we hunt the Thunder Boar, you should drink from this enchanted spring. It might give you crazy dreams, but when you wake up, you'll be immune to the Boar's electrical attacks.
Finn: Let's roll those dice.
Jake: Hey, dude, are you sure you wanna do that?
Finn: I've had plenty of weird dreams... Oh-okay! That was fast.
[Jake as a purple bird chirps]


the Spirit of the Forest: Welcome. I am the Spirit of the Forest.
Finn: Wow, dude, we've been trying to summon you for weeks.
the Spirit of the Forest: And why do you seek me?
Finn: I don't, personally, but Huntress Wizard really wants to talk to you, man.
the Spirit of the Forest: Did you know that a wolf's eyes are on the front of its head?
Finn: But, yeah, didn't you guys used to hang?
the Spirit of the Forest: Most predatory species are like that. This little buddy doesn't even know I'm here.
Finn: Fella, I don't want to have a science talk right now.
the Spirit of the Forest: Huntress Wizard only sees straight ahead, eyes on the prize. Now, why did you really need to see me?
Finn: Oh, yeah! Can you make me immune to electricity?
the Spirit of the Forest: [gives Finn Finn Sword] Here.
Finn: Whoa.
the Spirit of the Forest: Now plunge that into your heart.
Finn: And this will give me immunity to electricity?
[the Spirit of the Forest shrugs]
Finn: I'll do it. To help Huntress Wizard.
[Finn yells and wakes up]
Finn: How long was I out?
Jake: Seven long harrowing seconds.
Huntress Wizard: Hold still.
Finn: Yeah, fells fine.
Huntress Wizard: Great. Now we can hunt down the Thunder Boar.
Finn: Oh, yeah, the Boar.
Huntress Wizard: Try to stay focused.


Huntress Wizard: Magic dog, what do you smell?
Jake: Mostly, Finn, but also some kind of giant wild pig.
Finn: There!


Finn: Jake's joking. I smell fine.


Huntress Wizard: Good work.
Thunder Boar: You just wanted a tusk? You could have asked!
Finn: Oh.


Huntress Wizard: You can stop. He is not coming. He is gone for good, and I should just deal.
Finn: Maybe if I played it a little jazzier, like, all syncopated?
Jake: Hey! Why don't you tow try playing together? Use that chemistry to guide the music. Yeah, just get in there. Cozy up.
Huntress Wizard: I guess we've tried everything else.
Jake: Wow...


the Spirit of the Forest: Who summons me with the sweet song of longing? Oh, hey-oh. Can you see me now?
Huntress Wizard: Yes.
the Spirit of the Forest: How's it been going?
Huntress Wizard: I've been talking to a lot of twigs. Where have you been, dude?
the Spirit of the Forest: I've been right here, but the forces that drew us close became obscured as you drifted into the lifestyles of magic city livin'. Attracting forces come and go. It's the way of the world.
Jake: I still can't tell if you guys dated.
Huntress Wizard: But I'm ready to come back now.
the Spirit of the Forest: Are you, though?
Jake: That's what I'm saying.
the Spirit of the Forest: Finn, who was your flute spell for?
Finn: Um... I was playing my flute for you the whole time, but I knew you had a thing with this dude, and he seems cool, so I was just gonna keep playing this flute song about my secret feelings until my flute broke.
Huntress Wizard: I-uh, I worry that hard meat don't get eat. That is to say, if I ever find what I'm looking for, I'll become soft and I'll cease to matter in this world.
Jake: What?
Huntress Wizard: Fear of softness is waht drove me to the mad and sad world of wizarding. And Finn...
Finn: Yeah, what?
[Huntress Wizard gives Finn kiss to the mouth]
[Jake gasps]
Huntress Wizard: My flute spell was for you, too. You're an exceptional beast, and you have great hair. But exceptional beasts like us cannot fall in love. That is the secret of ordinary people.
Jake: Uh, that's real dumb.
Finn: I agree.
Jake: Wait, you agree with me or her?
Finn: Take it easy, Huntress Wizard.


Finn: Man, I can't believe all you can do is upgrade your armor in this game.
Jake: It's all about patience and treating each grueling repetitive battle as if it were your first.
Finn: Oh, snap! Finally!
Both Finn and Jake: Whoo! Blah!
Finn: What a bad and boring game. It was just what I needed.
Jake: I'm sorry it didn't work out with Huntress Wizard. She just needs time to miss how cool you are.
Finn: Attracting forces come and go, man.


[the end of the episode]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Food Chain" from season 6, which aired on June 12, 2014.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Erin
Magic Man
Candy Kids
Princess Bubblegum
Worms
Music
Electronic version of Der Hölle Rache kocht in meinem Herzen (Queen of the Night's Aria) from Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart's The Magic Flute
We're Plants
Food Chain
Locations
Museum Of Natural History
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[The episode starts off showing the Museum of Natural of History. Inside, Candy Children are running through an obstacle course.]
Candy Children: [All screaming and cheering] Whoa-a-a!
Candy Child: That was awesome!
Candy Child 2: Lets go over there!
[All laughing and cheering continue as they slide down the obstacle course]
Candy Children: Whe-e-e-e!
Candy Child 3: Come on! Come on!
Candy children: Wow! Yay! Whee!
Candy Child: Whoa-a-a!
[They finish the obstacle course. The scene changes to Finn and Jake observing the caterpillar family. Muffled cheering and laughter in the background]
Finn: Hmm. Why would I need to learn about caterpillar families? I don't get it.
[Cheering and laughing continue as the scene changes to the Candy Children eating candy leaves. Finn and Jake observe them from the back.]
Jake: Well, they look like they're having fun.
Finn: [Scoffs] Real leaves aren't made out of candy. They always have a gross, bitter taste.
[The scene changes to the children now eating candy caterpillars.]
Candy Child: Whee! [laughs]
Candy Child (Terry): Terry eats all the caterpillars!
Candy Child 2: Mmm! Ah, it's so good!
[Scene changes back to Finn and Jake.]
Finn: Ugh. That's gross, too. There's no way real caterpillars are delicious.
Jake: You think? I bet they taste great if you're a boid.
[The scene changes to a close up of a food chain wheel as it changes its image on it about every three seconds. Princess Bubblegum appears to be teaching the Candy Children about the Food Chain.]
Princess Bubblegum: The caterpillar eats the leaf. Then the bird eats the caterpillar. Then the big bird eats the little bird. The big bird then dies, and its remains decompose into rich, fertile soil And from that soil, a new plant bursts to life. And then the caterpillar eats the plant again. And so the circle of life continues. This is a law of nature we call the food chain.
[The shot zooms out where can visually see Princess Bubblegum and the children at the Food Chain wheel.]
Princess Bubblegum: Isn't that fascinating?
Candy Child (Terry): Yo, Princess Bubblegum, do birds play football?
Princess Bubblegum: No, Terry. They don't. 
Candy Child (Terry): [Sighs] That's weak, Ma'am.
[Finn and Jake, from the back, walk out.]
Candy Child 2: You guys, this is lame.
[The scene changes to Finn and Jake walking to the snack bar. Indistinct sighing, complaining in the background]
Finn: No way I'm eating a bug's butt. Those kids are right. Whats the big deez about the food chain, anyway? Lets hit the snack bar and eat something yummy.
[From behind, Magic Man, up to no good again, uses his magic to transform Finn and Jake into birds. Finn and Jake chirp out the Electronic version of "Der Hölle Rache kocht in meinem Herzen."]
Finn: Hey, this is pretty fun!
Jake: Hey, have you noticed we are birds now?
Finn: I'm hungies.
[The camera angle pans down where an oasis is seen from a distance.
Jake: Look over there. That oasis looks pretty good to me.
[Jake swipes a bunch of caterpillars on a leaf in the air.]
Jake: Bon appetit!
[The caterpillars which Jake swiped in the air now fall into his mouth.]
Jake: [Gulps]
Finn: Oh, dude, you ate those?!
Jake: Come on, man. We're sweet, sweet birds, and we get to eat worms. This is a unique experience.
[Finn swipes the caterpillars from another leaf into the air, and he eats it.]
Finn: [Gulps]
[Finn throws up on the floor.]
Finn: [Groans]
[The scene now changes to Finn and Jake with bloated bodies.]
Finn: [Groans] Uh, how did I get so mad chubs? I only ate one grub.
Jake: Dude, you've been eating grubs for hours.
Finn: What?!
Jake: Yeah, you're a beast.
[The shadow of a big bird is seen coming closer to Finn and Jake. The scene switches to a big bird trying to grab Finn and Jake. Both screaming, Finn and Jake dodge from the big birds claws. A beat plays in the background as Finn and Jake try to fly away.]
Finn: Help me, Jake! My body's too bloated to fly!
Jake: Hide!
[Finn cowers. The big bird is now confused as Finn is hiding. It flies away, but it notices Finn escaping from his cowering position. Finn continues flapping but is too bloated to levitate, not realizing that the big bird is watching him. The big bird then dives down to snatch up Finn.]
Finn: [Grunting]
[Just before the bird grabs Finn, Magic Man changes Finn into the big bird, and the little bird barely escapes. Talk about your close call...]
Finn: [Grunts] There goes my din-din. Why am I hungry again?
[Finn is now flying higher and eventually starts flying with Jake.]
Finn: Jake!
Jake: Who are you?
Finn: It's me, Finn.
Jake: Dang, when did you get so big?... And old?
Finn: [Stomach growls]
[Finn starts to hallucinate and sees Jake as a piece of meat.]
Jake: You feeling okay, bro?
Finn: Jake, we are good friends. So let me just say you look awesome right now.
Jake: Ha, really?
Finn: Yeah.
[The scene switches back to Finn hallucinating and seeing Jake as a piece of meat.]
Finn: You're looking tasty. [Muffled] Hey, why don't you take a seat in my mouth?
Jake: Why? That's... weird.
Finn: It's okay. It's okay. Just give it a try. It's a new experience, right?
[The scene changes to Jake in Finn's mouth.]
Jake: Wow, you have a lot of saliva. [Chuckles] You must have a broken pipe, old timer. It's comfy, though.
[Finn then tries to eat Jake by closing his beak but Jake quickly escapes.]
Finn: [Chomps]
Jake: Whoa! Did you just try to eat me?!
Finn: No...? But if I did that'd be okay, right?
[Jake flies closer next to Finn's face.]
Jake: You are trying to eat me.
Finn: I'm just following the Law of Nature.
Jake: What're you talking about?
Finn: I don't know. I just feel that way. [Chomps as he tries to eat Jake again]
Jake: [Groans]
[Jake flies away.]
Finn: Aw, Jake, you're missing out... by not getting eaten... by me.
[Jake flies away.]
Jake: Sorry, man. I'm not into it.
[Weak from hunger, Finn falls and hits the ground with a thud. The scene changes to an Irish beat playing as Finn lies on the ground, dying as the sun sets before him.]
Finn: So alone. So hungry. [weakly] The Law of Nature... has claimed this... bod... [Groaning weakly]
[Thus ends Finn's life as a bird and the scene fades to black. The scene now changes to Finn's next life as a bunch of bacteria. The change like Finn changing from a small bird to a big bird happens again. This time, Finn has changed from a big bird to bacteria - trillions of 'em.]
Finn: Yay! What a big turnout. Top notch! To decompose stuff! Yeah-h-h! We are so pumped! Yeah! [Sniffs] What's that smell?
[The scene has changed to a bird (in Finn's hallucination) made out of fruits and food, which interests Finn as bacteria]
Finn: Wow. It looks amazing! Yay! Yay!
[Wavy colorful lines appear shining out beside the bird.]
Finn: Party time!
[The scene changes back to Finn as bacteria]
Finn: So good! Awesome. This bird went bad so well!
[Jake - also a bacteria - now appears positioned out of the hundred Finn bacteria]
Jake: You took it too far, man. I'm a dog, and I eat all kinds of horrible things. This is disgusting.
Finn: Come on, think of it as a conversation starter—like, "The other night, I ate the grossest thing I've ever tasted." You know, it's interesting. [Gulping]
[The scene changes back to the bird now already consumed by Finn as bacteria, little more than a skeleton.]
Finn: Whew! I'm full.
[A whooshing sound is suddenly heard. A strong breeze starts blowing as the Finn bacteria grab the ground.]
Finn: Whoa! Aah!
[Some of the Finn bacteria fly off, and the scene changes to a closeup of the bacteria holding on to the skeleton of the bird.]
Finn: Whoa! Aah! Whoa! Aah! What's going on?! Whoa!
[The camera angle goes through all the bacteria, and the scene changes as the background color turns green. Three leaves sprout, and Finn and Jake turn into flowers.]
Finn: [Burps]
[The song "We're Plants" starts to play as the surroundings rapidly change from day to afternoon to night (a day is short to a plant). Finn and Jake (as flowers) get eaten by caterpillars (as indicated by the "Caterpillars" bubbles pointing to the swirly vortices eating away at their leaves), and two birds fly in and eat the caterpillars just in the nick of time. The camera zooms into Finn's face towards the end of the song. Static ends the song (apologies for technical difficulties).]
[The scene changes. The first shot is the sun, and the surroundings are full of fire.]
Finn and Jake: [Laughing]
Finn: [Panting]
Finn: I think we're safe now... and also caterpillars.
Jake: [Breathing heavily]
[As the camera angle pans down, we notice that Finn and Jake have changed into caterpillars. Out of the frying pan, into the fire...]
Jake: We're still in a bind, man. No food, no water.
Finn: I'm hungry.
Jake: I'm thirsty.
[As the camera angle pans to the side of Finn and Jake, another caterpillar appears in the distance.]
Jake: [Panting] Hey, look.
[The camera shows a closeup of Erin's face.]
Jake: It's another caterpillar.
[Back to Finn and Jake, Finn's eyes are replaced with pounding hearts - love at first sight.]
Jake: Huh? You okay? [Jake waves his hand over Finn's eyes.]
Finn: She's beautiful.
Jake: She's just a caterpillar, dude.
[Back to the closeup of Erin's face, she starts to faint.]
Jake: Looks like she's gonna faint.
Erin: [Whimpering]
[Erin finally faints and falls to the ground.]
Jake: You see?
[Finn isn't there and appears to be trying to rescue Erin.]
Jake: Huh. "Love is Blind"—that must apply to all species.
[Now Finn, Jake, and Erin are traveling together.]
Jake: Oh, I see. Your name is Erin, and there's a famine near your town, so that's why you're out here searching for an oasis.
Erin: Yes, I have to hurry and find food. Otherwise, my family won't survive. [Weakly] But I don't know if I can go on... [Thunk]
[Erin faints again, and Finn holds her.]
Finn: Hold on, Erin. Food! Water! Shade! Where are you?!
[An oasis is seen in the distance. And not a moment too soon.]
Jake: Over there—the oasis!
[They stare at the oasis. Erin eats a bit of a leaf while Finn eats a lot of it.]
Finn: [Muffled] Yummy!
Jake: Really? You like leaves now?
Finn: So good, dude.
[Erin and Finn eat on the same leaf and bump their heads together. They both blush.]
Finn: [Gasps] Your eyes.
[Jake starts eating a lot of leaves and breaks up the conversation between Erin and Finn.]
Jake: Hey, hey, hey, move over a bit. I got a rhythm going here.
[Jake leaves. Finn and Erin hold hands as they sit on a leaf by the sunset. Jake is on the underside of the leaf.]
Erin: I've never been this happy.
Jake: [chuckles] [imitating Finn] This oasis is pretty romantic, huh?
Erin: Sure, I guess.
Jake: So, how many kids you want to have?
Finn: Uh, [stuttering] d-d-do you want to get married?
Erin: Yes!
[And with that, the scene changes to a shot of flower bells ringing at Finn and Erin's wedding in the oasis. Jake acts as the priest.]
Jake: And will you, Finn, take this caterpillar to be your wife, even if she becomes a flower or a bird or a bacteria, to love and to cherish till death do you part?
Finn: Y-y-y-yes.
[All the other caterpillars start cheering and an electronic version of Mendelssohn's wedding march plays.]
Jake: You may now kiss the bride.
[As Finn tries to kiss Erin, much to the "aww" of the audience, uninvited guests in the form of two birds appear in the distance that eventually crash the wedding, their presence interrupting the kiss and causing general mass hysteria, and dine in on some caterpillars.]
Finn: This way, Erin!
[Caterpillars get swiped into the air.]
Caterpillar: Hey, is that my butt? Man, it's been a while!
[Finn and Erin are falling.]
Erin: Finn!
Finn: When we're reborn as caterpillars, I'll marry you all over again!
Erin: That's beautiful, Finn! But when we're bacteria, I might see other people!
[Right before Finn falls into the bird's mouth, Magic Man changes Finn into a bird (and not a moment too soon) - and Finn chokes on the caterpillars. Now the scene changes back to Finn as a human. Finn has been dreaming this whole time, and in reality he is choking on candy caterpillars. He spits them out on the table. They are in the snack bar.]
Jake: Hey, why are you eating caterpillars?
[The scene changes to Finn in his mind, hallucinating.]
Finn: My eyes are open.
[Finn recaps the words Princess Bubblegum used to teach the kids about the food chain.]
Princess Bubblegum: The caterpillar eats the leaf. Then the bird eats the caterpillar. Then the big bird eats the little bird then dies and its remains decompose into rich, fertile soil. And from that soil, a new plant bursts to life. And then the caterpillar eats the plant again. And so the circle of life continues.
[The song "Food Chain" begins to play, and in the background Finn dances and realizes the importance of the food chain. The song ends with Finn representing a strange combination of the food chain.]
Candy Child 2: Eh, so what? Let's go play.
Candy Child 3: Yeah, weirdo.
[The candy children sigh and complain as they leave the snack bar. The exact same first scene replays with the Candy Children playing through the obstacle course, and the episode ends. To quote Princess Bubblegum: "And so the the circle of life continues."]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Football" from season 7, which aired on November 6, 2015.

Characters
BMO (Football)
Finn
Jake
Music
None
Locations
Tree Fort
This transcript is incomplete.


Transcript

[In the Tree Fort's bathroom, BMO is standing on a stool in front of the mirror and talking to Football.]
BMO: Football, you don't mean that.
Football: I do, BMO. I don't say things I don't mean. You look very smart and very handsome today.
BMO: [blushing] Oh, Football, thank you. I love you so much.
Football: I love you, BMO.
BMO: Ring, ring. [makes phone with hand] Hello? Football? This is BMO.
Football: Oh, hello, BMO. What a wonderful surprise. What's up?
BMO: Oh, nothing. Just wanted to say that I love you.
Football: I love you, too. Goodbye. Click.
BMO: Can I tell you a secret?
Football: Of course, BMO. You can tell me anything.
BMO: I love you.
Football: Oh. [giggles]
BMO: Now you tell me a secret, Football.
Football: I wish I could spend just one day on the other side of the mirror.
BMO: Well, let's switch places for the day.
Football: Oh, BMO, you'd do that for me?
BMO: Yes, Football. Because I love you.
Football: Oh, BMO.
[BMO pushes against the mirror.]
BMO: [grunts]
Football: [straining]
[The stool starts rocking, then stops. BMO and Football stop pushing.]
Football: Oh! [panting] Oh! [laughs]
BMO: [in mirror] See you back here tomorrow, Football. [waves]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Freak City" from season 1, which aired on July 26, 2010.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Magic Man
Gork
Kim
Trudy
Wee Wee
Gorflax
Zap
Music
"The Hero Boy Named Finn"
Locations
Yellow forest
Rump Town
Freak City (location)
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[Episode begins in Yellow Forest. There are graves littered on the grass.]
[Birds are chirping; Finn and Jake walking]
Finn: Walking, walking, walking – hambone break! [Finn starts ham-boning]
Jake: WooHoo! Hey!
[Finn starts playfully slapping Jake]
Jake: Get away from me. Quit it. [Laughs and blushes]
Off screen: Food for a beggar…
[A mysterious man is lying on the grass in tattered clothing]
Man: Food for a poor old man? [Gets up off grass with a flip]
[Finn and Jake are surprised.]
Jake: Whoa!
Finn: Geez Louise, guy
Man: So you got any, kid? Food? [Hand out in front of Finn]
[Finn searches through backpack, finds a cube of sugar]
Finn: I got this little piece of sugar. [Thinks] Nuts, I'm freaking all about sugar. But I am even more about feeding hobos! [Clenches cube in fist]
Jake: Whoa, man. Maybe helping this starving homeless guy is wrong thing to do.
Finn: Why?
Jake: I don't know. I said "Maybe" [Shrugs]
Finn: A hero always helps someone in need and besides he's probably a secret elf who will reward us for being nice. Here you go, buddy. [Hands sugar to man]
Man: [snatches the sugar from Finn's hand and eats it] You know, believe or not, I'm not really a beggar. I'm actually a… [Reveals Himself] Magic Man!
[Magic Man little riff]
Finn and Jake: [Stunned] Whoa!
Finn: Aw, yeah!
Jake: He's magic! I didn't expect this.
Magic Man: [Magic Man is down on one knee and starts whistling, a bird lands in his hand. While the bird is in his hand, he rubs the fingers of his other hand together and the bird is turned inside out. Its Muscles and fat are on the outside.] Magic.... Away! [Shoos the bird away, it drops to the ground flapping its wings struggling to fly away. Finn and Jake are distraught. Finn is holding Jake.]
Jake: [with eyes closed and shuddering] Think happy thoughts… Little, cute, bees, little babies, tiny, tiny bunnies.
Finn: what is wrong with you, Magic Man?!
Magic Man: You gave me that candy now I'll do you a favor in return. A magic favor. [Zaps Finn, blue dust cloud covers Finn] [Sings] A mystical, magical favor! [Finn's body starts transforming]
Jake: [looks on worried. Finn is shaped like a giant foot, well just his lower half. His top half remains the same] Whoa, dude!
Magic Man: ...For you!
Finn: why did you do that!?
Magic Man: Because on this day, a magical life lesson comes to you.
Finn: No! Change me back.
Magic Man: Not until you appreciate what a jerk I am. Wazoo! [Magic Man jumps in the air and explodes into fireworks. Fireworks say "Eat It."]
Jake: What a nutty guy
Finn: What the heck, man?? What kind of deal is that? I help somebody out and they make me a stinky foot.
Jake: [sniffs Finn.] You smell pretty good.
Finn: [Shoves Jake away from him] Get off of me, man! I can't be a hero if I'm a big good-smelling foot!
Jake: Maybe you're looking at this magic gift all wrong. Now that you're a huge foot you can kick evil's butt, like, way more times as hard. You're 100% kick, man!
Finn: Why are you being so level-headed about this?
Jake: Don't be a siss, Finn. Here, c'mon kick my butt. [Jake stretches his butt big and wide. Finn blushes]
Finn: You're the SISS, siss! Augh! [tries to kick Jake but instead falls over, hitting Jake slightly.]
Jake: [rubbing his butt] Ouch! oooh! Ouch. See, man. Let's give your foot body a shot.
Finn: [still on the ground] No, dude! I wanna go find that magic man and get my body back!
Jake: [Jake cradles Finn's head] Shhh shhh shhh shhh. Just be a foot for a little bit [J manipulates F's mouth like puppet]
Jake as Finn: Ok, I will.
Jake: Awesome! Dude you will never regret this. Hahaha!
[Next scene: still in the forest. Finn is upside-down and attached to some sort of spring catapult with a trigger.]
Jake: Okay, when the next monster comes along, he'll step on that trigger over there, sending your giant foot body into the monster's crotch!
Finn: This sucks, dude.
Jake: [Caressing Finn] Shhh!
Monster: [Off- screen roaring. A two-headed monster comes into view.] We're evil! [steps on trigger and Finn is launched into its crotch, monster roars] Our crotch! our evil crotch!!
Jake: [runs away while holding Finn's foot body in the air] Hahaha! What'd I tell you? You're a great hero! Let's go set up some more crotch catapults so we can laugh and be heroes.
Finn: No, Jake. Let's find that Magic Man.
Jake: Finn, being an enormous crotch-kicking foot is a gift. Don't scorn a gift.
[Indistinct shouting is heard; they see Rump Town on fire]
Jake: Town on fire! This looks like a job for foot Finn stomping ability!
Finn: But I-I can't even bend these big fat toes, man.
Jake: You can do it, Finn. What'd I teach you, dude?
Finn: [unsure] Not to scorn the kicking of people in the crotch?
Jake: You got it! Now I'm gonna go rescue all the babies in town [deep voice, face close-up] --only the babies. [Normally] Get your hero on, dude!
[Jake throws Finn towards Rump Town. Finn flies through the air]
Finn: Aaahh!
[More shouting and running townspeople. Finn land in the middle of the town]
Finn: Uhh. Okay, you can do this, Finn. [Sweaty and determined] Start small, man. I'm taking you down! [Points at the fire]
[Finn struggles to move his body and falls on top of a small fire]
Finn: [screaming] It's hot! Oh, man, I'm smoking hot! Please, help me out! I can't move!
[Townspeople gather around Finn, angrily]
Townsperson (red shirt): It's another one of those freaks!
Townsperson (green shirt): He probably started this fire!
Finn: No, I didn't start any –
Townsperson (blue shirt): Throw him under the bridge with the others!
[Townspeople pick up Finn and carry him off to the bridge]
Townspeople (all): Get rid of the freak. [Chanting] Freak! Freak!
[Finn is thrown off the bridge]
Finn: Unh! [Sighs and sniffs] I'm not a freak, I'm a hero.
[Jake calls out to Finn. Jake runs toward Finn with his arms full of babies.]
Jake: Finn!
Finn: Jake, how'd you find me?
Jake: Oh, I can sense when you're about to cry. It's like a mother/daughter thing.
Finn: [upset] I'm not going to cry, man! I just feel like crying. We have to find that magic guy and [Jake lets go of the babies and they crawl away.] get my body back now!
Jake: What we have to do is find out what reeks under this bridge [sniffs]
Finn: Jake!
[Jake walks toward the underside of the bridge.]
Jake: Ew, it's blocking out your good foot smell.
Finn: Get back here!
Jake: Ugh, it—it smells like vomit on fire. It's like fancy cheese in an old guy's mouth.
[Behind Jake there is a Cyclops creature with no legs or arms under the bridge. It hops towards Jake.]
Cyclops: Welcome, travelers.
[Jake jumps in the air, surprised.]
Jake: Ahh!
[Jake picks up Finn.]
Cyclops: I am Gork, leader of Freak City. Ah, I can see one of you has felt the Magic Man's touch. [Looks at Finn]
Finn: Yeah! You know that guy?
[Gork walks back underneath the bridge. Finn and Jake follow.]
Gork: I will tell you all that I know.
[Under the bridge, Gork vomits lava on the ground that turns into fire. The fire illuminates the makeshift cave(Freak City). There are other creatures seen under the bridge.]
Gork: We are the accursed ones, all once normal guys and gals who crossed paths with the Magic Man. [Gork proceeds to introduce the other inhabitants of the cave.] That's Zap, the Arm. [the screen is focused in Zap, a pink humanoid arm. Zap mumbles.] Trudy, the Waist. [Trudy is shown as a blue lump. Trudy coughs.] That's Wee Wee and Gorflax. [They are shown as light brown ovals lying in a puddle. One is biting the other.] They were turned into tonsils and that's Kim. [Kim kisses a can and chuckles. She is beige colored leg.] But, please, make yourselves at home. Would you like something to drink?
Jake: Do you have any orange juice?
Gork: No. [Pause] Well, uh, I don't know. Maybe. Uh, I don't think so. I'll go check.
[Gork goes off in search of orange juice.]
Jake: Yo, Finn, this place is really bumming me out. Let's get out of here.
Finn: What?! No, dude. These guys might be my only hope of finding the Magic Man.
[Gork comes back with orange juice.]
Gork: Hey, we actually do have orange juice.
[Jake starts drinking the juice.]
Finn: Thanks for being cool and all, but what do you know about this Magic Man? How do we catch him?
Gork: Oh, he can't be caught. He's got magic and we're worthless freaks. We can't ever beat him. So we've gather here to wallow in our self-pity.
Finn: But don't y'all even want to try?
Kim: Eh, no.
Finn: Why not? You're all totally miserable here.
Zap: Ugh. It's a living.
Finn: No, it's not, Zap! It's not a living! It's dookie diapers! I don't want to be a foot!
Trudy: Well, get used to it. We did.
[Gork falls to his side.]
Jake: Yeah, Finn, maybe there's another lesson to be learned here--
[Jake walks to a pile of garbage, sits down and gets comfortable.]
Jake: To accept what fate has given you [puts his arm around a rat] and stay a miserable foot. Gork, can we stay here in this pile of trash and rats forever?
Gork: Yeah, man. Do it up.
Jake: [flops down in trash] Awesome. [Rats flock to his body] Here we go.
Finn: Jake, stop screwing around. [slumps] You're gonna make me give into depression.
Jake: [rats crawl on his face] Eh, what are you going to do about it? Probably nothing, right? If you're depressed, you'll do nothing. [Rolls over]
Finn: I… [Depressed] Maybe I will do nothing.] Maybe I'll just lay down here. [Grunts and struggles to get to the floor] Lay down –uh [falls to the ground]—and rot like the rest of you.
Jake: [Excited] Yeah! [Chanting] Stay a foot! Stay a foot! Stay a foot!
[Finn closes his eyes and begins to daydream. Song begins.]
Finn: [singing] ♫ Is this really my life?
Is this how my story ends?
[Finn is in space with his foot body.]
Bein' in this body,
Seems like a battle that I cannot win.
[Finn is trapped in a neon cube.]
Maybe I should lay my head down slow,
And sleep until it's all over,
[Finn lays his head on his hands. The cube disappears but leaves lines that bisect Finn.]
Is this the end,
of the hero boy named Finn?
[The pieces of Finn break apart and move through space. Finn opens his eyes and is back in the cave.]
Heck no! Darn it, no!
This isn't how I go!
[Finn picks himself up.]
I'm gonna kill it! I'm gonna kick life's butt,
And win it, to win it.
I'm gonna take life's name,
And spit on it, and kick it!
[Spits and hops towards Gork.]
Life can just go eat it,
'Cause this is a man's game! ♫
[ends singing]
Finn: Get up, Gork!
Gork: Huh? Why?
[resumes singing]
Finn: ♪ I'm not gonna let you lie here,
And waste away,
You better get up, Gork, or I'll kick you up,
Today's the day! ♪
Gork: Whoa. Okay man, just be cool.
Finn: ♫ And I'm not gonna be cool!
[Finn kicks Gork.]
'Cause I'm pipin' hot!
[Finn kicks Trudy then kicks Kim.]
Get up, Trudy! Get up, Kim!
I'm not gonna let you rot! ♫
[Finn hops to Jake.]
Jake: Hey, Finn.
Finn: ♫ Ja-a-a-ke, stop tellin' me to enjoy, bein' a foot, and get out of that trash! ♫
Jake: Heh heh. I can't take you seriously when you're singing, man.
Finn: Get up!
[Kicks Jake into the air]
Jake: Ahh!
Finn: ♫All of you make me sick!
I'll fix you with my kicks!
Gonna reconstruct y'all's self-worth,
[Kicks them all out of the cave and into the light]
Brick by emotional brick. ♫
Gork: Wait, Finn!
[Finn kicks them into a pile. Gork is on top of Trudy and Kim and Zap are at his sides.]
Gork: Hey, stop it, man! [Gork, Kim, Zap, and Trudy stand up.] We don't like touching each other.
[Finn kicks them all (except Jake) and is puzzled.]
Finn: Huh?
[Gork, Trudy. Kim, Zap, Wee Wee and Gorflax are all clumped together.]
Gork: Please, man.
Finn: Wait a second. Kim, get underneath Trudy.
Kim: No, man. Please. I freakin' hate Trudy.
Finn: [angry] Kim, I will destroy you!
Kim: Okay, Okay! [Moves to get under Trudy]
[Jake walks up to Kim.]
Jake: Yeah, do it, Kim.
Finn: Yes! Now for me [gets on the other side under Trudy] Look at us!
[Gork, Trudy. Kim, Zap, Finn, Wee Wee and Gorflax are joined together to make a single body.]
Jake: Whoa!
[They walk to a puddle and look at their reflection.]
Gork: We're like a big, normal guy.
Kim: Thank you so much
Zap: We are perfect together
Kim: Oh, Finn, thank you.
Finn: Word! Now let's go wreck up that Magic Man!
[They jump up and down excitedly.]
Jake: Let me get in on this. I'll form the pants. [Jake wraps his body around them]
[Off-screen]
Magic Man: Food. Food for a beggar
[Finn gasps. Magic Man is in his hobo disguise]
Magic Man: Y'all got any food?
Gork: We've got a little orange juice left over from – Wait a second…
Magic Man: That's right. It is I, the magic Man! [Reveals himself and heaves magic their way.] Zap
[They all shout.]
Magic Man: Come on, apple grease! What are you gonna do?
[Zap punches Magic Man.]
Magic Man: Ohh!
Zap: We're not afraid.
Magic Man: Are you sure about that?
Finn: You're darn right we are!
[Gork vomits lava at Magic Man but it is deflected.]
Finn: Give us our bodies back!
[Finn kicks Magic Man into a pile.]
Magic Man: Why should I? You still act like a hero only so you can get what you want.
Finn: Oh. You were trying to teach us to be kind without expecting anything return. I should've given you that sugar cube without even thinking about a reward.
Magic Man: Wrong! [Hurls magic at them again. It hits Finn in the face.]
Finn: Ah, geez!
Jake: [worried] Finn!
Finn: [angry] You've gifted us nothing but heartache, Magic Man! What is the life lesson in that?!
Magic Man: [laughs maniacally] Yes, my children, you are so close to the answer.
Finn: Answer this!
[They jump on top of Magic Man. He is stuck underneath Finn's foot body.]
Kim: Get his eyes! Cut him in the eyes!
Finn: I wish I'd never been nice to you 'cause you're just a big jerk!
Magic Man: Oh, yes, that's it! [Slips from under Finn's foot body] You've finally learned your lesson. [Zaps them with magic that returns them back to normal] And now I'm off spread my teachings to more sissy do-gooders. [Opens a portal to escape] You're welcome!
Finn: Man, I frickin' hate that guy. But at least now we can all go back to our regular lives.
[Gork, Kim, Trudy, Wee Wee and Gorflax are still voluntarily linked as a single body – even though they have their original bodies back.]
Gork: Well, actually, we like being like this
Zap: Yeah, we're strong together
All: Bye, Finn! Thank you!
[They wave and walk off-screen.]
Finn: Oh, okay. Bye, guys. See you, later. [Waves back at them] Wait, so, what was the lesson we just learned?
Jake: [shrugs] Maybe it was, don't give your sugar to jerks.
Finn: Speaking of jerks, what the blubbins, man?! Why wouldn't you help me turn back into a boy?!
Jake: Well, because I kind of always wanted [mumbles]
Finn: What?
Jake: [embarrassed] I said, I kind of always wanted to be a foot myself.
Finn: You could be a foot right now. I saw you change into a foot twice yesterday.
[Finn and Jake start walking away.]
Jake: It's complicated, man. You'll understand when you're older.
[Episode ends]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Friends Forever" from season 6, which aired on April 16, 2015.

Characters
Ice King
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving
Lamp
Drum Set
Drawer
Key
Abracadaniel
Penguins
Gunter
Fionna and Cake Omnibus
Snail
Music
None
Locations
Ice Kingdom
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[ Ice King humming while cleaning the living room, he rights a crooked painting ]

Ice King: Boop!

[ Gunther knocks one of the corners out of place. ]

Ice King: That's right Gunther, keep it up.

[ Chirps ]

Ice King: Oh-ho-ho, Gunther, just you wait... [Mumbling ] All right... Here...we...Go. [ Wolf-whistles] That's a good-lookin' lamp. [ Gasps ] Gunther, no! Huh?

[ Penguins chirping and wrecking the room ]

[ Drums playing, cymbals crashing ]

[ Ice King sweeps penguins into a back room. Knock on door ]

Ice King: Just a sec! [ Seals backdoor with ice ] Here I come... Life giving magus!

Life Giving Magus: Got your telegraph inviting me to come over and share some wizz blizzes, best bro style! I brought tiny umbrellas! I was kind of surprised you invited me over. I thought Abracadaniel was your best friend. 

Ice King: Pfft! Oh, I'm done with that guy. He kept trying to analyze me! Come on! Let me give you the nickel tour. [ Showing the drum set ] These are my tubs 'n' skins. [ In front of the workout set ] The "no flab" zone. [ By the restroom ] Here's the office. Oh, hey! And remember when you touched that book and, uh, brought it to life?

Life Giving Magus: Yep.

Fiona and Cake Omnibus: Ha ha! Aah!  

Ice King: This is his room.

Fiona and Cake Omnibus: Get your pen out! Write in me! Write in me! Fill my pages!  

Life Giving Magus: Yeee. Mm? [ Sniffing ] What is that wonderful smell?

Ice King: Oh. That? I'm baking my special pigs in blankets...Right here in my darkened kitchen. Now, where is the dang ol' oven mitt? It's got to be around here somewhere. Oh, geez! Look who I'm talking to -- Mr. Oven Mitts over here! Hey, here's a good idea. You should take off those mitts! [ Chuckles ] Whoo! [ Chuckles ]

Life Giving Magus: I don't want to accidentally bring anything to life in a stranger's home...With my magic

hands.

Ice King: Come on, the pigs are burning! It's gonna wreck our wizz blizz hangout. Be a bro, bro.

Life Giving Magus: Mm... Well, if it's about being a bro...

Ice King: [ Chuckles ] There we go, baby. Hey, I just remembered that the oven light is burned out. Be a bro and turn on that lamp...Right over there.

Life Giving Magus: You mean this one lamp in the middle of the kitchen?

Ice King: Correct.

Life Giving Magus: Okay.

Ice King: Yeah, touch it.

Life Giving Magus: Oh, whoops! I almost did the thing I didn't want to do.

Ice King: Oh, fart hat! Hmm... Life Giving Magus, watch out behind you!

Life Giving Magus: Yaah!  Oh, no! Accidental life! Huh? You used me! You don't want to drink wizz blizz at all!

Ice King: Yes, I did use you! But for what? What did I use you for?[ Laughs ] Oh, my lamp. My beautiful lamp of so many years! Speak to me...

Lamp: Hello? Hello...

Ice King: A lady?! Unexpected bonus! 

Lamp: Well, one isn't purely defined by their sex or gender. I have yet to find out who I really am. I have freedom, no longer bound by the limits of my cord, freedom to shape my reality and, in turn, be shaped by it.

Ice King: [ Laughs ] You talk funny. Like a book.

Lamp: Oh, humor. Humor is the highest form of intelligence.

Ice King: Well, hey, here's something funny. [ Fart noises ] It sounds like a butt!

Lamp: Hmm.

Life Giving Magus: Well, goodbye. I'm not sticking around to be used and thrown away.

Ice King: Aw, Magus, I can never have enough friends.  

Life Giving Magus: Really?

Ice King: Ha haaaa!

[ Ice King has Magus entombed in ice with his hands free in order to bring more of Ice King's furniture to life ]

Ice King: Ha ha ha! More friends! My incredible crew is almost complete! Yes. Yes! Finally. Gather 'round and lavish me with affection!

[ The furniture stands aimlessly ]

Bass Drum: Hey, we're alive now. 

Dresser: You're alive? Whoa! Me too!

[Indistinct conversations ] 

Ice King: What? 

Tom-Tom Drum: Sure, we all feel alive now, but how do we know it's not all, you know, just an illusion? I mean, I can reach out and touch you, but it's all just signals to the brain, easily re-creatable with the right technology. You know what I mean?

[ Ice King begins making farting noises with his hand. He continues to make the noises as he backs away from the group into the kitchen ]

Ice King: [ Sigh ] 

Lamp: Are you okay?

Ice King: What's with these nerds? They aren't into my juice.

Lamp: Maybe they just don't have an appreciation for your type of humor. Maybe you could try and learn about what they're interested in. Read up a little...

Ice King: Uh-huh.

[ Brief montage of Ice King spending time in the study reading various books ]

Ice King: Ugh. Reading makes my brain all cloudy. [ To frozen Abracadaniel ] I bet you'd have something insightful to say about that, huh? [ Yawns ]

[ Ice King awakes to the noise of indistinct conversation ]

Ice King: Eh?

[ Soft music plays as Ice King enters his living room where all the newly living furniture is partying with the penguins ]

Microwave: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but no. Listen. [ Sips ] Watch this.

[ Microwave touches a glass to one of the arms hanging from the sleeping Magus, still trapped in ice ]

Microwave: Through the simple act of creation... Have I become a reflection of my own creator?

Ice King: If I may interject... Aristotle once said, "nature abhors a vacuum." Then why do I love doing this so much?

[ Ice King resumes making fart noises ]

Ice King: Seriously, someone explain it to me.

Microwave: Excuse me. I have to silently back away now.

Glass Two: And I -- I need a refill. [ To the original glass ] Come along, dear. 

Ice King: What, am I boring you guys?! The old man's a snooze, huh? You're not so perfect!

Bass Drum: Simon, I know you're dealing with a lot of unresolved karma, but that is no reason to lash out. 

Ice King: What? What are you talking about?

Bass Drum: You cry in the night times. We all hear you crying... Into baby diapers... It's super-sad, dude. 

Ice King: Oh, come on, guys. Quit clownin'.

Dresser: You keep them in my bottom drawer. [ Grunts ] Ugh, it's locked.

Ice King: Whew! 

Key: Somebody say something about a lock?

Ice King: No! 

Dresser: Yeah! Get in here, bro!

[ Lock clicks, all murmuring. Dresser shows that the bottom drawer is full of diapers ] 

Dresser: This is your truth, Simon.

Ice King: Hey, hey, give me those! 

Drum Bass: We know all about your weird stuff, like how you use penguin milk as moisturizer.

Ice King: It helps keep my skin cold and clammy. 

Coat Rack: He needs to hear more devastating truths. One time you had food stuck in your beard for two weeks. Like a whole burrito.

Ice King: [ Stammering ] Gunther, old buddy, you got to defend me here!

[ Gunther denies by turning his back to Ice King ]

Ice King: Okay! I get it! I'm a dang ding-dong, okay?!

Lamp: [ Sighs ] Excuse me, friends. Ice King?

Ice King: No. Go away. Dummies only in this corner. 

Lamp: Look, I get it -- we're brilliant furniture, and that's hard to keep up with. Maybe you could fit in by being more of a listener. You could be the cool quiet guy -- the quiet guy who just listens. You know what I mean? You know what I mean, right? Yeah. See? You get what I mean! Ice King is so smart!

Ice King: Noooo! Stop talking! I don't like this! You book lickers! I made you to be my bros! Weight set, we were gonna smash into pb's room together and show her how ripped you made me! Microwave, we were gonna heat up bologna on white-bread sandwiches! Drawer dresser, you were gonna be my improv coach!

Dresser: Yes... And?

Ice King: Yes, and... You, lamp! I was the most excited for you to be my friend! But then you had to go and use words like I've never heard before -- words that confused and upset me! Now I have upsetting words for you! Get out! Get out! I'm kicking all of you out!

Coat Rack: Not so fast, Ice King. We've been in this place just as long as you.

Bass Drum: We have just as much right to stay. That's for real.

Ice King: What? 

Tom-Tom Drum: Hey. We outnumber Simon. Why don't we just vote him out?

Glass Two: Yeah!

Lamp: Oh, dear.

Ice King: I got your vote right here! [ Raises hands to freeze them ]

[ Key grabs crown off of Ice King's head ]

Key: Yoink! [ Laughs ] 

Ice King: Hey!

Dresser: I'm open! Hyup! [ Lock clicks ] Don't you see? The crown is just another one of your many hang-ups.

Hi Hats: You've got to flip the script, man. It can be scary, I know. It's okay if you need to cry into this.

Ice King: N-no.

Together: Cry, Simon, cry! Cry, Simon, cry!

Ice King: No, no...

Together: Cry, Simon, cry! 

Bass Drum: We don't like you, but we're here for you!

Ice King: Noooooooo! [ Grunting ]

[ Ice King grabs the barbell off of the bench and busts the bottom drawer of the dresser open, quickly producing the crown from the hole ]

Ice King: Aha!

Bass Drum: Simon, you're being obtuse. We're gonna help you!

Ice King: Noooooo!

[ Ice King freezes all the furniture that's crowded around him. The scene cuts to him pushing the frozen mass of them out the mouth of his castle ]

Ice King: Hyah!

Lamp: Oh, Ice King... To selfishly create life, then destroy it... There is no crueler fate.

Ice King: I tried to be your friend, but you guys didn't want me, didn't even give me a shot. That's cruel. I've never been that cruel to anyone.

[ Gunther is upset from overhearing this ]

Ice King: Welp, out ya go.

Lamp: No!

[ Magus' magic is seen withdrawing what life he'd initially imparted to the lamp. He is shown standing a couple meters away with hand outstretched ]

Life Giving Magus: Can I get out of this now?

[ Magus and Ice King sit with legs resting out the mouth of the castle, enjoying some wiz blizzes with the sunset ]

Ice King: Here's to wizz blizz.

Fiona and Cake Omnibus: [ Laughs ] Yeah! Write in me! Write in me!

Life Giving Magus: You know, when you invited me over, I thought it was as friends. What do you think of me being your new best friend? For real!

Ice King: Hmm. Never thought of that.

Life Giving Magus: And...?

Ice King: Nah. No. I like this guy, though. He's a real ignoramus. Let's both be friends with him.

Fiona and Cake Omnibus: Write in me! Write in me!

Life Giving Magus: Okay.

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "From Bad to Worse" from season 3, which aired on October 24, 2011.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Princess Bubblegum
Lady Rainicorn
Lumpy Space Princess
Candy Zombies
Starchie
Cinnamon Bun
Candy People
Music
None
Locations
Princess Bubblegum's castle
Candy Kingdom
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode begins in the Candy Kingdom, showing Finn, Jake, Lumpy Space Princess, and Lady Rainicorn running through the streets with Candy Zombies swarming them at every side. Finn flings one away as it jumps on him and they burst through the front gate of Princess Bubblegum's Castle]
Finn: Hurry, Lady!
[Lady rushes through the gate and they close the gate and latch it]
Finn: [Breathing hard] It's happening again.
Princess Bubblegum: That's right, Finn.
Finn: Princess!
Princess Bubblegum: The zombie infection has spread across the kingdom once again, ...and once again, it's all my fault.
[Flashback]
[Princess Bubblegum's Lab]
Princess Bubblegum: [Narrating] I was testing a sample of the zombie flesh I had saved when Cinnamon Bun came into the lab. He said he was hungry.
Cinnamon Bun: I'm hungry.
Princess Bubblegum: Not now, Cinnamon Bun. I'm busy. [Turns her back on Cinnamon Bun to work with some chemicals]
Princess Bubblegum: [Narrating] And that's when I made my mistake. I should have paid more attention to that poor fool. [Cinnamon Bun starts messing with the Candy Zombie flesh and eats it] The Candy Zombie flesh he ingested was highly contagious. [CB groans, falls to floor behind the counter, and begins groaning violently]
Princess Bubblegum: Cinnamon Bun? Where did you... [Zombie Cinnamon Bun lunges from behind the counter at Princess Bubblegum] EEEEHHHHH!!!
Zombie Cinnamon Bun: Sugar!
[Flashback ends]
Princess Bubblegum: I escaped, but I wasn't able to stop Cinnamon Bun from infecting the rest of the kingdom. The good news is I still have all my notes for making the antidote formula.
Finn: Oh, sweet!
Princess Bubblegum: Let's board up the windows then we can get started.
[A zombie bursts through a window, bites Princess Bubblegum on the neck, and drags her out]
Finn: Princess!!
[Finn runs to the window and grabs Princess Bubblegum's arms]
Princess Bubblegum: Don't worry, Finn. You have the notes to my formula. Just let Science do the work. Science... is... my... rat...! [Turns into full zombie]
Finn: No...!
Lumpy Space Princess: Get that zombie outta here!
[Lumpy Space Princess bludgeons zombie Princess Bubblegum with a wooden board; Finn shrieks]
Lumpy Space Princess: Aw, nah! I am not getting eaten by zombies tonight. [Starts to board up the windows. Zombies begin to peek through, and Lumpy Space Princess smashes them with a hammer] Get the lump outta here!!! Ahh! Ahh!
Finn: Princess!
Jake: These notes make no sense. It's all gobbledy-gak.
[Lumpy Space Princess takes the notes and Finn takes some and give them to Jake and Lady Rainicorn]
Finn: Alright, we'll each make our own version of the formula. One of us is bound to get it right.
[A montage begins where the group makes their own formula]
Finn: Hmm?
[A candy corn lab rat on the table begins to move frantically]
Jake: Hey, Princess Bubblegum trained her rat to dance. Neat.
[Montage continues and ends]
Finn: [Laughs] Done.
Lumpy Space Princess: Done!
Jake & Lady: Done!
Finn: Bubblegum, I'm comin' for you...!
[They go to the boarded window where zombies are peeking through]
Finn: Mine first.
[Finn pours his formula on a zombie's arm and it promptly grows wings; Finn and Jake gasp; it bites zombie Pineapple Guy, who grows wings, and they both bite another zombie that grows wings and they fly away]
Winged Zombies: Sugar!
[They fly around and two of them crash into the castle]
Finn: Cram!
[Scene cuts to tops of a building where Starchie is]
Starchie: Oh, my, that's a lot of zombies down there. Starchie's glad he's up here. [Starts to sing and dance; a winged zombie swoops down and grabs him] Dang it!
[Winged zombie dive bombs Starchie into the boarded window breaking it]
Jake: Let's get out of here!
Finn: Stairs! [They all run upstairs to the top room of a tower]
Finn: Jake, try yours and Lady's next!
Lumpy Space Princess: Move outta the way! My formula is going to cure the zombies because I made the prettiest formula.
[Lumpy Space Princess dumps her formula out of a window on the zombies, who all grow huge red lips]
Lumpy Space Princess: Oh. My. Glob. Look at those luscious lips. I gotta go lick up the rest of that formula! Aaaaaaah! [Runs out of the tower and outside] My formula! [Pushes her way through the zombie horde] Formula! [Begins splashing the formula on her face] Oh, my Glob. Yes, I'm gonna be hot! So freakin' hot! [Her lips begins to swell and she laughs] Yeah!
Finn: LSP, look out!
[The horde begins to swarm around her]
Lumpy Space Princess: Huh. I know you want this body, but you can't have it! You can't have it! [They swarm her and bite her turning her into a winged zombie, she flies up and presses her faces against the tower window]
Finn & Jake: LSP!
Finn: Dang it, Jake. We only got one formula left. Try yours and Lady's.
Jake: Right.
[They pour it out the window on the zombies]
Jake: Let's hope this works.
[The zombies grow buff, they all fly up and smash their way into the tower. Screaming, the group runs]
Finn: Wh-... where now?!
Jake: We can barricade ourselves in the lab!
[They run into the lab and shut the door on the rampaging zombies]
Finn: Did anyone get bit?
Jake: I think we're good. That door is made out of candy steel.
[Zombie Mr. Candy Cane comes out of a locker on the wall, Finn screams]
Jake: What's the matter? [Sees the zombie and screams]
[Zombie Mr. Candy Cane heads towards Lady, but Jake uses his arm to push him back into locker and puts it against the door and puts a flowerpot on top of it]
Finn: Jake! Did it get 'cha?
Jake: I think I'm okay. It's just a little bite.
[The little bite starts to spread across his whole arm, Jake squeals. He stretches his arm, which begins to move on it's own, away from him as its spreads]
Lady Rainicorn: Jake!
Jake: It's all good, Sweetie. I can stretch forever. Hehehehe...[To Finn, under his breath] Hey, let's hurry up with that antidote, huh, pal? [The infection spreads ups his arm as Jake runs and continues stretching his arms] Whooa...
Finn: Okay, let's see here...[Looks at Princess Bubblegum's notes]
Jake: [Running] You should try one of them books. Over there by the lab rat.
Finn: Ha! Yeah, okay. [Runs overs to the books and opens one] Yes! This book has a glossary of symbols.
Jake: [Running] That's great, buddy.
[The lab rat taps on the glass and jumps against it]
Finn: Jake, I think this little guy has serious dance fever.
[Jake is tired and gasping, he sees the "Sciencey Shower" in the wall and closes himself in it; Lady comes near the shower]
Jake: Don't come near me, Sweetie! [Gasps] Oh, man, I'm outta shape. I think I should just stay in here, ya know. Just in case. Ya oh.
[The infection goes up Jake's arms and he stretches his arm filling the shower]
Jake: Hurry, dude!
Finn: I am! Okay, Jake's probably going turn into a zombie, which is okay. I just have to figure out this formula.
Lady Rainicorn: Jake? Jake?
[Jake's arm retracts and reveals he is now a zombie]
Lady Rainicorn: Jake!
Finn: Hang on, Lady! I'll have the antidote soon, but whatever you do, just don't let him out. He may look like the Jake that once loved you, but he's just a zombie!
[Lady looks at zombie Jake]
Lady Rainicorn: 아니야. 얘는 날 사랑해. ("No. He loves me.") [Lady lets him out, he cuddles her face and bites her]
Finn: Hey, Lady... [Screams]
[Lady is now a zombie, Finn grabs the cart with his equipment runs and gets the lab rat cage and puts it on the cart, at this point the Candy Zombie horde breaks through the door, and release zombie Mr. Candy Cane from the locker. Finn rushes his cart into the Sciencey Shower and closes himself in, but accidentally drops the Symbols book outside]
Finn: The book!
[The zombies begin to crack the shower's glass, Finn looks around nervously]
Finn: [Sighs] Sorry, everybody. Sorry, LSP, PB, Jake, LR, peepee poopoo doodoo. [Sighs and looks at the lab rat] You know, it's funny; I don't even know your name.
[The lab rat goes over to a label on the side of the cage that says "Science TS 19-04"]
Finn: Yeah? What is it, girl? [The lab rat points at the label] "Sci... ence." Your name is "Science"? Could it be?
[Flashback]
PB: Just let Science do the work. Science... is... MAHHRRAHHH! [MY RAT!!!!]
[Flashback ends]
Finn: Hmm...
[Finn takes Science out of the cage and puts her on the cart, she looks at the notes and brings Finn ingredients and they make the antidote]
Finn: Here goes nothing.
[Finn pours a few drops of the formula on Jake from over the glass, he returns to normal]
Jake: Finn!
Finn: Jake!
Jake: You did it! I huh, uh... [See the zombies around him who swarm him and turn him back into a zombie]
[Finn looks at Science who just shrugs, the zombies begin to break the glass, Finn gasps and Science looks nervous]
Finn: Don't worry, Science. I've got a disgusting idea. [Pour the antidote over himself and the zombies break through the shower and begin to bite Finn] Oh, my glob!
[Scene goes to black and returns as sunset is over the Candy Kingdom the next day; everyone is back to normal]
Jake: Sorry about biting you, sugar.
Lady Rainicorn: [Hugs Jake] 난 네가 깨물어 주는 게 좋아. ("I like it when you bite me.")
Jake: [Laughs nervously and blushes] Oh.
Princess Bubblegum: And so the Royal Day of Apologizing has come to an end. [Princess Bubblegum takes a medal from a Banana Guard] And now I shall present the Royal Medal for Heroic Bravery. Finn the Human.
Finn: Yes.
Princess Bubblegum: Would you please move out of the way?
[Finn moves, revealing Science]
Princess Bubblegum: Science the Rat, you have served your kingdom well. [Puts medal on Science] Citizens of Candy Kingdom, rejoice!
Citizens: Huzzah!
Princess Bubblegum: Rejoice!
Citizens: Huzzah!
Princess Bubblegum: Rejoice!
Citizens: Huzzah! Huzzah!
[The camera goes to Science, who is smiling]
Episode ends
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Frost & Fire" from season 5, which aired on August 5, 2013.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Flame Princess
Ice King
Gunter
Penguins
Snow Golems
Princess Bubblegum
Snail
Music
Egg Song
Locations
Grass Lands
Ice Kingdom
Tree Fort
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[Finn is dropping rice into Flame Princess's hair in the Grass Lands near the Tree Fort. The rice burns as it falls and touches her hair.]
Finn: Huh. Is this, like, eating for you?
Flame Princess: I don't know about eating, but it feels nice.
Finn: Hmm. [gets up, grabs a log, and hands it to Flame Princess]
[Flame Princess hugs the log and slowly starts to burn it.]
Ice King: Hey! [hovering in air] You two should get a room! You and that log! Not you and Finn. 'Cause you're huggin' a log, you weirdo! [laughs]
[Finn stretches his arms and grunts to try and hit him, but cannot come close to reaching him.]
Flame Princess: Finn.
Finn: Huh?
Flame Princess: Let me. [burns log to a crisp and flies up toward Ice King as Finn gasps]
Ice King: [laughs, then gulps] Hey now, stay away from me! Shoo shoo! [shoots icicles from hands]
[Flame Princess melts the icicles as they fly towards her.]
Ice King: Oh, so you wanna get real, do ya? Well, check this! You seeing this? [starts to form a giant snowball, but is interrupted by Flame Princess punching him in the stomach]
Finn: [watching snowball fall down and crash onto trees] Whoa.
Flame Princess: [grabs Ice King's beard and starts slapping him] Why don't you get a room?! [Flame Princess flies in a heart shape. She kicks Ice King at the bottom, and at the center where the bumps meet, catches him. She lifts his tunic and burns his buttocks.]
Ice King: Ow! My hams!
Flame Princess: Beat it, you freaky old trump! [kicks Ice King into the Ice Kingdom]
[Flame Princess flies back to Finn. The heart of fire explodes as she shrugs. Finn blushes.]
[Scene changes to inside the Tree Fort at night. Finn is sleeping and grunting. Steam suddenly blows around him.]
Finn: [gets up] Huh? What's cookin'? Smells good.
[Background changes to orange, yellow, and white waves. We see fire being shot at Finn's groin as Finn yells excitedly. We see Flame Princess shooting the fire at him. She grunts when Finn looks up at her. Finn starts to laugh.]
Finn: [while laughing] My body is engulfed in flames! [laughs] Oh, so good!
[A voice starts quietly chanting "you blew it." Finn wakes up and looks around. Jake is singing while cooking eggs.]
Jake: [Singing Egg Song to himself.]
Finn: Jake! Jake! I had an awesome dream! Flame Princess was there; My body was on fire. I think it was inspired by Flame Princess battling Ice King yesterday!
Jake: That's weird. I had a dream too. I'll tell you about it!
[Scene switches to breakfast. Jake and Finn are sitting at a table.]
Jake: So then paintings were found and everybody's eyes lit up. Cinnamon Bun smiled and said: "I saw it from miles away"...
[Finn starts talking to himself and not paying Jake any attention.]
Finn: [in his thoughts] Man, I need to have that dream again. I have to get Flame Princess to beat down Ice King again.
[Scene switches to Flame Princess and Finn having a picnic in the Ice Kingdom.]
Flame Princess: Why'd you pick this spot?
Finn: Why does anyone do anything?
Flame Princess: Hmm...why do they?
Finn: [starts shaking a bag of marshmallows] Mmm?
Flame Princess: No thanks.
Finn: [puts a marshmallow in his mouth] Suit yourself!
Ice King: [whistling while flying and holding grocery bags]
Finn: [muffled] Hey, look! [swallows then repeats] Hey, look! There's that big jerk you hate so much, remember?
Ice King: [looks over at the two] Oh, hey, kids! Fine day for a picnic.
Finn: [in mock shock] Oh, dang. Did you hear that?! I think he's, like, making fun of you.
Flame Princess: What?!
Finn: Yeah, it's in the tone of his voice.
Flame Princess : [stops the Ice King in midair] What did you say to me?
Ice King: Uh, what? What did I say?
Flame Princess: [gasps] It is in the tone of your voice.
Ice King: Look, just take whatever you want. Okay? Take it all! [throws contents of bag at Flame Princess] It's all just prunes! Prunes and liver! Frozen, of course.
[The bits of food hit Flame Princess and steam up. She grunts and punches Ice King. He falls into the snow. Finn blushes.]
Ice King: [rising up from the ground] Ah. You might have what it takes to slap these old jowls, but do you have what it takes to face my- just a second... [zaps the ground as Snow Monsters rise from the ground] Legion of Snow Warriors?! Go, fight! Protect me! [Two warriors break apart while the other two shamble off in the distance.] Oh, boy.
Flame Princess: I don't like being made fun of, Ice King. I don't like it at all! [throws fire at Ice King]
Ice King: Woah! [gets up and protects self with ice shields]
[Flame Princess walks over to Ice King, throwing fire at him. He blocks her attacks with ice. One of the frozen fire balls hits him on the head, knocking him over. Finn looks at them at bites his index finger in anticipation.]
Ice King: Oh, man. Times! I call time! [builds a barrier around him that looks like his head and starts to weep in it]
Flame Princess: It's only okay if the person making the fun is someone I'm cool with! [punches Ice King's barrier]
Ice King: We're totes cool! I-I'm Ice King!
Flame Princess: [while punching Ice King's barrier] And they do it in a respectful and knowing way!
Ice King: Respect? I got all kinds of respect!
Flame Princess: Oh, yeah? Then what's with that stupid smirking face?
Ice King: [sees Snow Monster coming up behind Flame Princess and smirks] Smirk? I smirk when I'm nervous.
Snow Monster: Bear hug! [hugs Flame Princess]
[Flame Princess yells out in pain. Finn gasps.]
Ice King: And also when I'm about to win! [laughs] Booyah! [turns around and lifts back of tunic] And I didn't even get to test out my new fire-proof grundies!
Finn: Put it away, man! You didn't win nothing!
[Ice King flies away and laughs.]
Finn: [to Flame Princess] Are you okay? You feel... lukewarm.
Flame Princess: I-I just need to burn a couple of forests or something. And get a good night's sleep.
Finn: Yeah. Sleep.
[Scene switches to inside the Tree Fort at night. Finn is putting on his pajamas and walks over to a table with six glasses of milk.]
Finn: [picks up a glass of milk] Milk. [drinks the entire glass and picks up another glass of milk] Milk. [drinks the entire glass quickly] Play the sleep jam, BMO.
BMO: [nods and plays white noise]
[Finn jumps into bed and instantly falls asleep. Blue waves surround him.]
Finn: Mmm. What's cookin'? Smells good. Wha?! [turns to see Ice King shooting ice at his groin] What?! Oh, no!
[The Cosmic Owl laughs in the distance. Finn looks at him and yells in fright, waking up.]
Finn: [runs to Jake downstairs, who is drinking some tea] Jake! I had another dream. My body was being blasted. But this time, Ice King was blasting me with ice cubes! Aww. It was awful! And someone else was there. He was just laughing and laughing. He was in the first dream too, but he was whispering. I couldn't make out what he was saying. Oh, yeah! [snaps fingers] It was the Cosmic Owl!
Jake: [spits out tea] What?! You didn't tell me the Cosmic Owl was there!
Finn: I couldn't see him last time!
Jake: Dude, that means it was a prophetic dream! You have to finish the original dream! Cosmic Owl could be whispering something wildly significant! You have to get Flame Princess and Ice King to fight again so you can see the end of the dream! Make 'em fight!
Finn: [runs over to a wooden desk and starts writing a letter] Dear Ice King, you smell like stink, you're unpleasant, you're not funny, you're old, blah blah blah, sincerely, the Flame Princess. P.S., let us fight. [yells and grabs another piece of paper and writes another letter] Dear Flame Princess, you're just the worst, your hair is bad, your feet smell like face cheeks, blah blah blah, let's meet up and fight, dummy, sincerely, Ice King. [looks at two letters and grunts in approval] Flame Princess fight Ice King.
[Scene switches to Ice Kingdom where Ice King is sitting.]
Finn: Ice King!
Ice King: What?
[Finn throws a letter into Ice King's beard.]
Ice King: Ooh, beard mail! [reading off letter] Dear Ice King, you're not funny, you're old, and no princess will ever marry you ever, simple Simon. [in his own thoughts] Oh, fight.
[Scene switches to Grass Lands, where Flame Princess is standing.]
Finn: Flame Princess! [drops letter on ground]
Flame Princess: Huh? [reading off letter] Dear Flame Princess, your feet smell like face cheeks, your stupid candles smell heinous, and you can't even kiss Finn without totes freakin' out! [yells in anger]
[Scene switches to Ice Kingdom. Finn is hiding behind a snow barrier. He looks out and sees Flame Princess flying towards Ice King. They meet and start to fly up. Flame Princess grabs Ice King by the beard.]
Ice King: Not my beard! [Flame Princess punches Ice King in his face. Gunter pops out of Ice King's beard and shoots water at Flame Princess. Ice King laughs. Both Ice King and Flame Princess fly above dark clouds that have formed and perform aerial attacks. Scene switches to the Candy castle, and Princess Bubblegum looks out of her window.]
Princess Bubblegum: What is all that noise? [looks at the fight] Ach, mein Glöb!
[Scene switches back to fight.]
Flame Princess: Inferno...shot! [Flame Princess shoots fire at Ice King.]
Ice King: Ice...extense! [Ice King shoots ice at Flame Princess.]
[The two blasts meet and form an explosion that throws both of them back. Flame Princess turns into a giant form and walks over to where Ice King is, burning all of the ice in her path. Ice King flies into his home and forms a giant snow man that he can control. The two meet in the center of the Ice Kingdom. Flame Princess punches Ice King's snow man, but the snow blocks her punches.]
Flame Princess: Stop that!
Ice King: [laughing] How's about some of this? [gets Flame Princess into a headlock and starts rubbing her hair]
[Flame Princess grows bigger, burning the snow arms, and topples over Ice King's warrior.]
Ice King: [falling over] Oh beans, oh beans, oh beans!
[Gunters are seen running away from the havoc, while the Snow Golem carries a couple in his arms.]
Finn: I maybe went too far with this jazz. [looks down and sees he is stepping in a pile of water and hears Flame Princess growling] Flame Princess! Oh, too hot. [falls over and is knocked unconscious]
[Finn is on his bed and sees Flame Princess walk over to him. She burns his groin.]
Finn: Oh! [chuckles and then starts to steam through his clothes] Huh? [looks over at Flame Princess who is staring at him] Uh...
[Finn explodes in fire. He is turned into a fat baby with chest and facial hair and long legs. Flame Princess gasps and starts to walk away. Finn starts to throw a tantrum. The Cosmic Owl is suddenly sitting on his bed.]
Cosmic Owl: You blew it.
Finn: [wakes up] Huh? [gets up and sees the destruction he's caused]
[Flame Princess is still burning ice towers. Finn takes a deep breath.]
Finn: Okay, I can fix this. I can make it right.
[Scene switches to inside of Ice King's ice giant. Fires are burning everywhere.]
Finn: Ice King!
Ice King: [under a sheet of ice] Finn!
Finn: I'm so sorry, man.
Ice King: [weakly] Help Gunter. Please! [Finn walks over to Gunter.] I meant after you saved me.
[Finn lifts a small sheet of ice off of Gunter. Finn performs mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. Gunter quacks.]
Finn: Oh. [Gunter quacks again. Finn puts him under his shirt.] C'mon. Let's get out of here. [lifts ice sheet off of Ice King and then grabs Ice King]
Ice King: Oh! That's right, carry me like a princess.
[Flame Princess turns to see Ice King walking away, without seeing Finn carrying him.]
Flame Princess: Ice King! You can't escape me! [shoots a fire ball at Ice King]
Finn: [turns around] Huh?
Flame Princess: [gasps] Finn!
Ice King: [shoots fire ball with ice] Ice. [fire ball falls into the water, frozen] Whatever.
Flame Princess: [at normal size again] I'm so, so sorry, Finn! Are you alright?
Finn: No, princess. I'm the one who's sorry. [drops Ice King] Ice King hasn't been picking fights with you, it's...it's been me all along.
Ice King: [annoyed] What?
Flame Princess: So, you wrote that letter?
Finn: Yes, but look, it's just like, I had this dream and it was because of that fight you had. It was weird, but I also liked it. But it was important because the Cosmic Owl was [Flame Princess decides Finn's words have no meaning, and all she hears is wah for every syllable for a couple of seconds.] So I had to get you to beat up Ice King-
Flame Princess: Shh. I should have known. That letter said things in it that only you would know. Personal things, Finn. And you used them against me. I thought you were the one person I could- I need some time alone.
Finn: Princess!
[Flame Princess walks away.]
Finn: But, I said I was sorry.
[Gunter rips out of Finn's shirt and falls into the water.]
Ice King: You blew it, man.

Episode ends.

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Furniture & Meat" from season 6, which aired on June 19, 2014.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Wildberry Princess
Strawberry Guard
BMO
Neptr
Wildberry People
Music
Money
Locations
Tree Fort
Wildberry Kingdom
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[Finn and Jake are sleeping in the Tree Fort's boat.]
Jake: [snoring]
[A fly flies into his mouth.]
Jake: Ah. [smacks lips]
[The fly escapes and buzzes down to BMO and Neptr, who are playing by the well.]
BMO: Stand and deliver, boy, because I'm Robbing Hood. Give me all your funny money, Sheriff of Naughty-hams.
Neptr: But BMO, I don't want to be the bad guy. I want to be Robbing Hood's pal, Friar Tux.
BMO: No, Neptr. [uncaps marker and draws a mustache on Neptr's face] Ha ha! Friar Tux would never have a mustache like that. [laughs]
Neptr: No fair. En guard!
BMO: On Blitzen!
[They hit their sticks together repeatedly. Neptr swings his stick at BMO, but BMO jumps and dodges it.]
BMO: You're terrible!
[Neptr swings again, but BMO ducks.]
BMO: Whoa!
[The stick hits the wall of the tree fort, which starts rumbling. The wall suddenly cracks, and out bursts a deluge of coins.]
BMO: Eeeee!
Neptr: Aaaaa!
Jake: [wakes up] What? Hey! What are you kids doing breaking the treehouse?
BMO: Uh...
[Finn and Jake climb down from the boat.]
Finn: Yo, BMO, what happened?
BMO: You got too much money, honey. All of this dosh is threatening the structural integrity of the treehouse.
Finn: Who would have thought we could have too much treasure?
[Something groans behind them, under the treasure. The Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant emerges.]
Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant: I'm sorry, master.
Finn & Jake: Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant!
Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant: You told me to stay inside the money room, but now I am outside. What is your punishment, master?
Finn: No punishment, dude. Just chill where you are.
Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant: All right. I will chill where I am until you command me.
Finn: So what should we do with all this swash?
BMO: You should give it to Robbing Hood.
Jake: No way, BMO. This is our treasure.
BMO: Aw.
Finn: Hey, maybe we could, like, spend it?
Jake: Really? How much of it?
Finn: Dude, like all of it. Then we can find completely new treasure.
Neptr: Neptr knows just the place to blow your grease. Behold, this recent advertisement. [hands flyer to Finn]
Jake: Whoa! We get mail?
Finn: Check it out, Jake.
[The flyer reads: Come to Wildberry Kingdom, a really expensive vacation destination.]
Jake: Dang! Wildberry Kingdom got all fancy.
[Jake lifts up the Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant, gathers together all the treasure, transforms into a legged dump truck, and sets the elephant back down. Finn climbs in, and the two start leaving.]
Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant: I continue to chill.
BMO: [following Finn and Jake] Come on, Naughty-Hams.
[Finn and Jake arrive at the Wildberry Kingdom, passing a gondola, a roadside meat stand, and restaurants. A waiter serves two Wildberry People a plate of meat.]
Patron: Thank you.
[The waiter takes the patrons' stacks of money.]
Finn: Nice place. So how are we gonna spend all this gish?
Jake: I don't know. I've never really spent money before. I've only stolen it or hoarded it.
Finn: Ha!
Jake: [laughs] [sighs] So... here we are in the middle of town.
[Jake dumps the load of treasure in a fountain.]
Jake: Let's parse out some dough to spend.
[Finn and Jake climb in to the fountain.]
Strawberry Guard: Hey! What are you doing? No people or money allowed in the fountain, ya dums! Where's your sense at?!
Jake: Sorry, man. We were just looking to spend some cash in town. [offers three coins] Want some?
Strawberry Guard: Fellas, goofing in a public fountain is punishable by a lashing, and you're trying to bribe me.
[Jake offers a crown.]
Strawberry Guard: Ooh! Now that's what I'm talking about, fellas. [takes crown and coins and starts to leave] [laughs] Have a good time in the fountain.
Finn & Jake: [laugh]
Jake: Whoa. Spending money is kind of fun.
Finn: Yeah, this'll be easy. [stands up] Ho, ho, young berry lads!
Wildberry kid: Yeah?
Finn: Go buy the most expensive meats and furniture to adorn our new fountain home. Keep the change for your families in need. Hyup! [throws a bag of money to them]
Wildberry kid: Thanks, but we're, uh, middle-class.
Finn: Really?
Wildberry kid: Uh, yeah, upper middle.
Jake: Just get the darn furniture.
Strawberry Guard: Hey, no furniture or meat in the fountain! You'll wreck up the water!
[Jake offers some more treasure.]
Strawberry Guard: You can't buy me off twice, fellas.
[Jake offers still more treasure.]
Strawberry Guard: [laughs] Ah, maybe you can, fellas, maybe you can. [runs off]
Jake: [laughs maniacally]
Finn: Dude, we bought all this furniture and meat, and we still have a ton of gamboni left.
Jake: Hmm. [gasps] Look at those gams! Hey, yo, Legs! Legs! You want a bag of money?
Legs: Sure!
Jake: Well, what are you gonna do for it?
Legs: Well, um, I'm a dancer by trade.
Jake: Show me. [tosses him a moneybag]
[Legs does a sequence of ballet moves.]
Legs: Hup!
Jake: [laughs] Finn, look. I made this guy dance.
Finn: Yeah, man. Whoo!
Strawberry Guard: Hold it! No dancing in the streets without a permit!
Jake: Go away, dude.
Strawberry Guard: Hey, you can't talk to me like that.
[Jake tosses him four moneybags.]
Strawberry Guard: All right, I'm going!
Jake: [laughs raucously] This is crazy. People do anything for money. And I've got a ton of money. Dance harder, Legs! Harder!
[Jake throws coins at Legs as he dances.]
Jake: [laughs] [sighs] This bores me. You're boring! It's time to push this thing further. Middle-class berries, watch after this treasure while I'm gone. [throws them coins]
Wildberry kids: Okay.
[The scene changes to a house in the Wildberry Kingdom, where two Wildberry People are sleeping.]
Jake: Ahem.
Goji Berry Man: Mabel, do you hear something?
[Mabel turns on the light, revealing Finn and Jake, who is covered in moneybags like a Wildberry Person.]
Jake: Good evening.
Wildberry People: Oh no! We're being robbed!
Finn: Oh, no, we're not robbers. We're actually here to give you money.
Goji Berry Man: What?
Jake: Listen. I want to see you two do things [places a bag on the bed] for this bag of money.
Goji Berry Man: Okay, man.
Jake: [laughs] Yeah, nice. Goji Berry Man, you sleep on the left side of the bed normally. Now you sleep on the right!
Goji Berry Man: Okay.
[He switches places with Mabel.]
Mabel: I don't like sleeping on your side. It's too close to the wall!
Jake: Mr. Goji Berry, you sleep on your back now—and on top of the covers.
Goji Berry Man: I can't sleep on my back, man. I got sleep apnea. I won't get any sleep. My wife won't get any sleep. My dance instructing will suffer.
Jake: Turning down all this smoosh, huh? Dance instruction pays more than I thought. [starts walking off]
Goji Berry Man: Wait, man! There's got to be something else we can do to get those gold coins.
Jake: Well, sure, man. As a matter of fact, you can have all the gold coins... all the gold coins you can eat!
Wildberry People: [gasp]
Jake: Dinner is served! [dumps a moneybag on each of their plates] Yummy, yummy, yummy. Hey, you kids need some desert? I'll just see what I can rustle up—in the toolshed! [laughs loudly] [walks off]
Finn: Guys, I'm super sorry about my friend. Here. [gives them two moneybags]
[The Wildberry People start munching the bags.]
Finn: Don't eat it, ya dums!
[The scene cuts to outside the house, where Jake is coming back from the toolshed with a wheelbarrow of various indigestible items.]
Jake: How much do you think I'd have to pay them to lick the dust off all this dusty stuff?
Finn: Dude, I do not approve of the way you're spending money right now.
Jake: Dude, they're not doing anything they don't want to. They want my sweet cheddar, and I want to see some stuff in exchange. It's mutual—free market.
Finn: What?
Jake: Free market! [wheels the barrow to the house]
Finn: [to himself] Don't worry, brother. I'll help you see the error of your ways.
[Back in the Wildberry Kingdom, the Wildberry kids are standing on the pile of loot. Finn runs up to them.]
Finn: Berry lads! Berry lads! I need to spend all this blingo fast.
Wildberry kid: Okay.
Finn: Take me to the seediest alley in the kingdom.
Wildberry kid: That's Crudberry Back Alley... in Crud Town.
[In Crudberry Back Alley, some homeless Wildberry People are sleeping on the ground. Finn and the Wildberry kids arrive with a wheelbarrow of treasure.]
Finn: Friendly Crudberries, I have money for you! Come get it!
Hobos: Money? Money!
Finn: Easy, fellas! Let's pass these out one at a time.
[A hobo tries to take one of Finn's bags.]
Finn: Hey, take it easy, breh.
Hobo: Give us that money! [punches Finn]
Finn: I-I-I don't want any trouble. [punches a hobo] I'm trying to help you.
[They continue fighting each other in the alley. Finn then runs out with his face covered in juice.]
Finn: [sits] Whew! [pants]
[One of the hobos peaks around the corner, but Finn punches him with his eyes closed.]
Jake: How much coin would it take for you to be my berry foot warmer?
Finn: Dude!
Jake: Oh, hey, man.
Finn: Jake, this money is bad. We got to get rid of all of it right now.
Jake: Okay, I got a plan. And this time, it's gonna involve all the money.
[The song "Money" plays as Finn and Jake bribe their way past several guards and the elevator operator to Wildberry Princess, who is sleeping in a tub of meat in a "decompressing" room.]
[Jake throws moneybags at the door.]
Wildberry Princess: [yawns]
[Jake continues throwing the bags and breaks down the door.]
Wildberry Princess: Finn and Jake?
Jake: Princess, are you ready to earn all this cay-ash?
Wildberry Princess: What...?
Jake: All of this sweet, sweet crunkle is yours if you let me... [holds up a tiny stool] sit on your head.
Wildberry Princess: [yelling] Get out of here!
Jake: [scoffs] No one can say no to this much dinero. ♪M-m-money♪
Wildberry Princess: Jake, I am warning you.
[Jake shrinks down and sits on Wildberry Princess' head.]
Jake: ♪M-m-money♪
Wildberry Princess: [growls]
Jake: ♪M-m-money♪
Wildberry Princess: Aah! Guards! Guards! Seize Finn and Jake and prepare them for execution!
Jake: Or don't do that and get paid mad bucks.
Wildberry Princess: And take all their money!
Jake: Take all my money?!
[The scene cuts to Finn and Jake hanging by their wrists on a stage.]
Jake: Well, we were trying to get rid of all that skrilla anyway, right?
Wildberry Princess: Finn and Jake, yes, you have insulted me, but worse than that, you have abused the power of money!
Crowd: [gasps]
Wildberry Princess: We will deal with you swiftly and ironically by encasing you in your own molten gold!
[Above Finn and Jake, a Wildberry Person stirs a gigantic pot of liquid gold.]
Wildberry Princess: Release the golden flood!
[A Wildberry Person turns a crank, which releases the flow of gold.]
Finn: [gasps]
[Just before the gold pours on to Finn and Jake, an arrow hits the chute and pushes it over the Strawberry Guard.]
Strawberry Guard: Oh, no! Aah!
[Gold encases the Strawberry Guard. The crowd disperses, screaming.]
Wildberry Princess: Who dares?
BMO: Ho, ho, ho! Robbing Hood is the defender of the poor!
[A Jelly Horse gallops up, with Neptr tied to its side.]
Neptr: Me too!
Jake: Good shot, BMO!
BMO: I was aiming for the rope. [shoots an arrow] Yeah!
[The arrow hits Jake in the armpit. Jake pulls it out and cuts Finn and Jake's ropes with it.]
Jake: Let's bounce, po' boy.
[They all get on the Jelly Horse and ride away.]
Wildberry Princess: Finn and Jake, if you ever return to Wildberry Kingdom again, I'll have you double-dipped in gold! Unless I get a written apology.
[Outside the Tree Fort, Finn spots a coin.]
Finn: Huh? Gold piece. You want to flip to see who writes that apology letter?
Jake: How about you write it, I sign it.
Finn: [laughs] No way, man.
[Finn and Jake enter the now-empty treasure room. Finn flips the coin, which rolls across the floor and down a hole.]

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Ghost Fly" from season 6, which aired on October 28, 2014.

Characters
Finn
Jake
BMO
Ghost Fly
Music
None
Locations
Tree Fort
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[A thunderstorm rages outside the Tree Fort. Inside, BMO is practicing karate.]
BMO: Kya! Kya! [reading karate magazine] Hmm.
[The magazine reads, "How to stop a man's heart with karate: 1. 'Focus chi' and 2. 'Stop a man's heart'" with diagrams depicting each action.]
BMO: Ohhh, that's pretty good. Kya! [punches a hole in the punchbag pillow]
Jake: [covers ears] BMO... keep it down!
BMO: But you said 8:00 to 10:00 is my time to do karate. It's my karate time!
Jake: I know, but I got a headache, and I'm in a funky mood.
Finn: What's wrong, dude?
Jake: I don't know. I think I got restless leg syndrome.
Finn: Is that from getting chubby?
Jake: What? No, man, it's just restless leg.
Finn: Oop! My bad.
Jake: What are you reading?
Finn: This old copy of Adventure Boy magazine—the only magazine for boy adventurers. This kid Rusty is getting chased down the river by three grown otters. This magazine rules! But I'm saving the end for tomorrow. [closes magazine]
Jake: Cool.
Finn: Well, I hope your leg feels better. I'm turning in. I'll see you up there.
Jake: [blows raspberry]
BMO: [sing-song] Jake...
Jake: No, BMO.
BMO: KYA! [punches pillow]
Jake: [screams] No, BMO! No more! [walking into kitchen] Maybe some soup will take the edge off.
[Jake starts preparing a pot of soup. A fly lands on the edge and slurps it.]
Jake: Ew! Gross! Nasty! [smacks it with a flyswatter] Hyah!
[The fly flails its legs a little, then stops moving.]
Jake: I'm sorry you were born a fly and I had to kill you, you disgusting, disgusting creature.
BMO: Kya! Kya! Kya!
Jake: BMO, PLEASE!
[Outside, the rain has stopped. Jake climbs upstairs and into his bed.]
Jake: [yawns, smacks lips]
[Suddenly, some rattling and knocking sounds are heard coming from downstairs.]
Jake: [sits up] Finn, was that you?
Finn: [snores]
Jake: [lies back down] Probably just BMO or something.
[The record downstairs is heard playing jazz.]
Jake: That's weird. BMO doesn't like 30's jazz. [climbs downstairs] Yeesh. Creepy. [takes the needle off the record]
[On a shelf above Jake, a toy monkey starts clacking its cymbals together repeatedly.]
Jake: [gasps] [fearfully] I didn't know we had one of those.
Voice: [spookily] Oooooo...
Jake: [panting] Hey, hey. Hey, who?
[A ghost fly appears and slowly moves toward Jake.]
Jake: Aah!
Ghost Fly: Ooooooo...
Jake: Hey! I killed you!
[The fly swoops at Jake and buzzes around his head.]
Jake: Aah! [tries waving it away, then runs] Aah! Ghost fly touching me! [climbs upstairs] Finn! Finn!
[The fly continues buzzing around Jake.]
Finn: [jerks awake] Aah!
Jake: Ghost fly, man! Aah! Aah!
Finn: Okay.
Jake: Come on, man. Let's get out of the house. It's a ghost fly!
Finn: So what?
Jake: No, man, ghost flies are filthy! They carry diseases, such as tuberculosis, polio, dysentery. They leave those little fly doodies on your soul.
[The ghost fly swoops in and out of Jake's torso.]
Jake: Aah!
[The ghost fly conjures a scythe out of nowhere and chases after Finn and Jake. They dodge its attack and jump downstairs.]
BMO: Finn, Jake! What's wrong?!
Finn & Jake: Ghost fly!
BMO: [screams]
[The three run out of the tree fort. They stop after a few seconds.]
Jake: [sighs] Thank goodness we lost him. He's gone.
[Suddenly, the ghost fly appears beside him.]
Ghost Fly: Whoo. [swishes scythe]
Jake: [screams]
BMO: Run! Just run!
[Jake and BMO bump into Finn.]
Finn: Ay-ay-ay-ay!
[They all run back into the Tree Fort, with the ghost fly follows closely. BMO stops and turns around to face it.]
BMO: Hmm. [punching] Kya! Kya!
[The ghost fly telepathically levitates BMO and throws it against the wall.]
Jake: We should ask what its unfinished business is. Ghosts always have unfinished business.
Finn: Ghost fly, what's your problem?!
[The ghost fly swipes its scythe at him.]
Finn: Come on, dude. Tell us your unfinished business!
[The ghost fly swipes two more times.]
Finn: Aah! It's no good. He's a tortured little spirit. We need help to communicate with this ghost fly.
Jake: Nah, man, let's just get someone to banish it—someone with serious paranormal juice. [dials phone]
[The scene cuts to a silhouette sitting at a table. His phone rings twice; he silences it. The silhouette, wearing a hat and carrying a bag, approaches the Tree Fort. Back inside, Finn, Jake, and BMO are hiding inside a suit of armor.]
BMO: Is he coming soon?
Jake: I think so. His ways are kind of mysterious.
Finn: That's cool.
[The ghost fly flies into the suit of armor.]
Finn, Jake & BMO: [scream]
[Finn throws off the top half of the armor and runs. Clattering and shouting are heard offscreen as the mysterious person enters the Tree Fort. Finn, Jake, and BMO are hiding behind a table barricade while the fly swipes at them. On hearing the person enter, the fly turns toward him.]
Ghost Fly: Woo?
Peppermint Butler: Let's get this ritual rolling. I got stuff to do.
Ghost Fly: Woo! [swipes at Peppermint Butler]
Peppermint Butler: Hey! No! Unclean demon, feel the sting of holy water! [throws water at the ghost fly]
[The ghost fly dodges it and flies into a hole in the wall.]
Jake: [quietly] Thank you.
Peppermint Butler: [drawing chalk circles around Finn, Jake, and BMO] These circles will protect you from the ghost's attacks while I prepare the banishing ritual. Worry not, fellow believers, for in this bag, I possess all the darkest and most powerful tools of magic ever to be assembled in one place. We're perfectly safe—as long as... [the ghost fly picks up the bag] we... have...
[The ghost fly takes the bag into the hole in the wall. Peppermint Butler puts his hat on, jumps out the window, and runs away. The ghost fly comes out and flies toward Jake but is stopped by the circle.]
Jake: Well, huh. How about that? No biggie. We'll just hang out inside these magic circles until morning. That's when ghosts go to sleep. Yep. Just got to make it... till morning.
[The ghost fly buzzes in circles around them while wailing spookily. A time lapse shows storm clouding rolling past the Tree Fort. Eventually, the ghost fly stops.]
Ghost Fly: Woo! [flies offscreen]
[Finn hears the sound of papers rustling.]
Finn: Hmm?
[On the table, the magazine he was reading flips to the page he was on and turns toward him.]
Finn: [gasps] The end of my story. And it's so close.
Jake: Don't do it, bro. It's a trap.
Finn: I know. It's an obvi trap. But wait. What if... watch this. Ha! [grabs chalk and draws a bigger circle] Mm?
Jake: Dude, what are you—?
Finn: If I extend the circle... [erases old circle] farther... I can get closer to the magazine.
BMO: Theoretically, that is possible.
Jake: Yeah, but I'm still getting a "woo-jah" feeling. This seems like a bad idea.
Finn: Just have to stay inside this circle.
[From an aerial view, the "circle" is evidently an outline of a woman.]
Finn: Ha ha! How'd you do it, Rusty? How'd you shake them otters? [picks up magazine] [laughs] Man, what a great ending! [laughs again, but suddenly starts gagging]
Jake: Finn? What's wrong, buddy?
Finn: [breathing strangely] [turns around, revealing he has transformed into a fly]
Jake & BMO: [scream]
Jake: Oh, Finn, you're disgusting!
[Finn crouches and grunts as he sprouts two wings. He flies up to the ceiling and spits on the floor near Jake and BMO.]
Jake: Aw, that's it! I've had it with this ghost fly! I wish I were a ghost so I could punch him with my ghost fist!
BMO: Jake, I have a radical option. I've been studying a karate move that could temporarily stop your heart long enough for you to fight the ghost on his own plane of existence.
Jake: What?
BMO: It's okay! I learned it out of a magazine.
Jake: [looks at Finn crawling on the ceiling] Finn... [to BMO] All right. But first you got to give me some unfinished business so I can come back as a ghost.
BMO: Tell me a joke.
Jake: Okay. What do you call a bear that only attacks guys named Paul?
BMO: Kya! [punches Jake]
Jake: [choking] [becomes pale and falls backwards]
BMO: I killed Jake! Yay, BMO!
Ghost Jake: Whoa! BMO, you killed me. Whoa. Wow. Wow! [disappears]
BMO: Jake! I can't hear you! I will start your heart up in five minutes, okay? [holds up fingers] This many!
Jake: Okay. Five minutes. Whoa.
[Several spirits of insects, animals, and furniture are seen.]
Jake: Is this some kind of low-level dead world? That's a bummer.
[Finn's body suddenly drops onto Jake's.]
Jake: Aah!
[The ghost fly flies toward him and gashes his arm.]
Jake: Aah! Oh, stuff! Aah!
[The ghost fly starts chasing Ghost Jake.]
Jake: Ohh! Ohh! Get away! [throws a ghost cat at the ghost fly]
[The ghost fly cuts it in half, causing it to disappear.]
Jake: Aah! You killed it! Aah!
[The ghost fly cuts a ghost table in half and continues chasing Jake.]
Jake: Aah! Aah! Get away!
[Jake continues throwing ghosts at the ghost fly, who slices each in half with his scythe. The ghost fly then catches up with Jake and slices his lower back.]
Jake: [screams]
[Floating into the kitchen, Jake trips over a cat and bumps the stove, knocking the pot of soup onto the floor. The ghost fly charges toward Jake.]
Jake: [screams]
[Just then, the ghost of the soup appears beside Jake.]
Ghost Soup: Oooooo...
Ghost Fly: [stops] Hmm?
Ghost Soup: Hoooooo!
[The ghost fly starts slurping the ghost soup.]
Jake: That's right. You never finished the soup. That's your unfinished business!
Ghost Fly: [nodding] Woo-woo.
Jake: And now that you've finished it, you get to ascend to a glorious, new peaceful realm.
[The ghost fly nods and starts shining and ascending slowly.]
Jake: [in awe] Ahhh. Bam! [slaps the fly to the floor, making it disappear in a cloud of smoke] Shouldn't have tried to kill me, son! [blows at smoke] Yes! [starts ascending and glowing] What's happening? Oh, BMO must be bringing me back! Yes! Yeah, BMO!
[Jake wakes up in a hospital bed.]
Jake: Mm. BMO?
[Finn and BMO run to Jake and embrace him.]
Finn: Jake, I missed you, bro!
BMO: Jake!
Finn: Don't ever leave me again!
Jake: Good job, BMO! You brought me back.
BMO: [weakly] Yes. Yay, BMO. BMO is so good.
[Doctor Princess and Nurse Pound Cake are standing by with a defibrillator, having just used it on Jake.]
Doctor Princess: Whew!

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Ghost Princess" from season 3, which aired on January 30, 2012.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Ghost Princess
Clarence
Ne'er-do-well ghosts
Music
None
Locations
Hamburger Hills Cemetery
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode starts in the woods with Finn and Jake by a campfire. Finn is roasting hot dog meat.]
Finn: Just about done.
Jake: Mm, oh boy.
Finn: How much Softy Cheesy for ya deezy? A little? A lot?
Jake: Blech! None!
Finn: But you used to love Softy Cheese!
Jake: I don't wanna talk about it.
[Camera becomes someone's point of view. The person is viewing Finn and Jake; the person rushes towards Finn. Finn feels a gust of wind and hears a noise. He spits out his food.]
Finn: What was that?
Jake: Probably an owl. [Takes a bite of his hot dog] Mm... Mm, mm... [Spits out his food] A ghost!!
[Ghost Princess is seen floating towards them.]
Finn: Dude. It's just Ghost Princess. Hey, GP. [She howls.] [Whispering to Jake] She's weird, huh? [Ghost Princess gets closer to Finn and howls again.] How's it goin'?
[She flies around and howls some more.]
Jake: Are you haunting us?
Ghost Princess: Yeeeeessss...
Jake: Oh, okay.
[She resumes howling.]
Finn: [Tactfully] Well, could ya knock it off??
Ghost Princess: Sorry... It's just... I'm doomed to haunt this mortal plane...
Jake: Oh. Well, let's hear more about that, honey.
Ghost Princess: Until I discover the cause of my death, my soul can't ascend to the 50th Dead World. But as a ghost, I have no memory of my mortal life... and no idea how I died...
Finn: [Gasps] It's a crime case!
Jake: Whoa, step back, nephew. We don't know she was moidered!
Finn: That's right. We don't even know how she was moida'd, but I'm the hard-boiled sleuth who's gonna crack your case wiiiide open!
Ghost Princess: OH! That sounds wonderful!
[Scene transitions to Ghost Princess's home cemetery.]
Ghost Princess: This way, gentlemen!
[The three enter.]
Jake: Whoa. Your neighborhood is... uh... very peaceful.
Ghost Princess: It's the cradle of my despair...
Jake: [Awkwardly] Right, right.
Ghost Princess: Well... here's me.
[Finn slides off Jake and goes to a grave.]
Finn: Our first clue! [Reading grave] "Female." It's a good start, but we need more. Jake, it's time to interrogate the neighbors. We'll do it good cop bad cop style. I CALL BAD COP!
Jake: Awww...
[Finn walks over to a grave.]
Finn: Yo, ghost! Yo, yo! Yo, wake up, fool! Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo.
[Ghost comes out of grave]
Boilbee: What?!?!
Finn: Yo, ghost, whaddaya know about the lady buried next to you?
Boilbee: What, you mean her? [Pointing at Ghost Princess] She's been here longer than almost anybody!
Ghost Princess: He's right...! [Starts crying]
Boilbee: And don't think I don't see what you do, Ghost Princess.
Ghost Princess: What...?
Boilbee: Sneakin' off at night, scarin' peeps, hauntin' at all hours... 'cause you can't deal with your issues!
[Ghost Princess gasps and cries again. Boilbee chuckles. A cheese puff is thrown at him.]
Clarence: Leave her be, Boilbee.
Boilbee: Whaaat?
Clarence: A princess deserves empathy, not your sass. [Throws another cheese puff at him]
[Ghost Princess gapes in awe.]
Boilbee: Nyeee... nyeee... Butt out, Clarence!
Clarence: Some of us still want to feel, you know? The vital... [Eats another cheese puff] ...magnetism of life. [Ghost Princess stares in amazement.] The vibrating energies that connect all living and... nonliving beings.
Boilbee: Nyaaargh! I don't like your words! Arrrgh... [Sinks back in the ground]
Ghost Princess: [To Clarence] I'm Ghost Princess. Have we met before? I feel like we have.
Clarence: I don't think so, m'lady, but I am honorèd.
Finn: Whadda you know about Ghosty-pees gettin' murdle-lurdled?
Clarence: Sorry, I don't know anything. I can't imagine anyone who would harm someone as beautiful as this. [Kisses her hand]
Jake: Whoa. Smooth.
Clarence: Did you try looking yonder? [Points away] That's where the ne'er-do-well ghosts hang out.
Finn: Right... Ne'er-do-wellers. Let's do this, Jake.
Jake: [To Ghost Princess and Clarence, running off with Finn] You stay, and eat cheese puffs!
[The two ghosts throw cheese puffs into each other's mouths and laugh. Scene cuts to the ne'er-do-well ghosts' graveyard.]
Finn: Geez. Look at this place. It's all bunked up.
Jake: Yeah, no wonder this is where the ne'er-do-wells go when they deezy. I got a feelin' these ghosts are gonna be harder to shake than Boilbee.
Finn: Yeah, well get ready, 'cause this biz is gonna get ridonk.
Jake: Cool, man. Hey, can I be bad cop now?
Finn: No. Okay, let's check this guy out.
[They walk over to a grave]
Jake: What's it say?
Finn: [Reading grave] "Some donkus." WAKE UP, DONKUS! WE GOT QUESTIONS! DINGUS! TIME TO SING, YA CANARY! [Digs into the grave while grunting; opens coffin] BAM!! YAH! [Grabs body] What'chu know about Ghost Princess, huh?! Give it up, Dungus!
Jake: Hey, man, take it easy.
Finn: [Slaps Jake's hand off] You do your job, I do mine! [To body, in a low growling voice] TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW, PUNK!! Uh-oh. [Picks up broken dagger] What's this? A busted knife. Is this your knife, bro? TELL ME!!! [To Jake, whispering] Jake, good cop...
Jake: Alright. Cool off, bad cop! [Pulls Finn back] This ghost ain't home, man!
Finn: [Pants heavily] Well, you're lucky my partner's here... pal.
Jake: He's not worth it, man.
Finn: [Grunts] These ghosts think I'm playin'. They think it's all a big game. But you know what? You know what I'm gonna do?
Jake: What?
Finn: I'm gonna turn this game... UP-SIDE-DOWN!!! [His voice echoes.]
[Scene cuts to the location of the Spirit Waves show. Ghost Princess and Clarence are there.]
Ghost Princess: So, you really don't know how you died either?
Clarence: Of course not. [To ticket vendor] Two, please. [To Ghost Princess] And we might never find out, but that's okay because right now, in this moment, I'm feeling pretty sweetles, you know?
Ghost Princess: I feel... sweetles also in this moment also.
Clarence: That's great, Ghost Princess. I'm glad we can feel this way together, in the face of uncertainty.
Ghost Announcer: Llllladies and gents! The center for Ghost Community Outreach and ghostdates.com present... SPIRIT WAVES!
[Audience applauds; Spirit Waves starts performing.]
Clarence: More beautiful than I could imagine.
Ghost Princess: Are you talking about Spirit Waves...?
Clarence: I'm talking... about you, Princess.
[Scene cuts back to the ne'er-do-well ghosts' graveyard.]
Finn: YYYYAAAAAH!! [Rapidly batters a fryer basket with a stick then breaks a pole by kicking it] GHOSTS! YOU GHOSTS! COME OUT! [Throws the stick at what looks like a tree then starts running around panting]
[Jake discreetly steals a ring from a dead hand.]
Jake: I think this place is abandoned, man.
Finn: They're just hidin' 'cause they know they're guilty!
[Muscular Ghosts enter.]
Muscular Ghost 1: Yo! Yo! That's my grave! Why're you fops trashin' our spot?!
Finn: [Nervously] We thought you were... hiding.
Muscular Ghost 2: Dude. We were at the Spirit Waves show.
Muscular Ghost 3: Kill these fools!
[They charge.]
Finn: BRING IT ON, YOU MAMAS!
[Clarence and Ghost Princess drop in.]
Clarence: Hold up! These guys are with me.
Muscular Ghost 3: ...A'ight, Clarence, but only because of that one time when I did that thing by accident and you were cool about it.
Muscular Ghost 1: It's your lucky day, punks.
[Muscular Ghosts sink into the ground.]
Jake: Phew! Thanks, Clarence!
Finn: Yo, I'm sorry we haven't solved the case yet.
Ghost Princess: It's alright, Finn... I'm calling off the investigation.
Finn: What? Why?
Ghost Princess: I don't feel tormented anymore now that I'm with Clarence.
Finn: Oh. That's... that's cool.
Ghost Princess: It's hard to explain, but it's like we already know each other.
Clarence: I feel it, too. Our spirits must be intwined in the cosmic wheel of time.
Jake: Nice!
Clarence: Let's go to my private mausoleum where we can be... private. [Exits with Ghost Princess]
Finn: Yugh!
Ghost Princess: [To Finn, exiting] Thanks for your help...!
Finn: A'ight. [Sighs] [Scene cut; Finn and Jake are walking out of the cemetery] Man... I wanted to crack the case, y'know?
Jake: Look on the bright side, guy! We looted all this sweet grave booty! Ka-ching! [Drops a variety of treasures]
Finn: Jake! You looted?! That's bad, man! You're supposed to be good cop.
Jake: Oops... I didn't know it was wrong.
Finn: Come on, let's put all this stuff back.
Jake: What?! All of it?!
Finn: Yes, Jake. [Wipes dust off broken dagger] Huh. This dagger says, "Rence."
Jake: What's that?
Finn: I guess some donkus's real name was... [In realization] ReeeeEEEENCE?!!
[Flashback begins.]
Ghost Princess [In flashback]: Have we met before?
[Transition to next memory]
Ghost Princess [In flashback]: It's hard to explain, but it's like we already know each other.
[Transition to next memory]
Finn [In flashback]: Is this your knife, bro?
[Transition to next memory]
Jake [In flashback]: This ghost ain't home, man.
[Flashback ends.]
Jake: What is it, dude??
Finn: [Low, growling voice] ...We gotta dig up the princess.
[Cut back to the cemetery; Finn is digging in Ghost Princess's grave, grunting.]
Finn: Look! [Pointing at a piece of a blade stuck in Ghost Princess's physical body; he pulls it out] Sorry. [To Jake] Lookit! [Puts dagger pieces together; the name "CLARENCE" is formed] "Cla-rence." Clarence was some donkus!
Jake: Some donkus skee-bopped Ghost Princess!!
[Cut to the mausoleum; Clarence and Ghost Princess are about to kiss, but Finn and Jake interrupt by busting in.]
Jake: STOP!
Finn: Clarence is your murdler!
[Finn puts the dagger in the light so they can see; the light rests on Ghost Princess. Suddenly, Ghost Princess gasps and then grunts [Nyaaargh!] and her eyes light up. A flashback begins. War is about to rage. Warrior Princess puts on her helmet and charges with her army, spear in hand. Clarence charges with his army, sword and shield in his hands.]
Clarence: Warrior Princess! Give up your kingdom!
Warrior Princess: Never! Not even to you, my love!! [They run into each other - Clarence blocks Warrior Princess' spear attack and plunges his sword deep into her with a sickening stabbing sound.] Aaagh... [Takes off her helmet, barely clinging to life] Clarence... I--... [Exhales as she dies]
Clarence: My love... [Sobbing] NOOOOOO!!! [With his only love now slain by his blade, Clarence continues weeping as Warrior Princess' soul leaves her now-useless husk of a body behind]
[Flashback ends and Ghost Princess's eyes dim, now knowing her cause of death.]
Clarence: I... did it?
Ghost Princess: I forgive you, Clarence! Take my hands! Ascend with me to the 50th Dead Wooorld...!
[Clarence attempts to grip her hands but his phase through hers.]
Clarence: I can't! My soul is stuck! I have to know how I died! Oh, Glob... My life is like a fart.
Jake: Whoa, wait a minute. Say that again!
Clarence: MY LIFE IS LIKE A FART!!!
Jake: I know you, man! From the Squeez-E-Mart!
Clarence: Huh? Uh... Squeez-E-Mart? I'm starting to remember! [Eyes light up and flashback begins at the Squeez-E-Mart.] [Voice over] I was a broken man.
[Clarence in the flashback is lying on the floor, feeling like a fart after the war. After he slew Warrior Princess. He pulls himself up to Tonya, the cashier.]
Clarence [In flashback]: More.
Tonya: Think you've had enough, man.
Clarence [In flashback]: I don't care. My life is like a fart.
Jake [In flashback]: Huh?
Clarence [In flashback]: [Walks over to the Softy Cheese dispenser] My life is like a fart! [Drinks Softy Cheese from the dispenser]
Tonya: HEY! HEY, STOP THAT!
Jake [In flashback]: CITIZEN'S ARREST! [Clarence ignores him and bloats up.] Hey, be careful, man!!
[Too late. Clarence dies a disgusting death as he explodes in a "cheesy" explosion. Jake, with some Softy Cheese splattered on him, is traumatized by this. Clarence's soul leaves what's left of his body, with Softy Cheese splattered all over the place like blood. Flashback ends and Clarence's eyes dim, finally knowing his own death too.]
Finn: So that's why you don't like Softy Cheese!
Ghost Princess: Claaareeence!!!
Clarence: Ghost Princess!!!
[They kiss and ascend together, blasting the mausoleum to pieces doing so.]
Jake: Congratulations, you kids!
Finn: Haha, yeah!
Ghost Princess: [To Finn and Jake] Goodbyyye...! Thanks for everything!
Clarence: [To Finn and Jake] Thanks for everything! Goodbye!
[They kiss and explode into fireworks. Camera pans down to the ground and shows Finn and Jake at their campfire from the beginning of the episode.]
Finn: You sure you're ready for this, man?
Jake: Yeah. Gimme one a' them cheesy dogs, man.
[Finn does so. Jake takes a bite and swallows with visible difficulty.]
Finn: All gone? [Jake nods.] Lemme see. Move your tongue left...
Jake: [Moving his tongue left] Wah-vah.
Finn: ...And right.
Jake: [Moving his tongue right] Vah.
Finn: I'm proud of you, pal. Real proud.
[Jake lets out a small burp and the episode ends.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Gold Stars" from season 6, which aired on January 29, 2015.

Characters
The Lich
Sweet P
Tree Trunks
Mr. Pig
Finn
Jake
Banana Guards
Candy People
Candy Kids
King of Ooo
Toronto
Music
None
Locations
Tree Trunks' house
Candy Kingdom school
Candy Kingdom town
King of Ooo's shack
a Dimensional void
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[The scene begins with The Lich surrounded by fire and wailing spirits. He cackles at the chaos around him.]
Sweet P: [screams and wakes up in his bed, clutching his blanket. From outside the door he can hear Tree Trunks' reassuring tone.]
Tree Trunks: Hold on, Sweet Pig Trunks. We're coming. [She and Mr. Pig enter Sweet P's room through a small door flap.]
Sweet P: [Holding out his large hands, his parents stand on them and he lifts them to his cheeks and weeps.]
Tree Trunks: There, there, Sweet P, it was just a dream. [She says as she rubs his shoulders] [She wipes away his tears with her trunk and he calms down.]
Sweet P: Just a dream. [Smiles]
Mr. Pig: That's my brave little boy. Now you better get dressed; today's your first day of school!
Sweet P: [Gasps]
[In the kitchen Tree Trunks has cooked breakfast. Sweet P receives a pile of eggs cooked sunny-side up, toast, and an apple.]
Tree Trunks: Now eat up. [She cranks the table upward so he can eat his food.]
Sweet P: Yum!
Mr. Pig: That's fuel you're gonna need later to soak up allll the education!
Sweet P: [Mouth full of food] Yesh, dahd! [Slurps up the rest of his eggs]
Tree Trunks: [Holding a lunchbox] Okay, there's your lunch and an apple for the teacher. [Tree Trunks and Mr. Pig both "aww" at their son.]
[Sweet P steps outside the house. Surrounding the home are the Banana Guards, three helicopters, and Finn & Jake.]
Tree Trunks: Golly, it's awful nice of y'all to take Sweet P to school on his first day.
Finn: [Hiding behind a Banana Guard] Our pleas', T.T.!
Jake: Yeah, first day of school can be real tough. We wouldn't want Sweet P freaking out or awakening any latent evil spirits within himself! [Cautious laughter]
[Tree Trunks and Mr. Pig only stare blankly.]
Mr. Pig: Well, we're gonna miss you, son. [He and Tree Trunks hug Sweet P's leg tightly.]
Jake: [to Finn] You think he's still secretly evil, that he's still all "Lich-y" in there?
Finn: Mm, not sure.
Jake: I don't know, Finn, he just seems so... sweet! [Sweet P hugs his parents back.]
Finn: [Unconvinced] Mm.
Mr. Pig & Tree Trunks: [Waving] Bye!
Sweet P: Bye!
Mr. Pig & Tree Trunks: [Passionately kiss]
[The group continues walking out of the orchard as Sweet P hums to himself.]
Jake: [to Finn] So far so good. [They both gasp as they see a squirrel whose head is stuck in a glass jar.]
Finn: Fat squirrel in trub! Gah! [Sees Sweet P running towards the squirrel] Oh, no! [Jake pulls him back.]
Jake: Wait, Finn. Let's just see how this plays out.
Sweet P: [Reaches the struggling squirrel and turns the jar over. The squirrel's head slides out, and it lets out a sigh of relief. Sweet P then pats it gently.]
Jake: Daww!
Finn: Hmm...
[They all arrive at the school. Sweet P is standing on the inside of the school's area. Outside, Finn takes out a notebook and checks a box next to "First day of school."]
Finn: Alright, welp, see you later, Sweet P! [Waves]
Jake: Bye. [Waves]
Sweet P: Bye, Teddy-Man. [Waves] [He taps his fingers together for a bit. When a voice behind him shouts, he turns to see three other kids.]
Kid 1: Hey, Baby-Man! Did your grandma knit your clothes?
Sweet P: Yeah, and she's my mom! [All the kids laugh at this, and Sweet P laughs too.]
Kid 1: Why are you laughing, Baby-Man? You're not even a real kid!
Sweet P: Huh?!
Kid 1: You're nothing but a big, weird baby-man! [The kids laugh snarkily, which brings Sweet P to tears.] [The teacher rings the bell, and all the kids, except Sweet P, run inside.] Baby-Man!
Sweet P: [Sniffles and sits down hugging his knees. There are two adults that witness the scene, and they watch him.]
King of Ooo: Let's see what we got here. Hello there. Intimidated by those bullies, eh?
Sweet P: Uh, yeah.
King of Ooo: What's your name, kid?
Sweet P: Sweet P!
King of Ooo: I'm the one true King of Ooo. This is my attorney, Toronto. Sweet P, there are all kinds of education, you know.
Sweet P: No?
King of Ooo: Yes, sir, all kinds! Such as... dancing. You could blow off this podunk school and get a proper dance education! Then you can come back and really show those mean kids and make your parents proud!
Toronto: Hey, King of Ooo!
King of Ooo: Yes, Toronto?
Toronto: You are a certified dance instructor, right? Show the kid the dance you do.
King of Ooo: Nooo, that dance is too tough for an amateur!
Toronto: Aw, come on. You gotta show the kid. It's awesome!
King of Ooo: Yeah, I know it's awesome, but I really don't think the kid is ready.
Toronto: Ready?
King of Ooo: I don't think he's tough enough to be ready.
Sweet P: I'm tough enough to be ready!
Toronto: See?! The kid is tough... and ready!
Sweet P: [Takes the apple out of his backpack and hands it to the King of Ooo] Please?! [He jumps up and down excitedly.]
King of Ooo: Aah, I do see it!
Sweet P: [Gushes] Eee!
King of Ooo: You've got a good eye, and you're a good dog! [Hands the apple to Toronto, who holds it. Turning back to Sweet P, he lifts up his shirt to expose his belly.] Watch this, kid. [He gives a shake that sends his belly swinging back and forth.]
Sweet P: Ahh! [Sweet P lifts up his own shirt and shakes his belly. King of Ooo and Toronto nod in approval.]
King of Ooo: Well, we got us a prodigy here. You're ready for advanced classes. [The two lead Sweet P away from school and into town.] Hey, you mugs, wanna see some world-class dancing? Just turn around!
[Three Candy People have walked out of a Candy Tavern but don't turn around.]
Candy Person 1: Ah, leave me alone!
Candy Person 2: Leave me alone, too.
Candy Person 3: I'm turning around! [Turns to see Sweet P shaking his belly. He snorts and laughs, causing his fellows to turn around, walk back, and laugh as well. They laugh so heartily that their golden teeth pop out of their gums and onto the sidewalk.]
Toronto: Teeth! [Scoops them up]
King of Ooo: [Pickpockets the laughing people's money] Ha, ya did great!
Toronto: You should come back tomorrow, kid, for more dancin' lessons!
King of Ooo: Have a gold star! [Hands Sweet P a large metal gold star] Show that to your parents, kid. They'll love it! But... don't tell 'em where you got it, or you'll ruin the surprise. Just think how proud they'll be at your big, uhh, end-of-the-year recital! You understand?
Toronto: Of course Sweet P understands; he's a good boy!
Sweet P: A good boy! [Smiles giddily]
[Back at home the family is eating dinner]
Mr. Pig: So, how was school?
Tree Trunks: Yes, how'd ya do? [Sweet P shows them the gold star.] A gold star?!
Mr. Pig: I'm gonna put this where we can see it every day. [Taking the star, he goes and sticks it on the refrigerator.] Thumbs up!
Tree Trunks: Thumbs up! Come on, thumbs up! [With encouragement, Sweet P gives a thumbs up.]
Sweet P: Thumbs up! [Giggles]
[Morning arrives and Sweet P is back in town shaking his belly for a crowd of onlookers, who laugh, and as they laugh King of Ooo and Toronto steal their money.]
[At home, a gold star appears on the fridge.]
[Another morning, another location, and the act continues, resulting in more stars appearing.]
King of Ooo: Thumbs up!
Toronto: Thumbs up!
[King of Ooo and Toronto spend their newfound wealth with reckless abandon.] [They all arrive at the King of Ooo's small shack.]
King of Ooo: Well, this is our place.
Toronto: We'd invite you in, but the place is a mess.
King of Ooo: He's right; we're filthy. Listen, we all need a break. Go on home, kid, and we'll see you tomorrow!
Sweet P: Mm!
[Back at home, Mr. Pig and Tree Trunks are arm-in-arm.]
Tree Trunks: Sweet P, uh, we're going on a date. You're smart and educated enough to stay at home all by yourself.
Mr. Pig: The proof is on the fridge! [They leave.]
Sweet P: Mama and Papa will be so surprised if the refrigerator is all covered with stars when they get back. One more star should do it. I need to find King of Ooo and Toronto to get me that last star.
[Walking into town at night, Sweet P arrives at the King of Ooo's shack. Outside, Sweet P can hear them talking to each other.]
Toronto: I don't know, K.O, they've gone rancid.
King of Ooo: Horse feathers! A lick of gold paint is all it needs! [Inside the shack] Just a couple more garbage stars, eh, Toronto?
Toronto: Mo' stars means mo' dosh!
King of Ooo: Soon we'll have enough scratch to fund my big comeback! This kid is great at helping us rob people!
Toronto: And best of all, he doesn't know a thing! Because if he did...
King of Ooo & Toronto: We'd have to take care of him! [They both shake the stars violently.] [Outside, Sweet P is startled and steps back, snapping a twig. The two stop.]
Toronto: What was that?! [They go outside.]
King of Ooo: Sweet P? What did you hear?
Toronto: What does it matter?! None of it was good!
King of Ooo: We gotta take care of him.
Sweet P: Aaa! [Runs away frightened]
King of Ooo: I shouldn't have said that out loud.
Sweet P: [Runs back home] Mom, Dad! [Peeking inside his home, he sees they are not there.]
King of Ooo: Hey, kid! Toronto and I talked it over, and we decided that we're not going to [Air quotes] "Take care of you."
Toronto: We're going to burn down your orchard! [Ignites a torch]
Sweet P: [Angrily] Nooo!
King of Ooo: Yup, we're gonna burn it down—unless...
Sweet P: Unless?
King of Ooo: You leave home and your loving parents and come dance with us forever.
Toronto: Forever!
Sweet P: No! No, no, no, no, no! [Cowers]
King of Ooo: Come on, Sweet P. The people love you!
Sweet P: They do?
King of Ooo: Well, mostly they love to laugh at you. I mean, look at yourself. You're a— a— a big, weird baby-man! [Laughs]
Toronto: Baby-Man, Baby-Man [The King of Ooo joins in as they step closer to Sweet P.]
Sweet P: [His eyes capture the torch's light, they flicker, and then the scene goes dark.] Stop. [They both gasp in surprise as the torch goes out.]
Lich/Sweet P: I have learned much from you. Thank you, my teachers. And now for your... education. [His eyes produce a flame, and they all become surrounded by fire.]
Lich: Before there was time, before there was anything, there was nothing, and before there was nothing... there were monsters. [The area changes to a pile of grotesque monsters compounded together and shrieking. The King of Ooo and Toronto are terrified.] Here's your gold star! [Lich/Sweet P opens his mouth, and out pours black smoke. There is a flash of light as the King of Ooo screams. Sweet P gasps and snaps out of his trance, panting heavily.]
Sweet P: Mr. King of Ooo? [He sees the two covered in soot as they rub their eyes, still in fear.]
King of Ooo & Toronto: Monster! Monster! Waaaaah!! [They take off their valuables and run out of the orchard.]
Sweet P: [Stares at his hands and squeezes them] Just a dream!
[In the morning, Tree Trunks and Mr. Pig sit at the table. Sweet P enters with his hands behind his back.]
Tree Trunks & Mr. Pig: Morning, son - Sweet P!
Sweet P: [Gasps in excitement and lifts his hands to toss gold coins and jewelry onto the table] Surprise!
Tree Trunks: Oh, my, my, where did you get all this bling?
Sweet P: [Shrugs] Uhh, my teachers!
Tree Trunks: Wow, how nice of those teachers!
Sweet P: Mm-hmm! [Smiles]
[In the school yard, kids gather and play around as they wait for the bell to ring.] [The three kids from before are there wearing yellow tops and bottoms. Sweet P arrives, playing with the fat squirrel he saved days before.]
Kid 1: Hey, Baby-Man, guess who we are! [They all dance, stop, point at Sweet P and harshly laugh.]
Sweet P: [Tears well up in his eyes, but he calms himself. The kids are confused by his reaction.] [Sweet P lifts up his shirt and shakes his belly, causing the kids to double over in laughter.] [The bell rings, and Sweet P and runs into the school, humming happily.]
Episode ends
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Goliad" from season 4, which aired on June 4, 2012.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Goliad
Princess Bubblegum
Stormo
Music
None
Locations
Candy Kingdom
Candy Kingdom Preschool
Princess Bubblegum's castle
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode begins with Jake trying to form a cube with his body while Finn is trying to build a stick fort using twigs]
Jake: What'ya building?
[Finn stops building the stick fort.]
Finn: Um, it's just a little stick fort.
Jake: Oh, rad!
[Jake shrinks to a suitable size to play with the Stick Fort]
Jake: Look. It's just my size.
[Finn and Jake both laugh while Jake climbs onto the top of the fort]
Jake: [Role-playing] Hey, get away from my fort, you big stinky monster!
Finn: I like it when you get small, Jake.
[Jake picks up a leaf from one of the sticks]
Jake: Yeah, me too.
[Stick fort starts shaking mysteriously]
Jake: Whoa, whoa!
[The fort smashes into pieces. Jake falls but lands on his legs. Peppermint Butler appears from underneath the broken stick fort pieces.]
Finn: [Surprised] Whoa, Peppermint Butler!
Peppermint Butler: Finn, Jake, the Princess wants to see you.
[Scene changes to the Candy Kingdom, with Finn, Jake and Princess Bubblegum walking down a set of stairs.]
Princess Bubblegum: As princess of Candy Kingdom, I'm in charge of a lot of candy people. They rely on me. I can't imagine what might happen to them if I was gone. And after my brush with death at the hands of the Lich, [while yawning] I realized something. [Stops yawning] I'm not gonna live forever Finn. [Whispers] I would if I could.
[Finn and Jake stare at Bubblegum.]
Princess Bubblegum: But modern science just isn't there yet.
[Finn and Jake look at each other while Bubblegum is talking]
Princess Bubblegum: [While unlocking a door] So I engineered a replacement who can live forever.
[The door unlocks and Bubblegum opens it.]
[Finn and Jake stare.]
Princess Bubblegum: I call her... Goliad.
[Finn and Jake walk towards Goliad.]
Finn & Jake: [Finn] Wow! [Jake] Aww! She's cute.
[Jake trys to climb in her tub but Goliad pushes him out.]
[Jake laughs in response while Finn walks closer towards Goliad.]
Finn: Hi, Goliad. I'm Finn.
Jake: And I'm Jake.
Goliad: Hi, Finn. Hi, Jake.
Finn: Hi, Goliad.
Goliad: [Quietly] Hi, Finn.
[Princess Bubblegum sits on a small seat.]
Finn: What did you use to make her?
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, um... [Starts brushing Goliads's paw with a brush.] Pretty standard candy creature soup.
[Scene changes to a flashback of Princess Bubblegum trying to create Goliad.]
[Bubblegum pours in candy soup with Cinnamon Bun inside it into a mixture of a unknown green sludge.]
Princess Bubblegum [Voice-over]: Some acids.
[Bubblegum pours scientific acids into the mixture while Cinnamon bun climbs out of the green mixture]
Princess Bubblegum [Voice-over]: Some algebra.
[Bubblegum scrapes chalk dust of the small chalkboard into the mixture.]
[Bubblegum then pulls out a necklace that has a miniature treasure chest on it.]
Princess Bubblegum: [While picking out one of her baby teeth from the treasure chest] And I threw in one of my baby teeth so she had my DNA.
[Bubblegum throws the tooth into the mixture and starts stirring. Its mixture turns and starts glowing in a hot pink color.]
[Scene goes back in real time, inside the Candy Kingdom]
Finn & Jake: Wow, DNA?!
Princess Bubblegum: Yeah. All it takes is just one little tooth, or, [Pulls out one small strand of Finn's hair] a single hair.
[Bubblegum goes back to brushing Goliad's paw.]
Princess Bubblegum: It's all it takes.
[Goliad moves her paw away from the brush but Bubblegum keeps brushing in the same spot where her paw was.]
Jake: Princess Bubblegum, are you okay?
Princess Bubblegum: Yeah, I'm fine. I'm good. Haven't slept for a solid 83 hours, but... yeah, I'm good.
Jake: Aw, you should go to bed.
Princess Bubblegum: I can't go to bed, Goliad has huge, mondo mama brains.
[Goliad is then seen playing with a bunch of stuck together cubes.]
Princess Bubblegum: I still need to fill them with knowledge... [Starts yawning] about how to rule a kingdom. [Stops yawning]
[Finn and Jake go closer towards Bubblegum.]
Finn: What? Let us teach her.
Princess Bubblegum: Uhh, okay. I guess that will be all right.
Finn & Jake: [Finn] Yea! [Jake] Yeah! Teachers! [Finn] Yeah, woo-hoo! [Jake] Teach, teaching teachers.
[Goliad looks at Finn and Jake.]
[Finn starts running around towards the door and Jake stretches towards it in a pattern.]
Finn & Jake: Woow, woow, woow!
Finn: C'mon, Goliad.
[Goliad walks with Finn and Jake outside.]
Finn: [While leaving Bubblegum inside Goliad's room] See ya later, Princess! Get some sleep!
[Princess Bubblegum starts mumbling.]
Princess Bubblegum: Huh? Whu...? Bye guys...[Starts sleeping]
[Scene shifts to a playground]
Finn: Look, Goliad. This is a preschool. I'm gonna set up some obstacles and all that for you to learn on, is that okay? [starts patting Goliad]
Goliad: Yeah, thanks Finn. I'm excited to learn.
Finn: Okay, great. Jake, you go and get some kids from inside to help with the lesson and such.
Jake: Okay. C'mon, Goliad.
[Jake and Goliad walk towards the preschool building while Finn walks away and goes to find some items]
Goliad: Yes, Jake.
[Scene changes to inside the preschool room]
[Jake and Goliad walk inside]
Jake: Uhm...
[Jake and Goliad see the children being naughty and messing around]
[A peanut child jumps up and down yelling and growling]
Jake: Uhh...
[Jake notices some two candy people trying to rip one of the children's arms off while he is laughing]
[One of them rips his left arm off and starts hitting him with it]
Red Gumball/Candy Child: [while beating him up] Stinking, durken...
[A marshmallow child is seen eating some of the toys, then suddenly a screaming green candy person falls and gets injured right next to him. The marshmallow starts beating him up]
[Some more of them are messing with their nanny]
Candy Nanny: Now, now, settle down.
Goliad: Jake, these kids seem pretty scary.
Jake: Ah, nah, these kids ain't nothin'! Kids groove doozyploon! Check this out.
[Jake walks towards the kids]
Jake: Hey, there kids, who wants to play--
[Jake gets interrupted by the kids because they are shouting at him, then start running towards him]
Jake: Uhh, easy now children. Easy-
[The kids start climbing onto him]
Peanut Child: Get his brain! Get his brain!
[Goliad stares in shock]
Peanut Child: Get his eyes!
[Jake breathes in and pops the kids off of him and starts growing into a gigantic size while also turning red]
Jake: Listen up, you kids better stop donkin' around! You're gonna mess up Goliad! [kids start running in fear and stand by one of the walls] It's my way or the highway, get it? I'm Don Juan Cherry Tempo! Now march, glib blobbit!
[Kids go outside.]
[Jake shrinks back to his normal size.]
Jake: Don't be acting all crazy.
[Jake and Goliad go outside with the kids.]
[Scene changes to outside of the building with the obstacle course being created.]
Jake: Wow, holy shmow!
[Jake, Goliad, and the kids walk to the obstacle course.]
Finn: Oh, hey, y'all are just in time. You ready to pop this croc's back Dr. Goliad?
Goliad: Yeah, I think so Finn. I've learned a real lot already so far. Sooo much... from Jake.
[Jake starts to worry.]
Jake: Uh, you know, Finn... maybe this isn't such a good idea, actually.
Finn: Oh, no, it's cool. I got helmets for everybody.
[Scene shifts to Goliad and the children starting to do the course.]
Finn: Okay, Goliad, you ready to lead? [Pulling out a stop watch]
Goliad: Ready!
Finn: Okay, in 3, 2, 1... [Finn starts the stop watch timer.] Go!
[Goliad viciously reacts and starts mimicking Jake from earlier.]
Goliad: Alright, listen up! You kids better stop dunking around and get on that ramp!
[Kids start climbing up the ramp in fear.]
[Finn and Jake start worrying a lot.]
Goliad: You're gonna mess up Goliad! I'm Don Juan Cherry Temp— [Kids start progressing with the course.] Cherry Tempo! It's my way or the highway, Glob-globbit!
[Kid trys to climb up onto to the next rock but Goliad scares him off by mimicking Jake's bark.]
Finn: Stop stop! No, Goliad, no! Leading isn't about scaring people, you gotta stay calm and use your head. Use that beautiful brain, girlfriend.
Goliad: My brain? Are you sure?
Finn: Yeah! Don't be shy. Try it on me, lead me.
Goliad: Okay, Finn. [An eye comes out of her head and Goliad's psychic powers show themselves as she starts to control Finn psychokinetically.] Okay.
[Goliad makes Finn do the entire course under Goliad's PK control.]
[Finn hits a bell and falls out of her spell.]
Finn: [Starts gasping for breath and coughs.] No, Goliad, that's wrong, too.
[Jake stretches to Finn and helps him up.]
Finn: You can't just control people or whatever, it's messed up.
Goliad: No, Finn. This way is good. Everyone did what I wanted. Really fast, no mistakes, calm like you said. This is definitely is the way to lead. Definitely.
Finn: Um, no, no. ...Wait, is that true? [Starts pondering]
Jake: C'mon, Goliad. Let's go see Princess Bubblegum.
[Scene shifts to Bubblegum's bedroom]
[Finn and Jake burst through her bedroom door]
Finn:  Princess! Princess!
Jake:  Goliad's got mind control powers!
Finn: She got the wrong idea about leadership!
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, I was afraid this might happen. Where is she now?
Finn & Jake: [Finn] She's chilling in the garden! [Jake] We left her outside the garden!
[Scene shifts to the garden.]
Princess Bubblegum: Hello, Goliad.
Goliad: Hello, Princess.
Princess Bubblegum: I hear that you learned a lot today.
Goliad: Yes, I led the children.
Princess Bubblegum: But Finn said you used yelling and mind control.
Goliad: Yes, it was good.
Princess Bubblegum: Goliad, [Gets a bee on her finger] let me tell you about leadership. You see this fat bee? It's gentle [Picks up a flower] and makes the flower happy, and pollinated. They both get what they need...[Bee gets some pollen from the flower] ...and that's how leaders should be.
[Bee flies towards Goliad.]
Goliad: No, Princess. Bee cares not for flower. If getting pollen hurts or kills flower, bee would not care. [Kills the bee] Bee is stronger than flower.
[Goliad's third eye appears from the top of her head and starts controlling the bee herself.]
Goliad: Goliad is stronger than bee. [Controls bee to hurt and annoy Finn and Jake] Goliad is stronger than all.
Princess Bubblegum: [Gasps and starts speaking in her mind] Oh, no. She's too far gone, too corrupted. If we're not careful, she can throw an ultra-tantrum and wind the castle apart. I will have to disassemble her and try again.
[Being a psionic candy sphinx, Goliad reads all of her thoughts and knows her plan]
Goliad: No, Princess. [Bubblegum gasps] [Spinning her head towards Princess Bubblegum] This is my castle now.
[Goliad pounces behind Finn and Jake and jumps nearly to the top of the castle and destroys a wall.]
Finn: Don't worry, Princess. We'll stop her!
Princess Bubblegum: No, Finn. She's far too powerful. Here's the plan: I'm going to build another Candy Sphinx in my lab. It's the only thing that can possibly match her. Just keep her busy 'til I return. [Starts to run towards the lab] And don't think about the plan! She can read your minds!
[Jake stretches himself to the top of the castle with Finn.]
[Finn hides around the corner of the destroyed wall and checks to see if the coast is clear, but Goliad controls some candy people to attack but Finn and Jake try to escape.]
[Goliad turns a corner and finds Finn and Jake.]
[Jake enlarges himself to scare Goliad - but he forgot she can read minds.]
Jake: [Thinking] Ugh, eyeball... Just tuck that eyeball back in its hole.
[Goliad gets upset and makes Jake eat all of the candy people she is controlling.]
Finn: Goliad, no!
[Jake falls off the edge.]
Finn: [Shouting] Jake, don't swallow!
[Goliad tries to read Finn's mind.]
Finn: Uhh, you're in Finn's bubble.
[Goliad starts reading his mind]
Finn: [In his mind] Don't think of the plan... Think of something else. Think of something else.
[Finn thinks of earlier with Bubblegum.]
Finn [Flashback]: Don't worry, Princess. We'll stop her!
[Finn tries to stop thinking of the plan.]
Princess Bubblegum [In Finn's mind]: No, Finn, she's too—
[Finn resists Goliad's mind probe by making Princess Bubblegum's head a dolphin.]
Princess Bubblegum [Finn's mind]: Anyway, like I was saying, she's far too powerful—
[Finn's mental resistance makes Princess Bubblegum's head blows up.]
[Goliad starts trying to focus more and get deeper into his thoughts.]
[Multiple Bubblegums appear in Finn's mind.]
Princess Bubblegums: Finn, she's far too powerful. Here's the plan.
[The mental resistance turns each of the Princess Bubblegums turn into Finn as a baby.]
Baby Finns: I'm a buff baby that can dance like a man. [Goliad focuses even more.] I can shake-ah my fanny, I can shake-ah my—Ahh!
[Baby Finns all melt and form a giant Princess Bubblegum]
Princess Bubblegum [Finn's mind]: Here's the plan. I'm going to—
[Finn pushes his resistance to the limit as another Finn appears, just as tall as the Princess Bubblegum giantess, and wraps her with the mud and grass from the floor.]
Princess Bubblegum [In real world]: Goliad! No!
[Goliad stops reading Finn's mind and looks at Bubblegum and a new Sphinx, with Finn's hair color, white fur and a bird head, resembling a griffin without wings.]
[Goliad runs away but the new Sphinx kicks Goliad onto part of the Castle.]
Goliad: Wait, brother, why must we fight? Rule with me!
[Stormo squawks in response.]
Goliad: No, brother! Don't you see? They're turning us against--
[Stormo squawks again, interrupting Goliad.]
Goliad: So be it.
Princess Bubblegum: Finn, are you okay?
Finn: Yeah, that dude saved me.
Princess Bubblegum: That's Stormo, Goliad's new brother.
Finn: Wha-- What are they doing now?
Princess Bubblegum: They're about to have a psychic showdown.
[Stormo and Goliad spawn their third eyes out of their foreheads and begin to fight, Stormo and Goliad pounce on each other but their match is a stalemate.]
Jake: Wow, man, so, like... I guess they're so evenly matched that it's a stale— [Spits out Chet] It's a stale— [spits out another two candy people]
Finn: They're so evenly matched that it's a stalemate!
Princes Bubblegum: Yes. Stormo sacrificed himself to keep Goliad in check for all eternity.
Finn: Well, that's pretty cool, but... I don't understand. If Goliad and Stormo are the same, how come Stormo is a good guy?
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, that's simple: I used some of your heroic DNA in Stormo's recipe and not Goliad's.
[Flashbacks to Bubblegum taking one strand of Finn's hair, then returns back to real time]
Finn: Oh, whoa so, that means Stormo is like... my son?
Princess Bubblegum: Well, yeah... in a way.
[Finn looks at Stormo.]
Finn: Happy birthday, Stormo.
[The camera zooms at Stormo and he continues keeping Goliad in check and the episode ends.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Gotcha!" from season 4, which aired on June 18, 2012.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Turtle Princess
Lumpy Space Princess
BMO
Music
None
Locations
The woods
Grass Lands
Tree Fort
Mystery Mountains
Loch of Phantoms
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode starts with Finn, Jake, and BMO playing a game of bocce. BMO throws a ball.]
BMO: Jake, if I beat you, you have to call me "sensei" for a month.
Jake: Deal.
[Turtle Princess goes by on a slow-moving rocket.]
Turtle Princess: Hi, guys!
Finn, Jake, & BMO: 'Sup, Turtle Princess?
[She leaves them. Scene cuts to Lumpy Space Princess swatting bugs off of herself.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh! Get your hands off me, Steven!! YAH! [Throws him down] And you, too, Chad! [Flicks ant away]
[Turtle Princess enters.]
Turtle Princess: Heeeey, giiiirl!
Lumpy Space Princess: Heeeey, giiiirl!
Turtle Princess: Brought you some little fruit pies.
Lumpy Space Princess: Awesome. [Starts eating]
Turtle Princess: How ya doin' out here?
Lumpy Space Princess: Turtle Princess, the men out here will not leave me alone!
Turtle Princess: Huh... it must be nice.
Lumpy Space Princess: Nah. It's horrible. They just want me for my lumps! [Vulture screeches at them.] These lumps aren't for SALE, BILLY! [Throws fruit pie at vulture making it fly away.] [To Turtle Princess] Aren't you sick of men going after your turtle lumps?
Turtle Princess: Actually, I've never been able to work my T-lumps. I just know what I read in books. [Gasps] Hey! You should write a book telling me how to do it!
Lumpy Space Princess: Oh, my Glob! Turtle Princess! I've always wanted to write trashy books for ladies! [Snake hisses at her] YAH! [Hits it] BACK UP OFF ME, RICKY!! [To Turtle Princess] Yeah, everyone needs to know when I work these lumps, no man is immune to their influence!
[Two balls land in front of them. Finn enters.]
Finn: Jake's ball landed over here, BMO!
Turtle Princess: [Gasps] LSP! Finn would be perfect as the test subject for your lump studies!
[BMO and Jake enter.]
BMO: Yay! I win! [To Jake] Bow to your sensei!
Jake: Aaah...
Finn: Heh heh heh heh heh heh!
Turtle Princess: [To Lumpy Space Princess] You gotta go undercover and conduct your lump science on him. Prove to the world that even a white knight like Finn is no match for the power of your lumps!
Lumpy Space Princess: I'll do it! For the world! And for you, girl!
Turtle Princess: Oh, girl!
[They both smile. Lumpy Space Princess grabs a plastic grocery bag off the ground and dons it like a spaghetti-strap dress. Scene shifts to the Grasslands; Lumpy Space Princess is going to the Tree Fort.]
Lumpy Space Princess: [Recording herself] Day one: on my way to Finn and Jake's. Side-note: I look fresh to death with my new dress and purse. Mm! Mm! Mm! [Takes out a fruit pie and "puts on" its custard before eating the fruit pie; knocks on Finn and Jake's front door; Jake answers.]
Jake: Hello?
Lumpy Space Princess: [Seductively] Heeey, Jaaaake... Is Finn hooome...?
Jake: [Wincing in disgust] Ooh!
Finn: 'Sup, LSP?
Lumpy Space Princess: Oh, hey. I'm answering that ad you put out for the adventure secretary.
Finn: Wha?
Lumpy Space Princess: Ugh... Hold on. I'll get it. [Starts digging through bag] Hold on. It's down in there. Okay, wait, I got it. Uh, here you go.
Finn: [Reading fake ad] "WANTED—ADVENTURE SECRETARY." [Sniffs it] Smells like fruit pie.
Jake: It's nice of you to wanna be our secretary... but we don't need one.
Finn: [Whispering to Jake] Dude, look at 'er.
Lumpy Space Princess: [Messily slathering custard on her face] Mmm... Oh, Glob...
Finn: Yeah, it's sad. Come on. We've gotta help 'er.
[Jake hesitates speaking for a moment]
Jake: Alright, LSP. Come inside.
Lumpy Space Princess: Awesome. [Recording herself] Totally nailed the interview. [Licks custard off face]
[The three walk inside.]
Lumpy Space Princess: I'm gonna need a secretary desk! [She immediately forces dishes off a table ("Rrr-AAAGH!") and puts her working equipment. Finn and Jake just look at each other.] I'm starving! What's for dinner?!
Finn: Oh. Uh... [Checks fridge] We got some blueberries.
Jake: Jake has saltines.
Lumpy Space Princess: Yuck. [Recording herself] Looks like I'll have to bust out these cobras to get a better dinner. [Seductively] Hey, Finn... [Rubbing her lumps] You got anything better to eat??
Finn: [Focused on the fridge] Oh, cool. Old spaghetti. I'm gonna go heat this up. [Exits]
Lumpy Space Princess: [Recording herself] Chapter 1: "Gotcha!"
[Scene changes to that night.]
Finn: [To Lumpy Space Princess] Have a good night. See ya in the mornin'.
Lumpy Space Princess: G'night, you guys! [They go upstairs.] [Recording herself] Finn is even more overpowered by my lumps than I thought. I guess at the end of the day, it's all about the lumps. [Her phone rings (Lumpy Space Princess's ringtone is Turtle Princess saying, "Heeey, girl!" repeatedly) and she answers it.]
Turtle Princess: [On other end] Hey, girl.
Lumpy Space Princess: Oh, Turtle Princess! This book is coming out awesome!
Turtle Princess: Oh, good, girl! I can't wait to read it!
Lumpy Space Princess: Thanks, girl.
Turtle Princess: Goodnight, girl.
Lumpy Space Princess: Goodnight, girl. [Hangs up]
[Scene shifts to the next morning. Lumpy Space Princess wakes up grunting and drooling.]
Lumpy Space Princess: What's that?
[Lumpy Space Princess goes outside to find Finn putting rocks in Jake.]
Jake: 'Sup, LSP?
Lumpy Space Princess: What're you guys doing?
Finn: We're carrying these rocks on an adventure, up to the Mystery Mountains.
Lumpy Space Princess: Oh, nuh-uh, I am not gonna carry rocks!
Finn: That's okay. Jake can carry 'em.
Jake: Yup.
Lumpy Space Princess: Ugh... Fine... [Picks up two rocks] You're welcome, Finn.
[Finn gives a thumbs up. The trio starts going to the mountains.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Ugh... My arms weren't meant to carry so many rocks, you guys!
Finn: C'mon, LSP. You can make it.
Lumpy Space Princess: Uuoohhh... [Drops the rocks in exhaustion; her phone rings ("Heeey, girl! Heeey, girl!") and she answers.] Turtle Princess, you can't call me! You're gonna blow my cover!
Turtle Princess: Good morning, girl.
Lumpy Space Princess: Good morning, girl.
Turtle Princess: Would you be mad at me if I ask out Billy, that vulture who was hitting on you? I think he's cute and I would—
Finn: Hey, LSP, shake a leg.
Lumpy Space Princess: [Whisper] Can't talk right now, girl! [Hangs up]
[The trio arrives at the top of one of the mountains.]
Finn: The Loch of Phantoms. Princess Bubblegum said the rocks would show us the safe path. [Starts throwing rocks into the lake]
Lumpy Space Princess: [To herself] This is way too boring for my book. [Acting] Oh... my shoulder strap... Oh, my orange juice is comin' out... Ha! Gotch—Huh? [Finn throws another rock in, paying no attention to her.]
Finn: Haha! Jake! "Ker-ploop."
Jake: Heh heh heh! "Ker-ploop."
Lumpy Space Princess: Not... gotcha?
[Finn throws another rock in the lake, and the rock stays on the lake's surface.]
Finn: Alright!
[Finn throws a bunch more rocks in to determine which path to walk in. The trio enters the cave opposite them. Sludge falls on Lumpy Space Princess.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Ugh! This place is plops, Finn!
Finn: We can meetcha back at the tree house later if you want. [Continuing on] That weird light...
[The trio eventually stops in front of a strange vortex.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Hey, Finn! Finn, my dress is slipping!!
Finn: [Not paying attention] Huh? Listen, LSP, we've gotta be carefu—
Lumpy Space Princess: [Swinging around her "dress"] Oooh, my dress...[her dress goes into the portal]
[She drifts into the portal.]
Finn: No, LSP! It's not safe!
[Lumpy Space Princess gets trapped in a room full of mirrors.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Heeeeeeey... [Noticing Finn in a mirror] Oh. Hey, Fiiiiinn...
[Finn and Jake bang on the wall.]
Finn: She's stuck in there!
Jake: We gotta bust through this wall!
[They attack the wall.]
Lumpy Space Princess: I knew you couldn't resist me, Finn. [The reflection of Finn takes off his hat revealing long, luscious hair.] Oh, lump. I took it too far! [The Mirror Finns reach out for Lumpy Space Princess] My powerful lumps have turned Finn into a grody monster! Get away, Finn! AAH, NO, AAAAAH!!! [Finn and Jake bust in just in time to defeat the shadow Finns.] OH, I CAN'T LOOK! [Opens one eye] Aah!
[Finn and Jake finish defeating the shadow Finns and pant heavily.]
Lumpy Space Princess: That was so crazy! What just happened?!
Finn: Oh. Uh, Bubblegum sent us on a quest to destroy these cursed mirrors. Evil stuff happens when you look into them.
Lumpy Space Princess: Oh, Glob... I had to look because I looked so good!
Finn: LSP... you don't need a mirror to know you look good. [Sheaths his sword and grabs Lumpy Space Princess's "dress."] You're beautiful on the inside. Like... your brain and stuff!
Lumpy Space Princess: Thanks for sayin' that stuff... and for saving me from those mirror-yous. That was pretty nice.
[Finn smiles. Scene shifts back to the Tree Fort.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Okay. Time to write. Gonna make this... trashy. Turtle Princess'll be all, [Imitating her] "Oh, my gosh! Number one best-seller!" Hah... Yeah. [She looks around with uncertainty and notices Finn sitting on a log outside.] [To Jake] What's he doing out there?
Jake: Sometimes, after an adventure, he likes to sit out there and think. [Goes upstairs]
[Lumpy Space Princess looks at Finn. Her cellphone rings ("Heeey, girl! He—") and she answers.]
Lumpy Space Princess: [Fearful] Hello?
Turtle Princess: Hey, girl. Are you almost done with your book?
Lumpy Space Princess: Oh... I'm working on it! I've been doing so much research!
Turtle Princess: Did Finn fall victim to your lumps?
Lumpy Space Princess: [Prevaricating] Um... yeah...
Turtle Princess: Great! Bring in your manuscript right away! Click! [Hangs up]
Lumpy Space Princess: [To herself] Yeah... A book about how I'm hot, and Finn only wants... He's so... hot. [Gasps in realization and has flashbacks of Finn from earlier moments in the episode.] ...Finn has the hottest lumps, but his lumps are on the inside! YAAAAGH!! [Pushes equipment off desk in frustration] HE'S GREAT!
[Lumpy Space Princess begins typing a new manuscript. As she's typing, it begins to rain, and Finn runs inside. In response, Lumpy Space Princess hurriedly gathers up her manuscript and leaves as Finn enters.]
Finn: Uh... Bye, LSP.
[Scene cuts to the Library. Turtle Princess reads the manuscript confused.]
Turtle Princess: This isn't what you said it'd be about...
Lumpy Space Princess: I know, I—
Turtle Princess: I LOVE IT!
Lumpy Space Princess: OH, MY GLOB!
[Turtle Princess makes the cover and titles the book "I Wrote a Book." Billy screeches. Back at the Tree Fort, the rain clears, and Lumpy Space Princess returns.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Finn! You've probably been wondering where I've been for the last few hours!
Finn: Oh. Yeah! Yeah, I have.
Lumpy Space Princess: Finn... I was never really your secretary, Finn. I was writing a book about how you were a slave to my lumps because I'm so hot, Finn!!
Finn: [Not seeing anything wrong with this] Oh. Okay.
Lumpy Space Princess: But you're the one who's hot, Finn!!
Finn: Wow. Uh, thanks!
Lumpy Space Princess: No... thank you. [Goes over to a window and opens it to exit]
Jake: LSP, YOU'RE WEARING GARBAGE FOR CLOTHES!!!!
Lumpy Space Princess: [Whisper] Gotcha... [Slowly exits and floats away from the tree house. Her floating falters for a moment as the episode ends.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Go With Me" from season 2, which aired on March 28, 2011.

Characters
Finn
Marceline
Jake
Princess Bubblegum
Music
None
Locations
Candy Kingdom
Tree Fort
Drive In
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[The episode begins with Finn and Jake having a picnic and watching the sunset.]
Jake: Hey, man, it's Couples Only Movie Night tonight. Who are you bringin'?
Finn: I don't know. Who are you bringin'?
Jake: I'm bringing my girlfriend, dude.
Finn: Oh.
[A duck walks up to them and Finn picks it up.]
Finn: I'll take this duck!
Jake: It's couples night! You gotta bring someone you can smooch.
Finn: Man, I don't want to be smooched!
Jake: Don't have to smooch. You just have to bring someone you can smooch. It's, like, the rules.
Finn: Lame. [Attempts to kiss duck, but it flies away.] Ah! Well, I'll take this blanket! [Kisses blanket.]
Jake: Put the blanket down. [Pats the ground beside him.] Have a seat. I want to explain some "things" to you about couples.
[Later that day, Finn and Jake are back at the treehouse. Finn is looking for someone to call.]
Jake: You all square?
Finn: Yeah, yeah.
Jake: Who you gonna call?
Finn: I'm going to call a girl I don't have to kiss. [Calls Princess Bubblegum.]
Princess Bubblegum: [Whistling as she answers the phone.] Hello?
Finn: Hi Princess! Would you go to Couples Movie Night with me?
Princess Bubblegum: Sounds romantic, Finn.
Finn: No! I was just wondering if you wanted to go with me. [Begins to blush.]
Princess Bubblegum: No, sorry, Finn. I'm busy practicing for the Whistling Choir Death Match Championship.
Finn: But—
Princess Bubblegum: Auf Wiedersehen! ("Goodbye")
[Hangs up phone and begins to practice her whistling.]
Finn: She doesn't want to go!
Jake: Yes she does! We just need to help her realize that she wants to go to the movies with you. [Takes out cell phone.] I'm calling Marceline.
Finn: What?
Jake: [Begins to call Marceline.] Look, man, I've been learning a lot about vampires lately. I realized my fear was based on ignorance!
[Marceline answers her phone, half of the screen Jake and half the screen of Marceline.]
Marceline: Speak.
Jake: Hey, hey, Marceline. Got a favor to ask, Babe. We've gotta make Princess Bubblegum jealous, so she'll go to the movies with Finn. [Marceline sneaks out from a pile of dirty clothes behind Jake and begins to approach him.] Marceline? Come in. Hello? [Marceline hisses loudly behind him, making Jake scream loudly.]
Finn: Hehe. Are you gonna help us?
Marceline: Yeah, I'll help. It'll be funny.
[Now at the Candy Kingdom.]
Jake: Okay, so here's the plan. [Points at Finn] You start saying things and [Points at Marceline] you start laughing waaay loud. And then Bubblegum... [Camera pans up to Princess Bubblegum through the window above them.] will get jealous of you [Points at Marceline]. Which will awaken her Finn love! You start us off.
Finn: Um... hmm funny... funny... giddy up?
[Marceline bursts out laughing.]
Finn: Hehe. Um... diggy diggy?
[Marceline laughs even more, very exaggerated.]
Finn: Diggy diggy! [Claps hands.] Diggy diggy!
[Princess Bubblegum appears at window and clears throat.]
Princess Bubblegum: Greetings, Finn. [Unamused tone.] Hey, Marceline...
Marceline: [Waves, amused tone] Hello, Bonnibel.
Princess Bubblegum: [Still umamused] Yeah, yeah. So, what's so funny, Finn?
Finn: I, um... uh... it's... something.
Princess Bubblegum: Well, then, keep it down out there! I'm trying to whistle practice! [Walks away, whistling.]
Jake: That was great! Now, we begin Phase 2! It's so powerful! Wait here! Hehehe... [Stretches away.]
Marceline: Hey, look, Finn, I know Jake's your friend and all, but... if you really want Bubblegum to go to the movies with you, you've gotta like, stop taking advice from your dog and take some advice from a real girl!
Finn: But Jake said Phase 2 is powerful!
Marceline: [Blows raspberry.] How is Jake going to know what girls want more than a real girl?
Finn: Yeah...
Marceline: Okay great. So what we need now is something... fun! Girls love fun more than anything. Fun, fun, fun! If you can show Princess Bubblegum you're fun, she'll deffs wanna go to the movies with you.
Finn: Haha, you said fun so much, it sounds all weird now. Fun. F—
Marceline: So... what do you like to do for fun, Finn?
Finn: Oh, Oh! I like to wrestle! And fight! [Makes fighting sounds & positions.] But girls don't like that.
Marceline: No, no, that's perfect! All you need to do is get in there and wrestle Princess Bubblegum to show her how fun you are. [Floats away.]
Finn: Ffffffuuunnn. Ffffuuunn. [Begins to walk after Marceline but is stopped by Jake.]
Jake: Whoa, where you going, man? Check it out!
Finn: What is that stuff?
Jake: It's a lute-suit! Girls love it! Trust me.
[Now in the hallway outside of Princess Bubblegum's bedroom, Finn is dressed in the lute-suit and Jake is shaped-changed into a chair. Marceline floats down from the ceiling.]
Marceline: Finn! What the plum are you wearing? You look horrible!
Jake: It's a lute-suit! And Finn looks adorable in it!
Marceline: Well, it's going to ruin the plan.
Jake: What she talking about, Finn?
Finn: Well... I was going to give Marceline's plan a try, too.
Jake: Her idea?! What's wrong with my idea? [Marceline flicks her tongue at Jake.]
[Princess Bubblegum is heard whistling and walks into the hallway, Jake turns back into a chair and Marceline turns into a bat and flies away.]
Princess Bubblegum: [Whistles.] Oh, hey, Finn! Did'ya ever find some—Whoa! What are you wearing?
Finn: Oh... this is my... Lute... suit.
[Jake points down at lute he stretched and motions for him to play it.]
Finn: Oh. [Singing and playing the lute.] This is my lute-suit!
Princess Bubblegum: [Starts to laugh.] Finn, that is hilarious! [Starts to laugh again.] Oh, you are killing me! [Giggles.]
Marcelince: Psst! [Still a bat and flying near the ceiling, makes wresting motions and noises.]
Finn: Oh, yeah! [Puts lute on chair-Jake.] So... Headlock! [Puts Princess Bubblegum in a headlock and she falls to the ground screaming.]
Princess Bubblegum: Guards!
[Finn is thrown out of the castle. Jake comes out of the hole in the lute, breaking the strings and falls, dizzy. Marceline sits down next to him and turns back to normal.]
Marceline: That suit was ridiculous.
Jake: Ridi—Ridiculous? What? Can you believe this girl, Finn? Huh? Can ya?
Finn: Uh... I guess the suit did feel... a little silly.
Jake: Well, fine! You can just give it back then!
[Finn take off suit.]
Finn: I'm sorry!
Jake: Good luck getting to that movie without my help! Ruff. [Stretches away.]
Marceline: Gee, he seems pretty ticked.
Finn: Naw, he just needs some spaghetti.
Marceline: Oh, okay. Well taste this, then. I've gotta a new plan.
Finn: Really?
Marceline: The only thing women like more than fun is excitement! She needs to feel her blood pump, man! She needs to... be chased by wolves!
Finn: Like metaphorically?
Marceline: Come on, I'll teach ya how to show a girl a good time. Wraps Finn's arms around her.] Hold tight. You ready?
Finn: Uhh... [Holds tighter.] Mhmm.
[Marceline takes off and laughs. They fly above a pack of running wolves and start to run with them. Marceline stops and growls at Finn until he begins to growl back and run on all fours. Finn & Marceline begin to run with the wolves, foam coming out of Finn's mouth and howl at the moon with them. Marceline bites the back of the wolf in front of her and Finn does the same. Finn and Marceline begin to ride on the back of two wolves. Marceline and Finn fly two wolves to the Candy Kingdom and outside of Princess Bubblegum's room.]
Marceline: Shhh! She's probably asleep!
[They put the wolves into Princess Bubblegum's room and close the door.]
Finn: This was a really good idea.
Marceline: [Turns into a bat.] Now don't blow it this time!
Finn: Haha, okay.
[Princess Bubblegum screams, runs out of her room and struggles to close the door behind her. She notices Finn.]
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, Finn, thank goodness you're here! There's wolves in my room!
Finn: Yeah, I know! I put them there! Pretty exciting, right? Heh heh.
[Banana Guards drag Finn out of the castle.]
Princess Bubblegum: [Sadly] I'm sorry to do this, Finn. But until you stop acting like a psycho, you're forbidden from entering the Candy Kingdom. Farewell. [Walks back into the castle, a pretzel gate sliding closed behind her. A duck quacks, and poos on him.]
Finn: I don't understand, Marceline. I tried everything. I guess she just doesn't like me. [Marceline puts a finger to his lips.]
Marceline: Shhh. Come on, Finn, a brainlord like Bonnie? You'll be bored with her in a week! And anyway I, for one, think you're pretty great. [Kisses Finn on the cheek.] Sorry it didn't work out the way you wanted. See you later, I guess! [Flies away.]
Finn: Marceline! Of course! It's been Marceline all along!
Jake: Hey, man, I've been looking for you. Sorry for acting like a dweeb before. Want some leftover spaghetti?
Finn: Ah, no, thanks, man. But I really need your help!
Jake: 'Bout time!
[Marceline is at her house and is about to play her bass, when she hears a lute playing outside. She looks out the window and she's Finn dressed in the lute-suit.]
Marceline: Uh-oh.
Finn: [Makes guitar noises.] Marceline! Will you go to the movies with me?!
[Marceline opens door.]
Marceline: We need to talk...
[Finn and Jake walk in.]
Finn: [Singing] Good evening my dear, your escort is here!
Marceline: Finn, you do NOT want to go down that road with me.
Finn: With you, I would walk down any road, m'lady. Especially, if it leads to the movies.
Marceline: Oh, yeah? No one would want to go to the movies with... [Turns into a giant tenctacle monster] this! [Laughs evilly and picks up Finn.] What do you think of me now?
Finn: How do you like your popcorn?
Marceline: Uuugh! [Turns back to normal.] You're starting to annoy me!
Finn: Well then let's do something fun, like go to the movies!
Marceline: Get off me! [Throws Finn onto her couch and floats down beside him while Jake is hiding behind the couch] Finn, I like you, but I—
Finn: Headlock! [Puts Marceline in headlock.]
Marceline: No! [Pushes Finn off] Listen to me. I'm not going to go to the movies with you! I just don't like you... that way.
[Finn lies down on the couch, sad.]
Marceline: I'm sorry Finn, I just... I don't wanna date you.
Finn: Date me? Man, I just wanna go to the movies. But everybody hates me.
Marceline: Wait, you don't want me to be your girlfriend?
Finn: Huh? No! Movies!
Marceline: If you weren't looking for a girlfriend then why were you romancing it up all day?
Finn: 'Cause Jake said Couples Night had weird kissing requirements and romance initiation rituals and whatever else.
Jake: I didn't really say all that. [Mumbles something and hides behind couch.]
Marceline: Of course I'll go with you, Finn!
Finn: You will?
Marceline: Yeah, as friends.
Finn: Of course as friends!
Marceline: But no tongue.
Finn: Yea—Wha?
[Marceline and Finn are at Couples Movie Night, sitting on an old truck and watching the intros.]
Finn and Marceline: [Both laughing excitedly]
Finn: Oh, man! I can't believe I'm finally going to see this movie!
[The movie "Love Kaboom" starts with a woman and man.]
Woman in movie: Oh, mon cher. I guess zese is goodbye.
[Finn is getting weirded out by the movie.]
Man in movie: No, not goodbye. Let's say: Farewell!
[Jake and Lady Rainicorn, Lollipop Girl & Ice Cream Guy are kissing, and so are two bugs in Ice Cream Guy's head. Finn sees all of this and throws up and turns to Marceline, who is also grossed out.]
Finn: Couples Night sucks! Marceline, would you do me the honor, of getting the plop out of here?
Marceline: There's nothing I'd like more. [Pushes Finn off the truck they are sitting on and flies up.]
Man in movie: Nothing can ever tear us apart.
[Finn tears through the screen and rides off with Marceline on running wolves.]


Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Graybles 1000+" from season 6, which aired on May 7, 2015.

Characters
Cuber
Tuber
Finn
Jake
BMO
Ice King
Princess Bubblegum
Starchy
Space Wedding People
Crunchy
Gumdrop Lass 2
Gunter
Lady Rainicorn
Ice Thing
Prize Ball Guardian
Grass Lards
Snail
Music
None
Locations
Tree Fort
Candy Kingdom
Ice Kingdom
Marceline's house
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

Bird: Hello-lable!
Tuber: Cuber? Lable brother? Where are you?
Cuber (Baby): Oh, this cave air is doing wonders for my physiological... Bable, bable, bable, bable, bable...
[Echoing]
Cuber (Baby): Oh! [Falling] Aaaaaaah! Oh! But I'm a baby! Tuber? Sister Tuber? Bable, bable, bable...
[Creature growling]
[Footsteps approaching]
[Creature roars]
Cuber (Baby): Aaaaaaah!
Cuber: Hmm? Aah! Oh, you surprised your old pal, Cuber aboard his spaceship. Oh, this old grayble? [chuckles] It's just sentimental blabling. You know, the present can be far more interesting than the past. [walks over to the window] Let's see. Oh! It's a space wedding! Let's go in for a closer look. Easy... [Cuber accidentally flies forward too far, smashing the space bride's helmet and causing her drift into space]
Alien groom: 내 신부를 위해 복수할 기다! (I will revenge for my bride!)
[Lasers fire at Cuber's ship. The alarm starts to sound, and then explodes.]
Cuber: [Grabs bag of graybles while moving toward his escape pod] Wable. Bable, bable. Bable, bable, bable.
[Escape pod launches toward planet and three small hostile ships follow it. Cuber's escape pod crashes, creating a large crater. Cuber gets out of it, climbs out of the crater, and moves away from his pod. The three hostile ships arrive and shoot Cuber's escape pod, which promptly explodes.]
Cuber: Oh! [runs away from crater] Survival! Remember your training. [whimpers, takes out a grayble from bag] Trust your graybles. Oh, and you children at home, don't bother trying to guess tonight's theme. Applesauce to a theme! Your friend Cuber doesn't want to die!
[Graybles begin to play]
[Wind whistling]
BMO: [Watching clouds] Oh, come on.
[whistling continues]
BMO: [Looks down, sees Finn digging a hole] It's Finn. Hey, Finn! I'm a weather vane! Hey, Finn! I'm a weather vane! Hey, Finn! I'm a weather vane! Hey, Finn! I'm a cliff diver!
Finn: What?!
[BMO jumps off treehouse, and Finn catches him.]
Finn: [walking back toward hole in progress] BMO, you got to let me dig this hole. It's important.
BMO: A hole, you say?
Finn: Yeah. We beat this evil wizard, see, and we stole his giant wand.
Jake: [sitting on a reclining beach chair with a magazine over his face] Don't listen to him, BMO. I beat the wizard, so I'm making Finn dig the hole, even though I could do it in like two seconds. Heh, heh, heh.
BMO: Rude!
Finn: This wand is crazy powerful, right? It's a thought cannon. It makes anything that you think of turn real.
BMO: Up, please.
Finn: So it's too strong, so we're burying it for safety.
Jake: I'll tell you what I'd do. I'd use that cannon and imagine a hole.
BMO: Jake, remember what they say about absolutely power.
Jake: I'm tired of your wisdom, BMO! [gets up, walks toward wand] Now watch and learn! Yeah, okay, my name's Jake, and I'm gonna take this magic thought cannon, and I'm gonna think, I want a hole to bury this thought cannon in, and bobble, bobble, Jake gets a hole in which a thought cannon may be buried!
Finn: What if for a split second you think of something else?
Jake: Nope, my brain's my hands!
[thought cannon warbling]
[sizzling]
[A sub sandwich has appeared in the hole]
Jake: Whoops! Looks like I was thinking about a sandwich. [muffled] Enjoy your labor! Heh, heh, heh.
Finn: [sighs]
BMO: I used to wish I was you. Now I just wish you would dig faster.
[years in the future, the tree house has grown much taller. Cuber is digging up Finn's hole.]
[dirt scraping]
Cuber: [Grunting while digging] What's this, friends? ["Scrapes the dirt off and pulls the thought cannon from the dirt"] Could it be the aformabled thought cannon? "Bobble, bobble" as the dead might say. That's the power of graybles.
Aliens: [Walking toward hole that Cuber is in] 에잇, 누가던진거야 이거?(Shoot, who threw this thing?)
Cuber: [gasps]
Aliens: 잠깐, 너 방금전...(Wait, you just...)
Cuber: [sighs] I guess here goes bable.
[thought cannon warbling]
[electronic whirring]
[A giant sub sandwich appears and launches Cuber out of the hole]
Cuber: [laughs] You try not to think of a sandwich, and look what happens! A sandwich!
[air rushing]
Cuber: [Lands in a large puddle in a swamp] Ow! Mama's milk! Oh, my mama's milk! Oh, that milk! Graybles!
[Grayble begins.]
Ice King: [snoring in his bed in the Ice Kingdom tower]
[clock ticking]
Alarm clock with a headshot of Princess Bubblegum taped to the minute hand: [high-pitched voice] "I will marry you, Ice King. I will marry you, Ice King. I will marry you—[Ice King pushes alarm clock off table]
[crash]
Ice King: [yawns] [smacks lips] Good morning, madness. [takes off blanket, sees right leg bent unnaturally] What?! Broken leg again! [sighs] and... [snaps leg back into place] Hup! [pained] Hello! How are you?! Oh! Gunther, did you see how this happened?
[Gunther drops brick.]
Ice King: I love you, Gunther, but I'm on to your business.
[Grayble ends.]
Cuber: Hmm, just like that, huh? And... [snaps leg back into place] Hup! [gurgles, turns white, passes out]
[Fade to black]
[Cuber's dream]
Tuber: You can do it, Cuber.
Cuber: [wakes up, gasps] [inhales sharply, seeing alien ships looking for him] [whimpers]
[electronic whirring]
Cuber: You can do it, Cuber. You can run away. [Crawls into Marceline's cave and sees that the light in her house is on with music playing.] Friend or foe, I doble know. [crawls under porch] Now what? Maybe grayble.
[Grayble begins. Wide shot of Candy Kingdom]
[clicks]
Princess Bubblegum: [using some sort of surveillance program on a laptop in bed] I see that Mr. Cupcake is at Madam Eclair's apartment again. His massage business is really taking off. Hmm.
[clicking, monitor shows one dot moving away]
Starchy: [breathing heavily]
Bubblegum: Starchy?
Starchy: Yes, sir. Starchy is just going for a walk. [breathing heavily] Ooh! A Grass Lard! Oh, look, wildflowers! Psst, psst! Hey! [gurgles, removes tracker tooth]
[clicks, PB's monitor shows Starchy's dot vibrating]
Starchy: [breathing heavily]
[Tooth beeping]
Starchy: Well, I'm just gonna pick these flowers now. [grunts] [looks in grass lard's mouth for place to put tracker tooth] [moaning] No holes.
[beeping continues]
Starchy: Yeah, in the ear. [to tooth] Oh, I mean, in the rear. That's what all the walking's good for -- gives me self-esteem to have a nice rear.
[beeping continues, grass lard wakes up]
Starchy: Aah! Oh! No! Agh! Mercy from the wet eyes!
Grass Lard: [grunting, begins to chase Starchy]
Starchy: Whoa! [whimpers]
Grass Lard: [roaring]
Starchy: Unh!
Grass Lard: [moans]
Bubblegum: Starchy?! Did Starchy just die?
Starchy: [breathing heavily] Hey, hey!
[Grayble ends.]
Cuber: Things looking up. [coughs] Mm. [breathing heavily] [removes tracker tooth from grass pile that was the grass lard]
[Tooth beeping]
[rumbling]
Grass Lard: Thank you. [grunts, sighs, begins to flop away] [grunts, sighs]
[beeping continues]
Cuber: S.O.S. -- Save our skin.
[pounding] [aliens approach]
Alien groom: (in alien language) 저놈 저깄다! (There he is!!)
Cuber: [gasps]
[pounding]
Cuber: Aah!
Prize Ball Guardian: Welcome home, Starchy.
Cuber: Never mind! [breathing heavily]
[beeping]
Cuber: [gasps, shouts] [grunts]
[electronic whirring, aliens fire at Cuber]
Cuber: [gasps, deflects laser with prize ball]
Crunchy: [flies out of prize ball] Oh, what time is it?
[aliens fire again, hit Cuber's bag of graybles]
Cuber: Oh! Graybles!
[Prize ball guardian's head explodes, alien ships fly away, then knocked down by shockwave, shatter on ground]
[Graybles rise from burnt plastic bag in wreckage and fly away]
Lady Rainicorn: [in escaping grayble] 떡 많이 먹으면 이렇게 되는거지 뭐~ ("This is what happens when you eat a lot of rice.")
Cuber: [crawls into prize ball] Well, one grayble left. [takes cubic grayble from head]
[Grayble begins.]
[creature growling]
[creature roars]
Baby Cuber: Aah! [gasps] Tuber!
Tuber: Self-actualization, lable brother.
[creature whimpering]
Tuber: You can be a hero, Cuber, and what a cube can be you must be.
Alien groom: (in alien language) 아따, 이 봐야될 거 같은디. (Man, you should see this.) 너 뒤에 있다! (Behind you!)
Cuber: I'm a hero! [knocks out alien with prize ball] Cuber first! [roars, throws alien off ship]
[engine revving as Cuber flies alien ship through Ooo landscape]
[electronic whirring]
[Ice Thing cackling]
Cuber: [in his own burning ship now] Now, wasn't that a thing! We've had laffs and gaffs, thribbles and chibbles, some close calls, secrets and questions, and memories to share. We barely made it out with our scaybles... All thanks to graybles. Sister Tuber? I'm sorry for this mess. I love you.
Tuber: Psh!

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Guardians of Sunshine" from season 2, which aired on February 21, 2011.

Characters
Finn
Jake
BMO
Sleepy Sam
Hunny Bunny
Bouncy Bee
Music
"Computer Song"
Locations
Tree Fort
Guardians of Sunshine
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[Finn and Jake are playing Guardians of Sunshine on BMO in the main room of the Tree Fort.]
Finn: Haha! Time to protect the sun!
Jake: Ha ha! Yeah, he knows how to get things started.
Finn: Firepit number 1. Easy-peasy, livin' greasy! You wonder why they even put it there.
Jake: It's probably a computel gleetch.
Finn: [laughs]
Jake: Now comes some real trouble! It's Bouncy Bee! He's gonna get that sun, man!
Finn: Haha! Please. [destroys Bouncy Bee on video game] Bleep!
Jake: [chuckles]
Finn: I had my eyes closed on that one!
Jake: Yeah, that was cool. Oh, oh, you missed a coin, dude, go back!
Finn: I ain't in it for the money, man. I'm in it to crush the enemies of the sun. Like this sloppy butt right here.
Jake: Hunny Bunny!
Finn: I'm like, Hunny Bunny, don't you ever learn? I've always got the bomba! [destroys Hunny Bunny on video game]
Jake: Man, you are hot tonight! Think you can do it this time? Can you beat Sleepy Sam?!
Finn: Oh, I very can!
Jake: Remember: use a combo move!
Finn: Okay! Here goes.
Finn and Jake together: Up, down, left, left, right, right, down-
Jake: Spin, down, up, left, faster, dude! Right, left, down!
[Sleepy Sam eats Finn's character. 'You Lose' is displayed on the screen.]
Finn: Aww! Every time! [throws controller] BMO, this game is the worst! If we were really inside that game, man, we would crush Sleepy Sam. Breezily! With my mitts!
BMO: Oh no! It's much more dangerous than you think!
Finn: Whoa, whoa, wait!
Jake: BMO, is there a way for us to get in the game for real?
BMO: Yes, of course, Jake. [opens compartment on self] If I push this button-
[Jake interrupts BMO by pressing the button repeatedly, and then stops]
BMO: If I push this button, you will both be dangerously transported into my main brain game frame where it is very dangerous!
Finn: Oh, man. Oh, BMO! You gotta let us in that game!
BMO: No! It's a far too dangerous incredible adventure for you! It's final.
Finn: Oh. Okay, BMO. Well, time for bed!
Jake: ...Finn?
Finn: Time for bed. Right, Jake? [Finn gives Jake a look that signifies that he has a plan.]
Jake: ...oh, right! Heh heh. Good night, BMO. [BMO looks at them suspiciously] Time for bed! [Jake chuckles evilly]
[Scene changes into later that night, showing Finn and Jake sneaking back into the main room of their treehouse. Jake slips the blanket off of a sleeping BMO and opens the compartment where the button to transport Finn and Jake is. Finn graps a feather out of his mouth and hands it to Jake. Jake then tickles the button to try to get BMO to slam it. BMO grunts a few times and then slams the red button down, which releases electricity from BMO, transporting Finn and Jake into Guardians of Sunshine. The art style changes into a 3D polygonal look]
Finn: We're in the game!
Jake: Look! There's the sunshine we gotta protect! [points to the sun in the video game] And there's a hole we're supposed to go down! [points to a cave] And there's you...doing whatever you're doing. [points to Finn]
Finn:  I'm looking at my bits! My leg is math!
Jake:  Mmm. That sunshine feels good. Feels good all over!
Finn:  No wonder all the monsters in this game want to get their grubby mitts on it! Let's go kick their digital bootays! [8-bit sounds play] Doo! Doo! Doo! Doo doo! Doo!
Jake: [laughs] Beep boop! Beep boop!
Finn:  ♫ We are in the computer world. We're computer boys, not computer girls. ♫
Jake:  ♫ In a game, I can be who I virtually am. ♫
Finn:  ♫ I can walk and sing, I can kill Silly Sam! ♫
Jake:  [sniffs] Hey, what stinks? [sniffs] Smells like...
Finn:  Pit! [camera shows the pit's width] Looks a mite bigger inside the game...


Jake:  Jumpin' over this pit is easy, remember? We could do this backwards with our eyes closed! [jumps backwards with eyes closed and falls into pit] Ahh! I'm burning!


Finn:  Jake!!
[computer jingle]
Jake:  Haha. What, man?
Finn: Whaa?! Jake, what the shake?
Jake:  Check it out! Extra lives!
Finn:  You still have two left!
Jake:  [laughs and jumps into lava pit] Ow! It burns! Ow! Haha!
Finn:  Jake!
[computer jingle]
Jake:  [sings along with jingle]
Finn:  Dude! What if losing all your lives in here makes you die in real life? Or worse?!
Jake:  ...that makes me just want to sit here and feel bad.
Finn:  No way, man! We're gonna cross that hole! With real-world grit! Come on!
[Off-screen, Finn gets on Jake and Jake transforms into a bigger dog form. We see Jake running toward firepit.]
Finn:  Faster, Jake! Get ready to stretch it!
[They stop right before the pit starts, and Jake stretches his body out above the pit. After a second, they encounter a flame rising out of the pit.]
Finn:  Watch out, Jake! [Jake stretches around the flame. They land on the other side, but not before Jake gets burned on his backside.]
Jake:  Ow! Whew! That was pretty intense, dude!
Finn:  We're pretty intense dudes!
Jake:  Yeah! [High-fives Finn]
Finn:  Ha!
[Whirring sound starts]
Jake:  What's that sound?
Finn:  Sounds like... [both turn around]
Finn and Jake:  Bouncy Bee!
[Bouncy Bee starts chasing them as they run away.]
Jake:  Whoa!
[Scene changes to a new room where Finn grunts while jumping off hands and Jake is beside him.]
Finn:  Hi-yah! [Hand slices through air] Oh! [Kicks air.]
[Jake flexes]
[Both jump as Bouncy Bee flies towards them.]
Finn:  You ready to flippin' this guy up, Jake?
Jake:  Easy-peasy, livin' greasy!
[Both knuckle punch as the show's logo explodes on the screen]
[Scene goes back to Finn and Jake, where Bouncy Bee is drilling a hole into Finn while Jake looks horrified at the scene. Finn screams as Jake helplessly looks on. The computer makes a sound that means Finn has lost a life. Finn fades away.]
Jake:  No! [Jake gasps and runs away from Bouncy Bee.]
[Scene changes to Jake running away from Bouncy Bee in a cave-like surrounding.]
Jake:  Finn's dead! Finn! No! [Jake slows down.] Why? [Jake stops completely] NO!!! Curse this false virtual world! [Jake throws a rock as the computer jingles to signify Finn has respawned inside the game.] Oh, Finn!
Finn: Yo, what up?
[Jake jumps into Finn's arms.]
Jake:  Oh, Finn! You're alive! [Jake hugs Finn's face.]
Finn:  Yeah. I got extra lives, man!
Jake:  Oh my gosh. Let's never die again! There's nothing more precious than a life! Ooh, dude, look. Coins! Oh man, oh man! [Jake jumps off of Finn to go to coins.] Heeheehee! [Jake jumps up to grab a coin.] Ooh! Oh, man, dude, these coins are thick! Let's take 'em back to the real world! We'll be filthy stinkin' rich!
[Both Finn and Jake laugh as Jake grabs all three coins. A monster snarls behind them and they turn around to look.]
Finn:  Whoa!
Finn and Jake:  Hunny Bunny!
[Hunny Bunny shoots a laser at them, which makes them fall back into a pile of coins they've collected. This makes them lose their coins.]
Jake:  No!
Finn:  Time to use the bomba! [Camera shows a pixelated bomb on the top of the screen.] Come to me, bomba. [Finn waits expectantly. Nothing happens.] Bomba! [Camera shows bomba still at the top of the screen.] Oh, bomba! I can't select you without my controller!
[Hunny Bunny growls at Finn.]
Jake:  Let's get outta here, Finn!
Finn:  Man, we've never run away from Hunny Bunny!
[Hunny Bunny shoots laser at them. Scene changes to Finn and Jake walking slowly away in a cave-like surrounding.]
Finn:  Firepit, Bouncy Bee, Hunny Bunny. They're supposed to be the easy parts! They're all hard as butts! Sleepy Sam is gonna be the ultimate butt-kicker!
Jake:  Look, Finn. The most important thing to remember is that I still have one giant coin.
Finn:  Man, get a hold of your brains! We need to stay alert for Sleepy Sam!
Jake:  Hey, that's him right there! [Jake points to a light green blob.]
Finn:  Get down! [Jake and Finn duck down.] What's he doing? He's probably trying to psych me out! [Finn looks at his pixelated hands. He closes them in fists and grunts. He starts crawling over to Sleepy Sam. he starts muttering to himself.] I'm gonna break you, Sam. When I'm done, they'll call you...uh, Stinky Sam. Stupid Frog.
[Camera pans over to Sleepy Sam, who sticks his tongue out. Finn gets up and starts tip-toeing over to Sleepy Sam while raising a fist over himself. The camera looks at Sam for a second. Suddenly, Sam turns around and screams at the viewer, shooting out a spiral of green stuff. Finn screams and is thrown back by the green stuff. He lands by Jake.]
Finn:  [looking at hands] M-m-my mitts didn't- didn't work! Come on, help me punch him!
Jake:  Okay!
[Jake pushes Finn to Sleepy Sam, but Sleepy Sam engulfs Finn before they can do any damage. The computer jingles to signify Finn losing a life. The computer jingles again to signify him returning. Sleepy Sam screams at Jake, which throws him back into Finn's arms.]
Jake:  Let's get outta here, man! We're gonna die!
[Sleepy Sam starts hopping towards Finn and Jake as they run away. They screech to a stop as they confront Hunny Bunny, who shoots lasers at them. They dodge, and keep running. They run all the way back to the firepit, which they jump over. Hunny Bunny and Sleepy Sam jump over as well. Hunny Bunny and Sleepy Sam land on Bouncy Bee, and Finn and Jake land on the edge of the other side of the firepit, which they quickly jump over. They run away from the flying Bouncy Bee with Hunny Bunny and Sleepy Sam on its back.]
Finn:  I can see the light! We're almost there!
[Finn and Jake run towards the light, but hit an invisible force field, knocking them back on the ground.]
Finn:  Oh no, man. It's the edge of the screen! We're trapped and they'll be here any second.
Jake:  Wait, dude! The bomba!
Finn:  We can't get the bomba!
Jake:  Wait, dude. [Jake stretches up to the top of the screen and grabs the bomba.] Hmm.
Finn:  Jake? Jake!
Jake:  What if I...? [Jake reaches to grab the 2D bomba from the top of the screen.]
Finn:  That's not how it works!
[Jake grabs the bomba, which results in the sound of crackling. The word 'ERROR!!' appears on the screen and flashes in different colors.]
Finn:  Jake, let go of that!
Jake:  [still holding on] But we need the bomba!
[Jake grunts as he tries to pull the bomba from the top of the screen. When he pulls it out, green electric current flashes out from where it was. Jake gets knocked back to where Finn is. The electric current revolves around Finn as Finn starts screaming. The electricity pulls him towards the hole.]
Jake:  Finn!
[The electric current moves over to where Jake is and pulls him up too. Jake also starts screaming. It also grabs the coin Jake was carrying.]
[Scene switches to the tree house's main room. It is morning and BMO wakes up with blue electric current shooting out of him. BMO grunts as Finn and Jake are shot out of him.]
Finn:  Oh, holy cow! That was nuts, man!
Jake:  Yeah, man. And I got my coin! [looks at coin] What?! A penny?! [BMO starts grunting.] BMO! [Finn and Jake walk over to where BMO is lying down.] Oh no! Are you alright buddy?
BMO:  [The hole Jake and Finn came out of is start shooting out blue electric current.] Did you have to- oh no! Wait! Run!
[Sleepy Sam starts coming out of the hole in BMO. Finn and Jake start running towards the door. Jake jumps through the window in the door. Finn looks back to see what's happening with BMO for a split second, and then exits through the door. Both of them fall down onto the ground outside. The treehouse starts shaking violently and something bulges out. The tree house breaks open with Sleepy Sam, Hunny Bunny, and Bouncy Bee being thrown out. Hunny Bunny grabs Finn and Jake as they shout. Bouncy Bee starts lowering his stingers.]
Finn:  No, no, no! Don't kill us, man! No!
Jake:  Aw man, don't kill us! We don't have extra lives!
Sleepy Sam:  Oh wait. Hold up, guys. Check it out! Sunshine!
[They all look toward the Sun and enjoy the sunshine. Hunny Bunny flops his head, Bouncy Bee starts licking the sunshine, and Sleepy Sam rubs his face.]
Sleepy Sam:  Oh boy, that feels good!
Hunny Bunny:  Alright! See ya later, Sam! [Hunny Bunny and Bouncy Bee exit.]
Finn: [directed toward Sleepy Sam] You mean, that's it? You're not gonna kill us?
Sleepy Sam:  [chuckles] Of course not. The game's over; we won! All we wanted was the sunshine. And to kill that computer that's been imprisoning us for so many years.
Finn:  ...what?
[Scene switches to treehouse, where Hunny Bunny and Bouncy Bee have BMO in their clutches.]
BMO:  Help! Oh no!
Finn and Jake:  BMO!
Sleepy Sam:  Oh sure. He's dangerous! If he hits his button again, back we go.
Finn:  BMO, quick! Hit your button!
BMO:  I can't, Finn! I'm stuck!
Sleepy Sam:  You want him to hit his button? What's wrong with you?!
[Sleepy Sam starts to wrestle Jake and lick him. Jake struggles to keep him away.]
Jake:  We'll save you, BMO! Finn, go!
BMO:  They're too strong! Use the combo move, Finn! The combo- [Hunny Bunny drenches BMO in honey so he cannot finish his sentence.]
Finn:  The combo move? That never works!
Jake:  Listen! You got this, man! I know you- [Jake is sucked up by Sleepy Sam. He pops out again to finish his sentence.] I know you can do it, buddy! You got this! [Jake is sucked up by Sleepy Sam again.]
Finn:  [concentrating] Okay, okay. You got this, Finn! For your friends! [Finn breathes in heavily. As he says the directions, he moves along with them. He starts to glow a blue-white color.] Up! Down! Left! Left! Right! Right! Down! Spin! Down! Up! Left! Right! Left! Down! Spin! Up! Down! Jump!!
[Scene switches to show Sleepy Sam disappearing in white light and Jake falling onto ground where Sleepy Sam used to be. Scene switches again to show Hunny Bunny and Bouncy Bee disappearing in the white light, which makes BMO fall. Scene switches again to Finn, who is breathing heavily.]
Finn:  Whoa.
Jake:  Woohoo! [Jake jumps into Finn's arm.] You did it, Finn! I knew you had the stuff! Right, BMO?
[Scene shows BMO upside-down on the ground, with steaming pouring out of him as he groans.]
Finn:  Oh, crud!
Jake:  BMO!
[Finn flips BMO over so he is right-side up.]
Finn:  I'm sorry, buddy!
BMO:  Finn, I told you about the danger! And now look! You fricasseed my stuff and broke our house all up!
Finn:  I know, I know. I was double butt. For real. [Scene shows BMO looking annoyed.] Man! Now that we know what to expect, next time will be way more fun!
Jake:  Yeah, yeah!
Finn:  How 'bout it, BMO? You in?
BMO: [BMO starts doing the combo move, which makes him and Jake start glowing.]
Finn:  Hey! Don't do the combo move on us!
Jake:  We were only joking!
Finn:  BMO! Stop messing around!
[Screen shows the words 'GAME OVER' in green over a black screen.]


Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Gumbaldia" from season 10, which aired on March 18, 2018.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Princess Bubblegum
Gumbald
Lolly
Chicle/Crunchy
Candy People
Peppermint Butler
Starchy
Colonel Candy Corn
Gumball Guardian
Banana Guards
Gumdrop Dad (cameo)
Chocoberry
Ice King
Gunter
Fern/Green Knight
Ricardio
Bandit Princess
Peace Master
Me-Mow
Samantha
Pete Sassafras
Ash
Sir Slicer
Scorcher
Squirrel
The Morrow
Snail
Music
None
Locations
Gumbaldia
Candy Kingdom
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[The episode opens with Princess Bubblegum flying the Morrow over Gumbaldia. Starchy is hanging from the underside of the Morrow with a camera.]
Princess Bubblegum: Okay, Starchy. Now!
Starchy: I'm on it! Do I - Do I just pull this lever? [A roll of film is ejected out the back of the camera.] No! [He pulls out some replacement film and closes the camera again.] I'm on it.
[Starchy begins to photograph the city. The photographs show weapons and military parades. Scene changes to a darkroom in the Candy Kingdom, where Princess Bubblegum is developing the photographs.]
Princess Bubblegum: Excellent. These photos will help us find out what sort of forces Gumbald has amassed before we mobilize our troops.
Colonel Candy Corn: What's that, dear?
Princess Bubblegum: These photos will help us find out - [She is interrupted by Colonel Candy Corn.]
Colonel Candy Corn: I'm glad there's going to be another proper war before I kick the bucket. Wipe 'em out!
[Princess Bubblegum nods. Suddenly, Finn opens the door to the darkroom.]
Finn: Hey, Princess.
[Princess Bubblegum gasps. The light causes the photograph she's working on to fade.]
Princess Bubblegum: Finn, you donked up my recon!
Finn: I've got some important stuff to say. [He inhales deeply.] I don't think going to war with your uncle is a good idea.
Princess Bubblegum: I don't have any choice. By building an army, he's forcing my hand.
Finn: It seems to me that all these rhubarbs down through history don't do nobody no good.
Princess Bubblegum: [Throwing away the ruined photograph as well as her gloves and apron] Finn, we all love how sweet you are, but sometimes we just have to buckle down and do things the ugly way. Excuse me. [She exits.]
Colonel Candy Corn: It's gonna happen, son. Best thing to do is sharpen your sword and stock up on flower wreaths. [He exits.]
Finn: You're dark, Colonel Candy Corn.
[Finn follows Colonel Candy Corn out of the darkroom. Jake is waiting on a couch just outside.]
Jake: How'd it go?
Finn: No good. PB is on the road to war.
[The two of them walk along a corridor together and watch through the windows at the Candy Kingdom making preparations for war. A metal helmet is lowered over the head of one of the Gumball Guardians using a pulley system, overseen by Princess Bubblegum. The guardian taps the helmet and gives a thumbs up.]
Finn: Jake, it's up to us to fix things with Uncle Gumbald.
Jake: Didn't he try to kill you with monsters made out of your own baby teeth?
[They watch two armored banana guards sparring outside.]
Banana Guard 1: Take that banana face!
Banana Guard 2: [Uncertainly] Uh, take this, you banana face.
Finn: Does everyone have to get caught up in this mentality? I'm going to march right over to Gumbaldia on a last-ditch diplomatic mission. Want to come?
Jake: [Excitedly] Do I? [He climbs onto Finn's head and shape-shifts to look like Finn's hat.] This is cute, right?
Finn: You bet! And that's the number one priority for kick-butt diplomacy - the cuteness offensive!
[The scene changes. Finn approaches Gumbaldia with Jake still stretched over his head.]
Finn: Hey, this is kinda backwards, right?
Jake: How so?
Finn: I used to be all about violence. Now it's, like, I'm different.
Jake: You're a beautiful flower and I love to watch you grow.
[Finn hums to himself as he reaches the entrance to the ziggurat at the center of Gumbaldia.]
Unknown voice: Halt!
Finn: Gumbald?
[Jake stretches out his arms and points Finn's head in the direction of the entrance, and clicks his tongue. The Green Knight emerges from the shadows, menacingly.]
Green Knight: None shall pass.
Finn: [Growling] Fern.
Jake: [Whispering to Finn] Cuteness offensive. [He clicks his tongue again.]
Finn: [Sighs] Okay. [Calling out to the Green Knight.] I don't wanna fight! I'm just here to see your boss.
[The Green Knight approaches]
Finn: Fern, I know we have beef, but let's just talk. I didn't even know you were alive.
Green Knight: [Scoffs] You thought you had beaten me? [He shapes his arm into a blade.] Me?!
[Finn draws the Night Sword and they begin to duel.]
Green Knight: Cool sword.
[Lolly is seen viewing the fight from a balcony.]
Finn: Fern, stop!
[The Green Knight draws his axe and Finn backflips out of the way as it comes crashing down, then blocks a follow-up attack.]
Green Knight: I used to want to be you. Now I'm a better you! [He opens his helmet, revealing Fern's face.] I've proved it. There's nothing you have that I don't.
[Jake rams Fern with his shapeshifting powers, sending him flying.]
Jake: [Retracting back over Finn's face] Bark! Bark, bark, bark, bark! Bark, bark, baraaaah!
Lolly: Boys! Boys! [She walks out onto the terrace above the fighting.] Stop all this roughhousing!
Fern: [Sighs] Yes, Aunt Lolly.
Finn: "Aunt Lolly" - she sounds kind of like mom, yeah?
Fern: Hey! She was my mom too!
Finn: I know, man. We're like family. So why are we fighting?
[Fern looks away and covers his face again with a sigh, before returning into the darkness.]
Lolly: [Walking down the steps to meet Finn and Jake] Sorry about him. Now what's a sweet boy like you doing here?
Finn: I'm trying to stop this ridiculous war. I mean, this whole thing is crazy, right?
Lolly: Between you and me, honey, I don't want war either.
[Scene changes. Lolly leads Finn down a corridor.]
Lolly: Gumbald is becoming so paranoid and erratic. All he talks about is baking that wretched, wretched cake. Maybe you can talk some sense into him.
Finn: Did you say he's baking a cake?
[Lolly opens the door into a room where Chicle is painting a portrait of Gumbald. Gumbald himself is sat on a horse, modelling for the portrait.]
Chicle: Aah! A breach! [Running away] But my secret plan is to never die!
Gumbald: So, it begins. [He taps a button on his wrist and an alarm starts blaring.]
Finn: Wait! I'm a diplomacy boy today!
Lolly: Gumbald! He's just here to talk. [She takes his wrist and turns off the alarm.]
Gumbald: [Snatching away his wrist] Traitor!
Lolly: I think we can trust him.
[Lolly begins whispering indistinctly into Gumbald's ear, glancing back at Finn and Jake. Jake idly messes around with his shapeshifting abilities while they whisper, taking the form of various hats on Finn's head.]
Finn: [Whispering to Jake] Stop.
Gumbald: [To Finn] I'll hear your case boy, but I've got a busy day. We'll have to walk and talk.
[Gumbald dismounts from the horse. Lolly gives Finn an uncertain thumbs up. The scene changes to Gumbald leading Finn down another corridor.]
Finn: Look, PB doesn't want to attack you. You're gum from the same sidewalk. Like, just look at this bomb secret laboratory over here. This is exactly the kind of thing PB would have.
Gumbald: [Slams the door to the laboratory so that Finn can't see inside, and holds up photographs of the Candy Kingdom's war preparations.] Then why is she building up her arms? [He scatters the photos at Finn's feet. He points at his arm.] You see this? This is her forcing my hand. [He grabs his wrist and moves it back and forth.]
Finn: But that's exactly what she's saying. You're both so unreasonable.
Gumbald: You want unreasonable? Get a load of my unreasonably bad boy battle automaton! Her name is The Cake. [He gestures up at The Cake, which fills the chamber they are now standing in.] My niece would never have the ambition for a project like this. But ambition is my whole deal! You want a closer look, boy? I grant it to you.
[Finn, Jake, and Gumbald board a platform and it begins to carry them upwards.]
Gumbald: This magnificent dessert shall make the whole war relatively swift and painless.
Finn: So there's truly nothing I can say to change your mind?
Gumbald: Princess Bubblegum has made her bed, and now she must lie in it. But not get back up because she'll be dead. [Laughs evilly.]
Finn: I was wrong about you. You're nothing like Bonnie.
Gumbald: Wait. She'll have her cake and eat it too - because she'll be dead! The Cake makes her dead!
[There is a thud and the platform lurches. Finn and Gumbald both cry out.]
Gumbald: What the -
[One of the ropes snaps and Finn and Gumbald are both thrown off the platform, screaming. Jake, who is still on Finn's head, latches onto the platform while Finn falls.]
Gumbald: No! No, no, no, no, no! Aah!
[Finn catches Gumbald, and Jake slowly lowers them both to the ground by Finn's neck.]
Finn: Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. The pain is astonishing.
Gumbald: You could have let me die and saved your princess a lot of trouble. Maybe there is a way to co-exist after all.
Finn: [Looking straight ahead.] Hey-o. That's what I like to hear. Sorry. I'm worried if I turn my neck my head might snap off.
[All three laugh. The Green Knight is shown perched above the chamber. The scene changes. Finn and Jake are eating a banquet with Gumbald, Lolly, and Chicle. Jake is still on Finn's head. They are all laughing together.]
Finn: So Jake is literally inside me, controlling my body and I'm standing in front of my girlfriend's entire family.
Gumbald: [Apparently engrossed in the story] No!
Finn: This is my first ever girlfriend. I really want her to like me.
Jake: So then I made him do a diaper baby dance! [Laughs]
[Everyone except Finn joins the laughter.]
Chicle: You're as funny as me - the funny one!
Finn: Thanks, Chicle. But, if I could get serious for a second -
Gumbald: No need, Finn. Your example has said more than words ever could. Chicle, fetch the celebration bucket. I declare all hostilities between Gumbaldia and the Candy Kingdom ended. [He presses a button on his wrist and confetti falls from the ceiling.]
Finn: Yeah!
Jake: Whoo-hoo!
Chicle: Celebration bucket! [He throws a bucket of glittery pink liquid over Finn and Jake.]
Gumbald: Be sure to give Bonnie a big hug from me when you tell her.
Finn: You guys are goofballs.
Jake: [Shaking himself off.] Blblblblbl!
[As the liquid is scattered over the room, Gumbald and Lolly stand up suddenly and shield themselves with their cloaks. Chicle doesn't manage to find shelter and is splashed by the liquid.]
Chicle: [Gasps] Don't look at me! [He runs to an adjacent room and slams the door. Pink smoke poofs out from underneath. Everyone else is silent for a second.]
Lolly: Now there's a guy who - who really cares about his hair!
Finn and Jake: [Together] Oh, cousin Chicle!
Jake: Man, I almost thought that was something really serious.
[The scene changes back to the Candy Kingdom. It is evening, and Princess Bubblegum is holding a peace treaty while she talks to Finn and Jake.]
Princess Bubblegum: I don't believe it. A signed peace treaty? Finn, you're amazing. I could hug you right no- ...Did you stop at a craft store on the way here?
Finn: Oh, the glitter juice. It's part of a weird Gumbaldia treaty-signing ritual. Once I got to know him, your uncle was actually pretty cool. As I get older, I see the most important thing is to empathize with my friends and enemies. Like, co-exist instead of cutting off people's heads and stuff.
[While Finn is talking, Peppermint Butler produces a towel and dries the liquid off Finn and Jake. Some of it gets on him, and in a puff of pink smoke he is transformed into a baby.]
Peppermint Butler: [Squeaks]
Princess Bubblegum: Peps?
Peppermint Butler: [Cooing and dancing]
Princess Bubblegum: [Sniffs] You've been doused with Gumbald's dumdum solution! [Growls and then yells out] Gumbald!
[This is seen by the squirrel from a nearby tree, who exits the scene.]
Finn: Where are you going!?
[Princess Bubblegum angrily ascends a nearby tower and begins cranking a siren.]
Princess Bubblegum: [Yelling] Candy citizens, we are going to war!
[The candy people below begin screaming. In a panic, they begin to arm themselves and file out of the castle.]
Colonel Candy Corn: Hoopty hoo, hoopty hey! Let's cut 'em up, folks. [Laughs]
[Finn and Jake watch the candy people from a balcony.]
Finn: I donked up.
[The scene changes. The squirrel approaches Gumbaldia. The Green Knight guards the entrance.]
Green Knight: Don't halt. Continue running. I command it.
[Inside, Gumbald is addressing a gathering.]
Gumbald: My thanks to you all for joining me here today. I hope you're enjoying the hors d'oeuvres.
Squirrel: [Whispers indistinctly in Gumbald's ear.]
Gumbald: It seems that the Princess avoided our attempt at a peaceful resolution. But it was still a good plan... Aunt Lolly.
[A flashback to an earlier part of the episode occurs, when Finn and Gumbald were on the platform.]
Gumbald: This magnificent dessert shall make the whole war relatively swift and painless.
[Lolly is shown lurking above the platform with an axe to cut the rope. The flashback ends.]
Lolly: Eh, I love to plan.
Crunchy: Hey. What's a plan?
Gumbald: Oh, cousin Chicle, you've still got it. Ladies and gentlemen, it's time to unleash plan B. My formidable legion of Candy Kingdom haters. Ricardio, Bandit Princess, Samantha the warrior dog, Peacemaster, Me-Mow, Pete Sassafrass, Ash the Warlock, Sir Slicer, Scorcher, the Green Knight, and finally, the Iced King.
[Each character is shown as Gumbald lists them.]
Ice King: Uh, I think I might be here by mistake. What are we doing again?
[Gunter draws a knife.]
Gumbald: It's Gum War!


Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Gut Grinder" from season 1, which aired on September 27, 2010.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Gut Grinder/Sharon
Spiky Mayor
Soft People
Cube People
Spiky People
Music
None
Locations
Soft Village
Cube Village
Spiky Village
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[The episode begins with Finn walking through some bushes, looking for Jake.]
Finn: [calling] Jake! Jake! [coming out of bushes] Jake? [sees Jake's viola resting on a rock] Hmmm... [picks it up and starts playing it poorly]
Jake: [off screen] Aaaah! [comes out of bushes covering his ears] Aaaaah! [rolls on ground] Bl-bl-bl-bl-bl! [gets up and knocks the viola out of Finn's hands] Uh! That sounded horrible, man! [picks up viola]
Finn: I don't know how to play.
Jake: Exactly! [starts tuning viola]
[Distant screams are heard off screen.]
Finn: Huh? Let's go! [runs toward screaming]
Jake: Oh, wait up. I gotta finish tuning my viola.
[Scene changes to Finn running toward the Soft Village. He enters it and sees several Soft People crying.]
Finn: Soft People! Why are you all in a tizzy?
Soft Person #1: The Gut Grinder! He's back!
Finn: The "Gut Grinder?"
Old Soft Person: Yes, the Gut Grinder is a gold-eating monster. In the past, the Soft People of this village enjoyed piling our gold in the center of town and dancing wildly around it. It was awesome [laughs]! But then, the Gut Grinder came and stole our pile of gold. So we adapted and learned how to hide our gold using a big cup. And it worked! The Gut Grinder didn't come back! But recently, and admittedly it was probably a bad idea, we took our gold out from under the cup and we put it in the center of town. Haha, 'cause--'cause we really like dancing around it! But, boy oh boy, was that a mistake. You know what happened?
Finn: Uhhh... it came back and ate all your gold?
Old Soft Person: [crying] Yes, oh, yes!
Finn: Aw, don't cry, Soft Old Man. I'll find this monster and bring peace to this village. I swear!
Soft Person #1: Swear to what?
Finn: I swear to justice!
Soft People: Whoa! He swears to justice!
Finn: Okay, so, what does he look like?
Old Soft Person: Ohh, it's so scary we usually close our eyes and go wee-wee when he attacks. But... [walks over to footprint] he left this footprint... [Jake (giant-sized) storms in] Wha--?
Jake: [putting his foot in the print] Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo!
Soft Person #1: Look! His paw matches the footprint!
[Soft People start murmuring, terrified.]
Soft Person #1: I'm so scared, I'm gonna go wee-wee!
Finn: Whoa, no, no-no-no-no! Calm down, everybody. This is my friend, Jake the Dog.
Soft Person #2: [sigh] Thank goodness.
Soft Person #1: Yeah--I almost wee-wee'd!
Jake: Wait, you were gonna wee-wee if I was the Gut Grinder?
Soft Person #1: Oh, yeah! We're terrified of him.
Jake: [loudly] Then I am the Gut Grinder!
Soft Person #1: I'm gonna wee-wee! [squirts liquid out of its armpits and spins around in a circle]
Finn: [laugh] That guy wee-wees weird.
Jake: I'm just kiddin', everybody. I'm not the Gut Grinder. I'm... [shrinks back to normal size] Jake the Dog! Woohoo!
Soft Person #3: Aw, he's just a cute little dog!
Jake: Hey, I'm not cute!
Soft Child: [running up to Jake] Doggy! [petting Jake] Pet, pet, pet! [laughs]
Jake: Huh? Oh, heheh. [closes his eyes, purrs, drools]
Finn: Pfft.
Jake: What?!
Finn: I didn't say anything. [to villagers] People of the village of Soft People, I, Finn, and my buddy Jake, will find this monstrous monster and slay it!
[Soft People cheer.]
Finn: Come on, let's go, Jake.
Jake: [getting a belly rub] Oh... heheh. What? No! [Finn grabs him and drags him away] Noooo...
Soft Child: Bye-bye, doggy!
Jake: [still being dragged by Finn] Bye, Soft Village.
[Scene changes to Finn and Jake following the footprints. Jake is walking in them.]
Jake: Hey Finn, my feet fit these prints pretty well. Hm, what if I really am the Gut Grinder? [laughs nervously]
Finn: Dude, your paws'll fit anything.
Jake: [laugh] That is true. Check this out. [shrinks his feet to fit Finn's prints and walks in them; says mockingly:] I'm Finn the Human and I stink at viola!
Finn: [imitating Jake] I'm Jake the Dog and I put my nose in poop.
Jake: There's a lot of interesting smells in poop.
[Commotion is heard in the distance.]
Finn: Huh? [sees that it's coming from Cube Village]
[Scene switches to Finn inside Cube Village.]
Finn: Hey Cube People, what's going on here?
Cube Person #1: The Gut Grinder stormed into our village and ate all of our gold!
Jake: [emerging from behind a building] Wait, what happened?
Cube People: Aaah! The Gut Grinder!
Finn: Whoa, no, no, no! He's not the Gut Grinder! He's my friend!
Cube Person #2: We saw the Gut Grinder and he looks exactly like him!
Jake: [laughs nervously] Th-that's ridiculous.
Finn: Jake, back to your normal size.
Jake: Oh yeah. [shrinks down, starts dancing] Ooh ooh ooh. [sings] I am not... the Gut Grinder. Ooh ooh-ooh ooh-ooh ooh.
Cube Person #1: Aw, he's just a cute little dog.
Jake: Hey! Y'all are the ones who are cute. I'm hot.
Cube Person #1: Aw, look--he's all mad!
Cube Person #2: Even cuter.
Jake: Aaah!
Cube Person #1: [running over to Jake] So cute! [hugs him, rubs his belly] Aw, so cute, so cute!
Jake: I'm not cute! I'm--mnh, [closes eyes] ooh.
Finn: We are also seeking the Gut Grinder. Me and my friend Jake will find it and slay it! Tell us what he looked like.
Cube Person #2: Exactly like him, [points to Jake] but bigger.
Jake: [getting belly rubbed] Ruff, ruff, grrrr... [continues making dog sounds]
Finn: Huh... Which way did he go?
[Cube People point left.]
Finn: Jake! Hey, come on!
Jake: Wha--? [getting up] Where am I?
Finn: [running left] Thanks, guys!
Jake: [following Finn] I'm not cute. I'll mess you up.
[Scene changes to Finn riding Jake through a field.]
Jake: Finn...? What if I am the Gut Grinder?
Finn: What?!
Jake: What if I'm, like, stealing gold in my sleep?
Finn: You can't be stealing gold in your sleep--I watch you while you sleep.
Jake: Wha--? Yo, Finn, that is creepy, man.
Finn: I can't help it. I take pictures.
Jake: Well, when do you sleep?
Finn: Justice never sleeps.
Jake: Well, there's gotta be a time when you're not watchin' me... that--that I--that I might be stealin' gold unconsciously!
Finn: [into Jake's ear] You... are... not... the... Gut... Grinder!
Jake: [worried moan]
[An alarm starts sounding. Finn and Jake see that it is coming from the Spiky Village.]
Alarm: City in danger! City in danger!
Finn: Let's go! Oh, wait--what if these guys think you're the Gut Grinder? Hmm... [snaps fingers] Ah-ha! [reaches into his pack] Got the perfect thing for ya: [pulls out glasses] Groucho glasses! [places glasses on a lump of Jake's fat]
Jake: I love it! [kisses lump, hides his face by moving it to his chest] Launch in 3, 2, 1! [jumps toward Spiky Village]
Finn: Woohoo! Yeah!
[They enter Spiky Village. Several Spiky People are seen crying.]
Finn: Oh, man! These people are a mess!
Spiky Guard: Halt! Identify yourselves immediately!
Finn: I am Finn the hero!
Jake: [moving lump] I'm Groucho!
Finn: We're on a mission to catch the Gut Grinder.
Spiky Guards: [gasp]
Spiky Mayor: I am the mayor of this village. Our gold has just been stolen by the very monster you speak of.
Finn: I hereby vow to catch that thief and bring your gold back!
Spiky Mayor: Our people thank you. I present to you this photo [Spiky Person enters carrying a photograph] of the Gut Grinder to help in your mission.
Finn: [takes photo] Oh, thanks.
Jake: [quietly] Wha--? [looking at photo] Finn, it's me!
Finn: [crumbles photo into a ball; says quietly:] Well, duh, it looks like you. [puts photo in pocket] We already knew that. It's just one of those weird coincidences--like how my belly button looks like your face.
Jake: Yeah, I-I know you think it does, Finn--but this is different. I'm scared, Finn. [starts shaking nervously]
Finn: Jake, stop it!
[Jake accidentally shakes off the Groucho glasses.]
Spiky Mayor: Wha--? Oh, it's the Gut Grinder!
[Spiky People start murmuring angrily and surround Finn and Jake.]
Finn: No, no-no-no-no! He's not the Gut Grinder! I swear on my good name... and justice... and Jake's cute face!
[Jake bats his eyelids.]
Spiky Mayor: His face is weird. The truth is obvious: your friend is the Gut Grinder!
[Spiky People take Jake.]
Finn: NOOOOOO!
Spiky Mayor: [as Spiky People put Jake in jail.] You are under arrest for stealing our gold.
Finn: [running up to Jake] I'll get you out of here... somehow.
Jake: No, Finn... I belong behind bars. Look at the evidence--I really am the Gut Grinder.
Finn: Buddy, listen to me. You've been my best friend for as long as I can remember! That's enough evidence to prove to me that you're not a monster!
Jake: Then... why am I in jail? Only Gut Grinders go to jail.
Old Man Prisoner: I'm in jail and I'm not the Gut Grinder. [catches a grub] I'm here for the free grub. [puts grub in his mouth] Hehehehehe! [his gold tooth gleams]
Finn: Huh? Wait, I got an idea!
[Finn reaches through the bars and pulls out the old man's tooth and runs to the middle of town, holding up the tooth.]
Finn: Hey, Gut Grinder! I got some gold here that you missed. Come and get it!
[A manhole cover rattles nearby. Out pops a cute dog face.]
Finn: Huh. Whoa, you're the Gut Grinder?
[The face shoots out sharp points and rises up. It turns out to be a mace held by the Gut Grinder, who climbs out of the manhole. The Gut Grinder growls and sees the gold tooth in Finn's hand. He chases Finn, punches him, and steps on him, taking the tooth and laughing. The scene switches to inside the jail.]
Old Man Prisoner: [rubbing Jake's belly] Oh, Gut Grinder. Oh, Gut Grinder... you're a little cutesy. You're a little cutesy-wootsy.
Jake: Huh? Grrrr... not cute. [thinking] Am I the Gut Grinder? [looks through bars at Gut Grinder stepping on Finn] All the clues fit! [sees gold tooth] I must be the Gut Grinder! [as Gut Grinder, aloud] And I want GOLD!
[Jake grows huge, breaks out of jail, runs over to the Gut Grinder and kicks him, sending the gold tooth into the air.]
Finn: [catching tooth] Woohoo! Yeah! We got him! Thanks for saving me, Jake!
Jake: [as Gut Grinder] Grrrr! I'm not Jake--I'm the Gut Grinder! Now give me that gold tooth!
Finn: What? Jake? [Jake chomps at him] Whoa!
[Finn runs away and accidentally rips his pack on a spike, spilling its contents. Jake corners him.]
Finn: [panting] Whoa!
Jake: [as Gut Grinder] Rawr! Now give me that tooth!
Finn: If I give you this stupid tooth, will you stop being a crazy jerk?!
Jake: [snatches tooth, tosses it into his mouth, and laughs while walking away]
Finn: What the--? Jake! You never turn into a monster when I want you to. It's always, "Not now, Finn. I have a headache." Oh, Jake, [picks up viola] your viola is all I have now. [plays it screechily]
Jake: [as Gut Grinder] Huh? [comes back] Ah, stay away from my viola!
Finn: Jake, you remember your viola!
Jake: [as Gut Grinder] I also remember that you stink hard at playing it. And dookie is radical, man! I don't care what anyone says. [shakes head; normal voice] Wha--huh? What? Where am I? Finn, is that you?
Finn: Who else would it be, baby?
Jake: Whoo! [shrinks to normal size] I guess I went nuts.
Finn: You were so crazy, man! Like--like, actually crazy.
Jake: [burps up tooth, laughs]
Finn: [patting Jake's back] It's good to have you back.
Jake: It's good to have you pat my back.
Finn: [scratching Jake] Man, if I had known you were so easily manipulated, I would have eaten more of your ice cream.
Jake: [pushes Finn away] Cut it out!
[Scene changes to Gut Grinder. Spiky People surround it.]
Spiky Person: Cut open the Gut Grinder's belly!
[Something starts moving inside the Gut Grinder. It rips open and gold spills out.]
Spiky Mayor: What the--? [Sharon comes out of the pile of gold] What the--? Sharon, what are you doing in the Gut Grinder?
Spiky People: [murmuring] That's the mayor's wife!
Spiky Mayor: [holding skin] And the Gut Grinder's skin is not skin at all--it's cloth! Sharon! Have you been sewing?!
Sharon: [unapologetically] Yes, Cameron. I've been stealing gold.
Spiky Mayor: WHY, SHARON?!
Sharon: Because I like to buy things, Cameron! I like to shop! And I dressed up like Jake because I think he's hot.
[Spiky People gasp. Jake raises his eyebrows up and down.]
Spiky Mayor: You have been a naughty girl, Sharon. [turns to guards] Guards! Throw my wife in jail. [turns to Finn and Jake] Finn and Jake, thank you for saving my Spiky Village.
Finn: [gives thumbs up] No problem, mayor.
Spiky Mayor: Now give us a hug.
[Spiky People laugh and advance toward Finn and Jake.]
Finn: No, don't do that! Don't hug us! [Spiky People start hugging] Don't touch me! AAAAAAAAAH!
Jake: Ow! Hey! Don't touch us! OWWWW!

[The episode ends]

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Happy Warrior" from season 9, which aired on April 26, 2017.

Characters
Finn
LSP
Ice King
Betty
Gunter
Cinnamon Bun
fLame Princess
Music
None
Locations
Cloud Kingdom
Fire Kingdom
This transcript is Incomplete.


Transcript

[ Sighs ]

Jake, hold on, buddy.

Cheer up, Finn.

So what if Jakegot absorbed into

Slime Princess'srockin' body.

He's probably having fun

and doing way betterwithout you.

Give methe Slime jewel.

[ Sing‐song voice ]Hooray!

Just two more of thesesweet princess jewels,

and I'll be ableto fix everything.

[ Laughs ]

[ Laughs maniacally ]

[ Laughs ]

Your laughis really annoying.

I changed my mind.

Skyhook me backto Slime Kingdom.

Ah!

Don't talk that wayabout the skyhooks!

Focus, Finn.

You're right.Let's go get that Fire jewel.

Please keep your hands and bagsaway from the cloud's edge.

Ding‐ding.

[ Device beeping ]

LSP: No!

Don't torture yourself.

And don't drop yourphone into Fire Kingdom, dummy.

Hey, I'm feelingsome of my old zazzle.

Enough to cast the strongestflame shield to protect you.

If I don't, you'll die.[ Chuckles ]

[ Recites incantation ]

[ Screams ]

Pbht!

Look, guys.My Ice powers are tapping out,

what with all the elementalfire magic down there.

But I would never ever letyou down, so I'm sending Gunter.

Wenk.

So, you guyswant to do something?

You got any music?

You guys aren't just likeboring and old, right?

Finn, wait for me!

This doesn't look so bad.

Ooh!

You see that bird?

Gross.

LSP?Be careful.

You don't haveFlame shield.

Eh, it's fine.I've been in, like,

all four zoneswithout a scratch.

Huh, that's weird.

No, I'm justsuper cool.

[ Screaming ]

Whoa! Tiny warrior.

[ Grunts ]

[ Screaming ]

Oh, no, you don't!

Oof.

Show your face, you ‐‐Wyatt?

What are you doing?

I'm Fire Wyatt.

I got rage!

You cannot defeat me!

[ Growls ]

‐Let's take his armor.‐Okay.

Wenk.

[ Groans ] I'm going,but I swear vengeance, okay?

Cool.

[ Grunting ]

Your cooking stinks.

Aah!

So sick of your face!

[ Screaming ]

Man, this placeused to be nice...er.

[ Growls ]

[ Speaking Korean ]

Lady Raini‐‐ er,Flameicorn. It's me ‐‐ Finn.

I got importantnews about Jake‐‐

Oof!

Get out of my way, Lady.

I'm gonna getthe Fire jewel

even if I have toput you in the ground.

[ Groans ] No,we're not gonna fight you.

Aah!Step off, Lady.

I'm fighting you!

Wenk, wenk.

I can't.She's like family.

Wenk.

Aah!

[ Speaking Korean ]

Wenk.

[ Growls ]

[ Screams ]

Don't make me.

Cinnamon Bum: Hyah!

Hyah!

Kyah!

Get out of here!

[ Groans ]

[ Speaking Korean ]

Dang, Lady. Calm down.

It's no use, Finn.

Like allof the fire people,

Lady Flameicornknows only fighting.

Cinnamon Bun.

You're still normal.

My Flame shieldprotected me from the change,

but the rest of the kingdomis lost.

Not for long, man.

Will you take usto Flame Princess?

It won't do any good.

She is spicy with anger.

I know I canreason with her.

We used to really bondover music and...stuff.

Comin' in.

Mmm.Wha?

Mm.

[ Barking ]

[ Gasps ]

That wasthe throne room.

This is as far as I go.

Don't you wantto see FP?

She said somehurtful things.

I'll give hera good talking to.

I'll talk herinto next week.

No!

I'm gonna let her do her.

I'm a loner now.

What aboutyour wolf friend?

My wolfis also a loner.

We are both loners!

When did he get cool?

Everyone slept on that.

Flambo: Hey, yous mugs.

What for ya come tothe Fire Kingdom for, huh?

Flambo?Are you still normal?

Die in a ditch.

[ All scream ]

Flambo, you used tobe about the laughs.

This is whatI think is funny.

Boi‐oi‐oi‐oing.

Hyah!

Talk about a spicy meat‐‐

If you can't run the saw,then stay out of my woodshed!

[ Roars ]

Dramatic boys.

Never again.

Wenk, wenk.Wenk.

Finn! The duck founda secret tunnel!

Okay. [ Sighs ]

Wenk, wenk, wenk.

So, are you stillinto Flame Princess?

What? No, FP and Iare just friends.

And I'm really proudof that friendship.

Getting there tooka lot of trust building

and emotional growth.

Okay. I believe you.

Do you do squats?

Gunter?

Dang. Just lookat these ding‐dongs.

[ Swords clashing, shouting ]

[ Roars ]

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

[ Growls ]

Hyah!

Bam. Bam. Bam. Bam.

Fire Wyatt'sstill in the game.

Aah!

[ Grunts ]

[ Grunting ]

Wenk!

Oh, there he is.

Wait. Look at what'scaught in that dragon's teeth.

That's FP's jewel!

Oh, dang.

That big gross dragonate your ex.

Give me...that...jujubee!

I'm gonna tear you apartif you did anything to hurt ‐‐

wait ‐‐ Flame Princess?

Return the jewel,worm.

Oh! It is you.

Listen.I need this to fix Ooo.

'Cause Jake is slime,

and this place isa toxic aggro machoscape.

This place is great.

[ Yells ]

Fire Kingdom rules!

That was messed upand not who you really are.

Aah!

[ Grunts ][ Groans ]

Stop talking to melike we're friends!

The only friendI have is violence,

and the only thing we dowhen we hang is fight.

[ Growls ]

Finn, wait!

Flame Princessis the dragon!

‐Ah! Ah! Ah!‐I'm being arrowed!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Wenk.

Gunter, you saved me!

Wenk. Wenk. Wenk.

Wenk!

I know you won't hurt me,Gunter.

Wenk. Wenk. Wenk.

Oh, no!I'm too trusting!

Finn, I want to leave!Wrap that up.

Give it!

[ Roars ]

No!I have to save Jake.

Phoebe. Stop.

[ Gulps ]

[ Laughs evilly ]

Aaaaaah!

Hyah!

Aah!

I'm gonna ruin your universe.

[ Grunts ]

[ Roars ]

Aah!

Honestly, I could stillsee those two working out.

Oh, come on.

Ugh!

No one touches my charm!

Hey.

Hey!

‐Wenk.‐This is terrible.

Nobody's payingattention to me.

Everyone just stop fighting!

What's wrong with you?

Why can't you be more likethose nice, boring losers

in the Candy Kingdom?

With their littlefaces and songs?

Or like me?

Why isn't everyone more like me?

Kill her.

No, she's right.

We must stop senselesslyattacking each other

and startsenselessly attacking

those disgusting nerdsin the Candy Kingdom!

[ All shouting ]

Clutch.

That's a huge extrapolationfrom what I said.

All: Smash the nerds!Smash the nerds!

Smash the nerds!

[ All shouting ]

Surely, this isthe end of all things.

Gunter.

Finn!

Wyatt?

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Heat Signature" from season 2, which aired on May 9, 2011.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Marceline
Wendy
Georgy
Booboo
Music
"Oh, Baby Yeah"
Locations
Marceline's house
Grass Lands
25 Blood Drive
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode opens with Finn and Jake standing on an abandoned highway. Jake stretches himself and Finn down, and they enter a cave.]
Finn: Man, I still can't believe Marceline is 1,000 years old and has never seen Heat Signature. This movie is gonna blow their minds.
[Marceline opens the door.]
Finn: Marceline! We brought Heat Signature.
Marceline: Woot! Woot!
Jake: Woo!
[Finn and Jake enter the house. A trio of ghosts float in the living room.]
Marceline: Hey, so I want you all to meet Finn and Jake. They aren't... completely lame.
Finn: Whatup?
Marceline: Guys, this is Wendy...
Wendy: Hey.
Marceline: Booboo...
Booboo: Hello. Hello.
Marceline: ...and Georgy.
Georgy: Hey.
Marceline: We used to be in a gang together back in the underworld.
Finn: Hmm. Yeah, that's pretty sweet. Hope y'all like getting your minds blown, cause it's showtime.
[Finn and Jake jump backwards onto the couch, and find out that it's hard as a rock.]
Finn: [groans in pain] What is wrong with this couch?
Jake: Ehh, that made my teeth hurt.
Marceline: Oh yeah. Sorry, I don't ever really sit on there. I just float usually. We... kinda all do.
Finn: Aww, what? man, no fair.
Marceline: Yeah, well, too bad you're not vampires. So, anyways, I...
Finn: Wait! Hold on just a second.
[Jake and Finn start whispering to each other.]
Finn: Marceline, we insist you turn us into vampires. Or ghosts, or whatever. We just wanna fly.
Marceline: All right, all right. Fine.
Finn and Jake: Yes!
Wendy: Come on, Marceline! you're gonna turn these goofballs?
Marceline: [giggles] Don't worry, I've got something more fun in mind. [She whispers to the ghosts. Finn and Jake are exhausted from jumping up and down.]
Finn: Okay, Marceline, we're ready now.
Marceline: Okay, hold that thought. [She floats into the next room.]
Georgy: Huhuuuhhuh...
[Marceline floats back into the living room.]
Marceline: I'm gonna perform the biting ritual. You guys close your eyes and don't open them until I say so. If you do... your heads will EXPLODE! Okay, Finn. You first.
[Marceline lifts up Finn's hat, to reveal his neck. She then makes a hissing noise as she moves closer. Then she pinches Finn's neck. Finn lets out a screech.]
Marceline: Bite.
[Then Marceline does the same thing to Jake.]
Marceline: Chomp.
[Georgy, Wendy, and Booboo all giggle. Marceline puts a dab of ketchup on two of her fingertips and touches Finn and Jake so it looks like they've actually been bitten.]
Marceline: Boop boop. Boop. Boop. Okey dokey. All done. How do you guys feel?
Finn: Pretty... much... the same.
Jake: My neck sort of hurts.
Booboo: Don't you feel a little hungry...for blood?
Finn: [moaning] I felt it. Jake, do you feel it?
Jake: Yeah, I could go for some blood.
[Marceline and her ghostly buddies are all snickering in the background.]
Finn: [gasps] Oh no. Jake. Now we're gonna have to drink blood for all eternity.
Jake: [gasps] Yeah, what if we turn evil? I'll hafta start wearing cologne.
[Marceline floats by, carrying two apples.]
Marceline: Relax, guys. You can satisfy your bloodlust without killing. Look. [She drains the red from the apple until it is pale.] You just eat the color. Here, Jake. You try. [She hands the other apple to Jake.]
[Jake bites the apple, but gets mush all over himself and Finn.]
Finn: Ugh. Come on.
Jake: Sorry, bro. [While Finn and Jake aren't looking, Marceline silently drains the red from the apple in Jake's hands. After Jake and Finn finish rubbing the mush off their faces, Jake looks down and notices the now-pale fruit.] Oh, snap! I feel... stronger. [Jake squeezes the pale apple between his hands.]
Finn: Whooooa... Marceline, can we float now?
Marceline: Mmm... Not yet. That's a really advanced power. First, you gotta go through vampire orientation.
Georgy: Huhuuuhhuh...
[Everyone else glares at Georgy. His cheeks flush.]
Marceline: Think you chumps can handle it?
Finn and Jake: Oh, baby, yeah, baby, baby, baby, yeah, baby, yeah, yeah.
[The scene cuts to everyone standing outside in a forest at night.]
Marceline: Okay, guys, the first phase of vampire orientation is learning... [Catches a firefly and puts it in her mouth.] ...invisibility. [She turns invisible. Finn reaches out to touch the firefly in her mouth and chuckles nervously]
Finn: [nervous chuckle]
Marceline: Ah! Hey! [She slaps Finn but catches him before he hits the ground. Marceline moves Finn around. She becomes visible once again.]
Marceline: You ready for the power of...invisibility?
Finn: With all my heart.
Marceline: Good. Now, spin!
[Marceline sends Finn spinning around until he falls to the ground, feeling dizzy. Jake laughs.]
Marceline: Give it a whirl, Jake! [Then she sends Jake spinning until he falls to the ground.] Now chant, "INVISIBLE!INVISIBLE!"
Finn and Jake: INVISIBLE!INVISIBLE! [They spin to a stop. They get up groaning dizzily.]
Marceline: Yup. It worked?
Finn and Jake: [gasp]
Jake: We're invisible! [He punches Finn in the stomach.]
Finn: You're invisible! [He punches Jake in the stomach.]
Jake: Hey. Then how come we can see each other?
Marceline: Because you guys become vampires at the same time. So you are forever linked.
Finn and Jake: AWW YEAH! [They do a stomach five, and spin around, laughing.]
Booboo: [laughs] Marceline...you're friends with some real morons. [Georgy and Wendy grimace.]
[Finn and Jake happen upon a place deep in the woods where Lumpy Space Princess is camping out.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Oh, my glob, Melissa. Ever since Clara stopped eating meat, her skin looks so good. I mean, she still looks fat, but like, I can't say that junk to her face.
Jake: Wow! LSP's a hobo!
Finn: Let's mess with her.
Lumpy Space Princess: I'm doing so awesome on my own. Like, right now, I found this can of beans.
[Finn and Jake start making moaning sounds, while picking up some of LSP's camping supplies.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Finn? Jake! Put down my stuff!
Finn: [gasps] She knows it's us.
Jake: She must recognize our voices.
Finn: Let's disguise them. [Romanian accent] We're invisible!
[Finn and Jake continue to mess around the campsite.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Melissa, I have to go. They got into my toilet paper. Melissa, I have to go! [hangs up]
[Marceline, Georgy, Wendy, and Booboo are all watching close by. They start to snicker as they do. LSP starts chasing them.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Give it back, you guys!
Jake: Weeeee!
[He lets loose a roll of toilet paper, and it wraps around Finn's eyes, blindfolding him.]
Finn: Yeah! Whoo-hoo-hoo! Yeah, Jake!
[Because Finn is blindfolded, he can't see where he's going, and his foot unintentionally knocks into the can of baked beans.]
Lumpy Space Princess: [in slow motion] Nooooooooo!
[Time seems to pass in slow motion as the baked beans spill all over the ground.]
Lumpy Space Princess: MY BEANS!!! [Angrily, she hits Finn and Jake. Georgy, Wendy, and Booboo laugh at the sight.]
Booboo: Time to join in on the fun!
Lumpy Space Princess: You guys ruined everything! I'm gonna kill you!
Finn: But we're undead. [An axe suddenly appears to float in midair. LSP suddenly gasps and faints at the sight.]
Jake: Geez, we really scared her.
[Finn and Jake gasp as Marceline appears behind them.]
Marceline: Nice vampire scare, guys.
Finn: Thanks.
[Georgy, Wendy, and Booboo appear.]
Booboo: Yeah, pretty good, fellas. [The ghosts chuckle.] You guys ready...for the next vampire lesson? [They all stick out what would be a foot. Marceline stares.]
Finn: You know we are.
Booboo: Good. [The ghosts all start kicking Finn and Jake.]
Finn: Ow! What's the point of this lesson?
Georgy: Kick 'em harder! [They do so. Bruises appear on Finn and Jake as they yelp in pain.]
Finn: Ow! It hurts!
Jake: Ohhh!
[Marceline decides she's had enough.]
Marceline: Okay, everyone! Stop the toughness lesson!
Georgy: What?
Marceline: Finn, Jake. You guys okay?
[Finn and Jake are all covered in bumps and bruises.]
Finn: We're okay. [coughs] It's all worth it.
Georgy: See? They're fine.
Wendy: When did you go all soft? You used to like teaching people about kicks. [Marceline stares.]
Georgy: Hey, guys, I think you're ready to learn how to float. All you have to do is jump off that ledge. [He glances up towards some derelict structures in the distance.]
Finn: Cool.
Marceline: [gasps] W-wait! There's more beginner lessons you need to learn before floating. Like... uh... the spooky vampire walk. See? Spoooooky... wooo!
Finn: Heh heh. No way.
Jake: We wanna fly!
[The ghosts take them away. Marceline growls in anger and floats after them.]
Marceline: You guys stop right now.
Georgy: Marceline, chill out. It's going to be okay. We've got a plan. [to Finn and Jake] Now, get in your flying positions. [Georgy pushes them off the edge.]
Finn and Jake: VAMPIRES FOREVER!!! WOOO!
Marceline: What are you guys waiting for? You said you had a plan.
Wendy: We do. It's to let them die! [The ghosts start laughing.]
[Marceline is furious. Her eyes blaze with rage. Then she dives off the edge after Finn and Jake, turns invisible, and catches them just before they land on some jagged glass at the bottom. Finn and Jake cheer on all the while. Marceline, still unseen, drops the two of them safely on the ground.]
Finn and Jake: We did it! Yeah! Woohoo! Awesome!
[Marceline turns visible again. The ghosts float up to her looking not too satisfied.]
Wendy: Way to go, Marceline.
Marceline: Hey, you guys need to stop trying to kill my friends!
Booboo: They gotta die someday.
Wendy: Hey! Let's invite them to our place! When they show up...
Wendy, Booboo and Georgy: We'll suck their guts out through their brains!
[Marceline and the ghosts float over to Finn and Jake.]
Finn: Did you see us?
Wendy: Yeah, you guys were pretty amazing.
Booboo: Hey, we're gonna throw a party... in honor of your new vampire skills.
Finn: Holy snaps, that's awesome!
Marceline: They're lying to you guys. They just wanna suck the guts out of the top of your head.
Finn, Jake, and ghosts: What?
Booboo: She's just jealous of you.
[Wendy hands Finn and Jake an envelope.]
Wendy: We'll see you at midnight at our place. [The ghosts turn invisible. Finn and Jake turn toward Marceline.]
Marceline: Guys, promise me you're going to that party.
Finn: We're not gonna go.
Marceline: You're not?
Finn: Nah. I'm kinda tired from doing vampire stuff all day. We're just gonna chill.
Marceline: Oh. Okay.
Finn: Well, we're going back home.
Jake: Peace.
[The scene transitions to Jake and Finn standing in the Spooky Forest. Lightning flashes across the night sky. A run-down manor stands on top of the hill.]
Finn: Number 25, Blood Drive. [Finn and Jake enter the mansion.] Hey guys, we're here! Wow! Look at you guys! That's awesome!
[Georgy, Wendy, and Booboo have changed. They have significantly increased in size, are wearing laced collars, and have menacing eyes and puckered lips. Georgy closes the door. Then the ghosts join hands, spin around our heroes, and start chanting ominously. Their eyes and mouths start glowing white.]
Finn: Uh... [He shrieks in horror as one of the ghosts puts a mouth on his head. Jake tries to punch the ghosts' mouths away, but one gets him from behind.] Georgy, what's wrong? Jake, what's happening?
Jake: I think they're testing our vampire abilities.
Finn: Oh, sweet. VAMPIRE KICK! [Finn leaps in the air, but gets knocked away and lands on top of the chandelier.]
Georgy: Aw, come on. Will you knock it off already?
Wendy: You know you're not even real vampires.
Finn: Pssh. Then why am I flying, Wendy? [realizes] Oh. [The chandelier breaks loose. finn falls screaming to the floor.] Yo, man. I think Marceline tricked us.
Jake: Yeah.
[The ghosts' mouths start to close in on our heroes when Marceline suddenly appears out of nowhere.]
Marceline: VAMPIRE KICK!!! [She kicks the ghosts' mouths away.] Finn. Jake. I'm so sorry I got you into this. I should've never pranked you so perfectly.
Finn: It's okay. You're here now to beat up those ghosts and save us.
Marceline: Oh, no, vampires can't beat ghosts. It's sort of a Rock-Paper-Scissors thing. I just came to apologize.
Finn: Aw, man. [The ghosts' mouths pick up Jake and Finn and start sucking on their heads.] I can't believe we're gonna die just because we wanted to be comfortable watching Heat Signature. [Suddenly, the ghosts drop Finn.]
Georgy: Uh... did you guys say... Heat Signature?
[The scene cuts to a clip from the movie Heat Signature. A Commander and Private are inside a submarine, looking at a scanner.]
Commander: Have you located the enemy's heat signature, Private?
Private: Yes, sir. But I also noticed something... strange. Something... I can't explain.
Commander: Well, spit it out, man!
Private: I... I... I can't seem to locate... our heat signature.
[The scene reverts back to Marceline's living room. Marceline and the ghosts are watching in awe while Finn and Jake struggle about on the uncomfortable furniture, looking none too pleased.]
Finn: [groans in frustration] This stink-ups mega bam-bam to the J-stop. Could we just go back to the brain-eating or whatever?
Georgy: MMM-HMM. After the movie.
Finn: Well, can't we just--
Marceline and ghosts: Shhh!
Georgy: Shut!
Private: [off screen] Look out, Commander!
Commander: [off screen] Aaaagh! My heat signature!
[Marceline's face and the ghost's faces suddenly snap to a satisfied smile. The episode ends.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Helpers (episode)" from season 8, which aired on Februray 2, 2017.

Characters
Susan Strong (character)
Frieda
Dr.Gross
Music
None
Locations
Unavailable
This transcript is complete, needs formatting.


Transcript

Kara: We're closing in on Minerva's brainwave signature.

We should touch downin just a few minutes.

Whoa.

So, that's what my mom'sthoughts look like.

They look good.

I think.

Hold on.

Whoa.

That's her?

Mm‐hmm.Dr. Minerva.

♪♪


She looks nice.

[ Beeping ]

We're here, Finn.

Buckle up.I'm gonna take us down.


Humans.

There's so many.

Are they friendly, Kara?The people here?

[ Chuckles ] Don't worry,you're gonna fit right in.

♪♪


Kara: Finn? Finn?

Hey, listen.

I remember enoughabout my old life

to know that there weresome dangerous people here.

So let's stick together,okay?

And let's all try tokeep a low profile.

Minerva! Minerva!

Hey, you,where's Minerva?

Wha! Geez.

You scared mewith that costume, citizen.

Don't change the subject.Now, where's Minerva?

And does she have any chipsor crackers or anything?

I'm getting real tiredof picking batteries

out of these BMO cakes.

Where's Minerva?

Man, that'sa pretty weird question.

Minerva's everywhere.

Additionally,everyone knows that.

Just look around forsomebody who needs help,

and Minerva will be therehelping, obviously.

"Where's Minerva?"[ Chuckles ]

‐Thanks.‐She's everywhere?

You hear that, man?

Minerva's into helping people,just like you.

She must've gave youher helper genes as DNA

up in her wombwith your placenta.

DN‐what‐what?

Mister?

Can I rub the dog's tummy,mister?

He's gota cute yellow tummy.

Shoot, kid,you don't even have to ask.

Just scooch right upand get busy.

[ Gasps ]You're a talking dog!

Teesa, Meeka, Gee‐gee,come look!

A talking dog!

Are they gonna helpwith the tummy rub?

[ Kids giggling ]‐Finn, look.


Oh, geez.

I didn't thinkwe would find her do fast.

We can come with youif you'd like.


Nope.

Finn only.

Hello, young man.

Is there anythingI can help you with?

[ Breathes deeply ] This isgonna sound weird, but...

and I don't mean toput you on the spot.

But, uh...did you...

did you lose...

a son?


Careful, citizens.

Litter can be unattractive,but dangerous, as well.


‐Uh...‐Hello, young man.

Is there anythingI can help you with?

This is going a lot differentthan I pictured it.


Jake:Come on, now.

Are you telling me none of you

has ever seen a talking dogbefore?

That's crazy.

That's even crazierthan the old lady

who lives aloneon that weather island.

[ Laughter ]

[ Laughs ]

No, but seriously,if you think this is impressive,

you should've seen meat the flea circus.

I really stole the show.

[ Laughter ]

[ Chuckles ] Nah, but seriously,

y'all should reallymeet my friend BMO.

‐[ Whispering ] Jake.‐He's a talking calculator.

Now's not the time.

Now there's a friendyou can really...

‐Whoop!‐...count on.

[ Laughter ]


Frieda.


Wow, listen, you guys are great.

I got to get goingand find my friends,

but man, what a great crowd,though, seriously.

One more joke.

[ Cheering ]

That's all I got.

I don't know any more jokes.

[ Crowd "Awwww"s ]

Wait, wait.

I can do other stuffbesides jokes.

Like, um, oh.

[ Inhales deeply ]

Pbbbbbbbbbt!

Huh?

‐Mutant!‐Mutant.

‐He's a mutant.‐Is he a mutant?

What? No, no, no.


I'm just a regular dog, see?

[ Pants ]‐[ Gasps ]

‐He's a mutant.‐A mutant!

‐Minerva!‐Minerva!

Minerva!

Finn: I guess this must bepretty shocking.

Oh, are you in shock?

Do you need help?

Man: Minerva!


Hey.

‐Minerva!‐Minerva!

‐Minerva!‐Minerva, help!


Oh, hey, Minerva.

Finn, I found Miner‐‐

Uh, disregard.

You are creatinga disturbance.

Please help let us help youhelp us to sedate you.

I'm not a mutant.

I'm magic.I think.

Although,now that you men‐‐

[ Groans ]


Stop! He's my brother!

And I'm your suhhh...


Son!

What's this?[ Grunts ]

You can't get them off.

I tried a lot already.


I love you, but your mom'sa hundred robo‐clones.

Those thingsaren't my mom.

Maybe they look like my mom

because they did somethingto her, right?

I'm going to get out of hereand I'm going to rescue her,

and I'll hug her,and ‐‐ and ‐‐


I've had weirder fightsthan this.


Where da bones?


Thas muh hand.

[ Whirs ]

[ Click! ]


[ Ding! ]

[ Gasps ]

[ Both gasp ]

[ Horns honking ]


Uh...


[ Pop! ]


♪♪


BMO: It's a toy store!

Are you going tobuy me a toy?

No.

Well, maybe.

I have to talkto my friend first.

Mm‐hmm.


I made a mistakea long time ago.

My friend got hurt.

I don't know if I'm allowedback in her life.

Mm‐hmm.


Where are we going,man?


[ Splashing ]


What is this?


Am I dreaming?

Who are you?

Uh, my name's Finn.Are you my m‐‐

It is you.

Oh my gosh,I can't believe you're alive!

Minerva‐bot, hug my son.

You're beautiful.

[ Laughs ]My boy, baby Finn!

Oh, you're so big.

Last time I saw you,you were 6.875 kilograms,

and now look at you!

Mom...

I'm sorry, I'm sorry,I'm babbling.

Yes, darling?

What happened to you?

You've been gonefor so long.

When you and Martindisappeared,

I was leftfragile as an eggshell.


Martin is a hider.

He left with our baby.

Dr. Grosswas resolute.


She immediately activatedher most powerful seeker

to bring you back.


But years went by.

You and your fatherwere never coming back.


Dark days grew darker.

I went into myself,and while I retreated,

Dr. Gross's work turnedstrange and dangerous.


Aroo?

Dr. Gross's actionsunwittingly led

to the release ofa terrible virus.

[ Glass shatters ]

It was the mostcatastrophic event

that had happened to our speciesin 300 years.


We tried to consolidate

and quarantine everyoneon Founders Island.

The fatality rate in the generalpopulation grew to 62%.

But the fatality ratein helpers,

those who faced the virus daily,was 100%.

Or nearly.


I was only one helper

and in no conditionto do my job.

[ Coughs ]

I made my decision.

With my brain‐mapuploaded to the Web,

I could behundreds of helpers.

And humanity needed helpabove all else.


Since that day,I have protected

and cared for all my peoplethe best I could.

[ Sniffles ]

But that all doesn'tmatter anymore.

You're back!

And now you can live herein safety.

Oh,but I can't necessarily ‐‐

For the restof your life.

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Henchman" from season 1, which aired on August 23, 2010.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Marceline
Music
"Fisherman Song"
"Bro Song"
Locations
Bone-filled valley
Eberhardt's home
A graveyard
Duchy of Nuts
Strawberry field
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode begins in an area filled with bones where Finn and Jake are playing.]
Finn: Hahahaha! Here I go!
Jake: Yeah!
Finn: [Sliding down skeleton] Whoo-hoo!!
[Finn hits the ground, and he, Jake, and many bones are propelled into the air. Marceline watches them discreetly.]
Marceline: Hmm...
[Finn and Jake land.]
Finn: Awesome! [He and Jake laugh. Suddenly, crying is heard.] Someone needs our help!
[Finn runs to the source of the crying. Jake spits out a bone and follows. They find Marceline talking to an old man.]
Marceline: [To her henchman] What is it about "henchman for life" that you don't understand?
Old Man Henchman: Oh, come on!
Finn: [Whispering to Jake] Dude! It's Marceline the Vampire Queen!
[Jake screams and cowers in fear.]
Old Man Henchman: Can't you find the compassion to release this poor old body?
Marceline: "Henchman for life" means, "henchman for life!!"
Finn: [Whispering to Jake] You still petrified of vampires?
[Jake's head has sunk into his body.]
Jake: [Prevaricating] No... I'm not...
Marceline: [To old man] Fall on the ground for me!
Old Man Henchman: Yes, Mistress. [He does so.]
Marceline: Now cry for me!
Old Man Henchman: Okay. I don't want to cry, but I shall cry for you. [He begins weeping.]
Finn: [Running from behind bushes] Hey! Cut that out!
Marceline: Oh! If it isn't my favorite little goodie-two-shoes Finn!
Finn: Stop making this poor old dude cry!
Marceline: I can make him do whatever I want. Watch. Henchman, amuse me.
[The old man balances himself on his cane.]
Finn: Stop it!
Marceline: Now hop around in a circle.
[The old man hops around on his cane. The tip breaks and he falls down.]
Finn: Oh, no. Don't worry, sir. I'll see to it you get set free.
Marceline: Oh, and how're ya gonna pull that off, hero?
Finn: I'll do what I need to. I'll even take his place!
Jake: Dude, what?!
Marceline: Do you mean it?
Finn: Uh... well... [He looks at the old man who is groaning tiredly.] Heck yeah!
Marceline: Deal! Old henchman, you're free.
Old Man Henchman: Whoo-hoo! [Leaps off happily]
Jake: What're you doing, man?
Marceline: Hey, Jake.... BLEH!! [She makes a horrific face.]
Jake: EEH! [Grabs onto Finn]
Finn: I couldn't watch that old man suffer, Jake. My code of honor wouldn't allow it.
Marceline: [Laughs] [Mocking Finn] "Oh, my code of honor wouldn't allow it." [Cackles]
Jake: Rrrr... HEY!
Marceline: Yes, Jake? [Transforms into a werewolf creature] What would you like to talk about?!
Jake: AAAH! [Runs to Finn's side] I wanna help you outta this, man, but... she scares the filling out of my doughnut. Let's just leave.
Finn: I can't. As a hero, I'm bound by my [Taken by Marceline into the air] WOOOOORD!!
Jake: FINN! [Marceline cackles as they fly into the air.] Don't worry, dude! I'll figure something out!!
[Scene transition; Marceline and Finn are flying through the air.]
Marceline: You're lucky, Finn. Your first job as henchman is to help me feed.
Finn: [Gasps; to himself] Feed?! What does she mean? L-Like, like, oats? Like, sentient beings, or oats?! It doesn't matter! I can handle it!
[They arrive at a house that has music playing and a person singing.]
Marceline: Sounds like dinner. Finn, open the door. [Finn walks up to the door and strains himself.] OPEN IT ALREADY!
Finn: No way, Marceline! I'm not gonna open this door if innocent people will be hurt!
Marceline: Aren't you bound by your word to do as I say, hero?
Finn: I... [Sighs] Yes... [Turns and walks towards door]
[Inside, the man is still playing. The door is opened and the draft blows the candles out.]
Eberhardt: Huh?
Finn: Sorry about this.
Eberhardt: [Scared] Haah!
Marceline: Hold him down! [Finn groans. Marceline and Finn enter and close the door behind them. Jake appears and comes to the window.] Are you enjoying this, Finn?
Finn: No!
[Marceline laughs.]
Jake: [To himself] Rrr... Don't you worry, Finn. I'll get you outta there. I've got a perfect plan! [Marceline laughs. She notices Jake through the window and hisses at him, turning into a lizard creature.] AAH! [Running from window] I'm not running away, Finn! This is just part of my plan!!
Eberhardt: Please, human boy! Let me go!
Finn: I'm sorry, sir. I'm bound by my code of honor to do what she says.
Eberhardt: I understand, son. I was married myself once. [A single tear drops from his right eye.]
Finn: Wait, wait! I'm not married to—
Marceline: [Frustrated] Ugh! Enough talking! Dinner is served!
Finn: No! [Pulls Eberhardt away before Marceline could bite him; Marceline attacks again.] No! [Pulls him away again]
Marceline: How dare you, henchman?! I order you to let me feed!
[Marceline blasts Finn's arms with a red beam, making them curl up and become immobile. She laughs, hisses and bites Eberhardt. Eberhardt screams.]
Finn: NOOOOO!!!
[Marceline is revealed to have only been sucking Eberhardt's crimson bow tie.]
Marceline: Mmm. That red bow tie was delicious!
Finn: [Grunts] Huh? [Arms uncurl]
Marceline: What's wrong, Finn?
Finn: I... I thought you were—
Eberhardt: Oh, my! A white tie! Thank you so much! This is so beautiful! [Passes out]
Finn: B-but...
Marceline: What? You know I eat the color red sometimes. [Winks]
Finn: Oh... Yeah... Okay...
[Scene transition; they are flying through the air again.]
Marceline: We've got plenty more evil to do! [Laughs]
Finn: [Thinking] Man... What's wrong with this girl? I can't tell if she's messin' with me, or... or what.
Marceline: Hey, Finn. You thinkin' about how that guy's bow tie sorta looked like a bra?
Finn: Huh? No!
[The two arrive at a graveyard.]
Marceline: I know this place seems a little dead, but don't worry. It'll soon be undead. [Finn whimpers.] Corpses buries in mud that's black, from death I command you to come back! [The dead bodies rise out of the ground. ("Eeehhh... What's happening? Eh...")] Hahaha! Are you ready to lead an evil army of the undead?!
Finn: Uhh, NEVER! [A skeleton grabs Finn's rear end.] Okay! I'll do it!
[Marceline laughs. Jake appears in the bushes.]
Jake: [To himself] Don't worry, dude. I'm comin' to help you. YAAAAH!! [Charges out of bushes with a stake towards Marceline]
Marceline: Huh? What's that noise?
[Marceline turns around. As she does, Jake shrinks down and retreats.]
Jake: [To himself] Sorry, Finn.
[The scene shifts to the Duchy of Nuts where Finn and Marceline are walking towards the Duke of Nuts' castle with an undead army following behind them.]
Marceline: Excited to hear the wild screams of an entire castle?
Finn: [Faking] Haha, aw, yeah, that sounds bombastic, honey! Hey, I'm gonna run up ahead and scout it out for you, sugar! [Runs hurriedly]
Marceline: Hahaha!
[Finn knocks on the door. Lisby answers.]
Lisby: Yeeees? Duke and Duchess of Nuts' residence!
Finn: My boss is gonna sack your castle!
Lisby: Oh! Well, that's certainly bad news for us!
Duke of Nuts: Lisby! Who's at the door?
Lisby: Someone who wishes to sack the nut castle!
Duke of Nuts: Why would you want to sack my nut castle on my second son's first birthday?! SEIZE HIM!
Finn: No! [The army draws closer.] Listen! You hear that?! My master is marching here with her army of the undead!
Duke of Nuts: Oh! How wonderful!
Finn: Listen to me!! [The army arrives.] EVERYBODY!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!
Marceline: Hahaha! [She flies into the palace.] I wrote this next song about a fisherman. [She sings the Fisherman Song.]
Finn: Don't do this, Marceline! I beg you!
Marceline: Don't do what?
Duke of Nuts: You're late, Marceline! My son has been dying to hear your undead music!
Finn: Wha?!
Lisby: Oh, I forgot! Marceline is playing tonight!
[Marceline plays her bass. Everyone starts partying.]
Finn: Okay... So, she makes things seem bad, a-and then... or-or her personality makes them seem bad, or... [Sighs] I'm over-reacting.
Lisby: Hey!
Finn: Huh?
Lisby: Why are you thinking so hard?! Just party hard! Whoo!
Finn: Alright! Whoo-hoo! Hahahaha!
Marceline: Hey, castle-crasher!
Finn: Hey, Marceline!
Marceline: You like cute things, right?
Finn: Uh, yeah, sure. Why?
Marceline: Then you might love this. The cutest dimple plant ever!
Finn: Whoa-ho-ho! That's cool!
Marceline: Here, eat some of its fruit. See what happens.
Finn: [He does so. Finn gains a dimple.] Hahaha! A dimple!
Marceline: Okay, henchman, now... I need you to do something.
Finn: What is it?
Marceline: I want you to take this dimple plant outside, and kill it!
Finn: What?!
Marceline: [Pulling it out] Use my ax bass.
[Scene shifts to outside where Finn is holding the guitar and standing in front of the plant.]
Finn: I'm gonna murder you. I'm not entirely sure why. I'm sure this will end happy... [Finn lifts up the ax and hesitates. He throws down the guitar.] AAH! I don't get it! There's always a twist to the stuff Marceline makes me do, but where's the twist in bumping off this bush?!
Marceline: [Entering] There is no twist. Kill it now!
Finn: But wh—
[The plant turns into a monster.]
Marceline: You should've hacked it to pieces when it was still adorable...
Finn: I-I thought— [The monster attacks Finn, but he evades the attack. He rolls, jumps towards the dimple plant monster and cuts one of its limbs. It sprays juice which Finn accidentally catches in his mouth. It makes him gain dozens of dimples. He spits the juice out.] Sick!!
[The monster grabs Finn and eats him.]
Marceline: Oh, boy... [She simply detaches one of its limbs to kill the monster. Finn axes himself free.] Not bad... for a henchman.
Finn: [Smiling] Hmm...
[The scene shifts to the next morning. Finn and Marceline are in a strawberry patch.]
Finn: Hey. Can't the sun, like, destroy you?
Marceline: Yeah, it hurts, but I kinda like it. Reminds me of when I'd scrape my knees up as a kid, and my mom would patch me up... you know what I'm sayin'?
Finn: Uh... Jake told me I came out of a cabbage.
[They both laugh.]
Marceline: Hey, Finn, I need you to strangle some pixies.
Finn: Yeah, sure. That sounds good.
Marceline: Whoa, why are you being so casual about that? Strangling pixies is some hardcore evil.
Finn: I'm not fallin' for your junk anymore, lady! You just like sayin' poop that jacks with my brain!
Marceline: [Breaking] What are you talking about? I... [Laughs] Dang, man, I didn't think you'd ever catch on!
Finn: [Laughs] I knew it! Hey... what about your old henchman? Who was that guy?
Marceline: Oh, just an old diving buddy. [Jake emerges from the bushes.] [Jokingly] So, you ready to go strangle some pixies?
Finn: Yeah, man! I mean, wo-man.
Jake: [To himself] Oh, no! My buddy is totally under her vampire spell! [Yelling out] Die, unholy thing! [Throws garlic at her]
Finn: Jake?
Marceline: [The garlic hits her.] Ow! [She drops her umbrella and hisses loudly as she stares at the sun. She moans as she falls on the ground and withers.]
Finn: Marceline!
Jake: I'm stakin' that vampire and settin' you free, no matter how terrified I am!
Finn: She's alright, man!
Jake: She's still controlling your mind with evil! Now, back off and let me vanquish her from existence!
Finn: I can't let you do that, Jake!
Jake: [Sighs deeply] I love you, brother. YAAAH! [Attacks Finn, forcing him to the ground]
Finn: Jake, listen! Marceline is not how she seems! She's a radical dame who likes to play games!
Jake: What are you even talkin' about, dude?!
[Marceline crawls under the umbrella.]
Finn: Oh, man! [Kicks Jake off his person]
[As Finn runs towards the umbrella, Jake smacks him away.]
Jake: MARCELINE! [Jake stakes the umbrella. As he lifts it, there's nothing but smoke and wailing is heard.] Where is she?!
Finn: [Faking] I-I'm free! Jake! You faced your fear and saved me!
Jake: I did?! I did! Yeah! [singing] I saved my bro from a scum-sucking vampire!! [Runs away and laughs triumphantly.]
[Finn holds up the umbrella. Marceline (as a bat) comes out of Finn's pack.]
Marceline: [Whispering] Is it cool?
Finn: Yup!
Marceline: Finn, I owe you big-time! Changing into a bat and hiding in your pack was genius!
Finn: That's what henchmen are for.
Marceline: Oh, uh, that reminds me. You're fired from your henchman-ship. It's no fun when I can't trick you.
Finn: We're still on for pixie-strangling tomorrow, though, right?
Marceline: [Flying away with the umbrella] Definitely.
[The episode ends.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Hero Heart" from season 9, which aired on April 27, 2017.

Characters
Finn
LSP
Flame Princess
Princess Bubblegum
Marceline
Ice King
Betty
Music
Let Me Call You Sweetheart
Locations
Fire Kingdom
Candy Kingdom
This transcript is complete, but needs formatting


Transcript

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[ Indistinct chanting ]

Flame Crowd: Smash the nerds!

Smash the nerds!

Nerds, nerds, smash the nerds!

A nerdless world is the best kind of world!

Nerd, nerds, no more nerds!

Fire Finn: [ Grunting ] Heh...hah...

Fire Finn: Heh...hah...

Fire Finn: Heh...hah...hah...

LSP: Finn!

Fire Finn:Fight, fight, fight.

LSP: Finn, stop.

LSP: What happened to getting the fire jewel and saving Ooo?

LSP: Is this about you ex?

Fire Finn: This is about the purity of battle.

LSP: Okay, but you usually have a reason for fighting.

Fire Finn: The fiery heartbeat of battle is its own reason.

LSP: No, that's stupid.

LSP: ‐Yah!‐ Oh, Glob!

LSP: Just listen to the beat of your hero heart.

Fire Finn: I only hear the drums of war.

[ Grunts ]

LSP: What drums?

LSP: No!

LSP: [ Grunts ] Finn!

LSP: You're hurting me physically and emotionally.

[ Grunts ]Oh.

Fight, fight...

LSP: Dang it, Finn.

LSP: Becoming a crazy, fiery bad boy

has only made you even more of a babe.

Ice King:Check it out, LSP.

LSP: Wha?

Ice King: It's a real magic flying carpet.

Ice King: I feel just like Scheherazade.

Betty: Lump creature, did you get the fire jewel?

LSP: No. Flame Princess freakin' ate it.

LSP: And now the fire guys are attacking the Candy Kingdom

because they took everything I said the wrong way.

LSP: And that's totally on them.

LSP: But also, we lost Finn to the flames of war!

Ice King:Okay.

Ice King: I'll go find him.

Ice King: Finn?

Ice King: Oh, where are you, pal?

[ Gasps ]

Ice King: It's Gunther.

Ice King: He's in flames, too.

Ice King:We have to rub soothing lotion on Guntzy.

Ice King:You got any lotion?

Ice King:Your skin is so hydrated.

Fun: Hmm.

Got any...

Caramel Crunch Pies?

[ Groans ]

Lemonpink: [ Laughs ] Yes!

Fun: Oh, man, I don't think you should play this game ever again.

Fun: You're too good at it.

Fun: What is that sound?

[ Drums beating in distance ]

Fun: Ooh, company's coming!

♪♪

[ Both cheering ]

Both: Whoo!

Both: ‐Whoo!‐Yes!

Lemonpink: Mm! Look at allthese thirsty customers!

[ Ding! ]

Nectr: Ooh, the pies are ready!

Lemonpink: Mm! Ice‐cream pies for all our hot new friends!

Flame Crowd: Aah!

[ Sizzling ]

[ Both laughing ]

Whoa! Mm!

♪♪

[ Sizzle! ]

Fun: Maybe they don't like lemonade.

[ Laughs ]

♪♪

Ice King:Gunther, your ride is here.

[ Foosh! ]

Ice King: Gee, who sneezed in your corn flakes?

Betty: He's gone.The fire has taken his mind.

Ice King: Is this true, Goontz?

Gunter: Wenk! Wenk! Wenk!

[ Flame Crowd grunting ]

Ice King: Look, weird lady, I don't know you and you don't know me,

but we're the only sane people left

in this crazy, mixed‐up world.

Ice King: Or maybe the world's fine

and we're the ones losing our marbles.

Ice King: Either way, it's up to us to save the day.

Betty: Simon.

Ice King:So, let's get in there and mash their potatoes.

Ice King:You got any mashed potatoes? I'm hungry.

[ Both scream ]

Nerds.

[ Panting ]

LSP: I have to hurry.

LSP: All this chaos and mayhem is just ‐‐ ugh!

LSP: Finn!

LSP: You have to stop this.

LSP: Think of Jake.

LSP: How are you going to fix him if you're a fire bozo?

LSP: And if not for Jake,do it for me.

Aah! Oh, my side.

Flame Crowd: [ Chanting ]Nerds, nerds, smash the nerds!

A nerdless world is the best kind of world!

Nerd, nerds, no more nerds![ Bubblegum humming ]

Bubblegum: My children have come home.

We've come for you!

Marshmeline: Oh, a dragon, how fun!

I can do a dragon. Look.

I got, like, the morals andthe charisma and the good looks,

but I lack field experience!

Why couldn't I just get morphedlike everyone else?

Curse these superior genes!

[ Laughs ]

Have some marshmallow,dude.

It'll calm you down.

Mm.

[ Slurps ]Mmm.

[ Munches ]

[ Inhales, exhales deeply ]

[ Softly ] Your facetastes like my happy place.

Fire Finn: Rah![ Sword swings ]

[ Gasps ]

Ahh!

Fire Finn rules!

[ Grunting ]Hah...hah...hah.

It's timeto go professional.

Hah...hah...yah.

Finn!

My little sugarplum.

You've returned to acceptyour sweet fate.

I ain't sweet!

I'm a pure warriorwith guns,

and I'ma murder youfor funs!

Rahhh!

No!

You can't staba person you love, Finn!

I'll stab you!

‐Aah!‐Oof!

Hmm.

I'm sending youto your...

happy place!

[ Sizzle! ]

[ Sniffs, snorts ]

♪♪

Here, take it,you cutie.

Rawr!

LSP: [ Echoing ]I said your happy place.

Happy place!

I wishI could stay like this.

[ Foosh! ]

[ Sizzle! ]

I've enjoyedjust ‐‐ just hanging out.

Me too.

[ Soft sizzling ]

You did it, LSP.

I'm human Finn.

There's no time for romance,Finn.

We got to get that jewel.

Oh, yeah.

Hup!

I'm bringing you back,Bonnie.

[ Giggles ]

That's sweet.

Hup.

Aah!

Sweet,but not sweet enough.

[ Both screaming ][ Giggling ]

Eeh!

Ugh!

[ Rumbling, Bubblegum grunting ]

This charadehas run its course.

In your hearts,you are all sweet.

♪ Let me call you sweetheart ♪

♪ I'm in love with you ♪

Wenk.

♪ Let me hear you whisper ♪[ Gasping ]

Let my impervious bodbe your shield!

♪ That you love me, too ♪Mmm!

[ Screams ]

♪ Keep the love‐light glowing ♪No!

[ Gasps ]Flame Princess!

♪ In your eyes so true ♪

[ Coughs ]Phoebe?

♪ Let me call you sweetheart ♪[ Candy rattling ]

[ Gags ]

♪ I'm in love with you ♪

The final jujubee.

Betty: Finn!

Mm‐hmm.

Hmm.

[ Gobbling ]

Purple clump,you are a sour anomaly.

Whuh?

[ Muffled ]What'd you call me?

[ Candy rattling ]Aah!

Give me them jewels, Finn.We're out of time.

Give me, give me, give me.

Here.

[ Cackles ]

Now, let's grab LSPand get the buns out of here ‐‐

Hoh.

Huh?

[ Cackling ]

[ Ting! ]

I've been betrayed.

I've been Betty‐trayed!

[ Rustling ]

[ Screams ]

♪ Let mecall you sweetheart ♪

Together:♪ I'm in love with you ♪

♪ Let me hear you whisper ♪

♪ That you love me, too ♪

[ Screams ]

All:♪ Keep the love‐light glowing ♪

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Her Parents" from season 2, which aired on January 24, 2011.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Bob Rainicorn
Ethel Rainicorn
Lady Rainicorn
Music
The Decorating Song
"The Lucky Ones"
Locations
Tree Fort
This transcript is complete. Only minor edits are needed.

Transcript

Jake: You want some more eggs, BMO?
BMO: Yes, please.
Jake: [Gives BMO more eggs] How 'bout you, Finny? Need a refill?
Finn: I'm pretty full, man... but lemme see if I can... rearrange. [Tries to move food in his stomach but fails] Nope. Can't do it.
Jake: I don't know if stomachs work like that, dude.
Finn: Sometimes it helps.
Jake: Can't argue with that! [Relaxes] Ahh...
Finn: [Relaxing] Ahh...
BMO: [Moving arms up] Ahh...
[Telephone rings and Jake groans.]
Jake: [Answering] Hello? Lady, it's gonna be fine. Mm-hmm. Alright, I love you, too. Bye. [Hangs up]
Finn: Lady Rainicorn again?
Jake: Yeah, man. She's worried about introducing me to her parents at lunch today. She thinks they're gonna freak out.
Finn: Um... maybe give her parents some treasure?
Jake: No way! That's our treasure! Wait. I've got it, dude! I'll invite them over early, smooth them over using my personality, and we'll all be best friends before Lady gets here so she doesn't have to feel nervous! It's perfect! I'll just send them a quick Prism-gram. [Begins writing] Mm-hmm. [He finishes and sends the message. The reply comes within seconds.]
Finn: What's it say?
Jake: Hold on. It's still converting the light waves into brain waves. [The crystal shoots a beam into his head.] Ahh... They're into it, dude!
Finn: Sweet! Let's go powder our noses!
[Scene shifts to Finn and Jake's bedroom.]
Finn: Why's Lady so nervous, anyway?
Jake: Well... she didn't really say, but it might have somethin' to do with the Rainicorn-Dog Wars.
Finn: There were wars between rainicorns and dogs?
Jake: Horrifying wars. For thousands of years, rainicorns battled dogs over territory in the Crystal Dimension... but Lady and I are cool.
Finn: Dude! Her parents are probably all full of dog-hatred from the war-times! They're gonna see you're a dog and forbid Lady from ever hanging out with you again!
Jake: ...Nah. That could never happen.
Finn: You didn't think this through enough... IT COULD HAPPEN!!
Jake: AAAH! I'M A MORON!
Finn: Don't worry. I've got a plan that's gonna solve this biz. Homies help homies. Always.
Jake: I'm ready to hear your plan, homie.
[Finn whispers to Jake; in the next scene they can be seen painting the treasure room and singing The Decorating Song, while Jake morphs himself into a rainicorn.]
Finn: Haha, yeah! This plan is perfect!
Jake: You know, I thought painting ourselves rainbow-color using condiments and stuff from the fridge so we could pretend to be rainicorns was a good idea when you pitched it to me five minutes ago, but now I'm not so sure, man.
Finn: Come ooonnn. Trust me, homie.
Jake: [Worried] No, no, no, new plan. First, we're gonna clean this place up, and then— [Doorbell rings] Huh?!
Ethel: Jake?
Jake: AAAAH... [To Finn] LET'S HIDE AND BURN THE HOUSE DOWN!
[Bob rings the doorbell two more times, then he and his wife look at each other.]
Bob: [Knocking] Hello? [they have universal translators]
Jake: 안녕하세요. ("Hello.")
Ethel: Jake, is that you?
Jake: Uh-huh.
Ethel: Are you going to let us in?
Jake: Y-yeeeaaah... [Opens door]
Ethel: AAAAAAHHHH!!!
Jake: I can explain!! I can explain!!
Ethel: OOOHHHHH, he's so handsome! Oh, Bob, our daughter's finally found a handsome rainicorn to love!
Jake: You think I'm a rainicorn?
Bob: I think we can spot a member of our own species, Jake. We're not blind.
Ethel: Well, we are a little blind.
Bob: Yes, I guess we are a little blind.
Jake: Uh, well, hey! Come on in! It's awesome to finally meet you both!
Ethel: Your house is very colorful. I like that!
Finn: [Whispering to Jake] Haha! The plan is working, homie!
Bob: Jake, what is that thing that's talking?
Jake: Uh... that's um...
Finn: I'm Jake's rainicorn roommate! Everyone do the traditional rainicorn rain dance! [Starts chanting and dancing]
Bob: Jake, please ask your goblin butler to stop insulting my heritage!
Jake: Uh... y-yes! [To Finn] Get outta here, goblin! Go fetch us some rainicorn snacks!
Finn: But—
Jake: [Whispering] Come on, homie, help me!
Finn: [Smiles] [Whispering] Ha! You got it, homie!
Jake: Uh... please, c-come upstairs.
[Scene shifts to the living room.]
Jake: My goblin will bring us snacks in a moment.
Bob: Thank you, Jake. I'm glad the wife and I made the trip from the Crystal Dimension.
Ethel: Yes, we're eager to know more about the studly young rainicorn that's dating our daughter.
Bob: Ethel...
Jake: Well, ask me whatever you like, Ethel, Bob!
Ethel: I am a little curious about your goblin. He looks a little odd.
Jake: Well... he's actually a human.
Ethel: Oh, Bob! Our future-son-in-law must be filthy-rich to afford a human butler!
Bob: Shh. [To Jake] Thank you, Jake, for being interested in our daughter!
Jake: Uh... No problem, Bob!
Ethel: Oh! Let's play some traditional rainicorn games!
Bob: Jake, do you know Cameladabalawabapp? [Note: the name is pronounced with blowing a small raspberry at the end.]
Jake: Uh, s-say it again?
Bob: Cameladabalawabapp!
Jake: Ohhhh! [Laughs] Cablatapuamba—[Blows raspberry]! I thought you said "Kabloderaga—[Blows raspberry]"! [Chuckles] Ah, man, I love gettin' down and dirty with some Cablatapuamba—[Blows raspberry]! Ha! Y'all should go first, though.
Bob: Hmm. Bold move letting your opponent move first, Jake. I respect that. Very well. Cameladabalawabapp!! [Fires a beam from his horn at the wall, which turns red.]
Ethel: Oh, Bob!
Bob: Haha! Your turn, Jake!
Jake: I...
Finn: [Entering] Snacks! Get your snacks!
Jake: [To himself] Finn! [Whispering to him] Dude! I have to show Lady's parents that I have rainbow powers! I need homie help!
Finn: Hmm... I got a plan, bro-ham. Just stretch your horn at me, and I'll take care of the rest.
Jake: You're the best, homie.
Finn: Homies help homies.
Jake: Haha! [He steps back and Finn breathes in and holds his breath, then gives a thumbs-up.] Cablatapuamba—[Blows raspberry]!
[Jake stretches his "horn" at Finn. Finn's face begins to turn red from holding his breath. Finn falls over and releases his breath. Ethel and Bob applaud Jake.]
Ethel: Very unusual color palette, Jake.
Bob: Yes. Subtle.
Jake: Whoo! Oh, yeah! [Finn is breathing heavily on the floor.] Finn?
Bob: How about we play some more traditional rainicorn games, my boy?
Jake: I, uh... Oh. Um... let's do it!
Bob and Ethel: Let the games begin!
[Musical montage begins. Bob and Ethel begin flying. Jake "flies" by having Finn carry him.]
Jake: [Whispering to Finn] I'm sorry.
[Finn scowls. Next, Ethel, Bob, and Jake wrestle with their horns. Ethel charges into Finn from behind and knocks him down; she and Bob laugh. Finn looks at Jake who just shrugs helplessly. Next, Finn is places on a coiled-up Ethel, who suddenly juts out like a spring, sending Finn flying off into a glass bottle. Bob places Finn on a coiled-up Jake who does the same, reluctantly. Finn falls through the ceiling of the living room in the Tree Fort.]
Jake: [To the parents] Yo, my bad! I'll get 'im! [Jake enters the fort panting.] Hey, man. How's it goin'?
Finn: [Angry] IT'S "GOING" CRUD-COW!
Jake: I know, I know, I'm sorry. But they really like me. Your plan is working perfectly!
Finn: Being poked in the buns and laughed at was not in my plan! Not in the plan!
Jake: Look, Finn, you know I got yo back fo'-eva', but right now, you're the only one who can help me. Come on, homie. [He smiles at Finn who is still making an angry face.] Homies help homies. [Finn smiles.] [Ethel and Bob enter laughing.] Hey, guys. You ready to get this game goin' again?
Ethel: Oh, no, we're pooped.
Bob: Yeah, we're about ready to break out our picnic basket and dig in!
Jake: Wohhh, no. You're my guests. Let me take care of you. [Whispering to Finn] Homie... help me cook something, please.
Finn: ...Okay.
Jake: Thanks, Finn. [To Ethel and Bob] Okay. Don't worry about a thing. Finn'll make a great lunch. He's a little raw, but he's got great taste.
Bob: What?! Wow! So wealthy, and so generous!
Ethel: Ah! I was hoping! [Laughs] I was afraid to ask!
[Ethel and Bob gather around Finn. Bob rips off Finn's shirt.]
Finn: WAAAH! Jake!! I think they wanna eat me!!
Ethel: Of course we do! Jake said you'd "make a great lunch"!
Finn: JAKE! COME ON!
Jake: [Panicking] Man, oh, man, oh, man, oh, man....
[Bob bites Finn's stomach.]
Finn: AAAH! Knock it off, Bob!! [Punches him]
Ethel: [Punching Finn] Don't you touch him!!
[The three continue fighting.]
Jake: Come on, stop it, guys! Come on, y'all, I said stop! [Growls angrily then grows huge] NOW, THAT'S ENOUGH!!! Nobody's eating Finn!! He's not my butler, and he's not food! Finn is my friend! [Ethel and Bob gasp.] I'm sorry I let the lies get so far outta hand. I just got so scared of losing Lady! [To himself] But if they hate me, so be it. No more lies. [Retracts to his default form]
Ethel: [Gasps] You're a dog?
Jake: Yeah, I just... [Groans] Look, I'm sorry about everything. I was—
Bob: YAAAAAY! HA-HEEEY! HURRAAAAY!
[Ethel and Bob celebrate by singing "The Lucky Ones," dancing, and hugging Jake.]
Jake: Uh... uh... [Gasps] Lady?!
Lady Rainicorn: 어, 나도 우리 부모님 때문에 걱정했었어! 우리 엄마아빠는 개라면 완전 맛이 가거든! 개가 전쟁터에서 우리 아빠 생명을 구해줬었어! ("Oh, I was worried about my parents! My mom and dad are crazy about dogs! A dog saved my dad in the war!")
Finn: What did she say?
Jake: She said she worried that they'd freak out... 'cause her parents are bananas for dogs!
Finn: J.J. FLIP! What the zip?!
[Lady hands Finn a photo.]
Jake: Yeah! She says a dog saved her dad in the war!
Finn: Wow! That's flippin' awesome.
[Scene shifts to outside the fort. Everyone is having a picnic.]
Ethel: Finn.
Finn: [Stops staring at his food] ...Wha?
Ethel: Listen, I just want you to know how sorry we are about... trying to eat you.
Bob: It's just we thought we'd never get another chance. We thought humans were extinct.
Finn: Oh.
Jake: So... this isn't human?
Ethel: Oh, no. This is soy people!
Finn: Oh.
Ethel: I've never tasted real human before, but they say you can't even tell the difference!
[Finn touches his food, which begins to secrete a strange liquid.]
Jake: Ew... Soy? [Eats some and smiles] FINN, YOU'RE DELICIOUS!
[Finn disconcertedly watches the rest of the group eat. He stares at his food and cautiously puts some of it in his mouth. He smiles and the episode ends.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Hide and Seek" from season 8, which aired on January 31, 2017.

Characters
Susan Strong (character)
Frieda
Dr.Gross
Music
Founder's Song
Locations
places
This transcript is complete, needs formatting.


Transcript

[ Snarling ]

Kara.

Kara. Kara!

Yes, Dr. Gross?

That's quitea scenic landscape out there,

but was it always so lush?

No, it used to bea desert island.

Very good, Kara.

It was once barren,but we intervened.

Like all of the islands,we helped it grow.

And do you Seekers know why?

♪ We had to leave our placebecause ♪

♪ The world was dyin' ♪

♪ And everyonethat wasn't dead ♪

♪ Spent all of their timecryin' ♪

♪ Our ways had failed,nature had failed ♪

♪ We made a lot of errors ♪

♪ The Founders hadsome new ideas ♪

♪ That made everything better ♪

♪ The Founders dreamtof this island ♪

♪ Our ships landedon its shore ♪

♪ They builtour wonderful Guardian ♪

♪ To keep destructionfrom our door ♪

♪ The Hidersfear these new ideas ♪

♪ But do your bestto help them ♪

♪ 'Cause just outsideis darkness and death ♪

♪ Disease, monsters,and problems ♪

♪ So come outof your hiding place ♪

♪ Come out of the darkness ♪

♪ And we'll find a new way ♪

♪ To live by the lightof the Founders ♪

Let's get to today's lesson.

[ Claps ]

[ Whirring ]

Please, load lesson 38B.

Automated female voice:Educating. Educating.

[ Ding ]Lesson uploaded.

Yes, power up!

All right, Seekers,remember your homework ‐‐

50 deadlifts by tomorrow.

So how's your Experimenterclasses going, Frieda?

Eh. It's all intro stufffor kids.

Look at this janky thing.

[ Babyish voice ]I'm a dumb toy for babies!

[ Normal voice ] Experimenterstuff's just boring.

Boring can stillbe important.

It's all partof the Founders' plan.

Are you freestylingyour own verse

to that nerdy Founders song?

No, but that song isdeeply satisfying.

Chillax, K‐Bot.

You're getting bigand hunky.

Yeah! Being a Seeker's great!

I love my beefy...bod.

Heh.

Jake: Aah!

Finn: Oh hey,I think it...stopped!

[ Thud ]Uhh!

Aah! Ohh!Whee!

Aah!

Huh. This was more funin my dreams.

Dudes, I found Susan!

Susan!

Susan.

What's up with her, man?

I think she's sleepwalking.

Let's just find outwhere she's going.

[ Haltingly ] Find them,catch them.

Find them, catch them.

Dr. Gross: [ Amplified voice ]Find them, catch them!

[ Siren wailing ]Bring back those Hiders, y'all!

Your implants have made youstronger and better!

Wait! I'll help you!

Hey there! Wink![ Ding ]

Hmf.

You didn't thinkthat was cute?

Hatcha!

Come on,I'm innocent, I tells you!

I'm justa handsome bystander!

[ Thud ]

Aah!

Ooh!

[ Whimpers ]

All: Kara! Kara! Kara!

Find them! Catch them!Help them!

Find them!Catch them! Help them!

Man over P. A.: New patientfor Dr. Minerva on Deck 3.

What do you gotfor me, Kara?

A sad ol' Hiderwith two busted legs.

Oh, I love busted legs![ Chuckles ]

When will he beat full health?

Tomorrow morning.

Okay, I'll have a transporthere in the morning

to shuttle him to re‐ed.

[ Yawns ]

[ Joints pop ]

[ Door whooshes ]

[ Mattress creaks ]

Jake: What's she doing?

I think she's, uh, getting readyto sleepwalk‐sleep.

Man, this island is nasty.Who'd want to live here?

[ Boing ]

You know, there are peopleon the other side of the world

that are never gonna seethese stars.

That's bunk, Frieda.We're the only people left.

The islands are likea beautiful safe haven.

I've read all the old storiesabout 'em, you know?

About other placesand people.

I'd like to see those placesone day, and meet those people.

They can't all be monsters.

You can't say that, Frieda.

Oh, relax.I'm just globbin'.

Hey, watch this.

[ Beep ]

[ Static crackles ]

[ Laughs ] That's notwhat I look like.

Yeah, it is! Come on, flex!

[ Laughs ] See?

[ Static crackles ]

Wow. Am I really that buff?

I look great!

Don't you just lovethis place?

Yeah.

[ Sigh ] Yeah.

Okay, class,before we start today's lesson,

I need to announce thatwe're missing

a number of contrapulators

and an expensiveunilateral phase detractor.

If you're using these itemsfor personal projects,

you need to first equip themin your character file, okay?

Since today is Founders Friday,we're going to sing

our Founders Song.[ Blips ]

I have to go pee!

Kara!

[ Panting ]

[ Metal jangles ]Frieda?

Frieda, no!What are you doing?

Go back to class, Kara.You didn't see me.

♪♪

Stop running!Stop chasing!

Kara: Omph!Frieda: Aah!

[ Loud thud ]

[ Groaning ]

Frieda, are you tryingto leave us?

Leave me?

I was gonna write a note.

Listen, someone might see usout here.

We can talk in that cave.

Wha‐‐

No, you don't haveto carry me!

[ Gasp ]

Uhh!

What is that?

It's a foolproof wayoutta here.

But why? We're safe here.

We have no freedom, Kara!

I want to seewhat's out there.

It's all just bad stuffout there.

You're only gonna get hurt.Maybe.

But maybe getting hurtisn't the worst thing there is.

I want to be me,

and that's never gonnahappen here.

Frieda, I'm sorry, I just ‐‐But you can help me!

I'm only missingthe engine now, see?

And you're so strong,you can carry it in one trip.

This is...

I have to go...think.

Uh, okay.

I'll be here.

Hey, Kara. You're not gonnatell on me, right?

It's gonna be okay.

Dr. Gross?

Kara! My teacher's pet.

And you know I mean thatin a good way.

Listen, um, sorry aboutrunning off earlier.

When you gotta go,you gotta go.

But that's not really whatyou wanna talk about, right?

Well, you know howyou always say

that humans will findthe best way?

The Founders get creditfor that bit of wisdom.

If someone found a way,that's, uh, different from ours,

but seems to work for them,

couldn't that also bea good way?

Ah. You've heard someHider preaching, haven't you?

Well, listen, kid.

We tried exploringthe outside world,

and we were almostdestroyed!

We're the last humans,

so it's our responsibilityto stay here,

and it's your responsibilityto help these misguided Hiders.

Right.

♪♪

[ Loud clank ]

Your engine.You just broke it!

What?![ Laughs ] I'm kidding.

It must weigh, like, a ton.

How would you have done this...[ Grunts ] without me?

I don't know,maybe roll it on tubes,

or findsome hunky Hider somewhere?

Mm, you better hurry.

I'll give you a push offso they don't hear the engine.

Come with me, Kara.

Frieda, I'm ‐‐

Kara!

Thanks for the tip,my loyal, faithful Seeker.

Go fetch.

[ Electricity surges ]

Kara?[ Robotic voice ]Target acquired.

Aah! Kara, no!

Stop! Ow!

Initiate grabbing.Ah!

Eliminating transport.

No! Stop it!

Don't! No!

[ Crying ] Why?

Oh, Kara, why?

No. [ Sobbing ] Why?

That's enough, XJ‐7‐7.Let's go home.

[ Humming Founders song]

Jake:I'm pretty sure she's awake.

She's got that "Focused Stank"about her.

Susan, are you okay?

Kara.

My name is Kara.

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "High Strangeness" from season 8, which aired on January 25, 2017.

Characters
Tree Trunks
Princess Bubblegum
Starchy
Candy Probes
Aliens
Tree Trunks' Alien Husband
Tree Trunks' Alien Children
Mr. Pig
Candy People
Banana Guards
Booshy
Nurse Pound Cake
Science
Peppermint Butler (cameo)
Donut Person (cameo)
Punch Bowl (cameo)
Lollipop Girl (cameo)
Gumdrop People (cameo)
Finn (cameo)
Jake (cameo)
BMO (cameo)
Sweet P. (cameo)
Snail
Music
None
Locations
Tree Trunks' house
Candy Kingdom
This transcript is complete, but needs formatting.


Transcript

Someone posted the transcript of Horse And Ball by mistake.

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "His Hero" from season 1, which aired on September 20, 2010.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Billy
Old Lady
Cobbler
Music
"Billy's Song"
Locations
Billy's legendary crack
Grass Lands
A town
This transcript is complete; however, it should be checked for minor errors.

Transcript

[The episode begins with Finn, Jake, and the Swamp Giant falling from a great height. They are both gripping onto the giant.]
Swamp Giant: AAAAH!
Finn: Last chance, Swamp Giant! Tell us where you hid the Mini Queen!
Swamp Giant: NEVER!!
[The three scream as they fall. Squeaking is heard.]
Finn: Huh? [He finds the Mini Queen.] Hi, Mini Queen! Jake! I've got 'er!
Jake: Then hold my hand, dude! [Finn does so.] Whoooop!
[Jake inflates, making himself and Finn reach terminal velocity sooner and float gently to the ground.]
Swamp Giant: Aaaah! Oof!
[The swamp giant hits the ground. Finn and Jake land on the flattened giant. Jake lets his air out and deflates.]
Finn: My inflatable angel.
Jake: Heh heh heh. [They jump off the giant.] How's the Mini Queen?
Finn: I dunno. Can't understand a word she says. [The Mini Queen promptly writes a message on Finn's hand that says, "THANK YOU 4 SAVING ME, XOXO CALL ME." The Mini Queen shapes her antennae to look like a heart.] Aww! My pleasure, ma'am! I just like beating up evil! [Finn performs a "handshake" with one of her antennae. She squeaks.] Okay... Didn't... catch any of that either.
[The Mini Queen jumps on Jake's nose and then leaps away.]
Jake: [Sniffs] Mini Queen must've stepped in somethin' funky. [Sniffs] No... It's not tiny feet I'm smelling! This way! [He sniffs the ground and follows a scent. The scent leads him to a sword.] Whoa!
Finn: What?
Jake: [In awe] Do you know whose sword this is?! This is the sword of Billy!
Finn: Billy?!
Finn and Jake: [Singing] BIIILLYYYYYY!!!
[Flashback]
Young Billy: Nothung!
[The sword comes to Billy and sparks lightning dramatically. The musical sequence begins.]
[Back in the present]
Finn: Oh, yeah! That was the most mathematical thing ever!
Jake: Oh, yeah! Hahaha! He fought a bear!
Finn: This is so cool!
[He attempts to pull out the sword. The ground cracks and makes a hole in the side of the mountain appear.]
Finn and Jake: Whoa!
Finn: It's Billy's legendary crack!
[They go inside. They gasp as they are treated with Billy's presence.]
Billy: [Sighs] Hello.
Finn: [Whispering to Jake] It's him! It's him!!
Jake: [Whispering] I know, I know! Be cool!!
Billy: Yep. It's me.
Finn: Man! I'm such a huge nerd for you! Please take us on as hero apprentices!
Billy: What for?
Finn: So that we could learn to kick evil's butt... just like you!
Jake: I wanna be the dog version of you!
Billy: Ahh, that'd be a waste of time.
Jake: Heh. Yeah. I-I'm a little paunchy... but I could do some sit-ups!
Billy: No, I was talking about beating up monsters. It's as pointless as a dog chasing his own tail.
Jake: Heh. See, that's where you're wrong... 'cuz watch! [He tries to catch his tail, of course to no avail.] Ah... ah...
Finn: What do you mean, "pointless?" We just saved the Mini Queen from a monster!
Billy: You know where she is right now? She's probably being eaten by a different monster. She's probably dead. [Finn gasps.] In my youth, I was much like you. Motivated. Headstrong. Wore a silly, little outfit. Even had a magic dog.
[Billy points to his skeleton of a dog.]
Jake: [Scared, yet smiling] Heh... I'm gonna pass out... [Falls backward]
Billy: All my life, I've beaten on evil creatures. [Deep sigh] But new evil keeps popping up. Kicking their butts was a hopeless effort!
Jake: What other way is there?
Billy: Nonviolently. Help people by being active in your community.
Finn: Nonviolently?? [Sighs] I gotta try being nonviolent... the Billy way...
Jake: Me, too!
Finn: Billy, I won't let you down!
Jake: I love you, Billy! I got a secret crush on you, Billy!
[They run away screaming. Billy sighs wearily. The scene shifts to the Grass Lands. Finn is riding on Jake.]
Finn: This is gonna be tough, Jake. I'll have to suppress my every warrior instinct.
Jake: Relax. It'll be easy not to beat up on monsters and still help people.
Cobbler: Help! Help! [Finn and Jake notice his cries.] A monster! [The cobbler runs into Jake's leg. Jake retracts.] Oh! Thank goodness! Heroes! I'm being chased by a horrible Dragon! Please, please help!
Finn: Oh, uh...
Jake: Oh...
Cobbler: Act quickly! He's almost upon us!
Jake: [Straightforward] Sorry. We don't beat stuff up anymore.
Cobbler: No, but please! [Stammers frantically]
Finn: [To Jake] Dude. We gotta do something to help him.
Jake: I could teach 'im how to not be such a spaz.
Finn: [To cobbler] Hey, Mister. Besides being chased by a monster, what else is wrong?
Cobbler: Well... I've been running all day. I guess I'm pretty hungry.
Jake: Say no more. [Walking away, pulling Finn with him] Come on, Finn.
Cobbler: Where're you going?!
Jake: To make you somethin' to eat!
[They leave. The dragon arrives.]
Cobbler: AAAH!! NO!! HELP!!
[The dragon attacks him by breathing fire. The scene transitions to a town where Finn and Jake are running a food stand.]
Finn: I still feel weird about not fighting off that dragon.
Jake: Trust me. This is a way better way to help 'im. [Yelling out] Gruel! Get your free gruel!
Lady: [Walking up to stand] What's this all about?
Finn: Free gruel, ma'am. I can't beat monster butts, but I can beat your hungry guts. That's for sure!
Lady: Hahaha! [Eats gruel] I didn't throw up! This gruel is very adequate.
Finn: [Victoriously] YEAH!!!
[Cut to the other townspeople eating Finn and Jake's gruel.]
Finn: This is great, Jake!
Jake: Yeah, we're really helpin' people!
Finn: Whoa! Look who it is!
[The cobbler walks up to Finn and Jake. There are scorch marks on him.]
Jake: Dude! You're alive!
Cobbler: [Angrily] No thanks to you two!! That dragon chased me for two days!! ...And then I was lost for... uh, three days... and then I... I fell under a spell of a beautiful enchantress for... [Unsure] a week? So that's two, plus three, plus a week—
[Jake shushes him.]
Jake: [Deliberate] Dude. Gruel.
Cobbler: Oh, thank you! [Eats it] Hahahaha! Hahaha. [His hand suddenly becomes encased in stone.] AAAH! WHAT'S HAPPENING?!
Finn: Huh? [Holds up glass with potion in it] Oh, that's probably the stone skin potion I added to the recipe. It gives your body the power to grow armor.
Cobbler: Wha? Ah... uh?!
[More of his body becomes encased in stone. The cobbler strikes himself with a fork, and it has no effect. The cobbler panics.]
Jake: Dude... how much of that potion did you use?
[Finn holds up five more empty potion bottles. The townspeople have grown armor as well. One of the townspeople's belly button starts shooting flames.]
Townsperson: AAAAH!! MY TUMMY IS BREATHING FIRE!!!
Finn: [To Jake] Geez... I thought people would like that.
Cobbler: Why?! Why would anyone want that?!
Finn: So you can defend against evil monsters!
Cobbler: You're supposed to beat up monsters so we don't have to defend ourselves!
Finn: No, see? I'm helping you nonviolently!
Cobbler: Helping?! I can't even move my hands! I'm a cobbler! How'm I supposed to cobble with these useless chunk mitts?!
Finn: Sooo... the village needs the help of a new cobbler, eh?
Finn and Jake: [Thinking] Hmmmmmm...
Cobbler: WHAT?! NO—
[Cut to the shoe-repair shop.]
Finn: Alright! We're cobblers!
Cobbler: No, you're not!! You're just watching my shop while I go to the dermatologist! [Leaving] And don't try to cobble anything!
Jake: [To Finn] What does "cobble" mean, anyway?
Finn: I think it has something to do with shoes...
Fine Lady: [Entering shop] Excuse me! Can you help me? I need a broken heel fixed. I'm going to a fancy funeral.
Finn: [Taking shoe and heel] Of course I'll help!
[Scene transition. Finn is hammering in the heel.]
Finn: There! [Rolling over to lady] Whah! [He puts the shoe on her foot.] Pa-kow!!
Fine Lady: Ah!
[She seems content with the repair. Suddenly, a blade comes out of the shoe. The lady makes a small gasp.]
Finn: Now you can fight off evil if it shows up at the funeral!
Jake: [To Finn] Did you fix that shoe with a magic nail?
Finn: Maybe... [The shoe arms axes, an extra blade, and a lasso.] Whoa!
Jake: Cool!
Fine Lady: I cannot go to the funeral in these!
Cobbler: [Entering shop] Hey, everyone! I'm back from the doctor! [The lady's shoe lace lasso's the cobbler.] WHY?! [The lace forces the cobbler to the ground.]
Fine Lady: [To Finn and Jake] ...And I'm not supposed to bring a guest.
Cobbler: [To Finn and Jake] GET OUT!!
[Cut to outside the shop.]
Finn: Apparently, I suck at being nonviolent.
Jake: Dude, suckin' at somethin' is the first step towards bein' sorta good at somethin'. You and I are like little baby Billys right now, and we're "sucking" on our first bottle of nonviolent milk!
Finn: [Frustrated sigh] Totes. I'll stop "pooping" my diaper.
Jake: Whoa, what?!
Townsperson with fire-spitting belly button: HELP! I NEED MEDICAL HELP!!
Finn: Medical help? Hmmmmm...
[The scene shifts to the hospital where Finn and Jake are doctors.]
Finn: How can we help?
Lumpy Space Princess: I want surgery to make my body hot.
Finn: Yikes...
Lumpy Space Princess: Yeah. I know I'm already pretty smokin'... but I bought this swimsuit, so I need a swimsuit body.
Jake: [Whistles] [To Finn] You up for some serious plastic surgery?
[The Adventure Time logo swirls onto the screen.]
[Lumpy Space Princess comes out of the hospital with a new body, complete with legs.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Aw, yeah! This body's hot! And powerful! [Suddenly, machine parts form on her body like a cyborg.] Huh?! Aw, what?! [Her legs turns into a wheel. She makes pained noises.]
Jake: Dude, did you use a magic nail again?
Finn: I've got three left!
Lumpy Space Princess: Ohhhh... [She gains a robotic eye.] What did you do to me??
Finn: We transformed you into a cyborg fighter! That's hot, right?
Lumpy Space Princess: No one thinks this look is hot!!
[The cobbler suddenly walks up.]
Cobbler: [To Lumpy Space Princess] Oh, my laces! You're the most beautiful— [He suddenly gets shot with a laser from her robotic eye.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Huh?!
[Her wheel activates, and she speeds into the cobbler. The townsperson with the flame-shooting belly button runs by again screaming.]
Finn: ...Jake...?
Jake: ....Yeah...?
Finn: I think us being nonviolent... is hurting people. Man... Billy is gonna be so bummed out...
Jake: Not if we run away, Finn! We'll have to live in halfway homes and be cannibals! We'll survive!
Finn: I just wanna sit here and moan.
Jake: Then I'll moan with ya, buddy.
Finn: [Moaning] Thaaaanks, buuuddy...
Jake: [Moaning] Yoooouuu'rrre weeeelcooome...
[Finn and Jake notice more cries for help.]
Old Lady: AAAH! AAAH! HELP ME!!
Swamp Giant: Hahaha! Relax! I'm just gonna grind you up!!
Old Lady: AAAH! AAAH!
Jake: [To Finn] Aw, man, this grass-bag again?? [Heroically] HEY, EVIL-DOER! [Weakly] Um... could you keep your evil-doing quiet? Finn is dealing with some heavy stuff over here.
Swamp Giant: It's not evil!! When they get this old, they wanna be ground up!! Hahaha! Right, you old bat?!
Old Lady: Help!!
[Finn sweats.]
Swamp Giant: Right?!?
[Finn strains, visibly in conflict.]
Old Lady: Oooh!! Aaah!!
[Finn raises his fist.]
Finn: Huh?? A fist raised in righteous anger?! Oh, no! It's my fist!! I've gotta think of a way to save this old lady without punchin' this guy in the face!! Hmmm...
Swamp Giant: [To Old Lady] Yeah, you wanna get ground up, right?!?
Finn: [Furiously] WRONG!!!! [He punches and uppercuts the Swamp Giant, saving the Old Lady.] [Quietly, to Jake] I couldn't think of anything...
Old Lady: Whooo! [Falls in Finn's and Jake's arms]
Finn: POOP!! I saved her with violence...
Old Lady: What's your huff, son?
Finn: The greatest hero in the world told me to help people without being violent... and I promised I would do that and not let him down... but I did let 'im down.
Old Lady: Stuff and nonsense! You sure helped this old gal out! And you did it with violence! Like a true hero, you were born to punch evil creatures! [Punches Finn] Just like I was born to be an old lady! Don't deny your rowdy nature, paladins! [Starts dancing] And don't take advice from old people! [Continues dancing]
Finn: Yeah... Yeah...! YEAH!! That old lady has a point!
Jake: Wait, didn't she say not to take advice from old peo—
Finn: It's all so clear to me! Back to the cave of Billy!!
Jake: Cha!!
[Scene transition to Billy's cave.]
Finn: It's us again.
Jake: And we've got exciting news!
Billy: Aw, I don't—I don't wanna buy anything.
Finn: Billy, an old lady told me that I shouldn't listen to you because you're old. Also, that I should do what I was born to do... which is kickin' buns.
Billy: Don't you see how pointless it is? You know what's probably happening to that old lady right now? She's probably dead!
Jake: She's right here. [Turns around, revealing her]
Old Lady: Hello!
[Billy gasps.]
Finn: We saved 'er, Billy.
Jake: You saved 'er.
Finn: I saved 'er, Billy. I saved 'er using violence. And that's not a bad thing, Billy! This old lady is alive because of these! [Holds up fists and leg] And look how happy she is, man! She's elated!
Billy: Hmm. Perhaps you're right. [Pained groan] It's... it's as if your words are filling a void in my very being... You wanna watch? [He reveals a literal void in his stomach. Finn and Jake gasp. The hole starts filling up with body mass.] Nothung! [The sword comes back once again.] Finn and Jake... truly, you are my heroes. [They laugh excitedly.] Now you're freakin' me out... [Finn, Jake, and the old lady climb on Billy enthusiastically. Finn and Jake are taken off.]
Jake: We're his heroes!!
[Billy looks at the old lady.]
Billy: Huh... Hello.
Jake: Ha! Haha! I love you, Billy!!
Billy: Get outta here!!
[Finn and Jake run out quickly, laughing heartily. As Finn and Jake happily wander off, Billy nods contentedly. The episode comes to a close.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Hitman" from season 3, which aired on August 1, 2011.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Breakfast Princess
Ice King
Music
None
Locations
Breakfast Kingdom
Tree Fort
Ice Kingdom
Grass Lands
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[Episode starts in the Breakfast Kingdom. Breakfast Princess is eating breakfast alongside Toast Princess in a bed. Ice King peers at them through a window. He starts laughing.]
Ice King: Good morning, Breakfast Princesses. [He sneakily climbs in through the window. He comes up beside their bed with a jar of honey and a honey dipper. He drips honey on Breakfast Princess's waffles.]
Breakfast Princess: Huh? [Ice King looks up at them, mumbling incoherently and then suddenly frowns.] Sis, give me the phone. [Toast Princess hands her a phone from beside their bed. Breakfast Princess dials a number.] [talking on phone:] Oh, hey, Finn. I got another Ice King situation here. Oh, yeah? That would be great! Thanks.
[Finn and Jake barge through a door in the room.]
Finn: Ice King?! How many times have we warned you about using love potion?
Ice King: That's why I'm using honey.
Jake: Man, who cares if it's honey? You stink anyways.
Finn: [laughs] Yeah, you stink so much I'm gonna ground you for a week!
Ice King: What? You can't do that!
Finn: You're grounded for two weeks!
Ice King: You're grounded for two weeks!
Finn: [slowly] Three weeks.
Jake: Oh, snaps!
Ice King: Why? I didn't do anything.
Finn: Four weeks?
Ice King: [Ice King slaps his face and drags his hands down to his beard while facing the ceiling. He suddenly looks at Finn.] Fine. But I'm only gonna do it for a week.
Finn: That just grounded you for four weeks.
Jake: Oh, dang!
Ice King: [sighs] Okay. [Ice King starts to walk out. He turns back to look at Finn and Jake. Jake gives him the peace sign on both hands while Finn just smiles at him.] What's up with the peace sign?
Jake: Oh, nah, I'm just trying to show you how many weeks ya got.
Finn: Get outta here, bubble-butt!
[Ice King runs out while screaming. His butt outline is shown through his clothes. Finn and Jake laugh when he's gone.]
Jake: Awesome. [Finn and Jake knuckle-punch.]
[Scene changes to the Ice Kingdom at night. Ice King is heard screaming. The scene changes to inside Ice King's home.]
Ice King: This is so unfair! They're the ones who should be grounded. Not me! [Ice King shakes his head quickly.] I'm so mad! I could just hit them! If only I could hit them without leaving the castle. [Ice King taps his crown while closing his eyes in concentration. He gets an idea and goes over to his computer. He starts typing.] [reading what he's typing:] H...I...T...M...A...N. [in his own thoughts:] Ooh! [A profile pops up. It is the Scorcher's profile. It reads:
SCORCHER
Hitman - Hits people for you.
QUICK. QUIET. RELENTLESS.
contact]
Ice King: Perfect. [reading what he's typing]
Dear Mr. Scorcher,
I would like you to hit two people. Neat name by the way. Love, the Ice King. [Ice King types out <3 to signify a heart when he says love.]
[The Scorcher appears behind Ice King right after he sent the email. Ice King screams in surprise.]
Ice King: Whoa, you are fast. [The Scorcher looks at him and says nothing.] And quiet. [The Scorcher continues to look at him quietly.] And very good at dramatic silence. I like it. [Ice King gets up from his chair by the computer.] Alright, so, how do we do this? We shake hands or... [The Scorcher's hand lights on fire and Ice King screams in fright. The Scorcher produces a contract from the fires. He hands it to Ice King.] Oh-ho, paperwork! [The contract reads: Who shall I hit?] [reading off what he's writing:] Finn and Jake. [The contract is lit on fire and disappears. The Scorcher emits a black vapor and vanishes, taking the vapor with him. Ice King starts laughing. He flies over to his telescope.] Whoosh! [He looks at Finn and Jake's house. He sees Finn and Jake inside. He also sees the Scorcher outside, looking at them.] A-ha, there he is. Huh? What's he doing? [The Scorcher lights their Tree Fort on fire. The Scorcher then disappears while a fire rages.] What the—?! I hired a hitman, not a fireman! [Ice King flies out of his castle.]
[Scene changes to inside of the Tree Fort. We can see fires raging outside while Finn and Jake are making sandwiches.]
Jake: Dude, you see my masterpiece coming together, right? [Jake's sandwich is almost as big as Jake's face.]
Finn: Mine's whack. [Finn's sandwich has two pieces of lettuce, a tomato, and a slice of cheese.]
Jake: Well, put some meat in there!
Finn: Huh. What kind of meat is that?
Jake: That's Meat Man's meat.
Finn: Do you think it hurts Meat Man when he gives us his meat?
Jake: I don't know. I can't read his mind.
[Jake is about to take a bite of his sandwich, when Ice King breaks through their wall, spitting ice everywhere, freezing Finn and Jake's tree house. Jake's sandwich gets frozen in a block of ice.]
Jake: [yells:] No!
Ice King: You guys, I—
Finn: What do you think "grounded" means?!
Jake: It's wasted, man.
Finn: Oh, great. Now see what you did to my buddy? So help me, Ice King.
Ice King: Okay, okay. Goll. [Ice King leaves]
Finn: It's alright, buddy. We can make another. [Finn puts him arm around Jake to comfort him.]
[Scene switches to Ice King flying to his castle.]
Ice King: Sheesh, this Scorcher guy's got some weird ideas about hitting.
[Ice King arrives at his house. The Scorcher hands him a piece of paper.]
Ice King: Hey, there you are! What's that? I already signed that. [Ice King slaps the paper away.] I thought I told you to hit them, not burn them alive! You big dummy! Goll! It's almost like you want to kill them! Lucky for them, I stopped the fire! [The Scorcher's eyes glow brighter. He runs out while Ice King rambles on.] You know what happens when you're burned alive?! Your eyeballs explode! Bleh! [Ice King turns around and doesn't see the Scorcher.] Hey wha—?
[Scene changes back to the Tree Fort. Finn and Jake are asleep.
Finn: [while dreaming:] Punch, punch, punch!
Jake: [while dreaming:] Rainicorn, don't eat 'im. [Jake snores loudly.]
[Suddenly, the Scorcher appears in the middle of the room. He turns into a black vapor and covers everything in the room. He goes inside Finn's and Jake's bodies through their open mouths.
[Scene shows Ice King looking through the window. He gasps and breaks the window open. He blows winds through the room.]
Ice King: Ice wind! Blow! Blow! Blow!
Jake: [while dreaming:] Meat Man. Meat Man, I'm sorry, Meat Man, I didn't mean it, man. [Jake snores.]
Ice King: Finn and Jake, I am just a dream. I was never here...[Ice King flies away.]
[Scene changes back to the Ice King's castle. The Scorcher is waiting for the Ice King there.]
Ice King: Okay, mister, you are really trying my patience. How clear can I be?! All I want you to do is hit them. On the shoulder or something. [Ice King shows the Scorcher by punching him on the shoulder.] Are you even listening? Oh, I get it. [Ice King pulls out a wad of dollar bills.] Here's double the grease to not kill Finn and Jake. [The Scorcher burns the money while Ice King laughs nervously.] You trying to hustle me, Scorcher? Okay, I'll play this game. How about this prized piece for your pad? [Ice King pulls out a deer head mounted to a plaque. He presses a button, and the deer starts singing 'I wanna live live live, I wanna live live live.' The Scorcher burns it.] [yells:] No! Okay, how about these bad boys? Night-vision x-ray goggles. For when you have a lady house-guest. [The Scorcher burns the goggles off his face.] Oh, come on! [Camera shows two Gunters looking at the Ice King, then the other Gunter, then back at the Ice King.] At least renegotiate the target! You can destroy my least favorite princesses. [Ice King holds up a picture of Lumpy Space Princess.] What about Lumpy Space Princess? [The Scorcher burns the picture.] Ghost Princess? [Ice King holds up a picture of Ghost Princess.] I can't even hold her with my love mitts. [The Scorcher burns the picture.] Aw, geez! Uh... [The Scorcher makes a fire in front of Ice King's face.] Oh! A—A leg cramp! In my leg! Ow, ow, ow. [Ice King hops over to a door.] Oh, this is so embarrassing. I'll be right back! [Ice King exits.] [Scene changes to room near the entry room of Ice King's castle.] Ow, ow, ow! [Ice King hides beside the door.] Huh. Think, baby, come on. Ah! [Ice King pulls out a laptop computer out of his beard.] Alright, let's hit the hitman, right? There's gotta be a— [Ice King searches 'Hitman Hitman'.] Ah! [A profile for 'Blastronaut' comes up. It reads:
BLASTRONAUT
-#1 SOLUTION FOR ALL HITMAN PROBLEMS!
$99.95!
PLACE ORDER]
Ice King: Blastronaut. #1 solution for all Hitman problems. Sheesh, 99.95? That's nuts. [Ice King clicks the place order button. A new page pops up that says 'ENTER TARGET NAME:'.] [reading what he's typing:] Scorcher. [A new page comes up that says 'TARGET ACQURIED'.]
[Scene changes back to main entry room, where Scorcher is reading a book off of Ice King's coffee table. A wall suddenly explodes, and Blastronaut bursts in, shooting lasers everywhere.
[Scene switches back to Ice King, who is looking at the Blastronaut.]
Ice King: Sweet!
[The Scorcher is standing still as the Blastronaut's lasers shoot past him, completely missing him. The Scorcher walks up to the Blastronaut and slices his suit in half with fire. A goblin jumps out of the suit. He runs away, shocking Ice King. Ice King runs out from his hiding spot.]
Ice King: No! Come back, you wussy! [ Ice King realizes the Scorcher is watching him.] Ooh, that was weird. [The Scorcher turns his hand into a fist and lights it on fire.] Was that your friend, or something? [Ice King laughs nervously. The Scorcher only gets angrier. Ice King points above the Scorcher.] Look, a super model! Look, a hover-board! Look, the apocalypse! Someone got hit in the boing-loins! Hit in the boing-loins! [The Scorcher squints.] Boing-loins! Boing-loins. Somebody got hit in them. [The Scorcher turns around.] Peace out! [Ice King freezes The Scorcher and flies away. The Scorcher is shown melting his icy chamber.]
[Scene changes to Ice King flying away.]
Ice King: Freakin' butt! Butt, butt, butt!
[Scene changes to Tree Fort. Jake is looking out of a window.]
Jake: Hey, Finn, you awake yet?
Finn: [while lying down:] I'm trying.
Jake: I had a dream about Meat Man.
Finn: Oh, yeah?
Jake: I think I'm gonna stop eating Meat Man. [Jake turns around just as Ice King tackles him inside. Finn points to him.]
Finn: You're grounded!
Ice King: I know, but shush!
[Finn stares in silence as Jake slurps his coffee.]
Ice King: Okay, I hired a guy to kill you by accident.
Finn and Jake: What?!
Ice King: I thought he was going to just hit you in the gut and make you spit up your lunch. [Finn and Jake stare at him, wordlessly.] Well, I froze him in ice, but I think he's free now 'cause he's made out of fire. Or he commands fire, maybe?
Jake: Good job. Good job, the Ice King.
[The Scorcher breaks into the Tree Fort in a cloud of black vapor.]
Finn: Oh, my life!
[The Scorcher throws a fire ball at Jake, who ducks it. The fire burns a hole in the wall. Jake throws his coffee in the Scorcher's face.]
Jake: C'mon, man, let's get outta here!
[Scene switches to outside of the Tree Fort. Jake grows big to run quickly away with Finn on his back, and Ice King flies away. The Scorcher gets up, turns into a black vapor, and follows them.]
Finn: Jake, do something. He's getting close!
[Jake stretches out a foot to hit the Scorcher. He misses. The Scorcher squints as he summons a giant fire ball. Jake, in his haste, trips over a tree stump. Finn and Jake fall to the ground and look up to see the fire ball hurtling towards them. They hug each other and don't look. Before the fire ball can reach them, Ice King builds a barrier out of ice to protect himself and them.]
Ice King: You alive?
Jake: Uh, I think so.
Ice King: Whew! That was close.
[Suddenly, the ice barrier starts shaking. The Scorcher is shown throwing fire balls at the barrier. Water drips on Jake's head.]
Jake: Uh, hey, guys? I don't think this ice dome is gonna last long.
Finn: What do we do?
Ice King: [Ice King closes his eyes in concentration. He gets an idea.] Ooh, got it! I'm gonna kill you guys!
Jake: Hey, I'll kill you!
Ice King: No, wait a minute, you two. I won't actually kill you. I'm just gonna lower your body temperatures so you seem dead. And after we fool that fool outside, I'll warm you up, good as new.
Jake: No way, man! [Jake turns his back to the Ice King.] You already messed up enough stuff. You're probably gonna kill us, too.
Finn: Yeah, we don't trust you!
[Ice King zaps them anyway, encapsulating them in ice chunks.]
Ice King: You'll thank me later.
[Scene switches to outside. Ice King breaks open the dome.]
Ice King: [to the Scorcher:] Stop! Time out! You don't need to do this anymore! Look! They're dead! I killed them myself! [Ice King starts hitting Finn's ice chunk.] Dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead! They're dead. No pulses.
[The Scorcher squints. He melts Finn's ice chunk to feel his pulse on his arm. The Scorcher nods.]
Ice King: So, uh, looks like, you can go home now.
[The Scorcher produces a contract from a fire. Ice King yells until he realizes what it is.]
Ice King: Oh, yes, of course. [He signs the contract.] There. [The Scorcher burns the contract and disappears in a black vapor. He leaves a paper that reads:
Echos of past events
nudge the tiller on
my present course
I await its reflection
in the future.
Ice King looks at it and throws it away.]
Ice King: Oh, glad all that's over. [Ice King gets up on Finn and Jake's ice chambers.] Hey, guys, guess what? You're grounded. Underneath my butt! [Ice King laughs.]
Episode ends.
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Holly Jolly Secrets Part I" from season 3, which aired on December 5, 2011.

Characters
Finn
Jake
BMO
Ice King
Penguins (Gunter)
Princess Bubblegum
Music
None
Locations
Tree Fort
Ice King's Castle
Cotton Candy Forest
A dump
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode begins with Finn looking at a map and then at Jake, who is smiling.]
Finn: Jake... you made this?
Jake: Yeah!
Finn: And you buried the treasure right here?
Jake: Uh-huh.
Finn: Jake! You're awesome! [Jake shrugs. They both begin digging.] So cool...
[After a scene transition, Finn and Jake are still digging. They eventually come across a case in the dirt.]
Finn: A suitcase?! Oh, man!
Jake: I found it at the dump and then buried it without lookin' inside.
[They open it.]
Finn: Whoa. Wait a second, man. I know this case.
[Flashback. Finn is dancing in the Cotton Candy Forest.]
Finn [voice-over]: One night, while you were away at Lady's house, I was dancing in the woods...
Ice King [in flashback]: Evil tapes! Evil!
Finn [voice-over]: Perchance I saw the Ice King doing something suspicious, so I trailed 'im to the dump, where he buried this case in the ground.
Ice King [in flashback]: You're evil, tapes! Full of evil secrets! That's why I'm going to bury you where no one will ever find you... under all these boogers! [Starts playing in boogers] Wee, hahahahaha! Wee, hahahaha!
Finn [voice-over]: I waited for him to leave... but he played in those boogers for hours. I decided to come back later for the case... but I lost track of it.
[Flashback ends.]
Jake: Whoa! And I found it?
Finn: Mm-hmm.
Jake: Heh-heh-heh. Let's have a secret screening! I'll make some fliers for it!
[Later, Jake is hammering a flier that says, "ATTENTION—SECRET TAPE WATCHING PARTY—TODAY AT NOON—AT FINN & JAKE'S AWESOME HOUSE *ONLY FINN AND JAKE AND BEEMO ARE INVITED. ~THANK YOU," to a tree. He's hammered in hundreds of these fliers.]
Jake: There. Now nobody will bother us.
Finn: Jake! Jake, come on!
[Jake runs to the Tree Fort. The words, "An Adventure Time Christmas" appear on the screen.]
Finn: Okay. You can play this [a tape], right, BMO?
BMO: Yes, Finn. It goes in my butt!
Finn: Oh.
[Finn inserts the tape.]
Jake: This is so exciting!
[Video starts. It's Ice King in his bedroom.]
Ice King [on tape]: Hello, dear diary. Pretty good day so far. Got up bright and early and had a healthy and slimming breakfast, did fourteen minutes of cardio (and then I finally got around to)...
Jake: [Talking over tape] Dude... what are we watchin'?
Finn: I think it's the Ice King's diary.
Ice King [on tape]: ...I mean, I'm not gonna win carpenter of the year or anything, but it's a place to hang up the old toothbrush.
[Penguin gets on Ice King's bed.]
Penguin: Wenk. [Walks up to camera]
Ice King: Gunther? Hey, Gunther. Get-get away from the camera, sweetie. Papa's recording his innermost thoughts. 'Member? I explained this to you? [Penguin rubs its stomach.] Hey, Gunther? [Penguin jumps up and down on bed.] GUNTHER!!!
Penguin: Wenk.
Ice King: [To camera] Well, anyway, as you can see, I'm not wearing my—
Penguin: Wenk.
Ice King: [To camera] I'm not wearing my—
Penguin: Wenk wenk.
Ice King: Sweetie, I raised my voice because you were giving me the silent treatment. You understand?
Penguin: Wenk.
Ice King: I love you.
Jake: Can we fast-forward?
Finn: No, man, we might miss something.
Ice King [on tape]: [Sighs] There must be more to life than this...
Penguin: Wenk.
Ice King: I know. You don't like when I'm contemplative. ...C-contemplative... No, con-temp-la—Let's put on a play!
Jake: What?!?
Ice King [on tape]: [Acting as Princess Bubblegum] Oh, Ice King! You're so cool! You take such good care of yourself! I wanna be with you!
Penguin: Wenk. Wenk wenk. [Pulls off pretend-beard]
Ice King: No, Gunther, beard stays on.
Penguin: Wenk.
Ice King: Gunther, I need ya to wear the beard!
Penguin: Wenk!
Ice King: Gunther!
Jake: Hey, pause it, BMO.
Finn: There's gotta be some evil secrets in here. I wanna keep watching.
Jake: Okay... Well, why don't I make us some snacks? So I don't have to watch... this...
BMO: Can we sit on the floor? I feel so far away from you guys!
[Time card: Meanwhile]
[The scene is in a snowy forest in the Ice Kingdom. A penguin has an apple on his head.]
Penguin: Wenk.
Ice King: [Cracks knuckles] Now hold still... [Aims for apple, but accidentally freezes the penguin's face] You moved! Hey, what's this? [Retrieves flier and reads it] "Secret tapes"?! I wanna watch! I'll catch ya later, Gunther! [Exits]
Penguin: Wenk!
[Back at the Tree Fort]
[Finn and Jake are watching another tape. On it, Ice King is throwing a party. A penguin walks off.]
Ice King [on tape]: Gunther, no! Gunther... [Another penguin reacts to the name] Dance pa— [The penguin looks away again] GUNTHER! [Penguin turns to Ice King again] Dance party! [This second pengin runs to Ice King, who dances.]
[Jake eats a snack. Finn tries to reach for a snack, but can't. Jake helps him.]
Finn: Thanks, Gunther.
Jake: [Chuckles and munches snack] You're Gunther. [Chuckles with Finn]
[On the tape, the second penguin exits the party.]
Ice King: Oh, fine! Who needs you? More dance party for us, right, Gunther? [Slow song plays and Ice King blushes.] Oh... Eh... [Chuckles nervously] May I have this dance? Heh! [Dances with penguin]
Finn: There's probably some evil secrets coming up. [Banging is heard on the front door.] Someone wants to see the secret tapes!
Jake: What? Oh, but I was so clear in my flier!
BMO: Let's peek through the window and check who it is! Maybe it's just pizza.
Finn: Right!
[Finn and BMO run towards the window.]
Jake: Wait! Wait!
Finn & BMO: What?
Jake: You guys are checking too loud!
Finn: [Whispering] Oh! You're right. [To BMO] More quietly!
[BMO turns down its volume.]
BMO: I am quieter now.
Jake: Cool.
[The three tip-toe towards the window and peek through it. Ice King is knocking on the door.]
Ice King: Hey, guys, it's me. Can I come in and watch the secret tapes with you? I brought some gifts! [Looks up]
[The trio dive from the window.]
Finn & Jake: Aah!
Finn: Okay. If we're quiet long enough, Ice King will think no one's home and go away.
[More banging on the front door.]
Ice King: Eh... No one's home. Guess I'll go away. [Starts to walk away]
[Suddenly, BMO's alarm for Finn's bath goes off. Finn and Jake panic.]
Ice King: [Noticing noise] Huh?
Finn: Just turn your alarm off!
Ice King: Hmm. That sounds like BMO! [Knocks on door again]
BMO: My alarm says it's time for Finn's bath. Finn, get naked.
Finn: [Whispering] No, just hit your snooze button!
BMO: I cannot self-snooze. It's against my programming.
Finn: [Whispering] Well, then, tell me how to do it!
BMO: Press and hold. [Finn and Jake do so.] Then, press the button on top of my head. [They do it. BMO makes a "car alarm off" noise.] I'm sorry. ...We can still take a bath...
[More banging.]
Finn: He must know we're watching his tapes. We need to find his secrets faster.
[Scene transition. Finn and Jake view another tape, on which Ice King is crying.]
Ice King [on tape]: Oh, diary! Thank you for listening to me!
Finn: Fast-forward, BMO.
[Slowed down, the tape says: "Y'know, diary, I've been meaning to tell you something insanely private...I'm serious, I.....I...love...to...GRRRR! Fill my bathtub full of milk and sit in it like I'm a magic angel! There, I said it. My, the milk is dense. But when I poke my little toes up from the milk, it startles me, but I giggle! I giggle, diary. I get cold toes, but I giggle! And then I fall asleep, and the milk curdles and I get all stinky and sticky. Disgusting, diary, I'm disgusting! I'm disgusting...I'm disgusting and I smell like curdled milk! Okay, so anyway, back to the Turtle Princess."]
Finn: Play, BMO.
Ice King [on tape]: So there we are. Turtle Princess is frozen and in my little ice wheelbarrow, and there was... magic in the air. We were both feeling it. [Scowls] But before I could leave the library, Finn and Jake show up. You know how Jake is. Stretch this, stretch that, bah! He knocks off my crown and then Finn bonks me on the nose. Still hurts, too. The worst part is Turtle Princess took away my library card! [Sighs] You know, dear diary, I'm starting to worry that all these entries sound exactly the same, and that my life is just me running in place on some... giant hamster wheel.
Jake: [Sighs tiredly] Fast-forward, BMO.
[Slowed down, the tape says: "This reminds me of the time that I got stuck in my bathroom. There was this squirrel- don't ask. Anyway, long story short, imagine me crouched down on the kitchen floor. Gunther got caught in the toilet paper! I'm like, 'hey guys, you want the yarn or the medicine?' and the toilet paper's like, 'pop!'" Workout music begins playing and the Ice King continues to speak in the background as Finn and Jake talk.]
Jake: I'm gonna take a nap...
Finn: No! These tapes are important! We just don't know why yet. BMO, fast-forward to triple speed!
BMO: Okay.
[BMO does so. On the tape, Ice King is working out.]
Finn: BMO, play normal speed.
Ice King [on tape]: [Trying to lift weights] Come on, baby... in the pocket... [Huffs, out of breath] I can't do it...
Jake: Maybe he's talkin' in secret code.
Finn: Telling evil secrets in secret code... He's brilliant!
Jake: Well, how do we decode the secrets?
BMO: [Ejects tape] Why don't we call others for help?
Finn: BMO, you're brilliant!
Jake: Well, who do we call?
Finn: Um... The smartest person we know, Princess Bubblegum! [Blushes] She's brilliant...
[Scene transition. Finn is calling her. Meanwhile, Ice King climbs to the upper story window, laughing deviously.]
Finn: Hey, Princess Bubblegum.
Princess Bubblegum: Hey, Finn.
Finn: Jake and I found a bunch of secret tapes! We were wondering if you'd help us decode them.
Princess Bubblegum: Codes?
Jake: [Taking phone] Yeah, they're really stupid, but, y'know... Maybe they're encoded or whateva.
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, you called the right person. I know a lot about codes. Let's start with—
[The line gets cut.]
Finn: What?
Jake: [Groaning] Ohh...
[They re-dial.]
Finn: Hey, Princess. We got disconnected.
Ice King: [On other end, imitating Princess Bubblegum] Hello, Finny. [Giggles]
Finn & Jake: Hey/Uhhh, you sound weird!
Ice King: Must be a bad connection. That's why we were disconnected earlier on the telephone.
BMO: Ice King is on the phone outside!
[They run towards the window.]
Finn: [Still talking on phone] So... how's the weather in Candy Kingdom?
Ice King: [Still imitating Bubblegum] Oh, the usual. There's ice everywhere and it smells like penguins!
Finn: The only thing that smells like penguins is you, Ice King!!
Ice King: [Gasps; normal voice] How did you—
Finn: What're you doing?!
Ice King: I wanna watch secret tapes with you guys. It'll be nice.
Finn: No, man!
Ice King: But—
[Finn hangs up.]
Finn: [To Jake and BMO] He doesn't know that we're watching his tapes. We gotta find these evil secrets before he uses them against us!
Ice King: Oh... Fine. No more nice. NOW YOU GET ICE!! [Flies up and activates his ice magic] Try watching those tapes with FROZEN EYEBALLS!
[Ice King laughs evilly as he sprays snow on the Tree Fort. Jake screams. The camera pans into his mouth as the first part concludes.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Holly Jolly Secrets Part II" from season 3, which aired on December 5, 2011.

Characters
Finn
Jake
BMO
Ice King
Snow Men
Music
"Alouette"
"Fry Song" (Ice King's lyrics)
Locations
Tree Fort
This transcript is complete.

This episode is a continuation of "Holly Jolly Secrets Part I" (see transcript).

Transcript

[The episode opens with Jake still screaming.]
Jake: ...AAAAAAAAAaaa [singing] aaaloutte, gentille Alouette, Alouette, je te plumerai. Je te plumerai la tête! Je te plumerai la tête! Alouette, [Flopping lips with fingers] je te plumerai!
[Finn and BMO applaud him.]
Finn: Huh. I guess you do know all the words. Anyway, start the next video, BMO. We gotta crack the code on the Ice King's evil secret tapes!
[Outside, the Ice King finishes covering the Tree Fort with snow. He grunts angrily.]
Finn: Brrrr... You guys cold?
Jake: Yeah, it's kinda chilly in here.
[Finn rewinds the tape. Ice King clears the snow to look through a window. Finn, Jake, and BMO are now wearing sweaters and have the fireplace lit.]
Ice King: [To himself] Agh... What's on those tapes...? I can kinda... make it out... Dang it, BMO, just turn to your right a little.... Ugh!! By the power of ice... I want your cup of cocoa to fall over. [BMO's hot chocolate freezes, rises from the cup, and knocks the cup over.] Yes! Now turn and pick it up... [BMO turns of his own accord.] Yes... Yes... [Gasps as he views himself on BMO's screen] That's... me? [Beat] THEY'RE WATCHING MY SECRET TAPES?! [Goes away from window angrily] And they're cozy. I'll show them. [Makes snowman] This snowman looks pretty good. [Smiles] Pretty darn good! [He puts a face on it and laughs playfully.]
[Inside, Finn and Jake are watching a tape of Ice King crying. A penguin comes up.]
Penguin [On tape]: Wenk.
Ice King [On tape]: Could I have five more minutes, please?
[The penguin walks away; Ice King continues crying. Finn and Jake stare awkwardly at the screen. A screen bug pops up that says, "You're watching AN ADVENTURE TIME CHRISTMAS SPECIAL—ON CN." The video deactivates.]
BMO: I think I can break the code, Finn.
Finn: Really?
BMO: Yes. I have detected a noticeable pattern in the tears of sadness that fall from the Ice King's eyeballs. [BMO demonstrates on the screen.] His tears drop at an equal rate until the thirteenth tear, when the right eye drops two tears instead of one.
Finn: Whoa...
Jake: This is so fascinating...
BMO: The thirteenth letter of the alphabet is "M." If I print the letter "M" every time the Ice King says an "M" word, it looks like this! [Prints paper]
Finn: Oh, my Glob, Jake... Is this it? Could this be the Ice King's evil secret? [The paper shows ASCII art of a penguin.] [Furiously ripping up paper] WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!
[Outside, Ice King is pacing back and forth in front of a snowman army.]
Ice King: Some of you won't survive this. You'll melt or split in half or your head will fall off... but that's fine... because you're made of snow. Only one thing matters today! Getting into that tree house, getting my tapes back, and beating up Finn and Jake! [Beat] Maybe BMO. Yeah, BMO too! Who's with me?! [No response] Hey, why're you guys so quiet? Are you mad? [Snaps] Oh, that's right. You're not alive yet. My bad.
[He uses his ice magic to put life into the snowmen. The snowmen yell and grunt. Finn, Jake, and BMO notice the noise and run towards the window. When Finn opens the curtains, Ice King right in front of the window.]
Ice King: Gimme my tapes back.
Finn: No, man! I know you've got evil secrets on these, and we're gonna find 'em!
Ice King: Snowmen! Attack!
[The snowmen come towards Ice King and attack him.]
Finn: [Closing curtain] Crip, Jake! We gotta unravel these evil secrets at warp-crazy!
[The trio goes to the bedroom and hides under the bed to watch another tape.]
Ice King [On tape]: Good morning. You're watching the evening news. There's been an unfortunate event. Let's go talk to some witnesses. [He turns the camera to an imprisoned Wildberry Princess.] Princess, what is your name?
Wildberry Princess [On tape]: Please! Let me go home!
Ice King: [Jokingly] So, Princess "Please-let-me-go-home," what was it like to experience this tragedy?
Wildberry Princess: What? [Stammering] I... I don't... uh... um...
Ice King: Yeah, we're on air, honey, so spit it out.
Wildberry Princess: I... I don't know what you're talking about.
Ice King: Obviously traumatized and in a state of shock. Let's go ask somebody else something. [Turns camera upside-down] Upside-down Princess, do you think things will change politically because of today's events?
Wildberry Princess: You're really frightening me.
Ice King: Well, there ya have it, folks. People are very upset that Gunther tried to eat Ice King's socks! Very upset! That's why Gunther has to stay in the corner! [Turns camera to a penguin]
Finn: Weird... [A loud sound is heard] He's sneakin' in through the chimney!
[Ice King busts horizontally though the chimney into the tree house.]
Ice King: Ah... The element of surprise... Ah, jeez, I'm filthy. [Takes off robe] Well, now I'm cleaner, but I'm also nakeder. [Goes to another room and notices a table full of delicious-looking food.] Ohh! Mmm... [Licks lips] Just what I need... [He pulls the table cloth from under the dishes, shattering and spilling everything on the table.] Hehehehe... [Dons red cloth; goes to door and opens it to reveal four waiting snowmen] Come on, come on!
[The snowmen enter the house. Ice King pulls out a locket with pictures of Finn and Jake in it to show the snowmen what they look like. The snowmen scour the house.]
[Back in the bedroom, Finn and Jake are watching a tape of Ice King singing a cover of Marceline's Fry Song.]
Jake: Yeeeesh.....
[Back in the other room, a snowman opens the refrigerator and motions the other three snowmen to join him. The four snowmen look through the refrigerator. Ice King angrily shoos them away.]
Ice King: [Whispering to a snowman looking in a fruit bowl] They wouldn't be in the fruit bowl! [The snowman has an apple stuck on his face.] Ohhh! Well, look at you with your nose shining so bright! You're so unique! Hehe! I'll name you Red-nose, and make you leader of the pack! [He accidentally knocks the apple off the snowman's face.] Eh... Well, now you look boring. [The snowman makes a devastated face. Ice King picks up the apple.] You want somethin' done right, ya gotta do it yourself. [Sticks apple on nose and smiles]
[In the bedroom, Finn and Jake are watching another tape of Ice King crying. A snowman notices them and knocks the bed over, uncovering the trio.]
Ice King: Now gimme my evil tapes back!! They're supposed to be buried!! In the ground!! [Fires ice blast at Finn and Jake, who dodge it.] Snow goons!!
[While Finn and Jake fight, BMO goes into hiding.]
BMO: Oh, no!
Jake: Don't worry, BMO!
[Jake grabs a snowman. Ice King freezes the snowman, trapping Jake. Finn fights another snowman.]
BMO: Finn! There is one more tape!
Finn: Play it! His evil secret must be on that tape!!
Ice King: [Urging] No, BMO, please don't play it.
[BMO does anyway. The final video activates. A human man is viewed on the screen.]
Simon [On tape]: Hello. My name is Simon Petrikov. I am recording this tape so that people will know my story.
Ice King: Oh, no! Turn it off, BMO, turn it off!!
Simon [On tape]: I was studying to be an antiquarian of ancient artifacts. Now, I never believed in the supernatural stuff myself—just had a fascination with superstitions... but everything changed when I came into contact with this item....
[Simon Petrikov slowly opens a safe and takes out a gem-encrusted crown. Finn and Jake look surprised.]
Finn and Jake: The Ice King!! [Interested, they sit down to listen closer. Ice King comes closer as well.]
Simon: After purchasing this crown from an old dock worker in northern Scandinavia, I brought it home and excitedly showed my fiancée Betty, [Putting crown on] and jokingly put it on my head just for a laugh or something... and that's when it started... The visions... [Whispering] I fought with them... [Raising his voice, frightened] Shouted at them until I realized it wasn't real—it was the crown!! [Taking crown off] I quickly took it off... and saw my fiancée in front of me... [Whispering] looking at me with such contempt. What had I said? What had I done when I wore this crown? All I know is I never saw Betty again.
[Another recording activates. Simon now has paler hair, blue skin, and stubble on his chin.]
Simon: Since then, I see the visions always whether or not I wear the crown. They tell me the secrets... the secrets of the ice and snow... that the power of the crown will save me with its frost. I don't yet know what this means. As you can see, my skin is beginning to turn blue. My body temperature has been lowering at a supernatural rate, to what is now about 30°C. I don't know when it will end... I'm really scared...
[Another recording activates. Simon now has a white mustache and beard.]
Simon: I know my mind is changing... but I'm already too far gone to know what to do. I want people to know that... if I do things... if I do things that hurt anyone, please... please forgive me.
[Another recording activates. Simon now very closely resembles Ice King.]
Simon: Just watch over me until I can find a way out of this labyrinth in my brain and regain my sanity!! And then maybe Betty, my princess... maybe you will love me again. [Sobbing] Please love me again, Betty!!
[Ice King cries.]
Jake: Drrr-AMA bomb!!
Ice King: Now you know my secret! You know... that I used to wear glasses! [Sobs more] Maybe kidnapping Wildberry Princess will cheer me up.
Finn: Wait, Ice King. [Dead serious] BMO, eject tape, please. [BMO ejects the tape, sending it flying into the case with the other tapes. Finn grabs the case and walks over to Ice King.] Here, Ice King.
Ice King: What's this? You're giving me... a gift.
Finn: No... It's... well... These belong to you.
Ice King: But it's not even my birthday! This is so exciting! [Opens case] Video tapes! Heh, you know, I had a bunch of these once, but I threw them away! This is great, Finn! Thank you!
Jake: It's from me, too.
Ice King: Oh! I have presents for you guys, too! [Goes to get them; Finn and Jake look at each other.] Here. It's a small pine tree. I chopped it down in one foul swoop! And this [a skunk that is either stuffed or dead] is for you!
Jake: [Taking skunk] Uh... thanks.
Ice King: Oh, isn't this fun?! We're giving each other presents, we're wearing silly clothes, there's snow everywhere... Let's do this every day!
Jake: Uh...
Finn: How about once a year?
Ice King: [Laughing] Okay, that sounds good.
[Later]
Shelby: And so it was decided... that once every year when the weather got chilly, that Finn, Jake, the Ice King, BMO, Princess Bubblegum, Marceline the Vampire Queen, Cinnamon Bun, Peppermint Butler, Phil, a candy cane man, one of the gumdrop girls, Lady Rainicorn, Lumpy Space Princess, that guy, the other guy, a pig, Tree Trunks, a two-headed duck, the old crazy Tart Toter, the punch bowl, a booger, and Gunter... would get together while wearing really big sweaters and watch videos on the floor next to a fire... to celebrate the day when Finn and Jake had a fleeting moment of empathy for the biggest weirdo in Ooo. It was a miracle. Good night.
[The story ends.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Hoots" from season 6, which aired on May 14, 2015.

Characters
Unavailable
Music
Egg Song
Locations
Unavailable
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[Cosmic Owl flies through space as he arrives at his cosmic motel.]
Cosmic Owl: I'm home! [does some stuff and opens a closet full of games] Who's going to have dinner with me tonight? Sorry fellas, i gotta go make some dreams come true. Where are we headed, dream token? Aha, ah Finn again.
[Finn's dream is shown in which Martin and Sweet P hug him..]
Finn: Ahahahaha!
Dream Jake: Say Cheese!
Finn: Cheese!
Cosmic Owl: Hoo! Hoo!
Dream Jake (slowly): Ah, ungus!
Finn: Hello! Huh? Wait! Wait!
[A bird woman walks in with a ladder]
Cosmic Owl: Who's that? (pause) She's so beautiful! Buttfeathers!
Finn: Huh! The cosmic owl? Does that mean this dream is important? Is this a prophetic dream? And is this stuff all symbolic or literal?
Cosmic Owl: Huh? Sorry, but...
Finn: What does it all mean, boy?
Cosmic Owl: Dang she's gone...wait, what are you asking me? I can't tell you that? Hoo!
Jake: (in real word) I don't know, Shelby. I think it's too dark in there!
Finn: AHH!
Jake: Pull 'im up, pull 'im up!
[BMO pulls Shelby out of Finn's mouth.]
Finn: I think I just had a prophetic dream. Cosmic Owl was in it, he was acting all choco-loco.
Jake: Finn, you gotta go back to sleep!
Finn: Huh?
Jake: Cosmic owl dreams are important always! You gotta Go Back and find them again.
Finn: Yeah but last time I chased a cosmic owl dream I got dumped.
Jake: Get back in there! It's too important! You don't got time on my class ring, or bets with Shelby, or Stomach fishing! Oop!
Finn: What?
Jake: (shushes Finn)
Finn: (snoring)
Jake: Alright let's do it! (Finn arrives back in his dream)
Finn: Hey! Cosmic Owl, you still here? Whoop!
Bear in Dream: (gibberish bear noises)
Cosmic Owl: Buttfeathers! (scene changes to Prismo's time room) Love is weird, man! It really does come when you least expect it!
Prismo: Dude, you've been working on that since you got here! Take a break! You haven't even asked me about my banjo lessons. There going great! Dude?
Cosmic Owl: Sorry, I just can't stop thinking about her.
Prismo: Ah, you really are in love, huh! Alright, tell me more about her! Where'dya'meet?
Cosmic Owl: In a dream.
Prismo: What! Who's?
Cosmic Owl: Finn the human.
Prismo: What? Who's that! Oh, wait, I know that guy. Look, I don't think you're put in charge of prophetic dreams so you could meet ladies.
Cosmic Owl: "Hoo" cares. I'm in love!
Prismo: Oh, what am I even worried about. How will you ever even find her again? Do you have any idea how many people are dreaming every night?
Cosmic Owl: Yes, I do.
Prismo: Dude, it could take you a million years
Cosmic Owl: Then it would be worth it! For love! Forgot my sketchbook.
Cosmic Owl: (back at his house after doing stuff again, looking at dreams.) Looks like it's gonna be a long night. Ehh. (looking at a dream, he sees the bird woman and reacts)
Cosmic Owl: Excuse me, are these weenies?
Waiter: Shrimp puffs, m'azheer.
Cosmic Owl: Oh.
Bird Woman: *sighs*
Cosmic Owl: Hi.
Bird Woman: Oh, is that a weenie?
Cosmic Owl: It's a shrimp puff.
Bird Woman: Oh I love shrimp puffs!
Cosmic Owl: Here.
Bird Woman: This is a dream come true!
Cosmic Owl: (laughs)
Bird Woman: Do I know you?
Cosmic Owl: I'm crashing.
Bird Woman: Oh!
Cosmic Owl: I saw you in a dream and I had to see you again, even though just by me being here, events in this dream will come true.
Waiter: (panics as he trips over the ground)
Restaurant Customers: (laughs)
Cosmic Owl: Oh geez, that poor guy.
Bird Woman: Whose dream?
Cosmic Owl: Hm?
Bird Woman: Whose dream did you se me in?
Cosmic Owl: Um, Finn the Human.
Bird Woman: Hm.
Cosmic Owl: I shouldn't be here.
Bird Woman: No, you intrigue me! So powerful! Wha? What's happening?
Cosmic Owl: You're waking up.
Bird Woman: Oh no!
Cosmic Owl: Can't you go back to sleep?
Bird Woman: No, once I'm up, I'm up!
Cosmic Owl: But I wanna see you again!
Bird Woman: I'd like that.
Cosmic Owl: Okay, I'll bookmark your dream coordinates and come to you tomorrow night!
Bird Woman: What do I do with the toothpick?
Cosmic Owl: I'll take it.
Prismo: (on TV, back at Cosmic Owl's motel.) and so then she's like, "I really like you" and I said "I really like you too" and then she said "I don't wanna hold hands until I'm in love" and I'm like "that's great, I'm all about going slow" and then she's like "what? You don't wanna hold my hand?." Ha ha! Okay, what is going on with that toothpick?
Cosmic Owl: Huh?
Prismo: I can get you a new toothpick.
Cosmic Owl: No, I don't want a new one! I gotta go!
Prismo: No wait, there's one m—
Cosmic Owl: (flies into a dream with the bird woman on a floating piece of ice) Hi.
Bird Woman: Hi!
Cosmic Owl: Are there any appetizers?
Bird Woman: No, I think it's just ice in this dream. Oh I wish I could dream another place!
Cosmic Owl: I have an idea. (flies bird woman to his motel) My apartment.
Bird Woman: Oh.
Cosmic Owl: It's a bit of a mess. I'm not used to having company.
Bird Woman: No, it's got personality.
Cosmic Owl: I know right! Hey, do you like board games?
Bird Woman: Tell me about this.
Cosmic Owl: Oh, I use that for work.
Bird Woman: It's interesting.
Cosmic Owl: Hey, you wanna, spy on people's dreams?
Bird Woman: Can we?
Cosmic Owl: Sure! Hehehe.
Bird Woman: What's it like to have all this fingertips?
Cosmic Owl: I guess I just don't even think of it.
Bird Woman: But you're not powerful enough to see everyone's dreams, are you?
Cosmic Owl: I'm totally that powerful.
Bird Woman: Even royalty?
Cosmic Owl: Like Ice King or something? His dreams are so sad.
Bird Woman: Like Princess Bubblegum? Oh, surely she has some dream security system in place.
Cosmic Owl: Ha ha ha, we can go right now. Is that what this is about?
Bird Woman: Yes, let's go right now.
Cosmic Owl: Ahahaha this feels weird, it seemed like you really wanna go. It's okay to feel manipulated, right? (the two go)
Candy People: (cheering)
Princess Bubblegum: Oh thank you, thank you!
Candy People: Yay!!! Boooo!!!
Princess Bubblegum: After all I've done for you?
Cosmic Owl: Huh? Something's wrong. Does this dream seem weird to you? Hoo!
Princess Bubblegum: No. I worked so hard! Ahhhhh!
Cosmic Owl: Hey, hey you!
Bird Woman: Huh?
Cosmic Owl: no. What have you done? (flies back to motel) You interfered with a dream! Oh man, a dream I was in! Why did you do it?
Bird Woman: I just can't really explain. It felt like the right thing to do!
Cosmic Owl: You, you ruined everything! We would've been so perfect together. A— who am I kidding, it's over.
Bird Woman: It doesn't have to be over, we can run away, together!
Cosmic Owl: Your dreamin' kid, and it's time to wake up.
Bird Woman: No!
Cosmic Owl: Hoo!
Gunter: (wakes up) Wenk!
Ice King: Gunter? Aw, did baby have a bad dream? Let me get you a bottle.
Penguins: Wenk!
Gunter: Wenk!
Ice King: Huh? What's heatin' him?


References

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Horse and Ball" from season 8, which aired on January 26, 2017.

Characters
Finn
Jake
James Baxter
BMO
Raggedy Princess
Shelby
Mole People
Elder Rollio
Bears (flashback)
Horses (flashback)
Bat (flashback)
Snail
Music
None
Locations
Tree Fort
Junkyard
This transcript is incomplete.


Transcript

Elderolio, why are there onlysix crumb piles?

Mole children, soon, my bodywill explode from exhaustion.

Please place my bits[coughs] in trees,

where they will be reclaimedby nature.

[ Children crying ]

Elderolio!

Yes.Cry and hug me.

James Baaxter!

James Baaaxter!

Jaaaames Baaaaxter!

Huh?

[ Laughter ]

James Baxter!

Yay! He makes meso haaaapppy!

Jaaaammess Baaaxxxteeerrr!

[ Laughter ]

[ Laughs ]

Thank you,James Baxter.

Now I can explodea happy mole man.

James Bax‐‐

[ Pop! ]

Noooooo!

[ All crying ]

James Baxter?

Uh...Oh, Jake!

Stretch into a ballso James Baxter can ride you.

Um...

What if I...

[ Grunts ]

He's doing it!

BMO: Oh, glob, no!

Finn, this ain't gonna work ‐‐not without this.

James Baxter'san artist.

He needs the proper equipmentto work.

And if we don't help him,no one will ever be happy again!

Oh, no!

We have to savethis precious unicorn.

Come on, BMO.You're going with me.

'Cause your sadnessis not gonna help James Baxter.

Uh, o‐okay.

I'll watch overJames Baxter.

Jake:Try to cheer him up, man.

Cheer him up.

James ‐‐ uh, I mean,Mr. Baxter, can you walk?

Don't worry.I'll help you.

[ All crying ]

Sorry it's so cold in here,Mr. Baxter.

Does that, uh ‐‐Does that feel better?

[ Gasps ]Your hooves are soiled!

I'll be right backwith a washcloth and herbal tea.

Yip‐yip!

Oh, my glob.James Baxter is in my house.

[ Pop! ]Hey, Finn. You ‐‐You look a little nervous.

That's James Baxterout there!

He's an artist.

What if I say something dumband he's like,

"Man, that dude is so dumb.Why am I even here?"

Just treat himlike a normal guy.

That's what people want ‐‐even great artists.

Okay. Yeah.[ Kettle whistling ]

Normal. Normal.

[ Whistling stops ]

Normal, normal.

[ Deep voice ] So, uh,you got any weekend plans?

You doing anything funfor the weekend?

You're really badat this, man.

Surely we'll find a patch here,here in the big trash pile.

Uh, you meanthe Rag‐and‐Bone Kingdom.

[ Singsong voice ] Hi.

Raggedy Princess!

[ Grunting ]

Can you patchthis beach ball?

Looks like that ballrequires a rubber patch,

and rubber is the most difficultmaterial to work with.

Most adhesivesdon't adhere properly.

But in my kingdom,everything can be found

if you poke around enough.[ Chuckles ]

So [chuckles]there's a pristine,

undamaged beach ballhere somewhere.

Here.Have some poking sticks.

Bless you,Raggedy Princess.

Come on, BMO!

For James!

Mmm. Sandwich good.

Would you likeanother one, sir?

Hmm?

[ Gulps ]

Good!

[ Coughs ]

Oh, my glob!I am so sorry!

[ Coughs ]

[ Sighs ]

[ Horns honking ]

[ Grumbles ]

Neigh, neigh.Neigh, neigh, neigh. Neigh.

[ All neighing ]

Pbbbt. Neigh?

[ Sighs ]

[ Twinkle! ]

♪♪

[ Whimpering ]Huh?

[ Snorts ]

[ Sobs, squeaks questioningly ]

[ Crying ]

[ Crying ]

[ Snorts ]

[ Squeaks ]

[ Neighs happily ]

Whee!

[ Neighs happily ]

[ Squeaks ]

James.

Baxter.

[ Chuckles ]

James.

Baxter.

[ Laughs, smooches ]

James Baxter!

[ Muttering ]James...Baaaaaxter.

James...Baxter.

Beach ball!Beach ball!

Whoa!

What is it?

Beach ball?

[ Both scream ]

Oh, hey, you guys.

I was just working onsome new poems.

They're a little rough,

but as long as you're herejust poking around...

[ Clears throat ]

"A transfixed worldsurrounds me

like a monarchwith her open wings

held in placewith tiny pins.

[ Crying ]A lifeless ‐‐"Uh...

Is it that bad?

No,it's just really sad.

You remind meof James Baxter

because you are likehis opposite.

And since he losthis artist tool, he cannot work.

He will never makeanyone happy again!

[ Crying ]There, there, BMO.

A fellow artistin crisis?

I've beena creative blockhead.

Jake! BMO!

Balls!

[ Rumble! ]

[ Boom! ]

Both: Hooray!

We are saved!

[ Groans ]

Truly, this isa fine kingdom.

Jaaaames Baxxxxterr!

[ Crowd cheers ]

Yeah! All right!

Jaaames Baxterrr!

James Baxter!

[ Crowd cheering ]

[ Squeaks ]

[ Sobbing ]

[ Squeak‐squeak ]

Want some soooup?

I made itout of ice‐cream sandwich.

You're stillbeing weird.

Well, what am Isupposed to do?

You got to slap him,dude.

Wha?!Slap himwith some real talk.

Oh.Stab him.

What?!

With a giant syringe...

Wha?!

...of respect.

Ohh.

Okay.

[ Breathes deeply ]

Yo! [ Neighing ]Jaaames Baxteeerrrr!

You're a wonderful, genuine,one‐of‐a‐kind hooooooorse!

And you make so many peoplehappy just by being yoouuu!

So let goooof what's loooost, man.

It's timefor Jaaaaaaaaames Baxter

to make James Baxterhappy!

[ Smooches ]

[ Normal voice ]James?

[ Door opens ]

Both: We did it!

All the beach ballsyou'll ever need!

All for you,James!

[ Chanting ]James! James! James!

What?!

We're too late!

[ Thud ]

The world is crud.

[ Crying ]

James Baxter:Jaaaaames Baxteeer!

James Baxter?!

Jaaaaaames Baxterrr!

Oomp‐oomp‐oomp‐oomp!

Jaaaaaames Baxterrr!

Oomp‐oomp‐oomp‐oomp!

Jaaames Baxterrr!

Who's hedoing that for?

I think ‐‐ I thinkhe's doing it for himself.

Jaaames Baxterrr!

Jaaaaaaaaaames Baxterrrr!

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Hot Diggity Doom" from season 6, which aired on June 5, 2015.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Princess Bubblegum
King of Ooo
Toronto
Orgalorg
Peppermint Butler
James' Mom
Starchy
Candy People
Music
I'm a Princess
Locations
Candy Kingdom
Princess Bubblegum's Castle
Lake Butterscotch
Gumbald's Cabin
Land of Ooo
This transcript is complete but needs better editing. (inaudible actions need to be added)

Transcript

[hammering]
Peppermint Butler: [Sighs]
Mr. X: [Heavy breathing]
[Cage rattling]
Squirrel: [Grunting] Raaaah! Raaah! Come on! Get ready, toids! Raaah! I'm mean as a bus, and I'm mad as rocks!
Peppermint Butler: Gumball guardians! There's an enemy at the gates!
Squirrel: I'm an all-you-can-eat maniac! Whoops! Aw, come on! Ooh, ooh, ooh!
Candy Person: Whoopee!
[Crowd cheering]
[Crowd murmuring]
King of Ooo: Thank you, little candies. Thank you. You warm the wax heart of this poor king of Ooo! Now, I hear you asking, "King of Ooo, how can you be so wise?" I'll tell you how. Did you know that I am 8000 years old? Could be.
[Crowd cheering]
King of Ooo: It's true. I'm that wonderful.
[Lens clicks]
King of Ooo: Now, Princess Bubblegum — she says she hasn't gone rogue. She says she's not a wild dog thirsty for blood. She says she's not a literal baby masquerading as an adult woman. She says a lot of things. Princess Bubblegum, you don't make sense!
[Crowd cheering]
Jake: This guy's really working on me.
Finn: Ennnh...
King of Ooo: Yes, dear? Do you have something to say?
Mrs. James: Mm-hmm. I'm James' mother, Mrs. James. My son got turned into a mutant mass and was exiled to the badlands by Princess Bubblegum.
[Crowd boos]
Princess Bubblegum: Trehh! Boo.
King of Ooo: Who isn't mad about their mutant children?
Candy dude: What about Sweet P, King of Ooo? You threatened to burn down his mama's orchard.
King of Ooo: I did. That is true. Sweet P, I was like a cornered animal. "I knew no' what thy doone." I'm sorry, Sweet P. Here. Psst — give me a kiss.
[Smooches]
King of Ooo: Do you hear us, Princess Bubblegum? Do you hear us?!
Princess Bubblegum: Shhhhhhhhut up.
[Door opens]
Peppermint Butler: Princess, I'm sorry to disturb you, but I feel that you must campaign. The candy people are real dumb.
Princess Bubblegum: I'm studying something that could be real important. Dah! This dumb election. It's not even — [yawning] I mean, it's barely even — [yawns] ...barely even legal.
King of Ooo: A barely and yet fully legal election — that's what my campaign manager told me. Let's hear it for him — Mr. X! [Laughs] Weird, right?
[Crowd cheering]
Princess Bubblegum: And even being legal, I mean, I made everyone. I made their homes. The candy people are mercurial, but they're not dillweeds.
King of Ooo: And this definitely legal election is in the jam-covered fingers of you, the people — the candies. [Grunts] So, go. Vote with your hearts. Vote with your minds. Vote for the candidate who's not a teenage gum-golem.
Princess Bubblegum: I mean, they know that I love them.
Starchy: And the votes are in. King of Ooo is our new princess.
[All cheering]
King of Ooo: Hey, hey!
Princess Bubblegum: What?!
[Rapid footsteps]
Princess Bubblegum: Whaaaaat?! You dillweeds! You're a dillweed, you're a dillweed's secretary, and you're probably some dillweed I've never met! You're three dillweeds being dillweeds, and you're going to dillweed this place into the ground! And you — [growls]
Finn: Princess! Princess! I don't know what a dillweed is.
Jake: Hey, PB, what's the plan? We pledged our allegiance to you.
Princess Bubblegum: Your allegiance is to the kingdom. [Sighs] Dudes, I don't know. I don't know when I'll be back in charge — if I'll be back in charge. I need you both to stick around here and make sure the candy people are safe, even if it means working for a wad. Auf wiedersehen, meine champions. Mwah. Mwah.
[Bells ringing]
[Crowd cheering]
King of Ooo: There's a new golden and waxy mornin'. Good times a-comin'. You've got your warning. There's cheap healthcare, the workcamp's there. The general tone is laissez-faire. I'm a princess, I'm a princess. I'm a priiiinceeeess.
[pop]
[Peppermint Butler grunting]
[Lock rattling]
Princess Bubblegum: What's up, Peps?
Peppermint Butler: It's stuck.
Princess Bubblegum: [Grunts] [Strains]
[Clatter]
[Wood clattering]
[Bats screeching]
Princess Bubblegum: Ho, no, no, no, no! It's okay, everyone. It's okay. Close your eyes and repeat your safety mantra — hoodie hoodie hoodup, hoodie hoodie hoodup, hoodie —
Peppermint Butler: Princess?
Princess Bubblegum: Huh? Oh. Sorry, peps. I'm just so used to having my citizens around to protect. This is gonna take some getting used to.
Peppermint Butler: Permission to speak freely, ma'am?
Princess Bubblegum: Granted.
Peppermint Butler: This horrible dump does not meet the level of fancy to which I have become accustomed.
Princess Bubblegum: Noted. Also, FYI — my Uncle Gumbald built this cabin with his bare hands. I spent my summers here when I was younger. Anyway, it'll probably take a really long time for the candy people to realize a bad ruler is worse than a good ruler. Plenty of time to spruce this place up.
Starchy: Whew! Starchy thought life would be better under the King of Ooo, but now there's even more stuff to sweep. [Sighs] Poor old Starchy. Always getting the sweaty end of the lollipop.
Finn: Hey, Starchy. What are you doing — sweeping?
Starchy: Oh, uh, yes, sir. Yes, sir. Suh-wee-ee-eepin'. Yeah.
Jake: Mm. Hey, is it me, or is getting purpler out here?
Finn: Oh, yeah. I think that's the catalyst comet. Guess it's getting pretty close or whatever.
Jake: Getting close? Should we evacuate or...
Finn: What? No, no. It's cool, I think. It's just here to, like, shake things up, you know?It's okay. We've got sort of a — a relationship.
Starchy: C-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-comet?! Oh, Starchy don't feel good about this.
Jake: Starch?
Finn: Eht.
Starchy's mind is burdened. Oh, Mrs. gumdrop! He's coming. The comet — it's gonna snuff out all life as we know it.
Mrs. gumdrop: What?! Oh, good Glob!
Jake: Shouldn't we try and calm them down?
Finn: Ehh, not after that whole knock-my-tower-over-onto-the-castle thing. A lot of guys got smooshed. They need to hear it from someone they really trust.
Finn: King of Ooo!
Jake: King of Ooo!
Finn: King of Ooo?
Jake: King of Ooo?
Finn: King of Ooo?
Jake: Wait, are you saying "King of Ooo"?
Finn: What are you saying?
Jake: I thought it was "kinkoff goo."
[Tapping]
Jake: Hey. You hear that?
[Tapping continues]
Finn: Downstairs. King of Ooo? King of Ooo?
Jake: King of Ooo!
[Tapping continues]
[Ratcheting]
Jake: What the —
Finn: It's that guy from before. He's mucking around with PB's ship — added all kinds of engines to it.
Jake: Hey!
Finn: Hey, what do you think you're doing? PB don't let nobody touch her stuff — not even me, and I'm cool — least of all you, you sauce-tasting Brian-sniffer — whoa!
Jake: [Gasps]
Finn: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Yeeh! Yeeh! Whoa! Uhhh! [Weakly] No mercy, Jake.
Jake: [Straining] [Chuckles] Aaaaah!
Finn: Hey, I'm back — [Gasps] What the bing bong ping pong?! Gunther?!
[Chirps]
Finn: What the king Kong sing song?! Whoaaaa — oof!
Gunter: Sayonara, suckers! [Laughs evilly]
[Crowd screaming]
King of Ooo: Uhh...
Banana Guard: [Grunts]
Banana Guard: [Grunts]
Candy person: Ugh!
Starchy: Comet! Comet! Comet! Comet! Comet! Comet! Oww!
King of Ooo: Aaaaah!
Toronto: [Munching]
King of Ooo: Toronto, I've been princess for four hours, and society has already totally collapsed. Plus, now the sky is falling, I guess. Is this possibly... Somehow my fault?
Toronto: Pbbt! No way! Okay, look. Without your calming presence and selfless leadership, this situation would have been a hundred times worse. History will remember you as Ooo's greatest hero.
King of Ooo: As always, the voice of reason. Once again, my saintly nature has compelled me, unthinking, to assume the burdens of others. But a true justice demands a true accounting. And truly this is all Bubblegum's fa-aa-aa-ault!
[Rumbling]
King of Ooo: Oof! Good glob! What no-o-o-o-o-w?
Princess Bubblegum: Looking good, Peps. Man, this feels kind of good, right? It's like we're building a whole new kingdom from scratch, only without all my beloved citizens this time... and their dull, pleading chicken eyes. Maybe the King of Ooo could hold down the fort for a little while. I mean, what's the worst that could happen? Anyway, I'm gonna get some fresh air. B.R.B. What the — why's it so purple outsi—
[explosion]

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Hot to the Touch" from season 4, which aired on April 2, 2012.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Flame Princess
Neptr
Goblins
Music
"Working for the Master"
Locations
Tree Fort
Forest
Goblin Kingdom
This transcript is complete.

This episode is a continuation of "Incendium" (see transcript).

Transcript

[Flame Princess slaps Finn, leaving a hand-shaped burn mark on his face.]
Flame Princess: Don't ever mess with me again!
[Flame Princess shoots out the window in a trail of fire.]
Finn: [Looks at Jake] Who was that?
Jake: [Still terrified] The Princess of the Fire Kingdom?
Finn: [Looks out the window, then back at Jake] Dude, I think I have a crush.
[Finn walks in front of Jake.]
Finn: What do you know about her, Jake?
Jake: I was trying to help you get over your Princess Bubblegum sad times by hooking you two up. But she's evil, man!
Finn: You shut your dirty mouth! [Slaps Jake. Finn's angry outburst causes the burn mark to disappear]
Jake: Dirty? [Checks gums] Oh. No, really man! Her dad said she was evil!
Finn: Naw, man, I peeped beyond her burning gaze, and noshed hot lunch with her soul. [Walks to the window] She ain't evil. She's passionate. Help me track her down.
Jake: Hmmm..
Finn: C'mon, man, I really like her. Help me out. [Rubs Jake's face] Jake, Jake help me out. Help me out. Jake, Jake, help me. Jake, Jake, help me!
Jake: Eeeeeeeeehhh, ok.
Finn: Whoo! Alright!
[The scene cut to Jake walking over trees as a giant with Finn on his head.]
Jake: You sure you're not into any other princesses? What about Wildberry Princess? She's small and plump. You could sleep on her like a pillow. Could be nice.
[Light shines on Finn and Jake as a burning bird flies away.]
Finn: Is that bird... smoking?
Brown Bird: Hey, don't you judge me. It was that fire chick down there that done this to me.
[Jake stretches down the bushes as he and Finn hide behind them. They see Flame Princess touching flowers and burning them]
Flame Princess: Oh.
[The fire burns other flowers, spreading towards a lake.]
Flame Princess: [Gasps]
Finn: Oh, Jake... look at her. She's innocent. Like the steam off a puppy's nose, searching for ham in the snow.
Jake: Guy drops one piece of ham in the snow and he never hears the end of it! Snap out of it! She's burning cute little flowers!
Finn: [Focusing on Flame Princess] Yeah, she is like a cute little flower.
[Flame Princess walks towards the lake, kneels and dips her hand in it]
Flame Princess: Aaahh!
Finn: [Comes out of the bush] Oh, no, are you ok?
Flame Princess: [Gasps]
Finn: I... I was just worried about you.
Flame Princess: Huh?
Finn: Look, I'm sorry about what I said before. I don't know what happened, but I just, I had to see you again. And, I don't know.. I don't know anything about you, [Flame Princess glows brighter] but I just, I really like you. You know, you're so... beautiful.
[Flame Princess glows brightly]
Finn: [Sees fire beneath him] Whoa!
[Finn stomps on fire, but stops when he sees Flame Princess reacting with pain.]
Flame Princess: Ah!
[Finn stomps on fire again]
Flame Princess: Ow!
Finn: Oh, Glob. Am I hurting you?
Flame Princess: Yes! That's all you've done! [gasps] Are you trying to hurt me?! Is that why you're following me?!
Finn: I'm not followi-- Well, I guess technically I am following you.
Flame Princess: [Gasps then runs away]
Finn: Hey, no wait! [Chases Flame Princess]
Finn: [Laughs awkwardly] I guess now I'm technically chasing you. [Laughs again]
[Jake comes out of the bushes]
Jake: Finn!
[Flame Princess burns tree. Tree falls down, blocking Finn and Jake]
Jake: Hold on! [Turns into a giant and uses his "buns" to put out the fire on the tree]
Jake: Eaoww.. Toasty buns. [Runs off while carrying Finn as they reach the end of the forest]
Finn: Where are you? I want to chat it up with you! Oh, we lost her!
[Flame Princess appears as trails of fire then reforms]
Finn: Whoa.
Flame Princess: I am ambushing you! [Throws fireball]
Finn and Jake: Aah!
[Finn and Jake run around to avoid fireballs]
Finn: Hey, I like your fireballs.
Flame Princess: Huh? Why do you torment me?
Finn: I'm not trying to. I just like you. I think I... I think I like-like you. Listen, when I look at you, my brain goes all stupid. And I just wanna hug you, and sit on the couch and play BMO with you. I can't explain why, but, I never felt this way before and I think we should be together.
Flame Princess: I... [Smiles, blushes and glows brightly]
Finn: [Smiles, claps, and laughs in excitement] Yeah.
Flame Princess: Rggh! Enough. You should not toy with the emotions of a fire elemental.
Finn: Wait wait, I really didn't--
Flame Princess: You told me you liked me, and you made my flame grow brighter, but then you put me out, which hurt! [Throws a big fireball at Finn and Jake]
Flame Princess: You're trying to impede me. That must be your purpose, ...but fire's purpose is to burn, so I'm going to turn this land into my fire kingdom!
Finn: No!
[Flame Princess creates a fire wall as Finn and Jake back away from the fire]
Jake: She's headed for Goblin Kingdom! We need to defeat this fiery she-beast!
Finn: I can't fight her, man. I'm still into her!
Jake: Finn, what's more important? Your love for that screwball dame, or being a hero and savin' the lives of innocent goblin folks?
Finn: Rrrrhh.. Being a hero.
Jake: Alright, c'mon! Let's go build fire-proof suits.
[Scene cuts to the Tree Fort's garage.]
Finn: [Frantically searching pile of junk] Uh-uh-uh, I gotta' get back to her.
Jake: Dude, slow down or your fire suit will be junk. [Sees a bag of bread] Ooh. Is bags of old bread fire-proof? [Slightly shoves the bag, showing Neptr.]
Neptr: Jake, you've found Neptr! I am the ultimate hide-and-seek champion! 15 months, 4 days, 9 hours and you guys did not find me! [Spins his oven body] Hahahaha-hahaha.
Jake: [Whispers to Finn] Oh, plops, we forgot about the game.
Finn: Sh-sh-sh-sh-sh...
Neptr: I missed you, creator.
Finn: And we missed you, too, but Neptr, right now we need you to--
Neptr: To count to 100 while you hide? 1, 2,.. 3, 4, 5--
[Finn halts Neptr]
Finn: Neptr, will you help us build fire-proof suits?
[Neptr raises his arm]
Neptr: You cannot tell but I am giving a thumbs up.
[Neptr raps "Working for the Master" as he builds Finn and Jake fire-proof suits while the two assist him]
Neptr: I am finished!
[The scene cuts to Finn flying with his suit.]
Finn: I sure hope Flame Princess is okay.
Neptr: Haha, we are as one, creator.
Finn: Jake, you think Flame Princess is okay?
[Jake rises up as Finn spins to avoid Jake]
Jake: DUUUUDE! I feel like I can touch the heavens! [Whispers] And sock angels!
Finn: We're coming up on the Goblin Kingdom.
[Finn and Jake fly above trails of fire as they see the kingdom]
Finn: There she is.
[Flame Princess shoots fire on houses]
Finn: She seems okay.
Goblin: AAAAHH! Wood for sale! Wood on fire for sale!
[Flame Princess shoots out two lines of fire and turns around]
Flame Princess: It's really starting to come together. Needs more... fire... hmm.
Finn: Flame Princess!
[Flame Princess turns]
Finn: Listen, you gotta stop burning the Goblin Kingdom, ...but I don't wanna fight you or hurt you, I swear.
Flame Princess: I've heard this all before. [Shoots fireballs at Finn and Jake but their suits put out the fireballs. They land in front of Flame Princess]
Flame Princess: You... MEANIE! [Throws fireball at Finn. The suit deflects the fireball as the latter bounces. Hitting a goblin's cart.]
Goblin: My cart. I was born in that cart!
Jake: [Gasp] I'll put it out! [Jake runs through cart and crashes into a building.]
Flame Princess: Ah!
Finn: Aah! Jake didn't mean that!
[Flame Princess shoots a stream of fire at a building.]
Jake: Oh... [Hovers near the fire.] I need your help Finn! This one's too big! [Kicks fire]
Flame Princess: Ah! Whyyyy?!
Finn: No, Jake, stop. You're hurting her!
Neptr: I will solve this, creator. I will extinguish her using our suit! Foam blaster. [Neptr raises the suits right arm and retracts the hand into a blaster.] Hold still, burning lady.
[Neptr turns the suit around and aims the blaster at Flame Princess]
Finn: Wha?
Neptr: Locked on target.
Finn: [Finn holds the blaster with his suit's left hand] No, Neptr!
Neptr: Yes, creator.
[Finn turns the suit around, before the blaster fires]
Finn: NOOOO!
[The blaster hits Flame Princess's fire]
Flame Princess: AH!
Finn: [Distressed] I'm sorry!
[Neptr lowers the right arm down, hitting Jake with foam as his suit is covered by it.]
Flame Princess: That is the last time you hurt me. [Transforms into her giant form] RAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!
Finn: My bad, Jake! Turn it off, Neptr!
[Finn turns to look at Flame Princess]
Finn: [Gasp]
Neptr: Oh, my...
[Flame Princess turns around and burns the whole city.]
Finn: NO!
Flame Princess: RAAAAAAAAAHH! [A "tear" comes out from Flame Princess's right eye.]
Finn: No more... No more! [Kneels the suit then rips out of his suit and climbs at its top.] FLAME PRINCESS!
[Flame Princess walks away]
Finn: I can't fight her, ...but I can't let her destroy the city... I've failed everyone.
[Neptr turns]
Neptr: Not true, creator. You haven't failed Neptr. Even if everyone burns, you'll still have me, creator.
[Finn looks at Jake, who is moving his own suit's limbs. Jake takes a scoop of the foam and eats it.]
Jake: Mmm! [Smiles and gets another scoop.]
Finn: No. Why can't I just like a girl? [Finn's tear drops onto Flame Princess's fire.]
Flame Princess: Ow! [Looks angrily at Finn. She notices he's crying.] Huh?
[Dives as a fire towards Finn while she shrinks her size.]
Finn: [Coughs then faints.]
Flame Princess: [Touches Finn's tears then jumps back] Oh.
[Flame Princess puts all of her fire out.]
Finn: [Gasps for air then coughs; he sees Flame Princess by his side.] Wah! Did I... do something... cool while I was knocked out?
Flame Princess: I understand now. You're a water elemental.
Finn: What?
Flame Princess: You're my opposite. You create water.
Finn: What, cry? No, I j--
Flame Princess: Yeah, you cry and cry all the time.
Finn: N-No. I-I don't usually do that.
Flame Princess: That's your power.
Finn: No! N-N-N-NO-NO-NO! [waves his hands while blushing.]
Flame Princess: Finn, even if we like each other, we're going to hurt each other.
Finn: No, we don't have to. I can take it... I... I mean, can't we try?
Flame Princess: You would defy nature for me?
Finn: Uh... yeah, whatevs.
[Finn and Flame Princess hug, Finn tries to bear the pain but pulls away.]
Finn: Aaah.. Uh.
Flame Princess: Bye, Finn. [Departs]
Neptr: Goodbye, lady.
Jake: FINN! [Stretches up.] Oh my Glob, man. Everyone's dead, man! They're all burned. There's barbecued bods EVERYWHERE!
Finn: WHAAAAT!?!
Jake: Hah. I'm just kidding. I saved 'em. Everyone's fine, see?
[Jake gestures towards the crowd of unharmed goblins]
Jake: So. How'd everything go with Flame Princess?
Finn: She hugged me... then left.
Jake: Whoa! How did it feel?
Finn: [Turns to the direction Flame Princess took while leaving a trail of fire behind.] It hurt.


Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Hug Wolf" from season 4, which aired on May 14, 2012.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Hug Wolf
Music
None
Locations
Candy Kingdom
Tree Fort
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode begins showing a black tree. It turns to show its face.]
Finn: The Tree of Blight.
[The tree roars in the center of a dark forest; the camera pans out to show Finn and Jake.]
Finn: Every hundred years, it spews evil spores across the land.
Jake: Then let's burn its butt down to the root rubbin's. [The duo walks forward.] Finn, I can feel a bunch of eyeballs peepin' us from the woods.
[The Alpha Hug Wolf suddenly lunges out and Finn and Jake gasp. She lands next to the duo and punches Finn rather softly.]
Alpha Hug Wolf: Huuugs!
Finn: What the—?! Is this an extra butt?! [Pushes her away.] Quick, Jake! Burn the tree!
[Jake runs off.]
Alpha Hug Wolf: Huuuugs! [Finn grunts and they begin circling each other] Gonna hug you up, boy! I'm gonna snuggle you to pieces!
Jake: Dude! The tree's about to 'splode its evil juice all over!
Finn: No! [Gasps as the ‎Alpha Hug Wolf makes a roaring charge at him. The ‎Alpha Hug Wolf embraces Finn and howls.] Jake, hurry!
Jake: Is he crushin' you, man?!
Finn: [Lowering his voice slightly] No, he's just... hugging me gently!
Jake: Oh...! [Turns and talks to tree] When you see the wicker devil in tree afterlife, tell 'im Jake says, "Hello."
[Jake sets the tree on fire which makes it explode; a piece of the tree lands on the ‎Alpha Hug Wolf and she runs off screaming. Finn is violently coughing.]
Jake: Hey, buddy, you okay?
Finn: Didn't even tell me its name...
Jake: Wha..,?
Finn: [Noticing the tree is burned down] Oh, sweet! Ha-ha-ha!
Finn and Jake: [In unison] Hot to the touch!
[Scene cuts to Finn and Jake's Tree Fort. Jake is whistling and playing Portender Defender on BMO. He notices Finn is hugging BMO and stops playing.]
Jake: Hmmmm... Dude, why're you so huggy?
Finn: I just feel affectionate, I guess. Hugging helps.
Jake: Hmm... [Feels Finn's forehead] You've got a fever, man.
Finn: I feel hot. [Holds BMO tighter]
BMO: Finn, you're hurting me.
Jake: I think you need a good night's sleep.
[Scene transition to Finn and Jake's bedroom. Finn is seen hugging a pillow and Jake blows out a candle. Finn whines like a dog in his sleep. Cut to the next day; Finn and Jake are picking up litter in the Candy Kingdom.]
Jake: You feelin' better today?
Finn: Yeah. I feel like a million clams.
Jake: Good. Hey, you think we have enough candy litter? [Eats some of it] Litter for lunch! Mmm!
[Finn continues picking it up and Cinnamon Bun enters and runs into Finn.]
Cinnamon Bun: Huh? Not again!
Finn: What's the matter, Cinnamon Bun?
Cinnamon Bun: Please, Finn. If you're gonna hug me again, don't make it as hard as you hugged me last night.
Finn: Uh... I didn't hug you last night.
Cinnamon Bun: Yes, you did! My love handles still hurt! You came into my room around midnight and gave me a squeeze—a really strong one! [Groans in pain]
[Jake joins in.]
Finn: CB says I hugged 'im. Haha. Cinnamon Bun, you got some crazy notions. I tell ya. [Laughs; Cinnamon Bun also starts to laugh. Jake just makes a worried face. Cinnamon Bun exits as his laugh fades. Finn and Jake sit down.] Oh, Cinnamon Bun. [Eats some candy litter] [Muffled] What a crazy story, buddy.
Jake: Yeah, buddy, but you were pretty huggy last night... buddy.
Finn: Wait. You don't think I actually snuck into Cinnamon Bun's room and hugged him, do you?
Jake: I'm just sayin' you were really clingy.
Finn: [Eats more litter] [Muffled] But no. Why would I? And don't tell me it's because I have repressed emotional feelings for Cinnamon Bun.
Jake: No. I have a theory, ...but I don't like it.
[Scene cuts to a library.]
Jake: Your questionable behavior started about an hour or so after you got hugged by that wolf man, right?
Finn: ...So...?
[Jake pulls out a book and drops it on the ground. Jake opens it.]
Jake: Well, I've been thinkin' that maybe that wolf man wasn't what he seemed. Maybe he was some sort of hug wolf. Yeah, here it is. [Reading book] "Hug wolves—a subset of wolf men which roam the countryside with a fervid hug lust. Every night, hug wolves must go out and hug people to satisfy their insatiable craving for hugs. To become a hug wolf, one must be hugged by an alpha hug wolf on the night of a full moon."!
Finn: Like last night!
Jake: Yes. So you must be a beta hug wolf. A lower-level creature.
Finn: Well, how can I get uncursed?
Jake: Lemme, um... read the book a little more. Says there's no known cure.
Finn: Uh... I'm scared, Jake... [Attempts to hug Jake but he slaps him away]
Jake: No hugs!!
Finn: I'm sorry! [Grunts] I feel hot! Rrrrr!!
[Jake looks worried. Cut back to the Tree Fort where Jake is covering Finn with bags of frozen peas. BMO is whimpering.]
Jake: What's wrong, BMO?
BMO: I am terrified of Finn.
Jake: Hmm. Well, that plant's not gonna protect you. [BMO stops shielding himself in disbelief] You can get this under control, buddy. ARE YOU READY TO OVERCOME THIS THING??
Finn: I think so.
Jake: I said... ARE YOU READY TO OVERCOME THIS THING??
Finn: Yeah. I heard you. I said I think so.
Jake: I'm tryin'a' getcha to shout.
Finn: Oh. Okay. IS THIS GOOD?!?
Jake: Never mind. Now. I want you to think about hugging a cactus. How would that feel?
Finn: Prickly and painful.
Jake: Good, good, you're doin' great!
Finn: Cool. So, can I hug the cactus now?
Jake: No, you can't hug anything.
Finn: But that poor cactus! It... it... NEEDS ME! [Stands up and knocks bags of peas off body, knocking Jake down. He pants heavily then growls.]
Jake: Oh, no, the hug lust is already takin' over your brain!
Finn: [Growling fiercely] I want to hug you, Jake! Close!
[Jake ties Finn up with rope then chains him down.]
Jake: Finn... say something to reassure me.
Finn: I'LL HUG YOUR MOM!
[Jake makes a frightened noise and backs away quickly.]
BMO: Jake! We need the silver baseball!
[The full moon outside is shown and shines from behind the clouds. Finn completes his transformation.]
Finn: Hrrugs!! HUGS FOR BUDDIES! [Howls]
BMO: Oh, Glob! Oh, my Glob, Jake! Mama!
Finn: Bring it in, guys!
BMO: Screamoooo!
Jake: BMO! Strobe light mode! [BMO activates his strobe lights.]
Finn: Not cool!
Jake: Back, beast!
Finn: Hug wolf, away!
[Finn busts out of a window howling and runs to the Candy Kingdom. The scene cuts there.]
Mr. Cupcake: Surely this frosted drink will soothe my fevered tempers. [Finn pants heavily and his POV is viewed as he watches Mr. Cupcake and goes towards him.] Hellooo? Good heavens! A lycanthrope! AAAAH!!
Finn: [Hugs him] Hug you up, bro! [Grunts and roars as Mr. Cupcake groans]
[Finn jumps to the Gumdrop teenager's balcony and enters her room and creeps towards her in bed]
Gumdrop teenager: Dracula? AAAAH!! Eeee!!
Finn: [Roaring] HUUUUGS!!
[The Gumdrop Dad bursts in holding a Candy cane shotgun.]
Gumdrop dad: Get away from my daughter, ya hairy teenager! [Mimicking the sound a shotgun makes when one cocks it] Ch-ch... [Mimics a gunshot noise and shoots the teenager's mirror.]
Gumdrop teenager: Aaah!!
Gumdrop dad: Ch-ch. [Fake gunshot noise; repeats a couple of times as Finn runs away] Ch-ch. [Goes towards window] Eh... eh... SHE'LL NEVER MARRY! [Chases Finn away with more gunfire]
[Transition to the next day; Jake is walking with BMO in the Candy Kingdom.]
Jake: Finn? Finn?
BMO: There he is!
[Finn is in a river. Jake shakes him awake.]
Finn: Huh? Huh? [Princess Bubblegum chases a cat in the background] What... What happened? Jake... what happened to me last night?
Jake: You hugged... everyone.
Finn: NO!
[Candy People appear and shout angrily]
Upside-Down Ice Cream Cone: We're mad, but we're not gonna go down there.
Finn: People of the Candy Kingdom, all I've ever wanted was to keep you all safe, ...and because I can't undo the hugs I've caused, my sole wish is to be locked up forever in the Candy Dungeon.
[Scene cuts to the Candy Dungeon.]
Candy Baby: Why's Finn in the cage, Mama? Isn't hugs nice?
Candy Mother: Oh, baby... [Hugs him in concern]
Jake: Candy People, let's make sure that Alpha Hug Wolf pays for what he's done!!
Candy Person #29: Yeah!
Candy Person #33: Yeah, I agree with the last guy!
Jake: Cinnamon Bun, you watch over Finn!
Cinnamon Bun: Uuuuuhhhh...
Jake: Let's go, boys!!
Cinnamon Bun: Uh... bu-, bububut...
Crowd: No more hugs! No more hugs! No more hugs!
Random Candy Person: Without consent!!
Cinnamon Bun: Uh...
Finn: Huh? [Watches full moon appear from behind clouds and gasps] HUUUGS!! [Growls]
Cinnamon Bun: Finn? [Finn keeps growling as he transforms.] Uh...
Finn [Fully transformed]: Cinnamon Bun... let me out...
Cinnamon Bun: I-I-I-I'm not supposed to.
Finn: Don't you want a hug?
Cinnamon Bun: I can't, man!
Finn: Not even a little one?
Cinnamon Bun: Uuuuhhh...
Finn: You want a hug?
Cinnamon Bun: [Mutters] YES!! HUG ME!!!! [To himself] C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon... [Unlocking door] Which way does this turn?!? [Finn lunges out with a roar and tackles Cinnamon Bun.] Owww! Ow, my sides.
[Scene cuts to the forest from the beginning of the episode.]
Candy crowd: SAY NO TO HUGS!
Jake: I smell someone bein' hugged right now! [Spots ‎Alpha Hug Wolf hugging an antelope.]
Antelope: Uh... I have a wife.
Jake: That hug be your last, demon!
[Jake stretches his arms and repeatedly punches the ‎Alpha Hug Wolf]
Alpha Hug Wolf: Rrr...still love you! [Attempts to embrace Jake's arms but misses] Raaah! Come here, baby!
Jake: No huggies! [‎Alpha Hug Wolf lands in front of Jake and the crowd. The crowd mutters, frightened.] Eh... Finn... I've failed you.
[Suddenly, Finn lunges out in the same way the Alpha Hug Wolf did at the beginning of the episode and tackles her. They commence their "hug battle."]
Alpha Hug Wolf: I'm gonna hug you up.
Finn: You call that a hug?
[They continue their battle.]
Jake: This is the biggest hug that's ever existed!
[Finn and the wolf begin sparking as they battle. The ‎Alpha Hug Wolf forces Finn near a cliff, but Finn gets a hold of her before she can push him off. They both start glowing; they howl as soon an explosion occurs and forms a heart-shaped cloud that blows several mountain goats away. The smoke clears.]
Finn [Back to normal]: Uuuugghhh... Huh? [Finn notices that the ‎Beautiful Lady is also back to normal; she lets out tired groans] You... You stopped hugging me.
Beautiful Lady: Yeah... You stopped, too.
Finn: I just... didn't feel like I needed any more hugs.
Beautiful Lady: Me neither.
Candy Person #29: The curse is broken!
Jake: [Runs up to her] Can I get a hug?
Finn: [disgusted] JAKE!!!!!
[Suddenly, the girl turns into another screeching Tree of Blight]
Jake: AAAH—!
[The episode ends]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "I Am a Sword" from season 8, which aired on April 23, 2016.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Bandit Princess
Finn Sword
BMO
Spiky People
Cameron
Sharon
Box People
Box Prince
Science Cat
Spear Bear
Merchant
Snail
Music
None
Locations
Tree Fort
Spiky Village
Box Kingdom
This transcript is complete, needs formatting.


Transcript

[In the Bridge, Finn and Jake are walking.]
Finn: When we catch that bandit, I'm gonna be like Then I'm gonna give him just a wicked noogie, then a lecture on personal responsibility. Then another noogie, like, "Get that knowledge in there.
Jake: Yeah, dude, but it's getting pretty late. We might got to catch him tomorrow.
Finn: Aww. What do you think, Finn Sword? Should we stay out a little longer? [Finn Sword shake your head] Should we do a sword trick? Is that a better idea? [Finn throw up the Finn Sword]
Jake: No looking. [Finn close the eyes and take the sword, Finn Sword shake your head] I bet you can't do that behind your back.
Finn: Like this? [Finn throw up the Finn Sword] Sword trick! [Finn take the sword behind]
Jake: What a sword trick.
Finn: Finn Sword, are you just loving this? [Finn Sword shake your head]
Jake: Oh, oh! I bet you can't do that and freestyle some bars.
Finn: I can do that! Hyup! [Finn maximum throw up Finn Sword] It's the boy I-I'm a boy[the bridge broke and falls] Whoa! Aah! [Finn try to catch but fail] Finn Sword! [Finn Sword it fall]

Finn: Oh, man.

[ Panting ]

Dude, we got to call it.

He's got to be around heresomewhere.

Finn!

[ Echoing ] Finn!

See?Is that even an echo?

There's no way to tell.

Uh, swords don't talk.

Come on.We can find you a new sword.

We do that all the time.

You don't understand.

That sword is like me.

Like a sword me.

I don't thinkI'm totally scooping

what you're pooping.

I'll make you a new swordthat looks like you.

We got a bun‐tonof arts and crafts stuff

lying around at the house.



Bandit Princess: [ Sighs ]

Yeah. Yeah.

That's that good‐good.

Now kiss.

Mwah!

Man: ♪ Pay it in the front,pay it in the back ♪

Hmm.♪ Pack that dollarin the dollar sack ♪

♪ They call me badfoot moneywhen I step in the street ♪

Huh? Someone there?

I must just be nervous.

Probably becauseI'm carrying around

these succulentmoney bags.

Got to go get these muchachosin a bank.



Aah! Please, I'm so rich!

[ Screams ]

Waking upscreaming again.

Finn: Jake! Jake!Breakup? Lich?

Me dying? You dying?Other breakup?

Growing up?Never growing up?

Or spiders?It wasa totally new nightmare.

I was in the woods and ‐‐and I was gonna rob this guy.

Aw, that sounds likea nasty guilt dream.

Here,this'll cheer you up.



Do, do, do, do,do, do, do!

Take a look at this!

Dooooo!

What's this now?

It's a swordjust like your old one.

I couldn't getyour mouth right.

Sorry.

Thanks, dude.

Science Cat: Yo, Finn!

Hey, Science Cat.

It's time forthe daily brawl, remember?

[ Sighs ]

I don't thinkI can make it today, guys.

But we cameall the way here.

This is why Spearbeareven owns a watch.

It's fight o'clock, Finn.

It's fight o'clock.

Okay, okay,I'll come down.



[ Grunts ]



Aha!

Yah!

[ Laughs ]



Bye, guys.Thanks for coming.

Science Cat:Your heart's not in it, Finn.

He's right, isn't he?

Did I take Finn Swordfor granted?

Maybe I take a lotof people in my lifefor granted, you know?

Talkingto inanimate object.

Get a load of this guy.

[ Humming ]

[ Yawns ]

Hey, man,you're still up?Yeah.

I'm afraid of havinganother scary guilt dream.

Okay then.Let's stay up.

We can put onsome up‐tempo music,

and I'll set you up witha brainy modern video game.



Here you go, buddy.Have some tea.Thanks.

This'll be fun.

Like the oppositeof a sleepover.

And I'll stay upwith you all night if ‐‐

[ Snoring ]

Night, dude.

Hmm."You kick open the chest.

It's a trap!

You've awakenedthe Demon Queen!

Fight the Demon Queen!

The Demon Queen cackles

and swats your arrows away"?

Modern games are so intense.

How do I check my stats?

[ Grunts ]

Lady, you can'tcome in this bank.

My whole job isyou can't come in this bank.



Oh, it is on.



[ Grunts ]Don't kill me.

I've never knowntrue love.



[ Screams ]

Oh, my Glob!

I wasn't even asleepthat time.

Jake![ Snores ]

I think Finn Swordis trapped

in the villageof Spiky People.

We got to go rescue him.What?

Why come you know that?

That sword is me.

He's been sending mepsychic Finnmails

of sadness and fearto my Finnbox.

We got to go save him.It's really important to me.

Aah!

Do you evertake those off?



[ Explosion ]

[ All screaming ]

Oh, Glob!

What happenedto my peaceful world?!

It's Nacho Island Tuesday.[ Coughs ]

Nacho bros,can you hear me?!

It's Kurt, nacho bros!

Finn Sword: Stop!Aah!

A talking sword?

I was keeping it on the DL,

but yeah, I'm Finn Mertens,a. k. a. Finn Sword,

a.k.a. sick ofyour non‐irie antics.

You can't be using meto rob banks.

Hero use only.

Cameron: Bandit Princess!

I, Cameron,mayor of Spiky Village,

along with the trusteesof Spiky Village Bank

ask politelythat you put our gold

back where you got it

in exchange fora pre‐approved home loan

with 0% APRfor the first six months,

and [coughs] APRfor the next 30 years.

Monthly processing feesapply.

What do you say?

[ Whispersindistinctly ]You know what?

I just spoke to Ruby G,who owns the bank,

and he said thatwe can cut you a bigger break

on that loan.

I mean ‐‐ pfft! ‐‐of course, right?

How aboutwe cut you a break, huh?

I'll be cuttingand breaking you, Mr. Mayor.

[ Laughs ]

Oh, no!I'm toast!

Aah!



OMG, you've ruined my life,Bandit Princess.

Mine, too.

You've trashedmy hero streak.

And I'll keep trashing itover and over and over

until you can't remember

ever having done a good deedin your life.

Why would you do that?!

I was born with rabies

and my parents didn't love mebecause they both had mono,

so now I do stufflike this.

[ Laughs ]Cameron: Call my wife!

This is terrible.

Oh, we're gonna do so manyterrible things together.

It's gonna be hilariousto watch you cry, Finn Sword.

Cry as you end livesand steal from the week.

Bandit Princess.What?

I will find a wayto kill you!

Hey, take a time out,dude.

We got a lot of livesto ruin.

[ Laughs ]



Finn #2,if you can hear me,

this gray area wet wipeis using me against my will.

Please find me soon.

Find me and use meto slay this bleeble.

That's what I sawin my vision.



[ Cries ]

Finn and Jake,you've come in my time of need.

Sharon,what's going on here?

A princess of banditsstole our gold reserves,

and with a mighty sword,

she took offwith my husband's head.

Mayor Cameron?!Mayor Cameron?!

[ Wailing ]

It's a massive hangnail.

I got one, too.It hurts.

Can you hear me,Mr. Mayor?



Can you sense wherethis bandit princesstook your head?

All: Whoa!

Finn: We'll getyour husband's head, Sharon.

And the gold, please.



You think he knowswhere he's going?

He made it seem that way.

Yeah, but maybehe's like a chicken

when, um ‐‐when, you know.

When what?What happens to chickens?

Uh, I forget.Never mind.

Like our chickenLorraine?

Finn and Jake!Both: Whoa!

Thank you for escorting meback to my head.

Mr. Mayor, did you seewhere Bandit Princess went?

That waytowards Box Kingdom.

Let's close the gap, Jake.Jake: You got it.

Good luck, you's two.



Oh, shoot!

Don't forgetto bring back my gold!

Dag!

Sharon's gonna bereal upset.

Bandit Princess:[ Grunting ]

[ Cats yowling ]



Gross!

[ Grunts ]

Ha! ha!

Box Prince!

[ Yowls ]

[ Laughs evilly ]

[ Grunts ]



I'm gonna need all these boxesto store my gold.

Give up now or join your princein the recycle bin.

Finn: Wait!

No recycling!

Hm. You looking for this,I suppose?



You okay, buddy?No, man.

This creep showmade me prey on the innocent.

Ooh!This is freaking serious.

Jake, no matter what happens,don't step in.

Jake: [ Gags ]

Give me back myself,dude!

I'll slay youwith your own body!

Give this tranchacute arthritis!

You gonna getbopped in the brain!

Dag! Useless.Eat it!

[ Grunts ]

Finn!Stay put!

[ Groans ]

[ Grunts ]

Hey, gimme that!



What the crease?

You gonna get it now,dude.

That's the grass sword!

[ Grunts ]

Yah!

[ Shatters ]Aah!



Finn!

Hang on, man.I'll take care of this.

[ Laughing continues ]

Keep your busted sword.

Pfft!



Jake, why does this thinghappen to Finn?

BMO,it's a wooly bully world.

People be acting crazyalways.

You mean some peopleare just

pure city sidewalk boom‐boomfrom a rat donk

and that'sall there is to it?

Um,I don't know for sure.

Here's the sticker I madeof Finn's sword's face.

Thanks, BMO.

Yo, that'sa spot‐on drawing.

Did you noticeI got the mouth just right?

Uh, yes, I did.

Come on.Let's get some air.

Okay, I like air.

[ Door closes ]

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Ignition Point" from season 4, which aired on September 17, 2012.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Flame People
Flame Princess
Flambo
Flame King
Furnius
Torcho
Jalapeño pepper
Music
None
Locations
Marauder's area/Flame Princess' home
Fire Kingdom
This transcript is complete; however, it should be checked for errors

Transcript

[The episode starts when Finn and Jake were helping Flame Princess's target practice.]
Jake: Ready?
Flame Princess: Yes
Jake: [Sounds of concentration] [Then farts] [Seals Squeez-E-Mart bag like a balloon.]
Flame Princess: [Shoots the balloon with her fire] [Balloon explodes]
Finn: That was awesome! Alright, alright, my turn. [Lies on Jake's back] [Sounds of concentration] [Then burps] [Seals Squeez-E-Mart bag like a balloon.]
Flame Princess: [Focuses on balloon and shoots the balloon] [Balloon explodes]
Finn: [Laughter]
Flame Princess: [Laughter] You guys are full of magic air.
Jake: [Gasps] [Farts]
Finn: [Disgusted] Gross! [Rolls with Jake] [Then slaps Jake] No! [Turns to Flame Princess] Princess? You, okay?
Flame Princess: [Looks downed] Yeah... It's just the air smells bad from your magic tricks, and now I feel sad. [Looks at Finn and Jake] I left all my scented candles at the castle. They'd really cut through the magic stink.
Jake: Just go back to the Fire Kingdom and get 'em. Problem solved.
Flame Princess: [Sighs] [Then stands up] Then I'll have to see my dad. I'm still mad at him for imprisoning me in that lantern. So UNFAIR! [Flame Princess transforms again to her enraged form.] [Screams with anger]
Finn & Jake: [Frightened]
Finn: Uh, we can go get 'em.
Flame Princess: [Returns to her normal form.] [Pleasant voice] Really? That would be really nice. [Warns] But don't let my Pops see you. I don't want "His Majesty" thinking I need anything from him.
Flambo: [Farts]
Finn, Flame Princess, & Jake: [Surprised]
Jake: That ain't me.
Finn, Flame Princess, & Jake: [Looks at the rock]
Finn & Jake: Whoa!
Flambo: [inside the rock] [Farts more]
Finn & Jake: [Approaches the rock]
Finn: [Opens the rock]
Flambo: Oh! [Farts again]
Finn: [Relieved]
Jake: Flambo! [Whispers to Finn] For a second, I thought the princess was farting.
Finn: Flambo, we need you to cast Flame Shield on us.
Flambo: [Agrees to Finn] Alright! [Rubs both of his hands] [Flambo casting the Flame Shield; chants and also creates a series of runic symbols. He grows two big fists and hits Finn and Jake on the forehead.]
[Scene cuts to the Fire Kingdom]
Jake: [Stretches his left arm to hold onto something with Finn holding onto his back, sneaking pass the Flame Guards.]
[Seconds later, inside Flame Princess's room in the palace]
Finn & Jake: [Tip toe walking towards near the scented candles.]
Finn: These candles, must be "They."
Jake: [Sniffing the candles] [Whispers] They smell like an old lady's bathroom.
Finn: [Whispers with anger] Hey! Don't disrespect my lady!
Jake: [Whispers in reply] I said that as a compliment. Like, it reminds me of grandma. I love my grandma.
Finn: [Takes the candles and puts them into his backpack.]
[Seconds later, two voices are heard behind the door.]
Furnius: No one comes-sss here. Not since Flame Princess [Finn jumps and lies close to the bottom of the door.] leaved [for left] the castle. Now guesssss what we're gonna kill Flame King with?
Finn: [Gasps] [Then whispers] A conspirator with a hiss voice!
Torcho: How about, water?
Furnius: Even worsssse, we'll use icccce.
Finn: [Whispers] And a conspirator with an untied shoe.
Torcho: Ice? Why ice?
Furnius: Cuz it'sss more painful, You sssimpleton! Cold as iccce fallzz. A perfect death for the Flame King.
Furnius & Torcho: [Evil laughter]
Finn: [Gasps, turns around, and Jake is thrown away.]
Jake: Whoa!
Finn: Did you hear that?
Jake: [Sniffs]
Finn: Jake, come on! We gotta stop those guys from killing Flame Princess's dad!
Jake: [Drops the candle] Right, right.
[Moments later, outside the room]
Jake: [Opens the door]
Finn: Dirt bags! Where'd they go?
Finn & Jake: [Tip toe walking]
Jake: [Gasps]
[Lesser Flame Guards approaching nearby]
Finn & Jake: [Plans via body language] [Then disguises themselves as a painting]
Lesser Flame Guards: [Walking backwards]
Lesser Flame Guard 1: [Notices] Hey, is that new?
Lesser Flame Guard 2: Yeah, I think it is.
Lesser Flame Guard 3: Yes it is new.
Lesser Flame Guard 2: Hm, what you guys think about this painting?
Lesser Flame Guard 1: I like it.
Lesser Flame Guard 3: Hey, is this one of those paintings where the eyes follow you.
Lesser Flame Guards: [Looks at the painting]
Finn: [Concentrating]
Lesser Flame Guards: [Moves to the right and left while looking at them.]
Finn: [Still concentrating]
Lesser Flame Guard 1: Hmmm
Lesser Flame Guard 2: [Sighs]
Lesser Flame Guards: [Moves to the right] [Gets bored]
Lesser Flame Guard 3: Come on, let's get out of here, I don't wanna miss snack time.
Lesser Flame Guard 1: SNACKS!
Lesser Flame Guard 2: And SNACKS!
Lesser Flame Guard 3: SNACKS!
Lesser Flame Guards: SNACKS! [Walking backwards] SNACKS! SNACKS! SNACKS!
Finn: [Losing concentrating]
Finn & Jake: [Breaths]
Jake: Now what?
Furnius: And most of actual murdersss...
Finn: [Whispers] You hear that? It sounds like a voice with a hiss.
Jake: The kind we are looking for.
Furnius: The ssserpent that isss...
Finn: Stop!
Furnius: ...my father's life, now wears his crown. [Hisses]
Finn & Jake: [Looks above]
Jake: Dude, the voice
Finn: We must follow the voice
Jake: [Opens the air vent] [Uses his stretchy powers to get there and pulls Finn up.] [Then closes the air vent]
Unknown: To die, to sleep; To sleep: perchance to dream...
Finn: [Whispers] Which way is the hiss voice coming from?
Unknown: ...there's the rub; For in that sleep of death what...
Jake: [Whispers] This way!
Unknown: ...dreams may come.
Jake: [Drags self]
Finn: [Whispers] Which way?
Furnius: I seem to be saying a lot about our [Jake raises his left ear] super secret plan
Jake: [Whispers] To the left
Fire Denizens 1: You!
Jake: [Checking out]
Fire Denizens 1: [Pointing with their right finger at each other] You! You! You!
Fire Denizens 2: [Pointing with both fingers at each other] Double you! Double you!
Jake: [Whispers] I don't think it's them.
Fire Denizens 2: Double you! Double you!
[Finn and Jake moving forward and turning left]
Jake: [Falls] Whooaaa.
Finn: [Whispers for checking] Jake!
Jake: [Whispers in response] I'm okay. I think I hear that hissing voice down this way!
Finn: [Falls down toward Jake] Whooooo! [Falls flat on his face.] [Questions with disappointment] Why didn't you catch me?
Jake: Whoops. Tell me next time, I can't think in the future.
[Moments later]
Jake: [Whispers] Vent ahead.[And looks outside]
Finn: [Whispers] Jake, I wanna see. [Jake steps aside]
Lesser Flame Guard 3: [Eating cake] [Then measures cake] Thirty-seven... [Eats another and measures again] Twenty-two
Finn: [Whispers] No hissing.
Jake: [Whispers] No untied shoe.
[Moments later, Jake found another vent]
Jake: [whispers] Vent
Red snake: [Hisses]
Jalapeño pepper: This need something more, yes...
Red snake: [Hisses]
Jalapeño pepper: ...yes, that's the...
Red snake: [Hisses]
Jalapeño pepper: ...stuff.
Finn: [Whispers] Whoa, it's him!
[The air vent is opened]
Finn & Jake: [Dives quietly]
Jalapeño pepper: Hmmm?
Finn & Jake: [Shows up]
Jalapeño pepper: My blueb'ies!
Red snake: [Hisses]
Jake: [Points right finger to Jalapeño pepper] You baffoon! Where's your partner with the untied shoe?
Jalapeño pepper: What partner? What are you blueberries...?
Red snake: [Hisses]
Jalapeño pepper: ...talking about?
Finn: [Rises fist) Give it up man! [Then points right finger to Jalapeño pepper] I heard your hiss voice!
Jalapeño pepper: I don't have a hiss...
Red snake: [Hisses]
Jalapeño pepper: ...voice. [Then points right finger to Finn] There's a....
Red snake: [Hisses]
Jalapeño pepper: ....snake on your shoulder.
Finn: What?
Red snake: [Hisses]
Finn: [Frightened] [Slaps the snake away from him and landed on Jake.]
Jake: [Looks at the snake] Hmmmm.
Red snake: [Hisses]
Jake: Sufferin'...
Red snake: [Hisses]
Jake: ...succotash.
Jalapeño pepper: Now to chop you two big blueberries into small bite-sized blueberries. [Then chases after them]
Finn & Jake: [Screaming and running for their lives]
[Monents later]
Theater troupe: [Chattering]
Theater troupe leader: Five minutes are closing everyone, five minutes.
Finn & Jake: [Takes two members of the theater troupe to a room.]
Finn: I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Jake: [Picks up a table with food on it]
Finn & Jake: [Runs with disguises on]
Jalapeño pepper: [Panting] [Then heads to a room] Oh. Psh, actors.
[Moments later, Finn and Jake catch up with the theater troupe]
Finn: [Lays a hand on a theater troupe member] What's going with the costumes?
Theater troupe member: [High voice] This is a theater troupe. We're getting rrready to perform for the king. Everyone in the kingdom shall be in attendance. [Lowered voice] Of course, you know all this being fellow actors from the exact same troupe. [Turns around and picks clothes]
Jake: [Makes a distance with Finn] I have an idea. We'll go on stage, act like two conspirators, you will have one shoe untied, I'll talk with a hiss voice, we'll talk about how we want to kill the king, as we do these, we'll study the faces of the audience, a move of guilty reactions.
Finn: [Likes it] That's brilliant!
Jake: Thanks! It's an original idea, by me.
[Moments later, at the stage play, Flame King appears and the lights went low for the play.]
Audience: [Cheering]
Finn: [Clears throat] Hey conspirator!
Jake: Hey co-conspirator!
Finn: Let's talk about how we're gonna kill the king.
Jake: Shhhhhh sssssomebody might here our evil plot.
Flame King: [Not liking it] Man, I am so lost.
Jake: Psst, the audience.
Suspect: [Moaning] [Then sneezes]
Jake: You think that's one of them.
Finn: Maybe, let's keep goin'. So, what are you packin'?
Jake: Water, man. Enough of it to put out the King's fire.
Suspect: [Still moaning] [Then eats a hot dog] [Looking around with suspicion]
Finn: I thinks he's starting to crack. Water? You know what is more painful, if we pour ice in his ear. That's how we'll kill the Flame King.
Flame King: [Bored] Psh, kill the Flame King? [Thinks about it] [Then behind him, an arm appeared, holding ice and fails to pour on him.] [Angry reaction] This is treason disguised as a play! [Orders] Guards, seized them!
Flame Guards: [Approaching Finn and Jake]
Finn: What!? No!
Flame Guards: [Pinning Finn and Jake to the ground]
Finn & Jake: [Grunts]
Finn: Please, we were trying to warn you about the assassins!
Flame King: Hmmmmm, search them!
Flame Guard: Hmmmm, [Surprised] Huh? [Sniffs the candles] Sire! It's your daughter's scented candles.
Finn: Ahh... ahh, ah.
Flame King: Sickos! [Orders] Off with their heads!
Jake: Whoa, what!?
Audience: [Cheering and chattering] Yes!
Furnius: Sssstay sssstill.
Finn: Sssstill?
Torcho: [Evil laughter]
Finn: Untied shoelace? [Gasps] It's them!
Furnius: Sssso long, ssssuckers!
Finn: NAKED BABIES! NAKED BABIES! NAKED BABIES!
Flame King: [Surprised]
Finn: NAKED BABIES! NAKED BABIES! NAKED BABIES!
Audience: [Gasps and shocked]
Finn: NAKED BABIES! NAKED BABIES! NAKED BABIES! [Clears throat] We found 'em! The executioners are the real king killers!
Audience: [Disbelief]
Furnius: Ssssilence!
Flame King: Wa-wa-wait, wait. That voice. [Orders] Guards, take off their hoods.
Torcho: Here, my identity!
Furnius: [Hisses]
Torcho: [Guilty] Argh
Flame King: [Surprised] Furnius and Torcho!
Furnius: Hello Uuuncle!
Audience: [Shocked and surprised] Wait, what!?
Flame King: [Orders] Arrest the executioners!
Flame Guards: [Arrests the executioners]
Flame King: Hmmmm, [Points right finger at Furnius and Torcho] I thought I had you two extinguished.
Furnius: You cannot quench the flamessss of revenge!
Torcho: You snucked on our father to become king!
Flame King: Oh, yeah! Hehe. [Orders] Take them to the punishment room!
Flame Guards: [Takes Furnius and Torcho to the punishment room.]
Furnius: I'll dessstroy all of you, with ice!
Torcho: Release me!
Finn: Wait! So, you? You extinguished their dad?
Flame King: [Yes tone]
Finn: And everyone is evil here?
Flame King: [Performs a stunt towards the stage]
Flame King: [Yes tone] All evil.
Finn: Then, is Flame Princess: evil or maybe chaotic neutral?
Flame King: She's evil.
Finn: Okay, so your daughter's evil. We've established that, but do you think if a good guy really liked her, could he, change her to good?
Flame King: Hmmmmm, well, there'd be penalties to her experience, if she acted out of alignment. But, yes, someone could change her.
Finn: [Smiles happily]
Finn & Jake: [Leaves the stage]
Flame King: [Thinks about his daughter] Change her to good? [Worried]
[Scene cuts to Flame Princess's house]
[Through window, Finn and Jake look at Flame Princess sleeping.]
Finn: Aww...
Flame Princess: [Breathing]
Jake: [Picks the scented candles and lights them with Flame Princess's hair] [Then puts them on her bedside table]
[Then suddenly, Flame King appears on the candles.]
Flame King: [Looks around] Evil, evil, evil, evil, evil.... EVIL!!!
Flame Princess: [Wakes up] Aah!
Flame King: Aah!
Flame Princess: [Turns around right after what she saw]
[The episode ends]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Imaginary Resources" from season 8, which aired on January 31, 2017.

Characters
Finn
Jake
BMO
Snail
Music
None
Locations
places
This transcript is complete, needs formatting.


Transcript

[ Plunk, plunk, plunk, plunk! ]

[ Both laugh ]

[ Pops lips ]

[ Pops lips ]

[ Whirring ]

Smeemo, mo, mo, mo?

Boosan, san, san, san?

Where's all the dirt?

Yeah.

And what are those ball?

The coffins of the future?

Is this whole placea fancy human graveyard?!

What are you doingwith that egg?

I don't know yet.

Hup, hup, hup!

Mmm. Egg in me.

BMO:Dance, baby, dance.

Mama, dance.BMO!

Shake.Chicken...shake.Yuh, yuh, yuh, yuh,

yuh, yuh, yuh, yuh, yuh, yuh,yuh, yuh, yuh, yuh, yuh, yuh!

Yuh, yuh, yuh, yuh,yuh, yuh!

I'm your mama.Yuh, yuh, yuh, yuh, yuh!

Cluck cluck, peck.

Scratch, scratch, baby.Yooch!

♪ Hatch into my heart,yogurt ♪

BMO, we found you!

BMO!

BMO!

[ Pops lips ]

Huh.Bold claim.

Do it.

Both: Whoaaaaaaaaa!

Choose your avatar!Choose your avatar!

Choose your avatar!

Oh, wow. This place isobjectively interesting.

You look crazy.

[ Thud! ][ Grunts ]

Yo, param‐zero yah hit‐box,system dumps!

I corrupted all over the hoodof his datamine.Who's a system dump?!

‐He targeted my booty disk.‐LOL.

‐0011010.‐Whoa.

Rip, those avies are olderthan my "A" drive.

[ Indistinct chatter ]

Get big phone.

Yeah, I'd like to requesta mod, please.

Yeah, there's a coupleof system‐dumps

in the pizza romance RPGmega‐quadrant.

On server eight.

Yeah, WOLFPRUD3, with a 3.

Mm‐hmm.

Yep.Hokay!

Get cup!

Get cups!

Get peas.

Aw, yeah,here comes the mod.

Y'all are in trouble.

BMO! BMO!

♪♪

Ban!

[ All scream ]

Y'all want to see my dance club?

Yeah![ Laughing ] Yeah!

[ Dance music playing ]

‐I love your skin, BMO!‐I want to have your virus!

Thank you.Dance responsibly.

Well, look who it is!

Welcome back to your palace,your majesty.

Hi, Vinny!

Who's Vinny?

I thought I was hereby knownas "Get in heeyah!"

I deserve that.I'm sorry I yelled at you.

I've just been so zip‐zopped‐outover the bip‐bops.

[ Beeping ]

What?Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Who let these two system dumpsinto the chat room,

know what I'm saying?!

Yes, I do, Vinny.BRB.

I'm gonna go deep dopemy ping‐pong zilp‐zorch.

What?Vinny,can you hook my friends up

with some BMO brandavies?

[ Singsong voice ]What's the magic password?

Please, Vinny.

You got it, boss!

This super‐skin costs15 million crypto‐coins.

Give it to me, Vinny.

[ Beep ]

I'm beautiful.

BMO?BMO!

Dang it, Vinny!I told you I would BRB!

We still don't knowwhere Susan is.

Have you seen her?

Oh. No.

But that's really easyto search for.

[ Whirring ]

The island chain brain framehas located her

32.7 miles east of here.

Well, this is great.Now we can go find her.

Come along, BMO.

No.

I think I need to stay hereforever.

Ha!Cha cha cha cha cha!

[ Gasps ]

I'm gonna just go yank offhis goggles.

[ Electricity crackles ]

[ Growls ]They thought of everything.

But who is "they"?Who's running the show?

[ Wings fluttering ]

[ Computers whirring ]

Humans!

[ Laughs ]Get broadsword.

[ Imitatingelectric guitar ]

[ Slurps ]

[ Electronic music plays ]

So, you really don't wantto come with us?

You sure you don't want meto milk you up

a fresh new style?

No, I'm used to it now.

Why don't you wantto come with us?

I mean,I do want to go with you.

But I am a beautiful,big manhere.

All of my instincts are in syncwith this computer world.

I'm really comfortable here.

Yeah, but it's all fake.

What's real?

Your eyeballs thinkthe sky is blue,

but that's just sun rays

farting apart through the barfof our atmosphere.

The sky is black.

Oh, yeah!Here it comes!

[ Music tempo quickens ]

[ Crowd whooping ]

[ Music stops ]

Ha ha!I'm the best!

[ Sobbing ]

BMO's pretty upset with you.

Why'd you tell himit was me?

You want me to lie to him?

Yes!He's our son!

Get magic staff![ Grunts ]

‐Get katana!‐Get scimitar!

‐You did this!‐I lost my game.

‐Get big phone!‐I'd like to report...

[ Humans groaning ]

Now we're the system dumps!

Yeesh!

Jake, you turnedthe whole thing off?!

I saved the world!

We gotta turn it back on ‐‐not just for the sake

of this depressing off‐shootof my species, but for BMO!

[ Sobbing ]What?

[ Sniffles ]

‐Get battle axe!‐Get saber!

‐Get awl pike!‐Ooh, y'all play violent games.

BMO?BMO, is that you?!

Vinny?

Give me one of your patentedsuper skins

made out of blip bloop cheeseor something.

I can do nothing for youin this reality, Vinny.

No! BMO!

Vinny!

♪♪

Geez Louise!

You really flipped outin here.

Anyone got some sticky tape?

BMO?

I will save you,"A Better Reality."

[ Static crackles ]

Don't worry, BMO.

Daddy's gonna justkiss everything in here,

and that willmake it better.

[ Wings fluttering ]

Mwah, mwah, mwah!

Oh.

[ Loud whirring ]

Ha ha ha.Get infinite hot dogs!

[ Laughs ]

Ah!My beautiful avie!

[ Laughter ]

‐We're back!‐Oh, we're back!

Get baseball bat!

Get broadsword!

Get jet pack!

Get bikini babe!

Hey!You don't kiss me.

I kiss you.

They are giving youthis other pod

to take you safelyto the next rad island.

I will be returningto my dance club.

BMO, I'm sorryI smashed up your world.

I smashed it upbecause I love you.

Please don't go.

Well, m‐maybe I could visit.

Oh, Jake, hug me tighter!

Okay!

Of course I won't go!

I would miss you guystoo much.

I tried to make a Finn and Jakein the goggles world,

but they were scary.

I love you, too, BMO.

[ Grunts ]I can't fit!

Are you still carryingthat egg?

Yeah, it feels good.

Get rid of it, man.

I can fit,I just need to ‐‐

[ Chirping ]

[ Laughs ]

Finn, did you see?!

Get in the pod.

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Incendium" from season 3, which aired on February 13, 2012.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Princess Bubblegum
Flame People
Flambo
Flame King
Flame Princess
Music
Lady Song
Locations
Tree Fort
Grass Lands
Fire Kingdom
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[At the top of the Tree Fort, Finn watching, Jake eating a watermelon and Princess Bubblegum showing her latest invention.]
Princess Bubblegum: And so, through my experiments with cloud-seeding, I've invented... liquid pyrotechnics.
[Fireworks burst, splashing Finn with multi-colored liquid.]
Jake: That's really cool, PB!
Princess Bubblegum: Aw, thanks, puppy. [Draws Jake onto her lap.]
Jake: Isn't it cool, Finn?
[Princess Bubblegum looks at Finn]
Finn: [Stammering] Owwww-guh...
Princess Bubblegum: [Giggles]
[Finn makes an attempt to put his head on her lap, but she pushes him away]
Princess Bubblegum: Uh, Finn. No. Come on, Finn, don't be weird. Look, I'll see you guys later.
[The pyrotechnics bring rain clouds and thunder as Princess Bubblegum leaves]
[Finn becomes heart-broken as rain begins to fall]
Finn: Huh? Oh. [Finn and Jake run inside the Tree Fort away from the rain]
[Later, inside the house]
Jake: It's letting up. Hey, Finn, come on, let's go do something.
Finn: [Sighing]
Jake: [WhispersBMO, put on a game.
[BMO turns on a game and Finn begins to sing a song seemingly to its tune: "All Gummed Up Inside"]
Finn: [Sighs dejectedly]
Jake: Oh, Finn.... Uncle Jakey's gonna find you a new love interest.
[Jake walks out and wears a pair of boots and a backpack.]
Jake: Finn, I'm going out for a quick.... walk in the woods.
Finn: [Makes a pained noise]
Jake: BMO, you look after him with your camera-eyes.
BMO: If anyone tries to hurt Finn, I will kill them.
Jake: Ok, good.
[Jake goes down the ladder, then leaves the Tree Fort.]
[Jake sings the "Lady Song" while walking above the trees.]
Flambo: [Screams]
Jake: Woman!
[Flambo is covering under the wash tub and is under attack by Iron Owls.]
Jake: I'll save you, wash tub princess!
Flambo: [Still screaming]
[Jake kicks the Iron Owls and saves Flambo.]
Jake: You're safe now, Miss... Flambo?!
Flambo: Yeah, it's me. [chuckles] Bet you thought I was dame on account of my girlish screamin'.
Jake: I did think that. [Throws the wash tub]
Flambo: Haha, well. Thanks, anyway, brother.
Jake: Hey.... You're pretty plugged-in, Flambo. Do you know any princesses Finn's age?
Flambo: Oh, yeah. I know just the skirt, ...and she's way hot!
[Scene cuts to the Fire Kingdom]
[Lava Man walking]
Jake: She's from Fire Kingdom? I think I'll die if I go in there.
Flambo: Heh, oh yeah.
[Flambo casting the Flame Shield; chants and also creates a series of runic symbols. He spits on Jake once the spell is cast, but that was apparently just to spit on him.]
Jake: Ow...
Flambo: There, I cast Flame Shield on yous. Also I spat on yous.
Jake: [Angered grunt] BMO-cam on.
Finn [on BMO's camera]: Gold-darn you, tear ducts! Yah! Yah! [punches himself in the eyes.]
Jake: Ugh... Hang in there, buddy.
[After a pack fire wolves pass by the two Fire Guards, the door opens and Jake and Flambo enter the castle.]
Jake: [Gasps]
[Flame Princess looks at the two visitors. The camera zooms out quickly to show the entire throne room.]
Jake: [Jake scratches his stomach] Yo! What up? I'm Jake, Jake the [Flambo hits Jake in the gut] Dooug.
Flambo: [Whispers] Dude, you gotta pretend like you're of royal blood.
Jake: Could have told me this sooner.
Flambo: Haha! Yeah.
[Jake and Flambo walks closer to the Flame King.]
Jake: Good morrow, Majesty! [Exclaims] I am Sir Jake, Baron of the Grasslands!
Flame King: Hmmmmm.... What do you seek? Speak! [Points left hand at Jake.]
Jake: [Terrified] Uhk-uhg... I come as an envoy of Prince Finn.
Flame King: A prince?!
Flame People: [Chattering] A prince! Finn is a prince! Yeah, a prince!
Jake: Yeah and he's the same age as your daughter. [Points left hand at Flame Princess.]
Flame Princess: Oooh...
Flame King: Bold words, but know you that my daughter is a rare jewel. She cannot be wooed by just any ragamuffin prince!
Jake: Umm.... Oh, Prince Finn is AWESOME!
Flame People: [Chattering] An awesome prince?! That's the best kind!
Flame King: Silence, my molten mommas. [Walks closer to Jake] We are perplexed. If you are a baron true, where is your gift? 'Tis common practice among visiting dignitaries.
Flame People: [Chattering] Yeah, a gift! Where is the gift?!
Flambo: [Whispers] You're blowin' it, bromite.
Jake: [Smiles] A gift?! Sire, Prince Finn sent, uh... three gifts! [Shows to hands how many gifts he brought and claps.]
Flambo: [Surprised] What?!
Flame King: Hmmmm.... Three is more than one.
Flame People: [Chattering] Wait a second, three's a lot of gifts! I want three gifts!
Flame Princess: [Interested] Oooh...
Jake: The first gift is [looks inside the backpack] um-um-um this water bottle.
[Shakes the bottle and accidentally slips from the hand, consequently hitting the Flame Jester] Whoap!
Flame Jester: [Dances like an idiot.] [Groans]
Flame Princess: [Gasps and scowls]
Flame King: Prince Finn has smoked my jester! Pourquoi?! ("Why?!") ...I do hate my jester.
Jake: Uh, Prince Finn hated him too.
Flame Princess: Hmmm...
Jake: For your second gift, a, uh... hmmmm oh!
[Sees a Fire Musician playing a Fire Guitar] A serenade, [Takes the Fire Guitar] that Finn wrote for m'lady.
[Jake plays the Fire Guitar and begins to sing a song: "All Warmed Up Inside"]
Flame Princess: [Applauds and sighs with admiration]
Flame King: A fire inside my body?! I am disgusted! Give me your third terrible gift and be on your way!
Jake: [Jake then checks on Finn with BMO's camera.] Oh, Finn, I'm so sorry!
Finn: [Lets out crying huffs] BMO, go away! [Turns around]
BMO: [BMO performs a Kancho prank on Finn.] Whoooop.... Duck, Duck, Duck, Goose!
Finn [on BMO's camera]: [Yelps]
Flame King: Is that him? He looks terrible! Why isn't he here? Why did he send his buffoon?! Leave now, buffoon, for you have failed!
Jake: No, wait! Uh-um, [Exclaims] Prince Finn is here! [Stretches his stomach to look like Finn.] He's riiight... here!
Jake [Fake Finn]: Greetings, Flame King! My final gift is your favorite thing in the world.
Flame King: A koala bear?
Jake [Fake Finn]: Uh, yes!
Jake: [Sounds of concentration]
[Then appeared a koala bear inside a box made from Jake's stretchy powers.]
Jake [Koala]: Eucalyptus! Eucalyptus!
Flame King: I don't like koalas anymore. Begone!
[Flame King shifts out of his armor as a flame and goes up.]
Jake [Fake Finn]: [Begins to cry]
Jake: Dude, don't cry.
Jake [Fake Finn]: Can't help it! I'm in love with Bubblegum!
Jake: She's too old for you.
Jake [Fake Finn]: [Grabs Jake with both hands on both of Jake's shoulders] I don't care!
Jake: Come on! Flame Princess seems into you.
Jake [Fake Finn]: No, no, no! Only Bubblegum!
[Jake rubs Fake Finn to cheer him up, then Fake Finn bites Jake's left arm.]
Jake: Ouw, Finn! [Fake Finn strangles Jake] Finn, Finn, Finn, Finn stop man....
Jake [Fake Finn]: Ahh-ahh!
Jake: [Choking] Fiiiinn. [Then plays dead and inhales]
Flame King: Excellent!
Jake [Fake Finn]: Huh?!
Flame King: You have indeed proven yourself! Any prince ruthless enough to kill his own buffoon would make an excellent boyfriend...
Jake: [Whispers] Yeah!
Flame King: ... for my evil daughter!
Jake: Whaaaat?!
Flame King: She's an unstoppable force of destruction. Ahhhh, nothing a psycho like you can't handle. Congratulations!
[Flame King pulls the lever releasing Flame Princess and his body evaporates and his armor starts to float up returning immediately to his throne.]
[The lamp opens and Flame Princess quickly gets out.]
Flame Princess: I'm so happy! I'm so happy to meet you, Prince. You're my Prince. [Flame Princess embraces Fake Finn.]
Flame People: [Chattering] That's sweet. That's so sweet.
Jake: [Whispers] She seems normal.
Flame People: [Chattering] Yeah, she seems normal.
Flame Princess: Stop whispering! [Flame Princess transforms to her enraged form and turns the other citizens of the Fire Kingdom into flambits.]
Flambo: Hey, so that's where I came from.
[Flame Princess returns to her normal humanoid form.]
Jake [Fake Finn]: You know, on second thought, ...we're not really each other's types.
Flame Princess: We're... what?
Jake [Fake Finn]: I changed my mind. I don't like you.
Flame Princess: You... WHAT?! [Flame Princess transforms again to her enraged form.]
Jake [Fake Finn]: [Terrified] Uh, nothing. [Jake uses Fake Finn to pick himself up] Bye, Flambo. [Runs for his life]
[Fire Castle erupts]
[Later, Jake runs above ground and is near the Tree Fort.]
Jake: [Panting]
[Flame Princess is gaining on Jake]
[Jake pushes the door and quickly closes it behind him.]
Jake: Finn! I really messed up.
[Tree Fort shakes and the fire starts spreading.]
Jake: Finn, buddy, you gotta help me. I made a mistake.
[Fire closing in and Jake and BMO start running.]
Jake: [Screaming]
[The flames start burning the two pictures of Princess Bubblegum.]
Finn: Who lit that fire?! I'll kill you!
[Tree Fort shakes again and Flame Princess appears climbing the Tree Fort outside the window.]
Finn: [Kicks the window, shattering it] Yaaah! [Finn goes out of the window]
[Flame Princess reaches the top of the Tree Fort and Princess Bubblegum's liquid fireworks are near to her flames.]
Finn: [To himself] Bubblegum's rockets! [Yelling at Flame Princess] Don't you touch her stuff!!!
[Flame Princess accidentally ignites the rest of Princess Bubblegum's liquid fireworks and the drops from the fireworks hit Flame Princess, dousing out her flames.]
Flame Princess: [Screams of pain]
[Flame Princess is reduced to her normal humanoid form, which surprises Finn.]
Finn: It's a girl.
[Flame Princess is still weakening, briefly passes out and begins to fall. Finn puts Princess Bubblegum's lock of hair on the side of the Tree Fort near the window he broke and catches Flame Princess in his arms.]
[Finn then goes inside the Tree Fort]
Flame Princess: You! What's wrong with me, huh?! You don't like me?!
Finn: [Contrary tone] I like you!
[Flame Princess blushes for a few moments]
Flame Princess: What's wrong with you?!
[Flame Princess slaps Finn, leaving a hand-shaped burn mark on his face]
Flame Princess: Don't ever mess with me again!
[Flame Princess shoots out the window in a trail of fire]
Finn: [Looks at Jake] Who was that?
Jake: [Still terrified] The Princess of the Fire Kingdom?
Finn: [Looks out the window, then back at Jake] Dude, I think I have a crush.

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "In Your Footsteps" from season 4, which aired on May 7, 2012.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Bear
Princess Bubblegum
Peppermint Butler
Cinnamon Bun
Chocoberry
Chet
Candy Cane Guy
Marshmallow Kids
Uncle Chewy
BMO
Snail
The Lich (possessing the snail)
Music
None
Locations
Grass Lands
Forest
Tree Fort
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode begins with Finn falling headfirst from a great height with Jake in his pack.]
Jake: You gonna do the thing again?!
Finn: Yeah, man!
[With that, Jake turns into a ripcord and Finn tugs him; Jake uses his powers to turn into the canopy of a parachute. They both fall gently towards the surface, and Jake throws Finn when they are low enough to do so safely. Finn lands on the ground rolling and does some acrobatics eventually landing in front of Princess Bubblegum; he snaps twice, wiggles his fingers, and claps once.]
Finn: Whaaaat?
Jake: Nice.
Finn: Hey, Princess Bubblegum. Hey, everybody.
[Crowd of Candy People cheers, and everyone starts partying. A bear notices the party. Finn and Jake sit down to rest from dancing.]
Jake: [Panting] Man... [Panting] Dancin' is rough!
Finn: Yeah... I'm havin' some sweat issues here! I'll go get us some snackety-juice.
[The bear arrives at Finn's and Jake's table]
Jake: Hey, man. I'm Jake. [The bear doesn't respond.] I'm Jake. [No response] Hmmmm...
Finn: Check it out, Jake! I got us some peanuts. And punch! [Throws a punch while saying "punch"]
[The bear attempts to imitate Finn; Finn laughs. Finn eats a peanut, and the bear responds by eating three peanuts, but it starts choking.]
Finn: [Spits out his peanuts] Choking!! Don't give up on me, man!
[Everyone gasps. Finn quickly takes out the Enchiridion and slaps it on the bear's back, making him regurgitate the peanuts. Everyone cheers.]
Candy Person #24: Whoa, Finn, nice book.
Finn: [Casually] Yeah. 'S pretty cool. It's the Enchiridion—the hero's handbook. [To the bear] Hey, guy, you alright? [The bear softly growls.] Haha. He's all good! Everybody get back to your dancin'!
[The Candy People cheer and resume dancing.]
[The scene changes to nighttime; Finn and Jake are walking home]
Jake: Uh, Finn? I think that bear is followin' us home.
Finn: Whoa. Haha. I think you're right. Hey, bear, you gonna come hang out with us? [The bear comes nearer.] Whaddaya say, bear? [The bear eats a leaf on his fur.] Heh-heh. Awesome.
Jake: I dunno, Finn. This guy seems kinda weird.
Finn: Yeah. He's totally weird. Hahaha! [The bear attempts to imitate Finn's laughter.]
Jake: [Unsure] Mmmmm...
[Scene changes to inside of the Tree Fort. Jake is listening to music.]
Finn: Jake! Hey, Jake! [Jake takes off one side of his headphones] Jake!
What?: Jake
Finn: Come here! Ya gotta check this out!
Jake: Eh, okay.
Finn: Check this out, man. This bear is tops blooby! [Jake rolls his eyes and sighs] Watch this. [Finn inhales and the bear does the same; Finn says, "Choo!" and the bear does the same.] Ya gotta try this, Jake. He does everything I do!
[Finn grabs a drink and sucks on the straw. The bear looks for something to imitate with and chews on BMO's leg in resolution.]
BMO: [Laughs] Oh, stop! [Finn pulls BMO away.]
Finn: Haha, come on, Jake, try it!
BMO: It's awesome!
Jake: Heh-heh. Um... Yeah, okay. [Grabs a broom and starts sweeping] Sweepy-sweepy-sweepy. Sweep sweep sweep. Sweepin'!
[The bear hits Jake and knocks him to the ground.]
Finn: [Laughing] He's got me down pat! Heh-hah! Sweeping's weak.
Jake: [Annoyed] Mmmmmm...
Bear: Sweeping weak.
Finn: Whoa! This guy's alright!
Jake: This guy just busted me up my chops, Finn!
Finn: Hey, come on, he's just a bear. He don't know nothin'.
Jake: Mmmm... Yeah, I guess. Well, anyway, it's gettin' pretty late. Probably time for everyone to go back home to their own houses.
Finn: Yeah, I guess you're right, Jake. It is pretty late. He should probably stay here tonight. [Jake scowls.] [To bear] You can sleep in the bathtub!
Bear: Braaaathtub.
Finn: [Laughs] Brathtub, hahaha! This guy's tops blooby!
[Scene switches to the bedroom; Jake and Finn are asleep. Jake's woken up by sounds coming from downstairs and goes to investigate. He finds the bear dressed up in Finn's clothes and snapping like Finn did earlier.]
Bear: [Claps once] Whaaaat? Hey, Princess Bubblegum. Hey, everybody. [Snaps some more and claps once] Whaaaat? Hey! [Snapping] Hey, Princess Bubblegum! Hey, everybody! [Jake slowly backs away and falls down.] Whaaaat? Hey!
[Jake goes back upstairs to the bedroom and bites Finn's arm.]
Finn: What are you doing?!
Jake: Shhh. Come with me. Ya gotta see somethin'. This bear's wiggy, Finn. It's wearing your clothes and dancin' around all crazy.
Finn: That sounds rad, man.
Jake: What?! No—Just—! ... Rrrr! [Pulls Finn out of bed]
[Cut to the bear sleeping downstairs]
Jake: Aw, man! [Finn sighs.] Oh, ya gotta believe me, Finn. I swear, he was, like, all wigged-out, was dancin'... [Desperate noise]
Finn: ...I do believe you.
Jake: [Pleasantly surprised] Oh.
Finn: It's just, y'know, who cares? Dancing, wearing clothes... He ain't hurtin' nobody. He's just doin' it up, y'know? He's just cool, and he likes my style. That ain't a crime.
Jake: No. [Chuckles] I guess not.
Finn: Okay. Great. I'm going back to bed. You comin', smart guy?
Jake: Yeah, okay. [Chuckles]
[They both go back to bed; Jake looks back at the bear for a moment.]
[Scene shifts to the next morning. Everyone is having breakfast; Jake leers at the bear [who is still wearing Finn's clothes] and Finn. Everything Finn does, the bear does the same, more perfectly this time.]
Jake: You're not even a little weirded out by this?
Finn & Bear: [In near unison; Finn is ahead of the bear by a few words]: No, man. He's just doin' his instincts. He's like a parrot or chameleon or something. He's funny!
[Jake makes an incredibly annoyed face]
Finn: Anyway, I gotta go pick up BMO from soccer. I'll be back soon. And remember: don't eat my special Finn Cakes. Finn only.
Jake: Yeah, I get it. You don't need to tell me that every time you make Finn Cakes.
[Finn points at Jake, implying that he's watching him, and walks out. Jake scoffs. The bear goes towards the Finn Cakes.]
Jake: Hey, what are you doin'?! [The bear begins eating the cakes.] Why, you little...! Tryin' to set me up, eh? You think you're so smart, but this time, I'm ready. [Pulls out video camera, records bear, and laughs]
[Time skip]
[Jake hums]
Finn: OH, MY GLOB, WHAT?!?! JAKE! YOU ATE ALL MY FINN CAKES! WHAT THE STINK!
Jake: Uh, nope. The bear did it, and I've got proof. I taped the whole thing.
Finn: [His face turns very red with rage] The bear ate all my cakes, and you just sat there and watched him do it?! What's wrong with you?!
Jake: Ju— What?! No, man, he was tryin' to frame me, Finn! He's tryin' to steal your identity! Why can't you grok that?!
Finn: [Exasperated noise] He's a bear, Jake! He's a wild animal! He doesn't know things! He just does stuff! He's cool!
Jake: Ohh, fine, then that's just great. Then you and M.C. Cool Friend can go stink it up together at your stupid cool Finn party all by yourself, cause I'm not going!
Finn: ...Wait. What? What party?
Jake: What? Your party, man. Tonight? In the woods?
Finn: [Reading flyer] "Finn'z... bezt... party?" But... I didn't make this flyer.
Jake: Huh?! Well, who did, then?! [Finn gasps.]
[Beat]
Finn & Jake [In unison]: The bear.
Jake: ...I knew it.
[Scene changes to the aforementioned party. The bear [dressed like Finn] is dancing with the Candy People including Princess Bubblegum]
Jake: See, dude? He's not just jackin' your style. He's jackin' your whole you! Jackin' yo you up!
Finn: What the what?
Jake: He got in close and used you. Now he's feedin' nuts to your ex-girlfriend!
Princess Bubblegum: [To bear] Sure! I'll have another... [The bear cuts her off by feeding her a peanut] [Muffled] ...peanut.
Finn: She's not my... [Thinks for a moment] We never went steady.
[The bear performs the Heimlich maneuver on Princess Bubblegum, and she spits peanuts out and laughs.]
Jake: He's trying to replace you, and he's already got everyone convinced he's you! He didn't really like you. [Whispering] He used you.
[Finn, angry, marches up to the bear]
Bear: Troops brooby! Troops brooby. Troops— [Finn pulls the bear's mask off]
Finn: Not cool, man. [Everyone stops dancing.] You're not me. You're just a bear acting like me. [The bear starts crying and quickly leaves.] [To everyone else] It's okay, everyone. The imposter is gone.
Princess Bubblegum: Finn... nobody really thought the bear was you.
Finn: [Saddened] Wait... what?
Princess Bubblegum: We just thought it was one of your jokey-joke-jokes. [Makes an angry look at Finn and he briefly does the same]
[Jake shrinks in shame in the background. Finn and Jake both run after the bear.]
Finn: Hey! Hey, bear!
Jake: Wait up, guy!
Finn: Hey. I... I didn't mean to make you feel so bad about yourself. I'm really sorry about that.
Jake: Me, too.
Finn: But... you're a super-rad bear, so... why not just be you?
Bear: [Crying] I... want... be... hero... like... yooouuuu!
Finn: [With pity] Awww...
Jake: I guess he's got a heart of gold after all.
Finn: Hold on, bear. I got something for ya. It's the Enchiridion, the hero's handbook. Everything you need to know about being a hero is in this book. Take it, and learn.
Jake: [Whispering] Finn, are you nuts?! We can't give that book away! It's, like, crazy-important!
Finn: Whatever, man. We never use it, except for, like, sitting on it when the grass is wet and stuff. [To bear] Drink your fill of knowledge. Someday, you'll be a great hero.
Bear: Thank you, Finn. Thank... yooouuu...
[The next scene shows the bear travelling far, far away with the book on a bike. Eventually, he reaches a rocky mountain and climbs it with the book in his paw. He arrives at a cave and roars. A voice answers.]
Voice: Did you bring the book?
[The bear holds up the book. The Snail, still possessed by the Lich, comes out of the shadows]
Snail [The Lich]: Yessss... One step closer.
[The episode ends]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "I Remember You" from season 4, which aired on October 15, 2012.

Characters
Marceline
Ice King
Finn
Jake
Music
Oh, Bubblegum
Nuts
Remember You
Locations
Marceline's house
Ice Kingdom
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode begins in the Ice Kingdom.]
Ice King: [Off-screen] Okay, Gunter! You ready for the show to begin?!
Gunter: Wenk! [Sips drink]
Ice King: One, two, three... [He comes out, revealing he's wearing a Marceline wig.] [Singing] Gunter! [Sings the Gunter version of the Fry song] [Gunter stares lovingly at Ice King.] [Speaking] It's rhetorical, Gunter. Marceline's songs are so good! Mmm... Maybe I can get Marceline to write a song with me! [The penguin pulls off Ice King's wig.] Man, if she helped me write a song like that, I'd be crushin' it nonstop with the princesses! Ooh, yeah! [The Ice King notices that the penguin is chewing on the wig.] Heh! Gunter, you cute little dummy. You know, Gunter, my song is gonna need some dope lyrics to lure the honeys in. Hmm.
[Walks to a bookshelf and pulls out a book]
Ice King: Jay T. Doggzone always says, "Ladies are drawn to bros with tortured pasts." And I've got a way tortured past! ...I think. I don't really... re... [Unsure] Hmm. [Flies up and grabs the penguin] Quickly, Gunter! To the "The Past" room!
[Carrying the penguin, he flies down to the depths of his lair and arrives in a room full of various items.] Ah, yes. [He opens a drawer and takes out his scrapbook.]
Ice King: Lot of emotional, powerful stuff in here. [Sniffs it] Still wet with tears... I'll take some-a' these for lyrical inspiration. [Throws scrapbook on pile of junk] So where's Marceline living these days?
Penguin: Wenk.
Ice King: A cave?? [Blows a small raspberry]
[Ice King flies out of his lair, carrying the penguin, an Omnichord, and a drumset. He's being viewed through binoculars.]
Finn: [Viewing Ice King] Well, well, well. Looks like the Ice King is up to bad biscuits, brotha.
Jake: Bad biscuits make the baker broke, bro.
Finn: Ice King, you make our job too easy. You ready to roll on this fool?
Jake: Dinner roll!
[Scene transition to Marceline's cave. Marceline is strumming her ax bass. She notices Ice King coming in the cave through her window.]
Ice King: Hello? Anybody home?
Marceline: [To herself] No... [She goes outside her house.] What are you doing here? I told you not to come around me!
Ice King: [Laughs] Uh, yeah, I know, but... I was hoping you could help me write a song—one that could help me get some princess action.
Marceline: I'm not gonna help you pick up on chicks!
Ice King: [Desperate] Come on! We could be a prog rock duo! I'll even split the fans with you. I get the princesses, and you get... whatever it is you're into. Sounds good, yeah, I think it does! [Beat; Marceline is scowling.] Ee-yoop!
[He laughs as he flies into her house. Marceline waves Gunter goodbye and follows Ice King. Gunter looks down in disappointment and walks away.]
Marceline: [Landing on porch; to Ice King] Hey!!
Ice King: Eh...
Marceline: Get outta here!!
Ice King: Wait! Just let me play you what I've written so far! [He unties his equipment and it falls to the ground.] [To himself] Oh. Dang it. Tangles in the cord. Sometimes this happens when you fly with it... Tangles are hard... [He grunts as he tries to untangle it. Marceline just stares.] Oh. Aw, aw, geez, no... Oh, no. [He lays on the ground, trapped in the tangled cord.] Ice King's in trouble. [She looks at him awkwardly.] [Grunts] [To Marceline] Hey, you know what? I'll just hum it for ya. [Hums a tune] Is that good?
[The door opens.]
Finn & Jake: Ice King!
Finn: ...Wha?
Jake: Oh... You got 'im.
Finn: Nice job, Marceline.
[Jake walks up to Ice King.]
Jake: [Talking like Batman] Your constant harassment of the female gender makes me sick.
[Jake picks up Ice King. He and Finn start to walk off with him.]
Marceline: No, he can stay.
Finn & Jake: Wha?!
Ice King: Yeah, "Wha?!"
Marceline: It's alright. We're working on a song together. [She takes Ice King.]
Finn: You don't want us to... [Connects palm with fist] ...for you?
Marceline: No, it's okay. You guys can go.
[Finn and Jake begin to exit, confused.]
Finn: ...Okay... Well... I guess we'll see ya, then...
[They look around awkwardly.]
Finn & Jake: Bye... [They exit.]
Ice King: [To Marceline] You know, I kinda like bein' tied up in these cords. Kinda freak-aaaayyy!
[She immediately drops him.]
[Scene transition. Marceline plugs in and turns on the Omnichord.]
Marceline: So what kinda song're we playing?
Ice King: Ooh. I brought these [the scrapbook pages] for some inspiration. Just use these to work off of. Y'know, a template.
[She grabs a page. It's drenched in tears.]
Marceline: Oookaaaay...
[She plays the Omnichord.]
Ice King: Yeah. Yeah, that's good! Keep doin' that! [Ice King snaps to the music.] [Singing] Slime Princess, you're alright. Flame Princess, you're okay. Wildberry Princess could be better. All of the princesses are pretty alright, but... Oh, Bubblegum! You look like a lot of fun! I'm right outside, and that is how I know! Hey, princess, did you get my text with a picture of my awesome gun show? I'm also workin' on my pecs! If you like, I'll send a picture of that, too! Oh, Bubblegum! [Marceline looks uncomfortable.] I really need someone. [She sadly looks down.] Or anyone! [Saddening] ...Pretty much anyone. I'm so alone! [Activating ice magic] Won't somebody tell me what's wrong with me?! [Shooting frozen lightning bolts] Anybody! [Tearing up] Anybody! [Marceline turns at the sound of his distress.] [Speaking] Anybody!!! [Practically sobbing] Grod in the sky, please tell me why!!!
Marceline: Stop acting like this!!
Ice King: No, it's just startin' to get good!! [Shooting ice beams everywhere, singing] Anybody!! [Speaking] Princesses, I command you, love me!! Love me!! Love me!! [Crying] Love me!!
[She forces him to the ground.]
Marceline: [Direct] STOP ACTING CRAZY.
Ice King: I JUST WANNA BE LOVED!! [Pushes her off forcefully] Uh-oh. I'm sorry I pushed you. [He goes to the kitchen and plants his head against the refrigerator in sadness.] Uh... oh... I'll just stay out of your way. [Climbs on refrigerator] Again, I'm sorry I pushed you.
[Marceline walks to the refrigerator and sighs. She then opens it and takes out an apple. Ice King's beard lightly rubs her head.]
Marceline: Huh?
Ice King: Whatcha got? An apple?
Marceline: [Frustrated] Ugh! [She drops the apple and just drops down, sitting in front of the fridge. She rolls the apple away; the apple reaches the Omnichord and turns it on.] [Singing] You're so annoying, you pitiful old man. I'd like to help you, but I don't know if I can. I thought you were nuts, but you're really really really nuts. [Beat] Every time I move, eventually, you find me, and start hanging around. Just another lame excuse to see me. Man. It's getting me down. You know, I'm actually glad... to see you! [Speaking] Maybe I'm the one who's... [Sighing] nuts.
[The Omnichord switches off.]
Ice King: Hold on! [Drops from fridge] Do you... like me?!
Marceline: ...Of course I do, you old jerk!
Ice King: Really? ...Wow. [Wipes dirt off sleeve] How about... [Spreading arms out] one of these? [Marceline's scowl fades. She consents and hugs him, visibly bittersweet about it.] Ah! [They pull back and look at each other in the eyes. He puckers his lips.] Mwah, mwah, mwah...
Marceline: [Disgusted] AAAAAGH!!! Not like that!! You don't remember anything, do you... SIMON?
Ice King: What-mon?
Marceline: Why do you even come see me when you don't remember me?! You don't even know who you are!
Ice King: Yes, I do! I am a lyricist! [Pulling pages out] It's all here! On the page! The page in song, baby! On this receipt! On this takeout menu! On these newspapers! [Laughs]
[Marceline stares, devastated. A photo lands in her hands.]
Marceline: Huh? Look! This clipping! This was you, Simon! Before the War!
[The picture portrays a human Ice King walking out of a car ready to deliver the Enchiridion to a museum.]
Ice King: Huh? [He can't make heads or tails of it.] Heh?
[Marceline hurries to look for something else. She finds a picture of herself as a child and gasps.]
Marceline: This! You took this picture! Grr, you've scribbled all over it... Huh? [She reads the back of the photo, visibly in great shock.]
Ice King: Ooh, ooh, are they good lyrics? [Grabbing Omnichord] I'll get the keyboard!
Marceline: What? [In desperation] Wait, listen!
Ice King: [Sets Omnichord up] Yeah, let's go! What's it say? Sing out, sister!
[Marceline reads the message again, then stares at Ice King, not sure what to do.]
Marceline: [Singing and reading note] "Marceline, is it just you and me in the wreckage of the world? That must be so confusing for a little girl. And I know you're going to need me here with you... but I'm losing myself, and I'm afraid you're going to lose me, too..."
Ice King: Ooh, yeah! Keep it going! [Goes to drumset]
Marceline: [Looking for another photo] Oh! Um... [Singing and reading note] "This magic keeps me alive, but it's making me [Pulling hair back, stressed out] crazy, and I need to save you, but who's going to save me? Please forgive me for whatever I do [Marceline shrinks in devastation] ...when I don't remember you."
Ice King: [Happy] Wow! I wrote that?! Hot stuff!
Marceline: What?! You don't remember what it means?! [She grabs another photo and shows it to him. She tears up as her voice breaks.] Look!
Ice King: [Reads note while singing] "Marceline, I can feel myself slipping away. I can't remember what it made me say... but I remember that I saw you frown. I swear, it wasn't me. It was the crown. [He frowns and looks confused, but then ignores it.] This magic keeps me—"
Ice King & Marceline: [Singing together] "—alive, but it's making me crazy, [Marceline begins shedding tears.] and I want to save you, but who's going to save me?! Please forgive me for..."
[Finn and Jake are still in the cave. Finn is looking in the house with his binoculars.]
Jake: What is goin' on in there?!
Finn: [Takes binoculars off] ...I have no idea.
Ice King & Marceline: [Singing together] "...Please forgive me for whatever I do... when I don't remember you."
[As the music continues [and Ice King and Marceline sing, "Da da... da da... da da..."], the scene flashes back to just after the apocalypse. It looks dismal and there are ruined buildings everywhere. A child Marceline cries. Simon Petrikov returns to her and wipes her tears in recompense for leaving her alone. He walks to a ruined store and grabs a teddy bear. He goes back and gives the toy to Marceline to make further amends, and she smiles sweetly. The episode ends.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Is That You?" from season 6, which aired on November 25, 2014.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Prismo
Music
Prismo's Ritual
Bacon Pancakes
Locations
Tree Fort
Time Room
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[Episode opens to Tree Fort with Finn and Jake singing Prismo's Ritual in the background]
Finn & Jake: [singing Prismo's Ritual] ♪Fallen ally, fallen ally, home now in the sky. Fallen ally, fallen ally, a single tear we cry.♪
Finn: ♪A truer friend, there was none.♪
Finn & Jake: ♪ And Prismo was his name.♪
Jake: ♪An artisan of pickling, and now just one remains.♪
Jake: ♪And now just one♪— [crying noises] I can't do this, man! I-it just can't be over!
Finn: Hey... We can put it back in the fridge, if you want.
Jake: No, these picks were made by our friend to be mouth-loved!
[Jake walks over to the pickle jar while making kissing noises, then suddenly stops]
Jake: We have to honor his memory with a final taste of his genius. [picks up pickle jar] Get ready for the dream ritual.
[Finn bangs gong, they start humming and then burst into dance]
Finn & Jake: [screaming] Prismo we love you forever in our dreams!
[Finn and Jake start chanting]
Finn & Jake: [screaming, getting progressively louder] Pickle rama, pickle rama, pickle rama, PICKLE RAMA!
Jake: Finale!
[Jake stretches into a large ball shape and juggles food items with several hands while they hum. Jake stretches his tongue down to the pickle in the jar, and eats it. A blast of light explodes from the jar.]
Finn: Whoof! What was that?
Jake: Quick, to bed! This has to be the last thing we think about!
[Jake grabs the jar, and they run off to bed]
Finn: Hyup! [jumps into bed]
Jake: Okay... dream! [closes eyes]
[Screen fades to black, cut to Tree Fort at day time]
Finn: [mumbles] Aughhh! [Finn sees thorn in hand, sits up panting] Whoo! Crazy dream, man. Prismo was definitely in it, but—Jake?
[Scene cuts to Jake's bed, with only the pickle jar in it]
Finn: You up already?
[Finn walks to window, sees Jake re-enacting the burial of the Everything burrito]
Finn: What the...
Jake: [grunting] Whup! Oof. [crying] I love you, Everything Burrito.
Finn: Jake, why are you pretending to dig up Everything Burrito?
Jake: Huh, what?
Finn: Hold on, I'm coming down.
[Jake explodes into dust, Finn comes running out of the Tree Fort]
Finn: Jake, you gotta hear my dream, I—Jake?
Jake: [re-enacting teaching the Dancing Bug to dance] Hey, man, you're shaking it all wrong!
Finn: What the jump?
Jake: [points at ground] Shh. Let me show you how.. it's... done!
[Music starts playing, and Jake dances]
Finn: Jake, are you sleepwalking?
Jake: No, I'm showing this— Whoaaaa! [Jake explodes into dust again]
[Finn screams]
Finn: Wake! [slaps himself] Up! [slaps himself again] Tunk... I'm not dreaming!
Jake: [appears in Tree Fort doorway] You made an oath. Okay.
[Finn screams, turns to look at Jake]
Jake: Nah, I'll just stretch into a tree.
Finn: [running towards Jake] Jake! I saw you explode. Something messed up is haps, bruh.
Jake: Pshhh. Please, not even. [folds arms]
Finn: No, man, you blew into chunks over there! [Finn points backwards, Jake looks surprised]
Jake: Uh, because Kee-Oth was right there! A-and there were traps! I didn't have no blood this whole time, so I'm totally out of it. Uuuuuhhh... [faints]
Finn: Jake, this already happened. C'mon, man, stop freakin' me out [kicks Jake, who then explodes into dust again]
Finn: [coughing] Ugh, Jake dust!
Jake: [distantly] ♪ Bacon pancakes, makin' bacon pancakes
[Scene cuts to kitchen where Jake is re-enacting making pancakes]
Jake: [while Finn climbs up behind him] ♪ Bacon pancakes, makin' bacon pancakes ♪
Jake: ♪ Take some bacon and I'll put it in a pancake ♪
Jake: ♪ Bacon pancakes, that's what it's gonna make ♪
Jake: ♪ Bacon pancaaake! ♪
Finn: Dude, what is the deal?
[Scene cuts to various sections of the Time Room]
Jake: [zooming in on him] Dude, what is the deal?
Prismo: [appearing from the right] Huh hmm huh hmm huh hmm. I can't wait to get this batch of pickles to Jake. He's totes gonna bust a pipe when he gets hit with the cumin and the undertones of sage that come in later. [disappears]
Jake: [exasperated] Prismo, I'm right here! Where you going, bro!? [runs off]
Jake: [calling out] Wait up, man, how're you alive!? [Prismo pulls a brick back in the wall and appears for a brief second after Jake passes by] Finn and I saw your old man host body get destroyed by the— [gasps]
[Jake's path ends at the scene where the Lich kills Old Man Prismo]
Jake: [shocked] The Lich?!
The Lich: Wake up.
[The Lich shakes old man Prismo awake]
Prismo: Wa—Wait, I've changed my mind—[gasp]
[Prismo is off from the walls—his dream self dies.]
Jake: [watching from above] Wait, why is this happening? It's like a rerun of the worst junk.
[The Lich kills old man Prismo and is subsequently crystallized by a Citadel Guardian and is taken away with Finn and Past Jake holding on]
Jake: [while watching the above] Lich life-sucks Prismo's dream host, eliminates Prismo forever. Ugh, it's mad gris bro. And then the Space Police, or whatever they're called, show up because boppin' Prismo is a cosmic crime. I remember feelin' like someone had peeled a layer away from my brain, and my reality was no longer anchored to any point of reference, and I had to fight to keep from being crushed under the weight of an unforgiving new paradigm of ultimate reality. So cool, man. So why am I seeing this again?
[Jake makes his way from the ledge to the edge of the space hole]
[The Time Room disassembles, several blocks at a time and then a path appears in front of Jake]
Jake: Uhhh, that's cool...
[Scene jumps back to a bored Finn at the Tree Fort]
Jake: Uhh, that's cool, but do you know what's really cool? Tough guy contest! [flexes bicep] Whoo-hoo! [Does a spin and poses] Tough boys!
Finn: [groans]
Jake: Come on, man! Tough Guy contest me!
Finn: [while Jake continues his re-enactment behind him] Okay, seems like all of Jake's remanifesting themselves, [turns to viewer] but as soon as I break their history it creates a paradox and Jake explodes.
Jake: [turning to Finn] Whoa, Finn, how'd you get over there? [explodes into dust]
Jake: Finn, when I die my individual Earth consciousness is going to go all over everywhere while Glob tallies my deeds.
Finn: [confused] What?
Jake: I'm going to all around you [starts turning into a tree], in your nose, in your dreams and your socks...
Finn: "in your dreams?"
Jake: Yeah, that's what I said, in your dre— [explodes into dust]
Finn: All this striz happened when Jake and I tried to preserve Prismo's pickles in our dreams, something must have changed when we went to sleep!
Finn: [zooms out to the still messy room] So, ugh, I just got to hope that Jake tries to do the pickle ritual again. So I can re-enact it with him. Exactly the way it happened, maybe?! Geez!
Jake: [re-enacting Prismo's ritual]♪ Fallen ally, fallen ally, you're home now in the sky.
Finn & Jake: ♪ Fallen ally, fallen ally, a single tear we cry.♪
[Scene jumps back to the Time Room]
Jake: I guess I'm headed towards that door..
Prismo: Dude, I get out of relationships because I don't want to have a discussion about what we're gonna to have for dinner every night! [more distantly] 'Cause when I'm alone...
Jake: Hehe, all these dudes and their lady problems...
Prismo: That's right, Prismo is nothing but the dream of a wrinkly old man.
Jake: What if the whole world was just some goof's dream? Man, that would be stupid. Whoa!
[Camera pans out to reveal that Jake has entered a large room with a floating bed in an alcove on the far side]
Jake: Rrrm, wait a minute... What is this!? This couldn't be a...oh Grod! [looks under the bed] Permanent, opposing, industrial-strength, magnetic bed! [looks at the side] Hand-hewed from a single tree [looks at the bedspread] Oh, man! Look at this mattress! [gasps] What is it? [sniffs] Smells like a blend of cashmere... [sniffs again] Mohair, silk and wool maybe... [touches the blanket] The thread count on this is in the thousands! And it's filled with... [sniffs] Down feathers of a baby griffin! That's illegal! [Turns to nightstand] Glass of milk... This feels like a trap designed by some kind of sick genius!
Jake: Well... [gulps milk and gets in the bed] hats off to you sir or madam, your trap was a success!
Jake: Oh my blahs! [tears up] It's like I'm getting Eskimo kisses from an army of angels! [Starts crying and suddenly falls asleep, snoring]
Prismo: [Suddenly appearing] Oh, dang, I'm back!
Finn & Jake: [still re-enacting Prismo's ritual]♪ Prismo we love you forever in our dreams! ♪
[Finn and Jake start chanting]
Finn & Jake: [screaming, getting progressively louder] Pickle rama, pickle rama, pickle rama, PICKLE RAMA!
Jake: Finale!
[Jake stretches into a large ball shape and mimes juggling food items with several hands while they hum. Jake stretches his tongue down to the table (there is no jar), and mimes eating a pickle.]
Finn: Whoof! What was that?
Jake: Quick, to bed! This has to be the last thing we think about!
[Jake mimes grabbing the jar, and they run off to bed. Jake picks up the pickle jar in his bed]
Finn: Hyup! [jumps into bed]
Jake: Okay... dream! [closes eyes]
[A ding is heard and a bright light from the pickle jar shines out and Jake disappears]
Finn: [stunned] Whoa! The pickle jar! I'm coming Jake! [jumps into the jar and gets warped away]
[Finn materializes in the Time Room]
Finn: [looking around]Whoa...Where the heck am I?
Jake: [calling out] Wait up, man, how're you alive!?
Finn: Jake!? I'm coming man![runs off]
Jake: Finn and I saw your old man host body get destroyed by the—
Finn: Jake! Don't explode!
Prismo: [reaching his arm out in front of Finn, making him stop]Finn, hold up.
Finn: Prismo! I saw you die, dude!
Prismo: Yep, I'm still dead. I'm actually talking to you from the past, I set up this plan B scenario in case I ever got croaked for reals. So if this is happening then I guess I got croaked and my pickles ran out. But Jake and I established a bro-bond that could bring me back through his dreams.
Finn: So, are you actually talking to me right now or are you pretending to in an empty room?
Prismo: I was pretending, but now I can see you.
Finn: [makes air quotes]What does 'now' meant to you?
Prismo: Uhhh...hurry up I need your help [opens wall and Finn walks through]
Jake: [Running past] Where you going bro? Wait up man, how're you alive?
Finn: So where're we going?
Prismo: You've gotta wake up Jake and then...umm, you'll see.
Finn: I'll see what, Prismo?
Prismo: Shoot, I don't know if I thought this thing all the way through..
Finn: [shocked] Whaaaat?
Prismo: Aw, it'll be cool. [nervously] It'll be cool.
[Jake snores while sleeping in the bed]
Revived Prismo: Dude, I can't believe I died. Jake I'm sorry man. This doesn't feel right.
Past Prismo: [appearing with Finn] Ok, go wake Jake up and bring him back here [Finn gives the thumbs up and runs to the bed]
Revived Prismo: Whoa, Finn, hey, are you gonna wake up Jake?
Finn: Yeah, is that gonna kill you again though?
Revived Prismo: My past self is doing plan B right?
Finn: Uh, yes. Although I gotta say that this is as rickety as yoga balls.
Revived Prismo: Yeah, tell me about it.
Finn: You tell you about it!
Revived Prismo: I think you would blow up if I did that.
Finn: Well, anyway, here I go. [shakes Jake] Hey, Jake, wake up.
[Jake groans sleepily]
Revived Prismo: I'm out. [vanishes]
Jake: [sleepily] Hey, Finn, what's going on?
Finn: We gotta bounce.
Jake: [pushing Finn away] No, bro, don't tear me away from nirvana. Wait, nooo! [falls to floor] Oof! [normal voice] I'm okay now.
Finn: Cool [leading Jake back to Past Prismo] this way!
Past Jake: Whoa! Rrrm, wait a minute... What is this!?
Jake: Prismo?! You're alive! [hugs Prismo's nose on the wall]
Prismo: Well, not yet. Finn, in a second you've gotta stop yourself from waking up Jake.
Finn: [confused] Stop my who?
Prismo: [panicked] Shoot! Hide!
[Jake flattens himself and covers Finn into the wall, fortunately Jake is the same color as the wall]
Past Finn: Think we should turn around somewhere, I feel like we're lost.
Past Prismo: No I was just stalling, don't think about it, c'mon, this way.
Prismo: THAT who.
[Finn pushes his extended tongue back into his mouth]
Prismo: But wait, Jake, that means one of your alternate reality incarnations will sleep for eternity to keep me alive.
Jake: Cool, dude!
Prismo: OK, Finn, I'm not sure what'll happen if you confront yourself. He might explode.
Finn: 'He', me or other me?
Prismo: You know what? Forget it.
Finn: Shut it Prismo, heroes risk everything for their friends. Although I admit you're more Jake's friend than mine. Sometimes you can think someone is totally cool, but you never become besties. Now I don't know why that happens, but regardless let's do this. [dashes out after his past self]
Prismo: Good luck!
[Past Finn walks up the bed to revive Jake]
Revived Prismo: Whoa, Finn, hey! Are you gonna wake up Jake?
Past Finn: [while Finn walks up behind him] Yeah, is that gonna kill you again though?
Prismo: My past self is doing plan B, right?
Finn: [tapping Past Finn on the shoulder] PLAN B!
Past Finn: [shocked] What the—!? [explodes into light and a sword appears in the center]
Finn: [grabbing the sword]This is me? This sword is me?
Prismo: Finn sword, dude.
Finn: Welcome back, Prismo.
Prismo: Thank you, Finn.
Jake: [Sticking his head out and giving the thumbs up] Welcome back, Prismo.
Prismo: Thank you, Jake.
[Sleeping Jake morphs into Old Man Prismo]

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "It Came from the Nightosphere" from season 2, which aired on October 11, 2010.

Characters
Finn
Marceline
Hunson Abadeer
Music
"Fry Song"
"Stompin' On Ants"
Locations
Marceline's cave/house
Grass Lands
Red Rock Pass
Marauder Village
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode begins in Marceline's cave just outside of Marceline's house. Finn is beat-boxing and Marceline is strumming her ax bass guitar.]
Marceline: Thanks for helping me record, Finn.
Finn: No problem, Marceline.
Marceline: Now, I'm gonna sing something really personal, so don't laugh at me.
Finn: I would never dream of it... m'lady. [Laughs]
[Scene shifts to the inside of Marceline's house.]
Marceline: Now, start a slow beat, and keep it steady, or it'll mess up everything.
Finn: You got it!
[Finn starts beat-boxing and Marceline begins singing the Fry Song. Eventually, Finn's beat-boxing slows down and he sighs.]
Marceline: Huh? Finn, you messed the beat up!
Finn: Marceline, if you're thinkin' about your dad so much, then... why don't you go see 'im?
Marceline: [Strums guitar] He's not worth the effort.
Finn: Not worth what effort?
Marceline: Well... first, I'd have to draw a circle with a happy face in the center and then... uh... douse it with bug milk.
Finn: [Finn finishes drawing the face] Oh, yeah?! [Goes to grab some bug milk, then returns to throw it on the face; the bug milk gets absorbed by the face.]
[Note: Marceline is not paying attention to Finn's actions.]
Marceline: [Sighs] And then you're supposed to chant something like [The happy face glows and the candles next to it light up], "Maloso vobiscum et cum spiritum." [Finn laughs and the face changes color.] But... I-I don't really wanna see him. I'm still mad about the thing with the fries. [Marceline notices a strange noise and finally looks at Finn.] Huh?!
Finn: Wwwwhhhat?! [The room changes color drastically; a portal to the Nightosphere opens where the face was.] Whoa... whoa!! Aaagh!!
[Marceline's father emerges.]
Lord of Evil: Marceline!
Marceline: Finn... what the heck did you do?!
Finn: I... reunited you with your family?
[Marceline grunts angrily and Finn backs away.]
Lord of Evil: Is this kid your evil servant?
Finn: I'm not evil, Marceline's dad. I'm super good!
Lord of Evil: "Super good?" [Roars]
Finn: [Gasps; Lord of Evil grabs Finn, and begins sucking energy from him.] What're you doing?!
Lord of Evil: Stealing your soul.
[He continues and Finn screams in fright.]
Marceline: Dad! [Separates the two] Ugh! You always do stuff like this!
Lord of Evil: Haha! Oh, Marceline! I never know what's gonna set you off! Whoa! Is this the family ax?
Marceline: Wha—? HEY!!!
Lord of Evil: Did you turn it into some kind of lute?
Marceline: [Yelling in anger] Give it back, and get out!!!
Lord of Evil: Okay, I'll go. I've got business to attend to, anyway—sucking up all the souls in Oooooo...
Finn: [Stammering] WHA—Gh—NO!!
Lord of Evil: See you kids later! [Opens door]
[Lord of Evil laughs maniacally as Finn screams, terrified. Marceline's father shuts the door.]
Marceline: My bass!
Finn: I've unleashed evil onto Ooo ! We've gotta stop 'im, Marceline!
Marceline: Fine... but I'm only coming with you to get my bass back.
[Scene shifts to Finn and Marceline flying above a forest.]
Finn: Hey! How do I kill this guy, anyway?
Marceline: Finn! You can't kill my dad!
Finn: Oh! I'm sorry! I didn't mean—
Marceline: No! You literally can't kill my dad! He's deathless!
Finn: Oh...
[Scene cuts to a field elsewhere; a bunch of Fluffy People are running around and laughing.]
Fluffy Person: [The Lord of Evil's shadow falls upon him and he stops running.] Huh? [Camera zooms out to show the Lord of Evil.] Who the fluff are you?
Lord of Evil: Um... Well, I'm sure not the guy who's gonna suck out your soul.
Fluffy Person: Good 'cause that's, like, my number one fear.
Lord of Evil: Really!? Well... I know a little exercise for that! Wanna try??
Fluffy Person: Wow...
Lord of Evil: First... close your eyes.
Fluffy Person: Okay! [Gets pounded by the ax bass.] AAH! You coulda killed me!
Lord of Evil: Ah, but I didn't! And now, aren't you thrilled just to be alive?
Fluffy Person: Yeah, I guess... So what?
Lord of Evil: So... This next part will be all the more... horrifying. [Laughs maniacally as his transformed face moves towards the screen, sucking the fluffy person's soul. Scene goes back to Finn and Marceline.]
Finn: There!! Below us! A gathering of Fluffy People! May-haps they've seen your father! Marceline... release the Finn-bomb! [Marceline drops him and he whistles to mimic a bomb falling; Marceline catches him before he reaches the ground and he makes an explosion noise. He notices the Fluffy People shivering.] They're all freaked out!
Marceline: It's because they're scared of him. [Camera pans over to the Fluffy Person from earlier. He is floating and moaning. Marceline examines him.] Hm. My dad's been here. Come on. Let's go.
Finn: No! We gotta help this guy. I've got some soul food that Jake packed for me. You like, uh, collard greens or country-fried steak?
[Finn tries to feed the Fluffy Person the food but he keeps moaning and doesn't eat it.]
Marceline: Look. You wanna help him? Help me get my bass back.
Finn: How will that help hi—?
Marceline: MY DAD STOLE MY BASS GUITAR, FINN!! And when I get it back... I'm gonna break it over his neck and slam my dad back into the Nightosphere!
[Fluffy Person bumps into Finn.]
Finn: Oh, clam! But first you gotta return the souls your dad sucked back to these sad, little husks. Right, Marceline?
Marceline: [Blows tuft of hair away from her face] Uh, sure, yeah, yeah, we'll do that.
[Scene cuts to the Marauder Village. The Marauders are sitting at a table talking.]
Head Marauder: So I popped his head like a cork! And I says, "That's what I think of Expanding Earth Theory!"
[They all laugh. A noise is heard and they stop laughing.]
Lord of Evil: Alright.
Marauders: Huh?!
Lord of Evil: I've got a joke, too. [It's revealed that he sucked Marauder #14's soul. The Lord of Evil pushes him off the chair.] What wears a dark suit, is completely evil, and is about to suck out all your souls?
Head Marauder: Yo mama!
Lord of Evil: [Beat] That's right! I'm your mama! [Sucks the marauders' souls]
[Scene cuts back to Finn and Marceline.]
Marceline: Red Rock Pass. If my dad wants to get through the mountains, he'll have to come through here.
Finn: We can work together! And smash 'im with this rock! And once he's smooshed, all the souls will go back to their rightful bods.
[Finn notices the Lord of Evil in the pass singing "Stompin' On Ants." The Lord of Evil then sucks the ants' souls. Finn tries to push the rock, but he notices that Marceline flew down to attack her father by herself instead. She hisses and charges, but misses her father who ducks.]
Lord of Evil: So, finally taking a run at your old man, huh?
[Marceline charges, but her father parries the attack and forces her to a wall. Marceline hisses.]
Marceline: [Losing patience] Daddy...
[Marceline jumps on her father's shoulders.]
Lord of Evil: [Chuckles] Karate kick!! [Kicks Marceline off his shoulders; she lands on the ground hissing.]
Finn: Marceline!! Keep 'im right there!! HrrrrRAAAAGH!!!
[Finn headbutts the rock to make it fall off the cliff and groans in pain. While fighting, Marceline and her father manage to evade the rock. Finn adopts a look of desperation. Marceline struggles to reclaim her bass.]
Lord of Evil: Karate chop!! [He chops her; she hisses.] You can't destroy me!
Marceline: [Hisses] [Calming down] No... D-dad... I-I don't wanna destroy you... [Angered] Look, just... stay out of my life!! [Floats away]
Lord of Evil: You're not even alive!
[Marceline rests next to Finn.]
Finn: You blew it, dude. We're supposed to be a team—a team whose sport is stop-your-dad-from-suckin'-souls... ball.
Marceline: [Sighs] I just want my dad to care about me.
[Finn frowns; scene shifts to the Ice Kingdom.]
Lord of Evil: Of all history's greatest monsters, you are by far the most evil thing I've encountered. Offer your soul to me, dark one.
Gunter: Wenk wenk.
Lord of Evil: NO! You can't have my soul! I don't even...! Look, just get in here.
[He tries to suck its soul, but it slaps him.]
Gunter: Wenk wenk.
Lord of Evil: [Kicks penguin away] Keep your crummy soul!
[Gunter flies through the air, crying, and is caught by the Ice King.]
Ice King: Gunter! Who told you you could fly?!
Gunter: [Pointing at Lord of Evil] Wenk.
[Lord of Evil sucks another penguin's soul.]
Ice King: Huh? No one sucks the life from my penguins except me! ...And maybe polar bears, because that's just nature, Gunter. [Flies over to Lord of Evil] You darest encroach upon my domain?! [Lord of Evil's face changes.] You've raised my frosty dander! And for that, I shall— [Lord of Evil shows Ice King his terrifying face.] AAAAAOOOOOHHH!! I've soiled my tunic... completely by choice! [Flies away]
[Lord of Evil sucks all of the penguins' souls and starts growing.]
Lord of Evil: YES!!
[Marceline and Finn are shown hurrying over.]
Finn: Aw, man! He's growing huge!
[Lord of Evil sucks some birds' souls; he begins sucking souls from all over Ooo.]
Finn: I'm gonna take 'im down!
Marceline: Finn, you're like an ant to him.
Finn: Oh, yeah? Well, this ant's about to get in his pants!
Marceline: [Deadpan, amused] What?
Finn: [Stammers, embarrassed] You know! [Picking up Sword of the Dead] Because I'm going to make him uncomfortable while I release those souls! RAAAAAAAAGH!!! [Climbs up Lord of Evil's body] Give up those souls, Marceline's dad! In the name of justice!!
Lord of Evil: Huh? [Not noticing Finn] Oh, Marceline. Still following me?
Marceline: I'll stop following you if you give me back my guitar!
Lord of Evil: [Flicks Finn off with ease] No, Marceline.
Finn: [Flying upwards] NO ONE FLICKS ME IN THE BUTT WITHOUT MY CONSENT!!! [Descends and stabs the Lord of Evil in the head. Lord of Evil smiles at Finn and reveals his second, monster-like head. He falls while screaming and grabs hold of a tentacle. Lord of Evil tries to shake Finn off but he won't let go. Finn is grunting and screaming all the while.] Whoooaa!! [Lord of Evil stops shaking.] The souls... Lumpy Space Princess! He got your soul, too?!
Lumpy Space Princess: What? Nah. I totally saw Hot Dog Princess get sucked in here, and I wasn't invited?! I was all, "What the lump?" so I'm crashin' this party!
Finn: Well, I'll save you... I'LL SAVE ALL OF YOU!!
[Lord of Evil tries to knock Finn off with his appendage; Finn evades and struggles until he cuts off the appendage, making himself and the Ax bass fall; Marceline rushes over and catches the bass, letting Finn hit the ground.]
Marceline: IN YOUR FACE, DAD!
Lord of Evil: Give back that ax, Marceline! You don't respect it enough!
Marceline: Well... you don't respect anything! Dad!! DAD!! I'm outta here!
Finn: BUT—!!
Lord of Evil: Fine!! Go!! I'm too busy sucking to deal with you!
Finn: NO, WAIT! Marceline!! Keep talking to 'im! When he's talking, he can't steal souls!!
Marceline: I said I'm outta here!
Finn: [To himself and digging around in his backpack] Diversion... need... diversion. [He gasps, pulls out the Walkman and plays the song he and Marceline recorded earlier. Both Marceline and her father stop dead in their tracks. Marceline blushes and her father turns around.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Oh, my Glob, you guys! Drama bomb!
Lord of Evil: Marceline, do you really feel this way?
Marceline: Dad, I...
[Finn sneaks closer to the Lord of Evil.]
Lord of Evil: Marceline... of course I love you.
Marceline: Dad...
Lord of Evil: I'm sorry I ate your fries. I didn't mean to hurt you.
Marceline: It's okay, Dad. It's... it's really okay.
Lord of Evil: No, it's not okay. They weren't even very good. They were really cold. I love you, Marceline. Don't you ever doubt that.
Marceline: I love you, too, Dad.
Lord of Evil: [Tearing up] Oh, Marceline, I am so—
Finn: [Flying through the air] YALALALALALALALALALALALALA!!!!!
[Finn stabs the Lord of Evil's soul sack with two swords making him scream in pain; the souls are released. Finn drops down and repeats the summoning process.]
Finn: MALOSO VOBISCUM ET CUM SPIRITUM!! [Lord of Evil is transported back to the Nightosphere.] [Low, growling voice] I'll see you in the Nightosphere, ya sick freak. [Marceline gasps] YES!!!!
Marceline: Finn!! How could you do that?!
Finn: How could I... save the day?
Marceline: How could you embarrass me like that and then stab my dad?!
Finn: How could I embarrass-save you?? [Marceline attempts to ax Finn.] WHOA! Marceline!
Marceline: [Sighs] I'm glad he's back in the Nightosphere. That was emotionally exhausting.
Finn: I'm also exhausted emotionally. Or... wait. I mean, I mean physically.
[Finn falls down on the ground, exhausted. Marceline joins him. The souls are floating around the sky and Marceline chuckles at them.]
Marceline: I've been meaning to ask you... What's with that pocket on your shirt?
Finn: Oh, Jake's in here. 'Sup, Jake?
[Jake rolls over, farts and the episode ends.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Jake Suit" from season 5, which aired on July 15, 2013.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Flame Princess
BMO
Lady Rainicorn
T.V.
Ice King
Squirrel
Head Clown Nurse
Big Clown Nurse
Two-Headed Duck
Fire Wolves
Music
Puncha yo Buns
Locations
Tree Fort
Flame Princess's house
Candy Kingdom
Candy Kingdom Hospital
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[Episode starts in Tree Fort. BMO is sitting down and drinking tea. Finn is swinging from the ceiling in Jake while he is in an armor form, also known as a Jakesuit. Finn jumps down.]
Finn: Yup! Yeah, totally stuck that landing!
BMO: Yeah! Woo woo!
Finn: Man, it's been so long since I've worn the Jakesuit. I forgot how awesome your bod is, bro. Stretchy-arm power! [Finn uses Jake's stretchy arms to grape a can of grape soda. He drinks it and crushes the can on Jake's muzzle.] I feel unstoppable! [Finn jumps over and crushes a stack of wooden logs, leaving splinters in Jake] Bam! And I don't even feel it! [Jake cringes.] [Finn jumps over to BMO.] BMO, throw your plate at me!
BMO: Okay! [BMO throws plate at Finn in the Jakesuit.]
Finn: Yeah, BMO, show me the stuff, keep it coming! [BMO throws the rest of his tea at Jake's stomach.] Yeah, BMO, unleash the beast!
BMO: Yah! Unleash the beast! [BMO starts kicking Jake's leg.]
Finn: Come on, BMO, bring it, that's nothing! [BMO starts scratching Jake's leg.] [yells] You're weak, BMO!
[BMO takes a broken log and hits Jake's leg with it. Jake starts to grumble as his eyes start to tear up. Suddenly BMO falls over in defeat.]
Finn: You OK, BMO?
BMO: I am no match for the Jakesuit.
Finn: That's right!
[Finn jumps out of the Tree Fort. He swings to the top, while also crushing another part of the tree fort.]
Finn: Dog, the Jakesuit is mad strong! This junk could protect me from anything!
Jake: [muffled] Uh, sorta. Wait, bro, what are you doing up here? You know I'm not actual armor, right?
Finn: Septuple flip off the tree house! [Finn jumps off of Tree Fort.]
Jake: Nooo!
[Jake lands directly on top of a fence. Finn pretends the fence is a horse and pretends to ride it.]
Finn: Ride 'em cowboy! Woo!
[Jake spits out Finn and lies, moaning on the ground. BMO runs over and hits Jake with a broken log. The screen goes black for a second.]
[Scene changes to inside the tree house. Jake is walking cautiously over towards Finn, who is sitting down on a couch, because he has sores on his rear. Jake 'ah's in pain. When he sits on the couch, he sighs.]
Jake: You were a little rough with the Jakesuit today, bro. You mashed up my doggy bag pretty hard.
Finn: Why didn't you stop me?
Jake: When you're in my body, it pushes out my brain, so I have no control.
Finn: C'mon bro, taking pain is easy. You just have to imagine that every bruise is a hickey from the Universe. And everyone wants to get with the Universe. [raises eyebrows up and down]
Jake: I bet you wouldn't be saying that nonsense if I wore you as a suit.
Finn: I bet I would be saying that nonsense.
Jake: OK bro, let's see how you like it. I'll bring the pain!
Finn: Do it bro, get in here!
[Jake gets inside of Finn and stretches himself out to cover Finn's insides.]
Jake: Haha yes! Time to bring the pain!
[Finn's hand flops about, and Jake grunts while trying to punch Finn. He gets Finn to put his hand on his face.]
Jake: Eh?
Finn: [laughs] Man, are you kidding?
[Jake grunts and puts Finn's hands on his face. He starts to make Finn poke himself, pull his hat, and lightly flick himself.]
Jake: You give up?
Finn: You have to like, punch me in the face.
Jake: Hmm. I thought I was. This is hard. I can't even make a fist. How do you control my body so well?
Finn: Dude, I'm graceful. Mom raised me graceful.
[Jake grunts while making Finn's hand into a fist. He raises it and moves it towards Finn's face. Before he can punch Finn, the hand turns into an open palm and merely lightly slaps Finn.
Finn: [laughs] Dude, what the Bjork?
[Jake grunts and walks Finn over to a bookshelf. He makes Finn look for a book with Finn's index finger.]
Jake: A-ha! Here we go! Dream Journal of a Boring Man, Volume 12.
Finn: Uh, Jake, what are you doing?
Jake: There's all kinds of pain, Finn.
Finn: Dude, come on, don't do this.
[Jake makes Finn sit down in a chair.]
Jake: Ah. Okay, let's see. Ooh, this one looks good. And it's not too long, only seven pages! [laughs] Okay, here we go. [clears throat] [reading off page] "In my dream, I was eating jasmine rice. But it was also brown rice. And it was also my mother."
[Finn groans]
[The next scene only shows pictures taken every couple of seconds of inside and outside the tree fort, and puts them on fast forward to show the passage of time quickly. When it slows down to normal time, Finn is reading about a different dream. Jake is shown snoozing inside of Finn. He suddenly wakes up.]
Jake: Huh? Where am I? [looks around] Oh, yeah. Hey, Finn, how long have I been out?
Finn: I don't know. A couple hours
Jake: Say what?! Why are you still reading?
Finn: It's actually not that bad. There's a bunch where he knows he's dreaming. Here, let me read you a little. [reading off page] "So I said to the first guy, if everyone in my dream is me, then you are me. And he said, I am who? And I said, me. And he said, who is me? And I said, you. [Jake sighs and flops down in exasperation.] And he said, what about you? And I said, no you!" [stops reading] It's like he's trying to solve a mystery that doesn't exist! You want me to keep going?
Jake: No, I'm hungry.
Finn: Yeah, I'm hungry too. How about a truce while you go make us some lunch?
Jake: Oh, I didn't know we were allowed to call truces. I'll totally remember that the next time my doggy bag is hurtling towards a fence post.
Finn: You know, you could use the opportunity of cooking me food to mess with me.
Jake: [gasps] Wait a sec, you just gave me an idea!
Finn: Yeah? [Jake laughs evilly.] Uh-oh. Oh, look out, you gonna make me something gross? Soemthing spicy? You know I can take it! [Jake blindfolds Finn while BMO is dancing to music in his headphones in the background.]
[Scene changes to later, when the dish is ready. It is served in a dish with a lid on top. Jake makes Finn take the lid and his blindfold off at the same time.]
Jake: Ta-da!
Finn: Meatloaf? That's my favorite dish.
Jake: Mmm-mmm.
Finn: What did you do to it?
Jake: I assure you, it's delicious.
Finn: Okay, well, you're really terrible at this. [Finn grabs a bite of meatloaf and holds it up to his mouth. Jake snatches it up before he can eat it. BMO dances in the background.]
Jake: Yummy!
Finn: Oh, that's just mean.
Jake: Admit you're wrong, and you can have some of this delicious meatloaf!
Finn: Nah, I'm good.
[Jake stretches out of Finn and devours the entire meatloaf off the plate. After he is done, a robotic voice is heard saying 'special occasion' repeatedly.]
Finn: Jake, it's my special occasion phone! Someone's calling me to tell me about a special occasion.
Jake: So?
Finn: So can you walk me over there? I wanna see who it is! [Jake walks Finn over. Finn looks at the back of the phone.] Oh, it's Flame Princess. [laughs] I'll talk to her later. I don't want you embarrassing me or, uh, anything. Jake?
[Scene changes to Flame Princess's house at night. Jake is walking Finn over towards it.]
Finn: Jake! Seriously, don't do this!
Jake: Tell me I win, dude!
Finn: No, absolutely not.
Jake: Alright. Say goodbye to Flame Princess thinking you're cool! I'm gonna embarrass the Bjork outta you!
[Flame Princess walks out to greet Finn.]
Flame Princess: Oh, hey, you came! I got worried because you didn't answer special occasion phone. My relatives are waiting inside.
Finn: What?
Flame Princess: Well, that's why I called on special occasion phone. All my less-evil family members are here for dinner. Come eat!
[Jake laughs evilly and makes Finn walk awkwardly into Flame Princess's House.]
Flame Princess: Finn, this is my family. [Flame Princess gestures at table.] These are my two younger brothers, my brother who's home from the military, and my judgmental aunt and uncle. [Camera shows each family member as she described them.]
[Jake laughs evilly.]
Finn: [whispering to Jake] Jake, whatever you're about to do, please don't do it.
[Jake makes Finn take his shirt and backpack off and pull his pants down. He walks him over to the table. He takes the aluminum foil tablecloth and shoves it in Finn's underpants. Jake mimmicks Finn and sings Puncha yo Buns, while making Finn dance. When he gets to the line 'Punch all your buns, I can punch all your buns!', he grabs the turkey from the table and starts punching it. He then throws it down.]
Older brother: What are you doing in front of my family?!
Flame Princess: Hold on, bro. Perhaps it is a non-flameish custom unknown to us.
Jake: [as Finn] Nope! Just doin' the kind of stuff I do all the time!
Older brother: This is a nightmare come true for me, sister.
[Flame Princess walks Finn out of her house. Jake continually says 'tough tootin' baby' as they walk out.]
Flame Princess: What are you doing?!
Jake: [as Finn] Don't you wanna see more?
Flame Princess: Oh, my Bjork! No! I don't want to see more! Wait, what's that in your mouth? Jake?
Jake: [in normal voice] Oops! Busted.
Flame Princess: Are you controlling Finn?
Jake: Yeah, I'm causing Finn pain. We have a bet going on.
Flame Princess: And you made him dance like a baby, semi-nude, in front of my family? Wow, that's pretty hardcore.
Jake: [chuckles] What?
Flame Princess: Good luck, Finn. Hope you win!
Finn: I will!
Jake: Hmm!
[Scene changes to Lady Rainicorn's house. She is washing dishes while Finn walks in. She gasps when she suddenly sees Finn. Finn barges in the door.]
Lady Rainicorn: [in Korean] Finn! Oh, of all days! Where are you going? Jake, where are you?
[Jake streches out of Finn's mouth.]
Jake: I'm right here.
Lady Rainicorn: [in Korean] Oh!
[T.V. walks by.]
T.V.: 'Sup?
[Jake, Lady Rainicorn, and Finn look at T.V.]
Jake: What's T.V. doing here? I thought all the kids found apartments.
Lady Rainicorn: [in Korean] No matter what, I think he's stay-at-home.
[While Lady Rainicorn is talking, T.V. sits by the computer and starts typing.]
Jake: Ha-ha! That's my boy. Momma's basement baby. [Jake makes Finn sit down.]
Lady Rainicorn: [in Korean] Jake, what are you doing? Please tell me.
Jake: Oh, it's this bet we're doing. It's not really a bet. It's more like a showdown. I'm trying to get him to admit that it's hard when someone wears you as a suit. How do I win the bet, Lady?
T.V.: Hey, Dad? Why don't you try jumping in a volcano? [resumes typing]
[Scene changes to a volcano. Jake walks Finn over while laughing evilly.]
Jake: Yes!
Finn: So, what are we doing, bro? [Finn shoes start to melt to the ground.]
Jake: The Universe is going to have a full-on make-out session with you, bro. I'm talkin' minimum tier 8. Behold!
[Smoke clears to show a pack of Fire Wolves.]
Finn: Fire Wolves? That's your plan? Please.
Jake: Oh no, bro, that's just fortuitous circumstance! [Jake makes Finn take some kibble out of his backpack.] Allow me to take advantage! here, pup pups! Want some kibble? Want steak flavor? Steaky-steaks?
[Wolves start to whine and walk up to Finn, eating the kibble and licking his face.]
Jake: How you like it, bro? Pretty painful, huh?
Finn: Eh, whatev.
[Jake stretches Finn to the top of the volcano.]
Finn: Hmm. Looks hot.
Jake: Oh yeah, bro! The pain-train has arrived at the station! Choo-choo! [He wraps one leg around a rock on top of the volcano and lowers Finn down into the volcano.]
Finn: I'm ready, bro! Bring it! You're nothin', lava! You're a bum! I can handle you!
Jake: Look, just say stop, and you won't get burned.
Finn: [yells] Never!
Jake: Okay, bro. This'll pretty much wreck up your whole life, so think about it.
Finn: Bring it! Yeah, baby, feels good, love it, lovin' that heat on my skull!
Jake: Okay...I'm gonna lower you some more...probably gonna cook up your brain.
Finn: Oh, yeah, give it to me!
[Jake lowers the tips of Finn's hat into the lava.]
Jake: [thinking to himself] Dang, he's flippin' crazy! This isn't gonna do anything, he's never gonna give up!
[Finn grunts from the heat. Jake screams and stretches them out of the volcano. They land, and Finn coughs Jake out of him.]
Finn: What happened? You robbed me of the win!
Jake: You're right, man. My bruises are hickeys from the Universe. And I should just accept that.
Finn: Yeah boy! In yo' face!
Jake: Yeah, in my face.
[Finn enters Jake through his face and Jake turns into the Jakesuit. Finn runs them inside the volcano while they both scream. The screen fades to black.]
[Scene changes to inside of the Candy Kingdom Hospital. Finn and Jake are lying down on beds, with casts all over their bodies.]
Jake: Dangit, Finn.
[Finn laughs.]
[A door opens and Head Clown Nurse and Big Clown Nurse walk in. Head Clown Nurse hums "Entry of the Gladiators."]
Big Clown Nurse: Who's ready for rehabilitation?
Head Clown Nurse: We'll start with full-body immersion therapy. [starts making kissing noises]
Finn: [screaming] No!
Jake: [quietly screaming to himself] Yes!
Episode ends.
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Jake The Brick" from season 6, which aired on November 26, 2014.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Mr. Bunny
Mr. Deer
Starchie
Beavers
Sea Lard
Music
None
Locations
Tree Fort
Starchie's radio tower
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[Dawn breaks at the Tree Fort. Finn and BMO exit the front door, and BMO hands Finn an apple, which Finn puts in his pack. He pats BMO's head. BMO goes back inside, while Finn embarks on his journey. In a forest, he pauses for a moment while checking a map. After traveling awhile, Finn stops to eat the apple. When he finishes, he attempts to throw the core into a hollow stump but misses. He stands up, cracks his back, picks up his pack, and continues on his way until he comes to a run-down shack made of bricks. One of the bricks is Jake.]
Finn: Hey, man.
Jake: Oh, hey, Finn! [laughs] So you got my map? [laughs]
Finn: [laughs] Yeah.
Jake: [laughs]
Finn: So... how's your experiment going?
Jake: Ah, it's goin' great. I really feel like I fit in, [laughs] so to speak. [laughs uncontrollably]
Finn: So... are you ready to come home?
Jake: Nah, I think I was just gonna keep being a brick for a while.
Finn: Umm... what are you doing again?
Jake: Finn, ever since I was little, I wanted to see what it's like to be a brick in a brick shack when the brick shack falls down. And this shack is gonna fall down. Just look at it. Like sandcastles in the sun, baby. [laughs] You're too young; you wouldn't understand.
Finn: [laughs] You're right. I don't understand. But I'm cool with your mystical journey or whatever. I'm gonna leave this walkie-talkie so we can stay in touch. Just in case.
Jake: What? No, man, bricks don't stay in touch!
Finn: Dude, BMO is, like, really worried about you.
Jake: Aww. You tell that little goofball I said hi.
Finn: I will. [looks at sun] Well, I guess I should head back.
Jake: Oh. Really? So soon?
Finn: Yeah, well, it took me, like, half a day to get here. Besides, you're just a brick, right?
Jake: [laughs] Yeah.
Finn: [leaving] Alright, see ya, Jake!
Jake: Bye! Okay, back to being a brick. [beat] I'm so bored.
[Finn heads back the way he came. The sun sets.]
Jake: [blows raspberry] Ooh, I'm starting to get a little tippy in my teacups.
[A nearby bush rustles, and out hops a rabbit.]
Jake: [quietly] A bunny!
[The rabbit hops over to a plant and starts digging it out.]
Jake: Looks like our long-eared friend is on to something. Bunnies love to dig. He's making a supreme effort, and I think I can guess why.
[The bunny digs the plant out enough to reveal it is a carrot.]
Jake: That's right. A carrot, grown out here free and wild, probably the result of a seed pooped out by a passing bird.
[The rabbit's attention is diverted by rustling in a bush.]
Jake: But what's this? A mysterious rustling in the bush. Could mean trouble. Mr. Bunny seems to think so. His sensitive whiskers quiver at the hint of imminent danger.
[The screen splits to show BMO bringing Finn a bowl of popcorn. They sit on the couch and listen to Jake's commentary through the walkie-talkie.]
Jake: Unfortunately for Mr. Bunny, this is what nature is all about. It's a male deer. Not a threat to Mr. Bunny in the predatory sense, but still above him in the food chain. Mr. Bunny, wishing to avoid an encounter, hops away to safety.
[The deer eats the carrot.]
Jake: Wow, deers are jerks.
Finn: Hey, man. You know I can hear everything you say, right?
Jake: What?! Arrrrrgh! No! I had no idea.
Finn: Yeah, but you saw me leave the walkie-talkie, and I left it on. You know that, right?
BMO: Hi, Jake!
Jake: Hi, BMO.
Finn: Need anything? A soda?
Jake: No.
Finn: So what's Mr. Bunny doing now?
Jake: It's not about the bunny! The bunny is incidental to the brick experiment.
Finn: Oh. Sorry, man.
Jake: Forget about the bunny.
Finn: Sorry, man.
BMO: Sorry, Jake.
Finn: Look, we'll, uh, we'll leave you alone. [pushes in walkie-talkie antenna]
[The screen returns to showing only Jake's side.]
Jake: Finn? Are you still there? Finn? BMO?
[The rabbit drops what remains of the carrot and returns to its home in the roots of a tree.]
Jake: Mr. Bunny retreats to its warren. Its homemade comfort is some consolation to help pass the hungry night. Twilight falls on the peaceful forest, a twilight unaware of the struggles it both soothes and conceals. The crickets begin to stir, rehearsing their musical rhapsodies. In the distance, flashes of heat lightning illuminate a purple summer sky. Even angry deer, at last, must come to rest. And so it is with our erstwhile antagonist, who has disappeared into a stand of trees, perhaps to dream of tomorrow's pointless battles.
[Jake yawns and closes his eyes. He is awoken by a raging thunderstorm.]
Jake: Oh, my Gob, it's a crazy storm! This might be it! This weather might knock the whole thing down! [laughs, then stops and looks at the rabbit]
[The screen splits again, showing Finn with Starchie, who is broadcasting Jake's voice.]
Jake: If a definition of bravery exists, then this must be it. A lone bunny, facing off against the elements, ineffectually pushing around some twigs with his pink bunny nose, a symbolic gesture, perhaps, but sometimes that's all we have. The wind is beginning to pick up. It's becoming clear that Mother Nature has not just knocked on the door, she has come in, sat down, and poured herself a drink. Mr. Bunny has no friends, no family, no loved ones of any kind. The wind is really picking up now. Small puddles gathering around the entrance to Mr. Bunny's cozy home are beginning to grow in size and connect with one another. It won't be long now. But what's this?! Looks like this unflagging little hero of a bunny will have some help, though! A family of friendly beavers appears to have taken up the cause.
[The rabbit leaves its home, and two beavers shield it from the rain with their tails. Finn writes "Boost frequency?" on a piece of paper and shows it to Starchie, who gives him a thumbs up. Finn crumbles up the paper and throws it toward the wastebasket, missing again. Starchie brings over three more microphones and positions them above the walkie-talkie.]
Jake: Often called nature's architects, these intrepid mammals are sparing no effort to shore up the endangered burrow. Here's an unusual sight. It's a Sea Lard! You'd expect to see a few mudscamps out in weather like this, but here we have a rare treat indeed. This little beauty is pretty far outside of her natural habitat, but I've heard it said by wise old salts schooled in ancient maritime lore that storms will sometimes blow them off course to a remarkable degree. Looks like we've got some pretty good evidence tonight. Yes, sir, sometimes those old sailors know what they're talking about. It's a triumph of experience versus the secondhand verities of musty academic tomes. This feisty Sea Lard is pitchin' right in to save the rabbit hole, belying its slothful reputation. She uses her prodigious swiveling behind to increase the size of the hole, while the beavers continue to reinforce the sides with straw and stick. Times like these, supposed cruelty and indifference of the natural world, all too often its most salient feature, pale before the nobler instincts of even our most humble kin.
[Finn and Starchie fall asleep. At dawn, Jake continues his commentary with bags under his eyes.]
Jake: In the morning light, few signs remain of the summer storm that battered this idyllic glen. The beavers are finished with their work and are heading home. The Sea Lard looks like she's gonna wander the woods for a while. Maybe she'll find her way back to the ocean and write a novel about her experiences. Mr. Bunny is exhausted but can rest easy knowing that his home is secure. But alas, the bunny's rest is short-lived. The deer is back.
[Finn and Starchie perk up.]
Jake: The deer, perhaps confused by the antler-like appearance of Mr. Bunny's protective dam, is now testing the situation.
[The deer pushes some twigs with its antlers.]
Jake: The bunny is unsure of where this is going.
[The deer suddenly stomps on the dam. The rabbit flees.]
Jake: And with a single smash from the deer's powerful front hooves, the bunny's home is under attack! Mr. Bunny has hopped to safety and can only watch as the deer continues its relentless rampage on the only home he knows. A couple more mighty smashes, and the dam—the dam has been breached! Water is now flooding in! The deer continues its attack! This deer's misplaced rage, combined with its size and weight, is more than enough to bring down the weakened walls, which are now starting to give, aided by the unforgiving weigh from the tree above. Even Mr. Deer, in his blind fury, seems to sense what's about to happen as he steps to one side!
[A huge crash is heard through the radio.]
Jake: It's over. The warren has been destroyed.
[Starchie offers Finn a tissue.]
Jake: An injustice of astronomical levels. Words fail me.
[The rabbit returns to the fallen tree.]
Jake: Actually, he doesn't seem that upset.
[The rabbit enters a hole in the hollow trunk.]
Jake: He's on his feet, checking out his new surroundings—even the deer is impressed! As if confused by the events, he performs a comical double-take and retreats into the forest. Ladies and gentlemen, this bunny is indomitable!
[Everyone listening celebrates.]
Jake: [laughs] This bunny has the right attitude. Who cares about being a brick in a wall of a fallen-down shack? There's something bigger than that, and the bunny has answers. [stretches out of wall] Teach me, Mr. B!
[The shack collapses.]
Jake: Aw.
Finn: Jake? Jake? You there, buddy? Over.
Jake: Hey, Finn.
Finn: Hey, man. You ready to come home?
Jake: That sounds good.
Finn: Awesome. See you soon. [tosses walkie-talkie in the trash] Yus!

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Jake the Dad" from season 5, which aired on January 7, 2013.

Characters
Jake
Lady Rainicorn
Jake Jr.
Charlie
Viola
T.V.
Kim Kil Whan
Mr. Fox
Finn
BMO
Music
Baby Eating Fox and the Babies
Locations
Lady Rainicorn's house
This transcript is complete


Transcript

[The episode starts out with Finn and BMO walking up to Lady's house]
BMO: Puppies! Puppies! Puppies!
Finn: [They enter the house] Hey Jake! Hey Lady! We came to see your new pups!
BMO: [BMO jumps out through Finn's legs and the door] Puppies!
Lady: 얘들아 안녕! ("Hi guys!")
Jake: [Jake climbs down from the barn's loft holding a bundle] Hey dudes! They're still pretty sleepy. Sleepy little sweeties. [Finn slaps his cheek] Pups, meet everybody! [Jake opens the bundle and sets them down one by one] Yeeees!
Jake: Charlie, [Charlie yawns] T.V., [T.V. rolls over from being so round] Viola, [legs wobble] Kim Kil Whan, and this sweet little lady is Jake Jr.!
Finn: [Jake is tearing up and Finn goes to pull the blanket back from Jake Jr.'s face] Aww! Oh! That's a butt. [Jake Jr. begins to bark and Finn laughs] Preeeeetty cute!
Jake: [sniffles] Yeah, Finn. I love all my little babies so much. [Dabs eyes with Jake Jr.'s body] I'm not gonna let anything happen to them!
Finn: [Viola walks off and Finn turns to a more serious note] Dude! Real talk! Are you worried about bein' a dad?
Jake: No way! Check this out! [Lady shows up with a reusable grocery bag and Jake removes Mom's manual] Thanks honey!
Lady: 천만에 ("You're welcome.")
Jake: It's Mom's manual for raising beautiful children.
Finn: Oh dude, Mom! She'd have been so proud to see you and your pups. [Jake begins to bawl]
BMO: [BMO is laughing while Viola is playing tug-o-war with BMO's controller] Look! Look!
Jake: Aw, BMO! When was the last time you washed your controller? [Jake grunts and removes Viola from the controller] WHOA! [Finn is holding down Charlie and Kim Kil Whan with his leg while bumping T.V. and Jake Jr. together. The pups are enjoying it]
Finn: [Jake freaks out and collects all of the pups into his arms] We were just wrestling! Cool uncle wrestling.
Jake: Um, ah, I-I think it's gettin' kinda late. Um, puppies need sleep.
Finn: Okay. [Finn doesn't get the hint]
Jake: [Lady kicks Jake forward] Uhhh, Finn, you should go home. I'm gonna live with Lady and the pups from now on. I'm a dad now. It's a pretty big whoop. [Jake takes Lady's hand and she blushes]
Finn: Oh. [Finn looks disappointed]
BMO: [BMO is tugging on Finn's sock] Who wants to play video games?
Finn: Yeah, okay. [Finn picks up BMO] I guess we'll take off.
Jake: We'll hang out soon.
Finn: Ah, no prob, Bob. Huh, congrats again. [They leave]
BMO: [BMO jumps back in the door] I'll be right back!
Jake: [Jake begins kissing his pups on the head one by one and then goes to kiss Lady, but BMO jumps up to receive the kiss instead. He continues to kiss Lady unfazed] I'm gonna be the best dad ever! [Puts on his dad's hat]
[Scene changes to nighttime; Jake is watching the pups with binoculars while holding a sword. He looks at the clock to see the time change to 4:17 AM. He is exhausted]
Jake: [yawns] Breakfast time. [He gets up to go make breakfast]
Lady: 자기 지금 뭐 하는거야... ("What are you doing, honey?")
Jake: Sorry honey, I'm on guard duty. [Jake pets Lady's nose] You're sleepin' for both of us tonight. [Jake goes and looks and the pups and proceeds into the kitchen. He brings out the holo-message player and plays Mom's manual.] [Quietly] Breakfast ideas for pups. [message begins playing]
Holo-Margaret: [While playing, Jake grabs the ingredients] Recipe for french toast. Ingredients: butter, three large eggs, a wide dash of vanilla, milk, ten slices of bread-white, brown, multi-grain, or country loaf. In a large mixing bowl crack the eggs and whisk the milk, vanilla, and all eggs and honey. [While Jake talks to himself] When your consistency is satisfactory, set mixture aside. Dip bread in the mixture and soak thoroughly. Heat your oven to a high heat and sauté your egg soaked bread slices till golden and toasted and serve hot with sugar, cinnamon sugar, jam, ice cream, meat, whipped cream-
Jake: [Jake goes to check on the pups.] Hmm. [He pokes T.V., picks up his arm, and drops it]. Kinda like a dead person. [Returns to kitchen to cook] They're just asleep. It's okay. Ya gotta be a tough dad. [Slams the egg he was cracking onto the counter and knocks over the bowl] AAAAHHHH! [into holo-message player] The puppies aren't moving!
Holo-Margaret: Perform CPR, they might be dead!
Jake: AHHHH! [Jake stretches over to the pups and does shoddy CPR on Charlie. The pups wake up annoyed and groaning] Saved 'em! Mom's manual knows best!
[Scene chages to daytime. The pups are playing with each other on the floor and Jake gathers them up and puts them on the couch]
Jake: You guys are getting big! Okay! [yawns] Excuse me. Mom's manual suggests that I read you guys a story. [Pulls out "Baby Eating Fox and the Babies"] This was your daddy's favorite book when he was cute like you! [Where his name, "Jake" is on the book he adds " 's beautiful puppies" and begins to read. The pups look anxious and look forward to the book. Half way through, he begins to hesitate.]


There once was five little babies who were very cute and very chubby.
One day, they met a fox.
"I'm so hungry that there
must be something
wrong with
my stomach," said the baby
eating fox.
"Will one of you babies be so kind as to look inside my belly and see what's wrong"?
"We all will!" said the babies who were as helpful as they were chubby.


Jake: This is a lot darker than I remember! Um, gimme a sec. [Jake has realized how morbid the book is and goes to consult the manual] Is this appropriate for babies?
Holo-Margaret: [gasps] Get that book out of here!
Jake: Yeah, okay. Sorry sweeties, Mom's manual says no. [T.V. throws a rubber duck at Jake's hat. Jake molds his head to form a new one]
Lady: 자기야, 애들 데리고 나가서 바람좀 쐬고 오지 그래? ("Hey honey, why don't you go outside and have some fresh air with the kids?")
Jake: Take 'em out for fresh air huh? [He stretches to look outside] There m- there might be a giant fox out there. [falls asleep] Or some-some other predator. [wakes up] Hey! [The pups were reading the book and Jake snatched it away] This's not for babies! [He throws the book out the window and it lands next to a sleeping fox]
Mr. Fox: [wakes up] Hey, free book.
[Mr. Fox returns to the foxes' collective home and shows them the book]
Mr. Fox: Hey! Hey everybody look! Look at this book I found about eating babies! [fox walla] They just sit there while you eat them. [Shows a picture of the baby walking into the fox's mouth]
Fox #1: Whoa! Eatin' babies.
Fox #2: Why haven't we been eating babies this whole time? [coughs out the rock it was eating]
Mr. Fox: I don't know, but I'm going to go eat one right now. [fox walla]
[Jake has the pups on leashes for a walk through he woods]
Jake: Okay everyone, your mom wanted me to take y'all out side. [T.V. reaches for a flower, but is pulled back] Ah ah ah, be careful. [Charlie flies up to catch a butterfly, but is pulled down] No Charlie, no. Too much germs, you know? [The butterfly glances back in response to being called "germy"] Everybody just stick together and don't do anything and we can all take a nap.
[The pups are disgruntled and when Jake falls asleep, they all teleport out of their leashes]
Jake: Then- [Jake walks into a spiky branch] Ah! Uh! [opens his eyes to find Jake Jr. playing with a rust sword, Kil Whan putting various mushrooms on his nose, Charlie dancing with a frog, T.V. swinging on a branch, and Viola in a tree]
Jake: AHHHH! OH MY GLOOB! No! NoOoOoO! IT'S EVERY PARENT'S WORST NIGHTMARE! NO! No! Noo! [Jake scrambles to catch his pups as they run away like it's a game] Put that down! Get outta there! Ah, come back! Wait T.V., you're gonna hurt yourself! Charlie, nooooo! Viola, wait!
Lady: [Lady sees them through the window] 얘들아! 비올라! 제이크 2세! 그만해! 찰리! 김길환! 아빠 좀 고만 괴롭히고 안에 들어와! ("Hey kids! Viola! Jake Jr.! Stop it! Charlie! Kim Kil-Whan! Stop messing with daddy and go inside!")
Jake: [Lady comes down to see Jake] Hey Lady. These puppies are really wearing me out, you know? I can hardly keep my eyes open.
Lady: 제이크, 자기 혼자 난리치는 거야. 우리 애들 걱정 안 해도 돼. 자기가 너무 과잉보호라니까. ("Jake, you're getting obsessed just all by yourself. Our kids have nothing to worry about. You're being overprotective.")
Jake: No, no it's- it's all in the manual you see- it's- it-it's got a fe- [falls asleep]
Lady: 아이야이야. 필요 없을 때만 난리라니까. ("Ai yai yai! He makes a fuss whenever it's not necessary.")
Fox #3: [The foxes are eyeing Jake from the bushes] Is that a baby? It doesn't look right. Why's he so sweaty. And hairy.
Mr. Fox: Look, fellas, there's never gonna be a perfect baby. Times like this ya just gotta dive right in. [The foxes move in]
Lady: Goochy goochy goo! [Playing with Viola] 아, 얘들아, 가서 아빠 좀 도와드려라. [Oh, kids, go and help dadddy.] [Lady sees the foxes drag Jake away through the window]
Jake: What the- What are you doing?! Let me go! [struggles in vain] Hold on, hold on a minute. Just- just lemme- Y'all better watch out! [Tries to stretch, but is too tired. He looks up and sees the pups flying towards him] Puppies?! What are you doing?! Go back inside! The manual's gonna flip!
Jake Jr.: Dad! The manual's a buncha junk! Just give us a chance.
Jake: Jake Jr.! You said your first words! "The manual's a buncha junk!" ... The manual's a buncha junk? Hmm. [Flashback begins. Margaret is protecting Jake from a cobra in front of a butcher's shop]
Flashback Margaret: Stay back Jakey, my manual says it's too dangerous. [Holding holomanual that is freaking out (it's all it can do anyway)]
Flashback Jake: Mom. Your manual's a buncha junk! Look what I can do! [Flexing his mutant powers' muscle (and his independence), Jake gives the cobra an extra-large knuckle sandwich and laughs]
Flashback Margaret: Oh... dear... glob! [Flashback ends]
Jake: I'm sorry for being such a little stinker kids. Come on and show the old man watcha got!
Pups: 수학! ("Mathematical!") [The pups crash into the ground and form a Super Pup] 아빠 몸체이동! [Move Dad into body!")

Jake: [Jake is beamed into the middle of the super pup] Whoa! What the-
Pups: 무지개 뱅! ("Rainbow Bang!") [The pups blast the foxes to temporarily blind them] 프리즘 TBA 작동! ("Initiate prism cyclone!") [They spin like a spinning top, throwing and zapping the foxes]
Jake Jr.: [The super pup disassembles] Ya see, dad? We flippin' crushed it. Crushed it!
Jake: You did! I'm super proud y'all and I'm duper sorry too. [Gathers the pups in his arms] I've been tryin' to make you know about safety without actually learning about safety the way I did, by not listening to MY mom when that snake jumped out of the policeman's boombox.
Lady: [Lady flies up excited] 애기들아! 참 잘했어! 너네 정말 대단했어! ("Well done, babies! You were awesome!")
Jake: Yup! I've been tryin' to make them about safety without actually learning about safety the way I did, by not listening to MY mom when that snake jumped out of the policeman's boombox.
[BMO sings the "Bread Song." BMO is dancing and singing on Finn's stomach while holding bread all the while Finn has BMO's controller in his mouth tapping out a beat and laughing]
Jake: Hey guys. I'm back. [walks up the stairs]
Finn: [BMO and Finn look over concernedly] Is everything okay?
BMO: Did you ruin it?
Jake: Nah, nah, it's cool. It turns out the pups can pretty much take care of themselves. They don't really need me around.
Finn: Oh.
Jake: Yeah. I guess rainicorns age really fast. They're basically like older than me already. Kil Whan has a beard now!
Finn: Oh!
Jake: Ah, it's okay! I got a slammin' family right here too! [hugs them] Plus all my stuff is here.

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Jake the Dog" from season 5, which aired on November 12, 2012.

Characters
Finn
Jake
The Lich
Prismo
Farmworld Finn
Farmworld Jake
Finn's mom
Finn's Dad
Finn's Baby Brother
Cosmic Owl
Music
Three Nice Dudes
Locations
Farmworld
Time Room
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[Finn puts on crown and glows with power]
Finn: [Coughs and pushes Marceline off of Bartram with his robotic arm]
Marceline: I warned you, dingle.
Finn: I can hear the crown's promise of power. Invading my brain! [Coughs up snow slug and ascends] [Uses his ice powers to put out the fire and turns toward the Destiny Gang]. Destiny Gang! [Freezes them] Yay! [hurls jagged shaped ice at the rest]
Marceline: Careful there. Careful! Oh, dangit! [Runs towards the cave bushes with Jake] Oh, Simon [While inside cave staring at the bomb.] [Gasp] one more hit and that baby's gonna burst!
[Scene: outside, Finn continues to hurl ice]
Finn: Ice lightning!
[Scene: inside the cave the ice surround the bomb splits]
Marceline: Ah, dingle!
[The bomb has exploded, sending out green smoke and shrieking skulls. Finn turns towards it.]
Finn: What's happening?!! [Sees a frightened Bartram] Bar Bar! I'll save you [hugs him and puts up a ice shield that encases them both]
[Scene: the ice shield breaks apart. The scene goes back to the Time Room]
Jake: Finn? Finn?! Hey guy, where's my buddy?
Prismo: Oh, when he wished for the Lich to have never existed [sips mug, and lets it go, it floats upward.] Finn left my time room and entered his wish altered reality. We can watch him on my TV wall. [A remote materializes and Prismo pushes the ON button. The TV wall shows Finn with Bartram.]
[Scene: Farmworld]
Finn: Oooh...
Jake: Whoa. Alternate-wish-world-Finn is mad uglies! [Shift to Bartram] Hey, I'm mad uglies too!
Finn: [Still holding Bartram and hoisting himself up to look over the shield]
Jake: Everything looks nuts!
Prismo: Yes, sometimes a well intentioned wish can lead to... "nuts." But you know, you get a wish too.
Jake: [Excitedly] What?!
Prismo: Yup, totally. [Hits mute on the remote.] You can have anything you want.
Jake: I wish for- a sandwich!
Prismo: A sandwich, your gonna waste your one wish on a sandwich?! You don't want anything else?
Jake: Nah, sandwich is good, [Demonstrates the size with this hands.] maybe about... this big.... or this big. On ciabatta bread maybe... mmm I don't know, whatever you have is your choice.
Prismo: Dude, I'll just make you a sandwich! You should use your wish on something important.
Jake: [Silent]
Prismo: You know... on someone who might need it. [Hints with his eyes by looking at TV wall, Jake just stares blankly] I'm talking about him over there!
Jake: Oooh...
[Scene: Farmworld, Finn wipes away ash from a ice covered house, uses his metal arm to smash an opening. A view of his family members shows they are all safe.]
Mom: Oh! Finn? Huh?
[Scene: the green smoke and skulls continue to swirl above. The family steps out of the home.]
Mom: What, what on earth did this?
Finn: I did this.
Mom: No, that's not possible. I raised you better than that!
Finn: It's true...[Begins to laugh then cackle]
Mom: [Gasps loudly and hugs the baby.]
Finn: I put out there fire... but I... also made the bomb go off. Urgh! The crown it compels me to- ice up everything!
[A lighting bolt hits the ground frightening everyone, with Bartram rearing.]
Finn: [Laughs manically and stops once he hears the cries of his sibling.] Urghah! I'm sorry mom, dad, little sibling. [Sighs] [He walks over to his family and picks them up to place them on Bartram]. I'm too dangerous... to be around.
Mom: What are you doing?
Finn: Take them... far away Bar Bar. [Smacks Bartram's hindquarters.] Leave me! Leave me...
[Scene: Time Room, with TV wall still on mute.]
Prismo: Looks like your friend is having a pretty rough time.
Jake: [Holding a sandwich and chewing a bit of it in his mouth.] Mmm, yeah, ah well, it's Finn's wish. Let's just see how it plays out. I got confidence in my boy! [Shifts backside into a chair structure and sits.] Besides, I'll hang onto my wish in case i need it. [Takes a bite of the sandwich and the pickle falls out onto the floor.] Awww!
Prismo: Don't worry dude I gotcha covered! [Materializes a jar of pickles.] They're homemade.
Jake: I love you Prismo.
Prismo: Oh yee!! [Laughs and blushes.]
Jake: [Shifts back to normal to grab jar.] I'm serious man, you're like a strong number three on my 'Cool Guys List.' Ah man, my dad use to make pickles [Opens jar and takes one out], it's all he use to talk about, he'd obsess about them all the time, when I'd come in from playing he'd be like: "Here, Jake, try these!" [Bits pickle, continues with his mouth full.] And they'd be pretty crunchy... actually you'd think they'd be soft but they weren't. I'd be like: "Wow dad! You'd made these pretty good!" [Stuffs last bit of pickle in mouth.] Yeah, that was dad.
Prismo: [Nodding]
[Scene: Farmworld, Finn finds a frozen Destiny Gang members and breaks them out of the ice.]
Finn: Rise... my wintry warriors...
Trami: Tromo!
Tromo: Trami! Why am I cold and confused?!
Finn: Fear not, icicle child! For I have brought you into a new life!
Tromo: Eeh? The Mertens kid?
Finn: The age of ice and whispering snow! [Frees Tromo, who runs to free Trami.]
Trami: Hey, crack me loose T!
Tromo: Come on!
Trami: You see Big Destiny anywhere?
Big Destiny: Big D's chillin' over here, wasteland style.
[Both Destiny members try to free Big Destiny.]
Finn: Come back! Only I can protect ya'll. [Touches ground to freeze gang.] Stay...
Trami: Aaa! My kicks!
Finn: Can't you hear the- the whispers?
Tromo: Forget Big D! Let's go!
Big Destiny: I've taught you well, my traitorous gang.
Finn: [Crawls on top of Big Destiny's back.] The voices... they tell me to freeze the world.
Big Destiny: Get off of me, you weirdo!
Finn: I am the end and the beginning. I am the hand of madness. [Hears barking and turns in direction.] Jake?
[Scene: Time Room, Prismo and Jake are sitting in a hot tub next to the TV wall, still muted, and Jake continues to eat his sandwich.]
Prismo: Dude, I get out of relationships because I don't want to have a discussion about what we're gonna have for dinner every night! Cause when I'm alone I can just sit on the couch and I'm hungry I can eat whatever I want. It's not like: [High pitched voice] "What should we eat for breakfast? Wait! We should coordinate!" [Normal voice] That's a pain.
Jake: [Eating sandwich, talking with full mouth.] Mm-mm, man your view of relationships is very bleak, don't you get lonely?
Prismo: I have friends.
Cosmic Owl: [Enters doorway] Hello, hello. Hey, so I brought over the- [Gasp, as he sees Prismo and Jake in the hot tub.] What is this singular doing in this realm?!
Prismo: He's just here making a wish Cosmic Owl.
Cosmic Owl: But I brought games! We were gonna hang!
Prismo: ...after. Come on, get in here.
Cosmic Owl: Okay. [Puts down games and flies to the hot tub. In the top right view of the door, we can see the games moving away from the door.]
[Scene: Farmworld, Finn spots Jake half in and half out of a pool of green liquid.]
Finn: Jake? Jake! [Pulls the dog out. But a pair of arms are grabbing his waist. They turn out to be Marceline's who is now a skeleton.]
Marceline: I warned you... you butt...
Finn: Raah! [Kicks Marcline's skull.] [Pants heavily.]
Jake: [Now conscious and ferociously biting Finn's metal arm.]
Finn: [Voice altered] Don't worry Jake, I'll share the secrets of ice and snow with thee. Heh heh, the power of frost! Power of frost! The power of fros-
[Scene: Time Room, all three in the hot tub, TV wall still muted.]
Jake: Three, two, one... go!
[Prismo begins beat boxing. Cosmic Owl eats a chip.]
Jake: We're three nice dudes, havin' fun! We got warm bubble water, on our buns! I love this spa, and that's a fact! But if I stay too long, I get a pruny back! [Begins beat boxing as well.]
[Cosmic Owl drums in time. Reaches for another chip and hits the remote's mute button, causing it to 'unmute' the TV wall.]
Finn: Jake... Jake, what are you doing?
Lich/Jake: [Possessed, crawls towards Finn.]
Finn: Back off my crown, Jake! I warn you!
Jake: Hey man, I'm right here! That's not me man!
Lich/Jake: [Grows into a large threatening form.] Ah ha ha ha ha!
Finn: [Flies up and blast him with ice. This causes the screen to go static.]
Jake: Finn! I'm in the spa bath! Oh man!
Prismo: Maybe now, you would like to use your wish?
Jake: [Panics and inflates his head] Make Finn okay! I wish for a safe Finn! [cite]
Prismo: Wait, dude! Look, I like you, so you should know my wishes always got an ironic twist to them. It's like a monkey's paw kind of thing.
Jake: [Shrinks back to normal] What?
Prismo: You just gotta be really specific. Say your wish is: "I wish for a back rub." Who's gonna give it to you? A dirty man? A bear? And where does this "masseuse" come from? Do I zap some guy away from his family dinner? Leave some kid traumatized?
Cosmic Owl: Woo!
Prismo: [Nasal voice] Mom, where did dad go? [High pitched voice] Oh, I don't know son he just disappeared from the table... sorry.
Jake: [Looks shocked.]
Prismo: You see, Jake there are rules to this stuff, wishing an event to be changes elements before and after it. Memories will be destroyed, babies will not be born. Potential worlds could be evaporated by your wish!
Jake: [Vomits.]
Prismo & Cosmic Owl: [Exits the hot tub.] Ewww! Uugh!
Jake: [Exits the tub.] I'm sorry, that's a lot of pressure man...
Prismo: Focus, Jake! [Materializes hard boiled egg.] Here, eat this egg, it's brain food.
Jake: [Eats egg and picks himself up.] Oh, okay. Ooo, think... think!
Prismo: [Sighs] Okay, there is a way to bring back all life and get home.
Jake: [Stares at Prismo with surprise.]
Prismo: You just have to ch...
Jake: Chaa...
Prismo & Jake: Chaaange...
Prismo: The Lii-
Jake: The lipstick!
Prismo: The Liiich's...
Jake: The Lich's...
Prismo & Jake: Ooowiii....sssh...ish
Jake: [Gasps] Change the Lich's wish!
Prismo: And go home.
Jake: And go home! Okay, okay, I wish Lich's wish- was for me.
Prismo: Aa-ah!
Jake: And Finn, to go back home to Ooo!
Prismo: I can work with that. Alright, this has been nice, see ya! [Granting the wish, Jake disappears from the room.]
Cosmic Owl: Woo! [Waves goodbye.]
[Scene: outside the Time Room, Jake holding onto Finn bounces on a floating rock and enters the door way. They stare into the room to see Prismo and the Lich, the Lich chuckles as he's about the wish for his wish.]
Lich: I wish- for the extinction of all [head starts shaking rapidly] li-i-if for Finn and Jake to go back home to Ooo. Huh!? No wait, what's not what I wished for!
Prismo: Sorry guy, you only get one wish. Hey Jake, did you see that? Monkey's paw.
[Scene: Finn and Jake reappear back in Ooo in front of the Candy Kingdom. Princess Bubblegum rushes towards them.]
Finn: Jake! What the? Why would the Lich wish... what? Jake?!
Jake: [Getting teary eyed.] It worked!
Finn: [Getting hugged by Jake.] Jake! This is serious! Something really messed up is happening!
Jake: Ha ha! It already happened! And it never happened!
Princess Bubblegum: What? What happened?!
Jake: Nothing, cause I saved everybody!
[Suddenly the gems of power float into the air and scatter back to their owner's crowns as they lay sleep.]
[Scene: the Ice Kingdom with the Ice King scolding Gunter who is wearing a sign: "I Steal Jewels."]
Ice King: Oh Honey, I told you, you can take the sign off when you tell me where you hid daddy's crown jewels.
Gunter: Wenk!
Ice King: Gunter! Huh? [Sees jewels flying through the window, the force is enough to knock him off his throne.] Woo wowsers!
[Scene: in front of the Candy Kingdom a jar of pickles materializes.]
Finn: What's that?
[Finn and Jake quickly walk over to the jar.]
Jake: [Picks up jar and reads a small note.] Hmm...
Prismo: [Voice over] If you want to come back and hang out some time. Call me - P.[The letter P glows pink]
Jake: I gotta get that guy a girlfriend.

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Jake the Starchild" from season 10, which aired on March 18, 2018.

Characters
Finn
Clockbear
Jake
Warren Ampersand
Aliens (controlled by Warren)
Ixcano (controlled by Warren)
Music
None
Locations
Joshua and Margaret's Old Office
Nerraw
Jakeseum
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[The episode opens at Joshua and Margaret's old office, picking up where The First Investigation ended. Finn and Clock Bear are stood outside, and Finn is on the phone.]
Finn: Hey, Kim Kil Whan. We solved the mystery of the haunted office. It was Clockbear the whole time... Yeah, uh, Jake's around here somewhere.
[Jake is in the alleyway around the back of the house.]
Jake: Man, it's crazy to think I was born here. In this alley. Popped right out of my dad's head for some reason. [Jake suddenly notices that Warren Ampersand is standing right next to him.] Yaah! You scared me there, what with the appearing out of thin air and staring at me all creepy and now you're just reaching towards me.
[Warren Ampersand touches Jake's shoulder. Jake turns blue.]
Warren Ampersand: [Coughs] Let's go, son. [Laughs menacingly as he shapeshifts in preparation to create a portal.]
Jake: Son? I ain't nobody's son but Joshua and Margaret! Though it is weird that you got exactly the same stretchy power as me.
Warren Ampersand: [Laughs] It's not weird. It's fate! We have to leave, like - [He shoots out a bunch of lasers which form a portal] right now!
Jake: Wait, can Finn come with us? We're kind of a package deal.
Warren Ampersand: Oh, that's kind of a bad idea. Our home world's atmosphere is, uh, poisonous to his kind.
Jake: Well then I'd better write him a note. [He takes out a pen and some paper and writes a note.]
Warren Ampersand: Destiny calls!
Jake: Whoa!
[Warren grabs Jake and pulls him through the portal. Jake drops the note onto the ground, leaving it behind as the portal closes.]
Finn: [From off screen] Jake?
[The scene changes. Jake and Warren are flying through the portal together.]
Jake: Who are you, anyway?
Warren Ampersand: My name is Warren Ampersand. I'm your alien bio-dad! Heh-heh. [He sweats slightly as he laughs.]
Jake: Why do you keep laughing?
Warren Ampersand: [Laughs] I'm nervous.
[Jake and Warren emerge out the other end of the portal onto Nerraw.]
Warren Ampersand: [Laughs and then grunts and coughs as they land.] Welcome to your home planet - Nerraw.
Jake: Great fantasy sci-fi vibe, man. And that black hole really adds an extra dimension to the place.
Warren Ampersand: Years ago, I left this beautiful planet and traveled to Ooo to implant my destiny-rich, stretchy DNA into a compatible host.
Jake: That explains a lot, actually.
Warren Ampersand: But now I'm dying.
Jake: What?
Warren Ampersand: I used the last of my strength [coughs] to bring you home.
[The scene changes. Jake and Warren are walking through the "city" on Nerraw.]
Alien: [Gasps] He's here!
Jake: Huh?
Aliens: [Gasping and whispering indistinctly to each other.] Is that Jake? It's really him! Did you see him? Look over there. Look. That's Jake!
Jake: Warren, how does everyone know me?
Warren Ampersand: Because you're the most important person to have ever lived. Behold! The Jakeseum!
[They enter the museum.]
Jake: A museum? All about me?!
Aliens: [Gasping] It's Jake! Jake! Jake! It's Jake!
Alien 1: Will you sign my prophecy book?
Alien 2: Will you sign my pretzel?
Jake: This is wild. But it feels so right, you know? [Gasps when he notices some pictures on the wall] Hey! It's my fifth birthday party. And my graduation. And when I put a snail in my mouth. And when a snail put me in its mouth. And... [The final picture depicts Jake fighting a monster] No. I don't remember this one.
Warren Ampersand: [Laughs] That's an artist's interpretation of the great prophecy. Tomorrow, you are prophesied to battle Ixcano, a monster with tentacles stretching across the galaxy to strangle everything. You alone can banish him to the darkness.
[The scene changes. Warren and Jake are walking outside again.]
Warren Ampersand: I've researched your world and created the ideal child room. See? [They enter a bedroom.] Space stuff, dinosaurs, and cowboys.
Jake: Cool. But you know it's a little late to try connecting with me, right? [Gasps] Is that clown cake for me? [He shrinks himself and excitedly begins eating the cake.]
Warren Ampersand: [Chuckles] I got you something else, too. [He holds up a wrapped present.]
[Jake gasps, unwraps the present, and gasps again. It's a belt inscribed with the words "Galaxy Saviour".]
Warren Ampersand: What do you think of your old dad's present?
Jake: [Wearing the belt] I love it! Still never gonna call you dad, though.
Warren Ampersand: Oh, I wouldn't dream of asking. But I hope you don't mind if I still wear this. [He is wearing a matching belt inscribed with "Proud Pop".]
[Scene changes. Warren and Jake are walking through a cheering crowd of aliens towards a door, wearing their belts. Jake blows kisses at the crowd.]
Aliens: [Cheering] Good luck, Jake! Savior us!
Warren Ampersand: [Laughs] This is the Sacred Temple of Pannishment. The temple door can only be unlocked by a stretchy dog.
Jake: With key ha-a-a-a-a... [He trails off as he sees the door] Uh...
Warren Ampersand: Beyond this door, there lies an ancient, awesome weapon called the Panzark.
Jake: I am so ready for this. This must be why I can stretch.
Warren Ampersand: Yeah, that totally tracks.
Jake: Hup!
[Jake enters the complicated series of tubes on the front of the door, laughing and grunting as he fills them with his body. The belts begin to glow.]
Jake: [Struggling] This is so complicated and rewarding.
Warren Ampersand: You're doing great, son!
Jake: Almost there. [Grunting]
Aliens: [Chanting] Jake! Jake! Jake! Jake! Jake! Jake! Jake! Jake!
[Jake sighs with relief as he reaches the top of the door. The door creaks and swings open. The crowd cheers, and Jake laughs weakly.]
Warren Ampersand: The Panzark!
Jake: [Grunting, he picks up the Panzark and carries it outside.] Yay!
[Scene changes to night. Jake is lying in the bedroom. He looks decrepit and old.]
Jake: [Moans] Saving the galaxy's exhausting. I'm dying... for a soft pretzel with mustard. [Groans]
[Jake flops onto the floor and slithers like a pancake towards a curtained doorway that reads "private".]
Jake: [Reading] "Pri-tzels"! Oh. "Pri-vate".
Warren Ampersand: [From behind curtain] Hello, there, you handsome young devil. Have we met? [Jake slithers through the curtain and sees Warren talking to himself in a mirror.] Oh wait, it's just me! I didn't recognize this smooth, young skin or these vigorous kneecaps.
[Jake withdraws from the room quietly, a little creeped out. The scene changes to daytime. Jake is snoring in his bed, and is suddenly awoken by Warren energetically placing a lap tray on top of him.]
Jake: Oof!
Warren Ampersand: [Removing lid from the lap tray] It's another clown cake, with a side of cocktail hot dogs.
Jake: Dude, weren't you, like, dying?
Warren Ampersand: [Ignoring him] Shush, son! [He bats the clown cake to the floor and points out the window.] Ixcano approacheth!
[There is a rumbling and growling as tentacles appear on the horizon. There is screaming as they begin to grab aliens.]
Jake: Oh, dang.
Warren Ampersand: I'll go grab the Panzark.
[Warren smashes out the side of the building with great energy, carrying Jake and the Panzark. He places them both down.]
Jake: So how do I-
Warren Ampersand: You just gotta stretch through the convolutions of the Panzark to activate its kill beam.
Jake: More stretching, huh? [He grunts as he enters the Panzark.] Here comes the hero.
Warren Ampersand: Stretch, baby! Stretch!
[Jake continues to stretch through the tubes of the Panzark. His belt glows brightly. The Panzark lights up and fires a beam at Ixcano. The aliens cheer.]
Warren Ampersand: You're doing it, son!
Jake: Ugh. This is too much.
[More lasers are fired at Ixcano as Jake struggles through the tubes. He tires out and the tube he's in shatters. The Panzark deactivates.]
Warren Ampersand: Jake!
Aliens: Jake! Jake! Ja-
[The aliens suddenly stop cheering and recede into the ground. Ixcano disappears back over the horizon. The Panzark also collapses and recedes into the ground. Jake is left withered and aged, lying on the ground.]
Jake: What's going on? Where's that Ixcano jerk?
Warren Ampersand: I have a confession. There is no Ixcano. I made it all up.
Jake: So... you're not really dying?
Warren Ampersand: No, I was dying. I needed to siphon your precious stretchy essence to keep me young and virile. I use these belts as a conduit. The more you stretch, the stronger I grow! I've done it hundreds of times, to hundreds of sons. [He demonstrates by stretching his palm to show himself draining energy from a set of other figures.] But I never felt guilty before. Maybe it's because you're so much cooler than my other kids.
Jake: Well, I am cool.
Warren Ampersand: Or maybe it's this feeling your kind calls... low-key affection? I- I low-key affection you, son. [He kisses Jake on the head.]
Jake: I'm sorry, Dad. [Begins crying] I wasn't powerful enough to destroy Ixcano! [Sobbing]
Warren Ampersand: What? No. It was just me stretching the whole time. The Panzark. The people.
Jake: You're just saying that to make me feel better.
Warren Ampersand: I'll prove it. [He shapeshifts to resemble Finn.] "I'm Finn! I like pizza and dangerous girls." And here's Joshua! [He extends a new appendage and shapeshifts it to resemble Joshua.] "I'm no Warren Ampersand, but I guess I raised you."
Jake: [Chuckles] Do more!
Warren Ampersand: [Creates Lady Rainicorn.] "I'm Lady! Neigh." Oh, I know. You like parties! [Creates a bunch of party bears.] Here's a bunch of party bears!
Jake: [Laughs] Make more party bears! And make the tree house! Put party bears on the tree house! Put party bears in the sky!
Warren Ampersand: [Chuckles weakly] Okay.
[Warren fulfils each of Jake's requests as he lists them. He begins to noticeably age, while Jake is slowly restored.]
Jake: Keep stretching, you old phoney. It only makes me stronger! [He stands up, revealing that he has switched the belts.]
Warren Ampersand: Belt switch! But how?!
Jake: Old-fashioned grifting, ya rube!
[In a flashback, Jake is shown switching the belts while Warren was distracted by his crying. The flashback ends.]
Jake: My real dad taught me that trick.
Warren Ampersand: But I was a proud pop!
Jake: I'm the proud pop of a whole bunch of pups. The belt totally applies to me as well. [He shapeshifts to look like a photograph of his children.] See?
Warren Ampersand: Five stretchy pups.
Jake: Whuh-oh.
Warren Ampersand: You saved me after all! [He tries to open a portal, but he doesn't have the energy.] Out of juice. I need those pups!
Jake: Don't even think about it!
[Warren boards a tiny rocket ship. The whole of Nerraw is sucked up into the ship, leaving behind only a barren asteroid, the clown cake, and some cocktail sausages.]
Warren Ampersand: Can't wait to meet my grandkids and drain their essence. [The rocket takes off.]
Jake: Aw, nah! [He grabs the rocket out of the sky.] Leave my kids alone! [He moves the rocket towards the black hole.]
Warren Ampersand: If you destroy me, you'll be stuck on that rock forever!
Jake: My pups are worth it! [He throws the rocket into the black hole.]
Warren Ampersand: Not the singularity! I just wanted to live forever! [He leaps out of the rocket as it gets spaghettified and looks at the black hole below him.] I see now. This fleshy form has taken me as far as it can. I'm going 4-D, baby. [He is spaghettified.]
Jake: Bye, Warren Ampersand. Thanks for reminding me what it means to be a good dad [He reverts to his normal yellow color.] by being the worst dad ever. Never even got a pretzel.

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Jake vs. Me-Mow" from season 3, which aired on November 21, 2011.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Wildberry Princess
Me-Mow
Wildberry Guards
Music
None
Locations
Wildberry Kingdom
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

Jake: You've got a lot of meat, Wildberry Princess.
Wildberry Princess: Yeah, well, you know.
Finn: Thanks for cook-a-looking for us.
Wildberry Princess: Oh, you're welcome, Finn, and thank you for answering my urgent summons.
Finn: Hey, yeah. How can we aid thee? [Eats a piece of pie]
Wildberry Princess: Oh, it's nothing really. Someone's trying to kill me.
[Finn and Jake spit take, their food flies in each other’s mouth, Finn gags]
Jake: Still tastes good.
Wildberry Princess: It's no big deal. Finish your pie.
Finn: It is a big deal, and I demand deets.
Wildberry Princess: Okay.
Jake: [Mouth full] I'm listening, but I'm gonna keep eating. [Chews pie tray]
Wildberry Princess: [Goes over to a table] I suspect that I've been targeted by the Guild of Assassins.
Finn: Whoa, how do you know?
Wildberry Princess: I found this note stabbed to my door... man. [Lifts up a note from the Guild of Assassins with a knife pierced through it]
Finn: [Gasps] Princess, we vow to protect your juice. Right, Jake?
[Jake is devouring a pie messily]
Jake: Sometimes, I think there's a monster who lives in my stomach, and that's why I'm hungry all the time. [Giggles and continues eating]
Finn: Uhh, Princess, let's continue this briefing outside. I can't look at his mouth when he gets like this.
[Close-up of Jake's mouth belching, Finn and Wildberry Princess leave the room. Jake puts down the pie tin and wipes his mouth, eyes another pie and taps the table with his arm]
Jake: [Whispering] Princess, want me to finish off your pie? [Jake stretches his hand into a Wildberry Princess-shaped puppet and imitates her voice] Yes, Jake. All my pies. [Jake begins to eat the pie when he sees something inside it. He continues eating to find a small cat] Hmm...hehehehehehe, a tiny cat. [The cat hisses and bares her claws at Jake] Whoa!
Me-Mow: [Jumps on Jake's face] Quiet! Or you die! [Points a syringe of poison at him].
Jake: [Gasps] You're the assassin!
Me-Mow: [Saluting] Me-mow, assassin second class, ...but once I take out a princess, I g'aduate to full membership.
Jake: Well, I'm no princess, sister!
Me-Mow: Yes, I know, but since you've blown my cover, you will slay Wildberry Princess.
Jake: What!? I'd rather be injected with poison!
Me-Mow: Oh. Uh... okay.
Jake: I mean, I will assassinate Wildberry Princess.
Me-Mow: Good. Oh, and if you try to trick me, I'll poison you. [Climbs into Jake's nose]
Jake: [Stifled] My nose! [It should be noted that until otherwise noted all lines from Me-mow show her inside of Jake's nose]
Me-Mow: Blagh! It's like worn garbage up in here!
(Finn and Wildberry Princess re-enter)
Wildberry Princess: You done in there, Jake?
Jake: Oh, uh, yeah. So, um, Wildberry Princess. So, maybe it wouldn't be so bad to be killed.
Wildberry Princess: [Nervously backs off] W-w-why would you say that?
Finn: Dude, are you trying to freak her out?
Jake: I don't know. I'm just thinking out loud here.
Finn: Are you trying to freak me out?
Jake: Uh, I'm sorry, Wildberry Prin...cess... [Hears bells, looks at a bag of meat, grabs Wildberry Princess's crown] You should... let me... do something... and... it will be...good. [Places Wildberry Princess's crown on the meatbag]
Me-Mow: What's going on out there? [Looks through Jake's nostril to see the meatbag with Wildberry Princess's crown]
Jake: [Punching the meatbag] Eat this! And that! Ooh, how do you like this, Princess! Duoo!
Wildberry Princess: [confused] Uh... That's very good?
Jake: I'm gonna pick you up now and carry you... to the window!
[Jake carries meatbag to the window]
Finn: Jake, what are you...
Wildberry Princess: No! Stop! Please!
[Me-mow smiles, Jake tosses meatbag out the window and it splats on the ground]
Jake: Wildberry Princess is dead! [Puts a finger to his mouth] Shh... [Gives a thumbs up, Finn and Wildberry Princess are speechless]
Me-Mow: You did it! Well done! I guess I'll be on my way.
[Goes to pick up her syringe when a voice pipes up]
Wildberry Guard #1: Princess! Oh, Princess! [Wildberry guards rush into doorway]
Wildberry Guard #2: You're alive!
Wildberry Guard #1: We saw your crown next to a pile of dirtied meat, then we skipped on the meat and I thought I tasted your juice, but it was just blood from the meat. We're so glad it wasn't actually you!
Me-Mow: [Angry yell] Grraa!! You liar! [She injects Jake with the half of the poison from the syringe]
Jake: [pained groan] Oooh! [Jake collapses over and his skin tint turns green]
Finn: Jake?
Me-Mow: Okay, Jake. I've injected you with half the poison, you'll be dead in thirty minutes, unless you kill the princess, which is when I'll give you the antidote [Me-mow holds up a tube of pink liquid with her tail]
Jake: Finn [grabs Finn's shirt] help me!
Finn: What's wrong?
Me-Mow: If you say anything, I'll stab you in the brain!
Jake: Uhh... Finn, uh, sing mom's lullaby. I'm so tired, Finn, from the meat. Please, you have to lull me to sleep.
Finn: Uhhh...
Jake: I know you carry mom's music box around in your backpack!
Finn: Dude, I'm not going to sing mom's lullaby in front of other people...
Jake: Please, pleeeaaase...
Finn: Alright, real quick while the princess is distracted. [he pulls out the music box and starts playing it; he begins singing "Sleepy Puppies"].
[Finn starts to fall over, lulled to sleep himself]
Jake: [Jake catches Finn with his hand jolting him awake] [whispers] Finn there's an assassin in my nose and she poisoned me and is making me kill Wildberry Princess!
Finn: Dude, stop playing games! This is serious!
[Jake covers Finn's mouth and grabs some meat from one of the pies and spells "cat → nose," but it's a bit sloppy]
Finn: Cat... noise? Oh, cats go "meow." Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow.
Jake: Shh!
Finn: Meowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeow!
Jake: Shh! Shh! Shh! [Finn continues]
[Jake wraps Finn up in his arms to quiet him, Finn mumbles loudly]
Finn: [muffled] Jake! Jake! What are you doing?!
Jake: [whispers] Sorry... [Jake throws Finn out the window onto the meat from earlier] [whispers again] Me-mow? Still asleep?
Me-Mow: [asleep] Gonna double cross Jake... and leave him to die...
Jake: Phew... If I can just grab that antidote... [He pokes Me-mows face twice then grabs it] Ah-ha!
Me-Mow: [asleep] Puppy... hoodies...
Jake: I did it!
[Finn comes back in the door]
Finn: What the flop, Jake!
Jake: [quiet] Noooooo!!
Me-mow: Treachery! Hiya! [Me-mow injects Jake's hand with more poison]
[Jake groans in pain]
Me-Mow: Time's running out, Jake! Do you want the antidote, or not?
Finn: What is wrong with you!
Jake: [Clearly intoxicated] Hey, everybody, everything's cool...
Finn: Everything's not cool, Wildberry Princess is still in danger!
Jake: Right, right, well, we should take her somewhere safer...
Me-Mow: Don't make me give you the rest.
Jake: I know where to stash you, princess. Follow me. [Jake walks out]
[Scene cuts to the top of a high cliff]
Jake: Here, nobody can take us by surprise. Finn, stand here with your back to the cliff. I'll stay with Wildberry Princess. [gravely] To do what must be done. [He prepares his hands to push Wildberry Princess]
Wildberry Princess: Oh, my, look at how close to the edge I am!
Me-Mow: Do it, Jake, do it!
Jake: I...I...I probably shouldn't!
[A bird swoops down trying to eat one of the sausages in Jake's ears; it hits him in the head and knocks Me-mow out onto the grass]
Finn: Huh? Jake!
Jake: [Falls over weakly] I'm full of poison...
Finn: The assassin!
Me-Mow: The name's Me-mow.
Finn: If you let Jake die, so help me I will kill you too!
Me-Mow: Try it, oaf!
Finn: Give me the antidote!
[Me-mow jumps on Finn's arm and runs around to his back and up his head in a comically long sequence demonstrating her size, she then jumps in a tree]
Finn: Face me, cat!
[Me-mow spits a knife out of her throat, and climbs down a tree, same as previous style. She puts a small cut in Finn's leg]
Finn: Ugh, ow!
[Me-mow slices one of Finn's backpack straps and gives him a small cut on the cheek]
Wildberry Princess: [shrieks, bent over the weakened Jake]
Finn: Give it up, Me-mow! You're only making my face look cooler!
[Finn throws his sword at Me-mow who is on a branch; it misses and gets stuck in the tree]
Me-Mow: You're at my mercy!
Finn: Ha, you think you're hurting me? With that tiny dagger?
Me-Mow: We'll see who's laughing when you're blind!
[Me-mow jumps at Finn's face, but he blows her away knocking her into a tree. Finn goes up to pin her to the tree, she puts her knife out and Finn puts his hand on it. He grunts but holds her]
Finn: It's over! Give me the antidote!
Me-Mow: What, this antidote? [Me-mow breaks the antidote on the tree]
Finn: No! You... milk-lapper! [Finn punches Me-mow out of his grip] Jake, come lick this treebark!
Jake: I'm coming-- [he starts crawling, but immediately puts his face to the ground]
Me-Mow: Forget it, kid. I gave Jake enough poison to kill a dog fifty times his size.
Finn: Oh, no... [starts crying next to Jake]
Finn and Jake: Wait! Oh yeah
Jake: [Takes a deep breath and enlarges his liver to 51 times its normal size] Dog liver times fifty-one!
Me-Mow: A magic dog? Nooooooo!!!!!!! [Jake shrinks] 
Finn: How you feeling, dude?
Jake: [singing like a rockstar] Big liver, big liver, yeah!!
Me-Mow: You've ruined me! I have to wait a whole year to retake the assassins test!

 

Wildberry Princess: Aww! What if I made you my royal pet?
[Me-mow jumps at Wildberry Princess in an attempt to attack her, but her berries pop off and Me-mow misses careening off the cliff]
Wildberry Princess: Oh, dear....
Finn: Nice defense mechanism, Wild B!

 

Jake: Are you naked?

 

Wildberry Princess: Oh, no, this is a medical condition. I need a hospital [groans]
Jake: Hehe, we all need a hospital.
[Finn and Jake laugh as they walk off with Wildberry Princess]
[Scene shifts to off the cliff: A bird flies by with Me-mow riding it. The episode ends with Me-mow glaring at Finn, Jake, and Wildberry Princess.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "James Baxter the Horse" from season 5, which aired on May 6, 2013.

Characters
Finn
Jake
BMO
Green Lollipop Girl
James Baxter
Candy Kids
Grass People
Tree People
Rock People
Music
BMO's Pregnant Song
Locations
Grass Lands
Candy Kingdom
Institute of So Und
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[Episode opens with BMO walking out of the Tree Fort door and singing a song, an egg is in a cup taped to its chest. As it dances in the large grass area it lifts up the eggs during the climax of the song. Suddenly, a butterfly swoops in and knocks the egg out of its hands. The egg smashes on the ground and BMO gasps and starts crying.]
[Upon hearing this Finn and Jake run up to see what has happened.]
Finn: [Sword drawn] Whoa whoa whoa.
Jake: BMO, what's wrong? [Placing his hands on BMO's frame.]
BMO: [Continues crying.]
Jake: I think he broke his egg.
Finn: Hey, it's okay BMO. Look, Jake and I will make you a funny face. [As Finn holds Jake, Finn stretches his mouth and he and Jake make noises.]
BMO: [Stares at the two but begins to cry again. Finn and Jake sit down looking defeated.]
Jake: Hey, BMO, this will cheer ya up! [He does a handstand and stretches his buttcheeks to enclose Finn's face.]
Finn: [Muffled] What the?! [Muffled screaming]
BMO: [Continues crying.]
[After a few seconds of this, Jake releases Finn and Finn breathes grasps for air.]
Jake: Well, I'm outta ideas. [Finn glares] What?
[Whinnying is heard and a horse balancing on a beach ball arrives. They all stand up to watch him.]
James Baxter: [Whinnies] James Baxter! James... Baxter!
BMO: [Begins to laugh]
Jake: Oh, man, James Baxter is so good, man. He always knows just what to say to cheer a guy up!
Finn: Yeah, man.
[Scene shifts to BMO and James Baxter, BMO is clapping and running after the horse as it continues to balance on the ball and say its name.]
Jake: So good!
Finn: Man, we should do it to! Do his thing and spread the good will!
Jake: Yeah, man, I wanna be like James Baxter, always rollin' in on a beach ball, saying his name in a horse voice, making people smile. [sighs] Let's do it!
Finn: [Laughs] Yeah!
[The scene is a funeral, four persons stand solemnly. Upon hearing noises they look up and turn towards Finn and Jake, who are in the bushes saying their names in a horse-like voices.]
Finn: [Neighs] Finn the Human!
Jake: [Neighs] Jake!
Finn: [Neighs] Finn!
Jake: [Neighs] Jake!
[The attendees are shocked and can only look at the two with mouths agape.]
Jake: [Whispering] Sheesh, tough crowd.
Finn: [Whispering] I think we should find an easier person to cheer up. It was a mistake to visit a funeral.
Jake: [Nods]
[Finn and Jake jump out of the bushes and run down a hill, away from the proceedings. As the attendees watch they quickly turn back around to see the coffin shake around.]
[The next scene is the neighborhood area of the Candy Kingdom. A green Lollipop Girl is humming a tune and holding an ice cream cone, but the ice cream drops from the cone and she begins to cry.] [Finn and Jake arrive once again saying their names in horse-like voice, only this time jumping up and down. The girl sees them and stops crying but is shocked at their behavior and becomes scared to a point that she loudly screams and runs away from them.]
Finn & Jake: [Continue making loud noises and running after the girl.]
Green Lollipop Girl: [Heads toward an alleyway in tears. She realizes she's trapped.]
Finn & Jake: [Stand in the alley's entrance and continue to make noises.]
Green Lollipop Girl: Eh, what do you want?! Please, I'm just a very sad girl!
Finn & Jake: [Don't answer and instead continue to make loud noises. This causes the girl to scream again, so loudly that both cover their ears and back out of the alley.]
[Proceeding scene, Finn and Jake are sitting on a hill, Finn sighs. They are looking down the hill to see James Baxter surrounded by Candy Kid as they cheer and laugh at his performance.]
Finn: That is so perfect!
Jake: Yeah, man, so unique!
James Baxter: James Baxter! James Baxter!
Finn: Man, what's he doing that we're not? We just gotta figure that out.
Jake: No, it's like, he's shredding on a guitar and learning how to shred isn't just copying the exact notes as someone else's solo. You need to learn how to do your own solo. [Imitates guitar riff.]
[Back at the Tree Fort, noises are heard. Inside Jake and Finn are making noises, contorting themselves and dancing around. BMO watches them.]
BMO: Why am I recording?
Finn: You're documenting our creative flow in case we make a breakthrough.
Jake: Dude, I think we do got something.
Finn: Let's check the video.
[The three are in the bathroom climbing into the tub with BMO.]
BMO: [Laughs] Bathtub, Bathtub!
[With clipboards in hand, Finn and Jake sit down to face BMO.]
Jake: Alright, BMO, play the video.
BMO: [Plays back the recording, then stops it.] Who's gonna scrub me?
Jake: I'll scrub, [to Finn] you take notes.
BMO: [Starts playing the recording again.]
Finn: Yeah, right there, speed it up.
Jake: [Adjust BMO's settings to speed up the video.]
Finn: Slow it down.
Jake: [Adjust BMO's settings to slow down the video.]
Finn: [Takes notes and laughs.]
Jake: [Laughs too.]
BMO: Yeah, that sounds makes me feel happy!
Finn: Good, good, happy is what we want.
Jake: BMO, zoom in on my mouth [laughs causing BMO to laugh too.]
Finn: Yeah, it's good, [stands up] but if we want to be "James Baxter" good, we gotta to go deeper.
[The scene shifts to a wooded area. Then shows BMO, Jake, and Finn with clipboard, walking in a clearing, they continue till they are seen walking up a tall hill with white trees, by then the sun is setting. They continue till they are inside the entrance way.]
Jake: The Institute of So Und.
Finn: [Yelling] Hey, hey man!
Receptor: [Turns towards Finn] I receive you. Welcome to the Sound Institute of So Und.
Finn: Where is the studio to make the best feel-good sound?
Receptor: Just think happy thoughts and follow the beat of your heart.
[Finn closes his eyes, puts his hand to his chest and walks in. He is followed by Jake and BMO, a thumping noise is heard. Finn suddenly stops and they bump into one another.]
Finn: Hold up.... This way... [they continue, walking along the paths. Finn gasp as they arrive at the room they are looking for.]
[The room is full of amplifiers and other electronic equipment.]
Jake: [Gasp] Look at this tricked out studio! Half stacks! Full stacks! Oooh, distortion pedals!
BMO: [Plays recording with close up of Jake's part, Finn plugs it to the amplifiers. The sound resonates throughout the room.]
Jake: These sounds make feel-good, right here. [puts hand over his heart area]
Finn: Right here. [Finn does the same gesture.] Good!
BMO: I feel it here, [Circles hands all over front.] good here!
Finn: We know to figure out how to make our sound... [hands clipboard to Jake] force happiness into the listener!
Jake: [Hands clipboard back to Finn.]
[Next scene shows Jake sitting a device that is force his mouth to stretch open, Finn is at the controls with a screen in front toggling.] [It changes to show all three strapped into a tall structured device that moves them up and down quickly.] [The next device has Jake tumbling around on a small stage that appears to be speakers. The last is a platform with revolving speakers and monitor. Finn and Jake make noise and faces.]
[The scene afterward is all three sitting down, Jake in a pile of equipment, BMO pushing buttons on one of them, and Finn spinning on a straw inside a drink cup. He stops and looks to them.]
Finn: Check our data?
[They all stand and look to a large blackboard with circuit schematics, both Finn and Jake are holding a clipboards, with Finn also holding a pencil.]
Finn: Maybe it should be higher?
Jake: Yeah, maybe, maybe it could be lower, I don't know.
Finn: [Points with a pencil] Let's both agree that that sound belongs there. [Steps back as Jake walks up.]
Jake: See that sound? I drew that sound connected to two other sounds. [Steps back and stands next to Finn.]
Finn: Hmm, something's missing. [He stares at the board, on which are pictures of James Baxter on his ball. The camera zooms in on the ball.]
Finn & Jake: [Turn to one another and gasp loudly.]
Jake: That's it, the missing thing in our thing!
Finn: Yeah, James Baxter don't just got his catch phrase, he has his beach ball bizz!
Jake: So we gotta create feel good body actions to go with our feel good sound!
Finn: We just crushed it, homie.
Jake: [Puts down clipboard] Dude, seriously, I think our thing is gonna change the world. When people experience it, it's going to make them so happy!
Finn: [Also puts down clipboard] You're building it up too much. [yawns] Let's just do it.
Jake: [Yawns] Yeah, man, yeah.
[All three promptly fall asleep.]
[The next morning at the Candy Kingdom. Finn and Jake are walking around the neighborhood, they spot the Green Lollipop Girl who has returned to the spot where her ice cream fell only this time she dropped her drink cup. Her eyes widen as she is upset and nearing tears.]
Jake: [Points] Hey, there's the sad girl. [Finn and Jake walk up and she turns to face them.]
Green Lollipop Girl: Wha—[screams].
Jake: No no no, wait a sec! Reserve judgement until you've see the freshed-up version of our thing.
Finn & Jake: [Face each other and nod. They start their act: they criss-cross each other at the shoulder, Finn picks up Jake and guides him past both cheeks, Jake morphs into a trumpet and starts making imitating the sound of one. Jake then morphs into a ball and Finn stands on him. This causes the girl to laugh.]
Finn & Jake: We did it! [They give each other a two-armed high five.]
[The scene changes to a group of four Grass People, who mope around on their backs staring at the sky. Finn and Jake walk up to them.]
Jake: What's wrong?
Grass Person: We're bummed.
[Jake morphs into a trumpet and Finn picks him up as they do their performance. This causes the Grass People to laugh.] [Next scene, a male ghost is floating down a train's track with a bundle stick, he sighs heavily by going, "Boo, boo." Suddenly Finn and Jake arrive. They preform their act and the ghost laughs, as they leave he gives a happy "boo."] [And the next scene, a forest setting with more Grass People, there is a meeting going on and everyone looks unhappy.]
Speaker: [Reading his paper nervously] The common rhinoceros beetle, scientific name, Xylotrupes ulysses. Common dung beetle—[Stops reading once Finn and Jake hop up on stage.] Oh my!
[Finn and Jake do their performance and the speaker begins to laugh, followed by everyone else cheering and laughing.]
[The scene shifts to a familiar funeral, only this time it is in a wide hilly area. One of the attendees throws some dirt into the grave.] [At that moment, Finn and Jake run up them.]
Finn: [Out of breath] Oh good, you're still here! Hey, I know we were here yesterday [coughs] and we came off as inappropriate... [Jake cuts him off.]
Jake: Let's just do the thing.
Finn: Right, okay! [They start with the trumpet act and this causes the attendees to laugh. Suddenly the coffin shakes as Finn and Jake preform their balancing act. They stop and stare at the grave. The coffin opens and there appears a skeleton, Jake winces and the skeleton rattles and shakes then leaps out of the grave and collapses in front of (what appears to be) its portrait. The attendees see this and quickly run away screaming as the skeletal remains roll on the ground.]
Finn & Jake: [Wince as they watch it. Jake runs away with Finn calling after him.]
Finn: Dude!! [Finn looks down to see the skeleton maneuvered itself between his legs.] [Finn punches its skull.]
[It dashes away on its back, holding itself up by all four limbs. When it reaches a hill it does an arch pose] [Closeup of Finn biting his lip.] [And then the skeleton's ghost appears.]
Ghost: WHY HAVE YOU UPSET MY DEAL?!
Finn: Jake, come on man, I need some help!
Jake: [Pops out of the only flower present] Sorry, I act like a little kitty cat!
[Finn leaps up and Jake holds him as he stretches to the height of the angry spirit. When they reach its head they are spitted on and fall back to the ground covered in liquid.]
Finn: Whoa, [licks arm] it's milk!
Ghost: [It attacks by taking out a large chunk of land by dragging its hand, Finn and Jake dodge. With Finn having to dodge again into Jake's arms.] [The ghost attempts another attack by body crushing them, it misses as they run away.] WHY?!! [It yells.]
Jake: [Carrying Finn he runs and dodges another dragging arm attack.] Dang, this is real! [He stops as he sees another attack, but both are pounded into the ground with one punch.]
[In the hole, Jake unfolds to reveal he protected Finn with his body.]
Jake: [In pain] Eeeee, he broke my squishy bones!
Finn: [Sees the ghost getting ready to punch them again and puts his arms up.] Don't worry, Jake, I'll block this one!
Jake: [Still in pain] Finn, when we wake up in the 9th Dead World, promise me you'll listen for this sound [rhythmic clap.]
Finn: What?
Jake: It's just that there are a lot of dead people there, we might get separated. I'll be the one going [rhythmic clap.]


Ghost: [It goes to attack them with another punch but stops right above them as the whinnying of a horse is heard. It looks behind it to see a horse standing on a hill, James Baxter.]


James Baxter: [Runs down the hill and arrives to the scene balancing on his ball and saying his name.] James Baxter!... James Baxter! [This causes the ghost to go from angry to happy, it laughs at the sight.]


Ghost: Holy cow! [Its fist softens and it instead grabs Finn and Jake and pulls them out of the hole and places them on the ground.] Hey, man, this guy really knows how to cheer a guy up! [James Baxter continues his act.] He's awesome, do you know this guy! [To Finn and Jake.]
Finn: Well, sort of.
Jake: Yeah, we know him!!
Ghost: [Chuckles] What's his deal?
Jake: His name's James Baxter, he just travels around on his beach ball making people happy.
James Baxter: [Rolls by again] James Baxter!
Ghost: Cool.
[The sun sets, James Baxter deflates his beach ball, folds it into triangle hat, and trots off.]


Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "James (episode)" from season 5, which aired on November 25, 2013.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Princess Bubblegum
James
Goo monsters
Banana Guards
Candy People
Music
None
Locations
Candy Kingdom
Desert of Wonder
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[Finn, clad in mourner's tuxedo, is walking through the candy castle.]
Finn: Jake...? Jake? [opens storage closet] Hey, man.
Jake: Hey, dude.
Finn: You still thinking about...
Jake: Yeah.
Finn: Yeah? Me, too. Princess Bubblegum's ready for us, so we should go.
Jake: Okay. Just give me a few more months in here and I'll be ready.
Finn: It's okay, man. Just—just play it off. Just make a—a normal face. [passes hand over face] See? Normal face.
Jake: [passes hand over face] [he starts crying]
Finn: [starts crying]
[They walk out onto the balcony with Princess Bubblegum and two Banana Guards flanking... something covered in a sheet.]
Princess Bubblegum: Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for coming. We may begin the ceremony!
[Time card: ONE WEEK BEFORE]
[A three-legged robotic transport vehicle makes its way through the Desert of Wonder. Finn and Jake look out the window while Princess Bubblegum works the control panel.]
Finn: Thanks for bringing us along on the trip, Preebs.
Jake: Yeah. It's unfortunate we can't enjoy some of these cool things we're passing by, but I guess we could do that the next time we're in the Desert of Wonders, whenever that is!
Princess Bubblegum: We're on a mission to collect samples only. I want to start colonizing this area by the end of the year.
Jake: You are killing me, PB!
Princess Bubblegum: James, give a readout on fuel.
James: Right away, Princess. [makes whirring noises] Boop! Boop! Boop! Boop! Beet! We have a surplus of fuel, so after we collect samples, we may explore.
Finn & Jake: Yeah!
Jake: I'm glad James is on this trip. Hey, James, thumbs up, buddy!
James: [returns the thumbs up while making robotic noises]
Finn: Heh. Dude, James is kind of, uh, goofy.
Jake: I wasn't gonna say anything, but yeah. Maybe when we get to know him better, it'll be charming.
Princess Bubblegum: James, slow down. We're here.
James: I'm registering mondo mega rads down there. I'll ready the radiation suits upon landing.
Princess Bubblegum: Excellent. Take us down.
James: Hold on to your sack lunch!
[Finn and Jake strap in as the robot vehicle jumps into a large pit. It turns on its thrusters and lands softly. Finn, Jake, Princess Bubblegum, and James, clad in radiation suits, exit the vehicle.]
James: [walking robotically] Vrrt! Vrrt! Vrrt!
Princess Bubblegum: Okay. You guys collect as many surface samples as you can—rocks, plants, dirt, anything.
Jake: Mostly looks like it's just dirt here.
James: This'll be fun. [picks up a rock] Jake, open up the basket. I'm gonna make a shot!
Jake: Do it!
James: Chk-chk! Whoop! [throws rock]
Jake: Ha ha! [rock hits his helmet] [growls quietly]
James: Wah-wah!
Princess Bubblegum: [lifts up a rock, revealing some green substance] Hmm. [pokes it with a stick]
[The stick burns and the green substance bubbles. It turns out to be the mouth of a goo monster, which growls as it pokes its head out of the ground.]
Princess Bubblegum: Aah! Ach! Brownstadt!
[Several other monsters emerge from the soil.]
Princess Bubblegum: Guys, run!
[The others scream, and they all run into the vehicle. James is running slowly.]
Princess Bubblegum: James, speed up that sack lunch!
James: [accelerates] Vrrt! Vrrt! Vrrt! Vrrt! Vrrt! Vrrt! Vrrt! Vrrt! Vrrt! Vrrt!
[The monsters approach the vehicle while groaning.]
Princess Bubblegum: Ugh! [starts up the engine]
[The vehicle tries to take off, but the monsters knock it off balance, tipping it over. Finn, Jake, Princess Bubblegum, and James are thrown to one side of the vehicle. The monsters break the legs off the vehicle.]
Finn: Ugh! Everyone okay?
Jake: [pointing behind Finn] [stammering fearfully]
Finn: Huh? [turns around, seeing lots of monsters climbing on the vehicle's windshield.] Oh, my garf! What are they?!
Princess Bubblegum: Uh, they're toxic creatures from another time. [checking monitor] Okay, let's see—suspension's all donked, navigation's lost, and the ship's legs are kaput. We're dead in the water.
Finn & Jake: [gasp]
James: [makes whirring sound] Chk! Ah-oogah!
[A monster vomits on the window. The glass sizzles as the acidic substance eats through.]
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, yuck! Come on! Manners! [presses a button, engaging the blast doors] Gotta brain out the situation.
[A digital clock displays 6:45 and counting.]
Princess Bubblegum: Those goo monsters will barf their way through the hull in mere minutes. Finn, what should we do?
Finn: [taken aback] Uh... let's radio for help.
Princess Bubblegum: Good idea, but looks like the radio's kerplowed.
James: [whirs] I can fix that radio. Mrow-row-row! Pling! [pulls out a coin] With this! It's a lucky coin! Bam! [places coin on radio] When I bust out my coin, great stuff happens, like when I was chosen to go on this mission with you guys! [giggles]
Jake: Mnh. Mnh. James, that's not helping!
Finn: Don't panic, baby.
Princess Bubblegum: Yes. James is very resourceful. He'll work it out.
James: [picks up coin] Vrrt! Veet! Vrrt! Vreet! Vrrt! Gzzzh! Jzzt! Bwr! [turns screw with coin] Look, Princess! I invented a coin-operated coin screwdrive-e-er!
Princess Bubblegum: See what I mean? Good job, James. [gives thumbs up] Come on, guys. Let's take inventory of the emergency gear.
James: [opens radio] Lucky coin strikes again!
[Outside, monsters continue taking apart the ship.]
Finn: Hey, Preebos, I know things seem bad, but I'll figure out a plan.
Princess Bubblegum: I know, Finn.
Jake: Dude, I found us some flares! I saved us!
Princess Bubblegum: Right on!
James: Hey, dudes, the radio is fixed!
Jake: Good Grod! I love you, James!
Princess Bubblegum: I knew you could do it, James!
Jake: You know, James, I wasn't sure about you at first, but you're okay.
James: Thanks, Jake. I wasn't sure about you either. [clicks tongue]
Princess Bubblegum: James, the radio's still not working! I'm not getting any signal.
Finn: [opens radio] What the skunk?!
[Electricity crackles from the cut wires.]
Finn: James, it's all sanched up!
James: James is like, "Wha?!" It was working just a second ago, I swears! I went, like, "Choo-choo-choo!" and the radio was like, "Pch-choo-whichoo-whichoo-whichoo-whichoo," and then I was like...
Jake: [to Finn] I take it back. [shape-shifts to look like a bird] This guy's totally cuckoo! This is my cuckoo face.
Princess Bubblegum: He did his best, you guys.
Finn: Right, right. Okay, time for plan B. James, pass me them flares.
James: Chk-oo! Boop! A flare for m'liege.
Finn: [opens flare box and sees that it is empty] James, where are the flares?!
James: What?! May—maybe they're, uh, invisible flares.
Jake: [growls in frustration] Finn, PB, can I speak to you in the other room, please?!
Finn: You want to do this trust-huddle style, buddy?
Jake: [nods] Hm.
[The three form a huddle.]
Princess Bubblegum: So what's all the hubbub?
Jake: What's up with that James dude?
Finn: Yeah. Do you think James could be breaking things on purpose?
Princess Bubblegum: No. James wouldn't do that.
Jake: Wake up. Dude's a saboteur.
Princess Bubblegum: It's not James.
James: What's not James? [beat] I got lonely up front. I wanted to see what y'all are up to.
Finn: Hey, that gives me an idea.
James: Me, too! Vrrt! [laughs] Just kidding! I don't have any ideas.
[Princess Bubblegum and James run to control panel]
James: Diversion. [pushes buttons] D-d-d-d-d-d-diversion! Time to set up a diversion.
[The button mashing extends a solar panel, flashes a light, and extends a robotic arm from the front of the ship. The monsters all move to that end. Finn and Jake look through the back window.]
Jake: You see anything, brudda?
Finn: [looking through binoculars] Ah, I got bunkus. Wait. If we jam up to that cliff face, I think we can climb—whoop. [sees monsters] More goo bros.
[A flare explodes behind the monsters.]
Finn: What the—?!
[The monsters run from the flare toward the vehicle and start breaking the glass. Finn and Jake run back to the control room. Jake grabs a large object from the wall and throws it toward the monsters.]
Princess Bubblegum: That won't hold them for long.
Jake: It can't end like this. I got a lady and five kids! I thought I'd outlive at least one of them!
James: Here, man. Take this. [offers coin]
Jake: Your lucky coin?
James: Yeah, man. It always keeps me calm.
Finn: [accusingly] Who shot that flare, James?
Princess Bubblegum: We don't have time to point fingers.
Finn: [growls] You're right. There's only one way out of this jam. One of us has to eat the big one so the others can survive.
[Princess Bubblegum nods.]
Finn: And I'm gonna be that one. I'll run up there and get the creatures to chase me, and while they're busy noshing on my teen-boy body, you three can climb to safety. Don't try to talk me out of it. I got crystal certainty. This is what it means to be a he—
[Princess Bubblegum hits his head with a wrench, knocking him out.]
Jake: Wha—?
Princess Bubblegum: [knocks out Jake too] James. We need to talk.
[From Finn's POV: Finn opens his eyes, just barely, and hears Princess Bubblegum talking to James.]
Princess Bubblegum: So, what do you say?
James: Sure thing, Princess! [breaks off a corner of his head, hands it to Princess Bubblegum, salutes, and jumps down the hatch] Byong!
[Finn closes his eyes, falling into unconsciousness. He reopens them outside. Princess Bubblegum is carrying him and Jake.]
Finn: Ugh! Huh? Why did—Jake?
Princess Bubblegum: [grunts]
Finn: Wh—where's James? [looks back at the ship]
[James is running from the group of monsters, but they overtake him and jump on him.]
Finn: James! [falls unconscious again]
[Princess Bubblegum climbs out of the pit and looks back at the ship. The screen fades out. She is now in a grassy place, bandaging Finn's head.]
Finn: [wakes up] Aah! James, look out! Ohh. PB! What's going on?
Princess Bubblegum: Finn, I need to explain something really heavy. I was the one who sabotaged all your escape plans. I calculated the chance of success for every possible escape plan, and none of them were going to work. You said it yourself: there was only one way out. Someone was going to have to eat the big one to save the others. James did something really noble to save us.
Finn: But I wanted to do it. Why didn't you let me?
Princess Bubblegum: There's a reason. With this sample of James, I can clone a new one. He's candy, but you're not. I can't clone another you.
Finn: Whoa.
Princess Bubblegum: I made the best choice available.
[Flashback ends.]
Princess Bubblegum: James served the Candy Kingdom on a dangerous mission, and even though he is gone and it's super sad, I would like to honor James... with this new James I whipped up in the lab!
[Banana guards unveil the new James.]
James' Clone: Jeet!
Princess Bubblegum: Here you go, James—[pins on him a Medal of Valor] an award for bravery. Let's hear it for James! [claps]
Candy People: [cheering]
Finn: Is this right or wrong? I can't tell.
James' Clone: Hey, cool. Did I do something cool? Do I do something cool?
Jake: I don't know, man. [walks up to James' clone] Here's your coin, James.
James' Clone: Wow! This day keeps getting better and better!
Jake: Ehh.
[The scene cuts to the edge of the pit. A zombified James climbs out, followed by a large group of monsters.]

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "James II" from season 6, which aired on April 28, 2014.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Princess Bubblegum
James
Banana Guards
Music
None
Locations
Candy Kingdom
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[The episode starts with Princess Bubblegum, Finn and Jake walking along a river.]
Finn & Jake: Willy! Willy! Oh, Willy!
Princess Bubblegum: Sh! There it is. The weeping Willy. [she puts a glass under Willy and pokes it with a stick so that it drops sap] One drop of its rare sap can flavor an entire stock pot of soup.
Clone James: [running] Danger, danger! Whoop whoop! Loose gravel!
Princess Bubblegum: James?
Clone James: Look out princess! [while making her fall to the ground] Poot poot poot shooh!
Princess Bubblegum: [upon touching the ground] Ow!
Clone James: [falling and screaming]
Princess Bubblegum, Finn & Jake: [shouting] James!
Clone James: Remember me! [he reaches the river he was falling in]
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, not this again.
Time card: 3 months ago
James: I'm registering mondo mega rads down there.
Jake: [stuttering]
Finn: Huh? [turns around, seeing lots of monsters climbing on the vehicle's windshield.] Oh, my garf! What are they?!
Princess Bubblegum: They're toxic creatures, from another time.
Jake: [scared] It can't end like this.
Finn: [shouting] James!
Finn: I wanted to do it. Why didn't you let me?
Princess Bubblegum: Someone was going to have to eat the big one to save the others.
Princess Bubblegum: And even though he is gone, and it's super sad, I would like to honor James… With this new James I whipped up in the lab!
[Banana Guards unveil the new James.]
Clone James: Jeet!
Princess Bubblegum: Here you go, James— [pins on him a Medal of Valor] an award for bravery. Let's hear it for James! [claps]
Candy People: [cheering]
Finn: Wow. James sacrificed his life for you again, PB.
Jake: Yeah, that's like the twenty-fifth time, right?
Finn: Yeah, obviously we'll have to re-clone him.
Jake: Totes.
Princess Bubblegum: Now hold up. This ground is perfectly solid. [Princess Bubblegum jumps a few times.] There's no loose gravel here.
Jake: So what? Clone him up, girl.
Princess Bubblegum: James is too reckless. I can't reward this kind of foolish behavior forever. It's time James takes his eternal nap.
Finn: But it's James!
Jake: Come P-Gum, don't be all cold-hearty!
Princess Bubblegum: I'm putting my foot down. There will be no more Jameses.
Finn: No...
Princess Bubblegum: I'm sorry. Look, I need you guys to go to James's apartment and box up his stuff.
Jake: [later, in the Candy Kingdom] And remember the time James saved PB from that contaminated cupcake?
Finn: Yeah, he ate that whole cupcake. What a guy...
Finn: [Upon entering James' apartment, he sees plenty of Jameses partying] Is this... James heaven?
Jake: [shouting] Jameses! [all the Jameses stop dancing] Alright, who's in charge here?
Finn: James...
James II: Uh, I'm James number 2. The original James got all goopy in the desert.
Jake: Explain this biz, James II.
James II: Well... I was lonely! I knew Princess Bubs would make a new James if, you know, a James died a hero. So...
Finn: You faked your own death?
James II: Yeah! I just wanted a friend. [James II grabs another James] Someone who gets me!
Finn: James...
James II: Plus, each time I get kerplonked, I get another shiny medal, and why have two medals if you can have all the medals? Medals, medals, medals...
Finn: Dude, I've been to your funeral like twenty-five times.
James II: What? The medals make me happy. Plus, PLUS! It's a constant party here in [James II turns around] Jamestown!
Jake: [whispering to Finn] PB ain't gonna like this.
Finn: Hmm hmm!
James II: Wait, don't tell her! I'll give you a medal.
Jake: Nah, man. PB's no dummy. She'll find out. It's only a matter of time.
Finn: We like you James but, you're on your own. We're gonna sit this one out.
[Finn and Jake go outside, sit on a bench while laughing.]
Finn: This should be good.
[sometime later]
Jake: There's Princess Bubblegum!
Princess Bubblegum: [shouting] Hey! Stop running! You rascals, get back here! You are all in so much trouble! [shouting again] James!
Jake: [laughs] What a show!
Finn: Very enjoyable!
[Finn and Jake are sitting on the Candy Kingdom's walls and eating it while watching Princess Bubblegum and the banana guards]
Princess Bubblegum: [to the banana guards] Okay, who's the Banana Guard Leader for this week?
Banana Guard Leader: I'm the leader.
Princess Bubblegum: This picture should help you find the Jameses.
Banana Guard Leader: Hey guys, it's the picture of one of the perpetrators. Take a good look.
Banana Guards: Ooooh!
Princess Bubblegum: There's twenty-five of them.
Banana Guard Leader: I need to see the other twenty-four pictures.
Princess Bubblegum: Nope, you only need that one.
Banana Guard Leader: What? How can one picture identify twenty-five perpetrators?
Princess Bubblegum: It's because they all look the same.
Banana Guard Leader: Oh okay, I see. There's twenty-five of them! They all look like this guy!
Banana Guard I: Huh, how can twenty-five guys look like one guy? You mean they're viginti-quintuplets?
Banana Guard Leader: You mean they're viginti-quintuplets?
Princess Bubblegum: No! They're clones.
Banana Guard Leader: What are clones?
Princess Bubblegum: [sighs then speaks very fast] A group of organisms or cells produced asexually from one ancestor or stock, to which they are genetically identical.
Banana Guard II: How did that happen?
Princess Bubblegum: It's a long story.
Banana Guard Leader: I love long stories.
Princess Bubblegum: Aaah! There's no time!
Banana Guard Leader: And they're not brothers?
Princess Bubblegum: No! They're not brothers, they're clones!
[Finn and Jake are laughing, Princess Bubblegum hears them]
Princess Bubblegum: [shouting] Hey! Get down here and help me! [Finn and Jake indicate to her to go see them and she sighs] Viginti-quintuplets! I'm telling you...
Princess Bubblegum: What are you doing? Why aren't you helping?
Jake: Come on PBs, just sit here with us for five minutes.
Princess Bubblegum: Why?
Jake: Come on! Five minutes!
[Princess Bubblegum sits down and sighs. Jake gives her a brick of the wall to eat]
Princess Bubblegum: Maybe just a brick.
Banana Guard Leader: [to one of the Jameses who's walking in front of them] Hey you, stop!
Clone James I: Yeah?
Banana Guard Leader: Have you seen this guy?
Clone James I: Hmm...
Princess Bubblegum: [cluckles] I have to admit, it's fun to watch.
Banana Guard Leader: [when seeing two other Jameses] You two stop too! [to the first James] Show them the picture!
Clone James I: Alright.
Banana Guard Leader: Have you guys seen this guy?
Clone James II&III: Hmm...
[Three other Jameses come and look at the picture with the others. Princess Bubblegum, Finn and Jake laugh at them while all the left Jameses come and look at the picture.]
Banana Guard Leader: Let me see that picture again.
Clone James I: [gives it to them] Here you go.
Banana Guard Leader: Hmm... Hmm... [to Clone James I] What's your name?
Clone James I: James.
Banana Guard Leader: [pointing to a random James with their finger] What's your name?
Clone James IV: James.
Clone James V: [when the Banana guard leader points to him] James.
Clone James VI: [when the Banana guard leader points to him] James.
Banana Guard Leader: You're all named James. Is it because you guys look alike?
Clone James VI: I guess so.
Banana Guard Leader: Y'know, I was telling this to the guys... If, if we look alike, we should have the same name. It would just make it a little easier. Life, that is. It would make our life a little easier. [crying] Aah... Give me a second... [wipes the tear] Same name... Look alike... You really look alike... Brothers! You're all brothers?
Clone James VI: No... I don't think so.
Banana Guard Leader: [counting the Jameses] One, two, three, four, five, six, seven-
Clone James VI: Twenty-five. If you're counting how many of us look alike, there's twenty-five.
Banana Guard Leader: Hmm... Twenty-five... Not brothers... [They remember Princess Bubblegum saying “No, they're not brothers, they're clones!” to them.] [to the other banana guards] I think these are the twenty-five that are not brothers. [shouting] Perpetrators! Get to them! [The banana guards start running after the Jameses and Princess Bubblegum, Finn and Jake laugh again.]
Banana Guard II: [Four Jameses hide in a glove shop from four banana guards.] Where they'd go?
The four Banana Guards: [The four Jameses leave the shop wearing gloves but the gloves fall on the ground] It's them!
The four Jameses: Whoop whoop!
[The Banana Guards start chasing the Jameses again]
[Princess Bubblegum, Finn and Jake are sitting on top of a building and are watching the Jameses building a trap for the Banana Guards. The Banana Guards arrive and are about to enter the trap but it falls apart in front of them. They finally surround the Jameses]
Banana Guards: Gotcha!
Jameses: Aww!
Princess Bubblegum: [She, Finn and Jake walk to the Jameses]Okay, fun's over. You're not heroes! [rips off James II's medals] You don't deserve these medals.
James II: Wah, no fair.
Gumball Guardian: Evil presence detected! Evil! [A horde of goo monsters run towards the Candy Kingdom]
Princess Bubblegum: Protect the kingdom!
Banana Guards: Okay! Weeoo weeoo weeoo weeoo... [starts advancing on the goo monsters. Gumball Guardians shoot lasers out of there eyes and obliterates one of the goo monsters. A Banana Guard fakes their death by putting a spear on his body and lies down] Ah! Can't fight! [Finn comes and takes the spear]
Finn: Yoink!
Banana Guard: Hey!
Finn: Heeyah![he attempts stabbing one of the goo monsters with a spear, but the spear melts on contact]Aww! Don't touch the monsters! They'll melt you![a Banana Guard tries to poke a goo monster, and run away after hearing Finn. Banana Guards run into the castle. Finn spots a bunch of candy orphans] Oh my jerbs! Jake! Let's help these candy orphans! [He runs to the bunch of candy orphans] Hey kids! [He picks up an orphan and kicks it into the kingdom. Jake stretches his arms to put the orphans into the kingdom]
Gumball Guardian: Evil! [Goo monsters attempt to climb over the kingdom walls but are obliterated by Gumball Guardian's lasers]
James II: Man, we do deserve them medals. It's not like she can give them to someone else. I wrote my name on all of them.
Clone James: Yeah, so did I. [Princess Bubblegum screams]
James II: Princess!
Princess Bubblegum: [a goo monster is walking toward her, and she gasps] The original James?
James II: James are a heroes! See? [he jumps on the original James] Vrow-w-w-w!
Clone James: Yeah, I'm-a save the day! [he jumps on the monster too]
Clone James: I, as well! [he jumps on the monster too]
Clone James: For the good of the many! [he jumps on the monster too]
Clone James: Check out my selfless act! [he jumps on the monster too]
Clone James: Me, too! So selfless! [he jumps on the monster too]
Clone James: All for one, and one for James! [He jumps on the monster too. At this point, every James have jumped and turned into a pile of candy which then turned into a candy people made out of the Jameses.]
Jake: Mother of Grob!
Jameses: We told you we were heroes!
Princess Bubblegum: I hereby award thee...Jameses...These medals for bravery.
Finn: Dat's my boi, Jameses!
Princess Bubblegum: Now for your new assignment, Jameses. Go unto the Wastelands, and never come back.
Clone James: What-a-wha...?
Princess Bubblegum: Do it, and I'll send you a medal every day.
Jameses: Yay!
Clone James: Come on, every-James!
Jameses: [chanting and running toward the Wastelands] Medals! Medals! Medals! Medals! Medals!
Princess Bubblegum: [sighs] I'm not gonna miss him.
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Jelly Beans Have Power" from season 8, which aired on January 27, 2017.

Characters
Princess Bubblegum
Peppermint Butler
Chatsberry
Patience St. Pim (Crystal Entity)
Slime Princess
The Morrow
Candy People
Banana Guards
Gumball Guardians
Mr. Cream Puff (cameo)
Finn (cameo)
Jake
Ice King (voice only)
Music
None
Locations
Candy Kingdom
Ice Kingdom
This transcript is complete, needs formatting.


Transcript

Slime Princess: East coast slime! West coast slime! Booty slime!

[ Laughs ]

And then I was like, "There's aslime and place for everything."

And they were al, "OMG,

you're the greatest slimeelemental ever!"

[ Laughs ]

Too bad you didn't invitePatience St. Pim

to this party celebratingmy new powers.

It's notto celebrate your ‐‐

Wait, Patienceis totally nutcakes!

She kidnapped us and messedwith our molecules.

Uhh, so what?She gave us these groovy powers.

East coast slime!

West coast slime!

Booty Sliiiime!

Stop sliming everything!No one likes it!

Oh, hey, Princess.

We were just wondering where allthis rad slime was coming from.

Keep on slimin' it, SP!

[ Scoffs ]Thanks for nothin'.

Okay, great seeing youand your secretions!

[ Kick! ]I'll call you.

[ Whoosh! ]

Slime and plaaaace!

There's a slime and placefor everything.

[ Grunts ]

[ Pbht! ]

[ Electricity crackles ]

Huh?

Princess?

What are you doing hereso late?

Heyyy, buddy!

Yeah, just doin' somecasual science jazz.

Show me your hand,young lady.

Fine.

I was trying to chartmy candy power

to figure out whyit's so garbage.

[ Pbht! ]

But its garbagenessis uncrackable.

Things were finebefore jellybeans

were farting outof my palms.

Don't give in to nostalgia,Princess.

Now, imagine this plateis an enemy of the kingdom.

You sleep with a plate?

The whole kingdom's lookingat you to beat it.

You're gonna shoot it withstreams of powerful candy,

and it's gonna blowtheir freaking minds.

Okay.

[ Grunting ]

Thanks for tryin', Peps.

I'm gonna call it a night.

[ Wind whistling ]

Brrr!

Huh?

What's this?

Eh, probably just an ad.

[ Yawns ]

Sweetings, Bubgum!

[ Squishing ]

Oh, this floor is stickierthan it looks.

Did someone lick this?

Um, who are you?

No, I'm Chatsberry ‐‐the candy.

You're an older versionof the candy elemental.

Exactly!

Did you feel that knowledgein your cosmic consciousness?

Nah.I just guessed.

Oh. But why aren't you usingyour powers?

This power stinks, man.There's nothing to it.

There's everything to it!

Candy's one of the buildingblocks of life.

It's in our very DNA.

Take this soft drink,for example.

Add some Scotch mints to it,and behold!

Hey, how did you do that?

I can barely shootone jellybean.

Here, let me show you.

Connect to yourself.

I am connected to myself.

Not to the selfyou once were,

to your new self.

[ Crying ]

[ Alarm rings ]

[ Zing! Alarm stops ]

I'll be globbed!

Okay.

Now aim and, jellybean!

Pow!Milk ball!

Pow!Candy corn!

Pow!

Those were all jellybeansbut still, really good.

Call Slime Princess!

[ Laughs ]

And everyone was cheeringso much for me.

I was like,"Applaud quieter."

[ Laughs ]

Say, how about some sugarfor your tea?

Uh yeah, sure.

Allow me.

By the beardof Elder Plops!

This is cool, but...

[ Straining ]I said, allow...me!

[ Gasps ]You're welcome.

Okay, we've establishedwe both have elemental powers.

So we never have to talk or bragabout them again.

Brag? Wait, are you jellyof my slime?

Your slime is overrated.

I guess your real elementalpower is envy!

Bye, hater!

[ Teacups clatter ]

I don't think this isreally about slime.

Maybe.

It's just thatthe candy kingdom's

supposed to be a reflectionof me.

But it turns out,I don't know who that is.

I've lived my whole life

while having this talentI knew nothing about.

I'm a scientist

and I ignored crucial dataabout myself.

What if I ‐‐

[ Alarm buzzing ]

Wait! We were so closeto a breakthrough!

I don't have timefor breakthroughs.

♪♪

[ Gasps ]

Run, Skibbles!

All: Princess Bubblegum!Princess Bubblegum!

[ Screaming ]

You see what I mean?

This is what I haveto deal with.

Hup!

Hey, Crystal Entity!

Kindly state your businessbefore the Princess!

Pick a number.

This is some weak first‐gradermagician we're dealing with.

Only a real idiot would fallfor this guy.

Four!

Yeah, four!

[ All chanting "Four" ]

Guys!

One, two, three, four.

[ All gasping ]

[ Screaming ]

No!

Hurray forPrincess Bubblegum!

Hurray for Bubblegum!

Heck yeah!

[ Cheering ]

Come on, Peps.

Ka‐kaw!

[ Whoosh! ]

[ Cheering ]

So majestic!

Pick a number.

How about a billion jellybeansin your face!

Uh‐oh.

[ Slow‐motion screaming ]

Oh, shoot.

Try a morepowerful attack.

Do a gobstopper.

[ Grunts ]

That's just more beans!

[ Grunting ]

[ Pop! ]

[ Clang! ]

Okay, those were stilljellybeans.

[ Screaming ]

[ Groans ]

Hey, that's ‐‐ that'sthe thing.

Whoa!

Sweetings, Bubblegum.

Chatsberry!Great timing!

Poke my brain again and unlockthat mint‐soda explosion.

[ Slurps ]

I can open the doorfor you,

but you have to stepthrough it yourself,

and walk in your own shoes.

I mean,choose your own path.

My kingdom is under attack!

[ Slurps ]

You're as uselessas my stinkin' powers.

[ Grunts ]

Four, five,six, seven, eight.

I had a path!

My path was sciencebecause science makes sense!

[ Groans ]If I was in my lab,

I could fabricate that explosionin a snap.

What explosion?

It was just regular soda popand Scotch mints.

That shouldn't be hard.It's all sugar, right?

Right.

To make soda pop,

I'd need to add waterand carbon dioxide.

And for the mints, gum Arabic,

gelatin, potassium benzoate.

Add heat and pressure...

[ Ting! ]

I did it!

Chatsberry, I'm walkingin my own shoes!

What?

Look!

[ Cheering ]

You're doing it!

You're blowingtheir freaking minds!

Now let's blow his mind.

Finishing move!

Ha ha, yes!

So cold.

Oh, no.

[ Both scream ]

No more boom!

It's just soda.

I'm not gonna...

I'm sorry.

[ All moaning ]

Banana guards, get the woundedto the infirmary!

I'll be in my quartersif, uh, if anyone needs me.

Okay. Hang on now.

Don't forgetmy jelly filling!

Oh, my goodness.

[ Banana guard imitatessiren wailing ]

[ Laughing ]

[ Gobbling ]

Yee!Stop that now!

That crystal stuffwill grind your guts!

Huh?

Wait, it's just snow?

[ Sighs ]

[ Zing! ]

Ow!

[ Sighs ]

[ Whistling ]

[ Smooches ]

[ Whistling continues ]

Man: Hey, will youkeep it down down there!

Some of us haveto work tomorrow!


This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Jermaine (episode)" from season 6, which aired on April 23, 2015.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Jermaine
Shadow Slender Demons
Bryce
Lady Rainicorn (dream)
BMO
Snail
Music
"Booboo Sousa Song"
Locations
Tree Fort
Joshua and Margaret's house
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[Jake slides down a rainbow in the beginning of a dream sequence. The rainbow is one of many, all of which seem to be Lady Rainicorn.]
Jake: Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Lady Rainicorn: 안녕. ("Hello.")
[Two Lady Rainicorns appear and kiss Jake's cheeks several times.]
Jake: [Laughing]
[Jake is launched into the air and falls inside a gray box in the sky. Jermaine is inside in a bear costume, facing away.]
Jake: Hey bear dude, sorry to drop in like that.
[Jermaine picks up a rolled up poster and turns.]
Jemraine: Oh, hey... brother.
Jake: Whoa. Jermaine?! We must be dreaming at the same time again.
Jermaine: Yeah.
Jake: I was just hanging out with a couple of ladies outside... or a couple of the same lady. Then bam! Sky-boxed!
Jermaine: Ugh. Jake, I'm here to work. I got to keep everything where it should be. So, uh... so how are you and Finn doing?
[Without looking, Jermaine starts to push the poster through the wall of the box. It falls through the wall, and he falls half outside with it.]
Jermaine: Whoop! Ah!
[A sea of rainicorns giggle far below as the poster falls.]
Jermaine: Uh... [muttering] Epsilon, eucradies, dernesto... [Sneezes]
[He pulls himself back inside the box.]
Jake: Jermaine? You okay, man?
Jermaine: No, no, I'm--I'm fine. Everything's fine.
Jake: Oh.
Jermaine: [Muttering] epsilon, eucradies, dernesto...
Jake: Hey, listen, um, maybe we should get together in the awake world? You know, meet in meat-space?
Jermaine: Uh, yeah. Sounds great. See you later.
[Jermaine pulls a hole in the floor until it's under Jake, who falls. He lands on a larger version of his head like a drop of water. The bigger Jake wakes up and breathes deeply.]
[Cut to the main room of the tree fort. Jake pulls a mug out of the cooler and takes it to the table. Finn is fiddling with a large device nearby.]
Jake: In the dream, Jermaine was wearing a bear suit. I wonder what that symbolizes. Maybe it means Jermaine needs us to visit.
[Jake pulls a strip off of the mouth of the face on the mug, which opens its huge eyes. The eyes and an indicator on the side turns bright red, then the eyes close and Jake pops the aluminum can style top. BMO takes the strip from the can and ties it around their forehead.]
BMO: Workout time!
Jake: You want the can or the cup? [Pours half the contents of the can into a mug.]
Finn: I like the can. [He accepts it when Jake stretches his arm out to hand the can to him.]
Jake: [Sips] Hmm. I'd hate it if my kids didn't ever see each other... [He frowns at a 'picture' of the puppies and one of Lady Rainicorn, made from his hand.] Or if Viola shoved Jake Jr. down a dream hole.
Finn: I don't know. Jermaine's always been kind of a dream hole.
[We see BMO doing jump rope using a cord from the large device.]
BMO: Whoa.
[Cut back to Jake.]
Jake: We're all getting older. We should go see him now, or we might regret it.
Finn: Eh. It's not a great time just this minute. [He twists something on the device, and a green hologram appears.] Trying to figure this deal out.
[He pokes one of the shapes from the hologram. Air hisses, the room fills with smoke and part of the device launches through the roof of the tree fort and upwards until it disappears. BMO is still holding on to the rope, and the force of the launch sends them flying.]
BMO: Woah!
Finn: [Sips] Okay. Let's go see Jermaine.
[The scene changes to show Finn riding Jake away from the tree fort in daylight and arriving in the evening at a forest. Jake shrinks down to normal size and they continue through the woods. Demonic shadows watch them through the trees.]
Finn: There's a lot more demons here than I remember.
Jake: Huh. Yeah. The only constant is change, bro.
Shadow Demon 1: I want my yo-yo!
[It grabs at Jake, who smacks its hands away. Finn and Jake begin to run.]
Finn: Yo, yo! That's rude, dude!
Shadow Demon 2: Give me my cup!
Finn: Huh?
[Finn turns to find that the horde of demons has followed them out of the woods.]
Shadow Demon 2: Bring me my cup, or I'll skull-cup you!
[It roars, and a smaller head emerges from its mouth like a tongue. Finn and Jake scream. They run full-tilt up the hill to the house. The tongue-head chases them and tries to bite Jake. It hisses, and Jake jumps out of the way.]
Jake: Yipe!
[Finn stops running to look back.]
Finn: Jake!
[An arrow flies past Finn and hits the ground between Jake and the demon.]
Finn: Woah!
[Finn turns towards the house again. Jermaine is wearing the bear costume from Jake's dream and holding a crossbow on the front step of the house.]
Jermaine: Oh, you guys really came. Quick, get behind the salt barrier!
[Finn and Jake race past a line of salt drawn in a circle around the house. The horde of demons crashes into an invisible barrier marked by the line.]
Jermaine: They can't cross the circle. It's made from Dad's old shaman-blessed, sage-infused salt.
Shadow Demon 2: Return my cup! Return my cup--[Finn, off-screen, pokes the demon's face with his sword.] Stop poking me!
Jake: [Laughs]
Jermaine: Knock it off, guys. Just get in the house.
[Cut to the inside of the house. Jermaine enters, sets the crossbow down and takes off the bear costume.]
Jermaine: You guys can chill here 'till morning, when the demons thin out a little.
Finn: [Handsprings past Jermaine into the house.] Whoo!
Jermaine: Oh, Finn--Oh no! Instant regret!
[He chases after Finn. Jake watches sympathetically from the doorway. Finn continues to do handsprings through the hall. He bounces off a wall, knocking down two framed pictures, and runs down the hall to the kitchen.]
Finn: Whoo! My house, my house!
Jermaine: [Still chasing Finn,] Instant regret!
[[Cut to Jermaine in the doorway of the kitchen. He gasps. We see Finn swinging from the hanging light over the dining table.]
Finn: Whoo! Remember, Jermaine? We did this when we wanted to make room for dessert!
Jermaine: I don't care about that memory!
Finn: What?
[The light cord snaps and flings Finn into the wall.]
Finn: Whoa--Ohh! Dang, my back.
Jermaine: Come on! This ain't the treehouse, man! I got systems!
[He enters the kitchen through a different door carrying a gigantic sword.]
Jake: Hey Jermaine, this thing is rad--Whoa!
[The sword tips over and Jake falls, cutting the table in half.]
Jermaine: Okay, no more sleepover!
Finn: Oh no! Don't--don't kick us out!
Jermaine: Go do your Gaucho Marx slapstick with them goofballs in the woods. I got a responsibility to all this booty in here--Staves, medallions, cups, goblets, [the cups and goblets rattle,] dormant jinn, grimoires, hard-drives... All this random valuable booty, okay?
[Watch beeping]
Jermaine: Oh, shoot.
[Cut to Jermaine's watch, which shows a humanoid figure with the blinking words "FLIP ME!"]
Jermaine: I gotta run this beast.
[Cut to the living room. In the middle of the floor is a large circular symbol like a compass rose. Jermaine runs in from the kitchen and stops in front of the symbol.]
Jermaine: Open, ya sissy!
[The circle opens down into a staircase. Jake and Finn follow behind Jermaine as he descends in a rush. The Booboo Sousa tape ending plays from below.]
[The scene cuts to the basement, where Booboo Sousa sits facing a large blue demon. Several large cables lead from the bear to the bare stone walls. It forms the edge of the forcefield keeping the demon contained. Jermaine crosses the room to the bear.]
Jermaine: Yeah, flip the tape, I know.
[The song cuts off as Jermaine flips the tape in the bear's back.]
Jermaine: "Good times." Right.
Booboo Sousa: Hey! I'm Booboo Sousa! You want to be friends?
Jermaine: We've been friends, Booboo.
[The Booboo Sousa Song plays.]
Bryce: You're slippin', Jerm.
Jermaine: No I'm not.
Bryce: You're gonna miss that alarm one day, and I'm gonna eat you from the bottom up, [slams his face against the forcefield,] so you can watch me while I eat you. Then, in my triumph, I will retrieve the poster your dad stole from me.
Jermaine: Bryce, I put the poster right there. [He indicates the poster, which is stuck to the wall at the edge of the forcefield.] You're still mad about that?
Bryce: How dare you use tacks on my poster! You're gonna get it, man!
Jermaine: You know, Bryce, I would've let you and your poster go years ago if you'd stop it with all that "from the bottom up" talk.
Bryce: You would?
Jermaine: Yeah, man! I don't want to flip that tape all day! That's you and Joshua beef 'cause you wouldn't stop breaking in for that poster.
Bryce: Well, come on man, let's be bros!
Jermaine: No way, you psycho. I ain't never gonna trust you after all that stuff you said. [He turns and walks away.]
Bryce: I'm gonna taste that dog carne asada, you hear?!
[Cut to the basement entrance, where Finn and Jake are standing with expressions of shock.
Jermaine: You're never gonna taste my carne asada, Bryce.
Finn: [Puts his hands on Jermaine's shoulders.] Dude, you can't live like this!
Jake: [Also puts his hands on Jermaine's shoulders.] Yeah, you got a plan B for Bryce, or what?
Jermaine: I don't need a plan B. I'm responsible. You guys want fried rice or something? I can make fried rice.
Jake: No, Jermaine, we'll make you fried rice.
Jermaine: Okay, just don't break any more junk. That's our parents' valuable artifacts, you knuckleheads.
Bryce: I'm gonna white-knuckle you, Jermaine! You'll see!
Finn, Jake and Jermaine: [They glance at each other, then laugh.]
Jermaine: [Sighs]
[Upstairs again, Finn watches while Jake prepares fried rice on the stove-top. Jermaine is seated at the kitchen table, which has been repaired with duct tape.]
Jake: Whoo-hoo! I've never even made fried rice before! [To Finn:] Get the plates.
Finn: [Slides three plates into a row on the table.] Whoosh!
Jake: [While pouring fried rice onto each of the plates,] Du-u-ump! [He then places what appears to be a carved-radish flower on each plate with each syllable,] Pre-sen-tation. [He hands Jermaine a knife and fork.]
Jermaine: Good plating. Sorry I only have one chair.
[Jake and Finn stand at either side of Jermaine around the table with their own plates and silverware.]
Jake: To brothers! [He raises his silverware in toast.]
All: To brothers! [Finn and Jermaine follow suit.]
Finn: It doesn't have to be weird, you guys!
[Howling in the distance]
Jermaine: [Turns his head, then squints.] What's that sound? It sounds like howling.
Jake: Let's eat!
[All three lower their arms and start to eat enthusiastically.]
Jermaine: Dang, dude, this fried rice destroys. How'd you get all this flavor?
Jake: Sesame oil and salt. Salt is one of the five taste sensations.
Finn: [Counting them off on his fingers,] Sweet, sour, bitter, umami and salty.
Jermaine: I guess I'm just used to bitter. [A beat.] That's weird. I haven't had salt in like five years. Hold on...
[Jermaine sets his fork down to make a square with his hands, thumbs to opposite index finger. He reverses the gesture several times.]
Jermaine: Epsilon, eucradies, dernesto, quillduct... [He stops and puts a hand on Jake's shoulder.] Uh, where'd you get the salt from, Jake?
Jake: I snooched a little from outside. Why?
Jermaine: [Shrieks]
[Outside, the howling sound is louder. A paper-thing shadow demon slips through a tiny gap in the salt line.]
Shadow Demon 2: Get my cup, Ariel! Please, dude!
Ariel: You get it! I need my DAT tapes.
Shadow Demon 2: I can't fit through that hole Ariel! Aaaah!
[Jermaine holds a button while Jake and Finn stand to either side of the front door. Finn has the Finn Sword, Jake has the enormous sword from before.]
I'll shock him, and you guys ace his brains!
Finn and Jake: Got it!
Jermaine: [To Jake,] That sword's too unweildy, man.
Jake: But it'll look decent when I triple combo this bozo with this thing, right?
[Jake raises the sword over his head with great difficulty. He's bent backwards under its weight.]
Finn: Like how?
Jake: Like this, bro! [Grunting]
[Jake spins around, tries to raise the sword and falls on his back in front of the door instead.
Jake: Aah! Oof!
[The demon Ariel slides his head through the side of door.]
Ariel: Boo, stupid!
[Finn swings his sword into the door, but Ariel has already flown inside. Jermaine pushes the button, and Finn screams as he's electrocuted.]
[Cut to the ceiling, where Ariel stabs an arm down at Jermaine.]
Ariel: Where's my DAT tapes?!
[Jermaine runs into the next room, and Ariel follows.]
Jermaine: Epsilon, eudradies, epilindus...
[Jake tries to get up with the sword and falls again.]
Jake: Oof! Why is this thing so dense?
[Cut to Jermaine running through the hall, Ariel close behind.]
Jermaine: I got your tapes over here!
[Jermaine skids across the kitchen floor and under the table.]
Ariel: Give me my ta--Oof! Aah!
[Jermaine kicks the table up and into Ariel, pinning the demon. Cut to Finn and Jake running in from the hall.]
Jake: I got him! Hup!
[Jake jumps, makes himself larger and crashes down on the table, breaking the legs.]
Jake: Sha-boom! Woah, watch it!
[Ariel hits at Jake with all four limbs. Cut to Jermaine running to the kitchen counter.]
Jake: Cut his arms, Finn!
Finn: Okay!
[Jermaine kicks open a cabinet door and disappears into it. He rolls out of a different cabinet door under the sink with a vacuum strapped to his back. Finn and Jake are both shouting.]
[Cut back to Finn and Jake fighting Ariel. The demon has gotten out from under the table and is standing, but his arms have been cut off. Jake holds on to one by its two fingers while it tries to escape, and Finn cuts the other in half on the other side of the room. Jake continues shouting. Jermaine enters with the vacuum, turns it on and points it at Ariel.]
Finn: Woah!
[Ariel and his detached limbs are sucked into the vacuum.]
Jake: Wha--?
Ariel: Aaaaah!
[Jermaine turns off the vacuum. Cut to outside, the rest of the demons still wait outside the salt line. Jermaine runs across the yard with the vacuum.]
Shadow Demon 2: My cup, Jermaine!
[Jermaine drop-kicks the vacuum into the face of Shadow Demon 2.]
Shadow Demon 2: Oof!
Shadow Demon 3: You're a pain, Jermaine!
[Jermaine pushes the salt of the gap back into a continuous line and stomps back across the lawn.]
Shadow Demons: [Chanting] Jermaine the pain! Jermaine the pain!
[Scene changes to the foyer. Finn and Jake are both injured, but smiling.]
Jake: [Pumping his fists in the air,] Awesome, dude! We won!
Jermaine: I didn't win! [He stomps up to poke a finger in Jake's face.] When do I win?! Special guys one and two win every day! Crackin' jokes, readin' foodie mags in your tree-town fun-house. Must be nice to be so special you can go off and find your own fancy ways! Meanwhile I gotta stay here and watch Dad's trashy booty 'cause I never stretched into the sky and farted on the wings of a falcon, I guess!
Jake: Dude, I never farted on the wing of a falcon. [Snorts]
[Jermaine punches Jake in the face. Jake falls, and Jermaine yells as he jumps on him.]
Finn: Bros!
[Finn runs to follow the fight. Jake stands up and raises his hands in surrender.]
Jake: Chill, Jermaine.
Jermaine: [Uppercuts Jake on the chin.] Think I don't want a cushy tree-house life?! [Starts punching Jake repeatedly.] I don't even get salt! Saaalt! [Punching faster] Bark! Bark! Bark! [He pauses when his fist gets stuck in Jake's belly.] Huh?
[Jake stretches to the other side of the room with his top half. As his bottom starts to follow Jermaine pulls his fist free and bites Jake's butt.]
Jake: Yeowch!
[Jermaine hangs by his teeth from Jake's butt, growling. Jake's butt extends suddenly, punching Jermaine across the room. Jermaine grunts as he hits the bookshelf, then stands.]
Jermaine: I'm sick of bein' Daddy's watchdog.
[A humanoid hand appears from off-screen to hand Jermaine a sneaker with wings. Jermaine grunts and throws it at Jake, who has coiled his long body and is hugging his butt. The sneaker starts flapping its wings halfway to Jake and flies away while Finn and Jake watch. Jermaine makes frustrated grumbling noises.]
Finn: [To Jake,] This must've been building up for a while.
[Jermaine pulls the bottoms of his eyelids, roars, and throws the disembodied hand from before at Jake with a grunt.]
Jake: Woah!
[Jake dodges with his upper body, grabbing his butt at the last moment to pull it out of the way as well. The hand lands in front of Finn at the front door and explodes. Finn protects his face from the small explosion with one arm. The hand grows huge where it landed and encloses Finn.]
Finn: Wah!
[Finn's sword pokes out from the hand and cuts it in half, leaving fire in its wake. Finn jumps out from inside the hand. His sword remains on fire.
Finn: Hand fire.
[Finn looks down, realizes his sword is on fire and yells. Cut back to the whole room, Jermaine is yelling at Jake, who is now slightly larger but still holding up his hands.]
Jermaine: You got to be Dad's favorite! I got stuck with his mess!
Jake: Come on. Dad didn't have a favorite. He just liked my fart jokes.
[Jermaine picks up a ceramic bottle.]
Jermaine: I'm the fart joke!
[Jermaine throws the bottle at Jake, who ducks. Cut to the front door, where the bottle lands in front of Finn and breaks. A dinosaur-like creature with birthday hats on its head and tail appears from the bottle in a puff of smoke.]
Creature: Shazbaz! [Looks around.] Uh, no. Shazbaz!
[The creature vanishes in another puff of smoke. Cut to Jake and Jermaine. Jermaine punches Jake.]
Jake: Ow. Dad loved us both. [Jermaine punches him again.] You could've left any time.
Jermaine: [Punching Jake again,] I know!
Jake: If you punch me again I'm gonna fart.
[Jermaine punches Jake again. Jake farts from the top of his head. Jermaine chuckles tiredly. Jake stretches his butt over next to Jermaine's head and farts again. Jermaine puts his hand to his face, still chuckling.]
Jermaine: Oh man. I've really built my own cage.
[Cut to the entire room, half of which is on fire. Finn waves his arms, and Jake and Jermaine turn to look at him.]
Finn: Guys, guys, guys!
[Cut to outside, we see the demons gathered around the salt circle while the entire building burns. The screen pans up, where the smoke takes the shape of a hand.]
Finn: This whole place is burning down!
[Cut back to Finn.]
Finn: So if you're done being angry bonkers, let's work together!
[Finn and Jake bump fists. They look to Jermaine, who is turned away with arms crossed.]
Finn: Jermaine? You gonna leave me hanging, bro?
[Jermaine turns the other way and sighs, then turns his head towards Finn and Jake.]
Jermaine: Let it burn.
Jake: Huh?!
Finn: [Throws up his arms.] But all of Dad's stuff!
[Close-up of Jermaine, the fire reflected in his eyes.]
Jermaine: No... I think it's all right.
[Jermaine smiles and begins to cry. Fade to black.]
[The next day, Finn is on one knee looking at the broken remains of the line of salt outside.]
Finn: The salt line got broken. [He runs a finger across a gap in the grass.] Where'd all the d's go?
Jake: [Lying back on the grass,] Maybe with all their stuff gone they had no reason to stay.
[Cut to Jermaine, looking up at the sky. After a moment his watch starts to beep.]
Jermaine: Oh, no! The tape!
[Jermaine runs back towards the house. He digs through the rubble until he unearths the basement entrance. He grunts as he tries to lift it.]
Jermaine: Open...!
[Jake arrives, Finn on his back, and stretches to pull open the entrance. Jermaine falls back. All three stare into the basement as Bryce emerges, coughing, rolled-up poster in hand.]
Bryce: I got my poster!
[Bryce coughs up Booboo Sousa, which has the face torn off of it. Jermaine goes to its side.]
Jermaine: Booboo Sousa...
Bryce: I ate his stupid face off! It was sick.
Jermaine: Ugh. Do you even know what you sound like when you talk like that?
Bryce: I sound cool.
[Jermaine takes off his watch and throws it away.]
Jermaine: If that's what you think.
Bryce: That's what I know.
[Cut to Finn, who watches as Bryce and Jermaine walk off together. Bryce squints at the sky as he walks.]
Bryce: Dang. Has it always been so bright out here? Makes me wanna explode the sun and banish the Earth into darkness.
Jermaine: See? You're doing it again!
[Jake appears next to Finn wearing the bear costume, one ear still burning.]

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Joshua and Margaret Investigations" from season 6, which aired on August 14, 2014.

Characters
Finn
Jake
BMO
Joshua
Margaret
Shape-shifter
Music
Puppy Jake Song
Locations
Tree Fort
Joshua and Margaret's house
Pantheon of Savings
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[The episode opens at the Tree Fort]
Finn & BMO: Birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday [chant a bit faster], birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, [Jake goes over to the cake and eats it whole] birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday! Yeah! Yay!
Finn: Nice job, Mr. Birthday Boy.
Jake: [with his mouth full] Thanks.
Finn: Man, you are like another year older, but you look good. Like, super good.
Jake: Yup. Mom and dad passed down some pretty good genes.
Finn: Oh yeah, mom and dad. Hey, did mom and dad tell you any stories about when you were born?
BMO: Yay! Birthday story time, please.
Jake: [chuckles] Well, [camera goes down to his stomach, Jake rubs his stomach as if he were pregnant] it was a day like any other day...[flashbacks to Margaret, who is rubbing her stomach, the puppies in it move]
Margaret: There, there, baby. You're going to be a fighter. [holds up a crossbow] Just like your mother. [shoots a bow at the door, sees that she got the right target] Yes! [gets on the floor] Barrel roll. [shoots and arrow at the ceiling] Ugh! [gets up, shoots an arrow to the right]
Joshua: [comes out of the kitchen with two plates with steak on them] Steak break.
Margaret: Let's get started. [sets her crossbow down, Joshua sets the plates on the table]
Joshua: These steaks are tough and stringy. Like you.
Margaret: Oh, good one, dear. [Joshua starts cutting her steak] Hey, after dinner, what do you say we check the ticker-type for new cases?
Joshua: Margaret, you're in a family way now. You should take a backseat from investigations.
Margaret: Oh, come on, Joshua. Even with this ankle-biter, I'm as quick as ever. Sure, my waist is bigger, but that just means more bullets in my ammo belt.
Joshua: You're missing the point, sugar. What if something bad happens? Let's say we're out on the beat, fighting some lowlife. He takes a punch, you zig when you should've zagged, and oops! Junior takes a knock to the noodle, comes out with the shiner the size of a grapefruit. I can't take that kind of guilt and neither can you.
Margaret: I can take care of myself just fine. And besides, these babies [taps her fork on her stomach] don't come cheap. We need to work together as a team to bring in the bread. [puts her fork in Joshua's mouth]
Joshua: [chews the steak from Margaret's fork] Yeah, you got me there.
Margaret: Now let's get over to that ticker-type and look for some perps.
Joshua: You relax, dear, I got it. [does a flip over the table, walks to the ticker-type and looks at it] Hmm. Let's get a look here. "Vampire girl spotted in the Grass Lands harassing sheep and cattle." Nope, nope, nope. "Small fire goblin burns down Candy Kingdom forest."
Margaret: Hey, that sounds fun. Let's do that.
Joshua: Wait, wait, here's one. " Woman's pies go missing in Bucolic Countryside where nothing ever happens." The perfect case for my pregnant wife!
Margaret: What?
Joshua: Now let's get an egg in our shoe and beat it. [shows them driving to Tree Trunks' house, they park their car and go to the door, Margaret knocks on it]
Tree Trunks: [opens the door] Yes? Hello?
Joshua: [fixes his tie] Afternoon, Mrs. Tree Trunks. We're Joshua and Margaret of Joshua and Margaret Investigations. And this is [pats Margaret's stomach] our boy. We're responding to a wire about missing pies.
Tree Trunks: Oh, yes. A-a-a monster's been stealing my pies off of the windowsill.
Joshua: A monster, eh?
Tree Trunks: Oh, yes, you can see the monster [Joshua and Margaret turn to the tracks] tracks leading off into the forest.
Joshua: Well, those tracks are as phony as a three dollar bill.
Tree Trunks: The monster tracks are very real. [shows Wyatt climbing into the window with snow shoes on his feet and holding a pie pan] My husband told me so. [Wyatt grunts, and falls in the window onto the floor] Wyatt!
Wyatt: Aw, aw geez. You got me.
Joshua: [him and Margaret step inside] What's the big idea, Wyatt? Why'd you burgle your wife's pie?
Wyatt: Because it's amazing! Oh, I can't get enough of it.
Tree Trunks: You could just ask for seconds.
Wyatt: But I want thirds and fourths! I want to stop when I want to stop!
Tree Trunks: Oh, Wyatt.
Wyatt: [crying] Oh, it's the only good part of my day.
Joshua: Well, there you have it. The only monster here was this man's appetite for his wife's pie.
Tree Trunks: Oh, no. But the monster is real. He snuck up and rubbed my elbow while I was gardening. And Leftenant Candy Corn said it came in through the window and touched him on the chest. Oh! Oh, now I got myself all scared. W-won't you check around to make sure no one is out there?
Joshua: Of course. Probably nothing more than a peeper. [they step out of the house] Ha! These country yokels are all just superstitious. I bet you that old elephant sees a monster a day.
Margaret: Joshua, look! [puts her paw in the track] Something way larger than Wyatt made them. These tracks look real.
Joshua: Hot cram! A peeping monster! Oh, this town would surely put up a collection to nab this guy. Oh, too bad you're preggo. We got to pass. [turns around and starts walking away]
Margaret: Come on, Joshua! [follows the tracks]
Joshua: What? [follows Margaret]
Margaret: Ha ha!
Joshua: Margaret! Margaret! Wait for Pappy! [a blue owl turns its head around, showing it has four eyes, the owl hoots]
Margaret: Hmm. The tracks end here.
Joshua: [a bush rustles, a blue cat comes out of it, Joshua growls and shakes his fists at it, the cat circles Margaret and looks at her stomach and pokes it] Hey, hey! Beat it, uggos! [stomps, the cat yowls and hisses, another bush rustles, the creature peeks out then disappears] The peeper! [follows it, goes through a hole in the middle of two trees]
Margaret: I'll show that peepsie the pepper! [tries going through the hole, but can't, tries getting out of it] Joshua, dear, I'm stuck! [the creature growls and comes out from behind a bush behind Margaret] Joshua! The beast outflanked us! [the monster screeches]
Joshua: Gads! [the monster screeches, Joshua goes and punches it] Boom! [the monster picks him up] Do your worst, you masher.
Margaret: Joshua! [grunts, gets herself out of the hole, the monster sniffs Joshua, opens its mouth and puts Joshua's head in its mouth, Margaret gasps and takes a needle out of her hat, goes and stabs it in the monster's butt] Drop that daddy! [the monster screeches, gets on all four legs and runs behind a bush, leaving green slime behind it] Baby cakes! Oh, this is all my fault!
Joshua: Uh, yeah, pretty much.
[scene changes back to their home, Joshua has a bandage wrapped around his head and eating a sandwich, Margaret is pacing back and forth, looking worried]
Joshua: Ah, good last meal. Okay, well, I got bit by a monster, a creature of the night. We both know what comes next for me. [picks up a sword and sets it on the table] Just make it snappy, darling.
Margaret: [tearing up] Don't. [sniffles] Don't be melodramatic, Joshua. [holding the Book of Poisons] I've been doing some research. Listen here. I think if we can get a sample of that creature's venom, we can use it to synthesize an antidote. [a thud noise is heard] Joshua?! [drops the book, goes to Joshua] Oh! Puddin' Pie!
Joshua: [groans] I'm fine. Just got to pop out and fetch that venom.
Margaret: You're about as fine as a canary in a cat mine! [goes and takes Joshua to a pull-out bed, lays him on it, goes to a candle on the wall and pulls it down, opening a hidden door to the weapon room, she goes in and grabs a crossbow and arrows, puts her belt on that reads "Top Dawg," goes and puts her hat on a mannequin head and grabs her other hat, the puppies in her womb move] Oof! Hey, where's the fire, kiddo? You stay put. [goes back to Joshua, who is asleep and mumbling, Margaret holds up a walkie-talkie] So's I can keep tabs on you. [sets the walkie-talkie next to Joshua's ear] Feel better. Over. [kisses Joshua's cheek and leaves]
[scene changes to Margaret parking next to the forest, she parks the car, gets out and turns a flashlight on and looks around]
Margaret: [walking through the forest]
Joshua: [through the walkie-talkie] Come in, Margaret. Do you read me? Over.
Margaret: [turns around, goes by a trail of green slime] I got the peep peep's trail. In pursuit. [shines her flashlight at trees]
Joshua: You have to say "over" or I think you're still talking. Over.
Margaret: [shining her flashlight at an old building that reads "Pantheon of Savings" ] Joshua, I've stumbled upon the beast's lair. [shows Joshua's walkie-talkie on the floor] Just hang on, Honey Bunny. Over. [Joshua steps on the walkie-talkie, breaking it, growling from the pain he feels in his head, lays on the table and breaks it, a blue bump starts to grow on his head, the bump throbs, Joshua howls like a wolf, scene goes back to Margaret looking around in the building, a shadowy figure passes her, she turns and shines the flashlight at the creature, Margaret gaps, the monster makes a noise] Stay right there. [shoots an arrow at the creature, the creature shapeshifts so he steps back before the arrow can hit him] What?! [shoots two arrows at the creature, the creature jumps next to Margaret, the two arrows hit a rock, the creature shapeshifts into a cat and meows, then into an owl and hoots, then into a monster with more eyes and it punches Margaret backwards, making her fall on her back, the puppies in her stomach move] Ooh! Not yet! [tries reaching for her crossbow, but can't, the creature shapeshifts into a bigger creature and stretches its head towards Margaret, Margaret keeps trying to reach for her crossbow] Come on, come on! [grabs the crossbow's handle and shoots an arrow above the monster's head, hitting a box of baby items, sending them rumbling and crashing onto the monster. Defeated, the monster groans and shapeshifts into a baby with three eyes and coos] What? What's your angle, slick? You poison my hubby, then play the innocent? [shines her flashlight at the baby items around the room] And what's with all this baby paraphernalia? Wait a tick. Are you a baby?
Monster: [shifts its eyes left and right] Uh-huh.
Margaret: Oh, no! I must've scared the dickens out of you! [the monster sits on the floor and coos] There, there, baby. I'm so sorry...[they both tear up] For this! [punches the monster's face and puts a test tube under its mouth, making its venom go into the tube. Margaret gets up and starts stepping out of the building] I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. [the monster's eye stretches and looks out the door, the monster shapeshifts into its normal shape and chuckles in an evil "You haven't seen the last of me" tone, then shapeshifts into another shape and shoots lasers from its face diodes at the air, opening a portal. The monster shapeshifts into a circle and stretches into the portal, and the portal closes, the scene changes back to their home, Margaret goes inside (which is more of a mess than before)] Joshua, I got the venom! [the puppies move] Ohhh! Uh oh, this baby business is getting SERIOUS! [breathes carefully and walks into the kitchen, looks out the window, showing Joshua standing by the wall] Joshua! [the puppies move more] Ohhh! Ohhh! [breathes carefully, goes out the window and steps off the dumpster, goes by Joshua]
Joshua: Margaret, stay away. [turns around and points at the bump on his head] Something's about to happen!
Margaret: [the puppies move a lot] Something's about to happen with me too! [they both yelp]
Joshua: Margaret! [his throbbing bump stretches and makes a splat noise. Margaret drops the test tube (not that she'll be needing the venom now).] Shine the light, dear. [Margaret turns the flashlight on and aims it at his head with a recently burst mutant bump.] Yowzers! [Margaret shines the light at the ground, showing a puppy Jake, spawned out of Joshua's venom bump and freshly drenched in a pond of biofluid.]
Puppy Jake: [gets up and sings] Hello, daddy. [turns to Margaret] Hello, mommy. [does a little dance] It's so nice to be here with you now. [falls and goes to sleep and snores, shows Margaret and Joshua looking shocked (if that isn't messed up, what is?), Margaret drops the flashlight and the second puppy moves a lot - and that is how Jake's little brother Jermaine came to the world...]
[screen goes black, scene changes to Joshua and Margaret walking in a forest, Joshua is pushing a stroller with Jake and Jermaine in it]
Joshua: Boy, Jake left a scar on my head the size of a nickel. I'll have to wear a hat now, Margaret.
Margaret: [takes a fedora out and puts it on Joshua] Well, I think you'll look good in one. [shows the puppies in the stroller, sleeping] Are you sure having him next to Jermaine is safe? We don't even know what he is. [Puppy Jake smacks his lips]
Joshua: Of course we do, dear. He's our boy.
Margaret: That he is.
Joshua: Yes, we've got one boy that I gave birth to and one boy that you gave birth to. Let's never tell him how it happened.
Margaret: Agreed.
[scene changes back to Finn, Jake, and BMO in the present]
Jake: And so they never told me.
Finn: Never told you what?
Jake: I don't know. They never told me. Ha!

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Ketchup" from season 9, which aired on July 18, 2017.

Characters
Marceline
BMO
Finn (flashback)
Jake (flashback; non-speaking)
Lollipop Girl (flashback)
Blue Tranch (flashback)
Marceline's Mom (pictured, imagination; as Moon Lady)
Blue Jay (flashback)
Ted (flashback)
Music
Bass Song
I Want To Ride
Rock Star Girl's Song
Fix My Friend
Locations
Marceline's house
This transcript is complete, but needs formatting.


Transcript

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Good evening, ma'am.

I just now heard thata bunch of vampires

came back to ‐‐ ooh!

I am the guywho hunts those guys.

Show me all your vampires.

All the vampires got wiped out,like, six months ago.

It's just downto me again.

Really?


I apologizefor the intrusion.

Actually, I'm really gladyou're here.

Hey, BMO,don't leave yet!

I need your helpwith something technical.


Have a sit.


Ta‐da!It's an old USB drive.

I found it in the attic,and I've been trying

to access it for weeksusing my old hardware.

It's funny, but I can't evenremember what's on it.

Hmm.

I don't know,

maybe you'llhave more luck,

Mr. Vampire Hunter.

I also huntdata recovery!


Scanning...

[ USB drive humming,beeping ]


It's goingto be a while.

A while, huh?

Let's use this opportunityto catch up.

I love ketchup!Did you make it yourself?

[ Laughs ]

BMO, no.

I mean how was your boat tripwith Finn and Jake?!

Hmm...


Well,once we left Ooo...

we sailed for 100 days...

until we landedupon a small island.


We were so tired from sailing,we decided to take a nap.

Then the island started shakingand rising from the water.

We were really sleepingon a big cat

with legs on his backso he could walk upside down.

What's going on here?

He said his name was Ted.

My name is Ted.

Whoaaaaaaaa!

A big blue jaywas making noise nearby.

Whoaaaa!

So we walked somewhere else.

Whoa!Oh!

Whoa!Whoa!

We saw some boatsin the clouds.

Finn sang a song,even though he was asleep.

♪ I want to ride ona boat, boat, boat ♪

♪ I want to ride ona goat, goat, goat ♪

♪ Middle C is my favoritenote, note, note ♪

♪ I'm on a catthat floats, floats, floats ♪

Then we floatedwith the boats ‐‐

not in the boats,but with the boats.

And we disappearedinto the clouds.


That's how I remember it,

though I mighthave embellished.

So, what did you dowhile i was on my trip?

Huh?

That was awesome,BMO.

What are you making?

Puppets!

Oh, my blogs!

You are going to catch me upwith a puppet story?

Yup!You gave me the idea!

I'm so happyright now!


I'll try to make itinteresting ‐‐ the BMO way.


Once there was this...

lollipop girl.

Princess Bubblegum?

So there wasthis lollipop girl.

She was really sweet...

and really smart.

Her best friend was...

rock star girl.

[ Guitar strums ]

'Nuff said.

They were pretty different,

but they grokked each other.

They lived ona giant birthday cake

called Weekend City,where clocks were illegal

and everyonewas chill as heck.

[ Horn toots ]Ha ha! Hey!

Ha ha!Hey!

♪ You don't need a pillto be chill ♪

♪ Just have a dill pickle ♪

♪ Go get tickled ♪

♪ And do not kill ♪

Hey, my page!

♪ I'm gonna go pee ♪

♪ Sorry ♪


But one day, a mysterious,cold fart

brought the evil blue tranchinto town.

Ha‐ha!

Hey, there!

Hi. You seem like you'd be intofulfilling

your evolutionary potentialby becoming a potato‐head.

Am I rightor am I right?

Remember that clocks wereillegal in Weekend City.

Well,today's your lucky day...

'cause I'm offeringthis magic fertilizer.

Whoo!

Marceline: Lollipop girlturned her down cold.

[ Growls ] I'll never getthese normies

to understandwhat they're missing.

To be pure potato.

Pure tato.

Marceline: And so, unwillingto give up her bad plan...

[ Laughing ]

Marceline: The blue tranchcrop‐dusted the whole town,[ Cloud farts ]

turning everyoneinto potato‐heads!

[ Coughing ]


Huh?[ Sniffs ]

Ew![ Screams ]

Marceline: But lollipop girlgot it the worst.

Her potato was growing potatoeson potatoes.

She was turning into a full‐onpotato‐stack ‐‐

and I mean crazy tall.

How tall?

Mmm...12 giants tall.

Oh! That is even tallerthan when PB got tall.

[ Clears throat ]

Anyways...

Rock star girl was tough.

She fought back the curse.

♪♪


She promised lollipop girlshe would save her.


She travelled all the wayto Potato Town

to confront the blue tranch.

[ Screams ]

♪ Hey, Blue TranchI'll give you one chance ♪

♪ To fix my friendOr I'll kick your pants ♪

♪ La la la lala la la la ♪

Stop!

I have migraines!


It turned outthe blue tranch's head

was too denseto appreciate good music.

So rock star girl kickedher pants with songs.

♪ Kicks, kicks, kicksTake that and take this ♪

Until, finally,the tranch gave up the antidote.

There!Are you happy now?!


Yes!You go, rock star girl!

But now it gets sad.

Oh, no.Why?

Well...

Rock star girlwasn't really sure

if the blue tranch gave herthe real antidote...

or if it was just a trickto get rid of her.

But the potato cursehad started to spread faster,

so it was kindof her only shot.


Rock star girl used her lastbit of strength

to climb the potato stalk.

But when she finally reachedthe top, she discovered...

[ Gasps ]

That lollipop girl

was a completelydifferent person.

Ha, ha!No!

Rock star girlwas heart‐broken.

All she'd wanted was to haveher best friend back,

but she was gone.

As the potato curse consumedher final thoughts,

she decided toembrace her fate...

to ‐‐ to explodeinto stardust!

[ Strums guitar ]


The end.

What?!Okay.

But she was you,right?

If that's howyou interpreted it.

That ending...

was not believable.

Come on. You had a catwith legs on its back.

I was being emotionallytruthful.

Fine.I sort of copped out.

I guess I just got some stuffthat's harder to talk about.

Maybe 'cause I never actuallytalked about it for real ‐‐

not even to myself.

[ Bell dings ]

Pancakes are ready!

Oh.

[ Whirs ]

Burp.

So what's onthe drive?

I will show you.

♪♪


[ Gasps ]BMO, pause slide show!


Mom.


Marceline?

Who's the nice ladyand the little girl?

It's um...

I don't know, Beems.

Why don't you tell mea story

about the little girland the nice lady.

Okay!

Once there was a ladywho lived in the moon.


She was called Moon Lady,and she could only come out

during lunar eclipses.

Once there was a little girlplaying alone by the sea.

"Hello,little girl."

"Who are you?"

"I'm the moon lady,"said the Moon Lady.

They became best friends.


They swam inthe dirty ocean water,

rolled down a hillon a giant beach ball,

played"can you catch me?"

And rode horsesor something.

They had so much fun.

But, soon, the eclipsestarted to vanish...

and the moon ladyhad to say good‐bye...

because eclipsescan't last forever.

But the little girlnever forgot the moon lady.


Or their friendship.

I think I've hearda story like that...

a long,long time ago.

[ Sniffles ]

That was beautiful,BMO.

Well,it's a beautiful picture.

The end.

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "King's Ransom" from season 7, which aired on January 15, 2016.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Ice King
Gunter
Betty
Mr. Fox
Music
None
Locations
Tree Fort
Ice Kingdom
Moose Bone Clearing
Mr. Fox's house
Cave
This transcript is complete, needs formatting.


Transcript

Ice King: All right! Where is he?!
Finn: Ice King?!
Ice king: Where is he?!
Finn: Jake? He's right there.
Jake: Man, Ice King, you better roll on.
Ice King: Where are you hiding him?!
Finn: Who are you talking about?
Ice King: It's Gunter! He's gone missing!
[Thunder]
Ice King: You in there, Goontz?
Finn: Ice King, we didn't take Gunter.
Jake: Come on, man, not the food.
Ice King: Daddy's here to save you, Goonty!
Finn: What makes you think we took him?
Ice King: 'Cause it's obvious You took Gunter, because Gunter is like your Jake.
Finn: Wait, what?
Ice King: Or maybe Gunter's like your Finn. The point is, you guys have always resented us for that fact, and that right there constitutes motive And conspiracy to harm my little road dog, Gunter!
Finn: Hey, Jake, do you think you could, like, turn into a little Gunter and go over to him?
Jake: That's gonna be kind of weird.
Finn: Yeah, but it'll calm him down, so
Jake: All right, all right, all right. Wenk, wenk.
Ice King: Aww, look at the little guy.
Finn: You want to try telling us what happened?
Ice King: Okay, so, we were watching some young men's junior figure skating championships on the tube semi-finals. I went to the kitchen to fix us up something to eat. When I came back, he was gone.
Finn: What do you think, Jake? Should we check out the ice kingdom for clues?
Jake: Or we could get a real good night's sleep and start fresh and early in the morning. Wenk, wenk.


[ snoring ] [ mumbles,smacks lips ] [ sighs ]

Ice king: all right!

[ snoring continues ]where is he?!

[ screams ]ice king?! Where is he?! Jake?He's right there. Man, ice king,you better roll on. Whereare you hiding him?! Whoare you talking about? It's gunter!He's gone missing! [ thunder crashes ]

You in there, goontz? Ice king,we didn't take gunter. Come on, man,not the food. Daddy's hereto save you, goonty! What makes you thinkwe took him? 'cause it's obvious ‐‐you took gunter, Because gunter is likeyour jake. Wait, what? Or maybe gunter's likeyour finn. The point is, you guys havealways resented us For that fact, and that rightthere constitutes motive... [ whimpers ]and conspiracy to harm My little road dog,gunter! [ sobbing ] Hey, jake, do you thinkyou could, like, Turn into a little gunterand go over to him? That's gonna bekind of weird. Yeah, butit'll calm him down, so... All right, all right,all right.

Wenk, wenk. Aww, lookat the little guy. You want to try telling uswhat happened? Okay, so,we were watching Some young men's juniorfigure skating championships On the tube ‐‐semi‐finals. I went to the kitchen to fix usup something to eat. When I came back,he was gone. Hmm... What do you think, jake?Should we check out theice kingdom for clues? Or we could geta real good night's sleep And start freshand early in the morning.

Wenk, wenk.

All: gunter! ‐hey, gunter!‐gunter?! See?He's gone. You're sureyou've checked everywhere? He's notbehind the fridge. He's not hangingwith his boys. ‐wenk, wenk.‐wenk, wenk. He's not anywhere nearthat ransom note. Did you just say"Ransom note"?! Yeah, what?You guys act like You ain't never heardof no ransom note before.

"If you ever wantto see gunter again, Go to moose bone clearingin the forgotten forest. Come alone.Don't bring any cops." Oh, no, we better go dowhat he says! [ echoing ] I'm comingfor you, gunter!

You know, this could all just besome kind of a goof. He seems for real. Both:yo, ice king, wait up! Hey, man,we're coming with you. But they said no cops. We're not cops. Yeah, we are! And this cop is your best chanceat finding gunter! There'smoose bone clearing! I wonder if it's calledthat because it's shapedlike a moose bone.

Okay, we'reright behind you.

Voice: [ echoing ] put the crownon the ground and leave. Cops ‐‐ what cops? Man: I‐I didn't mentionany cops. Oh, wait, I mean ‐‐first, show me gunter. Man: no. Okay.

Poor gunter.I hope he's okay. This is the dayi found him. And this ishis first birthday. His 15th birthday. His 115th birthday. The last time I saw gunter, I was yelling at himfor pooting. But it wasn't gunterwho pooted. It was me![ sobbing ] Hey, man,you can't blame yourself. Everybody poots. [ rustling ]

Get him!

Finn: hey!

Foxes? Uh, hand it over!

Wh‐a‐a‐a‐a‐a‐a‐a‐at?! Jake!Whoa, dude! You take those eight,and I'll take that one.

Okay, jakesies ‐‐fox hunt. ‐aah!‐aah! [ laughs ]

Gotcha! It's a tinfoil fake!

[ grunts ]whoa!

Not the pillow ‐‐aw, man! For some kind of job.

All I know issomebody was rounding up foxes For some kind of job. But I wantedno part of it ‐‐ honest.

Give me a name! Look, I never sawa face, okay? All I saw was a tin canon a string ‐‐ Just your run‐of‐the‐mill, Garden‐variety tin canon a string!

[ crown beeps, warbles ] [ energy humming ] Wenk!

Ugh!Ha‐ha!

Foiled again, huh?Get it? [ chuckles ]"Foiled"? How long you gonna staylike that? I don't know.It's pretty nice back support. Hey, guys!I just got valuable intel! ‐aah!‐aah! What happenedto your face, man?! What?Oh, you mean this? That's just somethingthat happens When I'm, like, miles and milesaway from the crown. You actually lookkind of good like that. Nice, full beard,little button nose ‐‐ You look tight! Thanks, dudes. So I found outthat our perp has been using Some kind of tin canto communicate. Tin can ‐‐ oh, hey, I thinki saw one over there.

Hah!I found it! Gunter?!I love you, gunter! Daddy's comingfor you! Hello?Agh! Wait ‐‐maybe if we follow the string, It'll lead usto the kidnappers. Oh, yeah.Good call!

Hurry!Get in!Shotty!

[ energy humming ] [ click!Humming stops ]

[ energy warbles ]

I hope they've beenfeeding him right. If he doesn't like his food, He'll just spit itright back at you. [ chuckles ]finn still does that. Man, the only reasoni spit those meatballs up is Because they were,like, hecka‐old. Oh, yeah, my bad. Ooh! Oh, gunter! [ blows nose ] Aw, he's starting to get grosson my cushions. That's nasty. Hmm...Oh, wait a minute! [ screech! ]‐aah! Yoink!

[ snap! ]whoa!

Sorry. You're sorry?!That's all you've got to say?! I was only tryingto help. [ grunting, growling ] Ice king, hold up!

[ zip! Sloop! Zip!Sloop! Zip! ] ‐you see that?‐you mean his shnoz? I think it does that whenit's pointing at the crown ‐‐ Like a big oldnose compass.

Hot. Hot.[ sloop! ] Hot![ slump! ] Cold.[ sloop! ] Hot. Hotter!

Scorchin'! Finn: look! The rest of the string leadsinto that cave! Ice king: lava! I can't cross that.I'll get hot feet! I'll stretch us across.It'll be a cakewalk. No!

I have to save him.What? Being rescued isan important bonding experience. It has to be me. [ wind whistles ] Finn! Listen, simon,as a fellow animal lover, I respect your passion. We'll hang back. But what about gunter? He'll give upin a hot second. Then, we jump inand help.Oh.

Finn,you're so smart. Okay, gunter,here I come! Lava‐freeze!

Both: aah! [ sizzle! ] Ow! Ow! Ow, ow, ow ow,ow, ow, ow!

Both: ice king, no!Ice king, no!

[ panting ] ‐nice!‐yes! [ panting ]

Voice:that's far enough. [ sobbing ] You got my crown... But you didn't give memy gunter. Now I've got hot feet,but no gunter! I would give a million,billion, gazillion crowns And every hot feetin the world For just one gunter! [ sobbing ]

You! You're buh‐buh‐buh ‐‐ Beautiful!

Wenk, wenk. Gunter!Isn't she beautiful? Uh, look, if you want him,you can have him ‐‐ For a hug!

All right,close your eyes. Oh, boy. [ can clatters ] [ warble! Pop! ] Wenk, wenk.

Hey, look,she left me a prezzie. [ energy warbles, crackles ]

Huh, feelskind of different. Okay,let's go home, goontz.

That'spretty cool.[ sniffles ]

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "King Worm" from season 4, which aired on August 13, 2012.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Princess Bubblegum
Flame Princess
Peppermint Butler
King Worm
Joshua (nonspeaking)
Lumpy Space Princess
Ice King
Fear Feaster (nonspeaking)
The Lich
Ghost Lady
Music
None
Locations
Finn's mind
Princess Bubblegum's castle
Tree Fort
Library (distorted)
Ice Kingdom-Grass Lands border
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

Princess Bubblegum: My king... [Finn's POV is viewed as he opens his eyes.] My king? [Lovingly] ...Wake up, husband.
Finn: [Small groan] What??
[Finn is revealed to be in the Candy Kingdom throne room and wearing a big crown.]
Banana Guards: Long live the king!
Finn: What... is... goin' on? [Finn's crown suddenly rises from his head.]
Princess Bubblegum: Hm. Not much.
Banana Guards: [Whose bodies are upside-down now] Long live the king!
Finn: Huh?!?
[A crowned worm rises on Princess Bubblegum's shoulder.]
King Worm: Wowowowowowow...
Finn: Hey... do I know you? [Finn reaches for it, but it quickly escapes.] Hey... I know that guy!
[Princess Bubblegum's face appears in the back of her head.]
Princess Bubblegum: [To Peppermint Butler] He doesn't know he's dreaming.
Finn: Huh? [Dream shift] Huh??
[Finn is now sitting in front of Flame Princess.]
Flame Princess: Come on, honey. Eat your soup.
Finn: ...Huh...? Wait, wait, wait...
Flame Princess: EAT IT NOW!!!
[Finn cautiously does so and smiles.]
[Dream shift]
Finn: Mmm... hmm... What kind of—AAAH! How... did we get here? [Flame Princess now has three mouths and is muttering incomprehensibly.] Uh... I'm good on the soup. Huh? [The spoon is now King Worm.] You!
[Flame Princess is now Peppermint Butler.]
Peppermint Butler: You haven't much time, sir.
Finn: What??
[Peppermint Butler now has a tiny head jutting from his body.]
Second peppermint head: You are trapped in a dream.
Peppermint Butler: And you are in danger. [Finn scowls. Peppermint Butler's face get's scratched off. His hand starts talking.] You need to find this worm and break it.
Finn: Find the worm? But... you've got 'im right there! [Gasps]
[The worm is once again the spoon. Phil appears in Peppermint Butler's pants.]
Phil: Satori!
[Peppermint Butler throws the spoon at Finn, who is now in the library.]
Finn: Huh? Huh? Huh? [Finn notices Jake in a window in a bookshelf. He's struggling to wrap a present.] Jake?
[Next to him is Lady Rainicorn. She starts blowing tape out her "tape hole."]
Lady Rainicorn: [Speaking English; incredibly deep voice] Hold down the tape until it fully sticks to the paper.
Jake: Like this?
Lady Rainicorn: Yes, but now try holding it higher.
Jake: Like this?
Lady Rainicorn: You need more tape. [Dispenses more tape out of her hole.] Use this. [Jake takes the tape and wraps it around the present.] Now, tape the bottom.
[Jake does so.]
Jake: Who's it for?
Lady Rainicorn: Who's it for?
Jake: .....It's for... um...
[A transparent Finn glides in front of Finn saying, "It's for meeee!"]
Lady Rainicorn: Play this.
Jake: [Taking viola] Uh... okay.
[Jake starts playing terribly. A music note comes out of the viola and becomes the worm.]
Finn: The worm! [Another transparent Finn glides across the real one saying, "The worm!" in an incredibly high-pitched voice. Finn tries to catch it but it goes into a mouse hole.] [Impatiently] Worm... worm... Woyyym! Worm!!
Jake: Finn! Aw, man, is it really you?
Finn: [Turns around] Jake? [Looks at mousehole] Yeah. I think so. [Feels himself] Yep.
Jake: I'm trapped in this dream, and I can't wake up!
Finn: Me, too! I was just in some other part of the dream with Princess Bubblegum and Flame Princess.
Jake: Make-out dreams? Nice...
Finn: What?! [Floats towards Jake] No, it wasn't like that!
Jake: Hey, I won't judge.
[Lady gapes at Finn making a deep noise.]
Finn: ...Lady's got two mouths...
Jake: Mm-hmm. I don't think she's real.
Finn: Weird... [He feels her "tape hole." Jake pinches him.] Ouch! What was that for?
Jake: Just wanted to make sure you were real. Our dreams must be linked for some reason.
Finn: Whoa... Well... Pep-but told me we gotta find that worm that crawled through that hole and break it. [Scratches head] [Speaking incredibly fast] In my dream— [Speaking normally] In my dream... suddenly, an unimaginably amazing sword appeared in front of me able to blast the hole open. [The sword appears.] Rad! [Laughs] I usually dream of messed-up stuff, like a shark tryina' bite off my face.
[The blade of the sword turns into a shark. The shark roars like a lion. Finn shrieks, and the air behind him begins to crack.]
Jake: Careful! If you grunk up the dreamscape with your subconscious fears, the whole thing'll blow apart!
Finn: Ohhh.
Jake: Just shrink down like me.
[The Shark Sword disappears.]
Finn: And then I shrunk down like Jake. [Does so]
[Finn and Jake enter the mouse hole. Scene shifts to a tunnel underground. As Finn and Jake talk, their voices echo as if they were in metal chambers.]
Finn: How do you know so much about dreams and stuff?
Jake: 'Cuz I sleep a lot.
Finn: Heh heh. Oh, yeah.
[Finn and Jake emerge from a hole in the ground, apparently normal size now. Ice King comes up to them after going in the opposite direction over a mountain.]
Ice King: Fionna, Cake, I need your help!
Finn: What??
Jake: What did you say??
Ice King: I really did it this time! They're loose, and they're coming for us!
Finn: Who?
[Quacks are heard from far away. A monster composed entirely of merged penguins appears.]
Finn & Jake: AAH!
[They both run away. Ice King simply runs in circles.]
[Dream shift.]
Finn: Dad??
[Joshua is seen sitting nearby.]
Jake: Help us!
[He says nothing. Jake and Finn look at each other.]
Finn: Maybe he's not really... real.
[Finn and Jake stop in front of him.]
Jake: Dad, are you okay?
[Joshua wordlessly opens a case and gets yarn and knitting needles out. He starts knitting a scarf.]
Finn: That scarf looks... familiar...
Jake: Yeah...
[The scarf turns into the full sized King Worm. It quickly crawls away.]
Finn: Man! The worm is fast!
Jake: Yeah, it's nuts! Fast as nuts.
Finn: Well, let's catch it with... [Finn and Jake make their legs bigger.] ...some big ol' legs!
Jake: Well... that's kinda boring for me... 'cuz that's my normal power, you know?
Finn: Then you get... birds!
[Jake is now able to fly, with the lower half of his body being a bird. They pursue the worm up a mountain. It starts raining Lumpy Space Princesses. Finn falls.]
Finn: Ay ay ay ay ay!
Jake: Remember, this is just a dream! Keep climbing!
[They go further up the mountain to the snowy part. It's now snowing Lumpy Space Princesses. Finn and Jake find a frozen King Worm.]
Finn: Now what?
Jake: Break it!
[A rock falls from the sky. Finn and Jake use it to shatter the worm. As they put the rock down, the dream itself melts into nothingness. Finn and Jake are now in bed, awaking with a start. BMO wakes up because of the noise, then goes back to charging its battery.]
Finn: Jake, are you okay?
Jake: Yeah. Are you?
Finn: Yeah. I'm okay.
Finn & Jake: We did it!
Jake: Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Finn: Yeah, yeah, yeah! ...Hmm. [Noticing his reflection] Was that... was that mirror always like that? [They walk to the mirror.] I'm pretty sure this is not normal.
Jake: [Now having a big human nose] Nope, it's fine.
Finn: AAH! [A cup falls and shatters on the ground, then rises up un-shattered, repeatedly.] Jake, I think we're still dreaming!
Jake: Nah, it's just dream residue. Forget about it.
Finn: [His reflection floats away.] You sure know a lot about dream stuff... [Looks closer at him.] You pinched me earlier, but I never pinched you.
[Finn chases Jake. The floor suddenly becomes the wall.]
Jake: [Calmly] Everything's normal. [Finn pinches him. Jake starts to melt.] [Voice getting lower] Everything's norrrmaaaal....
[Dream shift to the entrance room.]
Finn: It's still a dream. Hmmm... Huh?!
[Jake's remains suddenly turn into a laughing King Worm. Finn gasps.]
King Worm: Hey, guys... [Chuckles]
Transparent Finn: Hey, guys!
[Finn tries to throw the shattered, but now un-shattered cup at the worm, but it simply goes around him and comes back at Finn.]
Finn: Why're you jankin' up my dreamscape!?
King Worm: [Calmly] Listen, don't worry about it.
Finn: [In disbelief] WHAT?!
King Worm: You can't defeat me... I'm the king worm. I'm going to keep you in this dreamscape until I've consumed... all your... [Smaller version of himself appears in his mouth]
Smaller King Worm: ...Life energy!
Finn: My life energy?! I use that! Aaagh! [Finn charges. His actions are now being represented via a "long, undulating snake."] Wait... something's wrong. I'm missing something. [Furious] Worm!! [Suddenly discouraged] Oh, man... I'm gonna be stuck here... forever.
[The air again cracks. The crack reaches the ceiling and the ceiling begins to crack. A piece of the ceiling falls and hits King Worm on the head.]
King Worm: Ouch! Hey, guys!
Transparent Finn: Hey, guys!
King Worm: Knock it off!
Finn: Huh?
Pictured Jake: Psst. If you grunk up the dreamscape with your subconscious fears, the whole thing'll blow apart!
Finn: Hmm? Oh, yeah! Thanks, dream Jake! [Smashes him with a jug; the picture frame becomes many tiny Jakes. Finn's actions once again become a "long, undulating snake."] GET READY TO EAT IT!
King Worm: Wowowowowowowow...
Finn: Okay, Finn... Concentrate. Deepest... gut... fears!
[The camera pans into Finn's mouth, and fades into black. A baby Finn is seen. "Kitty!" Fear Feaster opens a case. Finn gasps. He's now inside of a green room which resembles King Worm. Water starts pouring out of his belly button.]
Finn: Oh, gross! [A small fish pops out, too. Finn tastes the water.] The ocean. [Finn starts panicking and screaming.] Okay... Okay, that wasn't so bad. [The Lich pops out of his belly button.] AAAAH!! OH, GLOB! THE LICH!!
King Worm: [Now shriveled up] [Coughs] Hey, why don't you sit down, or pass out or something?
Finn: NEVER!!!
[The Lich laughs maniacally, hurling fire balls at Finn. Princess Bubblegum comes out of Finn's belly.]
Finn: Bubblegum! WAAA-HOOO!
Princess Bubblegum: Finn, shush! I'm having coffee with the Lich. You wouldn't understand. You're too young. [Her cup of coffee suddenly explodes with the Lich's power.]
[Finn screams in utter terror. King Worm coughs.]
Finn: SO MUCH SCREAMING!!!
[Finn's bed legs suddenly come out of his belly button. Finn lays in the bed in helpless fright as the Ghost Lady comes towards him. Finn falls out of the bed and lays on the floor panting.]
Finn: [To King Worm, who is now incredibly shriveled up] Had enough... destabilization?
King Worm: I don't... [Coughs] ...know what you're talking about...
[A clown pops out of Finn's belly button.]
Clown: I'm a clown!
[Finn lets out a small scream.]
King Worm: Well, that's that.
[The dreamscape finally gets destroyed. Finn is now in the entrance room with Jake, in front of King Worm, surrounded by smaller worms. The small worms vanish.]
King Worm: I don't feel so good.
Finn: GET OUT OF MY HOUSE, KING WORM!!!!!!! [King Worm groans and exits.] [To Jake] Is it really you... this time?
Jake: Yeah, mans. Actual Jake.
Finn: Cool... [Pinching Jake] Pinch.
Jake: Ow, man, come on!
Finn: I'm just checkin'! ...Just checkin'.
[The episode ends.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Lady & Peebles" from season 4, which aired on August 20, 2012.

Characters
Princess Bubblegum
Lady Rainicorn
Music
None
Locations
Ice Kingdom
Black ice cave
Candy Kingdom
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode begins with Princess Bubblegum running towards her arctic base in the Ice Kingdom. At the base, Lady Rainicorn is sad and lamenting about something.]
Lady Rainicorn: 흑흑흑 안돼. 내가 왜 그랬을까? ("No, no, no. What did I do?") [Princess Bubblegum arrives at the base. Lady Rainicorn cries.]
Lady Rainicorn: 걔네들 찾았어요? ("Did you find them?")
Princess Bubblegum: My GPS shows Finn and Jake over there [Points at the window where the Black Ice Cave is seen]. I think that's where the Ice King has them hostage.
Lady Rainicorn: 걔네들 안전할까요? ("Will they be okay?")
Princess Bubblegum: I'm sure the boys are fine. The Ice King isn't usually a serious threat. [Digs in bag] Besides, this'll be easy with the two of us. [Holds up robotic kettle and cup] We've got science on our side.
Tea robot: Your tea is ready. [Bubblegum pours.] Pouring. Pouring.
Lady Rainicorn: 제이크가 실종되기 전에 내가 월남국수 면이 질기다고 말했어요. 아, 내가 왜 그런 말을 했을까. 무슨 나쁜 일이 생겼으면 어떡해?! 걔가 만든 국수 맛없다고 한 게 우리의 마지막 대화였어요. ("I told him that his Vietnamese noodles were too tough before he went missing. Why did I say such a thing?! What if something bad happens to him?! The last conversation we had was that his noodles were tough!")
Princess Bubblegum: It's okay, Lady. Jake knows you love him.
Lady Rainicorn: 미안해요. 내가 국수를 너무 많이 먹었나 봐요. ("Sorry. I guess I've eaten too many noodles.")
Princess Bubblegum: Don't worry. Just try to relax. [Lady lowers her head calmly.] I'll work on my holo-entry. [Recording herself] It's been three weeks since Finn and Jake disappeared while battling the Ice King. I've activated a secret GPS implanted in Finn's ear. It has lead us to an uncharted black ice cave... but I've spent hours calculating every possible danger and am well-prepared.
Lady Rainicorn: 그놈이 칼을 들고 덤비면 어떡해요?! ("What if he attacks you with a knife?!")
Princess Bubblegum: [Pulls out her Electrode Gun.] Then I'll pull out my Electrode gun.
Lady Rainicorn: 그놈이 공주님을 해치려고 하면요?! ("What if he tries to hurt you?!")
Princess Bubblegum: [Pulls out her Ball Blam Burglerber.] Then... I'll use my Ball Blam Burglerber! Lady, it'll be fine. [Raises fist.]  We've got science!
Lady Rainicorn: 아.. 맞아요, 내가 좀 걱정이 심한 편이죠. 전 반 살은 시체들이 우리 집을 공격하는 악몽에 시달려요. 우리 삼촌, 외숙모, 사촌들이 다 집에 있었어요. 아기가 위층에서 우는 소리까지 생생히 들린다니까요. 내가 우리 가족들을 지킬 수만 있다면 — 그 꿈 꾸는 동안 얼마나 스트레스 받으면 이빨까지 무지하게 갈아요. [Grinds teeth] 다음날 일어나면 이빨들이 금 가있어요. 보통 전 그냥 그런 것 꿈이려니, 내가 걱정을 사서 하지 하며 잊어버리려고 해요. 제가 그 반 살은 시체들에게 정말 두 번이나 공격당했었잖아요. ("You're right. I worry too much sometimes. I always get haunted by this nightmare where zombies attack my house! My uncle, aunt-in-law, and cousins are all present in my house. I even hear the baby crying coming from the upstairs. If I could just protect my dear family. [Princess Bubblegum frowns.] I become too stressful during that dream. I even grind my own teeth! [Grinds teeth, then Princess Bubblegum gasps.] When I wake up in the morning, all my teeth are cracked up! I usually try to forget about it, thinking that it's just a dream or I'm being paranoid, but I was actually attacked by zombies before, twice!")
Princess Bubblegum: Hmm. I suppose that's true. [Pours beverage out of cup] Let's roll.
[The duo enters the black ice cave. Bubblegum's GPS device reports that there is no signal.] Eh, I can't get a signal in this chamber. Let's see if they show up on my heart monitor. [She activates her heart monitor; it shows two big dots and five smaller dots. She bangs it and it shows another reading that shows two dots and a triangle.] There they are! Through this sphincter!
[They pass through the sphincter and enter a dark room.]
Lady Rainicorn: 으으, 잘 안 보이네. ("Ugh, it's hard to see.")
[Princess Bubblegum gasps after an arm brushes on her back.]
Princess Bubblegum: Hold up, Lady.
Lady Rainicorn: 뭐예요? ("What was that?")
[Another arm brushes Bubblegum's face and she gasps. Dozens of arms come towards the girls and they struggle against them. Two arms grab and another two pound Lady's eyes.]
Lady Rainicorn: 으! 아아! 그만해! 도와줘요! ("Ah! Stop it! Help!")
Princess Bubblegum: Don't worry, Lady! [Prepares gun] Ball Blam Burglerber-ber! [She fires a blast; the projectile explodes on the other side of the chamber. An arm pulls down Bubblegum's hood over her eyes.] My field of vision! [A tentacle takes her weapon; she gasps. Another takes her bag.] HEY!!
[Lady furiously chews on the arms that is holding her arms. Many more arm came towards them.]
Princess Bubblegum: Lady, phase through the wall!
[She does so and the arms failed to get them. They both pant heavily.]
Lady Rainicorn: 공주님 무기들! ("Your weapons!")
Princess Bubblegum: Come on. There's no turning back now.
Ice King [off-screen]: [Angry] This is total bunk! You copier! You're only in love with her because I'm in love with her!
Lady Rainicorn: [Gravely] Ice King. (아이스 킹.)
Ice King [off-screen]: I've been playing this game a lot longer than you, pal! I've been workin' my moves, smooth-talkin' 'er, showin' 'er magic tricks! Don't ignore me! Come back!
Princess Bubblegum: I'm picking up three heart signatures. Ice King must be talking to Finn and Jake. [The girls enter a giant air vent with a forked path.] Go to the right, Lady.
[They hear a strange noise in the left path. Princess Bubblegum gasps as a giant tongue lashes out at them. They quickly escape and enter a narrow corridor.]
Lady Rainicorn: 공주님 저 땀나게 만드시네요. ("You're making me sweat.") [They exit the passageway and find a large room with many closed eyes on all the walls.] 와, 이 방은 예쁜 새 소리에 대한 내 사랑보다 더 크네! ("Wow, this chamber is bigger than my love for pretty bird songs!")
[Eyeballs separate their eyelids.]
Princess Bubblegum and Lady Rainicorn: Ew.
[The eyes fire lasers at the girls. Lady got shot in her face, blasting her to the ground. The eyes close their lids and an exit opens.]
Princess Bubblegum: Lady! [Crawls towards Lady.] Lady, are you okay?
Lady Rainicorn: 으, 네. 걱정 마세요. 저 완전, 완전 괜찮아요. 자, 가요. 일어납시다! [Falls down] 으, 안 되겠네. 혼자 가세요. 전 짐만 될 뿐이에요. ("Eh, yeah. Don't worry about me. I'm perfectly, perfectly fine. Let's go. Get up! [Falls down] Guh. I don't think I will make it anyway. You should just go alone. I'll just be a burden for you.")
Princess Bubblegum: No, Lady. I won't leave you while you're hurt. Come on. [She grunts as she lifts up Lady. She carries her into a dark room.]
[Princess Bubblegum breathes heavily as her heart monitor lights up and dims.]
Princess Bubblegum: What are you playing at, Ice King? [Pants heavily] Three heart signatures. ...Getting closer.
[Bubblegum trips over something; she looks down; it's an eviscerated Ice King laying on the floor.]
Ice King: Hey.
Princess Bubblegum: [Dropping heart monitor] AH!
Ricardio: Princess! What a pleasant surprise...
Princess Bubblegum: Ricardio!
Ricardio: Yes, it is I. Did you find my dungeon stimulating?
Princess Bubblegum: [Angry] Where are Finn and Jake?!
Ricardio: What do you see in those two? [Throwing the two in front of her.] A boy... and a dog. You deserve more mature companionship.
Princess Bubblegum: [Gasps; to herself] Poisoned with Zanoits.
Ricardio: You see, I thought I only wanted your heart, but I was wrong. I was unfair to you. I want the full package. [Princess Bubblegum looks appalled.] Princess...
Princess Bubblegum: What...?
[Ricardio steps forward and reveals his new body.]
Ricardio: I'm a man now. [Bubblegum repeatedly shrieks in utter horror.] I made myself this body for you, Princess, [The scene goes a flashback where Ricardio is still in Ice King's body.] Synthesized from Ice King's living tissue—his bones broken and reassembled.
Ice King: [Feigning] It hurt, ooh, boy! How about a hug? Gimme a hug! I need it! [Ricardio steps on him.] Oh!
Ricardio: Silence, Simon!  All for you, Princess! [He takes Lady away from her.] Now marvel at these powerful, articulate limbs! [He ties Lady in a knot.]
Princess Bubblegum: [Horrified] STOP!
Ricardio: Attached with supple and delicate sinews.
[He throws Lady against the wall.]
Princess Bubblegum: [Gasps] AH! [In concern] LADY!
[Bubblegum tries to reach Lady, but Ricardio intercepts her.]
Ricardio: Now, my darling, we can finally be united as man and wife.
[Princess Bubblegum squints at Ricardio's sinews. She thinks for a second.]
Princess Bubblegum: Okay, Ricardio. I'll do it. I'll be your wife. [Proceeds to take off coat.]
Ricardio: Ah!
Princess Bubblegum: [Taking coat fully off] If you can beat me [throws coat aside] at hand-to-hand combat!
Ricardio: Oh, my... How Valkyrian. Princess, you are absolu— [Princess Bubblegum punches him, while sweating and panting heavily.]
[They begin their fight. Princess Bubblegum eventually manages to detach one of his arms. When Ricardio attempts to strike her, she counter attacks and forces him to the ground. She stomps on his face.]
Princess Bubblegum: You think we're intellectual equals?! It only took me seconds to get you off your guard! And this "body" you designed is self-congratulatory garbage! See, I know a thing or two about building a body out of biomass, [Detaching leg] and you don't... leave your heart exposed!
Ricardio: I just wanted to impress you!
Princess Bubblegum: You didn't. [She pounds Ricardio's face with his own leg.] Get out of my sight.
[Ricardio crawls away, whimpering pathetically. Princess Bubblegum pants heavily, then looks at the boys.]
[The scene cuts to the Candy Kingdom Hospital where Princess Bubblegum is looking over Jake, Finn, Ice King, and Lady.]
Finn: [Waking up] Princess? PRINCESS! RICARDIO IS BACK, HE'S IN THE BLACK ICE CAVE, AND HE'S PEACOCKING HARDCORE!
Princess Bubblegum: I know... and he poisoned you both with Zanoits, but I took care of it.
Finn: What happened? How did we get here?
Princess Bubblegum: I dragged you all here on Lady's back. [Jake wakes up.] It took two days. And another day to make you guys an antidote. [Goes to Ice King.]  And fifteen minutes to build the Ice King a new heart.
Ice King: Hey, Finn. [The princess reveals Ice King's new heart.] Hee hee!
Princess Bubblegum: I made it out of Ricardio's sinews... and some toffee and maracas.
[Ice King laughs and plays with his maraca heart.]
Ice King: Coochie coochie coochie!
Princess Bubblegum: I'm glad you guys are up. Please make the Ice King leave.
Ice King: Hahaha! Shooka shooka shooka! [Laughs then claps.]
Princess Bubblegum: ICE KING, PLEASE LEAVE!!!
Ice King: [Happily] Ah-hay!!
[Princess Bubblegum goes to Lady.]
Princess Bubblegum: How are you feeling, Lady?
Lady Rainicorn: 제이크 깨어났어요? ("Is Jake awake?")
Princess Bubblegum: Yes. He's awake. [With regret] Oh, Lady. I should have never put you in danger. [Gravely] I saw on the heart monitor. I didn't know.
Lady Rainicorn: [Hugging Princess Bubblegum] 괜찮아요. 비밀로 한 제가 잘못이죠. ("It's fine. It was my fault for hiding it.") [Flies to the three] Jake! (제이크!)
Jake: [Happy] Lady! Oh, Lady!
Lady Rainicorn: 자기야, 나 완전 중요한 할 말 있어. [Jake frowns.] 나... ("Honey, I've got something terribly important to tell you. [Jake frowns.] I...") I am pregnant!
Jake: ...I'M... PUPPIES!?
[The episode ends.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Lady Rainicorn of the Crystal Dimension" from season 8, which aired on April 16, 2016.

Characters
Lady Rainicorn
T.V.
Lee
Roy
Bob Rainicorn
Ethel Rainicorn
Cinnamon Bun (flashback)
Rainicorns
Toronto (flashback)
Dogs
Mushroom People
Crystal Guardian
Snail
Music
None
Locations
Lady Rainicorn's house
Crystal Dimension
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[Setting: Lady Rainicorn's house .]
Lady Rainicorn : [in Korean with subtitles] TV, Its noon. Are you getting up? (TV, 벌써 열두시야. 안 일어날 거야?)
TV : [In english] Nah, I'm good here. Mom, give me some money,
Lady Rainicorn: TV, get a job. (일자리 찾어.)
TV: A job?
Lady Rainicorn: Listen, I will provide you with food, and you can keep using my shampoo. Now I'm going out to lunch. (그래, 내가 너 밥도 먹여주고, 내 샴푸도 써주게 해 주잖아. 엄마 점심 먹으러 간다.)
TV: Lunch with who?
Lady Rainicorn: With Princess Bubblegum . (풍선검 공주님.)
TV: Princess Bubblegum? Do you guys even hang out anymore?
[Lady Rainicorn leaves. TV is shown rummaging through the kitchen. He finds a secret compartment with a box in it. He opens the box.]
TV: Hmm. Hey, some kind of sammich.
[He eats the Sandwich ]
TV: [thinking] This box looks vintage. [out loud] It could be worth money.
[TV leaves the house.]
TV: [monotonally singing] Gonna sell a weird box. Gonna make some mad bucks. Gonna buy some new books.
[Lady Rainicorn returns to the house. She is looking for TV.]
Lady Rainicorn: TV? TV?
[She notices a computer message. She presses play.]
TV: [pre-recorded message from computer] Hey, mom, I'm going to the market to sell a secret weird box. I ate the weird sandwich from the weird box. [echoing] I ate the weird sandwich from the weird box. I ate the weird sandwich from the weird box. I ate the weird sandwich from the weird box.
[Lady Rainicorn looks concerned. She is looking for the box. It is not there.]
Lady Rainicorn: TV!
[Lady Rainicorn begins flying toward the market. TV is shown at the market.]
TV: [yelling] Weird box for sale!
[shown at Tom's Music Boxes]
Tom : Sorry, kid. Maybe if it was a music box.
[Lee is riding a bike, looking around.]
Lee : [in Korean with subtitles] Hmm. It's close. (흠, 가까이 있군.)
[TV is shown at Candy Box Man's stand.]
Candy Box Man : Now, if it was a candy box, I could use it.
[Lee is shown holding a pink crystal]
Lee : [to the crystal] Do your thing. (찾아봐.)
[The crystal forms a hand and begins to search for the crystal sandwich]
Farmer's market character: [advertising] Get you cukes, get your zukes. Get your handwoven tukes!
TV: [thinking] Ohh, people here are dumb or something.
[the crystal hand touches TV's stomach. It has found the crystal sandwich.]
Lee: Gotcha. (잘했어.)
[The crystal hand vanishes. Lee drives over to TV.]
TV: [looking at the bike] Whoa!
Lee: Hey, I'm Lee. Nice box. (안녕, 내 이름은 리야. 그 상자 멋있는데.)
TV: Give me money, Lee, and you can have it.
Lee: I don't believe in currency, man! But I know a place where you could get a lot of money for a box like that. Get on my cool bike, I will take you there! (난 돈따윈 안 믿어! 근데, 니가 그 상자를 비싸게 팔 수 있는 장소는 알고 있지. 내 죽이는 오토바이에 탈래? 거기로 데려다 줄게.)
[Lee picks up TV and puts him on the bike.
TV: uhh, BTW, my name's TV
Lee: My name is Lee. (내 이름은 리.)
[Lee starts the bike.]
TV: [singing a tune]♪♩♫ I've got a new best friend.♪♩♫
Lee: [singing]♪♩♫ Named Lee.♪♩♫
[Lady Rainicorn comes out of the trees]
Lady Rainicorn: Lee?
TV: [casually] Oh, hey mom!
[Lee turns the bike around, and Lady follows them.]
Lady Rainicorn: [sternly] You can't take it, Lee! (너 그거 못 가져가, 리!)
Lee: [to Lady Rainicorn] You know this is for the best. (이렇게 하는게 최선이라는 거 알지.)
Lady Rainicorn: Also, you can't take my son, TV! (그리고 내 아들 TV도 못 데려가!)
[Lee throws the pink crystal and it forms a portal. They travel through it. Lady creates another portal for herself.
Lady Rainicorn: TV! [sternly] Don't make me laugh. (웃기고 있네.)
[All of them are now in the Crystal Dimension . Lee drives through a door and it closes. Lady cannot go through it.]
Lady Rainicorn: TV!
[Lee and TV are in a mansion. Lee is playing the bass on a couch.]
TV: You've got such a cool place, Lee.
Lee: Well, you're a cool guy, too. Aren't you? (고마워. 근데 너도 멋진 놈인 거 같은데. 아니야?)
TV: Cool? Yes, I am. How much did this place cost?
Lee: Oh, its not my house. I'm squatting. (아 이거 내꺼 아니야. 그냥 빈집에 들어와 있는거야.)
[Lee's phone rings, and he answers.]
Lee: [on the phone, whispering] Yeah, I've got him. Get the boys over here. (응, 응, 그래. 여기다 가둬 놨어. 애들 데리고 와.)
TV: [looking around] Hey, what's this thing?
[a TV shaped contraption is shown.]
Lee: [nervous] Oh! uhh.. Thats nothing, man. (어, 어, 아... 이거 아무것도 아니야.)
[Lee places some flowers in front of it.]
Lee: Hey, want to get on the back of my motorbike again? (야, 다시 오토바이나 타러 가자.)
TV: [laughs] Yeah!
Lee: I'll show you how to do a wheelie! (내가 멋있는 거 보여줄게, 윌리!)
TV: [in awe] Whoa! A wheelie! [singing] ♪♩♫I've got a new best friend.♪♩♫
Lee: [singing]♪♩♫ Named Lee.♪♩♫
[Three dogs enter the mansion. Lady Rainicorn is shown walking in the crystal town. She notices graffiti on a wall, and a flashback takes place from when Lee and Lady Rainicorn were still dating. These following scenes are the flashback until noted.]
Lee: This is what I think about dogs, baby (이게 내가 개들을 어떻게 생각하는지 보여주는거야, 어때, 죽이지?)
[points to graffiti that says, "down with dogs"]
Lee: [on his bike with Lady, yelling to dog pedestrians] Yeah! Hey dogs! You're stupid! [imitating dogs] Bow wow wow wow! (야! 멍멍이들! 야 이 개들아! 머리에는 뭐가 들었냐? 멍멍멍! 멍!)
Lee: [making fun of a police dog] Hey! Dog cop! Watsa matter?! Not used to rainicorns standing up to you? (야, 개 경찰! 쫄았냐? 레이니콘이 이렇게 대드는 건 처음 봐?)
[Lee is shown putting a crystal into a trash can. Next to the can is a sign that says "DON'T LITTER"]
Lee: [laughs and hides behind a wall with Lady Rainicorn] Get a load of this, baby! (자기야, 멋진거 보여줄까?)
[A dog tries to put paper in the trash can, but the crystal goes off and creates a beam of rainbows and exploding trash.]
Lee: [Laughing] Boom!
Lady Rainicorn: [sighing and smiling] Oh, Lee.
Lee: [laughs] Baby, did you see that? (자기야, 봤지?)
[A family of dogs is shown and they get covered with rainbow paint. The frames pan up and Lee is seen with a bucket next to Lady Rainicorn.]
Lee: [laughs] I hate dogs so much! (개들이 너무 싫어.)
[Lee and Lady Rainicorn are seen in their home. Lady is spinning thread and Lee is on a floor mat.
Lee: We don't need to follow dog's rules! (봤지, 우리가 개들 법을 따라야 할 이유는 아무것도 없다고.)
Lady Rainicorn: Yeah. (맞아.)
[Lady Rainicorn's parents come to their house]
Ethel (Lady Rainicorn's mother): [at the door] Ding-dong! Doting parents delivery service.
Bob (Lady Rainicorn's father): Your mother and I were in the neighborhood.
Ethel: One can't live on love alone; One must also have groceries.
[Ethel places a bag of groceries in front of them.]
Lee: Hey, groceries are a dog-driven concept. [points to paper owl] There's enough nutrition in that macrame owl on the wall there to feed this entire city for a year! (아, 장모님, 장보는 건 개들 작전에 말려드는 거에요. 저기 벽에 걸려 있는 부엉이만 해도, 어, 일 년동안 온 동네 사람들을 먹여살리는데.)
[Ethel and Bob driving home in their car]
Ethel: [perplexed and annoyed] Whatever does she see in such an idiot?
[scene changes to Lee and Lady Rainicorn laughing and running around in a crystal field.
Lee: Ah, you're beautiful, baby! (아, 자기야 너 진짜 아름답다.)
Lady Rainicorn: [laughing] Oh, lee!
[scene changes to Lee and Lady near a dog bank. Lee has dynamite.]
Lee: Watch this, baby! (자기야, 이거 봐봐.)
[Lee blows up the bank in a cloud of rainbows, leaving the dogs suprised and confused.]
Lee: [exclaiming] Whoooo! I hate dogs! I hate those stinkin' dogs! (워후! 아, 나 개들이 싫다! 저 멍청한 개들이 진짜 싫어!)
Lady Rainicorn: [sad and disappointed] Lee....
[Lady is shown entering a cafe, looking around]
Lady Rainicorn: Lee?
[Lady looks in the back of the cafe, where Lee and Roy are plotting something with a map.]
Lee: All we gotta do is follow this map! (이제 이 지도대로만 가면 되는거야!)
Roy : [obliviously] You mean this stolen map?!
Lady: [interrupts] What's this? (이게 뭐야?)
Roy: [suprised and annoyed] Lady!
Lee: [rolling up the map] Uh, nothing.. nothing, nothing. (아, 아니야, 아무것도.)
[The map is shown as a maze leading to a sandwich (the Crystal Mergence of Destruction)]
Lady Rainicorn: [angrily] No way! You're going too far, Lee! Breaking into a dog military installation! You could trigger another rainicorn-dog war! (이건 너무 심해. 이건 개들의 군대 체제를 침법하는 거잖아! 니가 레이니콘과 개들의 전쟁을 다시 일으킬 수 있어!)
Lee: [scoffs] You know, I'm actually glad you caught me. We can't do this without you. The rainicorns need you. Lee needs you.
[He kisses her on the cheek] (그래, 이렇게 들킨 거, 차라리 잘 됐어. 자기 없이는 이 작전은 성공할 수 없어. 레이니콘들한테는 니가 필요해.)
Lady Rainicorn: [sadly] Aww....
[Scene changes to a building called the "Labyrinth" with two guard dogs outside. Lee, Roy and Lady Rainicorn put coffee bags over the dogs, and disguise them into the building's color. They enter the building.
Lee: Finally, the Mergence of Destruction! I'm gonna rain pain on all those dumb dogs! (드디어 파괴의 원동력이 내 손안에 들어왔어! 내가 멍청한 개들한테 따가운 비를 뿌려, 윽...)
[Lady Rainicorn hits him, and he goes unconscious. She takes the sandwich.]
Lady Rainicorn: I'm sorry, my love. (자기야 미안해.)
Roy: Hey, whats going on? Wha?
[Lady Rainicorn zaps Roy with her horn.
Roy: [yelling] Ahh!
Lee: [struggling] You can't stop me. I'm gonna get that nugget someday! I'll chase you to the ends of the crystal dimension!
[Scene changes to Lady Rainicorn's parent's home.] (넌 나를 멈출 수 없어. 언젠가 내가 그 돌맹이 꼭 찾을거야... 세상 끝까지라도 널 쫓아가서!)
Lady Rainicorn: Mom, dad, I've got to get out of town fast!(엄마, 아빠, 저 지금 여기로 떠나야 돼요.)
Ethel: You're leaving? Do you want any groceries to take with you?
Lady Rainicorn: Mom, no. Listen, I don't know if I can ever come back. The Crystal Mergence must be kept far from here. (어, 괜찮아요. 저, 저 언제 돌아올 지 모르겠어요. 이 수정 활성화를 여기서부터 없애야 돼요.)
Ethel: Okay, but take a purse. I have tons of them.
Lady Rainicorn: [Leaving on a bike] Thanks, mom! Thanks, dad! I love you! (고마워요, 엄마 아빠! 사랑해요!)
Bob: No more nose ring bozo.
Ethel: Prayer works.
[Lady Rainicorn is seen leaving the Crystal Dimension. She now enters Ooo. She looks down from a hill and sees some citizens.]
Cinnamon Bun : [being chased by mushroom people ] Oh! Ohhhh, oh dear, oh dear, oh dear! What am I gonna do?
Lady Rainicorn: [Perplexed] Weird. [walking through Ooo] The trees are lovely here. (어우, 쟨 뭐야? 여기 나무들은 풍성하구나.)
[Lady Rainicorn is seen entering her future barn to rest. She pulls out the box that contains the sandwich.]
Lady Rainicorn: I'll keep you hidden for as long as I must. (너 잘 숨겨놓을 거야 내가. 내가 잘 지킬거야...)
[Lady Rainicorn falls asleep. This is now the end of the flashback caused by looking at the wall graffiti. The original story now continues. Lady Rainicorn enters Roy's coffee shop.]
Lady Rainicorn: Roy!
Roy: Lady!
Lady Rainicorn: Is Lee here? [리 어딨어?]
Roy: No. Lee hasn't been here for.... Hey, hey, hey, don't go back there. 
[Lady Rainicorn goes to the back of the coffee shop. There is nothing but coffee.]
Lady Rainicorn: Ah-hah! [realizes] Oh.
Roy: Its just coffee. I work here now.
Lady Rainicorn: [sternly] Where is he hanging out? This is important. I have to know where he is right away! (얘 어디서 있는거야? 이거 진짜 중요한 일이야. 나 빨리 얘 찾아야 해!)
Roy: [defensively] Hey, I, now, I- I don't keep in touch, alright? I just want to make a good coffee.
Lady Rainicorn: Quality.... Like this?! (품질... 이렇게?!)
[Lady Rainicorn stirs up Roy's coffee cup.]
Roy: [upset] No! My latte!!
Lady Rainicorn: [angrily] Talk! (빨리 불어!)
[she stirs his cup more]
Roy: I don't know! I'm not into, y'know- I have my own business. Quality coffee.
Lady Rainicorn: You mean this coffee? (이거 말이지?)
[Lady Rainicorn stabs a coffee bag with her horn.]
Roy: [desperately] Thats my kona! I-I'll tell you all the stuff I know. There was no sign of you, so Lee went [exaggerated] way underground. Started running with a crew of revolutionary dogs. Dogs! I know, right? Lee hangs out at the old bootlegger mansion with those dogs.
[Lady Rainicorn takes a newspaper roll]
Lady Rainicorn: I'm going to need this. (나 이거 가져간다.)
[Lady Rainicorn walks out. Roy looks at his latte.]
Roy: [tired] So much anger. 
[scene changes back to Lee's mansion. TV is strapped to a spinning wheel contraption. Lee and three dogs surround him.]
TV: [oblivious] Hey, Lee, this is a cool game being strapped in this wheel. [chuckles, singing] ♪♩♫I've got a new best friend.♪♩♫
[Lee doesn't respond.]
TV: [singing uncertainly] ♪♩♫Named Lee♪♩♫
[a dog begins to turn the contraption. TV is being rotated very quickly.]
TV: [uncertainly] Uhh... I don't like this. No, Lee, why are you doing this?
Lee: Faster. (더 빨리 돌려.)
[The crystal sandwich comes out of TV and lands in Lee's hands. The contraption stops and TV is free.]
Lee: [excitingly] The Crystal Mergence of Destruction!! (수정 파괴 활성화는 내꺼야!!)
[Lady Rainicorn enters]
Lady Rainicorn: [angrily] Lee!
Lee: Lady?
TV: Mommy!
Lee: Get her, boys! (쟤네들 못 도망가게 잡아!)
[The dogs start walking toward Lady Rainicorn. She pats each of them on the nose with the newspaper roll. They pause for a second, and then run away.]
Lee: [laughs] Why don't you join my cause, baby?! (하하하! 자기도 들어와! 우리 개 선호당에!)
Lady Rainicorn: I thought you were against dogs! (나는 니가 개들을 증오하는 줄 알았지!)
Lee: That was then... Now the Rainicorns are ruling the roost! (그때는 그랬지... 근데 이제는 레이니콘들이 이 세상을 지배하잖아!)
[Lee begins to run around. Lady Rainicorn chases him.]
Lee: Nobody is going to stand in my way this time! (이번엔, 누구도 내 계획을 방해할 수 없어!)
TV: [oblivious] Hi, mom. How do you know Lee?
Lee: You're too late! (이미 늦어버렸어!) [he begins to lick the crystal sandwich.] Blblblblbl
[The sandwich begins to glow, and an arm emerges from it.]
Lee: [Laughs] Yeah! Okay, now how.. How do I work this thing?? (하하하, 그래! 가만 이거 이제 어떻게... 어떻게 하는 거지?)
[The sandwich's arm is taking Lee's body. Lee disappears into the sandwich. The sandwich begins to reach for Lady and TV.]
Lady: Ahh! TV, Run! (아아! TV, 도망가!)
TV: [calmly] Um, Okay. [TV picks up the box nearby.]
[Lady Rainicorn screams. TV opens the box and puts the crystal sandwich inside. It stops trying to take their bodies.]
TV: It's a good thing I didn't sell this box.
[scene changes to inside the crystal city. TV is on the sidewalk , and Lady Rainicorn is on Lee's old motorbike.]
Lady Rainicorn: Lets go back, TV. I have to get this thing out of here and back to Ooo. (TV야, 인제 가자. 우리 이거 다시 우로 가져가야 해.) 
TV: Yeah, no, I think I'll stay here in the Crystal Dimension for a while. I want to learn to be cool like you. More independent and everything.
Lady Rainicorn: [patting his head]
[Lady Rainicorn leaves.]
TV: [waving] Love you, mom. [he sighs.] Being independent is awesome.
[scene changes to Bob and Ethel's home. TV is sitting on a chair.] 
TV: Do you guys have any food?
[End of episode]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Lemonhope Part 1" from season 5, which aired on March 10, 2014.

Characters
Lemonhope
Princess Bubblegum
Earl of Lemongrab
Lemongrab 2
Music
"Lemonhope's Got Feet"
Locations
Candy Kingdom
Lemongrab Earldom
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[Snoring is heard coming from a nest atop a rock jutting out of an expanse of water. A winged Lemonhope stands up in the nest, stretches, and yawns. He flies toward the sun, then dives down to the water and dips his hand in. He flies past three standalone gray doors and lands in front of a red one. He tries turning the knob, but suddenly hears knocking coming from the other side. He looks around the other side, but no one is there. The knocking continues and doorbells ring. Lemonhope wakes up to the sound of Princess Bubblegum ringing a hand bell, signifying the resumption of class. Finn runs in, while Lemonhope, resting against a tree, groans and pulls at his face before reluctantly entering the school. Inside, a film starts playing titled "Hello! And Keep Away From Castle Lemongrab."]
Earl of Lemongrab: Hello! And keep away from Castle Lemongrab!
[Lemonhope doodles on his paper while the movie plays. Lemongrab addresses the audience.]
Lemongrab: How are you today? Mm, I see. Yes. I'm inside my fortified totalitarian city-state. Hello, I'm Lemongrab.
Lemongrab 2: [from inside Lemongrab] Me too!
[Lemongrab pinches his side.]
Lemongrab 2: Ow!
Lemongrab: Mm. Unacceptable.
[The film switches to a view of a Lemon Person in chains.]
Lemongrab: Things have never been better here at Castle Lemongrab.
[A Lemon Person is in stocks and one draws in the sand with the back of a hoe.]
Lemongrab: I have never been fatter.
[A chain gang drudges by.]
Lemongrab: And since the expulsion of Lemonhope...
[A Lemon Person dressed like Lemonhope stands on a ledge.]
Lemongrab: We have reached peak societal obediency.
[The Lemon Person is pushed off with a stick.]
Lemongrab: Law, order...
[A Lemon Person smashes a harp with a mallet.]
Lemongrab: Harp-smashing.
["We've have it all" appears onscreen.]
Lemongrab: We've have it all!
[Lemonhope continues doodling while his harp rests on the floor beside him.]
Lemongrab: Mm, the pleasure. Smash another! Ooh, who is this?
[He points to a frowning Lemon Person who tries crawling away. He picks him up.]
Lemongrab: [speaking for the Lemon Person] I'm one of my subjects! I'm being punished for helping Lemonhope. But that's okay! [turns him upside down and smiles similarly]
[Lemonhope draws a beard on his self-portrait and smiles.]
Lemongrab: Yes, morale has never been higher since we got rid of hope. In conclusion, no one needs to come here ever, especially Lemonhope, and I ate my brother. Goodbye!
[Lemongrab starts retching and bulging as Lemongrab 2 calls out from within his mouth.]
Lemongrab 2: Save us, Lemonhope! You're our only lemon-ho—!
["Stay Out!" is displayed onscreen. Princess Bubblegum turns off the projector and snaps her fingers.]
Princess Bubblegum: Lights on. [The lights turn on.] Oh, Lemonhope, were you even paying attention?
Lemonhope: Mmmmmm, yes. [draws shades on his self portrait]
Princess Bubblegum: I know this is a lot to take in, but one day, saving those lemons is going to be your responsibility. They're in trouble, and you need to work harder at this.
Lemonhope: Eh... [groans] I don't know. I'm not too worried about other people, I guess. Like, I got me, and they got them. Mm.
Princess Bubblegum: O-kay... Let's try something else. [opens a drawer and takes out two cupcakes] These are cupcakes.
Finn: Cup-cups!
Princess Bubblegum: Lemonhope, [gives him both cupcakes] you have two cupcakes. Finn has no cupcakes. Lemonhope, will you give Finn one of your cupcakes?
Lemonhope: Um...
Finn: [whispers] Yes.
Lemonhope: Oh... but I don't want to! I want both cupcakes. Finn can get his own cupcakes! [licks thumb and jabs it into both cupcakes]
Princess Bubblegum: [sighs] Maybe we need something more hands-on. Hey, Finn, listen, that's it for class today.
Finn: Whoop! [runs out] Whoop-whoop-whoop-whoop-whoop...
Princess Bubblegum: [shouting after him] But read the next three chapters of your geometry text! Well, at least he's street-smart. [pats Lemonhope's hair] Okay, dude, we're going on a field-trip.
[The two walk toward Castle Lemongrab and come to a halt.]
Princess Bubblegum: This is the Lemon Earldom perimeter. Unfortunately, there are pacts and treaties preventing me from getting any closer. We should cloak. [hits a button on her and Lemonhope's wristbands, turning them invisible] I know you don't like thinking about Castle Lemongrab, but it's where your family is. They set you free, and now they're being punished for it. It rips. Look!
[A rope drops from over the wall, and a Lemon Person hurriedly climbs down it. He makes a run for it, but a searchlight spots him.]
Lemon Person: Remember, Lemonhope!
[A lemon bird swoops down and picks him up. It drops him inside the mouth of the Lemongrab-shaped dome.]
Lemongrab: I'm going to eat you!
[Munching sounds are heard as the Lemon Person's screams are suddenly silenced.]
Lemongrab: I did it!
Princess Bubblegum: D'ya see? They helped you. You have to help them now. It's your responsibility.
Lemonhope: No! I don't have to do anything that I don't want to. They set me free, and free means I decide what I do, not them and not you!
Princess Bubblegum: Dude, I'm sorry, but that attitude is unacceptable—oh! I mean... [sees that Lemonhope left] Lemonhope?
[His footprints lead into the forest. Princess Bubblegum uncloaks her face, showing concern. The sun is now low in the sky. A raccoon dressed in Lemonhope's clothes chews at its wristband, cloaking and uncloaking itself. Lemonhope emerges, strumming his harp and carrying his flute.]
Lemonhope: ♪Lemonhope's got feet that take him to fun. [toots flute] Lemonhope's got meat that's warm in the sun. [plays flute] Lemonhope's got no future plans, fully undeterred. No shirts, [pokes owl with flute] no pants, [pokes owl] no "won't"s, [spills owl's water] no "can't"s.
[The owl flies away.]
Lemonhope: ♪My body's free like a li'l baby bird. Caw! Lemonhope's got legs that'll strut hot struts. Lemonhope's got thighs that'll pump both butts. He's... got a harp, s'got a flute, free to strum, [kicks bird's nest] free to toot! Free from PB-gum, I'm a lemon of [drums belly] freedom!♪ [climbs down rocks toward a burning village] Oh. It's warm.
[A bell rings. Lemonhope turns to see a pirate ship sailing past the dock.]
Pirate: Pick it up, you chumps! We've got to make Deaveston by brunch.
Lemonhope: Oh, man, that thing looks just lousy with freedom... straight-up right out the diddle-doo, comin' at ya right straight up. Ha-ha!
[He toots his flute, runs after the ship, and climbs a rope up into the hold. Some rats skitter away.]
Lemonhope: Yeah, exactly. [sees a crate of limes] A-ha-ha-ha! [picks one up] Wha-a-at? Okay... [laughs] It takes all kinds, I guess! [sucks on the lime, lies down, and plays his harp]
[As Lemonhope plays his harp, several rats come out from hiding, lured by the sound. They form a blanket around Lemonhope. He yawns and falls asleep. He wakes up to the sound of pirates yelling and a creature roaring.]
Pirate: Argh! A Greed Lard!
[The ship lurches, tossing some crates off their shelves and onto Lemonhope's head, knocking him out. He wakes up covered in bruises.]
Lemonhope: [groans] Oh, my fontanelle. Hello? I—I accidentally came on to your boat, [emerges holding his broken harp] but—but I think I really need some help.
[The ship is abandoned and half buried under the desert sand. The scene fades into Lemonhope's dream, in which he is a horse humming merrily to himself and walking past pink spots on the ground.]
Lemongrab 2: Hey. Hey, guy. Back here.
[Lemonhope continues dragging Lemongrab 2 along behind him.]
Lemongrab 2: Hey, c'mon, I've fallen off back there. Guy? Hey, buddy.
Princess Bubblegum: Psst. Down here.
[Lemonhope lifts his hoof, showing he has stepped in gum. It grows a face.]
Princess Bubblegum: Psst. Lemonhope, it's me. You are... You are unacceptable!
Lemongrab 2: Buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy...
[Lemonhope screams soundlessly as the room fills with gum. Back in the real world, a lone cloud in the sky floats outside a breach in the hull. Two taxidermied rats dressed like Finn and Princess Bubblegum stand on a crate, against which rests Lemonhope's wooden replacement harp. A mobile of dried lime slices rustles in the light breeze. An emaciated Lemonhope moans lightly in his sleep, while his eyes move frantically behind closed eyelids. He suddenly screams and sits up.]
Lemonhope: [laughs] A lot of nightmares again. I guess that's freedom for you. Oh.
[A trio of scorpions advance toward him. He grabs his flute and toots it at them. They click their pincers menacingly before retreating.]
Lemonhope: [yawns] Mm. [smacks lips] Thirsty. [gets up and walks to a counter] Nothing like juice for breakfast. [squeezes a dry slice of lime] Oh. I guess that's the rest of those. [throws it on a pile of dry slices] Well, I guess if there's no juice, I got freedom to go find water. [laughs weakly then frowns]
[He picks up his harp and flute and goes to the deck. Above the jamb is a banner reading "LEMONHO9E." He looks up.]
Lemonhope: Huh. Weird cloud's still there. [shakes fist] Couldn't rain a little, could ya? Huh, cloud? Eh, what are you gonna do? Freedom not to rain, I guess. [He leaves the ship and wanders through the desert. After walking awhile, he is now lying face-down in the sand and scooting himself along.]
Lemonhope: [singing weakly] Lemonhope's got meat that's warm in the sun. My lemon of... [hoarsely] freedom!
[His hair suddenly ignites, and he lies face-down in the sand, motionless.]

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Lemonhope Part 2" from season 5, which aired on March 10, 2014.

Characters
Lemonhope
Princess Bubblegum
Earl of Lemongrab
Lemongrab 2
Phlannel Boxingday
Music
"Lemonhope's Song"
"Young Lemonhope"
Locations
Lemongrab Earldom
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[A small cloud rains on Lemonhope's head, putting out the fire. Phlannel Boxingday returns the cloud to its bottle and bends over Lemonhope.]
Phlannel Boxingday: Psst. Lemonhope.
[Lemonhope lifts his head up.]
Phlannel Boxingday: Hey. That's better.
Lemonhope: Who are you?
Phlannel Boxingday: My name's Phlannel Boxingday, and I've been watching you and your hard, hot life in this desert from up there [points] in my cloud trawler. I thought you might need a hand.
Lemonhope: Mm-hmm.
Phlannel Boxingday: Kid, truth be told, you're looking a little raw. You're totally free to come hang out with me until you're feeling stronger.
Lemonhope: [unsure] Mm...
Phlannel Boxingday: It's your choice.
[Lemonhope stands up and gives a thumbs up, nodding.]
Phlannel Boxingday: [patting Lemonhope's hair] Ha-ha, let's go, dude.
[They are now riding Phlannel's cloud trawler above the clouds.]
Phlannel Boxingday: So... read any good books lately?
Lemonhope: Oh, I can't read. They tried to teach me in school, but... mm, I just faked it.
Phlannel Boxingday: Ah-hah... Uh-oh. Hold that thought, buddy. Looks like a Greed Lard's picked up our scent. Dangit, he's a fast one. We can't outrun him, but maybe we can drive him off. I need you to play that flute of yours, Lemonhope. I saw how you rassled those scorpions before. Now play that flute with all your might!
[Lemonhope takes a deep breath and toots the flute. The Greed Lard grimaces and veers left.]
Phlannel Boxingday: Keep it up, Lemonhope. It's working! He's turning off!
[The Greed Lard releases steam out its blowhole.]
Phlannel Boxingday: No, wait. He—he's mad. We've enraged him. He's calling his pack. The harp, Lemonhope! Quick, quick, quick!
[Lemonhope plucks at his harp, soothing the monster and luring it in.]
Phlannel Boxingday: We'll lure the beast into the rocks.
[The dive below the clouds and the bird follows. They fly alongside a rock pillar, and the bird crashes into it. As it falls away, Lemon People fall from its mouth.]
Lemonhope: [gasps]
[The Lemon People continue falling.]
Lemonhope: No! Phlannel! Stop the ship! Stop the ship!
Phlannel Boxingday: What? What for?
Lemonhope: STOP THE SHIP!
[Now on the ground, they walk up to the fallen bird.]
Phlannel Boxingday: You see, Lemonhope? It's not peeps. It's dosh!
Lemonhope: Oh.
Phlannel Boxingday: Greed Lards eat dosh for food, and 'cause we killed it, we get to keep it all. That's my job, Lemonhope. When I'm not out being free and having adventures, I'm killing monsters that eat dosh and then keeping the dosh. And it just so happens that I'm looking for a new apprentice. What do you think about partnering up with old Phlannel Boxingday?
Lemonhope: Oh, my gosh, Phlannel, yes! [laughs] It's a dream come true! [laughs] A dream come true! A dream come true...
[The scene fades into another one of Lemonhope's dreams. A marionette dangling from chains walks by while singing Lemonhope's Song.]
Lemonhope: ♪Poor little Lemonhope. [passing by bones] Throw me a lemon-rope. Is there a home for me and my harp? A place where my [sees a skull] friends... give me hu—?
[An obese Lemongrab chews and moans happily while holding a cow with a bite taken out of it.]
Cow: Hey. Hey... What's going on back there? Somethin' don't feel right. Oh, hey! Lemonhope is here! Hey, man, how's it goin—?
[Lemongrab shoots hooks on chains out of his mouth toward Lemonhope, who turns and runs.]
Cow: Whoa, what the heck?
[Lemonhope pants frantically as he tries to run but goes nowhere.]
Cow: Run for it, Lemonhope! Run, run! C'mon! Why aren't you running?
[Lemonhope looks up and sees himself as the puppeteer, controlling the chains. Lemonhope wakes up, panting, and hits his head on the shelf above his bed. He joins Phlannel above deck, who is holding a bucket in a bow of fire.]
Phlannel Boxingday: Morning, Lemonhope! Hey, is there any more white coal down in the hold? [pulls bucket of diamonds out from the fire] More black diamonds equals more love potions. The old three Rs, y'know what I'm saying? Ro-ro-romance. No, man, I can't wait for some love. It's been so lo— [drops bucket] whoops. Oh, drats. Oh, well. Hey, don't sweat it, buddy. It wasn't your fault.
Lemonhope: It's not that, Phlannel. I had a bad dream.
Phlannel Boxingday: Again? That's the third time this week.
Lemonhope: [sighs] I'm free now, Phlannel, to do all whatevs I ever wanted, but all I think about is my old life. What does it mean?
Phlannel Boxingday: Well, it's true you are free—free to help the Lemon People or leave them be—but a debt unpaid is not easily forgotten. So you are a prisoner still in deinem kopf(in your head).
Lemonhope: Huh. That's what Mistress always said, and I didn't even listen.
Phlannel Boxingday: Ah, Lemonhope, you're a doer, not a listener. You learn with your heart and hands, not your head. So... what will you do, Lemonhope?
Lemonhope: I'll... I'll go back, and I'll help my people, and maybe I'll feel better.
Phlannel Boxingday: [laughs] And how will you do it?
Lemonhope: Um... with my harp [takes out harp] and... my flute! [takes out flute] And help from my friend Phlannel!
Phlannel Boxingday: Nah, little Lemonhope. Of course, I'll take you as far as I can, but I can't interfere directly in Lemongrab politics. All those old pacts and treaties have me sklonked up tighter than a synthetic zanoit sterilizer bed compressor tube enlarger on garbage day.
[Lemonhope waves goodbye as Phlannel flies away on his cloud trawler. He walks but a short distance before it starts raining and he reaches the perimeter of Castle Lemongrab.]
Lemonhope: ♪Lemonhope's family held in Lemongrab's lair. Saving them will save me, but... I am pretty scared.♪
[He walks up to the wall and finds the rope left from the last escape attempt dangling over the ledge. He climbs up and peers over the wall, seeing shackled Lemon People huddled around fires and sleeping in the rain.]
Lemonhope: Hmm... [imagines picking a lock with his harp]
Lemongrab: Looking for something?
Lemonhope: [gasps]
Lemongrab: Well, you found me, fat Lemongrab.
[Lightning strikes. Lemonhope reaches for his harp.]
Lemongrab: Oh, what's that you've got? Ah-ha, your little harp? But what's this? [takes off hood, revealing corked ears] I've got things in my ears tonight! So now I'm invincible!
Lemongrab 2: [from inside Lemongrab] Play it, Lemonhope!
Lemongrab: What? I—speak up, child!
Lemonhope: I didn't say anything.
Lemongrab 2: The harp! Hurry! I'll take care of the rest!
Lemongrab: What?
Lemongrab 2: The harp, Lemonhope! Play it!
Lemongrab: Oh, the harp! Didn't I just explain? I've got things in my—
[Lemongrab 2's arms reach out of Lemongrab's mouth and take the corks out.]
Lemongrab: [gasps] My—my—my things! [reaches inside him for Lemongrab 2, who evades his grasp]
[Several Lemon People chanting "Hope" climb on Lemongrab and hold his arms down.]
Lemongrab: [screams] Let—Let me go! Let me go!
Lemongrab 2: The harp, Lemonhope! The harp!
[Lemonhope strums his harp.]
Lemongrab: [screaming] This sounds awful!
Lemongrab 2: Faster, Lemonhope!
[Lemonhope plays faster.]
Lemongrab 2: Faster, Lemonhope!
Lemongrab: I can't stands no more!
Lemongrab 2: Faster!
[Lemonhope plays faster still.]
Lemongrab: [shaking his head violently] AAAAAAAAAAAAAH—!
[He suddenly explodes, and bits of lemon rain from the sky, along with Lemonhope, who lands on his head with a thud. In Lemonhope's dream, knocking is heard.]
Lemonhope: Hmm?
[Knocking]
Lemonhope: Coming! [climbs up steps]
[Knocking continues.]
Lemonhope: Wait, I'm—I'm—I'm coming!
[At the top of the steps is a gray door with no knob. He pushes it; it suddenly opens. On the other side is an expanse of water and some clouds.]
Lemonhope: Hello? H—Hello?
[He climbs up some more stairs to a bird's nest, where he stares out at the mountains and clouds in the distance. The scene changes to Finn playing his flute.]
Princess Bubblegum: You know, I was thinking, Lemonhope. Maybe you'd like to stay here in Lemongrab while Lemongrab recovers. Every kingdom needs a champion, and you're a true champion if ever I've seen one. Plus, I already set up a little room for you.
Lemonhope: Is he gonna stay like that?
Princess Bubblegum: Like what? [looks at Lemongrab 3, lumpy and covered in stitches] Oh, heh, no, no-no-no-no. Once his brains and bodies remix, he should be back to his lonely old self, which seems to be his only stable relationship model.
Lemongrab 3: Me!
Princess Bubblegum: So will you stay, Lemonhope, and help your people once more?
Lemonhope: Nah, that's okay.
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, but I thought...
Lemonhope: I mean, you guys are cool and all, but I mostly came back here so I could stop thinking about y'all all the time. I'll be back when I'm tired of being free. [walking out] See you in a thousand years, I guess. Peace!
Finn: Wow. I really thought he was gonna stay.
Princess Bubblegum: Me too. I even wrote a song about it.
Finn: [laughs]
Princess Bubblegum: Hey! Don't laugh.
Finn: Let me hear it!
Princess Bubblegum: No! It's terrible.
Finn: Come on!
Princess Bubblegum: No!
Finn: Come on! Do it, do it, do it, do it, do it...
Princess Bubblegum: Gah! Okay, okay.
[As Princess Bubblegum sings "Young Lemonhope," a thousand-year-old Lemonhope walks through what remains of Ooo. He passes the Tree Fort, now taller than the clouds, and the Candy Castle, now in the middle of an abandoned city. He continues walking until he arrives at Castle Lemongrab. He walks through the halls until he finds the room that Princess Bubblegum set up for him. He turns off his bio-suit, gets into the bed, smiles, and closes his eyes.]

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Little Brother" from season 6, which aired on July 10, 2014.

Characters
Shelby
Kent
Rat King
Finn (non-speaking cameo)
Jake
Pincer Beetle
Simon
Leafbeard
Mouse Wizard
Mouse Knight
Mouse Thief
Snail
Music
Little Brothers
Locations
Tree Fort
Dewpia
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[Episode opens at the Tree Fort. Jake is getting ready to play his viola when he hears talking.]
Voice: Whoo, show me them legs!
Jake: Shelby?
[Scene goes to inside his viola. A scorpion says "Mm, so many legs! So many legs that griz is unreal!"]
Shelby: [laughs] Hey, Dancing Bug! Uh, come on, man. Shake it.
Pincer Beetle: [chuckles] No. I really couldn't—Okay! Maybe I could! [dances, all cheer for him]
Scorpion: Whoa, dang, DB. You're the best bug at this party!
Shelby: What? Hey, I got moves, too, guys.
Scorpion: Yeah, right, Shelby. What are you gonna do? The Worm?
Shelby: [shifts eyes to the right] No. I'm gonna do parkour.
Scorpion: Hmm.
Shelby: Haha! [jumps onto a box then onto a wooden pole] Parkour! [swings up to the ceiling, falls] Ah, oh no. I really hurt myself. [looks and sees that his tail got cut off] Guys, I'm so dumb! [lays back down]
[scene changes to the next day in Jake's viola]
Shelby: [sits up] Ugh. Hey, somebody forgot their—oh, cram! [Shelby's tail turns around] Um...who are you?
Kent: Pbht!
Shelby: Oh. There's-There's a note. "Hey, dude, the tip of your tail got snipped off, so now you have a little brother. We named him Butty Butterson. Signed, the other bugs." [Kent makes a pop noise] I'll call you Kent for short.
[scene changes to Jake, who is sleeping and snoring]
Shelby: Jake..Jake!
Jake: [wakes up] Hmm? Whoa, Shelby! What's going on there? With your butt?
Shelby: It's fine. I was goofing off, got hurt. Now I got a little brother. I named him Kent.
Kent: I'm Kent!
Shelby: Whoa! A talking brother.
Jake: You can chop up a worm and get two? I thought that was a myth.
Shelby: Myth is a powerful force in my life, dude. So the thing is, I don't know beans about being a big brother. Can you give me some tips?
Jake: Ah, it's easy. You just give him something sharp and get him to fight bad guys.
Shelby: That's it?
Jake: Yeah, you might have to stretch all big if he gets in real trouble. But, yeah.
Shelby: Alright. Sounds good.
Kent: Someday, you'll be Kent's food. [laughs and follows Shelby]
Kent: [Shelby pushes a green plastic sword towards Kent] Oh wow. [pops arms out and grabs the sword]
Shelby: Hey, how'd you do that?
Kent: I don't know.
Shelby: Hmm. Okay, Kent. This is real important. You're my little brother, so your purpose is to fight bad guys. So go fight some bad guys. Or girls. Don't discriminate.
Kent: Oh. Okay, brother. [pops legs out and runs to a hole] Boo-oop. Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop!
Shelby: [looks at tail, grunts and ends up farting, sighs]
[scene changes to Kent, who is in a hole in the tree]
Kent: Hyah! [a rat squeaks, Kent gasps] A bad guy. Ah! Let's fight! [the rat runs off and squeaks, Kent follows it] Aaah! Hey, get back here! Don't run! I'm super new at fights. And at being alive. [rats growl, Kent gasps]
[scene changes to Kent laying down with bruises]
Dewdrop: Hi.
Kent: Who are you? [Dewdrop laughs] Where am I? Why do my parts hurt?
Leaf Beard: Oh, good, you're awake. I am Leaf Beard. I found you blonked out and bruised in the tunnels. But if you drink of our dewdrops, it will fix up all your ouchies.
Kent: [slurps the dewdrop] Pbht!
Leaf Beard: The rat king has made his way to our end of the roots. You should be more careful.
Kent: Oh. Oh, okay. What's a rat king?
Leaf Beard: Oh. You're not from the roots.
Kent: I'm from my brother's butt. Maybe.
Leaf Beard: The rat king's been destroying our home, chewing up the roots of this tree. This tree that gives us life!
Guy: Hey!
Kent: So, he's a bad guy?
Leaf Beard: So sick, nasty bad.
Kent: That means I got to fight him. That's what my brother said to do! Where's my sword?
Leaf Beard: Your sword was shattered to butts when I found you.
Kent: Oh...bummer.
Leaf Beard: Yes. Bums.
Kent: What do I do?
Leaf Beard: Um...I don't know. But the blacksmith could make you a new one, probably.
Dewdrop: That's who I am. And I am very good at me. Okay, so, like, the rat king has been messing up the roots, yeah? Chewing on them with his teeth. The sword has to be made with the strongest tree stuff so even his teeth can't break it! Bring me the freshest ingredients and I'll do it up.
Kent: [shows Kent walking in a cave, the blacksmith's voice says "Follow the sound of the singing crystal. There you'll find the first element."] Boo! Cool, cool.
Mouse Wizard: Greetings.
Kent: Hey, man. I'm looking for some unbreakable ore. Y'all got that here?
Mouse Wizard: I have what you seek. But consider this instead. [the crystals glow] I offer you this treasure of glittering emeralds. You'll be infinitely rich and live the rest of your days in comfort.
Kent: No, I'm good. Just the ore, please.
Mouse Wizard: Oh, ho! Well done! By resisting the temptation of wealth, you have passed my test.
Kent: Nah, I just don't care about money. My name's Kent. I'm supposed to fight bad guys.
Mouse Wizard: Alright. That's pretty weird, but...here you go. [pulls the unbreakable ore out of his cloak] The unbreakable ore. Uh...[grunts and pushes the ore halfway out] Uh..you can just—yeah. [Kent jumps and takes the ore] Oh, there, there she goes.
Kent: Ha, ha! [scene shows Kent walking in a tunnel] Boop, boop, ba-doop, ba-doop, ba-doop, boop, boop, boop. [gasps] Whoop, whoop!
Mouse Knight: Greetings. Come to fight me, eh?
Kent: My name is Kent, and if I had a sword I'd totally fight you. But for now, I'm looking for a clod of mystic earth.
Mouse Knight: Yes. I have what you seek. But consider this instead. [three female mice appear in a spotlight] I offer you the hand of one of my beautiful daughters. You'll become a good husband and live the rest of your days in true love.
Kent: Nah, I don't care about being a good husband or wife or whatever. All's I care about is fighting bad guys.
Mouse Knight: Dang, homes. That's cold. [spits into the dirt and picks it up] Here you go. Mystic earth.
[scene goes to Shelby, who is reading a book, Shelby looks at his tail and sighs]
[scene goes to a sparkling cave with Kent humming. Kent walks on a tree branch that takes him to the other side]
Mouse Thief: [appears] Greetings.
Kent: Dude, you know why I'm here!
Mouse Thief: Yeah. And I got what you want. But consider this instead. Hiya! [kicks a hole in the wall, white liquid pours out of it] Drink this sap, and you'll have life eternal. You'll never meet death and you'll outlast the world.
Kent: Um...I was born earlier today, so I don't really get a sense of my own mortality. No, thank you.
Mouse Thief: Hyah! [jumps, grabs a firefly in midair, and offers it to Kent] The sacred flame.
[scene changes back to the blacksmith, holding a sword, Kent returns with all the elements]
Dewdrop: Oh, what? [scenes go through her making the sword]
Kent: [hold the sword up] I name this sword..Punch Party! [changes to Kent walking in a tunnel with the sword lighting up] I feel so cool right now. [rat squeaks, Kent gasps and follows it] It's party time. [falls into the hole] Whoa! Uh!
Rat King: Greetings.
Kent: [turns around] Who's there?
Rat King: I am the rat king. [opens eyes] Why are you here?
Kent: I-I've got, like, this rad sword, and...I'm gonna fight you with it. [runs to the rat king, jumps into his cloak and hits the rats] Yes!
Rat King: [fallen rats climb back into his cloak] Who are you fighting me for? Your brother?
Kent: What?
Rat King: Instead, why don't you join me? I offer you cosmic power. You'll be a king and live the rest of your days as a god.
Kent: You're messing up the tree, and I totally live here! You're a bad guy!
Rat King: [laughs] Yeah. [exclaims]
Kent: [flying through the air] Don't do that! [lands on a pile of rats]
Rat King: How do you plan to defeat me?
Kent: [hitting the rats with his sword] I'm...making...this...up...as I go! [jumps and hits the rat king in the teeth]
[scene switches to Jake, Finn sets his arm on his head and they laugh, Shelby is watching them]
Shelby: Having a brother around looks kind of fun. [starts singing Little Brother] Where are you? Little Brother? Are you happy? [a transparent form of Kent shows on Shelby's tail] Or do you feel weird? Have you changed a lot? Or not? Are you ever gonna come back here? I shouldn't have been so hasty. You were just a little baby. Or maybe you weren't. I'm not really sure how little brothers work. [lays down and closes eyes, Kent's singing voice is heard]
Kent: You were the first friend I ever had.
Both: No one can compare. Together we could probably fight a bear. [Kent peeks out of the hole] So if you're ever sad/lonely, don't be, 'cause I'll be [Kent hops out of the hole and hugs Shelby] right here next to you. 'Cause that's what big brothers are supposed to do. [song ends, Kent shows Shelby his bag]
Shelby: Whoa! [scene changes to Shelby writing on paper with him narrating] Kent proceeded his fantastic journey to me. It was all super good. But he had also partaken of the food of the underworld, and so he was compelled to return there by dewdrop law. That's what he said, at least. Maybe he was having second thoughts about infinite riches, true love, and eternal life. Or maybe he had just decided that fighting bad guys wasn't really his deal. [scene shows the rat king, who is missing all of his teeth] But I do know this—free from the rat king's cursed teeth, that spring, for the first time in many years, the willow tree was in bloom. [shows the outside of the Tree Fort with flowers bloomed on it]


Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Little Dude" from season 5, which aired on February 4, 2013.

Characters

Finn
Jake
Finn's hat
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving

Gumball Guardian
Music
none
Locations

Grass Lands Candy Kingdom

Tree Fort
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[Finn and Jake are running towards the Cotton Candy Forest]
Finn & Jake: Woo! woo! woo!
[Enter forest
Jake: I think the swimming hole's right around the corner!
[Finn and Jake arrive at swimming hole.]
Finn: Yes! Woo! Woo!
Jake: First one in the water is...um...first one in the water!
[Jake runs to the swimming hole]
Finn: No fair! I have to take off my stuff.
Jake: [Laughs then falls down] Ah! Uh, eh, uh. [Finn laughs, rubs his short hair, and throws his clothes on the ground]
[Finn's hat lands near a flower and they dive in the water]
Finn & Jake: [Laugh while swimming in a circle and splashing]
[Flower goes inside Finn's hat]
Finn & Jake: [Pant while swimming in a circle]
Jake: Faster, we're getting a swirl!
[Both look at small swirl and fist-bump.]
Jake: You ready to get out?
Finn: Yeah, dude.
Jake: Let's get BMO to make us some sassages. Maybe with that one mustard? [Sassage Flare comes down Jake's leg] I'll use the Sassage Flare.
[Jake shoots the Sassage Flare towards the sky which spells "Sassage" in green letters]
Jake: Hopefully BMO sees that.
Finn: Didn't Lady tell you not to use the Sassage Flare?
Jake: Yeah.
Finn: Well, don't abuse it man. 'Cause you're gettin'...
Jake: I'm gettin' what?
Finn: 'Cause you're gettin' fat.
[Finn's hat glows and comes to life]
Finn: Wah! [throws hat] Whoa...
[Finn's hat starts chasing Finn]
Finn: [stops hat with foot] Hey. Relax.
Jake: Grob, dude! You're hat's alive! [pets Finn's hat and laughs] This is crazy! [pets Finn's hat some more] He likes me!
[Finn's hat looks at Jake's head.]
Finn: It's not my hat. It's, like, this other thing now.
Jake: Yeah, man, hats can be anything: pants, other people. It's fine!
Finn: Yeah, but it's like, living now.
Jake: Yeah, it's a miracle. Now he can listen to our rad jokes and hang out.
[pause]
Finn: Right. Maybe it's good he's alive. [kneels down to hat] You were a rad hat, and now you're a rad...little dude.
[Finn's hat looks at their heads]
Finn: Yo, bro! Our eyes are down here. C'mon little dude. Let's go live life!
[Little dude jumps, Finn carries it, and laughs]
Finn & Jake: Yeah! Woo hoo!
[Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving comes out of ground and yells]
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving: [notices footprints] Aaah!!!
[Scene changes to Finn and Jake entering the Tree Fort]
Jake: [seeing the food on the table] Aw yeah! Aw yeah! BMO! Jakey likes! Look at that spread!
BMO: I did it up big time for you! Hope ya are hungry!
Jake: Ha ha! You know it!
Finn: BMO, this is Little Dude.
BMO: Hello!
[Little Dude bites Finn's arm when he sees BMO's head.]
Finn: Cribes!
[Little Dude runs to the top of BMO's head.]
BMO: Oh, what? Ahh! There's hot grease next to us; don't fool around!
[BMO tries to remove Little Dude by hitting it with a spatula and then falls off the stool]
BMO: Oh no! Get off of me!
Finn: Little Dude, no! [pulls Little Dude off of BMO] You don't jump on heads. That junk is rude, Little Dude! You okay, BMO?
BMO: I am fine, Finn. I just thought you kept better company.
Finn: Sorry, BMO, he's just excited.
[Finn carries the struggling Little Dude to the table and sits down with him]
Finn: Sorry, Little Dude, but I have to eat. [Finn puts a fruit bowl on top of Little Dude to restrain him]
BMO: Don't touch anything! I'm still frying up garnish!
Finn: Okay.
Jake: Yeah, okay. [takes some milk, pours it into a bowl, and he and Finn both dip a sassage in the milk, and then they both eat theirs]
Jake: [feeling Finn's hair] Your head looks weird with short hair man, heh, heh, it feels like a peach.
Finn: Hey, Little Dude, y'all can get in on this if you promise to be good. [mouth full] Only good babies get sassages.
Little Dude: [knocks the fruit bowl off his back] Nyang!
[Little Dude opens his mouth and walks through the sassages, which come out the other side untouched.]
Jake: Hey, don't eat the—the food?
Finn: [picks up a sassage and sniffs it] [retches] Dude, he turned it into poo! This is poo now—smell it!
Jake: [sniffs twice] Yep.
Finn & Jake: Little Dude!
Jake: [trying to grab Little Dude] Quit it! [grabs him] Gotcha!
Finn: Oh, little Deezy. What am I gonna do with you?
BMO: You guys should get ready for bed.
Finn: Yeah, okay.
[As Finn walks by, BMO spanks Finn.]
Finn: Oh!
Jake: BMO hit ya on the butt. [laughs]
[Scene cuts to the outside, where Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving is making his way toward the Tree Fort.]
[Scene cuts back to Finn and Jake, who are in their room putting on their pajamas.]
Little Dude: [reaching for Finn's head] Nyang! Nyang!
Finn: Shhhh. Little Dude, you gotta chill. [blows out candle] Night-night. [gets into bed with Little Dude]
Little Dude: Nyang. Nyang. [Finn holds him down] Nyang.
[Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving crawls past the window on the outside.]
Little Dude: [fearfully] Nyang.
Finn: Jake, wake up. Someone's on the house!
Jake: Tsk, it's probably Ice King again, dude. Man, we should tell him we know he sleeps on the top of our house. [glass shatters offscreen] Oh.
[Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving, breathing raggedly, reaches through the broken window and turns the knob to the front door, letting himself in.]
Little Dude: He-ah-ha. [licks Finn's hands]
Finn: Ugh. [Little Dude escapes his grip] No, no, no!
[Little Dude crawls up Finn's back to the top of his head and starts to squat on it.]
Finn: [gasps] No, not on my head! Poo buns! Poo buns on my head! WAAAAAH!
Little Dude: N-Nyang.
Jake: [picks up Little Dude] Gross.
[Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving starts climbing the ladder to where Finn and Jake are.]
Jake: [gasps] [stretches Little Dude back to Finn's bed]
[Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving gets onto the floor, but Finn and Jake are nowhere to be found.]
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving: [breathes raggedly]
[Finn and Jake are shown on the ceiling above him. Finn lets go.]
Finn: [in midair] Ninja.
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving: Eh?
[Finn lands on Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving and Jake (shaped like a sumo wrestler) does the same.]
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving: [in pain] Oooh-hoo-hoo-hoo!
Finn: What are you doing in our house, homey?
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving: Please don't hurt me! You're in grave danger and it's all my fault!
Finn: Wha? What are you talking about?
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving: Your hat accidentally touched my head flower. See? [touches a floorboard, bringing it to life] My magic imbues anything it touches with an evil spirit, one that craves destruction and chaos. Yech. [turns the floorboard back to normal] I buried myself so that nothing would touch my body ever again, but then this bloom grew out of my head. C'est la vie!
Finn: Evil magic donks, homey.
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving: I'm sorry, that's just the way my magic works. [takes out a locket with pictures of his parents in it] Papa always said I was a bad wizard. Right, Papa?! "Baby's a bad wizard." A bad wizard, huh?! You're a bad wizard! [tosses locket aside] I'm a bad wizard! [cries]
Finn: Whoa, cool it, man. Let's just fix Little Dude.
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving: [sniffs] Okay.
BMO: Guys! Your stanky friend jumped out the window and ran toward the Candy Kingdom!
[Scene cuts to the Candy Kingdom, where a Candy Person is walking and whistling. He comes into a dark alley and sees Little Dude.]
Cream Puff Gentleman: Oh, hello. Aren't you a cutie! Hey, are you lost, tiny gentleman?
Little Dude: Nyang! [jumps on the Candy Person's head]
Cream Puff Gentleman: [muffled screams]
[The Candy Person transforms into a muscular guy with glowing green eyes.]
Cream Puff Gentleman: Nyang, nyang! Nyang, nyang!
[Scene cuts to Finn, Jake, and Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving running into the Candy Kingdom.]
Jake: [panting] Where is he?!
Finn: [calling] Little Dude! Little Dude!
Cream Puff Gentleman: [running out of alley] Nyaaaaaaang! [comes up to a horse in front of a saloon] [The horse blows a raspberry at him] Nyang? [punches the horse, knocking it over]
Candy Sheriff: [comes out of saloon] [imitates guns cocking]
Little Dude: Nyang. [rips a streetlight out of the ground and prepares to throw it at the sheriff]
Candy Sheriff: Blisterin' beef!
[Cream Puff Gentleman throws it at him, knocking him into a building across the street. Cream Puff Gentleman then rams the building, causing it to crumble.]
Cream Puff Gentleman: [happily] Nyang-nyang-nyang-nyang-nyang-nyang!
Finn: No, Little Dude!
Cream Puff Gentleman: Nyang?
Finn: That's a bad Little Dude!
Cream Puff Gentleman: [angrily] Nyang!
[Finn and Jake duck.]
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving: Aaah, horsey!
[The horse collides with his face, knocking him on his back.]
Cream Puff Gentleman: [laughing] Nyang, nyang, nyang... [continues]
[Finn and Jake run toward him and jump on him.]
Finn: Little Dude! You were supposed to be my buddy!
[Cream Puff Gentleman punches Finn, sending him sliding across the ground toward a cart of oranges. Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving emerges from under the oranges.]
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving: All my fault. All my fault!
Jake: [straining as he tries to take Little Dude off of Cream Puff Gentleman]
[Cream Puff Gentleman throws Jake off of him toward Finn and Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving.]
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving: Oh, gleeble snoots!
Finn: How is he so strong?
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving: Whomever the hat possesses gains the proportional strength of a hat! [horse neighs] Look out! He's got the horse again!
[Cream Puff Gentleman throws the horse at the building behind them. The horse blasts its way through the other side and hits one of the Gumball Guardians]
Gumball Guardian: Evil presence detected!
Banana Guard: [imitating a siren] Wee-oo-wee—[a garbage can hits him and knocks him on his back]
[Cream Puff Gentleman continues punching Jake while stepping on Finn. Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving is cowering nearby.]
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving: Sorry, fellas. I don't thrive in conflict situations!
[Cream Puff Gentleman starts stretching Jake.]
Jake: Ow.
[The Gumball Guardian arrives.]
Gumball Guardian: [points at Cream Puff Gentleman] Evil.
Cream Puff Gentleman: Nyang? [sees Gumball Guardian's head] [quietly] Nyang.
[Little Dude hops off of Cream Puff Gentleman and starts climbing the Gumball Guardian.]
Finn: No! Not the Gumball Guardian!
Gumball Guardian: Evil.
Little Dude: [stretches over the tip of the Gumball Guardian's head] Nya-hang!
[The Gumball Guardian's eyes are now glowing green.]
Gumball Guardian: Na-yang! [blows fire through its mouth]
Jake: [to Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving] Dude, use your powers!
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving: I can't! All I can do is think about my papa and how much I disappoint him!
[The Gumball Guardian shoots a type of laser at a different area of the Candy Kingdom, causing a huge explosion.]
Jake: Just think of something positive! Something comforting!
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving: Like... my mommy? When I came home with bad grades from wizard school, my mommy used to hug me, and hug me, [babbles like a baby] Ooh, Mommy! [giggles]
Jake: Uh, yeah. Just think about your mom and use your magic.
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving: O-Okay, let's try this. [touches a tree and closes his eyes] I... love my mommy?
[The tree comes to life and sprouts arms and legs.]
Tree: Hugs. Aw, I-I'll hug you. I'll hug you. Hug me.
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving: [Makes a grotesque face] Ooooh, it worked! [runs through town with his arms outspread] I love my mommy! I love my mommy!
[A bush, a lamppost, and a wheel come alive.]
Bush: Hi, friends!
Wheel: I love bein' alive!
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving: [touches a window and a pile of apples] Mommy!
Window: I'm a window and I'll hug you!
Apples: Ditto about hugging y'all!
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving: Mommy! [slaps Cream Puff Gentleman's pants]
Pants: Ha-ha! I feel like huggin' everybody!
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving: [touches a building] Hi, Mommy!
Building: [singsong] I'm going to hug you.
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving: Mommy. [touches Finn's pajamas and runs away laughing]
[The pajamas slip off of Finn.]
Pajamas: Heh, somebody... get this guy some clothes!
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving: Now—now rise up, love buddies, [points to the Gumball Guardian] and hug your gross brother into submission!
Love Buddies: Gonna squeeze the heck out of him! I love that guy.
Gumball Guardian: [shooting laser] Nya-a-a-ang!
[The Love Buddies climb the Gumball Guardian.]
Pajamas: [pulling Little Dude with the wheel] Come on, let's be pal-jamsas. P-Pal-jamas. Pajamas.
[The pajamas pull Little Dude off of the Gumball Guardian's head, who stops shooting lasers.]
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving: Thank you, my newly conscious bros. Now return your life forces to me.
Pajamas: I loved every minute!
Wheel: Yay! Not living!
Little Dude: [angrily] Nyang, nyang.
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving: Ymmom!
[The Love Buddies fall to the ground, lifeless.]
Cream Puff Gentleman: Huh? [feels muscles] Yes! [runs away]
Finn: [picks up his hat] Poor Little Dude. He was just doin' it up the only way he knew how. It's not his fault he was created evil.
Jake: Yeah. He deserves to come back good.
Finn: Wizard, Mommy-magic this dude back to life.
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving: Okay! [touches hat] Mommy.
Hat: Oh, my goodness! What is this lovely place?
Jake: Life, man!
Hat: I see.
Finn: And this dude [points to Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving] is your pops.
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving: No, I-I, ooh—I guess I am. Huh.
Finn: [hands hat to Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving] Be good to this dude.
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving: I will. Way better than my papa was to me.
Finn: Yup, that's the idea. Jake, looks like I need a new hat.
Jake: Okay. Let's go skin an evil bear.
[Finn and Jake walk off as Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving hugs the hat.]
Episode ends
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Love Games" from season 5, which aired on September 23, 2013.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Slime Princess
Blargetha
Elder Plops
Guillermo
Ice King
BMO
Tree Trunks
Mr. Pig
Flame Princess
Hot Dog Princess
Hot Dog Knights
Gumball Guardian
Snail
Music
I Just Can't Get Over You
Locations
Tree Fort
Bad Lands
Slime Kingdom
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode begins in the Tree Fort, where Finn, Jake, and BMO are recording something next to a shower curtain.]
Jake: If I hear another peep, there's gonna be trouble! Final warning. Okay, go ahead, BMO.
[BMO hits a button, causing some music to play.]
Jake: Okay, welcome back to the program. We're talkin' with our special guest, Finn the Human.
Finn: Hello.
[BMO hits a button, making an applause sound effect.]
Jake: Now, Finn, before the break, you were sayin' somethin' interesting—that you're gettin' outta the romance biz. So, what happened?
Finn: Well, I don't want to bore your listeners...
[BMO plays applause sound effect.]
Finn: But let's just say the time has come to stop dating princesses... and return to savin' 'em.
Jake: And you're not just sayin' that to, uh—[someone knocks on the door several times] [Jake talks over it] make yourself seem more attractive?
Finn: Yeah, of course. No games goin' on here.
[Knocking continues.]
Jake: Hold on, hold on. [takes off headphones] What's that noise?
BMO: I think someone's knocking at the door.
Jake: Can you see who it is?
BMO: Yes, Jake.
Jake: So, it's goin' pretty good, huh?
Finn: Yeah, but maybe we should stop talking about this "love" junk and get back to adventuring.
Slime Princess: Finn! Jake! I need your help; it's an emergency! [cries]
Finn: Now we're talkin'! Don't cry, Slime Princess. We're at your service.
Slime Princess: I need Finn to marry me.
[Finn's mouth opens as BMO plays a bleating sound effect.]
Finn: I'm sorry, SP, but I've given up the dating scene.
Slime Princess: You don't understand. If I don't get a husband, I'll lose my kingdom.
Ice King: [pulls back shower curtain] I'll do it!
Jake: What did I tell you?!
[Ice King puts the shower curtain back, and BMO plays a laugh track.]
Slime Princess: Please let me explain.
[Flashback begins.]
Slime Princess: Recently, my much hotter younger sister, Blargetha, married a Slime rogue named Guillermo. As a result, Elder Plops decreed that if I was not married by tomorrow, rule of the Slime Kingdom would pass to my sister...
[Flashback ends.]
Slime Princess: ...which I'd be, like, totally fine with...
[Flashback resumes.]
Slime Princess: Except, I recently discovered they are both evil. Evil to the core! They plan to militarize the kingdom and begin a campaign of aggressive conquest, [Tanks roll over the Hot Dog Kingdom.] sacking our neighboring kingdoms, [Slime People fill a sack with treasure.] stealing their resources, [Blargetha stands atop a Gumball Guardian] and eventually taking over the entire world! [The Gumball Guardians spray slime all over the Candy Kingdom.]
[Flashback ends.]
Jake: Ew.
Slime Princess: Finn, this will happen unless someone marries me.
Finn: No.
Ice King: [pulling back curtain slightly] Psst! [points to himself]
Jake: Hmm!
[Ice King replaces the curtain.]
Slime Princess: Please, Finn. I know I've crushed on you in the past, but I have no intention of locking this down. Our marriage will be in name only.
Finn: Hmmm...
[They leave the Tree Fort.]
Jake: [running after them] Wait, I'm coming, too! I'm gonna eat popcorn and make hilarious jokes. [empties the last kernel from his bag into his hand] Aw, who ate all my popcorn?
[Scene cuts back to the Tree Fort.]
Ice King: [eating popcorn] You call this a room? There's not even a window. Oh, wait. Are we rolling?
[Scene cuts back to Finn and Jake, who are walking through the Bad Lands. Jake has shrunken himself and is sitting on Finn's shoulder.]
Jake: [munching popcorn] How much farther? This popcorn's not gonna last all day. [shrinks] Alright, now it might.
Slime Princess: We're here. [They have arrived at a bubbling cesspool of slime.] Welcome to my little oasis in the wasteland.
Jake: Oasis? More like, "No way, sis!" [laughs]
[Slime Princess and Finn walk into the slime, and they begin to sink.]
Finn: Huh?
Jake: [gasps] [climbs into Finn's mouth]
[They drop down into the Slime Kingdom, covered in a coat of slime.]
Finn: Whoa! This is amazing! You okay, buddy?
Jake: You could say I got out of there [Finn lifts him out of his mouth with his tongue] in the "lick" of time. Zing!
Slime Princess: Quickly. We're already late. [leads them to a colorful building with dance music playing inside] This is the most important place in the kingdom.
Finn: The royal palace?
Slime Princess: No, it's where me and all my main splurts hang out. Hi, girls!
Slime People: Hi!
[Tree Trunks and Mr. Pig are dancing nearby.]
Finn: Tree Trunks and Mr. Pig, what are you doing here?
Tree Trunks: Oh, we always come here when we want to shake it, Finn. It's the only triple cray-rated disco in all of Ooo.
[Finn, Jake, and Slime Princess enter another building. Finn dries his hair after removing the slime.]
Slime Princess: Get your face pretty, Finn. My people are already assembled in the courtyard. [walks onto balcony above a crowd of Slime People] [clears throat] Greetings, loyal slimejects!
Slime People: [cheer]
Slime Princess: I would like to introduce my new husband, [Finn enters] Finn the Human!
Slime People: [cheer]
Slime Princess: [to Finn] What did I tell you? Piece of cake.
Blargetha: Attention, my loyal slimejects!
[On a balcony on the opposite side of the room, Blargetha appears.]
Slime Princess: [gasps] It's Blargetha. [A mustached Slime Person in a hat pops up beside her.] And that's the mysterious Guillermo. He hails from a faraway, much more somber Slime Kingdom where people have strange customs and no love in their eyes. Their discos aren't even rated one cray.
Blargetha: My husband would like to say something. And, uh, he would, too, if not for his extremely sore throat. So I will say it for him. We challenge you to the Trials of Glarb.
Slime People: [gasp]
Slime Princess: I object! Ancient traditions such as the Trials of Glarb are no longer relevant in our modern self-indulgent society.
Elder Plops: [entering on a third balcony] Order, order! I demand order. I, Elder Plops, being the coolest guy in the room, will settle this dispute. The matter will be settled on the battleground...
Finn: Alright!
Elder Plops: ...the battleground of love.
Finn: Aw.
Elder Plops: The couple that I deem most truly in love shall rule the Slime Kingdom for life. [taps scepter] Plops out. [exits balcony]
Finn: [sighs]
Jake: This is, like, the opposite of what you wanted.
[Scene cuts to the four contestants and Elder Plops standing on a dock with two swan boats in a lagoon.]
Elder Plops: Welcome to the Trials of Glarb, hosted by me, Elder Plops. The first trial will be Crooning. You guys are gonna get into these sweet boats I made and croon for each other on the lake. The most loving and heartfelt song, judged by me, Elder Plops, will win.
[Finn and Slime Princess climb into a boat.]
Elder Plops: I really want to hear some emotional song work here. The people want to hear emotional stuff. So let's see some stuff, alright? [claps thrice]
[The contestants row their boats out into the lake.]
Slime Princess: Okay, Finn, you can do it.
Finn: I don't know. I'm still jacked up over my lady biz.
Slime Princess: Well, just lose yourself in your own mind and go numb. Then let it all out.
Finn: Eh. [exhales deeply] Okay. Just let it all out. [sings "I Just Can't Get Over You"] Why can't I get over you?
Elder Plops: Finn, way to go. I could tell the people were really impressed. Guillermo, you're up.
Blargetha: Hmm? Okay, Guillermo. I'll ask, I'll ask. Uh, Guillermo still has a sore throat! Uh, may I sing on, uh, his behalf?
Elder Plops: Elder Plops thinks that's okay.
Blargetha: [clears throat] [sings tunelessly] ♪I want to touch your hand with my hand. I want to rub your cheek with my cheek. Maybe later we can get "Do not disturb."♪ I'm done!
Elder Plops: As Elder Plops, I have heard many songs in my life, and I can only say this... Finn, you win this one.
Slime People: Hooray!
Blargetha: [growls]
Finn: Whoo!
Slime Princess: Yes!
[Scene cuts to a room with some objects hidden under sheets.]
Elder Plops: Welcome, everyone, to our second trial... [The sheets are removed, revealing mattresses.] Spooning. When I say go, the big spoon will put his arm around the little spoon and cuddle. I will be watching you spoon, measuring and assessing your love by posture and overall vibe. The best cuddle, or spoon, wins.
Finn: Wait, what?!
Jake: [laughs]
Elder Plops: Spooners, get in your futons.
[The contestants climb onto the mattresses.]
Finn: Uh, I don't feel good about this.
Elder Plops: Ready, set...
[Blargetha grabs Guillermo's hand.]
Elder Plops: Spoon!
[Blargetha squishes herself against Guillermo.]
Finn: [gasps] No, wait. I don't wanna do this.
Slime Princess: Wrap those gorgeous pythons around me!
[Slime Princess chases Finn around on the mattress.]
Finn: No! This feels weird!
Slime Princess: Come on, Finn, they're crushing us!
Blargetha: [moving around on the mattress with Guillermo] Huh! Huh! Huh!
Elder Plops: Blargetha and Guillermo, very nice.
[He looks over to Finn and Slime Princess, who is chasing him around on the mattress.]
Finn: Nooooooooooooooooo!
Elder Plops: Yeesh. Alright, everyone, stop. I've seen enough. Blargetha and Guillermo's love was way-off-the-charts good. They win.
Blargetha: Yes! I love you, baby. You spoon so good!
Finn: [pants]
Slime Princess: No!
Elder Plops: The score is tied. There's one more trial after Spooning and Crooning: Smooching. I'm sorry it doesn't rhyme with Crooning and Spooning. We will begin our next trial on the morrow!
[Scene cuts to Finn, Jake, and Slime Princess in her room.]
Slime Princess: [sighs] This is not going well.
Finn: I'm sorry, Slime Princess. I'm just gonna mess this next trial up.
Slime Princess: Is it because you haven't done much kissing? You don't have to be embarrassed by your innocence.
Finn: Pretending to be in love is making me sad. It makes me think about Flame Princess.
Slime Princess: What If I pretend to be your ex?
Finn: That's worse, I think.
Slime Princess: Well, it looks like I'm losing my kingdom to the forces of evil.
Finn: [sighs] No, Slime Princess. Let's practice this smooch. [picks up Slime Princess]
Slime Princess: [puckering] Mmmm.
Finn: [groans and gags] [vomits] I'm sorry. I—I can't! [sets Slime Princess down] [groans] Bunk this.
Slime Princess: Wait! Where are you going?
Finn: I'm going to punch Guillermo in his stupid face until he agrees to leave the kingdom.
Slime Princess: I want to come!
[Finn slides to Blargetha's room and knocks on the door.]
Finn: Hey, Guillermo! Can you come out here for a... quick meeting?
Jake: More like a quick beating! Hey-oh!
Blargetha: He says "Eat a fat dollop and buzz off!"
[Finn kicks open the door. They see Blargetha walking into another room with Guillermo. Finn runs after them.]
Slime Princess: Blargetha!
Finn: [jumps into room] Hyup! [looks around] Hmm. [gasps]
[The room is filled with dozens of slime tanks.]
Blargetha: Finn, you shouldn't break in to a woman's room.
[A tank fires a blob of slime at Finn but misses.]
Finn: Hyah! Everyone okay?
Jake: Yes. "Tank" you.
[Another tank fires a blob. Finn dodges it, climbs on top of the tank, and kicks off the hatch.]
Finn: Huah! [climbs in, finding Blargetha and Guillermo]
Blargetha: Huh?
Finn: Guillermo! [punches him, apparently killing him] Hyuh! [gasps] Are you dead, man? Aw, jeez, bro. [picks up one of his "eyes"] Huh? These are olives.
Blargetha: Uh-oh.
Slime Princess: Blargetha, why would you make a fake husband? You're so hot.
Blargetha: You don't know how hard it is to be this hot. Women don't want to talk to you, because they're intimidated, and guys don't want to talk to you, because they're too scared. You're alone in the hottest, most sexiest prison. So I stuck some olives in a glob of gelatin and called it my lover.
Finn: Well, I'm sorry, Blargetha, but you're going to have to spend more time in your metaphorical prison in a real prison 'cause what you're doing is illegal.
Slime Princess: Uh, no, it just disqualifies her from challenging me.
Finn: Whoops.
[Scene cuts to the balcony above a crowd of Slime People.]
Slime People: [cheer]
Elder Plops: By the authority of Elder Plops, [lifts Slime Princess' crown] I officially declare... [puts crown back] you are still the Slime princess.
Slime People: [chanting] Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!
Slime Princess: Finn, what do you think?
Finn: I don't want to disappoint all these people.
[They prepare to kiss, but Slime Princess gags and vomits.]
Slime Princess: I'm sorry! I can't do it! [continues vomiting]
[Elder Plops taps his scepter.]

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Loyalty to the King" from season 2, which aired on October 25, 2010.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Ice King
Slime Princess
Bee Princess
Ghost Princess
Lumpy Space Princess
Peanut Princess
Music
None
Locations
Ice Kingdom
Nice Kingdom
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[Scene: Ice King sleeping, Finn and Jake unlocking prison door to free Engagement Ring Princess.]
Engagement Ring Princess: Save me, Finn and Jake.
Jake: Shoosh.
[Finn gets the lock open and Jake takes her hand.]
Engagement Ring Princess: Save me, Finn and Jake.
Jake: [Harsh whispering] We are...
[Finn takes out his sword.]
Engagement Ring Princess: Save me... Finn and Jake.
Jake: Why does she keep saying that?
Finn: I think she's traumatized, dude.
Jake: Don't worry, princess. We're gonna get you out of here. [All three exit the castle by sliding down the castle's ice path on a sled.] Whoo-hoo! yeah! yeah!
Ice King: [Continues to sleep but soon wakes up.] Huh eh! What was that?! [Turns on lamp] Darling, are you alright? I thought I heard a— [Loud gasp. He flies over to the empty prison and touches its door.] Oh, I see what happened. She broke up with me! [Goes to the window to yell.] Well, it's your mistake, missy! This Ice King is gonna be fine!
[Scene: Ice King slumped over his workout bench with food scattered around.]
Ice King: [Heavy sighing; moans] Why did she leave? I put so much cool stuff in her little prison! Come on, old boy, keep it together [Pouts] Hey, maybe she called me! [Picks up a pair of slacks and pulls out a banana from its pocket.] Please, please, please! Doo-doo... doo, doo-doo, doo-doo. No new messages?! [Angrily throws banana, which hits a picture of him and Engagement Ring Princess that has "Together Forever" printed on the frame.] Raaaaa!
[Scene: Ice King slow walks into his bathroom.]
Ice King: [Heavily sighs.] This is where she use to do her business. Uh, I'm so tired of looking at this face. [He picks up a razor and hums away as he shaves off his beard.] Aa, hee hee, not bad! And now for some healthy exercise! Ha ha, I'm forgetting about that silly old breakup already! [Walks through his beard remains and out of the castle.]
[Scene: Ice King exercises in a park's grassy area. There is a small pond with two gooses.]
Ice King: [Finishes.] Alright, let's fly! [Jumps and spreads his arms and quickly falls.] Oof! You fool, you can't fly without your beard. [He mopes and sits in the middle of a sandbox.] I'm gonna be alone forever.
Slime Princess: [She enters the sandbox next to him.] Hi!
Ice King: Beautiful princess.
Slime Princess: Excuse me for approaching you, sir. You just seem so approachable. [Giggles.]
Ice King: [Chuckles.] That's funny, usually my looks put people off.
Slime Princess: [Giggles.]
Ice King: [Looks around the area.] Is someone paying you to do this?
Slime Princess: [Giggles harder and waves her arms.] Tell me about yourself.
Ice King: Well, there's not much to tell, really. I'm an ice king.
Slime Princess: Oooh, a nice King.
Ice King: Ha haha, no no, dear you misheard me. I'm not a nice king, I'm a— [Sees Slime Princess' eyes widen.] A really nice king! And I'm single!
Slime Princess: [Giggles loudly.]
[Scene: Lumpy Space Princess has been spying on the two.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Oh my gosh! [Puts down binoculars and tosses away headset. She takes out her cellphone and also eats some chips.] Hmm, yeah, guess what, Slime Princess is in the park, and she's, like, talking to a new nice king and he's, like, totally single. [Looks through binoculars.] By the way... don't tell anybody!
Peanut Princess: [Dials Wild Berry Princess.] There's a new king in town! [This soon expands out to show Wild Berry Princess calling another princess, who then calls another princess, and so on and so on.]
[Featured onscreen, top left to bottom right: Embryo Princess, Turtle Princess, Space Angel Princess, Raggedy Princess, Engagement Ring Princess, Emerald Princess, Wild Berry Princess, Muscle Princess, Purple Princess, Peanut Princess, Ghost Princess, Skeleton Princess, Hot Dog Princess and Bee Princess.] Oh, my goodness, I can't wait to meet him.
[Scene: Finn and Jake are seen waling, with Finn carrying the head of a cyclops and Jake with his stretched arm in the air.]
Finn: Heh heh and I was all like "Leave him alone!" and he was like "Make me!" and I was like "Okay!" and then he was like "Aaah, my head!" Ah haha. [Looks up Jake's arm to see him holding a cellphone.] Dude, what are you doing?
Jake: Trying to get a signal, it's like everyone in Ooo is on their phones or something. [Arm stretches back to body, Jake looks at it for signal.] Aww man. [Not watching were he was going he bumps into Princess Princess Princess.]
Princess Princess Princess: [red hair] Have you guys... [black hair #2] seen the new... [blonde hair] nice king?
Finn: Nice King?
Princess Princess Princess: [blonde hair] Yeah! [red hair] He's single... [black hair #1] and he's ours! [blonde hair] Now, get out of our way! [She shoves Finn and Jake and rushes away.]
[The head of the cyclops rolls near a bush and a frog jumps into the open mouth.]
Finn: [Brushing away the dirt from his clothing.]
Jake: Man, now we have to kick that frog out of his new home.
Finn: Nah, let him keep it. Hey, there's a new king and he's nice, we should offer our services!
Jake: Finn & Jake-style!
[Scene: back at the park the Princesses are now all caged in a dome climber. A large sand castle has been built in the middle of the playing area.]
Princess: Yoo hoo! Nice King, Nice King over here!
Ice King: Ladies, I'll have time to meet you individually later, please just, just stop squirming.
Turtle Princess: But this looks like a prison.
Ice King: Prison? Don't be ridiculous! It's a... waiting room! Stop squirming.
Finn & Jake: [From a distance.] Nice King! Yeeeaah! [The leap dramatically and land in front of the dome.]
Ice King: Finn and Jake! You'll never take me alive! [His hands glow and blaze with magic.]
Finn & Jake: [Both stare at one another.] Huh? [The Princesses have also stared in confusion.]
Finn: You're the nice king, right?
Ice King: [Relaxes] Oh yeah, I keep forgetting that.
Finn: Well, we will honor and serve you.
Ice King: Serve me?
Finn: Yeah! We wanna be your nice knights.
Ice King: [Laughs evilly] Sounds... nice...
Finn & Jake: [Bow down.]
Ice King: With my rod of niceness, I dub thee two my Nice Knights. [He taps both with a moss covered stick.]
Finn & Jake: Yeeah! We're knights! Niiice...
Finn: Who do you want us to nice knight against?
Space Angel Princess: Nice King, I love you!
Engagement Ring Princess: Did I tell you that I like the opera? But if you don't, I hate it!
Princesses: Nice King!
Ice King: [Angrily flares up.] Please! I'm trying to tell my Nice Knights something! [This causes everyone to gasp loudly.]
Ice King: [Chuckles nervously] Come here. [He huddles with Finn & Jake.] The main enemy to the Nice King right now is the disorganization of his love life.
Finn: W-well, what do you mean?
Ice King: The ugly ones are all mixed up with the other ones! I need you to catalog them... or something.
Jake: Tah ha, but we punch monsters.
Ice King: After I choose my bride, then you can go punch the monsters.
Finn: Managing admirers? We'll give it a try...
[Scene: Finn and Jake interview the princesses.]
Finn: Let's move onto something easier. Um, do you like drums?
Bee Princess: Um, am I supposed to?
Jake: She's dodging the question.
Bee Princess: [Faints]
Finn: Are you fond of men with magical abilities?
Ghost Princess: I'm really nervous right now... I-I just really want to meet a nice king.
Jake: You can go back to the waiting room now, ma'am!
Ghost Princess: I screwed it up, didn't I! [Cries and runs away.]
Jake: I think we did a good job.
Finn: I don't feel good making a princess cry, this is not how knights are suppose to act.
Jake: Finn, knights are loyal to their king.
Finn: I'm still not sure...
Jake: Aa Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba! Loyalty to the King! [Pats Finn's shoulder.]
Finn: Can't argue with that!
Ice King: [Calling from a top the sand castle window.] Hey, Nice Knights, Turtle Princess is about to walk out that door, I told her that I like her a lot, but I really don't like her all that much, could you guys break it off for me?
Finn: The Nice King is not looking for a relationship right now.
Jake: Get out of here!
Turtle Princess: [Cries and runs away.]
Finn: [Calls after her] He's just not ready for a relationship!
Jake: Alright! We did it, dude! [Pats Finn's forehead.]
Finn: [Sighs] I feel terrible, I need to talk to the Nice King about this.
[Scene: inside the sand castle, Ice King is riding on Hot Dog Princess while balancing himself with Skeleton Princess and Purple Princess walking on the sides.]
Ice King: Yes, yes, keep walking in a circle. [Muffled laugh.]
Finn: Nice King, may I speak with you for a moment?
Ice King: Princesses, I must speak with my knight in private. Go on back into your cage.
Princesses: Bye, Nice King. [Giggling]
Ice King: What's up, knight?
Finn: I don't like treating princesses this way, I don't wanna... I don't wanna do this anymore.
Ice King: [Seething anger] Your loyalty is in question?
Finn: Oh, it's not that. It's just, princesses are suppose to be treated with niceness.
Ice King: [Pinching at Finn's body] Are you implying that I'm not the nice king!
Finn: Hey, what's wrong with you!
Ice King: [Laughs]
Lumpy Space Princess: Hey, I'm here.
Ice King: Ugh, Finn, get rid of her.
Finn: What?! No, man!
Ice King: She's too loud and lumpy, I like smooth princesses... smoo-o-o-oth. [mimes curvy body shape with his hands.]
Lumpy Space Princess: I can be smooth! [Begins pulling at her lumps.] Finn, punch out my lumps.
Finn: What?!
Lumpy Space Princess: I can be whatever he wants! I can change!
Finn: I can't punch a princess!
Ice King: Gaah! Finn, just punch her! Let me see what she looks like... smoo-o-o-oth.
Finn: Oooo...
Lumpy Space Princess: Yes! Hit me, hit me, hit me!
Finn: [Raises his fist, but stops.] Uuh, I'm sorry, Lumpy Space Princess, I just can't punch you!
Lumpy Space Princess: Are you serious?! Fine, I'll do it myself. [Begins to punch down her lumps.]
Finn: Princess no!
Ice King: Wait a minute Nice Knight, let's see what she can do. [As Lumpy Space Princess continues to punch herself, Finn covers his eyes.]
Lumpy Space Princess: There, how's that? Better? [Is now shaped like a ball.]
Ice King: Meh, no, I-I don't like her.
Lumpy Space Princess: This is all your fault, Finn! [Floats away.] Aaaaaah!
Finn: King, I'm sorry, I just can't do this anymore: punching princesses, breaking hearts, eh- it just doesn't seem nice at all.
Ice King: Hey! You're on thin ice Nice Knight! [A beard whisker sprouts from his cheek.]
Finn: Huh?
Ice King: [Gasp] The jig is up!
Finn: What jig?
Ice King: Ah, eh, heh heh, my jig is up. Up high! It's a highland jig. [Dances around trying to hid his face.] And I have a new assignment for you, one with more knight related stuff, very important.
Finn: Oh, wow, awesome! What is it?
Ice King: The Ice King stole my razor, sneak into his trap-filled ice castle and retrieve it. [Speaking rapidly] And don't look through the shoebox he keeps behind the laundry bag in the closet.
Finn: Wha?!
Ice King: Those are my orders!
Finn: Yes, finally something knight-like!
Finn & Jake: [Exiting the castle on Jake's back as he stretches through an opening.] Get ready, Ice King, for battle!
Ice King: [With palms glowing he manifest floating snow creatures.] And once I have my razor, I can select my elite army of wives and take over the world!
[Scene: at the Ice Kingdom, Finn and Jake sneak around end to the bathroom, which still has a pile of white beard hair on the floor.]
Finn: Whoa, Jake, look at all his hair.
Jake: Did this Ice King shave his back or something?
Finn: Ha ha! [Gasps as he spots the razor.] The Nice King's razor [Clicks it on.], Jake, look, check this out- Aaaah! [He encounters Jake's face covered in a white beard.]
Jake: Relax, dude, it's just me.
Finn: [Clicks of razor.] Ha ha, you look just like the Ice King. [Covers face with beard hair.] And so do I.
Jake: Heh hee heh. These whiskers would make anyone look like the Ice King.
Finn: Ha haa, yeah, even the Nice King!
Finn & Jake: [Gasp] The Nice King is the Ice King!
[Scene: back at the sand castle the Ice King sits on a chair looking into a mirror.]
Ice King: Ugh, what do the princesses see in this face? Hope I can keep this going. So many princesses to meet. [Suddenly a whisker sprouts from his cheek.] Whiskers! [He pulls.] I can't be growing whiskers now! [More continue to sprout faster than he can pull them out.] Daaarrr, I haven't picked who I want to marry me!
Finn: [Calling from outside.] Nice King!
Ice King: Did you retrieve my stole razor?!
Finn: Yeah and also this! [Finn & Jake hold up Ice King's beard hair.]
Ice King: My beard! I-I-I mean what is that?!
Jake: Pfft, he knows what it is!
Finn: Let's get him Jake! [As they bot walk to the castle, they are stopped by Lumpy Space Princess, who is backed by the other Princesses.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Stop! We're not gonna let you beat up the Nice King.
Finn: He's not the Nice King, he's the Ice King!
Lumpy Space Princess: We don't believe you!
Jake: Man, these ladies really wanna get married.
Finn: [Cringes] Jake, we can't beat up princesses!
Jake: Relax dude [Stretches ear] just get behind my ear shield.
Finn & Jake: [Plow through the princesses who are getting knocked to the side but not harmed. They enter the castle.]
Ice King: [Retreats to the top of the castle's room and runs towards window.] Wait, I can't fly!
Finn: Let me help ya! [Finn kicks Ice King in the face out the window.]
Jake: [Dives after them.]
Finn: [Reaches into his backpack and began to grab the hair.]
Ice King: N-no, wait!
Finn: Yaaaaaaa! [Begins to glue on the hair] Now fly, ya liar! [He is caught by Jake]
Ice King: Ugh! [Hits the ground.] Oh, eh? [He turns to see a group of confused princesses.] Ladies, ladies, heh heh, I can shave it off again, a-and when you get fat, I'll grow it back! Eh! [He turns to run as the princesses start to chase him. They beat him up together.]
Finn: Now that's what I call, a close shave!
Jake: [Face palms.] Awww, haa haa hoo.
[Adventure Time logo appears on the screen.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Mama Said" from season 7, which aired on November 5, 2015.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Canyon
King of Ooo
Banana Guards
Dirt Beer Guy
Music
Mama Said (song)
Canyon's Song
Locations
Candy Kingdom
Forest
This transcript is incomplete.


Transcript

[The episode begins with King of Ooo showing Finn and Jake a surveillance video (while they sit on tiny stools) of a flying mushroom shot in the Candy Kingdom]
King Of Ooo: [Pointing to screen] There. Right there. See?
Finn: [Squinting] Uhhh...Yeah. It's a small thing?
Jake: [Moves uncomfortably] Hey, do you have bigger chairs?
King Of Ooo: [Glares] Stools.
Jake: Huh?
King Of Ooo: [Walking toward Jake] They're stools; not chairs.
Jake: Well can I have a bigger stool, then?
King Of Ooo: Jake, stop interrupting!
Jake: Sorry.
King Of Ooo: Enhance!
Banana Guards: [Push Finn and Jake while on the stools much closer to the TV]
Finn and Jake: Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, whoa!
Jake: Looks like a mushroom. Someone throwing mushrooms?
King Of Ooo: Yes, very good, it is a mushroom! Or a toadstool. That's why you're sitting on stools.
Finn and Jake: [simultaneously] Oh.
King Of Ooo: See, you guys gotta trust me on this one, okay? I picked those stools for a reason. Trust my process! You can get up now.
Finn and Jake: [get up and crack their backs]
Jake: My legs.
King Of Ooo: No, nobody's throwing mushrooms. [moves closer to the TV] I believe they're flying on their own. That's where you two come in.
[Finn, Jake, King Of Ooo, and two Banana Guards walk toward where the flying mushroom was shown]
King Of Ooo: Okay, the flying mushroom came from that direction, [points in direction flying mushroom came from] so I want you two to head that way until you find one. A big one. and I want you to capture it, and bring it back.
Jake: Why?
King Of Ooo: Huh?
Jake: Why?
King Of Ooo: [leans toward Finn and Jake] Trust my process.
Jake: Okay, but why, though?
Finn: Yeah, we're curious.
King Of Ooo: I wanna ride it around instead of walking. I think people will respect me more. [Dirt Beer Guy walks by in background] Hey. Hey, you, what's your name?
Dirt Beer Guy: I'm Dirt Beer Guy.
King Of Ooo: What would you think if you saw me on a giant flying mushroom? Dirt Beer Guy
King Of Ooo: See? Don't fail on this one, boys. [threateningly] Don't you dare fail me.
Finn: [Walking through forest with Jake] Actually, I'm kinda glad we're walking in this direction. We never walk in this direction.
Jake: [Stops walking, faces Finn] Hey, how long do you think capturin' a flyin' mushroom takes?
Finn: [Removing backpack] Well we gotta find one first. [Reaches in pack for something]
Jake: Yeah, that too. How long?
Finn: [Takes out water bottle, drains about a quarter of it, wipes mouth] Mm. An hour to capture, aaand, if we don't find him by dinner, we'll tell KOO to send out a Banana Guard patrol.
Jake: Tell who?
Finn: KOO.
Jake: ...King Of Ooo?
Finn: Yeah.
Finn and Jake: [Laugh, continue to walk]
Finn: Did you notice he was wearing Princess Bubblegum's clothes?
Jake: Yeah, that was sorta cool. But you know, PB just left her kingdom to 'im. And all her stuff, so what's that about?
Finn: Hmm.
Jake: [Sniffs, stops, nose and mouth stretch out forward and sniffs for something, turns around] I smell mushrooms.
Finn and Jake: [Run up a hill dotted with mushrooms]
Finn: Yeah, good job, Jake.
Jake: Check it out. [points to a relatively large mushroom] Big enough for KOO's tiny heiny!
Finn: Yeah, the only thing, though, is it's not flying.
Jake: Mmm, yeah... [Finn and Jake look around for a bit]
Finn: I guess we could just sit here... and wait for it to fly?
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Marceline's Closet" from season 3, which aired on December 12, 2011.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Marceline
Music
Extremities Song
Journal Song
Locations
Marceline's cave
Marceline's house
Tree Fort
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode begins with Finn and Jake walking in Marceline's cave. Finn is holding a balloon, and Jake is holding his viola.]
Finn: Do you think it's right for Marceline to invite us to jam without Princess and BMO?
Jake: It's just a jam sesh. Is that what you're gonna jam with?
Finn: Yeah, man. Balloon music is the future. Listen. [He starts rubbing his balloon and demonstrates balloon music by rapping the Extremities Song.]
Jake: Pretty good. [They continue walking and come up to Marceline's house.] I don't think you mastered it yet.
Finn: Well, duh. I just started.
Jake: Oh, dude. There's a note.
Finn: What's it say?
Jake: [Reading note on Marceline's door] "Hey, guys, I had to run out, but I'll be back," blee-bloo-blop, "Don't go in my house."
Finn: That's it?
Jake: Yeah. Just "Don't go in my house" in all caps... written in blood.
Finn: Hmm. [Finn rubs his balloon and sits down; Jake also sits down and closes his eyes.] What are you doing?
Jake: Eliminating desire from my heart. It helps pass the time.
Finn: Come on! I can't do that! Let's play Cloud Hunt 'til she gets here.
Jake: No, man, I got a mental block with Cloud Hunt!
Finn: Yeah, that's what makes it awesome, 'cause I know I'll win.
Jake: Oh, what?! Bring it on, brother! Now explain the rules 'cause I forget.
Finn: Okay. I count to ten and you go hide somewhere. Then, I gotta try to find you. You can hide... anywhere in here. Anywhere in here, ...but Marcy's house is off limits because she said so. Okay?
Jake: Got it.
Finn: Okay. I'm gonna start counting. Ready?
Jake: [Glances at Marceline's house] Yes.
Finn: Go! One... [Jake runs towards Marceline's house.] Two... Three... Four... Five... Four...
[While Finn is counting, Jake goes through Marceline's dog-door. Finn then recites the poem that goes with Cloud Hunt.]
Finn: Cloud Hunt... GOTCHA! Huh. Hmm. [Checks under porch] AH-HA! [Finds nothing and goes on porch; spots Jake] JAKE! [Jake starts mirroring Finn.] Get out of there! Marceline's gonna kill you! Jake! I know this isn't a mirror. What the—?! You're doing it wrong, even! Get out! Get out!! [Finn goes inside. Jake spots him and continues mirroring him.] Dude, get out of there! She's gonna kill us! She'll be home any minute! Did you read the note?! I mean, you read the note! You told it to me!! [Gasps and tackles Jake]
[Marceline appears. Jake and Finn go upstairs before she can spot them.]
Marceline: [sniffs] Smells like sourdough in here.
[Cuts to upstairs in Marceline's bedroom; Finn and Jake hide in her closet]
Jake: She's gonna kill us. Once she finds out she's gonna tie us up and eat us like a spider.
Finn: You don't think I know that?! Hmmmmmmm... We'll wait for the right moment and sneak out... right under her big, fat caboose.
Jake: Okay, man. I can do this. [Begins pumping his fist] Egh! Egh! Egh!!
Finn: Shh, here she comes!
[Marceline pokes her head through her floor door.]
Jake: Here she comes...
Finn: Shh, shh!!
[Marceline sniffs around. She turns the lights on and sniffs again.]
Marceline: Huh.
[She goes to the bathroom to urinate.]
Jake: Let's get outta here.
[Finn attempts to open the closet door; it creaks.]
Marceline: Hello?
[Marceline flushes and comes out of the bathroom.]
Jake: She didn't wash hands!
Marceline: Is someone here?
Finn: [To Jake] Shh!!
[Marceline sniffs; Finn and Jake get distressed. Eventually she sniffs her armpit.]
Marceline: That's what stinks. [Finn and Jake look relieved.] Where are those dweebs? [Dials cell phone; it begins to ring.]
[The scene cuts to Finn and Jake's Tree Fort where their phone is ringing.]
Finn [on voicemail]: This is Jake!
Jake [on voicemail]: And this is Finn!
[They both begin to laugh on the voicemail; scene cuts back to Marceline's bedroom.]
Finn & Jake [on voicemail]: We're not home right now, so... [They laugh some more. Finn and Jake begin snickering in the closet.] ...leave a message! [Marceline notices sounds from her closet; Finn and Jake [in the closet] quiet down.] Leave a message! [Tone sounds.]
Marceline: Uh... Yeah, hey, you guys. Are you still coming over? It's jam time, so, like, call me, 'kay?
[She hangs up, then picks her nose; Finn and Jake are disgusted. She flicks the booger in the closet and it hits Jake. Finn and Jake look at each other for a moment. Suddenly Finn looks like he got an idea. He goes through Marceline's clothing looking for something. Finn and Jake whisper.]
Jake: Whatcha doin'?
Finn: [Kneels down holding a piece of paper and a pencil] Get down. [Uses Jake's back as a writing platform. When Finn finishes writing, the note reads, "MARCY, PLEASE COME TO THE TREEHOUSE—IT'S AN AMERGENCY! [sic] Love, FINN + JAKE"] When she gets this, she'll leave and we can escape!
Jake: Brilliant... but how's it gonna work?
Finn: I'll fly the paper as an airplane down the bedroom ladder. It'll triple barrel roll past the kitchen, open the fridge, and cook some eggs, then eat the eggs, and unfold itself as it lays in the carpet in front of Marceline's door!
Jake: Yeah, yeah, awesome, yeah!!
[Finn throws the paper airplane. It almost lands in the waste bin, but it goes down the bedroom ladder instead, and goes into the kitchen. It opens the fridge, and grabs three eggs; it drops two, turns the oven on and cooks the one. It grabs a fork and pushes the frying pan off the oven. It flies upstairs and finally lands in the waste bin.]
Jake: No, nah, nuts!
[Marceline is laying on her bed staring at the ceiling.]
Marceline: Welp... they're not gonna show up, then I'll just work on my own stuff, I guess. [Plays bass and activates recording equipment.] Take one for new concept album based on five hundred years of my journal entries. So here's some preliminary notes. [sighing] I... I wanna make this the most emotional album ever. So private and secret, that I'll never let anyone hear.
Jake: [Whispering to Finn] This is so wrong.
Marceline: No one can ever hear it. Ever. Take one.
[She opens her notebook. A drumset plays in the background. Marceline begins singing the Journal Song.]
Jake: [Making a hole in the wall with a spoon] We've crossed the line! I'm gettin' outta here, man!
Finn: Yeah! Do it!
[Jake breaks through, shrinks down, and tries to escape, but a spider scares him. He runs in the opposite direction and jumps on Finn. The spider hisses and Finn and Jake climb up to avoid it. Jake takes a shoe box lid and pushes the spider out of the closet. Marceline is still singing. The spider crawls up to a table lamp.]
Finn: What? What's it doing?!
[The spider begins pushing the lamp. Finn and Jake gasp. The spider pushes the lamp off the table, shattering it.]
Finn & Jake: Shh, shh, shh!!
Marceline: Oh, what?! What happened?! Ugh! [She glares at the closet with a scowl, and the duo shrinks back. She hisses, and the duo scrambles around frantically. She opens the closet door.] Where are you?! Oh, there you are... My broom.
[Finn and Jake are shown hiding in a coat. Finn gives Jake a thumbs up. Marceline tries to clean up the mess, but has trouble getting a big piece of the lamp in the dust pan.]
Marceline: [sighs] [muttering to herself] Stupid... thing— Get... [exasperated] NO! Stupid— [kicks the piece] UGH!! [exasperated noise] [She throws the broom in the closet and ends up dirtying herself.] Ugh!
[She floats over to her bathroom again and turns on her bathtub faucet.]
Finn: Is it safe?
Jake: I dunno, man. Go scope the scene.
[Finn gives a thumbs up and drops out of the coat. He crawls to the bathroom. Suddenly, Marceline enters pulling her sock off [viewed only from the legs down], and Finn blushes. He retreats back to the closet and gets back in the coat.]
Jake: What happened, man?
Finn: [Talking quickly] I'm not goin' back out there.
Jake: Well... whaddaya mean? What happened? [Finn stares blankly.] Bro?
[Marceline comes out of the bathroom [fully clothed] blow-drying her hair. She yawns, turns off the lights, and floats over her bed to go to sleep. Finn and Jake sneak out of the closet. The spider lands on Finn's face and he tosses it onto Jake. The spider bites Jake; Jake mouths a scream and tears roll out of his eyes. They both continue to the bedroom ladder.]
Finn: Is she awake?
Jake: Why are you talking?!
Finn: I'm wondering if she's awake.
Jake: Well, if she's awake, she can definitely hear you talking!
Finn: I'm whispering.
Jake: Well, now we're both quietly screaming.
Marceline: [Awake] I can hear both of you.
Finn [Whispering still]:  Disguise yourself, fool!
[Marceline turns on the light and observes Jake shape shifted into Finn and Finn with a lampshade over his head.]
Marceline: What're you bozos doing in my lair?
Jake: Dude, I think she sees us!
Finn: What the—?! DUDE! You shape-changed to look like me?! [Throws the lampshade at Jake]
Jake: Well, yeah!
Marceline: HEY! [Hissing] Exssssplain yourselves.
Finn: [sighing] We were playing hide-and-seek in your closet and you came home, so we hid in there all day. We saw... everything. And, oh, Glob, I mean, whatever you do to us, I just wanna say, we're sorry.
Jake: So sorry.
Marceline: [Not seeing anything wrong] Okay... apology accepted.
Jake: What?!
Marceline: I hide in your house all the time.
[Finn and Jake stare at each other. Cut to the outside of Marceline's house.]
Marceline: Anyways, no hard feelings, guys! See you soon!
[The scene goes back to Finn's and Jake's bedroom in the Tree Fort. Finn is reading on his bed. He scratches near his left buttock and sniffs his hand. Finn hears hooting and blushes.]
Finn: Marceline? [covers himself] Jake! Jake!
[Jake stops showering.]
Jake: Hmm? [He covers himself with a towel even though he was already wearing one. He goes to the bedroom.] Hey, man, did—
Finn: AAAAAAH!!
Jake: AAAAAAH!!
[Camera pans up to the roof of the Tree Fort. It is revealed that Marceline was the one hooting. She hoots once more, and the episode ends.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Marceline The Vampire Queen" from season 7, which aired on November 16, 2015.

Characters
Marceline
Finn
Jake
Bonnibel Bubblegum
Proto-vampire
Music
None
Locations
Gumbald's Cabin
Village
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

Marceline: Come on, Marce. It'll only hurt for a second.
[Marceline is sitting in the shade of a lone tree in a desert. Her umbrella lies just out of reach in the sunlight.]
Marceline: That's nothing in the face of eternity.
[She pokes her fingertips out of the shade. They sizzle and burn.]
Marceline: [shrieks] A second hurts really bad in the face of eternity. [Her fingers re-heal.] But only for a moment.
[She tries three more times, shrieking each time her fingers burn.]
Marceline: Wait. I have an even better idea. [takes bottle out of pocket] Sunscreen. SPF 10... million. [empties contents and rubs it on hand] Hmm! I have exactly enough to reach my umbrella.
[Just then, a gust of wind blows the umbrella away. Marceline does a double face-palm.]
Peppermint Butler: [Laughs] Ha! [Laughing] [Humming]
Bubblegum: You really like chopping wood, huh?
Peppermint Butler: I'm not chopping wood. I made a toothpick from the ancient elm. See?
Marceline: Uh, knock, knock.
Bubblegum: What the dip, Marceline?
Marceline: Sorry. It was supposed to be a joke. Actually, I have something really serious to ask. I want you to do the procedure, the one we talked about.
Bubblegum: I'm sorry, but I don't think you'd make a good blonde.
Marceline: No, not that. I don't want to be a vampire anymore.
Bubblegum: [Gasps] Oh, my globness.
Marceline: You said you were working on a cure, right?
Bubblegum: [Sighs] Well, the machine is built and the serums are ready, but are you sure you want to do this?
Marceline: I'm sure. Some bad things happened to me when I was little. When I became a vampire, I was just a messed-up kid. Now it's 1,000 years later, and I'm still messed up. [Peppermint Butler nods] I don't want to spend eternity like this, with this emptiness. I want to grow up.
Bubblegum: Okay. Let's do this.
Bubblegum: This means someday you'll die. You know that, right?
Marceline: [Gulps] I guess that will be my last adventure.
Bubblegum: Marceline I'm so very, very, very excited to test my new lab out on you.
Marceline: Well, don't get all sentimental on me.
Bubblegum: Come on over here. You know I care about you. I think you're making the right choice. Your natural life spend is going to be richier and fuller than you can imagine. And someday, when you die, I'll be the one who puts you in the ground. But, you know, this operation might not even work.
Marceline: Whooooooooa! This tickles really bad! [Groans] Did it work?
Bubblegum: Well, I sucked all your vampire effluvium into this bucked. Possibly we won't know the results for a couple of days. In the meantime, you need to get plenty of rest. I'll check your vitals in the morning.
Marceline: Thanks, P. Brains. [Snoring]
[Heart thumping] [Cow moos]
Marceline: No! [Pop!] [Screaming] Huh?
Cloud Dance: It's breakfast time for my sweet babies. [Gasps] Sweet babies! Operator! Put me through to Finn and Jake. It's an emergency.
Jake: Victim's lost a lot of blood. Clean entry wounds. It's an expert job.
Cloud Dance: Poor miss baby. She used to be my best cream cow. But now her milk is nonfat. And nanette, my beautiful calf is decaf!
Jake: That's terrible!
Villager: Every farm in our village was attacked. Not a goat or a cow or a duck left un-sucked.
Jake: Well, I've heard enough. Come on, Finn. Let's go arrest Marceline.
[Fat Villagers cheering]
Finn: Wait a minute. We don't even know if Marceline did this.
Jake: That's right. I forgot about Ooo's extensive vampire community. [Imitates buzzer] Come on!
Finn: Yeah, but we need to conduct a proper investigation.
Jake: I know that. Ain't no rookie.
Finn: All right, come on. I'll let you be bad cop.
Jake: I'm already bad cop. Okay, let's not pay seeds. Me and my partner will "interrogate" the suspect police-style. Meanwhile, you sharpen up your pitchforks mob-style.
Villagers: Yeah!
Finn: Hey, man, that's not right. Marceline's our friend.
Jake: Physical contact! Officer resisting arrest! Boom!
Finn: Ow!
[Fat Villagers cheering]
Marceline: Ohh, woof. Marceline want to go ny-ny.
Bubblegum: Don't go ny-ny, Marci. I'm worried.
Marceline: For real? Why?
Bubblegum: Well, the process was experimental. Like, are there side effects? What happened in your sleep last night? Nobody on record has ever cured vampirism, unless you count killing vampires as curing. In that case, you've cured tons, right?
Marceline: "Tons" is an understatement.
Bubblegum: That Shnoz was nasty, nasty times. [Knock on door] Hey, cover up. The sun's hitting the door.
Marceline: I'm still undead?
Bubblegum: We don't know yet. So just chill. Oh, hey, guys. How you doing?
Finn: Jake did excessive force on me.
Jake: I'm sorry. [Smooches] Let me kiss it! [Smooching]
Finn: [Laughs] Ew! Ew!
Bubblegum: Hurry up. Get in here.
Jake: You done it this time, Marceline. You sucked the life out of defenseless animals!
Marceline: I ain't done nothing.
Jake: You think I'm buying that boom-boom mountain?
Marceline: Oh, get some proof.
Jake: You want proof? Look. [Crash!]
Finn: Whoa!
Jake: Proof of how off I'm gonna go if you don't confess.
Finn: Yo, chill, Jake.
Jake: I'm wilin' out!
Finn: Listen, Marci, I can barely control this guy, and the villagers are getting crazy. They want to run you over with a wagon, and I'm offering you a way out.
Peppermint Butler: Hey, dillweeds, I just swept the place.
Jake: Sorry.
Marceline: Finn, be real for a second.
Finn: All right.
Marceline: Look into my eyes, man. I didn't do it.
Finn: To be honest, it looks like you're not sure if you did it.
Marceline: Okay, I'm not sure! Something weird happened last night. I had a weird dream about stuff.
Jake: Dream stuff always means something.
Finn: We'll figure this out, Marci, together. We promise.
Marceline: Thanks, Finn.
Peppermint Butler: That's cool, you guys, but clean this mess, also, you bums.
Villager Little: He's a gob-gleebin' vampire hugger! We got to tell the town! Book it, Terry! Run, Terry! Run!
Villager Woman: How long do we have to stay in the laundry house, cloud dance?
Cloud Dance: Until Finn and Jake avert the threat. We can't afford to lose more livestock. We're struggling as is to keep our kids fed. Let's just stay in here until the dirty vampire gets what's coming to her.
Villager Mother: But I want to bop her in the nose!
Cloud Dance: Hey, now, it's too dangerous, okay? A small town, we gotta stay close. Each of us play a vital role, and I can't afford losing any of you. Not you, Clubhouse Sandy, or you, Seed Man, or even you, Sandwich Paul.
Sandwich Paul: Sensei Paul.
Cloud Dance: Let's leave the fighting to the fighters, okay, Paul?
Sandwich Paul: That hurts. You don't know I teach aikido.
Terry: Finn's been turned!
Villager: Wha?!
Villager Little: He does the vampire's bidding.
Cloud Dance: Well, there it is. Tonight we burn the beast Marceline. [Fat Villagers cheering]
Marceline: [Mooing] Woof. I can barely stand up. Look at this. It's my new dance. It's called "I got arthritis." Ohh. The end.
Finn: You should have hung back with P.B.
Marceline: But I've got a bad feeling like you guys are gonna die without me.
Finn: Dang, Marci. Have some faith. Geez.
Jake: Guys, look.
Cow: Moo! [Hissing] [Jake screams]
Finn: Get it! [Both screaming] You see it?
Jake: No. But what's that?
Finn: Must be its filthy lair. [Jake Whimpers] What's wrong?
Jake: Remember how I said my fear of vampires was based on ignorance?
Finn: Yeah.
Jake: Well, I think that revelation was actually based on true ignorance.
Finn: So you're scared of vampires again?
Jake: Yeah, man, don't be ignorant.
Finn: Come on.
Jake: Okay, but I'm gonna hold on to your shirt.
Finn: Look at these poor babies. What's happening to them?
Jake: Y-y-you tell me, m-man.
Cow: Moo.
Finn: I think they're in the process of being turned, eh?
Jake: Ugh, glob. Something big just dropped in my gut.
Finn: Hang in there, bro.
Jake: I can't be here, man. It's too real.
Finn: Wait, you hear that? Listen. [Sucking] There!
Horse: [Groans] A little help.
Finn: [Jake screaming and faints] Jake! [Grumbling] Hey, get back here! [Panting] Dang! Lost him! Marci? Hey, Marci, you still out here?
Cloud Dance: She's still out here, all right.
Finn: Oh, hey, man. Did you see a scary beast go by? I chased it out here, but it got away.
Cloud Dance: Oh, we found that beast, and we took care of her real nice You vampire hugger!
Finn: Wait, what?
Cloud Dance: Lookum yonder.
Finn: What the blood?
[Fat Villagers chanting "vamp"]
Marceline: [Groans] You dumb bumbags!
Cloud Dance: [Finn gasps] Now look at the other yonder.
Finn: Huh? Oh, fudge! You're sick, man! What's wrong with you?
Cloud Dance: What? I'm the good guy here.
Finn: You're gonna explode my friend.
Fat Villagers: Blow her up! Blow her up!
Cloud Dance: Oh, flip, you're right. This is way messed up. Run, Finn! You got to beat the sun! [Finn run scream] Go, Finn! Go!
Finn: Aaaaaaah! Marceline, nooooo!
Marceline: Don't let anyone read my diaries. Burn them, Finn! They're embarrassi [screaming]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Marcy & Hunson" from season 10, which aired on December 17, 2017.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Marceline
Hunson Abadeer
Peppermint Butler
Chicle
Princess Bubblegum
Music
"Slow Dance With You"
Locations
Forest
Marceline's house
Hamburger Hills Cemetery
Pizza Sassy's
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

Peppermint Butler: Swordsmith Deity, from your unseen throne, bless this sword with your mighty hone! This new sword is guaranteed to defend you against Princess Bubblegum's heinous family. Uncle Gumbald!
[CLANK]
Peppermint Butler: Aunt Lolly!
[CLANK]
Peppermint Butler: Cousin Chicle!
[CLANK]
Jake: I like your swordsmith hat.
I'm wearing it in honor of my special guest.
Jake: Am I your special guest?
Peppermint Butler: No.
Jake: Dang.
[The sword sizzles as peppermint butler dips it into a bucket of water]
Peppermint Butler: This sword will serve you much better than your old, cursed Grass Sword. This sword is also cursed, but it has a compass in the hilt!
Finn: Neat!
And now for one more thing; The special guest I now will bring!
[Peppermint Butler smashes a container of bug milk over a drawing of a phil fac]
Peppermint Butler: Maloso vobiscum et cum spiritum!
[Hunson Abadeer emerges from the newly formed flames]
Finn and Jake: [gasps]
Finn: Hunson Abadeer!
Hunson: Finn the Human! And Jake the Dog! Hey, did Marceline call me-?
Peppermint Butler: It is I who summoned you. I humbly ask you for an infusion of Nightosphere magic upon this sword.
Hunson: Okay.
Peppermint Butler: I proclaim this blade [Ow! Ow!] "The Night Sword"! Now to send you back.
Hunson: Not so fast. It's like I got a free flight here. I'm gonna go see my little girl.
Finn: Back in the hole, Marceline's dad.
Hunson: I'll behave myself. No soul sucking, no evil stuff. I'm trying to be a better person. Maybe it's too late for me, but I'm trying. Oh, I'm so ashamed of the things I've done! [crying]
Peppermint Butler: Have some dignity, man! All right. You may leave the circle for one day.
Hunson: Wheeeeee! Ha-ha-ha-ha! Time to suck some souls! [sucking]
[Peppermint Butler uses the Night Sword to enchant handcuffs on Hunson.]
Hunson: Hey, what gives?
Peppermint Butler: Phantom manacles your wrists shall constrain until you're back in your hole again! Finn.
Finn: Let's go see Marcy.
Jake: Great sword making, Pep But.
Peppermint Butler: Yo, see you guys at the concert!
Hunson: [singing] Walkin' in ooo, not suckin' out souls Walk, walk, walk, not suck, suck, suck Walk, walk, walk, not suck, suck, suck.
Finn: Hey, could you stop saying that, please?
Hunson: So what's my little monster up to these days? Is she still all goody-goody? Still half-vampire? Started dating anyone?
Finn: Yes, yes, but no, then yes again, and maybe? Look, maybe cool it with the prying around Marceline.
Hunson: Nah, she loves it when I pry.
Chicle: [chuckles] Oh, Chicle, have you finally discovered the vampire girl's weakness? I think sooo.[chuckles] Chuckling mode off.
Hunson: [whistling "SHAVE AND A HAIRCUT"] You know, now that we're here, I'm having second thoughts. It just seems like no matter what I do, I always tick that girl off.
[flashback]
Hunson: [crashes through Marceline's newly-made bunker] Marceline! Long time no see. Some googoo with glasses summoned me. What's that thing? Just gonna put this here, okay? Now let's go suck some souls!
Hunson: [present day] I don't know what it is.
Jake: [Finn and Jake drawing a PHIL face to send Hunson back to the Nightosphere] Uhh, heh.
Finn: [clears throat] Psst-psst [points to Marceline, who is staring at Hunson through the window].
Marceline: Dad, what are you doing here?
Hunson: I'm in town for the week, and I don't really have a place to stay, dot, dot, dot.
Marceline: Mnh. How many souls did he suck on his way here?
Finn: Oh, I guess like zero. But-
Hunson: See! I made Finn a cool, new sword and everything!
Marceline: I guess you can crash here.
Great! Thanks for inviting me.
Marceline: That is not what's happening.
Finn: We're gonna jet, Marcy.
Hunson: What?! You just got here. Invite them in, Marceline.
[Marceline waves them inside]
Hunson: Do you have a bathroom?
Marceline: Yeah, there's one upstairs.
Hunson: I just have to freshen up.
Marceline: Is my dad really behaving himself this time?
Finn: He's just been singing songs and stuff.
Jake: Yeah, he seems pretty fun for an old guy. Hey, wait a minute... I'm an old guy!
Hunson: Hey, excuse my unsociableness. There's just one thing; The Venetian blinds in your bathroom kind of jumped out at me and got broken.
Marceline: How could you wreck the blinds just by going to the bathroom?
Hunson: Let me make it up to you. I've got some soy sauce and some ketchup.
Marceline: I'm good.
Hunson: Here's an SD card, some twist ties.
Marceline: I don't want any of this junk!
Hunson: Hey! I'm gonna need a place to sleep tonight. Do you have an air mattress?
Marceline: Yeah.
Hunson: Great! You can sleep on the air mattress, and I'll sleep on your bed.
Marceline: It's in the closet.
Hunson: Finn, are you gonna let my little girl blow up that air mattress?
Finn: Not on my watch!
Marceline: Hey, Dad, I think I'm gonna go out for a walk before bedtime.
Finn: But, Marcy don't you have a solo gig tonight?
Marceline: Ss-ss-ss-ss!
Jake: I get it. It's air mattress talk. Ss-ss-ss-ss. Aren't you giving a concert tonight? Ss-ss-ss. At the Ghost Amphitheater? Ss-ss-ss.
Hunson: Concert? It's a good thing your friends remembered that.
MarcelineThanks, Jake.
Hunson: Let's go!
Marceline: [sighs]
Chicle: [chuckling]
Finn: Do you hear, like, a really stupid-sounding laugh?
Jake: Yes.
Chicle: I have a nice laugh.
[Finn, Jake, Marceline, and Hunson enter the Cemetery]
Chicle: Time to blend in completely unnoticed. [He phases into a ghost disguise]
Unnamed Ghost: [gasps]
Chicle: Hey, what you got there? Peanuts?
Marceline: Hello, Hamburger Hills Cemetery!
[Marceline appears in a fog on stage, and the audience cheers and applauds]
Hunson: Marceline! You're doing great, baby!
Marceline: I haven't started yet.[sings Slow Dance With You]
Hunson: Hey, Pennebaker! No illegal recording unless you're family. Yoink. [whispering] Just ignore me.
Marceline: Dad! You're wrecking the show!
Hunson: This is my daughter! I am proud of my punk daughter! I made that!
Jake: Sit down, man!
Peppermint Butler: Yeah, you're killing the vibe.
Hunson: I'm just explaining my part in all this.
Chicle: Ugh. This is terrible. Boo, I say.
Ghost: Yeah! Boooo!
[crowds starts booing]
Hunson: Don't worry, honey. I'll work the crowd. Hey, it's me Hunson! I'm happy to field any questions from you dummies.
Chicle: Can you believe Marceline has a bougie trash daddy? I heard this guy even eats ghosts, you know, like us.
Ghost: What? Really?!
Hunson: Sure, sometimes.
Ghost: Off the stage, skin sack!
Hunson: Okay, okay, settle down, pal. Don't make me come out there.
Ghost: What you gonna do "eat my fries?"
[one of the ghosts spits some ectoplasm into his hand, and throws it at Hunson, but he dodges it and it instead hits Marcline's bass]
Marceline: [gasps] My bass!
[laughter]
Hunson: Come on, ectoplasm comes right off. [goes to lick it off]
Marceline: Don't! You wreck everything.
[laughter]
[Hunson jumps out into the crowd to attack the heckling ghosts]
Ghost: Mad daddy!
Hunson: Hammer fist strike!
Chicle: Let's get him, fellas.
Hunson: Ha-ha!
[The ghosts turn red and attack Hunson]
Marceline: Dad, quit clowning.
Hunson: Uh, just havin' a little fun.[tries to turn his hand into a claw, but is restrained by the hnadcuffs]
Marceline: Come on, Dad, fight back!
Finn: He can't. Pep Buts bound his powers.
Marcline: What?!
Hunson: They sassed you.
Finn: Better pop that cork, Peps.
Peppermint Butler: All right. All right.
[Chicle throws a peanut at peppermint butler's head, which knocks him to the ground]
[Chicle morphs back into his original form]
Finn: Chicle!
Chicle: Oh, whoops, was that bad? [laughs, and becomes invisible]
[The ghosts begin to entrap Hunson. Marceline flings her bass at them, but it phases through.]
Ghost: Vampires can't hurt ghosts, stupid.
Marceline: [the ghosts fully trap the two of them in their tentacle-like arms] Shoot.
Finn: Finn's turn! [Finn uses the night sword to cut Marceline and Hunson free]
Ghost: Wha?!
Marceline: [morphs into a bat monster and flies them away] Good night, Hamburger Hills! There will be no encore.
Princess Bubblegum: My gracious. I'm so sorry you had to deal with Cousin Chicle's schemes. My family's out of control.
Hunson: It's fine. My cool daughter took care of it. And guess what I got from a vendor. [pulls out a big shirt with Marcline's face on it] It looks too big to me. But they said that's the style now with punk rockers.
Marceline: Thanks for standing up for me tonight.
Hunson: I'm bad, but I'm no so bad, right? So when are you gonna have some kids?
Marceline: Dad!

 

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "May I Come In?" from season 7, which aired on November 18, 2015.

Characters
Marceline
Bonnibel
Finn
Jake
Lumpy Space Princess
The Hierophant
Music
None
Locations
Forest
Gumbald's Cabin
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[Princess Bubblegum, Marceline, Finn, and Jake are following the trail of glowing orbs left by The Moon. Princess Bubblegum is using a Geiger counter-like device and getting feedback.]
Princess Bubblegum: Mm-hmm. Six and 19...
Finn: One vampire—[stomps on orb and blows a raspberry], two vampire—[stomps on orb and blows a raspberry]. Jake, check me out—I'm a self-sufficient mountain man. [eats orb]
Jake: No! [slaps orb out of Finn's mouth] Don't put that biz in your mouth, man! They could be booby-trapped or poisoned or—
Marceline: Whoa, chill, Jake. These pearls were dropped by The Moon. Her main power is accelerated healing. It'll be like fighting a cutting board.
Jake: Hmm. Okay. Anyways, we should try to find her before—[Finn pushes a pearl against Jake's cheek] No! [pushes it away]
[He and Finn tussle, shoving the pearl into each other's face.]
Marceline: [laughs]
Princess Bubblegum: See, Marcy? Isn't vampire hunting better with friends?
Marceline: Yeah, I guess. I'm just glad Simon is okay.
Jake: Anyway... [dusts himself off] I don't care how easy this vamp's supposed to be. We should hole up somewhere before the sun goes down—It's down. Great.
Princess Bubblegum: Yup. Let's get going. [uses Geiger counter] My vampire thingy is indicating high levels of vampire junk in... [points] this direction. Come on!
[The gang follows Princess Bubblegum's lead. A nearby bush rustles and Crunchy emerges, out of breath. He gasps as King of Ooo, riding a horse and wielding a bow and arrow, jumps out of the bush after him and knocks him on his backside.]
King of Ooo: Ha-ha!
Crunchy: Stop, please!
King of Ooo: Don't be such a nerd, Crunchy. [draws back cotton-tipped arrow] Hunting is the most royal of sports. The people expect it of their princess-king.
Crunchy: I don't think that's tr— [arrow hits him] Ow! [runs away] Aah!
King of Ooo: [clicks tongue] After him, Haydancy!
King of Ooo: Come on, Crunchy, it's dark. Let me tie you up.
King of Ooo: Aha! Good growling, Crunchy.
King of Ooo: All right, that's a bit much.
King of Ooo: Whoa, girl! Oof! Ugh!
Crunchy: Oh, no stop! Shush up! Huh? Oh!
Crunchy: It's it's okay. Animals can't climb trees. That's what separates us from them.
King of Ooo: Ha! Dumb, lowly animals.
King of Ooo: No! No, no, no, no, no!
Hierophant: Marceline Where is she?
King of Ooo: Oh, boy! I-I wish I knew! No love lost there, am I right?
Hierophant: Tell me everything.
King of Ooo: Okay, okay! I grew up poor dirt poor. The other kids called me Lil' Bubbles because we couldn't afford a bathtub. Sure, I try to act the way wealthy peeps are suppos
Hierophant: Shut up! Tell me where to find Marceline!
King of Ooo: Yeah, sure! Well, she hangs out with that Princess Bubblegum. You know her? Well, she has a nice little cabin by the, uh I'll draw you a map! Crunchy, do you have a pen? Tell me you have a pen.
Crunchy: Oh. Huh. Oh, this darn zipper Oh, brother.
Hierophant: May I come in?
Gumbald's Cabin: Aah! Ah ha ha! You're one of those old fashioned revenants, aren't you? You can't come in unless I invite you in! What do you think would even happen if you just walked in here, huh? You're so dumb, you sad old relic. How 'bout some garlic?
Hierophant: Hmm.
Gumbald's Cabin: You dumb vampire!
Hierophant: Ah.
Gumbald's Cabin: Wait! Don't go that way! Oh! Look! I'm out of the house! Come back! Come back! Back, back, back, back! He's not coming back.
Princess Bubblegum: [PB a vamp is runin 2wards U] [Im sorry my bad] [-\_("3)_/-] [good X] Yo, guys? Pep says we got an incoming vamp.
Jake: What?!
Finn: Is it "The Moon"?
Marceline: Doubt it. She's more of a hide-and-seek type.
Jake: So what's the plan for this chump? Given that he can see in the dark probably and could come from anywhere at any time and suck the flesh off our bones!
Finn: They could ambush us like right n Ahh!
Lumpy Space Princess: I feel refreshed! Are y'all hunting wabbits?
Finn: Man! I can't believe they just Left me here. All unarmed and tethered like this. Boy, my neck sure is hot. This baby needs to get some air.
Lumpy Space Princess: Let's do it.
The Hierophant: Back off!
Finn: What are you gonna turn into next, A puppy, a baby goose?! I'm a Pbht! Vampire! Pbht!
The Hierophant: Ah!
Marceline: Hierophant!
Finn: Pbht.
Jake: Green light.
The Hierophant: Ugh! Geez, aren't you cold up here? Don't people wear coats anymore? I've got a propo Oof!
Marceline: Oh! Surprise.
The Hierophant: Marceline, wait! Marceline!
Finn: Jake, gather up all the stakes you can find.
Jake: On it!
Lumpy Space Princess: Hey, Finn, catch!
Finn: Yes! Toots! Where'd he go?
Lumpy Space Princess: Finn, heads up! Finn, I'm helping! How about this? Use one of these stakes!
Finn: L.S.P., stop!
Jake: Finn, I got one!
Finn and Jake: Oof!
Lumpy Space Princess: What?!
Princess Bubblegum: Finn!
Hierophant: What is with all this tacky plastic rubbish?!
Finn: We'll never let you get to her!
Hierophant: Oh! You dunderheads! I can't even deal with all this modern nonsense! The rest of you, beat it!
Jake: My blood, man! I love my blood. [PS vamp plays by old timey rulez, cant enter house etc. HTH]
Jake: Get in me!
Hierophant: Ohh! May I come in?
Jake: Nop.
Hierophant: Grr! "Grr"? Let me in!
Jake: Not gonna happen, man! Eek!
Hierophant: What sort of creature are you?
Jake: Uh, I'm a magic dog with magic blood!
Finn: I've got gallons and gallons of warm red teenage blood, and you can't have it! Pbht! Eh, yeah? Yeah! Open up a murder-hole, buddy!
Hierophant: Oh! Marceline, listen to me. You will never defeat The Vampire King. You can't even defeat me in your current state.
Marceline: All right. What do you want?
Hierophant: The truth is, I hate the king as much as you do. He's a total dink. I came looking for you because I want to team up. Then you started tempting me with boy blood
Lumpy Space Princess: Hey.
Hierophant: and hurling spiky purple gobs at me. Here's the dope You need me.
Lumpy Space Princess: Yeah, okay, girl, you got this.
Hierophant: I don't know how it finally happened, but he must have let you beat him. Am I right?
Marceline: Ugh! All right, say we do work together. You need to give up drinking blood.
Hierophant: I'm a vampire! Drinking blood is kind of the main thing.
Marceline: And you can drink red just as easy.
Hierophant: Hmm.
Marceline: No hurting poor, scared, blood-filled animals.
Hierophant: Well, then, I suppose I have no choice. I'm just going to waste you And eat that kid, because that's what an old-school vampire does!
Crunchy: I don't want to play anymore!
Hierophant: No! I wasn't invited! No!
Finn: Geez. What happened?
Marceline: Dude was too old fashioned for his own good. He just couldn't get with the times.
Crunchy: Y'all see that? I killed a vampire.
King of Ooo: Aah, great! My plan worked!
Marceline: Ugh. I don't feel so hot.
King of Ooo: Bye-bye!
Princess Bubblegum: Marceline! Oh, no.
Jake: Uh, guys, I'm not feeling that great eith Ugh!


Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Memories of Boom Boom Mountain" from season 1, which aired on May 3, 2010.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Marauders
Mountain Man
Music
None
Locations
Marauder Village
This transcript is complete; however, it should be checked for minor errors.

Transcript

[The episode starts in Marauder Village where two Marauders are refilling their mugs]
Squid Bartender: You guys sure you want another round of squid ink? [Laughs]
[Two Marauders drink their mugs and then one smashes his over the other's head.]
Head Marauder: [The camera pans to show many marauders rough-housing in pairs. Then it shows Finn and the Head Marauder fighting.] You're not too bad for a human boy!
Finn: Not too bad!? I'm better than that! [Hears Mountain Man crying] [Pauses]Huh? [Throws the Head Marauder out of the way] Jake! Do you hear that?
Jake: [He is riding a bucking half-stag half-marauder] What'd you say? Whoa! [Gets tossed and then kicked over to Finn]
Finn: I think someone's crying. [The Head Marauder jumps Finn] Stop! [Knocks the Head Marauder off] This is serious! I gotta go find out where that crying is coming from! [Begins to walk away]
Head Marauder : Get back here you chickeeeen!
Marauders: Ohhhhhhhh! [Backing up the Head Marauder]
Finn: [Turns around] What did you call me?
Head Marauder : You can't just walk away from a roughhouse!
Finn: [Jumps on top of a table] Hey! Listen up you cold-hearted marauders! Someone's out there crying for help and I'm not gonna ignore that!
Jake: Awwww here it comes! Lay it down Finn!
Finn: A long time ago when I was a baby, I went boom boom on a leaf. Boom! Boom! [Flash back shows baby Finn going boom boom on a leaf] And I fell backwards and sat in my own boom boom. I cried for a day. But no one came to help me. [A lady bug lady and her child walk past as the mother covers its child's eyes] That day I vowed to help anyone in need! No matter how small their problem. [Flash back ends] And that's why I need to go. [Runs off]
Jake: [The Head Marauder starts to clap and the others follow] He still cries when he poops. Thanks for being cool guys. Wait up, Finn! [Boulders are rolling down the mountains Mountain Man is crying] It's comin' from up there!
Finn: Someone must be caught in that avalanche! Let's get it on! [Finn hops on Jake's back and he stretches them to the top, avoiding boulders] So, who's crying?
Mountain Man: I am.
Finn: Whoa! Aww, what's wrong fella? You cryin' boulders?
Mountain Man: Yes, I am sad. Having been forced to watch roughhousing men for centuries.
Finn: Ohhhh! I see. You're feeling left out and you wanna roughhouse too! Well I can take you on tough guy! Come on Jake! Back me up! [Starts punch the mountain]
Jake: Yeah, do it Finn! Hit 'im with a boulder! And then hit 'im with another rock!
Mountain Man: Please! No roughhousing! It…m-makes…me…soooo.. SAD! [Boulders are launched from his eyes]
Finn: Huh? Why?
Mountain Man: Because they're so rough on each other!
Finn: [With a slight stutter] But a smooth well controlled roughhouse bolsters your guts and rejuvenate the muscle.
Mountain Man: No! It's raunchy and maddening! All those men and their disgusting fantastic bodies!
Jake: Whoa. This guy's got problems.
Finn: [gasp] [Flashback starts.]
Ladybug kid: Look mommy! [Points at Finn]
Ladybug Lady: Honey! Don't look! That kid's got problems! [Walks away as in the first flashback and Baby Finn cries badly. Flashback ends]
Finn: I'll help you mountain!
Jake: Whoa! What?
Finn: I'll stop those roughhousers from being rough!
Mountain Man: Really? You'd do that for me?
Finn: Yes sir! My name's Finn and I'm gonna help you out!
Jake: But Finn, we're not gonna shut down the roughhouse for real are we?
Finn: No way! But there's got to be some kind of solution. I’ll figure this out Mountain Man! [Jumps off Mountain Man] Yup!
Head Marauder : Aw! Finn! Ready to get destroyed?
Finn: N-nooo! Wait, um, actually, could you guys stop being so rough?
Marauders: What!? [One marauder hits his head on a table]
Head Marauder : Whoa whoa whoa! [Waves off other marauders] What are you talking about Finn?
Finn: Could you guy just tone down the roughhousing a little?
Marauder: What!? [Hits head on table again]
Head Marauder : Whoa! Hey, hey. Shh. It's all right fellas. Finn, I'm sure this tone down the roughing thing has something to do with your boom boom, and I can respect that, but how can we POSSIBLY, make roughhousing, less rough?!
Finn: [Sees a duck and rat to the side] I think I have a perfect idea! [Finn is seen tying several ducks to a marauders hand] This'll soften your punches for smooth knock outs. Like punching a dream!
Marauder: [Head Marauder punches someone and the ducks quack] Ha! Ha! Pigs on my knees! Pigs on my knees! [Knees someone in the face and the pig oinks]
Jake: That’s like math. [While fist bumping Finn]
Finn: Mathematical. [On top of Mountain Man] What do ya think? Fixed all youe problems right?
Mountain Man: No! That was terrible! Now they’re just punching animals! It’s worse than before and it’s in no way a good solution!
Finn: I’m sorry!
Mountain Man: Well you should be! It’s not fair to those animals and it’s not fair to me! I might just start to cry again, you know? [Starts to cry again]
Jake: Aw, man.
Finn: Come on Jake. I gotta give this another shot!
Jake: Finn this guy seems like a real nut job. You know what I mean? I don’t wanna get sucked into this guy’s hang-ups.
Finn: Yes I do Jake. That’s what I vowed! To help anyone in need! No matter how small their problem! [Boom Boom] At least I have to try brother.
Jake: [Jumps of Mountain Man with Finn] So be it brother.
Finn: Hey guys. I’m back. [Marauders are roughhousing and ignore him] Hey guys. Guys? Men! Men. Please stop a second. Men! Boys? Please? I have more to ask of you! Bros? My bros? [Pets marauder] Brother?
Marauder: What? Did you just pet me? I’ll pet you! Pet pet! Heeeey! Pet pet. Hey this is great! [Pets other marauder]
Marauder: Hey! Did you just pet me?!
Marauder: Yeah! I did!
Marauder: Well I’ll pet you back! Wha-whoa. What the-? This is awesome! [Starts to pet each other]
Finn: Alright! This could be it! [Finn goes around and spreads the petting addiction]
Head Marauder : Finn! [Laughs] You're really mixin' things up in the best of ways today!
Jake: [Being petted by animals] Maybe you can solve everyone's problems. Like a cherub with its bottom out.
Finn: [Laughs] Okay, cool. Hey, I'm gonna go tell the mountain.
Jake: Alright I’m gonna- [sighs] stay here this time.
Finn: [Mountain Man laughs] So, everything's fine this time, right?
Mountain Man: Yes! Thank you Finn!
Finn: [back in the village] So the mountain is totally fine with everyone petting. I feel great.
Jake: Right on man! The marauders are going crazy over the petting! They're petting each other raw! Check ‘em out!
Finn: [The marauders look un happy whilst petting each other] They look kinda rashy.
Head Marauder : Hey Finn! Hey man. As you can see the petting got sorta out of hand. [Marauders pets him and he smacks his hand away] Stop that! We are done with that! We’re going back to roughhousing!
Finn: No wait fellas! The mountain doesn't like roughhousing.
Head Marauder : Well we don’t like not roughhousing! Ya see the problem here?
Finn: Well. Well what if we rotate the entire mountain 180 degrees around, so the mountain’s facing the other direction. That way, you guys can keep roughhousing and the mountain doesn't have to watch it!
Head Marauder : Sounds fine with me!
Finn: What do ya say mountain!
Mountain Man: That’s okay. Only if you guys promise to stay healthy and not roughhouse after you rotate me.
Head Marauder : That mountain can talk?
Jake: Just promise him anything, he’s out of his gourd.
Head Marauder : Yeah! We’ll stay healthy!
Mountain Man: Oh! Thank goodness! Alright kids, spin me the math around!
Finn: Now I just need to set up some sort of pulley system.
Mountain 2: No! Over here! Don’t turn him around! If you do, I’ll miss looking at his beautiful back! It’s gorgeous!
Mountain Man: Huh? What? Really!?
Finn: What!? A-but-ahh. Um, maybe what we can do is...
Mushroom Creatures: Excuse me. We need your help. There’s no music playing and we desperately want to dance!
Finn: Oh, ah just a second you guys. I’ll a- I’ll help you out in one minute.
Coal Man: Hey! Pipe down over there! I want some peace and quiet!
Finn: Let me just a-
Cactus Creature: I need to be pollinated!
Finn: Huh!?
Cactus Creature: Pollinated all over to make my babies!
Finn: Everybody please! One problem at a time!
Dragon: [Roars] My butt's itchy, but I can't scratch it!
Ice Cube Creature: This water's too cold! [Sitting in a puddle, shivering]
Fish: Mommy! Please keep the flies away from our mommy. [Their mom is out of the water surrounded by flies]
Electroids: [Point to a toad] That guy stole our triangle.
Toad: [Points to Electroids] They swiped my plum.
Marauders: We wanna roughhouse! We wanna roughhouse!
Naked Wizard: I’m naked! [laughs like the crazy old man he is]
Mountain Man: [Freaking out] What’s happening!
Finn: [Freaking out as well] Ahhhhh! Everybody wants different things! And some of them want stuff that’s exactly the thing the others don’t want.
Jake: Whoa, dude. Hold on. So this guy wants this and that guy wants that, but man. What do you want? [Flashback begins “What dooo yooou waaant?”]
Joshua: Want do you want baby? [Picks up Finn] Why are you crying? Margaret, this baby won’t tell me what’s wrong with it, and it’s stuck to a leaf, and it stinks.
Margaret: [Takes Finn] Give it here Joshua. This baby needs love and kisses to be happy. [Kisses Finn’s head several times and Finn starts laughing] There. See? Now it’s happy.
Joshua: You just kissed a boom boom baby. So don’t expect any more sugar from me, sweetheart until we wash your dirty dirty face. [Baby Finn laughs as he drools. Flashback ends.]
Finn: [gasps] Hmm. Jake. What I want is to help anyone in need, so everyone is happy!
Jake: [Laughs] Wow, that’s pretty corny man, but let’s do it dude! Wooohoo!
Finn: [Holding megaphone] Ready over there mushroom gang?
Mushroom Creatures: Ready Finn!
Finn: Ready dragon?
Dragon: Yes sir!
Finn: Ready Mountain Man?
Mountain Man: [Laughs]…I’m ready.
Finn: Go!
Fish: [The marauders begin roughhousing with strings attached to their limbs. The strings make several fans blow the flies off the fish's mother. As well as playing music] Yay! The flies are leaving!
Coal Man: [The flies go and plug the coal man's ears] Heh. Can't hear a thing! [Throws to coal rocks onto two teeter-totters. This gives the toad back his plum and the Electroids back their triangle. They both cheer.]
Cactus Creature: [The Mushroom Creatures hear the music and begin to dance in the flowers which the pollinate the cactus.] Pollen! Here they come! [She buds and the babies fall off]
Dragon: [The dragon scratched his butt on the cactus] Oh yeah! [The dragon melts the Ice Cube Creature with fire.]
Naked Wizard: [Steam rises up and the Naked Wizard grabs a chunk and puts it on his head.] Not naked! [Jumps into water]
Mountain Man: [The steam blocks the Mountain Man's view] Hey, I can't see anything! Is anyone roughhousing?
Jake: No!
Mountain Man: Radical.
Mountain 2: [Shows Mountain Man's back to have a lake and river flowing down it] And I can still see this gorgeous back!
Mountain Man: Thank you Finn! You really helped everybody!
Jake: [Marauders lift up Finn and cheer] Stop! I've got a problem.
Finn: Well, what's the matter?
Jake: This dolphin fell in love with me!
Finn: That's the opposite of a problem! [Finn and Jake are then shown riding the dolphin in the water] Adventure Time!
[The episode ends with the Adventure Time logo appearing on the screen]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Memory of a Memory" from season 3, which aired on July 25, 2011.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Marceline
Ash
Music
Baby Finn Song
Locations
Marceline's house
Ash's house
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[Finn and Rag Wizard are riding on Jake's shoulders, Jake is running]
Rag Wizard: Faster!
Rag Wizard: Faster! She's in danger!
Jake: Who is he talking about?
Finn: I have no idea.
Jake: What?! Then why am I running so hard?
Finn: Because...
Rag Wizard: Because she's in trouble!
Finn and Jake: Who is?!
Rag Wizard: Marceline!
Finn: Faster, Jake!
Jake: She's in trouble! [runs faster]
Jake: Hey, wizard, how do you know Marceline?
Rag Wizard: I'm her spirit animal.
Jake: Oh.
[They arrive at Marceline's house, Marceline lying on her floor]
Finn: [gasp] Marceline! What's wrong with her?
Rag Wizard: She accidentally cast a sleep spell on herself, and now she's trapped in eternal slumber.
Finn: Tell us how to break the spell.
Rag Wizard: I'll transport you into Marceline's mind where you will walk through her memories and find the memory core.
Jake: Then what?
Rag Wizard: Find the memory of Marceline casting the sleep spell on herself. At your touch, you and the memory will be transported back to reality.
Jake: But, like, if you know all this, why not just do it yourself?
Rag Wizard: Entering a person's mind can be dangerous, and I don't have any arms. Just legs. [stretches leg towards Finn] Yeah, there we go... oh. [jabs Finn's forehead with toe]
Finn: What? What'd you do to my forehead?
Rag Wizard: When you get close to the memory, your forehead will glow. Here, take this. [gives Finn a sack] It's a sack of magic powder. Sit on the couch and sprinkle the powder on your head.
[Finn and Jake walk over to the couch and sits on it]
Finn: Like this? [sprinkles powder on himself and Jake]
Rag Wizard: Yep, like that. Feel sleepy?
Finn and Jake: Mmhm.
Rag Wizard: Good. Sleep now. But know this! If you fail, Marceline will be trapped in eternal sleep... forever!
Finn and Jake: [gasp]
Rag Wizard: And ever. And ever.
[Finn and Jake fall into darkness, sleeping. Lights come on]
Jake: [yawns] Did it work?
Finn: [rubs eyes] Ugh, ah. I can't tell. I don't feel like I'm inside Marceline's memories.
Jake: Me neither. Huh?
[They walk beside the couch, which extends into a destroyed town-like area]
Jake: Whoa. Whoa!
Finn: So... if we're in Marceline's memories, where's Marceline?
Jake: Hmm... there she is! [walks up to young Marceline] Hey, little Marcy.
Young Marceline: Who are you guys?
Finn: We're Finn and Jake.
Jake: We're your friends!
Young Marceline: Hambo is my only friend. See? [holds up Hambo] You need another eyeball surgery, pal. Lucky for you, we found a donor. [rips button from shirt] Eyeball! Nurse, hand me the string. Yes, doctor. It's our last piece. Hold still. [stitches button into Hambo] I'm hurting you because I love you.
Jake: Ahem!
Young Marceline: What are you guys still doing here?
Finn: We're trying to wake you up.
Jake: Do you know where your memory core is?
Young Marceline: Nope, but there might be anything behind that cellar door, and it rhymes with memory core!
Jake: Ooo! Ooo! Could be jams and pickles down there! [opens door] Weird. I think this door leads to a new memory; with food in it! Ooo, ice cream
Finn: I want some! Huh? [Finn and Jake enter Marceline's room while she is picking her nose]
Jake: [opens new door] Come on, Finn!
[Finn and Jake enter a broken down restaurant, Hunson Abadeer is eating Marceline's fries]
Finn: Yo, man.
Hunson Abadeer: Wha?
Finn: Don't eat those.
[Teenage Marceline walks in, seeing her dad eating her fries]
Hunson Abadeer: Marceline!
Teenage Marceline: [sniffling] Daddy, why?
[Finn and Jake enter a new memory located in the Tree Fort]
Finn: It's our treehouse. This must be when Marceline lived here.
[A slightly younger Marceline and Ash carry and put down chair in the room They fall on the chair]
Marceline: I'm so glad we're doing this, Ash.
Ash: Yeah, me too. Oh, hey, wait. Watch this--I've been practicing. [summons rose]
Rose: Marceline! I love, I love.
[Marceline kisses Ash on the cheek; rose continues to say "I love"]
Ash: [giggles]
Jake: Who's this guy supposed to be?
Finn: Ash, I guess.
[Finn and Jake enter a new room through a mouse hole to see Marceline sitting in a chair]
Marceline: [sighs]
Finn: [sniffs] This place reeks.
Jake: Yo, man, your thing is glowing.
Finn: My what? [touches forehead] Oh, my thing.
Jake: We must be close to the core. I see another door over there. Come on.
Finn: Wait a sec, Jake. It's that guy again.
Ash: Hey, open your eyes, look at this, Mar-Mar. Check it out. It's my new wand. [holds a flower with four cherry blossoms] These cherry blossoms, look, look as close as you can, and they're real.
Marceline: [puts a finger near a cherry blossom and gets zapped] Wow. Awesome. Where'd you get the money for that thing?
Ash: Oh, I sold that teddy bear that you love so much. To a Witch.
Marceline: You what? Are you crazy? That was my favorite thing in the whole world!
Ash: That's why it's so valuable, genius--for potions.
[A ghost comes out of the wand]
Cherry Blossom Ghost: You're not, a genius. You're not, a genius.
Marceline: [crying] That's the last straw, Ash! That's it! You're a psycho jerk, and you ruined my life.
Ash: But--but not all of it!
Marceline: IT'S OVER, YOU PSYCHO!! [stomps out of the room]
Jake: This way, Finn! Check out this whacked out memory crack! It's ba-nay-nay down here!
[They enter Marceline's memory core]
Finn: The core!
Jake: All these orbs must be her memories.
Finn: How are we supposed to know which one to grab?
Jake: Play hot-cold with your forehead!
Finn: Alright. [moves along the memory core] Hot or cold?
Jake: Cold. Definitely cold.
[Finn continues moving]
Jake: Warmer. Warmer, warmer! Whoa, hot. Hot, hot, hot! That must be the one!
[Finn grabs memory]
[Finn and Jake wake up with the memory orb in their hand; it gets grabbed by Rag Wizard, who has arms now]
Finn: [wakes up] Huh? Hey, you have arms.
Ash: That's right, genius.
Jake: Huh?
Finn: You lied to us.
Ash: The important thing is... Marceline's awake. [magically beams Marceline awake]
[Marceline wakes up]
Finn: Marcie, Marcie! You're okay.
[Finn and Jake rub Marceline's hair, Rag Wizard takes off his wardrobe revealing himself to be Ash]
Marceline: Quit touching my hair!
Finn: You had a magic accident, and we saved you with some help from your wizard friend.
Marceline: That's Ash.
Finn and Jake: Ash?
Marceline: He's not my friend; he's my boyfriend.
Finn and Jake: What?!
Ash: That's right, babe.
Marceline: Ash, what's going on?
Ash: Just picking up my girl for a night on the town; at my place.
Marceline: That's sweet. [kisses Ash on the cheek]
Finn and Jake: What?!
Marceline: Oh, grow up you guys. I'm going to go freshen up.
Ash: That's a relief.
Marceline: Oh, Ash.
Finn: What?
Ash: Don't you guys get it? I outbrained you. That wasn't the memory of a sleep spell you brought me. That memory was our break-up!
Marceline: [in memory orb] It's over, you psycho!! [orb is popped by Ash]
Ash: That's enough of that?
Jake: Oh, no!
Finn: What?
Ash: Yup. Come on, Mar-Mar, let's go.
Finn: No, Marceline!
Ash: Ashicus Flyicus. [flies away with Marceline]
Finn: They're gone, man. He took her!
Jake: Don't worry, Finn! I got the scent. [sniffs] Ah. Follow me.
[Finn and Jake arrive at Ash's house]
Jake: I could smell them in there. So what's the plan?
Finn: Um. Okay, you take that shovel and keep banging it against that shed until Ash comes out to see what's happening. Then I'll sneak in, and I'll rescue Marceline.
Jake: [fist bumps Finn] Nice. [bangs shovel against shed and Tiny Goblin comes out]
Tiny Goblin: My house! What's happening? No, don't hurt me!
Jake: No, no, sorry.
Tiny Goblin: [screams]
Jake: Shh, shh, wait!
Tiny Goblin: Help, somebody help me!
Ash: [bursting out his front door] What's all this hullabaloo?!
Tiny Goblin: Help! Help!
Ash: Hey, hold it, you, get back here! [chases after Jake]
[Finn arrives through the house's chimney]
Marceline: Finn? Finn, what are you doing? You can't be here! Ash doesn't like me hanging out with mere mortals.
Finn: Yeah, okay. Sorry Marceline, I'll go. I just gotta show you something first.[shows Marceline sack of magic powder]
[The powder puffs into a big cloud and they are transported to Finn's memories]
Marceline: Hello? Finn?
[Marceline opens a door to see a baby Finn singing Baby Finn Song. She stops watching and starts laughing, Finn shows up]
Finn: Hey, there you are. [closes door]
Marceline: Finn, what's going on? What is this place?
Finn: It's my old house. That magic powder--it put you in my memories. Me and Jake were in yours before, but Ash tricked us into stealing your memory of you breaking up with him. But it's okay because I saw the memory. Now I have a memory of your memory in my memory. See? [holds memory orb to Marceline]
Ash: [memory orb] Oh, I sold that teddy bear that you love so much. To a witch.
Marceline: [in memory orb] It's over, you psycho!!
Marceline: Finn, I think I'd like to wake up now.
[Finn and Marceline exit his memories and are walking out of Ash's house]
Finn: You gonna be okay, Marceline?
Marceline: Yeah. Thanks, Finn, I...
Ash: Yo, Mar-Mar. What—What's with the chump? C'mon, I said no chumps. [pats his belly] Ash gets hungies at eight o' clock. You need to get back in the kitchen and make me din-ner.
Marceline: [angrily grunts with a scowl]
Ash: I want a turkey sandwich with to-ma-to.
Marceline: [grunts once more]
Ash: Also pickles.
[Steaming, Marceline kicks Ash in the crotch, Ash groans in pain. Ash falls down, and Marceline continues to kick him. Finn starts jumping on Ash.]
Ash: [groaning] Ohh...I can't see...Somebody call my mom!
[They back off, and Jake stomps on Ash with a giant foot. The episode ends.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Min and Marty" from season 8, which aired on February 1, 2017[1].

Characters
Unavailable
Music
None
Locations
Unavailable
This transcript is incomplete.


Transcript

  1. http://devendaman.tumblr.com/post/154769347141/list-of-adventure-time-episodes-premiering-in
  2. 2.0 2.1 http://kingofooo.tumblr.com/post/156227447234/adventure-time-islands-the-8-part-miniseries
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Morituri Te Salutamus" from season 3, which aired on July 18, 2011.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Fight King
Gladiator Ghosts
Music
On a Tropical Island
Locations
Fight King's arena
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[The scene opens to a craggy wasteland. Finn and Jake are bouncing away from a Burger Monster. Jake hits the side of a rugged rock, and Finn goes flying off. He lands. Both Finn and Jake are carrying something in their shirt or folds.]
Finn: Jake, why didn't you stick to the plan?
Jake: Psshh. Hey, you wanna bump baby lumps?
Finn: Sick. No. Just try to follow the plans, okay?
Jake: Yeah.
[Finn and Jake drop what they are carrying, which turns out to be small balls of spikes.]
Finn: Come on out, cuties. It's safe now.
[The creatures look up. They are young hedgehogs.]
Jake: Now get out of here. [The creatures scamper.]
[Suddenly, a noise that sounds like a battle catches Finn's ear.]
Finn: Hey, you hear something? Up there. [He and Jake scale the rocks to the top. From there, they can see an arena of unknown sorts.] It's a fat, fat warrior beat. It's all... [makes sound of swords clashing] [robotic voice] It calls me forth. [makes sound of swords clashing]
Jake: Eh, it's probably just puberty calling.
[Finn and Jake walk to the entrance. They pause as a glowing green aura flashes in front of the doorway. Finn and Jake look up to see a mummy-like creature on a high throne.]
Fight King: Fighters! Fighters! [He rings a stone bell with his large golden sword.] Seek you glory from the Fight King?
Finn: Mmmm... Maybe.
Fight King: Then step forth beyond the Moonlight seal to bathe in blood and glory forever.
Finn: Nah. This is a trap.
Jake: Ka-psshh. [Finn and Jake turn and leave.] We snuffed out that trap like champs! Trying to get us up in that cursed arena.
Finn: Then I'd bet the exits would all magically seal behind us.
Jake: We'd probably have to fight Gladiator Ghosts.
Finn: Yeah. That sounds... so dumb...[chuckles] and FLIPPING AWESOME!
[Finn and Jake run back to the arena. They pass through the green aura.]
Jake: We're back!
Fight King:  Fools! All exits are sealed! [The doorway seals up behind them. There is now only a solid wall.] Now you must fight my Gladiator Ghosts!
Finn: Yeah. Okay.
[Our heroes watch as a pair of ghostly gladiators emerge from the ground. They let out an unearthly moan and land in front of Finn and Jake. Hyperion swings his mace down at Finn, who dodges it.]
Finn:  [chuckles] I'mma beat you with your own thing. Give it up! [Finn slaps Hyperion's hand] Hah-hah! [Hyperion punches Finn in the face.] Ooomph!
Primo: Hyperion, I'm sorry!
[Jake dodges Primo's swing, but Primo grabs him as he stretches.]
Primo: Hyperion, my love!
[Jake wraps his legs around Primo's neck, and squeezes until the ghost vanishes. Finn, meanwhile, is avoiding Hyperion's mace.]
Hyperion: I'll kill you for breaking your promise!
[Finn grabs a sword lying on the ground, and decapitates Hyperion, who then vanishes.]
Finn: Yeah. Ah-ha-ha-ha.
Fight King:  Good... Take these branches of palm.
[The Fight King's throne moves forward. Then he tosses two palm branches to Finn and Jake.]
Finn: Yeah.
Jake: That prize kinda stinks. Let's go, Finn. My thighs hurt.  [Jake looks down at his currently detailed legs and begins rubbing his thighs.]
Finn: Aw, man. Okay, it was fun. I'm keeping the branch. [Finn and Jake make to leave.]
Fight King: Where do you think you're going? [The Fight King swirls his huge sword around in circular twists. Two pairs of hands emerge from the ground and drag Finn and Jake down into the ground.] You must earn thy freedom by defeating each of my ghosts! When you are ready, speak the Fight King's name, and I shall raise you for... battle.
[Finn and Jake land in a cavern beneath the arena. It is filled with bones, weapons, shields, and armor. They get up. Jake walks over to Finn.]
Finn: Hmm. Okay, I have a plan. We'll do what the Fight King says, and defeat his ghosts to earn our freedom. [pauses] You're gonna follow my plan, right?
Jake: Mmm-hmm. But, hey, if you replace me with a dummy, I could stay down here and dig for lava. Then I'd forge a molten hula-hoop.
Finn: That's an entirely different plan... than my plan. What's the hula-hoop for?
Jake: Morale, dude, This tomb will be as fun... [singing] ♪ As a tropical island, as a tropical island, as a tropical island, as a tropical island. ♪
[Finn tackles Jake, laughing.]
Jake: Check it out, dude. [Jake fashions a dummy of his head out of the dirt.] Ba-duh-buh-da. It's a dirt dummy Jake. Just like in the plan.
[Jake winks at Finn and gives him the "thumbs up" sign. Then he shrinks down and hides in a skull's eye socket.]
Finn:  [Finn sighs and picks up the dummy.] We're ready... I guess, Fight King.
[A pillar emerges from the ground and brings Finn to the surface.]
Fight King: Gladitoria continues for you, human, and, er... dog?
Finn: Yup. This is dog.
Fight King: Arise, Priscus, Verus!
[The Fight King's sword glows. He swings it around in a circle. Two more ghostly gladiators emerge from the ground. The gladiators charge toward Finn, who grabs a trident and runs straight at them. He attacks Priscus head on. Verus futilely swings his blade around at the dummy of Jake, knocking it over.]
Verus: [sobbing] Forgive me, Priscus! [He picks up the dummy and then vanishes.]
Fight King: Pity. The dog falls.
[Finn successfully disarms Priscus and kicks him back. He comes down. landing crotch first on top of his own tower shield.]
Priscus: Et tu, Verus?
[Finn slashes Priscus down the middle with the trident. causing the specter to vanish.]
Finn: Heh.
Fight King: The combat endeth. Now come closer, champion.
[Cut to Jake in the underground cavern, digging in the dirt. He hears a gong sound twice.]
Jake: Dig-dig-dig-dig-dig-dig-dig. Two gongs? Something crazy's going on up there. [He stretches up to the surface and pulls the dirt dummy under.] It's me, Jake. Been here the whole time. Huh?
Fight King: Come closer, my champion. You have proven worthy of my favor.
Finn: Hah. Word.
[The Fight King touches Finn with his glowing sword. Finn's eyes glow green, and an aura surrounds him. Jake looks on.]
Jake: Oh, this is bad.
Fight King: Accept your prize. [He hands Finn another palm branch. Finn eats it. Afterwards, Finn starts behaving strangely, striking the ground with both fists. Jake walks up to him.]
Jake: Finn?
Fight King: Ah... The dog lives.
Jake: Yeah. I lives. Finn, come with me, man. [Finn suddenly turns around and throws a punch at Jake. Jake stretches back.] Whoa! Dude?
Finn: Sorry, man. But you crossed my kill zone.
Fight King: Fighters, rest now. [The Fight King raises his sword, and once again, Finn and Jake are dragged down into the ground. Finn starts acting like he's fighting again.]
Jake: So, how's your side of the plan going?
Finn: Plan? What plan?
Jake: To escape. I dig and stuff, and you fight to win, 'member?
Finn: Yeah. I fight. To hear bones breaking and meat tearing.
Jake: Ghosts don't got meat.
Finn: I fight... to FIGHT! [Starts making a dummy from dirt]
Jake: [inner thoughts] Hmm... Finn's acting weird. Probably due to a decrease in morale. Gotta get him that lava hula-hoop.
Finn: We're ready for our next fight, Fight King.
[Once again, Finn is raised to the surface by a pillar of dirt. He sets down the dirt dummy and grabs a pair of dual swords. The scene then reverts back to Jake.]
Jake: Gotta liven up this unhallowed ground.... for Finn. [Jake starts singing again. As he does so, he shapes his arms into a round moon shape, and then morphs his hands into a pair of hula dancers.] ♪ On a tropical island, underneath a molten lava moon. Hanging with the hula dancers, asking questions 'cause they got all the answers... ♪
[Back up on top, six more ghostly gladiators appear from the ground. They charge toward Finn. Finn runs wild with rage, slaying one ghost after the other.]
Finn: Habet! Habet! Habet! Heh-heh-heh. [He knocks over Achillea, slays Tetraides and then Amazonia, and blocks Triumphus' attack. Achillea, the gladiator whom Finn has knocked to the ground, burst into tears.]
Achillea: Amazonia, I'm sorry! [She knocks down the dummy with her fist.]
Finn: This next take-down is for you, my king! Rahhh... [gets punched by Triumphus] Heh-heh-heh.
[Triumphus, the gladiator who is carrying the head of his partner Tetraides, begins sobbing.]
Triumphus: I need your forgiveness... [Finn knocks his head off. Triumphus vanishes. The scene cuts back to Jake.]
Jake: ♪ Puttin' on lotion, sittin' by the ocean, rubbin' it on my body, rubbing it on my body... ♪
[As Jake is singing, it's revealed he is making a fish tail around himself, consisting of a mound of dirt and two skeletal hands. The scene reverts back to Finn.]
Rutuba: Non pugnent, Flamma! [He puts all four of is blades against Finn's dual swords, but Finn shatters them.]
Finn: Eludere!
[Green light comes out of the Fight King's eyes and mouth. Finn leaps at Rutuba.]
Rutuba: Cum missione, my friend! [Finn slays Rutuba, who vanishes.]
Finn: Hoc habet! Whaaa! [He flings one of the swords.]
Amazonia: Achillea...
[The sword takes off the heads of Amazonia, Romulus and Remus, who vanish.]
Finn: I have defeated every gladiator.
Fight King: No, for there is one more opponent.
Finn: Who?
Fight King: Your dear companion! [Fight King raises his sword and brings the dummy Jake before Finn.]
Finn: [demented laugh] [Sticks his sword into the dummy]
[The scene reverts back to Jake, who is finishing up his song. He raises to the surface.]
Jake: ♪ Get me out of this caa-a-ve, 'cause it's nothing but a gladiator graa-a-ve. And if I stick to the plaa-a-n, I think I'll turn into a lava maa-a-n. I think I'll turn into a lava man! ♪ [He suddenly notices Finn stomping and chomping on the dummy. He gasps. Finn turns at the sound.]
Fight King: Why do you stop?
Finn: Fight King, this Jake was a farce. Let me face the real Jake!
[Jake gasps again.]
Fight King: Then this is round two, my vassal! Take his head for me!
Finn: Yes, my king. [Finn grabs the blade and starts toward Jake.]
Jake: What about the plan?
Finn: This is the plan, Jake! Raah! [swings the blade]
Jake: You're gonna kill me?
Finn: [Jake starts stretching to avoid Finn's attacks.] That's right! Everything has been building to this! The final battle! Brother against brother! TO THE DEATH!
Jake: No!
Fight King: Yes...
[Jake keeps stretching throughout the arena, trying to avoid Finn's blade. He even wraps Finn up in his coils.]
Fight King: Yes...
Finn: [swings his sword ineffectively at Jake's head.] Fight King!!! I can't do it. [drops blade] I can't kill him, Fight King. I can't kill my best friend.
Jake: Finn?
Finn: Not without a BIGGER SWORD!
Fight King: Yes... FINISH HIM!!!
[The Fight King throws his golden sword toward Finn. Finn catches it.]
Jake: No!
[Just when it looks like he really is about to kill Jake, Finn throws it down. The sword shatters when it hits the ground.]
Fight King: Aaarghh... [The Fight king suddenly shrivels up into a fragile shell of dust as the curse dies. The sky clears up, and the entrance to the arena reappears as well.]
Finn: Wink. [fist pounds Jake]
Jake: What? [lets go of Finn and returns to his original shape.] Dude, did you...? Was that all fake? Did you act all that out? Was that part of your plan?
Finn: Mmm-hmm. [burps]
[Just then, the Gladiator Ghosts appear behind Finn and Jake. Everyone leaves the arena.]
Jake: So you planned to get all cozy with the Fight King and almost kill me from the get-go?
Finn: Pretty much.
Jake: Why didn't you say so?
Finn: Because you always bungle my plans. But, if you had bungled this one... [deep voice] I might have, for real, chopped your head off.
[Finn and Jake both exchange laughs.]
Jake: That's some funky junk, brother.
Finn: Hey, Jake, you notice how all these ghosts are walking in pairs?
[The Gladiator Ghosts all start ascending to the heavens.]
Jake: Oh, yeah. I bet they're like us. Best bros who got trapped in that arena.
Finn: But now they're free!
[Finn and Jake fist bump as the arena comes apart behind them and ascends toward the skies along with the Fight King's ghosts.]
The episode ends.
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Mortal Folly" from season 2, which aired on May 2, 2011.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Princess Bubblegum
The Lich
Ice King
Music
None
Locations
Candy Kingdom
The Lich's lair
Iceberg Lake
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode begins on a dismal-looking day at Princess Bubblegum's castle where she, Finn, and Jake are meditating]
Jake: Ommmmm... [Whispering]
Finn: [Whispering] Jake! What am I supposed to be meditatin' about?
Jake: [Whispering] Don't know. I'm thinking of pillows stuffed with spaghetti.
Princess Bubblegum: Clear your minds.
[The three inhale deeply. Finn exhales; his thought bubble shows himself as a heroic adult. Jake exhales. His thought bubble shows Lady Rainicorn riding a horse. Princess Bubblegum exhales. Her thought bubble shows the Lich muttering in front of flames chanting quietly. She gasps.]
Princess Bubblegum: [stands up] I have to go check on something!
Finn: Can we go with?
Princess Bubblegum: ...Perhaps you are ready to go with. [Finn and Jake bump fists.] Guys, you'll need to put these on. [To Finn] Pull back your hat.
[Finn does so. Princess Bubblegum puts the jewelry on Finn's head. A protective sphere appears around his head. She puts the jewelry on Jake; the same happens.]
Jake: Neat!
[Princess Bubblegum rubs the gem on her crown; a protective sphere appears around her head as well.]
Princess Bubblegum: Stay close to me. [She claps nine times (the specific rhythm is "1 &-a 2 & 3 & 4 &"). Peppermint Butler appears and blows a huge bubble which engulfs the trio.]
Finn: Whoa!
[The bubble rises to the canopy of the castle tree.]
Princess Bubblegum: At the heart of this tree is an ancient evil, held in a prison of amber—the Lich.
[Mysterious chanting is heard.]
Finn: What's that sound?
Princess Bubblegum: He's casting spells—trying to get in your head and control your bod... but these gems are protecting our minds from his influence. If we lost the gems, we'd be defenseless. [The snail comes out of Finn's pack.] He would have full control over us.
Finn: That's freakin' nuts!
[The snail looks at the Lich and suddenly becomes hypnotized. The snail crawls towards the Lich while Princess Bubblegum speaks.]
Princess Bubblegum: Beyond Iceberg Lake lies the ruins of the Lich's tower, where he was converting the planet's life force into unholy power to destroy all of Ooo... but before he could, the Legendary Billy attacked him and pummeled him into the resin of this tree. [The snail, who has reached the Lich, bangs his head against the amber, cracking it. The Lich converts his body to dark energy and escapes through the crack.] I—WHAT THE NUTS?!
[Finn and Jake turn and gasp. The Lich is right there, lying on the ground, looking at the trio.]
[What the Nuts song begins]
Finn: Dude, be a big sword!
Jake: Oh, okay! I'll try!
[Jake more or less takes on a sword shape. Finn grabs him and uses him to attack the Lich. The Lich turns into dark energy and escapes through the wall.]
Princess Bubblegum: [Gasps] Quickly! To the other secret room! [The three arrive there.] There's only one known weapon that can harm the Lich. [She opens a cabinet with a key revealing said weapon.] The Gauntlet of the Hero.
Voice: BIIILLYYYYYYY!!!
Jake: Billy's big ol' beef fingers!
Princess Bubblegum: Finn, you have but one chance. While the Lich isn't at full power, you must smite him with this gauntlet! [Finn equips the gauntlet. It becomes smaller to fit Finn's hand.] His only desire... is to destroy life. [Whispering] [Picks up crystal ball which shows an image of the Lich standing in a large fire.] If you fail... he'll kill everyone.
Finn: No. That will not happen.
[Princess Bubblegum smiles and blushes.]
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, and there's something else that I want you to have. The Lich's lair is supposed to be cold. ...I just don't want you to get sick. [She holds up a pink sweater.] Take this sweater. I made it myself. [Jake sniffs at the sweater.] I'm not great at knitting, but please wear it. I care about you, Finn.
[Finn dons the sweater.]
Finn: I love it.
[Princess Bubblegum comes over and holds Finn. Finn responds by hugging her.]
Jake: Me, too!
[Jake makes it a group hug. Suddenly, the window seal shakes and opens. The three gasp.]
Ice King: [Appearing in window] Hey hey hey! [The three scowl.] So... I've been thinking about this a lot lately and, well, uh... phew, gosh, I'm so nervous... Finn, and Jake, will you give me your blessings so I can marry Princess Bubblegum?
Jake: What is wrong with you?!
Ice King: [In disbelief] What's wrong with me?! [Jake closes the window.] No! [Jake latches it.] Not the latch!
Princess Bubblegum: Quickly now, Finn! Track the Lich by his trail of death.
Finn: Here I go!
Jake: Here I go!
Princess Bubblegum: Be safe!
[The two exit. The scene shifts to outside where the two are hurrying towards their destination.]
Jake: This is our first fate-of-the-world deal!
Finn: Yeah, man! We gotta shut this fool down hardcore!
Jake: Running this fast makes my stomach hurt!
Finn: Run through it, man! [The Ice King appears in front of Finn] We gotta get beyond Iceberg Lake before the Lich!
[Finn runs into Ice King. They both tumble down.]
Ice King: Oh, my! How clumsy of me!
Finn: What the heck, Ice King?!
[Finn pushes Ice King out of the way and the duo keeps running.]
Ice King: Hey, wait, you guys! I'm serious about Bubblegum! Look, I wrote her name all over my arms and legs! [He shows them evidence to this.]
Finn and Jake: Yugh!
[They keep running.]
Ice King: Guys! It's not fair! She always hangs out with you, and it's not like you wanna marry her!
Finn: [Blushing] Why are you following us?! [Throws a rock at him]
Ice King: Whoa! [Dodges it] I told you already. I want your blessings so I can marry Princess Bubblegum! [They keep running. Ice King uses his ice magic to block their path with ice.] Come on, guys, give me permission to marry her! I'll... I'll do a little dance for you! [Dances] Hmm? You like this?
Finn: No!
Ice King: [In desperation] Oh, come on! If you bless our wedding, then maybe she'll really love me.
Finn: [Fed up, pointing the gauntlet at him] Ice King, go away, man.
Ice King: I will! When you bless our wedding!
Finn: No thanks, guy. Hmm? How does this gauntlet [Banging on gauntlet] work?!
[The gauntlet activates, shooting a laser.]
Jake: Whoa!
[Finn flails it around uncontrollably. Ice King ducks to avoid being cut in two.]
Finn: I can't turn it off!
Jake: Punch it in the eye!
[Finn does so. It makes an angry face as its eye waters.]
Finn: Phew!
Jake: Let's blow this stand!
[The duo leaves.]
Ice King: [To himself] I tried to do this right, but you've driven me to this—driven me to bad doing.
[Back at the Candy Castle]
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, Finn and Jake, please be okay. [Stress-eating a Candy Person] Please be okay... please be okay...
[A card partially comes through the window seal and nudges the latch.]
Ice King: Eh... stupid thing... come on... eh...
[He finally opens the window.]
Princess Bubblegum: Ice King?! Get outta here!!
Ice King: I didn't want to do this, but by not blessing our wedding, Finn and Jake have forced me to kidnap you.
[Ice King cuffs her with ice.]
Princess Bubblegum: That's insane!
Ice King: I know! But I'll show them... I'll show them how they've hurt us!
Princess Bubblegum: [Leaving with him] NO!!
[Over at Iceberg Lake]
Jake: There! Out over the lake!
[The Lich is seen in the lake. A trail of dead aquatic life is behind him. He emerges from the lake to fly.]
Finn: After his butt!
Jake: [Turning into a boat] I'm your dingy dog!
[Jake goes over the lake with Finn riding him. Finn imitates a motorboat.]
Finn: Here! I'll help paddle! [To gauntlet] Hey. It's me. [The gauntlet looks at Finn for just a second.] Aw, come on. I'm sorry I punched you in the ball.
[Finn kisses it. The gauntlet activates, and they move much faster across the lake in hot pursuit of the Lich.]
Jake: Waaaah!
Finn: Ah, yeah, haha! Closing in... Gonna get you, man! [Readying gauntlet] Closer, Jake! [They get nearer and nearer to the Lich.] Closer... closer...
[Ice King and Princess Bubblegum fly in front of the heroes.]
Ice King: Ah!
Finn: PRINCESS?! NO!
[Finn blasts the water, propelling himself and Jake high into the air.]
Ice King: Oh, no. [Water falls on him and Princess Bubblegum.] Oh, gross. This water stinks.
[Finn and Jake make it to the lake shore.]
Finn: [He's had it.] ICE KING!!
Ice King: Look! Look what you've made me do to her!
Princess Bubblegum: Guys! Don't let the Lich reach his well of power! [A green explosion of energy occurs far off.] [In terror] Oh, no!! He's made it!!
Finn: Don't worry, Princess!
[Finn and Jake run towards the site of the explosion and enter an old subway station emitting ghostly green gases.]
Ice King: Hey, where're you guys goin'? What's goin' on?
[At the station, Finn and Jake are greeted by Skeletal Guards  possessed by the Lich. Finn blasts them all with the gauntlet.]
Finn: I don't have time for this!
Jake: Then let's go!
[Skeletons rise up behind Finn and grab his pack, ripping it open.]
Finn: My pack!!
Jake: [Latching onto Finn like a backpack] It's okay!
[Finn runs. Suddenly, a big skeleton rises under his feet. Finn blasts it, accidentally blowing a hole in the ground, which he and Jake fall down. "Waaaah!!"]
[Above the station]
Ice King: [To Princess Bubblegum] Man... I-I wanna go after them, but... that hole looks scary, doesn't it? [Beat] Well! Holes are holes! [Enters with her]
[Back in the station]
[Finn and Jake scream as they fall. Finn grabs onto a pipe using the gauntlet. He and Jake gently reach the ground. Muttering is heard.]
Finn: The Lich!
[The Lich puts his hands into the well of power.]
Jake: [Whispering] He's gettin' his powers back! Weird!
Finn: No! [He fires a blast at the Lich, who dodges it. Finn and Jake heroically go down to him, Jake shaping his ears into a wing shape.] Prepare thyself... to get smote in the name of Bubblegum!!
[The Lich effortlessly gets a hold of Finn.]
The Lich: [Raising a bony finger to what was his lips.] Shhhh...
[The gauntlet gets destroyed. Finn adopts a look of shock. The Lich throws the two to the far side of the well.]
Ice King: [Entering with Princess Bubblegum] Yep! Holes are holes! NYEH!! [He notices the Lich, who fires a green fire ball at the heroes.]
Jake: Look out!! [Finn ducks out of the way.] That's it! I'm gonna bark 'im!
[With Finn on his back, he stretches towards and angrily barks like a common dog in front of the Lich. The Lich simply burns his face with green fire. Finn, says, "Whoa!" Princess Bubblegum screams. Jake grunts as he collapses on top of Finn, accidentally banging Finn's head on the floor, smashing the protective jewelry.]
The Lich: Finn...
Finn: Oh, no.
[Finn becomes half-possessed.]
The Lich: Finn... [Finn turns] Come...
[Finn barely goes forward before stopping himself.]
Finn:  [Finn grabs his head.] STOP!!! 
The Lich: Aren't you cold... Finn...? [Finn goes forward.] Walk into the well... Finn... Aren't you cold...?
[Finn barely keeps himself from going in.]
Finn: NO, I'M NOT!! I'VE GOT A SWEATER ON!!
The Lich: You are a joke to me!! [Fires green fire at Finn]
[Finn flinches as the green fire touches him. After a moment, he realizes it's not hurting him. The Lich stops.]
Finn: [In realization] This sweater... It's keeping me safe!
Princess Bubblegum's voice [In Finn's head]: I care about you, Finn...
Finn: This is it. The ultimate weapon against evil—the power of... l-l-l-l...llliking someone a lot. [Sobers up, growls, and takes off the sweater] LICH!!!
[Finn bravely goes up to the Lich and stuffs the sweater into his eye sockets. Finn tugs the sweater and the Lich wails in pain, thrashing about and bumping the walls. Princess Bubblegum and Ice King watch in astonishment. The Lich eventually laughs maniacally as Finn tugs the sweater, ripping the Lich's head apart, seemingly destroying him. Finn falls to the ground.]
Jake: Finn!! Buddy!!
[Jake pats Finn repeatedly.]
Finn: [Groans] Jake? [Looks around] Jake!
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, Finn... you did it!
Ice King: We did? Hey, yeah, we did it!! Oh, you guys! This experience has brought us all so much closer together! Princess, I'm sorry for all of this. I love you, and I've decided to set you free. [Makes the cuffs disappear] Go free!!
[Ice King maladroitly drops Princess Bubblegum into the Lich's well. Finn and Jake gasp in horror as Princess Bubblegum sinks below the surface, only her arm remaining above.]
Ice King: Uh... Whoops, I've got the dropsies!
[Finn and Jake stare in shock. Ice King stares awkwardly. Iris out.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Mortal Recoil" from season 2, which aired on May 2, 2011.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Princess Bubblegum
Ice King
Dr. Ice Cream
Doctor Princess
Nurse Pound Cake
The Lich
Music
Not Feelin' Good Song
Locations
Princess Bubblegum's castle
Candy Kingdom
This transcript is complete.

This episode is a continuation of "Mortal Folly" (see transcript).

Transcript

[The episode begins at the Candy Hospital. A crowd is hovering over Princess Bubblegum as she's pushed on a gurney.]
Nurse Pound Cake: What's her condition, Dr. Ice Cream?
Dr. Ice Cream: She's totally gross over 90% of her body. The other 10% is crazy nasty.
Nurse Pound Cake: Will she make it, Doctor?
Dr. Ice Cream: [Gravely] I don't know, Nurse Pound Cake. [They quickly pull her to the emergency room, a heart monitor bleeps.] Put sugar on 'er! Two scoops! [She and Nurse Pound Cake each put two handfuls of sugar on her, but she starts flat-lining.] We're losing 'er!!
Ice King: No! Not my number one! Princess, if you die on me, I will never forgive you! I'll be lost—lost in my own emotional labyri—
Finn: [Furiously punches him] YAAAAAH!!
Dr. Ice Cream: Wait, Finn!
Finn: [Scared] What!?
Dr. Ice Cream: Her sugar levels are stabilizing.
[Princess Bubblegum regains her normal body shape. Everyone starts cheering. "Yaaay! She's alright!"]
Princess Bubblegum: [Drained] Yes, I'm fine. I just need to rest.
Ice King: [Crying] Oh, my wife! Is there anything weird about her? I can't see through these pain tears!
Dr. Ice Cream: She's fine. Why?
Ice King: It's just that... after Princess fell into the well, I saw something strange happen. Something I still don't understand. [Finn's Root Sword is hurled at Ice King.] Ooh—AGH! Wait! Listen to me!!
Finn: NO! Just shut your mouth, old man!
Ice King: "Old man?" Heh! What? I'm not old.
Jake: Uh, yeah, you are, dude.
[Everyone agrees with Jake. "You are pretty old." "Yes, you are." "You're old."]
Ice King: Old? I'm... I see. It's all making sense now. Brrrrapapo! [Blasts window with ice magic, shattering it] I'm going, Princess. I'm sorry if my skin grossed you out. Nobody wants to see this old skin, I guess. [Tearing up] Nobody in the world.
Finn: [With rage] JUST GET OUT OF HERE!!
Ice King: Peace.
[He makes a peace sign then exits while waving solemnly. Finn sighs.]
Finn: Sorry about that, Peebles.
Princess Bubblegum: The ice wizard is a weak fool....
Jake: Huh?
Raggedy Princess: [Running in] Finn! Finn! The other princesses and I made you a new backpack!
Finn: Whoa, Raggedy Princess! It's so awesome! Thank you.
Raggedy Princess: [Blushes] You're welcome, Finn! [Giggles and runs off]
Jake: [To Princess Bubblegum.] You look like sick, grey meat, but we're gonna jack you up so awesome.
Finn: We should wheel 'er to her bedroom, right?
Jake: Yeah, man, and then we'll do magic tricks.
[Princess Bubblegum closes her eyes.]
Finn: Like fake magic?
Jake: Yeah, like [Jake's voice trails off as the screen turns black.] bruh bruh bruh, bruh...
[Scene shifts to Princess Bubblegum's bedroom.]
Finn and Jake: Princess... Princess... [Princess Bubblegum opens her eyes.] Surprise!
Finn: We picked every flower in the Candy Kingdom just for you! [The flowers lie in the room, piling half-way up the wall in some places.]
Jake: Whoo-oo!
[She says nothing.]
Finn: Princess Bubblegum?
[She makes a strange guttural noise and irregularly bends her body.]
Jake: Oh, jeez!! [He hides behind Finn.] What's wrong with Princess Bubblegum?!
Finn:  [whispering] Quiet, dude. We're supposed to take care of her, not make her feel bad!
Jake: I know, man, but she just seems... weird.
Finn:  She's just messed up from the accident, man. We just have to take care of her 'til she feels better.
Jake: Uh... Okay, dude.
[They look at the bed and gasp; she's gone. Sounds are heard from the bathroom. They go there.]
Finn: Princess! Princess, no! You shouldn't be out of bed! [Finn picks her up and carries her back.] Princess... I... I gotta tell ya somethin'. Uh... Jake... [He nudges his head slightly to signal Jake to get out.]
Jake: Oh. Gotcha. I'll go get some tea! [He cuts his way through the pile of flowers and exits.]
Finn: Princess... this sweater you made me kept me safe. I almost got super messed up, but... it saved me. And I wanted to say... thank you for imbuing this sweater with the power of liking someone a lot. Because... I like you a lot. [Princess Bubblegum is looking at him.] [Finn blushes] Haha, uh... We shouldn't talk about this now. You should rest.
Princess Bubblegum: [Weakly] Finn... I need you to get me some things...
Finn: Yes, Princess.
Peppermint Butler: [Entering with Jake] Princess! I brought you some tea—[He gasps, dropping the tea and sees Princess Bubblegum talking to Finn. He hisses like a cat.]
Jake: Whoa... [Peppermint Butler runs away on all fours.] Uh... somethin' weird's goin' on...
Finn: [approaches Jake from behind.] Jake!
Jake: [Startled] AH!
Finn: I'm gonna get some stuff for PB. Be right back.
[Jake makes a worried noise. He turns and looks at the princess who is breathing deeply and creepily.]
Jake: [Somewhat scared] Hey... Princess... Sorry you're not feelin' good. [She says nothing and looks at him annoyed (still breathing deeply).] Oh! I'll sing you a song! You love it when I sing songs!
[Jake grabs a pink microphone and small speaker, and forms bongos on his stomach, beginning to sing his song. Princess Bubblegum is visibly annoyed and suddenly has a deeper voice. She growls and puts her hand in a bush, wilting every single flower in the room.]
Jake: Uh... [Princess Bubblegum convulses and yells gibberish.] Uh, this song's not that good. It's a bad one. I... I'm stoppin'. [She yells again.] ...And starting a new song! [Plays bongos] [Princess Bubblegum yells in utter agitation. Her bed begins jumping up and down. Suddenly, demonic flames engulf the room.] AAH... [Princess Bubblegum touches him]
Princess Bubblegum:  [apparently melting.] Jake...
Jake: AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!! [Flees room] OH, MY GLOB, OH, MY GLOB, OH, MY GLOB, OH, MY GLOB!! [To himself] Maybe the toxic waste did somethin' to her brain—made her have demon powers—or somethin’! [Finn runs towards the bedroom door with paraphernalia in his arms.] Yo, dude! Wait! What's all that biz?!
Finn: Uh, bleach, lighter fluid, ammonia, gasoline, I dunno. Lady stuff. Plutonium...
[Princess Bubblegum exits the room.]
Jake: No, man... no... No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Princess Bubblegum: [Grabbing ingredients] Thanks. [Goes back in]
Finn: No probs!
Jake: Wait! Hold on!
Finn: What's up?
Jake: Listen... PB's bed was on fire.
Finn: What?! Is she okay?!
Jake: [Whispering] She made it on fire.
Finn: With a match?
Jake: No, man. With her brain... I think... [Finn stares confused.] Look, man, I'll show you!
Finn: Jake, wh—
Jake: Shh!! [Jake carefully opens the door. The room is burnt to a crisp, and Princess Bubblegum is gone.] P-P-P-Princess...?
Finn: [Pointing to bathroom] Over there! [They go in front of the door. Finn knocks.] PB? You in there?
Princess Bubblegum: [Threateningly] I'm busy!
Finn: See? It's fine. She's just havin' private time.
Jake: I'm lookin' in! [Looks through keyhole]
Finn: JAKE, WHAT THE HEY?!
Jake: Oh, my gloob!
Finn: [blushing.] Come on, man, that's pervy!
Jake: You don't even know, man.
Finn: DUDE?!
Jake: Look! [Jake forces Finn to look through the keyhole.] See it!
[Princess Bubblegum's skin is now black, and her shape has changed tremendously. She's putting the ingredients from before into the tub and drinking it.]
Finn: Hold on, Peebles! [He smashes down the door.] PRINCESS! [She grows bigger as she drinks the chemicals. She then picks up the whole bath tub and drinks deeply.] AAH! PUT DOWN THE TUB!
[She throws it down and knocks Finn and Jake through a wall. Ice King is revealed to have been listening in. Princess Bubblegum smashes her way out of the castle.]
Gumball Guardian: Evil presence detected!! [Grapples with monster Princess Bubblegum] Must defend!!
[Back at the Candy Castle]
Ice King: [poking Finn's face.] Hey, Finn, are you dead or what?
Finn: [Waking up] Whaaah?... Ice King? What are you doing here?
Ice King: Hey. I had to keep an eye on the princess because she's being possessed by the Lich.
Finn: [Grunts] You don't know that.
Ice King: But I do. I saw it with my wizard eyes! [Scene changes to the well.] In the well, I saw something come out of the Lich and go into the princess. But I wasn't sure it was real [scene returns to normal.] because when you have stanky old wizard eyes, sometimes you see things that are real, and other times it's like crazy crazy crazy in your face all the time! [Strange creatures dance around Finn and Jake in the Ice King's vision. He sighs] [To himself] All the time... [To the duo] Guys, let me help you. I don't want my future wife to be... physically unattractive.
Finn: Listen, you old poot. I'm not going to let you kill 'er twice. GET STUFFED. Come on, Jake.
[Ice King groans in sadness as they exit.]
Finn: We're coming, Princess!
Jake: Dude! I think we should let the Ice King help! He can freeze her, which could buy us some t—
Finn: Dump that mess! I'mma set 'er free with my like-like sweater!
Jake: Woooh, do it! [Propels Finn towards her with his hind end.]
Finn: [while hurtling through the air.]I like you, Princess!!
[Princess Bubblegum punches Finn, who screams.]
Jake: Finn!!
[Finn is knocked back to the castle, next to a forlorn Ice King.]
Finn: Urrgh... [To himself] Liking her... didn't work. She's unstoppable... unless... [He sees her stomping on Jake's head and sighs.] [Reluctantly] Ice King, I... I need you to freeze Princess Bubblegum. Will you help me?
Ice King: [Gasps] Are you suuuuure?
Finn: [Annoyed] Yes.
Ice King: Great! Weeee! [Laughs and grabs Finn before exiting]
[They fly towards her.]
Finn: I'll distract 'er up top, you freeze 'er legs!
Ice King: [Throwing Finn] Wah!
Finn: I'M A CAT! I'M AN AGILE CAT! JAKE! DUCK! [Jake retracts his body and falls to the ground. Finn grabs Princess Bubblegum's hair and covers her face with it.] MEOW, ICE KING! [Ice King grunts as he freezes the monstrosity with visible difficulty. A bird brings Finn down to the ground before he's frozen.] Thanks, bird!
[The Candy People gather around and cheer.]
Ice King: Yeah! Whoopie!
Finn: You did good, Ice King.
Ice King: Oh, yeah?
Finn: Yeah, man.
[Suddenly, Princess Bubblegum topples over and her body is totally shattered. Finn looks at Jake, who both have  a look of utter and total shock and horror.]
Ice King: Okay. I didn't kill 'er this time. Everybody saw that, right?
Gumball Guardian: [shattered.] Duuuude...
Finn: We gotta get 'er to the hospital!
[Scene shifts back to the hospital.]
Dr. Ice Cream: Start assembling! Here, try to connect these two pieces! [The pieces don't connect.] Turn it... [The wads of gum stick.] Perfect. [The wad of gum is put on Princess Bubblegum's head to make a piece of her hair.] Give me more pieces, Doctor Princess!
Dr. Princess: That's all we have, Dr. Ice Cream!
Dr. Ice Cream: What?! That can't be!
Nurse Pound Cake: [Gasps] What do we do, Doctor?
Dr. Ice Cream:  [sighing] ...I don't know, Nurse Pound Cake.
[Outside the emergency room, everyone is chattering.]
Finn: I hope she's okay...
Nurse Pound Cake: Attention, everyone...
Finn: [In desperation] IS PB OKAY?!?
Nurse Pound Cake: Yes... but there were some complications.
Finn: NOOOOOOO!!!!
Nurse Pound Cake: Yes... I'm afraid... there wasn't enough gum to work with, so it appears Princess Bubblegum is now...... younger. [A young Princess Bubblegum steps out of the emergency room. Everyone gasps, astonished.] She's 13 years old now.
Ice King: Aw, dang it! Well, I'm outta here. Goodbye, everyone. [Exits]
Finn: 13 years old? That's how old I am. [Princess Bubblegum smiles at Finn. He blushes.] Uh...
Jake: [Amused] Whoa...
[She walks up to him.]
Princess Bubblegum: [Embracing him] Give me a hug, hero.
[Everyone cheers. Finn embraces her. Suddenly the camera pans menacingly past the crowd and reveals the waving snail—possessed by the Lich. The story ends.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Mysterious Island" from season 8, which aired on January 31, 2017.

Characters
Finn
Jake
BMO
Snail
Music
None
Locations
places
This transcript is complete, needs formatting.


Transcript

[ Gulls squawking ]

[ Rumbling ]

[ Groans ]

[ Coughs ]

[ Coughs ]

Jake?!

Susan?!

BMO?!

[ Coughing ]

Oh, hey there, fellas.

Have you by any chanceseen a cool dog

or a giant, smelly ladycome through here?

[ Claws clicking ]

Uh, are you guys being weird,or is that normal crab stuff?

[ Clicking ]

Stupid crabs.

[ Plunk! ]

[ Wind howling ]

[ Grunts ]

Jake?!

Susan?!

♪♪

Hello?

Burlap sacks.

Seed packets.

Oh.

[ Exhales forcefully ]

Now I can look like an idiotwhile I freeze to death.

[ Howling stops ]Woof.

Actually, these sacksare really working a treat.

I'm sweating likean everyday Susan in here.

Oh, I see.

That works, too.

What the...?

Neat.

It's like the borderto the Ice Kingdom,

but not really.

[ Wind howls ]

Tush!Coming down hard again.

I better head back.

[ Wind howling,electricity buzzes ]

Shack?

Shack.

Sack?

Shack!

Ow! Oof!

Oh! Oh!

Aah! Ohh!

[ Thud! ]

Ohh.

[ Birds chirping ]

[ Animal squeaking ]

Ruh‐roh.

Looks like someone'sstill living here.

[ Chuckles ]

Look at you.You're thick as heck.

You're thickerthan a normal Susan.

Whoa!

Good grief, man!Were you in on this?!

That's shady.

Do your parents knowwhat you do all day?

I mean, honestly.

[ Leaves rustle ]

[ Heavy footsteps ]

Giant bear?Come on!

I fought The Lich at the edgeof space‐time, man.

You're out of your depth.You best just roll on, brah.

[ Sniffs ]

Hey!

[ Growls ]

Hey.Hey, hey, hey, hey!

[ Growls ]

[ Grunts ]

[ Groans ]

See?!I told you!

Alva:Stop!Nej, nej, nej!

[ Speaking Swedish ]

Bzzt!

[ Buzzer ]

Oof!

[ Speaking Swedish ]

Come, Albert.

[ Water trickling ]

Hmm.

Hey!

You're a human, right?

Do you knowwhere my friends are?

A dog, a robot,and another human who smells ‐‐

and I've been saying thisa lot ‐‐ not great.

Does this mean I made itto the human place?

[ Egg whistling ]Did you send for me?

Are you the mayor of here

or like the tribe leader?

I‐I mean ‐‐ Agh.

I'm sorry.I don't know what I'm saying.

[ Whistling continues ]

Hi.

Hmm.

Bzzt.

[ Buzzer ]

[ Whistling continues ]

Thanks.

Can I havemy backpack back...pack?

Huh?!

[ Growling ]

[ Clicks tongue ]

[ Grunts ]

Lady!

[ Growls ]

Lady, you can't just ‐‐

Hmm...

Oh!

[ Yawns ]

[ Smacks lips ]

♪♪

No.

No!

No.

No.

One last time,

have you seenmy brother anywhere?

He looks like this.

This guy.His name is Jake.

En hund!

Mnh.

Oh.

What?

You want me to draw you?

Oh.

I didn't drawthat picture of Jake.

I don't know how to draw,really.

Banana Guard 16tried to teach me once,

but it didn't stick.

[ Chuckles ]Okay.

[ Scribbling ]

Okay.

[ Sighs ]

[ Speaking Swedish ]

[ Thunder crashes ]

[ Wind howling ]

Ooh! Ooh‐ooh.Ooh. Ooh!

Het, het, het, het, het!

Het! Het, het, het!

What, a‐are you folks afraidof thunder?

[ Screams ]

Lady!

I know a lotabout living in trees,

and this thing's not going to...hold.

[ Beeps ]

This place is teched out.

I should have known, I guess,

since you talkedto that net earlier.

You can't understand me,can you?

Something's been bubbling upinside me.

I really want to say itout loud,

but I've beenembarrassed.

Okay.

Are crabs robots?

In what wayisn't a crab a robot?

[ Film reel clicking ]I guess I understandthat BMO's not a crab,

but I don't understandwhy BMO's not a crab.

Shh!

Lady,where did everyone go to?

Shh.

Finn: Hey, that's you!Your name's Alva.

Hi, Alva.

Oh.

So that's it?

That's humans?!

We came all this way.[ Sighs ]

It's just you and me,Alva.

And Susan, I guess,if she's okay.

I don't know.

[ Howling stops ]Huh?

Hmm?

Sounds likethe storm stopped.

[ Objects rattle ]

Hunden!

♪♪

Hmm.No sign of him.

[ Jake screams ]

Jake!

Hyah!

[ Electricity buzzes ]

[ Grunting ]

Finn: Jake!Hey, Jake!

Oh, hey, buddy.

Man, am I glad to see you.Hold on a second.

[ Grunts ]

Man, this place sucks!

I got attacked by 19 giant crabsin just the last 30 seconds.

Yeah, man.I almost got eaten by this‐‐

Hey, that's awesome.

Now let's getthe heck outta here.

Are they coming, too?I'm not sharing my rations.

What?No, this is Alva.

I‐I think she's human.

Alva?

Alva, have you seen my friends?

BMO and Susan?

Oh, stuff, man.That's the slow shake.

That's the universaldeath gesture!

Nej, nej![ Speaking Swedish ]

[ Continues in Swedish ]

Oh, shoot, man.More islands.

BMO and Susan must've washedall up on one of all up of them.

Well, it looks likethere's only three more.

This shouldn't be too hard.Right?

Waiter: Sir BMO?

[ Classy piano music plays ]

Another Finn cake, sir?

Oui.

Ah, this if the life.

I wish you guys could be here,too ‐‐ on the moon.

And Susan, too, I guess.

She seems...fine.

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Mystery Dungeon" from season 5, which aired on January 21, 2013.

Characters
Ice King
Tree Trunks
Earl of Lemongrab
Shelby
Neptr
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving
Music
None
Locations
Mystery Dungeon
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode begins with a fade-in sequence with Shelby sleeping on Tree Trunks' head. Tree Trunks nudges Shelby with her trunk.]
Tree Trunks: Shelby. Shelby, wake up.
Shelby: [Wakes up confused and dazed.] Where am I? Tree Trunks, what's going on?!
Tree Trunks: Uh, you've been snoozing on my dome. I just woke up in this room with these fellas: Nectar, Ice Cream, and one of the Lemoncarbs.
[Neptr starts rubbing Ice King's beard, while Lemongrab is still sleeping, but then wakes up.]
Lemongrab: Awake. [starts turning his head around.] Avast, hold tight your buns, if buns you do hold dear; for time has come to wake and run and not give way to fear!
Tree Trunks: What are those awful words?
Lemongrab: [turns his head to the wall and to the normal direction.] I'm reading the wall. [Points to the wall.] They are wall words.
Tree Trunks: Beyond this room are a thousand rooms, outside of them still more.
Shelby: Behind each door, on every floor, danger, danger, ever more.
Neptr: Stranger, hark! The traps galore may kill you whilst you do explore. To free yourself - [waits for Ice King to start reading.]
Ice King: [Writing something in a book.] Huh? Oh. Now where were we? To free yourself from this tomb, and nevermore re-enter, find the room amidst the rooms that lies exactly center?
[The wall starts glowing red which then reveals a map.]
Shelby: It's a map!
Lemongrab: I no longer need this map. I have infallible recall.
[The walls starts to close in on the gang.]
Tree Trunks: Oh! The room is trying to hug us! [She jumps through a door which leads to a bottomless chasm.] Oh no!
Ice King: Oh, dag.
Neptr: Check out my mods, bro. [Neptr extends his arm and grabs Tree Trunks and pulls her in.]
Lemongrab: Enough of this! [Opens a latch on the floor which was the latch for a trapdoor which they all fall through.]
Ice King: Huh? This room doesn't have any doors. 
Tree Trunks: W- We're trapped!
Lemongrab: [groans] This is wrong. The map lied to me-e. It doesn't want me to find the EXIT! Ice King, h-how do you taste?
Ice King: Uh, nice, I guess? 
Lemongrab: Mild or SPICY?!
Ice King: Oh, uh - [has a flashback of himself kissing his hand in front of Gunter.] Kinda lonely.
Lemongrab: Make yourself into food! Now!
Ice King: You're going to eat me? Yeah, right.
Neptr: Slop your mouths up. I have found an oven and baking supplies. 
Tree Trunks: I can make an apple pie for all of us.
Lemongrab: Make them fast, servile.
Tree Trunks: If you want a taste of my juicy apple pie you better be nice. You got that?
Lemongrab: I am sorry. Make pies, slave.
Tree Trunks: Okay, that's better, now let's see about this pie business.
[After some time, Tree Trunks finishes baking the apple pie.]
Tree Trunks: All right, gentlemen. Have a look at my luscious, gooey apple pie.
[The guys sniff the freshly baked apple pie with delight. The scent leads into a rat's home and attracts the large rat. The rat jumps through the door to eat the pie.]
Lemongrab: No! [he punches the rat, possibly killing it and starts eating the pie out of the rat's mouth.] Acceptable.
Shelby: Uh, Lemongrab?
Lemongrab: WHAT?!
Shelby: Never mind.
Ice King: Come on, you guys. That mouse showed us the room door.
[The gang starts crawling through the cave.]
Ice King: [to Neptr] Say, you know what's weird?
Neptr: What, Papi?
Ice King: Well, isn't it weird how Tree Trunks' ability to make pies is specifically what helped us escape from that room?
Neptr: I make pies, too, Papi.
Ice King: Right, yeah, like, battery pies or summin'? [laughs]
Neptr: No. Real pies. Don't you remember? I am your s- [gets cut off by Ice King.]
Ice King: Hey! Look, another room!
[They enter a burgundy-brown, steam-filled room with a pool and an exit on the other side.]
Ice King: Good grief, it's humid in here.
Lemongrab: That door will lead us closer to the exit!
Ice King: Hold up, hold up! [He grabs Lemongrab's arm and pulls him away from the pool.] Look! [He points at the fish monster, that has a plug chained to his tail. It's plugged up to a hole so the water wouldn't escape.]
Ice King: There has to be a way to get across without that thing chompin' our WOO-HOOS!
Neptr: Can't you fly us across, Papi?
Ice King: Oh yeah, I can sure try.
[The Ice King reaches up with his arms as he groans. He falls down right after.]
Ice King: Nggh! Aw dang, this heat is negating my powers! Can't do nothin' with this steam coming off the water. [Ice King sticks his hand in the water]
[The monster hisses at them as its head reaches above the water; the gang flinches.]
Ice King: NGH, glob! Fah! [He attempts using his ice powers on it but he fails.] Nagh! Look at this! [He does a raspberry with a disapproving face.] Well, that's it. Show's over. I'll just die here and y'all can eat my body if you want to survive.
[Lemongrab extends his mouth open by his jaw, revealing his sharp teeth.]
Tree Trunks: Golly, how we ever gonna worm our way out of this... fishy situation?
Shelby: I think I have an idea.
[The scene cuts to Tree Trunks holding a knife in her mouth, being tied around her stomach with the bottom half of Ice King's robe. There is a hook above Tree Trunks that the stretched cloth is on, making it possible for Tree Trunks to hang over the monster. Ice King is seen pulling on the cloth, that's actually still attached to his robe.]
Shelby: That's a girl, Tree Trunks! You can do it!
[Ice King lowers Tree Trunks, making her closer to the water.]
Shelby: [sighs] This is gonna work out just fine.
[Tree Trunks is half submerged in the water, looking nervous.]
Tree Trunks: Oh, that's warm on my undercarriage.
[The fish monster quickly reaches above water and opens its mouth, and closes it fast when Tree Trunks was inside. Ice King groans as he pulls the cloth.]
Ice King: H-help me guys!
Neptr: Yes, Papi! [He approaches him and pinches his knee.]
Ice King: NNGH! Lemongrab, c'mon!
[Lemongrab groans lazily, and his arm reaches the cloth, but the Ice King falls, the cloth falling with him before Lemongrab can even hold it. The plug that was chained to the fish's tail unplugs, draining the water. The Ice King falls backwards, and the fish lands on its back. A knife pokes through from the inside, creates a line and Tree Trunks pops her head out of the fish's body.]
Tree Trunks: Bleh! Wow, that was heavy, man.
[They cheer for Tree Trunks.]
Tree Trunks: Aw yeah, I've been reborn!
Neptr: Look! [He points at the path leading to the door. The rest of the water has escaped.]
Tree Trunks: Let's go then!
[They all exit the room, a wall closing the door from the top of the frame. The Ice King looks around in the room they entered, and is slapped by a maroon tentacle.]
Neptr: Papi, no! [He releases a pie from his microwave, and he gets hit by a tentacle too.] Ouchies!
[A three-eyed tentacle monster hisses at them.]
[Lemongrab is running around with Shelby on his head. He is wielding his sound sword as he screams like an imbecile.]
Tree Trunks: Look out,  Shelby!
Lemongrab: WOOAH! WUOAGH!
[One of the tentacles grabs Lemongrab, and raises him up to the monster's face. The monster squishes him, and lemon juice spurts from his head.]
Lemongrab: OUGHF! MY JUICE!! MY VITAL JUICES!!!
[The juice is squirted into the monster's eyes, making it hiss in pain.]
Lemongrab: MOMMY!!!
[The monster explodes, Ice King covers his face from the explosion and Lemongrab is seen kneeling on the floor after the smoke clears up. A spiked wall is opened up revealing a door, and they both look at it.]
Lemongrab: The hidden door! Hohuugh.. [He falls to the ground, looking floppy and thin.]
Lemongrab: My vital essence depleted... Must.. replenish...
Tree Trunks: Oh, step back, you all. [Tree Trunks approaches Lemongrab and inserts her trunk into his mouth. She then blows. Some lemon juice squirts out of him.]
Shelby: Ugh!
[She blows again, making Lemongrab look inflated and puffy. Lemon juice squirts around, hitting the Ice King.]
Ice King: Ew.
[Lemongrab smacks his lips and opens his eyes.]
Lemongrab: Nugh.. That'll do, Slave Trunks. To the spiraling ledge! [He points at the exit of the room.]
[Scene cuts to Ice King and Lemongrab running through a path.]
Ice King: We almost there, Lemongrab?
Lemongrab: Yes.
[It then cuts to Tree Trunks running, with Shelby on her head.]
Shelby: Faster, TT!
Tree Trunks: Don't criticize my running, Shelby.
[They run into the next room and fall though a break in the stairs and the Ice King's robe works like a parachute, and Lemongrab, Tree Trunks, Shelby, and Neptr, grab hold and land safely. Lemongrab walks to the next door.]
Lemongrab: This door leads to the center exit!
Neptr: The door is secured with an esoteric encryption system.
[Ice King picks up Tree Trunks and starts patting her.]
Ice King: Well that's okay, 'cause you can hack the mainframe or whatever, right BMO?
Neptr: I'm not BMO, I'm your son Neptr. I-I throw pies.
[Ice King drops Tree Trunks and starts cluching his beard.]
Ice King: Ohhhs! I grabbed the wrong robot! [starts muttering angerly.] Dang! Nuts face!
Shelby: Uhhh ... what is going on here Ice King?
Tree Trunks: Yes, I'm getting a weird feeling in my stomach, and I think it's 'cause of you, Mr. Wizard you'd better fess up to whatever you're doing. [Cuts to Ice King looking around] I got no time for nobody dancing around and acting fool at my expense. [Cuts to scenes of the others looking around as she speaks] I'm Tree Trunks and people know I'm kind and honest, that's why people like me. [Cuts to Ice King writing in his book again]
Ice King: Huh? Wha-wha-what's she sayin'?
Tree Trunks: So stop sellin' fib-bibs and give it straight! [Pointing at Ice King with her trunk]
Ice King: [Closes book] Grrrr! All right! I knocked you all out and brought you here!
[Cuts to them looking at Ice King]
Ice King: [Puts the book inside his beard] I'm sorry, but I had to do it. Each of you possess the exact qualities to pass the various tests of this dungeon: Tree Trunks with your baking skills; [cuts to Tree Trunks] Lemongrab with your lemony-juicy... [cuts to Lemongrab]
Lemongrab: Essence.
Ice King: Yeah... [cuts to Shelby] Shelby, who should've been the bait for the fish.
Shelby: Yeah..but no, thanks. [cuts to Neptr]
Ice King: And..BMO, who should've been here instead of this weird piece of junk that I don't remember nothin' about. [Neptr looks ashamed, slowly gets off the screen] Ahhh, I failed!
Neptr: Father! Look at me. [Neptr proceeds to throw a pie he just baked at the door, it makes short circuit-like sounds and opens up to them, Ice King is amused]
Neptr: Are you happy with me now, Papi?
Ice King: [Laughs somewhat maniacally] Yes! Yes! Oh, my son! [Grabs and hugs Neptr, he seems happy] The grand prize of my loins!
[Scene cuts to them entering the chamber as Ice King laughs]
Ice King: Now you see why I needed to bring you all here. Behold! The Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving!
Tree Trunks: What's it do?
Ice King: Whatever goes in the Magi's flames..comes to life, anything at all!
Tree Trunks: Uh, like an ashtray?
Ice King: [Looking extremely rejoiced] Yes! Isn't it amazing?!
Shelby: [Annoyed] Uh..You should've told us! I would've freaking brought something!
Ice King: Do not be sad. Because I brought the ultimate thing! [shows them his book] This.
Neptr: Your journal?
Ice King: Except..it's not my journal! [flips it] It's my Fionna & Cake fan-fiction! [Shelby stares at him with contempt] All my brilliant fantasies will now be real. [Ice King looks at the blue flames that surround the Magi wearing an expression of silly hope] Fionna, Cake, Marshall Lee; they'll all be living, breathing beings, just like me.
Lemongrab: [robotic tone] You serve no function, you must be destroyed! [Ice King throws the book in the flames and the Magi grabs it as Lemongrab attacks Ice King with his sound sword] [A wall of flames rises and Ice King gets up, his beard is gone]
Ice King: Yes! Yes! [A very dumb crossed-eyed book with arms and legs comes out of the flames]
Book: Woo, hahaha, yeah! [Farts]
Ice King: [Ice King looks more than disappointed] No..NO! Another cruel joke on my life! [Ice King collapses onto ground, the book approaches him and starts jumping on him, the flames around the Magi start to dissipate and he opens his eyes]
Ice King: Oh, good..you're awake, you bum. Look what you did..[Ice King points at the Magi, the Magi looks annoyed, the book says something] Get out of my Face! Yeah, yeah Get out! [The Magi goes flying out of a hole up in the chamber as Ice King threatens him with his fist]
[Scene cuts to Finn and Jake in the grasslands, a dusk behind them]
Finn: [Serious] This is the spot? Right here? [The Magi comes out of the ground, Finn and Jake don't see him] What was that?!
Tree Trunks: C'mon Ice Cream. We-we're leavin' [The book farts on Ice King, he is lying on the ground]
Ice King: [Reluctantly] OK.
[Scene cuts to Jake]
Jake: [Sniffs] I'm tellin' you dude, my pie-dar's goin' 'nay-nays. [Sniffs]
[A door on the grass opens and Lemongrab holding Neptr, Tree Trunks, Shelby, and Ice King holding the book come out]
Jake: Oww!
Book: Write in me!
Finn: What the—This is very strange.
Jake: TT! Where is the pie at?! [Shelby gets off Tree Trunks]
Tree Trunks: Oh, Mister Lemoncarb ate it.
Lemongrab: [Quickly] Bye, don't follow me. [Lemongrab leaves]
Shelby: Hey, Jake can I catch you a ride back home?
Jake: Yeah, but what the heck is goin' on here? [Points at Ice Kng that is behind him, sitting on the grass and holding the book]
Shelby: Ice King was doin' some... desperate business, but it didn't work out. [Neptr approaches Ice King] He seems pretty bummed out 'bout it.
Neptr: Don't be sad, Papi. Your characters can always be real in the garden of your mind.
Ice King: [Holds Neptr's hand] They can? [Wears that expression of silly hope again]
Neptr: Remember when you showed me your imagination zone?
Ice King: Yes! Yes, if I can concentrate... [closes eyes]
[Cuts to imagination zone, Fionna is there floating with Ice King]
Ice King: [Laughs] It worked!
Fionna: [Speaking with Neptr's voice] I missed you, Ice King!
Ice King: Oh, Fionna, can dreams be real as waking life?
Fionna: Of course they can! Dreams are real!
Ice King: Then I will wait for you, from across the threshold of consciousness.
[Scene cuts to Neptr]
Neptr: Our worlds will surely meet, Ice King.
[Cuts to imagination zone]
Ice King: [Blushing with his eyes closed] I, too, feel this; and it feels so strong it must be true.
[Cuts to Finn and Jake, Shelby on Finn's shoulder staring at the Ice King]
Finn: [Ice King keeps talking to himself waving his hands while holding the book, book says something] Who in this world is sadder than the Ice King?
Shelby: [Ice King keeps rambling on] Me, watching this.
Book: [flailing hands around] Yeah! Write it down! Write it down!

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Mystery Train" from season 2, which aired on March 14, 2011.

Characters
Finn
Jake (the conductor)
Train riders
Music
None
Locations
A train
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode begins with Finn sleeping and Jake placing a blindfold over his eyes. Jake is being held in the air by floating balloons and is wearing a birthday hat. He takes off the hat and blows into it, which creates a loud noise and awakens Finn, who jumps out of his sleeping bag.]
Jake: Happy birthday!
Finn: Jake! Is that you? I can't see! [Moves arms around blindly]
Jake: Right! That's because-
Finn: I'm blind?! Jake! I'm blind on my birthday!
Jake: No dude, you're blindfolded.
Finn: [Feels blindfold] Oh...
Jake: [Puts hands on the blindfold] Keep the blindfold on. I've got a surprise for you.
[The scene transitions to Jake floating down while carrying a still-blindfolded Finn in front of the Candy Kingdom. Jake unties the balloon strings and they float off.]
Jake: [Takes blindfold off of Finn] Surprise!
Finn: [Takes the blindfold out of Jake's hand] Orange blindfold? That is a surprise!
Jake: That's not the surprise. This is!
[Camera panels out onto a train.]
Finn: You got me a train? [Hugs Jake tightly] Thank you, Jake!
Jake: [Struggling to talk] This isn't the gift!
Finn: Huh?
Jake: We have to take the train to get to the gift.
Finn: Oh. Almost as cool as a free train! [Hugs Jake again]
Jake: I'll go get the tickets.
Finn: Okay!
[Jake stretches across to the ticket booth]
[The Conductor is seen walking to the front of the train.]
Finn: Hey! Mr. Conductor! It's ma birthday!
[Conductor begins to climb up the ladder to the entrance but stops and turns around to Finn.]
Conductor: Oh? Climb aboard my train, little boy, you're my new friend. He hehe hehehe. [Continues to laugh while Finn has a worried look on his face] All aboard! [Rings bell]
[The scene transitions to Finn and Jake sitting down on the moving train.]
Finn: This is gonna be the best birthday ever!
Jake: Heheh. I'm gonna go grab a schedule! [Climbs off the seat and out of the train car]
[The train begins to get bumpy and the train begins to shake.]
Mr. Candy Cane: Whoa! [Hits Colonel Candy Corn, who is his passenger, in the head with himself by mistake.] Terribly sorry, Colonel!
Colonel Candy Corn: [Chuckles] That's quite alright. Just don't let it happen again. [Chuckles again]
[The conductors voice appears over the intercom.]
Conductor over intercom: Sorry about that, folks. We're approaching Gumball Gulch now. The rides gonna get a little bumpy until we reach the straight-away and you might wanna buckle up! [Laughs]
Jake: [Comes back with a schedule in his hand.] Found a schedule!
Finn: Great! Now find your seatbelt.
[The train begins to bump up and down on the tracks. Mr. Candy Cane begins to hit Colonel Candy Corn on the head repeatedly with his own.]
Mr. Candy Cane: Jeez Louise! So sorry about that Colonel! [Hits him again] Beg your pardon! [Hits him again] Sorry! Whoa!! [Hits Colonel in the head repeatedly]
[The train leaves Gumball Gulch and is now running smoothly]
Mr. Candy Cane: Colonel, I am so sorry.
Finn: Hey! We're in the straight-away!
Mr. Candy Cane: Oh, I want to see! [Peers out window. The train hits a bump and he hits Colonel in the head once again.]
Colonel Candy Corn: I'm gonna kill you!
[Train enters a tunnel and it goes dark for a couple seconds. When they get out of the tunnel Mr. Candy Cane is a skeleton. Colonel Candy Corn sees this and runs away.]
Finn: A skeleton... [Mr. Candy Cane's hat falls off. Dr. Donut begins to walk over to him.] Is he going to be okay, Doctor Donut?
Doctor Donut: He doesn't look good.
Jake: Hey man, this is kinda a bad scene. Maybe we should get off the train and huff it to your surprise.
Finn: Are you kidding? It's a murder mystery! On a train! [Squeezes his hat's ears] And we're gonna solve it.
Jake: [Crosses arms] Alright.
Finn: What'dya think, Doctor Donut? Any clues?
Doctor Donut: [Touches Mr. Candy Cane's skull] Hmm. I think it was the guy would screamed 'I'm gonna kill you.'
[Passengers look over at Colonel Candy Corn and gasp and mumble.]
Colonel Candy Corn: No, no! It wasn't me, I swear!
[Finn pops up]
Finn: Passengers, passengers! I don't think it was Colonel Candy Corn.
Colonel Candy Corn: Thank you!
Finn: No, in murder mysteries it's never the first person you think of. Never ever.
Marshmallow Kid: So who do you think it is?
Finn: [Turns to Colonel] Colonel, do you have any enemies on this train?
Colonel Candy Corn: Just one! And his or her name is...
[The train enters a tunnel and when the light is shown again Colonel Candy Corn is now a skeleton as well. The passengers start screaming.]
Finn: See? I knew it wasn't him! [Starts to walk down the train car] But now we need to figure out who his enemy is. It could be anybody.
Green Gumdrop Dude: It could even be you.
Finn: Yes it could. [Walks over face to face with him] Except I didn't do it.
Green Gumdrop Dude: But... we don't know that.
Finn: [Points at him] You singled me out to take suspicion of yourself! Are you Colonel Candy Corn's enemy?
Green Gumdrop Dude: What? No! I was just trying to join in on the conversation!
Finn: [Walks away from him and points at him] Suspect numero uno!
[The train enters another tunnel and when they get out Green Gumdrop Dude is a skeleton. Finn gasps.]
Finn: Rat traps! Really thought I was onto something!
Jake: Now I know this is going to sound crazy, but what about the conductor?
Finn: No it's definitely not him.
Jake: [Disappointed] Oh. Why not?
Finn: 'Cause he's weird and creepy. And you never suspect the creepy guy because he's too obvious.
Jake: Whatever, man. I'm gonna go sit and look at the schedule. [Turns and does so]
Finn: We're running out of suspects. And we're running out of time.
Conductor: Attention! [Clears throat and laughs. He rides into view on a skateboard] Attention passengers! [Does a nollie skateboard trick.] Nollie, heheheh. Yeah hi, it's me, the conductor. Heheh. Anyway, I couldn't help overhearing that someone thinks I'm weird and creepy. And you know; I'm not weird and creepy. [Laughs] I'm cool and awesome. [Laughs for a longer period of time] Happy birthday, Finn. [Rides off]
Finn: Hey Jake.
Jake: Yeeeeeeeaaah?
Finn: The conductor was just here and he was weirder and creepier then before.
Jake: What?! No way, he was cool and awesome!
Finn: Anyway, it's still not him. [Turns and walks down the cabin hallway.]] No. The murderer is right here among us. [Walks to Doctor Donut]] Isn't that right, Doctor?
Doctor Donut: [Looks around] You think it was me?
Finn: When Candy Cane guy was murdered, you diverted suspicion to Colonel Candy Corn. [Crosses arms] Then killed him to protect your alibi.
[Jake walks over]
Doctor Donut: Are you kidding?
Jake: Dude, I think you're waaay off.
Finn: Am I? Or am I way on.
[The train enters another tunnel and when it exits, Doctor Donut is now a skeleton. Finn gasps loudly.]
Finn: Son of a-
[Train horn sounds]
[Doctor Donut's skeleton falls over.]]
Finn: My hunches aren't getting me anywhere! The killer is laughing at us, Jake.
Jake: What'dya think we should do?
Finn: Hmmm... We need hard [Punches fist] evidence!
[Scene transitions and Finn is walking down a train hallway and spots a basket of fish, eggs and a cabbage.]
Finn: Ha! [Picks up two eggs, a fish and the cabbage.] A basket of eggs, fish and cabbage!
[Scene transitions to another room of the train. Finn is reaching over a countertop. He picks up a receipt.]
Finn: It's a receipt! From an earlier train ride. From another train!
[Scene transitions to Jake and Finn looking for clues under seats. Finn finds a book.]
Finn: Jake! I found a book! It's a dictionary!
[Scene transitions to Jake and Finn crossing train cars. Pineapple Guy is seen playing the flute. Finn grabs his music on the seat.]
Finn: It's sheet music! [Shows the music to Jake]
[Scene transitions to Jake and Finn looking at different information on a large chalkboard.]
Finn: It doesn't make any sense to me. [Raise arms quizzically]
Jake: Me neither! [Raises arms quizzically and then crosses them.] Maybe the murderer is just too smart for us.
Finn: Yes! Jake, that's it! It's all so clear now! Gather everyone in the caboose and I will reveal a murderer!
[The scene transitions to everyone in the caboose.]
Finn: You're the only remaining passengers. So the murderer, is in this caboose. [Everyone starts to murmur.]
Finn: Let me explain how I know who the murderer is. [Points] I saw Pineapple Guy skim through the sheet music. Sheet music to a song that's very special to Lollipop Girl. A song that reminds her of Ice Cream Guy. [Lollipop Girl and Ice Cream Guy look at each other] Before Colonel Candy Corn's aide, Doctor Ice Cream was in possession of a basket of cabbage, fish and eggs. [Doctor Ice Cream blushes and turns to Pineapple Guy.] And you, Pineapple Guy, have cabbage bits on your socks! [Pineapple guys moves his feet, showing cabbage bits on them] And you! [Points to the back of the group] Chocolate Bar Guy! [Everyone turns to him. Finn holds up the dictionary.] Does this dictionary look familiar? A dictionary that contains the words [Opens the dictionary and points to a word circled in red pen] Rid! [Turns page] Guests! [Turns page] At once!
[The passengers all gasp]
Finn: But the real murderer is someone no one suspects! The real murderer is-
[The train enters a tunnel and when it exits, everyone except Jake and Finn are skeletons. Finn gasps and the two look at each other.]
Finn: No one was the murderer?!
Jake: The conductor's still on the train!
Finn: Oh yeah! He did it.
Jake: Yay, you did it, you solved it, Finn!
Finn: I knew it; because he's creepy.
Jake: What?! Humpf.
Finn: I know. You knew he was the murderer all along. I couldn't have done it without [Raises finger to poke him] you, you, you [Pokes Jake and then hugs him tightly]
Jake: Thank you.
Finn: We make a great team, pal.
[He squeezes him very tightly. The train enters a tunnel and when it emerges, Jake is a skeleton.]
Finn: You feel kinda bony. [Opens eyes, screams and drops Jake. Bends down and touches his skeleton.] Jake? [He hugs his skeleton.] NOOOOOOOOOOO!
[The conductor is seen at the end of the train car. He is carrying a skateboard and a wooden sword.]
Conductor: [Chuckles] Hey.
Finn: How could you murder all those Candy People?! And, you murdered Jake on my birthday! [Turns Jake's skeleton around.]
Conductor: Yes, and you're next.
Finn: [Puts down Jake's skeleton and picks up the Root Sword.] Wrong!
[The Conductor rides off and Finn chases after him. The conductor does a trick over to the next car and unhinges the caboose from the rest of the train. Finn jump across to the train car. The Conductor is already at the end of the train car and Finn runs over to him. The Conductor unhinges the train car and begins to climb on top of the train. Finn jumps across and follows him up. The conductor rides across the top of a train car while Finn chases. The Conductor jumps down the train car and unhinges it from the rest of the train.]
Finn: I'm coming for you! [Jumps into the air onto the train car with the Conductor] This is for Jake! [Swipes down his sword and the Conductor dodges it. They collide swords and Finn swipes again, the Conductor dodges it and hits the control panel. The train is seen to be heading towards a cliff.] You're going down, or both of us are going down! [Finn collides his sword with the Conductor's three times. The Conductor is sitting on the ground and Finn goes face to face.] My birthday wish, is vengeance! [Raises sword] Happy birthday to me!!
Conductor: Wait! [Stretches himself around to reveal that it is actually Jake covered in paint.
Finn: [Throws sword aside.] You're alive!! [Hugs Jake tightly and laughs] You were the conductor the whole time?!
Jake: [Licks the rest of the paint off of himself.] Yup. You were so focused on the murders because you never even noticed! [Flashback shows that when Jake was looking at the schedule, he stretched himself around the corner, got painted and stretched himself into the conductor.] The skeletons were the hardest part. [It shows Mr. Candy Cane throwing his fake skeleton in the dark to Colonel Candy Corn, who places in next to him and screams. Mr. Candy Cane gives a thumbs up before hiding in a vent.] It was all an elaborate set up for your birthday present!
Finn: So nobody was murdered?
Jake: Nope! Not unless you count the train's control panel!
[The control panel is very broken and sparks are shooting out. The two laugh but then start to scream as they see they are heading off of broken train tracks and off a cliff. The train falls and lands on Gelatin Man. The Candy people who were on the train are around the train and start to cheer. The two are still screaming, Jake opens his eyes and stops.]
Jake: Dude, open your eyes!
Finn: Hey, we're alive!
[The scene transitions to the a bunch of Candy People finishing off the song "Happy Birthday" around a big table.]
Candy People: -to you!
Finn: Wow, this is the best birthday ever. Thanks, Jake.
Jake: You deserve it, buddy. [Points fork at Finn] Because you're a great friend.
[The two begin to cut their cake.]
Finn: I think my favorite part was landing on the Gelatin. That musta taken forever to plan. [Raises a piece of cake to his mouth and eats it.]
Jake: Nope! That part was a total accident.
Finn: Oh. So we could have...
Jake: Died horribly? Yes. Happy birthday, pal! [Goes back to cutting his cake]
[Finn stares up at the broken train tracks.]

The episode ends.

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "My Two Favorite People" from season 1, which aired on May 3, 2010.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Lady Rainicorn
Tiffany
Music
None
Locations
Grass Lands
Lady Rainicorn's house
Tree Fort
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[Finn and Jake are fighting a shark and Science Cat in front of their house.]
Jake: Pussy cat! Come here!
[The science cat throws a potion on him that turns Jake into a butterfly.]
Jake: Hey!
[The cat begins to chase Jake.]
Jake: Help!
Finn: Don't worry! His spells never last long.
Jake: Who are these guys? This is a great fight!
Finn: Yeah! You never fought them? They come out every day at four o’clock on the dot.
[Jake reverts to his normal form.]
Jake: I guess that's because I meet Lady Rainicorn every day at four o'clock on the dot. Oh shoot! I'm late!
Finn: You should stay, man. At five o'clock every day, I chop both their heads off, and they grow them back for the next day.
Jake: Aw, man, that sounds awesome! I do want to stay and fight those guys, but I also want to hang out with my girlfriend.
Finn: Boo!
Jake: [sighs] I should probably go. I'll see ya later, buddy. [Jake rides off in his bike.]
Finn: Bye! Hyaaaaaaaaah! [Finn charges at the Shark and Science Cat.]
Jake: [sighs] Oh!
[Jake rides up to Lady Rainicorn's house and climbs up onto the roof with Lady Rainicorn.]
Jake: Sorry! Sorry I'm late. Finn and I were fighting this shark and science cat, and I lost track of time. Anyway, I’m here now, M'lady, and I have brought to you half an orange.
[Lady Rainicorn and Jake eat their orange.]
Lady Rainicorn: Ooh! 고마워! ("Thanks!") [A beam from her horn hits a tree and turns it blue.]
Jake: Nice! Now make that green! [Lady turns the river green.]
Jake: [giggles] Ha ha ha! Yeah, that's good.
Lady Rainicorn: [yawns] 자러 가야겠다. (" I may have to go to sleep.")
Jake: Sleep! But we were supposed to play viola together!
Lady Rainicorn: 미안해. ("I'm sorry.")] [Kisses Jake on the head.] 니가 늦게 왔잖아. ("It's because you came late.")
Jake: [sighs] Yeah. Sorry again for coming so late.
Lady Rainicorn: 잘 자. ("Good night.") Jake
[Jake is riding home on a path through a forest on his bike with his viola in the basket.]
Shelby: [Pops out of the viola.] Hi Jake.
Jake: Oh, hey, Shelby.
Shelby: Why you looking so down in the dumps?
[Jake makes a kind of deflating noise.]
Shelby: No response, huh? Guess you're good.
Jake: I'm fed up, Shelby!
Shelby: Hmm?
Jake: Whenever I hang out with Lady Rainicorn, I miss out on fun times with Finn.
[Jake is using hand gestures to add emphasis, but he is riding a bike so he keeps swerving.]
Jake: And then when I hang out with Finn, I'm missin' out on Lady Rainicorn! [He lifted his hands in the air and he crashes into a tree.] Oh!
Shelby: [Popping out of the viola again.] Hey, Jake, why don't you just hang out with both of them at the same time?
Jake: [Jake props himself up, throwing the leaves off.] And then I won't miss anything! Shelby! My problems are solved.
[Screen wipes to Finn, Jake, and Lady Rainicorn having a picnic by a fire pit.]
Jake: Ah, isn't this great? This is totally great. [To Finn] Isn't it?
Finn: Yeah.
Jake: [To Lady Rainicorn] Isn't it?
Lady Rainicorn: 맞아. ("You’re right.") [Jake laughs deeply.]
Finn: [Excitedly] What? What did she say?
Jake: She said she also thinks it's great.
Finn: Oh.
Jake: Yeah.
[Silent pause.]
Jake: Hmm... [Jake crawls up in front of them.] Hey, did you know that you both have an awesome sense of humor?
Finn: We do?
Jake: Yeah! Anybody have a joke?
Finn: Oh, I have a joke! [Laughs.] Okay, [laughs] okay. Knock knock.
Lady Rainicorn: 누구세요 ("Who's there?")
Jake: She said, "who's there?"
Finn: Diarrhea!
Jake: 쟤가 설사래. ("He said "diarrhea.")
Lady Rainicorn: 어, 나도 들었어. 뭐야, 하나도 재미없잖아. ("Oh, I got it too. What was that? It hardly qualifies as a joke.") [Sips drink]
Finn: Did she say diarrhea who?
Jake: Uh, no. No, she didn't say, "diarrhea who?" She didn't... say it. Lady, how 'bout you tell a joke?
Lady Rainicorn: 글쎄.. 뭐가 있었을까? 아! 우리 완전히 다 벗고 상추밭 미친듯이 뛰어다닌 거 기억 나? [Jake and Lady Rainicorn giggle] 그 농부 아저씨 완전 맛이 갔었지! ("Maybe... What could it have been? Ah! Do you remember when we got completely naked, and frantically ran around in the farmer's cabbage patch? [Jake and Lady giggle] That farmer got crazy mad!")
Finn: What's the joke?
Jake: Uhh... well, the joke doesn’t translate very well.
Finn: Man, I- I might leave. Is it okay if I leave? I kind of want to go fight something.
Jake: Noooo! Don’t leave. [Gets up to pace.] If there was only some way you two could talk to each other directly. [Pause] Oh, dude! I just remembered! There's a universal translator device at the bottom of Lake Szelezon!
Finn: The lake guarded by evil Lake Knights?
Jake: Yeah, I can't remember why I threw it in there. Let's all go and get it!
Finn: Whoa [Runs towards Jake] [whispers] Jake! You’re inviting Rainicorn? No offense, but isn't she a little too sweet for deadly adventure?
Jake: Trust me, Finn, she’s the Rowdy Queen. She can do anything!
Finn: Hmmm. Alright! Trust pound!
[The camera shows them fist pounding and then the Adventure Time logo spins from in between their fists.]
[Finn is riding Jake towards the lake with Lady flying beside them.]
[They get to the lake and Lady turns them blue with her horn.]
Finn: Underwater camouflage!
[They are shown swimming down into the lake. Finn points towards a group of lake knights and the fight starts]
[Finn fends off a few and Jake grabs a bunch and punches them. Lady attacks a few and Finn is seen strangling one knight when he notices the treasure at the bottom of the lake. He throws aside the dead lake knight and swims towards it. He grabs the translator and gives a thumbs up to Jake and Lady. Jake is Giving a thumbs up back when the lake starts rumbling. Finn is shocked when knights begin surrounding him from the crevasse surrounding the treasure. They overcome Finn and Jake is distracted by a couple while Lady runs down and knocks them away from Finn by spinning around. Finn rides Lady past Jake and out of the lake.]
[They shout in victory.]
Finn: Lady! You are incredible! You should adventure with us all the time!
Jake: [chuckles] All according to plan.
Lady Rainicorn: 고마워, 나도 재밌었어. ("Thanks, I enjoyed it too.")
Finn: Uhhh, what?
Jake: [Runs up to them] Here's the translator. [He puts the translator around Lady's neck] Let’s see here. [Turns on the device and switches through the options] The voice options are... Old man, nerdy alien, ooor nightmare? [He has it switched to nightmare] Try sayin' something, toots!
Lady Rainicorn: [Makes scratchy, grungy noises] [Jake looks disturbed and goes to change it to old man]... and then I ate all the peaches in the orchard, and that farmer was sooo angry!
Finn: [Laughs] I like this voice!
Lady Rainicorn: [Jake switches it to nerdy aliens] [Lady makes some gurgley, indistinguishable noises] [Finn laughs again] [Jake switches it back to old man]...and that's the end of my story.
Jake: [sighs] Well, at least with old man option we can understand him, I MEAN HER! I mean you, sugar!
Lady Rainicorn: Hop on my back and I'll give you a ride home!
Finn: [laughs] Whatever you say grandpa! [Flips onto her back] Hai-yah!
Lady Rainicorn: Come on my darling. Wrap your legs around me.
Jake: [sighs] I remember why I drowned that translator now.
[Screen wipes to Finn and Jake riding on Lady's back over a forest]
Finn: Hey grandpa, how are you able to fly if you don't have wings?
Lady Rainicorn: Well, light travels from the sun. Then bounces off of our planet and then back into our eyes so we can perceive color.
Jake: Whoa! [Being bounced by Lady’s wavy flying style]
Lady Rainicorn: My body can intercept that light and dance around on it. [Jake is sliding off of her]
Jake: Lady! It's a little rocky in the back seat here!
Finn: [laughs] Shmow! [Screen cuts to the Forest Wizard giving away rings] That forest wizard is giving away free power rings!
Lady Rainicorn: Do you wanna try gettin' some Finn?
Finn: Yeahs! [Lady dives down towards the clearing]
Jake: [Flies off Lady’s tail end] Laaaadyyy! [Falls towards the forest] Fiiiiinn! [Turns into a flat hang glider-like object] Lady! [Floats down into the trees and onto the ground] [He gets up] Lady! Finn! [He grows huge and shouts above the trees] Y'all around here? [Looks around] Dang it! [Turns to see fireworks coming from the trees accompanied by the sounds of Lady and Finn having fun with the rings]
[Screen cuts to Finn, Lady, and some animals cheering for the wizard]
Finn: [While the forest wizard does tricks and the small animals cheer] Whoa! Did you see that!? This is like the funnest thing ever!
Jake: [Burst through the trees and scares everyone away] There you are! [Shrinks down] Where were you guys?
Finn: Wait a minute, you didn't fly down with us?
Lady Rainicorn: We thought you were behind us the whole time!
Jake: Noooo! [Looking sad] I fell off your tail end! [Turns and looks mad] I was shouting your name!
Lady Rainicorn: [Comes up and nudges him] Ooh! Honey pot, we probably couldn't here you because of the cloud density.
Finn: Jake! Check out these power rings! [The rings each expel some sort of magical display]
Jake: Whoa. That's cool! You got ten of them?
Finn: Yeah! Lady got some too.
Jake: [Lady shows Jake her rings] Oh, that’s cool.
Finn: Uh, You want one of mine? I’ve got so many.
Jake: Yeah! Thanks man!
Finn: Oh. Wait, I can't take them off. I guess they're cursed. [Shoots blue flames from his fingertips] Still pretty cool though.
Jake: Yeah, they're awesome. [Depressed]
[Screen wipes to Finn and Jake's house at night. Jake is sitting on the couch while Lady and Finn play a racing game]
Finn: [Jake takes a sip of his drink] [Finn and Lady laugh] Alright this time I’m gonna destroy you Rainicorn!
Lady Rainicorn: Oh, okay. [Jake starts walking up from behind them] That sounds nice.
Finn: Oh I got the sword!
Jake: Hey, Lady, you wanna go play music together or somethin'?
Lady Rainicorn: Oh, oh. Uh, I would, but I-I'm in the middle of this game.
Jake: Oh. [Goes over to Finn] Hey Finn. After this next game do you wanna go adventurin' with me?
Finn: Lady and I are going to a party in the Cloud Kingdom tonight. [Jake looks startled] You should go to that with us.
Jake: Humph! Humph Humph Humph! [sighs and looks sad] [sighs and grumbles]
Finn: Jake stop sighing you're messing up my game! [Jake sighs again] Jake! [Finn looks away from screen] What’s goin' on with you!
Jake: Mmmm, Nothin'!
Finn: Awww dang it! Man, Lady, you’re too good at this! Hey, It's time to party with clouds! Jake, you comin'?
Jake: No!
Finn: [Walking up to Jake] Dude, I thought you wanted to spend more time with me and Lady together?
Jake: I do. [Looking hurt and sad]
Finn: Then come on.
Jake: No YOU go ahead! [In a harsh tone] And YOU have fun with MY girlfriend!
Finn: Uhhh... [Jake sighs] We're gonna head to the party, but you should meet us there and stop acting weird. [Finn walks away]
Jake: [Finn and Lady are seen flying away outside the window] [sighs]
[Screen wipes to Jake sitting by pictures of him and Lady and him and Finn]
Jake: [sighs] [Looks over at a Finn-and-Jake-timeless clock, it is 11:50.] They should be back by now! [He grabs his headset phone and dials the Cloud Kingdom.]
Cloud man: Hello Cloud Kingdom.
Jake: Uh, yes, hello. Um, I’m lookin' for Finn the Human and Lady Rainicorn. [Cloud man throws a soda to someone] Hello, can you hear me? Hello.
Cloud man: Yeah, they left a while ago.
Jake: A while ago?!
Jake: [Jake bursts through the front door on his bike, looking around frantically. He looks startled.] What the-! [He stops on the hill overlooking Lady's house to find Finn and Lady hanging out without him, changing the color of things like he and Lady used to do.]
Finn: [Lady changes a tree pink.] [Finn and Lady laugh] Yeah! Now make that orange! [Lady complies.] And make that purple! [Lady complies. Jake gasps.] Wow Lady! Hanging out with you it the best!
Lady Rainicorn: I like you too Finn.
Jake: Nooo [Falls onto his knees with his arms in the air] oooooo! My girlfriend... in the arms of my best pal! [Picks up phone] Well, TWO can play at that game, sweet cheeks! [He scrolls through his contacts] Let's see... "Doug, Todd, Jerry, Dennis, Reggie, Peter, George, Larry, Luke, David, Benton, Mike R., Mike H., Mike A., Gareth, Jennings, Mr. International, Mr. Outrageous, Captain Majesty, The Flying Lettuce Brothers, Pete the Punk"... [gasp] Tiiffaanyy! [In an evil tone] PERFECT! Muhuhaha! [Calls Tiffany.]
[Cut to Lady and Finn on the roof]
Finn: [Lady and Finn laughing] Man, I wish Jake was here having fun with us. [Stops and hears viola music] Hey, where’s that music coming from?
Jake: [Him and Tiffany are sitting on stumps playing viola] Yeah, yeah, louder.
Lady Rainicorn: [Sees Jake and Tiffany] [gasps] Jake what are you doing?
Jake: Oh, hey guys. I'm just sharing a tender moment with my beautiful friend Tiffany.
Finn: Stop! You're making Lady jealous!
Jake: Well I’m trying to make you both jealous!
Finn: [Lady looks mad] Why would I be jealous of Tiffany?
Jake: Becaaause, Tiffany's a boy! [Tiffany spins around to face the camera]
Tiffany: [Laughs evilly] Jake's MY best friend now! FOREVER!
Finn: [Looks extremely startled] [gasps] [Finn growls and leaps towards Tiffany] Yaaaaaaahhh! [Tackles Tiffany out of view][They fight and Tiffany pulls out a knife, but Finn kicks it away] Home wrecker! [They continue fighting]
Lady Rainicorn: Jake, what's going on with you?
Jake: [sighs] I guess I'm just jealous of how much you and Finn like each other.
Lady Rainicorn: I'm hanging out with Finn because you wanted us to get to know each other better.
Jake: I know. Gaah.
Finn: [Finn punches Tiffany in the face while on top of him] Get out of my life Tiffany! And never come back [Punches him again]
Tiffany: [Kicks Finn off of him] No! Jake will be mine!
Jake: I'm sorry I'm an idiot baby. Forgive me?
Lady Rainicorn: Oh sweet potato, I love you BECAUSE you're an idiot. You make me feel like a genius!
Jake: [Lady and Jake laugh] You make me feel like I'm huggin' an old man. It's time to get rid of this piece of crud. [rips translator off and throws it into the grass]
Lady Rainicorn: [giggles] 이게 더 좋아? ("Do you prefer this one?")
Jake: Yeah! Waaay better! [they hug]
Finn: Beat it Tiffany! Go on! Get!
Tiffany: You'll never defeat me! I will! Be Jake's best friend! Because I'm! Tiffanyyyy [Finn spits on his head and he runs off] Ahhhhhh!
Jake: [Lady is wrapped partially around Jake] I'm sorry I was an idiot. Forgive me?
Finn: Shut up man, I don't wanna hear that stuff. [He steps into the circle made by Lady] Lemme get in there.
Jake: Let's never be stupid again.
Finn: Wait! Let's always be stupid! Forever!
[Everyone laughs and the episode ends.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Nemesis" from season 6, which aired on August 7, 2014.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Princess Bubblegum
Starchie
Peppermint Butler
Banana Guard
Colonel Candy Corn
Kenneth
Nurse Pound Cake
Science
Peace Master
Rattleballs
Snail
Music
None
Locations
Candy Kingdom
Wizard Battle Arena
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode opens in the Candy Kingdom at night, the crickets are chirping, Kenneth is seen running into an alley and going into a door]
Kenneth: Uhh, hello? Hi. Uh, is this the secret mee—[shows a guy sitting on a toilet & reading a magazine]
Candy Person: What errand? What haste?
Kenneth: Uh. Oh, shoot. Oh! "To beelzebub with the brewer's knave!" [the candy person hits a green button, which opens a door behind a urinal, Kenneth goes through it]
Starchie: Ahh, Kenneth.
Kenneth: Hey, Starchie.
Starchie: Glad you could make it. I officially call this meeting of the veritas brigade to order. [closes his eyes] Lux in tenebris.
Kenneth, Banana Guard, Nurse Pound Cake & Science: Lux in tenebris.
Starchie: [opens his eyes] So, anybody have weird stuff to report?
Nurse Pound Cake: Well, sometimes at night, I see a shadowy figure around Princess Bubblegum's tower. I have a feeling it might be otherworldly!
Starchie: Whoa, this is some good stuff. We are this close to finally exposing the princess' shady dealings. [shows Princess Bubblegum watching the meeting on a camera while eating] Meanwhile, PB remains blissfully unaware up in her ivory tower. [Princess Bubblegum snorts and laughs]
Kenneth: Excuse me. I believe I've made a startling discovery of my own. [takes a machine out of his jacket pocket with a pickle taped to it] I've developed this high-tech device. It broadcasts waves that—theoretically—disrupt parallel dimensions!
Starchie: Whoa, Kenny boy, you're blowing my mind. [Kenneth chuckles, then an evil chuckle is heard]
Peace Master: So...a tinkerer, eh? Fiddling at the fringes of unknown realms. Tell me, Kenneth, will you be ready when the flames of those evil places consume everything you hold dear?! [goes to Kenneth and hits the device out of his hand] I thought not!
Starchie: Hey, Peace Master. [gets hit in the face with Kenneth's device and falls backwards] Ohh! [Nurse Pound Cake gasps] Oh! My noodle.
Peace Master: There is something very wrong dwelling in the Candy Kingdom...a dark entity I plan to purge from the face of Ooo.
Princess Bubblegum: [shows her watching the meeting] Oh! Uh oh!
Peace Master: Its presence has infected every home, every place of business, even here in this very room. [shows the Banana Guard sweating, his fake nose and mustache starts to fall off and he fixes it] Yes, this foul creature watches us even..[breaks the light and takes out a security camera] Now! [everyone gasps, Peace Master looks at the camera] I know you can hear me. Tonight your reign ends. [shows Princess Bubblegum watching him on the camera] 'Cause I am totally gonna vanquish you! [the recording ends]
Princess Bubblegum: Whoa! Holy flippin' flap! Red alert! [flips a switch, making the alarms go off] Pep But, start brewing up some chamomile tea so I don't stress out! [Peppermint Butler goes to make the tea]
Peace Master: [growls] Sorry, I hate evil so much.
Starchie: It's all cool, Peace Master. Truth sleuths keep it real.
Peace Master: Yes. As lone scouts, we may fall, but together we will stand as a mighty force! [a device beeps, he takes it out of his pocket] Oh, dang. I gotta go. [starts to run to a window] But I shall return in one hour! [runs out the window]
Starchie: Alright, Peace Master. We'll be ready. [takes a bite of the pickle on Kenneth's device] Mm. Dill-icious!
Peace Master: [shows Peace Master running and singing] Dun-de-dun-dun-dun, Peace Master! Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun.
Peace Master's Daughter: Finally.
Peace Master: Uh, sorry about the wait, guys. Daddy was pontificating.
Peace Master's Daughter: [they start to drive off] Hey, Dad, can we go to the Sorcery and Dark Arts fair tomorrow?
Peace Master: No, honey, that stuff is highly inappropriate for kids. Daddy works very hard to protect you guys from that kind of stuff. If you only knew of the monstrosities that lurk around every corner.
Peace Master's Son: [throws a shoe at Peace Master] Dark Arts!
Peace Master: [his children laugh, he groans] Stop laughing! You're stressing daddy out! [his baby vomits on him, causing him to crash into a building] See?! See what happens when you mess with the dark arts? [kicks the bumper of his car] I'll get you, dark one! You wrecked Peace Master's minivan! [growls and drives off, shows Peppermint Butler mad and walks off]
Princess Bubblegum: [running to a room, panting, Colonel Candy Corn and the Banana Guard are sleeping and snoring] Yo! Red alert! [the Banana Guard says "Oh, shoot"] Right, guys? What'cha doin' about it?!
Colonel Candy Corn: Whoa, be careful about old man naptime, please. That could have been it for me just now.
Princess Bubblegum: What is going on here? [shows three other banana guards playing with a miniature set of land]
Banana Guard: Don't. [covers part of the set] No! [looks at another banana guard] Hey, watch your pieces, man.
Princess Bubblegum: [sighs] I thought you were gonna whip these guys into shape, Colonel.
Colonel Candy Corn: PB, you can't teach a butterfly to bark. You know what I'm saying? [shows two banana guards playing with pieces of the set] Well, they like my stories. They're good listeners. It ain't like them old days with those hard-nosed Rattleball boys. [shows Colonel Candy Corn] Say, what happened to them Rattleball boys?
Princess Bubblegum: [chuckles] Okay, you guys. Keep up the good work. [walks out of the room backwards, shows Peppermint Butler going through a door then another one, Princess Bubblegum goes through the first door then to a phone and dial's Finn and Jake's phone, the phone rings a few times]
Finn: [they come out of the tub and gasp for air] What was your count?
Jake: Uh, 3 minutes. What about you?
Finn: Uh, 3 minutes, 30 seconds.
Jake: What's that? Your invisible watch?
Finn: No, I was just pointing at my wrist.
Rattleballs: [comes out of the water and gasps for air] 57 seconds.
Jake: Oh, dang, we were both counting fast.
Finn: Hey, Rattleballs, are you sure you're waterproof?
Rattleballs: No.
Jake: Do you even need to breathe, Rattleballs?
Rattleballs: Continue training. 3, 2, 1...[they all go under water again]
Princess Bubblegum: [goes back to Princess Bubblegum, she pushes a swivel chair to the door and grunts and walks to the other door] Hey, Peps, where's the tea?!
Peppermint Butler: [shows him meditating in the room with candles lit] Uh, just a second.
Princess Bubblegum: Just leave it out for me. I'm gonna go find Finn or Rattleballs or somebody to run down this Peace Master bozo. [Peppermint Butler says "Okay, take your time."] "Take my time"? Alright.
Peppermint Butler: Ooh-wah, oooh-wah. My light will move in darkness. I go unseen by low level biddies. [chants an incantation, shows him changing and getting armor put on] Whah-ha! [his fire sword opens] Yes! Light of the hermit, reveal my nemesis, and in the folds of Horus, carry me in haste! Fold, I say! [it folds and shows Peace Master, Peppermint Butler runs towards him] Yaaaah!
Peace Master: [carrying his baby in a wrap] You going stinkhouse, baby? Ooh. [turns to Peppermint Butler] Whomp! Almost got me, but my lucky talisman sensed your presence.
Peppermint Butler: [blows the paper off his face] Haha! [they fight, Peace Master takes his fire sword and burns his armor off]
Peace Master: [the background changes back to the Candy Kingdom] Look here, friends. The beast lies exposed!
Starchie: [Peppermint Butler stands up] Oh, this is a mistake. That's my boy, Peppermint Butler.
Peace Master: His powers of darkness made me go crazy and crash my minivan earlier!
Peppermint Butler: You need to chill, Peace Master. I'm just a harmless, old butler. [lifts his pant leg up a bit, revealing something shining]
Peace Master: Mm? [Peppermint Butler takes a little sword out of his sock and charges at Peace Master, his baby barfs on Peppermint Butler] Ha ha! [takes his hat off and covers Peppermint Butler with it] In you go! You see this?! My dark wizard gobbler poots evil souls into the void.
Starchie: You can't do that to our friend!
Peace Master: Oh. I see how it is. Maybe y'all should get in here, too. [they all scream and run off, shows Peppermint Butler floating in a green slime and gurgling, saying "My candy flesh!" Peace Master swings his hat in a circle] Digest! [laughs evilly]
Kenneth: [takes out his device, hits the button, turns the knob, and rubs the pickle] Dimension disruptor, come on! Please, please, please, please! [the device beeps, Peace Master's hat starts glowing] Yes!
Peace Master: [drops his hat, Peppermint Butler crawls out from under it] Impossible!
Peppermint Butler: [coughs and gasps for air] Time-out.
Peace Master: You can't time-ou—
Peppermint Butler: [throws something on the ground] Whazaa! Whoop! [black smoke appears and Peppermint Butler disappears into it]
Peace Master: No! Your dirty hobo birthday tricks won't save you long time! You hear?! You still here?
Peppermint Butler: [voice-over] Uh, no? I-I don't know. No.
Peace Master: Then hear my challenge! On the field of wizard battles, armed in my talismans of light, I will destroy you and free my children from the spell you cast over their minds!
Peppermint Butler: [backs away] I accept!
Peace Master: See you tomorrow, butler. [picks his hat up and puts it back on]
Peppermint Butler: See you tomorrow, momo.
Peace Master: [growls] Tomorrow! [scene changes to the next day, on the field of Wizard Battle] Peppermint Burfer, show yourself!
Peppermint Butler: [the ground rumbles, a creature comes out of it and shows black smoke, Peppermint Butler comes out of it] Yeah, yeah, I'm here...momo.
Peace Master: You're the momo. Your spells are no match for my righteous charm sack. [Peppermint Butler opens his cape]
Peace Master's Son: Dark arts!
Peace Master: My kids!
Peppermint Butler: You like hunting monsters, do you? [lifts up Peace Master's son] Lords of the Nightosphere, he must pay a penalty. [Peace Master's son gets covered in gold crystals] Transfigure this babe into a super-weirdie! [the gold crystals crack, showing Peace Master's son in a different body shape]
Peace Master's Son: Ha!
Peace Master: Noooo!
Peppermint Butler: Bam! [throws Peace Master's son into the air] Now you got a monster kid.
Peace Master: Son!
Peace Master's Son: [flying through the air] Look, Pappy! Dark magic!
Peppermint Butler: Remember, you still got two non-monster kids. And if you want to keep them that way, you better toss all your charms down the hole!
Peace Master: [turns around] I will smite thee.
Peppermint Butler: A'ight. [turns Peace Master's daughter into a fairy-like creature with wings, a tail, and a horn]
Peace Master's Daughter: Whoa, sweet!
Peace Master: Nooo! [cries] Alright, alright. Okay, you win. [throws his charms down the hole]
Peppermint Butler: One more thing. Show us your underwear.
Peace Master: You fiend. [his underwear showing, his son laughs]
Peppermint Butler: Now, um, uh, walk around like a big chicken.
Peace Master: [walks like a chicken, clucks]
Peppermint Butler: [Peace Master's kids laugh] Now eat some dirt off the ground.
Peace Master: [lying on the ground] Please don't make me.
Peppermint Butler: 'Ey! You want three demon babies?!
Peace Master: [picks some dirt up and eats it]
Peppermint Butler: Okay, stop. I took it too far. [Peace Master spits the dirt out] We're done here. R-Run along, children. [throws Peace Master's baby to him, his 2 other kids go to him and hug him]
Peace Master's Son: Dada, can I go to the park and eat flies?
Peace Master: [sniffles] Yes? [scene changes to him closing the door of his minivan, he gets in his van and drives away, shows Peppermint Butler walking away, the camera zooms out]
Colonel Candy Corn: [voice-over] Princess, I think I got something on camera 206! [the camera shows a snail licking a plant] Just look at that sicko.
Princess Bubblegum: [looking at a different monitor] Where's Peace Master?! Gah, I am freaking out here!
Peppermint Butler: [Peppermint Butler walks in with a tray with tea on it] Princess, your chamomile tea.
Princess Bubblegum: Whff! Thanks. [drinks the tea]
Colonel Candy Corn: [talking quietly] Well, how do I check my e-mails on this?

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "No One Can Hear You" from season 3, which aired on November 14, 2011.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Stag (nonspeaking)
Princess Bubblegum
Candy People
Peppermint Butler
Starchie
Music
None
Locations
Candy Kingdom
Candy Kingdom Hospital
Sewer
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode begins in the Candy Kingdom with a stag licking Starchie.]
Starchie: Ahh! Get it off!
Finn: We're coming!
Princess Bubblegum: Be careful!
[The stag continues to jump on Candy People and lick them. Jake and Finn pursue him.]
Finn: Grab him, Jake!
[Finn and Jake grab on to the stag. The stag panics and runs away, throwing Jake off.]
Finn: Jake! W-whoa!
[The stag throws Finn on the ground and stomps on his legs, breaking them.]
Finn: Whatever. [Gets thrown by the deer. Finn hits a building, and then the screen blacks out.]
[He awakens in a hospital bed.]
Finn: Oh, what happened? Where's the deer? Paging Dr. Ice cream! Dr. Ice cream cream for my mouth! [sees his legs in a cast] Ahh, dude, I broke my stems! Hello? Jake? Princess? What the blizz. Come on, people.
[Climbs into a wheelchair and wheels himself outside.] Yo, is everyone at church? Worshiping Glob? [Leans back on wheelchair] Whoop!Skills! Skills! [hears clattering] Huh? Bazoobs. [wheels over to the source of the noise] Jake?
Jake: Huh? Oh, Finn, you're awake!
Finn: Yeah, I'm awake, but my jams are all busted.
Jake: Right. Yeah, I saw that.
Finn: So, what happened? Did you save everybody?
Jake: Oh, yeah, I think so. Maybe.
Finn: So, Jake, there's nobody here. Did you notice that?
Jake: Yeah, pretty freaky. [pulls back his hood, revealing his head is bandaged] Don't worry—ouch— [touches his head] they're all hiding.
Finn: From what?
Jake: From me!
Finn: What?!
Jake: It's my birthday, man! Lady Rainicorn put together a elaborate surprise party.
Finn: She told you?
Jake: No, but I know Lady Rainicorn. Ouch! [feels his head] This is totally something she would do. Think about it.
Finn: Oh, yeah, okay. So, wait, the whole kingdom is in on it?
Jake: Yes, and they'll only come out if they think we'll be surprised. So we got to act like we're totally unaware, okay?
Finn: Okay, man, and how do we do that?
Jake: Just do what I'm doing. [Jake dives into the trash pile, and then resurfaces.] Oh, look at me, living free without a suspicion in the world. Never in my wildest dreams would I guess someone was plannin' a surprise birthday party for me! [Jake wraps himself in some Christmas lights from the trash, and Finn laughs.] Pretty tricky, right? [comes out of the trash] Come on, let's go back to the hut.
Finn: The what?
Jake: Come on, come on! [motions Finn to come with him]
[Scene changes to Finn and Jake going towards a small hut while Jake sings Hobo Dreams.]
Finn: Whoa. When did you find time to build this?
Jake: I don't know. It didn't take long. [decorates hut with Christmas lights]
Finn: Hm. So, what should I do now?
Jake: Collect branches for the hobo fire, dude.
Finn: Okay. [wheels himself away]
Jake: [feels head] Ouchies.
Finn: A hobo fi-ya, fi-ya, fi-ya. [loudly] Boy, it sure is quiet around here! Uh-huh! I'd probably pee all over myself if somebody jumped out and surprised me! [sniffs his armpit] Oh, ugh! I stink! How long was I out for? A day or two? [sees a fountain] Huh. What a convenient place to bathe. [loudly] Sure seems like a good time to come out if y'all are just hiding and you don't, you know, wanna see me [takes off shirt and hat] pop my top! [leaves wheel chair and gets in the fountain] Ahh, yeah, that's fresh. I nobody's gonna jump out of the bushes and peeps my bod! [laughs] [shakes his head] Bl-bl-bl-bl-bl! Hmmm.
[Scene changes back to camp, where it is nighttime. Finn and Jake are roasting hot dogs.]
Jake: Just gotta char off the rotten parts—good as new, man! Stay vigilant. Eat your protein.
Finn: Jake?
Jake: Hmm?
Finn: I'm starting to question your theory about the surprise party.
Jake: [drops hot dog] Shhh! [hushed] Don't talk so loud! They might hear you!
Finn: [hushed] But what if they're in trouble? [bites a hot dog] What if something happened to them? We should try looking around.
Jake: Noooo! [grows huge] You'll ruin my surprise party! Oww! [holds head] [groans] [goes back inside hut]
Finn: Dude, are you okay?
Jake: Just promise me, Finn. Promise not to look around.
Finn: [sighs] Okay, I promise.
Jake: [mumbling] ...my birthday's gonna be rad.
[The stag returns.]
Finn: Hey, it's you! [points] Thanks for breaking my legs, ya dumb-butt!
[The stag licks himself, sniffs the air, and runs away. Finn hears some whispering coming from a nearby manhole. He wheels himself over to it and listens.]
Finn: That sounds like Candy People!
[Inside the hut, Jake is sleeping. Finn pokes him with a stick.]
Finn: Jake. Jake!
Jake: [moans] What?
Finn: I heard a sound coming from the sewer! We should check it out.
Jake: No, man, they'll surprise party me when they're ready. Be patient.
Finn: [groans] I'm being patient! I waited all day, Jake!
Jake: Well, I've been waiting six months!
["Six months" repeats as the camera slowly zooms in on Finn's terrified face.]
Finn: Wait, what are you saying?
Jake: [yawning] [a bug crawls out of his ear] Everything's gonna be fine, even if we have to wait forever.
Finn: Have I been asleep for six months?!
Jake: Yeah, but don't worry about it, man.
[A dozen bugs crawl out from underneath his ear and crawl around his body.]
Finn: [thinking] Face it, Finn, your best friend is gone. [backs away]
Jake: Hmm? Finn?
Finn: [hurriedly wheeling himself toward the manhole] [panting]
Jake: Noooo! Don't ruin the surprise!
[Jake runs after Finn, grabs his wheelchair, and sticks his arm into the spokes of the wheel, destroying the chair and flinging Finn forward.]
Jake: [stomping on the remains of the chair] Rah! Ah! Ah! [pants heavily] [sees Finn crawling toward the manhole] Noooo! [stretches his arm to grab him and picks him up]
Finn: Oh, my Glob!
[The screen goes black and Finn wakes up.]
Finn: [groans]
[He is tied to a pole, and Jake is tied to a bunch of balloons, weighed down by two cinder blocks.]
Jake: Surprise! [reveals marionettes made from trash] "Happy birthday, Jake!" Ow! [touches head]
Finn: [hears whispering again] Hey, Jake! What are you doin'?
Jake: This is how my party's gonna go down. Shake it, my friends. [bounces marionettes] Hey! Hey! Sure is great seeing y'all here. Really makes me think. Ow. [touches head] [holds up a sock puppet] Lady, did you get extra TP for all the potty people? [as Lady] No. [normal voice] Well, we might have some party poopers here, and I want to be sure they don't wipe their buns on my cake.
Finn: Can I join your puppet party? We'll have twice the puppet voices!
Jake: You won't run away?
Finn: Naw, man, I'm with you. Happy birthday, Jake. Really.
Jake: Finn! Glad I can untie you, buddy. [unties rope] Check it out! Finn finally made it to my party!
Finn: And I have a surprise for you! Close your eyes and don't open 'em until I tell you. [pulls the hut's roof down on top of Jake and waddles toward the manhole] [pants heavily]
Jake: Finn? You lied to me?
[Finn's cast starts cracking.]
Finn: Yeee-ow! [the cast crumbles mostly away and he runs faster]
Jake: [chasing him] What about my party? Don't go! Finn!
Finn: Whup! [dives into manhole and lands in water]
[Jake follows, as Finn leaves the water and walks toward the voices.]
Finn: Hello?
[He opens a door and walks into a room with a sticky caramel-colored substance covering the walls and a whirlpool in the middle of the room. A bit of the substance drips on his forehead. He looks up, seeing Candy People stuck to the walls.]
Finn: [gasps]
[The Candy People whisper and moan.]
Princess Bubblegum: [weakly] Finn...
Jake: Surprise! Surprise! Suprise!
Finn: You... you did this?
Jake: I did this? Ow. [touches head] They've been waiting for me, Finn, for my b-day!
Finn: Stop being crazy!
Jake: [babbles]
[Finn punches him, knocking him against the wall.]
Jake: Oof. Yoo-a-hee! I'm a woman! I'm a woman!
Finn: Mah! [punches him twice]
Jake: Ring, ring! [as a woman] Eh, hang on, deary. [stretches a phone out of his arm] Hello? [as a man] Baby, I told you never to call me here!
[Finn punches him in the head.]
Jake: Wha... what happened?
Finn: A deer skronked your head and you lost your mind, man! You imprisoned the Candy People for your own sick birthday fantasy. Look. [gestures to Candy People]
Jake: What? No. It's not even close to my b-day! [takes Peppermint Butler down from the wall] I'm so sorry.
Peppermint Butler: [weakly] You... you did not do this, Jake.
Finn & Jake: Wha—?!
Finn: Then who did?
Peppermint Butler: It... was... him. [points to the stag]
[The stag stands on his hind legs and walks toward them.]
Finn & Jake: [gasp]
[The stag takes off its fake hooves, revealing fingers, which he wiggles.]
Jake: Freak deer! [drops Peppermint Butler]
[The stag picks up Peppermint Butler.]
Peppermint Butler: [screams]
[The stag licks him and sticks him back on the wall.]
Finn: Grrrr! Jake, you free the Candy People. I'll take on the deer. Naw-hyah! [punches stag]
[The stag picks up Finn and licks his face. They continue fighting as Jake frees the Candy People.]
Princess Bubblegum: [weakly] Thank you.
[Jake climbs up to free more as the stag punches Finn below him.]
Jake: [gasps] [prepares to untie a cinder block] Finn!
Finn: Huh? [looks up to see the cinder block falling] Donk! [jumps off the stag]
[The cinder block lands square on the stag's head. The second block falls after it, squishing the stag's head and knocking it out. The Candy People push the stag into the whirlpool.]
Candy People: [cheer]
Finn & Jake: [high-five] Nice!
Jake: We did it, dude!
Finn: How's your noggin?
Jake: Not crazy anymore! How's your legs?
Finn: Hmm, still broken. [laughs]
Jake: [laughs]
Princess Bubblegum: Thank you for saving my kingdom, boys. The deer wanted our sugar, but I didn't give him any, if you know what I mean. [clicks tongue]
Finn: [pause] Um... pyew! It's stanky in here!
Jake: Yeah, like bad breath and eggs.
Finn: Let's go home so we can get baths.
[The Candy People cheer as they form a chain holding onto Jake's legs, who floats out of the manhole.]
Candy Person: I wanna get clean!

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Normal Man" from season 8, which aired on May 12, 2016.

Characters
Normal Man
Tiny Manticore
Grob Gob Glob Grod
Finn
Jake
Music
None
Locations
Tree Fort
Mars
This transcript is complete, but needs more action would be better.


Transcript

[Normal Man is looking up at the night sky and talking on a walkie-talkie.]
Normal Man: Hey, how's it going up there? Have you made visual confirmation with Glob?
Tiny Manticore: [over radio] Shut... you... This is freaking har—!
Normal Man: Come again? You're breaking up. Make sure you tell Glob it's me who sent you. Tell him we're coming for Grod, Grob, and Gob, also! I believe in you, little guy!
Tiny Manticore: You can keep your little guys in your—aarrgh! What the freak am I doing?!
[Tiny Manticore is shown flying up into space wearing a respirator.]
Normal Man: Come again?
Tiny Manticore: Nothing. Never mind. [gasps] Oh, crud. There... he... is!
Glob: Who's that? Dark off.
[A beam of light shines down at Tiny Manticore and reaches Earth.]
Normal Man: Whoa!
Tiny Manticore: I... got... you! [grabs Glob]
Glob: Uh-oh, don't pass out, man. Hey, wake up. Hey.
Tiny Manticore: What?
Normal Man: [watching through telescope] Pull up! Pull up!
Tiny Manticore: Oh, right. [laughs] I did it! I have your brother, Magic Man!
Normal Man: It's "Normal Man" now.
Tiny Manticore: Yes... powerless... Normal Man.
Normal Man: Bring him here, Tiny!
Tiny Manticore: No.
Normal Man: Wh—Wh—Huh? What is this?
Tiny Manticore: It's a classic double-cross, bozo!
Glob: Brother, tell this animal to put me back in space.
Tiny Manticore: You messed with me for years! Now it's my turn to mess with you! [laughs]
[scene changes to the Tree House.]
Finn: Hey, Jake. You need help with demma Eggs Benedict inna demma hollandaise sauce?
Jake: [looking out the window] Get over here, dude.
Finn: Yo, no dogs on the table. Shoo! Get down, boy! [looking out the window]Whatcha see, boy? Show daddy.
Jake: I do see something, but you're making it weird.
Finn: Sorry bro. What's going on.
Jake: [pointing] Look.
Finn: Whoa. Hey, you! scram![Normal Man is shown sitting on Finn and Jake's doorstep eating brownies.]
Jake: [yelling] Yeah, beat it Magic Man!
Normal Man: Oh, hey.
[Finn and Jake throw a cooking pan at his head. Normal Man is knocked unconscious.]

 

Jake: Got him!
Finn: [Looks unsure.] Uhh.. is he dead?
Jake: Nah, he's magic.
Finn: Dude, he lost his powers, remember?
Jake: Oh, right. [a fly lands on Normal Man's face.] Uh-oh.
[Normal Man slaps it off.]
Finn and Jake: Phew!
Finn: Come on. Let's bring him inside, you murderler.
[Normal Man is sleeping. Finn puts a sock under his nose. He wakes up.]
Normal Man: Finn and Jake! I need your help!
Finn: Why would we help you, Magic Man?
Normal Man: It's Normal Man, and it's not helping me. It's helping my brother, Glob.
Finn: [confused] Whaaaaaa?


Finn and Jake and Normal Man are walking up Trap Mountain


Normal Man: That's where Tiny Manticore took Glob -- to the very top of Wild Trap Mountain.
Tiny Manticore: Come on, fool! Come on. Get spanked!
Normal Man: Tiny always liked you guys.
Jake: That's because we freed him from your sick nightmare house.
Normal Man: Maybe he'll listen to you and not hurt Glob. This could be my chance to make things right between us, go back to Mars and run things how we used to, before I threw everyone under the bus.
Finn: Like when you made them all go bald or something?


[Norman Man's flashback starts]
Glob: Magic Man, stop this nonsense immediately.
King of Mars: Aah! Magic Man! As soon as I break these magic bonds, you're going straight to Ooo on that bus, you hear me?!
Magic Man: Magic Man! Have some of these bangers, why don't ya? Bang! [laughs]
King of Mars: What's that? Oh, no! Aah!
Magic Man: Just a few more laps and I'll break the jerk world record.
[Norman Man's flashback ends]


Normal Man: You know what, guys? I'll just go up there and let Tiny margle me off a cliff. It'll be good for Glob to see his trash brother eat it finally.
Jake: What do you think about that?
Finn: No. Glob's your brother, and brothers always care about each other, even if one of them is a terrible deuce breakfast like you. So let's stretch up this thing and talk it out with Tiny.
Normal Man: WAIT! It's called Wild Trap Mountain for a reason. Look. Normal-size manticores. Carnivore plants. Camouflage rock beasts. Mind-control parasites. Archer bandits that'll shoot you straight out of the sky. This one quiet dude nobody messes with. A dragon ghost. Red ants. Weekend survivalists. Waking dream demons. That squirrel that hates you, Jake.
Jake: Who?
Finn: We get it. We got to stealth it up there.
Normal Man: Oh, ouch, my knees.
Finn: Shh!


Luke: [Luke yawns]Hey, Jonah.
Jonah: Hey, Luke. What's going on today?
Luke: Freaking nothing yet.
Jonah: I know. I just want to kill and eat someone already.
Jake: Phew! Well, we got past those guys.
Finn: Easy greasy. You doing okay, Normal Man?
Normal Man­: Easy grea‐‐
Finn­: What?
Jake­: [Jake is seen being half-eaten by a carnivore plant]Aah!
Squirrel­: I know that voice!
[Jake struggles himself free from the beak of a carnivore plant]
Finn­: Charge!
Camouflage Rock Beast­: Surprise, you're dead![Normal Man throw a carnivore plant at the camouflage rock beast as it struggles and fell down the mountain]
Finn­: Go, go,go, go, go, go!
Jake­: Finn?
Normal Man: Parasite!
[Jake flickers off the parasite off Finn’]
Finn­: What the heck?
Jake­: To the top! Wait! [ Jake steps in front of Normal Man and Finn, stretching himself to shield them as the archer bandits fire at them. He yelps in pain, as he blow out, firing the arrows on his body at the bandits ] Almost there!
Normal Man­: [As the trio runs by the one quiet dude nobody messes with]Don't bother that guy.
[The trio screams as they pass by a ghost dragon]
Normal Man : Wow. [Normal Man recoils as a red ant bites on his neck] Ouch! Freakin' red ants!
Red Ant­: Get off my mountain!
A weekend survivalist­: [On the ground, being attacked by a waking dream demon] Aah, my dreams! I'm having daymares!
Jake­: There's the top!
Squirrel­: [As the Squirrel jumps out from a tree] Jake! It's me!
Jake­: Who?
[The squirrel attacks Jake]
Jake­: My eyes! Sorry.
Normal Man­: [As he climbs up to the top of the mountain]Ahh! Tiny Manticore! Please! Don't hurt my brother!
Glob: This guy is really freaking me out.
Tiny Manticore­: Yes! Hello, Normal Man. Come and greet the dawning of your grimmest day! How ironic that you, who once trapped me, are now about to royally bite it. You stand at the mercy of my boomerang and flamethrower!
Normal Man ­: I know I really messed you up, but Glob has nothing to do with this. Kill me instead. I'll let you do it.
Tiny Manticore­: Why do you sound so insincere?
Normal Man ­: That's just my voice.
[Finn and Jake now climbs on the top of the mountain]
Finn­: Normal Man's telling the truth.
Jake­: Yeah!
Tiny Manticore­: Finn and Jake? I respect you guys a ton, but I have trained for this vengeance for months! I must seize this sparkling moment full in grasping hand! [Tiny Manticore­ flings the boomerang] Boomerang!
Normal Man: What's even a boomerang? [The boomerang flies back and hit Jake]Oh, my gosh. I've been calling them something different my whole life.
Tiny Manticore­­: I'm sorry, Jake! I'm just doing me right now. We're still cool, though?
Finn: Not no more!
Jake: Kick his tiny butt.
Normal Man: Aah!
[Finn and Normal Man runs toward Tiny Manticore­ as they triggers traps]
Normal Man: Gah! I hate this mountain.
Finn­: Boomerang! [Finn was looking behind him at the boomerang that missed them] Watch out for when it [A second one hits him in the back of the head]‐‐Oof.
Tiny Manticore­­: Two boomerangs! Could it be? My moment approacheth? Steady hand, steady heart.
Glob: Look out, dude.
Tiny Manticore­­: Whoa! Can I just have this?
[Normal Man leaps on Glob and Tiny Manticore­, sending the three off the edge of the mountain unsteadily]
Finn: [Finn recovers from being knocked out, and sees the three’s situation]Uh‐oh. Hang on like hot snot, Normal Man!
Normal Man: Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Tiny Manticore­­: Let go! We're going to fall. I'm not very big. I ‐‐ Uh...Okay. Upon reassessment, this is actually a great situation for me!
Tiny Manticore­­: [As he undoes the cloth holding Glob] Farewell, Magic Man! By my hand, I soar free!
[Normal Man yelps as he and Glob falls down]
Finn­: [Observing from the top of the mountain] Boy‐yay‐moy! Jake!
Jake­: [As he recovers from being knocked out] What? I'm coming! I got to save the dude.
[Jake unsteadily tries to transform into a propeller plane, making sputter noises. But is unsuccessful and falls down quickly]
Finn­: No planes! Never planes!
Normal Man: Glob, are you okay?
Glob: Why did you rescue me?
Normal Man: I wanted to bring you back to Mars. They need a ruler up there, and I wanted to apologize for being such a beanshow for hundreds of years.
Glob: Whoa. What? Maybe you really have changed.
Tiny Manticore­: Yeah, right! I'm following to watch you die.
Glob: You know what, though, Magic Man? I've been doing a lot of thinking up in orbit. I shouldn't have shut you out when you got exiled to Ooo. In some ways, I, too, was a total beanshow.
Normal Man: I guess neither of us were perfect brothers.
Glob: Although you were much, much worse.
Normal Man: So, what now? Are we straight up just going to die?
Normal Man: I guess so. Sorry.
[ Tiny Manticore­ watches Normal Man holds Glob closer. Scene switches to LSP and Lemongrab on a picnic cloth]
LSP­: So, your profile said you were into music. That's crazy, so am I!
Lemongrab: It's stressing me out that there's food on a blanket! [Gets up and leaves]I have to go home. This was nice. You're running away from intimacy! You don't know you'd get hurt!
[Tiny Manticore­ swoops down to save Normal Man and Glob the last second, knocking Lemongrab]
Normal Man: Tiny? What are you doing?
Tiny Manticore­ ­: I could not go through with my vengeance. It wouldn't have accomplished anything. Also, you and your brother are really sweet together.
Normal Man: You're hard to track. But okay!
[Scene switches to Finn and Jake, now at the mountainside]
Finm­: We'll get down ourselves, guys. Don't even sweat it!
Tiny Manticore­­: [Now at Normal Man’s house, with the Normal Man and Glob] But, yeah, let's hang out sometime. I'm getting a phone soon.
Normal Man: Bye! Ready to go home?
[Normal Man and Glob steps on the teleporter, as it teleports them back to Mars]
(Gob, Grob, or Grod)­: Whoa, dang.
Normal Man: Oh, the people of Mars are gonna be so glad to see you. It really feels good to be good, you know? Maybe that's my new catchphrase. I don't know. Is that dumb?
Glob: It's a good catchphrase. You'll do okay up there. [Glob bites Normal Man’s fingers, causing him to let go, making Glob to drift away]
Normal Man: Ahh! Glob, what are you doing?!
Glob: My days of ruling Mars are over, but you got this, man.
Normal Man: All right. Well...
Gob­: Oh, my Gob. Where were you?
Glob: I was with Normal Man. He's cool now.
Gob­: Whaaaaa?I don't believe it.
[Scene changes to the arena on Mars, where the Martians were in ruins]
Normal Man: Hey, guys. I'm back.
Martians, in union: Magic Man!
[The Martians start panicking and turn towards King of Mars’ throne]
Martian 1­: Oh! He came back!
Martian 2: Oh, I can't believe it!
Normal Man: It's okay. Calm down.
Martian 3, who is a giant starfish­: Calm down?! You turned me into a giant starfish!
Martian 4, who is a flaming garbage­: You turned me into a barrel of flaming garbage!
Martian 3­: What horrible trick do you have planned now?
Normal Man: I don't really do tricks anymore. Hmm. Okay. Here's a trick. [Normal Man picks up a hat nearby on the ground, likely King of Mars’ ]It's a hat but inside it are... brownies!
Martian 4­: I want to eat those brownies.
Normal Man: It's a start.
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Ocarina" from season 6, which aired on July 17, 2014.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Kim Kil Whan
Music
None
Locations
Tree Fort
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[Newborn birds are chirping in their nest as the father bird reads a newspaper with his back turned. The babies fall out. The camera pans down the tree past banners saying "HAPPY BIRTHDAY," "CHARLIE," "VIOLA," "JAKE JR.," "T.V.," and "KIM KIL WHAN." At the base of the tree is T.V., typing on his laptop, with the baby birds on his head.]
T.V.: Ugh. I'm covered in noobs.
[T.V. shakes the birds off his head, closes his laptop, and walks back to his family.]
Lady Rainicorn: T.V., 잘 지내니? (How are you?)
T.V.: [groans] I've got hunger cranks.
Viola: Hmm? Oh, yes. That's very [bats Charlie's hair] interesting.
T.V.: Kim Kil Whan. [steps over him]
Kim Kil Whan: Hm.
[T.V. sits on a blanket by Jake Jr., who is playing her guitar. He opens his laptop and continues typing.]
T.V.: Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraahh! [closes laptop] Mom, when are we gonna eat?! I'm going nuts!
Lady Rainicorn: T.V., 말조심해! (Watch your mouth!)
Jake Jr.: Seriously, Mom, Dad's already three hours late with the food!
Viola: You hush, Junior. You know Dad's a wonderful cook.
Jake Jr.: Viola, when's the last time you even heard from Dad?
Viola: Oh, you know. Dad is... distractible.
Jake Jr.: [laughs] "Distractible"!
T.V.: Yeah, I love Dad and everything, but he's only ever met me twice.
Lady Rainicorn: Charlie, Viola, T.V., Jake Jr., Kim Kil Whan, 제발! 너네 아빠가 너를 얼마나 보고 싶어하는데. (Please! Your dad really wants to see you.) [gasps]
[She looks up to see Finn and Jake falling from the sky. Jake crash lands, gouging a trail in the grass.]
Finn & Jake: [laugh] Whoo!
Finn: Whoo! Whoo-hoo!
Jake: Yeah, yeah, yeah! We're real late! Happy birthday, puppies! Okay, so, putting it out there—I didn't remember to bring you guys any birthday presents, but I did bring lunch! [takes out a wad of macaroni and sets it on the ground] It's macaroni salad.
Viola: Dad, you're beautiful!
Kim Kil Whan: Dad! We have new business to discuss.
Jake: Happy birthday, Kim Kil Whan.
Kim Kil Whan: Birthdays are old business. [teleports Jake next to him]
Jake: Whoa, neat. Um, well, how are things going, Son?
Kim Kil Whan: "Things"? "Things" have switched hands.
Jake: Heh. [gives thumbs up] I get it.
Kim Kil Whan: Dad, when I say that things have switched hands, I mean to say that things you have previously claimed ownership of have transferred from your hands to my hands, in that... [conjures a briefcase containing a deed] I bought your tree house.
Jake: What?!
Kim Kil Whan: What: the deed to your tree house. How: acquired through legal trade. From whom: the deed's previous owner, Marceline The Vampire Queen... [conjures Marceline] in exchange for one lunatic bass.
[Marceline plays her new four-necked bass and disappears.]
Kim Kil Whan: When: effective immediately.
Jake: But, Son, why?
Kim Kil Whan: We will convene at the property.
[Kim Kil Whan uses his powers to teleport Finn and Jake to the Tree Fort. On the door is a sign: "SUITES FOR RENT. INQUIRE OUTWARDLY." Jake reads the sign and makes a worried groan.]
Kim Kil Whan: [Teleports next to Finn and Jake, brushing dirt off his sleeve.] Sorry I'm late. Okay, so, as the deed-holder of this tree house I am now your landlord. [Pulls out cellphone from suit pocket and flips it open.] The first thing I'm going to have to do is assess your treasure room. [Closes cellphone and puts it back in pocket.]
Jake: [Gets down on one knee in front of Kim Kil Whan.] But son! [Crawls to Kim Kil Whan.] What would your mother say? Doing this to your poor Pip-Pop!
Kim Kil Whan: I'm sorry Dad. Deeds don't bleed. [Pushes away Jake, who rolls over.]
Jake: [Opens front door of Tree Fort.] Okay son. Get ready to be glitter-stunned by all this treasu--Oh, yeah. We spent all of it. [Finn and Kim Kil Whan follow Jake into the Tree Fort. Jake walks over to two black and white polaroids lying on the floor and picks them up.] All we have left are these vintage photos I got at the flea market. They're interesting!
Kim Kil Whan: Woof. [He takes the photos and puts them in his suit pocket.] All right. [He gestures to the ladder leading to the second floor of the Tree Fort.] So I guess this is the apartment the two of you can afford. It's a ladder.
Kim Kil Whan: [Cellphone rings, he answers it.] Yeah? Yeah. Send them on over. [Hangs up and puts cellphone away.] Sorry about that. [Clears throat.] Anyway, as you can see, this beauty offers direct first and second floor access. Superb craftsmanship and etcetera. I suppose you're familiar. [Finn raises his hand.] Yes, Finn?
Finn: Yeah, uh, when are we going to get our house back?
Kim Kil Whan: [Frowning] What? [Someone knocks on the front door.] Excuse me.
Kim Kil Whan: [Walks to the door and opens it.] Good afternoon! Yes, right this way. [An assortment of characters walk into the Tree Fort] I've got 37 available units to show in this building so we're going to want to get right to it. Please step inside. [Kim Kil Whan shuts the door. Finn and Jake are now surrounded by a crowd of creatures.] There you go. Is that everyone? Good, good. Please make your way upstairs and we'll begin the tour. [Everyone except Finn and Jake walk up to the second floor. Kim Kil Whan approaches Finn and Jake.] And you two make yourselves at home. Rent's due on the first, no overnight guests. Oh, and flush once after you boom-boom but before you start using the TP, and then once more in the middle of using the TP if you're going to use a lot. It's easier on the pipes. Okay. Call me if you need me. [Kim Kil Whan floats to the second floor.]
Finn: [Night falls. Finn and Jake sit on the ladder while the other tenants go about their evening routines nearby. Finn groans in frustration and then sighs.]
Jake: Hey Finn. I'm real sorry about this. Somehow I feel like it's kinda my fault.
Finn: Nah man. It's really not so bad. Let's just sleep on it tonight. [Finn tries to get into a comfortable position on the ladder.]
Jake: You're gonna sleep... like that?
Finn: Yeah, man. It's tough. I'm a tough kid.
Jake: [Sighs and shrinks down so he fits onto the ladder rung easily.] I promise, I'll work this thi--Aaah! [A strange creature steps on Jake and then Finn as it walks up the ladder.]
Creature: Gee but it's great to be back home, eh Mr. B? [He steps on Finn's face, leaving a shoe print mark.]
Mr. B: Haha, yeah. I can't wait to wash my gross, fat butt. [He drags his butt across Finn's face as he walks up the ladder.]
Finn: [Stands up, making disgusted noises. He walks upstairs to the bathroom, passing sleeping tenants whose "apartments" are marked out by lines of chalk. He washes the shoe print off his face.]
Goblin: [Crouched by the toilet in fear, a cellphone held to his ear] Oh, oh holy cow. Oh, oh boy, please hurry. Yes, he's inside my apartment right now! Oh, I'm so scared!
Jake: [Offscren] Hey buddy, you okay?
Goblin: Glob, now there's two of 'em!
Jake: [Standing in the bathroom] I just feel if we're patient this whole thing will work itself out before you know it. [Sirens wail in the distance, their lights flashing through the bathroom window.] Haha! See, man? Help is on the way!
[Scene shifts to the police station. Finn and Jake are handcuffed and sitting on a bench.]
Finn: Man, can I tell you something? I don't even know what's going on here. I mean like, what the heck is a deed? How come he can buy our house when it's OUR house and Marceline gave it to us and we live there?! A-and now we're arrested?! This is crazy! It's crazy!! [A Banana Guard walking by looks over at Finn and Jake, surprised by the outburst, then moves on.]
Jake: Man, don't you know? The laws ain't made to help earthy cats like us.
Finn: They're not?!
Jake: Nah, man. Listen. Here on our planet, back in the old days, back in the REAL old days, it was just every man for hisself. Scrooblin' and scrat-scroblin' for the good stuff, the greenest valleys, and scrat-scroblin'. And the strongest, meanest men got the best stuff. They got the green valleys and were like, "The rest of you, y'all scrats get sand!" And THAT'S when they made the laws, you see. Once the strong guys got it how they liked it, they said, "This is fair now, this is the law." Once they were winning, they changed the rules up.
Finn: Woah, just like Kim Kil Whan!
Banana Guard: Hey, good news, fellas. [Unlocks Finn and Jake's handcuffs.] Your bail's paid. You're free to go.
Jake: Haha, that's awesome!
Finn: Yeah, awesome!
Kim Kil Whan: Yeah. Real "awesome."
Jake: Hey, Kim Kil Whan! Aw buddy, I knew you'd come around! [Jumps up and hugs Kim Kil Whan, hanging onto his body.] Haha, fathers and sons, man. That's that REAL thick chowder. [Jake chuckles. Kim Kil Whan hands him a note from his notepad.] What's this?
Kim Kil Whan: This is a bill for the bail I just paid.
Jake: [In shock at the amount.] Ooh. [Jake slides down Kim Kil Whan and plops on the floor.]
Kim Kil Whan: You're really in it deep here, Dad. It's time for you to get real, get a job. No more games.
Jake: Come on, son! Just let me do the-- [Kim Kil Whan teleports away before Jake can finish speaking. Jake fades off into gibberish.]
[The scene changes to Finn and Jake walking through the Candy Forest away from the Candy Kingdom]
Jake: [Sighs.] Man, where did I go wrong?
Finn: I don't know. But I'm not tryin' to be sleepin' on a ladder anymore, so let's just get a bunch of scroot together and buy our house back. Then you two can hash it out later.
Jake: [Finn and Jake stop walking.] Yeah, you're right. So, wanna rob a bank or somethin'?
Finn: Well, actually...I was thinking maybe Kim Kil Whan was right. [Finn shrugs.] Maybe we should get jobs or somethin'.
Jake: Oh yeah.... Yeah. Oh no, wait! I just remembered I buried a ton of gold in the front yard!
Finn: Yuss!!
Kim Kil Whan: [Scene changes to the tree house, where Kim Kil Whan stands in Finn and Jake's bedroom, talking to a creature sitting on Finn's bed.] Oh yes, yes, absolutely. Small pets are allowed with an additional deposit. [A dog pops out from the creature and barks.] Excellent.
Finn: [The sound of Finn laughing can be heard suddenly. Kim Kil Whan looks out the window to see Jake digging a big hole in the front yard, splattering dirt on Finn.] Watch it!
Kim Kil Whan: [Turns back to the creature.] Excuse me. [He teleports away.]



Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Ocean of Fear" from season 1, which aired on June 21, 2010.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Fear Feaster
Music
None
Locations
Oceanside
The ocean
This transcript is complete

Transcript

Pat McHale: In the dark recesses of the mind, a disease known as FEAR feasts upon the souls of those who cannot overcome its power...
[Finn and Jake chase a Fire Newt to the ocean]
Finn: Come back, thief!
[The Fire Newt spews fire at Finn and Jake]
Jake: Whoa!
Fire Newt: Stop farting on me! It's gross!
Finn: You can't just go around stealing boots.
Jake: Yeah, and you know the penalty for stealing boots. It's poots... on newts.
Both: [Laugh]
[The Fire Newt wades into the ocean to avoid Finn and Jake]
Finn: He's getting away in that lake!
Jake: Dude, that isn't a lake. That's an ocean.
[Jake stretches and heads towards the ocean, a poot following behind, barking]
Finn: [Laughs and runs after Jake] Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! ...Huh?
[The hue of the ocean and sky changes to red and ominous music plays as a wave crashes]
[Finn backs away from the water as it washes onto land]
Finn: Uhh...
Jake: [Laughing and farting on the Newt] Poots on newts! Poots on newts!
Fire Newt: No!
Jake: [Slow-motion] Poots on newts!
Finn: [laughs and starts removing his shoes] I'm coming, Jake. I'll poot on that newt as soon as I'm barefoot. Uh...
[The ocean turns a red hue again and ominous music plays as a wave crashes]
[Finn gasps and rapidly crawls away from the water]
Finn: [Breaths heavily, his stomach rumbles] Ow! Why is my stomach going nuts?
[A black smoke rises out of Finn's navel]
Finn: Ow!
[The smoke forms into a face and laughs]
Finn: Wh-wh-wh-Who are you?
Fear Feaster: I am the manifestation of your fear... fear of the ocean!
Finn: What? I'm not afraid of lakes, wells, or rivers, streams, or deep wells or puddles. Why would I be afraid of- [Screams and backs away from the water]
Fear Feaster: [Laughs] 'Cause you're a wuss.
Finn: I'm no wuss! I'm the hero around these parts!
Fear Feaster: Ha! You're too scared of the ocean to ever be a true hero.
Finn: Not true! I'm not scared of nothin'!
[Finn charges towards the ocean, screaming, but stops when he sees a wave crash]
Finn: [Shakes his head and takes a deep breath] I shall conquer my fear.
Fear Feaster: Yeah, right.
Finn: No! I will. I'll conquer my fear.
Fear Feaster: Of course you will, [Receding back into Finn's navel] and I live in a two bedroom apartment that doesn't smell like vomit [Laughs] ...Sarcasm.

 [Jake comes onscreen, panting, and shrinks back to normal when he reaches Finn] 

Jake: Dude. Dude, did you see me? I was all like womp, and then I was all like take this! Womp! Womp! And then... Hey, what’s wrong with you, dude?
Finn: Jake. I think I'm afraid... of the ocean.
Jake: Say what, now?
Finn: I need your help to overcome my fear. Will you do it?
Jake: Um... No... I don't really wanna do it.
Finn: Jake! Come on!
Jake: I'm just messing with you. I'll do it. Hmm... Where to start? Oh, ok. I think we should just take a few steps in the water. You can hold Jake's hand if you're scared.
[Jake grabs Finn's hand and starts walking towards the water, but Finn doesn't walk and falls over]
Jake: Um... Oh it's ok, dude. I see the problem. It's just your feet.
[Jake walks over to Finn's feet and takes his shoes off]
Jake: [Manually moving Finn's feet forward one at a time] Boop. Beep. Boop. Beep. Boop. Beep. Boop. Beep. Beep. Boop. Beep. Boop.
Finn: Don't be scared. I shall not be scared.
Jake: [Still moving Finn's feet] Boop. Boop.
[The water touches Finn's feet]
Finn: I'm afraid! Ah! [Jumps on top of Jake and starts punching him] Jake, get me out of the water! Now, Jake! Now! Now!
[Jake inflates his head and walks Finn back to shore]
Jake: Hot jam! You're really scared of the ocean. In fact, you're so scared... it gives me an idea. Let's start a business of being scared of the ocean!
Finn: Jake!
Jake: Ok. Ok. I have a plan to get rid of your fear. We'll start tomorrow morning.
Finn: But I must conquer this now! [Runs towards the ocean screaming] I'm not afraid of you!
[Multiple waves crash directly in front of Finn in rapid succession and a single droplet hits Finn's face]
Finn: [reels back in slow-motion and screams]
Finn: [Running backwards] I'm afraid of you! I'm afraid of you! [Screams]
Finn: [Exhaustedly crawls to Jake's feet] Ok, yeah. Let's try tomorrow.
[The scene changes to Finn and Jake's bedroom where Jake is sitting on top of a sleeping Finn]
Jake: Fiiiinn. Finn. Hey, Finn. Wake up.
Finn: [Opens his eyes] Morning, Jake.
Jake: Ready for me to help you get over your ocean fear?
Finn: Yeah, man.
Jake: Cool... but I can only do this if you ask me.
Finn: I'm askin'!
Jake: Then get ready for my three-step plan. Watch your troubles melt away with step one!
[Jake punches the bedroom wall and the entire structure breaks apart, leaving Finn and Jake floating on Finn's bed in the middle of the ocean]
Finn: [Screams] Jake, are you crazy? This is not an OK thing to do!
Jake: Hey. Hey. Come on. The ocean is your friend, and you got friends all around you right now. Miles and miles of friends.
Finn: You're nuts. [Wriggles from side to side]
Jake: Don't try to struggle, man. [Pulls the blankets back, revealing that Finn is tied to the bed] I'll let you out in a second. You just need to calm down.
Finn: Really? Ok. I'm calming down.
Jake: That's great. You're doing great. Ready for step two?
Finn: [Breathing heavily] Yeah, man. I can do it.
Jake: Alright, dude. Step... two! [Unties the rope]
[The bed collapses and falls into the ocean, leaving Finn floating inside his sleeping bag and Jake on top of him]
Finn: [Screams] Jake, this isn't a joke! It's touching me!
Jake: Let it hold you, man! Let it hold you like a child!
Finn: [Heart pounding] I'm trying to let it hold me.
Jake: Control your breathing!
Finn: [Breathes in and out] This isn't working!
Jake: That means we gotta move to step three. Just don't scream.
Finn: W-what?
Jake: I'm gonna push you underwater with my jowls. Just don't scream. Don't scream.
[Jake pushes Finn's head underwater]
Finn: What?!
Jake: Don't scream. Hold your breath, Finn. You got it, dude!
[Finn screams and bursts out of his sleeping bag, sending Jake flying into the water]
[Finn jumps onto Jake's head and starts pounding on him]
Finn: Get me away, Jake! Now, Jake! Now! Right now! Get-Get me away! [Screams]
Jake: Finn! Stop it, Finn! Ow!
[Finn grabs Jake's ears and stretches them until they catch wind and carry both Finn and Jake to an island of pre-war ruins]
Finn: [Laughs] I'm safe! I'm safe! How'd I do?
Jake: I think we should give up.
Finn: What? I made it all the way to level three.
Jake: Look, Finn. It's not that I don't want to help you... I just don't wanna get beat up anymore. I mean this [Pointing to his face] is my bread and butter. I can't have you messing up my bread and butter, dude.
Finn: You have to help me. I can't do this without you.
Jake: Ok. Fine... but only if you swear not to hit me anymore.
Finn: I swear I won't hit you anymore.
Jake: And also swear to only speak in rhymes. Speak in rhymes all the times.
Finn: I swear... and pigs have hair.
Jake: Yes. Perfect. And since you want more... it's time for step four.
Finn: What? I thought you said it was a three step plan... man.
Jake: I'm not that good at counting. [Laughs and grabs a small, rusty submarine] Come on. Let's go kick your fear of the ocean where the sun don't shine... in the sea cucumber.
[The scene changes to underwater where Finn and Jake are heading to the ocean floor in the submarine]
Jake: Check it, dude. One hundred percent awesome-itude.
Finn: [Eyes closed, breathes heavily and shivers] Yeah. It's pretty math... you psychopath.
Jake: You know, it looks way more math if you open up your eyes.
Finn: [Opens his eyes] Whoa...
Jake: See, man? The ocean is beautiful. There's no reason to be afraid of things that are beautiful.
Finn: Hey. This isn't that bad. I'm actually glad.
Jake: [Points] Hey, look! A black abyss! Let's go check it out... sauerkraut.
Finn: No, Jake! Turn around! Turn around!
[Finn sees the Fear Feaster's face appear in front of the abyss]
Finn: Noooo!
Jake: Saying, "Turn around" twice doesn't count as a rhyme, dude.
[Finn pushes Jake away from the submarine controls]
Jake: Hey, you swore!
[Finn pummels Jake]
Jake: Ow! My bread and butter!
[Finn grabs the controls and jerks them violently]
Jake: No, dude! Don't!
[The submarine moves wildly and launches torpedoes, one of which hits a building]
[The building topples and hits the submarine, causing it to start filling up with water]
Jake: Don't worry, dude. Everything's cool. This is the perfect segue into level five. [Handing Finn a dive suit] Here, put this on.
[Finn starts putting on the suit]
Jake: Just make sure you don't pull the emergency tab.
[Finn pulls the emergency tab]
Jake: No, dude! I said don't...
[Finn's suit expands rapidly and knocks Jake back, hitting his head against a valve and knocking him out]
[Finn floats to the surface and watches Jake descend into the abyss along with the broken submarine]
Finn: Jake? Jaaaaaake!
[Finn reaches the surface and jumps onto a buoy]
Finn: Jake!
Fear Feaster: [Laughs] Pathetic! You can't even overcome your fear now that your friend is about to die! Your un-heroic body will never let you save Jake. [Laughs]
Finn: [Sadly] You're right.
Fear Feaster: What? Really? You think I'm right? Well, that's... that's great!
Finn: [Holding a wrench] If my body won't let me rescue my best friend, then there's only one thing left to do.
[Finn removes his helmet, hits himself on the head with the wrench and falls into the ocean]
Fear Feaster: No. Wait. No! Noooo!
[Finn lands on the ocean floor and wakes up next to Jake]
[Jake groans]
Finn: Jake! Jake! Wake up!
[Jake opens his eyes]
Finn: You ok, dude?
Jake: Yeah, man. Wait... Finn, you did it! You conquered your fear!
Finn: What?
Jake: You're at the bottom of the ocean!
[Finn screams and tries to pull his emergency tab, but nothing happens]
Jake: Maybe we should celebrate on land.
[Jake grabs Finn and pulls his own emergency tab, so they both float to the surface]
[Finn and Jake run onto the beach and fall backwards]
Jake: I'm proud of you man. You did it!
Finn: Thanks, dude.
[Fear Feaster comes out of Finn's navel]
Fear Feaster: You've nothing to be proud of, boy! You will never get of your fear of the ocean!
Jake: Whoa, dude! What's with your bellybutton?
Finn: [To Fear Feaster] What the flip, man? I just swam to the bottom!
Fear Feaster: No you didn't, cheater! You just sank to the bottom. You will never be a great hero.
Finn: He's right. I'll never be a hero.
[Finn's stomach rumbles and a black-smoke limousine comes out of him and parks nearby]
[The limousine’s windows roll down and Three Wise Men come out]
Wise Man 1: Finn, you are wrong. The mark of a great hero is his flaw.
Fear Feaster: You know nothing, Wise Men!
Wise Man 1: Silence, Fear Feaster! We know a lot!
Finn: Wait... Why did you wait so long to tell me?
Wise Man 1: Because the limo driver's flaw is being late!
Limo Driver: Sorry. [rolls up window]
Wise Man 1: Farewell, Finn. You truly are the greatest hero of Ooo.
[The Wise Men go back inside the limo and then the limo drives back into Finn]
Finn: It's time for you to go away, Fear Feaster!
Fear Feaster: What? Am I supposed to live in your tummy for the rest of my life?
Finn: Everybody has a flaw... and it looks like yours is smelling like my nasty guts.
[Fear Feaster heads back into Finn's stomach]
Fear Feaster: [Sarcastically] Wonderful...
Pat McHale: And so fear is forced deep within the soul of a hero. Conquered... at least, for now... [Maniacal laugh]
[The episode ends]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "One Last Job" from season 5, which aired on June 10, 2013.

Characters
Jake
BMO
Flying Lettuce Brothers
Gareth
Tiffany
Jake Jr.
Banana Guard
Captain Banana Guard
BMO
Finn
Music
None
Locations
Candy Kingdom
Tree Fort
Squeez-E-Mart
Royal Candy Vault
This transcript is complete. Only minor edits are needed.


Transcript

[The episode starts with Jake on the boat at the top of the Tree Fort, peering through the telescope and watching the birds that fly by.]
Jake: Nice. Little bird family on vacay. Dad's got the mad beautiful tail feathers; Mommy's taking up the rear all plain-jane styles. [Mother bird farts] Hehe. Glad I get to date a beautiful rainicorn, not some nasty bird. [A messenger bird holding a package flies up to Jake]
Bird: Hey! Don't be talking trash! Our ladies are beautiful on the inside, you creep.
Jake: All lady birds around the whole world are beautiful on the inside?
Bird: Yes.
Jake: Fair enough.
Bird: Special delivery for Jake the Dog.
Jake: Cool, thanks. [Takes package. It reads: URGENT. WATCH NOW.] Urgent.
[The scene cuts to Jake trying to play the tape in BMO]
Jake: Hold still, BMO.
BMO: Ouch. I hurt my butt sledding.
Jake: Aw dang. Sorry, BMO. [Finally puts the tape in BMO and then quickly runs in front of him] Cool, man, I'm excited!
[The tape starts playing while Jake is eating some peanuts. A picture of a tied-up person with a bag on his appears on BMO's screen]
Unknown person: [mumbling]
Jake: [Stops eating peanuts] What the heck am I looking at?
[The bag from the person's head is removed, revealing it's Jake Jr. Jake spits out all the peanuts from his mouth.
Jake: [shouting] Jake Jr.?! What's going on here?
Kidnapper: Jake the Dog, we have your daughter. She is safe—for now.
Jake: [Shakes BMO] [shouting] What do you want from me?!
Kidnapper: We need you to reassemble your old team—Gareth, a.k.a. The Lady Master, the Flying Lettuce Brothers, notorious con-men impressionists and your old friend, Tiffany.
Jake: [quietly] Glob it.
Kidnapper: You'll need them to break in the Royal Candy Vault and steal this.
Jake: The Baker's Shard—the purest source of sugar in the known regions.
Kidnapper: You're the only master thief with the skills to swipe it. You have until midnight to make the drop. Tell anyone and Jake Jr. gets it. [Tape stops playing]
Jake: [Changes his appearance into a more sinister one] BMO, destroy the tape.
[BMO destroys the tape]
Jake: Are we on the level, BMO?
BMO: I ain't no clown-town snitch, baby.
Jake: I don't want Finn hearing about this.
BMO: Alright.
[Jake stretches his arm into a hole in the wall and presses a button.
[The scene cuts to Gareth at a restaurant with Lollipop girl]
Lollipop girl: [laughing] Oh Branard, you sure?
Gareth: Yup babe, I'm totally famous [with a darker tone] and you love me.
Lollipop girl: Wha—what is going on? What am I feeling now?
Gareth: You are now under the spell of my face. I got you, girl, in my face trap and you love it.
Lollipop girl: I do. Branard, don't ever leave me! I'll give you everything—my fabric, my dress patterns, my marbles, my social standing— [Gets interrupted by Gareth's watch]
Gareth: [Sees Jake's picture on his watch] Woops! I gotta go! Laters!
Candy butler: Dine and dash? I saw that!
[The scene cuts to the Squeez-E-Mart]
Tonya: Hey boss, I wanted to—
Squeeze-E-Mart boss: Shut up Tonya, I gotta see my ex-wife! [Breaks the entrance door of the Squeeze-E-Mart and leaves]
Tonya: Uh.
[The phone starts ringing]
Tonya: [Answers the phone] Hello, Squeez-E-Mart.
Flying Lettuce Brothers: [imitating the Squeez-E-Mart boss' voice] Tonya, this is your boss!
Tonya: Wait, you were just here.
Flying Lettuce Brothers: Yeah, and now I'm on the phone, stupid!
Tonya: Hey, do you think I can leave early? I'm like, depressed.
Flying Lettuce Brothers: What you could do is take all the money from the register and give it to the two guys out back by the dumpster.
Tonya: [signs] OK. Can then I go?
Flying Lettuce Brothers: Yes. [Cover their faces with a newspaper]
Tonya: [Leaves the Squeez-E-Mart and hands the money to the brothers] Here you go dudes.
Flying Lettuce Brother: Thanks, man.
Tonya: [with a darker tone] Peace.
Flying Lettuce Brothers: Goodbye, fair lad. [Notice their watch beeping] The master returns.
[The scene cuts to Tiffany squishing a toy in his home. He breaths heavily. Then, he notices his watch beeping]
Tiffany: Well, well. From the shadows of dream, the dog wakes to find its—ugh—[Checks what's written on his arm]—the dog wakes to find its mangy tail flopping in the dust like a fish in a tree. That fish is me! Tiffany! [Jumps into a hole] I'm coming Jake, I'm coming!]
[The scene cuts to Jake entering an abandoned old warehouse]
Jake: [Turns on the lights and sees the gang] Oh, hi guys. Were you waiting for me in the dark?
Gareth: Tiffany wouldn't let us turn them on.
Tiffany: Never mind that, the real question is what's that slo-mo Finn know about this?
[The scene cuts to Finn carrying various kinds of instruments and BMO at the Tree Fort]
Finn: Hey BMO, where's Jake?
BMO: Jake got back with his old gang and is going to rob the Candy Kingdom!
Finn: [laughing] OK, BMO.
BMO: [giggling]
Finn: You wanna join my primitive noise band? [Plays trumpet]
BMO: No, I like organized sound.
Finn: Pssssh! [Finn starts to play the instruments randomly, making weird noises and smashing them]
[The scene goes back at the gang in the warehouse]
Jake: Nah, BMO's covering for me.
Flying Lettuce Brothers: So what's the deal, Jake?
Gareth: Yeah, why did you call us back?
Jake: I got a job for you guys. [They gather around him] One last score. The Big one.
Gareth: The Baker's Shard? [Laughing] Are you for real, man?
Flying Lettuce Brothers: This is crazy Jake, we always said: "Play it safe."
Tiffany: Can't ya see guys, he's desperate! Somebody got to him 'cause he's soft now.
Jake: What? Psssh! Tiffany! I'm the same Jake, I just stopped stealing mostly! 'Cause when you get older you're supposed to get in other stuff, like graphic design, or pottery. It's called "growing up"!
Gareth: I don't want to do poetry—I mean, pottery.
Jake: Dude, you guys on board or what?! You really got something better to do?! I know you don't, Tiffany!
Tiffany: [rough voice] Glom you, Jake.
Flying Lettuce Brothers: How are gonna split the Baker's Shard?
Jake: We ain't keeping it. [the three grow shocked looks] I'm passing the shard off to a mystery dude.
Tiffany: [angrily] What the—?!
Jake: The dude has my kid. [Tiffany goes from angry to a mix of surprise of empathy] My Little Jake Jr. [Coughs a bit so that he does not cry]
Gareth: I'm in.
Flying Lettuce Brothers: We're in.
Tiffany: I know that vault inside and out! Every guard rotation, every camera, every deadly trap. And that safe is locked up so tight it makes me wanna spit out my guts and cry about it. Do you even have a plan, Jake?!
Jake: I have the first part. [Raises hand] OK, let's freakin' do this!
[The scene cuts to the Captain Banana Guard and the Private Banana Guard in the surveillance room]
Private Banana Guard: [Sees a milk van arriving] Captain, the milk delivery has arrived.
Captain Banana Guard: Well, check 'em in, Private.
Private Banana Guard: Yes, sir! [Goes towards the door]
Captain Banana Guard: And Private, I'm very thirsty! Bring me back the most delicious flavor they have!
Private Banana Guard: Yes sir! [Leaves the room]
[The Captain starts writing something on a piece of paper, while a surveillance camera shows Gareth knocking the Private and Jake destroying the camera]
Captain Banana Guard: Huh? Now what in the heck—?!
Private Banana Guard: I got your milk, sir!
Captain Banana Guard: What flavor did you bring me, Private?
Flying Lettuce Brothers: [imitating the Private's voice] Banana, sir!
Captain Banana Guard: What?
Gareth: Banana milk! [Throws it in his face]
Captain Banana Guard: [screaming] The forbidden flavor! It's—delicious.
Flying Lettuce Brothers: [Trying to imitate the Captain's voice] It's—it's—it's—it's—delicious! [talking on the speaker] Attention all guards! You are directed to report immediately to the courtyard for special training!
[All of the Banana Guards are seen running toward the room, while Jake, who stretched so thin he could be disguised as the roof, climbs down]
Jake: [Opens his chest, revealing Tiffany is hidden in there] OK, do your thing, man.
Tiffany: [Holding a dynamite] Just like old times, right, Jake? When we were blood, we'd follow each other in the jaws of death on a pale horse.
Jake: Not now, Tiffany! Come on! [Gets Tiffany out of his chest]
[The scene cuts to the courtyard where all of the Banana Guards are]
Flying Lettuce Brothers: [imitating the Captain's voice] Tonight we'll be working on our battle "kee-yahs." Alright men, sound off!
[The Banana Guards are seen screaming happily while Tiffany fuses a bomb]
Flying Banana Guards: [They look on their watches] Alright soldiers, time to shred those pipes! I wanna hear you scream!
[The Banana Guards scream even harder while Tiffany is setting the time for the bomb. Tiffany and Jake get away from the barricaded door]
Flying Banana Guard: Louder! Push it hard!
[The Banana Guards are already worn out from screaming. The bomb explodes, and the Banana Guards don't hear a thing from the screaming]
Tiffany and Jake: [coughing] [They get close to the door and open it]
Tiffany: The Baker's Shard is on the other side of—that. The Corridor of a Thousand Deaths.
[Jake starts running through the Corrirdor and running into many traps until he reaches the Shard]
Jake: I did it! For Jake Jr.! [Takes the Baker's Shard]
Kidnapper: Stop right there.
Jake: You! Where's my daughter?!
Kidnapper: Throw me the Baker's Shard—and I'll let her go.
Jake: Yeah right, that's super-dumb.
Jake Jr.: Daddy! Please do what he says!
Jake: Hang on, sweetie! [Throws the Baker's Shard, which is caught by Gareth]
Flying Lettuce Brothers: [imitating Jake Jr. voice] Thank you for saving me—
Tiffany, Gareth and the Flying Lettuce Brothers: —daddy! [laughing]
Jake: [gasp] You dirty—
Tiffany: Now—ugh—[Checks what's written on his arm]—I'm the dog, and you're the tail! Now you chase me! You chase my dreams! [pulls a lever through which an alert is set off]
[Jake goes on a rampage and chases the milk van the gang came with until he catches it]
Tiffany: Oh crud! Jake, I love you! I love youuu!
Jake: Shut it, Tiffany! [Sees the driver] Gimme my daughter.
[The driver removes his hat, revealing it's actually Jake Jr.]
Jake Jr.: TADA! I totally double-crossed you!
Jake: Jake Jr.?! WHAT THE PUKE, GIRL?! [Puts down the van]
Gareth: Let's get out of here!
[Tiffany, Gareth and the Flying Lettuce Brothers drive away]
[Jake grows extremely large and puts himself and his daughter on a branch]
Jake: What the funky fresh, honey?
Jake Jr.: I just wanted to be like you. Mom told me stories about when you did crimes.
Jake: [Scolding tone] That was a long time ago. Before I knew it was wrong!
Jake Jr.: I thought you'll be proud of me.
Jake: [Sighs loudly and turns his forehead back to normal] I am. I couldn't have done that when I was your age.
Jake Jr.: I age fast remember? I'm twenty-two!
Jake: R-r-r-right. I keep forgetting maths.
Jake Jr.: What are you going to do about the old crew?
Jake: Finn and I bust their apples tomorrow. Or maybe the Banana Guards will get 'em.
[The Banana Guards are seen walking slowly after the van]
Jake: [Grows large again] Come on. I'll take you home now.
Jake Jr.: [Jumps on Jake's giant arm] I love you, pops.
Jake: I love you, too. Don't stinkin' do this to me again. I'm old and fat. I'll probably have a heart attack.
Jake Jr.: OK.
Jake: [Stops] Wait a minute! You're doing a long con right now, aren't you?
Jake Jr.: No.
[Jake continues walking]
Jake Jr.: Yes.
Jake: Now I'm really proud of you!

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "On the Lam" from season 6, which aired on June 4, 2015.

Characters
Martin
Martin 2
Space Moth
Alien Creatures
Princess
Guards
Bartender
Koala Bear People
Music
None
Locations
Koala camp
Town
This transcript is incomplete.

Transcript

[In a desert on a foreign planet, three Koala Bear People approach a chain gang at a distance. One looks through a pair of binoculars, seeing the various prisoners pickaxing rocks. At the end of the chain is their quarry: a small Koala Bear Person, looking exhausted.]
One-eyed Koala: Yam! Yam!
Two other Koalas: Nyam.
One-eyed Koala: Yam.
[The three Koala Bear People move forward. The small Koala Bear Person pants and sits down, unable to continue working. Martin peeks over the head of a large prisoner at the guards.]
Martin: [chuckles] That's right, you silly guards. Stay distracted, talking to each other.
[The guards are seen talking to each other.]
Martin: And when you least expect it, old Martin is gonna steal those gold helmets off your heads and use them for betting on lard fights. The very thing that got me imprisoned here in the first place.
Guard 1: [to Guard 2] It's not as bad as you—
[A third guard, whose gold helmet is much bigger than the others', approaches and interrupts their conversation.]
Guard 3: Hey, you two mugs, be on the lookout for rebels.
Martin: Whoa! Nice. Time to enact my genius plan. [licks the large prisoner next to him]
Large prisoner: Huh?! [turns to Martin]
Martin: [blows raspberry]
Large prisoner: [growls]
[The large prisoner bares his sharp teeth. Martin loops his shackles over them and kicks the large prisoner, breaking his chain. However, he is still attached to the small Koala Bear Person. Martin jumps down the line on the tops of the prisoners' heads toward the guards, dragging the small Koala Bear Person behind him.]
Guard 3: Huh?!
Martin: Here comes the rascal! [slips on the last prisoner's sweaty head] Whoa! [grunts]
[Martin falls on his face, and the small Koala Bear Person lands next to him. The guards lean in and ignite their spears. Just then, a laser blast strikes the third guard from behind, knocking his giant helmet off. It lands near Martin.]
Martin: Whoa! [reaches for it]
One-eyed Koala (offscreen): Nyam.
[The three Koala rebels cock their guns. The other two guards drop their spears and raise their hands in surrender. The small Koala chained to Martin smiles.]
Small Koala: Nyam.
Martin: Hey.
[The scene changes to Martin walking.]
Martin: This is your rebel village? I am honored. [stomach growls] Uh, say, you dudes hungry? I'm a little peckish.
Small Koala: Nyam, nyam?
[The Koala converse among themselves.]
Martin: What's a fella got to do, right?
[The Koala people finish talking and run into a crack in the ground, dragging Martin with them.]
Martin: Hey, wait a sec. Whoa! [slides down into crevice]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Orb" from season 9, which aired on April 21, 2017.

Characters
Finn
Jake
BMO
Nightmare Princess
Snail (dream)
Joshua (dream)
Margaret (dream)
Jermaine (dream)
Banana People (dream)
Party God (dream)
Princess Bubblegum (dream)
Water Nymph (dream)
The Moon (dream)
Warren Ampersand (dream)
MOs (dream)
CMOs
The Lich (played by a CMO)
AMO
Football (mentioned)
Music
None
Locations
Unavailable
This transcript is incomplete.


Transcript

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Orgalorg" from season 6, which aired on June 3, 2015.

Characters
Gunter
Ice King
Lumpy Space Princess
Grob Gob Glob Grod
Abraham Lincoln
Hand Snow Golem
Penguins
Walrus 5
Walrus 1
Kitten
Snail
Music
None
Locations
Land of Ooo
Ice Kingdom
This transcript is incomplete.

Transcript

[In the Ice Kingdom. Ice King is sitting in a chair and knitting pink "yamakas"]

Ice King: [Chortles] Oh man, these things are gonna make me rich. It's like a big yamaka for the tummy. [Disconnects yarn and stands up]. Hmm. I think I'll keep this one for myself. [Wraps yamaka around stomach and ties on the back] [Giggles] Haute couture! Hmmm... [Pulls up mirror from behind beard and examines the yamaka] Nice! Ooh, a little roomy. When did that happen? I am wasting away! I should probably go polish off that cheesecake in the fridge! [Grabs two yamakas, puts them on feet to use as footwear, and exits room]

Penguins: *Distant* [Conversing]

Ice King: Hmm... [Walks up to fridge, opens the door. A bunch of penguins are inside it, standing around a piece of cheesecake with a sleeping gas grenade lodged in the middle] Oh!

Penguins: [Two of them talk to each other, then snicker]

Ice King: Now what are you guys up to? Ah, here's my man, Gunter. [Gunter is seen in the back of the fridge, hiding several sleeping gas grenades] You're hanging with a bad crowd, Goonts. Alright guys, let me just rescue my cheesecake, and my Goonts. [Reaching for Gunter] *Grunt* Come - *Grunt* Oh there you are!

Penguins: [Laughs]

Ice King: [Closes fridge door] A little Gunter, a little cheesecake... [walks up to counter, grabs fork] ...and a little fork! [Walks back to knitting chair] You know what Guntie, I am gonna take my time with this delicious cake. Take it reeeal slow. [Cuts off an edge of the cheesecake with the fork and eats it] Mmm... Wheeew, getting full. Alright, maybe just another teeny corner. [Cuts off another corner, eats it.]

Gunter: [Flails with arms towards the cheesecake]

Ice King: What's wrong, Gunter? [Picks up Gunter] Does Gunter want some cheesecake too? Nooo. Cheesecake is not for penguins silly Gunter. Nooo, nooo.

Gunter: *Stubbornly* Wenk.

Ice King: [Puts down Gunter] You win this round, Mr. Cheesecake! I'll just clean up a few crumbs and leave the rest for tomorrow. [Gathers crumbs with fork] I've had enough for one day.

Gunter: [Removes sleeping gas safety pin, and stuffs it in Ice Kings mouth]

Ice King: Ah! [The sleeping gas begins to flow out] Gunter! [Yawns big, and smacks lips] *Sleepily* Hooh, my little pal. Gunter, I love- [Falls asleep]

Gunter: [Looks at Ice King, shrugs] Wenk. [Jumps off chair, walks away and up a staircase] Wenk Wenk Wenk!

Bow Penguin: [Enters the room] Wenk Wenk.

[Lots of penguins enter the room, and begin to spread out through the rooms. Three penguins walk over to Ice King's drum set and one begins drumming. Several penguins walk up to Ice King, grab gim and carry him away into another room and place him on a bed. Several penguins grab bottles from the fridge. Some penguins gather around Ice King's keyboard. One sings into a microphone, and another plays the keyboard. Lots of penguins, along with Hand Snow Golem] are gathered in a big room, holding drinks and conversing]

Bow Penguin: [Opens Phone. The previous message reads 'HOUSE PARTY!!' They send 'IK FORT'. The receiver is revealed to be Lumpy Space Princess], as she replies with "I'M ALREADY HERE *=)" Bow Penguin sees her from across the room, waving]

[The penguin at the drum set is playing vigorously in front of a crowd of three penguins. The penguin at the keyboard is still playing, and three penguins are seen dancing atop it, as well as another bystander penguin. Two penguins run through the mass of others]

Bow Penguin: *To Lumpy Space Princess* Wank Wank Wank!

Lumpy Space Princess: [Laughs] That's so true, I Am the prettiest one here!

[Three penguins are seen singing in harmony, one holding a fish. Another penguin holding a fish talks seductively to a large ice spike, then kisses it. Many penguins are gathered around a hole in which two Walruses, Walrus 5 and Walrus 1, are racing. Several penguins throw fish on the ground in front of a penguin wearing a golf visor. The penguin drags in the fish with a hockey stick.]


Lumpy Space Princess: [Holding several fish in her hands] Come on number five! [Goes over to the golf visor penguin] Five on number five to win! [Throws fish on ground] I feel lucky! [Returns to the hole] Come on number five! Wh- ? I've got a lot of money riding on you to win, you jerk! [Grabs a hockey sticks] Come on, you slug! [Hits Walrus 5 with the stick] Ugly, dumb walrus! [Walrus bites hockey stick] Aaaah! *In Walrus 5's mouth* What did I do to deserve this? Gunter! Gunter help! I'm your guest of honor!

Gunter: [Notices Lumpy Space Princess, and runs to help her]

Lumpy Space Princess: Gunter help! *To Walrus 5* I'm a princess, dummy! Get your mouth off me!

Gunter: [Slaps Walrus 5, Grabs Lumpy Space Princess. Several penguins cheer from the crowd]

Lumpy Space Princess: *Smiling* Gunter! [Frowns, and hits Gunter's hand] Don't touch my stomach. [Goes away]

Walrus 5: [Roars]

Gunter: [Notices Walrus 5] Wenk! [Looks at Walrus] Wenk? [Sees a vision of the purple version of the Catalyst Comets] in place of Walrus 5. His eyes light up and show Orgalorg's face. He opens his arms to embrace it. Walrus 5 chomps on him, and he gets stuck in its mouth. Two penguins wearing clown costumes enter the pit and distracts Walrus 5, who proceeds to toss Gunter away. Gunter hits his head on an ice spike and presumably blacks out]

[Gunter is shown in first person perspective, most likely in the near future walking past several penguins looking at him. The penguins move out of the way as he walks forward. Lumpy Space Princess is seen in the crowd, fainting when Gunter approaches. Gunter is shown to have a green brain protruding from his forehead. The brain vibrates, and Gunter sees a vision of several unknown planets. All of the other penguins, along with the Hand Snow Golem, leave the room and ascend the stairs, one dragging Lumpy Space Princess behind them. Gunter's brain vibrates again, and he sees another vision, this time of a wooden cutout of Abraham Lincoln. He enters a woodworking room behind Ice King's knitting chair, and walks down a stairway. At the bottom there is a stash of wooden tools and planks. Kitten is seen sleeping in the room, and wakes up and runs away when Gunter approaches. Gunter pulls out a bandsaw from behind the wooden tools. Again his brain vibrates, and he sees a vision of the purple catalyst comet. He grabs a bunch of planks and proceeds to cut out several figures using the bandsaw. After finishing cutting out the figures he exits the room and places them on the floor standing up. His brain vibrates once more]

Gunter: *Continuously* Weeeeeenk. [A series of unknown symbols are shown lighting up on a dark background. Gunter forms an light beam in a bow between his hands in the air. The wooden figures light up with symbols, accompanied with a strange noise. A similar bow is connected between the furthest two figures. This beam continues from each of the figures, until it reaches Gunter's own "light bow," and the beam of light is blasted into the air. The beam is seen travelling out of Ice King's castle, away from the Earth and into the cluster of unknown planets seen in one of his previous visions. The beam envelops one of the planets with a green and yellow surface]

Green Alien: The signal! The signal! We haven't had a communication from Orgalorg in thousands of years! He must be mad at us! Everybody kneel! Everybody kneel!

Dad Alien: Better do as he says, kids.

Child Alien: Mommy, who's Orgalorg?

Mom Alien: Oh, well, eh...

Dad Alien: Um... Uh, to be honest, we though he was just a myth your stupid grandparents told us so we wouldn't make out.

Elder Alien 1: Yes! And you should have listened! [Two aliens are seen entering the area, both seated in a transportation devices]

Mom Alien: *Pointing at the aliens* The elders!

Dad Alien: Yes, the elders! *Pointing at the aliens* The elders!

Elder Alien 1: We told you! Orgalorg is real. And horrifying!

Elder Alien 2: But nobody would listen! You all just wanted to make out!

Dad Alien: Uh, well, we're listening now.

Elder Alien 1: After you had kids and they didn't want to listen to you, how did that make you feel?

Mom Alien: Terrible.

Elder Alien 1: Exactly. Anyway, so, makeouts.

Elder Alien 2: Orgalorg.

Elder Alien 1: Oh. Orgalorg is an ancient cosmic entity, who ruled the solar system with his cruel and deadly whims. [A depiction of Orgalorg is shown against a dark background, along with several stars, circles and crescent moons. A flashback is shown of Orgalorg throwing a giant boulder at a village in green mountains above clouds] The breaker of worlds, he was seeking evermore power. He desired to intercept a catalyst comet and absorb its essence. [A flashback is shown of Orgalorg flying through space with an orange catalyst comet in the background. He wraps one of his arms around the comet flying in the background] Thereby did he offend the king of mars, who decreed that Orgalorg should be cast down. And yes he was cast down, by the flaming sword of Grob Gob Glob Grod. [A flashback is shown of Grob Gob Glob Grod swinging a flaming blue sword at Orgalorg, who falls down towards the Earth] Orgalorg was banished to an inhospitable planet where he would forget everything. Yay, even forget his identity, and from whence he came.

Elder Alien 2: [Clears throat] And the prophets say that the gravity of the planet did crush and compress Orgalorg into a more powerless and cuddlesome form. *Spookily* Oooooh! [A flashback is shown of a black silhouette of Orgalorg diminishing in shape and size, eventually resembling that of Gunter]

Elder Alien 1: But now he's back. And whose fault is that? Makeouts.

Green Alien: Behold! It is he! Orgalorg reaches out from the void! [A green wavy line in the sky, caused by Gunters light beam, changes shape into an outline of Gunters face]

Gunter: *Echoing* Wenk! [The aliens on the planet scream in fear. The faces and screaming of the reacting aliens travel with the beam back down to Earth, where Gunter examines them]

Ice King: [In his bed, waking up] Huh? Goonter? [Looks around for Gunter]

Gunter: *In distress, continually* Wenk! Wenk! Wenk! [Gunter puts his hans on his head, cancelling the light bow. He grabs an icicle from the roof and begins smashing the wooden figures, breaking the beam travelling between them, and removing the symbols lighting up on them] *Panting* [Gunter sees a seres of visions of his life after arriving on Earth:]

[Gunter falling from the sky, into the ocean]

[Gunter in the ocean, with unknown sea creatures]

[Gunter on land, warming his hands next to a campfire]

[Gunter with a spear in a savanna fighting a lion.]

[Gunter next to a goat and three huts, holding a spear]

[Gunter depicted on Egyptian hieroglyphs]

[Gunter depicted fighting a Roman gladiator]

[Gunter riding a chariot dragged by a white horse]

[Gunter in a robe among several other individuals in robes]

[Gunter, wearing a hat with a feather, holding the hand of a woman wearing Victorian style clothing]

[Gunter in a room full of large bottles labelled "Gunto's," tapping liquid from one of them into smaller bottles]

[Gunter, most likely out on the countryside, driving an old-fashioned car]

[Gunter in the sky in an aircraft]

[Gunter wearing a basker in a movie recording studio with other people, surrounded by cameras, and holding a megaphone]

[Gunter on a beach in a hat wearing heart-shaped sunglasses and holding a guitar, next to a woman in a bikini]

[Gunter meditating on an overgrown shrine]

[Gunter farming crops next to an underground bunker]

[Gunter sailing on the ocean in a sailboat. The letter "G" is printed on the sail]

[Gunter standing in snow, looking up at the ice kingdom]

Ice King: Gunter! That's a bad boy, Gunter! [The room is filled with wood shrapnel, icicle shards and discarded cups and glasses] You wrecked daddy's stuff again. [Grabs Gunter] Some of your stuffing is peeking out. [Walks over to knitting chair and sits down, grabbing knitting sticks] Okay Gunter, let's just... [Using the rounded edge of the stick, he pokes Gunter's brain back into his head] Boop.. Beep... Bip... Bop... And a bandage! [Wraps some yarn around Gunters head] See? You're practically back to normal my little Goonts! [Grabs a mirror and shows Gunter] Here, take a look for yourself. Not bad Guntie. Not bad at all. [Gunter sees his reflection morph into a twisted grin, and then his mouth into an eye, creating Orgalorg's face, while Ice King laughs in the background

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Paper Pete" from season 3, which aired on January 16, 2012.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Paper Pete
Pagelings
Turtle Princess (nonspeaking)
Moldos
Mildwin
Music
None
Locations
Library
Grass Lands
Moldos' Secret Lair
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[The episode begins with Finn and Jake in the Library carrying an enormous book.]
Finn & Jake: [grunting]
Finn: It's slippin', dude.
[They groan as they set it down on a table.]
Finn: Phew. [reading title] Raini-corni-copia? An Unabridged History of the Rainicorns. [yawns] Whatever, man. I barely even made it through the title.
Jake: Listen, man. One day, I'm probably gonna have half-rainbow pupsters. I gotta be able to share my babies' culture.
[They open the book.]
Jake: [mumbling indistinctly as he reads]
[Finn rocks the table.]
Finn: Huh. [goes under the table] Oh. [comes out from underneath it] Hey, this table is wobbly. We gotta take it to the Lost Tinker Goblin of Fog Mountain to fix it.
Jake: Dude, I would love to go on some crazy, made-up adventure with you, but I really gotta read this. So from here on out, I'm just gonna ignore you. [continues reading and mumbling]
Finn: I don't make up adventures! Jake, you know that! Jake! I don't make up adventures! [lifts and drops the end of the table a few times] Hm. [leaves Jake and walks past some shelves] Books, books. [reading titles] Kitties, Zitties, Witties, Mitties, Knitties, Fitties, Hitties, Jitties, Pities, Cities... [comes to some books with damaged spines] Oh, no! Damaged books? Who did this?!
Turtle Princess: Shhhhhhhushh!
Finn: Sorry. [to books] I will avenge thee, slightly-soiled books. Gotta tell Jake.
[He starts walking back when he sees some books shake.]
Finn: Hello? [looks behind books] Is someone back here? Are you stuck?
Turtle Princess: Shhhushmm!
Finn: [quietly] Hello? [pages start coming out of the books] Whoa! Ohhh! Hey, there's pages comin' outta these books!
People offscreen: SHHHHHH!
[The pages fold themselves into Pagelings.]
Finn: Who are you dudes?
Pagelings: We are the Pagelings!
Paper Pete: I am Paper Pete, the leader of the Pagelings. But you can call me P.P.
Finn: I'll call you Pete.
Paper Pete: Okay!
Finn: Why are you dudes in the library?
Paper Pete: We are the secret guardians of the books in the library. You know those blank pieces of paper in the beginning of old books?
Finn: Yeah?
Paper Pete: That's us! We revealed ourselves to you, noble giant, because you felt our plight when you saw the damaged books. And now is our darkest hour, for the Moldos have been growing more bold with every attack. Look at the damage done yesterday [pulls out a damaged book] at the Battle of Teddy Bear Joke Book.
Finn: Wow, yeah.
Paper Pete: They're massing for a full-scale assault on every book in the library!
Finn: Gosh! Even the Rainicornicopia?
Paper Pete: Yes.
Finn: I better tell Jake. Don't you dudes go anywhere.
Pagelings: Okay.
[Finn runs back to Jake.]
Finn: Hey, bro, I've got an adventure—and it's not made up! There are these- these Pagelings they came out from- from books! And they- they folded into little animals.
[Jake stretches his foot onto Finn's mouth.]
Finn: Do you hear what I'm saying?!
Jake: [shakes head] Shhhh!
Finn: You think I'm making this up?
Jake: [nods] [motions for Finn to go away]
Finn: I'll prove it to you! [drags the Rainicornicopia off the table onto the floor and starts dragging it away]
Jake: Finn! [following Finn] Finn, you butt chicken!
Finn: Jake, wait till you see 'em.
[Jake tackles Finn and they bump against the bookshelf with the Pagelings, who retreat into the shelf as books fall off the shelf on top of Finn and Jake.]
Finn: Ow.
Jake: [grunts and strains as he lifts the Rainicornicopia and drags it back]
Finn: They were just here! Pagelings?
[The Pagelings reappear.]
Finn: Why didn't you dudes introduce yourselves to Jake?
Paper Pete: We don't want to reveal ourselves to anyone else. We are the secret guardians. Secret.
Finn: Ummmm... yeah, but Jake is a powerful giant like me! He can help you battle or- or whatevs! But first, you must win his favor. Do you not want victory for your people?
Pagelings: Yes! We do want victory!
Finn: C'mon, follow me. [he leads them to Jake] Jake, look.
[Jake buries his face in the book.]
Finn: [to Pagelings] He's up here reading a book.
[The Pagelings climb onto the table.]
Finn: Do something to get his attention.
Paper Pete: Very well. We shall dance as flowers.
Other Pagelings: Hoo-ah!
Finn: Okay.
[The Pagelings turn into flowers and start dancing around Jake, who is hiding his face behind his hands.]
Pagelings: [grunt and sing indistinctly as they dance]
Finn: Jake, the Pagelings are dancing for you. Just look up for a second!
[Jake stretches his face out from underneath his hands as the Pagelings dance outside his field of vision.]
Jake: Finn, all the little voices you're doing are cute, but come on, man! Just let me read. [buries his face again]
[The Pagelings jump onto Jake's head and transform back to normal.]
Paper Pete: By wearing the beast, [they rip off some fur] we shall become like the beast. [they place the fur on their heads]
Finn: You can feel them, can't you?
Jake: I can feel you pinching me.
Finn: Just look up for a second! [trying to lift up Jake] Looooook. [gives up] Uhhh. Pagelings, I'm sorry, but my friend is acting like a clump.
Pagelings: Okay.
Paper Pete: We can't wait any longer. We must go back to the bookshelf to prepare for the Moldos' attack
Jake: Yeah, go play make-believe somewhere else!
Finn: I'm not making believe!
[Scene cuts to Paper Pete.]
Paper Pete: [gasps] We were gone too long!
[Some Moldos are shown eating books and Finn is standing nearby.]
Paper Pete: Wield, my brethren. Wield!
[They charge at the Moldos.]
Pagelings: [battle cries]
[They start fighting the Moldos weakly and calmly.]
Finn: [yawns and exhales, blowing the Moldos and Pagelings off their feet]
Moldo: You win this battle, but next time, we will win.
[The Moldos retreat.]
Pagelings: Yes, leave! Victory! Veni, vidi, vici!
Finn: So, those little squishy guys are the Moldos?
Paper Pete: Aye. This was but a reconnaissance squad... sent to test our mettle!
Pagelings: Mettle!
Finn: Uh-huh. They seem tough.
Paper Pete: Their bites sting like the Dickens.
Finn: Hmmm... their bites sting, eh? I've got a plan, Pete.
Paper Pete: Tell me your plan, giant.
Finn: Just trust me. [picks up Paper Pete] Trust me.
[Some Moldos are seen slithering past some shelves. Finn, with Paper Pete on his shoulder, peeks around the corner and sees them enter a bookshelf on the far wall. He runs toward the shelf and removes some books.]
Paper Pete: You've discovered the Moldos' Secret Lair!
Finn: Eh, it wasn't very hard.
[Finn crawls through to the Moldos' lair. There are crystals growing on the walls, but no Moldos in sight.]
Finn: Wibba-wibba-wah!
[Scream echoes and several Moldos appear.]
Moldo: The Pagelings have a battle beast! Attack!
Moldos: [battle cries]
Finn: Whoa. Whoa, moldy blobs. I've come here to help the Moldos defeat the Pagelings.
Paper Pete: Traitor! [brandishing paper sword] Hiyah! Yah!
Finn: [quietly] Calm down, this is part of my plan.
Paper Pete: Ohhh, ha-ha! Then I shall play along, wise giant. [winks]
Moldo: How are we to trust you?
Finn: Well... here, look. [takes Paper Pete off his shoulder] I brought you all a prisoner. It's their leader.
Paper Pete: May you rot in Tartarus! May your skin boil and eyes burst into flames... forever in a pit! [winks]
Finn: [winks]
[Scene cuts to Paper Pete being lifted up in a cage made of pencils and rulers.]
Paper Pete: Traitor!
Finn: So, do you guys have, like, a—like, a leader or somethin'?
Moldos: [murmuring and whispering] Mildwin.
Paper Pete: Mildwin.
Mildwin: I'm Mildwin, leader of the Moldos.
Finn: Oh, uhh... hmm. [gets down on the floor] Nice to meet you, your highness.
Mildwin: I'm not a king; I was democratically elected.
Finn: [laughs] That's adorable. [beat] Now, Finn! [grabs Mildwin and several Moldos, kicks apart Paper Pete's cage, and runs out of the lair]
Moldo: Protect the elected official!
Paper Pete: Well played, ol' giant. [winks] You have the cunning of Odysseus. [winks several times]
Finn: Pete, j-just stop winking. [jumps on top of a table and onto bookshelf] Hyah!
People: Shhhh!
[Finn jumps down from the bookshelf near Jake.]
Finn: Ignore this! [throws the Moldos at Jake]
Jake: Hmm?
[The Moldos start eating Jake's fur.]
Mildwin: Mmm! This tastes delicious! [chomps on a bit of Jake's flesh]
Jake: AAAAH! AAH!
Finn: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
Jake: What did you do to me?! AAAAAAH!
Finn: Ummm...
Jake: AH! AAAH!
Finn: Uhhh... come on, you guys, knock it off.
Moldo: [hisses at Finn]
Finn: The Moldos got a taste for ya now.
Jake: [screams in pain]
Finn: Gotta do something. Where can I find ways to solve problems in a library? [sees a poster] "Books"? [gets a book and starts hitting Jake with it] Books! Books! Books!
Jake: Aaah!
Finn: [sees a Moldo eating his shirt] Huh? Whatcha nibblin' me for?
Moldo: This sweaty stuff tastes amazing. A-mazing!
Finn: Hmmm. Tastier than battle beast fur. Yis! [takes off his shirt]
[He notices that Turtle Princess saw this. Turtle Princess blushes and runs back to her cart of books.]
Finn: Hey, Mildwin. Mildwin!
Mildwin: What?
Finn: I bring a peace offering from the Pagelings.
Mildwin: Hmm?
[The Moldos sniff the shirt, crawl onto it, and start eating, except for two, which are latched onto Jake's closed eyelids.]
Jake: Finn... what's happening?
Finn: Hang on, buddy. Paper Pete?
[Paper Pete flies in in the form of a paper plane, lands on Finn's shoulder, and transforms back to normal.]
Paper Pete: Giant! Have you wiped out the Moldo horde?
Finn: Naw, man. The war's over. [pokes Mildwin] Mildwin, you can keep my shirt if [points to Paper Pete] you don't attack their library books.
Mildwin: Agreed, beast. This filthy garb will feed my people for generations.
Finn: And in forty years, you can have my shorts. Sound good, Pete?
Paper Pete: It will suffice.
Finn: Sound good, Jake?
Jake: [pulls the remaining two Moldos off his eyes] AAAH! What—What the hecks, man?! What'd you do to me?!
Finn: [holds up his shirt] Look, man! Moldos and Pagelings are real!
Jake: Wha—? Who cares, man?! I'm outta here!
[Scene cuts to Finn and Jake walking away from the library.]
Finn: Did you finish your Rainicorn book?
Jake: Ugh... I was readin' the same paragraph over and over for, like, eleven minutes. I guess I'm gonna give up on learnin' everything about Rainicorn history. Don't tell Lady.
Finn: Oh. What about relating to your mixed-species kids?
Jake: Eh, I'll just fake it.
Finn: Oh. Well... hey, man, I think I see some, um... [points to the sun] Sun People in trouble on the sun over there.
Jake: You makin' that up?
Finn: Mmhmm.
Jake: Yeah! Let's do it! [starts running toward the setting sun]
Finn: [follows Jake] WHOO! WHOOOO!
[Episode ends]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Play Date" from season 5, which aired on November 4, 2013.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Ice King
Abracadaniel
BMO
Kee-Oth
Music
None
Locations
Tree Fort
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode begins with a pterodactyl flying and carrying Finn and Jake. It drops them off at their Tree Fort and flies away. Finn and Jake run inside. Jake empties a treasure chest of gold coins while Finn places his Demon Sword in the mouth of a taxidermied triclops.]
Jake: [laughs] Loot, bro!
Finn: Gear dumped, bro! [They run upstairs.] How about this room, bro?
Jake: [looks around] Looks like a brolicious room to relax in and play video games... bro.
[They run over to the couch and sit down.]
Finn: Home, sweet home, bro.
Ice King: [from behind curtain] Yeah, you said it. I've been home this whole time.
Jake: [groans] [whispering] I keep forgetting that he lives here now.
Finn: [whispering] Just until Gunter finishes rebuilding the Ice Kingdom.
Ice King: What y'all whisperin' about? [jumps onto the couch between Finn and Jake] Hehe! Ex-"squeeze" me. [puts his arms around them]
Jake: [normal voice] Ice King, we've told you a thousand times: this couch ain't for cuddlin'.
Ice King: Sure it is.
Jake: It isn't!
Ice King: Mm, it's cozy.
Finn: [normal voice] It's not that bad, Jake.
Ice King: See?
Jake: [groans] Finn, can I speak to you in the kitchen?
[Finn and Jake get off the couch and walk towards the kitchen.]
Ice King: Oh, hey, Jake, can you bring me a sandwich? [whistles] Sandwich?
[They're in the kitchen. Finn is making a sandwich.]
Jake: It's time to kick Ice King out!! [signs language meaning that Ice King needs to go away]
Ice King: [pointing to Finn] Don't forget the bread! Haha!
Finn: [to Jake] Look, I hear you. But we can't kick him out because I still feel guilty about junking up his crib. Hey, what if we check him into a hotel room?
Jake: Hmmm? [signs language to Finn]
Finn: What's that?
Jake: Checking him to a hotel room.
[Finn giving the sandwich to Ice King]
Ice King: Oooh! Sandwich time! [Eating the sandwich]
[Jake kicks Finn]
Finn: Hey, Simon, how would you like to stay in the Coolest Hotel?
Jake: Lumpy Space Princess stays there. That's how cool it is.
Finn: We'll even put you up for few weeks until your place is ready.
Ice King: Ahh, but that sounds lonely. I just like to stay here with you guys! Having roommates is nice! It keeps me out of my head. Gunther says only "Wenk!" What's up with that?
Finn: Hehe, yeah?
[Jake pulls Finn at the back.]
Jake: Finn, I'm ready to murder the Ice King.
Finn: No. I-I have another idea.
[The time passes by. Ice King is lying down while eating cocoa cereal and has his robe taken off. The bowl of the cereal is on his belly. He scratches his right leg and eats another spoon. The bowl accidentally falls off.]
Ice King: Oop. [eats the cocoa from his belly]
[Jake's right eye twitches. He looks disgusted. A doorbell rings.]
Finn: Oh, my gosh! Someone's at the door. We have a doorbell now. We'll get it.
[Finn and Jake walk out. Ice King senses suspicion. Finn opens the door.]
Finn and Jake: Abracadaniel?!
Finn: What are you doing here? [keeps his voice loud so Ice King can notice]
Abracadaniel: What? You kept calling and call... [mouth has been covered by Jake's shape-shifting ears.]
Jake: Hahaha! Shut up-up-up-up-up, Abracadeez!
Finn: Yeah, man! You don't even need a reason to stop by! [keeping his voice loud]
Jake: A sexy wizard like you goes where he wants!
Ice King: [sneaks in] Whoa-oh! I see what's going on!
Jake: What... You do? [faces Ice King]
Ice King: Yeah! This wizard donk [points to Abracadaniel] is trying to jack my Tree House styles, just 'cause he beat me that one time at Wizard Battle! And if he takes one step closer, I'll bust him up one real good! I never asked to be... [sobs and slides under the curtain to his room]
Finn: [to Abracadaniel] Come on, dude, we got cookies and the cocoa! [takes him to the living room] [laughing] Dang! But you're funny, Abracadaniel!
Abracadaniel: I didn't say anything.
Finn: [continues laughing] Fantastic.
Jake: Hey, Abadabs! [holding a plate full of cookies] Why don't you show us that trick you're working on! [Ice King peeks]
Abracadaniel: Oh? Uhh. Yeah! I suppose I could! [takes out his wand] "Shirmo lock kanta Floriana" [grows a flower from the floor with his stick]
[Finn and Jake start clapping]
Finn: So good! Whoo!
Jake: [with a cookie in his teeth] You're a good wizard!
Abracadaniel: I don't know, it's dumb! I'm still working on it! It's-It's nothing!
[Ice King comes out of his room angrily]
Ice King: Oh, you're right that ain't nothing! Check out this wizar! [turns the flower into a giant ice sculpture of a flower] Whoa! [the sculpture disintegrates and it snows] What?
Abracadaniel: [amused] Ohh! You're the greatest wizard ever!
Ice King: Well, maybe not ever ever! Am I the greatest wizard in our generation? Yes. [pats Abracadaniel's head]
[Finn and Jake look at each other and exchange excited looks because their plan is going good. Abracadaniel and Ice King have fun. They play a game in BMO. They play Hide and Shoot. So Abracadaniel pretends to be hit and dies on the table. Ice King jumps on him and elbows him the stomach causing the table to break. They're cloud-watching and imagining Princesses in the clouds. And they make their BFF handshake. Finn and Jake are in their room reading.]
Jake: [sips his coffee] This was a great idea, man! It's like he's forgotten all about us!
Finn: Uhh-huh. Pretty soon, he'll be outta here for good.
 Jake: For good!
Finn: [breathes a sigh of relief] Yeah!
Ice King: [screaming out of nowhere] Finn!! Jake!! Come quick!! It's an emergency!! Hurry!! [he and Abracadaniel are giggling. The light is off. Finn and Jake climb down.]
Finn: Ice King? What's up? [Ice King turns on the light] Huh? What the flip?
Ice King: Tada!
Jake: How'd they get the other couch down here?
Abracadaniel: There you are, sir. There you are. [gives tickets to Finn and Jake that say "Abraca-Ice King Wizard Revue: -Tonite- A3/A4" with a lightning bolt on the left side and a flower with a rainbow at the end of it on the right side] Right this way.
[Finn shrugs at Jake. He and Jake sit down in their seats which say A3 and A4.]
BMO: You made it!
[Ice King gives a drum roll. Abracadaniel runs through the curtain.]
Abracadaniel: Caw! Tada!
BMO: [claps] [laughs] A bird! He's a bird!
Abracadaniel: I've always been into interpretive dance. But I've never been able to find a musician who could match my energy until now! [Ice King gives some exquisite drum sounds. Abracadaniel begins to dance]
Jake: Huh! He's actually not bad!
BMO: [humming] [stands up. He starts to dance] Dance party! [goes to the stage. He continues humming]
Abracadaniel: No! [pushes BMO off the stage]
BMO: Awww! [begins to hum and dance again on the stage]
Abracadaniel: No! [pushes BMO again, only harder]
BMO: Ow! [angrily kicks Abracadaniel] No!
Abracadaniel: Ow! Why are you doing this?!
BMO: You pushed my whole body!
Finn: Um, [claps] whoo! That was great, guys!
Abracadaniel: Yeah? You guys liked it?
Ice King: Well, then the second and third acts are gonna knock your socks off!
Finn: Uh, [stands up, including Jake] actually, Jake and I have got, uh, got some stuff to take care of.
Jake: Yeah... [looks at his shape-shifted clock] It's getting pretty late.
[Ice King and Abracadaniel look at each other]
Abracadaniel: Uh... oh, Glob.
Finn: 'Sup, ABD?
Abracadaniel: I just remember that I'm, uh, a-allergic, uh, to, to the night sky.
Finn: You're afraid of the dark?
Abracadaniel: Yes, if I ever had to walk, uh, outside at night, I might die of-of...
Ice King: [whispering so quietly that Finn and Jake can't hear him] Of fright.
Abracadaniel: Of fright!
[Jake looks behind to see Ice King behind him and Finn]
Finn: Gee. Well, I guess you can crash here for the night.
Abracadaniel: All right!
Ice King and Abracadaniel: [high five] Sleepover!!
Finn: Wait! Are you really afraid of the dark?
Abracadaniel: Maybe.
Finn: Okay. Well, you can sleep on the couch. We're gonna go. Uh, good night. [climbs up, including Jake]
[Ice King and Abracadaniel laugh secretly like they're planning some kind of evil plan. They both go downstairs where Finn and Jake's treasures are.]
Abracadaniel: [shocked] Whoa!
Ice King: See, I told you! Isn't it awesome? Eh, since I'm pretty much in charge here, we can totally take all this treasure if we wanted to.
Abracadaniel: Ha! Totally!
[They both walk closely to the treasures.]
Abracadaniel: Wow! Cool! [looks at a toy]
Ice King: Oh, that's just a byncomire.
Abracadaniel: Ohh!
Ice King: Wanna see something really cool?
Abracadaniel: Yeah!
Ice King: Okay, but you gotta promise not to freak out!
[Abracadaniel nods. Ice King walks over to the sword's holder. He takes the sword.]
Ice King: This is Joshua the Dog's Demon Blood Sword.
Abracadaniel: [gasps]
Ice King: Yeah! It's a real demon blood sword.
Abracadaniel: What?!
[Ice King peels off the handle.]
Ice King: And you see these words? [points to the words on the handle] If you say them out loud, you can actually see a vision of the demon whose blood was used to make the sword!
Abracadaniel: No way! That sounds awesome! Too bad neither of us can read Demon Runes.
Ice King: Ooh! I know how! Butyrum lac surepo kee oth pradium, like that!
[Kee-Oth appears.]
Ice King: Oops.
Abracadaniel: Wow! It looks so real!
Kee-Oth: I am real!
[Ice King and Abracadaniel scream. Ice King wraps the handle back on and returns the sword to its holder.]
Kee-Oth: Bring me the true bearer of my blood sword or I will destroy you both!
[Kee-Oth starts growling while Ice King and Abracadaniel walk back.]
Ice King: Come on, best friend, [puts his crown on] let us not betray Finn! Let's fight Kee-Oth ourselves!
Abracadaniel: Nobody can defeat us if we work together! Super Wizard Team Up!
[Ice King continuously attacks Kee Oth with lightning bolts while Abracadaniel continuously attacks with flowers.]
Kee-Oth: You're wasting your powers on me. Haha!
Ice King: Oh! No! Oh, no! He's too powerful!
[He and Abracadaniel yell. Kee-Oth grabs them by their necks. Finn and Jake arrive.]
Finn and Jake: Kee-Oth!
Kee-Oth: Joshua!
Finn and Jake: Kee Oth Rama Pancake...
Kee-Oth: Don't say another word, Joshua! Or the throats are going to get it! If you speak the words to banish me, I'll reduce your friends to ash!
Jake: Kee Oth Rama P... [Finn covers his mouth]
Finn: Dude!!
Jake: I thought he was bluffing.
Kee-Oth: I'm not bluffing, Joshua! If you do not willingly return my stolen blood, I will destroy him [faces Abracadaniel] and him. [faces Ice King]
[Finn and Jake run towards the sword's holder.]
Finn: Ahh! The sword!
Jake: Scary!
[Finn takes the sword.]
Finn: I just can't do it, Jake. This is Dad's sword!
Jake: You don't have any other choice! Do it!
Kee-Oth: Do it!!
["Do it!!" echoes. Finn breaks the sword using his knee. The sword breaks in half. The bloods rise up.
Finn: Whoa.
[The bloods go to Kee Oth. He drops Ice King and Abracadaniel. He becomes red and much bigger.]
Finn: You got your blood, now get outta here!
Kee-Oth: [chuckles] All right, I'll go. Psych! Got you now, Joshua! [takes Jake. He starts laughing and vanishes]
[Abracadaniel and Ice King walk towards Finn.]
Abracadaniel: [scratching his back] Uh, hey, so, uh, I should be getting home.
Ice King: [scratching his back] Uh, yeah, me, too. Hey, Abracadaniel, wanna hang out at my place?
Abracadaniel: I thought your house broke.
Ice King: Ice Kingdom's been rebuilt for weeks!
[They both leave.]
Finn: Jake?

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Power Animal" from season 2, which aired on November 22, 2010.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Cinnamon Bun
Princess Bubblegum
Gnome Ruler
Gnomes
Nymphs
Simon
Party God
Music
None
Locations
Tree Fort
Grass Lands
Beneathaverse
Cloud Kingdom
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The story begins with Finn climbing a ladder to the top of the Tree Fort while carrying a bag of chips in his right arm. Party music plays in the background.]
Finn: You got that cooler, buddy?
Jake: Yup!
Finn: Good, 'cause we're gonna need it for this... ROOF PARTY! [Camera zooms out to show party; everyone cheers.] Watch this, everybody! Triple flip with chips for the dip! [Does a triple somersault and throws the bag of chips into a bowl]
Jake: Watch this, everybody! A cooler! With stuff... for the thing! [Accidentally drops cooler and laughs, embarrassed. Everyone cheers; someone says "Party!"]
Cinnamon Bun: Finn, you always focus an endless amount of energy on everything you do.
Jake: What about me? What do I focus my energy on, Cinnamon Bun?
Cinnamon Bun: Uh, Jake... you don't really focus at all.
[Jake is seen stuffing an ice cream cone into a toaster for some reason, distracted.]
Jake: Huh? [Pushes down toaster lever]
Cinnamon Bun: I said you don't FOCUS AT ALL! Hey, Finn, do another flip.
Finn: [Does so] YUP! YAH!
Cinnamon Bun: Hahaha!! You're a dynamo, Finn!!
[A stranger comes up behind Finn.]
Finn: YEAH!! I NEVER SLOW DOWN!!
[The stranger touches Finn.]
Stranger: "Never slow down?"
Finn: Whoa. Dude, can you, like, get offa' me?
Stranger: [Does so] Do you think your energy could be used to power a huge machine?
Finn: I guess so, man. [The stranger chuckles deviously and backs away slowly. Finn looks freaked out and goes back to Jake who is dancing.] Hey, Jake [Jake stops dancing.] Your friend is super weird, dude.
[The stranger is shown eating dip with his bare hands and laughing sinisterly.]
Jake: I thought he was your friend.
Princess Bubblegum: It's starting, everyone! The celestial alignment!
[Everyone observes the event with awe. Scene shifts to after the party; Finn and Jake are cleaning up. Scene shifts again to Finn and Jake's bedroom where they're getting ready for bed.]
Finn: [Full of energy] Jake! That party was super fun! [Bounces on bed]
Jake: Man, I'm sleepy. [Yawns]
Finn: Then go to sleep, man!
[Jake is again shown stuffing an ice cream cone into a toaster.]
Jake: Huh? Oh, yeah, right. [Walks to his bed yawning] Goodnight, homie.
Finn: [Stops bouncing] Hyump! Ahh! [Blows out candle] Goodnight, hamlet. [Exhales sleepily]
[The stranger is shown outside of the treehouse. Finn is shown sleeping and then is kidnapped by the stranger. Scene shifts to the next morning; a rooster crows. Jake is sleeping and his gut punches him awake.]
Jake: Hrrnf!! Ahh... What? [Stomach rumbles.] Alright, alright, you old gut. [Stretches] Oh, I'm sluggin' it today... [Rolls out of bed] Wake up, Finn. Got a busy day ahead of us. Finn? Hmm. Hmmmmm.
[Jake tries to figure out where Finn could've gone but ends up singing "Where Is Finn?" The scene changes to a dark room; Finn has his hands tied behind his back, his foot is chained to a nail in the ground and his head is covered with a potato sack.]
Stranger's voice: Welcome, Finn.
Finn: Huh? [Turns in the direction of the voice; his face is uncovered and he spits out a potato.] UNTIE ME SO I CAN BEAT YOU WITH THAT SACK!! [Stranger reveals himself and chuckles; Finn gasps] You're that—
Stranger: Yes, the charismatic stranger from last night! Also... [Reveals himself to be three Gnomes] the Grand Master of the Gnomes!
Gnomes: Hup! Hup! Hup!
Gnome Ruler: And... [Room lights up a bit] ruler of the Beneathaverse!
Finn: [Casually] 'S pretty nice. Hey, why don't you guys just untie me, and we can pretend this whole thing didn't happen?
Gnome Ruler: Oh, no! I've been searching all over Ooo for the perfect power source! A living dynamo! Something that... never slows down.
Finn: Uh-oh.
Gnome Ruler: And last night, I finally found—
Finn: [Deadpan] It's me.
Gnome Ruler: Yes!! It's you!! You will have the great honor of powering the Upturnoverdrive!
Finn: That does what now?
Gnome Ruler: It will flip over the entire world! Then we'll be the ones on top, buddy!
Finn: THAT'S BIZONKERS!
Gnome Ruler: Yes, but the engineering is very sound.
Finn: [Picked up by four Gnomes] Huh?
Gnome Ruler: Your energies will be harnessed by our most advanced technology. The Cyclonic Rodentarod!
Finn: Ha! You may have captured me... Hugh! [Forces his hands in front of him] ...but you can't make me run! [A Gnome shocks Finn with a taser and Finn runs.] Ow! Well... you can't make me run very fast. [Finn is shocked again and he runs more quickly.] OW!! Jake's on his way to mess you guys [Being shocked again] UUUOOOOAAAHH!!
[Scene cuts back to just outside the treehouse; Jake and BMO are sitting near the front door and Jake is eating a sandwich.]
Jake: Fiiiinn!! [Takes another bite, retaining a worried look] Fiiiin!! Fiiiin!?! [Takes another bite] Man, where is that kid? I'm really startin' to worry... [Dancing Beetle appears and starts dancing.] Take my sammich, BMO. I'm gonna go find Fi— [Gasps] [In awe, whispering] A dancing bug! [Beetle continues dancing.] Hey, man, you're shakin' it all wrong!
Dancing Beetle: But shakin' it's all I know!
Jake: Shhh... Let me show you how it's done! [Starts dancing; the beetle joins him] Aw, yeah! Huh-hah! Yeah! Whoo!
[Scene shifts back to the Beneathaverse.]
Gnome Ruler: Congratulations. You fully charged the Alternator! Now it's time to power up the Plasma Ball... with sexy, fun dancing!
Finn: NO! STOP! NOOOOO!!!! WHA! AAH!! [They throw Finn into the machine. He forces his hands free, but they close the door. Finn panics and bangs on the glass violently while yelling and screeching. The music starts up, and the machine charges up. Finn starts dancing around a pole and getting shocked, all while screaming. The music gets louder and Finn dances faster. The Plasma Ball charges up. Scene suddenly shifts back to Jake and BMO; a party is occurring, and Jake is drinking grass shakes.]
Bugs: Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
Jake: Aaaaah... [Gulps the shake down] Whooooo! [Bugs cheer.] Whoooo! Any more grass shakes, Simon?
Simon: All finished.
Jake: Finished, huh? [Exhales] Finished... Finished... Fin... Fin... Finn... [In realization] AWWW, FINN! Darn it! My best friend's missing! I gotta get my head together! [Rubs head) Get undistracted! And use alla' my skills to track 'im down! Smelling! [Sniffs around] Touching. [Feels the ground] Tasting. [Licks the ground] Looking. [Finds a trail of little footprints and gasps] Little footprints! Too small to be Finn's... More like a bunch-a'-gnomes-carrying-something footprints!
[Jake notices two Nymphs laughing.]
Long-haired Nymph: Okay. I've got a joke. What did the mermaid... sea? A movie?
Short-haired Nymph: Wh-...What?
Long-haired Nymph: Oh! I messed it up! But it's still funny, right?
Jake: WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, NO, IT'S NOT!! Y'all are horrible at tellin' jokes. Lemme hitcha with this. Didya hear about the goblin who got his left arm and left leg cut off?
Nymphs: Um... no...
Jake: That's okay! He's all right now!! [The Nymphs smile.] AH-HAHAHAHA! AH-HAHAHA! AH-HAHAHAHA!! AH-HAHAHA!!
[Scene cuts back to the Beneathaverse. Finn is panting heavily ("Oh... hoh...") and sweating; he notices he's trapped in a chair. ("Wha?! AAAAH!!")]
Gnome Ruler: Now... for the final stage! [Laughing] The brain machine!!
Finn: NO.
Gnome Ruler: YES! THIS MACHINE WILL SUCK THE ENERGY FROM YOUR THOUGHTS! [Switch to Finn's POV] ...To start our Upturnoverdrive.
[Finn's head is covered with the helmet. Screen turns black.]
Finn: [Panting] Don't think, Finn... Don't think anything. [Thinking] Can't... let... them... WIN!! [He suddenly breaks his arms free from the chair and throws the helmet at a machine. ("JYAH!!") He then breaks his legs free. ("WOH! YAH!") After a battle cry, Finn picks the entire chair up with a screeching yell and throws it at another machine.] No more games. No... more... PAJAMAS!!! [Rips the torso half of his pajamas apart]
Gnomes: NOOOOO!!!
[Finn drops down and charges towards the Gnomes and punches them in another direction when just then Jake busts in and catches the Gnomes.]
Finn: Jake?!?!
[They rush over to each other, embrace, and talk over each other emotionally. Seconds later it's revealed that Finn is still in the chair, and the entirety of the preceding scene was a hallucination. Finn pants and whimpers the chair.]
Gnome Ruler: Ahahahaha! It's working!
[Scene cuts to a party in the Cloud Kingdom. Jake is dancing there.]
Crowd: Jake! Jake! Jake! Jake!
Jake: Yeah! [Laughs] Yeah! [Laughs] Man this party is nuts! How'd I even get up here?!
Long-haired Nymph: You blacked out after laughing so hard at your own jokes.
Short-haired Nymph: You were off the hook!
Long-haired Nymph: So we took you to the Cloud Kingdom to party with the Party God.
Jake: Whoa! Who's the Party God?!
Party God: I am the Party God!
Jake: ...Oh.
Party God: Jake... you have won my favor for being a completely off-the-hook party dog! [Howls]
Jake: Hahaha!
Party God: And because your gut waves please me so, I will grant you one wish! What do you want most in the world?
Jake: "What do I want most?" [Chuckles] ...What do I want most in the world? Well... I wish Finn would stop leavin' his dirty— [Gasps, in realization] FIIINN!!!! I was on his trail...! And then I... got distracted...!! GAAAH!! What's wrong with my brain?! Cinnamon Bun was right... I can't focus on NOTHIN'!! Party God, I wish that I could focus on finding my friend Finn!
Party God: Then your wish is my...
Jake: WAIT, wait... Is there some kinda catch?
Party God: Uh... [Hesitantly] Y-y-y-yes, y-y-you got me. ...To grant your wish, I will have to fill you with the energy of a thousand partying demons! You will become so overloaded with party energy that you will demolish everything in your path!! [Blasts Jake with a beam from his mouth]
Jake: Must... find... Finn! Must... must...! PARTY FOREVEEER!!! [Flies away]
[Scene cuts back to the Beneathaverse. The Upturnoverdrive has activated.]
Gnome Ruler: It's working! It's working!! AHAHAHAHAH!!
[Jake descends quickly from the sky into the well in the yard.]
Jake: PAAAAAAARTAHAAAAAAY!!! [Crushes all of the Gnomes when he reaches the Beneathaverse.] PAAARTAAAY!! STEP BACK, EVERYBODY! I'M GONNA SHAKE IT! UNH! UNH! YOU FEELIN' THIS?!?
Gnome Ruler: Fire the shootey gun-ray!!
Jake: HIGH-FIVE!! [Smashes gun]
Gnomes: Freeze!!
Jake: LET'S KICK IT!! [Kicks Gnomes away; he also kicks the Cyclonic Rodentarod, which bounces into the Plasma Ball, destroying it. The resulting explosion forces Finn's chair off its platform.]
Finn: Wha?!
Jake: HAH-HAH! [Pointing at the Upturnoverdrive] I BET I CAN LIFT THIS THING!! [Tries to lift it, and the machine overheats.] WAAAAHH!!!
[The resulting steam explosion is so powerful that it blasts out of the well. Back down underground, the smoke starts to clear; Finn is searching for Jake, who is panting heavily.]
Finn: Jake?! [Turns around] JAKE!!! [Runs towards him] You defeated the Gnomes!!
Jake: I did?!
Finn: Yeah, man!!
Jake: And you're okay?!
Finn: Yeah, man, I'm fine!!!
Jake: Haha! Then I did it! I saved you by being an unfocused, rowdy party dog!
Finn: Hahaha, yeah, dog!!
Jake: [Prostrates and Finn gets on his back] Hahaha! Yeah! [Stretching towards the exit] Let's go eat Cinnamon Bun!
[The episode ends.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Preboot" from season 8, which aired on November 19, 2016.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Susan Strong
Tiffany Oiler
Dr. Gross (Debut)
Hyooman tribe
Hybrid Animals
Clock Bear
Music
"Evolution"
Locations
Beautopia
Dr. Gross's laboratory
This transcript is incomplete.


Transcript

One, two, three, go!

Whoops!

Look what treasuresthe low tide has revealed.

Oh, Glob, my door.

I don't know.

This place is kind ofa bust, man.

We're investigatingearly human culture.

We'll probably find all kindsof cursed artifacts.

Hmm, it has been a while sinceI had a good hex put on me.

Oh, yeah, pretty spooky.

[ Snake hisses ]Someone could definitelyget cursed in here,

and I hope it's me!

Susan: Look.

Art facts.


Whoa. It's the bonesof a prehistoric horse.

They were totally coveredin feathers,

and they used their polesto sting people

who triedto steal their honey.

Horse honey?Pshh!

You said there'd be hexesand sup‐‐

[ Squeak! ]A demon!

Oh, nah.It's just a little cutie.

[ Grunts ]Huh?

The dino plushis cursed.

Come to me, angry demons!

Teach me a dark lesson.

I thinkit's an ooo‐quake!

‐Run!‐[ Laughs ]

‐Aw!‐Aah!


Whoa.


[ Spooky music plays ]


Hey, bozos, it's me.

Cyber‐Tiffany!

Tiffany!

I thought you got ateby the worm queen.

Come with me, and I'll explainalmost everything.


Woman:Welcome, new flesh.

Pretty nice, huh?

I mean, I came straightfrom a worm queen's intestines,

so I'm biased.

I was like a crazedvermilion crab

limping alongthe sea floor.

How'd you getthat sick bionic arm?

Oh, this old thing?It was a gift from the doctor.

The doctor?

Later, Jake.Later.

‐But how did you ‐‐‐Cyber shush, Finn!

Wait for the reveal.

Well, I think bionic armsare cool, don't you, Susan?

Susan?

[ Robotic buzzing ]

Dang, you speak robot?

Hey,stay with the tour!

[ Robotic buzzing ]

Woman:Unlocking sequence confirmed.

How'd you do that?


So what?I've been here loads of times.

Whoa! Look at all thesedang beakers!

Woman: Please keep outof restricted area.

[ Robotic buzzing ]


Susan?

[ Heart beating ]

Clearance confirmed.


Hmm?Oh, my.

Just ‐‐just one second.


How wonderfulto meet you all.

I'm Dr. Gross.

Dr. Gross?That's a funny name.

Ha! It is.

What a treat to meeta perceptive young man.

Hey, Dr. G, can you writea prescription for my bro,

'cause his cheeksare pretty red.

Such a splendid displayof male camaraderie.

Dr. Gross, what do you get upto in this totally cool place?

I'm so glad you asked.

♪ Evolution'sa natural process ♪

♪ But it's not exactlythe fastest ♪

♪ You can reach your potential ♪

♪ With just a little help ♪

♪ Get some light surgery ♪

♪ Shake off the anesthesiaand you'll see ♪

♪ That science has made youmore special ♪

♪ With just a little help ♪

♪ Step into my menagerie ♪

♪ One look at my laband you'll see ♪

♪ The opposite of extinction ♪

♪ Nature leveled up ♪

♪♪


Wow, these dude's lookmad advanced.

They're mash‐ups, bro.


♪ A shark that breathes airand likes to eat cheese ♪

[ Gasps ]

♪ A really fast chickwith wasp wings ♪

Click.

♪ An electric eelpowered by wind ♪

♪ When it's dark,that eel's ideal ♪

♪ And one of my best hybrids ♪

♪ A guy that knowswhat time it is ♪

[ Clock chiming ]

‐Bravo!‐Bravo!

This zoo's amazing.

You got any normal animalslike hummingbirds or bats?

This isn't a zoo,zoo nerd.

It's a menagerie.‐That's quite all right.

We don't have any non‐hybridanimals here, Finn.

And even if we did,they'd probably die...

of envy.

[ Laughter ]

[ Tapping on glass ]

What's this guy's deal?

That's a scorp‐munk.

[ Chuckles ]Look at you go, girl.

Hmm, it's almost like he'strying to tell me something.Sweet granny!

Look at the hour, and so manymore wonderful thingsstill to do.

Hope we're goingto the snack room.

Geez.

I did my warning danceand everything.


This is the wonderfuland amazing examination room.

Did you hear that, Susan?

The imagination room.

Please take a seat.

You've all beensuch super guests, so...

lollipops for everyone!

‐Yay!‐Yay!‐Yay!

But Finn told Susan not to takecandy from strangers.

A stranger's just a friend youhaven't taken candy from yet.

Well said. So, eat them quick,and let's get this show started.

You're going to show me ifyou're right for my "process."

Just got to get more"comfortable" first.

Uh, I liked it betterwhen you were singing songs.

Oh, yeah,that feels better.

Sometimes I just got to get outof this hot STIM suit.

It's so stuffy.‐You're human?!

I thought I was the last one.

Well, me and Martin.And Betty.

And sometimes Ice King?

Yeah, and I still havequestions about Susan.

Actually, human plus.

[ Whirring ]

Mods.

Humans have relied on modsfor thousands of years.

Glasses to let us see better,

artificial heartsto replace bum tickers,

and the next logical step ‐‐

scissor handsand telescopic spider legs.

And the longer you work for me,the more mods you'll earn.

It's likean incentive program.

It's a great program.

Cool, huh?

Sure, mods are cool,

but check outmy stretching powers, Dr. G.

100% natchy.

[ Squeak, thwack ]

Jake!

I can't movemy limbs/torso!

Dr. Gross, help!

Uh‐oh.

Susan's stuck, too.

Oh, you put the paralyzingjuice in the candy.

My boss is so smart.

Yes, yes.Now, let's get to work.

Assistants!

Wolf‐lards!

They got the high enduranceof a sea lard combined with

the bloodthirsty killerinstincts of a sea lard.

Is this still partof the tour?

What are you doing,Dr. Gross?

They used to ask me that allthe time back at the island.

"What are you doing,Dr. Gross?

You'll never get awaywith this."

Lady, you are sick!

[ Scoffs ]

None of you normies knowwhat you want.

So it's up to meand my hybrid army to drag

all the other humansinto a golden age.

Wait, other humans?

There are more humans?!

Let's get you prepped.

[ Razor buzzing ]

My style!

Let's see what kind of melonyou got going here.

Oh, you've already gotan implant.

Looks deactivated, though.

X‐J‐7‐7.Wait!

You're one of ‐‐

[ Grunts ]

Susan, what's happening?

I missed that whole exchange!

But I dosed the candy.


Susan trickedall y'all.

Hey,let go of my buddies!


[ Honk! ]

She's getting away!

No biggie, Tiffany.

My petswill bring them back.

[ Pinging ]

♪♪

[ Growls ]

[ Shrieks ]

[ Roars ]

[ Hisses ]

Fetch 'em up.

Susan: This way.

Right, left.

Dang, Susan, did youmemorize the layout?

Susan just know somehow.

[ Roaring ]

Susan will protect you!


Susan!


Good job, Tiff.

Now let's get you scamps backto the operating table.

We'll never work for you,you monster!

I don't get it.

Don't you guys wantto hang out with me?

Oh, it's okay, Tiffany.

We'll just use themfor spare parts!

You can't do that,boss.

I've got a blood‐brotherconnection to Jake.

And to a muchlesser extent, Finn.

Don't you worry.

Tomorrow, I'll splice youa new dog boy.

‐Tiffany!‐Tiffany!

[ Thinking ] Crisis ‐‐another critical life juncture

in the ongoing sagathat is Tiffany.

Tiffany, now!

Mm!No!

Susan: Huh?

Woman: Coolant leak.

Cascade failure imminent.

You are gonna getsuch a write‐up.

Get out of here!Don't worry about me!

‐Okay.‐Wait!

Aren't you curiousabout how I know you?

Woman:In three, two, one, dive.

♪♪


Tiffany will be okay, man.

[ Explosion ]

Tiffany willprobably be okay, man.

[ Screeching ]Oh, shmow.

Looks like someof the hybrids busted out.

Hey, scorp‐munk!

I hope nothingtoo big got loose.

[ Roars ]

Likethat giant electro eel.

Headed straight towardsthe Candy Kingdom.

[ Eel roars ]

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "President Porpoise is Missing!" from season 7, which aired on January 12, 2016.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Banana Man
Vice President Blowfish
Secretary Octopus
Representative Cybil
Music
"Two Halves Make a Whole"
Locations
Tree Fort
Ocean
This transcript is incomplete.


Transcript

Finn and Jake: Calling all curlys!


Both:calling all curlys!

[ beeping ]

Curly! Curly!Curly! Curly!

Curly! Curly!Curly!

Called!

Yeah!All right!

One more, and we'll havecalled all the curlys!

I know!

Curly! Curly!Curly! Curly!

Announcer:we interrupt this video game

For a special news flash!

No!No!

Agh!Save game, save game!

That's okay, bmo.What's the emergency?

Hold please.

This just in ‐‐president porpoise is missing!

[ gasp ]

Who's president porpoise?Is he real?

He's real,and he's missing!

Mmm...

He is real!We video chat sometimes.

We need to find him beforethey give the oath of office

To vice president blowfish.

Bmo: that creep!

Okay, let's go findpresident porpoise.

I guess we should askbanana man

If we can borrowhis submarine.

Banana man: no problemo![ both scream ]

Anything to help the friendof my friend.

Uh... What are ya doingbehind our couch, neighbor?

Sometimes I get lonely

And need to hear the soundof other people talking.

We should let it slideso we can use his sub.

But only if I can gowith you guys.

Nobody steers thes. S. Inquisitive but me!

Then it's the three of us!

Four!

[ all laugh ]

Ice king: five![ all scream ]

[ chuckles ]

Uh... Anybody else?

Okay, let's go!

As soon as I finish loadingthese supplies, we can ship out.

Finn,you're my first mate.

Nice.

Jake,you're my morale officer.

You keep our spirits upwhile the sub is down.

What's my job, finn?

You have the most importantjob of all, bmo ‐‐

To distract ice kinguntil we get away.

That decision was goodfor morale!

[ both laugh ]

Aah!

Hey! You forgot meand the cabin boy here!

Hey!

Shh!We are on the submarine.

What?!No, we're not!

Yes, see?

Chk, chk, whir.

Beep, beep, beep...

Think we'll seeany beautiful mermaids?

Get serious, lieutenant!We're in dangerous waters!

Aye‐aye, sir!

I'm locking inthe coordinates

For the last‐known whereaboutsof president porpoise.

Aye‐aye, sir!

Hey, jake, do you thinki'm doing a good job,

Like, as a first mateor whatever?

Yeah, man,you're doing great...

Consideringwe're all gonna die.

Wait, what?We're all gonna die.

You're supposed to be keepin'our spirits up, remember?

Yeah, but it's so crampedin here.

Ooh! B. R. B.!

Jake?

Yeah, man, I'm fine.

I just had to shrink downa little!What?

Look at all this roomi have!

Ha, cha cha cha ‐‐whoa! [ screams ]

Jake?!

[ screams ]

I'm good!

What?Banana man: hey, finn,

Can you come help me

Calibrate the windshieldwiper fluid valve?

Whoa, whoa! Whoa!

[ screams ]

I'm good!

[ laughs ] what?

Look at how small I am.

[ laughs ]

When did you getso claustrophobic?

It's a middle‐age thing,I think.

Okay, I guess I can calibrate itby myself.

[ chuckles ]me, too, huh, guys?

[ murmuring ]

Will my colleague fromthe great kelp forest yield?

Thank you.

The president is missing.Yes, we all agree.

Vice president blowfishis acting president.

Again, yes, agree.

But to swear in a new president

While the current oneis missing?

Do not agree!

This is an outrage,secretary octopus!

Undersea law dictates thatwhen the clock strikes 5:00,

I become president!

You're not allowed to puff outin the court of food!

[ rumbling ]

Attention, fish parliament!We're here to help!

Who and what are you?

Jake, get up here!

Stuck again!

My brother video chats sometimeswith the president.

I'm a good friendof president porpoise!

[ murmuring ]

[ sighs ]

Hi.

Oh!

Aw.

Boy, when I first signed upfor this adventure,

I just wanted tosee pretty mermaids.

But now I realizeit's all about the camaraderie

I do know.I had a feeling you'd ‐‐

Hmm.I don't like the look of this.

Everything okay, sir?

No.We are running out of air.

[ gasps ]we need to surfaceimmediately.

But if we show ourselvesnow,

The enemywill be right on top of us!

Shh!

[ murmuring ]

Finn: please,just give us a chance!

Just make me president!

Don't trustthese filthy surface boys!

I guess it is kind of weirdthat you guys just showed up

And you're not even fish.

We're mammals,just like president porpoise!

Yeah, man!Nerves and fur.

Oh, that's a good point!

Uh, wait!

I demandthis be put to a vote!

Wow, this is intense!

Okay, everyone who thinksthese guys should just go away,

Raise your fins or clawsor whatever.

Two, four, five...

And with governor anglerfish,that's seven.

Oh, eight!Wow. All right, eight.

And everyonewho wants them to stay

And help find the president?

No one?

Oh, wait.Representative sybil.

[ gasps ]

Well, if that's everyone,then the final vote is ‐‐

Wait!I haven't voted yet.

Ahh!

Ha! There!Now it's nine to eight!

The yeas have it.

Finn and jake,you have...

20 minutesto find the president!

They must givea 20‐minute presentation first!

We're on to you,blowfish!

[ panting ]

Stay collected,lieutenant!

We'll get you home to thechildren you speak of so fondly!

It's no good.My guns are barkin'.

[ gasps ]

[ grunts ]

Pull yourself together,lieutenant!

Slap, slap!I bring my boys home!

[ grunting ]

Careful,I bruise easily.

Finn: you're acting highly sus,v. P. Blowfish!

I suspectyou may have had a hand

In prez porp's disappearance![ all gasp ]

V. P. Blowfish: you be quiet!You're not right!

Okay, guys!I'm going to go look for clues!

Something about this wholesituation smells fishy!

Ah! Ha ha!

Whoa!

[ murmuring ]

President porpoise!

President porpoise?

President...

It's like there'sthis instruction manual

That explainshow to talk to people

And everyone in the worldgot a copy except me.

Oh! [ chuckles ]just, uh, taking a break.

Gonna keep looking!

Uh, what?

[ giggles ]

[ screams ]

♪ we've only just met ♪

♪ we've barely said a wordto each other yet ♪

♪ but already I know that ♪

♪ we fit ♪

♪ yes, two halves make a whole ♪

♪ and wholes are whole ♪

♪ only just giggledgleefully ♪

Uh, security!

♪ but already I know that ♪

♪ we fit ♪

♪ yeah, we fit ♪

♪ you're kissingmy space helmet ♪

♪ and already I know ♪

♪ that two halves make a whole ♪

This has been so nice.

But I should probably go help myfriends find president porpoise.

Eh, come on,who cares?

Oh!

But he's your president.

National politics don't reallyrepresent my interests.

[ chuckles ] okay.

Talk, blowfish!Where's the president?

I don't know where he is!I'm the president now!

[ clock chimes ][ laughs evilly ]

Oh, no, bro!

[ screams ]do not agree!

[ chirps ]

Huh?!

President porpoise!But where have you...

A three‐day weekend?

I don't rememberyou mentioning that.

I tied a string to my tentacleto remind myself?

Nope, nope, nope, nope,nope, nope, nope...

N‐‐ oh!Well, I'll be!

Isn't it always on the last armyou check? [ chuckles ]

Please, finn and jake,when you return to dry land,

Tell no oneof our lax record‐keeping.

Ah, don't worry,secretary octopus.

We wouldn't want todeflate anyone's ego!

[ both laugh ]

Huh?!

Ahh! Oh![ clears throat ]

My kidsmust be worried sick!

[ high‐pitched squeaking ]

Man, I can't understanda word you're saying.

I said,where's banana man?

We're getting low on air,and I'm freaking out.

Uh, maybe there's a radioor something.

Huh?Oh! Oh!

Aagh!

[ laughter ]

You know what, bro?I'm glad you're here.

'cause dying together sucksa little less than dying alone.

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Princess Cookie (episode)" from season 4, which aired on June 25, 2012.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Baby-snaps
Princess Bubblegum
Banana Guards
Chocolate Chips
Music
None
Locations
Candy Kingdom
Candy Convenience Store
Candy Kingdom Mental Hospital
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode begins with two candy helicopters hovering above Finn, Jake, Princess Bubblegum, who are hiding behind a Banana Guard barricade in front of a candy store in the Candy Kingdom. Inside the building is Cookie, holding several candy people hostage and walking around with a cudgel. He squints through the glass doors.]
Cookie: [muttering] Donkin' Princess...
Princess Bubblegum: [through a megaphone] Okay, okay. How about I give you a big cowboy hat? Then will you let the hostages go?
Cookie: [exits store] No... no! [brandishing cudgel] Don't play games with me, Princess. I want that crown. No crown, no hostages.
Princess Bubblegum: Well, obviously that's going to be a problem, because I'm the princess and I need my crown. So...
Cookie: No, Princess! You are problem—the problem princess! [beat] Just gimme that crown! [goes back inside]
Jake: Why does he want your crown anyway, Princess?
Finn: Yeah, what's his beef?
Princess Bubblegum: I don't know, guys—he's crazy. He's left me no choice. I'm sending in the banana guards. It's about to turn crazy nasty. [raises a walkie-talkie to her ear] Hello. Captain Banana Guard?
Jake: [taking the phone] Wait a second, Princess. Why don't me and Finn just sneak in there incognito and neutralize the threat, old-fashioned spy guy-style?
Princess Bubblegum: Hmm. Okay, but if you guys aren't out of there by [points to her watch] 4:00, I'm sending in the guards.
Jake: [to Finn] Okay, I was thinkin' I could [shape-shifts to look like a mailman] dress up like a mailman.
Finn: Yeah. Yeah, and I could wear all black and I could be like, you know, like, your shadow.
Princess Bubblegum: Hmm. I can't really see that working.
Jake: Yeah, the shadow thing might be pushin' it.
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, no-no-no, that part's fine. I was talking about you dressing up like a mailman.
Jake: What? But I always wanted to be a mailman.
Princess Bubblegum: Nah, you don't look like a mailman. You look like a milkman. Let's get you a proper milkman outfit.
[Finn and Jake put on their respective disguises. Finn lies on the ground behind Jake, pretending to be his shadow.]
Jake: You ready?
Finn: Yeah. Let's bust it.
[They enter the candy store.]
Jake: Hello.
Cookie: "Hello"?! Who the heck are you? [waving cudgel] I'm gonna smash your face.
Jake: Uhh, milkman, sir. I brought the milk—for the hostages, sir.
Cookie: Huh? Oh. I thought maybe you were a spy guy or somethin'. Go ahead, give everyone some milk, then get the math outta here.
Jake: Yes, sir. [starts passing out bottles of milk to the hostages] Milk, sir?
Marshmallow: Thanks.
Jake: Milk?
Candy Person #103: Thanks.
Jake: Milk?
Marc: Thank you.
Jake: [to Upside-Down Ice Cream Cone] Some milk?
Finn: Psst! Get ready, Jake. When we get to the cookie, you throw some milk in his face and yell, "Alvin's hot juice box. Alvin's hot juice box." He'll be really confused, and that's when we grab him and tie him up-style.
[Static is heard coming from Cookie's radio.]
Chipper: [over radio] Come in, Cookie. This is Chipper. Over.
Cookie: Go ahead, Chipper. Over.
Chipper: I'm too short to lock the back door. Over.
Cookie: Hold tight, Chipper. Chipler's on his way. [turns around and strains, popping a chocolate chip out of his back] You got that, Chipler?
Chipler: Affirmative. [jumps away]
Jake: Did you hear that?
Finn: Yeah. Change of plans—I'll go take care of those chips. You keep the cookie distracted.
Jake: Yeah. I can do that.
Finn: Okay, awesome.
[Finn scoots along the floor toward the back of the store as Jake continues handing out milk.]
Jake: Milk? Milk? [approaches Cookie] Milk? [sits next to him] Some milk?
Cookie: What? Oh. Look, you should probably split, buddy. Things are about to get pretty flipped out in here.
Jake: Oh, sure. Sorry, man. I was just trying to get away from that rotten Princess Bubblegum for a while, y'know? Isn't she just the worst?
Cookie: Wait, you hate Princess Bubblegum, too? Get outta here!
Jake: Oh, yeah, man, she's the worst. Sittin' out there all safe and cozy while I'm riskin' my life tootin' around in here in this stupid milkman costume.
Cookie: [beat] Wait—costume?!
Jake: Oh, um... I just mean it feels like a costume... 'cause I wanted to be a mailman so bad, ya see? But the princess—she made me be a milkman anyway.
Cookie: Boy, I hear ya, brother.
Chipolina: [over radio] Cookie, you there? Over.
Cookie: Yeah. Go ahead, Chipolina. Over.
Chipolina: I just saw a light go on in the stock room—probably nothing. I'll check it out. Over.
Cookie: Okay. Over.
[Chipolina is shown entering the stock room. A lit nightlight is in the standing middle of the room. She looks around.]
Chipolina: Hmm. [walks up to it] [to radio] Looks like a false alarm, Cookie. It's just some kid's Baby Snuggleghost nightlight. Hee-yah! [kicks it away]
[Finn is seen on the ceiling above Chipolina. He drops down.]
Finn: [as he falls] Alvin's hot juice box! Alvin's hot juice— [lands on Chipolina]
[Scene changes back to Jake and Cookie.]
Jake: So what's your story, man? How'd she doodie on you?
Cookie: [sighs] I was just a kid, man, just a little kid, when I got doodied on.
[Flashback begins, showing several candy children lying around in a room with cracks in the walls.]
Cookie [voiceover]: I was the new guy at the Candy Orphanage. They called me Baby Snaps. I tried to make friends with the other kids...
Baby Snaps: [dancing] C'mon, guys, let's dance it up!
Cookie: They were always too depressed to play.
Candy Child: No, no. We're too depressed.
[Baby Snaps stops dancing and sits on the couch, depressed.]
Cookie: Things went on like that for a while, then... one day... [Peppermint Butler opens the door to the orphanage for Princess Bubblegum] she showed up. [The candy orphans laugh and dance around the chair in which Princess Bubblegum is sitting and reading "Baby Whoozlefut & the Wuttlebugs" aloud.] Everything was different.
Princess Bubblegum: ...a thunderous cheer [turns page] as Baby Whoozlefut...
Cookie: Everything was-was better with her around. And something inside me changed that day, too. And then later she told me I could be anything I wanted.
Princess Bubblegum: Anything your sweet heart desires!
Cookie: And I told her I wanted to be a princess like her, so I could make all the children happy.
Baby Snaps: [on Princess Bubblegum's lap] I wanna be a princess like you!
Princess Bubblegum: [stifles a giggle]
[Baby Snaps' smile changes to a shocked frown.]
Cookie: And she laughed in my face, man! It really messed me up.
[Flashback ends and Cookie is now crying silently.]
Jake: Holy shmow, man. That's terrible. That's really terrible. Listen, I—
Cookie: [cries] She LIED to me!
Jake: Yeah, but, maybe she didn't realize how much it meant to you.
Cookie: [stands up] No, she just wants to hog all the princessin' for herself! [to radio] All chips, report in. It's time to get real! Over. [no response] Chips. Chips. Over. [no response] Chips! Where are my chips?! Chipolina! Chipler! Chipton! Chipper! Is anyone there?! Chipface? Something happened to my chips! [smashes radio on the ground] AAAAH! [pants heavily] I'm about to flip out, man... and take that crown!
Jake: Whoa, whoa, wait! It doesn't have to be like this! You don't need that crown. You could start over, man. You can start a new kingdom—your own kingdom... where everyone can be whatever they wanna be. I can be the mailman... and you? You can be the princess. And—
Cookie: My own kingdom?
Jake: Yeah, man.
Cookie: I... I'd like that.
Jake: Okay, then. Just sit tight, Princess. I'll get us outta here. [walks to the front of the store and waves through the glass doors.] Hey! Hey! I'm comin' out!
Princess Bubblegum: What?
[Jake walks out through the doors toward her.]
Princess Bubblegum: Jake? Jake, what's going on? Where's Finn? Where are the hostages?
Jake: Don't worry, Princess. It's okay now. Princess Cookie's gonna go away. You just gotta give him a horse to escape with and he'll go.
Princess Bubblegum: Right... and then you and Finn hunt him down and put him in the dungeon.
Jake: No, wait. He said he'd go away forever. Can't we just let him go?
Princess Bubblegum: No. That cookie is a menace. Once the hostages are safe, Cookie goes in my dungeon—in my dungeon for his life.
Jake: [sighs]
[Scene changes to Jake and Cookie exiting the candy store. Cookie is carrying the marshmallow hostage and holding his cudgel to its head.]
Cookie: Oh, boy! Would ya look at that?
[A strange candy horse is shown. Around its waist is a banana guard-esque band and protruding from its belly is a hand holding a spear. Princess Bubblegum and a banana guard are standing next to it.]
Cookie: Dang!
Princess Bubblegum: Okay, well... she's all yours!
Cookie: Hot diggity! [starts walking toward it]
Jake: [holds him back] Ah-ah-ah! Man, that horse ain't no good; that's a trap horse.
[The horse's pupils dilate and its tongue sticks out.]
Cookie: What are we gonna do?
Jake: It's okay, man, I'm Jake. J-J-J-Jingo Jango! [stretches into a horse underneath Cookie, lifting him onto his back]
Cookie: Whoa! Ha HA! You're magic!
[Jake jumps toward some banana guards, toppling them as Cookie laughs. Jake then jumps over the wall of the Candy Kingdom.]
Princess Bubblegum: After them!
[Jake and Cookie ride past the Cotton Candy Forest.]
Cookie: [laughs] We're really doing it!
[Finn appears in Jake's shadow and hops onto Jake's back behind Cookie, unbeknownst to the latter. Jake moves his face between Finn and Cookie to talk to Finn.]
Finn: Jake! What are you doing?! What happened to the plan?
Jake: New plan—I'm gonna help Princess Cookie escape.
Finn: What? But-but he's a criminal!
Jake: No, man, Princess Cookie's a good guy. He just got dealt a bad hand. He's only trying to be what following how his dreams make you want to be, man!
Finn: Whaaaat?
Jake: You're either with us or against us.
Finn: Um... 'gainst? [Jake pushes him off.] WAAAH! Oof.
Cookie: [laughs]
[Several banana guards are seen chasing after them. Cookie and Jake cross a shallow river.]
Cookie: [still laughing]
Jake: Hold on tight, Cookie! I'm gonna jump the gorge!
[A ravine is shown ahead of them. Cookie's smile disappears.]
Cookie: No, Jake. Stop the horse.
Jake: [still running at full tilt] I can make it!
[Cookie pulls on Jake's skin like reins, causing Jake to fall and throwing Cookie towards the edge of the ravine. Jake shape-shifts back to normal (with the exception of his hind legs) and runs over to Cookie.]
Jake: Princess Cookie! Are you all right?
Cookie: I'm done for, Jake.
[The banana guards get closer.]
Jake: No, everything's gonna be fine. I won't let them put you in the dungeon. Just let me talk to them. [runs off]
Cookie: No, Jake.
[Jake stops and turns back.]
Cookie: Thank you for your help, but it's too late for me. [stands up]
[The banana guards are shown crossing the river.]
Cookie: I'll never be a princess. At least for a moment, you helped me feel like a princess. It was wonderful. [sheds a tear] Thank you, Jake.
[Cookie takes a step back and a piece of dirt crumbles under his foot and falls into the ravine.]
Jake: Careful, Princess!
Cookie: You know what? It's funny, but you sort of remind me of a mailman I used to know.
Jake: [softly] I do?
Cookie: Yep. [lets himself fall backwards into the ravine]
Jake: [looks over the ledge] Princess!
[The screen goes black as Cookie falls, slo-mo, and crashes to the bottom.]
[Scene cuts to Banana guards standing around and taking pictures of Cookie's shattered remains at the bottom of the gorge.]
Cookie: I glubbed up!
[Scene changes to Jake, dressed as a mailman, walking up to the Candy Kingdom Mental Hospital. Inside, Cookie is in a straitjacket playing chess with Chocolate Covered Banana. One of his chips moves the pieces for him.]
Cookie: Knight to E-5.
Jake: [to Doctor Princess] Where's Baby Snaps?
[Doctor Princess points him out.]
Jake: [walking over to Cookie] Excuse, me! Your highness!
Cookie: [gasps] Jake!
[Cookie walks over to Jake, who hugs him.]
Jake: Oh, hey. Check it out! [gropes around in his mail bag] Special delivery from the Grass Kingdom!
[Jake pulls out a flower twisted into a tiara. The patients and Cookie gasp. Jake places it on Cookie's head, takes off his hat, and genuflects.]
Various Patients: He's a princess? I had no idea. Royalty!
[All the patients approach Cookie as Finn and Princess Bubblegum are shown peeking in through the door.]
Cookie: [sighs contentedly and smiles]
[The patients surround Cookie and bow or genuflect to him.]


Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Princess Day" from season 6, which aired on July 31, 2014.

Characters
Princess Bubblegum
Marceline
Lumpy Space Princess
Muscle Princess
Slime Princess
Raggedy Princess
Elbow Princess
Jungle Princess
Peanut Princess
Purple Princess
Space Angel Princess
Gridface Princess
Embryo Princess
Princess Princess Princess
Wildberry Princess
Emerald Princess
Engagement Ring Princess
Skeleton Princess
Strudel Princess
Turtle Princess
Old Lady Princess
Flame Princess
Cinnamon Bun
Hot Dog Princess
Snail
Princess Business (Mentioned)
Music
Breakfast Song
Locations
Breakfast Kingdom
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[Episode opens at the Breakfast Kingdom]
Breakfast Princess: We are delighted to host this year's Princess Day in Breakfast Kingdom! Please enjoy the continental breakfast expertly prepared by our Breakfast Chefs. Now, on to more pressing matters. Brigands have been attacking our western seaports, dozens of unregistered princesses roam the land, and trade deficits are at an all-time high. Historically, Breakfast Kingdom has traded one sack of sugar a month to Slime Kingdom in exchange for four eggs, but egg production has plummeted!
Slime Princess: I can't just pop out eggs on command! I'm an artisan!
Breakfast Princess: You have an egg in you right now.
Slime Princess: [gasps, covers the egg] How dare you?
Muscle Princess: Yeah, and what about that peanut juice, Peanut Princess? My body needs juice!
Peanut Princess: I'm not giving out a single drop of nut butter. Not until Raggedy Princess pays me!
Raggedy Princess: Fine! Take it! [starts pulling socks out of her eye] Take all my socks!
Peanut Princess: You still owe me a pair of jorts!
Lumpy Space Princess: [bored, arguing is heard through the room] Aaah! [hits her arms on the table] You guys, I'm bored out of my face! I make a motion to stop talking about dumb stuff that's lame!
Breakfast Princess: Oh, Lumpy Space Princess, I'm afraid you'll have to be patient with us and our petty disputes. Not all of us have achieved the self-sufficiency that I assume you have in your kingdom. [gasps] Oh wait, that's right. You don't have a kingdom! You live in a box in the woods.
Lumpy Space Princess: It's not a box. It's a rotting log.
Breakfast Princess: [scoffs] Sorry, LSP, but the chair only recognizes real princesses, not bums.
Lumpy Space Princess: What?! I'm like a cool hippie!
Breakfast Princess: Whatever, freeloader. If you were invited to Princess Day, it must have been a mistake or as a joke. Am I right, girls?
Strudel Princess: [sitting behind Breakfast Princess] Ohh!
Lumpy Space Princess: The joke's on you because I wasn't invited. I'm crashing! And I already ate a bunch of your food! What you gonna do about it, Princess Egg Breath?
All: Ooh!
Cinnamon Bun: [leans by Flame Princess] That's true. She does have egg breath.
Breakfast Princess: Okay, you've wasted enough of our time. Guards, take this pamplemousse out of my sight.
Lumpy Space Princess: [gasps] You didn't! [guards come out of a door and go towards her] Don't touch me! [walks to the food table and eats a bowl of croissants and leaves]
Marceline: Hmm.
Breakfast Princess: Okay. Now that the wannabe's gone, let's get back to princess business. O-Oh, n-not you, Princess Business. Uh, princess business. No, sounds the same. I'm sorry.
Marceline: [floats by Princess Bubblegum] Hey, you want to ditch this jazz?
Princess Bubblegum: I'd love to, but I'm really invested in this crossword puzzle.
Marceline: Figs.
Princess Bubblegum: Hmm.
Marceline: [goes out the door where LSP is] LSP, wait up! [looks at the pancake walls] Whoa.
Lumpy Space Princess: [cutting the pancake walls with a knife, muttering] Lousy Breakfast Princess. Pamplemousse. What is that even?
Marceline: Yo, LSP. [LSP turns to Marceline] Sick tag.
Lumpy Space Princess: Oh. Thanks?
Marceline: You know, I like your vibe, dude. You don't take anyone's sass.
Lumpy Space Princess: Yeah, especially not from that gross pile of greasy hash! She lumpin' humiliated me!
Marceline: Listen, let's get even. Teach Old Greasy Locks a lesson. [holds up a bunch of forks and knives]
Lumpy Space Princess: You're bad. [shows LSP's whole face] And I like it!
Lumpy Space Princess: [scene changes to another room] This place is huge! [starts cutting the pancake walls]
Marceline: [starts singing the Breakfast Song] This place smells like butter, bacon, sausage, and juice.
Lumpy Space Princess: Gonna mess with Breakfast Princess, 'cause she called me pamplemousse.
Marceline: [texting Princess Bubblegum] "Yobo, Peebocheeks. Just kicking down the town with LSP-boos. She is acting sooo bad."
Princess Bubblegum: [shows Princess Bubblegum texting back to Marceline] "Ha. Just don't let her get out of control."
Marceline: "Too late. LSP is really doing it up right now. And I'm just feeding the flames."
Princess Bubblegum: "Nooooo" exclamation point, exclamation point, exclamation point!
Lumpy Space Princess: [changes back to LSP and Marceline] Look. There. Breakfast Princess' room.
Marceline: How do you want to get past the Maple Man?
Lumpy Space Princess: I'll show you, hon. [goes down the stairs] Ooh! Aah! Hey there! [shakes the plant] Yeah, look over here!
Syrup Guard: What? [his syrup comes out the side of his face, groans and falls, Marceline appears]
Marceline: Nice distraction.
Both: Right on. [give each other a high five]
Marceline: [spits the syrup in the plant] Ugh. I can't digest syrup.
Lumpy Space Princess: [hits the Syrup Guard] That's for poisoning my girl.
Marceline: Stop! Okay, just one more time.
Lumpy Space Princess: [hits the guard again] I thought you were bad. Bad people don't stop.
Marceline: Let's don't stop inside. [They go inside Breakfast Princess' room]
Both: P-p-p-payback!
Lumpy Space Princess: [goes into her closet, comes back carrying pancakes and bacon] Ugh. All her clothes are sticky. [eats a piece of a pancake]
Marceline: [holding a CD] And her taste in music is terrible. [knocks the CDs off the desk and takes the one she's holding] Check it out. I hate this album, but I'm taking it anyway.
Lumpy Space Princess: [laughs] That's messed up! [eats the pile of pancakes and bacon she's holding in one bite] This'll teach Breakfast Princess. [gives Marceline a high five]
Syrup Guard #2: [shows him coming from a room, sees the guard] Huh? Jerry! [lifts his head up] Who did this to you, Jerry?
Jerry: I don't know, but they got past me.
Marceline: [Syrup Guard #2 starts opening the door, Marceline gasps] We're busted. Turn invisible!
Lumpy Space Princess: I can't.
Marceline: Well, [turns invisible] hide then.
Lumpy Space Princess: Uh..Hide where? [goes by the back of the door]
Syrup Guard #2: I know somebody's in here. I-I heard someone say "where." [LSP goes and picks a grapefruit off a tree, cuts it in half, goes by the door] Getting close now! [opens the door all the way] No sign of the intrud..er. [LSP squeezes the grapefruit so juice gets in the guard's eyes] Aah! My eyes! [LSP laughs, Marceline reappears] Oh, smells like grapefruit.
Both: Yeah! [give each other a high five, LSP hits Jerry the Syrup Guard, both laugh and go upstairs]
Syrup Guard #2: When I recover my sight, I'm going to imprison you, you giggling girls! [tries keeping his eyes open] Aah!
Both: [running down a hall, breathing heavily]
Lumpy Space Princess: I got this. [cuts a circle in the pancake wall, they go through it, cuts another circle in another pancake wall, they look outside the hole, the Syrup Guard comes back]
Syrup Guard #2: [breathing heavily] I don't see them.
Both: Hey. [the guard turns around, Marceline makes a scary face at him so he falls out of the hole]
Lumpy Space Princess: Oh, glob. [the guard moans]
Both: He's okay!
Syrup Guard #3: [the guard and another guard come to the guard that fell] Other Jerry, what happened?
Lumpy Space Princess & Marceline: Yeah! [give each other a high five]
Breakfast Princess: [scene changes to her] Okay, let's take a lunch break, everybody. [a guard comes in] Oh, when I mean lunch, I, of course, mean breakfast.
Syrup Guard #4: Your highness. There are vandals ruining the castle. They are bad.
Breakfast Princess: Okay, I'll handle it. [turns to everyone in the hall] Fellow princesses, I got to deal with matters of state. My little sister, Strudel Princess, will take over for me.
Strudel Princess: Eat the berries, dip them in the syrup, whoop whoop, want me to show you how?
Lumpy Space Princess: [scene changes back to her and Marceline, who are in the breakfast car, Lumpy Space Princess tries to start it with her knife, the engine turns over]
Both: Whoo!
Lumpy Space Princess: A squirrel taught me how to do that.
Marceline: That's awesome.
Breakfast Princess: Stop right there! [gets hit by the car]
Marceline: Hey! Calm your lumps. [kneels by Breakfast Princess, listens to her heart, Breakfast Princess moans] It's okay! She's just dazed. I'll handle it. [puts Breakfast Princess in the trunk] Come on. [puts the CD in the music player, the engine turns over, they drive away from the castle, LSP sighs] It'll be okay, dude. Girls like us just got to stick together.
Breakfast Princess: LSP, is that you?
Lumpy Space Princess: Oh, glob, no. Not even. [Marceline takes her out of the trunk, LSP throws a shovel in front of her]
Breakfast Princess: What's this for?
Lumpy Space Princess: For digging. Now start building a sand castle. [Breakfast Princess starts digging in the sand, Marceline and LSP get back in the car] Don't stop digging or we'll know! [they drive away, Breakfast Princess stops digging and walks away]
Both: [take off their masks] Whoo! [give each other a high five]
Marceline: Yeah.
Lumpy Space Princess: [chuckles] That was totally fun being bad with you, Marcy.
Marceline: [chuckles] Yeah, that was pretty rad.
Lumpy Space Princess: Do you think, like, doing all that bad stuff makes us...like, bad people?
Marceline: Uh...probably not. I don't think there are bad people. I think good people do bad stuff sometimes, and, oh, that's bad. But only if you do it once, it's just a mistake, and...that's not bad. I think.
Lumpy Space Princess: [laughs] Word.
Marceline: But...I mean, [sighs] I do think it was wrong to steal this CD.
Lumpy Space Princess: Yeah, I feel kind of bad about that.
Marceline: We should probably mail it back to her.
Lumpy Space Princess: Yeah. Good call. I—Oh my glob! [they drive into a big ditch, they float out of the car, Lumpy Space Princess almost falls, Marceline holds her up, they watch the car fall and explode]
Both: [give each other a high five] Pow!
Strudel Princess: [scene changes back to her] -Couldn't get up from the bed. I was lazy, and that's why I can't have frosting anymore. Okay, so does everybody have what they want? [all cheer]
Slime Princess: Wait, I think I'm ready to pop it. [pops the egg out of her, the egg hits Strudel Princess in the face]
Strudel Princess: Happy Princess Day! [giggles]

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Princess Monster Wife" from season 4, which aired on May 28, 2012.

Characters
Ice King
Princess Monster Wife
Finn
Jake
Music
"Let Me Show You Something Special"
Locations
Ice Kingdom
Tree Fort
This transcript is complete. Only minor edits are needed.

Transcript

[Scene shows Wildberry Princess standing before a mirror in her castle missing her right arm and gasping in shock.]
Wildberry Princess: My arm!
[Next scene shows Turtle Princess in bed missing half of her face and she too gasps in shock.]
Turtle Princess: My face!
[Muscle Princess is seen, waking up to find her left arm is missing, but takes notice to her right bicep and kisses it. Next, Skeleton Princess is shown also waking up to find that her left leg is gone, but seems unsurprised.]
Skeleton Princess: This happens sometimes...
[Finally, Hot Dog Princess is shown missing the lower half of her body, and is murmuring unhappily. The tree fort is shown in the next scene, as a group of princesses gather outside Finn and Jake's door.]
Finn: Wait... what?!
Lumpy Space Princess: Oh, my gosh! How many times do I have to tell you? Somebody broke into my house and stole my lumps!
[Other princesses start to talk at once.]
Finn: Peebo?
[Princess Bubblegum turns around to reveal half of her face missing]
Princess Bubblegum: [With tongue hanging out of mouth while trying to talk] Hey, someone stole half of my face.
Jake: Eeeeeugh...
Finn: Eh...okay, calm down...
Lumpy Space Princess: How am I supposed to calm down?! A lumping thief is out there getting fresh with my lumps!
Jake: Haha, gross.
[Princesses again erupt into argument.]
Finn: Whoa! Gals... we'll find this crazy freak and return all of your body parts!
Hot Dog Princess: Thank you so much, Finn! [She tries to walk over to Finn on her two front legs] I should give you a kiss!
Finn: It's... it's okay, Hot Dog Princess! We'll be right back.
[At the Ice Kingdom]
Ice King: I said, "I don't know!" I have nothing to do with this!
Jake: Stop lying! We found your fingerprints at the crime scene!
Ice King: [Believing him] What? Really?
Jake: Uuh... no.
[Finn giggles]
Ice King: Oh, well...then...why would you say that?
Finn: Ice King, we know you did it!
Ice King: Finn, I'm as concerned as you are. There's some sicko out there... What if he comes after my princess?
Finn & Jake: Your princess?
Ice King: Yeah... let me introduce you to my new wife. [Ice King removes a cloak from a shadowed figure revealing a grotesque Frankenstein's monster-like mash-up of all the princesses, making Finn and Jake gasp.] Oh, wait...you mean I'm the guy stealing all the p— Yeah, okay, I get it now.
[Princess Monster Wife steps out of the shadows making Finn and Jake scream and then faint.]
Princess Monster Wife: What happened to them, husband?
Ice King: Hmmm... mmm aah! They're sleepy. They are our limp sleepy children! Come on wife, let's have a nice family meal.
Princess Monster Wife: Okay.
[Ice King drags Finn and Jake to his dining table and sits them down.]
Ice King: Wife, you sit here. Isn't this nice?
[Princess Monster Wife accidentally drops some food on her arm, feeling embarrassed.]
Ice King: Uh oh... I mean, that's good! [He copies her.] Oops! How fun! You're so fun!
Princess Monster Wife: Hahahahaha!
Ice King: Aww... marriage is fun!
[Next scene shows Ice King and Princess Monster Wife doing the dishes.]
Ice King: See, when you wash and I dry, we get done faster! Then tomorrow night we switch!
[Princess Monster Wife has trouble scrubbing a pan.]
Ice King: Here, let me show you a trick, my darling. See, you let it soak and we'll wash it in the morning.
[Princess Monster Wife giggles.]
Ice King: Enough chores... come along, dear. I want to show you something special...
[The song "Let Me Show You Something Special" begins. Ice King takes his wife to a blanketed sculpture.]
Ice King: Here it is. I hope you like it...
[Ice King removes the blanket, revealing a sculpture of himself and his wife. Princess Monster Wife tries to shove a banana in the sculpture's mouth, but it falls to the ground.]
Princess Monster Wife: Is there something wrong with me? The way I am...it's not normal... is it?
Ice King: Oh... pretty baby wife. You're the most normal thing in my whole life. We're like two normal jelly beans sitting at the bottom of the jar, floating in a sea of olives, waiting for somebody to guess how many jelly beans are in the jar... which I mentioned.
Princess Monster Wife: I don't think I understand...
Ice King: Just look into my eyes and know that everything is okay.
[In the Ice King's living room]
Ice King: Are you feeling normal yet? [Princess Monster Wife shrugs, and then giggles.] Okay. [Ice King's television shows a normal looking humanoid family sitting together.] See that? We're normal, just like the normal people are.
Princess Monster Wife: Oh...
[Princess Monster Wife pets Gunther that was resting on Ice King's lap and he abruptly gets up and hisses violently.]
[Finn and Jake suddenly wake up to Gunther's hissing, then Gunther leaves.]
Jake: Lady don't take my pizza....
Finn: What's h— Oww... [Looks at Princess Monster Wife]
Finn: A mo-mo-mons-mo.....
Jake: Finn? What's— Are you saying Mama? Where'd you— [Looks at Princess Monster Wife]
Princess Monster Wife: Hi there!
Jake: [Stutters] Monster!
[They both pass out again; Princess Monster Wife starts to cry.]
Ice King: Oh... don't mind the kids! It's just a phase!
Princess Monster Wife: I need a glass of water.
Ice King: Ooh, I'll go get—
Princess Monster Wife: No, it's okay. I'll get it.
[In the kitchen, Princess Monster Wife stares at her reflection in the water-filled sink.]
Princess Monster Wife: You are not normal! You are a [Strikes water] monster!
Ice King: [Entering kitchen] Hey, hey, hey....
Princess Monster Wife: Monster! A monster!
Ice King: What's going on in here? Nobody's a monster! All I see in this room is a young, kind-hearted, intelligent, hot-looking ice king, and his beautiful princess bride! That's you, sweetie...
Princess Monster Wife: I don't feel beautiful. I feel like a freak!
Ice King: I will prove to you that you are beautiful!
[Scene cuts to Ice King sewing together an outfit for Princess Monster Wife.]
Ice King: To me, my penguins! Gunter, Gunther, Gunder, Goonder, come on! Gunter, Goonthy, Gonter, Ginthy, follow!
[Ice Kings assembles all his penguins into chairs set around a runway.]
Ice King: Don't rearrange the chairs please. You're all gonna clap and cheer or I'm gonna smack your buns. [Princess Monster Wide walks out onto the runway wearing the outfit Ice King created for her as penguins clap.] Whoo! Yeah! ...
[To penguins] Clap louder, you gotta be all like "whoo!"
[Penguins clap louder, and Finn and Jake arrive carrying mirrors.]
Finn: If we look at her with these mirrors, her ugliness will have no effect on us.
Jake: Where is she? Oh! I think she's right over...
[Both Finn and Jake once again pass out upon seeing her. As she blows a kiss to one of the penguins, he vomits causing her to cry and run out.]
Ice King: Hey!
[Ice King is now standing at Princess Monster Wife's door.]
Ice King: Baby, do you want to talk about it?
Princess Monster Wife: You should just find another princess to marry. I'm unlovable!
Ice King: Girl, I love you as much as all of the other princesses in the world combined!
Princess Monster Wife: You don't really mean that...
Ice King: I'll prove it! See, you have Elbow Princess's hips, and Dr. Princess's heart and intestines, Slime Princess's bottom... You have all my favorite parts of my favorite princesses!
[Princess Monster Wife opens the door.]
Princess Monster Wife: [Crying] I'm just a bunch of stolen parts?!
Ice King: Oh, the parts don't matter. It's you that matters.
Princess Monster Wife: But... who am I?
Ice King: You're my wife! And I will always love my wife no matter what!
Princess Monster Wife: You'd love me, even without these other princess's parts?
Ice King: Sure, baby, even without all your fine lady parts. Now give us a hug.
[They hug. Finn and Jake arrive wearing blindfolds.]
Finn: Hey, Ice King!
Jake: Your wife's face can't make us faint anymore!
Ice King: Don't listen to them babe; they're being negative! Run, my happiness! I'll distract them with ice magic!
[Ice King nibbles on Jake's arm.]
Jake: Ouch.
[Finn and Jake tackle Ice King into submission.]
Finn: Do you give up?!
Ice King: Yes! I give up...
Jake: Finally... let's get those princess parts back to the ladies.
Finn: Yeah, mans. Wait... where'd your wife go?
[Princess Monster Wife returns all the stolen parts including Princess Bubblegum's face, Hot Dog Princess's body and Wildberry Princess's arm, but misplaces Turtle Princess's face with Lumpy Space Princess's, as her spirit then returns to the Ice Kingdom.]
Finn: Huh?
Ice King: Let me go! Let me go!
Princess Monster Wife's spirit: Though my parts be scattered, I will always be your wife.
Ice King: She... she... gave away all my stuff!

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Princess Potluck" from season 5, which aired on April 22, 2013.

Characters
Ice King
Princess Bubblegum
Finn
Jake
Gunter
Hot Dog Princess
Muscle Princess
Embryo Princess
Slime Princess
Princess Princess Princess
Lumpy Space Princess
Skeleton Princess
Orange Princess
Turtle Princess
Bounce House Princess
Wildberry Princess
Banana Guard
Cats
Rabbits
Snow Golem
Gunthalina
Squirrel
Music
None
Locations
Ice Kingdom
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[Finn and Jake are walking over a hilly terrain. Finn is walking with a shoe with no sock and Jake has a lipstick spiral on his face.]
Finn: Ow ow, ow! [Seethes then blushed.]
Jake: Your shoe rash is gross, man. [Zooms on Finn's shoe rash.] Oh, I'm gonna throw up! [Gags] Ah, I'm just kidding!
Finn: Man, I wish I had my other sock, this callous is gonna junk up my good time at PB's potluck.
Jake: Don't worry man, we're going to have a ton of fun. We'll eat some melon, I'll get some compliments on my pretty makeup.
Finn: You look like a target.
Jake: I look pretty!
[An arrow flies near Jake's head off screen.]
[Finn grunts at the pain. They arrive at the party, there are partygoers chatting.]
Princess Bubblegum: [Coming from far away] Does everyone have a tray?
Finn: [He sees a bounce house] [Shrieks] Bounce House! Come on, Jake! [Goes infront of Bounce House Princess.] Bounce bounce! [Prepares to climb in.]
Bounce House Princess: Oh ho. Oh, hi Finn.
Finn: Oh my goodness, sorry Bounce House Princess, I didn't know it was you.
Bounce House Princess: Ah ha, that's okay, you wanna go inside, bounce around a little? [Opens her cover.]
Finn:  [Embarrassed and blushing] Mmm that's okay. Come on, Jake. Let's, eh, go party.
Everyone: Hey guys.
Finn: [Heading towards a table.] Hello. Hello, Princess Princess Princess, hey, Embryo Princess, heeey youuu.
Princess Bubblegum: Welcome to the potluck guys. Jake, you look pretty.
Jake: Thank you.
Princess Bubblegum: What's up with the limp?
Finn: I've been going foot nude in the shoe and now I got this turbo huge callous. [Stretches up leg to show Princess Bubblegum.]
Jake: [Gags]
Princess Bubblegum: Well, sit down and relax. Oh, by the way, I've entered everyone's name into a raffle and the winner gets whatever is in that. [Points to a large blue cooler on the side of the table.]
Finn: Mysterious. Oh, brought something for the party!
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, how wonderful!
Finn: Bam! Soda!
Princess Bubblegum: Oh...
Finn: It's warm and I shook it up... a lot.
Princess Bubblegum: Well, great, I'll just put this on ice. [Walks up to a pile of snow and places Soda Can into it.]
[The scene goes into Ice King's castle. A blue landscape with white teepee, it turns out to be the Ice King's belly.]
Ice King: [Sings "Hair Teepees"] [His senses go off in the form of blue waves.] [Gasps] Someone outside is messing with my ice! [Picks up Gunter and flies to window to look at his telescope.] Let's see what's going on down there Gunts. [Gasps] My on-again-off-again GF Princess Bubblegum — [Gasps] — my BFs Finn and Jake, all the fine princesses that want to date me! What the heck?! My bro-dogs for life are throwing a party without me?! [Puts down Gunter.] Just when you think you got some great bros they kick you to the curb! [Walks back to window.] Oh, I see how it is, they're gonna do me like that? So I'mma do them like this! [Shakes fist.]
[In the forest, a rabbit hopes around and sniffs the air.]
Ice King: Caw! Caw! [Laughs and nets the rabbit.] That's how the owls do it. [Picks rabbit out of net.] Well, hello, little one. You're going to help me ruin a party! [Puts rabbit in a sack and laughs.]
Cat: Meow. [It paws at a bug.]
Ice King: Eeh? [He nets the cat.]
[Another rabbit stops to scratch itself, it is also netted. A cat licks its paw, it is netted as well. Two rabbits hopping on a trampoline, they are netted and stop for a bit, only to hope again. Two cats purring as one messages the other's back, they are also netted. More rabbits, three of them, attempt to run from a flying Ice King who nets them all.]
[Back at the Ice Kingdom, the Ice King is holding a cat.]
Ice King: [Places a lemon on the cat, the lemon promptly falls off.]
Cat: Meow?
Ice King: Oh, quiet you. [Places another lemon on the cat and this time it appears to stay balance, he then grabs a piece of yarn and secures the lemon.] That's it for the kitties! [Shoves cat into sack.] [Walks over to kitchen table.] How are my bunnies doing?
[The rabbits are eating a pan of lasagna.]
Ice King: Hee hee, that's it, ah yes. Gunter! More lazagnah!
Gunter: Whenk. [Pulls out fresh baked lasagna.]
[The Ice King walks to the edge of the snow behind a bush with two sacks over his shoulder. He places the bags down and peeps around the bush to see the partygoers still partying.]
Ice King: Okay! [Opens sack that contains the cats.] Go, my little sour pussies, ruin their party! Hee hee hee.
[Slime Princess, Jake, Finn, and Hot Dog Princess are dancing. Finn is dancing on one foot.]
Finn: [Stops dancing to see a cat with a lemon on its back.]
Cat: Meow...
Finn: Awww, hey Jake, check out this cat.
Jake: I don't like cats, man! [Continues dancing.]
Finn: Do you like fresh lemon in your ice tea?
Jake: Yes.
Finn: [Squeezes lemon drops into Jake's drink.]
Jake: Ha ha! Alright!
[Orange Princess, Turtle Princess, Muscle Princess, Skeleton Princess and Princess Princess Princess, are seen playing with the cats who no longer have lemons tied to their backs.]
Princess Bubblegum: [Squeezing lemon in her drink.] It looks like we don't have to make that lemon run after all.
Lumpy Space Princess: Yes!
[Back to Ice King still behind the bush.]
Ice King: [He "tsks" and grumbles. He reaches for the second sack containing the rabbits.] At least I still have my "party-poopers," heh heh, raagh! Oh glob [Pants] Urrreeh! [Closes sack and wipes hand on his robe.] So much lazagnah. [Walks away leaving the sack in the snow.]
[Inside the castle, Ice King is taking out tape and a pair of socks.]
Ice King: Gunter, daddy needs you to dress up like a princess so you can sneak into that party and throw fruit punch on everybody.
Gunter: Wenk.
Ice King: Huh, you wanna do that for daddy, huh?
Gunter: Wenk! [Flaps flippers.]
Ice King: Thanks, sweetie! I can always count on my Gunts! [Begins to rip off tape and stick socks on Gunter's body.] [Picks up bottle cap.] Finishing touch. [Puts cap on Gunter's head.] Yeah, Gunter, hot! You better be careful Gunter or I'll keep you like this all the time! Heh, I just might have to chase you around... Marry you—
Gunter: [Pulls out a taser]
Ice King: Oh, whoa! Just kidding!
Gunter: [Turns off taser and places in sock skirt.]
Ice King: [Carries Gunter to window.] Arms out Gunter. [Tossing Gunter out of the window he uses his ice breath to send her gliding downward.]
[Gunter lands on the grass and looks around. Finn is nursing his calloused foot in a bowl of food.]
Gunter: Wenk. [Walks to table.]
Ice King: [Viewing through a telescope.] Yes, atta Gunter, get a cup of punch!
Gunter: Wenk! [Grabs a cup of punch.] [Walks over to Jake who is dancing.] [Jake spots Gunter and stops.]
Jake: Huh?! Oh, hey, Gunter. Hey, everybody, Gunter is here! [Everyone says "hey, Gunter" and waves.] [An arrow comes off screen and nearly hits Jake.]
Slime Princess: Gunter, come party with us.
Ice King: No, Gunter! Do not party with them!
Lumpy Space Princess: Get those buns on the dance floor, girl! [Everyone begins to chant "Gunter."]
Gunter: Wenk. [Drinks a little soda and goes in the middle of a ring.] [He starts dancing.]
Ice King: No, Gunter! [Starts crying.]
Finn: Hmm, hey, Gunter, let me get one of them socks.
Gunter: [Pulls out taser and electrocutes Finn's arm which causes him to back away while screaming.]
Finn: Oh... ow.
[Ice King has stopped crying and is walking around.]
Ice King: They think their party is the bee's knees huh. That party is the knees of nothing!
[Ice King looks on his telescope, Gunter is still dancing and the partygoers are still chanting her name.]
Ice King: Bargh! There oughta be a law! Wait a minute... there is a law, hee hee, do I have what it takes?
[Inside the Banana Guard's surveillance room, the phone rings and one of the Banana Guards picks it up.]
Banana Guard: Banana Guard.
Ice King: I'm calling to tattle.
Banana Guard: Oh, okay, who are you tattling on?
Ice King: The loud party going on next door, it's bothering everyone in the Ice Kingdom.
Banana Guard: Ice Kingdom? Is this the Ice King?
Ice King: Yes.
Banana Guard: Well uh, we hate you, so — [Hangs up phone, laughed and the other Banana Guard snickers, then the phone rings again.]
Banana Guard: Banana Guard.
Ice King: [High pitched voice.] Yes, this is a little old lady calling about the loud party.
Banana Guard: Is this the Ice King?
Ice King: [Has on pink shawl and holding a cane.] Noooo, this is Mrs. Garam-bling-ton...
Banana Guard: Mrs. Garamblington?
Ice King: Yeah, hold on let me get my husband. [Tosses away shawl and cane and puts on hard hat.] [In a deep voice] Yeah, this is Ted Garamblington, I need you to shut down this party.
Banana Guard: Your wife sounds pretty old.
Ice King: Uh, hold on there's someone at the door. [Knocks on wall.] Yes, hello? [Takes off hard hat and puts on a cap.] [High boyish voice] Hey, Mr. Garamblington, it's me, the pizza delivery boy. [Puts on hard hat.] Oh, hi, Johnny. [Puts on cap.] Boy, that sure is a loud party out there, hope it's not bothering the Mrs. [Puts on hard hat with cap still on.] It's okay Johnny, I'm on the phone with the Banana Guard and they're going to take care of it.
[Scene goes to both Guards listening to the conversation.]
Ice King: [Boyish voice] Oh, that's good. [Deep voice] Well, what do I owe ya, Johnny? [Boyish voice] It's twelve fifty-seven, Mr. G. [Deep voice] Okay, there you go, the prices are going up. [Boyish voice] Oh, geez, do you have anything smaller? [Deep voice] Ah, let me check with my brother, George. Hey, George! [Another voice] What?! [Deep voice] The pizza is here, you got any cash on ya? [Another voice] I only got a fifty dollar bill!
Banana Guard: Uh, Mr. Garamblington?
Ice King: [Deep voice, wearing another hat.] Yes?
Banana Guard: We'll take care of it.
Ice King: Ha haa! [Goes to window, pulls out opera glasses.] Now to watch Banana law in action.
[The Banana Guards show up and chat with Princess Bubblegum and then they start dancing.] [The Ice King's hand holding the glasses go limp.]
Banana Guard: This is a great party.
[The Ice King is now outside holding a radio with Gunthalina.]
Ice King: Two can play the party game! [Puts radio on a stool and turns it on.] Ooh, nice. Alright come on Gunthalina, I need you to pass out some whirling dervishes, the guests are getting restless.
[The guest are three snow people who react slowly.]
Ice King: [Holding plate with grapes.] Loose grape medley, stack of enriched flour tortillas — and start with Roger, he looks famished.
Gunthalina: Wenk! [Takes food over to Roger and shoves them into its bottom.]
Ice King: Everyone, smile and eat... and make our neighbors jealous. [Pulls out telescope to see Gunter still dancing around and the partygoers still cheering.]
Ice King: Bah! Gunter's too captivating! [Up beat music plays.] Um? Oh yeah! [Runs over to radio.] Oh this is my jam! Time to get my freak nasty on! [Turns up volume.] Roger, dance with me! [He jumps on Roger and begins to dance around him.] [He looks through his telescope again to see everyone still cheering for Gunter.] Come on! If only there was some way I could magically ruin their party. [Looks at hands.] Wait a minute [Laughs] forgetful me!
[The Ice King flies to the sky and into a cloud, which turns dark and stormy. He shoots down a large ice lighting shard which hits a sound system and surprises Finn and the partygoers.]
Ice King: I thought you were my bros, my roll dogs for life! [Sends down hail which hits everyone and causes them discomfort. "Ow, Ice King!"]
Bounce House Princess: Ow! Hey, everyone, take refuge in my body! [Everyone climbs inside her, except Finn who is sitting on the food table.]
Finn: Ice King, don't make me stand up and whomp you!
Ice King: Well, if that's what it takes for a fella to get noticed around here, then whomp me! [Sends down another ice lightning shard, this time directed at Finn who dodges it.]
Finn: That's.... IT! [Takes off sock less shoe. He back flips on top of Bounce House Princess and grabs onto the Ice King. He then puts his shoe on his nose.]
Ice King: Oh mama, that's some stink! [Loses altitude.] Aaaah!
Finn: Why are you doing this, IK?!
Ice King: Because she didn't invite me to her potluck!
Princess Bubblegum: Yes, I did! I sent your invite in the mail!
Ice King: The mail?! Who reads the mail! I just stack all my mail in a tall pile until it falls over, heh heh, then I shred it to use as cascarones! [Takes one out and smashes it on Finn's face.] So uh, can I party with you?
Finn: Only if you promise to stop acting nanners.
Ice King: Nanners, well I don't even know the meaning of the word.
[The scene changes with Ice King bouncing around with a punch in his hand.]
Ice King: Whoo ooh! Party time, right guys?! Whooo hooo! [Finn is making a shoe for his feet and Jake is just eating some sort of tortilla.]
Princess Bubblegum: It's time for the raffle. And the winner is.... Finn.
Finn: Whoa, cool.
Princess Bubblegum: [Takes out prize] Congrats, Finn, you won a... Sea Lard. [Hands it to Finn.] Here you go.
Finn: Awesome.
Jake: [Laughs] You won a sea lard, that donks — [An arrow lands on Jake's head.] Ah!!!
[Everyone turns to see an enraged squirrel whose mouth is foaming and is holding a bow.]
Squirrel: YOU SON OF A BLEE-BLOB!!!! [Foaming at the mouth] Jaaaaake!!!
Jake: Heeey, yooou...


Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Prisoners of Love" from season 1, which aired on April 12, 2010.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Ice King
Slime Princess
Lumpy Space Princess
Hot Dog Princess
Ghost Princess
Emerald Princess
Raggedy Princess
Wildberry Princess
Music
None
Locations
Ice Kingdom
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[The episode starts with Finn and Jake sledding down hills with an office chair in the Ice Kingdom and laughing. As they go down a hill at high speed they smash of the head of a Snow Golem, who promptly replaces it with a cat's head and meows. As our duo goes up in the air and falls back down, the chair breaks.]
Finn: Oh, no, our sled's broken! Hey, let's build one out of snow! [Starts to gather snow]
[Jake grows to giant size]
Finn: What are you doing, Jake?
[They both laugh]
Jake: Sleds are for suckers. Just ride on my gut.
Finn: Okay! [Jumps onto his gut and they slide down a hill]
[They slide past Iceclops who reaches for them but falls on his head in the snow]
Jake: Switch!
[Jake shrinks down and hops on to Finn's back as he slides down the hills until he begins to freeze]
Finn: [Frozen] Switch back! Switch back! [Jake grows and they switch again as they slide through a horde of penguins]
Finn: Penguins!
[They fall through a tunnel with penguins on Jake's stomach, and they pop out of the end of the tunnel, the penguins fall off and our duo soars through the air]
Finn: Ha Ha!
Jake: I'm a flying dog! [They fist tap in midair]
[Back on the ground, Ice King is shoveling snow into a wheelbarrow when Finn and Jake come crashing down, creating a crater]
Ice King: What?! [Approaches the crater] Who dares enter the Ice Kingdom?!
Finn: Aww, Ice King's here.
Ice King: You know why I'm here? Do you know what "Ice King" means?!
Jake: Yeah, I know what "Ice King" means: A big nerd!
Finn: Oh ho oh! Holy cow!
Ice King: It means I'm King of Ice! This is my domain! And you are violating Ice World law--trespassing!
Jake: Come on, brother! We're just trying to beat the heat.
Finn: Yeah! There's a big sleeping lava man in our front yard, and he is SOOOOOOOOOOOO hot!
Jake: Mmm-hmm!
Finn: Wait, wait, no, I take it back. I mean, not like "sexy" hot.
Jake: No, no, you do mean "sexy" hot.
Finn: No, I mean--
Ice King: [Annoyed] I don't care! This is my kingdom. You guys can't just scoot about on my land willy-nilly. I've got rules here.
[Finn and Jake are building a small snowman]
Finn: [Sighs] Why don't you just try being cool.
Ice King: [Flips out] What?! I am the king! I am the king of c-cool c-co ca... That's it! Rise, monsters of snow, and go beat up Finn and Jake! [Uses magic to bring out snow monsters]
Jake: Uh oh.
Finn: [Laughs]
[Finn and Jake fight the snow monsters and win]
Ice King: [Angry] Ooh, you guys are gonna get it.
Finn: Heh heh, yeah.
Jake: Yeah, right, sure.
[Ice King freezes them where they stand, Ice King is later seen pushing them up a hill to his castle in his wheelbarrow]
Ice King: [Groans] I need a magic back. [Cracks his back and pulls out a plastic sandwich bag] Trail mix. [Begins to pick around in it] Ick...ooh, yogurt chip. [Eats yogurt chip and puts the bag away] Tuck, tuck. [Begins to push the wheelbarrow again] Aww man.
[In the Ice King's castle Ice King comes into a room with a jail cell in a room where Lumpy Space Princess, Hot Dog Princess, Emerald Princess, Ghost Princess, Slime Princess, Raggedy Princess, and Wildberry Princess held captive]
Ice King: I'm back home! Hello, ladies!
[The princesses begin to mutter in panic]
Ice King: Now, now. I've brought you a baby and a puppy. [Tosses Finn and Jake into the room, where they smash against the wall and are freed from the ice]
Wildberry Princess: Finn! Are you okay?
Finn: Huh, Wildberry Princess? Hot Dog Princess? W-what's goin' on?
Slime Princess: We're all prisoners, Finn.
Finn: Ice King!
Ice King: What?
Finn: Why are you keeping these girls prisoners, jerk?
Ice King: You don't understand! I collect princesses because I want to marry one.
Jake: Well, why'd you capture six of them if you just want to marry one?
Ice King: I'm collecting them all first to be sure I make the right choice. You're both too young to understand, but marriage is a serious thing and lasts forever. You can't just rush into it, you know?
Finn: Ice King, don't do this. Just let the girls go. They don't want to be here.
Ice King: Of course they do! I would have killed them already if they didn't want to be here. Right ladies? [Shoots ice lighting from his fingers] Zzhp Zzhp.
Princesses: Mm-hm.
Finn: [Sighs] Don't worry, princesses. I pledge that Jake and I will protect each and everyone of you and furthermore I see all of you happily married to whatever sweet thing y'all want to be married to!
Slime Princess: Yay!
Ice King: [Grumbles]
Finn: Rad! All I need is something to spear the Ice King with. [Begins to search through his backpack] Binoculars... toothbrush...water bottle...rope... [Worried tone] sweater... trail mix... my flute! [Pulls out a broken, bandaged flute and plays it]


[Finn throws the flute at Ice King, and it falls apart before it gets out of the cell]
Finn: My flute!
Jake: Aw, nuts, dude! You broke it when we tried picking the lock to that sad ogre's heart!
Finn: Darn it!
[Ice King laughs and does a little dance]
Ice King: Nice try, boy! Princesses, did you see? Did you see Finn fail?
Jake: Don't worry, Finn. I'll get us out of here with Key Hand! Hah-hah! [Uses Key Hand]
Ice King: Oh, no you won't! [Freezes Jake from the neck down]
Finn: Jake!
Ice King: Eat it.
Jake: [Frozen] I... I'm okay.
Finn: Ice King! You better either set us free or come in here and fight me 'cause otherwise I'm gonna flip out!!!
[Finn flails his arms and legs at the Ice King through the bars but he doesn't even touch him]
Ice King: Oh, are you trying to hit me? Well, excuse me because I have to go potty in the bathroom. [Goes to the bathroom]
Finn: ICE KING!!!...
Jake: Finn!
Finn: Huh? Jake, you alright?
Jake: I'm fine, buddy. Calm down and tend to the princesses.
Finn: Oh my gosh. I'm sorry, princesses. Slime Princess, are you alright?
Slime Princess: He's held us here for weeks, questioning us about our favorite sports and quirky behavior. I've tried to tell him as little as possible.
Finn: I understand. And, Lumpy Space Princess, how do you fair?
Lumpy Space Princess: I'm bored, and I'm not having any fun.
Ice King: [Returning] What? Not having any fun? But last night I read you the story of "Baby Whatsit and the Bottle Prince."
Lumpy Space Princess: That wasn't fun. That was lame.
Ice King: Other princesses, do you feel the same way?
[The princesses mumble]
Ice King: Well, here, watch. I'll show you. We'll have some fun. Fun's my middle name.
[He goes to his electric piano and play a tune and hums along with it]
Ice King: Here, now, Wildberry Princess. I need you to play this. [Puts the piano by the cell]
Wildberry Princess: I don't know how.
Ice King: Well, come here, I'll teach you. Put your hand through the bars, atta princess, and uh... [Guides Wildberry Princess' hand to play the tune]
Wildberry Princess: I don't think I can.
Ice King: Just play it like I showed you.
Finn: Leave her alone, Ice King!
Ice King: PLAY IT OR I'LL SQUISH YOU INTO JUICE!!!
Wildberry Princess: Oh dear! [Plays the tune]
Ice King: Yeah, keep playing it. Now everyone pick up an instrument and play it. Oh, this is going to be so much fun!
[Finn growls and Ice King goes to his drums and begins going into an drum solo out of key with the music the princesses are playing, Finn looks around]
Jake: What are you thinking, Finn?
Finn: I've almost devised a plan. I'm gonna let him drum till' I've finalized the details in my mind.
Jake: Sweet
[Ice King continues to drum until he pushes the drums apart and laughs]
Ice King: Oh, that was fun!
Finn: Ah! It was fun! Hey, you should get some more fun stuff.
Ice King: You're right! Good idea, Finn.
Finn: "Good idea," indeed.
Ice King: I hope they think I'm fun. [He leaves]
Finn: Alright. I've got a plan on how to get out of here. First everyone needs to be dancing and laughing and saying fun stuff like "Whoopee"! Okay, when the Ice King comes back, everyone play it up, like we want him to come inside the jail and party with us and when he steps inside, I'm gonna beat the tar out of him with these... [Shows his fists] ...while you all take care of Jake. Everyone on board with this?
[The princesses mumble in agreement]
Jake: Sweet plan, dude!
Lumpy Space Princess: I think by everyone saying "whoopee" the plan won't work cause he'll know we're faking it.
Finn: Good point, Lumpy Space Princess.
Lumpy Space Princess: I'm gonna say something fun like "Oh yeah, I'm having a fun time! Oh my gosh, havin' the best time I've ever had in my entire life!"
[Ice King reenters the room with a board game]
Ice King: Make way for the fun tray! Whoa, what's happening?
[Everyone in the jail cell is partying]
Ice King: What is this?
Finn: We're having fun! Whoopee!
Ice King: Because I left the room?
Jake: Because they like it here. Because they like you. Because you're a really fun guy!
Ice King: I don't get this.
Finn: [whispering] He's not buying it. Dance harder.
[They dance faster]
Lumpy Space Princess: Come on in here and party.
Finn: Wanna dance with us, Ice King? Come on!
Ice King: Me? You want to dance with me?
Lumpy Space Princess: Oh yeah! Whoo! Woohoo!
Ice King: [Drops the board game] Wow! [Opens cell door and walks in] Yes! Yes! Whoopee!
[Finn jump kicks him and the princesses run out of the room carrying Jake]
Ice King: Wait, no! [Shoots ice lighting at Emerald Princess, but she avoids it] Don't leave! I'll kill you all! [Finn punches him and Ice King tries to push him away] Why are you doing this? Everyone was finally warming up to me.
Finn: No! That is not the case! You're nuts, man! And I don't know how to help you! Probably because I'm just a simple dude. So maybe you should talk to someone with more life experience, like Jake!
[Jake is being ice picked free by Hot Dog Princess and Wildberry Princess]
Jake: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Finn, what are you doing? Don't dump the Ice King on me!
Finn: But you gotta get it in you're head, man! Putting princesses in jail is wrong!
[Ice King jumps up]
Ice King: Bah! Finn, you just ruined my chances with 5 or 6 potential wives! For that you will... [Finn punches him in the beard] Ohh! Oh, my beard. [Finn roundhouse kicks him into a wall where his crown falls off and he loses consciousness]
[In a dream Ice King is having, he is flying through space, naked and covered by his beard]
Ice King: Why do people not like me? Is it because I'm a magic user or is my beard too shaggy? [Sighs] I try so hard to be a good husband for girls. What's wrong with me?
[The Cosmic Owl appears]
Comic Owl: Hoo. You're a sociopath.
Ice King: Who are you? [Laughs] I know. You're probably a--a big nerd! Why don't you try being cool like me? [Flies away laughing when he regains consciousness and is being tickled by penguins] Star dust is so ticklish! [Laughs until he opens his eyes] What happened? Princesses? Ohhh...
[Outside in the Ice Kingdom, Jake is carrying Finn and the princesses on his back, everyone is cheering happily]
Slime Princess: Thank you, Finn.
Finn: [Picks her up] You're welcome, Slime Princess!
Slime Princess: And remember when you vowed to marry us to the thing of our choosing?
Finn: Yeah...
Slime Princess: Well, I'd like to marry you.
Everyone else: Ooooh!
Finn: [Awkwardly] Oh, heh heh, well how 'bout that...[whispers] Jake, help me!
Jake: Oh, eh... Slime Princess, you shouldn't marry Finn. He pees his pants constantly. All the time.
Princesses: Ewww!
Slime Princess: Oh, gross! Put me down! Put me down!!!
Finn: Heh heh, I'm sorry. Jake! [Angrily grunts]
[Jake laughs as the Adventure Time logo appears and the episode ends]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Puhoy" from season 5, which aired on April 8, 2013.

Characters
Finn
Roselinen
Jay and Bonnie
Quilton
Pillow Children
Jake
BMO
Flame Princess (mentioned)
Music
None
Locations
Tree Fort
Pillow World
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode starts with a quick scene outside the Tree Fort where a Knife storm is going on.]
Jake: [shaped like a tractor, backing up] Beep beep! Look out! Beep beep! Pillow delivery! Look out buddy! [He drops the pillows on Finn.]
Finn: Uuf! [BMO falls on his head and CMO falls on BMO's head.]
BMO: Uuf!
Finn: Come on, Jake...
Jake: Sorry buddy, [changes into his normal form] just trying to cheer you up some. I mean here you are chillin' out with history's coolest friends, building an actual pillow fort, but you just sit there sulking--I mean, what gives!?
Finn: [sigh] I guess I'm just thinking about Flame Princess. I told her a joke the other day and she didn't even laugh or anything. I guess it's over between us.
Jake: That's it?! A joke?
BMO: Maybe she just didn't get it yet.
Finn: Yeah right, BMO. More like she used up all her laughs on some other guy's jokes probably. Man, having a girlfriend is hard.
Jake: No! Being crazy is hard. You're getting all hung up, all hung up on imaginary problems. You gotta focus on what's real, man. [Grabs a cup.] You see this cup? This is literally my favorite cup. [He throws it through the window, shattering the window.] Now it's gone forever. So it's not real, and I don't care about it anymore.
BMO: [gasp] Oh no! My favorite window!
Finn: I don't even know what you guys are talking about. I think I just need some alone time. [Grabs his cup and sword.] Gotta let my mind fester a bit, you know? I'll be back in a little while. [Finn enters the pillow fort.]
Jake: [Jake shouts this as Finn is getting further and further inside the pillow fort.] Finn! Festering is always bad, man! There's no good kind of festering! Finn!
Finn: Man, this looked smaller from the outside. What's this now? What the?! Jake, what's in here?! Jake?
[Finn comes out from a small door... and into a new realm: Pillow World.]
Finn: Oh, whoa! [birds chirping] Did Jake build this part too? That guy needs some more girlfriends or something.
Finn: [Turns towards the door, which has inexplicably disappeared.] Hey Jake! You need more girlf--what the...? Door's gone?
Finn: Hmm, maybe there's another door in yonder pillow town. [Slides towards pillow town] I don't get this at all.
[Screaming in the distance]
Pillow children: Dragon!! Blanket Dragon! Run!
Finn: Huh?
Pillow child: [bumps into Finn's leg] Oof! Hey mistah, you betta get wunnin'! Bwanket Dwagon!
[Enter the Blanket Dragon.]
Finn: Now this, I understand! [Battle yell] [Finn leaps toward the dragon and nicks its neck with his sword. Pillow feathers spill out as the dragon screams in pain. The dragon collapses into little more than pillows, feathers and blankets.]  Oh. That's it?
Pillow child: Wow.
[With Finn's quick slaying of the Blanket Dragon, the Pillow People come out of hiding and greet their new hero.]
Pillow people: [cheering] Did you see that?
Finn: Hey, uh, how's it going?
Quilton:  Puhoy there! I am Quilton, son of Pillowford, and you have saved our village! You and your sharp pillow.
Finn: Hah, it's nothing; I kill things all the time.
Quilton: Oh, nonsense! This calls for a celepillowbration!
Pillow people: [cheering]
[The scene changes to some kind of party, where the Pillow People are dancing. Finn goes behind some pillows.]
Finn: [sighs then sits down.]
Roselinen: There you are, Finn the Human.
Finn: Oh, hey there... Um, you can just call me Finn if you want.
Roselinen: All right, Finn. My name is Roselinen, daughter of Quilton. You have to call me the whole thing.
Finn: Oh, uh...
Roselinen: Just kidding!
Finn: Heh. Oh, uh, your dad seems fun.
Quilton: Oh, ha ha, oh my! Puhzah!
Roselinen: [chuckles] Yeah. Um, you wanna dance?
Finn: Oh, well... [a pillow bird flies and lands beside him.] I...have a girlfriend. [pillow bird chirps]
Roselinen: [laughs] [playfully hits Finn on the cheeks] Dummy, it's a dance, not marriage.
Finn: [laughs nervously] Yeah, okay! [The pillow bird poops a little pillowcase on Finn's shoulders.] This place is weird.
Roselinen: [Walking on the dance floor.] Are you telling me that birds in your world don't poo little pillowcases?
Finn: Naah, just regular poo.
Roselinen: Hey, like this. [She grabs his hand and places it on her hip, which absorbs it.]
Finn: Eh, yeah, i-it's really cool. Where I come from, I live with my best friend, who's my brother. And he's a dog.[chuckles] We fight stuff; it's cool. It's really different than here. I mean, where I'm from, blankets and pillows are used for bedding.
Roselinen: [laughs] Well they're used for that here too.
Finn: [Blushes then laughs nervously.] Heh heh uh.
Quilton: Woo oo ooh hoo hoo! Pill-ightful!
Finn: Ah man, it's been nice, Roselinen. But I gotta get back to my home. [turns to Quilton.] Quilton, I need your help to find a portal to my home world.
Quilton: Of course, we will do our best to help you, Finn the Flesh Pillow. But you're not making a fold of sense!
[A pillow person presents some pillow food.]
Quilton: Please, share our food. You need nourishment.
Finn: [eating a pillow] [muffled] It tastes... like... a pillow...
Quilton: I'll give your compliments to the pillow.
[The pillow chef is shown waving.]
[The scene switches back to the Tree Fort. Jake fishes his favorite cup that he threw it out the window.]
BMO: Oh, there you are! You found your mug. I thought you said you didn't care.
Jake: [sips the cup]
BMO: That mug is empty.
Jake: I wonder what Finn's up to...
[The scene returns to Pillow World. The presence of Jay and Bonnie, Finn's and Roselinen's children, re-enacting Finn's battle with the Blanket Dragon, is a dead giveaway of the fact time has passed.]
Jay: [dressed up like the blanket dragon.] Roar! I'm the Blanket Dragon!!
Bonnie: [wearing Finn's hat and holding a pillow sword.] Well, I'm daddy! Sha-pow!
Roselinen: Jay, Bonnie. I bet your dad's just about finished chopping wool. You guys wanna bring him his lunch?
Jay & Bonnie: Yes!
Finn: [chopping pillow trees with his sword and looking quite older.] [laughs] Alphanumeric! [hugs the pillow sheep] Pillow sheep! You have more fluff than sense! [kisses the pillow sheep then kicks it.]
Jay & Bonnie: Daddy!
Finn: Oh! [laughs.] What is this! [carried Bonnie.] A pack of fearsome pillow goblins?!
Bonnie: [laughing.] Ha ha, daddy, we're your kids!
Roselinen: Psst, Finn, they've brought you lunch.
Finn: Oh, they have, have they? [grabs one tiny pillow.] Tiny pillows. Mmm mmm mm mmm.
Jay: [giggles]
Finn: [to Roselinen] Darling, you've outdone yourself.
Quilton: [driving up in his car] Honk, honk!
Jay & Bonnie: Grandpillow!
Roselinen: What's my father doing here?
Quilton: Puhoy!
Jay & Bonnie: Grandpillow!
Quilton: Oh oh oh, come here! Oh, but I've come to speak with your father.
Finn: What is it, Quilton?
Quilton: When you first arrived here, you told us of a mysterious door that led you to our world.
Finn: Yes, of course.
Quilton: Archaeologists found this in the Pillow Catacombs: [Shows the book to Finn, opening up to the door page.] The Pillownomicon.
Finn: Oh my glob.
Quilton: There is no information about the door, save for the fact it shows up periodically, and then disappears.
[Roselinen watches them from the background while their kids are enjoying their pillow lunches.]
Finn: Quilton, I need to find that door. [Roselinen makes a very sad face]
[The scene changes to the Tree Fort again, where BMO and Jake's favorite cup are wearing rainbow afro wigs.]
Jake: Uhhh, hey BMO, I gotta snag my mug from you. [Removes the wig then puts it on top of BMO's wig.]
BMO: Oh, really?
Jake: Hey don't sweat it, I'll make us some hot chocolate.
BMO: Jake, you drive a hard burger.
[Then scene returns to the Pillow World.]
Finn: [looking older than his last appearance, goes in a tent where Rasheeta is.] Hello?
Rasheeta: Ah yes, come in.
Finn: Are these The Great Abracadabra Mountains? And are you Rasheeta the Great Oracle, dweller of said mountains?
Rasheeta: Yes, you must be Finn the Human Man, seeker of the wandering portal.
Finn: Yes, I've searched for decades--how did you know?
Rasheeta: I've read it in the Tea Leaves, [grabs a newspaper] this newspaper I found from the future.
Finn: Does it say how I get home?
Rasheeta: The real question is: are you sure you want to?
Finn: Uh... yeah!
Rasheeta: Well don't worry, you won't be here long. [farts.]
Finn: So there is another way to... [covers his nose.] Oof...
Rasheeta: Not long now. [farts again.]
Finn: Oh... [coughing from the stench of Rasheeta's farting, he leaves the tent.]
Bonnie: Father?
Jay: What did the oracle say, father? Have we come to the right spot finally?
Finn: I think so, but the oracle spoke in riddles. [stroking his beard] Gonna have to fester on this one for a bit...
Roselinen: Oh, Finn. I know you have to go, all these years I've known, but now that it's time... [sniffles then starts crying.] Oh man, I'm just all messed up about it. Just promise me you'll remember us, [wipes her tears.] when you're back in your real life.
[Finn sheds a few tears then strokes his beard.]
Finn: Hmm, that reminds me, Roselinen, of something Jake told me just before I came to this world.
[Shows a flashback of Jake when he was explaining that he needs to deal with his real problems.]
Jake: [distorted voice while strangely looking different] You're getting all hung up on imaginary problems, stay with your new wife. You've known her longer now than any of us. You're not even sure if I ever really existed. And I'm pretty sure I didn't look like this.
Finn: [to himself] Man. How did he see it all coming so clearly? [to family] Come on, everyone. Pack your things, we're going home.
[The scene changes to the real world where Jake was playing with BMO.]
BMO: [laughing] Ha ha he, ha ha he, goodness, Jake, why don't you do this with your other babies?
Jake: Well, Rainicorn babies age rapidly. They don't need their parents a couple hours after they're born.
BMO: That really stinks, huh?
Jake: Mmmmm.
BMO: Hot chocolate is ready!
[The scene goes to Pillow World again, Finn looks very old, in his bed... and on the verge of death.]
Roselinen: Finn... Finn.
Finn: [weakly saying.] Wha—where?
Roselinen: Are you comfortable?
Finn: I'm... alright.
Bonnie: Um, dad... [voice breaks] dad. We.. just.. wanted to say... that we-- [starts crying.]
Jay:  [Puts hand on Bonnie] [sadly] That... we love you dad.
Finn: [strokes his beard] I remember... back... when I was dad.
Jay:  [sighs and rolls his eyes] Dad, you are dad...
Finn: [snaps and puts his hands upI ain't dad yet! Oh, no, wait! Here it comes! Woo hoo hoo hoo hooooo, BOY! [Camera angle from Finn's eyesight. The screen turns into a beautiful mirage but then shatters as Finn is amazed. He bounces off of a repulsive red creature's tongue and flies around it.]
Finn: HUP! 
[After a flyby through the pillow tunnel, Finn finds himself back in the real world again, the Human boy restored to his young self. Finn then pops out off the top on Jake's pillow fort.]
Jake: Hey buddy, you feeling better already?
Finn: Huh? Oh. Uhh, I don't know, man. I just had the number one wildest dream.
Jake: Really?
Finn: Yeah! I was-- [His phone starts to ring, then he answers it.] Hello? Oh hey! Oh. [chuckles] Yeah, thanks! Yeah, okay, bye. [hangs up] That was Flame Princess. She said she didn't get my joke until just now and that it's really funny and awesome!
BMO: [laughs]. Ha ha! I knew it!
Jake: Yeah, that's great man. Now what about this dream?
Finn: What dream?
Jake: The dream you were just talking about.
Finn: Huh?
Jake: Just a second ago!
Finn: [shrugs]
Jake: The dream you just had in the pillow fort!
Finn:  [shrugs again and blows a raspberry] Pfft!
[The episode ends.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Rainy Day Daydream" from season 1, which aired on September 6, 2010.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Music
"Imagination Song"
Locations
Tree Fort
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode begins at the Tree Fort. The camera pans to the bridge linking the living room and attic.]
Finn: [Laughs] Ahhh... YEAH!!! [Busts through living room door and lands on bridge.]
Jake: [Entering] Heh heh. [Deep voice] Aw, yeah. [Chuckles]
Finn: Jake, get ready for a slap in the jowls. [Slaps Jake's nose; Jake does a snorting laugh] Seriously, though... get ready... for a day filled with adventure!
Jake: Whoa, really?!
Finn: Yeah, man!! [He slaps Jake's nose again, making him snort and laugh again] I wrote on my arm this to-do list of cool junk. [The clouds begin to get darker and bigger] Number one: back flip off this bridge and do the splits. Number two: track down and slay a goblin horde. Number three...[Glances up at thundering clouds] storm clouds?
Jake: [Examining] Hmmm... [Knives fall from the clouds and Jake gasps.] Finn... it's a knife storm!! [Finn slaps Jake's nose yet again] It's raining knives, man! Come on! [Exits]
Finn: I've never seen a knife storm before... It's beautiful.
[Knives begin falling near Finn; Jake pulls Finn inside before knives can fall on him.]
Jake: Looks like we're stayin' in today, kid.
Finn: Well, what're we gonna do?
BMO: Who wants to play video games??
Finn and Jake: BMO!!
Jake: What's on the menu, BMO?
BMO: I've created a new game called Conversation Parade.
Finn: Hah! Alright!
Jake: Start it up, BMO!
BMO: [singing] What do you think about the stars in the sky?
Finn: 'S okay, I guess.
Jake: Yeah, they're cool.
BMO: That is an interesting response! Battery low... Shut doooowwwwn...
Finn: Booooo.
Jake: BMO, that was weak.
Finn: What now?
Jake: Ooh, ooh! Dude, I know somethin' totally rockin' we can do!
Finn: Whoa! What?!
Jake: Let's use our imaginations, man!
Finn: Barf that! Imagination is for turbo nerds who can't handle how kick-butt reality is! I'm a kick-butt reality master!! I would rather die than be imaginative. I mean that.
Jake: Eh. Your loss. [Beat] AAAH!!! Lava!! Lava all around us!! [Panicking and jumping around] Lava on the floor!
Finn: Shut up, man...
Jake: Seriously, man! There must be an enchantment on the house or somethin'!
Finn: I'm not playing you child-style games, guy. Watch and learn as I master... reality. [Moves his foot nearer and nearer to the floor]
Jake: NOOOOO!!
Finn: [Places foot on floor; it suddenly catches fire] AAAAH!!! [Putting fire out] Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Jake! What the hey-hey?!
Jake: I was just playin' around with my imagination... [In Jake's view, everything is on fire and lava is on the floor] ...and then everything got intense.
Finn: It's like... whatever you imagine becomes real... That's bananas!
Jake: [To himself] Don't imagine blowin' apart my own brain... Don't imagine my eyeballs coming alive and flying around with rocket packs...
Finn: Dude! Imagine that BMO invented a better video game, and that he has new batteries.
[Everything in the room begins to melt.]
Finn and Jake: WHOA!
Finn: But first stop imagining lava!
Jake: I can't! My imagination's too amazing!
Finn: Imagine turning your imagination off!
Jake: I can't, dude... but I think I can imagine an imagination turning-off machine... that is upstairs, surrounded by a crud-load of traps, ghosts, monsters, and poison fountains, and... and... girls. Cute girls, and hamsters.
Finn: Can't you make it easier to get to that machine?
Jake: You can't hold this baby back! That's bad parenting, mamma!
Finn: Then it's up to me to take your imagination downtown! Let's go to the den and suit up!
Jake: Neat! [Finn and he enter the den] Grab that missile.
Finn: Okay.
Jake: And... get that cosmic gauntlet.
Finn: Nah. There's a better one over by the desk. Ah! UNH! [Finn leaps into an invisible wall.] What did I just hit?!
Jake: I'm imagining a wall. You can just go around it.
Finn: Really? That's it? There isn't any invisible, angry troll or anything?
Jake: Oh, there's one now. [Troll roars] Look out!
Finn: Aah! I can feel it on my foot! [They stumble over, and Finn's shoe seemingly floats in midair.] I'll kill you, troll! Yah! Yah! Yah, yah, yah, yah!
Jake: You're kickin' too high! He's shorter than you!
Finn: Yah, yah! [Finn's blows finally start to land.]
Jake: Alright! You're gettin' him, man! [Finn continues attacking] Uh-oh. Now you're uppercutting his family. [Finn kicks in the air and a scream is heard.] Heh heh heh heh heh! You just kicked his wife in the face! [Troll wife yells incomprehensibly.] She's comin' back for revenge.
Finn: Cram this! We gotta book it to your imagination machine! Yah!
[Finn leaps out the window into the knife storm.]
Jake: The knife storm, remember?!?! [Finn frantically pulls himself and Jake up to the attic. They rest and pant heavily.] Oh, boy... Ooh... Finn, I found some candy. [Eats some] It tastes like banana candy, man. [Sips drink] Here, man. Try some.
[Finn eats some candy.]
Finn: [Standing up] Okay. Try to imagine some kind of steel umbrella over the bridge so... we don't get knifed.
Jake: Okay! [Does it] It is done.
Finn: [Walks out cautiously] Haha! Ha! Hey, you did it, man!
Riddle Master: No, voyagers. To pass this bridge, you must first pass the test of the riddle.
Finn: [To Jake] An imaginary riddle master?
[Jake laughs sillily.]
Finn: [Sighs] Ask me your riddle, Riddle Master. I accept your test.
Riddle Master: Then brace yourself, fool, for this riddle comes from a mysterious, far-away land.
Finn: [Ready] LAY IT ON ME!!
Riddle Master: Yes, um... The riddle, uh... It... cometh... uh...
Jake: I can't imagine a riddle.
Finn: Dude, just make it super easy.
Riddle Master: THE RIDDLE COMETH! Tell me, voyager. What is simple, and yet also... a riddle?
Finn: Man, that riddle sucks.
Riddle Master: THAT IS THE WRONG ANSWER!! The penalty is... DEATH BY SNAKES!!
Finn: YEAH, RIGHT! I'VE GOT A MISSILE!!
[Finn launches it and it explodes on the other side of the bridge. Finn and Jake scream in pain.]
Jake: You exploded the snakes right at us!!
Finn: I can feel them all over my face! Imaginary poison coursing through my veins!!
Jake: I'm sorry, brother! I'm so sorry!
Finn: Let's just get to your imagination machine and we'll be okay!!
Jake: AAH! A big bowl of baby elephants, chainsaws, and doo-doo's flyin' towards us!! JUMP, DUDE!! [Finn evades the obstacle.] Here come's a soul-eater! Snap its neck! [Finn jumps up and does so. A weapon is heard charging up. Jake gasps.] The Bazooka Goblin has you in its sights!
Finn: Hey! Don't shoot us with that bazooka!
[Bazooka Goblin laughs.]
Finn: Don't you do it...
[Bazooka Goblin continues laughing.]
Finn: DON'T DO IT, MAN!!!
Bazooka Goblin: Hee... heehee... hee... Okay.
Jake: YEAH!
Finn: AW, YEAH!
[Finn and Jake laugh and do a celebratory fist bump.]
Finn: Alright, use your powers or something. This poison is about to kill me.
Jake: Alright. Goin' up. Check it. My imagination-off machine is left of the bed.
Finn: Is it clear?
Jake: Yeah, I mean there's a bunch of cute girls... but they shouldn't bother you.
[Finn fidgets around and mumbles to himself ("Ah... where, ah... Where is this, I ca—Ah... man.") before finding the machine.]
Finn: Oh! I found the shut-off lever!
Jake: Cool, man! [Invisible girl giggles.] Dang, girl. If you weren't a figment of my imagination, I'd want to have your baby. [Another girl giggles.] What're you laughin' at?
Finn: Alright. I'm gonna turn it off. [Finn is suddenly hit by an invisible force.] UNH!! You said it was clear of danger!!
Jake: Dude... I can't see anything... I must've imagined... an invisible monster!!
Finn: What?! Well, how do I kill it?! [Finn gets beaten down.]
Jake: I'm comin', buddy! Alright, Invisibo. Eat a piece of this! [Punches it] Hurry, Finn! Get to the lever!
Finn: Okay! I'm doin' iiiit!! [Finn pulls the lever; Jake falls down; Finn's wounds are healed.] Aw, yeah! The imaginary poison is gone, Jake! Jake? [Jake groans.] Hey, come on. Wake up, man.
[Finn pats Jake a few times.]
Jake: [Completely regular tone] Hello, Finn. I am awake and healthy.
Finn: Jake... what happened to your bombastic personality?
Jake: I do not know what you mean. I am perfectly bombastic.
Finn: Nah, man, nah. Somethin's wrong. Tell me something amazing!
Jake: But Finn, I cannot tell you something amazing as there is nothing amazing happening around us that I could describe for you.
Finn: Ah, see, man, you suck now! Crap, it's your imagination. You need that thing. [Sighs]
[Jake reaches for his viola and plays a continuous G♮]
Finn: Jake... Stop it, man. You're just playing one continuous note.
Jake: One note is all that is needed.
Finn: [Scoffs] I'm gonna turn your imagination back on. [Fidgets around and mumbles to self] Jake! Your imagination on-off switch has vanished!
Jake: True. Doth thou not remember shutting down mine imagination?
Finn: I remembereth.
Jake: I am happy that my imagination is gone. It was purposeless.
Finn: No! It was the opposite of that stuff. I know this now... [Saddened] ...only too late. Okay, man. I'm gonna try to imagine an imagination back-on switch for you, and so you know, if there's anything dainty inside my imagination, I'm gonna be mad. Imagination... go... [Finn appears in his imagination land.] What the stuff? Well... this isn't so bad. [Imagination back-on machine appears] Nothing lame, at least. Hey! And there's Jake's imagination switch!
[Suddenly, the Lyre Player enters dancing and singing the Imagination Song.]
Finn: [Disappointed] Cram. Oh! Maybe I can try imagining something. [He imagines a penguin, and a bowl of spaghetti. The Lyre Player trips over the former and lands in the latter; Finn laughs.] Now for that switch.
Bellamy Bug: [Entering] Good morrow, sir! My name is Bellamy Bug! Would you care for a crotchet doily my daughter made? She imbued it with her tears. You see, she recently broke up with a gentle dandy.
Finn: No! How'd you get in my Imagination Land?!
Bellamy Bug: [Giggles] I don't know, my young fellow! You tell me. Perhaps I represent your secret desire to be civilized!
Finn: REPRESENT THIS! [Smacks Bellamy] And this. [Imagines two arms protruding out of Bellamy (one cephalopodic and one robotic) which both punch him.]
Bellamy: Oh! I say! Oh! Ah! Ouch! Ah!
[Penguins take Bellamy away.]
Finn: Haha... Penguins... Hahahaha! Heh, alright. [Runs over to the machine] I hope this works, Jake! [Pulls lever; Jake's imagination returns.] Haha, yeah! [A fairy comes near the machine giggling.] Hey! Get away from that! Don't push that hyper drive button! [The fairy does.]
Jake: [Jake's head grows rapidly] Aaaah!! I can imagine EVERYTHING!!!
Finn: [Frustrated sigh] Take a hike, fairy! Normal style! [Pushes "NORMAL STYLE" button]
Jake: [Head shrinks] Aw, man... I imagined my mom naked! [Finn appears next to him.] Yugh!
Finn: You okay?
Jake: I think so. Lemme check. Mmmm... Yup. She's clothed now. And hey, man! It's clear out now! We can go on an adventure!
Finn: I don't know, dude. I think we got all the adventure we need right here... [Thinking] with... lava on the floor!
Jake: Huh?! [Body starts melting] AAH! AAH! MY LEGS ARE MELTING! Just kidding. [Chuckles and reforms his body.]
Finn: Hahahaha! Good dog. [He pets Jake, and the episode ends.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Rattleballs (episode)" from season 5, which aired on January 27, 2014.

Characters
Finn
Rattleballs
Princess Bubblegum
Banana Guards
Music
None
Locations
Princess Bubblegum's castle
Junkyard
This transcript is complete, and is checked for errors.


Transcript

[The episode begins with Finn sitting at a table in a dark room, humming to himself, and patting the table. Princess Bubblegum enters.]
Princess Bubblegum: [yawns] [turns on the light]
Finn: Good morning, Princess!
Princess Bubblegum: [screams] Finn! You scared me!
Finn: I am sorry, Princess!
Princess Bubblegum: What are you doing here, Finn?
Finn: Since I got out of my last relationship, I've been slackin' on the job. So I'm rededicating my life to protecting, serving, and meeting your every need. Jake said I was acting bananas about the whole thing and wanted no part of this.
Princess Bubblegum: It's 5:30 in the morning.
Finn: That's right, Princess. I'm gettin' back on the job hardcore, giving 100% of my being all for you.
Princess Bubblegum: Thank you, that's very nice. [opens fridge]
Finn: No need to thank me, PB. It's my job.
[Princess Bubblegum takes a carton of eggs from the fridge to the stove and sets them down. She reaches for the knob to turn on the stove, but Finn steps in and turns it for her.]
Finn: Heh.
Princess Bubblegum: Thank you. [reaches for an egg]
Finn: [hands her one] How am I doin' my job, Princess? Am I crushin' it?
Princess Bubblegum: Yes, but can you move just a bit...
[Finn moves his arms up and down slightly.]
Princess Bubblegum: No, no, like, out of the way.
Finn: Oh! [moves aside]
Princess Bubblegum: Okay, what else do I need? Aw, dangit, I forgot we're out of milk. Now I have to go get it from—
Finn: [covers her mouth] Buh-buh-buh! I got it! [runs and jumps out the window] Hyah!
[Princess Bubblegum watches Finn run out of the kingdom. Three weeks later, Princess Bubblegum cuts the leaves off her roses. Finn climbs the balcony up to the princess with a bottle of milk, panting.]
Finn: Milk... You wanted milk...
Princess Bubblegum: Finn, I thought you went home.
Finn: Yes, I do regret the slow return, but I assure you, this is the highest quality milk available. It's mink's milk. I milked a mink. 100% dedication, no limits for what I do for you. I'd throw Peppermint Butler off this balcony if you ask. [Peppermint Butler becomes surprised] Sorry, Peppermint Butler, just joking, but kinda sorta not.
Princess Bubblegum: [takes the milk from Finn] You're really going over the top here. Take it easy. Princess's orders.
Finn: Okay, I'll just rest here.
Princess Bubblegum: No, no, resting on the job is not resting. Go somewhere where you can relax!
Finn: Yes, Princess. [falls off the balcony]
[The next scene shows Finn entering the Ooo junkyard, using his sword and slicing objects in the junkyard]
Finn: [singing while climbing up a mountain of garbage] Princess, I give my life to you girl, you are the best dang princess in the whole wide world. [Finn climbs down the garbage mountain. He finds a fallen mannequin with blue shorts on and stands it up. He makes a head from a basketball, a pink sweater, yellow undies, a broken plastic cup, and a spoon, resembling Princess Bubblegum's head.] Wow, PB, sure is a nice day to be outside! [Looks at the mannequin] Hey, watch what you say about PB, bro. Talk garbage about PB one more time, bro. See what happens! [to the basketball] Hold on one sec, PB. I gotta deal with a real tough guy over here. [He puts down the basketball and summons his grass sword] You got one last chance to apologize before I dishonor you like you did my lady! Alright, bro, have it your way! Yah! [Finn uses his sword to slice the mannequin's shorts off] Where's your pants bro? Where's your honor now? Everyone's laughing at your undies! It's real uncomfortable! Wants some! [He kicks the mannequin against the car, shaking the mountain of garbage. Finn giggles as a car from the top of the garbage begins to fall over Finn, until something mysterious cuts the car in half and saves Finn. The two halves of the car squish the mannequin and the basketball. Finn screams] Wowzers! [A white hooded figure with a sword jumps down nearby. Finn looks at the squished basketball and gasps] No! [talks to the hooded figure] Did you drop this car on my lady, bro?!
Rattleballs: Leave this dump now! [coughs]
Finn: You dropped a car on my lady, bro. Now I gotta restore her honor. I hope you're wearing underwear. [He summons his grass sword. Rattleballs takes out his sword and charges at Finn. He cuts Finn's sword. Finn gasps] Whoa, dude's got awesome powers. [shouts at Rattleballs] Hey, dude, you got awesome powers! [Finn's grass sword regenerates, and Finn charges at Rattleballs. Rattleballs takes out his foot, and Finn falls over. Rattleballs points his sword at Finn.] You gonna kill me, bro?
Rattleballs: No. Instead, I will pluck out your eyes with the point of my sword, and whenever you try to see stuff, you will think only of me, Rattleballs! [he takes off his hood and Finn screams]
Finn: Do it! I ain't a baby! [Rattleballs is about to strike with his sword, Finn pulls on his face to make his eyes bigger] Do it, bro! [Rattleballs strikes his sword on the ground just behind Finn's head as Finn pants. Rattleballs laughs and helps Finn up]
Rattleballs: You have a warrior's spirit! [coughs] Something I haven't seen in a long time. But your swordsmanship is [blows raspberry]. You should learn to master your weapon before you draw it. [Rattleballs starts walking away]
Finn: What?! You're just gonna tell me I'm terrible and walk away? Teach me sword stuff, man! [Rattleballs farts and coughs]
[Rattleballs is seen atop a car. Finn sneaks up on Rattleballs]
Rattleballs: I know you're back there.
Finn: I brought you a muffin.
Rattleballs: I don't eat muffins; I'm a robot. [coughs]
Finn: Look, I know you don't know me and we got off on the wrong foot, but please, dude, teach me how to use the sword. Please! [Rattleballs coughs] You okay?
Rattleballs: No. When I was a young robot, I went horseback riding. No one taught me how to post. The horse took a crazy jump, and I came down on the saddle hard. One of my gumballs bounced up inside me. It's been lodged in a weird spot for years.
Finn: Oh, here. [Finn summons his grass sword which becomes bent. Finn inserts his sword in the hole of Rattleballs. He jiggles his sword and attempts to loosen the gumball]
Rattleballs: More to the left! Getting closer. Closer! [the gumball dislodges] You got it! [Rattleballs laughs and hugs Finn] Thank you!
Finn: Yeah, perhaps you feel a sense of indebted obligation to me?
Rattleballs: Yes! I will teach you the sword stuff.
[Next scene shows Finn holding his sword while Rattleballs holds a basket of eggs]
Rattleballs: Lesson one: block my eggs! [Rattleballs takes a egg from his basket and throws them at Finn. The egg breaks on his face.]
Finn: Yut! [Finn attempts to slice the eggs as Rattleballs throws eggs at him. Finn slices the third egg] Ha, got one!
Rattleballs: Hahahahaha! Egg-celent! [He throws more eggs]
[Next scene shows Finn standing beyond a Deadly obstacle course, blindfolded. Rattleballs spins Finn and pushes him into the course. Rattleballs throws more eggs]
[Next scene show Rattleballs sitting in a hot bowl of burning charcoal. He stands up and Finn sits on the burning charcoal]
Finn: Yeah! That's right! I can take it! [Finn screams for sheer willpower as Rattleballs throws another egg at his head]
[Next scene shows Rattleballs and Finn, who is all bandaged.]
Rattleballs: You have done well today! You have felt the sting of the yolk, endured the sizzle of the mini-BBQ. Perhaps you are ready to learn my secret technique.
Finn: Secret technique!
Rattleballs: Watch! [The shed behind Finn and his bandages explode apart]
Finn: What the—?! [He looks upon a piece of wood left of the shed, in the shape of Finn]
Rattleballs: The shadowless thrust. Your blade must be swift enough to slice the air between you and the target, removing all wind resistance. [He charges at a pile of garbage which explodes apart] Now you try. [Finn summons his sword and starts swaying his sword] Again. [Finn continues until nightfall]
Finn: So, am I a master swordsman now? [Finn puts away his sword and sits on a metal block]
Rattleballs: You will be if you train this hard every day... for ten years... and get a robot body.
Finn: Oh. So, uh, why you livin' in this dump? You should be out in the world, saving fancy ladies and junk.
Rattleballs: That, my friend, is a long tale... which I will tell you now. [flashback begins of the Candy Kingdom under construction] It was a much wilder time in the Candy Kingdom. I was a member of an elite robot police force created by Princess Bubblegum. Her previous attempts at law enforcement had been a bunch of goofs. [the flashback shows a rock shop. A rock person breaks out of the window, holding rocks, and keeps running]
Shop Owner: Stop Him!
Banana Guards: Go! Go! Go! Go! [ A robot slices the rock person into pieces with his sword and was put into a big pile of broken rock people]
Rattleballs: Our righteous swords cut a swath through the chaos, but we were too successful. [The flashback shows a hooded figure entering through a door on the side of a building, guarded by robots] Unfortunately, we were still programmed for violence. [the flashback shows robots surrounding a wrestling ring. In the ring, a robot and Rattleballs charged at each other. Rattleballs sliced the other robot to pieces with its sword. A hooded figure came in and unhooded itself to be Princess Bubblegum. The next scene shows the robots standing in a square formation]
Princess Bubblegum: One, two, one, two, one, two, one, two. Okay, robots, all the number ones, go stand on that platform over there. And all the number twos, just turn around and face the wall. [All the robots assigned as number twos turned around and faced the wall] And no peeking!
Rattleballs: We were programmed to follow her commands 100%, but through sheer force of will, I was able to overcome it. [Rattleballs tries to look behind him to see all the robots assigned number one, squished into one metal cube on the platform] We had been judged too dangerous to stay operational and sentenced to death! [the banana guards take the metal cube away]
Princess Bubblegum: Number twos! Chop, chop! [the robots assigned as number twos walk onto the platform. Rattleballs tries to pull out his sword. The robots are then squished. The banana guards take the metal box away. Rattleballs escapes]
Rattleballs: I alone escaped, while my compatriots became minimalist furniture. [motions to metal cube]
Finn: Oh, sorry! [stands up off the metal cube]
Rattleballs: I've lived as a fugitive in this junkyard ever since. That is why you must never tell Princess Bubblegum about me. If she ever found out, she would have me destroyed.
[Next scene immediately shows Princess Bubblegum]
Princess Bubblegum: Rattleballs is still what?!
Finn: He asked me not to tell you, but I cannot break my oath to serve you, my lady, 100%.
Princess Bubblegum: Captain Root Beer Guy, [Root Beer Guy in police uniform walks in] assemble my guard! [Root Beer Guy salutes]
[Next scene, Rattleballs is seen watering some plants in the junkyard and then waters the metal cube. Rattleballs sighs to see Finn, Princess Bubblegum, Root Beer Guy and 20 Banana Guards surrounding him]
Rattleballs: Hello, Princess.
Finn: Sorry Ree-B-Z. My oath to the princess comes first, but once you two talk it out, I know she'll see you mean no harm.
Princess Bubblegum: Banana Guards, destroy!
Rattleballs: So be it! [Rattleballs grabs for his sword]
Finn: Wait! [The Banana Guards charge at Rattleballs]
Banana Guards: CHARGE! [Rattleballs takes out his sword, and circled the sword on the ground to dust the air.] WEEWOOWEEWOO! [Rattleballs charges at a Banana Guard. The dust clears and four banana guards surround Rattleballs] CHARGE! [The banana guards charge at Rattleballs. Rattleballs smites them simultaneously. He creates a dust cloud and jumps high in the sky]
Rattleballs: Rattleballs! [Rattleballs lands in front of Princess Bubblegum and points his sword at her. The dust cloud clears]
Finn: RB, don't!
Rattleballs: You think I'm dangerous, Princess?
Princess Bubblegum: Dang right I do! You killed all my banana guards!
Finn: No, Princess, look! They're only bruised!
Banana Guards: Hey, you hit me!
Rattleballs: I no longer crave mindless violence. I have found peace in meditation, gardening, egg throwing. I also hope time has made you less bloodthirsty, princess, but do with me as you will. In my heart I still serve you, 100%.
[Next scene shows five bandaged banana guards sitting on a couch, watching TV]
TV: Bigger pimples mean bigger dimples, so mash- [Princess Bubblegum comes in the room with a wheelbarrow holding a metal cube]
Princess Bubblegum: Ahem! Okay, everyone, [Takes out the metal cube from the wheelbarrow] I took care of Rattleballs. [A banana guard places his drink on the metal cube. The Banana Guards are impressed]
Banana Guard: Oh! Wow! Cool! [another banana guard] Show's back on!
[Next scene shows Princess Bubblegum carrying a lantern and a sword on the sidewalk. She presses a loose brick on the wall and opens a secret passage. Finn and hooded Rattleballs are sitting by a table, drumming their hands on the table]
Princess Bubblegum: Everything's settled. I don't have to go back on my order, and you can protect the kingdom from the shadows.
Rattleballs: Thank you, Princess. That's marginally better than hiding in a dump. [He is about to jump out of the window]
Princess Bubblegum: Wait! [she comes closer to Rattleballs and blesses him with the sword] I dub thee Sir Rattleballs! [Rattleballs smiles as Princess Bubblegum hands Rattleballs his sword. He flies out of the window.]

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Reboot" from season 8, which aired on November 19, 2016.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Susan Strong
Princess Bubblegum
Banana Guards
Nurse Pound Cake
Rattleballs
Gumball Guardian
Sparkle
Electric-eel Dragon
Fern (debut; unnamed until "Do No Harm")
Grass Demon (debut)
Music
None
Locations
Cotton Candy Forest
Candy Kingdom
Beach
This transcript is incomplete.


Transcript

[ Rumbling ]

Finn: Whoa!

[ Stretch! ][ Grunts ]

[ Gun cocks ]

[ Warbling ]

[ Warbling slowly ]

Whoa!

[ Net gun fires ]

Jake: Whoops.

[ Net gun fires ]

Sorry.[ Net gun fires ]

[ Net gun fires ]

Aah![ Grunts ]

[ Wind whistles ]

[ Gun cocks, fires ]

[ Net gun fires ]Whoops.

Jake!Finn in danger.

Why you not fight?

Use dog change magic.

‐Well, I would, but ‐‐‐Aah!

Susan, wait!I wasn't finished speaking!

[ Grunting ]

Wait, Susan, don't!

You're not immuneto electricity!

Aah!

[ Electricity crackles ]


[ Stretch! ]

Yabba, dabba, dabba, dabba.

Oh, dang, are you all ‐‐

[ Grunts ]

[ Ping! ]

Jake, what the heckwas that explosion?

Was that you guys?What the heck is going on?

Oh, geez.

Susan.

[ Groans ][ Electricity crackles ]

Okay, hang tight, Jake.

I've got elite insulatedbanana guards en route,

plus Nurse Poundcake,too.

Slammin'.[ Stretch! ]

What the?

[ Electricity crackling ]

Jake: Whoa.

Susan's a little bitdigi, huh?

Did you know about that?‐No.

Man, that's weird shedidn't mention that while

we were just now meetingall those cyborgs.

She was acting pretty gooneydown there in general.

[ Electricity crackling ]It's weird.

It's not like a robo armor whatever.

What do youthink it does?

[ Electricity crackling ]Ouch!

[ Whirring ]

Seeker X‐J‐7‐7 strong.

Activation status ‐‐operational.

Susan?

Target acquired.

What?

[ Gun cocks ][ Grunts ]

Target restraint protocolsuccessful.

What the heck?

Whoa!

Susan?

Commencing targetengagement protocol.

Initiate grabbing.

Grass sword.No!

Susan's our friend.

Banana guard:Uh, hey, excuse me.


Have you seenan electric eel around here?

We're supposed to catchan electric eel.

Finn! What the heckis going on here?

Oh, man, listen.

There's somethingreally wrong with Susan.

Several things, even.

Hey!‐What?

Okay, new plan, guys.

Go save Finn.

♪♪

[ Grunts ]

Susan!Stop, Susan!

What are you doing?Help! Jake!

Anybody! Help me!Princess!

Somebody help!

Aah!

Help!


Uh, let's all justtake it easy, okay?

Um, no one hasto get hurt.

Everybody just staycalm and ‐‐

You let him go, you tranch!Who do you think you are?!

Do you knowwho you're messing with?!

The banana guards, that's who!

‐Shh!‐Shh!‐Bring it on you big ‐‐

[ Gasps ]


[ Beeping ]


Target escaping seeker range.

Pursue.


Bubblegum: Man, you're reallytangled up good.

Ow.

‐Sorry.‐Warning! Warning!

Angry presence detected.

[ Footsteps approaching ]

♪♪

Oh, crud.

Okay, I need you guysto stop her,

but Susan is our friend,so stop her gently.

Stomp her gently.Got it.

What? No!Just ca‐‐ ho‐‐

Hmm.Carefully contain.

Kill train.

No, no!Just ‐‐

[ Growls ]

Just do something!

Yes, Princess.

[ Grunts ]


[ Coughing ]

Energy absorptionsuccessful.

What the...

Execute phase two.


Oh, shoot.Sorry.

[ Coughing ]

Finn?Finn, where are you?

Wha?!‐Princess!

[ Grunts ]

Eliminating busybody.

♪♪

Rattleballs:Unhand her, brute!

I cannot hidein the shadows any longer.

Rattleballs is in this, too.

[ Grunting ]


Rattleballs.Aah!

[ Grunts ]

Aah!


Um, please releasemy sword.

[ Grunting ]

Yabba, dabba,dabba, dabba.

[ Roars ]

Hey, Suzie, Suzie,Suzie, Suzie, Suzie, Suzie.

[ Grunting ]


Resuming objective.

Approaching coastalextraction point.


Shh.

[ Neighs ]

Sit, boy.

Sparkle says what?


Finn: Susan.

Susan, is there somethingyou want to talk about?

[ Grunts ]

[ Beeping ]

Scanning horizon.


Susan, what are youlooking for?

Monitoring.

[ Straining ]I can't see anything.

Monitoring signalsfrom our home.


[ Stomping ]


[ Roars ]

Get off of my brother!

[ Garbling ]

[ Grunts ]

Jake, don't smush her!

Uh, I think I'mgonna smush her, man.

No, eat a finger,not a thumb.

Finesse, boy!


♪♪

Yaah!


[ Computer beeping ]


Hyah!

Desist resist.

Desist resist!

Cease! Please!

[ Grunts ]

Susan, this is...

for your own well being.

Aah!


[ Panting ]

Susan, are you okay?

I mean, I don't understand.

If you want me to go somewhere,you can just ask.

I'd probably go.

[ Bubbling ]

Irrelevant.

The primary objectivemust be completed.

[ Grunts ]


[ Groans ]

Jake?

Yabba, dabba,dabba, dabba.


I don't want to do this,

but you're hurtingtoo many people.


I'm sorry.


I don't know whatto do.

I don't know!

Aah!

[ Grunts ]


Objective ‐‐ objective.

[ Groans ]Object.

Huh?


Finn?


What?No, I'm in control!

[ Grunting ]


[ Grunts ]


No! Susan!

[ Grunting ]

Aah!

Not on my arm!


[ Panting ]


Huh?


I don't ‐‐ aah!

My arm!

♪♪


What?


Come back!

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Red Starved" from season 5, which aired on October 14, 2013.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Marceline
Princess Bubblegum
Paris
Crab Demon
Music
None
Locations
Desert Lands
Underground Sand City
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode begins in the Desert Lands. The camera pans down a gigantic pillar of sand leading to an underground city. Finn and Jake are at the base of a sand column next to some sand sculptures of soldiers.]
Jake: [moans]
Finn: What's wrong with you, man?
Jake: I ate all the candy in your backpack, and now I'm sick.
Finn: I didn't bring any candy.
Jake: Oh, no. That explains why it didn't taste right.
Finn: Nothing tastes right today. Like, I thought we were going to get into some serious flavor with these sand people, but they're just standing around like garnish.
Jake: That's how I feel—like a dying parsley. So what's goin' on with the spoon? Marceline and the spoon.
Finn: Um... [looks at the spoon on top of the column] nothing. [The spoon is lifted up and comes down.] Wait, there she goes!
Marceline: [invisible] Yo, wake up, sand dude. [taps a sand soldier with the spoon, causing the sculpture to crumble.] I think they're dead. [brings spoon over to Finn and becomes visible] A spoon.
Finn: [takes spoon] Yea-uh. The Spoon of Prosperity!
Jake: It doesn't look like mu—[belches]
[The belch echoes and causes more sculptures to crumble.]
Jake: Oh, my gosh, I feel so much better! Hungry, even. Guys, let's go home!
Finn: We've gotta get this spoon to Princess Bubblegum first.
Jake: [running off] ♪Let's rock!♪
Marceline: What's PB want with that spoon, anyway?
Finn: Beats me.
Jake: Sometimes it's better not to know.
Marceline: Yeah, I guess that's true with Bonnibel.
Jake: Hey, guys, look what I found! [starts sinking in the sand]
Marceline: Is that quicksand?
Jake: Yeah! [laughs] [tries to get out several times but keeps falling back] Heh. Quicksand is pretty fun. Heh.
Finn: Quit messing around, Jake.
Jake: Okie-doke.
[Jake stretches an arm from his head to the support underneath the platform Finn and Marceline are on. The support crumbles, and Finn falls.]
Finn: Whoa!
[More structures behind them crumble.]
Jake: Hmm. Hey, is this whole place made out of sand?
Marceline: Sure looks that way.
Jake: Uh, give me a pull, please. [stretches his upper body to Finn and Marceline, who grab him and pull] [laughs] Stop, you guys are tickling me! Let me try this other thing. [shapeshifts his body into a corkscrew] Flesh drill!
Finn: I'm not sure that's a good idea—
[Jake starts drilling, rumbling the entire city.]
Jake: [screams] Yaah! Rug burn! Ow! Ow!
[The large pillar of sand collapses.]
Jake: Aah! [escapes the quicksand] Whoo! It worked! Jake drill worked, you guys.
[Marceline grabs them and floats upwards to avoid the avalanche of sand coming their way.]
Finn: Whoa!
Jake: Check it out! My piggies are free. [wiggles toes]
Marceline: You just demolished half the underground city!
Jake: Yeah, only half.
Finn: You also sealed our exit.
Jake: Our only exit.
Marceline: [groans] [drops Jake]
Jake: No regre-e-e-ets! [tumbles down a hill] I'm sorry. [touches his toe] This little piggie stayed home, and so should have I. I know! I'll dig us out of here.
Finn & Marceline: No!
Finn: You'll bury us alive!
Marceline: Undead!
Finn: [takes out his holo-pendant] Finn to PB. Come in, PB.
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, hi, Finn.
Finn: Princess, we're trapped in the underground city.
Princess Bubblegum: Yeah-yeah. That sounds great.
Finn: Huh? No, we need help!
Princess Bubblegum: That's great! [display glitches] Gre-gre-great! Great, great!
Finn: [sighs] Guess we lost the signal. [puts away pendant]
Marceline: Any more bright ideas?
Jake: Snacks!
Marceline: How are snacks gonna get us out of here?
Jake: I wanna eat snacks... because I am hungry.
Marceline: I'm hungry, too. Bust the snacks, Finn.
Jake: Bust, bust, bust!
[Finn takes off his pack and dumps its contents on the ground. Jake takes a cookie out of the pile.]
Marceline: Hey, where are my red erasers? They were in here.
Jake: Uh-oh. I thought they were candy.
Marceline: You... ate all... MY RED?!?!
Jake: Oooh. I'm sorry!
Finn: Calm down, Marceline. There's gotta be some red stuff in these ruins. I'll go explore. You guys hang out here and save your energy.
Marceline: Thanks, Finn.
Finn: [walking off] Be cool.
Jake: [eats cookie] So how hungry are you?
Marceline: [hisses]
Jake: Aah! [cowers] I'm sorry. Please don't eat my blood!
Marceline: [sighs] Jake, I don't want to hurt you, but you should know things get crazy when I'm hungry.
Jake: Like... how crazy?
Marceline: I'm gonna go into feral mode. [sighs] It's not gonna be pretty.
Jake: [whimpers] [eats the rest of his cookie]
Marceline: I know. Let's tie me up. That way, you won't be scared.
Jake: And that will keep you from draining my bloods?
Marceline: Not physically, no, but as a prop, I think it'll be good for both of us. You know, psychologically.
Jake: [gulps] [whispers] Hurry, Finn.
[Scene cuts to Finn passing some streams of lava.]
Finn: Red, red, red. I guess even a vampire queen's face would melt off if she tried to eat lava.
[Scene switches to Marceline, who is tied up to a sand column.]
Marceline: Get me a bucket of lava, Jake.
Jake: [eating a sandwich] Yo, you know better than that.
Marceline: Do iiiit...
Jake: Don't go crazy, okay?
Marceline: I'm frickin' hungry.
Jake: [gulps] Why did you leave me here, dude? [bites sandwich]
[Scene cuts back to Finn. He arrives at a large door of sand held up by four skeletons, behind which some red light is emanating.]
Finn: Okay, here we go. Yeah, look at that! [points to red glow] Something crazy red behind this door. Hmm. [looks at skeletons] Why are y'all holding this door shut? You don't look like sand peeps, neither. More like wisemen-zerts . Oh, well. Gotta feed the Marcy monster. [walks up to door] 'Scuse me. Up, sorry. Okay. Uhh... hi-yah! [kicks the door, which collapses] Oh, dag.
[Finn looks into a room full of immobile sand people bathing in the red light coming from a crown on a skeleton at the other side of the room.]
Finn: Cool... What the heck happened here? [grabs a hat from one of the skeletons] Whoop! [throws hat in the red light, which turns it to sand] Ew. Whoops. Y'alls got turned into sand people. Don't go in the light. Go like this. [walks along the edge of the room] Around it. Next time, you guys. Hmm... [sees that the source of the light is coming from a hole behind the skeleton] Whatever's down there's gotta have red blasting out of every hole. Hey, you're not still alive, right?
[The skeleton does not respond.]
Finn: Okay. I was just making sure. [crawls into hole] Bet that guy was a creep. [continues crawling] This hole is deep.
[Scene cuts back to Jake.]
Jake: Oh, my Glob. Oh, my Glob, where are you, man? Marcy's wiggin' out!
Marceline: Jaaaake...
Jake: What?
Marceline: I can smell your insides, Jake. [laughs] They smell... [sniffs deeply] red!
Jake: [screams]
Marceline: Yeah, lemme see in there.
Jake: [screams]
Marceline: Oh, yeah.
Jake: [screams]
[Scene cuts back to Finn.]
Finn: Maybe I should go back. Well, I've already gone this far. [reaches the end of the tunnel, where a red gem is shining light] Shebang! That oughtta be enough red to un... [notices that the red light is coming from a large turtle creature behind the gem] Oops.
Crab Demon: Paris? Is that you?
Finn: You mean the guy with the big thing on his head?
Crab Demon: Yes. Have you returned to complete the plan?
Finn: Naw. Paris is, like, super dead.
Crab Demon: What?! No! How long?
Finn: Dude, like, a really long time. Like five hundred years.
Crab Demon: [in disbelief] Five hundred—[sighs] Chum! I must've zoned out!
Finn: What the heck were you two doing?
Crab Demon: Once we turned the city to sand, we were gonna reanimate their bodies and conquer my homeland at the center of the planet.
Finn: Hm, that's dumb.
Crab Demon: Time to go back home a true loser.
Finn: Can I have this big ol' ruby, then?
Crab Demon: That's an emerald.
Finn: Clearly it's a big ol' ruby.
Crab Demon: I don't know what to tell you, man.
Finn: I would like the ruby.
Crab Demon: It's yours, buddy. [gets up] I'm outties. [backs out]]
Finn: Peace. Hyup! [jumps down and tries to pull the ruby out] [strains] [farts] Whoops.
[Scene cuts to Marceline, who is buried up to her demonic face in sand.]
Jake: Okay, [pats sand] all done now. Nice and snug, right?
Marceline: Jake...
Jake: [gulps] What?
Marceline: I won't be able to... to control myself much longer. I can feel the feeding frenzy coming on. [licks teeth] I just wanna let you know I'm sorry. [laughs evilly]
Jake: You're sick!
Marceline: Yeah... [laughs]
Jake: C'mon, Jake, think... [groans] It's no good! I need brain food. [looks at pile of Finn's junk] Oh, dang, I ate everything! [moans] I'm so hungry! Baby's gonna starve to death! Unless... [looks at Marceline]
Marceline: What?
Jake: [laughs] [licks lips]
[Scene cuts back to Finn, who is pushing the ruby back through the tunnel.]
Finn: [straining] [stops and cries a little] [resumes pushing]
Jake: [panting] [digs a lava moat around Marceline]
Marceline: What are you doing?
Jake: I'm cooking up a crazy vampire! That should heat up nice! The sand will keep the meat moist.
Marceline: You're gonna eat me?
Jake: You was gonna eat me!
Marceline: Yes, I am. [laughs]
Jake: [blows lava] Cook, baby, cook!
[Finn arrives with the ruby.]
Jake: Finn!
Finn: [falls to the ground, exhausted] Bleh. The trick is rollin' it. Phew! Check out this ruby I got.
Jake: That's an emerald, dude.
Finn: You too now?! Emeralds are green, boyee.
Jake: This thing is green.
Finn: Why is everybody messin' with me? It's like a dark gray-ish red. Mostly gray. Sometimes red things are gray!
Jake: You're a little colorblind... and there's nothin' to be ashamed of!
[The "ruby" is now green.]
Finn: Oh... whoops.
Jake: I'm sorry you had to push that thing so far.
Finn: Uh, what's goin' on with Marcy?
Jake: She was threatening to eat my insides, so I'm cooking her. I know that sounds crazy, but I had no choice.
[Marceline is now missing.]
Jake: I'm operating on my lowest survival brain function right now. What? [looks behind him to see that Marceline is gone] [gasps]
Finn: Chill, man!
Jake: No, we gotta book! [pushes Finn into tunnel] Go!
Marceline: [floating near the ceiling] Go where, Jake? [laughs] I gotta suck out your insides first, right?
Finn: Nay-nay, brah!
Jake: [babbles]
Marceline: Time to eat! [The ceiling rumbles.] Huh? What the—?
[A large worm breaks through the ceiling. Princess Bubblegum is in its mouth, controlling it.]
Finn: Bubblegum?
Princess Bubblegum: Hey, guys. I saw my seismograph had gone off the charts, so I figured you might be in trouble, right?
Jake: Yeah, but watch out for Marceline. She's gone rabid!
Princess Bubblegum: What? Marceline's gonna rap for me?
[Marceline grabs Princess Bubblegum and bites her hair, sucking nearly all of her blood in the process due to the feeding frenzy.]
Princess Bubblegum: [screams]
Finn & Jake: [gasp]
Marceline: [sighs] Woof. Thanks, Bonnie. That's enough low-grade red to get me home, at least. Come on, guys. Let's go.
Finn: Are you alright, PB?
Princess Bubblegum: [weakly] Did you get the Spoon of Prosperity?
Finn: [takes it out of his pack] Yeah, here you go. [hands it to her]
[Princess Bubblegum places it on her nose, and she returns to normal.]
Finn, Jake, & Marceline: Whoa.
[Finn, Jake, and Marceline applaud.]
Princess Bubblegum: Peeps will never starve in my eternal empire. Sand worm, up!
[The sand worm leaps upward as the city fills with lava.]

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Reign of Gunters" from season 4, which aired on October 8, 2012.

Characters
Ice King
Gunter
Finn
Jake
Princess Bubblegum
Kitten
Penguins
Gumball Guardians
Banana Guards
Music
None
Locations
Ice King's castle
Wizard City
Tree Fort
Candy Kingdom
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode begins in Ice King's castle. Clothing is all over the floor and Ice King's dresser drawers are open. Gunter is standing nearby.]
Ice King: Ach! Where the turd is my Demonic Wishing Eye?! Grrrr... [kicks clothing] I've looked everywhere! Ugh...
Gunter: Wenk!
Ice King: What is it, girl?
Gunter: Wenk. [Points off screen]
Ice King: You know where it is? Lead the way! Oh boy, this is just wonderful! [Gunter leads him to a brush on a table. Ice King shrugs.] Hmnh. [Gunter gestures to brush] Agh! You just want me to brush you! You know this brush is for princesses only? [Ice King picks off a piece of bubblegum from the brush and sniffs it] Ah, princesses only. No Gunthers!
[Gunter covers his head]
Ice King: [Starts pacing] What are my options here? Hmm. Hm-hm. [Walks into Gunter] Gunther! What is your damage today? [Gets an idea] Ooh! Wizard market! [Flies over to his computer and starts typing] W-I-Z-...
[Ice King types out the rest of WIZARD MARKET. Magic Wishing Eye is shown onscreen. Gunter blocks the light to the holographic screen.]
Ice King: Hey! [Gunter blocks the light with his fin again] You're really peeving me off, Gunther! Go stand in the corner!
[Gunter jumps off the computer desk and slides into the corner, belly down.]
Ice King: I said stand in the corner.
[Gunter scoots himself up the wall a bit, still partially lying down]
Ice King: Ugh. You make me sick. [Flies toward the entrance of the castle] Try not to break anything while I'm gone.
[Ice King flies out. Gunter sheds a tear, walks over to the entrance, and squints while watching Ice King fly away. Gunter walks over to the refrigerator, opens it, and starts breaking the bottles inside. After realizing that there are none left to break, Gunter slides over to a chair and pulls the lever for the foot rest, revealing a compartment. In it is Kitten, whom Gunter brings out, and a box, which Gunter opens. Inside is the Demonic Wishing Eye, which Gunter dons.]
[The scene changes to inside the Tree Fort, where Finn wakes up to find a green penguin on his stomach.]
Finn: [Sitting up] Gunther? [Penguin shakes its head] Uhhh... [more penguins surround him] Jake? We gots penguins.
Jake: [Snores, wakes up] Hm-huh? Hmm? Oh, yeah... [hugs one in his bed] thanks...
Finn: Come on, you guys! Get off me, now. [Arms raised] Wah! Wah! Grah!
Penguins: [Changing to look like Finn and grabbing his arms] Wah! Wah! Grah!
Finn: Jake?
Jake: Huh? [Penguins grab him, Jake grunts] Hey! [Jake grows huge, knocking the penguins off of him] Now shoo, ya little creeps! [Penguins grow to the same size as Jake] Oh... this is unusual.
[Finn gasps for air as he escapes from under a giant penguin. The penguins start slapping and pommeling Jake. Finn jumps on top of one's head and Finn and Jake start punching them. They fall downstairs into the living room with the penguins still on top of them. The penguins continue slapping them.]
Finn: [In between slaps] Glip... driggle!
Jake: [Struggling with a penguin] Eh... What's with these super penguins?
Finn: [Punching a penguin] I don't know! I'm guessing it's the Ice King.
Jake: [Getting slapped] Well, where is he, then?
Finn: ICE KIIIIING! [Penguin slaps him]
[Scene changes, showing Ice King flying in a canyon toward a wall.]
Ice King: Wizards rule.
[The wall disappears, revealing Wizard City. Ice King lands near a shop.]
Ice King: [Humming to himself] Doot-doo, deet-dee-doo. Ah, let's see. [Looks at sign above shop door, says to himself:] That's the symbol for magic items, right? [To Huntress Wizard standing nearby] Hey, this is the magic items shop, right?
Huntress Wizard: What's it look like, ya donk?
Ice King: I know that, I know! Why can't they write it on the sign, though? Why's it all gotta be secret? Let's just put it all out there, huh? Equal distribution of magic to the people! [Chanting] No more symbols! No more initiations! [Normal voice] Ya feelin' me, Huntress Wizard?
Huntress Wizard: [Playing with an arrow] You tryin' to get killed, Ice King?
Ice King: Uh-uh, I was just steppin' to ya, girl, with my intellectual wizard politics. [Huntress Wizard walks off. Ice King whispers] No, don't go. [Normal voice] Well, "Swing at every ball," that's what Jay T. Doggzone says. [Enters shop, walks down corridor] Hello?
Bufo: ...So then he was telling me to beef in the eye of Glob and stuff.
Laser Wizard: Whoa. Did you do it?
Bufo: Heck yes, I did.
Forest Wizard: Yo, I wouldn't do that.
Laser Wizard: Get over it, man. Don't you want to reach the highest initiation of the secret schools?
Forest Wizard: Of course, man. In shadow, we find the light... [Other wizards join in, chanting] safely sealed in darkest night. So make sure y'all keep it tight. Wizards only, fools.
Ice King: [Entering room] Keep what tight?
Laser Wizard: A secret you never should've heard, Ice King.
Ice King: [Wizards advance toward him] Yo. Guys. Chill. I lost my Demonic Wishing Eye. [Ice King backs up] Just get me a new one and I'll jet. I didn't hear nothin' about no weird, secret wizard club that I want to be a part of.
Forest Wizard: [Charging up magic] Loose lips sink the ships, Ice King.
Bufo: Sorry, man. [Charges up] Nothing personal.
Ice King: Oh, slid— [Bufo shoots at him] You guys! [Shoots ice at the wizards] Ah! [Forest Wizard shoots branches at him] Whoa!
[Scene changes back to Tree Fort, where several penguins are sitting on Jake.]
Jake: [Being crushed] Okay, I give up.
[Gunter opens the door, levitating with the Demonic Wishing Eye. Kitten is strapped to his back.]
Finn & Jake: Gunther?!
Jake: [Sees Demonic Wishing Eye] Nice ice!
Finn: What's goin' on here, man? Call off your super bros.
[Gunter stops levitating and knocks some bottles off a shelf. They shatter on the floor.]
Jake: [Sarcastically] Well, that's great.
Finn: Where's the Ice King, Gunther? [Gunter levitates out the door] Gunther?! What? Alright. [Penguins follow Gunter] Whoa!
[Finn and Jake run outside, finding hundreds of penguins scattered around their fort.]
Finn & Jake: WHAAAA!
Finn: Is this happening everywhere?
Jake: I don't know—lemme see. [Stretches his arm inside and upstairs and brings down a telescope] Whoop! [Looks into telescope] Dang!
Finn: What do ya see?
Jake: Hold on. [Looks in another direction] Oh no! NO!
Finn: What, dude?!
Jake: [Looks in another direction] Hold on, man. Wait. Oh, Glob! This can't be happening!
Finn: [Kicks Jake over] Tell me!
Jake: Eh, it's over. We've been conquered.
Finn: Who's been conquered?
Jake: Everyone.
Finn: [Scratching head] By the Ice King?
Jake: No, dude! By Gunther.
Finn: Holy shmow! Gimme that! [Grabs telescope, looks through it, gasps as he sees Gunter floating toward the Candy Kingdom] Gunther's heading for the Candy Kingdom! We gotta save them! [Breaks telescope in two]
Jake: [Finn jumps on him, Jake grows big] Whoa, okay. [Starts running toward the Candy Kingdom]
Finn: Hurry, Jake! Wait—I'm still in my pajayjays.
[Jake turns around and the scene changes to Finn wearing his normal outfit. Finn is riding on Jake, who is running towards the Candy Kingdom. Finn whips out a holographic tablet phone and calls a number.]
Princess Bubblegum: Yo, Finn, are you seeing these penguins?
Finn: Yeah, it's Gunther! He's taking over the whole thing!
Princess Bubblegum: Well, he'll have to beat my Banana Guards and my Gumball Guardians.
Jake: That's not gonna work.
Princess Bubblegum: What did he say?
Finn: He says your plan is bunk.
Princess Bubblegum: Well, what's your plan?
Finn: I got a plan.
Princess Bubblegum: You do?
Finn: When we get there, I'll do my plan in addition to your plan. Two plans. Laters.
Princess Bubblegum: Uh, alright, so you're not gonna tell me your—
Finn: [Hangs up] I'm outies!
Jake: You're not gonna tell her the plan?
Finn: No, I gotta be mysterious.
Jake: What? I thought you weren't into Bubblegum anymore.
Finn: I'm not. But this is how I act now with all the ladies, you see? I keep 'em in a state of confusion. That way, I've always got options in case Flame Princess doesn't work out.
Jake: OH MY GOSH! Where is this coming from?!
Finn: It's called "future farming." I read it in that book you have by Jay T. Doggzone.
Jake: Jay T. Dogg—awww, dude! Don't read that book! It's gonna mess up your brain. I keep that book around for laughs. It's all really bad advice.
Finn: Oh, okay. I'll stop it, then.
Jake: No, well... you can still be mysterious—that's fine.
Finn: What? Now I'm confused.
Jake: [Arriving at the Candy Kingdom] Never mind—I didn't say nothin'.
Finn: Hey P-Bubs! Are you ready?
Princess Bubblegum: Yes. The calvary [sic] is standing by.
Finn: Cool. I'm gonna rally some citizens and do this other plan.
Princess Bubblegum: Okay, but what—?
Finn: [Walking off] Good luck!
Princess Bubblegum: Jake, what's with all the mystery?
Jake: Uhhh... [Snaps] Oh snap, look out!
[A wave of penguins formed into unicorns is seen charging toward them.]
Princess Bubblegum: Banana Guards, defend!
[Banana Guards charge out on pink jellybeans. The penguins run them over.]
Princess Bubblegum: Aw, jeez.
Gumball Guardian: [Rising] Evil presence detected. Must defend candy. Dange—[a mass of penguins formed to make a giant knocks him down] aaah!
[Gunter floats toward the Candy Kingdom, several penguins follow while quacking.]
Princess Bubblegum: You'll never get past these walls... I think.
[Kitten flies into the air and floats over the walls while shooting fireballs, knocking a hole in the wall.]
[Gunter walks into the Candy Kingdom and coughs as the smoke clears. He rubs his eyes and sees a pile of hundreds of glass bottles.]
Finn: [Standing by bottles] This... is my plan. I got the Candy Kingdom underground to help me collect all the bottles in the land.
[Gunter starts smashing bottles. Shards of glass shower everywhere.]
Jake: Breaking news: that mystery plan of yours is a smash hit. [Laughs stupidly] Because the—of the glass... I guess all they care about is bottles, huh.
Princess Bubblegum: But what'll happen when they run out of bottles?
Finn: I won't let that happen, Prubbs.
[Smashing sounds stop. The pile of bottles is now a pile of broken glass. Gunter looks around and doesn't see any more bottles.]
Gunter: [Sustaining note] We-e-e-e-e-enk...
[Other penguins quack the same way and they advance on Finn, Jake, and Princess Bubblegum.]
Finn: Stay back! [Unsheathes sword]
[Demonic Wishing Eye glows, other penguins take out swords from their beaks and start waving them.]
Princess Bubblegum: Wait a minute! [Penguins stop quacking] Put away your weapons and we'll get you more bottles.
Finn: Peeb! There aren't any bottles left!
Princess Bubblegum: I have a third plan.
[Scene changes, showing Finn, Jake, and Princess Bubblegum picking up the shards from the broken bottles and reassembling them.]
Jake: So, we make them new bottles. Then the Gunthers break the bottles, and then we pick up the glass and make new bottles again?
Princess Bubblegum: Yup.
Finn: What, like, forever?
Princess Bubblegum: Yes.
Finn: Bubb, your plan... bunks.
Princess Bubblegum: Heh, yeah.
Jake: I like it. I got a rhythm goin'! [Says 'tink' as he reassembles each piece of a bottle]
Gunter: [Points to upwards] Wenk!
Princess Bubblegum: [Gumball Guardians are seen standing behind Princess Bubblegum, subdued by penguin giants] What? What do you want? I don't—
Finn: He wants to smash the Gumball Guardian's head!
Princess Bubblegum: We're going to make more bottles. Just wait, okay?
[Gunter uses the Demonic Wishing Eye to make the penguin giants push the Gumball Guardians downward.]
Finn, Jake, and Princess Bubblegum: NO!
Gumball Guardian: [On ground] Goodbye... Princess!
[Gunter walks up and taps on the Gumball Guardian's head. It cracks a little. Ice King flies in.]
Ice King: Hey. What's goin' on here? Why's this place all crazy? I was just flying by and— [sees Gunter, gasps] Gunther! You took my stuff!
Gunter: Wenk.
Ice King: That's bad. You know what you get now?!
Gunter: [Sadly] Wenk.
Ice King: That's right, you get the squirty-squirts. [Squirts spray bottle at Gunter] Bad, bad. Now take off my Demonic Wishing Eye.
[Gunter takes off the Demonic Wishing Eye and the other penguins disappear.]
Ice King: Alright, Gunther. Now go home.
Gunter: [Walks off] Wenk.
Ice King: That's right, walk. And while you're walking home, you think about what you did. [Sighs] It's getting worse and worse with him. He just—he hates it when I leave the castle. I'm sorry, guys.
Jake: Uh, dude? Where have you been?
Finn: Yeah, and why are you all jacked up?
Ice King: Heh... well, I got into some crazy wiz biz over in Wizard City. Honestly, I don't even know how I survived. Basically, it was the craziest showdown ever. I—[catches himself] I wish I could tell you all about it, but you know—"Wizards only, fools." Keep it tight.

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Return to the Nightosphere" from season 4, which aired on April 30, 2012.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Demons
Nightosphere Jailer
BoatDemon
The teller
Half Monster Demon
Marceline
Music
None
Locations
The Nightosphere
Nightosphere Jail
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode starts with Finn and Jake waking up in a pile of bananas.]
Finn & Jake: [Both scream]
Finn: Oh. Heh heh. What? Where are we?
Jake: I dunno.
Finn: What did we do last night?
Jake: Mayhaps we drank juice of the Elder Toad.
Finn: Eh, I doubt it. Yo, do you see this? We're in a cage! Do you think we, like, did something wrong?
Jake: Yeah, right. When did we ever did wrong actions? Get real. [takes out his cellphone]
Finn: Who ya calling?
Jake: I'm callin' BMO, see if he knows what happened. [mutters] Junk... My new camera phone... Wait, c'mere!
Finn: What?
Jake: I guess I vid-taped a buttload of stuff on here.
Finn: Play it for the clues within.
Jake: Okay, play. [clicks play button on his phone]
[Static on phone]
Finn [on phone]: Did you take it yet?
Jake [on phone]: Recording.
Finn [on phone]: Okay, get a shot of the portal.
[Jake moves the phone to reveal a blue swirling vortex that is apparently a Nightosphere portal]
Finn [on phone]: Gonna go through this biz!
Jake [on phone]: Alright, let's do—[screen goes blank, video ends]
Finn: Oh, no! What?!
Jake: Battery crunked out.
Finn: Dude, do you remember any of that mess?
Jake: No, but I guess we're here on purpose?
Finn: So we opened a portal to somewhere, but where? [walks to the bars on the cage where a jailer demon is standing]
Nightosphere Jailer: The Nightosphere.
Finn & Jake: [both scream] AHHHhhhh...
Nightosphere Jailer: You're in the Nightosphere.
Finn: Are you sure?
Nightosphere Jailer: Uh, yes. You got thrown in jail. Look. [flies up to a light switch and pushes it down, lighting up cages along the walls full of howling demons]
Jake: Look!
Finn: [gasps]
[Scene cuts to a shot of a statue of Marceline's father.]
Finn: Marceline's dad! We really are in the Nightosphere!
Nightosphere Jailer: Up an' at em, people. [opens cages] Eveyone out of your cages. My shift is over, and no one's shown up, so...
Finn: Whoa, wait. You're letting us go?
Nightosphere Jailer: I mean... yeah, but not really. You're in the nightosphere, so...
Finn: So what?
Jake: [holds up cellphone and charger] Is there an outlet somewhere for this?
Nightosphere Jailer: [laughing loudly]
Finn: Hey, c'mon! Just tell us how we can get back to our world.
Nightosphere Jailer: You can't leave the Nightosphere. Not unless he let's you. [points to statue]
Finn & Jake: Marceline's dad.
Nightosphere Jailer: Yeah, that's Hunson Abadeer. He runs this place.
[Scene cuts to a plaque under the statue that says, "HUNSON ABADEER: OUR GREAT LEADER IS WITH US FOR ALL ETERNITY" and a large caterpillar-like demon runs between the statues legs.]
Jake: Hunson Abadeer? [giggles] Alright.
Finn: Well, dude, how do we talk to him?
Nightosphere Jailer: You can't just talk to the boss. You gotta make an appointment.
Finn: Yeah, but we don't even know why we're here!
Jake: [holding up a banana] And what's up with this?
Nightosphere Jailer: Ugh. Oh! Oh, oh, sick! You touched that stuff?!
[Jake looks at the banana questioningly.]
Nightosphere Jailer: Later, fools. [goes away]
[Demons cheer.]
Jake: [trying to get the demons' attention] Hey! Hey! Is there an outlet anywhere? You guys...
Finn: Maybe this is where they put all the dummy demons. [cuddles a caterpillar demon and talks to it in a baby-like voice] Right, big guy? You're not so smart, right? Yeah... [to Jake; normal voice] Let's go out that hole, man.
Jake: Okay, get on.
[Finn climbs on his back, and Jake stretches up through the hole. They climb out and see various scenes of chaos.]
Finn: Mm-hm, mm-hm. Pretty neat.
[A reddish cloud flies overhead and obliterates a mountain with a green ray.]
Finn: Whoa, look!
[Cloud shoots more rays.]
[Scene cuts to a demon kid playing with tiny demons.]
Demon dad: [to his kid] Charlie, don't socialize with the smaller demons! They're dirty and stupid!
[Ray strikes the dad, turning him into a bunch of little demons.]
Charlie: Daddy!
[Cloud shoots a mountain, turning it into a sculpture of Hunson Abadeer's head.]
Finn: What is that?
Jake: I think it's like sentient blood mist.
Finn: Cool.
Jake: C'mon, let's see if anyone knows where Hunson Abadeer is.
Finn: Alright, well, how about that dude? [points to a one-eyed pink demon which is cut open like a cross section so you can see his guts]
Jake: Okay.
Finn: [to the demon and the little demons traveling on him] Yo, bros! How do we talk to Hunson Abadeer?
Half Monster Demon: [telepathically] The teller can help you. Get in my flipping belly, and I will transport you. My insides are habitable. You will not be digested.
[Finn and Jake climb in, and the demon flies them over to a river full of little demons.]
Finn: Bye, mister! [Looks around] Who's the teller? That guy? [He looks toward a birdlike demon in a rowboat rowing on top of the little demons. The Boat Demon bangs one of the small ones with an oar.]
Boat Demon: Okay, bozos, make room, make room, make room!
Small Demon: Ouch! Come on!
Boat Demon: Scooch over, fatty.
Small Demon: I can't, dude. This outbox is packed tighter than my tummy tunnel when I can't make brown on the camping trips because of my anxieties and I have IBS also. [gets hit with oar] Ow!
Finn: Hey, guy, are you the teller?
Boat Demon: No, no, no, this is the line to meet the teller.
Finn: No, man, are you for real? How long's the wait?!
Boat Demon: I dunno. I just like to row around on top of their heads.
Finn: Bunk that!
Jake: [holds up the banana] Hey, do you know about this?
Boat Demon: I... ew, no. [scoffs] Sick.
Finn: Why do we need to see the teller anyway? We just wanna see Hunson Abadeer and find out what happened to us!
Boat Demon: The teller will get you in touch with Hunson Abadeer. We got systems down here. You gotta swim the proper channels, ya know?
Small Demon: Youse ain't special! Youse gotta wait just like the rest of youse... [corrects himself] Us.
Finn: [sighs] Where's the line start?
Boat Demon: Oh... I dunno. The thing sorta governs itself.
[Finn and Jake climb into the river and squeeze in between the demons.]
Finn & Jake: [grimace as they squeeze in] Tight!
[Boat Demon rows over their heads.]
Finn & Jake: Ow!
[Finn moans.]
Jake: [looking at the boat demon] That guy stinks.
Finn: [to a big demon] Excuse me! Excuse me! Big man? Over here!
Big Demon: Huh? What, me?
Finn: Uh, yeah, how long have you been in line for?
Big Demon: How... long? [shudders and starts crying]
Finn: Oh, butt traps. Jake, stretch us to the front.
All demons: NO CUTTING!!!
Big Demon: I will kill you with all my hopes and regrets!
Finn: All right, dudes, chill! We'll wait! [whistles]
[Time card: TWO DAYS LATER]
Finn: I can't feel my legs.
[Time card: FOUR DAYS LATER]
[Finn and Jake are both quietly crying]
[Time card: EIGHT DAYS LATER]
Finn: SAY SOMETHING!! Say something to me!!!
Jake: I... can't. I got nothing to say anymore.
Finn: Just make up words then!
Jake: Bloobity bloo bloo blah blee blee blah. Shree shrah...
[Time card: THIRTEEN DAYS EIGHTEEN HOURS LATER]
Jake: Hey, check it out. We're at the front of the line.
Finn & Jake: Woohoo!
Finn: [to the teller] Yo, yo! We wanna talk to Abadeer!
Teller: Wha... Huh? [hands Finn a slip of paper with a number on it] When your thingy comes up, Hunson Abadeer will see you through the door.
Finn: [reading from paper] 42 million?! What's the number on the door?
[The door reads 41,999,999.]
Jake: 41 million... [mutters gibberish] We're next! Whew! Man, I thought I was gonna throw up!
[The number changes to 42 million.]
Finn: That's us!
Jake: Yaaay! [sees that there is another extremely long line] Nooooooo!
Finn: I'm gonna lose it! Waaaaaaaaaaahhh... [he continues screaming like this for quite some time]
Jake: Hey, do you know if there's an outlet anywhere?
Two-headed Demon: No.
Jake: Do you know what this is all about? [holds up banana]
Two-headed Demon: No... gross.
[Finn stops screaming and is lying face down on the ground, exhausted.]
Jake: What's going on, buddy? You givin' up?
Finn: [sighs] I guess.
Jake: You don't wanna just stick it out a little more?
Finn: I don't know if my little boy heart can take it.
Jake: Listen, Finn. Are you listening?
Finn: Mm-hmm.
Jake: Your heart may be small, but it's strong as a bull donk. And I know. You can wait through this line so we can meet Hunson Abadeer and find out why we're here, and why we're in a pile of banianials, 'cause you're a champ, OK?
Finn: [shrugs] Ok.
Jake: 上手で頑張ってね ("Being that you are skilled you can do it!")
Finn: Well, at least I can see the end of the line, I think. Let's wait the heck out of this line!
Jake: That's it, champ. [Finn starts to jog in place] Hehehehe, you're pretty pumped up.
Finn: I'm super pumped!
Cloud: Does anyone need to go pee-pees?
[One demon raises his hand.]
Cloud: Go ahead.
[The demon runs ahead of line.]
Okay, who's here with a question for Mr. Abadeer?
[Finn and Jake raise their hands.]
Finn: Oh, yeah, we've got questions.
[The cloud destroys the demons who raised their hands.]
Jake: [gasps] Put your hand down, Finn!
Finn: No way, dude, I got questions.
[Jake goes away with Finn.]
Finn: What the hey, Jake!
Jake: It's not answering questions, man. That thing is gonna bake our beans.
Finn: [takes out his sword and goes on top of a rock] Hey, bloodmist cloud! What happened to us? Why can't we remember any—? Oh, it's gone.
Jake: [Points to cloud] Look.
[The cloud goes inside a cave]
Jake: Ride me, partner. [Jake acts like a horse]
[Finn and Jake run to the cave.]
Finn: Hey, cloud! Where's Abadeer? Whoa, look at all these paintings. I think this is Hunson Abadeer's house.
[The cloud arrives and reveals he's Abadeer.]
Hunson Abadeer: Hey!
Finn: Hunson Abadeer!
Hunson Abadeer: How dare you chumps trespass here!
Jake: We just wanna go home, man.
Finn: Yeah, why'd you lock us up, Abadeer? When Marceline finds out about this, it's gonna stir up some heavy daddy-daughter issues.
Hunson Abadeer: NO ONE LEAVES THE NIGHTOSPHERE!
Jake: Ah, come on, man!
[Hunson Abadeer attacks Finn and Jake.]
Hunson Abadeer: NO ONE! NO ONE LEAVES THE NIGHTOSPHERE!
[Abadeer attacks Finn, but Finn blocks it with his sword. Jake tries to open a door, but Abadeer sees him.]
Hunson Abadeer: Come with me, you juicy, little mortal soul!
[Jake uses his powers to squeeze himself through the keyhole, leaving behind his camera phone and banana. Jake opens the door suddenly, hitting Abadeer.]
Jake: Finn!
[Finn runs through the door, while Jake hits Abadeer with the door again and gets his phone and the banana. Finn and Jake see the portal.]
Finn: Oh, my lob, Jake! You found the portal!
[Abadeer smashes through the door. Finn and Jake scream and run into the portal. Abadeer attacks Finn again, and Jake wraps him up with his arm.]
Jake: We don't want to hurt you, Abadeer. Just let us go.
[Abadeer laughs and throws Jake against the portal wall.]
Jake: [groans]
[Abadeer tries to suck his soul, but Finn stabs him in the head. Black goo starts to squirt out.]
Finn: What the—?
[Marceline emerges from Abadeer's head.]
Finn & Jake: [in unison] MARCELINE?!
Marceline: I'm gonna close this portal. [hisses] You're forbidden to come back to the Nightosphere!
Finn: But Marcy, let us help you!
Marceline: It's too late! Stay away from me, FOREVVVEEERRRR!!!! [the portal closes]
Finn: Marceline's in trouble! We gotta go back and save her.
Jake: Alright, but I'm gonna take a shower first.
[Jake leaves and Finn smells his armpits and the episode ends.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Ricardio the Heart Guy" from season 1, which aired on April 26, 2010.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Ricardio
Ice King
Princess Bubblegum
Music
None
Locations
Candy Kingdom
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode begins with Ice King flying with Princess Bubblegum, cackling deviously.]
Finn: Hey, fart-face!!
Ice King: Huh?
Finn: Unhand Princess Bubblegum!!
Ice King: Foolish interlopers! Zah! [Fires ice magic at Finn]
Finn: [Evading it] Whoa! [Throws a snowball at him] Ah!
Ice King: Ee hee hee hee—OOH! [Gets hit by snowball] MY EYESIGHT!
[Jake forms his posterior into Princess Bubblegum's shape while Finn puts two rocks on it, representing her eyes. He replaces Princess Bubblegum with his posterior without Ice King noticing.]
Princess Bubblegum: Huh? Hee hee hee!
Finn: Hey, Ice King! I bet you'll never kiss the princess!
Ice King: I will kiss her! I will! [To "princess"] Hold still. [Kisses Jake's posterior] Mwah!
Finn: [Laughs] You just kissed Jake's butt!
Ice King: What?! [Jake reforms his posterior.] EEEEGH!! [The other three laugh.] [Flying away] The hour is yours, but the day shall be mine! Just like you, Princess—MINE!
Princess Bubblegum: What a patoot. Thanks for saving the day yet again, boys.
Finn: You're welcome, Princess. [She hugs him.] Uh... [He blushes, and Jake raises his eyebrow, amused.]
Princess Bubblegum: I'm gonna throw you two a party. Meet at the Candy Kingdom—TONIGHT!
[The three cheer. "PARTY TIME" logo pops up and balloons fill up the screen to shift to the next scene. Finn and Jake are walking to the Candy Castle through the Cotton Candy Forest.]
Jake: That paper crane for Princess Bubblegum?
Finn: I just thought I'd bring 'er a gift... in return for throwing us this party.
Jake: Heh. I bet you wish you were my butt.
Finn: What?
Jake: I bet you wish you were my butt, because then the princess would... No, wait... I bet you wish you were the Ice King and the princess was my butt!
Finn: What?!
Jake: Hmm... [Snapping] OH! I bet you wish Bubblegum would kiss you, too! Like the Ice King and my butt! Hahahaha!
Finn: That's ridiculous! [Finn imagines Princess Bubblegum kissing him, and he sighs contentedly.] Huh? Uggghhh!! [Jake runs ahead laughing.] What's so funny?
[Hard cut to the Candy Castle]
Peppermint Butler: Hey, everybody. Finn and Jake are here.
Jake: Who's ready to party?!
[The crowd seems focused on and gathered around something else. Finn and Jake confusedly look at each other.]
Finn: What's everyone laughing at?
Wildberry Princess: Shh!
Ricardio: Stand back, everyone. This style of massage is called, "Best Friend Massage."
Lumpy Space Princess: Oh, my gosh...
Ricardio: Because it can only be done for friends. It is completely consensual.
Lumpy Space Princess: Oh, holy cow...
Ricardio: Relax yourself now, Lumpy Space Princess... YAH! [Backflips and pounds her]
Lumpy Space Princess: Oh! I feel so great!
Finn: Who is that guy?
Ricardio: Hahaaa!
[Jake shrugs. A fanfare is heard and Princess Bubblegum enters.]
Princess Bubblegum: Greetings, party-goers! Glad you could all make it!
Finn: Princess Bubblegum! [Ricardio stares at her and he himself starts "beating" hard.] Princess. I just wanted to thank you for—
Lumpy Space Princess: [Cutting in] Oh, my gosh! PB, ya gotta check out this super cute guy. You're gonna love 'im. [They leave Finn and Jake.]
Finn: Uhhh...
Lumpy Space Princess: This is... Oh. Oh, my gosh. I don't even know your name.
Ricardio: Ricardio. Ricardio at your service. I've been waiting all evening to meet you, Princess. [Kissing her hand] Mwah! [Finn pockets his gift, irritated.] I've heard you appreciate ancient technology. Have you ever used the balbaflonic laser to align the hybernotalist rift in the bubaflon plasmodial formation?
Princess Bubblegum: Whoa! No, I haven't! [Music starts up; crowd moves to the dance floor.] Wanna continue this conversation on the dance floor?
Ricardio: [Exiting with her] It would be my pleasure, Princess.
Finn: Why didn't the princess invite me to dance?
Jake: If you wanna dance, just go dance!
Finn: But now she's dancing with him! Ah... I feel... weird!
Jake: Huh, it sounds like you're dealing with some new emotions you don't understand... like jealousy.
Finn: BLAAAARGH!!
Jake: Look, man, just go out there and get down! [Pushes him onto the dance floor]
Ricardio: [To Princess Bubblegum] —transmordial layers completely independent of the babylons. Eh?
Princess Bubblegum: Wow! That would mean that the babylons would fluctuate with the piranha-nanosphere!
Ricardio: Correct!
Finn: Agh! [Goes back to Jake] They're talkin' about science, man! I can't compete with that!
Jake: Do the Science Dance! Remember it? It was sorta like this. [Does it] Wah unh we ah eeh...
Finn: You think that'll work?
Jake: Yeah! Probably. [Pushes him back onto the dance floor] Do it, man! You're a pro!
Finn: [Dancing] Science Dance! Science Dance!
Ricardio: [Still talking with Bubblegum] —lower proximities to—
Finn: Science Dance! Hey, eh, Princess! You wanna spend some time with me?
Ricardio: Excuse me, Princess. You must excuse me. [Exits]
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, uh... Alright! [To Finn] Finn, what the cabbage? I was learning about Zanoits!
Finn: [Prevaricating] Oh... I'm... into Zanoits! Th-They're the best!
Princess Bubblegum: Zanoits kill hundreds of thousands of Plantoids a year.
Finn: Oh, no, not the Plantoids!
Princess Bubblegum: Plantoids produce mellotoxin! [Finn stares.] Mellotoxin kills Zanoits!!
Finn: ...So are Zanoits... good things?
Princess Bubblegum: [Changing the subject] You're totally jealous of Ricardio.
Finn: No, I'm not. I just don't like the way he talks to you. It makes me feel weird.
Princess Bubblegum: That's jealousy, hun.
Finn: I'm not jealous! I'M WEIRD!!!
[The party notices Finn's scene.]
Jake: [To himself] Woof! Man... This is goin' bad. Hey, Finn. You gotta come help me slay these peanut monsters at the bar. It can't wait. [He and Finn are alone.] Wow, man, what happened out there?
Finn: Agh... I don't know! I was tryin' to warn 'er, but she twisted my words around and—
Jake: Yeah. Ladies are twisty, man. Bubblegum's super smart, too.
Finn: I know! And I can't shake this weird feeling about Ricardio. I think he's... a villain.
Jake: Why? Is it because his face is so foldy and dramatic?
Finn: No! I can just feel it in my gut! He's up to something sinister!
Jake: Maybe what you feel is romantic rivalry.
Finn: I'll prove he's a villain!
Jake: How?
Finn: Stakeout.
[Scene shifts to outside in the Candy Kingdom. Finn and Jake are on a roof, and Finn is looking through binoculars.]
Finn: Here he comes! [Viewing Ricardio and Princess Bubblegum] They're talking!
Jake: Lemme see. [Gets binoculars] I can read their lips. [Mimicking Princess Bubblegum] "Hey, shorty, you should pick your boogers and then fart!" [Mimicking Ricardio] "You look kind of like a big pink baguette!"
Finn: [Taking back binoculars] Get serious, Jake!! This is life and death!
Jake: Is it? Don't get me wrong. I'm all about stakeouts and spying on this guy, but what if he's not a villain? What if he just looks wicked? Some people look wicked but are super nice.
Finn: I gotta trust my gut!
Jake: [Grabbing gut] Hmm.
Finn: He's on the move! Let's roll! [The two swing onto a Guardian of the Royal Promise.] I see 'im. He's holding rope and going into the trash. He's smashing bottles—and pretending to stab someone!
Jake: So... he's recycling... or what?
Finn: [Takes off binoculars] I think your gut's a little naive, Jake. [Puts on binoculars] Holy moly! He's... he's with the Ice King! They're shouting something! [Ice King and Ricardio quarrel.] Ricardio is tossing him in the dumpster and running away!
Jake: So I was right! He is a good guy who's just cursed to look suspicious! [To gut] You and me, gut! Together forever! Solvin' crimes and makin' up rhymes!
Finn: No way. This proves he's a super-villain! More powerful than lesser villains like the Ice King!
[Jake sings the Gut Song.]
Finn: Then it's settled! We're gonna confront Ricardio face-to-face and prove he's evil!
Jake: Or good!
[Scene cuts to downtown in the Candy Kingdom. Ricardio walks deviously and accidentally runs into Finn.]
Ricardio: Oof!
Finn: So what're you doin', Ricardio? Are you evil?
Jake: Or nice with an evil face?
Ricardio: That's none of your business.
Finn: The safety of Princess Bubblegum is my business!
Jake: Yeah, we just wanna know if you're evil or not.
Ricardio: Oh, yeah?
Finn & Jake [In unison]: Yeah.
Ricardio: Oh, yeah?
Jake: Yeah. [Slightly annoyed] Yes!
Finn: You stay away from Princess Bubblegum with all that stuff!
Ricardio: Now that my plan is nearly complete, there is no way you could stop me.
Finn: I could stop you if I wanted!
Ricardio: Oh, yeah?
Finn: Yeah!
Ricardio: Oh, yeah??
Finn: YEEEAAAH!!!
[Finn punches Ricardio, knocking him down. Princess Bubblegum enters.]
Princess Bubblegum: [Gasps] What's going on here?
Finn: Princess?!
Princess Bubblegum: Ricardio?!
Ricardio: [Weakly] Yes... I'm alright, Princess.
Princess Bubblegum: Finn... why'd you do it?
Finn: He was gonna hurt you with those ropes and bottles!
Princess Bubblegum: These were for our balbaflonic laser.
Ricardio: It's not all his fault, Princess. I might've looked a little threatening.
Princess Bubblegum: Finn... you shouldn't punch brainiacs. You know how fragile they are! You gotta stop this jealous business.
Finn: But...
Princess Bubblegum: C'mon, Ricardio. I'll patch you up and give you candy. [They exit.]
Finn: [Sigh] She hates me now. I was totally wrong about Ricardio.
Ice King: No, Finn! [Emerges from dark alleyway] You were not wrong. He is evil! [Collapses]
Finn: Ice King! What do you know about this? Tell me or I'll do something!
Jake: Hold up, Finn! The Ice King looks sorta damaged!
Finn: I don't care! I only care about Ricardio!
Ice King: But my enervated condition has everything to do with him. [Flashback begins; Ice King does voice-over] I was trying to cast a spell that would give me total control of Princess Bubblegum's heart! ...But I messed it all up... and lost control of mine. [Ricardio come's out of Ice King's chest in flashback. He runs towards the window laughing.] He planned to rip out Princess Bubblegum's heart... to make it his bride. [Ricardio sticks his tongue out and exits laughing.] Without my heart, I grew weak. [Ice King groans in flashback.] But I made my way to the Candy Kingdom to look for him. In an alleyway, I begged him to [In flashback, Ice King mouths these words as current Ice King says them] return to me and leave the princess alone. [Flashback ends.] But he threw me in the dumpster and left me for dead. [Reaching his hand out at Finn] Stop Ricardio!
Finn: [Slapping hand away] Agh! Come on, Jake! [They run to the Candy Castle.] Gotta save the princess!
[They enter.]
Jake: Princess Bubblegum!!
Finn: Princess!! [Gasps]
Princess Bubblegum: Finn!! Jake!!
[She is tied up in the rope from earlier and Ricardio is next to her with the broken bottle in his hand.]
Ricardio: You were right all along, Finn! Now I'm going to cut out Princess Bubblegum's heart and make out with it!
Finn: Not if I can help it!
[They chase Ricardio, and Ricardio ends up next to Bubblegum again.]
Ricardio: One step closer and I'll remove her heart!!
Princess Bubblegum: Finn! I feel like a big idiot for doubting you! He was just so engaging! ...But his knowledge on plantoids is actually pretty weak.
Ricardio: Shut your mouth up, Princess! [Jake knocks Ricardio down by stretching his jowl at him.] I'm gonna smooch that heart!! It will be my bride!!
Finn: Why don't you marry someone your own size?! Like my foot?!
Ricardio: Huh?!
[Finn kicks him.]
Finn: And my fist?!
[Finn punches him twice.]
Ice King: [Crawling in] Stop! Stop it! That's my heart, you piece of—
Finn: Ice King. [Ice King crawls towards Ricardio.] Should we... let 'im take his heart back? He is... villainous...
Jake: I don't wanna watch an old man die on Princess Bubblegum's carpet, man.
Ice King: Oh, yeah...
Ricardio: Wait! Wait! No!
Ice King: Come to daddy...
Ricardio: Noooooooooo!
Ice King: Yeah, there you go... [Puts him in his chest] Like that? Huh?
Ricardio: [Sinking into chest] Seeee you guys laterrrr...
Ice King: [Reinvigorated] I feel wonderful! Hahaha! And now that I've saved the Princess, she'll marry me and live in my dungeon every day!
Finn: No, she won't!
Princess Bubblegum: Yeah, no, I won't!
Ice King: Yes you WILL! [He charges up his ice magic, but Finn kicks him. He begins flying away.] Well... maybe not today... or tomorrow... but another day! Another—[Accidentally knocks head on door frame. He grunts in pain as he exits.]
[Scene cuts to a dining room in the castle. Finn, Jake, and Bubblegum are eating spaghetti.]
Princess Bubblegum: Thanks again for saving me... again.
Finn: [Mouth full] Don't mention it.
Princess Bubblegum: Now that Ricardio's gone, you don't have to be jealous of anyone anymore. [Winks]
Finn: I never get jealous.
Princess Bubblegum: [Romantically] Kiss me, Finn. [Finn blushes, astonished.] Ahem. [She is doing a hand-stand and wearing a Jake mask on her posterior. She uses a deeper voice.] I mean... kiss me, Finn. [Normal voice, whispering] Am I doing it right, Jake?
[Jake chuckles.]
Finn: NOOOOOOOO!!!
[Iris out]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Ring of Fire" from season 10, which aired on December 17, 2017.

Characters
Sweet P
Tree Trunks
Mr. Pig
Randy
Cookie
Randy's father
Mr. Faidutti
Pirates
Wyatt
King of Ooo
Danny
Music
None
Locations
Tree Trunks' house
Tiny Mammal Kingdom
La Femme Du La Mer
This transcript is complete (needs proofreading)


Transcript

[The episode opens outside Tree Trunks' house. Sweet P is playing with a tiny toy digger.]
Sweet P: Vroom, vroom! Kshh! Vroom, vroom, vroom!
Tree Trunks: [From inside] Sweet P!
Sweet P: [Gasps]
[Tree Trunks drags a huge pot of porridge through the doorway.]
Tree Trunks: Come and get it, Sweet P.
Sweet P: Oh boy! Breakfast porridge. [He walks over and begins eating.] Mmm. I think I must have the most perfect life in the whole world.
Tree Trunks: Oh, that's lovely.
Sweet P: What about you, Mama? Is your life perfect?
Tree Trunks: Me? [She looks up at the wind blowing through the apple trees, and tears form in her eyes.] Yes, Sweet P. I'm the happiest mama in the whole world.
Sweet P: Oh no, mama! You're sad!
Tree Trunks: No, no, sweetie. That's just something that happens when grown-ups think about their lives for too long.
[The phone begins ringing.]
Mr. Pig: [From inside] Honey, can you get that?
[Tree Trunks enters the kitchen, where everything is spattered with oats and porridge. Mr. Pig is frantically stirring another pot. Tree Trunks goes to take the phone call.]
Mr. Pig: Thanks, sweetie.
Tree Trunks: [Answers phone] Hello?
Randy: [On phone] Tree Trunks? Tree Trunks, it's me, Randy. Wow, it's so great to hear your voice.
Tree Trunks: [Quietly] Randy?
Randy: Forgive me for being so bold, but Tree Trunks, I must see you.
Tree Trunks: I don't think that's a very good idea, Randy.
Randy: Tree Trunks, please!
Tree Trunks: Um, okay, hold on. [She hangs up.]
Mr. Pig: Who was that, sweetie?
Tree Trunks: That was, uh, the school. There's a parent-teacher conference I need to go to.
Mr. Pig: Really? Isn't it my turn this time?
Tree Trunks: No, because, um... it's my turn...?
Mr. Pig: Well, if you say so.
Tree Trunks: Be back soon.
Mr. Pig: [Concerned] Okay. Uh, bye.
[The scene changes. Tree Trunks enters the Tiny Mammal Kingdom and watches a bicyclist pass by.]
Tree Trunks: The future's wild.
[She approaches a diner, where Randy is waiting in a booth. She waves to him through the window, then a flashback begins showing the same diner many years ago. A young Tree Trunks enters the diner and goes to sit with a young Randy.]
Randy: We did it, babe. We finally graduated high school.
Tree Trunks: Yes, Randy, we did.
Cookie: [Clears throat] Tree Trunks, would you sign my yearbook?
Tree Trunks: I sure will, Cookie. Do you want me to sign on my fencing photo, my Homecoming Queen photo, my horseback riding club photo-
Cookie: [Interrupting] Would you sign your swim team photo?
Tree Trunks: Yes. That's my favorite. [She signs the book.]
Randy: When you get done with that kid stuff, let me know. I got grown-up stuff to discuss.
Tree Trunks: I was about to say the same thing to you. [She hands the yearbook back to Cookie with a wink.] Randy, I've decided to take some time for myself and see the world. I'm eighteen and I need adventure, Randy. I need- [She notices Randy is climbing down from his chair.] What?
[Randy drops to one knee and presents a ring.]
Randy: Baby...
Cookie: [Gasps and drops her yearbook.]
Randy: ...let me be your adventure.
Tree Trunks: Okay, why not?
[Flash forward to their wedding day. Randy places a ring on Tree Trunk's front foot.]
Randy's father: Kiss her, son!
[They kiss. Flash forward again. Randy is looking at the wedding photos while he and Tree Trunks are stood on a dock, preparing to depart on their honeymoon.]
Randy: Our wedding photos are here. Just in time for the honeymoon. Babe?
Tree Trunks: [From the far end of the dock] It's over, Randy. I'm a wild child. [She dives into the ocean and begins swimming away into the horizon.] Goodbye.
[The flashback ends, and we return to the present. Tree Trunks and Randy are sat in the diner booth. Tree Trunks is recounting the memories to herself.]
Tree Trunks: "Goodbye, Randy." [Chuckles]
Randy: Okay.
Tree Trunks: Hmm? Oh, Randy, I'm so sorry you went to all this trouble.
Randy: Huh?
Tree Trunks: I mean, I'm flattered, but I have a family now and I can't run away with you.
Randy: That... Tree Trunks, that's not why I asked you here.
Tree Trunks: It's not?
Randy: No. I just wanted to ask you for my grandmother's ring back.
Tree Trunks: Oh.
Randy: I'm going to propose to my girlfriend this weekend. I've got the chocolates, and the flowers, but I need that ring.
Tree Trunks: Well, I'm sorry, but I threw that ring down a bottomless pit.
Randy: Oh no!
Tree Trunks: No, wait, that's not right. I used that ring to propose to my second husband, Danny.
Randy: Oh, no.
Tree Trunks: [Sensually] Oh, Danny.
[Another flashback begins. A younger Tree Trunks is sat on the deck of La Femme Du La Mer. She has an eyepatch.]
Tree Trunks: [Narrating] At sea, I made a new life for myself.
Tree Trunks: Mr. Faidutti.
Mr. Faidutti: Yes, Captain Tree Trunks.
Tree Trunks: Mr. Faidutti, pick up that mop, you bug.
[Mr. Faidutti turns around and bends over to pick up the mop.]
Tree Trunks: [Looking at his butt] Mm hmm.
Crew member: Captain Tree Trunks, we're approaching a ship off the port bow!
Tree Trunks: Good. [She goes to look.] Drown all but the tightest men.
Danny: [Shouting up from a small sailboat] No!
Tree Trunks: Impudence.
Danny: I beg of you, madam, while I am tight, my brother is not, and yet I love him.
Tree Trunks: Hmm.
Danny: My name is Daniel Prince and this is my brother, Peanut. Please look into your heart and pity him, for though our family is quite wealthy, he has had a difficult life. [Subtly loosening his shirt] You are a very beautiful elephant, but I fear your bandit ways have made you hard.
Tree Trunks: [Narrating] He was right. I left my post that very day so that I could spend the rest of my life with Danny.
[Tree Trunks is seen throwing her cutlass at Mr. Faidutti's feet and departing La Femme Du La Mer in Danny's sailboat. She and Danny make out enthusiastically while "Peanut" sits beside them. The scene changes to a small island, where Tree Trunks places the ring on Danny's front foot.]
Tree Trunks: [Narrating] That evening, we were wed.
"Peanut": [Mumbling incoherently, acting as the wedding's officiator. His eye falls out.]
Tree Trunks: Peanut?
Danny: [Distracting her] Kiss my mouth, baby!
Tree Trunks: Yeah!
[They begin making out again. The scene changes to night. Tree Trunks and Danny are lying in a tent on the island. Danny is asleep. "Peanut" is still outside.]
Tree Trunks: [Narrating] My joy, however, would be short-lived. Was Danny smooth? Yes. [She leaves the tent.] Was Danny tight? Yes. [She approaches "Peanut".] But was he a liar? Yes, yes, yes! [She tugs at "Peanut", revealing that he is actually two crew members in disguise.]
Crew members: Ah! [Scuttling up a tree] Woop woop woop woop woop.
Tree Trunks: [Narrating] A liar in cahoots with Mr. Faidutti to get me away from my ship.
[She is seen departing the island without Danny and the crew members.]
Tree Trunks: [Narrating] I marooned Danny, and I kaboomed Mr. Faidutti.
[A violent explosion obliterates La Femme Du La Mer. Tree Trunks is seen sailing away with the wedding ring.]
Tree Trunks: No more tight men.
[The flashback ends, and the scene returns to the diner.]
Tree Trunks: That Danny was really, really, really something.
Randy: Okay, I get it. But what about the ring? What happened next?
Tree Trunks: I savvily invested my pirate treasure and became a powerful shipping magnate.
[Another flashback begins. Tree Trunks is sat in a luxurious office, overlooking the ocean as cargo ships come and go. There is a knock on the door. Tree Trunks puts in a glass eye and turns to face the door.]
Tree Trunks: Come in.
[Wyatt enters with a bouquet of roses.]
Wyatt: Uh, I'm Wyatt, your new secretary. These flowers are from "Robot Body Moe".
Tree Trunks: Oh, again? Throw those in the trash.
Wyatt: Okay, ma'am. [He approaches the trashcan and begins trying to stuff the flowers in head-first.] They're a little - a little big. Oh, boy.
Tree Trunks: The other way, like a vase.
[Wyatt groans and begins crying, unable to figure out how to get the flowers into the trashcan. He gives up and curls into a ball on the floor, sobbing. Tree Trunks watches him, displaying no emotion.]
Tree Trunks: [Narrating] He melted my heart.
[Flash forward to yet another wedding. Wyatt and Tree Trunks exchange rings.]
Wyatt: Hey-hey!
[King of Ooo, who is officiating the wedding, leans down and shoves them together so that they awkwardly kiss.]
King of Ooo: Somebody kiss me now!
Tree Trunks: [Narrating] I sold the company and gave all my money to the King of Ooo.
[Flash forward. Tree Trunks and Wyatt are on the beach together.]
Tree Trunks: Swim with me, Wyatt, you sweet boy. [She strips naked.]
Wyatt: Oh, uh-
Tree Trunks: [Laughs] I'm never wearing clothes again! [She runs into the waves.]
Wyatt: I, uh, might keep my shirt on.
Tree Trunks: [Narrating] I thought Glob had told me, "Here's someone who needs your love." But what he really must've said was, "Go suck an egg, Tree Trunks."
[Flash forward. Tree Trunks and Wyatt are in Tree Trunks' current house in the apple orchard. Wyatt reaches for a slice of apple pie but Tree Trunks pulls it away.]
Tree Trunks: No more pie.
Wyatt: But that's my pie.
Tree Trunks: You're draining my life away.
Wyatt: [Yelling anxiously] Take care of me!
Tree Trunks: No. You've emptied me of my joie de vivre.
Wyatt: [Whinging, hitting himself, crying] I've got the ring! If I don't give it back, it means we're still in love! [He exits the house.] I'm throwing it in a bottomless pit!
[Flashback ends. Once more, the scene is back in the diner.]
Randy: Wyatt threw my ring in a pit?
Tree Trunks: Yeah, sorry about that. Uh- huh?
[A ceiling tile gives way and Mr. Pig comes crashing down onto the table with a scream. He hits his head and falls to the floor, groaning.]
Tree Trunks: Mr. Pig, what are you doing here?
Mr. Pig: I followed you because I was afraid that - And now I see you-
Tree Trunks: Oh, no.
Randy: I just wanted my grandma's ring back.
Tree Trunks: And I just didn't want you to worry over nothing.
Mr. Pig: R-Really? Oh, geez.
Wyatt: There you are! [He emerges from a vent.] How could you, Tree Trunks?
Tree Trunks: Wyatt? You've been following me?
Wyatt: You wish, babe. I've been following him [points at Randy] to you! But if Tree Trunks is gonna be stepping out on her man with one of her exes, it's gonna be me! [He tries to tackle Randy but slips on a piece of ceiling tile and falls to the ground, groaning.] Tree Trunks, help me. I need you.
Randy: [Spots the ring hanging on a string around Wyatt's neck.] My ring! Just give me...
[Randy pulls the ring out of Wyatt's grasp.]
Wyatt: My suck-suck ring.
Randy: Aha! Gotcha! [He exits, laughing gleefully.]
Mr. Pig: Um, I'm sorry I didn't trust you. I just know you've had a lot of adventures in the past and things are kind of boring now.
Tree Trunks: It's true. I sometimes miss those wild times, but back then, I couldn't even tell the difference between a good adventure and a bad one. I was just a leaf in the wind, blown about by my whims. But now I'm on solid ground. You and Sweet P are my - uh-
Mr. Pig: Your greatest adventure?
Tree Trunks: Yeah.
[Danny enters.]
Danny: Whoa, what the..? Is that Wyatt? Tree Trunks?
[Tree Trunks and Mr. Pig kiss.]
Danny: What the heck is going on in here?


Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Root Beer Guy" from season 5, which aired on December 2, 2013.

Characters
Root Beer Guy
Finn
Jake
Cherry Cream Soda
Princess Bubblegum
Banana Guards
Buck Pudding
Music
None
Locations
Candy Kingdom
Lake Butterscotch
Root Beer Guy's workplace
This transcript is complete, only minor edits are needed.

Transcript

[Finn and Jake are tickling an ogre's cheeks.]
Finn: Tickle, tickle, tickle.
Jake: Wakey, wakey, wake.
[Candy People murmur worryingly.]
[Finn tickles the ogre's nose, and he starts laughing, causing candy people to come out of his mouth. Then the Candy People start cheering.]
Root Beer Guy: Wow, that was really something.
[Root Beer Guy uses his card to get in his workplace then he looks back to see Finn & Jake chasing the ogre with swords.]
Root Beer Guy: Really something.
[Root Beer Guy enters his workplace.]
Root Beer Guy: Sure, I'll hold. Hello? I'd like to take a few minutes of your time to tell you about an amazing vitamin supplement. But first, just let me ask you: do you ever feel that no matter what you eat, you're still tired and sluggish and... filled with nagging anxiety and doubt... and...?
[Root Beer Guy's boss snaps his finger at Root Beer Guy]
Root Beer Guy's boss: Root Beer guy, get your head back in the game!
Root Beer Guy: Hello, ma'am, I'd like to take a few minutes of your time... hello?
Chocolate Bar: What we need is to cut out the middle man.
Gumdrop Guy: Hey, Root Beer Guy
Root Beer Guy: Hey.
Gumdrop Guy: Dude, we should start our own place.
[Root Beer Guy is walking in the train station. He opens a comic book in the train.]
Princess Bubblegum: Next stop, Lollipop Park Estates.
[Root Beer guy walks down the street and appears in the house eating.]
Root Beer Guy: This is good. What is this?
Cherry Cream Soda: Candy...
[In the bedroom]
Cherry Cream Soda: [yawns] I've got a closing argument tomorrow, Root Beer Guy.
[Root Beer Guy closes his book and places it to the side and switches off the night light. He gets off the bed and takes out a typewriter. He then brings the typewriter to the kitchen]
Root Beer Guy: I knew there was trouble. I could smell it on the hot evening breeze. Fortunately for me, trouble is my favorite thing because I'm Joe Milkshake. I kicked down the door with one swift, decisive motion... No... With one swift and decisive motion, I kicked down the door... No... The door was kicked down by me swiftly with not many motions, but a whole lot of decisiveness was used by me that was apparent to everybody... oh.
[His cat points at the door to Root Beer Guy. Root Beer Guy opens the door and hears a scream.]
Princess Bubblegum: What are you doing? Let me go! No!
[Finn throws Princess Bubblegum into a chest and Jake closes it and they both high-five each other.]
Finn & Jake: Yeah.
[Jake changes shape to a truck and Finn places the chest at the boot. Finn gets into the truck and they drive away. Root Beer Guy rubs his eyes and goes back to bed.]
Root Beer Guy: Hey, hey, are you awake?
Cherry Cream Soda: Not really.
Root Beer Guy: Well, this is going to sound crazy, but I think I saw Princess Bubblegum get kidnapped and the perpetrators were that Finn and Jake!
Cherry Cream Soda: Okay, sweetie, that sounds like an interesting dream.
[Cherry Cream Soda goes back to sleep.]
Root Beer Guy: But it did happen.
Cherry Cream Soda: You need to eat something before you go to work. And you can't keep falling asleep at your typewriter; it's bad for your back. Besides, I miss you at night.
Root Beer Guy: I'm sorry, sweetie. I couldn't stop thinking about that weird stuff I saw last night when I was peeking through the bushes.
Cherry Cream Soda: Peeking through the bushes?! You've been warping your mind with all this mystery stuff. I swear, sometimes I think you love that novel of yours more than you love me. You've been working on it every night for ten years and for WHAT? Look at me, Root Beer Guy. I'm a Cherry Cream Soda and I have the same needs as any other Cherry Cream Soda! Or even diet cream soda.
Root Beer Guy: I didn't know what to say, but Joe Milkshake never was a talky guy. On my way to work that morning, I decided to take a second look at the crime scene.
[Root Beer Guy looks up at the 'BG CCTV' sign and then looks up at the CCTV. He walks towards a pit with a 'Lake Butterscotch' matchbook and picks it up. He then hears voices of his boss and then the scene moves back to his workplace.]
Boss: Root Beer Guy. Root Beer Guy. Root Beer Guy, how many bottles of products you've sold this month?
Root Beer Guy: Zero?
Boss: Great, you can count to zero.
Root Beer Guy: You know, maybe if you give me the new lead...
Boss: Hmph, you haven't earned the new leads.
[As the boss walks away, Root Beer Guy turns his head to see Finn and Jake at the window. He runs out of the workplace.]
Chocolate Bar: It's easier to do it when you have all the leads.
Gumdrop Guy: Exactly.
Chocolate Bar: Hey, Root Beer Guy.
Gumdrop Guy: It's all about the leads.
Finn: See? I told you, it's candy stucco. Stucco feels great.
Jake: Mmm, when you're right you're right.
Root Beer Guy: Alright, you two, what were you doing last night with Princess Bubblegum?
Jake: Um, we were at home last night.
Finn: Yeah, we were doing that... thing.
Jake: That was a great thing we were doing at home with no other witnesses.
Finn: But we're each other's witnesses.
Finn & Jake: Yeah! [high five]
Root Beer Guy: But I saw you.
Finn: [hushed] Look, man, you didn't see nothing.
[Finn and Jake walk away and Root Beer Guy follows them but stops at Captain Banana Guard]
Root Beer Guy: Mr. Banana Guard, you gotta arrest those guys. Come on!
[Root Beer Guy pulls Captain Banana Guard from the stand he was standing on and other Banana Guards follow them.]
Root Beer Guy: These are the guys, they're kidnappers. You have to arrest them and find out how they're hiding Princess Bubblegum.
Jake: Princess Bubblegum? She's right around the corner. Oh princess Bubblegum! [tries to imitate her] Yes? [normal voice] I think some banana guards want to speak with you.
[Jake comes out with his body creating a "Princess Bubblegum"]
"Princess Bubblegum": Where are those Banana Guards?
Banana Guards: Your highness. Greetings, your majesty.
Banana Guard: Your skin is looking lovely today.
"Princess Bubblegum" really orange!
"Princess Bubblegum": I'm using this marmalade spray-on tan...
[Root Beer Guy looks at the BGCCTV surveillance depot.]
Root Beer Guy: Bingo bango. This was my lucky break.
[Root Beer Guy tries to open the door but is unable to.]
Root Beer Guy: With one decisive motion, I kicked down the door.
Root Beer Guy: [Root Beer Guy kicks down the door, and a Banana Guard turns around to follow him.]
"Princess Bubblegum": So... being tan is my thing now...
Root Beer Guy: Quickly, I scanned the room for the... oh man. Caramel Court, Cotton Candy Prison, Lollipop Park Estates! Bingo ban...
[Banana Guard opens the door]
Banana Guard: Aha! Huh?

{{L|[Banana Guard looks around to find no one there.]} }

Banana Guard: Umph.
[Banana Guard walks away.]
Root Beer Guy: Bingo bango.
[Root Beer Guy was seen shaped like the other tapes. He goes back to the house with the tape.]
Cherry Cream Soda: Bonsoir, monsieur (Good evening, sir). Would you like me to turn down ze bed?
Root Beer Guy: Um, look what I got! This security tape will show that Finn and Jake kidnapped Princess Bubblegum.
Cherry Cream Soda: Finn and Jake would never do that!
Root Beer Guy: Oh, yeah? Prepare to have your mind blown! After I put this tape in the VCR just to make sure I got the right one. I'm pretty sure I did!
[Root Beer Guy puts the tape in the VCR and Cherry Cream Soda is seen calling someone right after.]
Root Beer Guy: Hey, yes, this is it! Bingo bango! I've gotta get to the... Are you in the tub, sweetie? I'm going out! I've gotta get this tape to the Banana Guards or the newspaper or maybe the DA or something!
[Root Beer Guy puts on his suit and carries his suitcase and opens the door to find Finn and Jake.]
Jake: Hey, Root Beer Guy.
Root Beer Guy: [Jake takes the tape away.]
Jake: You were not supposed to view this tape.
Root Beer Guy: But... but... how did you guys know?
Cherry Cream Soda: I told them. That's right, I did it for us. Oh, this thing is eating you alive, Root Beer Guy!
Root Beer Guy: But it's all I've got!
[Cherry Cream Soda sobs and runs to the other room, Root Beer Guy tries to follow her but Jake stops him.]
Jake: Hey, this looks kinda personal.
[Finn and Jake leaves and Root Beer Guy follows them again and walks into the Pudding's Hardware]
Root Beer Guy: Mr. Pudding.
Buck Pudding: Oh, you can just call me Buck.
Root Beer Guy: Oh, Buck, those.
Buck Pudding: No need to be formal here, son.
Root Beer Guy: T-those guys were just in here, can you tell me what they bought?
Buck Pudding: Well, let's see. A shovel, a saw, some plastic bags, some duct tape, a bludgeon, a mop, rubber glove.
Root Beer Guy: Say, Mister Buck, do you know anything about this Lake Butterscotch?
Buck Pudding: A right nice spot, Lake Butterscotch. Miles from where anyone can hear a person scream... if a person was screaming for some reason. Creepy now that I think about it. Nothing up there these days but some abandoned caverns. Nice place to hide a body if you're into that sort of thing.
[Root Beer Guy runs to his truck]
Buck Pudding: Son, now what are you doin' in my pickup truck?
[Root Beer Guy drives to the Lake Butterscotch. He stops his truck at spots Finn and Jake on a boat with Princess Bubblegum. He looks at the telephone. The Banana Guards at the BGCCTV Surveillance Depot pick up the call.]
Banana Guard: Yeah?
Root Beer Guy: Don't hang up! Uh, I'm Root Beer Guy. I'm the guy who kidnapped Princess Bubblegum! Yeah, yeah, wrapped her in a carpet, yeah, and I'm gonna dump her in Lake Butterscotch! I'm completely insane, ahahahaha, but you still have time to stop me. Get up to Lake Butterscotch right now, Banana Guard...
[The Banana Guard does not respond.]
Root Beer Guy: Uh... and I took a boat out after 8 o' clock.
[Banana Guard drops phone.]
Banana Guard: Emergency! Quickly, Lake Butterscotch!
[Banana Guards run out making siren-like noises and head to Lake Butterscotch]
Banana Guard: Use the licorice lace lasso!
[A Banana Guard throws a rope around Root Beer Guy, pulling Root Beer Guy as Finn dumps Princess Bubblegum into the water.]
Root Beer Guy: Oh, my word. Get those guys. They're my accomplices.
Banana Guard: Oh, okay.
Another Banana Guard: I got it!
[Banana Guard throws rope at the boat where Finn and Jake are on while the other Banana Guard handcuffs Root Beer Guy.]
Banana Guard: Busted, you boat crimer.
[The other banana guard pulls the boat closer from the fog, revealing Finn and Jake]
Banana Guard: Finn and Jake?
Finn: Well, guys. It looks like you caught us.
[Finn pulls out a telephone from his backpack.]
Finn: Okay, Princess, you can come out now.
[Princess Bubblegum gets out of the lake.]
Root Beer Guy: Princess!
[Princess Bubblegum takes out her breathing tube.]
Banana Guard: Uh, yeah, it is the princess!
[Princess Bubblegum takes out the gas tank and mat, clears throat and throws confetti.]
Princess Bubblegum: Congratulations. Whee! Whee! You were so good at solving the case.
Banana Guard: Um... what case?
Princess Bubblegum: The fake kidnapping! To test the Candy Kingdom security system.
Banana Guard: We didn't solve that case.
Princess Bubblegum: But if you weren't following the clues I left, who was?
Banana Guard: Um, Root Beer Guy!
Princess Bubblegum: Then why the jumping jay is he in handcuffs?!
[All the Banana Guards begin to murmur and Princess Bubblegum frowns. The scene moves to Root Beer Guy's house. Root Beer Guy is putting on his tie while singing a little tune and Cherry Cream Soda kisses him.]
Cherry Cream Soda: That was a great night , baby.
Root Beer Guy: We haven't danced like that in years!
[Root Beer Guy puts on his police hat.]
Cherry Cream Soda: I'm so proud of you, Mr. Captain of the Banana Guards.
[Root Beer Guy opens the door, letting his cat and Cherry Cream Soda and they both hold hands as they walk away. The camera moves to Root Beer Guy's typewriter in the trashcan.]
[The episode ends.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Sad Face" from season 6, which aired on May 12, 2014.

Characters
Blue Nose (Jake's tail)
Ringmaster
Goralina
Music
None
Locations
Tree Fort
Bug circus
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[In the Tree Fort, BMO and Neptr are watching Finn and Jake sleep.]
Neptr: BMO, when is something going to happen?
BMO: Shh. Just watch. It happens once a month—I promise.
Jake: [yawns]
[His tail twitches.]
BMO: [pointing] This is it!
[Jake's tail starts stretching.]
Neptr: Oooooh.
[BMO beckons Neptr, and they follow the tail downstairs. The tail stretches over to the couch, where it takes a hat out from between the cushions and puts it on. It then stretches over to the kitchen table and prepares a bindle of various fruits and nuts. The tail stretches to the front door, opens it, and leaves the fort.]
Neptr: But where does it go?
BMO: That's none of our business.
[The tail continues stretching over hills, under a horse, into a forest, and past the entrance of a circus.]
Bug: Tickets! Get your tickets here! See the world's greatest tiny circus! Witness the amazing wood-eating termite! The mighty strong-ant!
[At the back of the circus, the ringmaster confronts Jake's tail.]
Ringmaster: You're late, Blue Nose! Get into makeup!
[Jake's tail stretches into his trailer. Meanwhile, inside the big top, a blindfolded praying mantis throws a sharp projectile at a target, against which leans a female bug. The projectile hits the target, and the audience oohs and aahs. The mantis throws another one and narrowly misses the bug, which elicits gasps and applause from the audience.]
[Inside Blue Nose's trailer, Jake's tail puts on makeup, comprising a blue nose and a sad mouth.]
[Back in the tent, the band gives a drum roll and the audience gasps. The Snail, wearing a swim cap, does a flip off the top of a staircase into a bucket of water.]
Audience: [cheers and applauds]
[The Snail exits, and a record starts playing some melancholy music. Blue Nose enters the arena pushing a cart of oranges. He picks up an orange and sets it back down, but it rolls off and lands on the ground. Blue Nose shakes his head and rolls the orange away. He then notices a bee puppet sleeping in the pile of oranges. Blue Nose wakes it up and helps it down. It bows, and Blue Nose does the same. It starts dancing, and Blue Nose joins in. After bowing to each other again, the puppet suddenly places its hands over its heart and falls down. A spotlight shines on the puppet, and it is hoisted up to the ceiling. Blue Nose dances for a bit but ends up staring at the ground.]
Audience member: [laughs mockingly]
Audience: [boos and hisses]
Male audience member: You stink!
Young girl in audience: [cries]
[The audience throws various trash and food at Blue Nose, who leaves the arena.]
Ringmaster: [to Blue Nose] Too much artsy, not enough fartsy. We talked about this, clown! [to audience] Heh-heh, wasn't that something? Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, you're perfectly safe. But at this time, I'd like to ask anyone with a medical condition to please leave the premises at once. What you're about to witness with your own eyes may shock and astound you to your very core.
[An audience member takes a sip of bug milk.]
Ringmaster: Tonight, I give you the wildest, most dangerous beast anywhere in captivity! The horrible, the stupendous... [cracks whip] Goralina!
[The audience gasps as a shackled chipmunk is brought to the center of the arena. Blue Nose turns around to watch. The ringmaster cracks his whip, and a member of the audience throws its bug milk at Goralina, giving her a black eye. She growls, and the ringmaster continues cracking his whip. Goralina roars and breaks her handcuffs, drags the bugs holding her restraints on their backs, and slaps two more bugs with her tail.]
Ringmaster: [cracking whip] [laughs] Attagirl!
[Goralina picks up the ringmaster and throws him at the audience. She then grabs a handful of screaming audience members and stuffs them into her mouth.]
Dad bug: [to son] Don't worry, Junior. It's all part of the act.
[The audience continues screaming as Blue Nose wheels a flight of stairs up to Goralina and climbs them. He nods to the band, which starts playing some slow music. Blue Nose starts wiggling back and forth like a kind of inverse snake charmer. Goralina gets hypnotized and starts swaying back and forth, along with the audience. The blindfolded mantis runs in and throws a tranquilizing projectile into her tail. Goralina continues swaying for a bit, but she soon closes her eyes, falls with a thud, and spits out the audience members. Blue Nose rests on the staircase as the scene transitions with an iris wipe.]
[The scene changes to the ringmaster trying to fit a 5¢ coin into a safe. Blue Nose knocks on the door.]
Ringmaster: Blue Nose! Boy, am I glad to see you. Come in, come in! Sit down. You did good out there tonight with the belly-dancing routine. Real good. Aw, don't give me that look. I know we said we were going to let the chipmunk go at the end of last season, but Goralina is our big draw. You understand that.
[Blue Nose remains motionless.]
Ringmaster: We're barely breaking even here—what do you want from me?! Look, there's another show in an hour. You come up with an act that can rival Goralina, then we can talk. But look what she got us last night: three whole pennies. Think you can make me this kind of cash? You do that, I won't need the chipmunk anymore. I'll let her go, just like I promised. But you're gonna have to lose the fancy-schmancy stuff and [pounds table] give the people what they want! Get it?!
[The door creaks shut offscreen. Blue Nose visits Goralina in her cage and removes a sign saying "DO NOT FEED THE MONSTER." He takes off his hat and offers the fruits and nuts inside to the chipmunk, who eats them hungrily. On his way back to the tent, he overturns the cart of oranges and bee puppet. Outside the tent, he opens a chest marked "BLUE NOSE" and glances at the whoopee cushion and spritzer inside.]
[The scene changes to inside the tent, where the band is playing some lively music. Blue Nose enters the arena, and the band stops playing. Blue Nose cranks the record player, and the same melancholy music starts playing. The ringmaster slaps himself in disappointment. Blue Nose then sits on a chair with a cushion, triggering the whoopee cushion underneath it.]
Audience: [laughs]
Ringmaster: [pleased] The old Blue Nose magic.
[He tosses the whoopee cushion aside and sits back down, but the chair suddenly breaks apart.]
Audience: [laughs]
[Blue Nose goes over to a table, picks up a cup, and taps the spritzer, which sprays him in the face. He shudders and taps the spritzer again. He picks it up and sits on it, causing it to spray everywhere.]
Audience: [laughs]
Dad bug: [to son] Aren't you glad we came back for the second show?
[Blue Nose then goes back to the record player and starts scratching it and dancing. He stops, stares at it, and goes offscreen. He returns with a stick, with which he smashes the player and shatters the record.]
Audience: [laughs, cheers, and applauds] [throws pennies into the arena]
[Blue Nose shakes his head disapprovingly, then leaves the arena.]
Ringmaster: Oho! You were great, kid! That's what I'm talking about. With you and the chipmunk in the show, we're gonna have a real one-two punch!
[Blue Nose shakes with fury and gets up in the ringmaster's face.]
Ringmaster: Hey... I know what I said, but I want to see how many boxcars this gravy train has on it.
[Goralina is brought in.]
Ringmaster: Look at her. It's like looking at a big, sad dollar sign.
[Blue Nose shakes angrily and picks up the ringmaster's whip.]
Ringmaster: [gasps]
[Blue Nose cracks it at the ringmaster.]
Ringmaster: Yipe!
Audience: [laughs, cheers, applauds]
[Blue Nose chases the ringmaster around the arena with the whip, cracking it intermittently.]
Ringmaster: Whoa-ho!
Strongman: [laughs] [sees Blues Nose coming for him] Oh!
[Blue Nose wraps around the strongman, turns him upside down, and repeatedly hits his head on the ground.]
Audience: [laughs]
[Blue Nose motions for Goralina to join him. The chipmunk nods, breaks its shackles, and runs out of the tent with Blue Nose. The ringmaster and strongman follow them outside, where the strongman grabs Blue Nose's body and starts yanking him back.]
Ringmaster: That's right. Lift with your legs first, then put your back into it.
[They reach Blue Nose's head.]
Ringmaster: There he is. Gotcha! Thought you could skip out, eh? and start your own circus!
Strongman: Yeah, you! You and your corny clown hat! [takes off Blue Nose's hat and rubs it in his face, turning the frown upside down]
Other performer: Hey, he's smiling! [slaps Blue Nose]
Strongman: [slaps him] What's so funny?
Other performer: You rat! [slaps him]
Strongman: [slaps him] You creep! What's the big joke?
[Suddenly, dawn breaks, and a ray of sunlight hits Blue Nose. He twitches, then starts moving backwards into the tent, through the arena, and back through the audience.]
Audience: [gasps and murmurs]
[Blue Nose passes his chest of supplies, Goralina's cage, the ringmaster's trailer, the circus arena again, his trailer, and the circus entrance. On his way back, he spots Goralina hugging a squirrel. He leaves the forest, goes back under the horse, over a hill, into the Tree Fort, past the kitchen table and couch, and up the stairs. When the tail reaches Jake, he flips and wakes up. He reaches behind him and finds Blue Nose's tiny hat, which he tosses aside. He reaches behind him again and gets Blue Nose's makeup on his hand, which he sniffs and licks. Finn, watching this, sets down his drink.]
BMO: [laughs]
Neptr: Ha ha! Neat!
[They turn to look at Blue Nose's hat, and the episode ends.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Scamps" from season 7, which aired on January 21, 2016.

Characters
Marshmallow Kids
Finn
Jake
Starchy
Princess Bubblegum
Music
None
Locations
Candy Kingdom
This transcript is incomplete.


Transcript

[ laughter ]

[ splat! ]

Gary: hey, johnny.Look at this.

It's the notorious poop gang

Making a big mess all overour five‐way intersection.

Your five‐wayintersection?

This isour five‐way intersection.

No, no.It's theirs.

Ours is, like,way over there.

Well, if they want it,they can take it.

You hear that, boys?Fire us up, hugo.

Uh...

Yeah, well,whatever, marshmallow kids.

Okay, you guys, let's getthis over to the orphanage

For their charity jam sale.

Bless you,marshmallow kids.

Always keepingthe bad elements at bay.

Hey, tommy, is it okayif me and the boys

Set up a small card tableoutside the tavern?

We're thinking aboutplaying some games.

Games?I like games.

[ chuckles ] sure, tommy.Who doesn't?

[ both laugh ]

[ both chuckle ]

[ chuckling continues ]

That one.You win again!

‐yeah!‐yeah, all right!

Hmm?This guyjust won five times in a row!

Johnny: huh.Quickest 100 bucks I ever made!

Golly.Gary: okay, same as before.Let's do it some more.

The way to make moneyis to point...

To the shell with the pea.Gee.

Huh! I know!

How much can I wager?

As much as you've got.

And they laugh at me

For carrying my life savingsin my pocket...

That one.

Ooh!

There we go.Banana guards, move out!

Let's roll.

Wee‐ooh! Wee‐ooh!Wee‐ooh! Wee‐ooh!

Wee‐ooh! Wee ‐‐where'd they go?

Jake!They're in tunnel four!

[ tires screeching ]

Yeah!

Banana guardsain't never gonna get us.

End of the line,marshmallow kids.

‐aw!‐aw!

Okay, jake.Scare 'em straight.

Jake: that's right.I used to be like you kids ‐‐

Making 20 bucks a day,feeling like a king.

Uh, we make500 bucks a day.

500 bucks?!

Wow.That's a lot.

500 bucks... A day.

Okay, jake.Why don't you take off?

I think I got this.

Wow. 500 bucks.

Wow.

Sorry, guys, but I got to takey'all in for baby booking.

‐aw, man! Not again!‐oh! Come on!

Eh, forget it, fellas.

Finn doesn't know what it's liketo grow up on the streets.

He lives in a tree.

‐whoa!‐no way!

We've never evenseen a tree.

That can't be true.

There's a treeright over there.

That's a tree?

It's beautiful!

Us street kids sureare learning a lot from you.

More than we'd ever learn frombaby booking, that's for sure.

Hmm.

Hey, peebs, I think all thesescamps need is a nature walk.

Sounds good, finn.I trust you.

Gary: ha ha!All right!

You hear that, gang?

Finn's taking usout of the city!

‐yay!‐yeah, yay!

[ all cheering ]

Look atall these bugs.

Just likein my mom's kitchen.

Look at me!I'm a rock climber!I'm flying!

If you guys thinkthis biz is cool,

Check outthis other biz.

See this fallen tree?

Jake and I laid itover this river last summer,

And we call it"Shortcut bridge."

Check it.

‐wow!‐ooh!

‐so cool!‐wow!

Pretty cool, huh?

Now you guys!

Okay!

Yeah!That's it, gary!

Guys, cheer him on!

Yay!

Together: [ chanting ]gary! Gary! Gary! Gary!

A river.

Boy, wait tilli tell the fellas.

Hey, fellas.What are you doing there?

Trying to build a[gasps]

[ squirrel chatters ]aw, what?!

I went out on a limbfor you guys.

What's a limb?

A limbis like a branch on a ‐‐

[ laughs ]this guy.

How'd we do, boys?

We madeabout 42 nuts.

[ laughing ]holy cats.

These forest folksare some grade‐a rubes.

Easy pickings,I tell you.

Sucker city!

Finn:hey, you guys tricked me.

[ laughter ]

Hey, wait!

[ brring! Brring! Brring!Brring! Brring! ]

Hey, finn, just wanted to seehow the nature walk is going.

Uh...

You know,those marshmallow kids

Remind me of youwhen you were a young lad.

Uh...

I'm glad you're helping themget on the right path.

Thanks.Okay, got to run.

I'll assumeeverything's great

Because if it wasn't, you wouldhave said something. Bye.

[ sighs ]

[ laughter ]

You lied to her.

You're worsethan us.

No, you guys.He's better than us.

‐huh?‐huh?

He just pulled one overon the princess.

But he's a dope!

Nah.Don't you get it?

He's just pretendingto be a dope,

But deep down,he's a grifter like us.

What?

See?Look at him right now.

He's all, "Who ‐‐ me?"Ha.

We could learn a lotfrom him.

Teach useverything you know, finn.

I guess that works.

We have to keep warmin the woods,

So we're gonna builda fire.

So, you take a minimumof two sticks,

And you rub them together.

‐huh?‐huh?

Um, okay.

You need to scama couple of sticks.

You can usually spotyour average dimwitted sticks

Around these tree dummies.

You trick them into a bundlelike so.

You grab two...Marks

And defraud theminto rubbing together.

You flimflam your breathonto the sticks.

[ blowing ]

You bamboozlethese flaming idiot sticks

Onto the other marks.

And all of themwill catch on fire...

‐whoa!‐whoa!

These sticksare stone‐cold dopes.

[ laughter ]

[ thunder rumbles ]

Looks like the cloudsare gonna drop a dime on us.

So I'll show youse guyshow to build a shelter.

‐build?‐build?

Yeah. You can always scamnature into being a shelter.

You finda couple more branch rubes.

You misleadthe longest branch

To lay horizontalbetween two blockhead trees.

Then you double‐crosssome leafy boughs

Into leaningagainst each other.

Bam!You got a roof.

[ laughter ]

You like how I did that?

You got to bereal conniving.

Stick with me, boys.

I'll teach youall the forest hustles.

When you get hungry, you sneakup to a "Boosh," and wham!

You hoax the berries.

Heh!Food for nothing!

These bushesare some easy marks, fellas.

Good thingwe scammed a fire.Yeah.

This open air would havehoodwinked our body temperature.

Toss me someof those sweet bloobies, gary.

Hup![ sighs ]

I got to geta picture of this.

Wish I had a camera.

I'll just tryto remember it good.

And...

Perfect.

Caramel quicksand!

Mallow kids, help!I'm sinking!

Say, what kind of scamis this?

Aah! It's no scam!I'm really sinking!

Oh, wait. Do you want usto scam the quicksand?

Throw me, uh ‐‐scam me a rope!

You fellas seeany fancy ropes around here?

Hey, you! Vine!

Whoops.

Hey,I barely touched him.

Heck, I knowi'd rather be a rope

Than a boring old vine.

Gary: yeah, you want to bea dumb plant your whole life?

I'm sinking, dagnabit!

How are we gonna scamthis vine

Into being thrownover to finn?

Just yank it down!

[ bubbling ]

Yank it down?What does that mean?

Hey, fellas,you know what always works?

Pea, pea.Where's the pea?Gee.

I don't likethe looks of this.

We haveto go old school.

‐no way, man.‐no way, man.

We promised ourselvesnever to go old school

Unless thingsgot serious.

Things have gotten serious.

Maybe this vine needsa sandwich packed with a slap!

How doesmy slap sandwich taste?

You're a ropefrom now on, see?

[ all grunting ]

‐you want some more?‐how does this feel?

You need some moreof this?

[ plonk! ]aw, geez.We killed him.

[ gasps ]

‐yay!‐yay!

Together: [ chanting ]finn! Finn! Finn!

Thanks,marshmallow kids.

I thoughti was going to sink forever.

But we failed your test,mr. Finn.

We couldn't scam this guyinto being a rope.

We had to resortto low violence.

Together: we ain't worthyto be your students.

You can't use scams to savesomebody from quicksand.

You kids weren't scamming sticksor branches or anything.

You've been campingthe whole time.

‐no scam?!‐no scam?!

Wow. You scammed us intothinking we were scamming.

You scammed us good.You're our hero.

Nothing was a scam.

[ sarcastically ]yeah, right.

No scam!No scam!

[ sighs ]I give up.

So, finn, how arethe marshmallow kids doing?

Eh?

[ gasps ]

Fellas!

I'm scamming these numbers

Into subtracting themselvesfrom each other.

Ha ha. Suckers.

We're scamming this globe intoteaching us about geography.

I had to get kind of roughwith this book,

But now it's putting thoughtsinto my head ‐‐

For nothing!

You dida wonderful job, finn.

Now all we need to dois worry about him.

Same as before.Let's do it some more.

Finn: jake.

Uh...

These gentlemendropped their shells.

Heh. Gah‐ooh...

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Seventeen" from season 10, which aired on December 17, 2017.

Characters
Finn
Green Knight/Fern
Jake
Princess Bubblegum
Marceline
BMO
Starchy
Huntress Wizard
Banana Guards
Gumball Guardian (cameo)
Gumbald
Chicle
Lolly
Ice King
Snail
Music
None
Locations
Candy Kingdom
This transcript is complete, but needs more [Actions].


Transcript

[Episode starts in Candy Kingdom. Scene is set in the evening]
Finn: Birthday boy-e-e-e!
Princess Bubblegum: Enjoying your party?
Finn: It's great having fun with all my friends. Well, some of my friends mostly Banana Guards.
Princess Bubblegum: Yeah, sorry about that. The Candy Kingdom is in full lockdown until I can sort out the rumors about my Uncle Gumbald. He's been gone for years, but we should stay vigilant.
Finn: Don't worry, PB. Now that I'm 17, I'm feelin' ready for anything. Feels like I'm really hitting my stride, y'know?
Marceline: Finn, I want to give you your gift before I forget. It's a harmonica.
Finn: Awesome! [Inhales deeply]
BMO: Finn, I designed an exciting new game for you.
Finn: Show me.
BMO: It's called "Birthday Boyfighter. [Game music plays]
Finn: Looks like another hit.
Starchy: Finn, Starchy didn't get you squat.
Huntress Wizard: I got you a present too. It has emotional and metaphorical significance.
Finn: It's beautifully wrapped. Wonder what it is.
Huntress Wizard: It's an elk's heart.
Finn: Oh, cool. I don't have one of those.
[Thumping]
Finn: What's that sound?
Starchy: It's zombies.
Huntress Wizard: Sounds like hooves.
Starchy: Zombie cows.
[Green Knight busts open the door]
Finn: You're green!
Green Knight: I'm the Green Knight! And before you ask, yes, of course, I brought you a birthday present. It's a battle axe.
Finn: That's some axe. Am I an axe guy though? I've always thought of myself as a sword guy.
Green Knight: But only if you play me a game for it.
Finn: What's the game?
Green Knight: Oh, this game is called "All you have to do is strike me with it, and it is yours."
Finn: Mm? [Inhales deeply] I can't axe some stranger. Wait a minute! Where's Jake? I know what's going on.
Princess Bubblegum: No, I don't think you do.
Finn: Relax, Princess. Jake loves playing birthday pranks on me.
unidentifiable Banana Guard: Yes, of course One of Jake's classic pranks.
Finn: Okay, I'm in.
Green Knight: May your aim be steady.
Finn: [Laughs] Sure thing Jake! [Finn decapitates The Green Knight] I win!
Everyone: [Cheers]
Banana Guards: Yeah, Finn! Yeah, Finn!
Jake: Happy birthday, Finn.
Finn: [Shrieks] Jake! When did you Whose head did I Are you pranking me?
Jake: What? No. My prank is this fake-out gift. Huh?
[Green Knight fixes head back on]
Jake: What's this guy's deal?
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, nuh-uh! Banana guards, surround him! And be on the lookout for anything else strange!
Banana Guards: Hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup! Surrender, please.
[Green Knight extends vine/tentacle like appendages and grabs Banana Guards with them]
Unidentifiable Banana Guard: Princess, is that strange?
Princess Bubblegum: Yes!
Unidentifiable Banana Guard: I did good.
Banana Guards: [Screams as they get thrown around]
Princess Bubblegum: My guards!
Finn: I got this. Raah! [Axe handle turns into an eel and hisses] Eel!
Marceline: [Marceline turns into her beast form] Get him!
Jake: [Shouts] [Groans] Aw.
Huntress Wizard: He might have an invisible shield. But I'm not sure, because it's invisible.
Jake: Owiee. Yes. It's an invisible shield.
Princess Bubblegum: An invisible shield. I've got a device for the dissolution of invisible shields.
[Whirrs, beeps] [Malfunctions]
Princess Bubblegum: Impossible.
Green Knight: [Laughs maniacally] Heh!
Princess Bubblegum: Back off, everyone. He's using some advanced mystery tech.
Green Knight: [Laughs maniacally]
Princess Bubblegum: Okay, let's talk.
Green Knight: [Laughs maniacally] What do you want to talk about?
Princess Bubblegum: Where did you come from? Why are you playing this weird game with Finn?
Green Knight: [Laughs maniacally] [Laughing continues]
Princess Bubblegum: He's playing Mr. Laughing Silent Guy.
Finn: Game's over, bro.
Green Knight: The game isn't over until I strike you.
Finn: Hmm. Let's come up with a better way to settle this, like reasonable late teens.
Green Knight: I'm listening.
Finn: Well, we've got everything set up for party games. How about if I beat you two out of three, you got to answer our questions.
Princess Bubblegum: Psst! Nuh!
Green Knight: And if I win chop, chop.
Finn: Deal.
Princess Bubblegum: Wait, Finn, I think he's plotting something.
Finn: I-It's fine. I'm 17. I'm hittin' my stride.
[Forcefield activates, everyone except Finn and the Green Knight gets swept away]
Finn: Hey, Green Knight, why are they all mimey?
Green Knight: Ah, just to keep things fair.
[Hitting forcefield] [Sighs]
Princess Bubblegum: I don't think he can hear us.
Green Knight: [Laughs ominously]
Finn: Okay, guy. Why don't we start with something basic like balls and coconuts. Hup! Hup! Hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup. Ba-ba-ba-boom! Boom!
Everyone: [CHEERING] Okay, Finn! Yeah, yeah! You got it, Finn! You go, boy!
Finn: [Slow motion] Boooooooom! [Horse Belches] [Slow motion ends] Aw, what? I'll let you have that one, 'cause I'm a big boy today. But let's see you try and beat four out of five, huh?
[Whirring]
Green Knight: How do you like them coconuts?
Finn: [Mutters to himself] I hate them coconuts.
Princess Bubblegum: Something's wrong.
Marceline: Yeah, I swear that looked fake.
Huntress Wizard: It was. I saw it all with my Huntress vision. Finn is totally getting played.
Finn: [Inhales deeply] All right. You got a freaky curveball, man. But can you climb a greasy pole?
Starchy: A greasy pole?! It's hard enough climbing a non-greasy pole!
Finn: Ready?
Green Knight: [Chuckles] Mm-hmm!
Finn: One, two, three, go! [Grunts] Ha, ha! [Panting]
[Green Knight begins slow clapping]
Finn: Huh?
Green Knight: Finn, you climb so good. I guess you win this round.
Princess Bubblegum: Hmm.
BMO: Yay, Finn!
Marceline, Huntress Wizard, BMO And Starchy: Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
Jake: That's right! Yay, yay! Now's our chance, BMO.
BMO: I-Is Finn gonna be okay?
Jake: He's got this. He's 17.
Finn: Who's the ma-a-an? Who's the 17-year-old ma-a-a-an? [Finn rips off his shirt] Hoo! You've been a good sport, so I'll let you choose the tiebreaker.
Bubblegum, Marceline, Starchy and Huntress Wizard: [Muffled] Don't do it! Wait, don't do it! Not a good idea!
Green Knight: Very well. Hmm How about a game of some good old-fashioned arm wrestling?
Finn: Arm wrestling, huh? I see what you did there. My guns are obviously weak as heck from climbing that greasy pole. If only I had some kind of [Whirrs] superhuman robot arm. Bam!
Green Knight and Finn at same time: Three, two, one, go!
Finn: [Strained cry] Ahh!
Green Knight: You can't tell from my face, but I am smiling triumphantly.
Finn: Nooo! It's my birthday!
Green Knight: I know. It's my birthday, too.
Finn: Fern?
[The Green Knight grabs Finn by his arm and swings him at the table, Finn breaks through the table]
Bubblegum, Marceline, Starchy and Huntress Wizard: Oh, no! No! Finn!
Green Knight: [Chuckles] Finally, I win! [The Green Knight approaches Finn ready to swing his axe at him]
Gumbald: Fern! We've seen enough.
Finn: [Groans]
Bubblegum, Marceline, Starchy and Huntress Wizard: Finn! Finn! Finn, are you all right?
Starchy: I love you, Finn!
Huntress Wizard: Quick, eat this elk's heart.
Princess Bubblegum: What is this?
Gumbald: It's a family reunion.
Princess Bubblegum: Uncle Gumbald, Cousin Chicle, Aunt Lolly. How are you back?!
Gumbald: Here's a hint [Mimics Lumpy Space Princess’s voice] "Oh, my glob".
Princess Bubblegum: Lumpy Space Princess. [Bubblegum remembers happenings from [(Elements]] miniseries where LSP reverts Ooo back to normal] When she reset Ooo, she reset you.
Gumbald: For 800 years, you kept us imprisoned, Princezzin.
Princess Bubblegum: No, you were happier as candy people.
Gumbald: We thought we were. But don't worry it's your turn to be happy now. Get juiced.
[Marceline in her beast form jumps in front of Bubblegum]
Marceline: [Hisses] Back off, gumwad!
Gumbald: The vampire girl is legitimately scary. Very well. You've witnessed our superior technology and watched your champion crushed.
Finn: [Vomits]
Gumbald: We'll go for now.
Green Knight: [Laughs]
Finn: This is my worst B-day ever.
Everyone: [Singing] Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you
Ice King: [In a seductive feminine tone] Happy birthday Mr.Finn Mert-ens
Everyone: [Voices reverberate] Happy birthday to you.
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Shh!" from season 5, which aired on May 13, 2013.

Characters
Finn
Jake
BMO
Bikini Babes
Party God
Wall Spider
Mouse Family
Man In The Wall
Music
No Wonder I
Locations
Tree Fort (outside/inside)
Inside wall of fort
This transcript is still a work in progress, but the content is complete. However, it also depends on the completion of the main page.


Transcript

[The episode begins with Finn in his bed sleeping and snoring loudly. A wad of paper hits him on the head. He opens his eyes in surprise, looks around, and turns to see Jake holding a piece of paper and smiling.]
Jake: [Flips the paper upward to reveal some writing] "I'm not talking today" [it states.] [He gives the paper a little shake to emphasize the intent.]
Finn: [Smiles and reaches behind his pillow to grab a paper of his own, he holds it up] "Me too" [it states.]
Jake: [Begins writing on a new paper. He flips it over] "When did you make your sign?"
Finn: [Writes back] "Last night when I saw you writing yours".
Jake: [Replies with] "You fancy a wager, buddy?"
Finn: [Accepts] "Bringeth it on, sir!"
Jake: [Hops out of his bed and onto Finn's with papers in hand.]
Jake: [Flips his newly written message,] "So, what are the stakes?" [He waits for Finn's reply.]
Finn: "Whoever talks first will be really disappointed"
Jake: "Can we use signs?"
Finn: "Yes, but only the ones we write in the next thirty seconds"
[They both begin to write on the rest of their papers.]
[In the kitchen breakfast was made, a pot of coffee is on a warmer and Jake and Finn sit with their plates in front of them. Finn gives a thumbs up.]
Jake: [Pushes his plate away to shuffle through his signs, he finds the one he wants and flips it over,] "What's your favorite part?" [it states,] [he flips another sign] "... of the breakfast, I mean".
Finn: [Pushes his plate away and looks at his signs, but before he can choose one Jake flips over another sign.]
Jake: "the juice?", "the toast?", "the jam?". [By this point Finn gives an annoyed stare and shuffles through his signs some more, looking for a response. Jake interrupts him with another sign] "the Tea?"
Finn: [Finally picks a sign only to have it state] "Hi, Jake"
Jake: "You didn't write enough signs, did you dummy?"
Finn: [Still appearing annoyed he shuffles through his signs again, only getting the following] "Thanks, Jake", "That's funny, Jake", "Nice catch, Jake", "Go get'm Jake!" [and finally,] "You the man, Jake!" [complete with thumbs up and smiley face.] [He instead flips to another sign that is revealed to be] "I love you, Jake". [Jake reacts to this by squishing his cheeks and pursing his lips with affection.]
[They both turn to a sound of walking, it is BMO.]
BMO: Finn, Jake, I invited some Bikini Babes over to dance to this song! [It plays "No Wonder I", a slow song, and begins to dance to it.] It's my favorite song, it makes me so happy! [Instead of saying anything they both smile at BMO and wave their arms. BMO is perplexed,] Um, why are you not talking?
[Finn and Jake ruffle through their signs for a response. Jake turns over a sign] "the juice?", [followed by Finn with] "Me too".
BMO: What?
Finn: [Pokes Jake on the shoulder, he then points to his mouth and then at BMO, who is still confused. Finn then makes kissy lips and points in BMO's direction again.]
Jake: [Becomes agitated and crossing his arms and baring his teeth, he rapidly shakes his head. He then bops Finn on the head and covers his mouth as well as his own.] [They both look back to BMO.]
BMO: [In a panic] Why are you not talking! What happened to Finn and Jake?! You have taken over their bodies! [Screaming it runs to a hole in the wall and dives in.] [Finn lifts up a sign] "Oh dang". [Inside the wall BMO whimpers and a single digital tear runs down its faceplate.]
[Outside of the wall Finn and Jake listen for BMO. Finn puts a cup to the wall while Jake stretches his ear to another hole. He hears BMO's whimpering; Finn hears it too and taps the wood.]
[Inside BMO turns to the direction of the noise and covers its speakers.] [Back outside Finn stopped tapping the wall while Jake knocks on it. This causes BMO to panic more.]
BMO: Oh oh, what should I do?! [It turns on its favorite song, grabs its knees and rocks from side to side.]
[Outside of the Tree Fort a single Bikini Babe with green skin and black hair comes walking over a hill, she arrives at the fort and knocks on the door.]
Bikini Babe (green skin;black hair): BMO? [Puts her hands on her hips and looks at her wrist watch.]
[Back inside.]
Jake: [Dashes to the kitchen table to pick up a sign] "I'm going in there". [He then looks through a box to find a headlamp, he quickly goes back to his signs and with a look of suspicion to Finn, he picks one up and flips it over] "Don't touch my signs".
Finn: "Of course not, man". [Jake puts a skull on his signs and gives Finn one final stare before heading to the wall.]
[When he gets to the wall he realizes he as well as the headlamp can't fit, so he shrinks down and fits through the hole, only to attempt to pull in the headlamp afterwards, when it doesn't fit he leaves it behind.]
[Now inside the wall he passes a spider's web and flicks it. This wakes up a spider who angrily points at him and shakes its fist. Jake merely gives a thumbs up and blows the spider a kiss. The spider calms down and waves by to Jake as he continues on.]
[Jake arrives at the sleeping area of six mice who all have their own bed starting from largest to smallest. An alarm above the beds rings for morning and the mice awake, and from smallest to largest they all exit the beds and head to a running wheel, the largest mouse is turning a crank for the wheel to move as the small ones play on it. Jake then leaves.]
[He comes to a bag of dice and a branch that grew to look like stairs. At the bottom of the stairs is a small paper with the words] "Private" [written on it. Jake walks up the stairs and sees a small man typing away on a type writer. The man finishes typing on the paper to remove it from the machine and places it on other stacks of papers. Jake grabs the just laid paper, reads it and then stretches his arm out back to the kitchen. There it is seen that Finn has disobeyed Jake and looked through his signs as well as mixing them up with is own. When Jake's arm arrives with the tiny paper, Finn is surprised and drops the ones he had. He grabs the small paper and it reads] "Life in the wall is a drag, man". [Finn sets the paper on the table and grabs one from Jake's pile and hands it to him.]
[Back inside the wall Jake gets the message] "I hear you, man". [He folds this up and places it in a pocket he made from stretching. Leaving the area he ends up at a cat shaped sarcophagus. From the outside "No Wonder I" can be heard. Jake pulls the sarcophagus open to see BMO, the song stops and it yells at Jake.]
BMO: [Screams] Go away!! Where is the real Jake?! You are doubleganger[1] you- body taker! [It hits Jake who then runs away. BMO grunts in frustration but turns the song back and goes back to holding its knees and rocking side to side.]
[Outside the Tree Fort four more Bikini Babes have arrived, one with green skin and brown hair in pigtails knocks on the door.]
Bikini Babe (green skin;brown hair): BMO, BMO are you home? BMO, we're here to dance with you! [Another bikini babe arrives, she is blue skin with blonde hair.] [When they get no response they listen in with the hands cupped.]
Jake: [Coming out of the hole and walking up to Finn, he frowns when he sees his signs have been touched.] [When Jake taps him on the shoulder Finn creates an elaborate display of signs.]
Finn: "Jake, what are you implying? That I would touch your signs after being expressly forbidden to do so?". [He shuffles them back and Jake is still frowning.]
Jake: [Picks up two signs] "Oh dang, the toast?", [he tosses them and walks off.]
Finn: [Follows him and shows him a sign that states] "Jake rules!", [this gets a smile.] [Finn then shows another sign] "What're we gonna do..." [flips] "about BMO?"
Jake: [Taps his forehead and expresses that he has an idea.]
Finn: [Flips a sign] "What?"
Jake: [Points to his nose.]
Finn: [Flips a sign with] ???
[Jake goes to a table with a TV and piles games and other electronic equipment. He grabs a stack and places them by the hole BMO dived through, Finn grabs a stack himself. Jake then gets an electric fan and places it in front of the games, Finn turns on the fan and a scent trail wafts through the hole. BMO pops its head out and sniffs, as it is about to grab one of the games it looks up to see Finn and Jake hiding in the kitchen behind tables, a bottle has been knocked over by Finn.]
[They both walk out from their hiding place holding up signs] "It's OK!". [BMO gives a small scream, trips and runs back to the hole in the wall. When Finn and Jake get there they can hear BMO playing "No Wonder I" again.]
[Outside the Tree Fort more Bikini Babes have arrived and wonder what is happening.] "I don't know, I don't have nothing else to do" [says one,] "Yeah" [replies another.] [One of them looks upwards towards the roof, she has light green skin with blond hair in a bandana, she flaps her hands and flies upward. This results in others following her lead, they all land on the roof.]
[While back inside Finn and Jake are at a table and have spread all their signs on it. They have been ripping pieces to compile a message for BMO. As Jake places the last piece they shake hands.]
[The message] "BMO we love you we're Finn and Jake for real! We're not talking today because we're playing a game! We love you!"
Jake: [Shifts his hand to become bigger and pounds on the wall.]
BMO: No way fake boys! I am never coming out! [Finn and Jake shrug.]
[Jake runs to a wall with an axe and grabs it, he begins to chop at the wall. Finn has also gotten an axe to join him. All of their chopping causes the wall to split and the roof to collapse. The Bikini Babes land on the floor. They sit confused for a bit until BMO's voice is heard.]
BMO: Bikini Babes! They're not Finn and Jake! Get them! [The Bikini Babes spring into action and begin hurling objects at Finn and Jake who take cover behind the overturned table.]
[While behind the table Finn holds up a sign] "Let's split up", [followed by Jake with] "Okay". [As they split up two groups of Babes go after them. A Bikini Babe with green skin;orange hair grabs Finn in a chokehold while another with light blue skin;black hair grabs Jake by the leg. Finn manages to flip the Babe that was chocking him and runs. Jake is now captured by two Babes, one with dark blue skin;curly black hair- they tug at his stretched arms.]
[Meanwhile BMO sits on the shoulders of a light blue;ponytail purple haired Babe and pumping its fist. As the fight continues the pigtailed Babe chases Finn, hitting him with a plank of wood. Finn is in pain but simply flips up the signs] "OUCH", "OW", "HEY".
[The fight continues but some of the Babes have stopped to dance a bit, and Jake is being treated like a volleyball, being palmed by two Babes; the dark blue and now a light blue;brown hair. Back to Finn who is trying to keep three Babes at bay with a chair.]
[The scene shifts to the pigtail Babe who is sitting on the stove shaking maracas with a sign in her mouth] "the jam?".
[Finn has broken free of the group, tosses the chair and runs. Jake on the other hand is surrounded by three Babes with one sitting on him punching him in the head. He tosses her off and begins to intimidate them with Kung-fu hand movements, they all stare and begin to back away. This doesn't deter two of the Babes as they dive for Finn and Jake and hold them down.] [Finn is seen dragging himself as a light blue;short purple haired Babe hangs on.] [The green skin;black haired Babe pulls Jake's arm above his head and pinches him all over when she pinches his jowls Jake yells out loud,]
Jake: Ow, ow! Okay fine! Uncle uncle, please stop pinching me Bikini Babe!.
Finn: [Finn pumps his fist in triumph] Oh, I win! [sighs] you're so disappointed. [Laughs.]
BMO: Finn? Jake? For real?
Finn: We were just playing a game, BMO. It all started this morning when Jake made a sign that said-
BMO: Oh, I don't care. Let's just-a party!
[They all dance around when suddenly a brown object crashes through the roof, it is the Party God.]
Party God: Party, party, party! Ooouuuu! [He also dances.]
Ending credits: Armen Mirzaian 1977-2013. "Aw c'mon"
[Episode ends]



Notes
  1. While the term is "Doppelgänger", BMO says it as Doubleganger.
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Simon & Marcy" from season 5, which aired on March 25, 2013.

Characters
Simon
Marceline
Finn
Jake
Music
"Where Everybody Knows Your Name"
Locations
Marceline's house
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode begins at Marceline's house where Finn, Jake, Marceline, and Ice King are playing basketball]
Finn: [Finn jumps sideways] Hm! [Marceline runs ahead] Whoa! 
Ice King: Marceline! Marceline! I'm open, I'm wide open! Marceline, I've got ups! Check out my ups!
Marceline: Uh! Nope! Ha-ha, too slow!
Jake: Whoa! [Marceline does a slam dunk]
Ice King: Ha-ha! Yeah, alright! Good game, good game! Take 5! [He starts to dribble but the ball bounces away] I'll get us all a bunch of little waters.
Finn: [Is dribbling the ball] Marceline, why did you ask ancient chumps to play basketball?
Jake: Yeah!
Marceline: [She sighs deeply.] Well, he's very dear to my heart. I love him.
Jake: What you are talking about, Marceline?
Marceline: We've been around for a long time, we have a long history together. It's... it's a long story.
Finn: Lay it on us!
Jake: Yeah, lay it out, Marcy!
Ice King: Yeah! Lay down, Marceline, go to sleep! Right? What are we talking about?
Marceline: Alright, I suppose it's about time I told someone this story.
[Time card: ON THIS DAY 996 YEARS AGO]
Simon: Huh.
Marcy: Hmmmmmm...
Simon: [He stops at a deserted mailbox] Ha-ha! Might be something in here, Marceline!
Marcy: [Laughing] E-e-ewww! It's a dead rat!
Simon: Hey! Yeah, so it is, looks like we've got a cute new traveling buddy.
Marcy: Ewww, noooooooo!!
Simon: [Giggling a bit] It's kinda cute... [He closes the mailbox chute and continues walking with Marceline.]
Simon: [Points to a VHS tape on the ground] Hey, check it out, it's a VHS tape. You wanna watch a movie?
Marcy: Yeah!
[They both stare at the tape for a while.]
Simon: ...Man, this is a boring movie.
[Marcy giggles.]
Simon: I like the book much better! [He throws the tape behind him and they both laugh.]
Marcy: You're so silly, Simon!
Simon: He-he-he, yeah, I suppose so... Huh?
[A rustling noise is heard in the bushes..]
Marcy: What is that?   
Simon: I'm not sure, but it's coming our way. Come on. [They run over to a car.] Marcy, you stay in the car. I'll be right back.
Marcy: Simon! [pulls on his beard]
Simon: Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
Marcy: You're not going to put it on, are you?
Simon: I have to. To protect us.
Marcy: But you're gonna act weird again!
Simon: Don't worry, I can control it better now.
Marcy: [Cringes] Mmm...
Simon: It's okay! B.R.B. [He kisses Marcy on the forehead. He pulls his head out of the window. The object rustling in the woods comes closer.] Oh, boy. Here it comes. Oh, bread balls. Oh, bread balls! OH, BREAD BALLS! [puts on his crown. His nose and hair and beard grow., starts laughing maniacally] I call upon the power of ice and snow!! Ice winds, blow!!! [Icy cold wind shoots at a deer which flies out of the bushes and lands perfectly on its feet. It looks around confused.] Rragh! YOU WILL NO LONGER TERRIFY A 47-YEAR-OLD MAN AND A 7-YEAR-OLD GIRL! [Zaps ice at the deer. A ball forms around the deer. It becomes frozen. Marcy gasps. Simon continues laughing.]
Marcy: [gets out of the car] Simon, stop! It's frozen!
Simon: Not now, Gunther, I'm doing big people things. Come play in the snow, build me a snowman. [Sprinkles some snow on Marcy.]
Marcy: Bleh! [Simon continues zapping the deer. The ball becomes frozen with the deer inside it. Marcy gasps. She creates a snowball and throws it at Simon's crown.]
Simon: Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-- Huh? [The crown falls off and he suddenly hits the ground on his head. Marcy rushes over.]
Marcy: Simon! Simon, are you okay?!
Simon: Uh...uh...yeah.
Marcy: You're getting worse, Simon. Your hair and your nose are longer, and you started to hover in the air!
Simon: Oh, yeah. Did I look pretty...FLY?! [starts to laugh]
Marcy: What are you talking about? You're scaring me.
Simon: [continues laughing. His hair and nose grow back to normal.] I'm sorry. Did I say something?
Marcy: Simon, promise me you won't put it on again.
Simon: [looks down] OK. I promise.
Marcy: What is that thing?
Simon: It's a deer.
[Simon and Marcy walk over to the frozen deer. The looks around and breathes heavily two times]
Marcy: If there are deers in the forest, do you think there are other things?
Simon: [eyes widen] I don't know. [cuts to Simon and Marcy roasting food] Hm... [whistles a tune. He sets a broken television upright] Uhh! This is gonna be good. It's gonna be worth it. [crouches behind the T.V.] Use the remote to turn on the T.V. [throws a soda can to Marcy]
[Marcy makes a clicking sound and pretends to hit the remote's ON button on the soda can]
Simon:  [sings the piano intro to Cheers theme song] [Singing] ♪ Making your way in the world today, takes everything you got. ♪
Marcy: [looks confused]
Simon: ♪ Taking a break from all your worries, sure would help a lot. Sometimes you want to go, where everybody knows your name! ♪
Marcy: What is this?
Simon: Filmed before a live studio audience. [makes a squeaking noise] Norm!
Marcy: Mute.
[Simon moves his mouth without talking]
Marcy: [laughs and then starts coughing]
Simon: [looks at Marcy] Marcy...? [puts his hand on Marcy's forehead. He gasps.] Oh, no... Uh, you're fine. Just a bit warm, but you should get some sleep. [Marcy is snoring]
[Morning]
[Marcy coughs which wakes up Simon]
Marcy: Hey! Good morning! I made you breakfast! It's mostly pine needles and deer guts.
Simon: [lowering his voice] Oh, you're even worse. [Normal voice] I mean, don't freak out or anything, but we need to get you some... chicken soup! [packs up the sleeping bag] There you go. [to Marcy] There must've been a soupery in that town, but I don't want you walking all... [spots a motorcycle] ...that way. [both are on the motorcycle] Okay. You ready for a motorbike ride?
Marcy: Mmm-hmm.
[Motorbike sounds]
Simon: Okay, now we're talking. [pants] Just needs a little love-- [loses grip from the motorbike because he goes too fast]
Marcy: AAH!
Simon: WOWZERS! [tries to catch it as it goes away but it hits a wall]
Simon: Okay, let's try something else.
[Marcy is seen riding a computer chair while Simon's pushing it]
Simon: Hey, Marcy, I wrote a song for you. [sings The Soup Hunting Song]
Marcy: [laughs] Your songs are sooo good.
Simon: Here we go! [tries to open the door] Aw, it's locked. [throws the chair into the window] Vandalism is wrong, Marcy.
Marcy: Okay.
Simon: Oh, everything's gone... except for these greeting cards. [looks at the card. It says, "HEY OLD MAN..." He turns the page. "...Have a 'soup-er' 'broth'-day! ('birthday')"] Aw...
Marcy: Simon, look! [points at the security mirror]
[Simon looks at the security mirror; there is something at the other aisle]
Simon: [gets down then gasps] What is that thing? This-This is bad.
[scene is at the crown]
Marcy: No.
Simon: I have to protect us.
Marcy: No!
[The mutant hears this then it goes toward Simon and Marcy]
Simon: I have to.
Marcy: No, don't put it on!
Simon: Marcy, stay back! [knocks mutant out with the crown. He presses on the mutant then green goo comes out]
Simon/Marcy: Aah!
Simon: We're getting out of here!
[Scene switches. Simon and Marcy are walking through a large concrete storm-drain]
Marcy: [steps on a remote] Oops.
Simon: Hey, little lady, what about a ride on an old man's back?
Marcy: I can walk. I'm not a child, Simon.
Simon: Look, sweetie, someday you'll be too big to hold. I'm as old as garlic balls, and if someone offered to pick me up and carry me, I'd do it in a heartbeat. Take it when you can get it. [Carries Marcy then she sneezes on his face and laughs]
Simon: Gross. [wipes it away] You're gross.
Marcy: You're gross, Simon.
Simon: We're both gross, darling. [Gasps then sees something at the top of the bridge, then walks near the bridge] A food truck! Might be chicken soup inside there. [He climbs to the top of the bridge] Alright, now to get some chicken soup inside you--[inside it are clams] Clams? [closes one door of the truck to see what name it is] The Clambulance?! No, I need chicken! Marceline, cover your ears! MOTHER, MOTHER, MOTHER, MOTHER, MOTHER, MOTHER, MOTHER, MOTHER! [starts kicking the door of the truck while saying this, then a mutant appears under the truck and grabs Simon's leg]
Simon/Marcy: [gasps, then Simon kicks the mutant away then a mutant came out hiding at the Clambulance]
Simon: [Frightened] Mother, Mother! [Simon shuts the door; he starts pushing it off the bridge] [Straining] Mother, Mother, Mother, Mother, Mother, Mother, Mother, Mother, Mother...! [it falls and it repeatedly says "Clambulance" while the sirens make some noise, then from another bridge mutants hear it and begin to chase them]
Marcy: What are we gonna do, Simon?
Simon: We're gonna run! [runs and jumps to a tree with pink substance; they stick to it]
Marcy: Whoa!
Simon: Come on, come on, come on!!
[They fall down but the bag is stuck to the tree. They still run while being chased by mutants, then a mutant came close to them.]
Simon: Mama, mama, mama, mama, mama mia!
[he hits the mutant with a pillow.]
[They run to a dark alley, then they are at a dead end]
Marcy: Our butts are grass, right? 
[Simon puts Marcy in the car]
Simon: Not yet.
Marcy: Don't leave me here Simon! I can fight!
[Pats bicep]
Simon: I'm sorry Marcy.
Marcy: Simon!
[Simon closes the car door]
Simon: You have to keep it together Simon... for her.
Marcy: Simon you promised.
Simon: [Simon puts on the crown, as he does he starts singing the theme song from Cheers]
♪ Makin' your way in the world today takes everything you've got! ♪
[Blasts mutants with snow across the alleyway]
♪ Taking a break from all your worries
SURE WOULD HELP A LOT!!
WOULDN'T IT BE NICE TO GET AWAY!
Where everybody knows your name. Where everybody... ♪
[Simon smacks the crown off his head, and sees a can of chicken soup and a pocketknife fall from the pink substance. He runs to it to take it, but then notices it has a face, but he quickly runs back to the car to give Marceline the soup]
Simon: Marcy! Look I-I found chicken soup! Your gonna feel awesome in a moment.
Marcy: I'm just glad [gulp] you're ok.
Simon: Do you feel awesome? [Marcy nods her head]
Marcy: I love you, Simon.
Simon: I love you... Gunther.
[Time card: 996 years later]
Jake: Pretty heavy
Finn: Whoa, mama
Ice King: Whoa, so what happens next? How does it end?
Marceline: Well, little Marcy felt a lot better. And she and Simon lived happily ever after. [Passes the ball to Ice King and smiles at him]
Ice King: Aww, that's nice. [whispers] Marceline, you keep telling these chump stories while I score a bunch of baskets.
Marceline: [chuckles] Okay.
Ice King: Yeah, yeah! [Ice King shouts while he dribbles basketball in and out of the hoop, while the three are smiling at him. Finn puts one of his hands on Jake's shoulder.]
[The episode ends.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Skyhooks" from season 9, which aired on April 24, 2017.

Characters
Finn
Jake
BMO
Princess Bubblegum
Marshmaline the Campfire Queen
Fun the Human
Nectr
Gummyworm Shelby
Lemonpink
Pink Lemon Camel
Sweet P.
Treat Trunks
Piñata Pig
Ice King
Candyfish
Snail
Music
None
Locations
Tree Fort
Cloud Kingdom
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[The episode begins with a shot of the sky. It is tinted pink, as are all of the clouds. The camera pans down to show Finn and Jake wading through the water towards the shore from their ship. The entire landmass, including mountains, trees, and the shoreline, are tinted pink.]
Jake: Heck yeah! We’re home.
Finn: That was definitely the longest adventure we’ve ever done.
Jake: What about when you got trapped in a mind dungeon for a buncha years?
Finn: This trip was longer in emotional time.
Jake: Yeah, I’m burnt out. No more adventure for a while, okay?
[They reach the shoreline. Jake runs onto the nearby land.]
Jake: Yes, yes, yes!
[He shakes the water out of fur.]
Jake: Let’s go take hot showers!
[Finn surveys the nearby area and picks something up.]
Finn: Hey, look at this fish.
[He holds a fish up. It appears to be made of jelly.]
Finn: It’s… gummy?
Fish: Hello!
[The fish begins laughing and flopping around in Finn’s hand.]
Finn: Hey!
[He drops it on the ground. It continues laughing and flops away.]
Finn: Well, that’s weird. We should defs check it out after we hit up the tree house.
Jake: Yeah. We gotta get to the bottom of this hot shower.
[They leave. The scene cuts to them traveling through the nearby forest. Jake has stretched to massive size and Finn is riding on his back. Everything else in view is pink.]
Finn: Hmm. Does everything seem pinker to you?
Jake: Home always looks different after a long trip. You’re seeing it with fresh eyes and newfound wisdom. And sometimes there’s also a new strip mall or something. So, everything being pink is probably not a big deal, and also, I’m tired.
[BMO emerges from Finn’s backpack.]
BMO: I like the pink. Why you worry so much, worry baby?
Jake: Haha, yeah, why you worry so much, worry baby?
BMO: Don’t worry, Finn. We are only teasing you because you are a baby.
Jake: Woah!
[He stops dead in his tracks. They’ve reached the tree house, which has been turned into candy and pink crystals.]
Jake: What the heck happened to the tree house?
[Cut to a view from inside. Finn’s face appears in the window of the door to the tree house. He opens it, entering with Jake. They see that everything has been turned to candy.]
Finn: Candy… Fern?
[As he enters, he notices a leak of something brown coming from the floor above.]
Finn: Oh, I do not like this.
[Finn, Jake, and BMO poke their heads out to survey the second floor.]
BMO: Is this some kind of sick joke? Because I love it.
[Finn spots the source of the leak, which is a knocked over bottle of Big Baby Root Beer.]
Finn: Huh? Big Baby Root Beer? No one buys this brand. It’s too sweet.
[Finn picks up the bottle and puts the cap back on.]
Fern: Hello?
[Finn and Jake gasp, startled. Fern emerges from another room, now appearing to be made of candy.]
Finn: Ah!
Fern: Hey! You look like me.
Finn: Fern?
Fern: Who’s Fern? I’m Fun the human!
[He walks into the room. Neptr appears behind him, also seemingly made out of candy.]
Neptr: And I’m Nectr, the little robot!
[Shelby appears from a nearby mug, now colorful and gummy.]
Shelby: And I’m Shelby the worm… the gummy worm!
[Finn and Jake back away as Fern approaches them.]
Fern: Welcome, strangers! It’s so cool that you’re inside our house.
[Fern envelops Finn in a hug.]
Finn: Dude, when did you guys turn into candy?
Shelby: We’ve always been candy, you silly billy bean!
Jake: Oh, okay, I get it.
[He goes to a nearby table and grabs a piece of cake.]
Jake: We’ve obviously stumbled into another alternate dimension where everyone’s a different version of themselves. Yawn.
[He eats the piece of cake.]
BMO: But we haven’t gone through any portals. BMO would know.
[Neptr lightly hits her with his arm.]
Neptr: Hello!
BMO: Neptr is so cute now! I’m going to start treating him as an equal.
Finn: You were supposed to take care of Ooo while I was gone. What happened with that?
Fern: What?
Finn: You used to be this volatile plant boy, remember?
Fern: Really? Well, I’m candy now. And, I’m in control of my emotions.
Shelby: I’m in control, too. Of my body!
[Shelby dances around on Jake’s belly and laughs.]
Jake: Wow, gummy Shelby’s a lot of fun. I think I’m okay with candy world.
[Fern begins guzzling the root beer.]
Finn: No way. Let’s talk to P.B. I’m sure this is all one of her experiments gone wrong.
[Cut to Neptr. BMO has crawled into Neptr’s microwave.]
Neptr: You seem upset, friend. The tower will fix you right up.
Finn: The what, now?
[Fern begins guzzling a second bottle of root beer. Suddenly, a bell rings. Fern drops the bottle.]
Fern: Oh, boy! Let’s run outside!
[Cut to outside. Fern and Neptr run out. Finn, Jake, and BMO walk behind them. They all come to a stop. A large cart comes over a hill. It’s shaped like a lemon and pulled by a pink lemon camel. The top of the cart is pulled away, revealing a pink Lemongrab in front of a row of glasses.]
Lemongrab: Hello, it’s me!
Fern: Lemonpink!
[Fern turns to Finn.]
Fern: He was inside the lemon.
Lemongrab: Drink up, babies! Squeeze!
[He crushes his own head, sending pink lemonade everywhere. Fern sticks his tongue out to catch some and laughs. Finn shields himself. Lemongrab begins filling each cup on his cart with lemonade.]
Lemongrab: I used to have a lot of fear and sadness, but now I’m fine!
Jake: Hey, I want some of that!
[Finn blocks Jake with his arm.]
Finn: No. That is body juice.
Lemongrab: Hmm? What’s that? Did you spurn my fluids?
Finn: No…?
Lemongrab: Maybe someone’s feeling a little sour!
Fern: Wuh-woah!
Neptr: You know what sours get!
Shelby: Sours get the tower!
Fern, Neptr, Shelby, and Lemongrab: Sours get the tower! Sours get the tower!
[Lemongrab sprays lemonade all over everyone. Fern sprays a bottle of root beer around.]
Fern, Neptr, Shelby, and Lemongrab: Sours get the tower! Sours get the tower!
[Finn turns angrily to Jake, who’s joined in on the chant.]
Finn: Come on, Jake. Let’s go see Bubblegum.
[Lemongrab screams as he continues to squeeze his head.]
[Cut to forest. Finn, Jake, and BMO hurry through the forest.]
Jake: Stop striding! It just keeps you agitated.
Finn: I’m freaking out, Jake. This place is weird.
[Jake stretches and stops him.]
Jake: What I’m hearing is, you’re stressed out because everything’s candy.
Finn: Aren’t you?
Jake: Not really.
[They look at the sky. All of the clouds are pink and and have smiling faces.]
Jake: Lemongrab’s always been a weirdo. At least now he’s helping people.
[The clouds begin to rain jelly beans.]
Jake: And Fern is, like, laughing and joking around. Maybe they don’t need you to fix them.
Finn: Hmm.
[Finn picks up a jelly bean and sees that it has a face.]
Finn: I always believe you when you use that voice.
[Suddenly, Finn hears crying in the distance. He flicks the bean away and looks for the source of the noise.]
Finn: Sweet P.?
[He finds Sweet P. crying under a tree.]
Finn: Hey, buddy. What are you doing out-
[He puts his hand on Sweet P.’s arm.]
Finn: -Hey! You’re meat!
Sweet P.: Yes, I’m meat. But everything else is weird.
Finn: Wow, Sweet P., that’s almost exactly what I’ve been saying.
[He slowly turns to Jake as he says this. Jake puts his hand over Finn’s mouth.]
Jake: Sweet P., do you remember what happened?
Sweet P.: One day, the candy came and turned mommy and daddy into something… different.
Tree Trunks and Mr. Pig: Sweet P.!
[Sweet P. looks around, startled. A bush nearby rustles. Mr. Pig emerges. He has been turned into a Piñata.]
Mr. Pig: We’ve been looking for you everywhere!
[Tree Trunks emerges as well, having been turned into ice cream.]
Mr. Pig: We just love you so much, son. You’re gonna get into a great college!
[Tree Trunks laughs and melts a little.]
BMO: They look so happy, like dogs.
Finn: Don’t worry, Sweet P. We’re headed to the candy kingdom to see Princess Bubblegum about all this.
Sweet P.: She’s not in the candy kingdom. She’s in the terrible tower. Look!
[He points into the distance at a massive pink structure reaching up into the clouds.]
Finn: Come on, Jake, that’s kind of weird, right?
BMO: I think it’s magnificent!
Tree Trunks: Sweet P.! Yoo hoo!
[Tree Trunks and Mr. Pig bring over a giant bucket and a paint roller.]
Tree Trunks: We brought some rollers and a bucket of sweet juicy caramel.
[Sweet P. walks over. Tree Trunks rolls some caramel onto his leg.]
Tree Trunks: Let’s get you back to normal.
Sweet P.: But mama, I am normal!
Tree Trunks: Just sit tight there like a windowpane, and you’ll be back to normal like a windowpane.
[The shot zooms in on her face and her voice echoes.]
Tree Trunks: Back to normal.
Jake: Hmm. Okay, you’re right. This is pretty freaky-deaky.
Sweet P.: I’m gonna go now.
[He runs away and begins crying.]
Finn and Jake: Sweet P., come back!
[Tree Trunks and Mr. Pig chase Sweet P. Tree Trunks laughs.]
Finn: Uh… Let’s get to the tower.
[They look at the tower. Cut to Jake scaling the tower with stretched out legs. Finn and BMO are riding on his back.]
Jake: And never be the guy with no phone, Finn. You’ll think it’ll make people wanna talk to you more, but people just forget to invite you to things.
Finn: You’ve convinced me. Plus, I like late night bedtime calls when you’re sleeping over at Lady’s.
[They hear a strange sound. Jake sniffs the air.]
Jake: Ooh. Something smells nice. Nice and toasty.
[A massive s’more monster comes around the side of the tower and roars.]
Finn, Jake, and BMO: S’more!
Finn: Stay back, s’more!
[Finn waves his sword at it. Jake stretches towards it.]
Jake: Get it, get it, get it, get it!
[Marceline laughs.]
Marceline: Woah, dudes.
[The s’more monster turns out to be Marceline. She transforms into a more normal version of herself, though she has become marshmallow-y.]
Marceline: I was just playin’.
Finn, Jake, and BMO: What? Marceline?
[Marceline giggles.]
Marceline: No, it’s Marshmaline, the Campfire Queen.
[Finn, Jake, and BMO all struggle to say Marshmaline for a few moments.]
Marceline: Would you like to hear a song? I’ve written just the ditty that’ll cheer up anyone that’s overwhelmed with work or responsibility.
BMO: Yay! I love Marshmaline songs!
Finn: No time for tunes. Do you know where Bonnie is?
Marceline: Of course! Follow me.
[She flies up the tower, humming Greensleeves, while the others follow her. They reach the top of the tower. Jake shrinks to normal size and sets Finn and BMO down.]
Finn: Marshy… Where’s P.B.?
Marceline: She’s everywhere!
[The tower rumbles. Princess Bubblegum’s face and crown emerge from the side of the tower.]
Princess Bubblegum: Good tidings to you, my friends.
[Finn, Jake, and BMO gasp.]
BMO: Yahoo!
Finn: What… What happened to you?
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, this?
[She giggles.]
Princess Bubblegum: I’ve become what I was always meant to become: A pure candy elemental.
[She vomits jelly beans all over them. Finn and Jake shield themselves while BMO cheers and laughs. Princess Bubblegum burps once she’s done vomiting.]
Princess Bubblegum: ‘Scuse me.
Finn: What about Tree Trunks, and Lemongrab, and Marceline, and everyone else?
Princess Bubblegum: I fixed ‘em, obviously.
Finn: “Fixed ‘em?” But they’re your friends!
Princess Bubblegum: Those aren’t mutually exclusive concepts.
Marceline: That means it’s fine.
Finn: No. It’s not fine!
Princess Bubblegum: Don’t fret. I can fix you too.
[Her arms emerge from either side of her face. Finn, Jake, and BMO look down to see themselves slowly becoming pink. Jake dances around and moans.]
Finn: I can feel my bones turning gummy!
BMO: Me, too!
[Finn and Jake begin running away.]
Jake: We gotta get out of here before-
[Marceline swoops down and holds them in place.]
Marceline: Hugs!
Princess Bubblegum: I’m connected to all candy throughout all the galaxies. Once you’re candy, you’ll be part of me too!
[Finn and Jake struggle.]
Finn: No! That plan sucks.
[He punches Marceline in the face. Her marshmallow-ness absorbs the hit. She mumbles, her face caved in.]
Finn: Oh, my gosh!
[He pulls his hand away.]
Finn: Ah! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!
[Marceline drops them. They continue running.]
Finn: I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!
[Suddenly, a metal hook drops down, hitting Jake in the head.]
Ice King: Skyhooks!
[Finn looks up to see the hook coming out of a cloud.]
Finn: Ice King?
[Finn jumps up and grabs the hook. It begins pulling him up.]
Finn: Hold on to me, bro!
[Jake stretches and holds on to Finn. The skyhook carries them away.]
Princess Bubblegum: No!
Finn: Wait, we forgot BMO!
[Finn and Jake are pulled into the clouds.]
BMO: Goodbye, boys! It’s better this way!
[The pinkness fully envelops BMO’s body, turning BMO into a gumdrop. BMO vomits out some jelly beans. Princess Bubblegum sighs.]
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, well. They’ll be back.
[Marceline snaps her face back into shape. Cut to a shot of Sweet P. Running through the forest.]
Princess Bubblegum: They have nowhere else to go.
[Cut to Finn and Jake being pulled up further by the skyhook. They scream the whole way up. Cut to Ice King pulling them up onto a cloud. Finn groans as he lands. He looks around and sees that they are in a deserted Cloud Kingdom.]
Finn: Are we in…
Jake: Cloud Kingdom.
[Finn looks down at his legs, which are back to normal.]
Finn: Looks like we got away before the candy curse became permanent.
Ice King: That’s right. My skyhooks saved the day.
Finn: Thanks for getting us out of there, Simon.
Ice King: Aw, I can’t take all the credit. It’s all thanks to my skyhooks!
[Jake walks over to the edge of the cloud and looks down. Finn approaches Ice King.]
Finn: Hey, why are you even up here?
Ice King: We live here, now. Me and the skyhooks.
Jake: Finn...You gotta see this.
[Finn runs over and looks down. He gasps.]
Finn: Oh...my...
[Cut to a shot of the continent, which appears cleanly cut into quadrants. The top left quadrant is pink, the top right quadrant is icy blue, the bottom left quadrant is gray and smoking, and the bottom right quadrant is green.]
Finn: ...butt.
Ice King: Skyhooks!

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Skyhooks II" from season 9, which aired on April 27, 2017[1].

Characters
Music
Let Me Call You Sweetheart
Bonbon Ballad
Locations
Tree Fort
Cloud Kingdom
This transcript is complete, but needs proper formatting.


Transcript

Under construction
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Give me them jewels, Finn.We're out of time.

[ Cackles ]

Now, let's grab LSP and getthe buns out of here.

Huh!

[ Laughs ]

♪ Let me hear you whisper ♪

Aah!

You left my friend Finndown there.

I'm sorry, but we don't needhim anymore.

But don't worry,I've got a new plan.

A plan where nothing thathappens here matters.

Okay, but we shouldturn back still.

Finn loves me.

He sees me as, like,a handsome older brother.

Mm, no.I'm doing the right thing.

Can't go around it,got to go through it.

♪ That you love me, too ♪

Uh, guys?Getting a little too close.

♪ Keep the love‐light glowing ♪Uh... uh.

♪ In your eyes so true ♪

♪ Let me call you sweetheart ♪[ Screams ]

Finn, it's me,I'm saving your tight butt!

[ Grunts ]Whoop!

Don't worry, my children.

I will send my joy outunto all of them.

"Bonbon ballad."

♪ Underneath the mountain ♪

♪ Overlook the sea ♪

♪ I find my sweet friendswaiting ♪

♪ And bring them close to me ♪

♪ La‐da‐da‐da, la‐da‐da ♪

♪ La‐da‐da‐da,la‐da‐da ♪

Lumpy Space Princess,

you were buried in candy and itdidn't change you at all.

Why doesn't this elementalstuff affect you?

I'm a tough tranch!

People don't tell me what to do,

I tell them what to do!

Okay, but it has to bemore than that.

Like, you're not from aroundOoo, not really.

Maybe you're not made ofthe same stuff as us.

Hmm.

Lumps! Lumps are the subspacemolecular lattice

that binds togetherthe scientific and magical

forces of Ooo ‐‐more powerful than

any one element,it's the force that

orders reality intoits true shape.

And, LSP, this part is very,very important ‐‐

Grrr!No more learning!

[ Car horn beeps ]

Hey, Michael!Let's get married.

Wait, what?

Michael.

LSP, This is important.

I think they were tryingto tell you ‐‐

you're the anti‐elemental.

Fire, Ice, Candy, Slime and...

Lumps![ Gasps ]

[ Hums ]

Huh?

I must have dozed off...

and bound myself.

Ouch!

[ Clears throat ]

People say you shouldn'tlive in the past!

But I say, "Why not?"

I love it.

This book is strange,

but when you puzzle it out,

it's mostly all chargesand frequencies.

Instead of fixing Ooo,

I can use these jewelsto make a portal

to take me back in timeand find Simon

before he discoversthe crown.

Uh‐huh.

This time I won'tlet him put it on.

I'll drop it in a volcanobefore that happens.

Things will be back to beingjust me and Simon,

and you won't exist!

Mm‐hm, mm‐hm.

No more Ice King,no more magic Betty ‐‐

maybe I can even stopthe Mushroom War!

[ Laughs ]

Cool.Now where do I come in?

You're not listening.

My wonderful Simon will neverbecome this sad,

pathetic creaturestrewn before me.

Wait, what?

I thought I could do it,but I can't.

Being with you is like lookingat my old life

through a funhouse mirror.

[ Laughs ]It's driving me mad.

Goodbye, Ice King.

[ Machine whirs ]

Okay, I think this is a prettygood breakdown

of your components.

We just need to figure out a way

to tap into your pureanti‐elemental essence, LSP.

[ Sighs ] Don't tell mewhat to do, Finn.

Yeah, like that.

Pb is undiluted sweetness now,

and Slime Princess has neverbeen slimier.

I think you might need to be themost you that you've ever been.

You just have to believe inyourself.

I do believe myself.

I'm a blossoming debutanteon the war path.

Wenk!

Ahhhhh!

Wenk!

Wenk! Wenk‐wenk! Wenk, wenk,wenk, wenk.

[ Purrs ]See?

It's working.

Ugh!You okay?

Just relax, you'll beobliterated soon.

Really? Lady, this Simon soundscool, but I'm Ice King.

I, uh, I guessI'm a special person

and I am worthy of respect.

Just ‐‐ shh!It'll be over in a second.

Can you turn this offand we can talk, maybe?

Nertz.

Huh.

♪ Underneath the prairie ♪

♪ Over sugar springs ♪

♪ We'll sing our song forever ♪

♪ This candy chorus rings ♪

♪ La‐da‐da‐da, la‐da‐da ♪

Boy, did I fail deep.

Well, maybe I'll try again inanother 1,000 years.

I'm not sticking around to seehow this ends.

Mr. Fox, please roll mesomeplace safe.

Oh, oh, wow. Okay.

[ Grunts ]

♪ Overlook the valley ♪

♪ Under honeymoon ♪

What if?Oh!

We're running out of time.

I am.Glob!

Ding‐dong.

It's me, classic Ice King!

Si‐men!

I didn't likebeing ditched earlier,

but if you and Bettyare cool now,

you can help us figure out howto use LSP's power.

Wait, where's Betty?

Who?

Here, I bet this thingcan helpyou.

[ Gasps ] It's Gunter!Hey, Gunter! Come here, boy.

Okay, fair.

Hey, LSP, now that we've gotthe Enchiridion,

maybe we can study it fora way to figu‐‐

No more studying!

All day long you've been tellingme what to do.

I already saved your life,so quit telling me what to do.

Huh?

What's happening?

The jewels.

Oh!What if your force of will

is influencing and attractingelemental magic.

You mean these jewels love me

more than they love thosedumb‐dumbs?

[ Laughs ]

Wenk! Wenk! Wenk!And you!

Clam your face, you noid!

Clam your face,you noid!

Okay.

Wenk!

My boy!

You bossed him back to normal.Don't stop.

Uh, I don't think I can.The jelly is out of the tube.

♪ Underneath the mountain ♪

♪ Overlook the sea ♪

♪ I find my sweet friendswaiting ♪

♪ And bring them close to me ♪

Mama, Papa!

♪ Close to me ♪

Excuse me.

Whoop!

Oh, blessings, what a trip.

Hey, Slime Princess.

Oh! Hello, Jake.

Uh, did you recently geta haircut?

Unnnh. Lumps.

Oh, LSP.

Please be careful with yourself.

Ha‐ha, fine, I guess.

Yeah, that's all of them!

[ Groans ]

LSP!

[ Weakly ]I'm a hero.

Whoops.

You did it.

She did it!

[ Cheers and applause ]

Uh, I'd like to date you, LSP.

Thank you, Starchy.

[ Coughing ]

Wait, where ‐‐Up here.

[ Clicks tongue ]You really donked up.

Finn?Jake?

Finn!

Oh, my gosh!

Come here.

What?Over here.

Hey, buddy.

Jake? Are you okay?

Yeah...[ Chuckles ]

You know, everything looksdifferent after a long trip.

You and I can fix whatever thisis together, whenever.

Fix what now?

I was really scaredwhen you left.

You're my best brother.

I love you.



  1. http://tvlistings.zap2it.com/tv/adventure-time-elements-part-8-skyhooks-ii/EP012462651620?aid=zap2it
  2. http://kingofooo.tumblr.com/post/159464951669/adventure-time-elements-the-8-part-miniseries
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Sky Witch" from season 5, which aired on July 29, 2013.

Characters
Marceline
Princess Bubblegum
Maja
Crabbit Familiar
Music
None
Locations
Maja's house
Candy Kingdom
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode begins in Princess Bubblegum's room where she is sleeping in her favorite t-shirt. The cuckoo clock above her bed sounds an alarm, dangling a cat from a spring in Princess Bubblegum's face. She wakes up.]
Princess Bubblegum: Okay, okay, I'm up. [pushes cat away, gets out of bed, and sniffs her shirt deeply] Ah! [smacks lips]
[She opens her closet, which contains a photograph of her with Marceline on the inside of the door, and takes out a jacket which she puts on over her t-shirt.]
[Scene cuts to a different room in The Candy Castle, where Princess Bubblegum is speaking with her back to a curtained window.]
Princess Bubblegum: Hey, everybody. I've asked you here today because you are the best of the best.
[Finn, Jake, Cinnamon Bun, Peppermint Butler, Manfried, and three Banana Guards are shown facing Princess Bubblegum. Jake picks his nose.]
Princess Bubblegum: Anyway, recent data shows an increased chance of threat to the Candy Kingdom.
Finn: [Punches his palm]
Princess Bubblegum: So I'm developing a new defense. [Pulls back curtains, revealing a Gumball Guardian] I've installed sleeping gas in the Gumball Guardians. If any bum tries to attack us, they will be sprayed without mercy. Isn't that nice? The only thing is the gas will spread and knock out anyone who breathes it—anyone but you guys, my trained elite. So watch closely. I'm gonna show you all how to overcome the gas [squints and points to her head] with sheer willpower. [points to Gumball Guardian] Hit it!
[Gumball Guardian starts blowing sleeping gas through the window at them.]
Princess Bubblegum: Now make a fist with your brain and punch against sleepy times, saying, "No! NOOO! NOOOOO! Don't go on gentle into that good night."
[Gumball Guardian stops blowing. Cinnamon Bun coughs. Princess Bubblegum turns around and sees that all but Cinnamon Bun have fallen asleep.]
Cinnamon Bun: [waving] Hi!
Marceline: [flying in through the window] Yo, Bubblegum! [closes the curtains]
Princess Bubblegum: Marceline! You're up late.
Marceline: [quickly] No time for chitchat. Let's hang out—right now.
Princess Bubblegum: Hmm, I don't know. I'm, uh, kinda busy. [looks at Cinnamon Bun]
Cinnamon Bun: Uh, [waves] hi.
Marceline: Listen, Bub-Bubs. I tracked down Maja the Sky Witch.
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, what?!
Marceline: Yeah, I tailed her to an enchanted forest, but it's all jammed up with barrier spells.
Princess Bubblegum: Ohhh, I think I see where this is going.
Marceline: Well, you love getting out your big brain and... and... I just thought it'd be cool to spend some quality time with you. [sighs] I need your help, okay?
Princess Bubblegum: But why are you so interested in finding Maja?
Marceline: It's just really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really important to me.
Princess Bubblegum: Whoa. Okay, but—
Marceline: Come on, I got your pack-pack. [helps her put it on]
Princess Bubblegum: Um, sure, but—
Marceline: Hold on to that "but," PB. [pulls her out the window]
Princess Bubblegum: [grunts] Whee!
Cinnamon Bun: [waving out the window] Haha! Whee.
[Scene cuts to Princess Bubblegum and Marceline walking towards the enchanted forest. Marceline tries to go through some vines but is stopped.]
Marceline: Gah! Something's wrong. Huh? Hey! [pulls at the vines] This stuff—it's like a brick wall! [bites a vine] Let's just blow the whole thing up.
Princess Bubblegum: [rubs a high-tech thimble on the vines] Hmmm. [inspects thimble] It's a Sleeping Gate Bramble.
Marceline: How do we kill it?
Princess Bubblegum: All we have to do is take the path of least resistance.
Marceline: [looks around] Alright, so where is it—the path?
Princess Bubblegum: It's in here [points at her head] and in here [places her hand over her heart]. Now [inhales] take a deep breath [exhales and falls backwards into the vines] and be passive. [falls through to the other side]
Marceline: [lies on the Sleeping Gate Bramble, which does not yield] [inhales] Grrrr! [bangs her head on the bramble]
Princess Bubblegum: [poking her head through the bramble] Hello, friend. Trouble relaxing? How 'bout a cup of chamomile tea? [gives a red cup of tea to Marceline]
Marceline: [sucks the red from the cup and falls through to the other side where several large mushrooms are growing on the ground] Wow! Wild digs.
Princess Bubblegum: [holding up a device] Tell me about it. My googoomamameter is going babies. And look at my watch! [shows watch to Marceline]
Marceline: It's... pink.
Princess Bubblegum: It's running backwards. There's serious witchery afoot here.
Marceline: Come on, Princess. We don't got all night. [walks forward while pulling along Princess Bubblegum by her arm]
[They walk deeper into the forest.]
Marceline: [sniffs] [A black feather falls in front of her.] [hisses]
[Marceline looks up to see several totems hanging by ropes in the trees.]
Princess Bubblegum: What are those things?
Marceline: Totem cairns.
[A crow-rabbit hybrid sitting on a branch caws.]
Marceline: That's Maja's Crabbit Familiar.
[Crabbit caws and flies away, dropping a feather. The feather falls to the forest floor and disappears with a sizzle.]
Princess Bubblegum: Wibba-wha?
[The ground where the feather landed swells up and forms a exact likeness of Hambo.]
Hambo: Marceline! It's me!
Marceline: Hambo!
Hambo: Yeah, girl. What took you so long? I thought you gave up on me.
Princess Bubblegum: Your teddy bear?
Marceline: I'm sorry, man! [starts walking towards Hambo]
Princess Bubblegum: [holding her back] Yo, wait a sec!
Marceline: [turns to Princess Bubblegum] WHAT?!
Princess Bubblegum: Marcy, how old are you? It's a trick, right? Come on!
Hambo: Help me out, dum-dum! [fake crying] Boo-hoo. Boo-hoo-hoo-hoo
Marceline: [taking Princess Bubblegum's hand off of her] Get off! [starts running toward Hambo] Buddy!
Princess Bubblegum: [tackling Marceline] NO!
Marceline: [on the ground] [grunts] BONNIE!
[Princess Bubblegum throws the googoomamameter at Hambo, causing Hambo to disappear and wooden pikes to thrust upward through the ground where Hambo was.]
Marceline: You killed him?
Princess Bubblegum: Don't be dense! Hambo can't even talk! Snap out of it, girl.
Marceline: He's been with a witch this whole time. Maybe he can talk now.
Princess Bubblegum: That's seriously what this is about? Rescuing your old teddy bear?
Marceline: Yeah. Sorry I didn't tell you. You might not have come otherwise.
Princess Bubblegum: Um, yeah. Raggedy Princess can make you a new Hambo in, like, three seconds... or Raggedy Princess can be your new Hambo. She'd do it, too. That girl's got, like, zero self-respect. [chuckles] That's mean—don't tell her I said that.
Marceline: I'm not getting a new Hambo. There's only one Hambo.
Princess Bubblegum: It's just a doll.
Marceline: [raises her fist] See this? [extends her arm towards Princess Bubblegum and starts moving it in a circle] [imitates a plane's engine] Voooooooo...
Princess Bubblegum: What's that? You gonna bop me one?
Marceline: It's comin' in for a landing. What'cha gonna do, PB? Wanna keep dissing Hambo?
Princess Bubblegum: [sighs] [monotone] I'm sorry, Marceline. Let's go get Hambo.
Marceline: [retracts arm] Disengage.
Princess Bubblegum: We should track that bird-rabbit thing.
Marceline: Right.
Princess Bubblegum: [squints] Hmm. [sees broken branches] Bang. [points] There goes some broken branches. It left a trail.
Marceline: I see it. [flies away]
Princess Bubblegum: [running after her] Hey! Hold on now! [pants] This bag's mad heavy!
Marceline: [flying through branches and shielding her face with her arms] [grunts]
Princess Bubblegum: Glommit! [jumps over a mushroom] [grunts] [comes to a clearing] MARCELINE! [walking up to a pond] I thought you needed my help. [looks into pond and sees the reflection of a house] Huh. [looks up and sees only clouds.] Nice trick, Maja. [at pond] You in there, Marceline? Hyup! [dives into pond]
[Princess Bubblegum swims straight down and falls out the other side into the sky]
Princess Bubblegum: [gasps for air as she falls up toward a house in the sky] WHOAAAA! [grabs doorknob to house, opens door, and walks into the foyer] Woof. [The door closes and locks behind her.] [looks around] Okay, PB, use your brain. Where would this witch keep Hambo? Break it down. [squints and her vision turns red as she looks at details around the house] Micro... and macro... the picture... becomes... clear... and... call it! [points to each detail she saw] Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, wait... [points to opening above chandelier] yes. [climbs up the chandelier's chain]
[Scene cuts to Marceline, who is walking down a hallway.]
Marceline: Where are you, Maja, you creep? [bumps her head on the ceiling] Oof. [sees a small door] What? [opens door, revealing Hambo] Hambo! [Hambo falls back and starts transforming into Crabbit.] No!
Crabbit: Caw, caw!
Marceline: You again. I'LL KILL YOU! Give me Ham—[Crabbit slams the door in her face.] Uh! [opens door and follows Crabbit back to the foyer, where they start fighting]
[Marceline kicks the Crabbit to the ceiling and it falls to the floor. It transforms into a muscular humanoid shape and resumes fighting.]
[Scene cuts to Princess Bubblegum walking into a room full of boxes and various items.]
Princess Bubblegum: Jeez, man. This must be all of her stolen junk. Ugh, what a creep. [lifts a toy car] Psh, a Ford Broncus. [sets it down] Hmm... [looks around] Whoa! [sees a box and reads its label] "My Privates"? Come here, biddy. [climbs up junk to it] Bam. Whoops! [falls backwards, pulling the box with her and spilling papers] What the—? [picks up a paper] Invoices? [looks at another one] Receipts? [reads it] "Zumma zoom bleep blop for the purchase of Hambo." Whoa, WHAT?!
[Maja enters the room, levitating.]
Maja: That's my private box. Maja's mitts only, ya goof.
Princess Bubblegum: So you purchased Hambo? From some weenus named Ash?
Maja: That's right. He was a weenus so I wrote it on there as my personal joke. [pulls out Hambo from under her poncho] But the sale is still legit. Hambo's mine! His body's all juice-logged with sentimental affection—a savory spell spice. So get out of my face, alright?
Princess Bubblegum: Where's Marceline?
Maja: She's busy with my Crabbit... crow-bit... crow-rabbit. I knew that tranch wouldn't respect my proof of purchase. So what about you, bozo?
Princess Bubblegum: By the laws of my kingdom, I must honor the exchange of goods for legal tender. But guess what—I'm not leaving without Hambo.
Maja: [laughs] So what are you gonna do about it?
Princess Bubblegum: [makes a fist and pulls up her sleeve] I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.
[Scene cuts to Marceline still fighting the Crabbit. She punches it and it falls to the ground.]
Princess Bubblegum: Marceline! [throws Hambo to her] Yoink!
Marceline: [catches it] Hambo! [shedding tears] Oh, it's me, buddy! [wipes her tears] [hugs it and sighs] How did you—?
Princess Bubblegum: I took care of it. [jumps from the staircase onto Crabbit] Let's bust out.
[Marceline breaks through the door with Princess Bubblegum riding on her back. They fall straight down into the pond.]
[Scene cuts to Maja looking through a window, smiling at them from a room with a cauldron. Crabbit comes crawling in with bruises and scratches.]
Crabbit: [grunts] They got away with your [grunts] Hambo.
Maja: Huh-duh! I let them!
Crabbit: You what?
Maja: I made a trade... for this! [pulls out Princess Bubblegum's t-shirt] Bing! [puts it on her face] Mmmmm. [sniffs] Sentimental freshness! Ah, the psychic resonance on Hambo is nothing [rips off a sleeve] compared to this baby! [tosses sleeve into cauldron, which flares up violently] WHOO! Hahahaha!
Crabbit: Listen, Maja. I am not your familiar anymore. I wanna be a dancer.
Maja: That's cool. Then why don't you dance to this?! [zaps Crabbit with lightning]
Crabbit: AAAH!
Maja: Nice moves! [zaps] Now you're the weenus! [Crabbit leaves] Hey, don't go! [flies after him and continues zapping] Ahahahahaha! I'm cookin' up something big, Crabbit! This is my victory lap! Ahahahahaha!

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Slime Central" from season 9, which aired on April 26, 2017.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Ice King
Betty
LSP
Slime Princess
Music
None
Locations
Cloud Kingdom
Slime Kingdom
This transcript is complete but needs formatting.


Transcript

Under construction
This article or section is in the process of being built or revamped. If you have anything to contribute then please, make helpful contributions or wait for this banner to be removed, or post about it on the talk page, especially if you would like to discuss it first and report edit progress. Please use the talk page.

Okay, we'll find the crown,grab the jewel,

and then give a couple tugson the skyhooks!

Got it!

Here's some trail mixfor the road!

You think Betty and Simonhanging out is a good thing?

Totally.

They're two wackadoo peasin a wackadoodle pod.

Something about it makes me feelweird in the ethics.

Well, you don't want to stareat happiness too hard, you know?

Why?

'Cause it stares back, man.

Slime Town is mad nasty.

Let's blend in.

Yeesh.

This smells like the locker roomof a gym for dead fish.

Eh, you get used to it,though.

That's the great thingabout smells.

Man, where is everyone?

[ Bass thumping ]

Skate size?

Uh, 10.

Universal.

Aw, man!

Okay, you look dope.

[ Music blares ]

[ Gasps ]

Whoa.

Slime Princessgot big.

[ Laughs ]

[ Laughs ]

DJ Plop ‐‐DJ‐DJ Plop Drops!

Get ready to plop drooop!

♪♪

Jake, look!

The crown!

Harness me, bro.

Gonna get that jewel!

Re‐re‐re‐rejected!

Her slime's tougherthan it looks.

LSP: Finn, Jake!

Over here!

LSP!

I'm not LSP anymore.I'm LSP.

Oh, 'cause you'reLumpy Slime Princess.

Bingo!

You guys on a team yet?

Why do we need teams?

No, you can't beon my team.

Me and Spurtle Princessare gonna win it all.

Right, girls?

What are ‐‐What are you...?

[ Crowd chanting "Snack pack!" ]

Oh, Glob!

[ Chanting continues ]

What's going on?

Blechfast Princess,Bileberry Princess,

and Hot Blob Princessare about to skate.

The Snack Pack!

Oh, yay.The snack hacks are here.

[ Chuckles ]

Snack hacks.Did you hear that?

Party splat.

You got somethingto say?

Snack Pack,more like...

Stink Pack!

Ooh.Ooh. Ooh.Ooh.

We challenge youto a skate battle!

Skate battle!Byow‐byow‐byow!

Wawawa!

Classic street slime rules ‐‐

quack grinds,sheering the duck,

or insincere hot‐dogging

will resultin instant disqualification!

First up....

The Bearnicks!

♪♪

[ Cheers and applause ]

Move over, Party Splat.

♪♪

Time for the Midnight Snack.

Mid!

Night!

Snack!

Ah.

[ Cheers and applause ]

And the winner is...

Wawa!

Snack Pack!

As always,the prize is absorption

into the bodyof our bumpin' leader.

[ Crowd chanting"Skate to assimilate!" ]

[ Laughter ]

Isn't assimilationamazing?

No! It's horrifying.

It might be comfy,

like a hug that turns youinto a hug.

What happensto the losers?

They go in the losers' cage,

and they're strippedof their skating rights!

Oh.

New plan!

‐We enter the contest...‐Yeah.

‐...win...‐Of course.

...then I grab the jewel

and you stretch uson out of that bod.

Won't we get absorbed,though?

We'll just believe in ourselvesway too much.

She can't absorb usif we're self‐absorbed.

Okay, but you needa three‐person team to compete,

and I'm taken!

What?

We had a voteand you're out.

But I'm the pluckyunderdog!

No, you're just terrible.

Abracajamielcan do the splits.

Whoo!

Whatever!

Nyah!

Attention,super cool party people!

My new, totally awesome team,The Lumps,

challenges my old team,The Stupids,

to a skate battle.

[ Cheers and applause ]

First up...

The Lumps.

Start the beat, Plop‐D!

♪♪

No, wait.Discontinue the beat.

[ Music stops ]

What are you doing, man?

This!

[ Fiddle playing ]

Ah!

[ Crowd murmuring ]

That's not dancing!

I know!It's better.

[ Groans ]

Okay, we can stillsave this, Finn.

Lights!

♪♪

[ Crowd murmuring, whistling ]

Hyah!

Whoa! Aah!

[ Crowd booing ]

We got to do the lift.

[ Crowd oohs ]

[ Applause ]

Wa.

They love me.I'm a true Cinderella story.

Aah!

[ Grunts ]

Aah!

[ Groaning ]

Wa‐waa!

The Stupids win by default!

Whoo!

Ahh.

No! I can still do this!I know I can.

Ah, well.

This isn't howit's supposed to happen.

We blew it.

Eh, it'll work outsomehow.

The winnerswill now be rewarded

with glorious absorption!

[ Crowd chanting"Skate to assimilate!" ]

[ Laughter ]

Today's loserswill now be punished.

P‐P‐P‐Punished!

With shameful absorption!

Take them 'round back.

[ Wheel squeaking ]

Hey, this is gonnawork out somehow.

I've got the loser sticks!

Poke the losers.

Whoo.[ Chuckles ]

Yeah, whoo.

Yes!

Take me,Slime Princess!

Huh!Hold onto me.

This placereally is supes comfy.

[ Grunting ]

Yoink.

Oh, I'm starting to turn.

Pull us out, Jake.

In a minute.

What?!

It's like being in a warm bathfull of snot.

Aah! We're trapped!

It'll work out somehow.

[ Gasps ] Jake, no!Fight the slime!

I'm havingthe slime of my life.

[ Chuckles ]

Jake.

I may as wellgive in to it.

Maybe Simonwill save Ooo.

This isn't an upliftingunderdog ending.

You're still here?

I'm not assimilating.

And no one can seemy cool outfit

through all thislumpin's slime.

[ Groans ]

Looks like LSP is too much ofa killjoy for our Slime Queen!

She's gonna be rejected!

Aah!

[ Both groan ]

Em‐Em‐Em‐Embarrassing!

Y'all are bounced.

Jerks.

I got the jewel,but I lost Jake.

[ Warbles ]

You're nota Slime person?

No, I totally faked it.

I just sawthis lumpalicious party,

and I was like,"These are my people!"

But even though I shopliftedthis super‐cool outfit,

I still didn't fit in.

I guess I don'tfit in...anywhere!

[ Crying ]

Jake could fit in anywhere.

Whatever happened,he was always like,

"It'll work out."

Stop being so selfish, Finn!I'm the one hurting here!

You don't even know whatit's like to be an underdog.

You and Jake always win ‐‐always!

You're right, LSP.We do.

Don't worry, Jake!I vow to get you back in shape.

[ Gasps ]

Oh, my Glob,this is it!

The crowd‐pleasing climax

where the beautiful underdoggets the hunk.

Rom‐com style!

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Slow Love" from season 2, which aired on November 15, 2010.

Characters
Finn
Jake
BMO
Snorlock
Snail Ladies
Music
None
Locations
Tree Fort
Grass Lands
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode begins in the Tree Fort. Finn is reading The Ooo Review and Jake is trying to play a game on BMO, who is playing up-tempo electronic music and dancing.]
Jake: BMO, turn the music down. BMO! Turn it down!
BMO: [Increases volume.]
Jake: [Groans] Come on, BMO you're messing up my game!
BMO: [Continues dancing]
Jake: Hey, dude, can I borrow that paper?
Finn: Mm-hmm.
Jake: [Whistles; rolls up paper; hits BMO with it] Bad computer! No! No! [Music stops.] Now go sit in the corner and think about your life.
[BMO goes to corner and sits. Suddenly, a giant snail bursts through the wall.]
Snorlock: [Roars]
Finn & Jake: Snail attack!
[They are rammed against the far wall.]
Finn & Jake: Aaaaaah! Oof!
Snorlock: [Crying and squirting fluids on Finn & Jake who are both coughing and gagging]
Finn: Oh, sick!
Jake: Ugh!
Finn: Dude, how do you fight a snail?!
Jake: Hold on! [Stretches his arm and grabs a saltshaker] I got this! [Grunts, brandishes saltshaker] Don't make me use this, man!
Snorlock: Salt?! But I heard you guys were heroes.
Finn: We are heroes. We thought you were trying to attack us. Why'd you break in here all mad, squirting that juice all over us?
Snorlock: It's not mad juice. It's sad juice. My name's Snorlock, and I'm sa-a-a-a-d! [Sobbing]
Finn: Stop squirting slime! Just tell us what's wrong!
Snorlock: I need a girlfriend. I have no one to love.
Finn: Jake, hero huddle. [They huddle] What do you think?
Jake: I think our house is all jacked up.
Finn: Yeah, but he's just an innocent goober looking for love.
Jake: Yeah. Okay, let's help him. But he's got to lay off the house.
Finn: Right! All right, man. We'll help you hook up as long as you—
[Snorlock bursts through the wall.]
Snorlock: Yay!
Finn & Jake: Whoa! Aaah!
[Finn & Jake climb to observation boat.]
Jake: Lay off the house, man!
Snorlock: [Sadly] You guys... won't help me? [Whimpers]
Finn: All right! all right! We'll help you, dude! Just put our house back!
Snorlock: Okay! Right after I get a girlfriend.
Finn: Aw! All right, you big crazy. It's a deal.
Snorlock: [Giggles]
Finn: Jake, what time is it?!
Jake: I don't know, but you're probably going to say...
Finn & Jake: Lady time! [LADY TIME screen card; Wolf whistle]
Finn: Okay, Snorlock, if you want a lady, you have to be yourself.
Snorlock: How do I be myself?
Finn: Uh, how does he be himself, Jake?
Jake: Just do whatever you want, man, as long as it comes from the inside.
Snorlock: Like sad juice?
Finn & Jake: No!
Jake: You keep that stuff inside you, brother. You just got to talk to 'em.
Snorlock: Oh. I never done that.
Jake: Finn, you see any hot mamas?
Finn: [Looks through telescope] Ummm... Baaaaaam!
Jake: Go talk to her!
Snorlock: Uhmm...
Jake: Go talk to her!
Snorlock: [Sighs] Okay.
[Snorlock approaches Snail Lady.]
Snail Lady #1: Oh! [See's Snorlock and inhales gut] Hello.
Snorlock: Hi.
Snail Lady: Mm. You seem like a reasonable male. We should go to a movie sometime.
Jake: He's got this.
Finn: Yeah.
Snorlock: [Getting nervous] Uhh...
Snail Lady #1: I like old movies. [Chuckles]
Snorlock: Uh..uh uh...
Snail Lady #1: Um, are you okay?
Snorlock: [Screaming] Aaaaaaaaah! Girlfriend! Girlfriend!
Finn & Jake: Aaah!
[Scene: inside of shaking house, objects are falling and breaking.]
Snorlock: Girlfriend! Girlfriend! Girlfriend! Girlfriend! Girlfriend! Girlfriend!
[Snail Lady quickly retreats.]
Finn: Dude! our house! We got to do something!
Jake: Relax. I got it. Snorlock! Hey, Snorlock. You okay, buddy? Went a little nuts there, guy. You got to get that under control, 'cause you're scaring ladies and jacking up our house.
Snorlock: I'm sorry. Are you gonna leave me?
Jake: Aw, who could leave you? Come here, you big hot mess. [Hugs]
Finn: Break it up, you two! We have ladies to attend to!
Jake: Yeah, the ladies.
Snorlock: Talking to ladies is hard.
Jake: No, it's not. Check it out, Snorlock. Finn, you be the guy snail, and I'll be... [Shifts to appear like a lady snail] the chick snail.
Finn: Ugh! gross, Jake!
Jake: Come on, man. We're just pretending. Do it for love.
Snorlock: [Whimpering]
Finn: Okay. I'll do it for this guy.
Snorlock: [Gasps happily]
Finn: [Clears throat] What's up, lady snail?
Jake: [High-pitched voice] Well, I'm just sitting here thinking about mating with snails.
Finn: No! I can't do this, man! I-am-out!
Snorlock: I'll mate with you.
Jake: [Normal voice] We're just role-playing, buddy.
Snorlock: Aww.
Jake: Here, Finn. This time you be the chick and I'll be the snail dude.
Jake: [Shifts into Guy Snail; flexes pecs] Hey, baby. What's up?
Finn: Uh... WHA!
Jake: Mm-mmm! [Sniffs Finn's hand] mm-mmm! [Deep voice] Girl, you smell good. Did you take a bath in rainbows and cupcakes?
Finn: [Growing more uneasy]
Jake: Say "yes"! [High-pitched voice] Say "Yes"! [Deep voice] Say "YES"! [High-pitched voice] Say "Yes"!
Finn: Okay! Yes!
Jake: [Normal voice] See, Snorlock? Talking to ladies is easy. Just act like me.
[Snorlock approaches another Lady Snail]
Snorlock: Uh... girl, you smell good.
Snail Lady #2: You can smell me?
[Snorlock nervously looks to Finn & Jake, who give thumbs up.]
Snorlock: May I smell you more?
Snail Lady #2: Uh, okay.
Snorlock: [Sniffs] Cupcakes...
Snail Lady #2: Uh, I have to go.
Snorlock: Did you take a bath?
Snail Lady #2: Don't ever talk to me again.
Snorlock: Please don't go! Don't go! Aww.
Jake: Aw, it's okay, buddy. Come here and give us a hug.
Snorlock: Man, I wish you guys were ladies.
Finn: Uhh.
Jake: Stay focused, Snorlock. You have any cool talents that ladies might like?
Snorlock: No.
Jake: Umm, hey, Finn, teach him how to use swords. The princesses always love this one.
Finn: [Preforms stabbing motions and flips] Yah! yah! yah! yah! Yaaaah! hyah!
Jake: Do you think you can do that, Snorlock?
Snorlock: I don't know.
Jake: Hmm. Maybe you're musical. Can you do this? [Inhales deeply, begins beatboxing] Try doin' all that.
Snorlock: Hmm. [Grunts, grows arms, grabs the swords then begins beatboxing and twirling swords]
Finn & Jake : Whoo-hoo! yeah!
Snail Lady #3: My word, Eleanor! What is that alluring sound?
Eleanor: I have no idea.
Jake: Yeah, Snorlock! Show us that talent!
Finn: Whoo-hoo!
[A herd rushes over in the trio's direction.]
Snail Ladies: Oh, my! What is that? What is that wonderful sound? Do I see swords?
Finn: Jake, these chicks look pretty serious.
Jake: Let's just let Snorlock do his thing. Go to it, buddy! [Grabs Finn and sits on top of observatory boat]
Snail Ladies: [Snorlock beatboxing continues] Ahh! Ooh! Ahh.
Jake: Look at him go! Bringing in the ladies.
Finn: Uh, he's bringing in a lot of ladies.
Snail Ladies: [Crowding around Snorlock and begin grinding on him] Mm!
[Scene: inside of shaking house, objects are falling and breaking, BMO is sliding around.]
Finn & Jake: [Both screaming]
Finn: Snorlock! These ladies are ruining our tree house! Stop!
[Snorlock continues beatboxing as the Snail Ladies kiss him.]
[The continuous grinding wrecks the house even more.]
Finn & Jake: Whoa!
Jake: Wedge, dude!
Finn: [Grunting] [Sticks sword into house's top to pull it off Snorlock]
Jake: [Grunting] It's no use, man. It's stuck with snail slime.
Finn: [Gets shoved back and forth between the Snail Ladies]
Jake: Finn! Aah! [Also gets shoved back and forth between the Snail Ladies]
[Finn & Jake land hard on the ground and then stand up.]
Finn: How are we gonna get our house back?
Jake: [Jake flashes back to the salt shaker, cue Snorlock yelling "Salt!"] Dude, I'm going in.
Finn: Wha? Jake! No! You'll get slimed or grinded on!
Jake: [Runs and then jumps into the house window] Hmph!
[He grabs the salt shaker and dives back outside to a waiting Finn.]
Finn: [Gasps as he sees what Jake has] [Nods]
Jake: Snorlock, I'm gonna give you till the count of three, mister!
[Snorlock continues.]
Jake: One, two, three!
[Snorlock continues.]
Jake: Fine. I didn't want to have to do this. [Taps out a single grain of salt onto his palm] [Inhales deeply and then blows it in Snorlock's direction]
[The beatboxing slows as the salt approaches. Snorlock spots it and the beatboxing stops. The grain lands and leaves a huge burn mark.]
Snorlock: Aaaaaah! [Bucks the house off his back] Ow! ow! Owwwwwww!
Snail Lady #4: Oh, my gosh! He's naked!
Snail Ladies: [Laughter]
Snorlock: What? I'm naked? But I've never had a shell.
Jake: Snorlock, you never had a shell? That means you're not naked. You're a slug!
Snorlock: Me, a slug?
Finn: Yeah, man. That's why you have trouble with snail chicks. You need slug chicks.
Snorlock: [Pouting] I don't known any slug chicks.
Slug Lady: Actually, I-I'm not really a snail. I'm a slug. My shell's made of peppermint.
Snorlock: [Laughs happily]
[Scene: Snorlock and Slug Lady smooching]
Finn: That's gross!
Jake: I don't know why they have to make out so close to our house.
Finn: I don't know. Come on, let's finish rebuilding it. I got some ear plugs you can borrow.
[Up-tempo electronic music plays]
Finn: Where's that music coming from?
BMO: [Watching the two slugs] Go! go! go! go!
Finn: BMO! Get over here and help us rebuild the tree house.
Jake: Yeah. You live here, too!
BMO: [Increases volume]
Finn & Jake: Oh, BMO!
[The episode ends with BMO getting sprayed by slime]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Slumber Party Panic" from season 1, which aired on April 5, 2010.

Characters
Jake
Lady Rainicorn
Finn
Princess Bubblegum
Zombie
Candy People (all accounted)
Tree Trunks (cameo, debut)
Music
None
Locations
Candy Kingdom
Graveyard
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[The episode begins in the Candy Kingdom, Jake is playfully chasing Lady Rainicorn.]
Jake: Yeah, you think you're pretty way up there but I can get you! [he stretches to be on Lady's level.]
Lady Rainicorn: 나 잡아봐봐~ ("Catch me if you can.")
[Finn and Princess Bubblegum are in a cemetery with a table full of different chemicals.]
Princess Bubblegum: Alright. Let me just add three more drops of explosive diarrhea.
[She adds the explosive diarrhea and a giant cloud shaped like a skull puffs out. Not a good omen.]
Finn and Princess Bubblegum: Oooo...
Finn: Hey Princess Bubblegum, when we bring the dead back to life, will it be filled with worms?
Princess Bubblegum: No. If my decorpsinator serum works, all the dead Candy People will look as young and healthy as you do.
[Finn does a "Tarzan-yell" while hitting his hands against his chest.]
Princess Bubblegum: Pick up that platter, tough guy.
[Finn picks up a serving platter and open the lid, revealing a Candy Person corpse.]
Finn: Old Mr. Cream Puff?
Princess Bubblegum: [Giggles] We used to date. [Applies the serum.]
[Mr. Cream Puff's corpse starts to glow and overflow with the fizzing serum.]
Finn: Something's happening! Come on, come on...
Princess Bubblegum: Work.
[A zombie Mr. Cream Puff arises and moans.]
Finn: Algebraic!
Princess Bubblegum: Wait, something's wrong.
Zombie Mr. Cream Puff: Sugar! [Squirts serum out of his eyes and mouth]
Finn and Princess Bubblegum: Ew!
[Zombie Mr. Cream Puff leaps into a giant test tube. The test tube falls and infects the whole cemetery. Zombie Candy People begin to arise from their graves.]
Finn: Hey, look, the decorpsinator serum is working!
Princess Bubblegum: No, this is wrong. They're not coming back to life--they're still dead! The decorpsinator serum--it's incomplete! [she rubs the head of a candy person that looks like a love heart.]
Zombie Love Heart: [lashing out at Princess Bubblegum] Rah. Must eat sugar!
Finn: [Pushes him back down] You're grounded, Mister.
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, this is really bad. They're going to be attracted to the Candy Kingdom!
Finn: Why?
Princess Bubblegum: Because the Candy People are made of sugar, ya ding dong!
Zombie Mr. Cream Puff: [On Princess Bubblegum] Gimme some sugar, baby.
Finn: Chew on this! [Kicks him]
Princess Bubblegum: [Giggles] Good one, Finn. Quickly, to the kingdom!
[They run out of the cemetery]
Finn: [Kicks another zombie] Get a life!
[Princess Bubblegum is at the top of her castle, ringing a large bell]
Princess Bubblegum: All citizens of the Candy Kingdom! Report to the palace, immediately!
[Candy People mumble in confusion and walk to the palace]
Jake: Whoa!
[Jake and Lady go off to the palace. Princess Bubblegum notices the zombies slowly leaving the cemetery.]
Princess Bubblegum: [worried] Hurry, sweet citizens.
Finn: Alright, you heard the princess, everyone in! Alright, no pushing, come on!
Jake: Dude, what's up?
Finn: The princess will explain everything. Tree Trunks, get those hot buns in here, girl.
Tree Trunks: [Carrying hot cross buns] Oh, I hope it's not bad news.
[Princess Bubblegum and Finn close the door]
Finn: Did we get everyone?
Manfried: All present and accounted for.
Finn: Thanks, Manfried.
Manfried: You're welcome.
Princess Bubblegum: Citizens, we are assembled here in the candy foyer for a momentous announcement. Tonight we are all going to have... a slumber party!
Finn: What?!
[Crowd cheers]
Finn: Wait! What about the zom--?! [Princess Bubblegum covers his mouth]
Princess Bubblegum: Go ahead and start partying.
Finn: [Voice muffled] But, Princess, the Undead--
Princess Bubblegum: [Carries Finn to the lab] We'll be right back, everyone.
Jake: Whooo!
[In the lab]
Princess Bubblegum: Finn, the Candy People can't know about the zombies.
Finn: Wha?!
Princess Bubblegum: If they knew, they would flip out.
Finn: What do you mean "flip out"?
Princess Bubblegum: I mean they would flip out.
[Scene changes to the cemetery; Starchie arrives with a shovel.]
Starchie: Princess? It's me, Starchie the gravedigger. I brought you a larger corpse shovel. Oh, Princess? Well, I'll just wait for you here, then. By the mausoleum. With my back turned. And my defenses lowered.
[As Starchie does so, Candy Zombie comes out of the mausoleum and goes up to Starchie, Starchie starts to scream and gasp and then... KABOOM!!! He explodes in a flash of light. Back at the castle.]
Finn: Candy People explode when they get scared?!
Princess Bubblegum: Not telling the Candy People about the zombies is so important that you need to promise, Royal Promise, not to let anyone find out about the zombies, ever.
Finn: Okay, sure.
Princess Bubblegum: No, Finn. You have to Royal Promise.
Finn: Yes, [kneels] I Royal Promise.
Princess Bubblegum: Now I must cloister myself in the lab and finish the equation to my decorpsinator serum. You keep the candy folk distracted and ignorant. Can you do that?
Finn: Yes, your highness.
Princess Bubblegum: Good. Don't tell anyone about the zombies. Never ever. [She leaves]
Finn: No, wait. Can I at least tell [Jake enters] Jake?
Jake: Tell me about what, dude?
Finn: You know, about the outbreak of zom-- [Covers his mouth]
Jake: [Chuckles] Alright, what's going on?
Finn: Uhh, nothing at all, buddy! [Laughs awkwardly and skips into the foyer]
Jake: Hey, dude. I think you and Bubblegum are up to something.
Finn: [nervously] Ahha ah, what? No, no way.
Jake: Whoa, you guys are up to something. Is it some sort of prank? Can I get in on it?
Finn: [To party-goers] Who wants to play "Truth or Dare"?
Jake: Hmm...
Finn: Ok, Chocoberry, you may ask someone to tell a deep truth or a saucy dare.
Chocoberry: Mr. Cupcake, truth or dare?
Mr. Cupcake: Dare.
Chocoberry: I dare you to take off your wrapper.
[Everyone goes "Oooh"]
Jake: [Shoulders Finn] Hey seriously, man. I'm your bro. Bros are supposed to tell bros everything all the time. What are you and Bubblegum up to? Is everything alright?
Finn: Yep! Fine! Everything is great! Heh, heh. [Crinkling sound] Except for that. Whoa.
[Mr. Cupcake has shed his wrapper]
Peppermint Butler: I didn't know he was chocolate.
Mr. Cupcake: Jake, truth or dare?
Jake: Truth.
Mr. Cupcake: Do you prefer chocolate or fudge?
Jake: I can't eat chocolate or fudge 'cause I'm a dog and they'd probably kill me, but hmmmmm probably... neither. Finn! Truth or dare?
Finn: Dare! Haha!
Jake: I dare you... to tell me the truth about what's going on in your mind. What were you and Bubblegum talking about when you were alone together?
[Everybody goes "Oooh"]
Finn: [Nervously] Umm, ahh, the truth is, ahhh...
[Finn visualizes Princess Bubblegum's face on Jake]
Hallucination of Princess Bubblegum: You promised you wouldn't freakin' tell anyone! Oh, you're so cute, Finn.
Finn: Ahhh... the truth is... that I'd rather play Dodge Socks!
[Finn throws a sock at Jake, Princess Bubblegum's face goes away]
Jake: I'm not playing dodge socks 'til you stop dodging my questions. Hey... [Sniffs socks] Old Mr. Cream Puff? Isn't he dead?
Finn: Hey, give me my sock back! Dodge Socks was a bad idea!
Jake: Whoa. [angrily] Look dude, just tell me what's up, 'cause you are crazier than a cannonball tonight.
[Finn looks out a window behind Jake and sees the zombies coming]
Finn: [Thinking] Oh, my goodness! Princess hasn't finished the equation and the zombies are here!
Finn: I, uh, she just want this slumber party to be super fun, and if I did have something to tell you, then I would in a second, and it would make my life easier, unless there was something stopping me, like a promise, but there isn't, so I won't, so it's cool.
[Zombie arises by the window behind Jake]
Zombie: Sugar!
[Finn shuts the shutters]
Jake: What? You lost me.
Finn: Umm... Hey, you know what time it is?
Jake: Adventure time?
Finn: No, time for Seven Minutes in Heaven! You're first.
Jake: Really?
Finn: Lady Rainicorn! In the closet with Jake!
Lady: 뭐? 나? 웃겨 정말. 그래, 좋아. 하자. ("What? Me? You gotta be kidding me. Okay, then. I'll play.")
Jake: Okay, okay, alright. [Closet door closes on Jake and Lady] But in seven minutes, I'm gonna come out and make you spill your beans, Finn.
Finn: I can't hear you all the way in heaven!
[Finn looks out a window, a horde of zombies shouting "Sugar" comes and begins banging on door]
Chet: Umm, does anyone else hear that?
Finn: What? Hear what? I, I don't hear anything.
[Candy People begin to murmur as they too hear the banging.]
Chet: I hear something I don't understand... and it makes me scared! [Begins to shake.]
Finn: What? No, Chet. Everybody, wait. What noise? You mean this noise? [Turns on a radio and party lights comes on.]
Chet: Oh. [Laughs]
Finn: Yeah! Dance it! Bust it up! Uh! Uh! Uh! Oh!
[A zombie comes out of the main door, Finn rushes to the door, grabbing a table]
Chocoberry: What is this game you are playing at now, Finn?
[Finn barricades the door with the table]
Finn: Uhh, it's... Blockado. Haha, the game of barricades. Come on, let's block all the entrances and windows!
[Candy People cheer and begin blockading the doors and windows before the zombies can come in]
Finn: Alright, this is not a permanent solution. Think Finn, how can you keep everyone from finding out?
Manfried: Find out about what, Finn?
Finn: Manfried, the talking piñata! Your convenient appearance gives me a great idea. Everyone, grab a stick! New game! We're gonna smash some piñatas!
Manfried: What?
Finn: Except for you, Manfried.
Manfried: Oh, thank goodness.
[Finn takes some strips off of Taffy Girl]
Finn: Now everybody don these blindfolds. [Whispering] Thanks, Taffy Girl.
[Finn runs into the middle of the blindfolded Candy People swinging sticks]
Finn: Alright, everybody, get together. I'm hanging the piñatas... [The zombies burst through the barricades] They're all around you. Smash the piñatas!
[Finn and the Candy People smash all the zombies]
Finn: Yeah! You guys are on fire!
[Chocoberry smashes a zombie, causing candy to fall out. She kneels down and licks the candy.]
Chocoberry: Oh, it is so tasty.
[All the Candy Zombies are smashed and the Candy People are eating their candy]
Finn: Yes! We did it! My improbable plan worked!
[Jake and Lady come out of the closet]
Jake: Whew!
Lady: 안녕! ("Hello!")
Jake: Seven minutes up yet? [Grabs a jelly filled doughnut and eats it, noticing the zombie corpses.] Whoa! [Runs to Finn] What the nuts happened here?!
Finn: Oh, we killed all the zombies that Princess Bubblegum and I raised from the dead.
Jake: Really!?
[Time freezes, leaving only Finn moving in the room.]
Finn: Jake? What's going on?
[Princess Bubblegum enters, unaffected by the freezing.]
Princess Bubblegum: What? Huh? Oh, Finn! Did you break your Royal Promise?
Finn: Yeah, but, I mean, all the zombies are dead. The Candy People won't freak out. What's the big deal?
Princess Bubblegum: This is really, really bad, Finn. You can't break Royal Promises. Never, ever, never. No matter what, forever.
[The room starts shaking]
Princess Bubblegum: The Guardians of the Royal Promise are coming for us.
[A hand bursts through the ceiling and grabs Finn and Princess Bubblegum and pulls them outside]
Finn and Princess Bubblegum: Whoa!
Guardian 1: Finn the Human. You have broken a Royal Promise for which the penalty is trial by fire.
[Guardian 2 breathes fire]
Finn: That's stupid.
Princess Bubblegum: Wait! He's my friend! Isn't there another option?!
Guardian 1: Yes. Because you care for the promise-breaker, we will give him a less hot trial. You must now answer...
Guardian 2: ...Math questions!
Finn: Mathematical!
Princess Bubblegum: Finn, you're terrible at math.
Finn: Awww.
Guardian 1: Now, solve this! [Puts Finn in front of Guardian 2, who puts up a hologram of an overly complicated math equation]
Finn: Uhh....
Guardian 2: Oh, wait, wait, I thought of a better one. [Replaces the equation with one that says "2+2"]
Guardian 1: Yes! Two plus two. Solve it or die.
Finn: Uhh. Four, right?
[Guardians laugh]
Guardian 1: Oh, correct.
[Guardians heads explode and time rewinds, night becomes day, Guardian 2's head comes back and he talks backwards and goes back to sitting and blowing bubbles around the Candy Kingdom.]
Finn: What's happening, Princess?
Princess Bubblegum: You've defeated the broken royal promise! The Gumball Guardians are resetting!
[Guardian 1 drops Finn and Princess Bubblegum, who teleport back to Princess Bubblegum's lab]
Finn: Slamacow! That was tops! Who's not good at math? I was all "Four!"
Princess Bubblegum: Four, four... Four, four, four... That's it! The answer was so simple, I was too smart to see it!
Finn: You're welcome!
Princess Bubblegum: '4' is the last figure I need to perfect my decorpsinator serum.
[In the foyer, Princess Bubblegum pours the serum on a zombie]
Revived Zombie: Golly!
[Finn and Princess Bubblegum pour the serum on all the zombies]
Finn: Woohoo! Yeah!
Jake: This is messed up, but sweet.
Lady Rainicorn: 진짜로. ("Truly it is.")
[Finn and Princess Bubblegum revive more Candy Zombies]
Candy Person 1: Uncle Chewy!
Candy Person 2: Grandma!
Ice Cream Lady: Former dead relative!
Jake: Starchie!
Starchie: Mornin'.
Jake: [Walks over to Finn] Man, you broke a Royal Promise? You're nuts. All you had to do is say that it was a royal secret. I know what's up. [Walks away from Finn.]
Princess Bubblegum: I hope you grasp the full consequences of breaking promises.
Finn: Heck yeah! If I break a Royal Promise, I get to fight zombies, throw slumber parties, awake Gumball Guardians and... and...
Princess Bubblegum: Alright, alright.
Finn: [evilly] And reverse death itself!
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, you are adorable. But keep your promises, okay?
Finn: I will, Princess.
[Finn notices Starchie gnawing on his leg and picks him up]
Finn: Starchie, you're not a zombie.
Starchie: I can't help it. Flesh is delicious!
Finn: You're delicious!
Starchie: Don't squeeze me! I'll fart!
[Finn squeezes him, Starchie farts]


Episodes ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Something Big" from season 6, which aired on July 3, 2014.

Characters
Finn
Princess Bubblegum
Maja
Darren
Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant
Jake
Ice King
Gridface Princess
Banana Guards
Crunchy
Peppermint Butler
Colonel Candy Corn
Swan
Candy Person 28
Music
None
Locations
Candy Kingdom
Tree Fort
Cotton Candy Forest
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[Atop the walls of the Candy Kingdom, Princess Bubblegum is tying a saddle on her Swan. Peppermint Butler comes running up, holding binoculars. Finn, Jake, and Gridface Princess are right behind him.]
Peppermint Butler: Princess, he did it! Root Beer Guy set up the force field!
Finn: But he sacrificed himself to do it.
Jake: It's an ugly scene, man.
Princess Bubblegum: Let me see. [takes binoculars]
[Darren grunts as he repeatedly tries to break the force field. She spies Root Beer Guy's remains on the ground nearby.]
Princess Bubblegum: Rest in peace, Root Beer Guy.
Maja: Give up now, Princess, and I, Maja the Sky Witch, promise not to completely donk up your kingdom.
Darren: I make no such promise. Darren must feed.
[Inside the Candy Kingdom wall, Crunchy trembles in fear.]
Crunchy: Oh, Glob! Oh, oh, oh!
Maja: Oh, well. [laughs] What can you do?
Candy Person: Crunchy, chill. Chill.
[Crunchy explodes.]
[Time card: THE DAY BEFORE]
[Maja walks to the edge of a cliff.]
Maja: Keepers of the clock, masters of dimension, bear witness!
[Maja lets go of her cloak, revealing Princess Bubblegum's rock T-shirt.]
Maja: By my power, I compel you to converge!
[Time suddenly slows and stops. Her cloak stops in midair, and birds flying overhead are suspended.]
Maja: Past and present, be one. Awaken the terror of a forgotten age in this moment that is all moments in the blink of an eye.
[The moon turns into an giant eye and blinks.]
Maja: Darren, the ancient sleeper, arise!
[Darren rises out of the ground.]
Darren: I had a dream I was fighting an army that could birth new soldiers from their own blood. I was endless. Does that make sense?
Maja: Yes. You want to go conquer the Candy Kingdom?
Darren: What's that?
Maja: It's a place that contains the highest levels of caring and sentimental affection in all of Ooo.
Darren: What is caring? What kind of world is this?
Maja: It's a feeling I use in my magic to give me power. Like this shirt that was once the prized possession of Princess Bubblegum. With the feelings in this shirt, I was able to summon you.
Darren: I don't—walk me through this.
Maja: All right.
Darren: This kingdom of candy...
Maja: Yes?
Darren: I will lay it to waste, turn their people to salt.
Maja: Yeah...
Darren: And garnish a million meals with the salt, which we will eat for eternity.
Maja: That's not my plan exactly, but you'll be fine. I promise.
Darren: I promise, as well, to deliver destruction so thorough that all realities are affected.
Maja: Okay. We'll talk about that.
Darren: All realities.
Maja: Hey! We'll talk about it!
[The flashback ends. Darren is inside the force field and Maja is hovering nearby.]
Maja: Break this witch out, Darren.
[Darren continues hitting the force field.]
Princess Bubblegum: How long will your force field hold, Gridface Princess?
Gridface Princess: The sleeper's magic is older than legend. I don't know how he disabled both Gumball Guardians, but at least I know my tech is tight. The field will hold long enough for you to think of a weak plan.
Princess Bubblegum: [on phone] Colonel Candy Corn?
Colonel Candy Corn: Uh, yes, Princess.
Princess Bubblegum: Ready the cannons. You got me? If they get through that barrier, I don't want to have to use our ground troops.
Colonel Candy Corn: Will do, Princess. And let me just say... thank you for putting this old crease back in the field. I haven't been the same since my lovely Linda passed away.
Princess Bubblegum: Yeah. Good luck.
Colonel Candy Corn: Oh, I tried dating again, you know? But these young girls think I'm too serious or something.
Peppermint Butler: Why don't you date someone your own age?
Princess Bubblegum: [covers receiver] Peppermint Butler, come on!
Colonel Candy Corn: Oh, women my age don't hang out. Where are they hiding?
[PB hands the phone to Peppermint Butler.]
Colonel Candy Corn: I need a young girl with an old soul to heal my heart.
[Darren continues trying to break the force field, with Maja's help.]
Darren: This is taking too long.
Maja: Then do the thing!
Darren: I call forth the Legion of Cadmus, the Dragon's Teeth!
[A portal opens in the sky.]
Colonel Candy Corn: What am I supposed to—oh! Party's starting. Load 'em up, soldiers!
Candy soldier: Yeah, just put it in there. I don't know.
Colonel Candy Corn: Oh, dang!
[An egg drops from the portal, out of which hatches a pink monster. The first of many.]
Colonel Candy Corn: Fire!
[The soldiers fire the cannon, exploding one of the monsters. Another one hatches and starts pommeling the force field generator, but it is hit with a cannonball. Several more eggs drop from the sky and hatch.]
Princess Bubblegum: Finn and Jake, are you ready to—what the...? Finn? [to a Banana Guard] Where the jam is Finn?!
Banana Guard: I don't know. Weren't they just here?
Princess Bubblegum: What the jam?!
[The pink monsters continue to get blown up by cannonballs. One punches the force field generator and cracks it right before being hit.]
Princess Bubblegum: All right. Finn or no Finn, PB's got to get in that biz. [mounts Swan] Hyah! [takes off]
[The scene switches to inside the Candy Kingdom walls.]
Colonel Candy Corn: Why have you stopped firing?
Candy soldier: We ran out of ammo, colonel.
Colonel Candy Corn: That's nonsense, soldier.
[Outside, a pink monster runs up to the force field generator and lands a finishing blow, breaking it apart. The force field lowers.]
[Inside the wall, Colonel Candy Corn is inside a cannon.]
Colonel Candy Corn: This is how you defend your kingdom! Fire, you wimps! [The cannon fires.] Ya-ha!
[Behind him are the soldiers, who have also shot themselves out of cannons.]
Candy soldiers: Ah!
Colonel Candy Corn: [laughs] For the kingdom!
Candy soldiers: For the king...
[Darren blasts fire out of his mouth toward PB and the soldiers.]
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, zang! [dodges blast]
Candy soldiers: ...ingdom!
[The soldiers take the full force of the blast. Colonel Candy Corn flips onto the ground safely and looks behind him, seeing the roasted candy soldiers.]
Colonel Candy Corn: [exhales sharply]
[Princess Bubblegum's swan shoots its laser at Darren, but he blocks it with his fist. Colonel Candy Corn attacks the pink giants, felling two of them. Princess Bubblegum's swan continues shooting its laser at Darren and dodging his fist.]
Maja: Eat it, tranch!
[Maja flaps her cloak at Princess Bubblegum, sending a gust of wind toward her. The swan falls to the ground and pins Princess Bubblegum underneath it. Darren pins them both under his hand.]
Darren: It's over, Princess. Prepare to be annihilated across all dimensions.
Colonel Candy Corn: Princess! No!
[Darren charges up his fire blast.]
Maja: Wait, Darren! Dial it back. I need her residual feelings.
Darren: What the flip is feelings? Darren only understands life and death!
[Out of nowhere, a laser blast burns off Darren's arm.]
Darren: Wah!
Maja: What the slizz?!
[Finn and Jake ride in on the Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant.]
Finn & Jake: Yeah, boy!
Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant: Hi, Darren.
Maja: The Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant?!
Darren: Eli, were you asleep forever too? All this stuff is different now. What are we even doing here?
Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant: Yes, it's been a difficult adjustment.
Finn: Blaze his face, Eli!
Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant: Yes, master. [shoots laser]
[Darren deflects the blast to the Ice Kingdom, knocking the top off Ice King's Castle.]
Ice King: Yo! Leave me out of it!
[The Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant continues shooting his laser, incinerating all the pink monsters.]
Maja: No! [charges up an attack]
[The Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant shoots a short blast at her, sending her flying into the Cotton Candy Forest. She smacks headfirst into a tree and lands on the ground, unconscious.]
Darren: Yeah, right.
[Darren shoots fire from his mouth at Finn and Jake. The Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant meets the blast with his laser. Darren slowly overtakes him.]
Darren: [laughs]
Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant: Finn, his weakness is his brain seed.
Finn: Okay!
[Jake throws Finn into Darren's open head.]
Finn: Whoo-hoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!
[Inside Darren's head, some branches ensnare Finn before he can reach the seed.]
Finn: Oh, uh! [grunts] Aah! [stabs brain]
Darren: Thank you.
[And with these parting words, his head explodes, and the portal closes. Sparkles shoot out of his neck. So ends Darren's reign of terror.]
Jake: Whoa!
[The sparkles land on the injured Candy soldiers, healing them.]
Candy soldiers: [cheer]
[Princess Bubblegum hugs her swan.]
Swan: [squawks]
Banana Guard: Well, I guess my kids still have a daddy.
Colonel Candy Corn: [kicks Darren's body] Bam, you dope!
Princess Bubblegum: Party tonight in the Candy Kingdom!
[Everyone cheers.]
Princess Bubblegum: Hey, where's Finn?
Finn: Hi.
Princess Bubblegum: Okay. Y'all bring food and bevs. Finn, you make the guac, all right?
Finn: I'll make the guaaaaaaaaaaac.
[At the Tree Fort, the Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant is hovering outside the window.]
Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant: Finn! Finn!
Finn: Yo! What's up, APTWE?
Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant: What do I do now?
Finn: Dude, I don't know. Probably not go back in the basement. You're so big'uns. You should be free, boy.
Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant: Free to do what? I need psychic commands.
Finn: Can you help me dice tomatoes for this guac?
Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant: No.
Finn: You see, man, I feel weird giving you orders. You should just do your own thing. Realize your potential.
Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant: But this is what I am—a war machine who serves its master.
Finn: No, man. You're more than that. [drops guacamole] Whoops. I see into your brain, remember? You'll do great. Just go for it. I believe in you, man.
[The Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant Finn back the guacamole with his trunk.]
Finn: Oh, word. Thanks.
Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant: Maybe Darren was right. There's no place for my ancient ways. [flies off]
Finn: Don't think like that, dude! Come back and see us whenevs!
[The sun sets as the Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant flies away. It sleeps in a cave. The sun rises, and an ant walks by carrying a leaf. The Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant reads its thoughts.]
Ant: I'm doing this for a reason. What choice is there?
Baby birds: Hungry! Hungry! Hungry!
Mama bird: Must feed babies. [feeds worms to chicks]
Sun: Hey! Elephant. I'm more ancient than you. Someday, I will engulf the solar system. What was and what will be are meaningless. Meanwhile, you should wonder: are you just a two-headed pile of meat on a crash course with the cosmic dump? Or do you contain the soul memory of a million dead stars? How do you light a candle without a match?
[The Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant thinks for a moment. The scene then changes to him flying into the Cotton Candy Forest. He touches his trunk to Maja's head.]
Maja: Hello? Who's that? Why can't I see jack?
Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant: You bonked your head. You're in a coma, but I can help.
Maja: Um, all right. Are you, like, powerful?
Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant: Yes. I can fly and do lasers from my nose.
Maja: Okay. I can run with this. Take me to the Candy Kingdom and shoot your laser nose at it.
Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant: No. I must decide, in this moment, what is best. For now, I am the match and the candle.
Maja: What?
Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant: I will be your friend and keep you alive, until you regain consciousness, maybe.
Maja: Ugh, that plan sounds like dirt!
Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant: See through my eyes, Maja.
Maja: Ah! It's bright! Wait! You're the flippin' elephant! You laser-nosed me! Somebody help! Oh, my Glob. Somebody!
[The Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant scoops Maja up with his trunk and takes off. A leaf falls to the ground.]
Leaf: Well, this wasn't part of my plan.
Caterpillar: Hey, man. I'm gonna eat you.
[A picture of Root Beer Guy appears, surrounded by the words, "In loving memory: Root Beer Guy," followed by a picture of Crunchy in bandages with the words, "Crunchy got put back together."]

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Son of Rap Bear" from season 10, which aired on September 17, 2017.

Characters
Neptr
Finn
Flame Princess
Toronto
Rap Bear
Gingerbread Rapper
Son of Rap Bear
BMO
Flame King
Chipmunks
Rapper Chipmunk
Music
None
Locations
Beach
Monster
Candy Tavern
Pizza Sassy's
Marceline's house
Tree House
Wizard Battle Arena
This transcript is complete (needs proofreading)


Transcript

[The episode opens in the evening at a party on the beach. Flags read "CLAM RAP".]
Neptr: [Begins rapping Clams and Raps]
♪ C-C-C-C-Clam Rap ♪
♪ Juicy like nectar ♪
♪ My name is Neptr ♪
♪ I stay rapping no matter what the weather ♪
♪ I'm by the fire 'cause it's hot like a dryer... ♪
[Finn gets a plate of clams from Crab Princess and goes over to Flame Princess, who is by the bonfire. Neptr continues rapping in the background.]
Finn: Clams and rappin'. Doesn't get any better than this, right, Phoebe?
Flame Princess: It's actually my first Clam Rap.
Finn: [Begins beatboxing and then continues the Clams and Raps song]
♪ Clams, clams ♪
♪ Ate this plate of clams ♪
♪ Utensils weren't provided ♪
♪ So I had to use my hands ♪
♪ I'm gonna be unhappy ♪
♪ If it happens agains ♪
Boom!
[The other partygoers cheer for Finn.]
Finn: Princess, what you got?
Neptr: Yeah, dump it in, stir it up.
Flame Princess: [Rapping]
♪ I'm like a library book, so check me out ♪
♪ Read my front and back cover so you know what I'm about ♪
♪ I'm straight droolin', spittin' out rhymes ♪
♪ People gather round and they're waiting in lines ♪
♪ I got a lot of combinations of words to throw ♪
♪ To let you know I got glow ♪
♪ I set it 'cause you just don't know ♪
♪ So what now? What's up, what's up, bro? ♪
[Finn and the audience cheers.]
Finn: [Rapping]
♪ You beat me fair and square ♪
♪ 'Cause maybe something's in the air ♪
♪ I'm wearing unlucky shoes, not my favorite pair ♪
[Audience is unimpressed. Most of them exit, talking among themselves, except for a familiar-looking individual with a mustache.]
"Victor Marilyn": Hello there, young lady. I heard you lay down some serious rhymes earlier. [Eats a clam and hands Flame Princess a business card.] My card.
Flame Princess: [Reading] Victor Marilyn? [The card burns up in her hands.]
"Victor Marilyn": I'm a talent scout by trade and, uh... [Eats another clam] and I'd love to book you for a big-time rap battle next week: Rap Fest Aid.
Flame Princess: Whoa. I've never heard of Rap Fest Aid.
Finn: It sure sounds like the big time.
"Victor Marilyn": But before I can book you anywhere, I'm gonna have to have you sign some waivers and release forms. Boilerplate stuff. Don't bother reading it.
Flame Princess: [Cheerfully] Okay. [She signs the papers.]
"Victor Marilyn": [Chuckling] Okay! I'll get this paperwork processed, and we'll be in business. ["Victor's" mustache suddenly pops off, revealing that it was Toronto all along.]
Finn: Toronto!
Toronto: [Laughs] Yes, it's me! And I'm making my move from second banana to top dog. As stated in the contract that you just signed, if you lose Rap Fest Aid, the Fire Kingdom becomes my property.
Flame Princess: [Flaring up] What?!
Finn: Aw, don't worry. Look at this mug. You could out-rap him any day of the week.
Toronto: Oh, you won't be facing me. You'll have to beat the most gifted rapper of our time. Son of Rap Bear! See you in a week. [He exits, waved off by Neptr.]
Finn and Flame Princess: [Together] Son of Rap Bear?
Finn: I wonder if he's any relation to Rap Bear.
[The scene changes to daytime. Finn and Flame Princess approach the Monster where the Party Bears live. It is asleep.]
Flame Princess: Rap Bear lives in there?
Finn: It's surprisingly nice.
[They enter the monster's mouth and find Rap Bear sat at a table, face down in a plate of food. Finn knocks on the doorframe.]
Finn: Knock knock.
Rap Bear: [Looking up] Who's there?
Finn: [Concerned] Rap Bear. What happened?
Rap Bear: [Groans] My son and I were having Sunday dinner. We were lightly rapping back and forth. It turned into a rap battle. He threw out rhyme after rhyme. I couldn't keep up.
Finn: You got beat by your own son? Are his rap powers that much greater than yours?
Rap Bear: Yes. Why are you asking about my son?
Finn: Flame Princess is going up against him one on one in a freestyle battle.
Rap Bear: [Gasps] That kid will take you apart. [Rap Bear wheels himself out from under the table, revealing that he is in a wheelchair and both his legs are missing.] He rapped my legs off.
[Finn and Flame Princess look shocked. The scene changes to the Candy Kingdom in the evening. Finn and Flame Princess approach the Candy Tavern.]
Finn: Rap Bear, Son of Rap Bear's father, said his son, Son of Rap Bear, would be at tonight's open mic.
[They enter. A small audience is watching Son of Rap Bear and a gingerbread man engaging in a rap battle.]
Flame Princess: Dude, let's sit back here.
Gingerbread Rapper: [Rapping]
♪ You're a small bear with fuzzy hair over there ♪
♪ Get away from me, I don't wanna share my air ♪
♪ Doesn't matter where, anywhere, everywhere with you ♪
♪ Chop you in two with my rap kung fu ♪
♪ Are you scared of me? Boo! ♪
Son of Rap Bear: [Rapping]
♪ You're like a cookie who's about to crumble ♪
♪ Your rapping is stale, also you mumble ♪
♪ Did you just make a mistake smellin' like a cake ♪
♪ Who just stumbled into a lyrical rumble? ♪
♪ Your raps causes naps ♪
♪ You look a little frail and you're about to collapse ♪
♪ You'll know you got beat when you hear the people's claps ♪
[The gingerbread man's head is blown off by a rap-induced explosion. The audience cheers for Son of Rap Bear.]
Finn and Flame Princess: [Together] Whoa.
[Son of Rap Bear spots Flame Princess.]
Son of Rap Bear: Look who decided to come out to play. The news on street says you're gonna battle me at Rap Fest Aid. [Rapping]
♪ This is a joke, right? Hear me out. ♪
♪ What are you even gonna rap about? ♪
♪ You've been in a bottle since the age of two. ♪
♪ I got shampoo more worldly than you ♪
♪ I will do laps around your raps ♪
♪ I crush my opponents and collect their caps ♪
♪ If you wanna keep yours on, I suggest you run ♪
♪ People holla at me because I'm number one ♪
[Parts of the tavern explode during the rap. Finn and Flame Princess retreat and exit. The scene changes to the two of them walking at night.]
Flame Princess: Son of Rap Bear is right. I just rap about rapping. I haven't traveled the world or done anything really. Finn! Let's go on some adventures!
Finn: What?
Flame Princess: It would really help me build up some quick life experience.
Finn: I don't know if life is like a test you can cram for.
Flame Princess: This is for my kingdom. I've got to try.
[A montage begins while Flame Princess can be heard rapping the Experience Rap.]
Flame Princess: ♪ Unh. Yo. ♪
♪ Went along with Finn from mission to mission ♪
♪ To win the battle for the Fire Kingdom ♪
♪ Worked at Pizza Sassy 'cause I'm not too classy ♪
♪ Climbed a rock, had to mind the clock, tick tock ♪
♪ I go with Starchy, I hunt ghosts
♪ I blow fire with my saxophone ♪
♪ I'm a submarine teen, ain't nothin' I ain't seen ♪
♪ All around I'm known, I'm the girl on the throne ♪
♪ Givin' back rubs, in the bathtubs, hittin' math clubs ♪
♪ Makin' mad grub to outspit a rap cub ♪
♪ I got solutions to this rap pollution ♪
♪ When I'm done with Son of Rap Bear he's gonna need new shins ♪
♪ Unh, yeah, I'm experienced ♪
♪ Solid like a pebble in aquarium ♪
♪ I drop knowledge like I'm Bubblegum if she was librarian ♪
[Groans]
[Finn, Jake, BMO, and Neptr are listening to Flame Princess' rap in the Tree House.]
Finn: That was good!
Flame Princess: I thought trying new things would make me new and interesting, but I just feel like a hack.
BMO: Maybe there is an interesting thing about you that you just don't realize. Like how Neptr only just found out there is a face on his can, and now he thinks the can is his conjoined twin.
Neptr: I don't expect you to understand the bond I share with my family.
Flame Princess: Family...
[The scene changes. Flame King is sat in his cave, drawing pictures on rocks. He hums cheerfully as he draws a picture of an animal face.]
Flame King: No room for the body. Let's make him swim.
Flame Princess: Knock knock.
Flame King: Is that you, Bun Bun? Aah!
Flame Princess: Hi Dad.
Flame King: You're not here to put me back in lantern jail, are you?
Flame Princess: I guess I wanted to talk.
Flame King: Oh.
Flame Princess: It seems like lot's changed since I last saw you. Maybe we actually have a shot at putting the past behind us and, I don't know, being normal with each other.
Flame King: I know exactly what you're saying. I've totally gotten over being in lantern jail, so we're good.
Flame Princess: Well, I was kind of hoping you could acknowledge hurting me, like-
Flame King: Phoebes, come on. It's better to be thankful for what you have now; an awesome chipmunk dad! ... Uh, I'm gonna put on some music. You're totally welcome to listen, or not. Totally up to you.
Flame Princess: So you won't even apologize?
[Flame King drops an acorn into a nearby tissue box. Three chipmunks appear and one of them begins to rap the Chipmunks Rap. Flame Princess exits angrily.]
Flame King: Ugh. Drama.
[The scene changes to the Wizard Battle Arena, where a crowd has gathered to watch the rap battle.]
Toronto: What's up, Rap Fest Aid?! [Laughs] Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the battle for the Fire Kingdom! To my left, we have the Flame Princess.
[Finn, Jake, and Cinnamon Bun are seen cheering for Flame Princess.]
Toronto: And to my right, the reigning champion, Son of Rap Bear!
[A giant baseball cap enters the arena, which explodes to reveal Son of Rap Bear.]
Son of Rap Bear: Yo.
[The audience cheers.]
Toronto: And go, Son of Rap Bear. [Toronto exits]
Son of Rap Bear: [Rapping]
♪ Yo, I'm a word wizard, I'm Son of Rap Bear ♪
♪ But you're a fire hazard, maybe I should be scared ♪
♪ I mean, I do hear you're more dangerous when your temper flares ♪
♪ Do guys even date you or just cook wieners in your hair? ♪
[The audience cheers and parts of the arena blow up.]
Son of Rap Bear: [Rapping]
♪ I guess there was that fire guy that wanted to marry you ♪
♪ Was it Don Jon with the big guns? ♪
♪ Oh, but you're not into macho men, are you? ♪
♪ You like 'em soft and round like cinnamon-flavored buns ♪
[More explosions and cheering.]
Neptr: He's good.
Flame Princess: [Rapping]
♪ I got more rhymes in my hair than you ever will ♪
♪ You better run away like it's a fire drill ♪
♪ You're so lame and stinky, more spark from my pinky ♪
♪ I'm a flaming master, I'm... slinky... hinky...
[Internally] Oh Glob. What am I saying?
Son of Rap Bear: She's choking!
[The audience boos Flame Princess.]
Flame Princess: [Groans]
Flame King: [From the audience] Hi, Phoebe!
Flame Princess: Huh? Dad, you came to see me rap?
Flame King: No, I had no idea you were in this. Isn't that crazy? Don't feel bad about losing, though! He's way out of your league!
Flame Princess: [Raging] Dad! [She calms down] Why the heck did I ever try to talk to you? You only ever cared about things like koalas, and chipmunks, and baby kangaroos. [She begins to rap]
♪ It's actually pretty sad, I mean ♪
♪ I usurped you when I was fourteen ♪
♪ I thought we could be friends, I don't know what I was thinking ♪
♪ I don't need you or anyone 'cause I'm the real Flame King ♪
[The crowd cheers for Flame Princess.]
Flame Princess: And as for Son of Rap Bear...
♪ You're so unoriginal your put your own dad in a wheelchair ♪
♪ Just so you could steal his name and ride on his fame ♪
♪ But without it, you're just a sad kid full of hot air ♪
♪ Y'all can try to bully me and scam me, I don't care ♪
♪ As if being a jerk's gonna make you dummies happy ♪
♪ But my kingdom ain't a commodity, Toronto, it's a part of me ♪
♪ So sorry, you can't take what isn't owned by me... ♪
So take him away. [She points at Son of Rap Bear.]
Finn: Boom.
[The audience cheers for Flame Princess and chants her name.]
Party Bear: I get it! She owned him!
Toronto: [Quickly entering and raising Son of Rap Bear's paw] The winner is Son of Rap Bear!
[The audience ignores him and tramples the two of them to go and lift Flame Princess.]
Son of Rap Bear: [Rapping sadly]
♪ I thought I was the Glob of rap, rivaled by none ♪
♪ But I'm more like bubble wrap 'cause she squashed me for fun ♪
[His legs pop off from the self-own.]
Flame King: [Talking to Bun Bun] She's actually not bad. [Shouting to Flame Princess] Hey, honey! You're actually not bad!
[Flame Princess puts her thumb up and blows a raspberry.]

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Sons of Mars" from season 4, which aired on July 23, 2012.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Magic Man
Stag
Grob Gob Glob Grod
Tiny Manticore
Martians
Abe Lincoln
Margles (picture only)
Death
Music
Memory song
Let's Go To My House Song
Locations
Forest similar to forest in "Freak City"
Mars
Magic Man's house
37th Dead World
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode begins with what appears to be the Stag walking in a forest, crossing a train track.]
Magic Man: [Whistles to the Stag] Hey, friend. Don't be afraid. I'm a gypsy child like you, running wild and crazy! [Laughter] [He suddenly looks in the sky, surprised] Hold on, wow... a falling star. Hm, it's too far though. [He pulls off his cloak, revealing who he really is and turns the Stag into a telescope] MAGIC! You're welcome. [He tries to get a good focus on the "star"] Hm... oh... there... wait! [He realizes it is Grob Gob Glob Grod] Oh, Glob.
Gob: He's here somewhere, my brothers. Glob, can you see Magic Man on the sensor?
Glob: Yes, Gob. Our little brother is very close.
Grob: Hey, flip me!
Glob: Okay. [Glob flips Grob's head on the front]
Grob: I'm gonna activate the thingy that drains his magic juice. [Activates the device]
[Magic Man is seen glowing and in pain, along with dropping the telescope]
Magic Man: [Groans] My juice! [Wiggling fingers] Not... flowing... right...! Dream on, honey! You can't catch this! [He starts running then jumps into the air doing a continuous somersault] Magic, away! [Disappears momentarily ("Pshewww!") then reappears falling to the ground] Whoops!
Grob: I think I see him.
Grod: Yes, I see him as well.
Glob: Hey, guys?
Other heads: What, Glob?
Glob: ...Nothing, never mind.
[Magic Man pants as he runs away. The scene cuts to Finn and Jake walking through the forest.]
Jake: Wait, wait! [Stops] Shh, shh, shh! Shush!
Finn: I wasn't...
Jake: You hear that? [Long beat] It was totally silent for, like, a whole second!
Finn: Huh. Oh, yeah! Cool.
Jake: Sometimes, we get so wrapped up battling stuff, we forget the...Ooomph!
[Magic Man runs straight into the duo, knocking himself and them down. Grob Gob Glob Grod is still in pursuit.]
Magic Man: [Groans] [Noticing Grob Gob Glob Grod] Aah! [Noticing Jake] Ooh! Waaa-zoo! [Turns Jake into a copy of himself as Finn awakens, then turns into Jake himself]
Finn: Hey...
Magic Man [as Jake]: Shhh. [Throws rock to knock out Finn, then he pretends to be asleep next to Finn]
Grob Gob Glob Grod: Arise. [Raises Jake, who is a copy of Magic Man] Magic Man. You caused nothing but turmoil and chaos to us on Mars. We hoped banishing you to this world would help you see alike to our Utopian supersociety. Now, tell us, what have you learned in these past two hundred years?
Jake [as Magic Man]: Are you guys talking to me?
Glob: You know you made life on Mars a nightmare!
[Finn wakes up]
Gob: Now we must return you to Mars, where vengeance awaits thee.
Finn: That's not-
[Grob Gob Glob Grod blasts off with Jake]
Finn: Magic Man! Get UP!
Magic Man [as Jake]: Did it work? Is he gone?
Finn: [backflips] Hee-yup-hoop! They took my friend to Mars! Fly me there and help me save him!
Magic Man: [rather sarcastically] Oh, I'm sorry, but I can't. See? [wiggles fingers] The transfer drained me. I can probably barely float. [floats] So, I just gotta wait till they kill your friend! See ya! [runs away laughing stupidly]
[Finn jumps on his back]
Finn: What do you mean, KILL?
Magic Man: They're gonna put him on trial for my crimes! Ain't nobody gonna pardon these crimes on my head. Not even the King of Mars! And once he's dead, my magic juice will return to my body. Flowing through me like moonlight through the ghost dance.
[Finn squeezes Magic Man around the middle, still holding on]
Finn: SQUEEZE!!!!
Magic Man: I wish I could help. Except I don't!
Finn: You succubutt!
Magic Man: [singing] C'mon, let's go to my house. C'MON, LET'S GO TO MY HOUSE!! [flies Finn through the air, straining]
[They arrive at the house, which is a wreck]
Finn: How long have you had this house?
Magic Man: Yes, that is true!
[they go inside]
Finn: Well, I bet there's something in here that could help me save Jake.
Magic Man: There is, but you'll never make it work.
Finn: What?! Where is it?
[begins kicking aside garbage frantically]
Magic Man: I don't know! Have you seen my trash palace? [peels wallpaper]
Finn: Yeah, what's the deal? This place is wrecked. Eeeew, ew! What am I stepping in??
Magic Man: That's where I blow my nose all day!
Finn: Ugh!
Magic Man: Yes, welcome to my tower of light! Everyone is welcome to share this magic kingdom. Squirrels, black mold, worms, poison ivy... tiny manticore!
Tiny Manticore: [in bottle] Help me, you coward!
Finn: Magic Man, what is your deal for real?
Magic Man: You tell me.
Finn: Well, for one, I think this house is a reflection of your sick brain. [takes a photo of Magic Man with an unknown woman off the wall] Look at this. Yuk. Who's this you're standing with in this picture?
Magic Man: [singing] Memories drift in and out of my mind...
And the little people get left behind...
So whatever!!
Finn: ...all right. [tosses picture] Well, I'm gonna keep digging through this stuff til
I find what you're taking about.
Magic Man: It's downstairs.
Finn: What?
Magic Man: My special thing. [jumps over to wall and puts his hand in a crack and moves it around, hurting his hand] Whoa! Aaaaagh!
Finn: Holy crepes.
Magic Man: Aah! [wall opens] Tada! C'mon. [They exit through the open wall] That's the thing. My special thing. [points to odd machine] A Martian transporter.
Finn: This can take me to Mars?!
Magic Man: Yeah. My brothers gave it to me when they banished me to earth. They thought I'd learn love and use it to go back home.
Finn: How does it work?
Magic Man: You put your hands on those thingies and think stuff about people. [Finn does so] But it's broken! Hasn't worked in 200 years.
Finn: But... It has to work. It has to. [closes eyes] For Jake. [transporter lights up and starts working]
Magic Man: Huzzah??
Finn: YAAAH! [is rocketed through the roof into outer space] WHOOOOOOAAA!!! [arrives on Mars, sees a huge dome with Grob Gob Glob Grod, Jake, and Abe Lincoln in it.]
Gob: Citizens of Mars, King of Mars... [Abe Lincoln raises his hand] Today the most notorious fiend in Martian history stands before us—Magic Man.
Finn: [reaches the dome and looks in] Stop! [climbs up the side]
Gob: Turn on the dark. [it grows darker and they project a blank screen on the wall] Okay, so we don't have footage of these crimes. But Grod's pretty good at drawing, so...[Grob draws and Gob narrates] Plague of shadows. Magic Man brought our shadows to life. They attacked us, and ravaged Mars. Very impressive, Grod.
Grod: Thanks bro.
Gob: To the plague of the oneness. As we gathered to hold hands and sing our community song, Magic Man cast an evil spell that made our arms grow together. Much suffering ensued. And what about that one time when he turned all the water into hair, and we all got so thirsty we drank it? And when we drank it, we went bald! Many of us did not recover and to this day, hide our losses behind groovy headgear. [touches his headgear] Dark off please. [it grows light again]
Abe Lincoln: Magic Man, it bums me out to see this. I remember when you were really cool, before that night you spent on Olympus Mons with Margles.
Finn: [reaches the top of the building] Aw, man. [taps the dome] Force field.
Abe Lincoln: What happened, Magic? Why did you go crazy? If you had just learned to care about living things again, you could have come back whenever you wanted!
Jake: [as Magic Man] Well, you guys are missing some important details. I'm Jake the Dog! Listen! [gets on all fours] Arf! Arf! Arf! Arf!
Abe Lincoln: You sad Magic Man. Instead, you bummed around Ooo, acting like a jerk for 200 years.
Jake: Yeah, that's true, except I'm not Magic Man!
Abe Lincoln: Now! Ready the Wand of Disbursement!
Grob Gob Glob Grod: Ready.
Abe Lincoln: Space Dome, open!
[the dome splits open with Finn on it]
Finn: Oh snap. [falls off]
Abe Lincoln: Magic Man, I give you two choices. One is total annihilation. The wand will touch you, and your soul will meet with Death. The second is to use the power of the wand to convert your body to living stardust, where your consciousness will be jettisoned into the infinite cosmos, on an endless journey of wonder and DISCOVERYYYYYY!!!!!
Jake: Whoa. That second one sounds pretty cool. I mean, yeah. I'm way into that. Except...oh...I would really miss my best friend. His name is Finn, and I think it would mess him up if I wasn't around.
Abe Lincoln: Wait. Did you say you would miss someone?
Jake: Yeah.
Abe Lincoln: And that someone would miss you?
Finn: Yeah that's ME, you dishrags! [he comes running and throws a chair at Grob Gob Glob Grod, hitting him and making him drop the wand, which accidently touches Jake, who screams in pain as he dies and turns back into himself. The scene cuts to Magic Man who is also back to normal, powers and all.]
Magic Man: I win again, just like always!
Finn: [runs to Jake's body and picks it up] Jakey! No!
Gob: [gasps] Look!
Grob: It's the dog!
Grod: The one you were prophesied to meet!
Finn: I don't care none for that mess. This wouldn't have globbed if you'd just...listened to my bro! You bunked up, King of Mars! The wisest, most honest super being of all time just put an innocent dog to deads!
Abe Lincoln: You're right, Finn the Human. My judgement was less than the standard by which I judge my peers. Of which I have none. I will retrieve your friend from the 37th Dead World. [puts his hands to his head and yells, transporting his mind into the 37th Dead World. He is now walking across a desolate landscape with Jake's body in his arms. He comes across Death.] Death.
Death: King of Mars. What's your business?
Abe Lincoln: I need this one back. [hold out Jake's body]
Death: What will you give me for him?
[Abe holds out a penny]
Death: [laughs] Not this time, your majesty.
Abe Lincoln: In that case, I offer my immortality.
Death: Deal. [Death shakes his head like a pair of maracas and a gunshot is heard.]
Jake: [in real world] [moans] Huh? Hey, I'm alive!
Finn: Yay! King of Mars saved you!
Grob Gob Glob Grod: Yes, but at what cost?
[Finn and Jake look up at Abe Lincoln, who is now just a stone statue on his throne.]
Finn: Oh, man. Should we go get Magic Man?
Grob Gob Glob Grod: No. I lost a friend. I cannot lose my brother, as well. Hey! What? Where did he go??
Finn: [outside the building on the transporter] EAT MY SKIDS! [teleports back to earth with Jake] YAAAAH!
Magic Man: [sitting on the floor looking at the picture of him and the woman] Oh, Margles.
Finn: MAGIC MAN! [shoots through the roof and punches Magic Man, knocking him out.]
Tiny Manticore: You fat coward! [Finn breaks the bottle]
Finn: Go! Get out of here, tiny manticore!
Tiny Manticore: Whatevs. I didn't need your pity help!
Finn: Jeez. What?
Tiny Manticore: I am the true coward. Hiding from sincere expressions like a vampire in the nude who hides from the light. Thank you, brave hero. I was freed from bottle jail, but my new prison...is shame. MY NEW PRISON IS SHAAAAME!!!
Finn: What's he saying?
Jake: [stretches his ear back through the door] He said his new prison is shame.
[The episode ends]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Still" from season 3, which aired on August 22, 2011.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Ice King
Penguin (Gunter)
Music
None
Locations
Tree Fort
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode begins outside the Tree Fort with the sun rising behind it. Scene changes to Finn and Jake's bedroom. Finn is sleeping in his bed and snoring. He wakes up, yawns, and smacks his lips.]
Finn: [Sees Jake sitting in bed, staring at him] Wha—?! Jake, I told you to stop staring at me right at the time when I wake up.
Jake: I'm staring because I can't move my head.
Finn: [Laughs]
Jake: No, really, I can't move.
Finn: I can't move either.
Jake: What's happening?!
[A door is heard closing off screen.]
Finn: What? What was that? Who goes there?
Jake: Hey! Who is that?
Finn: Jake, use your peripheral vision!
Jake: [Straining] Ooooh... [sees Ice King] Ice King!
Ice King: [Enters room laughing] I shouldn't be laughing, I'm sorry. Oh, I know, I'll do the opposite. [Crying] Oh, boohoo. [Wipes away tears, grunts] Ah, this is weird.
Finn: What did you do to us, Ice King?
Ice King: Whoa, whoa. I didn't "do" anything to you, okay? C'mon, guys, I'm your friend.
Jake: So why can't we move?
Ice King: Ooh, because I froze you... with this. [Holds up Freezing Potion A]
Finn: [Reading bottle] Freezing Potion A.
Ice King: I sprayed it on you while you slept.
Gunter: [Jumping and grabbing at the bottle] Wenk! Wenk!
Ice King: No! Gunter, no! This one likes to break bottles, don't ya? [Ice King tucks bottle into his underwear] Tuck-ety tuck! Let's move to the living room.
[Scene changes to the living room. Ice King is vocalizing while carrying Finn and Jake. He places their stiff bodies in a chair.]
Jake: Why are you doing this, Ice King?
Ice King: Why? Oh, because I love you guys. But you don't love me, do ya?
Jake: You tried to kill us, like, four times.
Ice King: I only try to kill you 'cause you're princess-blocking me all the time! Anyway, now that you're frozen, we can bond and stuff. And the sooner we do, the sooner I can spray you with this. [Holds up Unfreezing Potion A]
Finn: [Reading bottle] Unfreezing Potion A?
Ice King: Ah, I underlined the "un" so I wouldn't mix 'em up.
Jake: Just unfreeze us now, man.
Finn: Yeah, 'cause we're already friends.
Ice King: We are?
Jake: Mm-hmm.
Ice King: What's my favorite color?
Finn: Uh, yellow? Orange? Blue—no, no, lavender! Lavender! Yeah!
Jake: Um, ooh, uh... rainbow?
Ice King: You don't love me. I know a lot about you guys. Jake, you don't put ice in your drink because you have sensitive teeth.
Jake: Wha—?
Ice King: And Finn, your favorite food is meatloaf.
Finn: How did you—?
Ice King: And Jake, sometimes you don't cry because you're afraid of real emotion. It's okay. Let it out. [Jake sheds a single tear] You don't love me— [Gunter knocks bottle out of Ice King's hand while quacking. Ice King fumbles it a couple times but eventually catches it.] Bad penguin!
Gunter: [Slaps Ice King lightly] Wenk!
[Ice King places both bottles on a high shelf and locks the corks with a key.]
Finn: You lock your bottles?
Ice King: Huh, in this economy? [Drops key into underwear] Ah, I'm gonna go make some lemonade. [Walks off]
Jake: Don't touch my lemons, Ice King! Ice King!
Finn: [Afraid] Jake, look!
[Gunter is seen climbing up boxes to the shelf.]
Jake: [Gasps] Gunter! No, Gunter! No!
Finn: No, Gunter, no!
Gunter: Wenk! [Walks over to the bottles and starts clinking them together]
Finn: No, Gunter! No!
Jake: No! Gunter! No!
[Finn and Jake moan in anticipation of the bottles breaking as Gunter continues clinking the bottles.]
Finn: Gunter, stop!
Gunter: Wenk, wenk!
Jake: What're we gonna do?!
Finn: [Eyes widen] When someone loses one sense, their other senses are enhanced—like a blind man who can smell and hear really well. I'm gonna try using my now-enhanced brain sense to make contact with an Astral Beast who will help us.
Jake: What?
[Finn closes his eyes. Scene changes to Astral Plane, where Finn is seen clothed in white, floating.]
Finn: Whee! Haha! Whee! Astral Beast, come to me!
[Scene changes back to living room. Finn is still in the chair with his eyes closed.]
Finn: [Quietly] Come to me, Astral Beast...
[Ice King reenters, carrying a tray with a jug of lemonade and two cups on it in one hand and a bag in the other.]
Ice King: I've got lemonade! You want some, Jake?
[Jake stares at Ice King. Ice King slurps lemonade from pitcher. Gunter is heard clinking the bottles again.]
Ice King: Huh? Gunter... [takes Gunter off the shelf and places him on the floor] No, Gunter! No bottles. Look at me.
Gunter: Wenk!
Ice King: [Laughs] What am I gonna do with you? [Laughs, conjures a leash made of ice] You're going to have to wear a leash. [Puts leash on Gunter, conjures Hand Snow Golem, hands leash to him] This should keep you out of trouble. [Turns to Finn and Jake] Now, our first bonding activity will be walking in each other's shoes—so to speak. To better understand each other's perspectives, we're going to dress up like each other. Me first!
[Ice King rips off his sleeves, takes black marker out of bag and draws shoes on his bare feet, ties his robe, fashions his beard to look like Finn's hat, and creates an ice backpack on his back.]
Ice King: [Imitating Finn] It's adventure time! I'll save you, Princess! Let's have babies, Princess, and let's teach them to be good babies! Oh, Princess, sure, I'll kiss you. I'm a hero. Hey Finn, don't you think it's weird there's two Finns? Finn? [pats Finn's chest] Not talking? Now, I'm gonna dress like Jake. [starts taking his shirt off]
Jake: Noooo! No, no, no, no, no!
Ice King: Okay, okay! We'll bond in another way.
[Scene changes to Ice King holding a slide projector. He places it on a table.]
Ice King: So, I wanted to show you something telling of my soul. I take artful black and white photographs of my penguins' body parts. Photography is art; let's see some art. [Switches on projector] Okay, first one. See how Gunter is staring into the camera? He's saying, "Here I am. Look at me. Accept me." Okay, second one. [Changes slide] This is a haunting image of a penguin's flipper. Look at how it penetrates the negative space. Oh yes, this one is very—
Jake: I can't take this any more! Dang it, Finn! What are you doing in there?
[Scene changes back to Astral Plane.]
Finn: Astral Beast! Where are you? You come here NOW! [Finn spins away] Wheee...!
[Scene changes back to living room.]
Ice King: ...Yeah, I've thought about it a lot, and having a little gallery show might be nice. A little cheese, a little cider... could be nice, y'know? [Key falls out of Ice King's underwear] Maybe bring a veggie plate? I think people would appreciate that.
Jake: [Quietly] Key! Gunter. Gunter. Psst! Pssssst. Come here, Gunter. [Makes kissing noises.]
[Gunter is held back by Hand Snow Golem but breaks free and walks over to the key.]
Ice King: [Clicks slide and continues commenting, oblivious] This next one is very rewarding...
Jake: [Whispering] Grab it, Gunter. Pick it up! [Gunter reaches for the key] Pick it up!! [Gunter gets closer] What are you waiting for? Just grab it!
[Gunter touches the key but turns and sees the bottles on the shelf.]
Gunter: Wenk. [Walks towards shelf] Wenk, wenk. Wenk, wenk, wenk, wenk, wenk.
Jake: [Quietly] Gunter! Come back.
Ice King: Gunter!
Gunter: [Turns around] Weeenk.
Ice King: [Picking up Gunter] You are being naughty, Gunter. You've interrupted my thing. [Carries Gunter to the middle of the living room and sets him down by Finn and Jake] Now you stay right here and go to sleep. [Gunter flaps his flippers] Sleep. [Gunter falls asleep and starts snoring] Aw. So cute. Alright, back to art.
Jake: [Quietly] Gunter. Gunter, wake up. [Gunter wakes up] Go... get... the... key. [Gunter starts playing with Jake's ears and jowls.] Consarn it, Gunter!
Ice King: Okay, time for a break. Who wants lemonade? [Ice King starts walking toward kitchen and steps on the key.] Ooh, don't want to lose this. [Puts key back, sees Gunter playing with Jake] Gunter! Jake! No! You're bonding without me.
Gunter: Wenk.
[Scene changes to Gunter in a cage in Finn and Jake's bedroom. Finn and Jake are in their beds.]
Ice King: [Closing cage] It's for your own good, sweetie. [Walks to the middle of the room] Now then. [Unfolds a cot]
Jake: Wait, you're sleeping up here?!
Ice King: Well... [giggles] not before our next bonding activity: late-night gab session! Do you want to talk about girls? Do you have a crush on anyone?
Jake: Uh, yeah, my girlfriend? Lady Rainicorn?
Ice King: Ohhhhhh! Don't worry, I won't tell anyone. [Laughs] Know who I have a crush on? [Whispers] Princess Bubblegum.
Jake: [Sarcastically] You don't say.
Ice King: Oh, I do. I've liked her for quite some time. Feels weird to say it out loud. [Starts snoring]
Jake: What? [Groans] He fell asleep with his eyes open. Finn! Finn, snap out of it!
[Scene changes back to Astral Plane.]
Finn: Astral Beast! WHERE ARE YOU? Show yourself! Why not? Does this dance please you, Astral Beast? [Starts dancing] Does this please you?!
[Astral Plane starts changing and warping. Strange whooshing sounds are heard.]
Finn: THIS IS IIIIT!
[Scene changes back to bedroom.]
Finn: [Opens eyes] The Astral Beast cometh.
[Scene changes to outside view of Tree Fort, showing the sun rising. Scene changes back to bedroom.]
Ice King: [(Still dressed up as Finn) Crows like a rooster, laughs] Who's "hungie"? Jake, you "hungie"?
Jake: I'm hungry.
Ice King: Alright, fair enough. Well, how 'bout I make us some omelettes?
Jake: That sounds pretty good, actually.
Ice King: I'm gonna put my foot in it. Eating a part of me will bring us closer together. [Playing with Jake's feet] I'll be inside of you! [Laughs]
[Ice King leaves the room. Butterflies start to enter through the window and surround Finn, who is now awake.]
Jake: Dude, you're back!
Finn: Yup. I just got back from the Astral Plane!
Jake: Where's your Astral Beast?
Finn: It's on its way. It's gonna be awesome.
Jake: What kind of beast?
Finn: Uh, I'm not sure. I couldn't see it in the Astral Plane. But I heard it. It sounded really intense. [Blows away a butterfly] Maybe a gorilla?
Jake: A gorilla, huh? [Butterfly lands on Jake's nose.]
Finn: Aw, junk! Did I summon butterflies?! [Sighs] I'm the worst.
Jake: Hey, come on now, you're not the worst.
Finn: Yeah, I am.
Jake: No, you're not! You're the best!
Finn: ...at being the worst.
Jake: [Strains]
Finn: What are you doing?
Jake: I'm using my enhanced brain sense to tell your astral beast to slap some sense into you.
Finn: Oh. That's cool. I deserve it.
Jake: [Strains] No... you... don't!
[Butterflies form a hand and slap Finn. Finn and Jake have an epiphany. Scene changes to kitchen where Ice King is cracking an egg into a pan.]
Ice King: [Putting foot into pan] Well, I don't want to use too much foot. It'll overpower the eggs. Take away from the omelette. [Butterfly flies toward him.] Huh? Aah!
[Finn and Jake enter kitchen, carried by butterflies.]
Ice King: Finn! and Jake! and a bunch of butterflies! and a sword!
[Sword carried by butterflies hits Ice King's crown and makes his hair go back to normal.]
Ice King: What do you want from me?
Finn: What do we wa—? We want you to unfreeze us, you lunatic!
Ice King: No! We're not friends yet. You haven't eaten my omelette. [Butterflies slap him repeatedly.]
Finn: Friends don't eat each other, Ice King. That's not how friends work. Now unlock this bottle and unfreeze us.
[Butterflies carry in a bottle.]
Ice King: Oh, alright. I don't know how you're doing this, but it is impressive.
[Ice King unlocks bottle and sprays its contents on Finn and Jake, who fall to the floor, along with the butterflies.]
Ice King: Wait a minute... which bottle is thi—? [Sprays himself and falls to the floor] I think they brought me the wrong bottle. Gunter's still upstairs. [Calling] Gunter! Gunter! Gunter! Gunter!!
[Scene changes to bedroom where Gunter in on the windowsill with Unfreezing Potion A. He pushes it off and it shatters on the ground outside. Gunter starts dancing.]


Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Storytelling" from season 2, which aired on November 08, 2010.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Boobafina
Mr. Fox
Momma Bear
Teenage Bear
Forest Wizard
Mr. Goose
Music
None
Locations
Forest
This transcript is complete and simply requires minor additions.


Transcript

[The episode starts out with Finn and Jake inside the Tree Fort.]
Jake: [moaning sickly] Blankie me. Blankie me, Finn!
Finn: I'll get your blanket dude, where is it?
Jake: Right here. [touching the blanket on right side of his bed]
Finn: Why don't you just get it yourself?
Jake: Because I'm sick! [making a shriveled face]
Finn: Poor guy...
[Jake is moaning sickly again. Finn puts the blanket on Jake.]
Jake: Too hot! [pushes the blanket off] URGGH!
Finn: Oh man, Jake, is there anything I can do to make you feel better?
Jake: Soup me, Finny.
[The scene cuts to another scene where Finn is holding soup for Jake.]
Finn: Soup-flavored cure coming on through. [sniffs and dumps the soup in Jake's mouth. Jake waits a bit, then swallows]
Finn: Do you feel better now?
Jake: Yes. [Jake throws up all the soup, which gets all over Finn] Tell me a story... [Followed by a long pause]
Finn: Once upon a time...
Jake: No! I already heard that story before.
Finn: But you've all ready heard all of my stories before.
Jake: Make me a new one, Finn. A new story.
Finn: Okay... got it! Once upon a time...
Jake: Nooo! [Jake makes puppy eyes while staring at Finn]
Finn: What's the matter?
Jake: I don't want a made-up story. I need a real story.
Finn: Hmm. Now you hang on, my friend. I'll be right back. [goes outside] Okay, world, give me a story for Jake! [looks around] Huh! [he notices a leaf floating in the wind, with a snail riding the leaf. Finn laughs and goes back inside] Jake, Jake! Check it out! This true story is going to totally cure you!
Jake: Oh my gosh! What is it?
Finn: First, the leaf fell off a tree. But wa-w-w-wait.
Jake: Spit it out.
Finn: The snail was on the leaf. The end.
Jake: Oh no, now I feel a thousand times worse. Finn, a story's gotta have excitement, romance... [his eyes turn shiny] ...suspense, [dragging out the word and pulling his eyelids down] and it has to have a happy ending. [sniffs]
Finn: But I don't know how to make that stuff happen!
Jake: That's okay, buddy. Just dig me a hole and -- actually, two holes. One for my guts and one for my face, 'cause when I die, my guts are gonna blow outta my face.
Finn: I am not gonna let that happen, dude.
Jake: Then go get me that story. [pulls out a paper] And make sure it has all the stuff on this list.
Finn: I'll be back as fast as a can. I won't let your guts blow outta your face. [he goes outside runs over a log, and pulls out the list Jake wrote. It is poorly written and says, romance, fight, suspense, and a happy end] Hmm. Romance. That should be easy. [puts list in his pocket and looks around, then looks under a rock, finding two ants underneath]
Finn: Hey, how 'bout you two. Are y'all in love?
Boy ant: La ba ghee na goo da dee da?
Finn: Uh...
Boy ant: La na ghee ga ra la na!
Finn: Umm. [puts rock down, hears squirrels napping, and looks in the tree where they are] Are y'all kissing in there?
Squirrels: Ah! [chattering] [they run into each other and fall down]
Finn: Hmm. Maybe I should smooooth out my approach a bit. ♪Normal guy, forest guy. Just like normal forest guy.♪ [trips over a stick] Whoa! [Stops when he sees a fox and a goose, Boobafina]. Hey, so, uh, yeah... so, yeah, can I, umm... can I watch you guys kissing?
Boobafina: What!?!
Mr. Fox: Uh!
Finn: I just need to for my friend! He's really sick and unless I tell him about watching you guys kissing and...
Boobafina: What a weirdo! You're one sick man, mister...
Mr. Fox: [shakes his head] Yeah, what's this "friend's" [making airquotes] name, huh?
Finn: Jake! His name's Jake.
Mr. Fox: Yeah, right. Sounds pretty fake. C'mon, Boobafina, let's get out of here.
Boobafina: Yeah.
Finn: Wait! I'll do anything! [they look back at Finn]
Mr. Fox: Would you eat dirt?
Finn: I would for Jake! [eats some dirt] Okay, now you guys kiss.
Boobafina: Man, what a freak.
Mr. Fox: Let's go.
Finn: What! No! Jake needs this! Stop! [he grabs them and pushes them together, forcing a kiss] Just come on!
Boobafina: What? No!
Mr. Fox: Ah, wait!!! [against their will, they kiss. Finn stops pushing them and throws them]
Boobafina and Mr. Fox: AUGGH!
Finn: [face reddening] You see, no big deal.
Boobafina: I [coughs] can't believe you made me do that! I'm secretly in love with Mr. Goose, and now he'll never love me because now I'm soiled! [sobs and runs away]
Mr. Fox: Oh no, oh no! I really did want to kiss Boobafina! I'm secretly in love with her!
Finn: Okay, sweet!
Mr. Fox: No, no. It had to happen naturally! Now she'll never love me! [sobs and runs away]
Finn: Ugh! [slaps his forehead] That wasn't smooth, but it's all worth it to save Jake. Whatever it takes. Okay, a good fight... [Finn sees a teenage bear graffitiing a wall and walks up to him] Hey, you want to fight me?
Teenage Bear: Oh heck yeah! I've been waiting for this my whole life! Yes! [laughs]
Momma Bear: Oh, no you don't! [smacks the teenage bear]
Teenage Bear: You never let me do anything! Grr! [he tries to smack his mom, then jumps at Finn, who Finn punches him to the ground]
Momma Bear: You killed him!
Teenage Bear: [wakes up] Mom, quit touching me!
Momma Bear: You killed him and now he's dead!
Finn: [running away] He's probably not dead. I'm sorry though, that you think he's dead. Mmm, I don't want to hurt aminals, but - but Jake - [Finn stops running, looks at the list, and points to suspense] Okay, what's next? [he looks around, sees a flower, a radio, the snail on the leaf and some birds] Ohhhhhhhhhh, suspense... [holding up his fists, he walks up to the birds, picks up a rock and has a thought]
Finn [In Finn's thoughts]: Hey you guys, you wanna die? [the birds get scared and pass out. They fall out of the nest. The mom comes.]
Momma Bird [In Finn's thoughts]: Boys! Boys! Have you seen my boys?
Finn: [really scared] No! [Turns around and throws the rock on the ground which makes the birds fly away. He kicks the rock] Awwwwww, I can't do it! I keep messing with folks, aaaaaaaahh!!! [punches a tree] Jake needs me, but I can't keep messing with folks, but Jake's really sick, but I can't but, but, but, but...uhhh!!! [rubbes his arm] [owl hoots] [someone throws a rock at Finn's head] Oww, hey, who threw -- ahhhhhhhhh!!!! [a whole bunch of animal's attack him] Wait, what's happening, are you guys gonna eat me?!
Momma Bear: You'll see...
Finn: [breathing hard] Hey, wait, this is really suspenseful! [then Finn gets hit in the head with a walking stick from a wizard. Everything turns black. Finn wakes up in a cage on top of a blue swirling hole.]
Finn: What is this?
Forest Wizard: This is the Rite of Forest Justice!
All the animals: Huzzah!
Forest Wizard: Finn the human boy, for your crimes of the inhabitants of the forest... you must enter the earth and become one with the soil...
Finn: Don't I get a trial or something?!
Forest Wizard: No! Lower the cage!
All the animals: Huzzah! [a rabbit begins lowering the cage]
Finn: I'm totes gonna die... and now Jake won't get his story and he'll die too... because I still don't have a happy ending... huh??
All the animals: Oo iggi, boo boo, oo iggi, boo boo, oo iggi, boo boo, oo iggi...
Finn: Wait a minute! I may be busy dying... but you need to get busy living...
All the animals: Huh?
Finn: Y'all living some unhappy lives. You, Boobafina...
Boobafina: [bends down]
Finn: You love Mr. Goose. You just need to tell him.
Mr. Goose: What?
Finn: She loves you... y'all just need to hook it up.
Mr. Goose: I-I've been wanting to date you for years. You really love me?
Boobafina: I do...
Mr. Goose: Oh!
All the other animals: Huzzah!
Finn: And you Mr. Fox, you need to face facts man. Boobafina is not interested. It's time to move on.
Mr. Fox: It's true... it's for the best.
Finn: And hey, jerky teenage bear!
Teenage Bear: What?
Finn: Your mom is right. You shouldn't just go around fighting strangers in the forest.
Momma Bear: Yeah! [smacks him on the head]
Finn: Momma bear, your son's not a baby anymore. You should stop spanking him in the face.
Momma Bear: He's right... It's time to let you grow up...
Finn: Yeah! That's the stuff!
All the animals: Huzzah!
Finn: And Mrs. Cow, take that bag off your udder. You're beautiful, girl. You live in the forest, so why don't you just let it hang out?
[They take the bag off, revealing she has a PHIL FACE on her udder.]
Everyone except Mrs. Cow: Ewwwwwwww!
Mr. Fox: Yo, put that bag back on. [they do so]
All the animals: Huzzah!
Forest Wizard: Silence! Finn the Human, for meddling in our lives and disturbing the order of the forest... [stops making the blue swirl] we thank you.
Finn: What?!
Forest Wizard: [laughs] Our lives have improved since you came here.
Finn: Does that mean you're going to release me?
Forest Wizard: Your cage is made of sticks, brother. Just kick it apart.
Finn: Cool! [He breaks the cage and lands on the ground] Yeah! I'm coming for you, Jake... with a story!!!
[Cuts to Tree Fort]
Jake: And then what happened? [coughs]
Finn: And then everyone in the forest was happy... The end.
Jake: Huuuuuuuuh!!!
Finn: What's wrong?!
Jake: That was... [he stretches his arms and legs and shakes them] perfect! I feel a million times better!
Finn: Really?
Jake: Yeah! The romance stopped my fever... the suspense cured my headache... and everything else cured everything else! I'm not sick, I'm not sick!
Finn: Ha ha! Neat. [coughs and lays his head on his knees]
Jake: [dancing] Finn, c'mon! Dance the health dance with me.
Finn: Nah, I'm good. [sneezes]


Jake: You allergic to my health dance?

 

Finn: [lies down] No, I just feel bad.



Jake: Ohhhh... Finn, did you catch my sick?


Finn:Yeah, I think so...  ​

Jake: Well, I know just how to make you feel better...blankie... [puts a blanket on Finn] ...rubbie... [rubs Finn's head] and best of all, a good story. Once upon a time... ​

Finn: [snoring]
Jake: The end. [turns the lights off]



Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Summer Showers" from season 7, which aired on January 7, 2016.

Characters
Viola
Lumpy Space Princess
Mr. Cupcake
Tree Trunks
Music
None
Locations
Candy Kingdom
This transcript is incomplete.


Transcript

Viola: Time... Is a slippery devil. Our lives are sudden. They come and go like... Like a summer shower.
Lumpy Space Princess: Oh, my glob! You got the part!
Viola: [ gasps ] I did?
Lumpy Space Princess: Well, not that part. You were terrible. But you can be my personal assistant.
Viola: Well... I guess I have to start somewhere.
Lumpy Space Princess: Start with my laundry.
Tree Trunks: Our lives are sudden. They come and go like a summer shower.
Lumpy Space Princess: That was great! Well, maybe not "Great," But you were a lot better than those others.
[ cellphone vibrates ] [ door opens, bell jingles ]
Jake: Hey!
Viola: Hey!
Jake: Hi, viola.
Viola: Hi, dad.
Jake: How's my big‐shot actress daughter? Did you get that part you wanted?
Viola: Oh, yeah, the part... Sure, I got the part.
Jake: Well, I think that's great. Just great. Seriously, that's so good to hear. Sometimes I wonder if maybe I haven't been the best dad. Maybe I blew it. But you getting that part, That makes my entire life seem worthwhile!
Viola: Mmm.
Jake: You're great, kid!
Viola: Aww, you're great, dad! [ cellphone vibrates ] Dad, I have to go. I have a rehearsal.
Jake: That's cool. Go get 'em, kid.
[ bell jingles ] [ sighs ]
Tree Trunks: I do hope that Nigel had no trouble At chelmsyhead station. There are never any taxi cabs to be found...
Lumpy Space Princess: What have I found here?! Is it a little mouse?
Lumpy Space Princess: People, look what I found! It's a little mouse! Everyone else is really a square, Working together as a team, helping the author/director. Everyone has the team spirit! Everyone except the selfish little mouse!
Viola: I'm sorry, I was ‐‐
Lumpy Space Princess: Don't interrupt me when I'm berating you!
Mr. Cupcake: [ clears throat ] When are we going to resume rehearsing?
Lumpy Space Princess: Don't interrupt me when I'm berating my assistant For interrupting me... Unless you want some, too!
Mr. Cupcake: Well, no.
Lumpy Space Princess: I can't remember what I was saying. Assistant, read me back my notes.
Viola: Hmm. You were wrapping it up so we could get back to rehearsal.
Lumpy Space Princess: Okay...Let's rehearse!
Crunchy: Mr. Cramforth will be drenched If he walks to the cottage from the station.
Tree Trunks: Poor suffering Nigel! Um...
Lumpy Space Princess: "But he"...
Tree Trunks: But he is so awfully amusing.
[ rumbling ]
Mr. Cupcake: Coming down like cats and dogs. Reminds me of the rain we had ‐‐
Lumpy Space Princess: Too much water on the coat! It's not a hurricane! Again!
[ rumbling ]
Coming down like cats and ‐‐
Lumpy Space Princess: That's too light! It's not a drizzle! Hey, viola! [ whistles ] Viola![ whistles ] Here, girl![ whistling ] Come on, I want to show you something.
Lumpy Space Princess: I think it's gonna rain soon, So I'm gonna show you What real summer showers look like. And I want you to make little sketches of raindrops As reference material.
Viola: Do you really think this is worthwhile?
Lumpy Space Princess: Yes! Gah! How can I explain this as simply as possible? In my play, I don't want to see big, big gloopy raindrops. And I don't want to see teeny‐weeny, tiny raindrops. What I want to see is raindrops that are just right.
Viola: Neither too big nor too ‐‐
Lumpy Space Princess: Stop interrupting me when I'm trying To explain things childishly! Every element of "Summer showers" Has to have class. You know, I may be a princess, But when people meet me, they don't think "Princess." They think"Lumpy space princess." I bet if I was"Princess bubblegum buns" Or "Sugarplum buns princess" Or something, Things would be way different. They have absolutely no imagination! I'm the one who has imagination! I'm the one who's special! I think my play will prove that... [ sighs ] I've had a really crummy life. Everything was okay when I was a little kid. And I could just hang out by myself and make up little games.
Viola: Have you tried talking about this with anyone else?
Lumpy Space Princess: No! It's part of your job! You're lucky, it's starting to rain. Now, pay close attention to these raindrops. You should fill the whole sketchbook! I want to see some classy raindrops on opening night! [ lock engages ]
Tree Trunks: It's so good to see you, Nigel. Let Chelmsford take your overcoat.
Mr. Cupcake: Very well, tree trunks.
Lumpy Space Princess: Her name is Miranda Hobson!
Mr. Cupcake: I don't know if I can call tree trunks by that other name. It seems dishonest.
Lumpy Space Princess: [ groans ]
Lumpy Space Princess: This play is set in a country called eng‐land. And in eng‐land, anyone called tree trunks Is always called"Miranda Hobson" During the summer.
Mr. Cupcake: I didn't know that.
Lumpy Space Princess: Yeah. So let's ‐‐ whoa! How did you get here? I locked the d‐‐never mind. Have you finally figured out what rain looks like? [Viola nods] Let's take it from the top!
Mr. Cupcake: Coming down like cats and dogs. Reminds me of the rain we had when mother was still alive.
Lumpy Space Princess: It'll have to do.
Lumpy Space Princess: Still lots to finish! Stay sharp! Keep it classy! Let's take it from act two!
[ rumbling ]
Mr. Cupcake: How lovely you looked this afternoon, tree trunks ‐‐
Lumpy Space Princess: Miranda!
Mr. Cupcake: Miranda Hobson.
Tree Trunks: Oh, Nigel! You've always made me smile.
Viola: Even when we met,
Tree Trunks: As children at the badminton tournament.
Viola: You were such a mischievous little boy ‐‐
Tree Trunks: And you still are. Mwah!
Mr. Cupcake: [ yawns ] I admit I feel quite sleepy!
Viola: The summer showers always did affect you that way.
Tree Trunks: I'll let him rest. After all, the rain can't last forever.
Lumpy Space Princess: That wasn't too bad, actually.
[ telephone rings ]
Tree Trunks: Yes, hello. Miranda Hobson speaking.
Citizen Peanut: Yes, Ms. Hobson, you won't remember me, but my name is Wilfrid. We met in April at the Chestnut Festival at St. Margaret's School. I'm between trains and I thought I might drop by.
Tree Trunks: No visitors to Bulkley cottage all season,
Viola: And now two in one day!
Lumpy Space Princess: The doors open in an hour. Here's a pep talk. Tonight is your night to be special, 'cause you're in a pretty darn special play ‐‐ Written by me. Directed by a pretty special director ‐‐ also me. Hey, viola!
Viola: Yes, director LSP?
Lumpy Space Princess: Where's our leading lady? Oh, there you are! What's the matter? You look like you're going to throw up.
Tree Trunks: I'm going to have to back out of the play.
Lumpy Space Princess: What?!
Tree Trunks: When I told Mr. Pigabout the kissing scene, He didn't take it well.
Mr. Pig: Kissing scene?! K‐kissing scene?! Kissing scene!
Tree Trunks: I'm dreadfully sorry.
Lumpy Space Princess: You can't do this to me! Who else knows all the lines?! Who else could possibly take your place at the 11th hour And be a big hero!? [ Viola gasps ] Viola! Your excited gasp just gave me an idea! I'll play the part!
Lumpy Space Princess: She sells seashells by the seashore. She sells seashells by the seashore.
Viola: I'm sorry!
Ice King: Are you really here, or are you, like, an eye floater?
Lumpy Space Princess: I've been usurped!
Viola: I can't believe this is our last summer here.
Mr. Cupcake: But everything changes, I suppose. Oh, one thing hasn't changed ‐‐ You've never looked lovelier... Miranda Hobson.
[ LSP growling ]
[ rumbling ]
Viola: I'll let him rest. After all, the rain can't last forever.
[ LSP growling ]
Viola: How long have we been sitting here on the couch, Wilfrid?
Citizen Peanut: Ages and ages. But not nearly long enough!
[ LSP roaring ]
Viola: One looks for a little brightness to warm the days. I thought that Nigel Cramforth had that brightness. But now I see that doesn't matter. For you have a different kind of brightness ‐‐ A kindness that will always make the cold ham And bitter rain of eng‐land seem like hot tea, And sweet strawberry jam, and summer showers.
[ light applause ]
Jake: Whoo! Viola! That's my girl!
[ louder applause ] [ cheering ] [ murmuring ]
Jake: You were great, kid!
Viola: Thanks, but it's not as if I wrote the play. That was ‐‐
[ door slams ]
Lumpy Space Princess: I should be mad... But you were so amazing!
Jake: She's quite the actress.
Lumpy Space Princess: What?! No, the acting was fine... But the rain! It looked so real on the overcoats! How did you do it? This play is gonna run for 20 years! [ laughing ]
[ Jake and Viola chuckle ]
Viola: That was my job, actually ‐‐ Putting raindrops on the overcoats. I only went on stage as a last‐minute replacement.
Jake: You mean you did the special effects! You're amazing, kid!
Viola: Aww... You're amazing, dad!
Jake & Viola: You're amazing!
[Episode Ends]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Susan Strong" from season 2, which aired on March 7, 2011.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Susan Strong
Princess Bubblegum
Music
"Susan Strong"
Locations
Candy Kingdom
Underground Hatch
This transcript is complete.

Transcripts

[The episode begins with Finn, Jake, and Princess Bubblegum standing in a field of tree stumps.]
Princess Bubblegum: And here at this site, my Great Uncle Gumbald cut down all these taffy trees in a single night.
Finn: 'Cause those trees were evil... right, Princess Bubblegum?
Princess Bubblegum: Nah. Hey, but I bet they have a ton of stories about your human relatives.
Finn: Um... not really. I've never even met any other humans. If I think about it too much, I get all soul-searchy and weeeeiiirrrd...
Princess Bubblegum: [Embarrassed] Ohhh, boy... I've made things awkward. Well, let's forget about that. I brought you guys here because I need you to rip out all these stumps!
Finn: [Half-heartedly, in a daze] Okay... I guess so...
Jake: Yeah, man, it'll be fun! [Shrinks and gets in Finn's hand] Toss the Jake-sploder! [Finn tosses Jake towards a stump] Nyeeeeh, boom!
Finn: [Spiritedly] SPA-MOW!!
Princess Bubblegum: [To Finn] I'm glad to see you out of that funk... about being the only huma... [Her voice trails off; she realizes what she said and gets embarrassed] I mean... [Walking away] Well! I'm gonna scram! No hard feelings right? [Exits]
[Jake lands in Finn's arms.]
Jake: Again, man!
Finn: [Throwing Jake] Huck!
[Jake lands on something; there's a loud clang.]
Jake: Ow!! Whoa... I don't think this is a stump.
Finn: [Running over] Huh? [Moving bush] It's a hatch.
Jake: A hatch? [He jumps on it and opens the lid.] We should check it out, ya think?! [He jumps down.] [Excitedly] Waaah!
Finn: Heh-heh. [Finn jumps down, and the lid closes. He and Jake exit an entrance chamber with a ladder and enter a dark room filled with old, moldy garbage, water, and ruined buildings.] S'dark, huh? [Finn turns on a flashlight. They run further into the area.] Whooooooaaaaaa!
Jake: What a dump! [Finn's flashlight goes out. He tries to get it working again.] Can you imagine the jerks that musta lived here?
[A figure emerges behind them.]
Finn: [Turning to look] Huh?!
[The figure stares at them.]
Finn and Jake: AAAAH!!
Figure: AAAAH!!
Finn and Jake: AAAAH!! [They run backwards with a start and run into a pile of junk. Another figure emerges. Finn and Jake gasp then retreat.]
Figure: Wee meeb youp nuh hur! [Presumably: "We mean you no harm!"]
[Finn and Jake run while panting heavily. Many more of these figures emerge, surrounding the duo. Finn's flashlight works again; the creatures retreat. The first figure from earlier runs into Finn's light; she stops and stares at them like a deer in headlights. She looks at her shadow.]
Figure: SHAHOW!! [Presumably: "Shadow!!"] [The other creatures gasp.] O my gra cup-ssah! [She hides in a refrigerator.]
Finn: These people are so terrified... Scared of their own shadows...
Jake: We could rule them... like gods! [Deviously] ...Angry gods...
Finn: [To humanoid] Don't be scared, c'mon. [The creature walks towards Finn cautiously.] Yeah, it's okay. [The humanoid goes into the light, revealing herself to very much resemble a human.] Your... your face! You're... [Yelling] JUST LIKE ME!! [She and the other creatures get spooked and retreat again.] Hey, wait!
[Jake stops Finn and shushes him.]
Jake: [Whispering] Shh. They're startled. Ya gotta be gentle with wild animals.
Finn: I don't think they're animals, Jake. I think... this could be... a tribe of... humans!! [Laughs happily] What are these guys doing down here in this crummy hole?
Jake: I don't know, man. Maybe they just don't know any other thing.
Finn: [To creatures] Hey, fellows! Don't you wanna get out of here?! I could take you to see the sun! [The female creature tilts her head. Finn motions his hands to draw a circle.] Suuuun. Suuuun.
Susan: Suhhhn... Ow la koo sow suhn. [Presumably an agreement that she'll look at the sun.]
Finn: You poor things... Living down here has made you all weird, hasn't it? [The creatures duck behind the trash and mumble to each other.] Jake, I've got to save these guys! They're my people, and it's my duty to lead them outta this gross cave! Starting with you, Miss, uh... [Grasping for her name]
Susan: Suuhh... suhhhn... [Presumably: "Sun."]
Finn: ...Susan? [Susan stands up.] Pleased to meet you!
Jake: Well, let's bring 'er up!
[Jake turns into a couch; Finn sits on him.]
Finn: [Patting Jake, to Susan] C'mon.
[Jake stretches himself, Finn, and Susan out of the cave. Finn opens the hatch and leaps out.]
Finn: Aw, man, you're gonna love it up here, Susan!
Susan: [Squinting] Huh?
Finn: There's all sorts of wonders top-side!
[Susan leaps onto the grass.]
Susan: Aah! AAH!!
Finn: Susan, it's just grass.
[Susan pants heavily and jumps on Jake's back.]
Jake: Ooooh! Mah back!!
Finn: [To Susan] Grass can't hurt you. [Patting grass] See?
Susan: Graaaahhhss... [She lands on the ground and feels the grass.] Huh... huh... huh. [She slams her face to the ground.]
Jake: Oop. Ya killed 'er.
Finn: Wha?! I did?!
Jake: Yep. Felled by surface-world germs. [Susan starts scurrying with her face still planted in the ground. Finn scowls at Jake.] Heh. Just kiddin'.
[Susan laughs as the plays in the grass. Finn and Jake stare. Susan rises with grass stains all over her.]
Susan: Hahahahahahahaha! Two be cah reh ss... buh a thuh ahp fer ger... ss.
Finn: Aw, Susan... You got grass blood all over your face. [Tries to wipe her with handkerchief]
Susan: [Scared] YEEH!! ITSA PA TUH MUP!
Finn: Susan... a hankie won't hurt you.
Susan: [Taking it] Ohhhh. [She wipes herself.]
Finn: [Frustrated sigh] How'm I supposed to show 'er the wonders of Ooo if every little thing freaks her out?
Jake: [Semi-French pronunciation] Patience...
Finn: Very well. Then I shall introduce Susan to Ooo... by degrees!
[A logo that says "INCREMENTAL TIME" pops up. A ruler goes through the word "TIME."]
[The three are now walking through the Cotton Candy Forest. Susan gasps and stops as she spots a beetle.]
Susan: [Scared] Manee mah nuhp lehp!
Finn: That can't hurt you! That's a dancing bug! [The beetle starts dancing. Finn and Jake start dancing, too. After a while, Susan joins in.] Yeah! Hahaha!
[Scene transition; the three are now on the cliffs above Red Rock Pass. Susan gasps at a rock.]
Jake: That's just a rock. [Punching it away] A low-level enemy.
Susan: [Relieved sigh] Jus a rah. ["Just a rock."] [She hugs another rock and squeezes it until it shatters.]
[Scene shifts to a forest where the three are having a campfire. Finn opens a package of marshmallows as Jake plays his viola. A beaver rises in the bushes behind Susan. Susan recoils in fear and breathes heavily.]
Finn: What's wrong?! [He spots the beaver.] Hey, hey, hey, it's okay! [He feeds the beaver a marshmallow.] See?
[The beaver takes three more marshmallows and runs off. Finn and Susan laugh.]
Susan: [Singing and looking around] Hm, hah, prety go-ah-suh pattah! ["Pretty golden patterns!"]
[Finn decides to sing, too. He sings Susan a song about how glad he is that she's with him and Jake on the surface world. He hands Susan a stick with a marshmallow on it.]
Finn: Hey, Jake, how's your marshmallow, man?
Jake: Golden as a wheaty sunset! How's yours?
Finn: [Staring at inflamed marshmallow] Hmmm... [He blows out the flame and eats the marshmallow.] Perfect! [Muffled] How's yours, Susan?
[Susan chews on the stick itself.]
Jake: Heh. That's adorable. Hup!
[Jake throws a marshmallow into Susan's mouth.]
Susan: MMMM!! Ohhh... Tha is goo!! [Presumably: "That is good!!"] [Susan ravenously attacks the marshmallow bag.]
Jake: Dang... She is way into candy.
Finn: Hey, yeah! Susan! We should take you to the Candy Kingdom! Everything is candy there!
Jake: You know, she may be too excited about candy.
Finn: [Shrugging notion off] Nah...
Susan: [Breathing extremely hard; mouth watering profusely] CAAANDY KING-DOOOM!
[Scene transition to Candy Kingdom at Princess Bubblegum's castle.]
Princess Bubblegum: I've enjoyed your visit immensely, Susan Strong.
[They signal each other goodbye.]
Susan: [Whispering] Finn!
Finn: Yeah, Suze?
Susan: [Whispering] Finn, where's all the candy yuh werp talk ah bout?! [Presumably: "Finn, where's all the candy you were talking about?!"]
Finn: Oh, well, it's... everywhere! The buildings, the lamp posts, even the people!
Peppermint Butler: We're all candy here!
Susan: [Excitedly] CANDY! CANDY! [Slobbers on Peppermint Butler]
Finn: Susan! [Pulling Peppermint Butler away] Susan!! No! You can't eat the ones that talk! They're special! They got aspirations. [Finn lets Peppermint Butler run off.]
Susan: [Ashamed] Ohh-ho. [Scowls]
Finn: It's okay. You're learnin'. Here. [Tears a piece of the pavement out.] Have some sidewalk brittle instead. [He puts in Susan's mouth, and she eats it.]
Susan: Mmm! [Finn smiles at her.] Now, I gonna get friends. We eat all of Candy Kingdom.
Finn: [Shocked] What?!
Susan: Oh. No, no, no, no, no. We won't eat red stripe man. Only everyone else. [Running away] Bye!
Finn: Susan, no!! [Runs to Candy Kingdom entrance] No!!! You can't eat the Candy People!! [Tired sigh] Oh, boy...
Jake: So now what? Fight the humans to the death when they attack?
Finn: No, man! They're my peeps! We have to save the Candy Kingdom without hurting them.
[Cut to Candy Castle]
Princess Bubblegum: They're gonna what?!
Finn: Don't worry! We have a plan! We just have to scare the humans away!
Princess Bubblegum: Very well. I shall gather my citizens in the courtyard... and you shall see how terrifying the Candy People can be! [Mock-scary] Ah-bloo-bloo-bloo!! [Giggles]
Jake: [Whispering to Finn] They're doomed.
[Back at the hatch, Susan busts out and blows a horn. The rest come out of the hatch. They get scared as they touch the ground.]
Susan: [Calming them down] Just grass!
Celina: Jus grah...
[Scene shifts to the Candy Armory.]
Jake: Ahh, these candy weapons are too cute to be scary.
Princess Bubblegum: Good news, Finn! I've managed to make my people horrifying!
Finn: But how?! [Drops candy weapon]
Princess Bubblegum: I've disguised them as gruesome creatures, like witches, and ghouls!
Starchie: Starchie's a beelzebub!
Jake: Aw, so cute! I just wanna give them candy!
[Finn looks worried. He hears the hunting horn.]
Finn: [To Gumdrop Girl] Quick! Show me your scary face!!
Gumdrop Lass 1: Oh, uh... [Shining flashlight in her face.] Rawr.
Jake: I don't think that'll scare anybody...
Finn: NO DUH! She's...um...! She's... [Noticing her menacing shadow] Hey! Princess. I need a little wagon and your biggest roll of wax paper.
[The tribe arrives.]
Finn: Now, Princess Bubblegum! [Princess Bubblegum lets the wax paper come rolling down.] Now, Jake! [Jake puts logs on a fire in a wagon. The Candy People's shadows emerge on the wax paper, and the tribe gets scared.] It's working...
Susan: [To tribe] Wah!! Just shadows!
Finn: Aw, man! They've learned how to learn! Hide yourselves, Candy People! I'll try to make Susan see reason!
[Jake blows on the fire to keep it lit.]
Marshmallow Kid 1: The Marshmallow Kids never run from a scrap! [To others] Come on, fellas! [They charge] Today... we are man-mallows! [Jake inhales deeply and blows the fire with a giant gust.] Huh? [The Marshmallow Kids are engulfed in flames.]
Finn: Please, fellow humans! The Candy People are no threat to you!
Marshmallow Kids: CHARGE!!!
[The Marshmallow Kids charge out of the flames to attack the tribe.]
Finn: WAIT!! STOP!!
Susan: DUCK!!
[She ducks; the Marshmallow Kids ignite the other tribesmen's animal hoods. They scream in terror.]
Finn: MY PEOPLE!! [One of the tribe members pulls off his hood to reveal a fish-like head.] HUH?!?! [Another tribe member pulls off his hood to reveal his fish-like head.] WHA?!? [All of the tribe members reveal their non-human heads.] They're... they're not humans? [They run off. Susan starts to follow, but then stops and stares at Finn.] Susan? [Susan looks away at the others then reluctantly goes towards Finn.] Susan... what are you??
[Beat; Susan runs off; the fire behind Finn dies down. Finn turns around.]
Finn: Is everyone okay? [The Marshmallow Kids are pulling off burnt skin.] Marshmallow Kids?
Marshmallow Kid: We'll just be gooey for a while.
[They give their burnt skins to Finn and run off giggling. Finn stares forward in the direction that Susan ran off.]
Jake: [Running up to Finn] Hey, buddy! We did it! Finn? You okay?
Finn: Jake, do you think she was human, or just another wild animal?
Jake: [Beat] We're all wild animals, brother.
[Finn eats some burnt Marshmallow Kid skin.]
Finn: [Low, quiet voice] Yeah... I guess we are... brother.
[The episode ends.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Take Her Back" from season 7, which aired on November 18, 2015.

Characters
Marceline
Bonnibel
Finn
Jake
The Moon
Banana Guards
Music
"Marceline's Dream Song"
"It's Spring Again"
Locations
Forest
Candy castle
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[Simon and Betty make soup in their house while Marceline sings "Time, Sweet Time." Simon and Betty kiss. Betty takes a pie with a face out of the oven. Someone knocks on the door, and they open it to a dressed-up Marceline offering flowers. Betty, Simon, and the pie burp.]
Marceline: Wait, I was hunting a vampire... [closes eyes] The Moon.
[The dream ends. In a clearing in the woods, Princess Bubblegum holds Marceline as Finn and Jake belch at her.]
Princess Bubblegum: Cut it out! That's not helping her.
Finn: But Mom and Dad always burped on us.
Jake: It's a cure-all!
Princess Bubblegum: Sorry, guys. There are no cure-alls. Your parents were just burping on you for kicks.
Jake: Oh, yeah, that makes sense. [belches] Oh, sorry, last one.
Princess Bubblegum: Huh! [covers nose] What did you eat, Jake?!
Jake: Hey, now! I pride myself in having nice-smelling burps. Just kidding.
Princess Bubblegum: Pride... hmm. Do you guys know what "hubris" is?
Finn: It's like an old-timey deity who weighed your deeds on a scale.
Princess Bubblegum: No. It means excessive pride or arrogance.
Lumpy Space Princess: That's like you, PB.
Finn: Dude.
Princess Bubblegum: No, it's true. I believed in myself so much that I was blind to the possible consequences.
Lumpy Space Princess: Don't believe in yourself so much then, Dum-dum.
Princess Bubblegum: [tearing up] Now my best friend is dying of poison because of me.
Jake: That ain't true, PB. Marcy took a risk, and you helped her because you're her friend. Real friends take each other to the edge of death—'cause death is life! Right, Finn?
Finn: Shoot, yeah! I get poisoned all the time just doing the dishes!
Peppermint Butler: I get poisoned on purpose, for research. I have a poison lab back at the castle.
Princess Bubblegum: Well, let's get our butts over there then! Find The Moon, Finn. We'll work on an antidote. You guys take her back to the poison lab. Maybe we can extract her healing powers.
Finn: Word!
[They run off into the forest.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Hey, wait! What should I do? You guys? [grunts]
[A stake falls out of her back.]
Lumpy Space Princess: [shudders and laughs]
Finn: Moon pearls... We're on her trail.
Jake: Gross!
Finn: I think they're pretty.
Jake: What if they're, like, her boogers... or worse?
Finn: Come on, Jake.
Jake: Ew, ew, ew, ew! Sometimes I think vampires were invented just to torment me.
Finn: Whoa. I don't think so, man. I think you might have a hubrits.
Jake: I'm just saying it's a possibility.
Finn: Hey, look! The moon's pontoon.
Jake: See?! I hate it! What it this, some hut the Moon plopped out of her bod?
Finn: I don't think so. This mummy job looks like it used to belong to that mummy job.
Jake: Still hate it. What's that, pickles? Ew. Yeah, that's her.
[Splat!]
Jake: Shouldn't she, like, explode or something?
Finn: She just healted that sword right out of her bod! Let's try frying her up in the sun.
Jake: Oh, yeah.
Finn and Jake: Wow!
Jake: How are we supposed to destroy this stay-fresh creep?
Finn: Hmm. Let's stick with P.B.'s plan and try staking her a bunch of different ways.
[Squishing]
King of Ooo: Hmm Higher Higher. Lower. Up Lower Perfect. [Princess Bubblegum kick the door] Whoa!
Princess Bubblegum: Hey!
King of Ooo: Ah! What are you doing here, former Princess Bubblegum? Did you forget that you lost the election?
Princess Bubblegum: Monarchies are not democracies!
King of Ooo: What?! Oof! Aah!
Banana Guard & Crunchy: Ooh
King of Ooo: Hey! Banana Guards, seize her!
Banana Guard: Uh, princess, should we listen to him?
Princess Bubblegum: No, just keep him out of my way! And untie Crunchy!
Crunchy: Thank you, Your Princessness!
Jake: Man, we've been doing this for hours.
Finn: You know, it's weird that P.B. wanted us to stake her back, instead of us taking her back.
Jake: Wait. "Taking" or "staking"? She said "you guys, 'sztake' her back.
Finn: " No, yeah! She said, "you guys, take her back.
Jake: " So which one should we do?
Finn: Both, I guess. We'd better hurry before she wakes up at sundown.
Jake: Whoops. Get her back in the vase!
Finn: Come get us, blood bucket!
Jake: What?!
Finn: Run!
Finn: Here she come!
Jake: Dude, for real, why'd you make her chase us?
Finn: Marci needs her healing powers. "Stake her back" to the castle, bro!
Jake: Shoot, just don't let her near my deli tray!
Finn: Well, run harder, dude!
Jake: Okay.
Finn: Man, she is really booking it hard! You see that, Jake?
Jake: No, bro, just let me run!
Finn: Holy stink! She's smiling right at me!
Jake: I don't need a play-by-play, man!
Finn: She's messing with us.
Jake: What do you mean?!
Finn: I mean she's not catching up on purpose!
Jake: Why do you think that?
Finn: She's giving me this look... Slow down so I can talk to her.
Jake: No, boy, you crazy!
Finn: Just do it! I won't let her bite you!
Jake: Okay, my life is in your hands, man!
Finn: Hey. We're leading you to a trap. We're gonna suck out your healing power and dust you. And then I'm gonna put your dust in a litter box. And get a tiger to drop a huge smelly tiger bomb on your sorry dust clumps!
Jake: Stop hitting my butt!
Moon: You run in the path of my light.
Jake: That's her voice?!
Moon: How can you lead me when I am your guide?
Finn: Are you being literal or allegorical? [Moon laugh evil] Me no like! Run, Jake, run!
Jake: But she said I'm running in her light!
Finn: Who gives a donk?! Just go!
Princess Bubblegum: All right, where's your measuring equipment? I need to see some charts! And tubes Where are your tubes?
Peppermint Butler: This process uses no tubes and involves no quantifiable measurements. Calm your mind and let the crystal medium work its magi Its science.
Princess Bubblegum: All right, Pep. I just wish I could do more for her. [Banana Guard cry]
Princess Bubblegum: There, there. We're all worried about Marceline.
Banana Guard: That's not really why I'm crying. Princess, we really miss you! [All Banana Guards crying]
Princess Bubblegum: Come on, guys, it's all right. [Banana Guard hugs the Princess Bubblegum] Oh!
Peppermint Butler: Shh, shh, shh, shh. Shh, shh, shh, shh. Okay, finished.
Princess Bubblegum: That's it? You just go, "shu, shu, shu" with your hands?
Peppermint Butler: Don't question my methods! This is my world.
Princess Bubblegum: Okay, what now, then?
Peppermint Butler: We wait, like, two hours.
Princess Bubblegum: Oh.
Peppermint Butler: Let's do something else.
Princess Bubblegum: Like what?
Peppermint Butler: Mm, video games?
Princess Bubblegum: I don't like video games.
Peppermint Butler: Me neither. I don't even have a system to play on or anything.
Banana Guard 1: I got a video game back at my place. But I just got it so I could stay in shape.
Banana Guard 2: How do you get in shape playing a game?
Banana Guard 2: Uh It's like a yoga video.
Banana Guard 1: So it's not a game at all.
Banana Guard 2: No, it is. It's a video game.
Banana Guard 1: Uh, it's a video.
Banana Guard 2: Yes.
Banana Guard 1: A yoga video.
Banana Guard 2: Game. A game.
Banana Guard 1: Video.
Princess Bubblegum: You guys.
Finn: We brought The Moon!
Jake: What do we do?
Moon: Die like pigs!
Princess Bubblegum: Hold her off till Marci wakes up!
Finn: She's not doing anything.
Jake: You gonna try something?
Finn: Okay, I guess. Whoops!
Jake: What was that?!
Finn: I don't know, man, I think I just got tapped out!
Jake: "Tap out"? When do you ever tap out?
Moon: Pigs!
Finn: She's doing something weird! Jake, help!
Jake: I can't! I feel like I'm in a slow-motion terror dream!
Finn: Banana Guards, help!
Finn: Princess, I can't stop her!
Princess Bubblegum: You kind of have to, Finn!
Finn: Rats! Okay, let me get my sword.
Moon: Marceline.
Princess Bubblegum: It's locked, dipstick!
Moon: Open, pig! Open, pig! Pigs!
Princess Bubblegum: Come on, Marci, wake up! Wake up!
Marceline: It's spring again And the yard is full Of tiny flowers You used to call them weeds And you killed them al
Princess Bubblegum: But they were growing too tall
Marceline: What?! I can't hear you!
Princess Bubblegum: I said, "Wake up, Marceline."
Marceline: What?!
Princess Bubblegum: Wake u--
Marceline: Huh?
Moon: Pigs! Pigs!
Marceline: You!
Princess Bubblegum: Marceline!
Moon: Pigs, pigs!
Princess Bubblegum: Did you just yell "pigs" at the lock until it opened?
Princess Bubblegum & Marceline: Oh!
Peppermint Butler: In your face!
Princess Bubblegum: Marci, now!
Jake: Finn.
Finn: Yes!
Jake: Finn, she's dead.
Finn: Oh, thank glob.
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Temple of Mars" from season 10, which aired on March 18, 2018.

Characters
Finn
Jermaine
Betty
King Man
Ice Thing
Jake
GOLB
Tiny Manticore
Martians
Fern (as a frog)
Snail
Music
None
Locations
Tree Fort
King Man's house
Martian transporter
Mars
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[The episode opens with Finn carrying two plastic bags full of eggs towards the Tree Fort.]
Finn: [Grunts as he opens the door with his foot, then opens the fridge with his foot and begins pouring in the eggs.] Boiled eggs. In the fridge.
[Jermaine is sat at the table. He clears his throat. Finn bangs his head on the fridge door and scatters boiled eggs over the floor.]
Finn: Jake! You're back! I've missed you so mu- Oh.
Jermaine: Uh, hi Finn. It's just me.
Finn: Jermaine! You and Jake both have sort of a grapefruit nature to you.
Jermaine: I came to your playhouse because I'm worried about Jake.
Finn: Don't worry, he's fine. He left a note.
[Finn holds up Jake's note. It reads "BRB - Jake".]
Jermaine: How long ago did he leave that?
Finn: Uh, I dunno. Maybe five weeks?
Jermaine: [Groans and exhales sharply] Whoo. Finn, you know you can call me if you're in trouble, right? Our brother's missing, and I come here finding you doing a lazy man's load with a hundred boiled eggs.
Finn: It's all they have at the store.
Jermaine: [Sits on the floor] I'm just worried, 'cause I had a dream about Jake - a vision.
[A representation of Jermaine's vision is shown. A tiny Jake is shown on top of Jermaine's head. He is in space, emaciated and alone.]
Jermaine: I think he's all alone in outer space. I don't think he can come home, and he's running out of birthday cake and cocktail hot dogs.
[Jake falls onto his side and the vision ends.]
Finn: Jake's in space?!
Jermaine: [Brushing something off his head] I know! It's chilling.
Finn: Hmm. Oh! So, this cosmic stuff, planets and space... [He begins writing a note. A pen lid in his mouth muffles his speech.] This is Normal Man-type subjects. [He spits out the lid and slaps the note onto the fridge alongside Jake's. It reads "BRB - Finn".] We're going to Mars!
Jermaine: Mars?! [Grunts and gets up.] Is it too much to hope that "Mars" is the name of some bookstore you like?
[The scene changes. Finn and Jermaine approach the house where Normal Man used to live.]
Jermaine: Is that a boat? I haven't seen a boat in years.
[They enter the house. Tiny Manticore is sat on a shelf listening to a cassette player.]
Jermaine: Ah, this is a pretty old house. What's that on the shelf? A little pegasus?
[They continue into the basement.]
Jermaine: Into the basement. Sure is lots of broken glass and decay down here. I'll be honest - I was just talking a lot because I'm nervous.
Finn: [Grabs the handles of the Martian transporter.] I know.
[Finn gestures to Jermaine, and Jermaine climbs onto his chest.]
Finn: [Whispering] Jake.
[The transporter whirs to life and sends them both out of the atmosphere in a beam of light. They pass through a cluster of eggs in space and then touch down on Mars. Jermaine screams the entire way.]
Jermaine: [Whimpers, panting, coughs, then speaks hoarsely] Mars.
[Finn and Jermaine walk past some Martians cleaning statues of Margles.]
Finn: Dang. Looking real prosperous around here.
Jermaine: Who's the statues, do you think?
Finn: Maybe Margles? But I've only seen a photo of her. Wait! Betty?
[Betty is standing by a pile of sand and a huge hole. She uses a pair of tweezers to drop a grain of sand into the hole.]
Betty: Oh, Finn. Uh, how is-
Finn: I haven't seen you, Betty, since you double-crossed everyone.
Betty: I-
Finn: Ya slopped up!
King Man: Finn! Empathy! [He climbs out from the pile of sand.]
Finn: Normal Man.
King Man: Nay! King Man! [Bows and then puts his hand on Finn's shoulder.] Finn, Betty is tormented. Just look at her.
Finn: Oh.
Betty: I'm trying to get better. I'm filling this hole with sand - grain by grain. [She drops another grain into the hole.]
King Man: We're going to cure Betty's obsession with the Ice King and the magical madness inflicted upon her.
Betty: [Glitches out.] G-G-G-G-Gah
Finn: If you inflicted it on her, shouldn't you be filling the hole?
King Man: Empathy, Finn. [He noogies Finn.]
Finn: Aah!
[The scene changes. Finn, Jermaine, King Man, and Betty are walking down a canyon towards a large entranceway.]
King Man: Okay, so, Jake's in space.
Jermaine: Yeah.
King Man: And you don't know where in space.
Jermaine: Yeah.
King Man: And you don't know where in space, even though literally every single place in this dimension is [air quotes] "in space".
Jermaine: Again, yeah.
King Man: You are a real cutie. Okay, here we are. To locate Jake, you will need to retrieve our space telemetry capsule - deep within Mars at the end of a deadly three-part mind maze.
Jermaine: [Whimpers]
King Man: Don't fret, cowardly dog. Betty will go with you.
Betty: I... should really get back to my sand.
Finn: Nah. You should come with us.
King Man: Now, only Martians may enter the maze, so you'll need hats to fool the guard over there.
Jermaine: Okay, cool. Where are the hats?
King Man: Space.
Jermaine: Wha- Aw, come on, man!
[King Man winks and points to a nearby box full of hats.]
Jermaine: [Groans]
[Finn removes his normal hat to put on a Martian one, revealing that his head is shaven.]
Jermaine: Eeh!
Finn: [Talking to the guard.] Um, Door Man?
Guard Man: [Looking up from his book] I'm Guard Man.
Finn: Well, I am Boy Man.
Jermaine: Uh, and I'm... Jer Man.
Guard Man: Sure. [Looks back down at his book.]
Finn: [Whispering to Jermaine] "Jer Man" was really funny.
Jermaine: Thanks, Finn.
[They enter the maze and the door slams shut. They emerge into a room filled with water and strange frogs. Most of them have heads which resemble Ice King's crown.]
Finn: Hey Jermaine, get a load of these frogs. What do you think's going on with all these frogs, Jermaine? Jermaine?
Jermaine: What? I don't know.
[Finn spots a single frog whose head resembles Fern's hat.]
Finn: Oh, whoa. That one looks different - kinda... special.
[The Fern frog's eyes suddenly turn red. It hisses and leaps at Finn.]
Finn: Yip! [He ducks the frog.]
Fern frog: Remember!
[The frog falls into the water and out of sight.]
Finn: Whew!
Betty: Finn!
Finn: I'm okay. These guys mean business, though. If you look them in the eyes, they get outraged.
[As Finn is speaking, Betty looks at many of the Ice King frogs, and their eyes turn red.]
Finn: You got all that, Betty? Betty! Hup!
[Finn tackles Betty to the ground and the frogs fly overhead.]
Betty: Oh! There's more on this side.
Finn: [Growls] Hyup!
[Finn hoists Betty and Jermaine onto his back and runs to the end of the room as frogs continue to fly at them.]
Betty: Guys, I think I figured out the frog puzzle. [Jermaine pulls her hat over her mouth, and her speech is muffled.] It's really quite simple.
[They arrive at a structure made of ice where there is a blackboard full of mathematical symbols, and the Ice Thing is perched above.]
Betty: I found the next challenge! I think maybe if I solve this equation, we'll be able to pass through to the next chamber.
Finn: And if we mess up, that guy pecks our tummies open, right? [He gestures at the Ice Thing.]
Betty: No. See, the work is already full of errors. I just need to correct them.
Jermaine: Um, I'm not trying to complain or anything, but none of these puzzles have anything... to do with... me.
Betty: [Speaking over Jermaine] Look see? This quadrinomial has been improperly factored. He forgot to double cube root the bottom partial nominator. [She magically produces a piece of icy chalk and corrects the error on the blackboard.] There we go. I'll have us out of here in no time.
Finn: Well, just let me know if you need any help - with anything besides these maths problems.
Betty: [Muttering to herself] X plus square, hypotenuse cubed plus Y minus three... [Muttering continues.]
[Finn spots the error she corrected reverting back to its erroneous form.]
Finn: [Gasps]
Ice Thing: [Chuckles]
Finn: Hey! He's jukin' the stats!
Betty: What?
Finn: He's changing the dang numbers around!
Betty: He's changing. Oh no.
Finn: [Climbing towards the Ice Thing] Come on, Jermaine!
Jermaine: Up there? You're gonna break your neck!
Ice Thing: [Laughs and takes off.]
Finn: Hey!
[The ice structure snaps and Finn falls through the blackboard, screaming. It shatters and Finn, Jermaine, and Betty are transported to a white void.]
Finn: [Groans and rubs his head] If anyone else feels like solving any of these puzzles, just jump right in, you know?
Jermaine: Hey! Over here! I hear something.
[They approach a window which looks into a room where a past version of Betty is speaking to someone on the phone.]
Past Betty: ...if you water them once a week they'll totally be fine. No! I know! Six months studying ancient petroglyphs in the Outback?! [Squeals] I can't believe it! [Her conversation continues indistinctly in the background.]
Betty: That's me.
Jermaine: Uh-doy!
Finn: You looks so happy. And sane.
Betty: [Sighs] I was. But I never took that trip. I met Simon the next day, and he was just so amazing. I put everything on hold to help him search for the Enchiridion.
Jermaine: Listen, Betty, I may not be a psychiatrist or a life coach, or even know what you're talking about, but maybe you should try focusing on yourself a little more, you know?
Betty: Can I though? I spent so much time dedicated to Simon I'm not sure there's even any "me" left anymore.
Past Betty: Good point, Future Betty! Maybe it is too late to save you, but with your power and my joie de vivre-ay, maybe the two of us could save Simon together! Think about it.
Finn: Oh, come on, Betty! Get it together! Even if you are a lost cause, she-
Jermaine: -Or whatever she represents-
Finn: -is not.
Past Betty: Or am I? [Blinks innocently]
Betty: No, Finn's right. You'll thank me for this later, Past Betty.
[She magically changes the date on Past Betty's plane ticket so that it says "today" instead of "next week".]
Past Betty: Hmph.
[The room dissolves into static and then returns with Past Betty preparing to leave for her trip.]
Past Betty: [Speaking on the phone] And don't forget to water my plants. Okay, got to go! My flight leaves in an hour!
[She hangs up, and the room dissipates. There is a pop, and confetti falls from above into the white void.]
Finn: Good job, Betty.
Betty: Thanks, Finn. Sorry I couldn't be more help. I was a little preoccupied.
Jermaine: Oh really?
Finn: Anyway, where's the space thingy? [Chanting] Space thingy! Space thingy!
Jake: Space what-y?
Finn and Jermaine: Jake!
Jake: Hey everybody.
Finn: Hey, long time no see, brudda! [Scratches Jake's head.]
Jake: [Laughs] Hey, what's with the hair, brudda?
Finn: Man, you're lucky you missed it. I had lice crazy-bad! I think I got them from Marceline, who got them from Ice King.
[While Finn is talking, Jermaine, in horror, flashes back to all the times throughout the day where he has touched Finn's head.]
Jake: [Laughs] Nice.
Finn: Anyway, how'd you even get here?
Jermaine: Eugggh! [Drops the hats he is holding.]
Jake: Beats me. I was just eating a sausage on some stupid planet, then all of a sudden there was a beautiful rainbow explosion and a loud noise - sort of like a space telemetry capsule activating. Then here I was, standing next to this Mars door.
[An opening has appeared in the void, and King Man is standing on the other side of it, back in the canyon where they began. King Man blows a party horn as Finn, Jake, Betty, and Jermaine exit the maze.]
King Man: Congratulations, everybody. Now, who's ready for a nice boiled egg?
Finn: Me!
Jake: Me!
Jermaine: Wait a minute. What even happened in there? Where's the telemetry capsule?
King Man: Don't you see, Jermaine? You were inside the capsule all along, learning valuable lessons while you programmed its Jake-extracting telemetry with your minds.
Jermaine: Of course.
King Man: And you, Betty - finally you've learned that most pressing of lessons - that sometimes, for our own good, we must accept the loss of that which we hold most dear.
Betty: [Imitates a buzzer] I've learned that I just got to work even harder to get it back.
King Man: What?!
Betty: Like, did you see Finn in there? He was indomitable!
King Man: Yeah I guess but-
Betty: So as I stared into that endless white void, I came up with a plan.
King Man: A plan?
Betty: For me, to save my Simon, and for you, to finally pull Margles back from the maw of GOLB.
King Man: [Gulps] Marg-


Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Thanks for the Crabapples, Giuseppe!" from season 6, which aired on July 24, 2014.

Characters
Ice King
Abracadaniel
Beau
Little Dude
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving
Leaf Man
Giuseppe
Ron James
Nymphs
Music
None
Locations
Ice Kingdom
Tree Fort
Grass Lands
Old Lady Village
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The view of the Ice Kingdom is shown, a bus pulls up and Ice King flies out.]
Ice King & Abracadaniel: Road trip!
Ice King: Check out this sweet make out wagon! [walks between the seats, he comes to the Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving] Life giving magus bro!
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving: Yo, yo, yo!
Ice King: Yo, yo. [turns to Ron James] Ron James bro!
Ron James: Whazzup!
Ice King: Not much, not much. [turns to Little Dude] Finn's old hat bro!
Little Dude: Uh, name's "Little Dude."
Ice King: Sure, sure. [turns to Beau] Hey, uh..
Beau: It's Beau.
Ice King: Beau bro, right! [turns to Leaf Man] Leaf Man bro! [turns to Giuseppe] And, uh...[turns to Abracadaniel] Who's this guy?
Abracadaniel: I don't know. We just picked him up. That's the kind of trip this is gonna be. It's a "destiny will guide us" kind of thing.
Ice King: [turns back to Giuseppe] How 'bout we call you...Giuseppe. [Giuseppe farts] That's right, Giuseppe.
[scene changes to the Old Ladies village in the Grass Lands]
Abracadaniel: Okay, Ron James, it's time.
Ron James: A'ight, listen up, brahs. Here's the plan. [throws a vial of white powder, revealing black smoke]
All: Ooooh.
Ron James: We're heading for Big Butt Rock. At sundown, we'll gather on the Cheek's Peak, and using the ah-has, deep feels, and woo-woos we score from the journey, we will chant a totally original spell, thus forming an entirely new school of magic! [goes back to the bus] Kind of like those jerky secret societies, but less jerky. [blows the smoke away]
[all cheer]
Abracadaniel: Just got one more stop. [stops the bus at the Tree Fort and gets out of the bus]
Ice King: Finn and Jake's crib? They won't come. They're out of our league.
Finn: [from inside the tree fort] Hey, Abracadaniel's here, with a bus full of lame wizards.
Jake: [getting massaged by BMO] Here we go. They're probably gonna try to lure us on some dumb trip.
Abracadaniel: Hey, water nymphs! Uh...hi. Uh...do you girls feel like, uh...going on a road trip?
Nymph: Um...no thanks.
Abracadaniel: Okay, but what if I...[straining, he uses his wand to create a rainbow]
Nymph: Ew.
[Abracadaniel pants]
Ron James: [still on the bus, shouts to the nymphs] Hey, ladies! Hellooo.
Nymph: Whoa, do you guys know this person?
Denise: No, but his eyes are just...[shows Ron James' eyes sparkling, with him holding a vial of Eye Twinkles] gorge.
[the nymphs laugh and run onto the bus, Abracadaniel follows and drives the bus off, Finn and Jake come out laughing with backpacks on]
Jake: Oh.
Abracadaniel: Here we go!
All: Wooo! [the bus' engine stops]
Ice King: Uh, why'd we stop?
Abracadaniel: I think we ran out of gas.
Little Dude: [a loud clank is heard] And the wheels fell off!
[they all get off the bus, the cows moo]
Ron James: Well, this ain't goin' the way we planned, but fate has decreed that this place is just what we need. Draw your inspiration from this muddy, old cow pasture. Here, bros. [hands Ice King a roll of toilet paper] We got a stock full of T.P. and magic ink. [gives everyone else a roll of t.p.]
Abracadaniel: Let's all write down arcane, cryptic words in unexpected new combinations and patterns. Maybe the nymphs can dance on top of the bus to be, like, our muses.
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving: Inspire us, water nymphs!
Nymph: We don't want to. We'd rather write.
Ice King: I'll dance if dancing is needed. [starts singing] Doo-doo doo doo-doo. Yah yah, doo-doo wah [takes a vial of ink from Abracadaniel and climbs on top of the bus, rolls the t.p. across the bus and dances a bit] Dance, dance, dancin' dance writing. [puts ink on his feet and dances across the t.p.] I'm dance, dance, dance, dancin'. Top of the bus, window...
Little Dude: Hey, check it out, y'all. The dirty old stranger's writing, too. [Ron James pats Giuseppe]
Farmer: What's all the ruckus?! I own this pasture, so get back in your vehicle and get! [shakes his gun in the air]
Ice King: We can't! Our wheels fell off! [the farmer gets ready to fire his gun, Ice King gasps] Back on the vehicle. I'll make a slick ice road. [uses his powers and starts making a road, the bus takes off]
Farmer: Are you gone? I can't really see!
[the scene changes to the Ice King, who is still making an ice road]
Ice King: [groans] Oh! [Abracadaniel gets out and climbs by the Ice King and pants]
Abracadaniel: Is there a problem?
Ice King: I ran out of juice.
Abracadaniel: Can I take over?
Ice King: Yeah, maybe you should. Hey, let's switch headgear. [he gives Abracadaniel his crown and Abracadaniel gives him his headband] Ooh, it fits! [Abracadaniel giggles, shaking his hands and sprinkling snow out] Yeah, girl, just let the ice magic flow. [Abracadaniel starts shooting ice out] Oh, b-but be careful, okay?
Abracadaniel: What? [turns to Ice King and has the ice aiming past him]
Ice King: Oh! [laughs nervously] Not me. [Abracadaniel starts making a road] Nice ice road.
Abracadaniel: Thanks. Hey, I don't think we're moving.
Ice King: Uh, hold on. [gets back on the bus] Everyone, time to push the bus!
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving: Eh, I don't really want to.
Ice King: Come on! Destiny! [all grumble and get out of the bus and start pushing it] Okay, back on the bus! Back on the bus! [driving the bus] Huh? Ooh, a crabapple tree. Giuseppe, make yourself useful and grab us some of them crabapples. [Giuseppe stops writing on his t.p. and goes to the door of the bus] Okay, get ready. Jump! [Giuseppe jumps to the tree and picks up the crabapples, the bus speeds up and he can't catch up]
Little Dude: Oh, no! Giuseppe can't catch up!
Ice King: What?! Magus of Life Giving, take the wheel! [goes to the bus' back door]
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving: Uh, okay, but I am not a confident driver.
Little Dude: [climbs on his back] You're doing great, buddy.
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving: Don't touch me! [bats Little Dude away]
Ice King: Giuseppe, throw the crabapples! [Giuseppe throws them and he catches them] Giuseppe? [sees that Giuseppe is too far away] We have lost Giuseppe. [gives Leaf Man a crabapple and eats one himself] Mm! Hmm? Well, let's see what old Giuseppe wrote. [picks up Giuseppe's toilet paper, reads it and gasps] Listen to this, everybody! "These are not my tear drops, daughter dear, but just a sheen of dew that lingers here, past other fields where other fathers lie, who kept their daughters better far than I." [sniffles] What do you guys think? [everyone is crying] What's wrong with you guys?
Ron James: Look who's talking.
Ice King: [sniffles] Huh? [wipes his eyes] This is true art. [blows his nose on the paper] Well, let's see what you other guys wrote. [takes their papers] Little Dude, here's yours. "Days don't have shades, directions with no ways, adjusting minimum scholarly curriculum to enrich empty minds, it takes refracted sunshines." That is awesome. "Take this light with your great might, free hearts that are gated seeing truth in things exaggerated." Ah, some interesting spell combos going on guys.
Abracadaniel: Ice King! I see the Butt Rock!
Ice King: The hour of glory is upon us. Cauldron! [a cauldron comes, he puts the papers into it, murmurs incantations and everyone falls asleep]
Abracadaniel: Smells so good down here! What's cooking? [falls asleep, the bus stops by a lake]
Ice King: [snoring, gurgles water and wakes up and screams, waking everyone else up, showing the bus half sunk in a lake]
Nymph: Girls, we can help. [the nymphs get out of the bus] Okay, one, two, three! Lift![they try to lift the bus] Ow! Ow. Um...let's get out of here. [they swim away]
Ice King: No, don't go. [puts his crown back on] Hey, I could freeze all of us. Then we'd be safe from drowning, and once someone discovers our preserved bodies, we'll be saved! Be like, 200 years, tops! [everyone grumbles]
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving: Oh! Let me try this! [takes his right mitt off and touches the bus] Mommy!
Bus: Oh Grob, I can't swim! Aah! Oh Glob!
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving: Ymmom! Somebody! Sorry.
Ron James: I was hoping it wouldn't come to this. My "last resort" poshe, obtained from a mad yogi in the Mystery Mountains. It's time to find out what it does. [opens it, drinks some of it] Ba-bam! [his head is replaced with Tree Trunks's]
Tree Trunks: Nice and slow. Ooh, gent--oh! [goes back to Tree Trunks' home]
Mr. Pig: [scratching Ron James' head instead of Tree Trunks' back with a back-scratcher, Mr. Pig gasps]
Tree Trunks: [laughing] Oh, I'm flying!
Ice King: [takes the vial from Ron James' hand] Yoink. Take my head away from here, baby! [drinks the rest of the vial, his head is replaced with the Life Giving Magi's] No! [all scream]
Abracadaniel: Maybe this is a test from destiny, guys! If we all just surrender to these events, the answer will reveal itself. [inhales deeply, the bus starts glowing blue and shaking] Whoa.
Little Dude: Wha? [looks out the window] Hey, it's Giuseppe! [Giuseppe sets the bus down, Ice King comes out]
Ice King: [everyone else comes out of the bus] Giuseppe, how have you done this? [Giuseppe gives them a thumbs-up, turns into blue sparkles and goes on the trees]
All: Whoa.
Abracadaniel: What was he?
Ice King: I don't know, Abracadaniel, but I think he was trying to show us something. Something new. [fist pumps Abracadaniel, it shows the view of the blue sparkles which are shaped like Giuseppe's head, and the right eye winks]
[scene skips to Wizard City]
2 Wizards: Sploo! Jicka haka boogy noona hubba gubba--secret wizard handshake!
Berdzerd: Later, Chinchizerd!
Chinchizerd: Bye, Berdzerd. [Berdzerd flies away, he waves, Abracadaniel walks by, whispers to Berdzerd] See you at the secret thing tonight! [turns to Abracadaniel] Loser.
[Abracadaniel and the Life Giving Magi come to each other, wink and show each other their rings with the crabapple tree on it, then shows the crabapple tree from earlier]
Ice King: [scene showing the crabapple tree without Ice King being shown] Giuseppe.

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Thank You" from season 3, which aired on November 23, 2011.

Characters
Snow Golem
Fire Wolf Pup
Fire Wolves
Finn
Jake
Ice King
Music
None
Locations
Ice Kingdom
Fire Kingdom
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode begins with an Alarm Clock Bird entering the Snow Golem's house and waking him.]
[Snow Golem crushes the bird with his hand, but it escapes unharmed.]
Alarm Clock Bird: [Coughs] [Flies out the window]
Snow Golem: [Yawns]
[Snow Golem gets out of bed and walks to the bathroom. There he washes his head, then looks in the mirror and fixes his hair so that it makes snow horns, but decides not to use them.]
[Snow Golem gets some breakfast. He takes a box of Flakies and a bottle of milk, which actually contain a pear and acorns, respectively. He pours them into a bowl and eats.]
[After eating, Snow Golem looks in his cupboard and finds that there is no more food. He draws an acorn and a pear on a piece of paper as a shopping list. He prepares to leave, putting on a small pouch and a garland of branches. He leaves his home, grabs a cart, and starts walking.]
Snow Golem: [hums while walking through the forest]
[Snow Golem stops and sees Finn and Jake fighting the Ice King, who is wearing Ice armor]
Finn: Ice King, this the last time you steal our sandwiches!
[Snow Golem runs past]
Ice King: You don't understand! If you were me, you would do things I would do!
Finn: Yeah, and if you were us, you'd kick your fat butt!
Ice King: I ... yeah, I would... but I wouldn't get past my invincible armor!
Finn: Yaah! [Kicks against armor but causes no damage. Finn falls.]
Ice King: [Laughs] Not a scratch, boys! Not a scratch! It's my time to shine!
[The scene changes to Snow Golem, looking for food in the woods. As he walks, one can see the Fire Kingdom.]
[Snow Golem touches a pear hanging from a tree. He squeezes another one, smells it, and picks it. He suddenly notices that it has a bruise.]
Snow Golem: [Yelps]
[Snow Golem places the pear on the tree branch. Suddenly, a pack of Fire Wolves appears in front of him. They growl at him.]
Snow Golem: [Shouting in fear] Wuuuuh-wuuuh!
[Snow Golem slowly takes a pear from the ground and throws it at one of the wolves. The wolves pounce at Snow Golem and start attacking. Snow falls from the tree and a cloud of steam covers them. Snow Golem kicks away some wolves. The steam clears and Snow Golem is shown with a large branch stuck in his eye.]
[After removing the branch, Snow Golem picks up his eye (a stone) from the ground. His cart, full of pears, is sideways and one of its wheels is off. Snow Golem picks up the wheel and finds a Fire Wolf pup biting the other end. Snow Golem shakes the wheel, throwing the pup off screen.]
Snow Golem: [hums while he fixes his cart]
[The pup approaches Snow Golem, emanating fire.]
Wolf of Fire: [Barks playfully]
Snow Golem: [Gets angry]
[The pup keeps yipping and panting happily. Snow Golem touches it with a stick and the pup barks again and emanates fire.]
[Snow Golem, humming, picks it up with the stick and leaves it on the branch of a nearby tree. Snow Golem walks away while still humming.]
Wolf of Fire: [Emanates fire and barks while watching Snow Golem away]
[The scene changes to Snow Golem trying not to be noticed while watching Finn and Jake trying to penetrate Ice King's ice armor.]
Ice King: Fools! Fools! You're wasting your ti-yime!
[Snow Golem comes home and rests in his snow chair]
Snow Golem: [Sighs]
[Snow Golem's cart explodes and spreads fire all around.]
Snow Golem: [panics] Wuh? Wuuuh-wuuuh! Wuuuh! Wuuuuh! [Manages to put out the fire on his body.] [Calms down and notices that the pup caused the fire.]
Wolf of Fire: [Barks, turns around and blows a raspberry]
Snow Golem: Ehh ... [Picks up the pup with a piece of the cart, opens the door and throws him out of his house.] [He shuts the door and opens it again when he hears the pup moaning and shivering from cold. He again closes the door and opens it again, this time seeing some vultures trying to eat the pup.]
[Snow Golem scares away the vultures by screaming and waving his hands. He sees the Fire Kingdom and then the sun setting. He has no choice but to invite the pup into his home. The Wolf comes running in and barking.]
[Snow Golem enters the house and notices that the pup is not in the room. He enters the kitchen and sees various things on fire.]
Snow Golem: Wuh! Wuuuh! [Puts out the flames with his hands and removes pup from the kitchen with a branch so that it cannot burn anything.]
[Snow Golem sets down the pup, who barks, does a flip, and then sits. Snow Golem puts a rock on his tail to keep it in place. The pup tries to leave but to no avail.]
[Snow Golem offers the pup a pear, trying to feed him. He motions to eat.]
[The pup looks at Snow Golem, then bites the pear and swallows. Snow Golem is happy, but the pup coughs out the pear and shudders in disgust. He then makes a sucking motion with his lips.]
Snow Golem: Hmmm.
[The scene changes to Snow Golem in a farm feeding the pup with the milk of a cow, who is screaming in agony as the pup burns her udder. Snow Golem is happy.]
[The scene returns to the Snow Golem's home, where he is trying to entertain the pup with his fingers. These have faces and sing with Snow Golem. The pup rejoices, barks and then licks one of Snow Golem's fingers, melting and causing Snow Golem pain.]
Snow Golem: Wuuuh! Wuuh! [Blows what's left of his finger and tries to ease the pain] Ah! Ahh ... Geesh ... [The pup is sad] ... [mutters reassuringly] Bo, bo, bop [Fixes his finger (again with face) with a snowball and tries to entertain the pup again.]
[Snow Golem shakes his hand, but his top-heavy arm falls off onto a plank. Then an icicle falls from the ceiling onto the plank, launching the hand with the face at Snow Golem's head, replacing it.]
Snow Golem: Huh? Wang nyangah yuh?!
[The pup is happy again. Snow Golem laughs.]
[The scene changes. Snow Golem attempts to lull the pup to sleep, rocking it in a chair and humming a lullaby. The pup snores. Snow Golem sets it down and removes it from the chair with a stick.]
[Suddenly, a howl from the Fire Wolf pack is heard. The pup joins them in howling while sleeping. Snow Golem thinks and sighs.]
[Meanwhile, Finn, Jake and the Ice King are sleeping on the battlefield.]
Ice King: [Sleeping] Fools, fools, fools...
[Finn hits Ice King's armor with a stick in his sleep.]
Ice King: [snore] In-ice-able vince armor...
[The next morning, Alarm Clock Bird reappears and the pup launches a fireball at it. The bird, burned, coughs and flies away. Snow Golem wakes up and leaves home to take the pup to his family.]
[Finn and Jake, return to fight the Ice King, this time managing to break some ice armor with axes.]
Ice King: Help! Help! Somebody help me! Ah! Oh, sweet mama!
Finn: Got you now!
Jake: Yeah!
Ice King: Aah! You can have the sandwiches back! I'm sorry! Help!
[Snow Golem makes its way to the mountain where the wolf pack lives. He tries to climb the mountain as he melts. He realizes that the pup is below and gasps. He also notices that his chair was burned because of the pup and throws it to the foot of the mountain.]
[Snow Golem goes down the mountain to retrieve the pup. They look at each other. Then Snow Golem looks at his melting hand, noting the risk he has to take.]
[Snow Golem manages to recover the pup. As he melts, they walk along the top of the mountain to where the herd are sleeping. They awaken and start growling aggressively.]
[Snow Golem returns the pup to his family after the pup licks him. One wolf growls at Snow Golem and barks furiously. Snow Golem backs away.]
Snow Golem: Bye-bye.
[Snow Golem returns to Ice Kingdom and sees Finn and Jake eating the sandwiches that King stole. The armor is destroyed now.]
Ice King: Boy, those sandwiches look really cool! [Finn continues eating] It looks like it'd be really awesome to try a bite of one of those [Jake also claims and continues to eat] ... right on, right on.
[Snow Golem gives a little sigh and suddenly, the Fire Wolf pack appears behind some bushes. Snow Golem retracts in fear and the pup runs to him, pounces, melting Snow Golem, who laughs.]
Snow Golem: You ... the ... real good. Nice... home.
[The pup continues licking Snow Golem, melting him and reducing him to a puddle. Snow Golem continues laughing as Finn and Jake observe.]
Finn: Jake, do you think that puddle needs our help?
Jake: Nah, it's a Snow Golem, man. I think he's laughing.
[Snow Golem and the Wolf are playing.]
Finn: I thought Snow Golems and Fire Wolves hated each other.
Jake: Oh, yeah, big time.
Finn: But they learned to get along.
Jake: Yup.
Ice King: You know ... maybe we could all learn a thing or two from those sandwiches.
[Finn watches Snow Golem and the pup continue playing.]
[Finn kisses Ice King's cheek]
Ice King: [Pause] ... Thank you.

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "The Chamber of Frozen Blades" from season 2, which aired on January 17, 2011.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Ice King
Doctor Princess
Music
None
Locations
Ice Kingdom
Rock Hospital
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[Finn observes Ice King's Castle through binoculars.]
Finn: Hour ​​six of our Ice Kingdom stakeout. Abso-nothing's going on there.
Jake: [Reading a ninja manual] And if I do this hand position, [he positions his hand] my boogers should turn into smoke bombs.
Finn: Pfff. You sure this tip is good, Flambo?
Fambo: [surrounded by logs like a campfire] Come on, you know I'm on the level. The Ice King is scheming to nabs a princess today. I swears it.
Finn: Hmm.
Jake: Relax, Restless Pants. A true ninja can sense the intentions of his enemies. [He shifts his ears into a symbol] Jin.
Flambo: [Laughs] Ninjas? Ninjas ain't real for nothing, no how.
Finn: Whoa, now—ninjas are real. For you see, [covers his mouth with his sweater] Doo, doo, doo... Jake and I are ninjas.
Jake: Yep, ever since we fished this ninja manual out of a ditch. Finn, booty me!
Finn: [Jake throws the booties and Jake catches them on his feet] Listen!
[Penguin sounds are heard]
Jake: Finn, I think I'm gonna take off my booties. I can't flip these pages.
Ice King: Gunter, let's go! I've got the overnight bag.
Gunter: Wenk, wenk!
Finn: It's the Ice King, all right, and he's looking awful pleased with himself.
Jake: Uh-oh. If the Ice King's so happy, he must have stolen a princess when we weren't looking, somehow. [covers his mouth with his ears] That's ninja logic.
Finn: Then we gotta...
Flambo: [Interrupts] Ahem.
[Finn gives a charcoal Flambo.]
Finn: ...we gotta save that princess.
Jake: You got it, shino-bro! Ninja kick!
Finn: Ninja kick!
[They jump away and enter the Ice King's castle.]
Finn: Princess? Princess!
Jake: [Sniffs the floor and raises an armchair with his arm like a jack] Princess?
Finn: [Looking in the jail] Princess!
Jake: [Looking in the toilet] Princess? ...Ahh...
[They regroup.]
Jake: No princess here, man.
Finn: No princess? [Gasps] It's... a trap! We're being trapped! Ninja vanish! Evade! Evade!
Jake: Nothing is trapped, dude. We can't find any captured princesses, because the Ice King hasn't captured one yet. He's out doin' it right now.
Finn: Are you sure?
Jake: [confident] No. It's only a ninja hunch, so we should ninja snoop for proof.
[They go to the Ice King's bedroom.]
Finn: Wait, man. I-I feel uncomfortable snooping through Ice King's personal stuff. It feels sorta like... [darkly] a violation.
Jake: [Pulls out a book from under a pillow on the bed] Whoo! Got the Ice King's diary.
Finn: [shakes his head] No, no, no, no, no! We can't read his private junk! [Tries to stop Jake]
Jake: And yet we must. [clears his throat and takes the form of the Ice King] Dear diary—and you better write me back this time!— [not actually reading] today I'm bringing home a special new cutie.
Finn: There's our proof, man! ... Hmm, alright. Let's use our ninja stealth and hide until he comes back with the princess.
[Jake shrinks.]
Jake: Or... we could keep looking through his stuff. Heh, heh, heh! You know, for more proof? Hehehe!
Finn: No. [Stops Jake] Alls we're gonna do is lie in wait until the Ice King gets back. Then—BOOM [pokes Jake]—we catch him with princess on his hands. [Starts playing with Jake like a plane]
Jake: Where are we gonna hide?
Finn: In this filthy hamper! [He tosses Jake in the basket and then jumps in after him.] Think he's there yet?
[Jake goes to see.]
Finn: See anything?
Jake: Nah. Hey, Finn, I don't want to hide in the hamper anymore; it reeks in here.
Finn: But we're ninjas! And this is our ninja hideout.
Jake: Nah, man. My sense of smell is, like, one thousand times better than yours. Also, the hamper's boring. I'm out.
Finn: Wait!
[Jake leaves the basket.]
Jake: I'm out!
Finn: Jake! Get back here! [Throws a meatball at him, which hits Ice King's computer] [Jake goes to the computer.] Hey, wait up!
Jake: Check this out!
[They both look the Ice King's drawings on the computer and laugh.]
Finn: Weird.
Jake: I want to draw something.
Finn: Hey! [Try to stop Jake] We gotta leave no trace! Ninjas leave no trace!
Jake: I'll delete it after!
Finn: Hey, come on!
[They laugh and Finn accidentally pushes the computer table. It slides across the floor and crashes into a glass wall, shattering it.]
Finn: [gasps] Jake, what have we done?
Both: [gasp] A secret hidden room full of ninja stuff!
[The scene changes to the Ice King laughing and flying to a Rock Hospital.]
Ice King: [Entering the hospital] Oh, great—a line. [starts to freeze the people in front of him] Excuse me. Excuse me. Pardon me.
Rock Man: Uhh, I-I think you were actually ahead of me.
Ice King: [Freezes Rock Man] You know I was. [laughs] [Approaches to management] Counter maid, I demand medical attentions, [softens his voice] preferably those of a princessy type.
Rock Nurse: And are you checking in as a patient or a cadaver?
Ice King: Hey! I'm as healthy as ten old men!
[Gunter complains weakly.]
Ice King: Ah! Oh, oh, right! [Puts Gunter on the counter] My penguin—he's very, very sick. So... what time does your shift end?
[The scene switches to Jake walking down stairs.]
Jake: What kind of guy builds a cave inside of another a cave? [Goes to a book] What's this? A spellbook? [Turns the pedestal] Whoo!
Finn: Dude! Leave no trace!
Jake: Ah, it's too late for that.
Finn: It's not too [Stops the pedestal] ...late. WHOA!
Jake: What'cha got there?
Finn: Dude! It's a first-edition Ice Ninja Manual!
[Jake gasps deeply.]
Finn: [reading the manual] A true ninja passes no wind; he only passes... [Jake farts in Finn's face, cutting him off. Finn wipes his face in disgust.]
Jake: [in the manual] I ain't even heard of these techniques. [He makes a symbol with his hand] Nuh-nuh-n-numm-nuh [Summons ice nunchucks on his hand.] numb-chucks.
Finn: Hey. Ice King seems way into ninjas, even more than we are.
Jake: [Twirling the nunchucks] Yeah, so? [He hits himself with the nunchucks.]
Finn: So... doesn't that mean that ninjas must be... kinda lame?
Jake: Nah, they're still cool. But Ice King's still lame because he hides his ninja love. We wear our ninja on our sleeves! [Breaks a cabinet with nunchucks]
Finn: Jake! Show me how to do that.
[The scene changes to Gunter and Ice King waiting in a hospital ward.]
Ice King: What's taking that doctor so long? Gunter, make more noise!
Gunter: WUAH! WUAH!
Ice King: Yeah, alright. Don't oversell it, drama queen.
[Doctor Princess enters the room.]
Dr. Princess: Dun, dun, dunnn. Pardon the intrusion. I'm Doctor Princess.
Ice King: Yes, well, uh... [quietly] Come to Ice King, Princess.
Dr. Princess: [Approaching Gunter] Don't worry, sir. I specialize in treating little tuxedo people.
Ice King: Just give it to me straight, doc. Am I gonna have to pay for this?
Dr. Princess: [Puts her stethoscope in Gunter's face] Hmm...
Gunter: [like a heartbeat] Wenk-wenk. Wenk-wenk. Wenk-wenk.
Dr. Princess: Oh, my!
Ice King: What can you do for him, Doctor Princess? [He takes off his crown.] Without Gunter, I'll be all alone. You see, I'm a widower.
Dr. Princess: Oh, I'm sorry. How did your wife die? [Gunter begins to inflate.]
Ice King: Oh, what? Is that what that means? [Puts his crown back on]
Dr. Princess: Whoa, Nelly! Something medical is happening!
[Gunter inflates even more.]
Ice King: Gunter, you're embarrassing me!
[The scene changes to Finn and Jake practicing ninja techniques.]
Finn: [Making hand positions] Fridjitsu master Finn summons... dagger of chilled glass. [Does so]
Jake: [Also making hand positions] Fridjitsu master Jake summons... stars of frozen rain. [Does so] Get ready to be... star struck. [Throws the stars at Finn]
Finn: Get ready to be... cold cut!
[They fight. Finn breaks a TV and a seat. Jake breaks his dagger. They leave the room.]
Jake: Hyah!
Finn: [takes two kunai from a case and throws them] Kunai attack!
[The kunai break loose some icicles from the ceiling.]
Jake: [Kicks icicles] Icicle kick!
Finn: [Makes hand positions and counterattacks with snow] Force of blizzard!
[The avalanche breaks the Ice King's chair.]
Jake: [Evades the snow with a jump] Flying jump!
[Jake brings up three clones of himself]
Finn: What?! Three Jakes? That's one too many. Caltrop hailstorm! [Summons ice stars and throws them toward the Jakes, which disappear] Those Jakes were all fakes!
Jake: [Behind Finn] Heh! Fridjitsu master Jake summons... arrow of ice! [He does so and fires it at Finn, using his arm as a bow.]
Finn: Hiyah! [Finn catches the arrow and breaks it on the floor.] Rad.
[Jake's eyes glow and sparkle] Ahh...
Both: [dancing] WOOHOO! YEAH!
[They hear whistling from outside.]
Finn: It's the Ice King! Hide!
Ice King: [hums] Okay, m'dear, this enclosure will be your new home!
Finn: [To Jake] [whispering] He's got a princess. Now we leap out and catch him red-handed. [He and Jake cover their mouths.]
Jake: Hai!
Finn: Snow blind! [Disappears in a flurry of snow]
Jake: Thin ice, thin ice, thin ice! [Turns 2D and disappears]
Ice King: ...but once you get used to the smell of penguin manure, it's almost tolerable.
[Finn and Jake jump through the air wielding ice ninja weapons.]
Finn: Ice King, hand over that princess!
Ice King: Princess? What?
Finn: Jake, where's the princess?
Jake: Ooh, right.
Ice King: What princess?
Finn: The, um... princess you were just talking to?
Jake: Yeah, the one you just came back from stealin'.
Ice King: Wrong-o. I was at the hospital, for it turns out Gunter here was preggers!
[Gunter shows his egg.]
Gunter: Wenk.
Ice King: I was just talking to the egg! It's such a cutie!
Jake: Gunther's a woman?!
Ice King: What? No! [Checks under Gunter, then throws him aside] Fuh. Anyway, get out of my house or I'll kill you, et cetera. I want to take a nap in my easy chair. [suddenly gasps] What happened to my recliner?!
Finn: Ohh...
Ice King: My skins and tubs!
Jake: [inhales through his teeth]
Ice King: You even violated my secret sanctum?! What is wrong with you?!
Finn: No princess?
Ice King: No! No princess!
[Finn and Jake's weapons disappear.]
Finn: We messed up, Jake. We're... violators!
Ice King: Yeah, what the heck?! You think you can just wreck my house and wear my collectibles?! [He removes their headbands and throws them on the floor] Hah! Who do you guys think you are?!
Finn: We're... ninjas?
Ice King: You're not ninjas! You're just a couple of jerks!
[Finn and Jake fall to the ground.]
Finn: It's true. [Rises] Ice King, we're gonna make this right.
Ice King: Yeah, do it; make it right. And start by, uh... oh, take my bag over to the cage.
[Finn takes the bag and Ice King laughs. Then muffled noises are heard from the bag and Finn realizes.]
Ice King: Oh, no, no, no! Not that! Never mind! Put that down and go clean my gym equipment.
[Finn opens the bag and out comes Doctor Princess.]
Finn: Doctor Princess!
Ice King: [Nervously] Oh, heh... I have no idea how that got in there!
Finn: What's goin' on?
Dr. Princess: I'll field that one. [Cleans her lenses] The Ice King abducted me while I was distracted by the horrifying beauty of birth.
[Gunter rubs the egg on his face.]
Ice King: Yes, Gunter's ailment was the perfect cover for stealing a princess, M.D.
Dr. Princess: I'm not even a real princess. "Princess" is just a surname. [Jake helps her out of the bag.]
Ice King: Enough! You may have uncovered my princess-smuggling scheme, but you'll never leave this place alive!
[Hits his palm with his fist.]
Jake: [laughs] A couple of ninjas like me and Finn can only be defeated by another ninja!
[The Ice King wraps his beard around his head.]
Ice King: Doot, doo, doooo! [summons an ice sansetsukon] Ninja!
Finn and Jake: Ninja! [They cover their mouths and brandish ice weapons.]
Dr. Princess: What am I... looking at here, exactly?
Finn, Jake and the Ice King: NINJA! [They start to fight.]
Dr. Princess: [To Gunter] So... how is your egg doing?
Gunter: Wenk, wenk.
Dr. Princess: Oh.
[Gunter gets onto the egg and it begins to crack. From it comes a kitten.]
Ice King: [realizes] Gunter! Why didn't you tell me?
Gunter: [shrugs] [like "I don't know"] Weh-weh-wenk.
Ice King: Oh, Gunter...
[Finn and Jake kick Ice King in the face and back, respectively. Then a closing banner appears, which happens to be the episode's title card.]

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "The Comet" from season 6, which aired on June 5, 2015.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Orgalorg (Gunter)
Martin
Music
"Everything's Falling into Place"
Locations
Space
Land of Ooo
Candy Kingdom
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode starts with Princess Bubblegum opening the door with a light purplish overlay. She walks outside and is confused by the purplish air.]
Princess Bubblegum: What the? Why's it so purple outsi—
[Dust clouds engulf the Candy Kingdom's outer walls. Princess Bubblegum sees the smoke rise.]
Princess Bubblegum: What?!
[Pepbut runs in with a telescope. He looks through it and we see smoke rising over the Candy Kingdom.]
Peppermint Butler: It's too smoky to see...
[A spaceship rises from the smoke.]
Peppermint Butler: Oh! Something's peeking. Someone's jacking your spaceship!
[Bubblegum snatches the telescope out of Pepbut's hands and peers though it, tracking the progress of the spaceship.]
Princess Bubblegum: That is my ship! But it looks like it's been modded out. That much engine power, it'll break through the atmosphere before I can do anything to stop it! [Jake's arms stretch up to grab the top of the ship. He gets pulled up, with Finn on his back.] Finn and Jake! Yeah, get that guy!
[Finn and Jake yell as they rocket through the air. Jake's grip begins to slip, and they fall. Luckily, they are saved when the thorn on Finn's hand catches on a beam.]
Finn: My thorn! [He and Jake look at each other.] I think we should go inside.
[Jake busts through the door of the ship with a giant fist. The two slide into a bunch of spacesuits.]
Jake: Oof! [He replaces the door]
[Finn opens a hatch, he and Jake now clad in the spacesuits. They climb up a ladder, where they find Gunter at the wheel of the ship.]
Finn: Gunther! What're you doing?!
Gunter: [turns to face them] What am I doing? A fog shrouds my true intent, even from myself. There! [The ship reaches space, and a comet become visible.] The Catalyst Comet! It all becomes clear. I am more than Gunther. [The brain sticking out of Gunter's head begins to expand, as Gunter folds in on themself.] Like a mighty chrysalis pushing out of a damp cocoon— [Orgalorg's form appears.] —I emerge!
[Gunter fills up the whole room and the ship is blown to pieces. The forces of the blast causes Finn and Jake to do somersaults in space.]
Finn: Jake! You okay?!
Jake: Yeah, man, just don't croak out here. [Orgalorg shifts into a huge yellow being with sharp ends.] Hey, man, look at Gunter.
Orgalorg: Behold! [opens flaps] I am Orgalorg! [flaps begin to flow with color]
Jake: Whoa. That's pretty. [turns to look at Finn] Looks good, right?
Orgalorg: Hey. Where's Glob?
Finn: Uh, I dunno. [shrugs] He exploded in space.
Orgalorg: Yeah, I thought so.
Jake: Man, are you still Gunter? 'Cause you seem like you're not.
Orgalorg: I'm Orgalorg.
Finn: Well, what the heck are you doing, Orgalorg?
Orgalorg: It was just time to come out again. Glob K.O.'ing himself— [A flashback of Glob from "Astral Plane" is shown] —the arrival of the Catalyst Comet— [the Catalyst Comet is showing hurtling through space] —and a ship to carry me out of this planet's gravity. [the ship from before is shown in its dock] These are doorways the universe presented to me.
[Orgalorg projects a blue, red, and a yellow doorway shape. They merge together to form a purple doorway.]
Jake: Ohhh, I know about open door philosophy!
Finn: What's that? You just say yes to stuff all the time?
Jake: Pretty much.
Finn: [touching his helmet] That seems alright.
Orgalorg: It's all yours if you're willing to take it. Destroy worlds— [folds in on himself briefly] —crush anyone blocking the door. Feel their bones crumple and their goo spill out.
Finn: I don't like that at all.
Jake: [pointing to Orgalorg] He made it ugly.
Orgalorg: You can't stop me; I'm Orgalorg.
Finn: [leaning in and making a fist] I'm pretty sure I can take you, bro.
Orgalorg: Not after I absorb the power and knowledge of that comet.
Finn: [lifting his leg] Absorb a triple salchow to your kneecaps!
[Orgalorg pushes off towards the comet, sending Finn and Jake somersaulting and drifting away]
Finn: [to Jake] Grab my hand!
Jake: Okay.
[They struggle to reach each other, but are drifting too far apart]
Jake: Shoot. Hey, stop drifting!
Finn: I'm not trying to!
Jake: Ooh, maybe I can use jet propulsion! [passes gas and clutches at his helmet] Oh no, I can't breathe!
Finn: Jake, no! Don't worry, man, I'm working out a plan! [panicking and looking around] Freakin' bing-bong! Jake's gonna fulfill his croak dream after all! And that dirty umbrella is gonna enslave the universe!
Orgalorg: [still slowly pushing his way towards the comet] Cram, come on, this is gonna take forever.
Finn: Man, I'm gonna croak out here! Like a fish in the hands of a child! [hyperventilating and kicking in a panic]
Finn: [calms and takes a deep breath] Okay, Finn. Time to make an appeal to greater forces. [Sings "Everything's Falling into Place"]
Martin: Hey, spaceman.
[Martin appears, floating in the giant moth he was seen with in the episode "On the Lam."]
Finn: Wha—Dad?!
Martin: Heh, this is so crazy, Finn! What're you doing out here?
Finn: Floating to my grave! Hurry up and save me!
Martin: Can't, buddy— [gesturing to the moth] —this baby does what it wants!
Finn: Are you kidding me?!
Martin: No, for real. Look! [looks up at moth] Hey! [whistles and points to Finn] Get that guy there!
[The moth doesn't respond.]
Martin: See? I'm just [shrugs] flying random-style.
Finn: It's not random! I merged my intention with the universe!
Martin: You what? [realizes something] Oh! Wait, I have an idea.
Finn: Really?
Martin: Here. [holds out underwear] Grab on this.
[Finn looks at it, frowning.]
Martin: Nah, it's cool, you got gloves on.
Finn: Oh, yeah. [Finn reaches out to grab the underwear, and Martin pulls him up into the moth's mouth with him, grunting.]
Martin: You alright?
Finn: [breathes in] Yeah. Thanks, Dad. [looks into space] Thanks, universe.
Martin: Come again?
Finn: [remembering something] Oh! We gotta save Jake. [grabs Martin's face] He's out there chokin' on gas!
Martin: [moving Finn's hands away] Like I said, I got no control over this beast. [pats Finn's helmet] We're on a journey into mystery, unless I can figure out what this bozo responds to.
[Finn tears up and looks into space]
Martin: It's kinda fun, right? See, there's no reason, or purpose, or what you said, uh, "universal intention." [Martin waves his arms] Look around, Finn. Empty crud. So empty.
Finn: [scowling] I dunno, there's some stars and stuff.
Martin: [pokes Finn's helmet] You're squeezed so tight, your bottom's gonna fall out. Put the phone down! [mimes putting a phone down]
Finn: Put the phone down?
Martin: Ye— [the moth changes direction abruptly] WHOO! What's going on, huh?
Finn: [pointing] Look! The light of the comet!
Martin: Ah! [craning this neck] That's pretty neat. [jabbing his thumb towards the moth] This moth is so bananas, man.
Finn: Bananas man... bananas man...
Martin: [spotting Orgalorg] Uh oh, what's that?
Orgalorg: [still making his way to the comet] Almost there...
Finn: That dude's gonna absorb the comet's mystical power and crush everybody. Who the heck raises guys like that? You think he had neglectful parents like you, or had he always been a no-good Orgalorg?
Martin: Oh, gobslops, not Orgalorg!
Finn: Y-you know him?
Martin: Yeah, what do you think; I'm a dumb brick?! I don't know Orgalorg?
Orgalorg: Ahaha, oh, yeah. [The comet flies directly into him, and he begins to absorb it.]
Finn: Snaps! He ate the comet!
[The moth flies up to Orgalorg and we see the light of the comet inside him.]
Finn: I gotta stop him.
Martin: It's too late, buddy; it's out of our hands.
Finn: Scronk that! I'm gonna use these hands— [Finn pushes off from the moth and makes a fist as he shoots towards Orgalorg] —to sock him in the chops! In the chops!
[Finn sails directly into Orgalorg's mouth]
Finn: Aahh!
[All goes dark as the flaps of Orgalorg close.]
[Finn opens his eyes and sees tendrils snaking out of the walls of Orgalorg's insides and stabbing the comet, sucking up its power.]
Finn: Hey! Dinglord! In the name of— [he throws his arms in the air] the universe— [he points at the comet] stop that!
[Two tendrils stab into Finn's right arm to absorb the power of the Grass Sword.]
Finn: [screaming]
[Finn's thorn pulsates and grows into a tentacle, slicing the tendrils off.]
Finn: [gasps] Grass Sword.
[Finn whips the tentacle at the tendrils absorbing the comet, and also slicing Orgalorg open.]
Orgalorg: [gasps]
Finn: [shouting nonsense as he continues to whip the tentacle around, slicing Orgalorg open in multiple places]
Orgalorg: [blowing apart] I didn't open this door!
[The tentacle morphs back into an arm shape, still retaining its grassy color and texture.]
Finn: Cool.
[The comet sits, not moving. Cracks begin to appear on it, and it breaks apart to show a round, purple being. It opens its three eyes.]
Catalyst Comet: Finn, do you remember?
[A sound like a door being opened is heard as Finn closes his eyes and clutches his helmet. A spot on his forehead is glowing.]
Finn: Yeah, I-I think so. A long time ago— [a flashback of a blue comet hurtling through space is shown] —I was you, sorta. And I crashed on Earth. And became a butterfly or some biz. [a flashback of a butterfly on a leaf is shown] And I guess— [the flashback ends, and we are back to the present] it was just some random, absurd thing. Just a joke I've been playing out for centuries.
Catalyst Comet: Who's creating the joke? Are you? And, if so, then are you my creator?
Finn: Uh—maybe? I dunno. Probably not.
Catalyst Comet: Probably not, but who knows? I've been around forever and experienced so much impossible junk. I've embodied all that is good—and evil [we see an image of The Lich on the screen]. And now we're here. It's unprecedented. And I give you a choice. Come with me to the end—and the beginning? [the sound of a bell begins to toll] Or struggle here awhile like a beautiful autumn leaf.
Finn: What's that bell sound?
[a rainbow is flowing directly from Finn's mind, up into space.]
Martin: [still inside the moth's mouth] Cool, man.
Catalyst Comet: This is your crisis. As you stand on the edge of freedom from: Love. Hate. Friendship. Isolation. Jealousy. Secrets. Violence. Video games. Ice cream waffles. Sadness. Madness. Power. Honor. Loyalty. Saucy. Mothers. Fathers. Scoundrels.
[As the comet lists things, images of people and objects that represent those things appear in the rainbow.]
Finn: How long are you gonna list stuff?
Catalyst Comet: It's a long list.
Finn: You're tellin' me to abandon all this stuff— [Finn gestures to Earth] —but you're not really making it sound bad.
Catalyst Comet: It's not bad. I'm just giving you the choice of a new mode of existence.
[Finn is quiet for a moment as he considers the comet's words.]
Finn: I feel like I put a lot of work into this meat reality. I'd like to see it through.
Catalyst Comet: Fair enough.
Martin: Hey, how 'bout I get a new mode?
[The rainbow flowing from Finn's mind disappears.]
Finn: Are you seriously trying to bail out again?!
Martin: What? This deal sounds pretty good!
Finn: [sighs] Dad.
Martin: Uh oh. I know that look.
Finn: When you fled the scene like a ding-dong ditcher in the night—
Martin: Listen, Finn. No answer I give you will be satisfying. Besides, it was, like, 40 years ago.
Finn: I'm 16!
Martin: I don't have a star to revolve around to track time.
Finn: But why do you always run from everything?!
Martin: [shrugs] You burn enough bridges, the only direction to move is forward.
Finn: [chuckles] Hmm. Well, there ain't no changin' you, I guess.
Martin: Well, I'm glad we finally understand each other. [To the comet] Start the engine, comet boy!
Catalyst Comet: Prepare to discorporate.
[Martin, the moth, and the Catalyst Comet disappear into nothing. Immediately after, we hear Martin shout one last thing.]
Martin: Goodbye, son!
Finn: Bye, Dad. Should've asked for a lift home.
[Jake's spacesuit, which was floating around, bumps into Finn.]
Finn: JAKE! I thought I had lost...[Finn turns the suit around, to discover that nobody is inside it]... you... NO!
Jake: You okay, Finn?
Finn: [looking around] What? [looks up and sees Jake and Banana Man inside Banana Man's rocket]
[Jake grins and waves at Finn through the window of the ship.]
Finn: Jake?! Banana Man?! How?
Jake: Well, I was just floatin' around, and I drifted into B-Man's flight path. Pretty random— [Banana Man nods] —right?
Finn: It wasn't random; I did it.
Jake: [with Finn now in the ship as well] Let's get the jazz outta here.
[The rocket starts to fly back toward Earth, but not before the ripped-up remains of Orgalorg grabs hold of it to hitch a ride home.]
Orgalorg: No...
[As the ship reenters Earth's atmosphere, Orgalorg's form returns to that of Gunter's.]
Gunter: [as they fall] [penguin noise]
Peppermint Butler: [standing on the banks of Lake Butterscotch with Princess Bubblegum, watching the sky] There we go, see? Problem took care of itself!
Princess Bubblegum: You think Finn and Jake are alright?
Peppermint Butler: I'd say it's about a 50/50 chance.
Princess Bubblegum: That's pretty much everything in life, isn't it?
Peppermint Butler: Yeah—Whoa! [points to falling ship and Gunter] What's that?
[Gunter and the rocket plunge into Lake Butterscotch, soaking Bubblegum and Pepbut in butterscotch. Pepbut catches a fish that splashed out of the lake on impact.]
Finn: [whose arm is now back to normal as he, Jake, and Banana Man exit the rocket] Hey, PB! We took care of it.
Gunter: [penguin noise]
Princess Bubblegum: [giving a thumbs up] Good job, guys!
Fish: [wriggling in Pepbut's hands] Mm, I'm gonna croak out here.

Episode Ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "The Cooler" from season 6, which aired on December 4, 2014.

Characters
Flame Princess
Princess Bubblegum
Flame Princess' older brother
Randy
Flame Person 1
Finn
Jake
Fire Elementals
Music
Reenactment of Food Chain (song)
A Kingdom from a Spark
Locations
Fire Kingdom
Candy Kingdom
Tree Fort
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[In the Fire Kingdom, a Flame Person is sleeping on his bed. His alarm clock rings. The Flame Person wakes up and shuts it off by putting his hand on it.]
Flame Person: [shivers] Brrrr. It's freezing in here. [teleports into his huge pants] Whoa, I'm losing a lot of weight! Calorie control and moderate exercise are the key. But I don't do any of those things, so this is weird. Hmm...
[The Fire Kingdom is shown to be cooled down. The Flame People were discussing about their changes.]
Flame Guard: My jets are tiny! [covers his jets] No one look at my tiny jets!
Flame Person: At least your body is normal, man. My body isn't hot anymore!
Flame Person: What's going on, man? I'm scared!
Flame Person: Give me a hug, man! I don't know! [hugs the Flame Person. The Flame Person then vanishes in his arms.] Aaaaaah! Nooooo! My baby brooooo!
[The ground starts to crack and releases a cool air pocket, reducing the sizes of the Flame People as they scream. They run away from the place, passing the discussion chamber. In the discussion chamber, Flame Princess, her older brother, Randy, and her aunt Agnes sit by the conference table, with Cinnamon Bun guarding the door.]
Flame Princess: [passes a piece of paper to her older brother] It's as I feared. The magma in the kingdom's core is cooling down, weakening the life force of our Flame Citizens. I've gathered you here to figure out how to stop this. We need ideas, people! [clenches her fists]
Randy: I'll do my best, sis!
Flame Princess: Randy, you are here to stay safe only. Eat your snacks.
Randy: I'll do my best, sis. [eats his snacks]
Agnes: Perhaps everyone can form into a big love hug to stay warm!
Flame Princess: That's ridiculous, aunt Agnes.
Agnes: I'm not that smart.
Flame Princess' older brother: [slams the table with his fists] Blow up the Candy Kingdom! I've been saying this for months now! And I'll say it again! Let's blow 'em up with their stockpile of you know whats! We've debated this too long!
Agnes: But why the Candy Kingdom?
Flame Princess' older brother: Their sugar burns hotter and faster with lots of extra calories. Don't make me wait, sister! Also, is it safe to talk about in front of the C-I-N-N-A-M-O-N B-U-N?
[Everyone looks at Cinnamon Bun.]
Cinnamon Bun: [tries to pick something in his nose]
Flame Princess: Cinnamon Bun, what are you doing?
Cinnamon Bun: My nose itches!
Flame Princess: You don't have a nose.
Cinnamon Bun: What? [continues picking his nose]
Flame Princess: Well, whatever it is, it won't go away if you don't stop fiddling with it.
Flame Princess' older brother: [continues to slam his fists on the table] Blow up the Candy Kingdom! They are trash people!
Flame Princess: I'm prepared to do what I need to as a leader. Nothing is off the table, but we need Princess Bubblegum as an ally right now. She might be able to help us solve this.
Flame Princess' older brother: Very well. Randy, send them an ultimatum! Help us or die! [becomes enraged and slams his fist on the table]
Randy: Randy is on it! [texts on his phone and sends the message]
[The discussion chamber starts to shake and crack, releasing more cool air pockets, one of which hits Agnes as she screams, reducing the size of her head]
Flame Princess: [gasps]
Cinnamon Bun: Princess! [grabs Flame Princess before one of the cool air pockets hits her]
Flame Princess' older brother: Yeah, pump those legs, Randy!
[The people exit the place, with Cinnamon Bun carrying Flame Princess and her older brother carrying Agnes. The cool air pockets increases in amount, surrounding Flame Princess' brothers and her aunt and preventing them to escape.]
Flame Princess: Quickly, CB, take me to the core entrance.
Cinnamon Bun: Okay!
[Flame Princess runs into the core entrance. Cinnamon Bun puts his fist onto his chest as the door closes. The door then opens as a stern Flame Princess walks out, meeting Princess Bubblegum.]
Flame Princess: Hello, Bubblegum. Thank you for coming.
Princess Bubblegum: [bows slightly] I'm glad you sent for me, and please, call me Bonnibel! Hey, what's your first—?
Flame Princess: Don't act like you're my friend, PB! You're here to help save my kingdom, not because I trust you.
Princess Bubblegum: [opens her Mondometer and follows Flame Princess]
Flame Princess: We're in the midst of unnatural cold season, but the cause has us stumped. [looks down] My people are really freaking out.
Princess Bubblegum: Yeah, my subjects tend to panic in crisis situations, too. [puts her hand on Flame Princess' shoulder] It's tough; a ruler's got to deal with a lot of subservient dummies.
Flame Princess: Hmmm...
[Princess Bubblegum's Mondometer starts to act up]
Princess Bubblegum: Whoa! Whoa! Hold up. My Mondometer is going cuckoo. [uses her Mondometer to scan the doors in front of them and points to it] Where does this lead?
Flame Princess: Behind these doors are the most secret relics in the Fire Kingdom. Forbidden to outsiders. Come on.
Princess Bubblegum: Well, whatever is back there is kicking out mondo energy levels. It could have something to do with the cooling.
[The ground starts to shake and crack, causing the two princesses to fall.]
Princess Bubblegum: Do you wanna save your kingdom or not?
Flame Princess: Alright, but don't touch anything! [uses her fire powers to unlock the doors and opens it, revealing the giants inside the room ] These are the sleeping Fire Giants. They're the ancient protectors of the Fire Kingdom. Their existence is known only to those of the royal line, and their story has been passed down through the generations.
[Flame Princess sings "A Kingdom from a Spark." Meanwhile, Princess Bubblegum steals the giants' geothermic units and puts them in her bag.]
Flame Princess: [walks near one of the fire giants] With them, I can remake a white-hot new Fire Kingdom. They are our last resort, our greatest weapons. Huh? [sees Princess Bubblegum stealing the unit of the giant] Hey! I said "no touching"!
Princess Bubblegum: What? Oh, no no no! This little geothermic control module, or whatever it is, accidentally fell out. [puts the unit back] I was just putting it back!
Flame Princess: Huh, strange. The access panel's lock must have corroded.
Princess Bubblegum: [scoffs] Yeah, ancient technology's always falling apart. [opens up her Mondometer] Oh! The readings are over here now! [as she walks to the other way, she accidentally rips her bag, spilling the stolen units.]
Flame Princess: What?!
Princess Bubblegum: [sighs] Okay, let me explain. These bad boys are just too dangerous to remain functional, and I can't risk you or your bananas brother using them, especially now that you've lost most of your powers. [bends down to reach the stolen units] So let me just finish disarming...
Flame Princess: [shoots a fire ball at Princess Bubblegum] You are way out of line, Bubblegum! You have no control here! [turns into giant form and flies up] I do! [throws two fireballs at Princess Bubblegum]
Princess Bubblegum: [dodges her attacks] Aah! Shield, shield! [her fire proof suit activates a shield on her and Flame Princess' next attack gets reflected from her shield, leading it to destroy one of the nearby giants.]
Flame Princess: Nooooo!
Princess Bubblegum: [smiles] Hey, nice shot! Ya ding dong!
Flame Princess: [growls and shoots a fireball at Princess Bubblegum]
Princess Bubblegum: Cloak. [disappears]
Flame Princess: Come out in the open and face me like a princess!
Princess Bubblegum: [appears near one of the fire giants] The Fire Kingdom has always been a threat to my realm! [sends a cloud seeding missile towards Flame Princess as an attack]
Flame Princess: So that gives you the right [twists herself around the missile to avoid it] to donk up my people's future?! [flies towards Princess Bubblegum. She cloaks herself and escapes, leading Flame Princess to destroy the giant she was standing in front of. Flame Princess then reforms into a bigger giant with her flames.] I won't let you continue to usurp my authority!
Princess Bubblegum: And I can't leave my people's safety to chance! [releases another one of her missiles to attack Flame Princess]
Flame Princess: [dodges her attack] Why can't you just trust me?! [throws a huge fireball towards Princess Bubblegum]
Princess Bubblegum: [sighs and jumps out of the way to dodge Flame Princess' attack] 'Cause you're a ding dong. I've got to do whatever it takes to protect my peeps. [heads towards the entrance to the room and cloaks herself]
Flame Princess: So be it. [releases two large fire blades and turns into her enraged but smaller form]
[The two fire blades destroys two fire giants, causing a huge explosion. The explosion disables Princess Bubblegum's cloak as she screams and hits into the wall from a long distance.]
Princess Bubblegum: [moans in pain]
Flame Princess: [flies in front of Princess Bubblegum] You're never going to change, are you? You'll just keep walking all over us little people! [shoves a fireball in front of Princess Bubblegum] But not today.
[Princess Bubblegum then releases a grenade which sends a lightning lightning bolt that sends electricity into the smoke from the damaged giants, creating rain and dousing Flame Princess, as well as preventing her from killing Bubblegum.]
Princess Bubblegum: [pants] Shields off. [her shield disables, causing her to fall from the wall and the two princesses pant as they lie on the ground.] Okay, I'll come clean.
Flame Princess: Yeah, right.
Princess Bubblegum: It was me. I messed with the core temperature to get in here. I had to get near your weapon stockpile.
Flame Princess: But how did you find out about them?
Princess Bubblegum: Ummm...
[In a bathroom, Cinnamon Bun is still picking his nose.]
Cinnamon Bun: Wait... [pulls out a video camera out of his nose] Wow, my nose is disgusting!
Flame Princess: You're still spying on me?
Princess Bubblegum: I'm PB! I spy on everybody. No big D!
Flame Princess: You're cold, PB!
Princess Bubblegum: Eh. [shrugs]
Flame Princess: And it's not because you're a scientist or leader; it's because you are a bad person! Something inside you is messed up, girl. And whatever it is, [sighs] whatever, whatever, PB!
Princess Bubblegum: Okay, keep one last fire giant. I'm not a bad person. I want you to see that. I promise.
Flame Princess: You better not be fibbing. [helps Princess Bubblegum up] It's Phoebe. My first name is Phoebe. You, uh, asked earlier.
Princess Bubblegum: Ice King, call it off.
[Ice King is shown freezing the core of the Fire Kingdom]
Ice King: Roger that, Princess. [stops freezing a lava lake]
[Once Ice King stops freezing, the ice on the lava starts to melt. The Fire Kingdom and its citizens revert back to its normal state.]
Flame Guard: My jets! Yes!
Flame Person: [expands and turns back into his normal state] Oh no!
[The citizens start to cheer for Flame Princess as she stands above them happily. The scene then changes to Princess Bubblegum in her spy room, where she is still spying on everybody. She looks at the camera that is still spying on Flame Princess and her older brother.]
Flame Princess' older brother: I was gonna blow up stuff! It was going to be cool!
Princess Bubblegum: Hmmm... [puts her hand on the camera's wire and sighs]
Flame Princess' older brother: We were going to war! [Flame Princess then puts her hand on her brother's shoulder.]
[Princess Bubblegum then pulls out the wire, disabling the camera that was spying on Flame Princess and her older brother. Princess Bubblegum then looks at the camera which is spying on Finn and Jake, who are singing "Food Chain." Ripping out the wiring, she disables the camera, along with all the other cameras in her spy room, ending years of paranoia and lies. Princess Bubblegum then puts a lock on and a "Do Not Enter" sign and leaves.]
Episode ends
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "The Creeps" from season 3, which aired on October 17, 2011.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Princess Bubblegum
BMO
Lumpy Space Princess
Cinnamon Bun
Lady Rainicorn
Ghost Lady
Music
None
Locations
A mansion
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode starts with well dressed Finn and Jake walking up a twisty road on a very stormy night. Jake is holding an umbrella, which the wind blows away, but Finn covers him with his umbrella.]
Jake: This stinks! Hey, how much longer till we get to the mysterious party?
Finn: Let me check the spooky invite sent to us by our anonymous host. [Takes letter out from his jacket] Oh. We're here. The party's in that castle.
[Finn and Jake walk up the remaining stairs to the castle's front door, there is a box of masks at the top.]
Finn: It's for us!
Jake: What's it say?
Finn: [Reading card] Wear me.
Finn and Jake: Wear me? [Jake opens the box and they both whistle.]
[Finn and Jake enter the castle, Finn wearing a fox-mask and Jake wearing a green mask with holes for eyes]
Finn: Hello?
Princess Bubblegum: Yoo-hoo! [Camera pans to the left to show Princess Bubblegum, Lumpy Space Princess, BMO and Cinnamon Bun, all wearing masks as well.] Hey guys!
Finn: Princess Bubblegum, is that you?
Princess Bubblegum: Why yes indeed. Although according to the invitation, we're supposed to use mystery names. And mine is Lady Quietbottom.
Lumpy Space Princess: My name is Duchess Gummybuns.
BMO: I am Professor Pants.
Cinnamon Bun: I'm Cinnamon Bun.
[Lumpy Space Princess slaps Cinnamon Bun of the back of the head.]
Lumpy Space Princess: What's the name on your invite?
Cinnamon Bun: Oh yeah! Uh... It's Guy Farting.
Finn: Prince Hotbod, at your service. [Bows]
Jake: I'm Randy Butternubs. [Walks away and throws card on ground]
Finn: So... who's our host, anyway?
Princess Bubblegum: Nobody knows!
Lumpy Space Princess: Maybe he'll be a steaming hot babe with huge money.
Jake: Tut-tut, Lumpy Space Princess! What would your boyfriend Brad say?
Lumpy Space Princess: Brad and I broke up a long time ago, duh!
[Everyone else gasps.]
Cinnamon Bun: Now's my chance!
Lumpy Space Princess: No. Way.
Cinnamon Bun: But I can make you happy!
Lumpy Space Princess: [Smacks his hand away] Puke off! [Slaps him in the face] You big donut!
Cinnamon Bun: Okay. [Gets off couch and walks over to a painting, revealing an envelope taped to his back]
Princess Bubblegum: Excuse me, Guy Farting, there's an envelope on your back.
Cinnamon Bun: [Struggling to reach it] Where? Where?
Finn: Here. Let me. [Walks over and takes it off him]
Princess Bubblegum: [To everyone] Did you put that enevlope on him?
Jake: No.
Lumpy Space Princess: No. I didn't do it, no.
BMO: No. Uh-Uh.
Princess Bubblegum: What's it say, Prince Hotbod?
Finn: [Clears throat and reads note] Esteemed guests, I am your host. I am a ghost.
[Everyone gasps]
Finn: By the time you finish reading this, I will posses one of you and use your body to murder everyone in the house.
[Everyone gasps again.]
Cinnamon Bun: We gotta get out of here! [Runs to the door.]
Finn: CB, wait! It says anyone who will try to leave will die!
Cinnamon Bun: Nonononononono! [Pulls door handle]
[Lightning flashes and the power goes out, and when it turns back on, reveals a now-skeleton Cinnamon Bun. Everyone gasps in shock.]
Lumpy Space Princess: He's DEAD!!!
Jake: Yeaaaaah, right.
Finn: Whad'ya mean "Yeaaaah, right"?
Jake: [Walks over to Cinnamon Bun's skeleton] Come on. You don't remember when I pulled the same trick on your birthday? [Picks up Cinnamon Bun's skull.] I used the fake skeletons. [Makes Cinnamon Bun's mouth move the same time he is speaking.] To make you think everyone was dead.
Princess Bubblegum: It looks real to me.
Jake: [Blows small raspberry] Classic move.
Finn: Dude. [He pushes up his mask and crosses an arm across chest] I swear I'm not pranking you. Cinnamon Bun is dead.
[Jake looks sad and agitated and puts finger on his mouth. He drops Cinnamon Bun's skull.]
Finn: The question is: who killed him?
[Scene Transition]
Finn: One of us is possessed by a murderer. And if we want to stay alive, we have to figure out who's hiding a ghost inside their mortal body.
[Everyone looks at each other suspiciously.]
Finn: BMO! [Points down at BMO]
BMO: Ahh!
Finn: Use your ghost detecting equipment to screen everyone.
[BMO takes out old fashioned flash-bulb and takes a picture of Lumpy Space Princess.]
Lumpy Space Princess: I blinked by balls. My eye balls.
[BMO takes a picture of Princess Bubblegum, who giggles. BMO takes a picture of Jake, who has a blank expression on his face.]
BMO: Hmmm... [Narrows eyes suspiciously.]
Jake: What do you mean "Hmmm?"
BMO: Nothing...
[Whispering at the same time]
Finn: Did you see that? [Whispers indistinctly]
Princess Bubblegum: [Whispers indistinctly]
Lumpy Space Princess: Oh it was Jake I knew it, I knew it was Jake.
[BMO puts flash back inside him.]
BMO: Processing... Data! [Prints pictures from its bottom.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Ew.
Finn: Huh?
Princess Bubblegum: So who's the ghost, BMO?
BMO: Oh. Um... I don't have a ghost detecting equipment. [Slides photos inside of him.] I just like taking nice pictures.
Jake: Let's find some candles. If the lights go out again, we'll be able to catch the murderer!
Finn: Good idea! Jake and BMO, you check downstairs and we'll take this floor.
Jake: Okay.
[Jake and BMO begin to walk towards the basement door, as Finn stares suspiciously at Jake.]
[Scene transitions to BMO and Jake walking down the basement stairs, BMO is using its screen as a flashlight.]
Jake: Lay truth on me BMO, is Finn pulling some elaborate prank on me?
BMO: No, Jake. When bad things happen, I know you want to believe they are a joke. [Its light goes out.] But sometimes, life is scary, and dark. That is why we must find the light. Aha! [BMO finds a box of glow sticks and cracks one.] Found it!
[BMO hands the glow stick to Jake.]
Jake: Ooh! [Laughs maniacally.] Thanks, BMO! BMO?
[Jake looks around, BMO is nowhere in sight.]
BMO: Help!
[A long, worm-like figure flies past Jake. BMO is standing in the darkness behind Jake.]
BMO: Jake help!
Jake: BMO?
[Two ghostly hands come from behind BMO and pulls him into the darkness.]
Jake: AHHH! [Runs back up the stairs to the foyer.] Oh my crease! Oh my crease! Assemble! Reassemble! Come on you guys!
[Finn and Princess Bubblegum come out of an upstairs bedroom.]
Finn: Where's BMO?
Jake: The ghost got 'im!
Finn: Don't you mean you got 'im- [Picks up Princess Bubblegum and throws her from the upstairs balcony, onto a couch on the first floor. Princess Bubblegum rolls off the couch and Finn jumps down onto it.] Ghost!
Princess Bubblegum: Guys, if there really is a ghost killer, then we should stay in a group. He can't take us all on if we're in a group!
[Lumpy Space Princess screams; Finn, Jake and Princess Bubblegum huddle together. Lumpy Space Princess continues to scream.]
Princess Bubblegum: LSP, are you okay? Where are you?
Jake: [worried] It sounds like she's in there! [Points to a door behind them.]
Lumpy Space Princess: I'm DYING!
[Toilet flushes & Lumpy Space Princess comes out with.]
Lumpy Space Princess: [of relief] Ahhh!
[Everyone except Lumpy Space Princess sighs.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Ugh, gross. My lumping body's all hollow now, I gotta put something in it.
[Lumpy Space Princess opens the dining room door and goes in.]
Lumpy Space Princess: So where's the food? What kind of castle is this? It's like a poor people's castle! With no lumping waffles for my dump truck! [Picks up belly and drops it on the table.]
[Princess Bubblegum, Finn and Jake enter the dinning room.]
Jake: Chill out, girl. [to Finn] You find any candles upstairs?
Finn: No.
Jake: Well, I dropped a lighter downstairs, but there's no way I'm going back for that.
Finn: Uh-huh. [He pulls out the invitation.] Let me remind y'all that the invite says that the ghost will possess one of our bods.
Lumpy Space Princess: [offscreen] Not my bod.
Jake: Someone at this table isn't who they appear to be!
Finn: [suspicious] That's right, [finger quotes] "Jake."
[Finn and Jake crouch down.]
Finn: So let me ask you a question only the real Jake could answer. Who is always next to me in my recurring elevator dreams?
Jake: [matter-of-factly] A half-orc shaman.
Finn: [convinced] Okay, you're Jake. So, who else was absent when BMO got nabbed?
[They stare suspiciously at Lumpy Space Princess]
Lumpy Space Princess: Oh yeah, right! I'm not the ghost! I was in the potty house.
Finn: A convenient alibi. But tell me this...
Jake: [interrupting] Why did you break up with Brad? Only the real LSP would know that!
Lumpy Space Princess: Shah! As if you even know the answer to that, Jake!
Jake: You're right. I'm just feeling gossipy and I wanna know what happened.
Lumpy Space Princess: IT'S NONE OF YOUR LUMPING BUSINESS!
Finn: Sounds suspicious. [pointing at Lumpy Space Princess] I bet you're the ghost!
Princess Bubblegum: She did it! She's possessed! Tie her up!
Finn: Oh she is, huh? Well, before we tie up LSP, answer me this...
Lumpy Space Princess: [interrupting] Brad, he kissed me on the mouth! And I was like 'bleh-bleh-bleh', and then I was like 'Uh, gross. Go away, Brad' and he was like 'obviously you're not ready for me' but what does that even mean you guys? W-What does it lumping mean? [Lumpy Space Princess whimpers]
Finn: [After a short awkward silence; continuing to Princess Bubblegum] But answer me this, Princess...
Lumpy Space Princess: [interrupting again] What do you want from me, Brad?! You said I was the hottest one, isn't that enough?! [Nearly gibberish] Why'd you have to ...my mouth! [Lumpy Space Princess begins sobbing.]
Finn: [After another pause; to Princess Bubblegum] What did I write to you on your Happy Birthday card two years ago? Word for word.
Princess Bubblegum: [flatly] Finn, there's no way I would remember that...
Finn: [hurt] I remember that. [Pulls down mask]
Jake: [accusing] You're not PB! Tie you up!
[Lumpy Space Princess gasps]
Princess Bubblegum: [shocked] What! Wait you guys! [Jake stretches his arms around Princess Bubblegum. She looks up, gasps and points] Look!
[They look up and see the ghostly being emerge from the ceiling, causing Lumpy Space Princess to shriek.]
Finn: [surprised] A real ghost?!
Lumpy Space Princess: [scared] Aah! Don't touch me! Don't touch ME!
[The ghost flies through Princess Bubblegum's abdomen, and she begins melting.]
Finn, Jake and Lumpy Space Princess: DAAAAAG!
Finn: [breaking up] This wasn't supposed to... ha-a-appen!
Jake: Aha! [taps Finn's face] I knew you were pranking me back, you!
Finn: Yeah... it was all a set up. The doors, Cinnamon Bun's and BMO's. Oh strizz! BMO and Cinnamon Bun should be in the closet over there. [Finn goes towards the closet] Guys! Guys, guys! C'mon you guuuu-.
[Finn opens the door, revealing Cinnamon Bun to be splattered all over the back wall. Finn starts screaming, followed by Jake. Finn then looks down to see BMO smashed to pieces on the floor of the closet. A part of Cinnamon Bun falls from the ceiling forming a pool in BMO.]
Lumpy Space Princess: [shrieking] OH MY GLOB! I can't take this, you guys. [she pulls out her cellphone] I'm calling my lumping parents right now!
[The lights go off, leaving the room illuminated by Lumpy Space Princess's phone. She screams as she floats away from the ghost.]
Finn: LSP! What's happening!
Lumpy Space Princess: Oh my Glob! I'm not ready! Get away! [It wraps itself around Lumpy Space Princess] Oh, gross!
[She screams as the ghost engulfs her and disappears with her​. The lights turn back on, showing Lumpy Space Princess in a painting running alongside some wolves.]
Finn: Where'd did she GO?!
Jake: [turning and noticing the painting] Look! [Finn walks over.] [whispering] I'm scared, bro.
[Ghostly, demonic laughing is heard, and the pair look up at the swinging chandelier while an eerie laughter fills the room. Scared, they look towards the closet, and the ghost moves towards them.]
Jake: RUN, HOMIE, RUN!
[They both run back into the foyer and to the front door.]
Finn: Open it!
[Jake pulls at the door.]
Jake: It won't open! [He taps the door with his left hand, enlarges his right and punches the door. He then holds his hand in pain.]
[The ghost enters the foyer and moves towards them. It pushes them into one of the bannisters of the stairs, breaking it.]
Finn: [getting up and running up the stairs] C'mon!
Jake: [groggily] Okay...
[Finn makes it up to a door upstairs, opens it and turns to Jake.]
Finn: Jake!
Jake: [hopping in pain] Ow, ow, ow! I got a splinter!
Finn: Jakey!
[The ghost grabs Jake and pulls him towards the ceiling, but Finn grabs his hands.]
Jake: Don't let go, man!
Finn: Oh no! Your fancy GLOVES!
[Jake's gloves are pulled off and Jake is pulled towards the ceiling screaming. Finn falls backwards through the door and it shuts behind him.]
Finn: [breathing heavily] Jake... Princess!
[He hears a noise and turns, seeing the wall behind him wobble. From the wall emerges a ghostly woman, which smiles and moves towards him, and he backs away in pure terror. Picking up a chair, Finn smashes it into the wall, then kicks it. Getting his foot stuck, he headbutts the wall, smashing through it in a panic. In the next room, three holes emerge from the floor, and crows from a painting come to life and fly at Finn. One of the holes then turns into a crack along the floor, which begins moving like a mouth biting. He runs up a spiral staircase to the castle's observatory and looks through the window at the waves crashing against the castle walls. The first ghostly figure appears from the stairs.]
Finn: [shrieking] YEEAAARGH!
Jake: [removing the white sheet covering him sitting on Lady Rainicorn 's head.] Haha! Gotcha, dude! Two for two!
Finn: WHAT!?
Jake: I figured out your plan months ago! So I flipped the script. Oh yeah!
Finn: So everyone's okay. [counting on fingers] BMO, Cinnamon Bun...
Jake: Yeah, see?!
[Lady Rainicorn floats around, showing the supposedly dead friends absorbed into her long body.]
Finn: Whoa, sick! You can phase people into your body?!
Lady Rainicorn: 당연하지! 난 제이크랑 항상 한 몸이 되는데. ("Of course. Jake and I merge our bodies all the time.")
Lumpy Space Princess: [whispering] I'm ready for you now, Brad. Isn't it so obvi? I'm so ready.
Finn: [to Princess Bubblegum] But, PB. You melted!
Princess Bubblegum: It was a wax dummy, dummy! Jake switched me out while Lady was distracting you.
Finn: [awed] Wow, you got me again! I can't believe that! With the hair, and the house coming alive and stuff...
Jake: The what?
Finn: The walls and chairs trying to eat me and stuff.
Jake: Eh, nah. You must have been so scared you imagined that part.
Finn: [adamant] Uh, no I didn't...
Jake: Haha, nice try, Finn. Let's get outta here.
[Finn climbs onto Lady Rainicorn's back and she flies out of the observatory. Finn thinks back to the Ghost Lady emerging from the wall.]
Finn: That one's going in the vault. [he puts a hand to his head] Aaaaand... It's gone.
[The episode ends.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "The Dark Cloud" from season 7, which aired on November 19, 2015.

Characters
Marceline
Bonnibel
Finn
Jake
Cloud Monster
Music
"Was it Reality"
"Everything Stays"
Locations
Candy Kingdom
Fire Kingdom
Hot Dog Kingdom
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[In the ruins of Gumbald's Cabin, Finn gathers pieces of Peppermint Butler.]
Finn: Oh, geez. Oh, geez. Ugh, come on. Uh... Come on. Come on.
Bubblegum: Finn, don't worry about it. We've got bigger fish to fry right now.
[The cloud monster roars and sucks up some cows and villagers into its body.]
Finn: But...
Bubblegum: It's fine. Pep-but used to love being scattered all around. He used to tell me that.
Peppermint Butler's mouth: Lies!
Bubblegum: [turns on levitating couch] Those farmers won't keep this thing busy for long. [climbs on couch] So it's up to the four of us to stop him. Are you ready, Marceline? Marceline? Hey, what's wrong?
Marceline: [sighs] Me, I guess.
Bubblegum: What?
Marceline: Me. I'm wrong. This—all of this—this is all my fault. Even just fighting the vampires in the first place screwed everything up. Sure screwed me up, anyway. And, geez Louise, trying to fix it—trying to fix me... Just made things a thousand times worse. So why even try, you know? What's the point?
Bubblegum: What? Marceline, no. Come on! We're always the underdogs, you and me, and we always pull through. Like that one time, you remember? The case of the purloined egg?
Marceline: No! I told you, that's it. I'm done.
[Scene changes to a villager rallying the other farmers.]
Cloud Dance: All right people, this is our last stand! It's gonna take every one of us to see this thing through—me, Onion Man, Short Man, Terry—[Bubblegum flies overhead] whoa!—Short-Stack, Good-Beard, DeShawn, Seedman, Sandwich Paul, Angry Susan...
[Bubblegum cuts the side of the cloud with a hatchet.]
Cloud Dance: Muy Linda, Dr. Belstar...
Farmer: [inside cloud] Help!
Cloud Dance: ...Limbo Man, Quasar, Dogman, Tightwad, Raspberry Sam...
[Bubblegum pulls a villager from out of the cloud.]
Farmer #2: Up here!
Cloud Dance: ...DJ Fresh-Start, and my boy Big Trace.
[Back at the ruins of the cabin.]
Finn: You sure you're not coming, Marceline? We could really use your help. Marceline? Okay, maybe later then.
Jake: Come on, Finn! Let me hear that war cry!
[The two belch, and Jake stretches up to the cloud.]
Marceline: [looking up at cloud monster] Well, you finally did it, big guy. You won. Well played. I just kind of wish you would gotten it over with a thousand years ago and saved us all some trouble.
[The cloud monster walks over her, dousing her with rain as it passes.]
Marceline: Better late than never, I guess. [sighs]
[She sings "Was it Reality." Ice King sings the last line with her.]
Ice King: You remembered my song! [chuckles]
Marceline: Simon? W-what are you doing here?
Ice King: Well, I saw through my peeping scope that everything was going boom and exploding and monsters, and all my friends were in grave danger and horrible torment.
Marceline: And you wanted to help?
Ice King: No! I felt left out. I'm just a phone call away, you know.
Marceline: [hugs him] I'm sorry, Simon. Next time, for sure. [sighs] Anyway, you don't want in on this fight. This one's a loser.
Ice King: Oh, I see. Sittin' this one out, huh?
Marceline: Yeah, I guess. And don't try to talk me out of it.
Ice King: What? No, no, I'm right there with you. You and me—we're survivors, right? Like cockroaches or rats. Sure, you could fight and try to save the day, but what if you lose? Then what? You could die. Better to rot and hide like a rat, right, buddy? [hugs Marceline]
Marceline: Ugh! [pushes Ice King away] Did you just call me a cockroach, Simon?!
Ice King: What? No! No, no, no, no.
Marceline: Thanks, buddy.
Ice King: Yes.
[In the Candy Kingdom, Banana Guards are standing guard at the gate. A Banana guard shudders nervously. King of Ooo is sitting in front of a fire in his room.]
King of Ooo: Ahh, this is nice. Getting a little warm for royal fineries, though. [disrobes] Mm-hmm!
Crunchy: Princess? It sounds pretty bad out there. Perhaps you should protect your people.
[Roaring in distance]
King of Ooo: Yeesh, it does sound bad! Hey, banana men, listen to your princess! In my kingdom, we look after our own—me! You look after me! Close the gates!
[Bubblegum slashes at the cloud monster.]
Banana Guard: S-she's beautiful.
Banana Guard #2: You're preachin' to the preacher, brother.
King of Ooo: I'm beautiful! Close the gate!
Banana Guard: No. You're not beautiful. [takes off wig] We see you clearly now. You're earwax!
[The other Candy People join the guard to show their support.]
Banana Guard: You're earwax!
King of Ooo: Aah! Huh?!
[Crunchy breaks free from his mount.]
Crunchy: And the power returns to Crunchy!
King of Ooo: Aah!
[Crunchy jumps on King of Ooo's face and knocks him into the fire.]
King of Ooo: But you love m-e-e-e-e! [melts]
Crunchy: And instead of a wax idol, they shall have a true princess... Wrought of iron, with teeth of diamonds. Her heart is ice! Her will is fire! Princess Crunchy, the unforgiving! [to Candy People] Go fight that thing for me!
[The Candy People cheer and run toward the cloud monster. Bubblegum slashes its cheek. Finn slashes at its side but almost falls off of Jake.]
Finn: Whoa!
Jake: Finn, this ain't workin'. It's just fart grabbin'.
Finn: Yeah, but what else can we do?
Bubblegum: [sighs] Dudes, I don't know.
Farmer: Look!
[The Candy People arrive, charging and yelling. Flambo sees the cloud monster from the Fire Kingdom and scratches at Flame Princess' window to alert her. Flame Princess and Cinnamon Bun ride Jake 2 to the volcano. Flame Princess shoots fire into it, causing a fireball to erupt from it. The fireball hits the cloud monster and the Candy People beneath it. It seems unfazed as the Candy People rain down. Hot Dog Princess sees the cloud monster from her kingdom and sounds a trumpet. Three Hot Dog Knights run out and shoot arrows at the monster. It stomps on them, turning them into octopus. Chet wakes up and sees the monster heading for the Candy Kingdom.]
Chet: [gasps] [Marceline zips past him] Whoa!
Marceline: [grunts] I'm gonna poop my pants if Finn kills this guy instead of me!
[She screeches to a halt under the cloud. The screech is heard far and wide, and everyone turns to look.]
Peppermint Butler: Wha?!
[Marceline flies straight up into the cloud monster.]
Marceline: King? Vampire king? You still in here? Hello? Too bad.
[Marceline's body glows. A mouth opens on her heart.]
Marceline: Oh, boy! Ooh, I am famished!
[The mouth sucks the air like a vacuum, causing the monster to slowly implode.]
Farmer: The beast weakens!
[They cheer and attack the monster's leg. As Marceline continues to suck up the cloud monster, the animals it sucked up fall out.]
Cow: Whoa-ho-ho. Whoa!
[The cloud monster gets smaller and smaller until only its head remains. Just before it disappears into Marceline's heart-mouth, it bites Marceline's neck.]
Marceline: [gasps]
[Marceline floats to the ground and slumps over, motionless. Her skin sizzles in the sunlight. Jake forms an umbrella and shades her.]
Bubblegum: Marceline?
[Her voice echoes as the scene fades out. Marceline wakes up in her house.
Finn: Marceline?
Marceline: Sorry, what?
Finn: I was just saying we stocked your fridge with lipstick and stuff, so you'll have lots to eat.
Marceline: Aww, thanks, dude.
Jake: Also, we got you crosswords, "sudukus," and connect-the-dots. Just take her easy, buddy.
Marceline: Sure.
Bubblegum: Oh, hey, I was thinking—so, once I usurp Crunchy, I'll have my castle back again, and there's plenty of room there if you don't want to be alone.
Marceline: No, I think I need to ruminate a little—think about being a vampire again.
Finn: Are you, uh... Do you feel bad? I don't want to say, like, "I'm sorry about who you are" or anything if you're feeling okay, but I don't know how bad news all of this is... Right?
Marceline: Nah, I'm cool being a vampire again. Being mortal was good... At the same time, it was terrifying. Now I'm a vampire with fresh mortal memories and—I don't know—more empathy or something... More grown-up. Bonnie, thank you for helping me grow up. Now, I guess we get to hang out together forever.
[Finn, Bubblegum, and Jake leave the house.]
Finn: Take care!
Bubblegum: See ya, Marcy!
Jake: Later, Vampire Queen!
[Back inside, Marceline is tuning her bass. A miniature Vampire King is on her couch.]
Vampire King: Your friends seem nice.
Marceline: Um... Are you, like, in my head now, or what?
Vampire King: For now.
Marceline: Well, just don't get in my wa—
[As suddenly as he appeared, he is gone. Marceline sings "Everything Stays" over scenes of Toronto escaping the Candy Kingdom with a bag of treasures, Princess Bubblegum piecing back together Peppermint Butler, a molten King of Ooo crawling through the streets of the Candy Kingdom, Vampire King's mortal lion half going to sleep on a hill, Cloud Dance petting a cow, and Marceline's mom holding little Marceline.]

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "The Diary" from season 6, which aired on February 26, 2015.

Characters
Jake
T.V.
Lady Rainicorn
Old Sassy Man
Music Box Salesman
Justin Rockcandy (imagined)
Taffi (imagined)
Mochi (imagined)
Nurse Pound Cake
Dr. Ice Cream
Music
None
Locations
Lady Rainicorn's house
Candy Kingdom
Love Tree Point
Farmer's Market
Candy Kingdom Hospital
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[In Lady Rainicorn's house, T.V. is playing a computer game. Jake and Lady Rainicorn are in the loft.]
Lady Rainicorn: [Sighs.] 나 정말 TV 걱정되네. 쟤는 밖에 절대 안 나가잖아. (I'm really worried about T.V. You know, he never leaves home.)
Jake: Aw, don't worry about him. It's good to be passionate about your hobbies.
Lady Rainicorn: 으유, 몰라, 난 싫어. 쟨 밖에 나가서 찬 공기 좀 쐬야 돼. (Ugh, I don't know, I don't like it. He really needs some fresh air.)
Jake: Yo, T.V.! Get me a chocolate bar!
T.V.: Okay.
[T.V. gets up, drops his headphones on the floor and leaves.]
Jake: Attaboy!
[Outside, T.V. is walking through a forest.]
T.V.: Ah!
Old Sassy Man: Hello, young man!
[T.V. teleports away.]
Old Man: [Disappointed,] Oh.
T.V.: Psych.
[T.V. reappears outside the Candy Kingdom. He climbs down into a drained moat and walks under the bridge.]
T.V.: Delicious chocolate bridge...
[T.V. grunts as he pulls at a loose brick. He falls in a puddle of chocolate when it comes free.]
T.V.: Yeuch. Huh?
[In front of him is a book in a sealed plastic bag with "Diary" written on the cover. T.V. takes the book out of its bag and opens it to the first page.]
T.V.: [Reading,] This diary belongs to B.P. Private property. [Turns the page.] If you're stilling reading this, you're a bad person. [Stops reading.] Uh... statute of limitations.
[T.V. turns another page and continues reading. As he reads he wanders the plains, stopping to sit and each the chocolate bar.]
B.P. [voiceover]: Dear diary. Wow. I sound like a real cornball. Oh, well. Dear diary! Mom is going to love you. She's always ragging about me spending too much time with my nose in books. I wonder what I'm going to write in you. What kind of person will I be when I get to your last page? Will I have my braces off? Will I have written a song that doesn't totally suck? Will I have met a cool guy? ...I can barely look at dudes without breaking out into hives. ...Just another day in teenage purgatory, AKA the school caf. Sloppy joes again. ...Boys I did not talk to today: Brownie Guy...
[Lines begin to overlap, indicating different entries.]
Are they trying to kill us? ...Stayed in and tried to cut my bangs. ...Ruffles, Brian, Pennycandy Guy... Mom says it looks like I got in a fight with a snapping turtle. ...Taffi and Mochi are the coolest girls at school. When I think about them, my skin feels sparkly. They don't even know I exist. Why would they? I'm a nobody. Less than nobody. I'm a pimple on the butt of a—
T.V.: Geez, B.P... Prone to dramatics much?
[Night has fallen, and T.V. reads the diary on his way back home while eating the last of the chocolate bar. Doodles from the diary begin to float around.]
B.P. [voiceover]: The Fire Kingdom has officially frozen over. Justin Rockcandy asked me to the semi-formal!
T.V.: Oh my Glob.
[Lines from the diary echo and overlap again.]
B.P. [voiceover]: Justin... Justin is taking me to the Fructose Fair... Justin... Justin wants to go on the rollercoaster... Kissing is fun and easy, if I don't think about the bacteria in spit teeming, multiplying... Diary, can you keep a secret? ...Justin! ...Justin... Hive of bees in my head, get out! ...Mother, I'm not going to tell you again! ...Lies, lies, lies! ...Diary, it's my birthday tomorrow, but I don't feel like celebrating. I feel like screaming.
[T.V. reads the book by the lamp-light on his desk. He turns the page.]
B.P. [voiceover]: Justin wants to meet at Love Tree Point. Says he wants to give me a present. I should tell him. I need to tell him. I will tell him!
[T.V. turns the page to find the next few pages have been torn out of the book.]
T.V.: [Gasps.] Tell him what? [Puts the book down.] Uuuuuugh!
[Morning now, the scene opens on Lady Rainicorn frying eggs and wearing a white apron. Jake is sitting at the table.]
Lady Rainicorn: TV! 아침밥!(Breakfast!)
T.V.: Not hungs. [Grabs an apple from a bowl on the counter.] Heading out for a bit.
Lady Rainicorn: 쟤좀봐! (Look at him!)
Jake: [Preparing to eat,] There you go, just need a little push from the old man. [Coughs.]
[Back at the chocolate bridge, T.V. carries the diary with him into the drained moat.]
T.V.: I gotta get into the mind of this kid. [Opens the diary.] Roleplay.
[Pretends he is B.P., T.V. starts pretending to rip pages out of diary.]
T.V.: Rip, rip! [Pretends to throw the diary.] Ahh! Sploosh! My secret is safe at the bottom of this disgusting moat.
[T.V. turns around, pretending to be Justin talking to B.P.]
T.V.: [As Justin] Oh, B.P., what have you done?
T.V.: [As B.P.] I'm sick of the lies. Sick, sick, sick!
[A candy child starts to watch T.V.'s roleplaying from the bridge for a second, then the child's parent pulls them away. T.V. doesn't see them.]
T.V.: [As Justin] Uh, babe, I said I'm sorry?
T.V.: [As B.P.] You don't know me. Nobody knows me, leave me alone!
[T.V. watches as the rose on the front of the diary flies away. The diary turns into a Sloppy Joe in his hands and he glares down at it.]
T.V.: I hate Sloppy Joes!
[The scenery around T.V. washes away and shows him sitting on a graffitied rollercoaster marked "BP." The rollercoaster flies off a ramp and falls into a moat with a chocolate bridge above it. T.V. surfaces, gasping for air.
T.V.: Yuck.
[Taffi and Mochi, gigantic, emerge from the moat.]
T.V.: Taffi? Mochi!
Taffi: Hey Moch'! Is that the new Nosy Nellies bootleg 7-inch?
T.V.: [Barely audible,] Taffi, Mochi, down here!
Mochi: I ordered it from this dude in Lumpy Space.
Taffi: Is it insane?
Mochi: It's almost too insane.
Taffi: Wicked.
[T.V. coughs and splashes desperately before sinking below the water. There's a gurgle, then a giant Justin Rockcandy rises from the moat with T.V. on top of his head.]
Justin: Hiya B.P.! What's up?
T.V.: Justin?
Justin: Guilty as charged. [He picks T.V. up by his backpack and sets him in his other hand.] You psyched for your birthday, birthday girl? Don't forget about our little rendezvous at Love Tree Point, huh? I can't wait for you to see your prezzie. You're gonna be there, right? Please say yes! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please!
[T.V. screams, and the scene fades to black.]
[Back in Lady Rainicorn's house, we can see through the window that it's night. Jake and Lady are playing a card game. Jake slaps three cards down on the table.]
Jake: Bam! [Slaps down three more cards.] Bam! [Slaps down the remaining four.] Bam! Lady, you're really off your game. I never win at canasta!
Lady Rainicorn: TV 가 걱정되서. 얘가 하루 종일 밖에 나가 있잖아. (I'm worried about T.V. He's been out all day.)
Jake: You said you wanted the kid to spend more time outside. Bam--He's outside. He's loving it!
Lady Rainicorn: 너무 어두워지네. 가서 애 뭐 하나 좀 봐. (It's getting too dark. Go see what he's doing.)
Jake: If it'll make you feel better then yes, but I'm sure he's fine.
[Later, Jake is standing at the edge of the moat by the chocolate bridge. T.V. lies on his side in the middle of the moat, mumbling to himself. His backpack and the diary are on the ground nearby.]
Jake: Uh-oh.
[T.V. turns over as though having a bad dream, still mumbling. Jake cautiously approaches.]
Jake: Uh, son?
T.V.: Mom?
Jake: Uh, close enough.
T.V.: Get out of my room!
[T.V. grabs the diary, hugs it to his chest and rolls over away from Jake.]
Jake: T.V., what is that?
T.V.: [Gets to his feet.] Private property.
Jake: Gimme the book. [He pulls it away from T.V. with some effort.]
T.V.: Noooooo!
Jake: [Opens the book.] A diary, huh? Juicy. [Flips through the pages.] And now you've become dangerously obsessed with it, and have confused your reality with that of the diary keeper. [Turns to T.V., who looks at the book over Jake's shoulder.] You always were a little too susceptible to fantasy.
[Jake flips through pages until he reaches the end of the writing.]
Jake: Ooh, ripped pages! Mystery.
T.V.: And look how the handwriting changes right before the rip! [He points.] The e's are all crabbed. That's weird, right?
Jake: That's super weird, son.
[T.V. steps away from Jake, and everything blends together around him.]
Jake: She was obviously emotionally distraught. Maybe she was so stressed she broke out in hives!
[T.V. breaks out in hives. He looks down at himself, horrified.]
Jake: And they covered her whole body. So they rushed her to the hospital.
[Two candy nurses hurry past, carrying a gurney between them. T.V. throws himself on it and is carried off. Now in a hall of the Candy Kingdom Hospital, the nurses carry T.V. into an operating room.]
Jake: She was thinking, "oh man I'm so young," and how life is so unfair, and that this was the end.
[The door slams shut behind the nurses and the screen goes black. The following morning we see T.V., asleep, the sun shining on him from a window while a monitor beeps.]
Jake: But it wasn't the end. She had pulled through. Except her hand had been replaced with a crab hand!
[T.V. pulls a crab hand out from under the covers and stares at it in shock.]
Jake: Which negatively affected her handwriting.
T.V.: Yeah!
[T.V. sleeps next to a window now, which shows the sun rising and falling to denote the passage of time.]
T.V.: And, and, while I recovered, I refused all visitors.
Jake: Wait... you refused?
T.V.: Especially Justin. [Night falls, and a nurse turns on a lamp.] How could he love a girl with a crab hand?
[T.V. tosses and turns in his sleep.]
T.V.: I mean... that is definitely not normal.
[On a table next to the bed we see a series of flowers in vases, then the heart monitor.]
T.V.: Justin sent me flowers every day for a week.
[At the end of the line of flowers there are two potted plants, then an empty vase.]
T.V.: Then every other day.
[At the end of the table is a single flower in a vase.]
T.V.: Then they stopped coming all together.
[A petal falls. Later, T.V. walks up the path to Love Tree Point. The crab hand is wrapped in a black garbage bag secured with tape.]
T.V.: On my birthday I decided I was going to keep my promise to meet Justin, crab hand or no crab hand. But when I got to Love Tree Point, Justing was already there...
[T.V. gasps. At the top of Love Tree Point Taffi, Mochi and Justin sit together. Justin and Mochi kiss.]
T.V.: ...Making out with my BFFs Taffi and Mochi!
[Back in the Candy Kingdom moat, T.V. stares dramatically into the distance, his eyes watery. Jake stands at the edge of the moat with the diary.]
Jake: [Shocked,] He did not! [Opens the diary.] Well, that's one theory, anyway.
T.V.: Am I unlovable?
Jake: Hey, did you say Love Tree Point? That's where the kids used to go smoochin' back in the day. This diary must be pretty old.
[T.V. sniffles and wipes his nose with his arm. Jake comes closer, still reading the diary.]
Jake: We should go check it out.
[Jake and T.V. climb to the top of Love Tree Point in the present day. The hill is mostly barren, the tree at its top only an old stump. Assorted garbage is on the ground.]
Jake: Ugh, this place is a dump.
T.V.: [Looking around,] Why do they call this Love Tree Point?
Jake: Because of that tree over there.
[Jake points to a tree trunk that's taken the shape of a heart in its middle.]
Jake: Yeah, it's pretty heavy-handed.
T.V.: [Holds the diary to his chest.] On page 42 it says Justin hid a present somewhere around here. Maybe it's in the tree.
Jake: Hey, good thinking!
[Jake stretches over to the hollow part of the tree. Inside is a box with a gold clasp.]
Jake: Bingo!
[Jake's tail wags as he stretches back down to normal size, the box in his hands. Close up of the box; "BP+JR 4EVA" is carved into the lid. T.V. Opens the clasp and the lid pops up. He gasps. Inside are two figures with cat ears and tails. Music plays as the figures nod at each other, come together and begin to dance around the inside of the box. T.V. leans in close.]
T.V.: It's so beautiful...
Jake: Yeah... B.P. would have love this.
[T.V. closes the box and walks away. Jakes eyes water, and he clutches the box to his chest.]
Jake: Justin must have been too devastated to reclaim it. Maybe he thinks she'll come back for it one day. [He twists to look out over the water.]
T.V.: [Sniffles.] We've got to find her, Dad!
[T.V. falls to his knees and sobs. Jake turns back to his son and looks down at the box in his hands.]
Jake: She never knew how much she meant to him. To all of us!
[Jake starts crying too. High above, Lady Rainicorn watches them for a moment, then flies away.]
Lady Rainicorn: 어으, 놀고들 있네. (Ugh, playing around.)
[It's the next day.]
Jake: Y'know, son, I bet I know where this music box is from.
[Jake and T.V. walk through the stalls of the Farmer's Market. Jake carries the box, T.V. carries the diary.]
Jake: Maybe they can give us a clue.
[At the music box stall Jake hands the box over to the salesman.]
Salesman: Oh, yes. Yes, this is one of mine. From my "dancing cat" period. [He opens the box.]
T.V.: Do you remember who bought it?
Salesman: Oh, goodness. [He holds the box up in front of him.] It feels like a lifetime ago. I must have made hundreds of boxes since then, each marrying sound and motion to tell a unique story... The dance of the cosmos in miniature.
Jake: Okay...Well, we gotta go.
[Jake reaches out for the music box.]
Salesman: [Suddenly,] A young man bought this!
T.V.: Justin! Was he handsome?
Salesman: Oh, very.
[Jake puts his arms down without taking the box.]
Jake: Who was it meant for?
Salesman: A girl. Betsy.
T.V.: [Gasps.] B.P.!
Salesman: She ran away. Went wild, cut herself off from the world, hid away in a cave never to be seen again. [He closes the music box.]
Jake: Woah.
T.V.: But Dad, there are probably hundreds of caves in--
Salesman: It's the one at the fork in the road to Butterscotch Lake!
[Jake and T.V. run off. Jake stretches his arms back to take the box from the salesman.]
Salesman: The box said she does weird stuff to bodies up there.
[T.V. Rides on Jake's back as he runs into the afforementioned cave.]
T.V.: That's it!
[Inside Jake slows to a walk, panting. T.V.'s horn begins to glow in the darkness.]
T.V.: Why do you think Betsy ran away, Dad?
Jake: Hard to say. [He changes slowly back to his normal shape as he walks.] Some people can't face their troubles. But T.V., hiding away won't solve anything.
T.V.: Look!
[T.V. slides off of Jake's back and runs ahead. Jake stops to catch his breath, hands on his knees.]
Jake: Ah, teachable moment.
[At the end of the cave the top opens to the sky, creating a sheltered clearing where a small house stands. T.V. enters the house.]
T.V.: Betsy?
[Light from T.V.'s horn moves across the bookshelf, which is covered in spider webs. T.V. walks further into the house.]
T.V.: Betsy?
[T.V. glances down and sees a full-sized skeleton on the floor. He screams.]
T.V.: Betsy... Oh my Glob. We're too late!
[Jake walks past T.V. and bends down by the skeleton. T.V. turns away and his eyes start to water.]
T.V.: She was too good for this cruel world. [Sobs.]
[Jake straightens, righting a stand from which the skeleton hangs.]
Jake: It's a model.
T.V.: Huh?
[T.V. turns to look at the skeleton.]
Jake: It's plastic. [Waving the skeleton's hand,] "Heeyyy."
[At the bookshelf T.V. brushes dust off of the book spines to reveal their titles: "GROSS ANATOMY" and "SURGERY".]
Jake: Hey, look at this!
[There's a makeshift bed in the corner of the room. A card on the pillow reads "Justin". Jake picks it up, and T.V. comes over to look.]
Jake: Maybe we shouldn't read this...
T.V.: Yes, we should.
[In the past the real B.P. walks up to a tree, where she sits and writes in her diary.]
B.P. [voiceover]: Dear Justin: I'm not sure you'll ever read this letter. Maybe I'm writing this more for myself anyway. You know when you're little, and the future feels really far away? You don't know what it looks like. You just hope you'll have stuff figured out by then. You'll know exactly how to act, and feel. You'll have conquered all your fears. And you'll never feel dumb or uncomfortable. You don't think about how you'll actually get there. The middle parts, between now and then? The middle parts suck. Which is why I split, I guess. Okay, so riding out your teen years in a cave is pretty dramatic, but do you know much reading you get done in a cave? I even figured out a cure for my crab hand!
[B.P. finishes writing and gets up. The diary, sealed in the plastic bag T.V. found it in, is lowered gently into chocolate water. B.P. watches as it rises to the surface and floats away.]
B.P. [voiceover]: Oh Justin, I hope you're not too upset, and I hope you didn't spend too much money on that birthday present. It wouldn't have worked out between us anyway. You're kind of clingy. Sincerely, Nurse Betsy Poundcake.
[Back in the present, Dr. Ice Cream is treating a patient in the Candy Kingdom Hospital's Emergency Room. The heartrate monitor beeps frantically.]
Dr. Ice Cream: Nurse Poundcake!
Nurse Poundcake: [Holding a syringe,] I've got the injection, doctor.
Patient: [Shaking his head,] I'm not gonna make it, man!
[Nurse Poundcake slaps his face.]
Patient: Gah!
Nurse Poundcake: You will live!
Dr. Ice Cream: Way to take control of the situation, nurse.
Nurse Poundcake: Save it for the post-op, Doc.
[Jake and T.V. watch this scene from the viewing room.]
Jake: Wow. B.P. is Nurse Poundcake. She turned out fine!
T.V.: But what about the ripped pages?
[They walk away from the window together.]
Jake: Oh, I saw them in the cabin. It was just a lot of mean stuff about Justin. [Chuckling,] Hey, that guy must be pretty sad, huh? Hey, you wanna go find him?
T.V.: No.

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "The Duke" from season 1, which aired on July 19, 2010.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Princess Bubblegum
Duke of Nuts
Duchess of Nuts
Marquis of Nuts
Squirrel
Music
None
Locations
Candy Kingdom
Duchy of Nuts
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[Episode starts in the Candy Kingdom. Finn and Jake are laughing while throwing bottles at a nearby wall.]
Jake: Here, try throwing this one.
[Jake hands Finn a bottle. Finn throws the bottle. When it breaks, a purple vapor in a humanoid form appears and vanishes.]
Jake: [Jake picks up an orange bottle.] Here's one called Caturday Surprise.
Finn: Throw it!
[Jake throws the bottle. Green, pink, and blue cats explode out of it. Both Finn and Jake start laughing. They stop their laughter once they hear Princess Bubblegum.]
Princess Bubblegum: Yeah, go on, get out of here! [An unknown figure runs away from Princess Bubblegum who is standing at the entrance of the Candy Kingdom.] Unless you feel like a fist cookie, you better keep runnin'!
Finn: What the heck is goin' on?
Jake: I have no idea. But it's probably best to stay out of it.
Finn: Yeah. Hey, look. [Finn grabs a bottle shaped like a boomerang.] This one looks stupid. Let's see how it flies! [Finn throws the bottle. It misses the wall and flies away.] Aw, lame. [The bottle then turns around and flies back at them. It flies up and into a window of the Candy Castle.]
Jake: Uh-oh...
[Camera shows window that was shattered.]
Princess Bubblegum: [yells] Duke of Nuts! [Princess Bubblegum looks out of the window. Her head is green and she is now bald.] What have you done?!
Duke of Nuts: Oh... [runs away]
Finn: Oh no! She thinks that nuts guy did it. We gotta go clear up what happened!
[Scene changes to inside the room with the shattered window. Dr. Ice Cream is putting a thick rubber suit on Princess Bubblegum.]
Dr. Ice Cream: Don't worry, my dear. I'll have you fixed up in no time!
Finn: Princess! [Finn and Jake run into the room.] Are you OK?
Princess Bubblegum: Yeah, I guess if green and bald is okay.
[Finn gasps as Jake starts to laugh. Finn looks at Jake annoyingly.]
Jake: [while laughing] Oh boy. I'm sorry! I can't stop now.
[Princess Bubblegum looks depressed from Jake's reaction.]
Dr. Ice Cream: My dear, not to worry! The medicine milk in this suit will have you healed lickety-split! In just five days you'll be back to your beautiful bubblegummy self.
Princess Bubblegum: [yells] Five days?! The Grand Meeting of Ooo Royalty is tonight! [Princess Bubblegum pops a hole in her suit. Dr. Ice Cream tries to cover it.]
Finn: Uh... hey, Princess. There's something I should tell you about that bottle that hit you in the face.
Princess Bubblegum: I already know, Finn! The Duke of Nuts has always been a bad guy. But now that he's done this, I'll never forgive him! And it's not just because I hate the Duke! I'd never forgive anybody who did this to me! I'd hate them!
Finn: Yeah but-
Princess Bubblegum: FOREVER!
Finn: Forever?!
Princess Bubblegum: Finally. I have a witness to his misdeeds!
Jake: Two witnesses!
Finn: Jake!
Princess Bubblegum: Oh Finn, my flawless, flawless champion, bring the Duke of Nuts to justice. The justice of a cold dungeon! [Princess Bubblegum laughs hysterically as holes pop in her suit. Dr. Ice Cream rushes over to try and stop the leaks. Finn and Jake laugh nervously.]
Jake: Heheh. She's completely bonkers.
Finn: What do I do? If I tell her I threw it, she'll hate me forever!
Jake: Don't worry! [elbows Finn lightly] That won't happen. We're gonna catch that Duke!
Finn: But we're the ones who threw the bottle!
Jake: Dude, look. The Duke of Nuts is bad guys.
Finn: How do you know that?
Jake: Think about it. If Bubblegum hates him so much, then he must have done some rotten stuff. I mean, maybe he even threw a bottle and turned someone ugly before.
Finn: Maybe you're right.
Jake: Maybe I am!
Finn: Alright, just this once, we'll be vigilantes!
Jake: Nah, we're more like cops. Crooked cops! [Jake makes a gun with his fingers and pretends to shoot something.]
Finn: Princess! I won't rest until the villainous duke is captured!
Princess Bubblegum: [with a creepy smile] Oh, thank you, Finn! [laughs maniacally.]
Finn: Woah. Okay, and by then, hopefully you'll have taken care of...this. [moves hand over face]
[Scene changes to the Duke of Nuts' castle. Finn and Jake walk towards it.]
Finn: Look yonder! The Duke of Nuts castle!
[They kick open the door, barging in.]
Finn: Duke of Nuts!
Jake: How are you?
Finn: By order of Princess...
[The Duchess of Nuts turns around in a chair by the fireplace in the room where Finn and Jake barged in.]
Finn: [hesitantly] Um, Princess... [The Duchess of Nuts turns her head around 180 degrees to face Finn.] [Finn gasps]
Duchess of Nuts: Hello, Finn. Are you here to arrest the Duke?
Finn: How did you know?
Duchess of Nuts: [grabbing a bowl of nuts] The nuts told me...for I am the Duchess of Nuts!
Jake: [Jake starts eating the nuts from the bowl. He then stops in realization.] Oh... should've asked if these were, like, her eggs or something.
Duchess of Nuts: I know of my husband's crime against the princess. A crime that you personally witnessed! And why would you lie? Huh?
Finn: Yeah, why?
Duchess of Nuts: Oh but he was once such a wonderful man! He'd pet dogs, kissed babies; we'd lie together underneath the cashew bush. He even taught under-privileged nuts how to dance. But somehow he's gone rancid! These nuts tell me he must be executed. Would you like to hear what my nuts have to say?!
Finn: That won't be...um...necessary.
[The Duchess starts running after them.]
Duchess of Nuts: Listen! Listen!
[Finn runs out, grabbing Jake.]
Jake: Woah!
[Scene changes to outside the Duke of Nuts' Castle. Finn closes the door behind him.]
Finn: I don't get it, Jake. How can the dude be evil if he pets puppies, kisses babies, and lies with his wife?
Jake: What?! You believe that? She is nuts. Listen, man. Let's just go back and face the music. Who cares if Bubblegum hates you forever? It's no biggie. Tons of people hate me!
[Scene changes to somewhere in a forest. A squirrel is reading some kind of newspaper in a hologram.]
Squirrel: Why, Jake? Why won't you print my letters? I...I...I HATE YOU!
[Scene switches back to Finn and Jake.]
Finn: Hmm. [gasps] [A figure runs past Finn and Jake.] It's him! The Duke of Nuts!
[Finn and Jake run after him.]
Finn: [while running] I'll break left! You take the right! [They both go in their direction. Finn tackles him while Jake jumps over them.]
Jake: I went left too!
[They both fall on the figure from before.]
Finn: Wha-? [Finn picks him up.] You're way smaller than I thought you were!
Jake: Dude. That's not him.
Marquis of Nuts: No one will harm the Duke of Nuts! I will kill whoever seeks to arrest him!
[The Duke of Nuts walks out of the forest.]
Duke of Nuts: No! Please! This has gone far enough!
Jake: That's the Duke of Nuts.
Marquis of Nuts: But I vowed to kill whoever did this to you. They can't take you away, Dad! [cries]
Duke of Nuts: Who's the toughest little nut? That's you. [Marquis of Nuts continues to cry into the Duke of Nuts' shoulder.] [He puts one finger up to Finn and Jake.] One second.
[Finn uses his hands to ask if they should walk away. The Duke of Nuts thumbs them up. Finn and Jake walk away.]
Finn: Man, I don't know, Jake. Why would Princess Bubblegum hate him if he's such a nice guy?
Jake: Just because he's a good father, doesn't necessarily mean he isn't a villain.
Finn: That doesn't look like a villain.
[Camera shows the Duke of Nuts putting his cape down for geese to walk across so they don't get wet.]
Jake: I can probably think of a reason why that's villainous if you gave me enough time. Maybe.
Finn: Ugh! Maybe we should just confess. But then, Princess Bubblegum will hate us forever.
Jake: Hey man, it's not that bad being hated.
[A letter flies near Jake's foot.]
Squirrel: C'mon man, pick it up!
[Finn and Jake walk by it, unnoticed.]
Squirrel: You son of a bleeblop!
Duke of Nuts: Oh! Sorry to make you wait. I made these daisy crowns for you guys as a- as a token of gratitude for waiting. [Finn and Jake put the crowns on.] Oh...sorry I....I have to sit down for a second. I know this is an odd question, but you wouldn't happen to have any pudding on you, would you?
Finn: Actually yeah, I think I have one in my pack.
Duke of Nuts: Oh, thank goodness.
Finn: I think I have a spoon in here too- wha-?
[We see the Duke of Nuts has already eaten all of the pudding.]
Jake: What happened to the cup?
[The Duke takes it out of his mouth and puts it in Jake's hand.]
Duke of Nuts: Oh, I'm so embarrassed! Now you know my shame. I can't stop eating pudding.
Finn: What?!
Duke of Nuts: I don't tell people because I hate making them worry, but yes, I have a rare condition. A pudding deficiency. And I always end up eating all of the royal pudding supply whenever I go to the castle.
Finn: So that's why Princess Bubblegum hates you!
Duke of Nuts: Yes, but I didn't turn Princess Bubblegum green and bald! I would never do such a thing!
Finn: Gah! Of course you wouldn't! You're too nice a guy. I'm the one who threw that bottle. I was gonna tell her, but then-- she started talking all crazy-- she said she'd never forgive me and I-- I didn't know!
Duke of Nuts: Hey, it's okay. People make mistakes. It's all part of growing up and you never truly stop growing.
Finn: Now you're making me feel even worse by being so nice about it.
Duke of Nuts: Maybe I should just confess the crime and end all of this.
Finn: Wait...I think I might have an idea that will save everyone's reputations.
[Scene changes to later that day. Peppermint Butler is driving Princess Bubblegum around in a mobile bath tub filled with healing milk. Finn jumps out of the forest and stops them.]
Finn: Halt!
Princess Bubblegum: Finn! Did you find the duke yet?
Finn: Not yet, but you are in grave danger, Princess. There is an assassin in these very woods, dead set on stopping you from reaching the Grand Meeting. In fact, what's that rustling in the bush??
Jake: [behind bush while shaking the bush] Rustle. Rustle, rustle. [Jake jumps out suddenly.] I'm an ambush! Halt!
Finn: What's going on?!
Jake: Oh, [out of character] Did I come out to early?
Finn: [coughs] What are you here to do, stranger?
Jake: I've come for the princess. I'm an assassin!
Princess Bubblegum: Um, guys?
Finn: Stand back! I will stop him! Hi-yah!
Jake: Hi-yah!
[Both Finn and Jake jump into the air. They pretend fight for a couple of seconds.]
Jake: I will kill you! And raise your children as my own!
Finn: Hi-yaah!
[They still pretend to fight until Jake actually punches Finn into a nearby rock.]
Jake: Hah!
Finn: Remember, it's just acting, Jake!
Jake: [while running towards Princess Bubblegum] Sorry, dude! [Jake kicks Peppermint Butler to the side and stretches right in front of Princess Bubblegum.] Now, to kill you up. But wait, surely this cannot be the fair Princess Bubblegum! Where are her pink, flush cheeks? The long gooey hair? [Princess Bubblegum punches Jake to the ground.] Clearly, the princess travels elsewhere. [Out of character] Later, Bubblegum! [Jake jumps into the bush he was hiding in before.] Get out there, man!
Duke of Nuts: [behind bush] I don't know if I can do this.
Jake: Go, go, go, go!
Duke of Nuts: And that's how I, the Duke of Nuts, by disfiguring you beyond all recognition, humbly saved your life.
Jake: [jumping out of bush] Yeah, alright!
Finn: [while still on ground from the impact of rock] Yeah!
Princess Bubblegum: What was the point of this little play again? [gasps] And why isn't the duke clapped in irons?!
Duke of Nuts: She's right. Innocent or not, I should accept what's coming to me.
Princess Bubblegum: Peppermint Butler! [Peppermint Butler comes out of the shadows with golden handcuffs. He starts to walk towards the Duke of Nuts.]
Finn: Oh, no!
Duke of Nuts: Nuttin's going my way today.
[Peppermint Butler jumps up to handcuff the Duke of Nuts. However, he can't reach. Finn runs between them and keeps them apart.]
Finn: No!
Princess Bubblegum: Finn?
Finn: The duke didn't throw that bottle! Ahh- Princess, I have something sucky to confess. I'm the one who threw the bottle. [Princess Bubblegum gasps.] I'm sorry, but I knew if I told you, you'd hate me forever!
Princess Bubblegum: Hmm...well, I could never stay mad at you forever. And you seem genuinely penitent.
Finn: I don't even know what that means, but thank you!
[The Duke of Nuts is laughing with Jake.]
Princess Bubblegum: [points at them] But that doesn't douse my hatred for the duke!
Finn: Yeah, what's up with that hate?
Princess Bubblegum: That jerk always empties out my pudding pantry!
Finn: Aw, shucks. He just can't control himself around pudding. He goes cocoa-nuts for it! Because he has a pudding deficiency!
Duke of Nuts: It's true, your majesty. I'm sorry for my medical condition.
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, my, you poor man! Of course you're forgiven! [whispering to Finn] Yeah, I don't believe a word from him.
Finn: [sighs] I'm really sorry about making you temporarily ugly, Princess. Especially before the Grand Meeting of Ooo Royalty. I wish there was some way to make it up to you.
Princess Bubblegum: Maybe there is, Finn. Maybe there is... hey! [Princess catches Finn and Jake walking away.]
Finn: [turning around] Hmm, what? You said maybe.
[Scene changes to the Grand Meeting of Ooo Royalty.]
Turtle King: [while hitting gavel on podium] Call to order the sesquicentennial Grand Meeting of Ooo Royalty. I now call upon the delegate from the Candy Kingdom. Princess Bubblegums?
[Camera pans to show Finn and Jake, who are dressed up like Princess Bubblegum. Finn gets up and reads off a pre-written letter from the princess.]
Finn: Ahem! It would be presumptuous indeed to present myself against the distinguished princess to whom you have listened.
Jake: [yawning and talking to an oval-shaped member of royalty] Buy a lady a drink?
[A mask falls off the oval-shaped member of royalty to show that it is actually the Marquis of Nuts.]
Finn and Jake: [gasps] The Marquis of Nuts?!
Marquis of Nuts: Yes, but I didn't come alone!
[The face of the Turtle King is ripped open and the Squirrel comes out.]
Squirrel: Remember me, Jake?!
Jake: ...nope.
[Both the Marquis of Nuts and the Squirrel start screaming and jump on top of Finn and Jake. The episode pauses before they land on them.]

Episode ends.

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "The Empress Eyes" from season 7, which aired on November 17, 2015.

Characters
Marceline
Finn
Jake
Ice King
The Empress
Music
"Remembering Memories"
Locations
Ice Kingdom
Gumbald's Cabin
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[In the Ice Kingdom, Ice King is snoring and muttering in his sleep.]
Ice King: Una—[snorts] unacceptable. Mm... un-unacceptable. Unaccepta—aah! [wakes up] Lemons! Whew! Mm.
[The sound of light footsteps is heard.]
Ice King: Gunter? Y-you having a bad dream? Gunter?
[Footprints approach his bed.]
Ice King: Oh, my Glob. [breathes heavily]
[The footprints stop beside his bed. The Empress reveals herself.]
Empress: Hello, Simon.
Ice King: [screams] Oh, lady! Hi.
Empress: Wait, you don't remember me?
Ice King: Oh, man. I'm so sorry. I stalk a lot of ladies. Were you at Shelby's barbecue?
Empress: Huh. Looks like you've lost it all the way. You've crossed the valley of tears and come out the other side but a shadow.
Ice King: Oh, thanks.
Empress: Well, all the better for you to... [leans in] submit.
Ice King: I like where this is going.
Empress: Don't resist.
[The snake coiled around her neck slithers up above her head and flicks its tongue. Ice King smooches the air, but stops when he sees the snake. The snake lifts the veil from over The Empress's eyes. She opens them and begins hypnotizing.]
Empress: Sell your spirit to the skies. Surrender to The Empress eyes.
[Ice King's eyes turn purple. He slumps over. The Empress snaps her fingers, and he jerks upright.]
Ice King: Empress, my darling! My great eternal love! How can I serve you?
Empress: [slaps Ice King's hands away] Bring me blood.
Ice King: At once! [jumps out of bed]
[A group of penguins are playing cards.]
Ice King: Alley-oop! [scoops up an armful of penguins]
Penguin: [tosses hand aside] Wenk-wenk!
[The penguin jumps onto the pot of fish. The other penguins clap.]
Empress: [reading Ice King's diary and laughing] Oh, this is so sad.
Ice King: Here you go, my love.
Empress: What's this? Don't you have any human?
Ice King: Humans? Well, Finn's the only human around here. Try a penguin. [squeezes it]
Penguin: Wenk!
Empress: Ugh. [takes it]
Ice King: You know, Empress is a kind of penguin, and your name is Empress. That's kind of cool, right?
Empress: [bites penguin, then immediately tosses it aside] Bleh. Tastes like cheese water. Where's the top-drawer stuff?
Ice King: Oh, uh, don't be like that, Honey-poo. I'll fix it. I'll do anything for you.
Empress: Bring me the blood of Finn!
Ice King: Okay.
Empress: Oh, look. I've gotten to my bit. "Today I met a super-pretty cyclops lady with fangs. She told me to eat a fat boulder, and I did it." Ha! I'd forgotten that one.
Marceline: The Empress!
Jake: Vampiyah, I'm gonna kick yah Vampiyah, I'm gonna lick yah Vampiyah Aah! Uh-oh. It's P.B.'s outside clock!
Finn: Ahh. You did a tremendous job guarding the cabin, Jake. But it looks like you need to be relieved.
Jake: Yeah, I need relief. P.B. still working on new vampire-busting gear?
Finn: Yeah, but she's almost done. No sign of Marceline, though. I think she ditched us to fight the vampires by herself. Solo-style. We'll go look for her after P.B.'s device is up and running. So, how did you pass the time?
Jake: Patted my laps and made some rhymes. Stoop, stoop, sittin' on the stoop Stoop, stoop, sittin' on the stoop
Finn: Is that P.B.'s outside clock? Looks like it's been staked. What did you do?
Jake: I heard a loud snap, and my vampire-hunting reflexes kicked in!
Finn: Dude, that was her Uncle Gumbald's outside clock.
Jake: Yeeegh! She doesn't have to know I broke the clock. Let's blame it on the vampires! Or we can hide it! Whoo! Problem solved? Yeah? Whooop!
Ice King: Snap!
Finn: Aaah! What was that?! Vampiyah! Aah! Aah! Hyah! Hah!
Ice King: Snap, snap, snapping branches for fun
Empress: Oh, ho, ho, this is riveting. "The Empress is so nice. Today she let me polish her boots with my tongue. That's almost like kissing, right?"
Ice King: Hey! Who's my hunny bunny?!
Marceline: Simon!
Empress: Marceline!
Marceline: What has she done to you? Did she bite you?!
Ice King: Hey, calm down. You're destroying the mood. I'm trying to get her to bite me later.
Empress: Minion! Honestly, I'm standing right here as you collude against me with my sworn enemy. It's a bit rude.
Ice King: Sorry.
Finn: Eh! Stake! Yeah!
Marceline: Finn?
Finn: I got your back, Marceline! Ha! Huh?
Empress: Ow. How dare you stake my back?
Finn: I was aiming for your heart!
Empress: Ice King, bind the interlopers in ice.
Ice King: Heh.
Ice King: Let's keep it down, huh? My baby's resting.
Finn: Aaaaaah! No way! Waaaaaaah!
Ice King: Shush!
Marceline: Simon, you have to resist the Empress!
Ice King: But she's a woman. Aha! Ohh.
Marceline: She's a vampire! I hunt vampires because of you!
Ice King: Because of me?
Marceline: [Sings "Remembering Memories"] Staking vampires, protecting the last remaining humans, it felt like I was protecting you. It was the only thing that brought me happiness during those years.
Ice King: Oh, Marceline! [Crying]
Marceline: Simon? A-are you remembering?
Ice King: Pa-chazz!
Finn: Shmowzow.
Marceline: Please, Simon! Remember our history!
Ice King: Our what now?
[Marceline crying and Empress appears]
Empress: Oh, Marceline. I heard everything. I was invisible. All your tiresome mortal emotions, they'll all be over soon. [to Ice King] Minion, I order you to kill Marceline.
Ice King: Whaaa?? No way! She's my pal!
Empress: Are you disobeying me?
Ice King: Hey, it's called real talking.
Empress: and you still can't get anything right, can you?
Finn: Here's our chance!
Ice King: Please, baby, don't say that.
Empress: You're my thrall.
Ice King: I am enthralled by you!
Marceline: You distract the Empress.
Marceline: Squeeze!
Ice King: Yaaaah!
Empress: Ha!
Marceline: No!
Ice King: Heuk!
Empress: Drat. Aaaaaaaah!
Marceline: You got this comin'.
Ice King: No!
Marceline: Simon, what are you doing?
Ice King: Let me go! If you want to hurt my lady, you'll have to go through me!
Marceline: Uuuuuugh!
Empress: Now, Oaf! Kill her!
Ice King: Sweetie, there's no need to raise your voice.
Empress: What?! Okay, that's it. Turn and look at me.
Ice King: Oh! Are we gonna gaze into each other's eyes again?
Empress: You must fall deeper under my spell. Sell your spirit to the skies.
Ice King: I can see myself in your pupils. Hee-hee.
Empress: You're not even hypnotized. At all.
Ice King: Them gigantic sparkly orbs of yours could hypnotize an earclops.
Empress: So, you're not.
Ice King: Eh-heh, no.
Empress: You're stupid donkey
Ice King: B-but honey, wh-why you being so mean to me?
Empress: Because you're too thick to even fall under my spell. And you got no class.
Ice King: Oh, so you're doing that? You're gonna start name-calling? You want to play the blame game?! Okay! Well, if you weren't so perfect and and pretty and statuesque and and
Finn: Come on, Simon. It's over. [Ice King crying] It's gonna be okay, man. Nope, nope. This way. This way. Come on, let's get you some ice cream.
Marceline: That's the last time you're gonna toy with his heart.
Empress: Psht! If you really cared about him, why'd you let him degenerate into this pathetic clown character? He used to have more of a silver-fox thing going on, with his hair and those cute glasses. He was happier then, you know. When he was serving me.
Marceline: Aaaaaaah!
Empress: Dang, girl.
Marceline: Aaah! Aaah! Aah! Gah!
Empress: Open those peepers!
Marceline: Eat a stake! Huhn No!
Empress: Ugh! I don't understand this.
Princess Bubblegum: Marceline! Yeah, you're welcome! Hunh Um Marceline?
Marceline: All right. I shouldn't have tried to go it alone with the vamps. From now on, we'll do this team-up style.
Princess Bubblegum: Okay, team. You're still invisible.
Marceline: Oh! Heh whoops.
Jake: Oh!
Marceline: Hm.

Episode Ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "The Enchiridion!" from season 1, which aired on April 19, 2010.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Princess Bubblegum
Key-per
Dark Magician
Mannish Man
Music
None
Locations
Candy Kingdom
Mount Cragdor
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode begins with all of the Candy People, along with Finn and Jake, dancing in the Candy Kingdom]
Finn: Candy Party! Jake! This party is so crazy!
Jake: I know, Finn! I know! [Laughing]
Gumdrop Lass 1: So, Finn... Do you have a girlfriend?
Gumdrop Lass 2: Oh, my gosh! I can't believe you just said that.
Punch Bowl: [Laughing] What a wonderful, marvelous party!
Cinnamon Bun: Okay. I'm gonna do it. Okay-okay-okay. Everyone watch! I'm gonna do a flip!
[Cinnamon Bun stumbles backward and hits his head on a tower wall, cracking it]
Cinnamon Bun: Oh no!
[The crack streaks upward toward the balcony where Princess Bubblegum is dancing]
[The tower crumbles and Princess Bubblegum falls]
Finn: Princess Bubblegum's in trouble!
[Finn runs towards the tower and bumps into a Candy Person]
Candy Person: Watch where you're going!
[Princess Bubblegum continues to fall towards the ground]
Princess Bubblegum: Ahhhhhhhhhh!
[Finn dives towards Bubblegum and catches her just before she hits the ground]
[The Candy People gasp and murmur]
Princess Bubblegum: Please! Calm yourselves, my people. I am safe! Oh, thank you, Finn. You truly are my hero this day.
Finn: Cool.
Princess Bubblegum: [Pondering] Hero... Hmmm... Heeeeerroooo... Hey, I just thought of something!
Finn: Uhh... What'd you think of?
Princess Bubblegum: I'll show you. Come on! We'll go through my secret entrance. [To the Candy People] Alright, everyone. Turn around.
[The Candy People and Jake stare blankly at Princess Bubblegum]
Princess Bubblegum: [Whispering] Well, turn around. This entrance is secret.
Candy People: Oh.
[The Candy People and Jake turn around]
Princess Bubblegum: [Pulling a brick out of a wall, exposing a hole] Math. Hurry, Finn!
Finn: [Laughing] No way!
[Princess Bubblegum and Finn both dive into the hole in the wall]
[Finn reaches back out and pulls the brick in, covering the hole again]
Princess Bubblegum: [Pulling a yellow globe out of a chest] Here it is. Check it out.
Finn: A magical globe?
Princess Bubblegum: No, Finn. It's what you can see through the globe.
[An image of a book appears in the globe]
Finn: Golly!
Princess Bubblegum: [Giggle] Look. See this book?
Finn: Yeah, I see it!
Princess Bubblegum: It's called the Enchiridion. It's a book meant only for heroes whose hearts are righteous.
Finn: Shmow-zow!
Princess Bubblegum: The book lies at the top of Mount Cragdor, guarded by a manly minotaur. It's waiting for a truly righteous hero to claim it!
Finn: Do you think I've got the goods, Bubblegum? 'Cause I am in to this stuff!
Princess Bubblegum: Yeah, I know. And yes, I do.
Finn: Then off I go!
[Finn jumps out of a high tower window]
Finn: Jaaaaaaaaake!
[Jake stretches up to catch Finn]
Finn: Thanks, pal.
Princess Bubblegum: [Waving] Farewell, Fi—Oh, wait a minute... [reaching into her belt, she pulls out a handkerchief and waves it] Farewell, Finn the human boy!
Finn: Bye, Princess! [To Jake] You know what time it is, buddy?
Jake: Aaaaadventure time?
Finn: Yeah, man!
[The scene changes; Finn and Jake are now at a gate in a wall surrounding Mount Cragdor]
Key-per: Greetings, young heroes to be. This mountain is called Cragdor. Its purpose is two-fold: To protect the Enchiridion and to test the hearts of those who seek to possess it. Many noble challengers have entered the temple to pass the grueling trials that lie behind these walls, but no one has ever left here alive or dead! Only the truest most worthy hero can receive the heroes' Enchiridion and walk out these doors again! If it is you, friend, [giggles] and I cannot say that I am certain, but you are verily welcome to try; However, first you must pass my riddle. My name is Key-per, and duly so, for I carry the key to this door, but all is not how it appears, you see. Or perhaps you do not see at all. [Giggles] Perhaps the key is in you, child, but you cannot use your brawn here. The door is magically sealed.
[Finn picks up Key-per, shoves his head into the key-hole and turns him]
Key-per: Oh ho! You've unlocked the riddle of the door. [Laughing] Brilliantly done, child! Please, reveal to me how you unraveled my clue.
Finn: I just thought you'd look cute stuffed in that lock.
Key-per: Oh, yes. That's how most people get in.
Finn: Bye!
Key-per: You've passed the first trial, young heroes, but prepare yourselves! [To the camera] For there are many trials ahead of you, and each trial is more treacherous than the last.
Jake: [Sniffs] Enchiridion is... [sniffs more, points] That way.
Finn: What?! Dude! You can't smell the book from here!
Jake: It's in the castle on top of the mountain. [Sniffs] In a room. [Laughing and tapping his nose] Wish you had one, huh?
[Finn hears the voices yelling for help]
Finn: [Running towards the voices] This way!
Jake: What about the book?
Finn: It can wait. Someone needs our help.
[Finn jumps over brambles and lands on his face]
Jake: Yo, Finn. Are you alright? Did you get brain damage?
Finn: I'm fine! Keep going! We have to hurry!
[Finn and Jake come up on three gnomes trapped in a lava pit. Finn reaches in and pulls them out]
Finn: I gotcha.
Red Gnome: Thank you for saving us. [Voice becomes menacing] Now we can destroy this old lady!
[The gnomes fly towards an old lady who is tied to a stake]
Old Lady: La la la-la!
Finn: What?!
[The gnomes zap the old lady with magic and she disappears]
Red Gnome: Every time you say "what" we'll destroy an old lady.
Finn: [Shocked] What?!
[The gnomes zap another old lady and she disappears]
Red Gnome: Every time you say "no" we'll destroy an old lady.
Finn: [Panicked] No! Wai...
[The gnomes zap three more old ladies]
Finn: Please...
[The Red Gnome zaps an old lady]
Finn: Don't destroy...
[The Orange Gnome zaps an old lady]
Finn: Anymore...
[The Blue Gnome zaps an old lady]
Finn: Old women.
Red Gnome: Every time you look sad we'll destroy a big old woman!
Big Old Woman: Well... Ever since I got the... [Zapping sounds] Ahhhh!
Red Gnome: [To other gnomes] Hey, guys. Every time he's a big wuss, let's destroy an old lady.
Other Gnomes: [Laughing] Yeah!
[Finn runs off, distressed]
Jake: Hey! Back off, you gnomes! That kid just saved you guys! You should thank him, not destroy old ladies! Do you even know what I'm talking about? Say thank you! Say... Thank... You.
Red Gnome: Kill him!
[The gnomes try zapping Jake with magic, but Jake twists his body and grabs the gnomes]
Jake: [Shoving the gnomes back into the lava pit] Get back in there!
[Jake walks towards Finn as the gnomes scream for help]
Jake: Hey, Finn. You okay?
Finn: No way, dude. Those old ladies are destroyed because of me. I'm not righteous. I'm wrongteous. Stupidteous.
Jake: Awww. Don't let those gnomes and their illusions get you down. They're just gnomes and illusions.
Finn: Illusions?
Jake: Yeah, man. Think. What would regular, old, sweet ladies be doing wandering the hills of Mount Cragdor?
Finn: Maybe they're lost?
Jake: [Laughing] No way. This place is designed to mess you up. To mess with your head. None of this is real. It's all just trials to test your heroic attributes.
Finn: Hmmm... Hmmm!
Jake: Now let's go get that book.
Finn: Yeah! You're the smartest dog I know, man.
[Jake laughs and then gets eaten by a giant ogre]
Finn: Jake? Jaaaaaaaake!
Ogre: You cannot pass!
Finn: Gimme back my friend!
Ogre: No!
Jake: [Popping out of the ogre's nostril] It's ok, Finn! I can get out!
[The ogre shoves his finger into his nostril, pushing Jake back inside]
Finn: Let Jake go, or I'll... [kicking the ogre's foot] I'll kick your foot!
Ogre: [Laughing] It is impossible for you to hurt me!
Jake: [Popping out of the ogre's ear and laughing] Don't worry, dude! I found another way—oof!
[The ogre shoves his finger into his ear, pushing Jake back inside]
Finn: Huh? [Starts climbing the ogre's leg] I'm coming, buddy!
Ogre: [Long burp] I think your dog finally fell into my stomach. Hey... Where'd you go?
Finn: [Pulling a giant dollar out of the ogre's wallet] I got your wallet, man!
[Finn grabs opposite edges of the dollar and glides away on it like a hang-glider]
Ogre: No! My big money! Give it back!
Finn: Give me back my friend!
Ogre: But I killed him already!
Finn: [Crying] Fine. [Angry] I'll give you your dollar. [Yelling] Here's your dollaaaaaarrrrr!
[Finn glides back towards the ogre and does a flying kick into the his stomach]
Ogre: Oof!
[The ogre's stomach rumbles and oozes out his mouth]
[He retches and Jake comes out with it]
Jake: Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa-oa!
Finn: [Gliding on the dollar towards Jake] Jake! [Grabbing Jake with his feet] You're okay!
Jake: [Laughingly] Stomachs are weird.
[Finn uses the dollar to glide to the entrance of a stone temple near the top of the mountain]
Jake: Dude! You just flew us all the way to the top! Wait a minute. [Sniff] I can smell the book right through this door.
Ogre: [Crying in the distance] You're under arrest for stealing my dollar! [Crying again]
Finn: Just a minute, Jake.
[Finn folds the dollar into a paper airplane and launches it towards the ogre]
Ogre: Hey!
[The ogre catches the dollar and laughs happily]
Jake: You know what that was? That was righteous.
Finn: Thanks, Jake. Now sniff out that book for me.
Jake: You got it!
[Finn picks up Jake and walks into the temple with him; Jake is sniffing the air]
[They walk into a long hallway with arms holding knives sticking out from the pillars]
Finn: Whoa!
Dark Magician: Congratulations, Finn the human. You must be truly righteous to have made it this far.
Finn: Thank you.
Dark Magician: Now! Enter my brain-world, and I will show you some aspect of yourself that you're not entirely aware of.
[Black clouds part and Finn is in a gray, misty area]
Finn: Where... am I?
Dark Magician: [Disembodied voice] For your final trial, slay the beast!
[The Heart Beast, a giant heart with a glowing skeleton-arm, lands on the ground]
Finn: Why? Is it an evil beast?
Dark Magician: Yeeeeessss. It's completely evil. Will you slay it?
Finn: Shoot, yeah. I'll slay anything that's evil. That's my deal.
[The beast attacks Finn, but Finn dodges and jumps on top of the beast]
[Finn punches the beast until it bursts, gushes blood, and its body falls to the ground]
Dark Magician: Yeeeeessss! You've done well, hero.
Finn: Thank you.
Dark Magician: Now! As one last, last trial... Slay this ant!
Finn: Is it evil?
Dark Magician: No! But it's not good either. It's, uh, neutral. Will you slay it?
[Finn looks at the ant and raises his fist]
Finn: [Slamming his fist down next to the ant] No!
Dark Magician: If you want the heroes' Enchiridion, then slay this unaligned ant!
Finn: Never. Never. Never!
Dark Magician: [Back in the real world] Uh oh.
[Finn kicks the Dark Magician in the crotch and the cloak falls to the ground, red mist pouring out]
Key-per: [Dressed like a devil] Congratulations, Finn the human. Now you have truly reached...
Finn: Never!
[Finn runs up and punches Key-per in the stomach]
Key-per: Ooh!
Finn: Oh, no! Mr. Key-per! I-I'm sorry. Why are you wearing that little devil costume?
Key-per: These are my pajamas. I was getting ready for bed.
Mannish Man: [Running in] Finn... Jake... You made it!
Finn: Are you another trial?
Mannish Man: Trial? Oh, no! [Laughing] I'm Mannish Man, the minotaur.
Finn: [Gasp] The manly minotaur from Princess Bubblegum's story!
[Mannish Man laughs and flexes his muscles at Finn]
Finn: So, can I check out the Enchiridion? Can I? Can I? Can I?
Mannish Man: Yeah. Come on. Let's go check it out. [Running off] Woohoo!
[Finn, Jake, Mannish Man and Key-per are walking up to a picnic table]
Mannish Man: We've been watching you guys on our magical viewing globe. Take a seat guys, have some juice. There's grape and apple and the gatekeeper made spaghetti. And... Alright, Finn. Are you ready for this?
[Mannish Man pulls out the Enchiridion and makes a small explosion noise with his mouth]
Finn: The Enchiridion!
Mannish Man: [Handing the book to Finn] You deserve it, Finn.
Finn: Really?
Mannish Man: Yeah, Finn. You're the goodest of heart and most righteous hero I've seen here. Tenderness, ingenuity, bravery, nard-kicking ability, and when you took that giant ogre's dollar... [Laughing] Oh, man! The Key-per nearly fainted!
Key-per: It's true!
Jake: [Laughing] Hey! Crack open that book and read something for fun's sake, alright?
Finn: Oh, yeah. [Opens book] Whoa. How to Kiss Princesses? [Giggles]
Jake: Whoa. What'd you just read?
Princess Bubblegum: [Appearing on the magical viewing globe] Yeah. What does it say, Finn? Mannish Man won't tell me.
Mannish Man: [Whispering to Finn] Hey. Don't tell her, Finn.
Finn: It doesn't say anything, Princess.
Princess Bubblegum: [Annoyed] Mannish Man!
[Mannish Man shrugs at Princess Bubblegum]
Finn: [Leaping into the air] Awwww... Yeah!
[The episode ends with the Adventure Time logo appearing on the screen]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "The Eyes" from season 2, which aired on October 18, 2010.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Horse/Ice King
Music
Eine Kleine Nachtmusik
Moonlight Sonata
Ride of the Valkyries
Beethoven's 5th Symphony
Locations
Tree Fort
Grass Lands
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

Finn: Man, why am I so sleepy?
Jake: [getting a banana] Dude, we've been up for like seven days.
Finn: [breathing] For real-sies?
Jake: Yeah, for real-sies! [Flashback begins.] Remember? First, we rescued the Slime Princess from the Ghost Ship Vortex. And then we slayed that fire dragon. And that took a couple of days.
Finn: Then we went to LSP's quinceañera.
Lumpy Space Princess: Oh, no way. You guys made it!
Jake [Voice-over]: Helped Peppermint Butler with his Goblin problem.
Peppermint Butler: I swear that I found it like this. I don't know what happened.
Finn: We'll take care of it, Peppermint Butler.
Finn [Voice-over]: We rescued Wildberry Princess from the Ice King.
[Jake punches Ice King and joins Wildberry Princess for a ride with Finn on Jake.]
Ice King: I just wanna be happy!
Jake: Then, we captured that Bandito.
Sheriff : Thanks, you guys.
Jake: Saved the house...
Man: Thanks, you guys.
Jake: And fed that duck.
[Duck quacks.]
[Flashback ends.]
Jake: We've had a busy week.
Finn: I'm exhausted. But happy!
Jake: Good night, buddy.
Finn: Good night! [to himself] That's right, Finn. Adventure 'til you drop. [Yawns. Closes his eyes, but starts to move around and grunt] Hey, Jake?
Jake: Yeah?
Finn: Can you sleep?
Jake: No.
Finn: I can't sleep either.
Jake: Yeah, what's going on with that?
Finn: I don't know. But, I've got the strangest feeling...that we're being watched.
[Finn and Jake look outside the window, and on a nearby hill, a big fat horse is staring at them]
Finn: Why is that horse staring at us?
[The screen does two close-ups on the horse]
Finn: That's super creepy.
Jake: Man, I just wanna go to sleep.
Finn: Well, maybe he's gone.
[looks out the window, the horse turns around and looks at them]
Jake: Not gonna be able to sleep with that horse watchin' me.
Finn: Let's just close the shade.
[Finn closes the blinds]
Jake: Outta sight and outta mind.
Finn: Good work, Jake
Jake: See 'ya in the morning, pal.
[He looks at the window, with the blinds down]
[The moon shines above the horse, casting its shadow through the blinds, startling Finn.]
Finn: Ahh! Why won't it stop?!
Jake: All right, man. Let's just go...push it off that hill or something.
Finn: Maybe we can just...politely ask it to leave.
[They go outside and talk to the horse.]
Jake: Hey! Get out of here, horse! I want to go to sleep, and you're creeping me the math out!
Finn: Whoa, man! Let me try, diplomat style. [walks over to the horse] Pardon me horse, I beseech thou to split from mine land, this night. But I welcome thee to come back for some luncheth, some other day. Okay?
[The horse's pupils dilate then contract.]
Jake: Forget it, man. This horse is whack. It's got poo-brain.
Finn: [Sighs] Okay, you're right. We can try pushing it, now.
[Both try to push, but it's no use]
Finn: Move, horsey! Good Grod, Jake! Are you even pulling?!
Jake: I'm super-pulling!
Finn: This horse has a ridiculous weight!
[They stop.]
Finn: Math this. What now, man.
Jake: I didn't wanna have to use my powers on you, horse, because I'm so sleepy. But you've pushed Jake too far!
[Jake grows big, grabs the horse, and puts it on another hill]
Giant Jake: RAAAAHH! AH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!
Finn: You shouldn't creep us out from way over there!
Jake: Let's get back to bed, buddy.
Finn: Oh yeah, I'm so ready for bed.
Jake: I wanna marry my bed.
Finn: Me too!
[The sounds of hoofs beating the ground in the background; Finn turns around, and the horse is back]
Jake: No more.... NO MORE!
Finn: Where are you going?!
Jake: I have an idea! [runs up to the horse, and flakes a blindfold on his face] I did it! Ha-ha! He can't stare at us if he's blind!
Finn: Look, man. [points behind Jake]
[The horse's eyes are sticking out from under the blindfold]
Jake: Wh..why?! Stupid blindfold! What's your deal, screwy?! Why are you messin' with us, huh?!
Finn: Jake! That horse is whack with poo-brain.
Jake: Yeah, I know, Finn. I diagnosed this horse with whacked out poo-brain five minutes ago.
Finn: Dude, poo-brain means we can lure it away from here using music. [Meteor then appears on-screen] Everything brainless likes music.
Jake: That's true! You're a genius! [goes to get his viola] All right horse, prepare to be lured! [walks off and plays Beethoven's, "Moonlight Sonata"] Follow me, Horsey.
Finn: Jake? It's not luring!
Jake: Huh! Hmmm. [plays Symphony No. 5 in C minor] So, Beet-hoven's not luring enough for you, is it? Well, how about some Mozzart?! [plays Mozart's "Eine Kleine Nachtmusik"]
Finn: Huh?!
[Jake starts luring snakes, Finn starts to scream and run towards Jake]
Finn: Ha! [closes his eyes]
Finn: Stop! You're luring snakes! STOP!!
Jake: Huh? Oh, nuts. Let me try and lure a mongoose! [starts playing, "Ride of the Valkyries"; Finn throws Jake's viola aside]
Finn: Stop man!
Jake: No! Ahh! [sighs] Dude... let's kill the horse.
Finn: What?!
Jake: I'm so tired, Finn!
Finn: No, man, we're not killing the horse.
Jake: Okay, we won't kill the horse. We'll dress him up like a bunny! Ha-ha! And get a giant hawk—Caaaww!--To kill him!
Finn: Wah?!
Jake: Caaawww! Caaawwwwww!
Finn: No, man! That is wrong.
Jake: Eh. Did I say that the hawk would kill him? I meant that the hawk would swoop down gently and take him away to an island of sunshine and love-stuff and, take care of him.
Finn: Whoa. That sounds awesome.
[They put the bunny ears on the head and the bunny tail on the horse]
Jake: What do think?
Finn: It looks like a bunny?
[Jake whistles]
Both: Hey Come and get it hawk, let's go!
[They run and scream like crazy]
Finn: Hey Jake, I think I see a hawk or two. [sees hawks] Cause more commotion to help the hawks!
Both: Ahhh! Blblblblblblblblblbl! [continue to scream like crazy] Take the bunny!
Finn: Hey, there they are! They see our commotions!
Both: Riiiiiighhhhhht here! Yeah!
Jake: Grab a good hold and fly away!
[Two hawks swoop down to the horse, and start to peck the two on the head]
Finn: The bunny! The bunny!
[The two hawks take the "bunny" away]
Finn: What a beautiful sight.
Both: We did it! Back to sleep!
Both: [run away laughing and screaming]
[They both hop into bed]
Finn: Good night, buddy.
Jake: Good night, buddy.
[Without warning, the horse falls through the roof]
Finn: Ahh! It's in our house now!
Jake: That's obvious, Finn! You don't have to say that out loud!
Finn: Hey, this is all your fault, dude! If you weren't so darn handsome, animals wouldn't always be staring at you!
Jake: You're just mad at me for being...handsome? Well, you're the one who told me to lure snakes! Ahhh!
Finn: I told you to lure the horse! You lured the snakes! There's even one here in my underpants! [sighs] Wait a minute, dude. Can't you see what this horse is doing? [long silence] It's tearing us apart.
Jake: Aw, man.. you're right! We have to get rid of this horse, for us!
Finn: I know, bro. I know. [The two hug]
Jake: Oh, Finn; this horse is bringing us together now. This horse is a blessing.
Finn: What?! Dude, you've lost it!
Jake: You...wait, wait. [crying] The horse is tearing us apart again!
Finn: You're right! It's about time I show this horse who's the man.
Jake: What are you going to do?
Finn: Say that to me again.
Jake: What are you going to do?!
Finn: Do... Doo-doo. I'm going to kick that horse in the bottom!
Jake: Oh, my Grod!
[Finn kicks the horse, and the Ice King flies out]
Finn and Jake: The Ice King?!
Ice King: I should go.
Finn: You were spying on us?!
Ice King: That's none of your business!
Jake: He was trying to learn our bedtime secrets!
Finn: [gasps] Were you?
[Ice King pulls a cork out of the "horse," revealing it was a costume]
Jake: [gasps] He was! Did you find out that I sleep "in the nude"?
[Ice King humming]
Jake: It's none of your business how nude I sleep, Ice King! Nnnnone of your business!
Ice King: Gentlemen, I'll see you later.
Both: Hmph!
[Ice King leaves the room and heads toward the door but Finn kicks him out when he's just about to get outside. Ice King hisses and uses ice magic as Jake comes out of the house with a sword in his hands]
Jake: Here's your sword, dude!
Finn: Thank you.
[Ice King and Finn fight until he kicks Finn's sword away while Jake fell momentarily asleep against the wall]
Finn: Jake! Jake! Look out!
[Jake jumps to avoid the sword. Jake bounces on the sword that got stuck in the wall and aims at the Ice King]
Jake: Tell us why you were spying!
Ice King: NO!
[Ice King throws Finn in the air and ends up running into Jake, both hit the ground]
Finn: Snakes!
Jake: Quick! Throw them to the Ice King!
Finn: What's he doing?
Jake: He's using his ice powers.
[Blocks of ice that came out flying from the fridge hit Finn and Jake]
Finn and Jake: Ow! Ouch! Ow! Hey! Hey!
Ice King: Is that all the ice ya have?
Finn: Yeeesss!
Ice King: Well, you should really have more.
Finn: We don't need any more.
Ice King: What if you had guests?
Finn: Guests bring their own ice.
[Finn slaps the Ice King causing him to lose his crown. Both fight until Finn kicks the Ice King and he hits the wall making the sword fall on his beard. Finn and Jake run and grab the sword]
Finn: Tell us why you're watchin' us or we'll - we'll cut off your stupid head.
Jake: Yeah and make it quick 'cause we're both really sleepy.
Ice King: Ok, ok, I'll tell you! I was watching you... to learn how to be happy.
Finn: What?
Jake: Huh?
[Finn and Jake let go of Ice King]
Ice King: It's true! I would like to be happy like you guys. But, I have no idea how.
Jake: So, you dressed up like a horse?
Ice King: Have pity on me. [flashback begins] I've been so sad and miserable, I cry all the time. But, whenever I see you two, you always look so happy.
Ice King [In flashback]: But, they're just hopping over each other.
Ice King [Voice-over]: So yes, I've decided to spy on you, dressed as a horse. [shows the Ice King getting dressed up, aided by the penguins.]
Ice King: But, I guess my plan failed. All I observed was you two arguing over...how to get rid of me.
[Finn and Jake snore]
Ice King: Hey, are you sleeping? [gasp] Is this it? Sleeping? Could it be that all I need is a good night's rest? [closes his eyes.]
[Silent moment]
Ice King: Ahh... I'm... still not happy.
[Episode ends]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "The First Investigation" from season 10, which aired on December 17, 2017.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Kim Kil Whan
Rennie Hamlin
Joshua
Margaret
Jermaine
Mole Man
Unknown human woman
Warren Ampersand
Clock Bear
Music
None
Locations
Tree House
Joshua and Margaret's Old Office
This transcript is complete (needs proofreading).


Transcript

[The episode opens in the Tree House. Finn, Jake, and Kim Kil Whan are sat in silence for an awkward amount of time.]
Kim Kil Whan: [Clears throat] Okay, so here's what happened. I had sent my top employee, Rennie Hamlin, to check on one of my properties...
[A flashback begins. Kil Whan is on the phone to Rennie.]
Rennie: Okay, boss, I'm here now.
Kim Kil Whan: [Narrating] ...Joshua and Margaret Investigations!
Rennie: Yep, there's definitely been a break-in.
Kim Kil Whan: Check out the damage. I'll call you back in thirty seconds.
[He hangs up. Rennie approaches the property and enters through the front door. A few seconds later, he emerges looking mortified. His phone rings.]
Kim Kil Whan: [Over the phone] Rennie?
Rennie: [Stammering incoherently.]
[The flashback ends and cuts back to the Tree House.]
Kim Kil Whan: And he's been like this ever since.
[Kim Kil Whan teleports Rennie into the room, where he is still stammering from whatever frightened him. He is teleported away again.]
Finn: Poor guy.
Kim Kil Whan: Something terrifying has taken residence in Joshua and Margaret's old office, and it's not paying rent. So I want you guys to find out what it is and get it out.
Jake: Yes, sir, son!
Kim Kil Whan: You have one hour! Bye, dad. [He teleports out.]
Jake: I wonder what it could be.
Finn: Maybe it's a gross rotting fish gob with long, slimy tentacles.
Jake: Maybe it's a teenage silverware werewolf squatter.
Finn: Hey, you know what it could be? It could be a ghost. I think I saw a ghost there when I was a baby. Maybe it's like a ghost hotspot.
Jake: Ghosts, huh? Whoa, wait! What if it's...
Finn and Jake: [Together] Ghost Mom and Dad!
Finn: I have to brush my hair!
Jake: I'll go get tulips for Mom!
[The scene changes. Finn and Jake approach the old office. Finn is wearing a tie over his regular clothes, and Jake has some flowers.]
Jake: Man, I've never been this excited about ghosts before.
Finn: This could be one more chance to tell Mom and Dad how much we love them.
Jake: And show 'em that their kids are awesome.
[They high five, then enter.]
Jake: Hello? Ghosts? If you're in here, please vacate my son's property!
Finn: Unless you're Mom and Dad ghosts!
Jake: Yeah, in that case, I brought flowers!
Finn: Look. There's the broken window. But I don't see any signs of squatters... or ghosts.
Jake: [Pots the flowers] I'll sniff 'em out. [Sniffing]
Finn: Hey Jake, why don't we own this place?
Jake: I dunno. Kim Kil Whan is a good businessman. Plus I'd feel kinda weird dealing with this stuff.
Finn: Yeah. Just looking at all this is like, "Whoa, memories!" Like this ticker tape machine. Remember when Mom and Dad brought us to work and we made a fort of ticker tape?
Jake: It was right over there! And over here you gave me a wet willie one time.
Finn: Ew. No I didn't.
Jake: Right. I know you believe that's true, but memories distort over time. Classic false memory syndrome.
Finn: Maybe you're the one with a false memory syndrome.
Jake: Classic false memory syndrome response.
[They hear a ticking sound.]
Finn: You hear that? Can you use your dog powers to locate that sound?
Jake: [With enlarged ears] Way ahead of you, pal. Uh... over there! [He runs over to the bathroom and barges in.] Aha! [There's nothing there, and the ticking has stopped.]
Finn: Anything?
Jake: Nope. This is a nice bathroom, though. Man, this whole office is nice. It's kinda bunk how Mom and Dad stopped using it.
Finn: Yeah, it's weird that they had this whole other life, and they just dropped it for us babies.
Jake: We were babies forever.
Finn: Man, we suck.
Jake: [Exiting the bathroom] Yeah, but they knew what they were getting into. Whoa! Who moved the sofa? Who put forth those chairs?! Who set the table?! What's going on?!
Finn: This griz is poltergeist biz.
Jake: But I don't want that.
Finn: Embrace the paranormal, bro. [Examining the candles on the dining table] Are these candles real or poltergeist mind-tricks?
Jake: Look!
[A video tape on the bookshelf rattles and falls to the ground.]
Finn and Jake: [Together] Poltergeist!
[The scene changes. Finn and Jake have found a video player and are watching the tape. The video begins, revealing Joshua. Behind the camera is Margaret.]
Margaret: Ooh, goody. It's on now, dear.
Joshua: Well done, Margaret, love.
Finn and Jake: [Together] Dad!
Joshua: Hello, future people. I'm Joshua of Joshua and Margaret Investigations, and behind the camera you have my lovely wife and partner, Margaret.
Margaret: Hello.
Joshua: We're making this tape to document the strange phenomena in our new office. Like this weird message spelled out in- [Joshua accidentally tramples the message.] Oh, applesauce.
Margaret: You've really stepped in it now, darling.
Joshua: Indubitably. But something is definitely trying to chat us up, and we're gonna catch it on film. I got this fancy ghost-hunting doohickey. It's supposed to record EVPs and such. [The ticking is heard, and Joshua gasps. A ghostly silhouette appears behind him.]
Margaret: Gracious, there it is!
Joshua: Margaret! Margaret! There's another one over here!
[Another ghost charges out of the bathroom and throws a chair into the camera. Margaret screams and the video cuts out.]
Finn: Dude! This place is full of ghosts! We should split up and see if we can get them to appear.
Jake: I'll take the bathroom!
Finn: That's the spirit. Hmm. "Spirit."
[The sun sets and the scene turns to night.]
Finn: Maybe Mom and Dad left some books about ghost hunting. Hmm. [He examines some of the books on the shelf, then hears the ticking again. A ghost appears from around the corner.]
Finn: [Gasps] A ghost! [The ghost fades away.] It seems like the ticking precedes each ghost encounter. Okay, Finn, what ticks? Metronomes, bombs, pencils...
[Cut to the bathroom, where Jake is cowering in fear, his teeth chattering.]
Jake: The bathroom is a lot scarier than I was expecting.
[The ticking is heard, and then a ghost barges into the bathroom in the same manner that Jake did earlier. Jake screams, then the scene cuts back to Finn.]
Finn: ...hearts, egg timers, typewriters.
[Jake runs through the room and throws the chairs out of his way, just like the ghost on the tape.]
Finn: What else? [The ticking is heard, and three small ghosts appear next to Finn.] Whoa, lil' ghost babies! Wait, that's baby Jermaine! And baby Jake! And baby me!
Baby Jake: Babababa!
[Baby Jake hits Baby Finn playfully and giggles.]
Finn: [Chuckles] Oh yeah?
[Current Finn gives Baby Jake a wet willie.]
Baby Jake: Oh! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip!
Finn: [Laughs] Oh, snap. I guess it was me. Hold on. These babies ain't ghoulish ghosts at all. They're like time... disto...to...morphs? Hmm.
[The scene changes. Jake emerges from the kitchen, with a makeshift suit of armor made of frying pans.]
Jake: Scared? No way! I'm primitive! I'm real! Ghosts, you can't touch this dog! You've got ethereal hands! I'm alive! I'm filled with hot blood! You'll never see through me! [He bursts into the bathroom again.] Gotcha, ghoul!
[Instead of the same bathroom as before, the room is instead furnished with futuristic decor. A mole man is sat on a sci-fi toilet reading a newspaper.]
Mole Man: Pardon?
Jake: Aah! Oh, sorry for interrupting your poop. [Jake exits, takes a second to process what he just saw, and then re-enters with his eyes covered.] Hey, sorry again, man, but I have a qu- [Gasps]
[The design of the room has changed again, this time to contain fancy nineteenth century decor. A human woman in a dress is powdering her face.]
Woman: [Screams]
Jake: [Screams and exits again.] I gotta get out of here! No, Jake. You gotta stay for your boy Kim Kil Whan. Ghost! Quit freeloading off my son! [Barging into the bathroom one more time.] That's a father's job. [The bathroom is back to normal, but Jake hears Joshua's voice from the window.]
Joshua: [Strained] Margaret, stay away!
Jake: Huh? [He looks out the window.]
Joshua: Something's about to happen!
Jake: Dad?
[The scene cuts back to Finn and the babies.]
Finn: So, I can see you, and you can see me. And we're occupying the same space now. So this time stuff must be getting more intense. [The shape-shifter appears at the window.] Whoa!
Baby Jake: [Straining] [Farts loudly, his diaper sagging downward] [Sighs with relief]
Finn: [Sniffs the air] [Holds Baby Jake away] Aw, dude! You couldn't wait until you were back in your own time?
[The shape-shifter stares inside at Baby Jake and exhales on the glass.]
Finn: Hey, creeper, stop creepin' on baby Jake! [The shape-shifter exits, and the babies disappear.] Baby Jake?
Jake: [Enters] Finn! I'm freaking out, man! I just saw the most messed-up thing!
[A flashback begins. Jake is at the window, looking out at his parents in the alleyway. It is a repeat of Jake's birth, as previously seen in "Joshua and Margaret Investigations".]
Jake: Dad?
Joshua: Margaret, stay away! Something's about to happen!
Margaret: Something's about to happen with me, too!
Joshua: Margaret! Aah! [His head swells and pops.] Yowzas!
Baby Jake: [Singing] Hello, Daddy! Hello, Mommy! It's so nice to be here with you now!
[The flashback ends.]
Jake: That's so not how I was birthed! I'm no melon baby! I'm a majestic womb baby!
Finn: Jake, calm down.
Jake: I'm gonna go hog-wild on the next ghost I see!
[The scene of Rennie Hamlin approaching the office is seen again. He enters through the front door.]
Rennie: Boy, do I love real estate!
[A ticking begins, and Jake from the future appears as a ghost to Rennie, who is a ghost himself from Jake's perspective. Jake gasps and shape-shifts into a screaming tentacle monster. Rennie screams and becomes petrified, as seen earlier.]
Jake: Aah! [He exits.]
[Rennie leaves through the front door again. His phone rings.]
Kim Kil Whan: [Over the phone] Rennie?
Rennie: [Stammering incoherently.]
[The scene cuts back to Finn and Jake in the present.]
Jake: We're trapped in a ghost trap!
Finn: Relax, bro. There's no ghosts. What we're experiencing are time slips. Point is, something is causing this.
[There is a ticking and a shattering sound as an unknown time ghost breaks the window and enters the house. It climbs into the attic.]
Finn: You ready?
[Jake looks uneasy, and holds Finn's hand. They follow the time ghost into the attic. They see three ghosts there, and there is a constant ticking.]
Finn: Time dingalings! Wait, that ticking. I know who this is! [He and Jake walk over to the ghosts, where they take the place of two of them; their future selves. The third ghost resolves, and is revealed to be Clock Bear.] Clock Bear!
Jake: One of the dudes that escaped Dr. Gross' menagerie.
Finn: He must be the one causing the time slips. There's us from before. [He points to the attic's entrance hatch, where their past selves are climbing up.]
Clock Bear: [Groans]
Finn: Are you sick?
Jake: Yeah, I'm pretty disgusted with the whole situation!
Finn: I meant Clock Bear.
[Clock Bear groans again and falls onto his stomach. His winding key stops moving. The ticking stops. Finn hesitates, and then begins winding him up again. All of the time ghosts in the house begin to be sucked back into Clock Bear's mechanisms. There is a sound of rushing wind and the constant ticking of clockwork.]
Finn: [Shouting over the noise] He's sucking up all the spilled time!
Jake: That doesn't sound scientific!
Finn: [Gasps] Jake, take care of Clock Bear. There's something I gotta do!
Jake: Wait, I'm still confused! And having feelings!
[Finn rushes downstairs to the ticker tape machine. He takes a length of tape and begins arranging it on the floor. The scene changes to show Joshua and Margaret in the same room, in the past. Margaret has lain the table and is putting forth the chairs. Joshua spots the tape arranging itself.]
Joshua: Oh boy, our first case! Looks like we have a poltergeist! [The tape spells out "I love u".] And it's got a little crush on me. What a sassafrass! Gotta get this one tape! [As he reaches for the tape on the bookshelf, he causes it to rattle and fall to the ground.] Whoops!
[The scene changes back to the present once more. Jake, alone, enters the alleyway where he saw himself being born moments ago.]
Jake: If this was all time weirdness, I guess that memory was true. I did see my own birth. Far out. [Jake suddenly notices that the shape-shifter is standing right next to him.] Oh! Must be a leftover time ghost. [The shape-shifter touches Jake's shoulder and he turns blue.] Hmm.
Shape-shifter: We have to leave!
Jake: We're doin' what now?
[The scene changes. Finn is stood at the front of the house with Clock Bear, talking on the phone.]
Finn: It was just Clock Bear... No, I don't think he has any money. [Finn hears something happening in the alleyway and hangs up.] Jake? Jake! [He enters the alleyway.] Oh, no! Something's happened to Jake! He could be in grave dang- [He spots a note on the ground. It reads "BRB -Jake".] ...Okay, then.


Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "The Great Bird Man" from season 5, which aired on March 4, 2013.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Xergiok
Music
"Real Power"
Locations
The Bad Lands
Outskirts of Goblin Kingdom
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[Episode starts with Finn and Jake walking in the Bad Lands, looking around until Finn takes out his holo-pendant.]
Finn: Finn to Prubs, come in, Prubs.
Princess Bubblegum: [on holo-pendant] Hey, Finn! How's the mission going?
Finn: So far, no sign of the Bird Man. Why's this guy so dangerous?
Princess Bubblegum: Some say he's a half-man, half-bird that poops fire while he flies. It's all rumors so far. That's why I need you and Jake to find out everything you can about him and report back to me.
Finn: Where are you?
[Scene changes to an underwater place where Princess Bubblegum is diving. Behind her are two mermaids.]
Princess Bubblegum: Under the sea. The mermaids are trying to beach themselves. I came to see why. Turns out they're just lonely. [laughs]
Finn: Maybe I'll go hang out with them after this biz.
Princess Bubblegum: Sounds great, Finn.
[Finn rips the holo-pendant off of his neck.]
Finn: Okay. Bye, PB.
[Finn throws the holo-pendant.]
Princess Bubblegum: Bye!
Jake: C'mon, let's go look for that creep!
[Scene changes to a different area of the Bad Lands desert. We see Finn and Jake walking, looking tired and worn-out, and then falling down. We see the sun opening an eye in its center.]
Finn: Whoa.
[A giant bird flies from where the 'eye' was. It flies towards the two inert boys and covers them, shrouding the screen in darkness. When the black lifts, we see Finn on his side at night in a cave. Water drips down into his mouth. We see a mysterious man pouring it into his mouth.]
Finn: [coughs] Huh? Where am I?
Xergiok: This is the rookery, where I and my bird friends dwell!
Finn: So are you, like, the Great Bird Man?
Xergiok: That's what they call me nowadays. But when I first met you, Finn, and you, Jake, you knew me as [suddenly, Xergiok's voice rises in pitch] Xergiok, the Goblin King!
Finn and Jake: Whaaa—?!
Xergiok: When we first met, I was crazy for smacking goblin hams. I was cruel, selfish, brutal. But every thing changed after I was defeated by the two of you!
Jake: So, you got some sleek new shades, and now everything's different?
Xergiok: Oh, no, my change has been deep. And these whatsits are only curtains for empty windows.
[Xergiok lifts his shades and puts them back repeatedly, revealing vacant eye sockets.]
Finn: Whoa. What happened there?
Xergiok: I miffed off a wizard, and he took my eyes. [His eyes are seen attached to his beard.] I wonder what he wanted them for—some kind of lotion... or potion... or time-traveling spell. I'll never know. Never, ever, never. But losing my eyesight was only the beginning of my wonderful change! I started meditating and doing yoga. Now I can "see" with my heart and smell with my soul.
Jake: You smell with your beard?
Xergiok: I smell with my nose!
Jake: Lame.
[Xergiok inhales deeply and makes a gesture with his hands. He puts the back of them on his forehead and connects them by the joint in his thumb.]
Xergiok: Om.
Finn: What are you doing?
[Scene shows him meditating, and then switches to one of Xergiok's birds, who, when hearing Xergiok's meditation, brays. It then takes flight and lands in the cave where Finn, Jake, and Xergiok are. While it flies, the night turns into day.]
Xergiok: Oh, Taffy! You heard my call! [Xergiok hugs the bird's snout.] Climb aboard, boys. [We see Xergiok on the back of the bird.] Taffy will take us to the lower level, and you can have a bite to eat!
[Finn starts to walk up to him, but Jake stretches him arm to his shoulder. Finn looks down as Jake gives a subtle gesture.]
Finn: Oh, uh, me and Jake will follow you. Jake needs to stretch out and stuff.
Xergiok: Okay, great! Well, follow me!
[Xergiok flies off. Jake walks to the edge of the cave and stretches down, carrying Finn.]
Finn: It's crazy, right?! The way dude's eyeballs are just hangin' there.
Jake: I know! I almost told him 'cause it was driving me nuts!
Finn: Yeah, me too!
Jake: Do you think he's got evil intentions behind his reborn star-child act?
Finn: I don't know. But if he does, I'm gonna find out.
Jake: Yeah, me too.
[Jake hits the bottom of the floor. He stretches to normal size after Finn gets out of Jake. Xergiok walks over to them.]
Xergiok: Nice and cool down here, isn't it? A-ha! Listen to the babies! Num-num time!
[Xergiok walks over to a nest filled with baby birds.]
Jake: Aw, hey, that's cute.
Xergiok: [off-screen:] There you go, little ones. Suckle, suckle!
[Finn and Jake turn toward the audience and give surprised and disgusted looks. We then see Xergiok lying down on the nest.]
Xergiok: They're small, but they sure can take a lot out of you. Whoo! Dizzy. Sometimes feeding really wipes me out. I hope you'll excuse me while I refocus my qi. [He exits.] See you in a while!
Finn: Now's our chance to do some snooping.
[Finn walks over to a small basket, and opens it. Jake pours out a bowl of half-sprouted seeds.]
Finn: Jake! [Finn motions him over towards a small cave.] I found his weapon stash!
Jake: [while picking up a weapon:] Hmm.
Finn: What is it? A fighting stick? A dagger?
[Jake starts to rub the stick.]
Jake: This one's a letter from the hospital.
Finn: You can read those bumps with your fingers?
Jake: Yeah, I learned braille from my ex.
Finn: Your ex was blind?
Jake: Nah, just cool. [reading off of tablet:] "Dear Xergiok, thank you so much for your donation. The kidneys fit great." [stops reading] Well, geez, maybe he has changed his ways!
Finn: Maybe. Let's keep looking.
[Jake nods his head.]
[Scene changes to a different cave. There is a giant sleeping bird in there. Finn and Jake try to walk stealthily in, but they trip.]
Finn: [while falling:] Doy!
[Finn falls onto the bird's butt. The bird cries out and blushes. It then flies away. It hits its head on a stalactite, and falls down to the ground, unconscious.]
Finn: Oh!
[The stalactite breaks off from the ceiling and falls onto the bird's legs. The bird lets out a wail.]
Finn and Jake: Oh, crease!
[We see Xergiok clutching his head while yellow lines emit from it.]
Xergiok: Psychic links! Cardamom, my friend, I'm coming! I'm com— [Xergiok falls from the hill he was sitting on. He lets out pained noises as he falls.] Mother of Gob! Hold on, Cardy! [Finn and Jake hide in the shadows.] Okay, here I am, buddy. Ol' Xergy's here. [Xergiok lifts the once-stalactite off of Cardamom's legs and grunts.] Let's see now— [Xergiok feels his legs.] Aw, dang! [Xergiok gasps and then emits a low moan. Yellow lines emit from his head. Cardamom's leg starts twitching. We see Xergiok again, and then when we see Cardamom's leg once more, it is green and human-like, ending in a foot.]
Finn: Wha—?
Jake: Shush, child!
Xergiok: Ah, Finn and Jake, you are here!
Finn: Where'd you learn that heal spell?
Xergiok: I use no magic. I manipulated space with a vibrational chant. You see, now the injury has transferred to me! [Xergiok lifts his leg, which is now Cardamom's broken leg.] Ooh, yeah, that hurts, baby! Whoo! Can't you see, Jake? I love these birds more than I love myself. What am I to the deafening roar of the macro-cosmos? Nothing much. Just a vessel to carry the message of friendship to y'all beasts and dirt!
Finn: Dirt?
Xergiok: Yeah, look! [Xergiok picks up two handfuls of dirt.] Hello, friends! Go for a ride!
Finn: Listen, man. About your eyes.
Xergiok: Yes, a wizard stole them.
Finn: Alright, but not— [Jake turns Finn to have a semi-private conversation with him.]
Jake: Finn! What are you doing, man?
Finn: Dude, he's changed!
Jake: Are you sure?
Finn: Uh, yeah, man. Isn't it kind of obvi?
Jake: Alright, tell him.
Xergiok: Tell me what?
Jake: Your eyes weren't stolen by a wizard. They're in your beard.
Xergiok: Alright. Oh, where are they? [Xergiok puts his hands on his beard and rubs through all the parts besides where his eyes are.]
Finn: Dude, your eyes are in your beard.
Xergiok: A-ha, what? Good job, guys. Goofin' on the blind guy—real nice!
Finn: No, man, they're right here. [Finn takes Xergiok's hand and puts them on his eyes. Xergiok pulls where Finn guided him, pulling out his eyes.]
Xergiok: What my life?!
Finn: We didn't tell you 'cause we thought you might still be a wong lord!
Xergiok: And these aren't grapes, right?
Finn: No, man.
Xergiok: Hmm. Finn and Jake, could you help me onto Cardamom's back? I would like to be high in the clouds, bathed in the pinks and the blues of the desert twilight, when I restore my sight.
Jake: Sure, okay. [Jake grabs Xergiok and stretches him up onto Cardamom's back.]
Xergiok: Climb aboard! Vanilla! Chocolat! Cinnamon! Agave! All my friends, to the sky!
[Cardamom flies out out the sky, along with all of the other birds. When they are above the clouds, Xergiok takes off his shades and puts his eyes back in.]
Xergiok: [Xergiok sings Real Power:]
Far, far above,
Time standing still,
Memories are One,
Same space, same will.
Now move along,
Light speed divides,
Rips all from One
It blows my eye-holes
and fills me with real POW-ER,
fills me with real POW-ER,
POWER POWER POWER POWER
Power...
Finn: How's it feel, man?
Xergiok: Oh, yeah, it's overwhelming. This view takes me back. I always loved the sunset. And the silhouettes of my little goblins lined up to receive their spankings! [Xergiok chuckles.] Well, the past is the past. I wanna thank you guys for finding my eyes. I don't know where I got that idea about the wizard!
Jake: You were in the desert a long time, man.
Xergiok: Yes, twenty years.
Jake: Nah, it was more like one year and change, dude.
Xergiok: Yes, things certainly have changed for me in that time. Say, who's ruling the uh, Goblin Kingdom since I left?
Jake: Whisper Dan.
Xergiok: Oh, Whisper Dan! That's cool. Cool, cool. Hey, you guys wanna ride back to your crib?
Finn: Yeah, sure, man.
[The birds fly towards green pastures. Finn and Jake hop off of the birds. They start to run forward, but then stop.]
Jake: Uh, wait. Xergiok, this is the Goblin Kingdom.
Xergiok: I know, but I was thinking—now that I'm wiser, I could rule as king again!
Finn: That idea is terrible.
Xergiok: Well, you know, I disagree! And I have my army of bird friends, so anyone who disagrees with me should get a [yells:] SPANKING! [laughs maniacally]
[Scene pans up to the top of the Goblin Kingdom, where two guards look at Finn, Jake, Xergiok, and his army of birds.]
Goblin Guard 1: Hey, Jeff, is that your real laugh? [chuckles to himself]
Goblin Guard 2 (Jeff): No, it's Xergiok.
Goblin Guard 1: Oh, Glob! [Goblin Guard 1 spills the coffee he was drinking on Jeff's head in surprise. Jeff screams in pain.]
[Scene goes back down to Xergiok, Finn, Jake, and the bird army.]
[Xergiok makes a meditating noise as yellow lines emit from his head. Jake's leg starts to vibrate. It turns into Cardamom's broken foot.]
Jake: Oh, dang! [Jake yells in pain.]
Xergiok: [while stretching the leg he stole from Jake:] Oh, yeah, baby!
Finn: Come on, man. Are you for real?
Xergiok: Attack, birds, attack! Where's the butt on this thing? [Xergiok looks at Cardamom's giant snout.] That sort of looks like a butt! [Xergiok starts spanking it.] Yeah! [Xergiok laughs.] You like that? Huh?! [Cardamom rears him off his back.] Whoa!
[Cardamom gives Xergiok a sad look.]
Xergiok: Wait! Cardamom! Nougat! Stevia! Dang!
Jake: You lost your friends, dude.
Xergiok: Yeah, I feel myself hitting bottom again. Yup, okay, here we go. [Xergiok starts crying and whimpering. He switches back Jake's broken bird leg for his actual stretchy leg. He takes out his eyes and hands them to Finn.]
Xergiok: Here, Finn. Take my eyes and bury them forever. I will not need them again.
Finn: Okay, man. [Finn puts his eyes back on his beard where they were before.]
Xergiok: [while walking away:] Thanks.
Jake: Are you gonna be alright, man?
Xergiok: It's cool.
Finn and Jake: Bye!
Finn: Dude, that sucks. I hope he finds peace, or something.
[Scene pans up to the goblin guards.]
Goblin Guard 2 (Jeff): He's going to the reservoir! [We see Xergiok walking towards a large body of water.]
Goblin Guard 1: Um, why is he doin' that?
Goblin Guard 2 (Jeff): Maybe he's thirsty. [Xergiok walks into the water.] Oops, I guess he was just sad.
Finn: Should we save him?
Jake: Nah, man, he's fine.
[We see Xergiok rise out of the water and start circling around. He yells with joy.]
Finn: What the—?
Xergiok: I found a girlfriend! [Xergiok is shown riding a mermaid.] I'm in love! Woo!
[The mermaid sings a few notes.]

Episode ends.

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "The Hall of Egress" from season 7, which aired on March 5, 2016.

Characters
Finn
Jake
BMO
Princess Bubblegum (flashback)
Music
None
Locations
The Hall of Egress
This transcript is incomplete, missing [actions].


Transcript

Jake: [panting] Remember last time we were out this way? It was right after you messed things all up with Flame Princess.
Finn: [chuckles] Yeah, that sucked. But then we found the Dungeon Train, remember? That was awesome.
Jake: No, it wasn't.
Finn: Sure it was. Anyway, Flambo's brother's map says the weird cave should be like, right over... Ah! It's right here. [chuckles] Come on, Jake.
Jake: Okay, hold on. Let me get out my sidewalk chalk. I want to write all over the walls in there.
Finn: What? You can't use that stuff in here. This is like an ancient, sacred temple.


[The door shuts itself]


Finn: Oh, well, now, that's just great. You don't put traps in the foyer! The foyer is a safe space. Man, not even Jake could smash through this mess. But maybe there's a back door or something.
Finn: Uh oh! Options. Better leave a little trail in case I get lost. Bread-crumb style. Plus, for if Jake gets in and tries to track me down. Too bad I don't still have that sidewalk ch... Oh!


[Finn crashes to the floor]


Finn: Okay, well, scratch that. Now I really hope there's another way out.


[Finn looks into the upside-down snowman statue made of rocks]


Finn: Hall of Egress. Egress, egress.


Finn: [in Finn's flashback] What's 'egress' mean?
Princess Bubblegum: [in Finn's flashback] Exit.


Finn: Egress means exit!


[Finn tries yet fails to open the hatch, then Finn smashes the rock from the top of the upside-down snowman statue against it]


Finn: Great. What am I supposed to do now? [inhales, then falls back through the hatch and on to the ground]


Finn: Wait. Hey. Hey, I just smashed you. I... Ah... Magic door, okay. Right, but if I...


Finn: Well done, Finn. You solved the magic door. That ought to have done it, and... Oh. This door is too tricky for me. Guess I better give up, right? Wrong, wrong! Let's try that again.


Finn: Hmm. Smooth like metal. Floor's smooth too. What have we here? An errant thread! [chuckles] It must lead back out. Bread-crumb... Oh, trap door? [grunts] Spike trap. Better head back and regroup.


Finn: Fiendish. Anyway, don't let's do that again.


[Finn draws the map of the labyrinth on a paper from his backpack, and marks the location of the spike trap.]


Finn: And right then straight. And... Hey now. Hold the phone, there should be a left turn here. Letters? E... G... 'Egress'. It spells 'egress'. This way! And here's another one, and another... [trap door opens] Whoa!


Finn: Okay. So, every map I make is wrong. All the exit signs led to traps. Plus the braille, the hieroglyphics, and the tape recorder message too. It's almost like the maze is trying to tell me something. Something confusing, whatever! Who needs anyway with your stupid signs and messages? I'm Finn Mertens, ya heard? And I don't need no nothing! Watch me. [inhales]


[Finn dashes into the hatch and keeps babbling at the same time]
[babbling slows down, and Finn starts panting]
[Finn hears Jake's voice from a distance]


Jake: Finn? Fi-inn!
Finn: Jake! Jake, I'm coming!
Jake: Finn? Where are ya, buddy?


[Finn pops out from a pile of stones]
Finn: Jake!
[Finn opens his eyes, then he is relocated to the front of the hatch]
Finn: That's a little disappointing. Still, though. I'm in the homestretch here.
[Finn dashes into the hatch then pops out from the ground again]
Finn: Jake!
Jake: Finn! There you are.
Finn: Yeah. Sorry to pop up, then disappear again like that.
Jake: Again? You just got here, son.
Finn: I did? Shoot, man. This cave has got me straight scrambled up and down.
Jake: What cave?
Finn: What? Oh. Uh oh.


Finn: Well?
Jake: Well, I followed your map, but there's just a bunch of grass here.
Finn: What? Let me see! [opens his eyes]


[Finn is relocated to the front of the hatch again]
Finn: Dang it.
Finn: So, yeah. Everything I did to try to make sense of the maze or to play it safe totally backfired, but when I got fed up, and started just charging in willy-nilly, I was able to get to the end and find you.
Jake: And then the whole thing disappeared. But I wonder how come I don't remember any of it.
Finn: I don't know. I'm just hoping, maybe if I sleep it off, maybe I'll be better in the morning.
Jake: Okay, well... Good night, buddy.
Finn: Thanks, Jake. Good night.


BMO: Are you awake?
Finn: Yes.
BMO: Are you gonna open your eyes now?
Finn: Maybe.
BMO: Are you scared?
Finn: No.
BMO: Then do it.
Finn: On three.
BMO, Finn: One, two, three,...


[Finn is relocated to the front of the hatch again]


Jake: So, been almost a month now. What do you think? You wanna try opening 'em? It's beautiful day. Plus, I need someone to tell me if this hat looks cool.
Finn: Man I told you. If I open 'em now, it'll just be the same. I got to wait till something's different.
Jake: Yeah, that makes sense, I guess. So, um, I got you a little something, a little present.
Finn: Wow, thanks man!
Jake: You're really gonna thank me. Gotcha!
Finn: No!


Finn: Yeah, you've done it, like, 30 times now.


Finn: It's like programmed into your DNA or something.
Jake: Well, shoot, man. If I wanna do it that bad, it must be kinda right, right?
Finn: [sighs]
Jake: Look at it from where I'm sitting. All this funky pizzazz that only you can see, that's like the literal definition of a hallucination, either all that stuff is a dream or like, I'm a dream. And I ain't no dream, ya heard?
Finn: Yeah, I know, I heard. It's just that, well...
BMO: Hyah! Open up!


[Finn is relocated to the front of the hatch again]


Finn: Oh, Jake, I know you mean well, but I guess I got to see this one through on my own. [sighs] I'll see you around, buddy.
Finn: Huh? What the... How long has this been going on? Someone's apt to track me down, bread-crumb style, e.g. Jake. Can't let him catch me. No more threads to follow. No more egress.


Finn: Hmm. It's cool in here... Ain't nothing wrong with that. Deep too. That's good. Ain't nobody gonna be looking for me down. Ugh! [gasps, and starts shouting] Egress! Egress! Egress! Egress!


BMO's voice: Something's different.


[Finn removes blindfolds from his eyes]


Princess Bubblegum's voice: Hurry, Finn. At the seashell's center lies, the cornucopia's smallest door.
Jake: Whoa! That must have been some cave!
Finn: No comment!


[episode ends]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "The Hard Easy" from season 4, which aired on October 1, 2012.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Prince Huge
Woobeewoo Villagers
Music
None
Locations
South Woobeewoo
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode opens in a swamp in heavy rain. Finn and Jake are sitting on the bank with their feet in the water. Finn doesn't have his hat or shirt on. And, his bare upper body and sort of long blond hair is revealed. A mudscamp is watching them close by.]
Finn: You getting all bit up by mosquitoes?
Jake: I don't know... I'm getting bit up by something.
Finn: Man, I can't believe you said this was a good swimming hole.
Jake: I said it might be good. It's not, though.
Finn: True.
Jake: Wanna just go?
Finn: Yeah. This place smells like green beans.
[Finn puts his blue shirt and green backpack back on and starts leaving with Jake.]
Mudscamp: My name's Woobeewoo.
Jake: [Turning around] Oh, whoa!
Woobeewoo: [Hops onto a rock] I need your help. My people are in trouble. I'm a mudscamp.
Finn: Yeah, Woobeewoo! Of course we'll help. Why didn't you just say something before?
Woobeewoo: I'm shy. It took me a while to work up the nerve.
Finn: Oh. Right on. You good now?
Woobeewoo: We'll see. [Turns around] Come, I'll take you to my village.
[The three walk over to a village of small mud huts. Several mudscamps are seen standing around.]
Woobeewoo: Here we are: the village of my people. It doesn't have an official name, but I call it South Woobeewoo. [Thunder rumbles] Uh, this way.
[They walk over to a mud pedestal on which are two mudscamps supporting another mudscamp wearing a jingle bell on its head.]
Woobeewoo: This is the village elder. He'll fill you in on the "deets."
Woobeewoo Elder: Greetings, heroes. [Squirts Jake with red juice]
Jake: [Disgusted] Bleehhh! Aw! Ehhh!
Woobeewoo Elder: I'm so sorry about that. You know, we--we secrete stink oil all day out our awful-sauce glands. You know, I guess I should have warned you. Anyway, lemme cut the cheese.
Woobeewoo on right: [Whispering] Cut to the chase.
Woobeewoo Elder: Yes... I mean--I mean, of course "cut to the chase," I mean, for many--for many moons now our village has been under siege by the Mega Frog. He's 100 stories of 110% 10-speed terror, like, bam, like, fresh out the grease. I mean, he chases us all up and down from first base to home, trying to eat us alive. We--we've always managed to escape, but it's c-razy scary, I mean, w-what if you got ate? Think about it. [Stands up] All alone in a stomach full of acid. [High voice] "Mommy! Mommy, Mommy, help me!" [Lower voice] "Billy, is that you? Mommy you sound exactly--" [High voice] "Mommy you sound exactly like m--" [sneezes] "Mommy, you sound exactly like me!" [Lower voice] "Billy, uh--" [Sits down; normal voice] Anyway. If this keeps up, we'll have to move to the city and get jobs. We don't know how to--how to do anything cool. Look, [Woobeewoos dressed in business hats are seen in the village] see, th-they're already practicing, the poor fools. They don't know what they're in for.
Jake: Whoa, relax, buddy! You're talkin' to the right couple of guys.
Finn: Yeah, man! Me and Jake will bust this Mega Frog up, right up his bumble-stop. [Imitates bomb whistling, exploding]
Woobeewoo Elder: That is excellent news. I mean, h-here, take this, please. [Woobeewoo villagers bring in a bag of lollipops] It's not much, b-but it's all we have-- [Finn takes bag] it's--it's a bag of lollies.
Jake: That's nice! Thanks, man.
Woobeewoo Elder: Now farewell, heroes! We're counting on you... for reals!
[Finn and Jake walk off. Jake is now carrying the bag. Jake sniffs the air.]
Jake: [Sniffing] Hmm.
Finn: Gettin' anything?
Jake: Yeah, but it's hard to make out. Could just be some footprints... or an old doodie.
Finn: Word... Hey, I have an idea. We can use those lollipops to leave a trail. That way we won't get lost out here.
Jake: Yeah, that's a great idea, man. I was just gonna throw 'em all on the ground anyway. [Drops a lollipop while walking] Whomp. [Drops another] Whomp. [Drop] Whomp. [Drop] Whomp. [Sniffs the air and points] This way. [The two climb a fallen log bridging a ravine] The thing with frogs is they got a real subtle smell. Kinda like when you open up a new thing of, um... CDRs.
Finn: Like... electric celery?
Jake: Yeah... but subtler. [They come across a large footprint] Mm-HMM! Just as I suspected.
Finn: Sweet. These'll take us right to him. [Laughs as he runs along the path of footprints] Come on, Jake! [Continues laughing]
[The two follow the footprints and pass a tree with a butt-shaped gnarl, running and laughing. They keep following them and are led back to the same tree.]
Finn: Hmm. Huh. We've passed this butt tree, like, three times.
Jake: Oh, yeah.
Finn: We should probably backtrack--get reoriented and all that.
Jake: Word. [Sees footprints overlapping and facing different directions] Wait, these prints are all messed up!
Finn: Whoa. Yeah! Guess we better follow the lollipops back. Where's those at?
Jake: [Holds up empty bag] We ran out of those a while ago.
Finn: Snaaaap. Totally lost. Dang! Do you think maybe the Mega Frog made all those footprints on purpose? So we'd use up all our lollies and get totally lost?
Jake: What? Nah, man! Frogs are mighty dumb, you know that. He's probably runnin' around like that 'cause he's lost! [Laughs] Plus, we're not even lost. I just gotta stretch up past these trees and see where we're at. [Stretches head above canopy] Dang. It's all misty! It's kinda nice up here, though. [Lightning strikes his head, screams as he stretches back down] AAAAAAAAH! Man, forget that! I can't see anything through that mist. Plus, I got struck by lightning. We're just gonna have to set up camp and wait out the storm.
Finn: Cool! I call fire patrol!
Jake: Yeah, me, too! [Laughs]
[Scene switches to Finn and Jake dropping some logs and twigs on the ground.]
Jake: Do you remember how to make a fire with sticks?
Finn: Yeah, man--it's easy. [Picks up two twigs] Uhhh, rub 'em together, right?
Jake: Oh, yeah.
[Finn and Jake pick up twigs and rub them together in various ways.]
Jake: I don't think it's workin', man.
Finn: I think I saw some guy do it like this once. [Spins twig out of his hands]
Jake: That's not it. I think you're on to something, though.
Finn: Yeah, here we go! [Wraps twine around a twig]
Jake: [Blows on a twig while twisting it]
Finn: Friction! [Pulls twine, twig snaps]
Jake: [Knocking two twigs together] Come on, boys, come on!
Finn: [Kissing twig] Mwah! [Sets down twig and writes FIRE in the dirt; shrugs] I don't know.
Jake: [Rubbing his hands together while holding a stick] You just gotta get some momentum going. [Pokes himself in the face with the stick; muffled] AAAAAAH! Glob-globbing stick! Glob-globbing swamp! [Streches up above trees and gets struck by lightning] AAAAAAAAAAAAH! [Comes down with lit stick, drops stick onto pile of sticks, runs off screen while screaming, comes back] Oh, hey, you got the fire goin'. Right on!
Finn: Jake, how did you--? [Roar is heard off screen] What the--? It's the Mega Frog! Quick, put the fire out!
[Fire is extinguished. Finn and Jake walk into some tall grass and peer over it.]
Finn: Jake, look! [Silhouette of Mega Frog is seen crouching in field] He's just sittin' there! What's he doin' out there?
Jake: I don't know, but let's pound him while he's vulnerable.
Finn: Okay, Sweetles. [Finn digs his finger under his dirt and swabs some under his eyes to mimic eye black. Jake wipes dirt on his jowl, then looks at his hand and wipes it on his eye, causing him to recoil in pain. Finn crawls to the front of the field. Jake makes various hand signals from across the field.] What?
Jake: [Pulls on ear and lifts and drops his jowls] Whoaa! [Heads toward frog]
Finn: [Runs, jumps, gets ready to punch frog] Hoi-YAAAH!
[Finn and Jake start punching the frog. A log falls off of it and lands near Jake, who passes out. Another falls off and nearly hits Finn. Finn realizes that the "frog" is just a wooden structure.]
Finn: Wha--? [Walks over to Jake] Jake, wake up. Look!
Jake: Ow, my head hurts.
Finn: [Pointing] Look at that thing!
Jake: Oh, what?! [Birds land on the wooden structure] Yeah, [laughs]. Hey, whoa! That gives me a great idea. We can make a Finn and Jake out of sticks and stuff and lure the Mega Frog out here, then ba-donk him right while he's all confused!
Finn: Yeaaaah! That's a great idea, man! [Mega Frog comes up from behind Finn] That's a great idea, Jake.
Jake: [Looking at Mega Frog] Fuh-fuh-fuh... fuh-fuh-fuh-fuh-fuh-fuh-fuh-fuh... [continues]
Finn: What? What is it, Jake?
Jake: FUH-FUH-FUH-FROOOOOOG!!
Finn: Wha--? [Frog squeezes Finn's ears, Finn looks up] AAAAAAAAAAAAHH! [Finn runs, frog chases] Jake! [Picks up Jake] RUN! [Jake continues screaming, frog gets closer] Jake, stretch us outta here! [Jake screams more, frog reaches for them] Come on, Jake!
[Jake stretches his arms and the two are propelled upward away from the frog. They land on their backs near a cave.]
Finn: Jake, let's hide in this cave. [They run into the cave] Shmow-tow, dude! That guy's gonna dingle our bones into tapioca pudding!
Jake: Finn, that is gross, man! Don't use language like that.
[Frog's footsteps thud outside. It sticks its head into the opening of the cave and squeezes the rest of its body through it and starts roaring. Jake grows big, runs up to it, and hits it.]
Jake: [As blow lands] Chomp that!
[The frog is thrown against the wall of the cave, unaffected. Finn jumps toward it but collides with the frog's fist and falls to the ground. The frog grabs Jake and roars into his face. Jake pushes him away but the frog grabs Jake's face and pulls it toward him. The frog opens his mouth and chomps down on Jake's head.]
Jake: Aaaah! He's eating me! Aah! Gently eating me! No teeth! Mostly tongue!
Finn: [Still on the ground] Hmm? Hmmm... [Flashback]
Woobeewoo (in flashback): I need your help. My people are in trouble... I'm shy... I mean, he chases us all up and down from first base to home. We've always managed to escape--.
Finn (in flashback): You gettin' anything?
Jake (in flashback): Yeah, but it's hard to make out.
Woobeewoo (in flashback): I'm shy... first base...
Jake (in flashback): Yeah, but it's hard to make out.
Woobeewoo (in flashback): I'm shy.
Jake (in flashback): ...it's hard to make out.
Finn: Hmmm. That's it! [Gets up] Jake, wait!
Jake: [Pushes frog away from him] Oof! Sick, dude! [Sees Finn] Huh?
Finn: [Climbing Jake] I know how to stop him! [Runs up Jake, jumps off his head toward the frog, flies through the air, kisses the frog; slow-mo] Mwah! [Lands hanging on to a stalactite]
[Frog levitates, light shines through its eyes, mouth, and spots on its skin. The skin falls away, revealing a skeleton on which grow muscles, skin. A face and clothes appear on the figure, revealing Prince Huge]
Prince Huge: Ah, this is rad! I'm hot again! Thanks, little dudes! [Takes Finn down from stalactite] I really appreciate it!
Finn: [Gives thumbs up]
Prince Huge: I don't get it, though... I kissed just about everything I could get my lips on. How come it only worked with you?
Finn: You can't break your own curse by kissin' somebody. Somebody's gotta kiss you.
Prince Huge: Oh. Weird. Well, thanks, man. I don't know a lot of dudes who'd do that to help a guy out.
Finn: Whatevs.
Prince Huge: [Laughs, flies out of the cave]

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "The Invitation" from season 8, which aired on January 30, 2017.

Characters
Finn
Jake
BMO
Susan Strong
Princess Bubblegum
Human Transport Ship
Marceline
Fern
Lady Rainicorn
Charlie
Neptr
Frieda (hallucination, cameo)
Candy People
Mr. Cupcake
Chocoberry
Chet
Candy Cane Guy
Mr. Cream Puff (cameo)
Jaybird (cameo)
Banana Guards
Gumball Guardians
Candy Child
Snail
Music
None
Locations
Beach
Candy Kingdom
Tree Fort
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[The episode starts at a beach. At the beach, a candy child is playing with a doll and making it talk to her hand.]
Candy Child: “Mom, I wanna play outside with consuelo!” “Cool your jets! It’s super dangerous outside. Little kids have to stay in the castle.” “But I’m rowdy.”
[The camera cuts back to show the child is in a large sandcastle on a beach.]
Candy Child: “Yeah, well, but look.”
[A wave comes onto the beach. The sandcastle is protected by a moat.]
Candy Child: “See what happens? You want a playdate with death? That’s why you have to stay inside. And, cause consuelo’s mom is a pain in the neck. I-”
[The candy child gasps. Cut to some of the other candy people on the beach. Chocoberry is spreading butter on Mr. Cupcake’s back.]
Chocoberry: In the heat of the sun you burn like a pink little baby!
Candy Child: Help!
[Chocoberry and Mr. Cupcake turn to look.]
Mr. Cupcake: What?
Chocoberry: Oh, a scream!
[The candy child runs to Mr. Cupcake.]
Candy Child: Help!
Mr. Cupcake: Well, now, what seems to be the trouble?
Candy Child: I saw something in the water, and I was like, “No thanks!”
[She runs past him.]
Candy Child: Out of my way, muffin man!
Mr. Cupcake: How rude! Well, whatever that little girl saw will be a mystery forever.
[He looks out at the still ocean. A large ship immediately pops out of the water. Mr. Cupcake looks aghast.]
Human Transport Ship: Transport for seeker X-J-77 Strong has arrived.
[Two large tentacle-like appendages extend from the ship.]
Mr. Cupcake: Oh, trust me, I’m strong indeed. Pow, pow!
[He flexes his muscles. The tentacles lift him up.]
Mr. Cupcake: Eh? Not enough? You need to feel them guns?
Human Transport Ship: Verifying.
[The ship begins shaking Mr. Cupcake.]
Mr. Cupcake: Woah! Well, hello frisky!
[He giggles. Chocoberry watches from a distance.]
Chocoberry: Todd! I’m right here!
Human Transport Ship: Identifying. Dangerous mutant. Initiating defensive mode.
[The ship fully emerges from the water, revealing two large wings. It puts Mr. Cupcake face down in the sand and pushes him deep into the ground.]
Human Transport Ship: Seeking human.
[The ship begins slowly flying over the beach, sending candy citizens running in fear.]
Human Transport Ship: Human. Come home to safety. Seeking human.
[Cut to a close-up of the candy child’s doll.]
Human Transport Ship: Human. Come home to safety.
[Cut to the Candy Kingdom. Finn and Jake are at an outdoor market, trying on clothes. Jake has a baseball cap on. Finn is in a comically oversized sweater.]
Finn: Hey, Jake, what about this one?
[They turn and look at each other. Jake laughs.]
Jake: Great. We’re gonna look so great for this funeral.
[BMO runs into frame wearing a bandeau.]
BMO: How do you like my bandeau? I was too embarrassed to get a bra fitting. I know they are professionals, but it’s just too intimate.
Jake: You look great!
[Suddenly, the ship is heard from a distance.]
Human Transport Ship: Settlement detected. Continuing search for X-J-77.
[The ship flies over the walls of the Candy Kingdom. Banana guards run towards it.]
Banana Guard: Get him! Attack! Attack!
[The banana guards yell.]
Human Transport Ship: Hostile cylinders detected. Release countermeasures.
[The ship opens two flaps. Some miniature versions of itself pour out and attack the banana guards, covering their faces. Their screams are muffled.]
Human Transport Ship: Hostile cylinders immobilized.
[The Gumball Guardians walk into frame.]
Human Transport Ship: Engaging hostile bobbleheads.
[The Gumball Guardians hit the ship with psychic waves, causing it to wobble.]
Human Transport Ship: Neutralizing. Please do not turn your system off during neutralization.
[The ship sends out a pulse which counters the Gumball Guardians’ attack, knocking them out and causing them to collapse into some nearby buildings.]
Finn: Holy mud! It took out the Gumball Guards like they was nothin’!
BMO: BMO doesn’t like it!
Jake: We gotta chop this thing into smashaghetti.
[Finn pulls out his sword and charges the ship, yelling.]
Finn: I’ll take you out with these hug nubs!
[A banana guard joins him in the charge.]
Banana Guard: Ah! I’ll help you, Finn!
[The ship’s tentacles pick up the banana guard.]
Banana Guard: Ah! Help me, Finn!
[Finn stops. The ship buries the banana guard face down in the ground.]
Human Transport Ship: Hostile mutant neutralized.
Finn: [Thinking] You got this, Finn Mertens. You’re a buff little bionic baby. [Out loud] Rush! Rush!
[He charges again.]
Finn: Rush!
[He leaps onto the ship. It grabs him. He drops his sword and yells.]
Human Transport Ship: Verifying. Human identified.
[The ship drops Finn.]
Human Transport Ship: Infant PG-8-7 Mertens.
[The ships neutralizing the banana guards let them go and return to the main ship, which lands on the ground.]
Human Transport Ship: PG-8-7.
Finn: Uh… You mean me?
Human Transport Ship: You will assist this transport in locating seeker X-J-77.
[The ship extends a ramp and extends a cockpit out of its top.]
Human Transport Ship: PG-8-7 Mertens, please climb aboard. Please climb aboard. Come on.
Finn: Mertens? Wait, do you, like, know me?
[He approaches the ship. Jake punches it multiple times with a massive fist, crushing it. Finn looks shocked and angry.]
Jake: Got it! Great work distracting ‘em, Finn.
[Finn says nothing.]
Jake: You okay, dude?
Finn: I feel like that ship might’ve been important, but I’m fine.
Jake: Yeah, my hands are a little sore from smashing, but I’m fine too.
[BMO charges the ship.]
BMO: Hiyah!
[BMO kicks the ship.]
BMO: Ha ha! Once again, BMO comes out on top.
[BMO kicks the ship again, knocking off a panel. A wire comes out and connects itself to BMO, whose screen turns to static and then goes black.]
Jake: BMO!
[Finn and Jake run over.]
Finn: BMO, you okay?
[Jake turns BMO around. BMO’s screen is black and a message comes up on screen. The message is read in the ship’s voice.]
BMO: Signal received. XJ-7-7 requests transport.
[An image of Susan Strong appears on BMO.]
[Cut to Susan in the hospital. She opens her eyes. A nurse removes a tube connected to her nose. Finn is next to her bed.]
Finn: Hey.
Susan: Hi, Finn.
Finn: Uh, sorry again my grass arm busted you up.
Susan: It’s okay. At the time, Susan was gonna bust you up. Where’s Jake? Is he okay?
[She sits up.]
Finn: He’s outside. He’s bringing the ship over.
Susan: The ship?
[Cut to outside the hospital. Finn and Susan approach the destroyed ship. It’s still smoking.]
Susan: Oh, ship.
[She hears BMO humming. She turns and sees BMO hooked into the ship while Princess Bubblegum works on the undercarriage. Princess Bubblegum comes out from under the ship.]
Princess Bubblegum: How ‘bout it, Suze? Does any of this look familiar?
[Jake pops out of the side of the ship.]
Jake: Me and Finn took this whole bad block down ourselves! Took a bit of fananglin’, but I never hunt what I can’t catch.
[Susan sees the image of herself displayed on BMO. She climbs up the ramp to the cockpit and sits down. Suddenly, she has a flashback. Images fly by rapidly. First, what looks like a younger version of herself stands on a beach. Second, an island with buildings on it and some kind of pipe system. Thirdly, she sees herself approaching a person wearing a dog hat on the beach. Fourthly, she imagines a map, with one large landmass and a path drawn to a distant island. Fifthly, she imagines herself piloting the ship. She approaches a large being with one broken eye. The ship is then shown crashing into the sea. Back in the present moment, Susan removes her hat and rubs the shaved side of her head.]
Princess Bubblegum: Hey. Looking for this?
[Susan sees Princess Bubblegum holding her cranial implant.]
Princess Bubblegum: I’ve been holding onto the remnants of your cranial implant since you kidnapped Finn and almost killed Jake. You remember that? I’m running a comparative mass spec test now.
[The apparatus Princess Bubblegum is holding dings.]
Princess Bubblegum: Yep. Looks like both your implant and the ship have the same technological origin. Human technology.
[Susan comes back down from the c*ckpit and puts her hat back on.]
BMO: Finished!
Princess Bubblegum: Looks like BMO’s finally downloaded the ship’s last commands.
[Text comes up on BMO’s monitor.]
BMO: Signal received. Proceed to extraction point. Return seeker XJ-7-7 and cargo to Founders Island, Home.
[The map from Susan’s flashback appears on screen.]
Princess Bubblegum: BMO, can you give us printouts?
BMO: Yes, okay. Printing.
[BMO prints three copies of the map.]
Princess Bubblegum: Hmm. Man, this island’s way far out there.
[Princess Bubblegum distributes the maps. Susan scratches her head.]
Susan: Susan needs to go back here. To this island. Not sure why. Susan having crazy week.
Princess Bubblegum: I don’t know, Susan. It’s so far. Even I don’t know what’s out there. It’s a pretty risky solo mission.
Finn: I’m going too. I mean, we gotta find out where this ship came from. There could be more of them. And, if this is human-made, then there might be other humans on that island. That’d be cool to see, right?
Jake: I’ll come too!
BMO: And so will we!
Princess Bubblegum: No, we won’t.
BMO: Oh.
Princess Bubblegum: Well, it sounds like you’re all determined. You should borrow my boat, though. This thing is trashed.
[She gestures towards the ship.]
Jake: We don’t need a boat! Have you forgotten? With a little imagination…
[He begins to sing as he stretches into a boat.]
Jake: ...I can be anything that you could ever...
[He returns to his normal shape.]
Jake: ...Oh, I lost focus. Hey, yeah, can we borrow your boat?
[Cut to the Tree Fort in the evening. Finn sits on top of the Tree Fort. He takes a sip from a mug.]
Finn: Are you up here, Fern?
[Fern emerges from the tree.]
Fern: Hey. Thanks for letting me crash on the roof.
[Finn hands him a mug.]
Fern: It’s nice up here.
Finn: Stay as long as you want. I came up here to ask a favor. I might be gone for a while on this trip, see, and I need someone to, uh, cover for me here in Ooo.
Fern: Are you sure? I mean, hero biz is your whole thing. And, whatever I am, I’m not you.
Finn: You can just do your own thing with it. Like, if some huge gross monster’s gonna do murder on a buncha innocents, uh, kill it! But kill it you-styles. Just don’t go nuts.
Fern: Okay, I can handle that.
[He extends and retracts his sword.]
Fern: Thanks for trusting me.
Finn: No, thank you, Fern. I better go pack.
[They perform an awkward series of high-fives, then speak simultaneously.]
Fern: Uh… We should figure out a better thing.
Finn: Let’s figure out something better.
[Cut to Charlie's house. Jake knocks on the door of Charlie’s house. Charlie answers in a heavily stained shirt.]
Charlie: Hey… Dad.
[Jake’s voice comes from his extended jowl.]
Jake: Charlie, hi. It’s me! It’s dad.
[The camera cuts back to reveal Jake’s main body is not there. Rather, he has extended his jowl to Charlie’s house.]
Jake: I have to go on a sea voyage, honey. I wanted to say bye.
Charlie: That’s cool. Hey, you can’t see this shirt, right? This shirt has like, four different breakfasts on it.
Jake: I can’t hear anything. Bye, love you! Mwah!
[Jake’s jowl kisses the door frame.]
Charlie: Mkay, dad. I’ll tell the other pups.
[Jake begins to retract his jowl.]
Jake: And, I’m telling the other pups!
[The shot follows Jake’s jowl and cuts to Lady Rainicorn’s house. Jake is shown to have extended his jowls in six different directions. He retracts them all back. Lady Rainicorn is standing behind him.]
Jake: Aw, I’m gonna miss you so much, lady.
Lady Rainicorn: 아우 너무 걱정하지 말고 그냥 가서 좋은 형님 노릇하고와. 그리고 올때 기념품이나 사오고. ("Don't worry too much, just go and be a good brother. And when I come, I'll buy souvenirs.")
[Jake kisses her.]
[Cut to the Tree Fort. Finn, Jake, and Fern walk away from the Tree Fort.]
Jake: Finn, did you bring your nail clippers?
Finn: Uh, I think so.
Jake: Cool, I forgot too.
[Finn pauses for a moment to take a look at the Tree Fort.]
Finn: Bye, treehouse!
[Inside, Neptr waves goodbye.]
Neptr: Goodbye, creator!
[Neptr roves around the tree house.]
Neptr: Now me and BMO can really cut loose.
[He waves around a piece of paper.]
Neptr: Look, BMO! I am pretending to trash a hotel room.
[There is silence.]
Neptr: BMO?
[Cut to the Beach. Princess Bubblegum and Marceline have come to see the group off. Finn sits on a log with them while Susan and Jake prepare their gear. As Susan tosses a duffel bag onto the boat, BMO can be heard faintly.]
BMO: Ouch.
Finn: Thanks for seeing us off, guys.
Princess Bubblegum: Yeah, of course. It’s my boat.
Marceline: And we care about him, you dingus! Come on! Sorry, Marcy is up past her bedtime.
Princess Bubblegum: No, it’s true.
[She puts her hand on Finn’s shoulder.]
Princess Bubblegum: I want you to be really careful out there.
Finn: Don’t worry. We’ve got Susan.
Princess Bubblegum: That’s not what I mean. Finn, I get the sense that this trip’s more important to you than you’re letting on. I mean, if you make it to that island, you might find out some pretty heavy stuff. About the humans and where you came from. About yourself. All I’m saying is, you have to promise me, promise me, that you’ll come home safe.
Finn: I-
Fern: Hi Bonnie!
[Fern pops up between them.]
Finn and Princess Bubblegum: Ah!
Fern: I’m Fern. I kind of already know you.
[They shake hands.]
Fern: I have a lot of fuzzy half-memories from when I was this guy.
[He looks at Finn.]
Finn: Well, just keep the ones where she’s our boss, and forget everything else.
Susan: Finn?
[They all look over to Susan, who approaches them. Marceline takes off her sunglasses.]
Marceline: Hey! Good morning.
Susan: Boat’s loaded, ready to go.
[Princess Bubblegum hugs Finn. Finn and Fern go for a high-five, but Fern accidentally slaps him.]
Fern: Ah! I flinched.
Finn: It’s cool.
[Cut to Finn and Jake in the boat as Susan pushes it out to sea.]
Finn: We’ll be back soon, I promise!
[He and Jake wave as Susan hops in the boat.]
Jake: Bye, kids! Don’t be naughty.
[Marceline, Princess Bubblegum, and Fern stand on the shore, waving.]
Princess Bubblegum: Bye! Good luck! He’ll be safe.
Marceline: [Looks at Fern] Hey, aren’t you that dude that totaled Starchy’s motorcycle?
[Cut back to the boat. It rocks in the waves as it begins to pick up speed. Finn takes one last look at Ooo before turning his gaze to the horizon. He takes off his hat and lets his hair flow freely. He holds his hat in one hand and a printed map in the other as they speed through the ocean.]

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "The Jiggler" from season 1, which aired on April 19, 2010.

Characters
Finn
Jake
The Jiggler
Mama Jiggler
Music
"Baby"
Locations
Candy Kingdom
Grass Lands
Tree Fort
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode starts with Finn and Jake walking away from an unknown, burning city]
Finn: [Singing] Baby!
Jake: Ooo!
Finn: [Singing] I know what you need.
Jake: What's that?
Finn: [Singing] You want your little baby socks, for your little baby feet.
Jake: Woo!
Finn: [Singing] Baby!
Jake: Yeah?
Finn: [Singing] I know what you crave.
Jake: Oh, yeah? What's that?
Finn: [Singing] You want to poop your pants all day long. Well, baby behave!
Jake: Hey, how can you sing like that, dude?
Finn: Remember when I swallowed that little computer?
Jake: Oh, yeah.
[Finn and Jake arrive at a small house and drop off fruits and a string of sausages at the doorstep]
Finn: Alright, Stanley. You and your family are safe... Again...
Jake: Seriously, Stanley. For a watermelon you get into trouble way more often than you should.
[Finn and Jake are walking across the Grass Lands and Jake is whistling]
[A creature rolls up behind them, whistling and knocks Jake off his feet]
Jake: W-whoa!
Finn: What the... Shmow-zow! Look at that!
Jake: That... is the most adorable thing I have ever seen. And he loves your baby song. Sing some more of it, dude.
Finn: Alright. [Singing] Baby! You lookin' so good. You lookin' like you might... want some baby food.
[The creature is dancing along to the song]
Jake: Keep it going, man! [Laughs]
Finn: [Singing] Baby! You lookin' so fine. You lookin' like you might... just start cryin'.
Jake: [Laughs] Yeah!
Finn: Dude! This guy... is a pal for life! It looks like he's got two jiggly bellies stuck together.
Jake: I've got that on my back. I call it my butt.
[The creature jiggles Jake's butt]
Jake: Whoa!
Finn: [Laughs] He's the Jiggler.
Finn: [Laughs] You are the best thing ever. Let's take the Jiggler back to the house and just stick him by our bed so we can wake up...
Finn & Jake: Next to a little dancing guy every morning!
[Finn, Jake and the Jiggler walk towards the Tree Fort]
Finn: [Singing] I gotta tuck you in, girl. I gotta sing you sweet melodies about babies. Yeah!
Jake: Little baby feet!
[The scene changes to inside the Tree Fort]
Finn: [Carrying the Jiggler on his back] Welcome to your new home. Feast your eyes on... everything!
Jiggler: [Whistles]
[Finn grunts and tears a toothbrush in half, vertically]
Jake: What are you doing?
Finn: Splitting my toothbrush in half, so he can use half.
Finn: [Handing half to the Jiggler] Here you go. It's for your teeth.
Finn: [Mimes brushing his teeth] Like this.
[The Jiggler swishes the toothbrush around the inside of its mouth]
Finn: Yeah! You got it.
Jake: Enough hygiene. [Putting a record into a phonograph] Let's get to it!
[Music plays and the Jiggler begins to dance while holding its toothbrush]
Finn: Yeah! Toothbrush dance. [Laughs] This is cool!
[They all start dancing together, Finn and Jake copying the Jiggler's moves]
[Jake breaks a table in half while dancing]
Finn: [Flipping the freezer over] Yeah!
[Finn and Jake break more objects while dancing and laughing]
[The scene cuts to night-time]
Finn: [Nodding his head] Dance... dance... [Yawn] dance... [Snapping upright] I'm not tired! How about you, Jake?
[Jake is sleeping on the floor]
Finn: [Grabbing the Jiggler and climbing the ladder] Maybe we should go upstairs.
Finn: [Placing the Jiggler in his bed] You can have the comfiest spot on the bed. Goodnight. [Whistles]
Jiggler: [Whistles]
[Finn blows out the candle and curls up on the end of his bed]
[The scene changes to morning, where Jake is making tea]
Finn: Mornin', Jake!
Jake: [Yawns] Mornin'.
Finn: Are you ready to get down? [Synthesizer voice] Let's get this party started!
Jake: [Laughs] Yeah, ok.
Finn: Where's the little guy?
Jake: [Pointing with his cup] Over there.
[The Jiggler is face-down on the back of a bench]
Finn: Hey, pal. You ready to cut loose? Wake and shake, buddy. Let's do this thing! [Whistles]
Jiggler: [Whistles pathetically]
Jake: Slam-a-cow! That fool looks rumped.
Finn: What do you mean?
Jake: Well, look at him. He's all limp... and weird.
Finn: Aww... I bet he just needs some breakfast after a night of extraordinary jiggling. Hey! Let's combine everything we can find in the kitchen... and have the Jiggler drink it! That'll wake him up! And then we can... Get [Synthesizer voice] doooowwwn!
Jiggler: [Whistles pathetically]
Jake: He doesn't want to drink that goop, man.
Finn: Then let's just give him some, uh... purple whatevers.
Jake: You mean the grapes?
Finn: Yeah. Whatever.
[Finn feeds the Jiggler a grape and the Jiggler swallows it]
Finn: Hey! I think he's diggin' it!
[The Jiggler's body contorts and it makes a strange humming noise]
Jake: That doesn't sound good.
[The Jiggler's body violently changes color and shape]
Finn & Jake: [Screaming]
[The Jiggler stops contorting and changing color]
Finn: Uhh...
Jake: [Looking at one of the Jiggler's holes as it leaks a pink juice] Uh, you think we... think we fed the wrong hole?
[Jake flips the Jiggler upside-down]
Finn: Nah. He just doesn't like purple whatevers. What we need to do is figure out what he likes to eat.
Finn: [Drawing pictures] Here, Jiggler. What kind of food do you like? Meat? Some banana? This looks like corn... I think. Uh... hot dog. Stanley the watermelon.
Finn: [Showing the drawings to the Jiggler] Look! Jake! He likes it!
[The Jiggler reaches up and pulls the drawings off of the paper]
Finn: [Gasp] Wow!
Jake: No way!
[The Jiggler slurps the drawings into its mouth and eats them]
Finn: His favorite food... is drawings! Awesome!
Jake: Holy fig, that's awesome! What food are you drawing now?
Finn: I'm drawing a picture of you.
Jake: [Distressed] Well, don't feed it me!
Finn: [Laughs and offers the drawing to the Jiggler] Come on. Eat him up, Jiggler!
[The Jiggler slurps the drawing off of the paper, but Jake pulls him away before he can eat it]
Jake: No!
[The drawing of Jake floats towards them]
Jake: [Running away with the Jiggler] Ahhh! Keep it away! Shoo! Shoo! [Screaming]
Finn: [Grabs the drawing] Alright. Alright. I got it. Calm down... I'll eat it. [Opening his mouth] Ahhhhh.
Jake: [Snatches the drawing away from Finn] Dude! You eating me is just as bad as the Jiggler eating me.
Finn: Well... You gonna eat yourself, tough guy?
Jake: Yes. If that is what must be done.
[Jake chews the drawing of himself and swallows]
Jake: I taste awesome.
Finn & Jake: [Laughing]
Finn: Ok. Alright. Now, let's get back to some jiggling!
Jake: I'll get the tunes!
[The Jiggler is shaking and whimpering]
[Finn and Jake are dancing]
Finn: Like this. Yeah! Woo! Come on Jiggler! wiggle and whistle!
Jake: Yeah, Jiggler. Go nuts! Go nuts like there's bugs on your butts!
[The Jiggler, looking sick, shakes its head and then pink juice spurts out of the hole on the top of its head and it collapses]
Jake: Whoa!
Finn: [Gasps] Jiggler?
Jake: What the heck? What's wrong with him?
Finn: Uh... There's nothing wrong with him. We just gotta plug up his holes.
[Finn sticks his finger into the hole that is gushing juice]
Finn: See? That worked. Ready to jiggle again, little guy?
[Juice gushes from a different hole]
Finn: Whoa!
Jake: Oh, man...
[Jake plugs up the hole that is leaking, but another hole starts to leak]
Finn: [Plugging the new hole with his finger] Quick! We gotta plug those holes!
[Jake walks away and juice gushes all over Finn]
Finn: Jake, hurry!
Jake: All I could find was your glass eye collection!
Finn: What about your eyepatch collection?
Jake: Aw, man. They're in mint condition.
Finn: Jake!
Jake: [Running over with glass eyes and eyepatches] Alright! Coming!
[Finn and Jake start plugging up the Jiggler's holes with glass eyes and eyepatches]
Jake: One... more... patch! [Sigh] Finished. Ugh. He looks terrible. Finn, I know you don't want to hear this, but I think we should cut our losses and bring this fella back to where we found him.
Finn: We can't just abandon him. Look at him, Jake. He needs us now more than ever. [To Jiggler] Just need to take better care of you from now on, right little guy?
[The Jiggler swells and then explodes, spraying pink juice everywhere]
Finn: Jiggler!
[The Jiggler's body stretches in every direction and drapes the inside of the Tree Fort like taffy]
Jake: Oh... Finn. Ok... Our pet exploded.
Finn: [Distressed screaming]
Jake: Maybe we can... scrape him up! And... eyuhh...
Finn: [Gasp] Oh, holy moly! Don't worry, Jiggler. We'll fix you. [Whistles]
[The Jiggler tries to whistle, but only makes raspberry noises]
Finn: Let's gather him up, Jake. He's all over the place... even between the floorboards!
Jake: And the cupboards!
Finn: And the galoshes!
Jake: I wonder... Where's his heinie?
[Jake looks over and sees the Jiggler's heinie on their phonograph]
Jake: Found it! Come here, you!
[The Jiggler's heinie jumps away and runs around]
Jake: Hey!
[Finn and Jake gather all of the Jiggler and bring him together]
Finn: Come on. Let's put him back together.
Jake: Ok.
Finn: Squeeze real hard. He's slipping!
[Finn and Jake hug with the Jiggler in between them]
Jake: Got him!
[The Jiggler gets pressed back into a globular mass]
Jake: Well, at least he's all in one piece.
[The Jiggler collapses]
Jake: Sheesh. You think he's dead?
Finn: No way! I won't let you die, guy! Not this time.
[Finn blows into various holes on the Jiggler's head and then kisses it]
Jake: Finn. Stop it, man. What are you doing?
Finn: I'm kissing him! What do you think? It's all I could think to do.
Jake: Just put him down.
[Finn lays him down and the Jiggler makes kissing motions with its lips]
[The Jiggler begins leaving many different colored kiss-marks on the floor]
Finn: He's kissing colors with his dying breath.
[The Jiggler has painted a picture with his colored kiss-marks]
Jake: I think he's trying to tell us something. Finn, this looks like it could be his Mama Jiggler
[The Jiggler crawls up to the image of its mother and hugs it, whistling]
Finn: We took this child away from its mama, Jake. We're kidnappers and murderers! I just wanted to have fun and jiggle!
Jake: Look... Chill out, ok? We can fix this. Check it out. [Pointing to a house in the background of the image] His mom looks like she's out by Stanley's house... where we found the Jiggler. If we get him back to her, she'll be able to fix him up!
Finn: [Picking up the Jiggler] Then there's no time to spare.
[The scene changes to the Grass Lands, near where they found the Jiggler]
Finn: [Holding the Jiggler] Shhh. Just hold on a little longer, buddy.
[There is a whistling sound in the distance]
Jake: Did you hear that? Whistling!
[Finn and Jake enter a cave]
Finn: Perpendicular! It's the mama!
[Mama Jiggler and several babies are sitting and splashing in a pool of pink juice, which is pouring out of Mama Jiggler's holes]
[The Jiggler stretches towards them and whistles pathetically]
Jake: Look! The little guy wants to go home!
Finn: [Setting the Jiggler down] Well. This is it, buddy.
Jake: [Waving] Be well.
[The Jiggler walks up to Mama Jiggler and she sniffs it; She goes into a rage, screeching and changing colors]
Finn: [Running to the Jiggler] Hey! Stop that!
[Finn fends off Mama Jiggler and carries the Jiggler to safety]
Finn: I don't understand. That crazy mama almost killed him.
Jake: He feels cold.
Finn: What are we supposed to do now, man? We can't bring him home, or he'll... or he'll...
[Finn tears up and the Jiggler deflates a little]
Finn: Dang it! Why doesn't she love him? I love him! [To Jake] You love him! It's not fair! [Running] Ahhhh!
Jake: Finn, wait!
[Finn runs at Mama Jiggler with the Jiggler in his arms, but she goes into a rage again and attacks him]
Finn: Mama's supposed to love baby! She's supposed to love baby!
Jake: Huh?
[Jake notices the other babies floating in the pool of pink juice]
Jake: [Sniffs the air and then himself] Oh, man!
Finn: It's yours, idiot!
[Finn jumps up on top of Mama Jiggler's head and holds the Jiggler up close to her face]
Finn: Don't you recognize your own baby?
Jake: [Stretches his arms, grabbing Finn and pulling him back] Finn! I figured it out, dude. It's the juice. The Jiggler needs to smell like its mama's juice. That's how wild animals know what’s going on... and this guy right here is all drained out. We gotta toss it in the soup, brother.
Finn: Alright. Ok. [To the Jiggler] I loved you, baby. I hope you know that.
Finn: [Tossing the Jiggler at Mama Jiggler] Word to your motheeeerrrrr!
[The Jiggler flies through the air and lands in the pool of juice; It now looks normal and begins to whistle]
[Mama Jiggler picks it up and sniffs it, then holds it against her cheek and they both whistle]
Finn & Jake: Awww...
Finn: I'll never kidnap again.
Jake: You said it! That was a nightmare.
[The episode ends]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "The Lich" from season 4, which aired on October 22, 2012.

Characters
The Lich (Billy)
Finn
Jake
Princess Bubblegum
Music
None
Locations
Candy Kingdom
Billy's Crack
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode begins in Billy's secret crack]
[Finn is laughing at something on TV, which continues for the duration of the dream]
[Screen zooms out to a wider view of Billy's crack. Billy and Billy's lady are kissing. The bear from "In Your Footsteps" is sitting among several sleeping dogs next to the Enchiridion, which is being approached by the Lich-possessed snail]
[Screen zooms in to Billy and Billy's lady kissing]
[The snail approaches the Enchiridion]
Bear: Dark times are coming.
[The Lich begins chanting a spell with the Enchiridion open while the old lady is riding the bear rodeo style]
[Finn is laughing at the Cosmic Owl, who is appearing on the computer screen screeching]
[Billy begins laughing, as he briefly transforms into the Lich and back]
Old Lady: You talk like justice, Billy, [in a taunting tone] but you can't kick a plaaaaaannnne.
[Billy frowns at her taunt, but then notices pages of the Enchiridion flying past his face as the Lich continues chanting his spell]
[Billy realizes what's going on. The view moves behind the Lich, as his snail shadow transforms into the shadow of the Lich's true form. The Lich then attacks Billy, stabbing him in his heart as Billy tries to run. The Lich's face rushes towards the viewer, screeching]
[Finn wakes up]
Finn: [startled] AHHHH!!!!! [falls off of his bed] Whoa!!!!!!!!
Jake: You alright, buddy? Another nightmare?
Finn: Yeah. That dang snail again, man... Muckin' it up again. But... there were other guys this time, too. The bear was there, and some dogs, and Billy's lady, and Billy... and Billy was real scared of somethin' fierce, man. Somethin' real fierce! ...And the Cosmic Owl was there, too—kinda—screechin' it up.
Jake: Whoa, the Cosmic Owl? What if that was a premonition dream, Finn?
Finn: You think?
Jake: Could be... We better go tell Billy about it just in case. He'll know what to do.
Finn: Dang... Whoa...
Jake: I dreamed I was in kindergarten again, but I had really big feet and was also the teacher.
[Finn looks as if words fail him]
Jake: Come on! We better hurry!
[Finn rides Jake, who is in the form of a car, to Billy's crack]
Finn: Hello? [Finn dismounts Jake, who takes his normal dog form] Billy?? [They both run further into Billy's crack where Billy is sleeping on top of his TV]
Jake: BILLY!!! WAKE UP!!!!
Billy: [Wakes up, clearly agitated] Huh!? WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU GUYS DOIN IN MY CRACK?! It's THREE O' CLOCK IN THE MORNING!
Finn: Oh, you know, just drop by to say hello... See what you been uhhhhhh [searching for words] up to? What Uhhhh...How are these days?
Jake: We came to see if you were dead!
Billy: What? Why would I be dead?!
Finn: Hehehehe... Yeah..... Stupid.... Um....? I had a dream about a bear, and an old lady, and a snail, and you were there, and the snail killed you... or something...
[Billy comes to a grave realization]
Billy: Was the Cosmic Owl there?
Finn: Uhhh... Yeah! On TV! Does that count?
Billy: Your dream is an ill omen of GRAVE significance.
[Billy lowers his hand, Finn and Jake step on; Billy raises Finn towards him]
Billy: Finn?
Finn: Yeah?
Billy: Are you ready to come with me on a mission to save all life from the Lich?
Finn: Yes.
[Billy, Finn, and Jake are on the outskirts of the Ice Kingdom ]
[Finn turns to Billy]
Finn: Wait... So... We have to snatch gems out of all the crowns of power?
Billy: That's right.
Jake: [Squinty-eyed] Cool!
Finn: Why do we have to snatch them? Can't we just ask them for 'em?
Billy: No time. The fate of the world hangs in the balance.
Finn: Oh yeah... I forgot.
[Montage follows, depicting exploits of snatching the gems of power. They steal the Ice King's gems first and graffiti his face. Finn offers Billy the gems, but Billy refuses and places them in Jake who creates a pouch to store the gems in. They then steal Engagement Ring Princess's gem, Emerald Princess's gem, Hot Dog Princess's gem, Embryo Princess's gem, and finally, they try to snatch Lumpy Space Princess's star.]
[Over LSP snoring]
Jake: You sure that's a gem?
Finn: I think so...
[Finn tries to take the gem out of LSP's forehead, but struggles]
Finn: [Visibly grossed out] So deep...
[Finn finally wrestles the gem out LSP's forehead]
Jake: Gross....
[They depart from LSP and stick the last gem in Jake's bag. Finn high fives Billy and they ride on. As they ride on, Finn looks at Billy as his [Billy] hair flows majestically in the wind. Finn takes off his hat so as to emulate Billy.]
[Finn, Jake, and Billy are now in a cave. They are all eating sandwiches while taking a break from their adventure]
[Jake moves the bag of gems from his head to his arm and transfers his face to the bag, shaking it]
Jake: Man, we got so many gems, it's crazy! Hey Billy, how many gems we still need to get? Two? One?
[Billy nods his head yes]
[Jake is visibly confused and frustrated]
Jake: Wait... Two? Or One?
[Billy holds up his finger, indicating they have one more gem remaining to procure]
Jake: Hmm...
Finn: [after munching on his sandwich] I want candy! [Climbs into Billy's sack] You got anything in the saddlebag?
[Billy is surprised and then angered, swatting Finn away]
Billy: GET OUT OF THERE!
[Finn lands on his back, with the Enchiridion in his hands]
Finn: The Enchiridion? How'd ya get this?!
Billy: I found it in the mouth of a bear.
Finn: A bear?
Billy: This book is REALLY important[Finn blushes in embarrassment, having given the book away previously to a wild animal] It has magical powers. Turn the little sword sideways.
[Finn turns the sword, and a secret door opens revealing slots to place the collected gems in]
Finn: [Pleasantly surprised] WHOA!
Jake: [The gems shake inside his bag] Ooooooohhhhhhh!
[The gems magically insert into the book, with Lumpy Space Princess's just falling aside, not having a slot to slip into. Once settled inside the slots, the gems produce lights that converge on each other at a single point above the book]
Billy: Exhibio Carnotum! [Show the Chart!]
[the orb of light at the center of the converging lights turns into a map of the multiverse]
Finn: Whoa!
Jake: Cool!
Finn: What is this this stuff?
Billy: Hold on!
[Billy concentrates and then produces a beam of light from the gem on the center of his face, which touches a symbol on the book, opening another secret door]
[A hologram of Booko appears]
Booko: [speaking very rapidly] Hello, my name is Booko! What you see here is a map of the multiverse! It shows all the known dimensions and the links between each of them. This is the dimension that contains the universe in which we currently reside.
Jake: Enhance!
[The hologram's view closes up on the location on the planet where the guys are from the outer reaches of the dimension, but the view begins to rapidly repeat closing in on their location multiple times, freaking Jake out]
Jake: Whoa... Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm...MAKE IT STOP!
[The projector ceases the close up]
Booko: [Clears throat; again, spoken very rapidly] Anyways, At the center of the multiverse is a dimension called the Time Room, believed to be the quasi-corporeal dwelling place of the almighty Prismo. The Time Room is the single dimension that exists outside of time. The Time Room produces time waves that are experienced by other dimensions. Some dimensions have permanent links that allow travel to and from. Others become linked temporarily by naturally forming Worm Holes. And others can become linked artificially by magical portals, torn open by items of great power. Once the last gem is inserted into the Enchiridion it will have the power to create a portal to any dimension in the multiverse. An activated portal creates a time dilation in which either end of the portal experiences a temporal synchronization allowing for the safe passage of particles [Deep breath] through a non-local region of space-time.
[Billy taps Finn on the shoulders]
Billy: I'm going to push the Lich in there [pointing to the projection of the portal.]
Finn: Whoa... Cool!
Jake: Let's go get that gem!
Finn: Yeah!
[Billy stares ominously at Finn and Jake]
[Scene shifts to Princess Bubblegum's castle, in PB's room where she is doing experiments on little candy people, snipping off their appendages and placing them back on in different ways]
Little Candy Person: Hi!
[Finn and Jake can be seen through the window climbing the castle to the roof]
[Finn and Jake crash through the roof, surprising Princess Bubblegum]
Princess Bubblegum: AHHHHH!!!! WHO'S THERE?!
Finn: [Coughs, approaches PB on his knees and clings to PB, acting desperate] Princess! Princess! I need the gem from your crown!
Princess Bubblegum: WHAT THE JUNK?! NO!
[Finn tries to take it anyways]
Princess Bubblegum: What the? UGH! GET OFF! [Finn uses even more force to try and take the gem] GET...OFF OF...ME! [Accidentally cuts Finn with the scissors in her hands; Finn is repulsed, but PB's crown is thrown off her head]
Finn: [In pain] OOOOOWWWWW!!!!! [Falls on his behind; he feels the cut on his cheek and hisses at PB]
Princess Bubblegum: [Stares at the scissors, realizing what she did] That was an accident.
[Finn steals the gem, and Jake lifts him out of the castle through the hole in the ceiling]
Princess Bubblegum: [Pleading] FINN, STOP! [frustrated, she lets out a groan and chases after Finn]
[Finn and Jake are fleeing the premises of the Candy Kingdom. Finn reaches for the stolen gem and places it in the center slot of The Enchiridion. The trap door closes, and lights begin to emit from the book. The skull on the book chants some gibberish and explodes. The birds on the book fly away, as the sword cuts the book into two. The book is then encased in a rock-like substance]
[Finn gasps at what he just witnessed]
[Billy is waiting by the Candy Forest]
Billy: [gesturing for Finn and Jake to reach him] HURRY!!!
[The gates to the Candy Kingdom open, and Princess Bubblegum runs outside]
Princess Bubblegum: FINN! STOP!!! That's not Billy! IT'S THE LICH!!!
[Finn turns his head]
Finn: HUH?
[A Gumball Guardian emerges from behind the castle]
Gumball Guardian: LICH ALERT! LICH ALERT!
[The Gumball Guardian blasts a laser beam at Billy, striking Billy in the face]
Finn: [In distress] BILLY!!!!!! [Rushes towards Billy]
[The Smoke clears, and half of Billy's face has been ripped off by the blast, exposing The Lich behind the mask]
[The Lich is on his knees, and stares at Finn, attempting to gain control of Finn's mind again]
[The background blacks out, and it's just Finn and The Lich together]
Finn: Ba.... Billy?
[The Lich crawls towards Finn]
The Lich: The book, Finn! Give me the book! [reaches his arm out to receive The Enchiridion]
[Finn gasps in shock, coming to the horrible realization of what has just happened]
The Lich: Quickly, child! We're running out of time!
Finn: [slowly walking backwards as the Lich crawls towards him] Lich! You... You messed Billy up! You just wanna mess me all up! Mess everyone up! You tricked me!
The Lich: No child! It's all true! The book has great power! I can make you live... Forever! Anything you want! Just give me that BOOK! [Dives towards Finn, who leaps over him] Grrrrrr....
Finn: Oh no no no no no no no NO MORE TRICKS! YOU'LL NEVER GET THIS BOOK! [Smashes the Enchiridion over his knees]
The Lich: NOOOOO!!! [slight echo]
[Finn continues to smash The Enchiridion over his knee until it finally shatters; The Lich smirks, as if he got Finn to do exactly what he wanted. The book shatters, and a portal appears. The Lich begins cackling]
Finn: Uhhhhh....
[The Lich continues laughing]
Princess Bubblegum: Oh NO!!! Finn! WHAT DID YOU DO?!
Finn: [Coming to again] Huh.... What?
[The Lich gets on his feet and approaches the portal]
The Lich: Thanks Finn! I couldn't have done it without you!
Princess Bubblegum: JAKE, STOP HIM! DON'T LET HIM THROUGH THAT PORTAL!
[Jake stretches towards the Lich and grabs a hold of him]
The Lich: NGH! GET OFF! [Kicks Jake aside] Eh... [walks through the portal]
Princess Bubblegum: [Walks towards Jake] HANG ON, JAKE!!!
[Jake is slowly dragged through the portal, struggling to resist] UH OH! WHAT NOW, PRINCESS? EEEEEE!!! AAAAHHHH!
[Finn dashes behind Jake]
Finn: HOLD ON JAKE!!! [Grabs Jake from behind] YAH!!!
[Finn and Jake are dragged through the portal; The portal closes, and the gems fall to the ground]
[Everything blacks out, then the scene cuts to a farmhouse. Finn, who looks eerily like the Finn that appeared in the mirror in "King Worm" is sitting on a tree stump. He is playing the flute, as Jake, who is now a normal dog, is sleeping at Finn's feet; Jake wakes up and howls]
Finn's mom: Finn! [Finn looks towards the window, where his mother is calling him] Finn! Will you come here please? Hurry! It's VERY Important!
Finn: Coming Mom! [Talking to Jake] Man, she seems steamed! Guess I done donked something up yet again... Come on, Jake.

[They walk back to the house from the stump they were sitting at, dash to get in the house, and then the episode ends]

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "The Light Cloud" from season 8, which aired on Februray 2, 2017.

Characters
Susan Strong (character)
Frieda
Dr.Gross
Music
None
Locations
Unavailable
This transcript is complete, needs formatting.


Transcript

Finn:I'm leaving the island.

I'm leaving my mom.

What a wild adventure, yellow stretching dog.

You said it, beautiful baby boy.

[ Rumbling ]Huh? Huh?


The guardian!

Oh, no!

We never should've left the island!

Now we die!


Minerva: See? You die.

By my calculations, you stand a 0.00001% chance

of making it past the guardian.

Can't you just turn him off?

He's here for our protection.

If we were tough enough to make it past him,

we wouldn't need him!

But...

But none of that matters,

because you can stay safe right here with me!

Minerva bot, hug my son again.

Mom, listen, I'm so happy I finally got to meet you

But I have to get back to my life eventually.

Did you see the simulation? You'd die!

Let's watch it again.

[ Tape rewinding ]

♪♪

[ Indistinct conversations, laughter ]

[ Bells jingle ]

Be right with you.

Excuse me. Where's the soup?

Ugh.

I told you yesterday ‐‐We are a toy store.

We don't sell sou‐‐Wooh?


Hi, Frieda.

Kara.What are you doing here?

Hope you didn't cometo get the soup!

I, um, I wanted to apologizefor everything.

You knew there was more to lifethan just the islands,

and I ‐‐I didn't believe you.

I know you can't ever forgive me,

but I am truly sorry.

Don't sweat it.

Awkward feelings averted.

Let's have some soup!

And who's this little electronic cutie?

What happened to you?

I grew up, and I learned to accept the Founders' truth.

Frieda.


The outside world's really cool.

I have cool friends.

Yeah!

I live in a cool tree house.

Yeah!

I go on cool quests.Yeah!

That sounds dangerous!

No!

But people need danger in order to grow.

How will y'all survive when you leave the island?

Leaving the island would destroy us.

Besides, why would they want to leave?

We have everything you could need.

You hungry?

[ Snaps fingers ]Always.

Minerva bot, please show him today’s specials.


Minerva bot: Happy home burgers with choco fries

and our famous cozy banana split blankie.

Gimme all them specials in one bowl.


[ Munching loudly ]

Jake!

I'm so glad you like it.

[ Munching continues ]

If you're not gonna hear what I'm saying,

then look inside my head!

Danger zone!

[ Zap ]

♪♪


Finn!

I'm okay.

Sweet remembrances, bro.

Your world seems so chaotic.

Your ruler's a piece of gum, your friend's a vampire,

you dated a bit of fire.

Your life is constantly in danger!

It's my home. It's where I belong.

As your mother, I think you belong somewhere safe.

It's not your responsibility to fight monsters all the time.

Let the grass kid do it ‐‐or the vampire girl.

Minerva bot 5, ready the cloud chamber.


Now, be a good boy and get into this machine

so it can juice up your precious essence.

[ Gasps ]

Pftttt!

[ Munching ]

[ Sighs ]

Mom, not only am I not getting juiced,

I'm gonna leave this place and take everyone to freedom!

Okay, sweetie, but I think you'll find

everyone's pretty happy here.

It's true. I'm really, really happy here.

Don't you rememberyour dreams of exploration?


If I remember, I might get...angry.

You should be angry ‐‐at me.

Nah. I'm over it.

[ Indistinct conversations ]Finn: Hey, everyone!

Uh, excuse me.

[ High‐pitched scream ]

[ Conversations stop ]

I know y'all like living on this tiny island

'cause it's safe and chill,

but you don't have to live like this.


[ Crowd murmuring ]

Wait!

You thinkthe outside world is scary?

Well, you know what’s really scary?

Bees!

Germs!

Frogs!

Crowds!

Ngyuhhh!

No.

Letting fear make all your decisions for you.

[ Crowd murmuring ]

You! Do you know you have free will?

Is ‐‐ Is thatwhat you're selling?


You got to ‐‐How do you even ‐‐ Ugh!

Finn: How do you even know if you're happy

if someone else decidedfor you?

Follow me!

Don't you want to be able to choose what you do?

And where you go?

Crowd: Sounds hard.

Yeah, but it's also fun.

And boring. And good and bad.

Life's never just one thing.

Yeah.

We got freedom smushed up inside our guts.

We want to explore and have experiences

and learn new things.

Kingdoms made of candy, beautiful dragons,

fire‐breathing princesses, incredibly sad wizards ‐‐

It's all waiting for you across the ocean.

So misguided.

Hey, this guy is great!

What are we hanging around here for?

[ Crowd murmuring ]What?!

I did want to leave the island when I was younger, but ‐‐

You can leave now. Just come with me.

[ Crowd cheering ]They're actually listening to him.

All aboard!

[ Cheering continues ]

[ Feedback ]Patch me into all Minerva bots.

Attention!

For your protection, the entire population of the islands

will now be uploaded.


Once the field has reached peak saturation,

Doom! Rrrr! Vroom!the brain maps of every citizen will be simultaneously

and preserved in the island chain brain frame.

Say good bye to your meat bodies!

[ Crowd whimpering ]

Mom!

[ Whimpering continues ]


Stop!

Hey! There's my boy!

Your cloud is freaking us all out!

Sweetie, you forced my hand.

This is the only wayI can protect you.


You're only doing this because I said I wouldn't stay.

So I'll stay.

Just promise to stop messing with people.

I'm helping people.

I know about helping people.


[ Zap ]

♪♪


Finn, you ‐‐ you grew upto be a helper, too?


If your world taught you to behave like that,

maybe it's not all bad.

[ All screaming ]


Vroom! Vroom![ Imitates tires screeching ]

Perhaps I acted rashly.

I just didn't want to lose you again.

But I'll do everything I can to help you leave this island.


I don't have to leave...right away.

I mean...you're my mom.


[ Crowd murmuring ]

Ahoy!

Now boarding the historic voyage of the humans

back to the land of Ooo!


Oh, you mean right now?

I thought you meant, like, in a while.

I've still got some things to finish up.

We should definitely keep in touch, though.

[ Crowd murmuring ]

You can't teach a fish to dance overnight, son.

Well, as long as they got the option.

Ready, Frieda?

Ready.

[ Boat horn blows ]

Finn:I'm leaving the island.

I'm leaving my mom.

What a wild adventure, yellow stretching dog.

You said it, beautiful baby boy.

[ Rumbling ]Huh? Huh?


Oh, yeah.


Frieda: Psych!


Ha ha! That's right!

You got fooled by Frieda!


Hey, buddy.


Aaah!


Yaaaaaah...

Aaaaaah...

...aaaaaah!

Huh?


Patching her in now.


Guardian, you have done just a terrific job,

but it's time to stand down.


[ Boat horn blows ]

When do I fire the torpedoes?


Kara, you ready to go?

Actually, I think we're headed in a different direction.

Time for new memories.


So, where are we going, Kara?

I've been thinking ‐‐

I kind of like "Susan" better.

Okay, Susan.


Hmm. Homey.

It was.


Take care of yourself in Ooo.

Be careful when you're eating blueberries.

Too many can hurt your tummy.


Your ship is moving out of range.

Is this...really you?

Once you uploaded your brain and stuff, like,

are you still the same person?

I don't know for sure, but I feel like it's me.

I hope that's enough.


Goodbye.

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "The Limit" from season 2, which aired on April 11, 2011.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Hot Dog Princess
Hot Dog KnightsGolem
Aquandrius
Music
"Sing 'Cause Yo Mama Said"
Locations
Hot Dog Kingdom
Labyrinth
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The scene opens to the Hot Dog Kingdom, where Finn and Jake stare at the stars while two Hot Dog Knights play in the mud besides Hot Dog Princess.]
Jake:  [pointing] Dude! Shooting star! Make a wish!
[A small glowing orb hovers slowly towards Finn and Jake.]
Finn: [chuckles] That's not a shooting star. [Finn grabs the orb from the air.] It's just a firefly.
[Finn kisses the firefly, leaving a glowing stain around his mouth, and releases it.]
Finn: What are you gonna wish for dude?
Jake: Oh, you know. That something special only two bros can share.
Finn:  [excited] I think I'm wishing for the same thing!
Jake: You mean the...
Finn and Jake: Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant!
[They imagine themselves riding said War Elephant, which hovers, spins and shoot lasers out of its trunks.]
Jake: Oh, man I wanna ride it so bad!
Finn: How do you even control those things?
Jake: You can't control it dude. You have to let it give you control.
Finn: Oh wow!
[A firework flies up in the distance, Finn and Jake notice it.]
Jake: Start wishin'!
[The firework explodes, spelling out B.U.T.T. in the sky.]
Finn:  What the...
Hot Dog Princess:  [gasps] That's a distress flare from my other Hot Dog Knights. I sent them to rescue my other other Hot Dog Knights who got trapped in a labyrinth! Their message says... "Baby... us... trouble... time...." They must be in grave danger! [whispering] Hot Dog Knights are slow
[Finn, Jake and Hot Dog Princess looks towards the two Hot Dog Knights, who are playing in the mud guffawing dumbly.]
Finn: Don't worry, princess. Jake and I are on it.
[The scene changes to Finn and Jake standing on a hill, overlooking the labyrinth. The labyrinth is huge, its walls adorned with eyes.]
Finn: Whoa! Fudge, man! This place is yoga balls huge
Jake:  [chuckles] Yoga balls aren't that really huge, dude.
Finn: Hey, man, I can't analyze everything that comes out of my mouth.
[They approach the entrance to the labyrinth.]
Jake:  [whispering] Should we like, try to cheat and stretch over the walls?
Finn: Nah, man. Look.
[Finn points to a sign which text changes from mathematical equations to a warning saying "NO CHEATING OR YOU DIE."]
Jake: Okay, well... then... I'll just hook my legs around this stump and stretch us through so we don't get lost. Like this, see? [Jake wraps his hind legs around the stump and starts walking with his front legs.]
Finn: [laughing] You're a cool guy, Jake. 
Jake: Thank you.
[They enter the labyrinth, Jake stretching his body as Finn walks.]
Finn: Man, there're so many passage ways and stuff. It'll take us forever to find those Hot Dog Kni-iights?
[The four Hot Dog Knights are right in front of them. The knights see the adventurers and scream, run around and all fall over.]
Hot Dog Knight #1: [pleading] Don't eat me, man!
Jake: Nah, we're here to save you, guy!
Hot Dog Knight #2: [sighing] Oh, thank the stars. We were lost!
Hot Dog Knight #3: How didn't you guys get lost?
Finn: We're just gonna follow Jake's body back.
[The Hot Dog Knights cheer. "Whoa!" "Far out!" "Look at that!"]
Hot Dog Knight #1: At the centre of the maze, there's a magic creature that grants wishes.
Finn: Wishes? [To Jake] Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Finn and Jake: Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant!
Jake: This is our chance!
Hot Dog Knights: Hot dog!
Jake:  [slides under the Hot Dog Knights and picks them up.] Hold on boys, we're gonna get us some wishes!
[The Hot Dog Knights cheer.]
Jake: Choo-choo. [Jake stretches around a bend while Finn looks on.]
[The scene cuts to Finn and Jake, with the Hot Dog Knights, traversing the labyrinth. On the other sides of the walls, creatures made of ice and snakes are present. Finn and Jake sing "Sing 'Cause Yo Mama Said."]
Finn:  [looking at Jakes stretched figure worriedly.] Dang, Jake. Your body's getting thin!
Jake: Yeah, I got a nice bod!
Finn:  Yeah, but now... [hesitating] not so nice.
Jake: Okay, well you can take your weird body issues and tuck them somewhere private. Where I can take my healthy body issues... and [Jake gasps as a mud golem appears before them.] FIGHT A GOLEM!
[The golem punches at the adventurers. Jake dodges, flinging the Hot Dog Knights of his body, and Finn is knocked over.]
Golem: TRESPASSERS! 
[Finn covers the golem's eyes with his shirt.]
Finn: Wrap 'im up, Jake!
Jake: I'm on it! [Jake entangles the golem's body, but begins to struggle.]
Jake: [straining] Stop flexing. I can't... stretch.... any more.
Hot Dog Knight #2: [encouraging] You can do it, Jake! Stretch stretch stretch! Wrap him up more!
[Jake, empowered by the encouragement, stretches fully around the golem.]
Jake:  Come on baby.
[Jake strains in agony as he pulls his body, toppling the golem. The Hot Dog Knights cheer as Jake stretches over to Finn, exhausted.]
Jake: [exhausted] Golem... taken care of... dudes.
Hot Dog Knight #1: Jake, you're amazing.
[The Hot Dog Knights cheer and jump on Jake's back.]
Finn: Jake, you need to take it easy on the stretching, man.
Hot Dog Knight #2: Wha... n-no Jake, you can keep going, man. Right guys? Come on, Jake, you can go!
Hot Dog Knights: Jake! Jake! Jake!
Jake: [still exhausted] Hehe. [sighs] Alright. Come on, Finn. The stretching train is leaving the station. Choo-choo.
[Jake stretches past Finn while he thinks to himself worriedly. The scene changes to them running through the labyrinth's passages. Jake is still struggling.]
Jake: Just gotta keep stretchin'.
Finn: Uh, yeah. [Finn hears something.] Wait! Stop, Jake. Ya hear that?
Jake: No.
Finn: This place is weirding me out. Keep your eyes open for traps and junk.
Jake: Whoa! Check that out!
[Jake points to his stretched body before them, showing that they have gone in a circle.]
Finn: Oh, snap! That's you dude.
Jake: Hmm.
Finn:  [Finn pokes Jake's body.] Boop.
Jake: Hey, man. Watch it. I think that's my nerp, but like super stretched out.
Finn: [still poking Jake's 'nerp'.] Boop boop. Boop boop boop boop boop.
Jake:  [laughing] Stop man!
[Jake continues laughing as a sinister looking scorpion lands on his 'nerp' and viciously stabs him with its stinger.]
Jake:  [shocked] NERP!
[Jake punches the scorpion as many more fall out of three holes in the labyrinth wall. The scorpions start stinging the Hot Dog Knights.]
Finn: Oh my Grob! [while being stung]
Hot Dog Knight #1: [while being stung] It's okay, hot dogs are immune to poison.
[More scorpions pour from the holes.]
Finn: Sick!
Jake: I got it! [Jake enlarges his hands, catching the falling scorpions and pushing them into the holes, which he blocks with a portion of his body. From within the whole the scorpions repeatedly sting Jake.]
Jake: Owowowowowowowowow.
Hot Dog Knights: Jake! Jake! Jake!
Jake: [coughing] I'm good, man. It's the small scorpions you gotta worry about. Or is that just with snakes? [rumbling] Oop, nope, wait, poison's kickin' in. [groans in pain]
Hot Dog Knights: No Jake no!
Hot Dog Knight #4: Work through the pain! Let's get wishes!
Hot Dog Knights: Wishes!
Jake: [groaning] Alright, you guys, hop on! [Jakes grabs the knights and puts them on his head.] Let's do it.
Finn:  [worried] I don't think this is a good idea, man.
Jake:  [reassuring] I'm fine, brother. We'll have that war elephant in no time!
Finn: Ah, uh, okay...
[The scene changes to a montage of Finn, Jake and the Hot Dog Knights accomplishing tasks in the maze, in some places Jake stretching his body unnecessarily. At the end they come through a door.]
Finn:  [awed] Woah! [The adventurers look up at a giant statue holding a sliding puzzle. Finn looks at the puzzle.] Hmm, looks like the final puzzle. You think you can stretch up there, buddy.
[Jake is heavily stretched, his eyes almost popping out of their sockets.]
Jake:  [raspy whisper] Yes.
Finn:  [shocked] Whoa! Jake, you okay?!
Jake: Huh, yeah, I just... can't close my eyes... lids... too tight.
Finn:  [demanding] Okay, dude this is too far! No more maze, we're going home.
Jake: Yeah... I'm feeling a little thin.
Hot Dog Knights: No! Don't stop! Keep stretching!
Hot Dog Knight #2: You stretch good!
Hot Dog Knights: Jake! Jake! Jake! Woohoo!
Jake: Ah, alright.
Finn: Jake, no! You're gonna get hurt.
[The Hot Dog Knights keep cheering for Jake to go.]
Jake:  [stretching towards the puzzle] I'm goin' for it!
Finn:  Jake, no!
[Jake, groaning in agony, solves the sliding puzzle, which turns out to be a cat.]
Jake: [grunts] Done!
[A door in the statues groin area opens, revealing a podium with an orange glowing orb above.]
Finn: That must be the wishes!
[Hot Dog Knights 1, 3 and 4 cheer as the second looks at the sliding puzzle.]
Hot Dog Knight #2:  [mesmerized] Kitty!
[As Jake stretches down, the second Hot Dog Knight leaps a top the sliding puzzle.
Finn: You did it, man. No we can go wish for a...
Finn and Jake:  [while fist bumping] Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant.
[They go through the door, leavind the second Hot Dog Knight.]
Jake: [while getting thinner] Gotta move carefully. My internal organs are super stretched, I'm paper thin!
Hot Dog Knight #2: [sighing] I love kitties!
[The Hot Dog Knight jumps up and down on the sliding puzzle, causing it to fall and shatter. The statue's mouth flashes as the door begins to close. The adventurers through the door turn in confusion.]
Hot Dog Knight #2: I am sorry!
[The door closes on Jake's incredibly thin body, crushing it. He falls in intense agony.]
Jake: Ow! Ooh!
Finn: [screaming in shock] JAKE! [He raises Jake's head.]
Jake: My insides are all mashes up!
Finn: I knew we should have turned back!
Jake: You were right. I pushed myself too far. I'll never fall victim to peer pressure again!
Hot Dog Knight #4: No! Jake! Jake! Jake!
Jake: Actually, I'll do anything you guys want if you say my name three times. [Jake lies back in agony.]
Finn: Just hang tight, buddy. I'll use my wish to save you.
Aquandrius: Congratulations, warriors. [Aquandrius, a muddy serpent, appears at the podium.] Step forward, and take your wishes.
Hot Dog Knight #1: [excited] Ah! I'm gonna wish for a hat! Woohoo.
[The Hot Dog Knight charges forwards excitedly, steps on a pressure plate and is splattered to pieces by a cannon ball.]
[Finn and the remaining two Hot Dog Knights gasp and scream in shock.]
Aquandrius:  Who's next?
Hot Dog Knight #3:  Nuh-uh, that floor got traps! Jake should stretch us across
Hot Dog Knight #4: Jake! Jake! Jake!
Jake: Here we go! [coughs] Ooh.
Finn:  [adamant] No! Jake is all jacked up.
Hot Dog Knight #3: Then how else can we get wishes?!
[Finn looks around for inspiration, and then to Jake, who groans.]
Finn: Jake! Get up and carry us across!
Jake: But I'm too weak!
[Finn and the Hot Dog Knights begins chanting Jake's name. He shouts in determination and wraps his thin arms around Finn, who holds the knights, stretching them over the pressure plates to the podium. Finn shouts his name one last time.]
Jake: Yeaargh! That's it, I'm dead. [He drops Finn and collapses, he is now thinner than Finn's arm.]
Finn: Jake! Stay with me, man!
Jake: Nah.
Finn: But we did it, okay! I can wish you out of here, man!
Aquandrius: Oh yes, now you may each receive your wishes. For real! [The orb glows, sending out four smaller orbs towards the adventurers.] But be warned. There are no do overs!
Finn: Okay, [To Hot Dog Knights] So you guys should wish to get your buddies back, right?
Hot Dog Knight #4: I wish for a box! [His orb disappears and a cardboard box appears next to him.] Sweet!
Hot Dog Knight #3: And I wish to blow up! I mean like get big! [He explodes, and his orb disappears.]
Finn: Wow, you guys are really stupid.
Hot Dog Knight #4: [settling into his new box] What do you mean?
Aquandrius: [to Jake] Dog, you're next! What do you wish?
Jake: Huh?
Finn: Jake! Wish for the Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant! Then I'll wish to save you!
Jake: Right. So hard to think on an empty stomach. I wish I wasn't so hungry. [Jake's orb disappears and a sandwich appears on top of him. He takes a bite.]
Finn: You wasted your wish, man!
Jake: I know. You should wish for the Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant. It's what we wanted.
Finn: That's crazy, man! I gotta save your life.
Jake: Do it... for... me!
Finn: I... wish... for... the Ancient PSYCHIC TANDEM WAR ELEPHANT!
Jake: Yes!
Aquandrius: Your wish is granted.
[Finn's orb transforms into the elephant, Finn gasps as it spins, trumpets and shoots lasers around.]
Jake: It has to give you control! Remember!
Finn: I'm on it. [He leaps onto the elephant's leg and climbs up to its eye.] Rah! [speaking telepathically] Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant. HEAR ME!
[The elephant's pupils contract.]
Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant: [telepathically] Finn the Human! Are you worthy to command me? 
Finn:  [telepathically] You know I am, because you're psychic! [speaking] Now wish for my friends to be healed!
Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant: [speaking] I wish... for what Finn... desires.
[Jake and the four Hot Dog Knights appear on the elephants back.]
Jake: Yeah, boyyy!
Aquandrius: No! You weren't supposed to have your wishes come true! [angrily] You were supposed to die!
Finn: Now, bust us outta here!
[The elephant flies away, leaving Aquandrius in his defeat.]
Aquandrius: No! 
Finn: Yeah, boyyy!
[Finn and Jake chuckles as they all travel into the moonlight. The episode ends.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "The Monster" from season 3, which aired on August 15, 2011.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Fat Villagers
Lumpy Space Princess
Music
We're Finn and Jake
Locations
A village
The woods
Lumpy Space
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode begins outside the Tree Fort, where Finn, Jake, and BMO are relaxing. Finn presses a button on BMO, and Finn and Jake sing "We're Finn and Jake."]
Lumpy Space Messenger: Sir! My sir! A message from their majesties. [activates hologram]
Finn & Jake: King and Queen Lumpy Space!
Lumpy Space Queen: [crying] We can't find our baby girl!
Lumpy Space King: [crying] She's been missing for days!
Finn: Whoa, stop your crying, you two. We'll help you find your daughter. We'll find her using Jake's muscles. [whispers to Jake] Dude, show off your muscles!
[Jake makes his right arm muscular.]
Finn: Whoo!
Lumpy Space King: [to queen] No more tears, Boobly-Bear. [to Finn] Please, take her these sandwiches we made. She loves these sandwiches. Thank you, boys.
Finn: Whoo!
[Scene changes to Finn and Jake walking through a forest with the basket of sandwiches.]
Finn: Dude, I know where Lumpy Space Princess is. She's in the woods eating beans.
Jake: Mmhmm! This is gonna be easy as... uh... mm...
Finn: Easy as childbirth!
Jake: Yeah, okay.
[They stop at the base of a tree and look around. A little person holding a sock falls out of the tree.]
Fat Villager: Please, please help me. A monster is terrorizing our village and has eaten up all the crops.
Finn: Why were you up here in this tree?
Fat Villager: I thought I saw some food, and I was hiding from the monster. [groans] You must help. [eats sock]
Finn: Hmm. I guess we can help this guy real quick and then get back to LSP.
Jake: Where's your village?
Fat Villager: Umm, I don't remember.
[Another Fat Villager falls from a tree.]
Fat Villager: Howard remembers. Hey! It's Howard! Howard! You remember where the village is?
Howard: Yeah, I marked it on the map, but [sighs] it's only half.
[Another Fat Villager falls from a tree, holding the other half of the map. Howard runs over to the villager and joins his half to the other's.]
Howard: Well, we're all ready.
Fat Villager #2: We can't leave yet.
[Yet another Fat Villager falls from a tree, followed by a much smaller Fat Villager.]
Fat Villagers: Aw.
[An even smaller Fat Villager falls from the same tree on top of the small Fat Villager. It then takes a very tiny villager out from underneath its shirt.]
Howard: Alright, now we're ready.
Fat Villager #3: What's in the basket?
Jake: Sammiches!
Fat Villagers: Food! Food! [reach for the basket]
Finn: Wait! You can't eat this food! It's not ours to give!
Fat Villagers: Aw.
Finn: Now, show us the way to your town.
Fat Villager #4: Too tired from hunger. Carry me?
Finn: [sighs] Okay. [picks up villager]
Fat Villagers: [cheer]
[Scene changes to the village.]
Fat Villager #1: The monster lives in that windmill, but we're too scared to go near it.
Finn & Jake: [dropping villagers] Nothing scares us!
[Finn and Jake walk up the windmill. Finn picks up a dagger off the ground.]
Jake: Be alert. Anything could pop out of there and rip our faces off. [makes arm muscular]
Finn: Whoo. [opens door and walks in]
Jake: Be careful, Finn.
[Finn, dagger drawn, walks toward a bed and pulls back the cover, revealing Lumpy Space Princess.]
Finn & Lumpy Space Princess: [scream]
Finn: It's you!
Lumpy Space Princess: Finn, what the junk?
Jake: It's you!
Lumpy Space Princess: Oh, sandwiches! [takes basket from Jake]
Jake: LSP, what the heck are you doin' here?
Finn: Are you in here making out with the monster?
Lumpy Space Princess: [stops eating sandwich] No... I am the monster.
Jake: Whaaaaat?
Lumpy Space Princess: It's a long story.
[The three pull up some boxes to sit on as a flashback begins.]
Lumpy Space Princess [voice-over]: It all started at my lumpin' parents' house.
Lumpy Space King: Daughter?
Lumpy Space Princess: Yeah?
Lumpy Space Queen: How are the sandwiches?
Lumpy Space Princess: They're lumpin' delicious, Mom.
Lumpy Space King: You know, you could enjoy your mom's sandwiches every day if you came back more often.
Lumpy Space Princess: No. You can have them delivered to me at my apartment.
Lumpy Space Queen: We want you to move back home, sweetheart.
Lumpy Space Princess: What?! [throws plate of sandwiches away] You invited me here under false pretenses?! [storms out]
Lumpy Space King: Wait, sweetheart. We're just worried about you.
Lumpy Space Princess: Ha! Y'all don't think I can make it on my own? I'll show you! I'm running away!
Lumpy Space Princess [voice-over]: I stormed out and left Lumpy Space forever.
[Flashback ends.]
Jake: Oh, and then you found this windmill.
Lumpy Space Princess: [mouth full of sandwich] No. Something else happened first. Keep listening.
[Flashback resumes.]
Lumpy Space Princess [voice-over]: I was so cold, and I was so very hungry.
[Lumpy Space Princess wanders through a forest and peels the bark off a tree. She eats it but immediately throws up. Thunder rumbles, and it starts raining.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Uh! Oh, Glob! Maybe I can... make a shelter out of these nuts!
[She assembles some acorns into a small igloo-like structure, but once she gets inside, it falls apart.]
Lumpy Space Princess: It's not fair.
[Some wolves come up and lick her. They stop to let Mama Wolf pick her up and take her into their cave.]
Lumpy Space Princess [voice-over]: I was rescued by a family of wolves. The mama wolf was all like, "We must take care of her, as if she were our own." And Papa Wolf was all like, "This is a special child who needs special love because she's gonna be great when she grows up."
[Flashback ends.]
Finn: So these were talking wolves?
Lumpy Space Princess: No, they were normal wolves. I knew what they were thinking because of their body language. Stop interrupting, Finn.
[Finn frowns.]
Lumpy Space Princess: I found a home where I could act like myself.
[Flashback resumes.]
[The wolves lick Lumpy Space Princess, and she runs with them.]
Lumpy Space Princess [voice-over]: They took care of me.
[The wolves present some dead rabbits to Lumpy Space Princess. Then Lumpy Space Princess howls at the moon with them, and runs with them again.]
Lumpy Space Princess [voice-over]: I knew that if my parents could see me now, they'd be jealous of how lumpin' awesome I am.
[The wolves and Lumpy Space Princess, each carrying a pumpkin, run back to the cave.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Oh, my Glob!
Lumpy Space Princess [voice-over]: But then, the drama started.
[A wolf licks another's back.]
Lumpy Space Princess: [gasps] [leaves cave and floats over to two other wolves] Stephanie, Sue, can you guys keep a secret? [Sue pants] Okay, here's the secret: I just saw Jessica making out with Mark... behind Tony's back! Stephanie, are you even listening? 'Cause I'm kinda freaking out right now! Tony's gonna come back from hunting any minute now, and—
[A howl is heard.]
Lumpy Space Princess: [gasps]
[Three wolves drag a dead horse toward the cave.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Hi, Tony! Oh, my Glob. Guys, what are we gonna—[Stephanie and Sue walk away toward the cave] oh.
[Scene changes to inside the cave, where the wolves are eating the dead horse.]
Lumpy Space Princess: So, should we say something to Tony?
[The wolves continue eating.]
Lumpy Space Princess: You guys! [floats over to the middle of the cave] TONY, JESSICA'S CHEATING ON YOU!
[All the wolves stop and look at her.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Oh, my Glob. Oh, my Glob. Oh, my Glob.
[The wolves start growling and surround her.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Look, I'm sorry. I know it's none of my business. I know, I—
[Stephanie howls.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Because I think Tony has a right to know, Stephanie!
[Another wolf howls.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Nuh-uh, Miranda, I do not like Tony.
[Jessica starts licking Lumpy Space Princess.]
Lumpy Space Princess: [slaps Jessica] No, Jessica! Don't cheat on Tony with me!
[The wolves growl, pounce on her, and start biting.]
Lumpy Space Princess: [screams] [breaks free and leaves the cave]
[The wolves run after her.]
Lumpy Space Princess: [panting] Ah! [looks at a wolf on her right] Oh, Glob! [looks at a wolf on her left] Oh, no! Aah! [falls off a ledge] [screams] [slides down the cliff and lands in a mud puddle] Oh, Glob.
[Scene changes to the Fat Villagers harvesting crops.]
Lumpy Space Princess [voice-over]: I came upon a tribe of villagers.
Lumpy Space Princess: [face covered in mud and twigs] [groans]
Female Fat Villager: [drops barrel of apples and runs away] Monster!
Lumpy Space Princess: Oh, I'm so hungry! [eats the apples]
Male Fat Villager: Monster! [runs away]
Lumpy Space Princess: Ah! [eats plants]
Another Fat Villager: Monster! [runs away]
Lumpy Space Princess: [takes wheelbarrow of watermelons and apples and dumps its contents into her mouth]
[Flashback ends.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Anyway, then I found this windmill, and whenever I get hungry, I dress up like the monster and I go eat all the villagers' crops.
Finn: LSP, you're stealing!
Lumpy Space Princess: Don't say that. [drops basket of sandwiches] You're makin' me feel bad. [cries]
[Finn and Jake pick up the sandwiches, put them back in the basket, and hand it back to Lumpy Space Princess]
Lumpy Space Princess: Thanks, Finn.
Finn: LSP, if you wanna feel better, you should apologize to the farmers and make amends.
Lumpy Space Princess: Really?
Jake: Yeah, that'll work.
[Lumpy Space Princess leaves the windmill with the basket in hand and floats into the village.]
Fat Villager: Monster! Monster! Monster! Monster!
Lumpy Space Princess: No. No, wait!
Fat Villagers: [armed with a hoe, a saw, and a dagger] Monster! Monster!
Lumpy Space Princess: I'm not a monster! I was just pretending to be a monster.
Fat Villagers: Uh?
Lumpy Space Princess: I'm sorry that you're starving because I ate all of your crops, even though you're all still really fat, and I probably helped you lose some weight.
Fat Villager: Did she just call us fat?
Lumpy Space Princess: Don't get all bent out of shape! I'm just being honest!
Finn: LSP!
Lumpy Space Princess: What?
Finn: That apology was terrible!
[Lumpy Space Princess eats a sandwich.]
Fat Villager: Look, the monster eats while it apologizes! Let's kill it!
[They chase after her with tools and a lit torch. Finn and Jake follow. They corner her against a cliff.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Please don't kill me!
Fat Villager: We have to!
Finn: Well, you don't have to.
Jake: Yeah, you could just let her go.
Fat Villager: If we let her go, she'll keep eating our crops, and we'll starve!
Lumpy Space Princess: Why don't you just get your parents to buy you more crops?
[Some small Fat Villagers come into view]
Fat Villager: We are parents! Those crops were for our children!
Lumpy Space Princess: You guys are parents? Just like my parents... [takes a note out of the basket that reads, "Come home. We lumpin love you. —Mom & Dad"] [tears up]
Finn: LSP, are you okay?
Lumpy Space Princess: Yeah, Finn, I'm great. Here, [hands basket to Fat Villagers] I want you to have these sandwiches.
Fat Villagers: [eagerly] Sandwiches.
Lumpy Space Princess: Yeah, they're really good. They're made with a lot of love.
[Each Fat Villager starts eating a sandwich.]
Finn: It's working!
Lumpy Space Princess: I saved the village!
[Scene changes to Lumpy Space.]
Lumpy Space Princess: [to her parents] And that's how I saved the village! [eats a sandwich]
Lumpy Space King: Well, we're just glad you're home.
Lumpy Space Princess: Whatever.
Lumpy Space King: And thank you, Finn and Jake.
Finn: No problem.
Jake: Yeah, we didn't really do that much.

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "The More You Moe, The Moe You Know (Part I)" from season 7, which aired on December 3, 2015.

Characters
Finn
Jake
BMO
AMO (disguised as Moe)
AllMOs
Music
None
Locations
Tree Fort
MO Co.
This transcript is incomplete.


Transcript

[Snow falls outside the Tree Fort. Jake is looking out the window.]
Jake: Man, birthday-holiday overlap. That's some tough luck. Everyone's all jollied-out when it's your turn for jollies.
Finn: Well... you know, it's not actually the holidays. Plus, BMO wasn't actually even born.
Jake: Well, I suppose. But you don't got to be so technical about it.
Finn: Listen, all I'm saying is we—
[Phone rings. Finn answers it.]
Finn: Hello?
Princess Bubblegum: Hey, it's me. Is there a big rainbow over your house right now spelling out "Happy birthday, BMO"?
Finn: No. Actually, it's snowing like crazy.
Princess Bubblegum: Okay, that's what I was afraid of.
[Peppermint Butler sprays fire extinguisher.]
Princess Bubblegum: Peppermint Butler spilled grape juice on my experimental weather machine, and now it's going kablooey.
[Part of the machine explodes.]
Princess Bubblegum: I got to stay here to fix this thing. Tell BMO I'm sorry I missed the party.
Finn: That's okay. BMO doesn't care any—
[Princess Bubblegum hangs up.]
Finn: BMO only cares about one special guest.
Neptr: [gasps]
BMO: Moe! Hooray! Moe is coming! And he brought me a special surprise for my birthday! Moe is the smartest man in the world.
[Brief flashback of Moe carried by MMO]
BMO: He's way smarter than you and you and you, too, Jake—and you're the smartest guy I know.
Jake: Hey, thanks.
BMO: And he knows everything about robots. He built me, and he built himself, and all the other MOs. He's so smart! I bet he could even fix Neptr.
Neptr: What? What's wrong with me?
[Knocking at the door]
BMO: Oh, boy, oh, boy! He's here! [jumps downstairs] Hooray! Hooray! [opens door] Oh. You are not Moe.
[An unknown MO steps inside, wearing a white wig and sounding like Moe.]
MO: Why, of course I am, BMO. [chuckles]
BMO: Oh, okay!
Jake: Hey, Moe! New haircut?
Finn: Whoa, Moe! What happened to your body?
MO: Oh, oh! [chuckles] Oh, that old thing? She conked out on me months ago. I guess I don't make 'em like I used to. [chuckles] Not like little BMO here. You got all my love and affection.
BMO: Thanks!
Jake: Well, we made a cake.
Finn: We weren't sure if you eat, but BMO insisted.
BMO: Eating helps me grow!
MO: Oh! [chuckles] Well, er, uh... when in Rome.
[Cut to outside the Tree Fort, where it is still snowing, then inside, at the table, where Finn and Jake set up plates, and BMO, Neptr, and "Moe" are sitting.]
MO: So, BMO, are you ready for your birthday surprise?
BMO: Boy, howdy!
MO: For your birthday, I got you...a special mission!
BMO: [frowning] A mission?
MO: A special mission, like a vacation.
BMO: For all of us?
MO: No, no, no. A special solo mission.
[Pause]
BMO: For Neptr?
MO: [chuckles] No. It's a special rite of passage I designed just for you, BMO. A simple jaunt to the MO factory and back -- that's all -- and you'll be a grown-up.
BMO: Wow.
Finn: Hmm, I don't know. Sounds kind of dangerous.
Jake: Yeah, BMO's like a baby almost.
MO: Oh, don't be silly. Every other MO has done it since forever.
BMO: But won't I miss Finn and Jake?
MO: Oh, sure. But don't worry. They'll be here when you get back.
BMO: But...won't Finn and Jake miss me?
MO: [chuckles] No, that's the beauty of it. I'll be BMO while you're gone. [chuckling]
Neptr: Hooray! Hooray!
BMO: Hooray?
Neptr: Hooray!
[Cut to BMO walking far away from the Tree Fort on its way to MO Co. It stops when it sees rays of light come through the clouds.]
BMO: Air? Are you there, Air? It's me -- BMO. [It sits down on a rock.] I know it's been a long time since we talked. Sorry about that. But, well, maybe if you don't want to talk, you could just listen. Moe told me if I do this thing, I'll be a grown-up, and that sounds cool, I guess. [Cut to fantasy sequence, where BMO, now taller and wearing a buttoned shirt and pants, drives a small car to the playground.] Like, if I was grown, then I could drive to the playground all by myself. [Cut to the store, where BMO is shopping.] And I could buy my own pacifiers at the store, if I was grown. [Cut to the Tree Fort door, which BMO is struggling to open.] But then, if I change, will Finn and Jake still love me? [Cut to Finn and Jake, whose faces are all mixed up.] Will I still love them? [Cut to Moe.] Moe changed into a new body... [Cut to robot "Moe".] and he's still the same, I guess, sort of. [Back to reality.] But does growing up just change your body, or also your soul? [sighs] Maybe I could just stay the same forever.
[Cut back to the Tree Fort.]
Finn: So...
MO: So!
Finn: Um... Yeah, it's nice to see you, Moe.
MO: Yeah, you too.
Finn: Uh... So, Moe, do you want to... uh... Jake?
Jake: [hiding in a cup] Oh, hey, I'm on my way. One sec.
Finn: Um, hold on, Moe. [He walks over to the cup Jake is hiding in.] Jake, what are you doing?
Jake: Finn, all this is heck of awkward without BMO -- way more awkward than I thought it'd be. I think maybe I don't like old people. They make me feel like I'm gonna get old one day, too. I'm just gonna stay in this cup for a bit. I'll be out later. [He turns around.]
Finn: [looking back at "Moe", who is waving] You can't do that, it's rude. And what about Princess Bubblegum? She's way old, and you like her.
Jake: Yeah, but she listens to music. Moe probably only, like, listens to the sound of the earth decaying.
Finn: [picking Jake out of the cup and putting him on his right shoulder] Come on, you're being weird. [He walks back to "Moe".] Hey, sorry about that, Moe.
MO: Boys, I know this is new and different. I am not BMO. But I will do the best to be your friend. This is the daybreak of our lives, and we have all the time in the world to learn about each other. For now, I will be your little robot. [He looks outside.] Would you look at that beautiful snowfall. [He turns back to Finn and Jake.] Hey, let's get out there and have some fun.
Jake: [whispering, to Finn] I think I'm feeling better now.
[Back to BMO, who has made its way to MO Co.]
DMO: Oh, whoa! Hey! Hello there, BMO!
BMO: Hello there, DMO. I'm here on a solo birthday mission.
DMO: Oh, yes, yes, BMO, I know all about it. Moe left special instructions for you. [chuckles] He wants you to stand on that "X" over there.
BMO: Oh, okay. [It walks over to a trapdoor with an "X" marked on it.] Like this? [It gasps, noticing loose wires hanging out of DMO's body.] DMO, what happened to you?
DMO: Oh, this? It-it's nothing. It's just whatever.
BMO: Uh, I don't know about this, DMO. Something doesn't--
DMO: [It pushes a button which opens the trapdoor.]
BMO: [falling down a vent] Aah! [It lands on a series of saws and runs along over them.] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! [It falls through the edge and grabs a wire just before falling into a series of gears, but the wire unplugs and BMO swings on it like a vine.] Whoa! [It bounces off a wall, then grabs onto a ledge.] Ugh! [The ledge is really part of a crusher, which BMO lets go of and falls through a series of more crushers until one catches its foot.] Hello?
[Back at the snow outside the Tree Fort, where "Moe" is playing.]
MO: [chuckling] Boys, look at this! This is cool, right?
[Finn and Jake laugh as they use an office chair as a sleigh. They accidentally hit "Moe" on the head.]
MO: Oh! [screaming in pain]
[Finn and Jake go flying until they hit the ground and the chair breaks. They continue laughing.]
Finn: Classic!
Jake: [growing huge] Yeah! Did you see what we did, Moe?
MO: [sobs] This is horseplay! Stop it! [continues sobbing] We need to go inside and do what I want to do!
Finn: Oh. O-okay. If -- if you want.
MO: [still sobbing] Yeah.
[Cut back to the trash compactor, where BMO is still hanging on its leg in the crusher.]
BMO: Hello? DMO? Anybody? The "X" door opened, and I fell through. I think something went wrong with the mission. Uh... Abort mission! Unless...maybe this is all part of Moe's plan. [Cut to BMO's fantasy sequence, where a boat with an umbrella branch is floating out at sea. BMO pops out of it.] It doesn't seem like it. [It climbs up on top of the umbrella.] But maybe that's the point. [It jumps off the boat and onto the top of the Tree Fort, which is mostly underwater.] Maybe the lesson is that when you are grown, you won't ever be able to tell if everything is going totally haywire, or maybe actually everything is fine. [Machinery whirring is heard.] Huh?
[Cut back to reality, where the crushers are opening, releasing BMO. It continues falling down and screaming until it lands in a pile of garbage.]
Robotic voice: Huh? Who's there? Moe?
BMO: [walking over to a talking garbage cube] No. It's only me -- BMO.
Garbage cube: BMO? Oh, thank goodness. Oh, I'm so glad you're here.
BMO: Who are you? Are you a MO, too?
Garbage cube: Oh, BMO, no, no, no. I am ALLMOs.
BMO: ALLMOs? I don't understand.
ALLMO: Of course not. I'm so sorry. Let me explain.
[Flashback to MO Co.]
ALLMO (VO): Peace had reigned in Moe's wondrous factory for a hundred hundred years. There was a place for every MO, and every MO was in its place. If you wanted a free hug, all you had to do was ask. No one could say no -- it was a rule. Until one fateful day -- yesterday -- when a mysterious viral signal somehow breached our firewall and was broadcast throughout the factory... instructing all us MOs to do somersaults into the trash compactor all day long.
BMO (VO): That's horrible.
[Back in the present day.]
ALLMO: And we've been trapped here all smushed together, ever since.
BMO: That's horrible, too. How -- how do we get out?
ALLMO: Well, that's why we're so glad you're here, BMO. You're the key -- the key to escape. Only you can save us now.
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "The More You Moe, The Moe You Know (Part II)" from season 7, which aired on December 3, 2015.

Characters
BMO
Finn
Jake
All MOs
AMO (disguised as Moe)
Music
None
Locations
Tree Fort
MO Co.
This transcript is incomplete.


Transcript

[At the Tree Fort, "Moe" is reading the newspaper to Finn and Jake.]
Moe: Let's see, $4 off a... honey-baked ham. I don't like ham. $1 off of beets. Do beets have tannins? What is that? Oh! $4 off a honey-baked ham.
Jake: Moe?
Moe: Call me "Gwampa." How's your rose water?
Jake: It's exactly what it says it is. So, hey, uh, Gwampa, feels too quiet in here. Maybe we can hang out with Neptr. He can rap or something.
[Neptr rolls in and spins around.]
Neptr: [rapping] B-b-b-bread, where's my needle and thread?
Moe: No!
Finn & Jake: [gasp]
Moe: Eh, well, Neptr is too distracting. Who wants to play video games?
Jake: Oh, you have games like BMO? Let's do that, Gwampa!
Moe: I have one video game. It's called "Hangman."
Jake: [gasps]
Finn: That sounds griz as nuts!
Jake: Yeah, let's play hang-a-man!
Moe: Coming right up! [ejects controller and boots up game] Pick a letter.
Jake: Show us what you did, hangman!
Moe: [buzz] Pick a letter.
[Back at MO Co., BMO is trying to figure out how it can help itself and ALLMO escape.]
BMO: But, ALLMO, I don't understand. How can I help? I mean, I'm just a little baby kid still -- even though it's my birthday -- Happy Birthday, BMO.
ALLMO: I don't know about that, but I do know about your special mind. As the accumulation of all MOs, my computing power is unmatched. Yet still, I lack the imagination to think outside my collective programming. I can only see the world as it is. But your imagination, BMO, lets you see the world how it could be, or might sort of be like. If the two of us work together, we can think up a way out of here.
BMO: I will do what I can.
ALLMO: All right. You see that hatch over there? That hatch leads to an exit corridor. But it's locked from this side. The vent up there leads to the other side. [Cut to a diagram showing a path leading from one side to the other, then cut back to BMO and ALLMO.] But it's too high up.
BMO: Oh. [It thinks up a plan.] What if we use this trash [It picks up a couple of pieces.] to climb up to the vent?
ALLMO: But all this trash is too small.
BMO: [putting the two pieces together] Ah-huh!
ALLMO: Whoa. You just blew my mind.
[Back at the Tree Fort, Finn and Jake are bored playing "Hangman" with "Moe".]
Jake: What haven't we guessed yet? "B."
[The word is completed as "Burgess Meredith".]
Jake: "Burgess Meredithe"?! ["Moe"'s screen changes to a guy swinging a wrecking ball, with "win" on the bottom of the screen.] I don't even know what that is!
MO: Do you boys want to play again?
Finn: [groans]
MO: Boys love games. [reboots up game] Pick a letter.
Jake: Uh, I don't know, "E.' [Three "E's" pop up on the blank spaces.] Is this "Burgess Meredithe" again?! [A "B" pops up on the first blank letter space.] Not cool! Come on, Finn, let's find a real hangman.
[Finn and Jake leave, with Neptr smiling at "Moe", whose smile changes to a blank expression.]
[At MO Co., BMO has made a ladder out of various trash objects leading to the vent. It crawls through then stops when it sees a stuffed doll with its head ripped off. It opens a grate at the edge, leading to a strange bedroom.]
BMO: Yuck. This room gives me the heebie-jeebies straight-up.
ALLMO: It is the room of AMO, the first of our siblings. He, too, was special. As you were built to give love, AMO was built to receive. But he could not think outside his programming and was blinded by his need. Such is the cruel physics of love -- that those who crave it most will repel it and only the dang rich get richer.
BMO: [entering back into the garbage room] Well, maybe as my birthday present, I can ask Moe to fix AMO.
ALLMO: But this is impossible. Moe went off line yesterday and has not re-logged. Our sensors would know.
BMO: But he's at my house right now with Finn and Jake. He got a new body.
ALLMO: Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Did this new body happen to have jagged prongs and a cannon phaser on top of its head?
BMO: No. [laughs]
ALLMO: Phew!
BMO: [laughs] He had a huge, gigantic wig on. [It realizes something.] Uh-oh.
ALLMO: What?
BMO: The spikes are under the wig!
ALLMO: Oh, no! Of course! Your friends may be in grave danger. He must have sabotaged the factory. Quickly, hoist me up on top of your head. We must depart straightaway.
BMO: Uh...
ALLMO: You're stronger than you know.
BMO: [puts its hand on its screen]
ALLMO: Also, I'm lighter than you know.
[Cut to outside the Tree Fort, where Finn and Jake are looking for some real hangmen.]
Finn: I'm sorry we didn't find any hangmen.
Jake: I don't even know what I'd do with a hangman if I got one.
MO (OS): Bloo-hoo. Bloo-hoo.
[Finn and Jake run over to find "Moe" crying and lying on the snow face first.]
MO: Ah, bloo-hoo.
Finn: Moe! [He picks "Moe" up.]
MO: Bandits stole my legs!
Finn: [noticing that "Moe"'s legs are missing] Yeesh.
Jake: If you tell us where the bandits went, we'll avenge your legs!
Finn: We're sorry we left you!
MO: You should be. I'm your Gwampa wobot. Carry me. [Finn does so.] Over here. [They walk over to a cave where Neptr is laying.] There! There's the thief! [He points to Neptr, with "Moe"'s legs inside him.] The thief with my legs!
Finn: Neptr?
MO: Throw him out! [sobbing]
Finn: Come on. Maybe Neptr did it like, accidentally?
Jake: [feeling Neptr's head] Neptr's out cold. He's got a heck of a dent on his head.
Finn: What? Who could have done that?
MO: Forget him! You love me, right? You love me like BMO?
Finn: What? You're all right, but we -- we love BMO.
Jake: Yeah, man, be cool. BMO's like our best friend.
MO: BMO's trash!
Finn: Moe!
MO: [He changes his face, grows new legs, takes off his wig, revealing jagged prongs and a laser cannon on his head, and changes his voice.] Moe's dead! [He removes a sticker on the left of the "MO" on his body, revealing his true name: AMO.]
Finn: "Ah-mo"?
AMO: You don't love me! [shoots a cannonball on Jake's head, then another on Finn's]
Jake: Ow!
Finn: Aah!
AMO: Wake up and love me!
BMO (OS): Imposter!
[AMO turns around and sees BMO carrying ALLMO.]
BMO: AMO!
AMO: Hello, BMO. I'm your cute sibling, AMO.
BMO: I know about you and your dirty hands. Where are Finn and Jake?
AMO: I think Finn and Jake went somewhere to buy me a gift.
BMO: Tell me what you did with Finn and Jake and our poop.
AMO: Ay!
BMO: [growls]
AMO: AYYYYY!
BMO: AMO, look at my face! You gone too far!
AMO: Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo! Bye! [runs away]
BMO: [chasing after AMO] You can't escape the birthday boy!
AMO: [Reaching the edge of a cliff, he struggles not to fall.] Too high.
BMO: Hey! Talk, AMO!
AMO: You want to know where Papa is? Here is all that remains of him -- [picks up his laser cannon] his memory backup drive.
BMO: Oh.
[Flashback to AMO walking alone in the desert.]
AMO (VO): I was returning from a long pilgrimage. I came to confront Papa, for I had discovered terrible things about myself. He was dying. [Cut to a dying Moe talking to AMO.] "AMO, dear child, my body is conking out. [coughs] Take this. [Moe takes off his wig, revealing his memory backup drive, and gives it to AMO.] It is who I am. Send my mind into space so I may spend the eons among the stars and other brilliant gases." [Moe dies, then AMO touches his hand.] His hands were as cold as clay. Our Papa never loved me, so I ignored his last request. [He looks at a memory of Moe creating DMO.] I used his knowledge of the factory and its MOs to destroy them.
DMO: Is that you, AMO?
AMO (VO): They didn't love me, either.
DMO: Where you been? [chuckles] What are you doing? [AMO rips off part of its body.] No!
AMO (VO): Then I learned about you and your new family. [He looks at a memory of Moe and BMO talking to Finn and Jake.] I wanted a taste of that melon. [He leaves the factory to go to Finn, Jake, and BMO.]
[End of flashback.]
AMO: People in my life don't love me. I'll obliterate, y'all!
BMO: You cheat. Give me those memories. [AMO blasts a cannonball at BMO, breaking its screen knocking it out alongside a rock. It gets back up.]
AMO: BMO, I don't want to look at you! [He blasts another cannonball at BMO, ripping its right arm.]
BMO: Tough nuts! For Moe!
[AMO blasts some more cannonballs at BMO; it misses them and grabs the last one, sending AMO falling down the cliff. An explosion is heard. BMO looks down and sees a hole with smoke coming out through it. AMO's heart shuts off.]
ALLMO: BMO! [BMO turns around and sees ALLMO being pushed.]
Finn: Hey. [He, Jake, and Neptr come out from behind ALLMO.] We caught the tail end of what happened. Are you okay?
BMO: No.
Jake: Well, I don't like that.
ALLMO: BMO, will you live with us back at the factory? With Moe gone, you can be our leader.
BMO: I don't think I can. I'm not grown up -- or I'm too grown up now. I think I just killed someone. I need to have some time alone, but you're all really nice.
Finn: All right.
Jake: Sorry your birthday was weird.
[Finn and Jake push ALLMO back.]
BMO: That was the craziest thing that ever happened. But I guess, after all that, I do feel a bit more grown.
[In BMO's imagination, various colored BMOs appear surrounding it.]
Red BMO: Except that the mission was just some made-up lie.
Orange BMO: So who knows if I will ever grow up at all.
Yellow BMO: And Moe is gone now. [Flashback to Moe hugging BMO.] So if there is anything he wanted to teach me, it better be in me already. [Flashback ends.]
Green BMO: I guess all I can do is listen to the heart Moe gave me.
Blue BMO: Except that's what AMO did, and he turned out bad.
Purple BMO: So what if I turn out bad, too?
ALLMO (flashback): AMO could not think outside his programming and was blinded. But your imagination lets you see the world how it could be.
BMO: But I am different. It's not just Moe up here, [points to its head] it's me, too.
All BMOs: And if I cannot trust in Moe, I can trust in me.
[The colored BMOs fuse back into BMO.]
BMO: Oh, boy. It sure is confusing being grown. [It looks at Moe's memory drive.] I miss you, Moe. What a day! [smacks lips; yawns; it turns on Moe's memory drive, opening a memory of a younger Moe talking to BMO]
Moe: I'm gonna miss you, too, BMO. I feel so very, very proud of you. [He kisses it on the screen.]
BMO (flashback): [smacks lips; yawns]
[End of transcript.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "The Mountain" from season 6, which aired on February 12th, 2015.

Characters
Lemongrab
Finn
Matthew
Music
None
Locations
Mountain of Matthew
This transcript is mostly complete but could use more [action descriptions] in the second half.


Transcript

[In Castle Lemongrab, Lemongrab is seated at a table with some of his subjects. A waiter serves up some Lemonjons.]
Lemongrab: Commence dinner.
[Everyone at the table eats a spoonful of Lemonjons simultaneously.]
Lemongrab: Dinner is concluded.
Everyone else: [in unison] Concluded. [clap twice]
Lemongrab: Up.
[His subjects carry him to his room bucket brigade-style, passing him one to the other over their heads. They drop him off at his window and leave in a hurry. Lemongrab watches his subjects harvest bunches of Lemonjons from a tree and drop them into a machine that separates them. The machine spits them out one at a time onto a conveyor belt, where they are then smashed with wooden mallets by more workers. The smashed bits are scooped into bags, then sown into a tilled field. Nearby, a Lemon Person is constructing a statue of Lemongrab out of lemon concrete.]
Lemon Person: Ooh!
Lemongrab: Mm. Lights out!
[All the workers collapse at their posts and immediately fall asleep. Lemongrab is carried into bed by his subjects. They place a baseball mitt on Lemongrab's right hand and a bag of Lemonjons on his nightstand, then turn out the light. Lemongrab gazes up at the ceiling at a mural depicting Matthew and the obstacles leading up to him. The ceiling cracks a little.]
Lemongrab: Huh?!
[A bit of the ceiling falls on Lemongrab's bed, leaving a small hole in the mural. A bug-like Lemon creature crawls out of it, and a low, distant roar sounds. Lemongrab gets stressed and grabs the bag of Lemonjons off his nightstand. He leaves his castle on his Lemon Camel.]
Lemongrab: Bye.
[The gatekeepers close the gate and collapse back to sleep. On a mountain, Finn is lying on his back with a telescope, and Jake is preparing something over a campfire.]
Finn: Better get up here, Jake. It's about to happen.
Jake: Coming! Just gotta get this cocoa pipin'.
Finn: Your loss, man. The Dap of the Heavens only happens every 20 years. [Finn looks through telescope] Oh, man. It's going down.
[Two constellations tap their "fists" together.]
Jake: Okay. Let's watch some stars.
Finn: Hmm. You missed it. It was honestly a little disappointing.
Jake: Oh. Okay. Hey, man, I think I hear something weird over there with my little doggy ears.
[Finn looks through his telescope at Flame Princess and Cinnamon Bun working out. They take a rest.]
Flame Princess: Phew! You are killing, Cinnamon Bun! This routine is locked up!
Cinnamon Bun: Oh! Thank you, Princess. You are also killing.
Finn: You mean Flame Princess?
Jake: Naw, man. What I heard didn't sound like her. Give me a peek on there. This is pretty much just a tube. [Jake looks through his flesh-scope and takes Finn's telescope] Huh. It's Lemongrab.
Finn: Uh, Lemongrab?! What's he up to at this time of night?
Jake: Uh... it looks like he's headed for the Mountain of Matthew. I hear beaucoup spookoo legends about that place.
Finn: Beaucoup spookoo, you say? We should follow him.
Jake: Huh? How come you care where Lemongrab goes?
Finn: He could, you know, he could be messing with crazy mystic power at that mountain. It's like seeing a baby playing with dynamite. Plus, seeing Flame Princess kind of messed me up. Now I gotta distract myself with work.
Jake: Okay, okay. I feel you. Let's do some things. [Jake shapeshifts into a glider and flies Finn to the mountain]
Finn: There's his Lemon Camel. Lemongrease must be inside already.
[Finn and Jake run inside caves below the Mountain of Matthew.]
Jake: Whoa!
[A Guardian of the Mountain forms and separates Jake from Finn.]
Finn: Huh? C'mon man!
Guardian of the Mountain: Nope. [Jake and Finn try to reunite from the right. The Guardian of the Mountain forms another hand to block them.]
Guardian of the Mountain: Nuh uh. [Jake attempts to stretch upwards over the Guardian of the Mountain. The guardian extends its right hand upwards to block him.]
Jake: Dang it! [Jake points at the guardian.] Quit bustin' my buns!
Guardian of the Mountain: [They look down at Jake.] You have no beeswax in the Mountain of Matthew, supple yellow dog. But you, plucky adolescent, you have way cray beeswax.
Jake: [Jake makes a noise of irritation.] You gonna be okay by yourself?
Finn: [Finn glances to the staircase leading upwards into the mountain before looking back at Jake.] Yeah, man.
Jake: Okay. [Finn and Jake fistbump. Finn runs towards the staircase and climb it while Jake turns his back to the guardian and sits down.] Just gonna sit down over here—
Guardian of the Mountain: [Jake attempts to stretch over the Guardian of the Mountain and is blocked again.] Not even.
Jake: [Jake goes back to normal and sits back down.] Dong it!
Lemongrab: Rocks. Dripping water. More rocks. Oh, I'm becoming stressed!
Matthew: Continue forward.
Lemongrab: Hmm?
Matthew: To reach me, you must choose correctly.
Lemongrab: Aah!
Princess Bubblegum: Come, Earl of Lemongrab! Let us play the game of catch. I am eager to relate to you.
Lemongrab: Yes. I desire this, as well. Huh?
Lemonhope: Thank you! Thank you all! As your younger, more relatable new ruler, I shall endeavor to undo all the order imposed by my predecessor! [All cheering]
Lemongrab: I unaccept!
Lemonhope: No, Lemongrab! You are unacceptable!
Lemongrab: Prepare to be served in a pitcher by a little child!
Lemongrab 2: What a wondrous time you've experienced, and tomorrow there will be more adventures to be had for little Lemonsweets.
Lemongrab 3: Ooh, wave farewell! What a lucky little boy you are to live so gaily.
Lemongrab: Lemonsweets.
Matthew: Choose.
Lemongrab: Ohh!
Princess Bubblegum: Lemongrab! We understand your styles. We are of the same styles. [Laughs]
[Lemonhope playing upbeat melody]
Lemongrab 2: Eee! Aaaaaaaaaaah!
Lemongrab 3: No! It is my love that he prefers! He is spiteful of your love!
Lemongrab: Don't hurt him! Ohhh! [Breathing heavily] What? [Grunts] No! [Both shouting indistinctly] [Grunts] Ohhh! Aaaah! Ohhhh! I'm inside you! Aaaaah!
Lemongrab: [Grunts] Mnh. Sticky. [Groans] Gross! Aww! What is this? Aaaah! Why?! Ohh! Shoosh! [Grunting] Okay. [Groaning] Whoa! Ohh! Whoa! [Grunts] Whoa! Whoa! Oh, whoa! Gross! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! [Gasps] Blackness all over! Rolling in grease! You want to humiliate me?! Whoop! [Grunts]
Matthew: Taste the grease, Lemongrab.
Lemongrab: Okay. It's lemony.
Matthew: Look up, man.
Lemongrab: [Grunts] Aaaaaah! I am grease?!
Finn: Lemongrab, where you at?! Uh, cool.
Matthew: To reach me, you must choose correctly.
Finn: Who's that Matthew? Whuh-oh!
Flame Princess: Yo, get up, C.B.! This routine's got to be high-level outside the box!
Cinnamon Bun: Hey, Finn, quick! Be me, bro! Be me, bro!
Jake: Oh, yeah! It's time, BMO!
BMO: What is it? I can't smell.
Jake: Finn Cakes, boy!
BMO: Yummy! Ooh.
Finn: Yo. Dang. Finn Cakes. That's not fair.
Lemongrab: Okay. Goodbye, lemongrease.
Lemongrab: Goodbye, where?
Lemongrab: Goodbye from my grease body into the blackness, where only my pure essence can go!
Jake: Up-up, BMO. Finn always gets the first Finn Cake.
BMO: Yo, give me a break.
Lemongrab: Pure essence! Eject! [Squish!] Blorg! Bleject!
Finn: Lemongrab! Huh? Whoo!
Finn: Later, spirit bro. [Grunts] Huh? What the heck am I running on? Oh, whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Cool. [Chuckles] [Laughs]
Finn: Lemongrab, you okay?!
Lemongrab: Finn, don't mess me up.
Matthew: Hi, Finn.
Finn: You're Matthew, huh? [Shing!] Your rep precedes you, bro. "Proceeds"?
Matthew: What kind of rep?
Finn: Some stuff Jake said that I interpreted as negative.
Matthew: Well, ask yourself if that feels right.
Finn: [to Finn Sword] What do you say, guy? [Finn Sword shakes his head]
Matthew: The meat bodies who've journeyed to this mountain have distilled themselves to their original source materials and now exist in oneness.
Finn: Oneness? That's you, bro?
Matthew: I keep adding to myself until the second age of terror, when I will emerge in my final form and restore the world.
Finn: That's why you're here, L.G.? To merge with Matthew?
Lemongrab: It is one option, to know the ecstasy of my ego death.
Finn: Oh. Well, nice knowing you? I mean, I know you got issues. But you're, uh...
Lemongrab: I know.
Finn: Are you sure, though?
Lemongrab: Here's my other option. You see these? Lemonjons?
Matthew: Uh-oh.
Lemongrab: These lemonjons are me, and I wonder if they can destroy you.
Finn: Ooh, boy. Lemongrab, hold up!
Lemongrab: If you are the head that blooms atop the ziggurat, then the stairs that lead to you must be infinite!
Finn: Careful with those metaphors, bro!
Lemongrab: Infinite stairs are unacceptable!
Matthew: [Gulps, gasps] Ohh. Aaaaah!
Finn: Ooh! Whoa! Whoa! Geez!
Creature: [All groaning] Oh, no, bro! Heck, no, bro!
Creature 2: Aaaah!
Finn: Yo!
Creature 3: Smash that Lemongrab! [All shouting indistinctly]
Lemongrab: Try it, grease! [Shouting continues]
Finn: Yes! Pow! Yeah! I got you, bro!
Jake: Why are you being so opaque about not letting me in there?
Guardian of the Mountain: Well, get out a pen and paper and I'll school you on this biz. [Boom!]
Jake: Gol' ding!
Finn: Dude, I was gonna ask him to move.
Lemongrab: Oh.
Jake: Yo, class, hold on. Uh...
Lemongrab: [All moaning] I'm done! Let's go!
Jake: Okay. Here we are.
Lemongrab: Bye! Aaaaaah! [Munching]
Lemongrab: [Spits] [Splat!] Yo, yo! It's grease!

Episode Ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "The Music Hole" from season 8, which aired on June 23, 2016.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Princess Bubblegum
Ice King
Music Hole
Lady Rainicorn
Marceline
Flame Princess
Neptr
Susan Strong
BMO
Lumpy Space Princess
Death
Penguins
Gunter
Sally
Celina
Candy People
Banana Guards
Dr. Ice Cream
Peppermint Butler
Mr. Cupcake
Chocoberry
Pup Gang
Cinnamon Bun
Chet
Tree Trunks (pictured)
The Lich (pictured)
Slime Princess (pictured)
Snail
Music
Power of Myself
Neptr Flame P Rap
Francis Forever
Do The Boogaloo
Jake & Lady Song
I Look Up To You
Locations
Tree Fort
Candy Kingdom
This transcript is complete, needs formatting.

Transcript

Finn: [sighs] Poor Finn Sword. I'm sorry, man. [drops waffle] Everything's broken.
BMO: No, it's not! It's still good. Five seconds rule.
Jake: I don't know what to do.
Princess Bubblegum: This is hecka serious. Did you try making feel-better-waffles?
Jake: Yeah, but he just keeps dropping them on the ground, and we're all like, "It's still good. Look."
Princess Bubblegum: Well, yeah, five-second rule. Jake, I think it's time for you to activate plan C.
Jake: [gasps] Plan C? Are you sure?
Princess Bubblegum: Yes. He's all jefferied up in the dome piece. We can't let it spread any further.
Jake: You're right.


Jake: Plan C, activate. Plan C, plan C,... Aha. Bingo. Hmm.


Princess Bubblegum: [picks up the phone] Hello?
Jake: What's plan C, again? Something about music?


Finn: [sighs] Poor Finn Sword. I'm sorry, man. What the heck is that? It's gonna distract me from my sword staring. Better track down the source and kill it.


Susan Strong: [sings Power of Myself] ♪I'm gonna fly, fly like an eagle. With the power of myself, constant pain. I'm gonna climb, every mountain. Get the dust off my shelf, ohh...♪ oh, hold on, hold on, can susan get more bass in the monitor?
Jake: You got it, Sooz. Oh, hey buddy.
BMO: We are going live in five!
Finn: What is this? A concert?
Jake: Even better. It's a "Battle of the Bands"!
Princess Bubblegum: And guess who the special celebrity guest judge is?
Finn: Donny?
Jake: No! You are!
[Finn chuckles]
Jake & Princess Bubblegum: It's working.


Princess Bubblegum: Good afternoon and welcome to plan C -- I mean, "Battle of the Bands". Now, let's all give a warm welcome to our celebrity guest judge!
Ice King: Hey, yo, my man, no photos.
Princess Bubblegum: Please welcome our first contestants to the stage, Emcee Neptr and Flame P.

[ Hip‐hop beat plays ]Both:Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo.

Battle of the Bands.What up?

Make some noise!

[ Cheers and applause ]

Turn it up!Turn the music up!

[ Rapping ] ♪ Hey, yo,my name's F. P., ♪

♪ and I came to take names ♪[ Rapping ]♪ Take names ♪

Flame Princess:♪ I'm nice with the mike ♪

Both: ♪ and I'm spittingstraight flames ♪

♪ These other emceesbe spitting ♪

Both: ♪ Straight lies ♪♪ I'm a mac on the track ♪

♪ I'm known to bake pies ♪♪ Bake pies ♪[ Ding! ]

Both: ♪ When we come through,respect the emcees ♪

♪ The name of the crew isNeptr and F. P. ♪

♪ Everybody knowswe not gonna stop here ♪

♪ 'Cause we got the freshestalbum of the year ♪[ Ding! ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

Wow.

I wonder how longthey practiced that.

Don't forget to check outour merch table.

Flame Princess:Yeah!

We have CDsand T‐shirts for sale.

Oh, nice.

Hey! They're trying to bribethe celebrity guest judge!

So much talent here today.

Please help us welcome ournext contestant to the stage,

Marceline the Vampire Queen.

[ Cheers and applause ]

[ Drum beats ]

[ Guitar strums ]

[ Mid‐tempo rock music plays ]

♪ I don't know knowwhat to do without you ♪

♪ I don't knowwhere to put my hands ♪

♪ I've been tryingto lay my head down ♪

♪ But I'm writing thisat 3:00 A. M. ♪

♪ I don't need the worldto see ♪

♪ That I've beenthe best I can be ♪

♪ But I don't think ♪

♪ I could stand to be ♪

♪ Where you don't see me ♪

♪♪

[ Guitar twangs ]

My pick![ Music stops ]

I am not playing without it.



[ Inhales deeply ]Ahhh.

This song is incredible.

Unless something amazinghappens,

I do believewe have a winner.

Huh?

Dude, I slew a freakin' bonedemon for that thing. Come on!

Hey, sooner you find it, soonerwe can get on with the show.

[ Soft majestic musiccontinues ]Where is that music coming from?



Hey, Marceline.

Where's that beautiful musiccoming from?

Uh, what music?

They're still lookingfor my pick.

You mean you don't hear thatright now?

Are you all right, dude?

Yeah.I'm fine.

We're not gonna get pointsdeducted for this, are we?



[ Violin plays ]

♪ Everyone stuffs their buns ♪

Jake: ♪ Empanada,mandu, wonton ♪[ Humming ]

♪ 'Rogi, dumplings,stuff your face ♪

♪ Same food,different place ♪

Guess the song wasn't comingfrom them.

What are youdoing here?

You're supposedto be judging the bands. Hmph!

‐Do you guys hear that?‐Hear what?

It's like a beautiful voicesinging with itself,

an entire universe vibratingin harmony.

Both: Hmmm.

[ Speaking Korean ]

Yeah,are your ears ringing?

Yeah, guys.Hold that thought.

Wait, Finn!

[ Spectators shoutingindistinctly ]

Just play somethingalready!

Find my pick, ya scrubes!

Ohh!

[ Spectators shouting loudly ]

All right, all right, everyone.Calm down!

I'm yelling.I'm yelling up here.

Simon,what are you doing?

Crowd control, ma'am.



All: Wenk, wenk,wenk, wenk!

Control the scene!

Oh, boy.

[ Soft majestic musiccontinues ]

‐Hey, Finn.‐Yeah!

Oh, hey, Jakey, Lady.

‐We're coming with.‐Nice!

Can you guys hearthe song now?

Uhhhhh...

[ Spectators shoutingindistinctly ]Hmmmm.

[ Humming ]

Oh, excuse me.

[ Gasps ]

Yo, Marcie!



Thanks, Peebs!

[ Rock music plays ]

♪ And Autumn comeswhen you're not yet done ♪

♪ With the summer passing by ♪Penguins: Wenk! Wenk!

Aah!

Wenk!

♪ But I don't think ♪

♪ I could stand to be ♪

♪ where you don't see me ♪

[ Cheering ]

[Chuckles] Nice.So, what'd you think, Finn?

Did we slay, or did we slay?

[ Spectators shoutingindistinctly ]

Aw, what?Weak!



Lady, how are we doingon time?

Can we make it back in timeto judge the bands?

[ Speaks Korean ]

Look, I bet if we just walka little farther ‐‐ [ Gasps ]

It's so close!

[ Soft majestic musiccontinues ]

It's here!It's here!

[Gasps] Ooh!‐Finn!

[ Echoing ]Oh, my Glob.

Finn, you okay?

I can't believe I almost fellinto this...hole.



It's a face hole.

This is wherethe song's coming from.

Music Hole:[ Clears throat ]



Oh.Nice pipes.

Music Hole: Wait.Can you hear me?

I've been hearing you,like, all day.

You're a lovely singer.

[Giggles] Really?No one's ever said that.

Shut up.‐It's true!

Well, I've, uh, hada lot of practice ‐‐

1,000 yearsgive or take.

Say what?!

Yeah, I've been here singingfrom the very beginning of Ooo.

Since I can't movefrom this spot,

singing is my only outlet.

I can neither participate in joynor prevent disaster,

so I sing.

Is this likeone of those patterns

that's supposed to havea 3‐D image in it,

and everyone can see itexcept you?

Well, why can'tthey hear you?

Music Hole: Only two kindsof people can hear my song,

those who see the worldwith pure, childlike wonder

and those with a deep senseof loss in their hearts.

To everyone else,I'm just a period in a sentence

in the book of Ooo.

I don't knowabout child eyes,

but I have been goingthrough a rough patch.

Finn: And it sounds likeyou have, too.

Yeah, I guess so.

[ Spectators shoutingindistinctly ]

Now's our chance.

[ Disco music plays ]♪ Boogaloo ♪

Hey![ Shouting stops ]

♪ You keep on dancin'through the night ♪

♪ You never, ever get uptight ♪

♪ You knowthat everything's all right ♪

♪ Because you're dancing ♪

♪ You had a boogie‐woogie day ♪[ Shouting resumes ]

♪ And now it's timeto make a play ♪

♪ You've gotto find a better way ♪

♪ You've got to do the,do the, do the, do the ‐‐

Ooh![ Music stops ]

Music Hole: You know what?I envy you.

I've always wantedto be heard by everyone.

That's what friends are, right,just people to observe you,

peopleto enjoy your song?

Hey, bud.

Yeah.I'm lucky.

Jake, I've selected the winnerof The Battle of the Bands.

[ Clears throat ]



The winner isa very special someone

who I just met,last name ‐‐ Hole.

She'll take home this handmadepotato‐chip‐bag crown.

Music Hole:Oh, my gosh!

I've never wonan award before.

Both: ♪ With the sorrowin our hearts ♪

♪ We can play ♪

♪ And I look up to you ♪

♪ And we hear different soundsthan the heartless do ♪

♪ Wakeful at night lookingeverywhere for you ♪

♪ Why do I look up to you? ♪

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "The New Frontier" from season 3, which aired on November 28, 2011.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Banana Man
Music
None
Locations
Tree Fort
Banana Man's house
Underground Cave
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode begins inside Jake's Croak Dream. Jake is floating in space and holding his breath as he sees Banana Man floating. Jake begins floating away from the space ship and is running out of breath. He attempts to stretch his way there but can not reach. His face begins to turn purple and pink and he runs out of breath. The Cosmic Owl screeches and Jake wakes from his dream.]
Jake: [Breathes hard and climbs down the ladder] Finn, oh my grosh, Finn! It was amazing!
Finn: Whaaaa?
Jake: I had a croak dream, Finn! My croak dream!
Finn: Oh... my glob.
Jake: [Laughs]
Finn: For real? With the Cosmic Owl and everything?
Jake: Mhmm!
Finn: Whoa, a real croak dream?
Jake: Yeah man! [Does a summersault] There was a rocket ship [rolling over], you weren't there [looking back at Finn], and there was a Banana Man [Does another summersault landing on his head] and I ran out of air and in outer space [breathing hard] and isn't that great Finn!
Finn: Yeah, well no I mean, I don't want you to die! And where was I? I'm your best friend!
Jake: Aww, come on Finn [Going between Finn's legs and wrapping around them a little] There's nothing to worry about! Think about it, I don't know any Banana Man Finn and rocket ships haven't been reinvented yet! I'll probably live another hundred years, easy.
Finn: Ummm... Yeah, yeah I guess. [They hear a knock at their door].
Jake: Someones downstairs.
Finn: I'll take a look. [He stands up and looks out the window. Banana Man is standing at the door. Finn closes the window and grabs Jake's hand and runs with him and throws him behind their freezer, and then jumping behind it himself.]
Jake: Who is it?
Finn: It's the Banana Man!
Jake: [Blows a raspberry.]
Finn: Shhh!
Jake: [quietly] What do we do?
Finn: [quietly] I don't know![he jumps over the freezer and walks off.]
Jake: [looking over and quiet] Is he still out there?
Finn: [Looks out window and sees the Banana Man walk away] Uhh no, he left. [Jake jumped off Finn's back]
Jake: Phew, see I told you today wasn't the day! Hey, you wanna make an ice cream pizza?
Finn: Jake, your croak dream just gave us the upper hand, we can cheat now, now we can cheat fate.
[Jake is about to take a bite of his ice cream pizza.]
Finn: We'll track down that Banana Man and crunk up his schemes and save you!
Jake: Finn, [sets the ice cream pizza on BMO] when I die my individual earth conscious is gonna go all everywhere while glob tallies my deeds!
Finn: What?
Jake: I'm gonna be all around you! [Stretches out branches.] In your nose, in your dreams and socks, I'll be a part of you in your earth mind! [Stretches back to normal form] It's gonna be great!
Finn: Dude, STOP. SAYING. ALL THIS. CRAZY. NONSENSE. It's makin' me messed up. I'm 13. You're messin' me up.
Jake: No one can change your croak dream, Finn, not even you.
Finn: We'll see about that, come on! [They go outside and follow the Banana Man and see the sun is rising in front of them.] Wait, just let him walk a few more steps.
Jake: Why?
Finn: 'Cause that idiot's about to walk right into the sun and burn up. And we'll be done with him.
Jake: No man, he's walking into his house! [Banana Man walks towards his house].
Finn: Oh, what?! He built his house on the sun?! This guy's insane!
Jake: Finn, did you eat your breakfast?
Finn: No, why?
Jake: Because you forgot how the sun works. The sun is actually far away, it's not just sitting on the horizon. [Puts his arm around Finn.]
Finn: Oh. Right on. Lets chase after him!
Jake: You gotta eat your breakfast man, eat the protein. Helps your brain.
Finn: Yeah, yeah whatever you say, Mom. Lets go! [They start chasing after him and hide behind a car next to Banana Man's house. Banana Man walks inside his house] C'mon! [They look through the window and see Banana Man is doing a exercise program on the TV. He puts a space helmet over his head] What's he doin' with that glass? [Banana Man puts the space helmet on]
Jake: Whoa, just like in my dream! [Finn pulls Jake down]
Banana Man: Huh? Hmmm.[He turns around to the window] [He fixes the TV and puts his hands on his hips and bends his knees up and down] Uh, Uh, Uh, Yeah! There we go!
Finn: Jake! Stop talkin' about your croak dream. It makes me uncomfortable. 
Jake: Dude, just except it!
Finn: No dude![Puts his finger over his mouth and take a bow out of his backpack]
Jake: What are you doing man? [Finn takes out an arrow] Ahh!!
Finn: Hand me some leaves and twigs and stuff. [Jake does so] Hmmm. [He claps and rubs his hands together, blows on then and a fire starts on the leaves]
Jake: Ahh!
[Finn puts the burning leaves and puts it on the arrow tip.]
Jake: Wait, you're not gonna kill him, are you?!
Finn: Naw, man. [Loads the arrow in the bow] It's just a warning shot to scare him in to moving far away from here. [Finn shoots it and it bounces of off Banana Man's helmet and bounces back to them.]
Finn & Jake: Ahh! [They duck down and it flies over their heads.]
Banana Man: [Picks up his remote] Hmmm? [Shrugs and fixes the picture on the TV] Ha Ha! Look Out! Woo Hoo! [Starts putting his shoulders up and down] Ha ha! You Hoo! [He starts jumping back and forth with his arms out.] Hoo! Yeah! Woo! Do it! Yeah! Oh yeah! Woo! [Does the splits.] Yeah! [Jumps up and does a sideways flip and then does another sideways flip.] Move it! [Starts waving his arms.] Work it! Ha ha!
Finn: I'm gonna try to shoot this arrow again.
Jake: Careful man, I want to be alive for my croak!
Banana Man: There we go! [Finn shoots another arrow and it bounces of the TV, the lights, the ceiling, and then the top of the window where Finn and Jake are, then a picture of a Banana and shoots back at Finn and Jake.]
Finn & Jake: Whoa! [then it bounces of Banana Man's car and then goes to the other side of the house]
Finn: Don't worry, Jake, were gonna get this guy.
Jake: Dude, man. I appreciate why you're doing this, but you're not gonna stop me from transcend in to Glob world!
Finn: I'm gonna cry, man. If you say that one more time, I'm gonna... Let's go fetch that first arrow to reuse, 'cause we're out of arrows. [They go around the house to get the arrow.]
Jake: Huh? [They see a big rocket ship with supplies on the ground and dynamite to trigger the rocket.]
Finn: No!
Jake: The rocket from my croak dream! Oh, man. I guess... I guess this is it. I've gotta embrace this today!
Finn: Shushers, you're not getting on that rocket! [Finn raps his arms around Jake] Err! [Finn grabs the flaming arrow and lights the dynamite.] JAKE! [Jake climbs into the rocket.]
Jake: You can't stop destiny, Finn! [He wipes his head.]
Finn: Jake, no! [Finn tries blowing out the dynamite fire.]
Jake: Huh? No, man! [He jumps out and tackles Finn. Banana Man comes out and sees the confusion.]
Banana Man: Huh? [He sees them fighting] What in the-- [He gasps loudly and sees the lit dynamite.] No, no, no! It's not ready yet! [Finn and Jake keep fighting and Jake pushes Finn aside and Jake jumps into the rocket.]
Jake: Yeyuh!
Finn: [On the ground] Aww! [Opens one eye] Nooo! 
Jake: Banana Man! Get your butt on board, we've got a date with destiny!
Finn: No! [Grabs on Jake's leg.]
Jake: Get off! You cant mess with fate!
Finn: No! I'm not gonna let you die!
Jake: Finn!
Finn: Don't do this!
Jake: Finn.
Finn: No!
Jake: Finn, let me go.
Finn: [Sniffles] Please. [Sniffles] Please.
Jake: You have to let me go.
Finn: No. [Sniffles] Please.
Jake: DESTINY! [Shakes Finn off his leg when the rocket is about to shoot off]
Banana Man: There's not enough boom boom sticks in the stick hole! No!
Finn: Jake!
Jake: Take care, brother. You weren't by my side in the croak dream but I'm glad you're here to see me off
Finn: That's right! I wasn't in his dream! That means...
[The dynamite is about to explode.]
Jake: See you on the other side! [The dynamite ignites and the rocket starts fly.]
Banana Man: Ahh! [The glass jar he was holding breaks on the ground into lots of pieces.]
Jake: Huh? Whaaa?
[The rocket's bottom breaks off and it tips over.]
Jake: Am I in glob world?
[The rocket lands sideways and the ground cracks all around and breaks, the rocket ship, Jake and Banana Man falling with it.
Jake & Banana Man: Ahhh!
Finn: Jake! Jake!! [Finn jumps in the hole.] Jake I'm coming with you! [Everybody falls in an underground body of water.]
Banana Man: Ahh!
[Jake is holding his breath underwater, which looks like space, and sees Banana Man, the space ship and a model of the earth. Jake is excited as his croak dream is happening as planned. Finn swims over to him, to Jake's disappointment.]
Jake: Fiiiiiiinnn, don't try to stop me, Finn!
Finn: No, it's okay, I'm here to stay by your side! [Finn hugs Jake who smiles.]
Jake: Thanks man, I knew you'd come around.
[Finn begins squeezing Jake hard and his face begins to turn red, Jake notices he is running out of air and gets him out of the water, breathing hard, and jumps on Finn, who squirts water out of his mouth.]
Finn: [Coughs]
Jake: Take it easy there, buddy.
Banana Man: [Swims to the surface of the water and begins to cough] I just wanted to borrow some sugar!! [He passes out]
Jake: Poor Banana Man. So I guess that wasn't a real croak dream after all! It didn't really come together quite right.
Finn: Heh, heh yeah.
Jake: Hey no wait, in the croak dream it was me and Banana Man, [Stretches himself and Banana Man on his belly] but this time you were here too. [Stretches Finn on his belly] So... [Stretches stomach back to normal] it must be destined to happen again when your not around!
Finn: Well in that case, I'll just have to never leave your side ever again for the rest of our lives.
Jake: Hmm? [Finn puts his face against Jake's] What are you doing?
Finn: [Weird voice] I can never leave your side ever again for the rest of our lives.
Jake: [Slight pause] Get off of me!
Finn: [Weird voice] For the rest of our lives! [Chases Jake]
Jake: No!
Finn: I know where you live!
Jake: No, c'mon!
Finn: [Mimicking the sound of a ghost] Ooh! Ooh!
Jake: I know you're not a ghost, Finn! Stop chasing me!
Banana Man: [Banana Man exercises behind a changing color background.] Aoo hoo! Ha ha! [lifts his leg up and down] Uh huh! [Bends over back and forth] Ha ha! [Shakes his arms up and down] Yeah! [Does a backflip, lands in the splits and claps twice.]
[The episode ends.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "The Other Tarts" from season 2, which aired on January 3, 2011.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Princess Bubblegum
Tart Thieves
Butterfly
Music
None
Locations
Tartorium
Desert of Doom
Royal Congressional Hall
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[Episode begins with a zoom through the Galaxy of Flavors.]
Princess Bubblegum: [voice over] In the Kingdom of Ooo there is a galaxy of flavors, but only one taste sensation is amazing enough to kill for—the Royal tart. [Royal tart appears on screen] [four hands appear and split the tart in four] Royal tarts are very rare. They are only eaten at the most sacred gathering in Ooo—the annual Back-Rubbing Ceremony [Backrubbers appear, rubbing each other's backs]. The tart is so legendary that countless thieves will risk their lives for just one bite. [Thieves appear and grab the tart, then a bite mark appears on the tart]
[Scene changes to Candy Kingdom]
Princess Bubblegum: My head will be decapitated if the tarts don't make it to the ceremony. I only trust one guy to deliver them... the Royal Tart Toter.
[Royal Tart Toter appears, then zooms back to reveal it is just a picture of him.]
Finn and Jake: Whoa!
Jake: He's magnificent!
Princess Bubblegum: He used to be, but he's gone mad and old. So he can't deliver the tarts anymore. Cinnamon Bun offered to fill the position, but he's kind of...[whispers] half-baked.
Cinnamon Bun: Hey Princess! Here I go! [slowly stands on his head while grunting] I'm stuck.
Finn: Princess, let us deliver the tarts.
Princess Bubblegum: Are you sure Finn? This is really important.
Finn: [getting down on one knee] Princess, I have never been more sure of anything in my whole life! [rubs the princess' hand on his face] I'll do anything it takes to keep you alive and safe. We won't let you down.
Princess Bubblegum: Well... I accept your offer.
[Scene changes to a factory where Jelly Bean People are working.]
Princess Bubblegum: Welcome to the Tartorium!
Finn: [looking at some tarts, along with Jake] Wow. [along with Jake] They're so beautiful.
Princess Bubblegum: No, boys. Those are the reject tarts, full of imperfections. [lifts container full of tarts] These are the perfect tarts... [she kisses the container] safely packed into one of my anti-gravity tote chambers.
[She hands them the chamber]
Finn and Jake: Tote sweet!
Princess Bubblegum: Now, I want you to tote those tarts through that tunnel. [she takes out her holo-pendant and shows them a map] The Royal Tart Path takes you directly to the Royal Congressional Hall in the Bad Lands. The path is really safe and well protected, but keep your eyes open for any sign of danger, okay?
Finn: Mmm hmm.
Jake: Yep.
Princess Bubblegum: Good. Now here's your map. [gives them the holo-pendant]
Finn: [picking up a beaker] Hey Princess, what are all these bubbling chemicals all over the place?
Princess Bubblegum: That's paralyzing potion, Finn! Don't touch it. It'll paralyze you forever! [she laughs nervously]
Finn: Oh. [he puts the potion back]
Princess Bubblegum: Thank you, boys.[steps into an elevator] And remember, my head is on the line! [She pulls her head back before the elevator doors close on her.]
Jake: All right, let's hit it. [starts to move towards the tunnel]
Finn: Wait. I got a sick plan! [He takes an empty anti-gravity chamber, fills it with reject tarts, pours some paralyzing potion on them, and sets the pack on Cinnamon Bun's back, and the two laugh.]
Finn: Go!
Cinnamon Bun: Okay. [He walks into the tunnel waving good-bye.] Bye! Bye-bye! Bye-bye! Bye!
Finn: Goodbye! You'll be fine! Hahaha!
Jake: Bye! Goodbye!
[All three say that at the same time]
Jake: Heh, that was fun, but why'd you do it?
Finn: Look, everyone expects the tarts to on that Royal Tart Path. Cinnamon Bun will be our decoy while we take the one path no thief expect a tart toter to take: the Desert of Doom!
[The scene changes to the Desert of Doom in the Bad Lands, with Finn and Jake walking with Anti-Gravity Chamber]
Jake: I guess this is it.
Finn: Huh, not as scary as I thought it'd be.
Jake: Yeah, man, mostly just looks empty. I mean, what thief would ever hang out here? There's nothing to steal!
Finn: You know, I think my plan might be kinda brilliant. I mean, I'm not saying I'm the brilliant, but it's a pretty brilliant plan, I think.
Jake: True, true. This place is perfect for toting tarts.
Finn: Yeah, and the Back-Rubbing Ceremony is right over those mountains. [points to mountains] This tart tote is gonna be a total tart walk.
Jake: Heheheh, yeah. Ohh, wait! Hold up!
Finn: What is it?
Jake: Shh. [sniffs] It's a campfire—close by.
Finn: [gasps] Does it smell like a tart thief's campfire?
Jake: Maybe.
Finn: Better check it out—can't be too careful. [pats the tart pack]
[The scene switches to three hobos roasting a sausage]
Taddle: D-d-don't burn it now, Grimby.
Grimby: Hush. [blows sausage] I ain't gon' burn it.
[Finn and Jake see this and hide]
Finn: Crud! I was sure we'd be safe in the Desert of Doom!
Jake: What? Whatcha sayin'?
Finn: Those are dirty tart burglers!
Jake: I think they're just dirty hobos.
Finn: No, man, they are cold-blooded tart destroyers and we have to get them before they get us.
Jake: Why?
Finn: They're gonna kill Princess Bubblegum by stealin' our tarts!
Jake: Oh, yeah.
[The scene switches to the hobos]
Taddle: But how come JJ gets to hold it, Grimby?
[Jake appears, transformed into a monster, and the hobos are scared]
Jake: Rawr! [hits Taddle]
[Grimby tries to eat the beans but Finn hits him]
[Jake kicks JJ]
Finn: Yeah, go on, get! We'll mash you up crazy! [Points at Grimby] You! Listen up and tell your friends: the next time you wanna steal one of our tarts—!
Grimby: [gasps] You got tarts?
Finn: You know we do! And the next time you want to steal one—! [JJ approaches the tart pack] You picture this guy right here [points to Jake] chewin' on your brain! [JJ inserts his arm into the tart pack, but it sounds an alarm] What the—?! [JJ steals some tarts] That thing's gettin' the tarts!
[Jake reaches for him, but JJ jet-packs away with the tarts]
Finn: Son of a—.
[JJ lands in the distance, and the other hobos approach him]
Taddle and Grimby: We eatin' good tonight! [They fly away with JJ]
[Jake returns to its normal shape and observes the tart pack]
Jake: Uh-oh, man, he got, like, five or six!
Finn: But... my brilliant plan.
Holo-Pendant: Incoming transmission from Princess Bubblegum.
Finn: What the—? [The hologram of Princess appear immediately]
Princess Bubblegum [Hologram]: Hey, Finn.
Finn: [shrieks] [falls on his back]
Princess Bubblegum [Hologram]: I'm just checking in using the holo-pendant. How are my tarts doing?
Finn: They're, um... th-they're—
Jake: They're radical! No tart problems here!
Finn: Uhh, yeah! Right! Everything's, uh—bazoobs! Oh, look, something is eclipsing the sun. It's so dark now. [Save the Holo-pendant in his hat ]
Princess Bubblegum [Hologram]: Finn? Finn! Oh, well, I'll see you soon enough!
Holo-Pendant: Transmission complete.
Jake: I think the plan went awry.
Finn: No! All this was just some freak bad luck, but we still got some tarts and the princess is still safe.
Jake: Oh, yeah, and who knows what kind of freaky things would have happened if we took the Royal Tart Path? [Finn puts on the tart pack] Heheh, old Cinnamon Bun's probably got his hands full.
[The scene changes to the Cinnamon Bun on the Royal Tart Path]
Cinnamon Bun: Bye! Goodbye! Bye-bye!
Royal Tart Path Guard 1: Hello!
Cinnamon Bun: Hello!
Royal Tart Path Guard 1: Shall I hold that for you, sir?
Cinnamon Bun: Okay. [whistles and gives the container to the Guard]
[They approach another guard]
Royal Tart Path Guard 2: Shall I hold that for you, sir?
Royal Tart Path Guard 1: Okay.
[Several guards in a row help as Cinnamon Bun continues whistling]
Royal Tart Path Guard 3: Shall I hold that for you, sir?
Royal Tart Path Guard 2: Okay.
Royal Tart Path Guard 4: Shall I hold that for you, sir?
Royal Tart Path Guard 3: Okay.
Royal Tart Path Guard 5: Shall I hold that for you, sir?
Royal Tart Path Guard 4: Okay.
Royal Tart Path Guard 6: Shall I hold that for you, sir?
Royal Tart Path Guard 5: Okay.
Royal Tart Path Guard 7: Shall I hold that for you, sir?
Royal Tart Path Guard 6: Okay.
Royal Tart Path Guard 8: Shall I hold that for you, sir?
Royal Tart Path Guard 7: Okay.
[The scene changes to the Bad Lands]
Finn: You know what? Even though it totally wasn't our fault, it's probably for the best that we lost those tarts. [They enter a giant skull of an animal]
Jake: Huh? How?
Finn: Well, it's like a reminder to really stay sharp and play it extra safe.
[They leave the skull]
Finn: For instance, take this scary cavern, here. No sane person would ever bring a tart down there. So...
Jake: So no thieves!
Finn: Exactly.
Jake: You are on a roll today, buddy!
[They enter the cave]
[The scene inside the cave, everything is completely dark, only you can see the eyes of the characters who move through it]
Finn: P.U.!
Jake: Yeah, P.U.!
[A deep sniff is heard]
Finn: Jake?
Jake: Yeah?
Finn: Hey, man, did you just, like, sniff my butt?
Jake: Uh, just now?
Finn: Yeah.
Jake: No.
Finn: Huh. Alright.
[They keep walking, and Jake hums a tune]
Jake: Hmm. Hey, Finn?
Finn: Yeah, Jake?
Jake: Did you just, uh, lick me—all the way up my arm?
Finn: No.
Jake: Hmm. Strange.
Finn: Jake, let me see those matches.
[Finn lights a match and they realize they are surrounded by Chuds]
Finn & Jake: [scream]
[The scene goes black while Finn and Jake scream and fighting noises are heard. They get thrown out of the cave.]
Jake: Uh-oh! Man, we got got! There's only two left!
Finn: What?!
Holo-Pendant: Incoming transmission from Princess Bubblegum.
Finn: Aaaaah!
[Finn throws the Holo-Pendant]
Princess Bubblegum [Hologram]: Hello?
Finn: We blew it, man! My plan sucked—it sucked all along—but I was blinded by my hubris! Now PB is gonna get got, and it's all my fault!
Jake: Whoa, whoa, take it easy, buddy. We've still got two whole tarts left. PB is gonna be fine.
[A butterfly lands on the tart pack]
Finn: You really think so?
Jake: Yeah, why not?
Butterfly: Hey! Keep off them tarts!
Finn: Huh?
Butterfly Bandit: I said back off of them tarts! Are you an imbecile?!
Finn: But I—
Bandit Butterfly: Right the bazoobs now! [Pulls out his laser gun]
Jake: Finn, he's got a laser gun!
[The butterfly shoots, and Finn & Jake move away]
Bandit Butterfly: Yeah! That's it. Alright, [Grabs the tart pack and flies off] now I gotta book it to Nana's for brunch! See youse later!
Finn: It's over. PB's gonna get croaked.
Jake: Mmm, yeah—or... we could smash in there and stop Congress from chopping her head off.
Finn: You're right! Jake, let's go save Princess Bubblegum!
[The scene changes to the Royal Congressional Hall]
[Finn and Jake enter]
Backrubbers: Chop! Chop! Chop! Chop!
[Finn and Jake see Princess Bubblegum bring her face to the table while a Backrubber raises his axe. Finn's eyes go big in terror.]
Finn: NOOOOO!!!!
[The guy with the ax makes the cut]
Finn: Aaaaah! ... Huh?
[The ax is revealed to have merely chopped a tart]
Princess Bubblegum: Another perfectly chopped tart!
[The crowd cheers and Princess Bubblegum takes a picture]
Princess Bubblegum: Let the annual Back-Rubbing Ceremony begin!
Finn: Dude, they were just slicing tarts!
Jake: And there's Cinnamon Bun over there!
Cinnamon Bun: Hey!
Finn: He must have delivered the decoys...
[Pause]
Finn and Jake: the ones we poisoned!
[The princess is about to eat a tart]
Finn: Nooo!
[Finn slaps the tart away]
Finn: Princess, don't eat that tart!
Princess Bubblegum: Okay! Jeez, Finn, I won't eat that tart. I'll eat this other tart instead!
[She stuffs it in her mouth]
Finn: No, Princess, no!
[She becomes immobilized]
Finn: The princess has been paralyzed!
Princess Bubblegum: I'm not paralyzed! I'm gripped with the flavor!
Finn: That means we must have been carrying the poisoned tarts all along!
[The Butterfly bandit is shown with a tart, falling through the sky, paralyzed.]
Finn: Yep! All part of my master plan.
Jake: Psht! Whatever, man. Heh heh.
Princess Bubblegum: Excuse me! What is this about poisoned tarts and alternate plans?
Finn: I-I—alright, here it comes. [blushes] I had a brilliant plan to tote the tarts along a dangerous path, but I mucked it up. [sighs] You oughtta give this toter job to Cinnamon Bun. He's the real hero.
Cinnamon Bun: [laughs] Yeah! [He does a flip into the punch bowl]
Finn: I'm sorry for not following your instructions and for lying to you about it.
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, Finn, I forgive you—'cause I lied to you, too! They weren't going to decapitate me; I just said that so you guys wouldn't eat the tarts!
Finn: Oh!
Princess Bubblegum: So I guess we're even.
[She hugs Finn, and he blushes.]
Finn: Uhh, yeah, I guess so.
[The Royal Tart Toter bursts in, holding a squirrel and a hen]
Royal Tart Toter: Ladies and gentlemen! The Royal Tarts have arrived.
Backrubbers: [gasp]
Princess Bubblegum: The old Tart Toter! [whispering] Nobody move! He can't see or hear, but he can feel your movement.
Royal Tart Toter: Hello? Eat my tarts? This cosmic dance of bursting decadence and withheld permissions twists all our arms collectively, but if sweetness can win—and it can—[The background changes to the Galaxy of Flavors with Lumpy Space Princess passing by] then I'll still be here tomorrow, to high-five you yesterday, my friends. Peace.
[Lumpy Space Princess grabs a passing donut, while the Royal Tart Toter drifts into the distance]
Finn: Sheesh!

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "The Pajama War" from season 6, which aired on January 8, 2015.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Princess Bubblegum
Tree Trunks
Mr. Pig
Crunchy
Snail
Music
None
Locations
Candy Kingdom foyer
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[It's nighttime in the Candy Kingdom. Tree Trunks, accompanied by Mr. Pig, is carrying a basket of hot buns toward the Candy Kingdom foyer. Finn awaits them near the entrance at the top of some steps.]
Finn: Tree Trunks! The slumber party is about to start. Get those hot buns in here, girl!
[Mr. Pig takes this the wrong way, and, enraged, runs up the steps toward Finn.]
Finn: Did you hear me? I said, "Get those hot—"!
[Mr. Pig slaps Finn.]
Finn: Hi, Mr. Pig.
[Mr. Pig slaps him again.]
Finn: Why are you hitting me?
[Mr. Pig slaps him once more.]
Finn: I was just talking about Tree Trunks's hot—.
[Mr. Pig slaps him one last time. He takes Tree Trunks's basket and sets it down, then takes his wife by the trunk and leads her back down the steps. Princess Bubblegum runs up to Finn.]
Princess Bubblegum: Come on, Finn! We're doing music chairs.
[The two run over to a group of Candy People who are about to start a round of musical chairs.]
Chet: Everyone ready?
Everyone: Ready!
[Chet cranks a phonograph, which plays some lively music. Then he suddenly stops.]
Chet: Take a seat!
[Everyone sits down except Finn and Princess Bubblegum, who run around the circle of chairs searching for a spot.]
Princess Bubblegum: Uh, uh...
Finn: Uh-oh, uh-oh!
Mr. Cupcake: There's a seat by me.
[Finn and Princess Bubblegum lunge at the empty chair at the same time, bumping each other.]
Finn & Princess Bubblegum: Oh! Heh.
Finn: You take it, Princess. This is your party.
Princess Bubblegum: You take it, Finn. You're my guest.
Finn & Princess Bubblegum: No, no, I insist!
Chet: Time is up. You two must now be sent to the closest closet to have heavenly thoughts.
[Everyone walks over to a door. Chet pushes Finn and Princess Bubblegum inside.]
Chet: Heavenly thoughts. [shuts door]
[Finn and Princess Bubblegum sit down.]
Finn: Hey, PB.
Princess Bubblegum: Hey, Finn.
Finn: [puts a toothpick in his mouth] Mm?
Princess Bubblegum: Bup, bup, bup. Hey, you wanna ditch the party and go for a walk?
Finn: Wha—? Really?
Princess Bubblegum: It's been a while since we just hung out, you know?
Finn: What about the Candy People?
Princess Bubblegum: Ah, they should be fine, right? For once? Maybe they'll surprise me by being fine. Come on. [pushes aside some coats]
Finn: Whoa!
Princess Bubblegum: Secret passage.
Finn: Noice.
Manfried: Boy, it's sure quiet in there. What's going on in there, you think?
Crunchy: Someone should listen at the door.
[The Candy People whisper among themselves, some pointing to Crunchy.]
Mr. Cupcake: We nominate you, Crunchy, to go listen at the door.
Dr. Donut: And tell everybody what's going on.
Crunchy: Eh, what? Why me?
Starchie: Come on, Crunchy. You're the go-to guy. You're the new Cinnamon Bun. [leads him to the door]
Crunchy: No, I'm not. [leans against door]
Gumdrop Lass 1: What do you hear?
Dr. Donut: Yeah, paint us a picture, Crunchy.
Crunchy: I hear, like, uh, like, a lush, green field... next to a white picket fence. Finn and the princess both brought picnic baskets. Oh, but they brought the same stuff, and they're laughing about it. And now they're kissing.
Chocoberry: There's no lush, green field in that closet!
Crunchy: Well, you guys asked me to paint a picture.
Chocoberry: Just tell us what you hear!
Crunchy: I can't hear anything. They must be just lightly brushing their lips together.
Starchie: Or... maybe they kissed so much they passed out! Crunchy, open that door!
[Crunchy tries to open the door but is too short to reach the knob.]
Mr. Cupcake: Step aside, Crunchy. I'll make short work of this door opening. [crushes knob] Oh. I guess I'm just too strong. [flexes and winks]
Gumdrop Lass 1: [gasps] Then they're trapped! What if they ran out of air?
Mr. Cupcake: No air? I'll smash down the door!
Chet: Stop!
Mr. Cupcake: Huh?
Chet: Mr. Cupcake, your mighty strength might kill them! There's a drill and saw in the supply room, though.
Mr. Cupcake: In here, you say? [walks to another door]
Candy People: No, don't!
[Mr. Cupcake crushes the knob on the door to the supply closet.]
Candy People: Aw...
[Mr. Cupcake flexes and winks again.]
Jake: Yo, guys! You gotta do something! That's my best friend in there! [texts on his phone] "You okay in there?"
[Finn and Princess Bubblegum are walking outside.]
Finn: [texting] Yeah, we went out the secret coat passage.
Princess Bubblegum: It's so nice to get away sometimes.
[Some horses wave to them.]
Finn: Hmm. Candy peeps can be a handful, huh? [waves to horses]
Princess Bubblegum: Yeah. They mean well, though. You wanna meet Timmy?
[Princess Bubblegum stops the treadmill, and they both take off their virtual reality headsets.]
Princess Bubblegum: [high-pitched] Timmy!
[Timmy walks up to them. Princess Bubblegum hugs it.]
Finn: Aw! So squish!
[Princess Bubblegum climbs on to the oversize cat.]
Princess Bubblegum: Hop on!
Finn: Okay. [hops on]
[Timmy jumps up some ledges and takes them into a passage. The scene cuts back to the candy foyer, where Mr. Cupcake is forcing air through a tube leading under the door to the closet.]
Candy People: Breathe!
[Mr. Cupcake breathes into the tube.]
Candy People: Breathe!
[Mr. Cupcake breathes.]
Candy People: Breathe!
Chet: Wait. Wait! Don't Candy People breathe out, like, poisonous gas or something? Something like... [stammering] carbo... carrin dio—
Jake: I know! It's called... [farts into pillow] And it is deadly.
Candy People: [screaming]
Chocoberry: Suck it back out! Suck it back out!
[Mr. Cupcake tries sucking the tube but faints.]
Candy People: [screaming]
Chet: Cupcake's dead! What do we do?!
Jake: Ha-a. [eats chips]
Princess Bubblegum: So got any other weekend plans?
Finn: Mmm... probably gonna hit up the arts and crafts kingdom with BMO. You?
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, I'm gonna garden some, plan next week's pizza lunch, answer 800 e-mails, and... you know, whatever.
[They reach a tree with glowing fruit.]
Finn: Wows. Do you ever get tired from doing princess work all the time?
Princess Bubblegum: Sure. I mean, it's a lot of responsibility [picks a fruit] looking after so many people, though lately I have been trying to be more chill about it. [pulls seeds out of fruit and showers Finn with them]
Finn: Cool, like taking ice cream breaks?
Princess Bubblegum: Yeah, and, like, being more... sorta okay with everyone making mistakes around me. Like "mind my own stuff" more. You know what I mean?
[Several candy birds land on Finn and peck at the seeds.]
Finn: Yeah. Kind of like how I've been thinking about my dad and how I want him to act more like daddy. But, but maybe acting like daddy just isn't what he does. Maybe my dad's not a dad but a kid stuck in a dad's body.
[Timmy suddenly pounces on Finn.]
Princess Bubblegum: [gasps]
[Timmy licks Finn's face.]
Finn: [laughs] Timmy knows what's up!
Princess Bubblegum: Timmy!
Finn & Princess Bubblegum: Timmy!
[Finn takes a selfie of the three of them together. The scene then cuts back to the Candy Kingdom.]
Manfried: Okey-dokey, everybody! Check it out!
[The Gumdrop Lasses are knitting a giant sweater.]
Manfried: Once in place, this sweater will muffle the cannonball explosion perfectly, allowing the frame around the door to gently fall apart, freeing Finn and PB.
[The Candy People applaud.]
Mr. Cupcake: Manfried's a good leader because we can always see him.
Manfried: Now the cannon should go right over here. [spins around] Oh, wait. Here. [points with foot]
Jake: [laughs]
Chocoberry: Aren't you worried about Finn?
Jake: Of course I am! See these tears of worry? [produces fake tears]
Chocoberry: [pats his arm] It will be okay, Jake.
[Chocoberry runs off. Jake laughs at a video Finn sent him and views a text from Finn.]
Finn (voiceover): PB is showing me all this cool stuff. She has an awesome shirt. How's the party?
[Jake looks up to see Colonel Candy Corn preparing the cannon. He texts back "Awesome."]
Manfried: Okay, everyone, prepare for the boom.
[The Candy People cover their ears.]
Manfried: Three... two...
Colonel Candy Corn: Fire!
[Colonel Candy Corn fires the cannon, which explodes, leaving a crater and exposing broken pipes.]
[The Candy People gasp.]
Colonel Candy Corn: Aw, my cannon.
Manfried: Uh-oh.
Banana Guard: Hey, the closet's open!
[The Candy People scream.]
Crunchy: So they're dead, right?
Ice Cream Guy: Chocoberry can tell us! She saw a ghost at my house once.
Chocoberry: Oui, it's true. I have the gift. [walks into closet, eyes closed] Yes. I sense their spirits.
[The Candy People gasp.]
Chocoberry: Finn says... He says, "Remember to feed BMO." [gasps, cries]
[The Candy People cry.]
Colonel Candy Corn: That idea stank, Manfried! I'm calling the shots from now on.
Mr. Cupcake: No! Manfried is still the most clearly visible.
Jake: Hey, why don't you guys team up and fight each other to see who gets to wear the crown. [points to painting of Princess Bubblegum]
[The Candy People split up and form teams. Both sides growl and shake their fists at the other.]
Jake: [laughs]
[Crunchy is seen hiding in the shadows.]
Crunchy: [laughs menacingly]
[The scene cuts back to Finn and Princess Bubblegum. Princess Bubblegum hums while she prepares a concoction made using tiny Candy People. It ignites with a blue, green, and yellow flame. She offers it to Finn.]
Princess Bubblegum: Here, try this one.
Finn: [takes a sip] Mmm... fire.
Princess Bubblegum: [laughs] You got a little edible fire mustache there.
Finn: What? [views himself on his phone's camera and laughs] Gonna send this to Jake. [takes a picture]
[Jake sends Finn a video.]
Jake (voiceover): Check it out.
[Finn plays the video. It shows two Banana Guards hitting Manfried with baseball bats, Mr. Cupcake throwing Chocoberry across the room at Colonel Candy Corn, and Gumdrop Lass 2 chasing Starchie around the pit.]
Princess Bubblegum: Hey, what's that?
Finn: Uh, it's—
Princess Bubblegum: Let me see.
Finn: Mm. You won't like it, but okay. [hands her his phone]
[Princess Bubblegum watches the video. She groans.]
Princess Bubblegum: I'll worry about it later.
Finn: Oh.
Princess Bubblegum: You wanna see the burrito room?
Finn: Yuss!
[Back in the Candy Kingdom, Colonel Candy Corn is wearing the crown torn from the picture of Princess Bubblegum.]
Colonel Candy Corn: This is a brutal new society. For a society to function, it needs rules. 1. You must drink tea with your pizza. 2. Pizza can only be eaten alone. 3. If a pizza is found in a field, you must make the next person you see holding a glass of milk eat it.
Crunchy: Sire, I must congratulate you on becoming princess.
Colonel Candy Corn: Thank you.
Crunchy: Is there anything I can do or get for you?
Colonel Candy Corn: Anything?
Crunchy: Anything.
Colonel Candy Corn: Could you perhaps procure a pizza?
Crunchy: [darkly] Yes. [walks backwards]
Jake: Man, this is intense. I better do something! [takes a bunch of selfies]
[Finn and Princess Bubblegum are sitting on the treadmill and watching the fake sunset.]
Finn: Thanks for showing me around, PB. I've enjoyed just, just hanging out.
Princess Bubblegum: Me, too!
[Finn gets Jake's pictures.]
Finn: [laughs] Jake just sent me a funny picture of himself. [hands phone to Princess Bubblegum]
[Princess Bubblegum flips through them and laughs, pausing when she sees Colonel Candy Corn wielding an axe in the background of one.]
Princess Bubblegum: Whoa. It looks like the Candy People's makeshift government has been taken over by a ruthless despot.
Finn: What? Why aren't you freaking out?
Princess Bubblegum: Eh, it was worth giving them a shot. Let's go back to the party, though. It looks like we have to save it.
[In the candy foyer, a giant statue of Crunchy stands over the crater formed from the cannon's explosion. Crunchy, wearing the painted crown, is riding Colonel Candy Corn like a horse.]
Colonel Candy Corn: Neigh! Whinny!
Candy People: [chanting] Crunchy! Crunchy! Crunchy!
Crunchy: To the crater!
[The Candy People walk to the crater. Dr. Donut and Ice Cream Guy are holding Starchie on the ledge.]
Crunchy: Any last words, Starchie?
Starchie: You smell.
Crunchy: Throw him in!
Princess Bubblegum: What's going on here?
Candy People: Uh...
Jake: They devolved into beasts. It has hilarious.
Princess Bubblegum: Okay, everybody get into your sleeping bags, and I'll read you a story.
[The Candy People, gathered around Princess Bubblegum in their sleeping bags, wait for Princess Bubblegum to start reading.]
Princess Bubblegum: [clears throat] Modern menswear can be traced back two hundred years. Furs and textiles became easier to produce...
[Finn flips through the pictures he took earlier on his phone. He lightly laughs at one of him and Princess Bubblegum puffing their cheeks out.]

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "The Party's Over, Isla de Señorita" from season 5, which aired on May 27, 2013.

Characters
Ice King
Princess Bubblegum
Banana Guards
Finn
Jake
Gunter
Island Lady
Party God
Peppermint Butler (Mentioned)
Music
"Gone with the Tide"
"Ice King and the Island Lady"
Locations
Candy Kingdom
Ice Kingdom
Island Lady
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[The episode begins inside the Candy Kingdom, in Princess Bubblegum's bedroom. Coming from under the bed appears the Ice King.]
Ice King: Oh, boy [struggles a bit, stands up and stares at the still sleeping princess.] Oh, you're so pretty when you sleep, let's go back to Ice King's house, [rips duck tape piece and places it over her mouth, but she awakes.] Hi, baby....
Princess Bubblegum: [Muffled scream as she hits him with a pillow and rips the tape from her mouth.] Ice King, what are you doing in my bedroom?!
Ice King: Baby, I was trying to surprise you by moving you to my place while you sleep, then have you wake up to breakfast in bed, but now you've ruined the surprise, way to go.
Princess Bubblegum: Do you think I like being kidnapped is that what you think I want!
Ice King: Okay, here we go, you're the victim right? You know what, since day one I've been doing everything to make this relationship work and for what?!
Princess Bubblegum: Banana Guards! [Two of them enter the room]
Ice King: Babe, come on, we promised we wouldn't make our problems public [The guard approach the Ice King.]
Princess Bubblegum: [Exasperated] Take him out. [They drag him away, as Ice King protests.]
Ice King: No, baby! What are you doing?! [Still being dragged, he whines] Baby bear! [Pulling loose from the guards, he runs back to the princess' side on bended knee.] This is just so crazy, if you can honestly look into your heart and tell me you want me to leave, I'll go!
Princess Bubblegum: [Serious] Okay, leave.
Ice King: [Taken aback] Uh-what? D-did you look in your heart, like all around it?
Princess Bubblegum: [Sternly] Yes.
Ice King: I see. Then obviously you have got some heavy emotions stirring in you and you have said some very rash things. [Standing up he walks backwards towards the awaiting guards.] Guards! Take me away! [Lifting up both arms he falls sideways in the arms of the guards and do as requested.]
[Outside the castle they toss the Ice King who lands on his feet, he walks solemnly down the castle's path. At the end of the path is Finn and Jake who stand at the ready.]
Finn: Ice King, get out of Princess-
Ice King: I'm leaving! [He shoves past Finn and storms off.]
[The Ice Kingdom, and inside the castle's bathroom is the Ice King standing under the shower.]
Ice King: Uh, I don't know, did I say the right thing? I can never tell with that girl. [He gets out, warps a towel around himself and walks to his bedroom.] [There he sits on his bed and picks up a paparazzi shot of Princess Bubblegum and sighs.] All I can think about... is you, baby girl. I gotta leave Ooo, start somewhere fresh. [Walking out to the throne room dressed with a duffel bag he goes to a sleeping Gunter.] Goodbye, Gunter, you're the... man of the house now. [Kisses its forehead.]
[The scene changes to show Ice King in an ice boat, complete with ice oars, and rowing away. The Ice King calls out "Stroke, stroke" with each row.] [The setting becomes darker and cloudy as a thunder storm approaches. He stares up at the sky.]
Ice King: Oh, clam balls! [He tries desperately to row back to the shore, but the storm is too fast he is soon tossed about the waves.]
[The next scene is the Ice King awash on a sandy shore and regaining consciousness, he coughs a bit and immediately two orange fish flop from his mouth.] Ick, where am I- [coughs up a crab. And all three creatures wander back into the waters.]
Ice King: Where am I? [Stands up] Hmm, no signs of life. Just me and these palm fronds, [reaches down to pluck a few strands, and heads back to the shore and sits.] And that bird over there. [The bird pecks the sand. Ice King removes his crown] Well, won't be needing this anymore, [kisses the crown and secures it to this beard's end. Then, taking the palm strands he fashions himself a hat. He picks up the bird to have it snip off an extra piece and tosses it away.] [Placing the hat on his head he sighs] I miss her, man. [His wallowing is cut short as he hears someone singing a song in the distance.] Hello? [He goes to investigate.] Is someone here? [Muttering] Must be from somewhere. [He spots a sanding hill and runs towards it, when he reaches the top.] There, now I can look around and- sweet mother of Glob! This island doesn't have a lady - this island is a lady!
[The view shifts to show that the hill he stands on is actually the knee of a island shaped woman.]
Isla de Señorita: Oh, hello there!
Ice King: Hello.
Isla de Señorita: Is my singing bothering you?
Ice King: No.
Isla de Señorita: ...What?!
Ice King: No!
Isla de Señorita: What?
Ice King: No!!
Isla de Señorita: ...What?
Ice King: Ugh, hold on a sec! [He walks down her knee.]
[Screen card : Two Days LATER]
Ice King: [Emerging from the dense tree setting he has reached the head of the island, he climbs on her face and sits by her mouth, exhausted.] Fuu, what was the question?
Isla de Señorita: I asked if my singing was bothering you.
Ice King: [Chuckles] No, um, not at all, in fact it was quite enchanting.
Isla de Señorita: I always sing when by boyfriend is away.
Ice King: Boyfriend?
Isla de Señorita: Yeah, Party God, do you know him?
Ice King: Oh eh, sure, I mean, I know of him.
[A howl in the distance as the Party God is heard coming.]
Isla de Señorita: Oh no, that's him, quick hide! He gets crazy jealous!
Ice King: Crazy jealous?! [Panicking and looking for a place to hide, but there is none. He runs around but then just decides to curl into a ball near the mouth of the island.]
Party God: [Arriving at the island, howling all the way.]
Isla de Señorita: Hi.
Party God: Hey, babe, is that a zit on your face? Gross. [Flies downward] You've seen my boombox? I totally puked in Jimmy's stereo and killed the party I was at, he was like, "Hey, Party God, you can't spin faster than me!" And I was like, "I totally can, Jimmy." So we started spinnin', then I got super dizzy and was like: Blaugh blaugh, right into the speaker! [Peaks his head into a bush and pulls out the boombox] Hurr hurr, found it. Okay, I'm bouncing out, babe.
Isla de Señorita: Oh, you wanna hang before you go?
Party God: Oh... yeah... uh well, um, I'm sort of in the middle of party, so...
Isla de Señorita: Oh, well it would just be for a minute.
Party God: But, eh, I puked in Jimmy's stereo, I can't party-foul the party. I'm the Party God.
Isla de Señorita: Okay
Party God: Don't be mad, babe.
Isla de Señorita: I won't- I'm not.
Party God: Okay, laters- ouuu!
Isla de Señorita: [Sighs]
Ice King: [Emerges from his position.] Ugh, what a wad bag.
Isla de Señorita: Oh, he's okay... sometimes.
Ice King: [Sits by her mouth.] Gurl, he's no good for you.
Isla de Señorita: [Sighs] I know.
Ice King: Ah, who am I kidding. My GF, Princess Bubblegum, treats me like poopies too. The expression on your face when he bounced out on ya, well, I might as well have been lookin' in mirror.
Isla de Señorita: Neglected lovers party of two! [Chuckles.]
Ice King: [Chuckles too.] Yeah, that's us.
Isla de Señorita: Well, I like you. You're welcome to stay here as long as you want.
Ice King: Are you sure?
Isla de Señorita: Yes, I appreciate your company. [The Ice King smiles.]
[The scene changes and the song "Ice King and the Island Lady" is heard. The Ice King gathers various objects, he rips up a small tree to add it on his newly built house. He replaces the tree with a sapling. He then builds a grape vine area and is seen stomping on the grapes to create juice.]
Ice King: [With a cup of juice in hand he lays beside the island's mouth.] Yeah, well, PB is just so closed off to her emotions, she crushes the relationship so she doesn't ever have to develop feelings.
Isla de Señorita: I don't even matter to Party God, he just parties all the time. He doesn't even notice if I'm there or not.
Ice King: Oh, that's terrible, at least Bubblegum cares if I'm there.
Isla de Señorita: Sometimes, I wish he would just go into outer space so I'd never have to see him again.
Ice King: Yeah, he's awful, you shouldn't have to put up with that.
Isla de Señorita: Yeah, that's true.
Ice King: Yeah, girl.
Isla de Señorita: ...I'm gonna break up with him!
Ice King: [Laughs] Yeah, girl!
Party God: [Heard howling in the distance.]
Ice King: Oh, snaps! Good luck! [Curls into a ball beside the island's mouth.]
Party God: Ouuuu... I forgot the batteries.
Isla de Señorita: Hey, babe, I have to tell you something. [Party God dives into a bush.] Uh, babe?
Party God: Found them. [He spots the house.] Huh, hey what's that?
Isla de Señorita: Oh, that just washed up on me after a storm.
Party God: Hmmm, oh whatever, what did you want to tell me.
Isla de Señorita: Well, I've been doing some thinking. And I- I...
Party God: Aye, yai yai, what?
Isla de Señorita: I I... hope you have fun at your party...
Party God: Ugh! You're killing me babe, ouuuuu [flies off.]
Ice King: [Uncurls from his position] Uh! What was that?!
Isla de Señorita: Uh...
Ice King: You should have been like: "I am done with you! Bam! Pack your bags and get out my face!"
Isla de Señorita: I-
Ice King: Whatever, I'm gonna break up with him for ya'! [Placing on his crown he flies in the direction of Party God.]
Party God: [Humming to himself.]
Ice King: Hey, yo! Yo, dog! I need to talk to you.
Party God: Who are you?!
Ice King: I'm Ice King, we sort of met that time at Peppermint Butler's. Anyway, I've been spending lots of time with your girlfriend, and she re-.
Party God: Whaaaat?!! Hey wait, you're the guy who's been living on her stomach.
Ice King: Yeah, but no! It was strictly platonic! I wasn't hitting on her or anything.
Party God: There's going to be two hits, bro, me hitting you and a second instance of me hitting you. [He flies up and blast of light shoots from his mouth.]
Ice King: Whoa mama! [Does the splits to dodge it. It hits the water with a loud crash.] L-let's talk this out! Think about what's best for her- Ice Lightening!! [He zaps his ice powers at the Party God who dodges by splitting into tinier versions of himself.]
Party God: [Gives a howl and the Ice King retreats.]
Ice King: Wowzers! [Dodging another blast of light.]
Party God: Aa yeah, run blue piggy! [He blasts again and again.]
Ice King: Take it easy, wolfy, I just stomped grapes on her tummy, alright! Ahh! Bread balls bread balls bread balls! [He flies upwards to hide among a layer of thick clouds, but the Party God's head rises from them and he snaps his jaws.] Psych! [Ice King creates a large ice sword.] Eat it, party puppy! [swings sword to make a hit but Party God deflects it and it shatters.]
Party God: [Chuckles] Face it bro, my divinity is unassailable. You should have stayed out of my business.
Ice King: [Looking pass the Party God to a single floating cloud.] She is not your "bid-ness"! [Charging his powers, he sends a zap towards the Party God who doges, the bolt instead hits the cloud which instantly turns into solid ice.]
Party God: I can dodge your "zyaps" for days [he boasts, not noticing as the large ice cloud is right above his head, it lands on him and he is sent crashing to the waters below.]
Ice King: Uh oh. [Seethes.] Hmmm.
[Arriving back at the island, a howl is heard, Isla de Señorita turns her eyes in the direction.]
Isla de Señorita: Party God? [She stares at what is supposedly a conscious Party God, but it is the Ice King holding up the large head and stretching open the eyes and moving the mouth.]
Ice King (Party God): Hey, girl [In a Party God-like voice.]
Isla de Señorita: Did Ice King tell you to come talk to me?
Ice King (Party God): Um, maybe.
Isla de Señorita: Oh...
Ice King (Party God): So, is there something you wanted to tell me?
Isla de Señorita: Uh, nope- I'm good!
Ice King (Party God): Eh, ah ah, um didn't you get some good advice from a cool bro and you want to tell me something important that would be difficult but good for your future life in the long run?
Isla de Señorita: W-well, y-yes. You're bad and I'm terminating our romance! Bam, get out of my face! Wow, I never would have been able to do that without the advice from my emotionally mature friend, Ice King.
Ice King (Party God): Huh? Um, Ice King wanted me to tell you that he's going to break up with his girlfriend too, and- that- your as much of an inspiration to him as he was to you. If not less so.
Isla de Señorita: Mmm, that's nice.
Ice King (Party God): He says he'll be sure to visit. Oh, I'm going into outer space now!
Isla de Señorita: Oh, okay.
Ice King (Party God): [Flies upward.]
Isla de Señorita: Whew.
Ice King: [Flying fast away from the island and to the sky, he flings the giant head of the Party God into space.]
[Back at the Candy Kingdom, Princess Bubblegum is in her science room. The Ice King burst through the window shattering the glass.]
Princess Bubblegum: Fun cakes! [She stands up]
Ice King: I've come to a decision, you ready to hear it? I'm breaking up with ya! You party too much, you never want to spend time with me and you only care about having fun and other people's stereos! I'm just a big island you can come and go from as you please!
Princess Bubblegum: BANANA GUARDS!!
Ice King: Banana Guard yourself, Princess!! [Flies away.] Ah, we'll work it out.


Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "The Pit" from season 5, which aired on November 18, 2013.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Lady Rainicorn
Kee-Oth
Joshua
BMO
Shelby
Samantha
Little Buddy
Music
"Broke Up"
Locations
Tree Fort
Lady Rainicorn's house
Broke-up Dimension
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[Kee-Oth flying to his Broke-up Dimension, carrying Jake.]
Kee-Oth: [laughs] Your butt is mine, Joshua.
Jake: What? My butt? Weird. Where are we?
Kee-Oth: This is my yoga room. And this is your new home. [Throws Jake into a pit.] Downward, dog!
Jake: Ouch!
Kee-Oth: Welcome to revenge, Joshua. You'll never see your loved ones again. Everything you need for survival is booby-trapped!
[Camera pans to show drinking water and a toilet, surrounded by an electric barrier]
Jake: Hmm.
Kee-Oth: Now I'm gonna gank your blood the way you ganked mine.
[Kee-Oth steals Jake's blood, which turns into a hat]
Kee-Oth: Boo-yeah! How does it feel, dog? How does it feel that I've juiced your body and turned your blood into man dazzle?
Jake: Hmm. Not that great. I feel weird in my skin.
Kee-Oth: [laughs] Wait. Is that it?
Jake: Yeah... but I could get used to this.
Kee-Oth: What? No! You have to suffer.
Jake: Okay.
Kee-Oth: No "okay." When I say something, you're supposed to disagree! Okay?
Jake: Okay.
Kee-Oth: [groans] Sheesh. You're causing tension in my neck and shoulders. I'm gonna go stretch it out. You stay here and suffer.
Jake: Okay.
[The camera goes to the tree house]
Finn: Jake? [Holds up the broken demon sword] Drat! Hmmmmmmm. [Looks around] Ah! [Puts the broken sword on his head and gets A phone and dials]
Lady: 여보세요? (Hello?)
Finn: Hey, Lady. Listen. Your husband got abducted by Kee-Oth the demon.
Lady: 누구? Jake? (Who are you talking about? Jake?)
Finn: Yeah, your hubby - your boyfriend or whatever.
Lady: 어머, 뭔 소리야! 걔 내 남자친구잖아! 왜 자꾸 우리 사이를 이상한 쪽으로 몰고 가려고 그래? (Oh, what are you talking about! He's my boyfriend! Why are you keep assuming my relationship between Jake weirdly!)
Finn: Yo, my Korean is not that good. Can you just get over here? We need to find a way to Kee-Oth's dimension 십시요..
Lady: [searches through video tapes] 아! 맞아. 내가 도움 될 만한 거 가지고 있어! (Oh, right! I got something that can be helpful!)
Finn: Alright. That sounds...affirmative. See you soon. Bye. [hangs up and puts away phone, then sits on treehouse floor and closes eyes]
[Camera returns to the pit where Jake sits alone on a rock]
Jake: [hums, begins singing] Broke-up dimension, you're breakin' my heart. I'm lookin' for broke-up girl to break me apart. [stops singing] Just kiddin'. I got a girl! [snaps fingers and produces image of Lady in hand] Lady Rainicorn, yeah! Hmm, that don't look right. [adds mane to image] That's better. [kisses image]
Little Buddy: [off-screen] Excuse me?
Jake: Hmm?
Little Buddy: Down here. Hi!
Jake: [looks down at his seat] Oh my fun. I thought you was a rock.
Little Buddy: I'm not a rock. I'm a Little Buddy. Can you get off me, please?
Jake: Whoops! [gets up] Sorry.
Little Buddy: [stands and begins walking] It's okay.
Jake: Cool. You wanna be friends?
Little Buddy: I'd like that. I've never had a friend.
Jake: Whoa. Seriously?
Little Buddy: My species spends its first twelve years sleeping. I just woke up today! [walks into electric barrier and explodes, leaving shell rolling towards Jake]
Jake: [looks into empty shell] Hello? [sadly realizes it's empty] I'm just gonna pretend you're sleeping. [turns over shell and sits on it, frowning]
[Camera returns to the treehouse, where Finn and BMO sit on the floor, eyes closed]
Finn: [opens eyes] Whoop! She's here.
BMO: I thought my body was hopping up and down. But I was sitting still.
Lady: [flies in and hands Finn a video tape]가지고 왔어! (I've got it!)
Finn: What is it, Lady?
Lady: 옛날에 조슈아가 만든 테잎이야. 제이크가 그 위에 그냥 녹음해버려서 기억하고 있어. 그 앞쪽은 보지 말고 그냥 빨리 돌려! (It's a video tape that was made by Joshua long ago. I remembered it because Jake recorded something else on top of it. Just skip past the front section!)
Finn: What?
Lady: 앞쪽 보지 말고 그냥 빨리 달.. 돌리라구. (Just skip the front section of the tape.)
Finn: Eh, something skip? I don't know. Just play it, BMO.
[BMO begins playing the tape. An image of Joshua emerges]
Joshua: [on screen] Jake? Finn? Jermaine? Whoever is watching this?
Finn: Dad!
Joshua: [standing in front of a cave entrance] I just opened up an unexplored cavern deep in the underground grasslands complex. Please refer to my chart system, okay? I'm in cave 73H. In case I am overtaken by an enemy I need you to retrieve my corpse.
[Image on screen changes to Jake, lying on a living room floor in front of a lit fireplace]
Jake: [on screen] Hey, Lady. You asked me to make you a video.
Lady: [panicking] 돌려! 돌려!! (Skip!! Skip!!!)
Finn: BMO! Skip! [covers eyes] Skip!!
Jake: [on screen] ...saying JTD won't change his doggy ways.
[BMO begins fast forwarding. Finn looks at Lady, who shrugs and grins, embarrassed]
Finn: [to BMO] That should be good.
[BMO resumes the video]
Jake: [on screen] Okay, I love you girl. I hope you liked it. Bye! [kisses camera]
[Screen changes to show Joshua in the cavern, in front of a demonic altar]
Joshua: [on screen] Over here, you see, the second half of the tablet I believe. Now, if I put this together with mine, I should be able to create a portal to the demon Kee-Oth's dimension and trap him in a circle of holy water. Okay, here we go. [puts tablet pieces together] Perfect. Okay, let's see. [reading tablet] Kee-Oth zaple myrups pama...
[Screen skips forward]


Finn, Lady: [groan]


[Static ends, BMO and Shelby are visible on screen]


Jake: [On screen] Okay, this is scene one and take one of Heat Signature 2. Ready? Action!
BMO: Father, it has been a year since I was on the submarine, but, I still hear the screams! I was forced to choose; the lives of my men, or the entire planet! What would you do? Tell me father! I'm a mess, man!
[BMO falls onto the floor]
Shelby: Wait, what do I say? Mmmm, Check please-
Jake: No!
Finn: Hold on, BMO, I feel like we should watch more of this video for clues, but you gotta promise me that I'm not going to see more weird Jake stuff.
Lady: 더이상 제이크가 이상한 짓 하는 거 없을 거야. 진짜야! 그래도 내가 이 테잎 본 지 하도 오래 돼서 장담은 못 하겠네. 미안해. (I don't think there's any more weird Jake stuff. Really! But I can't promise anything, as I haven't seen this tape for years! Sorry for that.)
Finn: Okay, high-five! Play it, BMO!
[Jake appears in front of a shower, with a towel wrapped around him]
Jake: Hmm, guess what, Lady? This dirty dog needs a bath!
[Jake takes his towel off]
Jake: Wawoo!
Lady and Finn: [Screaming]
[The camera returns to the pit looking up at Kee-Oth]
Kee-Oth: [Screaming] This stinks!
Jake: What'a mean?
Kee-Oth: Come on, Joshua! Back in the old days, you would have been up here trying to take me apart!
Jake: Uh, what? That's my dad, Joshua, back in the old days.
[Cuts to Kee-Oth]
Jake: I'm his son, dude.
Kee-Oth: Shoot.
[beat]
Kee-Oth: Where is he?
Jake: He's dead, dude. Don't make me get emotional about it.
Kee-Oth: Then why you being such a wimp then? Come on up here and beat on me like your dad would.
Jake: Okay, that's weird.
Kee-Oth: What's weird?
Jake: You want to get beat up? That's weird. I'm not doin' your weird biz.
[Jake sits down.]
Kee-Oth: You won't fight?!
Jake: Nope.
[Kee-Oth yells in frustration and walks away, as Jake laughs. Kee-Oth comes back to the pit, and throws Samantha in.]
Jake: What the—!
[Samantha yells as she falls into the pit, and lands on Jake. They fall on the ground, roll, and eventually stop.]
Samantha: Hi. I'm Samantha.
Jake: I'm Jay T.—the Dog. I'm Jake.
Kee-Oth: Only one can survive my pit! This bozo tried stealing my blood too! So youse better duke it out, and see who gets to live!
Samantha: But I haven't seen a man-dog in years! And now the universe has dropped one into my arms!
Jake: Whoa, lady, no way. This boy's got.
Samantha: But fate has brought us together! The stars have paired you with a goddess.
Jake: I like the way you talk, but you are crazy.
Kee-Oth: Kill or be killed, you two!
Samantha: Yes, if I'm so crazy, then let's fight!
Jake: [whispering] No, girl, we can bounce outta here. My friend Finn will save us any second now.
Samantha: I don't wait for rescue. I conquer till I am conquered. By love... or by the hand of an adversary.
Jake: Well, I guess we're gonna have to fight then.
[Samantha yells as she runs towards Jake, and tries to kick him. He dodges as Samantha punches him in the face. She grabs his head, and squishes it down, as Kee-Oth laughs. She throws Jake at a boulder and smashes another boulder into him.]
Kee-Oth: Okay, take your time. I gotta do my daily sun salutation.
[Cut back to Finn, Lady, and BMO. A video of Joshua and Kee-Oth is playing on BMO's screen.]
Kee-Oth: [grunts] Release me, Joshua! [grunts] I'll show you!
[Kee-Oth starts to suck Joshua's blood, but starts gagging.

 

Kee-Oth: Dude, your blood is harsh!
Joshua: That's because I've been drinking so much holy water. It's in my blood, sucka! And naturally, I gotta go to the bathroom like crazy. Be right back!
Kee-Oth: If I can't suck you, I'll suck myself's blood.
[He sucks his own blood and creates the Demon Blood Sword.]
Kee-Oth: Hehehe...Taste it, scrub! [Joshua runs back into the room and splashes his holy water on Kee-Oth.] AUGH!
Joshua: [Joshua picks up the sword.] Man, I can't believe it...I gotta wee-wee again!
[Beemo's screen turns to static and BMO ejects the tape.]
Beemo: Would you like to rate this video?
Finn: No time, Beemo. [Turns to Lady] Let's go find the cave from the video. Maybe we'll find more clues there.
[Transition to Lady and Finn walking to the cave.]
Lady: 잠깐! 내가 네 주위에 보호막 쳐야 돼! (Wait! I must cast a protective shield around you!)
[She makes a circle around Finn and bites on her tail.]
Lady: 됐다. 이제 가도 돼. (Done, now you're good to go.)
[Finn picks up two stone tablets and puts them together, reading the code written on them.]
Finn: Kee Oth Zaple Myrups Rama Mancakes?
[The tablets break into fourths as they fly into the air.]
Finn: Whoa.
[The cave shatters into glass, hurdling them towards the Broken Dimension. The tablets fall into Finn's hands.]
Finn: Jake? [He sees Kee-Oth doing his sun salutation.] Yeesh.
Kee-Oth: Eh?
Finn: Jake?
Jake: Finn, yes! Help me!
Lady: Jake! 왜 저 못생긴 지지배가 널 껴안고 있는거야! (Jake! Why is that ugly chick hugging you!)
Jake: This isn't hugging—it's fighting! Fighting!
Finn: Jake, what do I do? Should I kill him?
Kee-Oth: With what?
Finn: With this! [He pulls out a pink Demon Blood Sword out of his pack.]
Kee-Oth: Demon blood...
Finn: That's right! Demon blood beats demon!
Jake: No, that is not correct!
Kee-Oth: Hahahaha! Oh yeah! Gimme that blood, stupid!
[Kee-Oth starts sucking the blood from Finn.]]
Finn: Lady! Don't break the circle of protection!
Lady: 당연하지! (Of course I won't!)
Finn: [Kee-Oth continues to try to suck Finn's blood.] Aw geez, he's sucking my sword off its hilt!
Kee-Oth: Yeah, hahaha! Your circle can't stop my sucking! Now I have your demon blood as well!
Finn: Except it's not demon blood! It's a frozen grape juice that was blessed by the priest.
Finn: [Flashback to Finn grabbing the sword out of his freezer, and taking over to Shelby to "bless."] Bless this sword, fodder.
Shelby: Mmm, check please!
Finn: [He licks the sword.] Mmm, grape-y!
[Flash forward to the Broken Dimension.]
Kee-Oth: Wait... [His stomach starts rumbling.] Aaaaaah!
[Kee-Oth explodes and Jake gets his blood back. Jake then stretches out of the pit.]
Jake: My blood! Woo!
Samantha: Coward!
Jake: Woop! Hey, hey! Lady! [He walks over to Lady and gives her a hug.]
Finn: Let's go, bros!
Jake: Samantha, you can come too, I guess.
Samantha: Very well.
[The dimension glass breaks, reforming into Finn and Jake's home.]
Samantha: You've returned me to my world, so I recant my oath to destroy you.
Jake: You made an oath. Okay.
Samantha: [She starts walking out the door.] Let's fight again some time.
Jake: Nah, I'll just stretch into a tree.
Samantha: Hmm. Took you long enough to stretch outta that pit. [She runs off.]
Lady: 뭐, 뭐가 어떻게 된 거야? 너 저 여자한테 반한 거야 뭐야! (What is happening? Did you fall in love with that lady or what!)
Jake: Pshh, please! Not even.
Lady: 그럼 그 함정에서 왜 그렇게 오래 버티고 있었어? (Then why did you spend that long time in the pit?)
Jake: Uh, because... Kee-Oth was right there! An-and there were traps! I didn't have no blood this whole time, so I'm totally out of it. [He falls to the ground.]
Lady, Finn: Jake!
Jake: Woo...Sorry, I got a little light-headed.
Lady: 아, 이 말썽꾸러기. 사랑해 자기야. (Ah, you little troublemaker, I love you, honey.)
Jake: I love you too, Lady.
Finn: Yo, guys, I still love Flame Princess.
Jake: Okay, big hug!
Finn, Jake and Lady: Hug!
[The episode ends with a shot of the open door, as a leaf flies by.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "The Pods" from season 2, which aired on January 31, 2011.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Baby Pigs
Mushroom Mayor
Mushroom People
Music
"Ice Cream Marathon Song"
Locations
Mushroom Town
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[The episode begins with Jake running through a field while eating out of a bowl of ice cream with Finn in pursuit.]
Finn: Jake. Jake! [Catches up to him] Hey man, shouldn't we conserve our energy? The Ice Cream Marathon starts tomorrow.
Jake: [With mouth full] I know what the Ice Cream Marathon is. [Swallows ice cream] I've been training for weeks. And I am determined to eat more ice cream at the Ice Cream Marathon than anyone else!
Finn: You sure like ice cream.
Jake: Ice cream is good!
[Strange croaking noise is heard off screen]
Jake: What the croak was that?
Finn: It came from over there [points to his left].
[The two walk over to the source of the sound.]
Finn: Whoa, Jake! Check it out!
[A old frog dressed in armor holding a staff is seen standing next to a small chest.]
Frog: [Croaks strangely]
Finn: It's a brave little Gnome Knight.
Jake: What? That's a frog dressed up like a Gnome Knight.
Frog: Actually, I'm a Gnome Knight who was magically transformed into a frog. And then I decided to continue being a knight.
Jake: And now you're, like, attracting a mate?
Frog: No! I'm on the verge of death!
Jake: Oh. Well, you should just let go, man.
Finn: Yeah, you've had a good run.
Frog: No! I cannot die until I find a being whose spirit is brave and pure to take over my quest.
Finn: [Avidly] Quest?
Jake: Uh-oh. [Sing-song] Somebody's gonna do a quest for a frog.
Finn: Tell me more about this... quest.
Frog: I have to guard [opens chest] these magic beans.
Jake: Huh?
Frog: Two of the beans are good, but one is horribly evil! I have no idea which is which. So I've spent my life guarding them, preventing them from ever being planted.
Jake: Beans?! Ah ha ha! Magic beans... hee! We'll be right back. Come on, Finn. I think I dropped my spoon in the bush. [Walks off]
Finn: We will take your quest.
Frog: You will?
Finn: Sure! [Picks up chest] Consider it guarded.
Frog: Also, take this [hands Finn his staff].
Finn: [Takes staff] Oh. Okay. Thanks.
Frog: No, thank you. [Transforms back to a Gnome Knight]
Finn: Whoa!
[Jake reenters scene]
Jake: Dude, what's goin' on?
Finn: We took over the quest!
Jake: What?! The beans? [Brandishes spoon at Gnome Knight] Now wait a second!
Gnome Knight: Nope, too late. [Turns to ash and is blown away by a gust of wind]
Finn: Ah, I miss him already.
Jake: Well, we should get a move on if we wanna make the Ice Cream Marathon. [Walks off]
Finn: What about the quest?
Jake: [Reentering] Really? We have to do the bean quest?
Finn: I gave him my word.
Jake: Yeah, I wasn't here for that, so... can't we guard the beans and eat ice cream?
Finn: No, man! We're on the job. And like you always say, "Work and fun don't mix..."
Jake: "...unless you're a clown." I do say that a lot.
[Scene changes to Finn and Jake sitting next to the chest. Jake is sweating.]
Jake: Gee, sittin' in this hot sun, guarding beans. It sure beats 26 miles of vanilla ice cream. Or caramel ice cream. Or peach ice cream. Hey, what if we plant the beans ourselves?
Finn: That's a terrible idea.
Jake: No, wait, hear me out. See, [opens chest] if one of these beans is evil, then it's our duty to crush it, once and for all! Plus, two of the beans are good. If we plant them, we'll be bringin' twice as much good into the world!
Finn: And we can make it to the Ice Cream Marathon!
Jake: I hadn't even thought about that!
[Ice Cream Marathon Song plays. Finn and Jake are shown planting the beans. Night falls.]
Jake: [Yawns, grabs a pillow from off screen] I'm gonna take a cat nap.
Finn: What? But we have to be ready for evil!
Jake: [Yawning] If we take shifts, there's less chance of us falling asleep at the same time. [Starts snoring]
Finn: [Thinking] Alright Finn, Jake's a lazy bum and this soil is ripe with evil. I cannot go to sleep until that evil bean sprouts and is destroyed.
[Scene switches to Finn and Jake sleeping. It is now morning. A large beanstalk starts growing and Finn wakes up.]
Finn: AAAH! [Stands up] Wake up, Jake! This is it!
Jake: [Rubbing eyes] Huh? [Yawns, opens eyes] Oh!
[Beanstalk stretches down a pod.]
Finn: Aah! Bean pod! [Inspects it] I can't tell if it's evil yet.
[Bean pod opens, spilling out several piglets.]
Finn: Huh? Baby Pigs dressed in silly costumes?
Jake: Aw, look how cute they look all sleepy and snore-y.
Finn: Careful, Jake. It could be a trap. We should test them to see if they're... evil.
[Scene changes to Finn handing a pencil and a test to each of the pigs who are sitting at desks.]
Finn: Okay. Each one of you take one test and one pencil. You have one hour to complete the test and prove we shouldn't kill you. [Picks up sword] And begin.
[Pigs are shown in various positions on or around their desks, squealing and snorting. One drops its pencil.]
Jake: Aw, they're so cute they can hardly hold their pencils.
Finn: That doesn't fare well for their... [sword gleams] grade point average.
Jake: Nothing evil could be this adorable.
Finn: [Picks up a test] Hmm, you might be right. [Looks at test] The only thing on here is a cute drawing of an ice cream cone under "Do you have allergies?" Yeah, [shuffling through tests] nothing evil. Okay, the pigs are good.
Jake: YES! [Runs over to pigs] You hear that, guys? You passed! A-plus! A-plus-plus!
Finn: [Laughs]
[Another beanstalk grows out of the ground.]
Finn: Oh, no! [Picks up sword] Jake, get ready. The second pod is about to drop. PROTECT THE PIGLETS!
Jake: [Shielding pigs] Stay back, babies!
[Second pod drops to the ground.]
Finn: Show me what you have to offer, pod!
[Pod opens, spilling out magic wands]
Finn: Magical wands?
Jake: What? COOL! [Runs over to the wands and picks one up]
Finn: Stop, Jake!
Jake: [Waves wand around, sprinkling glitter] WOW!
Finn: Is it evil?
Jake: It's a wand that poops glitter! What's good-er than that?! [Runs over to pigs] Whee-hee-hee-hee-hee! [Sprinkles glitter on pigs]
Finn: Hmm... [picks up a wand and waves it around as it makes a rainbow trail and sprinkles glitter] Hahahaha! Glitter on its own could be evil. But with rainbows? Over my dead body!
Jake: Hey, let's have some fun with these pigs before the evil pod shows up!
Finn: Yeah!
[Jake is shown playing pattycake with the pigs, Finn playing checkers with them, Finn and Jake pushing them in a tire swing, playing dodgeball, and building a log cabin.]
Finn: Phew!
Jake: I'm exhausted!
[Pigs fall asleep in Finn and Jake's arms.]
Finn: They look so sleepy and peaceful. We have to stay alert. The evil pod could appear at any time. When it does, we must be ready to destroy it immediately.
Jake: And then go to the Ice Cream Marathon, right?
Finn: [Closing eyes] Yeah, man.
Jake: [Yawns] Okay. I'll take the first shift.
Finn: [Falling asleep] Rhombus.
[Scene changes, showing Finn and Jake still asleep. Finn and Jake awaken to see the third pod about to drop.]
Finn: AH! Look! The third pod!
Jake: It's bigger than the other two, dude!
Finn: [Grabbing sword] Yeah, man. We've gotta kill it now.
[The pod drops to the ground with a thud and Finn and Jake jump on top of it. Finn starts hitting it with his sword. Jake jumps off and punches near an opening.]
Jake: Huh? [Pod starts leaking brown substance] It's squirting!
Finn: Squirting?! [Jumps down]
Jake: See? Squirting. Right here. [Touches substance and licks his finger] Tastes good. [Starts licking the opening]
Finn: Dang, man! Don't just lick stuff! It's evil!
Jake: [Pulls back pod skin] No, it's not. It's... ice cream! [Starts eating]
Finn: Is the evil sucking you in? [Jake continues eating] JAKE! [Pulls Jake out by his legs]
Jake: [Sighs] That was awesome.
Finn: Are you poisoned?! Are you dying?
Jake: No, man! It was awesome!
[Pod starts refilling itself.]
Finn: Look, Jake! It's filling back up!
Jake: Aw, yeah! [Eats some ice cream. It replenishes.] This pod makes ice cream out of nothing! It's the "goodest" thing that's ever happened to me!
Finn: Well, if this pod's not evil.... [Looks around] The piglets are gone!
Jake: And so are the fairy wands.
[Screams are heard off screen]
Finn: [Running toward screams] Let's go! The screaming sounds are getting stronger near Mushroom Town!
[Pigs are seen attacking Mushroom People and their houses with wands. Finn and Jake arrive.]
Finn: Piglets! Stop this!
[Pigs shoot rainbows from their wands at Finn and Jake. The rainbows hit Finn and Jake, launching them into the air. They land on their backs near the pods.]
Finn and Jake: Oof!
Finn: Cram! Now I must find these wicked piglets' weakness and use it to "retribuse" them.
Jake: Well, I found my weakness [starts eating ice cream from pod].
Finn: That's it! Ice cream!
Jake: [Stops eating] What about ice cream?
Finn: [Shuffling through tests] Yes... yes! HA! The exams confirm my memory of the piglets being allergic to ice cream.
Jake: Just the thought of that scares me, man.
[Finn and Jake carry the pod toward the Mushroom Village]
Finn: I see one of them! Get ready to release! RELEASE!
[Jake squeezes the pod, causing ice cream to squirt out and hit one of the pigs. The pig starts inflating until it bursts, showering Finn and Jake with flowers and hearts.]
Jake: Ah, gross! That's--EW!
Finn: [Grunting] Ah, gross man!
[Another pig shoots a rainbow at Jake with its wand, hitting him and causing him to fall over.]
Finn: JAKE! Jake! [Jake stands up] Jake, are you okay?
Jake: [Starts dancing] Ahh, I can't stop dancing!
Finn: Wha--?
Jake: It must be the glitter! Oh, I really can't stop groovin'! It feels weird! Go on without me!
[Finn takes the pod and peeks around a corner. A pig shoots at him, narrowly missing.]
Finn: [Takes a breath and starts charging toward the pig while squirting ice cream from the pod] YAAAAAAAAAH!
[The pig explodes and Finn squirts at another pig.]
Finn: "Freezed" to meet you!
[Ice cream hits the pig. Finn turns to another pig and squeezes the pod.]
Finn: Hope you saved room for dessert!
[Ice cream hits the pig and Finn continues running. He squirts ice cream at another pig.]
Finn: Killing you with ice cream!
[Ice cream hits the pig. Finn stands on top of a mushroom house and squirts ice cream in all directions.]
Jake: [Still dancing] Whoo! Yeah, man!
Finn: Whoa! [Turns and sees one last pig, oinking sadly] Jake! There's one left... and I think he's trying to surrender.
Jake: Kill it!
Finn: But he's dressed as a little construction worker! It's freakin' adorable.
Jake: [Still dancing] He's tryin' to trick you! Kill it!
Finn: I just don't know if I can bring myself to do it, Jake.
[Pig squeals and shoots a rainbow at Finn. Finn squirts ice cream and the two streams meet and shoot up into the sky. The ice cream overtakes the rainbow and falls on the pig, who explodes and showers Finn, Jake, and three Mushroom People with flowers, hearts, bows, etc.]
Mushroom Mayor: Why, thank you, Finn and Jake, for sort of saving our village.
Finn: You're sort of welcome.
Mushroom Mayor: Now if you'll excuse us, we need to start removing all of this ice cream from our homes and businesses.
Jake: Not so fast! I'll take it from here, folks. [Starts eating]
Finn: [To Mushroom People] He likes ice cream.
[Mushroom Village is shown sparkling clean. Jake returns.]
Finn: Haha, nice job, tubby. But save room for the Ice Cream Marathon.
Jake: [Angrily] I've always got room for ice cream, Finn. You know that, man! Ugh, I'm going to the Ice Cream Marathon.
Finn: [To Mushroom People] He just really likes ice cream.
Mushroom Mayor: Oh.

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "The Prince Who Wanted Everything" from season 6, which aired on June 26, 2014.

Characters
Fionna
Cake
Lumpy Space Prince
Ice King
Lumpy Space Princess
Music
That's All I Need
Locations
Tree Fort
Lumpy Space
Forest
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[Ice King wakes up in a forest]
Ice King: Huh? Wha-? Where am I? Gunter?
[He is found tied to a tree]
Ice King: Gunter?
[He finds his legs attached to a stick by rope]
Ice King: I don't think this is Gunter.
[A bonfire has been lit suddenly. Lumpy Space Princess appears]
Lumpy Space Princess: It's me, Ice King.
Ice King: Lumpy Space Princess?
Lumpy Space Princess: Yeah.
Ice King: And you're doing this because you like me?
Lumpy Space Princess: No, Ice King, listen. I'm gonna give you the straight dope.
Ice King: Okay.
Lumpy Space Princess: You're weird and old and you kidnap princesses.
Ice King: I know!
Lumpy Space Princess: But I asked you here tonight because I wanna know what you think of this.
[Takes out a green book from behind her]
Ice King: [Reads the cover title] "The Prince Who Wanted Everything; A Fionna and Cake Adventure"? Hey, why isn't my name on there?
Lumpy Space Princess: I want you to read it because you're their dad. Please be their dad right now and bring them to life!
[Gives book to the Ice King]
Ice King: [Groans] Okay, might as well...at least until the cops show up. Ahem!
[Opens the book to the first page, showing a drawing of Lumpy Space Prince. Ice King begins reading the book]
Ice King: Once upon a time, there was a most handsome prince, the future king of Lumpy Space, Lumpy Space Prince.
[the page transitions to Lumpy Space Prince in his castle. Two lumpy servants carry a plate of gold sandwiches]
Lumpy Servants: Where do you want these gold-plated sandwiches your highness?
Lumpy Space Prince: [with Lumpy Space Princess' voice] By the window!
Lumpy Space Princess: No! [story is interrupted] That's not how I sound! Read it in a better voice!
Ice King: Okay, Okay! Yeesh! [Story continues]
Lumpy Space Prince: [In an english accent] By the window!
[comes up to the window]
Lumpy Space Prince: For from the window shall I shower the poor with presents, as is my altruistic nature. Haha!
[Lumpy Space Prince grabs three golden sandwiches]
Lumpy Space Prince: Eat! Eat, my children!
[throws golden sandwiches out the window. Three lumpy space people hang out below the window. One of the Lumpy Space people dodge the two incoming sandwiches from above which penetrates the cloud. The third golden sandwich hits the lumpy space person into the cloud. The neighboring Lumpy Space people run away in fear.]
Lumpy Space Queen: Son, come here at once!
Ice King: But, all was not perfect for this philanthropic prince of the people.
[Lumpy Space Prince comes up to Lumpy Space Queen and King]
Ice King: His parents were slobbering monsters who didn't care that he was a beautiful prince! They wanted him to be a monster too.
Lumpy Space Queen: Why aren't you working on your monster exercises?
Lumpy Space Prince: I don't want to be a monster.
[Lumpy Space King takes out and holds a bunch of worms]
Lumpy Space King: Eat these worms!
Lumpy Space Prince: No!
Lumpy Space Queen: You will eat them!
Lumpy Space Prince: I won't eat them!
[Lumpy Space Queen takes out a teeth file]
Lumpy Space Queen: Sharpen your teeth!
Lumpy Space Prince: No!
Lumpy Space King: Eat these worms!
Lumpy Space Queen: Eat those worms and sharpen those teeth!
Lumpy Space Prince: No, no, no! I told you hundreds of times that I don't want to be a monster, and there's nothing you can do about it!
[The next scene shows Lumpy Space Princess running away from home (him and his big royal mouth). Lumpy Space Queen and King chase after him. Lumpy Space Prince falls off the edge of the cloud. Lumpy Space King and Queen halt at the edge. Lumpy Space Prince falls and is transported through a portal in the Forest through the Frog. Lumpy Space Prince encounters a bunch of pesky bees. Soon the bees leave Lumpy Space Prince alone.]
Lumpy Space Prince: Where am I? [Gasps]
Lumpy Space Prince sees animals hiding behind trees.]
Lumpy Space Prince: Who's there? Reveal yourself!
[Animals reveal themselves from the trees.]
Lumpy Space Prince: Hmm... Citizens of this realm, I am the one and only heir to the throne of the Lumpy Space Kingdom- I mean, I used to be. I rebelled against my parents, and now i'm a refugee. [pause] What's that? You wish to help me? I am touched! Fetch me some clothes and I'll pay you handsomely, by petting you. First, I need freaky clothes! Cool freaky, not monster freaky. Oh yes, and something to read as well, something mind-blowing.
[Animals begin to walk away]
Lumpy Space Prince: Oh wait! I also need servants! Recruit some locals, they work fine.
[Animals run off to do their assigned jobs. The next scene shows Flame Prince, Turtle Prince, Marshall Lee, and Prince Gumball in chains in the forest with other animals. Marshall hisses as a squirrel nibbles on his shoe. Lumpy Space Prince sit on wooden throne beside bear body guards, wearing armor. A squirrel hands Lumpy Space Prince a shiny helmet and Lumpy Space princess tries it on]
Lumpy Space Prince: Hmm... Not bad! Well done, my child! Next!
[A raccoon hands Lumpy Space Prince a red book. Lumpy Space Prince reads the cover out loud]
Lumpy Space Prince: Massenpsychologie und Ich-Analyse. That does sound mind-blowing!
Fionna: Yah! Aiyah! Aha!
[Fionna and Cake swing in from the trees. Fionna pulls her sword out.]
Fionna: Cake, I'll save the captives, you take care of those animals! [runs off]
Cake: Ya!
[Cake stretches her arms and attacks the animals]
Cake: Ha! Dance you puppets!
[Fionna punches in an incoming squirrel and a bird as she runs. She summons her sword, does a front flip, and strikes the chains linking Turtle Prince and Marshall Lee together.]
Fionna: You're free to go people!
[The chains are completely broken and fall on the ground. Flame Prince, Turtle Prince, Marshall Lee, and Prince Gumball cheer and run off.]
Flame Prince, Turtle Prince, Marshal Lee, and Prince Gumball: Woohoo!
Lumpy Space Prince: Hey! Those were my servants!
Fionna: Hmm?
Lumpy Space Prince: What an innocent face! [Fionna walks up to Lumpy Space Prince] It shines as if you have done no wrong! Do you like my freaky clothes?
Fionna: [aggressively] I don't care about your clothes!
Lumpy Space Princess: Hey! [Story is interrupted]You're not supposed to read it like that. Say it in a nicer way!
Ice King: I...Uh...I don't-
Fionna: [Positive tone] -care about you're clothes.
Lumpy Space Prince: You don't? [The shades on his helmet slides up] Finally, someone who's not impressed with my noble looks, but admire's what's inside of me!
[Fionna takes a bite out of an apple]
Lumpy Space Prince: Is this really happening? You're clothes are so raggedy and soiled! And yet, you use them as a napkin! [Lumpy Space Prince puts on his "Handsome Face"] You care not about your personal appearance nor hygiene!
[Lumpy Space Prince takes off his "Handsome Face" and claps to call on his animals]
Lumpy Space Prince: Dress me in the fashion of this peasant!
[Animals begin tearing at Lumpy Space Prince's clothes, resulting in Lumpy Space Prince wearing a raggedy blue shirt and blonde bangs. The animals back away.]
Lumpy Space Prince: I have much to learn from you, Fionna the Human.
Cake: How'd he know your name?
[The next scene shows Fionna and Cake practicing their combat skills outside the Tree Fort; Fionna swaying her sword, and Cake punching and kicking in the air. Lumpy Space Prince observes closely]
Lumpy Space Prince: Hmm... Your movements are so free! My parents only want me to fly like a proper monster: stiff and rigid, with a sharp toothed scowl permanently in place. But now, I see a new way to move. [Puts on his "Handsome Face"] Dance with me?
[Holds out a hand for Fionna and she accepts. She dances with Lumpy Space Prince. The environment reddens, sparkles, and Fionna and Lumpy Space Prince's faces show in the sky, representing how they feel.]
Cake: Y'all seeing those big floaty faces?
Fionna: [eyes become wide, blushes, starts to drool] Pretty!
[Lumpy Space Prince notices this and gasps. He becomes tense]
Lumpy Space Prince: Uh...No!
[Lumpy Space Prince releases Fionna and the environment is back to it's normal state]
Lumpy Space Prince: Release!
Fionna: [tensed] Uh... What just happened?
Lumpy Space Prince: You were under my handsome spell for a moment. We can never marry, you know? I can only be with someone who is my equal in every way , a person so much like me that she doesn't even exist!
Fionna: I don't care, as long as we can hang out! Anyone want a sandwich?
Lumpy Space Prince: Ooh! I'll have one!
[the next scene shows the Tree Fort's Living Room. A trap door opens from the floor and Cake enters, followed by Fionna and Lumpy Space Prince. He gasps at the scenery of the living room.]
Lumpy Space Prince: So rusty... So humble...
[Fionna hands Lumpy Space Prince a sandwich on a plate]
Lumpy Space Prince: Delightful!
[Lumpy Space Prince claps to call a baby which enters through the trapdoor. he puts the sandwich on the baby.]
Lumpy Space Prince: Wait, where're your baby tables?
[Cake munches on her sandwich]
Lumpy Space Prince: What!? [Cake swallows] You don't dip your foods in gold before eating?
Fionna: Who eats gold?
[Fionna takes a bite out of her sandwich. Lumpy Space Prince takes the sandwich from the baby table and nibbles on it.]
Lumpy Space Prince: Great Glob! What is this? So charming! So quaint! So self-reliant!
[Lumpy Space Prince devours his whole sandwich and puts on his "Handsome Face" while shedding a tear.]
Lumpy Space Prince: For years, I thought only of the needs of my people, but what about me? What do I need? This poorly made sandwich has enlightened me!
[takes Fionna's sandwich and begins singing That's All I Need. He floats out of the tree fort, is grabbed by a bird's talons, steals Magic Woman's cup, he flies through a party, stuffs the cup into Prince Gumball's face, is released by the by the bird and lands outside the tree fort with Fionna and Cake.]
Lumpy Space Prince: What I want is to be like you, Fionna the peasant! And I'll need you as my pet, Cake the cat.
Cake: Yeah, whatever.
[The sky starts to darken and the clouds grow larger. The Frog puffs out a giant purple cloud of smoke. Fionna, Cake, and Lumpy Space Prince notice the purple cloud which proceeds to grow larger]
Lumpy Space Prince: [Puts on his "Handsome Face"] Huh?
[The purple cloud forms into a bigger and more hideous Lumpy Space Queen and King.]
Lumpy Space Queen: Son!
Lumpy Space Prince: Flee, noble Fionna, for it is my stupid parents! And they're fatter than ever!
Lumpy Space Queen: Silence!
[a black bolt of lightning strikes Lumpy Space Prince whom takes off his "Handsome Face"]
Lumpy Space Prince: Ahh! I'm just being honest!
[Fionna helps Lumpy Space Prince to stand up]
Lumpy Space Prince: Huh?
Fionna: Come on, you beautiful dandy! Only your pure spirit can defeat your evil family!
[Summons sword. Fionna and Cake climb on top of Lumpy Space Prince's back]
Fionna: And this sword!
[Lumpy Space Prince floats up to his parents. Lumpy Space Queen and Lumpy Space King start spitting out black blobs at Lumpy Space Prince, Fionna, and Cake. They successfully dodge the black blobs.]
Lumpy Space Prince: You're right, Fionna! This is my destiny!
[Black lightning strikes from Lumpy Space Queen and King]
Lumpy Space Prince: I do have the power!
[Lumpy Space Queen vomits a black substance at Fionna and Cake, who are knocked off of Lumpy Space Prince's back.]
Lumpy Space Prince: Huh?
[Fionna and Cake can be seen slowly falling from the sky.]
Lumpy Space Prince: Fionna!
Lumpy Space Queen: You must obey!
[Lumpy Space Queen strikes a black solid lightning bolt at Lumpy Space Prince, which pierces him. Lumpy Space Prince sheds tears from the pain]
Lumpy Space Prince: My heart!
[He is brought closer to Lumpy Space Queen, still pierced on the lightning bolt]
Lumpy Space Queen: Submit young one, become a true monster.
Lumpy Space Prince: No! It isn't right!
Lumpy Space Queen: Silence!
[Lumpy Space Queen yells so loud that Lumpy Space Prince is freed from the lightning bolt he was recently pierced by, but falls to the ground]
Lumpy Space Prince: Urh, Fionna, This is the end for me. But at least I made you proud, didn't I?
Fionna: I don't care. [Lumpy Space Prince gasps and sits up]
Lumpy Space Prince: My glob, Fionna! You've been telling be the answer all along! [Fionna and Cake sit up] The only way to defeat parental disapproval is not caring about anything! I don't care!
[Lumpy Space Prince sends strong sound waves at his parents. The angry parents try to exhale black smog at Lumpy Space Prince.]
Lumpy Space Prince: I don't care!
[Lumpy Space Prince is freed from the smog with ease and shouts at his parents]
Fionna: LSP!
[Fionna's sword magically transforms into a microphone. Fionna takes Cake, whom is shape-shifted into a crossbow.]
Cake: Haha! Cake's helping!
[Fionna shoots the microphone to Lumpy Space Prince. Lumpy Space Prince catches it with ease. He whispers on the microphone]
Lumpy Space Prince: I don't care...
[The sound waves dissolve Lumpy Space Queen and king to be left a smaller and nicer form of Lumpy Space Queen and King. The sky becomes reddish orange]
Lumpy Space Queen: Thank you son! You freed us from adult mediocrity and fatuousness.
Lumpy Space Prince: [Brings the microphone up to his face] I don't care!
[Lumpy Space Queen and King explode into nothing. Lumpy Space Prince pouts his lips and drops the microphone.]
Lumpy Space Prince: Fionna, Cake. Both of you buy me dinner.
[Lumpy Space Prince, Fionna, and Cake link arms]
Fionna and Cake: Yes, your hotness!
[Lumpy Space Prince, Fionna, and Cake fly to the horizon. The next scene come back to Ice King and Lumpy Space Princess]
Ice King: And then, Lumpy Space Prince became so real that he can actually break through into this plane of existence. Woah! [Lumpy Space Princess reads along] And meet his one true love, Lumpy Space Princess. It was really happening. The secret portal began to shake and tremble.
[Lumpy Space Princess and Ice King gasp at the sound of a bush rustling.]
Ice King: The countdown began. 10, 9, 8,[Ice king flips the page with his nose, Lumpy Space Princess sweats] 7, 6, 5...
[The bushes rustles even more]
Ice King: 4, 3, 2, 1!
[Lumpy Space Princess comes closer to the bush, ready for a kiss, when a giant rat with rabies jumps out of the bushes. Lumpy Space Princess screams loudly as she floats away. The giant rat enters in through the ice king's cloak. Episode ends.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "The Real You" from season 2, which aired on February 14, 2011.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Princess Bubblegum
Choose Goose
Music
None
Locations
Candy Kingdom
Library
Worm College
Yellow forest
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode begins with Finn and Jake walking through the Cotton Candy Forest carrying something. Finn whistles happily. Jake attempts to whistle, but no pitch comes out.]
Finn: Careful! You'll wreck my gift for Princess Bubblegum.
Jake: Whoops. Hey, what's it supposed to be, anyway?
Finn: It's... a scale model of the Candy Kingdom, made out of my saliva! [Salivates]
Jake: ...Sooo this means you wanna give 'er your spit, huh?
Finn: Yup! [Realizing what he said] HEY, NO—
Jake: It's okay, dude. I totally get it. Haw haw haw.
Finn: I just wanted to give 'er somethin', uh... to celebrate her science... thing.
Jake: You mean her... Super Science Barbecue?!
Finn: You think it's science-y enough for 'er?
Jake: Relax. She'll love it! [To himself] And then she'll love you. Heh heh heh...
Finn: Wha?!
Jake: Hey, there's Bubblegum! [Princess Bubblegum dumps charcoal on a grill.] Hide it behind your back, man! [Princess Bubblegum feeds Flambo a piece of charcoal.] Princess!
Princess Bubblegum: Oh. Hi, guys! Just gettin' the grill cookin' for tonight's BBQ!
Finn: Oh!
Princess Bubblegum: What's that you got behind your back there, Finny?
Finn: Oh, I... I made you somethin'.
Princess Bubblegum: Really? Can I scope it?
Finn: Yes. Close your eyes.
Princess Bubblegum: [Doing so] A'ight.
Finn: [Holding gift in front of her face] Get ready to open your eyes!
Princess Bubblegum: Achoo! [She sneezes and pops all of the model's spit bubbles, destroying it.] Can I open my eyes?
Finn: [Distressed noise] No, wait, uh, keep 'em closed for, like, three more hours!! [He salivates on the tray, attempting to make another model.]
Princess Bubblegum: I'm gonna open my eyes. [She does so then gasps.] Oh, Finn! It's pink! I love pink! Oh, thanks, Finn!
[Finn makes a blushing smile.]
Chet: [Running up to the three] Princess! Princess!
Peppermint Butler: [Walking up] Better not say nothing, you!
Princess Bubblegum: Yes, Chet?
Chet: Um... So, I called grill-meister for the BBQ, but Pepper won't give up the spatula!
Peppermint Butler: Fine, fine. You can have it... [Running away] ...when you pry it from my cold, dead hands!!
Chet: [Chasing after him] NOOOO!!
Princess Bubblegum: Hey... If you two aren't watching the grill, then who's watching the.... [Noticing the grill is on fire] ...GRILL?!?!
[Finn gasps and jumps in. He knocks the flaming charcoal out of the grill and notices a pile of steaks.]
Finn: MEAT!! WAH!! [He knocks some steaks onto the fire then stabs a bunch of them so that they cling to his sword.] DIE, YOU FIRE!!! [He puts out the fire by piling the steaks on it.]
Princess Bubblegum: [Walking up to him] Finn! That was awesome.
Finn: Oh. Heh... Thanks, Princess. I'm always happy to help.
Princess Bubblegum: I see. Your heroic brain is fascinating in a scientific way. Many scientific minds are going to be speaking at my barbeque. You should talk about something, too. You'll do that for me, right?
Finn: [Mesmerized] Anything you want...
Princess Bubblegum: Thanks, Finn! [She notices that Chet and Peppermint Butler are still fighting over the spatula.] Listen, I have to deal with this. [Walking away] See you tonight?
Finn: [Blushing] Uh... Yeah! [He takes a reality check and starts breathing hard.]
Jake: [Now a paper bag] Buddy, just breathe into me.
Finn: Ah?
Jake: [Turns back to normal] You're just gonna give a speech to a buncha' brainiacs.
Finn: I can't hang with those guys. I'm full of stupid.
Jake: Then we'll just borrow some brains by goin' to the place where knowledge liiives!
Finn: Oh, Brain Town!
Jake: Uh, no, the library.
Finn: [Mysteriously] The Library of the Undead...
Jake: No... Just the regular library.
[Finn looks unimpressed. The scene switches to the library. Finn and Jake are reading. Jake stares at his book, then at Finn, then back at his book.]
Jake: Hey, Finn, let's split. This turned out to be boring.
Finn: But I have to cram this info!
Jake: Okay, okay... I'll just keep readin' this book about figs.
Finn: And I'll just read this book about pigs.
[Finn blinks twice. Jake blinks. Finn blinks again. Finn notices that their blinks make sounds. Jake blinks twice. Finn smiles as he blinks rhythmically.]
Jake: Haha! Whatcha doin'?!
Finn: I'm bored now, too!
[They start goofing off and making noise.]
Turtle Princess: [Whispering] Shh! Hey! That's completely inappropriate! [She shoves them out.]
Finn: But... w-w-we were just enthusiastic about learning!
[Scene transition. Finn and Jake are walking elsewhere.]
Finn: Hmm... So, if I can't book-learn for beans, we'll just get some smarty to explain scientific junk to me!
Jake: Yeah, then you can at least sound smart... but where're you gonna find someone like that?
[They arrive at a big, hollow apple near Tree Trunks' house.]
Finn: Jake... we're goin' to college.
[Finn looks inside the apple. A professor worm is teaching student worms.]
Professor worm: And the great question endures... "Who would win in a battle between Nietzsche's Übermensch... and Mandroid?" The answer is... [Angry] WEREWOLF QUEEN! IT'S ALWAYS WEREWOLF QUEEN!
Finn: [Whispering to Jake] Rad!
[Finn takes a marker out of his pack and draws a face on his finger. Jake also has a face drawn on his finger.]
Jake: Heh heh heh heh heh.
Finn: Jake. You can just shrink yourself down.
Jake: Oh, yeah.
[Jake shrinks, but leaves his hand the same size.]
Professor Worm: And when I finally meet the Werewolf Queen, she will take me on as her royal consort and we will rule in blood!
[Putting his hand in the apple, Finn is talking "through" his finger, pretending to be a worm.]
Finn: Hey, teach. Can you talk more about scientific... uh... stuff and things?
Professor worm: Well... sure, I could... [Irritated; raising voice] if this wasn't a class on THEORETICAL FIGHTONOMICS!
Finn: [Awkwardly] Ohhh...
Professor worm: Are you even in this class, Mister....
Finn: Uh... Wormy... uh, Wormy McSquirmy!
Professor worm: [Skeptical] McSquirmy, huh? Well, we'll just see about that, I— [Pleasantly surprised] Oh! There you are. W. McSquirmy. I'm sorry. Yes, you're registered and you haven't shown up for a single class!
[The worms all gasp.]
Worm: Truancy hurts us all, McSquirmy!
[Finn gets a spitball and a paper airplane hurled at his finger.]
Finn: Hey! Ow! Please! Where's your compassion?!
Professor worm: Let's kill 'im!!
[The worms attack.]
Worms: ASSAIL!!
[Finn gasps.]
Worm with glasses: Excelsior! [He gets jabbed by Finn.]
[Finn and Jake proceed to fight the worms. The worms all bite Finn's hand and Finn yells in pain.]
Finn: Jake, let's get outta here! [The professor worm strikes Finn's finger with a book.] OW! [He takes his hand out.]
Professor worm: [Peeking out of apple] And stay out of Academia! [Goes back into apple]
Finn: [Walking away with Jake following] Well... that's it. I'm all outta ideas on how to learn this junk.
Jake: OH! Let's just solve this thing with magic!
Finn: No... That's the easy way out.
Jake: [Not seeing anything wrong] Yeah. It's the easy way out!
Finn: [In realization] Oh! Oh, yeah! Let's go visit Choose Goose and his magical shack!
[Scene transition to Choose Goose's magic hut.]
Choose Goose: Magic, you say?! [Chuckles]
Finn: Yeah, Choose Goose! I need magic! Some kind of mind-enhancing magic.
Choose Goose: Ah, yes, the quest you are on, requires [Revealing them] the Glasses of Nerdicon!
[Finn and Jake gasp in awe.]
Finn: So... I just put those on, and then I'd be able to give that lecture... and Princess Bubblegum will totally dig it. Yeah! Whadaya want for it, CG?
Choose Goose: Lately, I've been feeling drained. I only wish to be entertained.
Finn: [Thinking] Hmm... Oh! [He starts scatting and wiggling his finger. Choose Goose laughs.]
Choose Goose: Well done! The glasses, you have won! [Laughs]
[Finn makes a big gasp. The camera zooms in quickly on Finn's skin until his individual skin cells are visible. Soon, his molecules and then atoms are viewed. The zoom transitions into outer space where galaxies are visible. The camera zooms in on the milky way, then the solar system, then Earth, then Ooo, then back to Finn, who completes his gasp.]
Finn: [Grabbing onto Jake] Everything small is just a small version of something big!! I understand everything!!
Jake: Whoa, bud, are you okay?
Finn: Oh, Jake... I'm better than okay. I know exactly how to impress the princess.
Jake: More spit bubbles?
Finn: No. No. Those spit bubbles were as fragile as my old perception of reality. But wait! Maybe you're on to something! I could show the princess bubbles the likes of which no one has ever seen!!
Jake: And how will you do that?
Finn: I'll start with a solid bulleted list!
[Two bullet points appear. The Adventure Time logo spins onto the screen and lands next to the bullet points. The scene shifts to the Science Barbecue where the participants are applauding.]
Princess Bubblegum: [To audience] Thanks again to Dr. Dextrose for sharing your fascinating research on the future of cuteness.
Finn: Yes, yes, how charming. What... quaint notions.
[Dr. Dextrose grumbles angrily about Finn as he walks offstage. ("Impudent...")]
Princess Bubblegum: And now for a special guest lecture by one of Ooo's greatest heroes... Finn the Human!
[Finn and Jake take the stage. Jake pushes a cart with a tarp over it.]
Finn: Ladies and gentlemen... and princess... [Winks at Princess Bubblegum, who waves back] I'm here to talk about multi-dimensional bubbles! But I'm not just going to talk about blowing bubbles! I'm going to blow... your... minds!
Princess Bubblegum: Hmm?
Finn: [Revealing bubble creator] This is a bubble-blower of my own design. With this, you can blow bubbles in different dimensions. [He sets the device to two dimensions and blows a bubble with no depth.] This two-dimensional bubble casts a one-dimensional shadow. [He sets the device to three dimensions and blows a normal, everyday bubble.] A three-dimensional bubble casts a two-dimensional shadow. [He sets the device to four dimensions and blows a three-dimensional shadow that appears to be a projection of a four-dimensional tesseract.] A fourth-dimensional bubble casts a three-dimensional shadow... IT IS BEYOND COMPREHENSION! [The audience is amazed.] Beyond space!! Beyond time!!
Princess Bubblegum: Finn... that would mean you've created...
Finn: Yes... A BLACK HOLE!!!
[The projection turns into a black hole. Everything starts going towards it. Jake protects everyone as Finn laughs maniacally. Jake grabs Finn and pulls him over.]
Princess Bubblegum: FINN!! DO SOMETHING!!
Finn: It's okay. I'm sure the solution is on my bulleted— [Losing it] LIST!! [The list gets sucked in.] Don't worry. I have everything under control.
Princess Bubblegum: UNDER CONTROL?! MY GUESTS ARE TERRIFIED!!
Finn: YES!! AND THEIR BRAINS ARE RELEASING ADRENALINE! DOPAMINE! EVEN DIMETHYLTRYPTAMINE FROM THE PINEAL GLAND! This has serious educational value!! Thanatophobia and this NDE is giving us euphoric altered awareness!! Don't you see, Princess?!? WE WERE ALL BORN TO DIE!!
Princess Bubblegum: YOU'RE TRYING TO KILL US ALL?!?
Finn: NO, OF COURSE NOT! I'M TRYING TO GIVE YOU THE GREATEST CONFERENCE EVER!!!
Princess Bubblegum: Finn...! You've gone insane!
Finn: What?! No way! I'm, like, the smartest guy in Ooo, thanks to these glasses!
Princess Bubblegum: Glasses? Finn... take those off. You're not yourself!
Finn: But—
Princess Bubblegum: [Eyes watering] Please!! I need the real you!
[She takes off the glasses. The zoom from earlier is reversed, and the camera eventually comes out of Finn's pants.]
Finn: What's goin' on?! [Noticing black hole] WHOA!!!
Princess Bubblegum: You blew it, Finn! With this! [The bubble creator]
Finn: Then I'll kill it... with this! [His golden sword]
Princess Bubblegum: Be careful! [She loses her grip on the bubble creator and it comes hurling towards Finn.] Finn!! Look out!!
[Finn stabs the device, turning his sword into a fourth-dimensional object.]
Finn: Wha? Fourth-dimensional! Jake! Let me go!
Jake: Finn!! Don't do anything stupid!!
Finn: I can't help it, man!! [Unravels himself] I'm all about stupid!! YAAAAAAH!!! [He leaps into the black hole, readying his sword for attack.]
Jake and Princess Bubblegum: FINN!!!!
[The black hole is suddenly destroyed in a grand explosion. Finn is hurled out without his sword. Jake protects everyone from the explosion while catching Finn at the same time.]
Princess Bubblegum: Finn... My Science Barbecue was a fiasco... [Cries]
[All of the audience members suddenly cheer excitedly and enthusiastically. ("That was incredible!" "That was the greatest conference ever!") The bulleted list from earlier lands in Princess Bubblegum's hands.]
Princess Bubblegum: What's this? [Reading list] "Make hyper bubble. Cause black hole. Become insane. PB takes off the glasses. Save the day. Win the heart of the princess."? Finn, you knew all this would happen?!
Finn: Huh? Knew what? I wrote that list when I was insane with smartness!
[She leans in and kisses Finn on his cheek. Finn blushes and breathes heavily and nervously before fainting. The princess giggles at him as the audience continues to cheer. The episode ends.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "The Red Throne" from season 5, which aired on February 10, 2014.

Characters
Finn
Flame Princess
Cinnamon Bun
Flame King
Flame Lord
Ursula
Flame Guards
Music
None
Locations
Fire Kingdom
Fire Palace
Tree Fort
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[The episode opens in the Fire Kingdom. Flame Princess is seated at her throne, flanked by Flame Guards, in front of a line of Flame People, and Flame King is imprisoned in his lantern. A Flame Person runs off happily.]
Flame Messenger: Whoo-hoo!
Flame King: [grumbles unhappily]
Flame Princess: Next.
Flame Person: Oh, Your Highness, can you help my poor child? His hair is starting to go, and we can't afford flame care and... [sobs]
Flame Princess: Take this fortifier. It should last you through the cold season. [hands her the bottle]
Flame Person: Oh, Glob bless thy soul! [runs off laughing]
Flame Princess: [sighs]
[Her servant offers her a cup of tea.]
Ursula: More tea, Your Highness?
Flame Princess: [sips tea] Thank you.
Ursula: Mm-hmm.
Flame Princess: Who's next?
Flame Person: Hi, um, my microwave seems to be broken, and— [A rumble is heard offscreen.] aah!
Flame Lord: [breaks down the front door] Flame Princess!
Flame Princess: Don John—the Flame Lord!
Don John: I fear you're not evil enough to rule the kingdom.
Flame Princess: Excuse me? How dare you! [groans] [Her flames pale.] What?
Ursula: [laughs evilly while pointing to the teacup]
Flame Princess: You've been poisoning me. How could you, Ursula? Guards!
[Flame Lord casts a spell that gives him mind control over the Flame People.]
Flame Princess: Huh?
[A Flame Guard walks up to the lever that controls the lantern.]
Flame King: [happily] Oh, here he comes!
Flame Princess: No!
Flame King: [laughs evilly] Yes! Playtime's over, honey. Time to give Daddy his throne back. [as an aside] I've secretly arranged to make Don John my vizier and give him my daughter's hand in marriage.
Flame Lord: Uh, yeah, I know.
[The lantern lowers to the ground and Flame King steps out.]
Flame King: Ha-ha!
Flame Princess: [growls]
Flame Lord: Hwah!
Flame King: [shakes hands with Flame Lord] Man, you're looking shredded.
Flame Lord: My gym is dark magic, and my protein shake is rage.
Flame King: Okay, okay. [chuckles]
[Flame Lord punches Flame King playfully and chuckles. He then casts another spell, which removes Flame Princess' crown and places it on Flame King's head.]
Flame King: Splendid work, Don John.
Flame Lord: No big D, bro.
[A Fire Wolf runs by quickly.]
Flame King: Heavens to Betsy!
[It runs over to Flame Princess, and Cinnamon Bun, riding the wolf, picks her up and places her on its back.]
Flame Princess: Cinnamon Bun!
Flame King: Don't let them escape!
Flame Lord: Come here, girl. We're getting hitched!
[The entranced Flame People walk toward them.]
Cinnamon Bun: No! [hits them back with his lance] Go away!
Flame Princess: I can't leave. I have to fight for my kingdom!
Cinnamon Bun: No. Fight later. Now we get help.
[They charge toward the exit.]
Flame King: Huh? Aah! [jumps out of the way]
Flame Lord: Hwah! [jumps out of the way]
Flame King: Why did I jump?
[The scene changes to them riding through a forest.]
Flame Princess: Thanks, CB.
Cinnamon Bun: [guffaws] You're welcome. How are you feeling?
Flame Princess: A little better, I think.
Cinnamon Bun: Who should we go to for help? Princess Bubblegum?
[Beat]
Both: Nah.
Flame Princess: I don't trust her.
Cinnamon Bun: Yeah, she's devious.
Flame Princess: Well, I've seen Finn battle huge monsters and even armies, and we need somebody who can fight... CB, take me to Finn.
Cinnamon Bun: Mmm, okay.
[At the Tree Fort, Finn is sitting in a chair and fiddling with his mouth. The Fire Wolf bursts through the wall.]
Finn: Waah!
Flame Princess: Finn!
[Cinnamon Bun and Flame Princess dismount and walk over to Finn, who stands up.]
Finn: Um... [chuckles] hey. Uh, Jake isn't here. He's sleeping over at Lady Rainicorn's maybe.
Flame Princess: Finn, I've been slowly poisoned by my treacherous handmaiden. Now my powers are weakened, and—and the Flame Lord has freed my father and threatened to marry me. But I escaped with CB.
Finn: Oh, what?! I'll help you. I'll do anything for you.
Flame Princess: Listen, Finn, this doesn't mean we're getting back together. We're all business.
Finn: Mm-hmm. Of course.
Cinnamon Bun: Yeah, business.
Flame Princess: [sighs] I'm feeling exhausted. Where can I freshen up?
Finn: [points] Girls' bathroom is over there. Also, it's the boys' bathroom.
Flame Princess: Oh, thanks. [walks off]
Finn: So, what do you think, CB? You think I still have a shot with her, right?
Cinnamon Bun: [bluntly] No.
Finn: Does she ever talk about me? Is she seeing anybody?
Cinnamon Bun: No and no.
Finn: "No and no," she does talk about me, or "no and no," she isn't seeing anybody?
Flame Princess: Alright, guys, let's wolf.
[The scene switches to the three flying through the air on the Fire Wolf.]
Finn: So... your Fire Wolf can fly.
Cinnamon Bun: Yep. I taught him.
Finn: Hmm. [places his hand on Flame Princess' shoulder] Whoa! You've cooled down a lot.
Flame Princess: No funny stuff.
Finn: Things have been going great for me lately. Been hanging out with my boys. I got a cursed sword arm now, so that's new. Yeah, I've been exercising a lot and taking some piano lessons—trying to improve myself. Not dating anybody or anything, just getting a little me time, being the best Finn I can be. [scoots closer to Flame Princess]
Cinnamon Bun: [groans and looks back] Hyup! [moves Flame Princess in front of him]
Finn: Oh, no!
[They reach the outskirts of the Flame Kingdom and land.]
Finn: I hid my flameproof suit behind these rocks... just in case, whatever, you know?
Cinnamon Bun: [drawing in the dirt with a stick] So, the guards are posted here and here, so we should probably sneak in here. [points]
Finn: Suited! [walks over dirt drawing]
Cinnamon Bun: Uh...
Finn: Remember my fire suit? Hey, CB, you did a great job getting us here and everything, [extends grass sword] but I got this, all right?
[They walk up to the Fire Palace.]
Finn: I got a sword arm, so—
Cinnamon Bun: Yeah, you said that.
Finn: Watch this. [runs through the front door, breaking it] Hey, guards! Come at me at the same time!
Flame Princess: [hushed] What are you doing?!
Finn: Let's go, Princess! [grabs her hand]
Cinnamon Bun: But that wasn't the plan! No!
Finn: Ha-ha!
Flame Guard: [monotone] It's the princess.
Flame Guards: Capture them!
Finn: [holding up his sword] Ahhhhhh—
Flame Princess: No, Finn, don't hurt them! They're entranced!
Finn: [retracts sword] Oh, right. [Flame Guards move in on them.] Oh, no.
Flame Guards: Captured.
Cinnamon Bun: [groans angrily then roars loudly] [breaks his lance in half and runs toward the guards] Hyah! Um... [grunts] [tries to break through the guards' ranks]
Finn: There's CB!
Flame Guard: Get that bun!
Cinnamon Bun: Could you move, please?
Flame Guard: Whoo, get him, boys! We're taking these two away.
Finn: Don't worry, FP, your boy Finn won't fail you.
Flame Guard: [to Cinnamon Bun] Put up your dukes. You have permission to leave when you out-duke us.
Cinnamon Bun: Okay.
Flame Guards: Duke! Duke! Duke!
[One Flame Guard swings at Cinnamon Bun and misses. Cinnamon Bun knocks the other out.]
Cinnamon Bun: Duke! Uh, duke! [hits the other one and takes one of their keys] These two are out-duked! Now I'm making my escape. [runs off]
[Scene changes to Finn and Flame Princess in prison.]
Flame Princess: [sighs]
Finn: Trust me. It'll be fine.
Flame Lord: For soon you shall be mine. [chuckles] If you've forgotten, I'm reminding you now.
Flame Princess: Never!
Finn: Yeah! It's because you secretly still have feelings for me.
Flame Princess: No!
Finn: [sadly] Hmm.
Flame Princess: [to Flame Lord] I can never marry you, because I don't even know you, much less like you, and forcing me to marry you is gross.
[Flame Lord squints and walks away. Flame King is looking out over his kingdom and jumping joyfully.]
Flame King: Whoo! Whoo! Man, I love staring out over things. Whoo! [jumps] It's so good to be king.
Flame Lord: You said she'd do whatever you told her.
Flame King: Umm, okay...
Flame Lord: But she refuses to marry me. She's her own woman, you liar!
Flame King: Liar? You want to fight me?
Flame Lord: Aye—fistfight. [puts up his fists]
Flame King: Yes... I'll fistfight you. Come on! [punches Flame Lord in the face]
Flame Lord: You hit me? Felt good! [punches Flame King in the face]
Flame King: Oof! I love fistfighting. [gets punched again] You dirty bread breaker. [charges at Flame Lord growling and punches him in the face again]
Flame Lord: Aah! [punches Flame King]
[The two continue fighting and wrestling.]
Flame Lord: Put them down. [punches Flame King] Put your dukes down.
Flame King: No! [punches back]
[They continue punching each other in the face and make their way into the room where Finn and Flame Princess are imprisoned.]
Finn & Flame Princess: Whaa?
[Cinnamon Bun bursts through the wall on his Fire Wolf. He looks back to see Flame Lord and Flame King still punching each other then walks over to Finn and Flame Princess.]
Finn & Flame Princess: We're saved!
Cinnamon Bun: Hi. [procures key] Got a key.
[He inserts the key into the lock, and the bars rise up.]
Flame Lord: Fight! [punches Flame King]
Flame King: Fight! [punches Flame Lord]
Cinnamon Bun: They're distracted. Let's go!
[They climb onto the Fire Wolf and fly through the hole in the wall. Finn reaches for Flame Princess, but quickly retracts when Cinnamon Bun looks back at them.]
[The scene changes back to Flame King and Flame Lord fighting. They burst through a wall and roll on the ground, wrestling. Flame Lord gets on top and punches Flame King several times.]
Flame King: [kicks Flame Lord off him] Leg press!
Flame Lord: [groans] Stamina... failing.
[Flame King grabs a hold of him and they wrestle. Then Flame King uses his powers to fly upward.]
Flame Lord: Cheater!
[Flame King throws Flame Lord to the ground, who lands with a thunderous thud.]
[Cinnamon Bun, Flame Princess, and Finn have reached the Fire Palace, where dozens of entranced Flame People try to stop them.]
Cinnamon Bun: Onward, Jake 2!
[A Flame Person throws a bit of fire at Cinnamon Bun's face, knocking his hat off.]
Cinnamon Bun: Aah!
Flame Princess: CB, are you okay?
[Scene switches back to Flame Lord.]
Flame Lord: [groans] [closes his eyes]
[The Flame People suddenly become un-entranced.]
Female Flame Person: Huh? What happened?
Male Flame Person: Should—should we keep attacking?
Cinnamon Bun: Stop! You were all brainwashed... by him! [points to Flame King]
Flame King: Uh-oh.
Female Flame Person: Hey, I don't like that guy!
Male Flame Person: Yeah, let's get him!
[The crowd of Flame People run toward Flame King.]
Cinnamon Bun: Capture him!
Flame King: It wasn't me. It was Don John! [A Flame Guard tackles him.] Aah!
[Some other Flame People start kicking him.]
Flame Lord: [groans weakly]
Flame Princess: [gasps] [dismounts and runs toward Flame Lord]
Flame Lord: Huh? [sits up] Oh... [rubs head]
[Flame Princess runs up behind him and punches him in the head.]
Flame Lord: Aah!
[The scene changes to the lantern, now containing Flame King and Flame Lord, being raised up.]
Flame King: Have you all gone dumb from Don John's magic? I mean, how do you expect this softy to rule you? She's even weaker than before from being poisoned. Look!
[Flame People murmur in agreement.]
Flame Princess: Oh, come on.
Cinnamon Bun: You're wrong. Flame Princess may not be the most ruthless of all despots, but she is strong where it really counts—in her heart. And that is good.
[A Flame Person sheds a tear and wipes it away.]
Cinnamon Bun: I have learned so much watching this beautiful woman work, and with her example, I have become a better man. I will be by her side as her champion and knight every step of the way because... I love her.
Flame Princess: Thank you.
[They hold hands.]
Flame Person: Aw, how sweet!
[Cinnamon Bun walks her up to her throne, and she takes her seat. The Flame People cheer.]
Flame King: [growls loudly]
Finn: Jeez. Did I just get shown up by Cinnamon Bun?

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "The Silent King" from season 2, which aired on February 7, 2011.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Xergiok
Gummy
Whisper Dan
Goblins
Music
"Goblin Song"
Locations
Goblin Kingdom
This transcript is complete; however, it should be checked for errors

Transcript

[The Episode starts with Finn and Jake taking cover behind a table, in the middle of a fight with Xergiok]
Finn: The Goblins have suffered long enough, Xergiok!
Xergiok: Shush! You guys can't live without me, right? [kicks Goblins and slaps their heads]
Goblins: Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
Jake: You got problems, man.
Xergiok: Blah! [He hurls a fireball at them and destroys the table; Finn and Jake evade the fireball]
[Jake attempts to grab Xergiok, but he jumps away and fires fireballs]
Finn: [Deflects a fireball with his sword] Wands are for wimps! [punches Xergiok outside]
[Finn and Jake chase Xergiok across the Goblin Kingdom]
Xergiok: You may have beaten me this time, but—[Jake throws a rock at Xergiok] Ogh!
Finn & Jake: Haha! Yeah!
Xergiok: [Uses spell to disappear]
Finn: And stay out, Muffin Top!
[Goblins show up and carry Finn and Jake to the Throne Room, cheering]
Goblins: Finn and Jake! Finn and Jake! Finn and Jake!
Gummy: Nyaaar! Great job, warriors! You've freed us. I am Gummy, royal goblin chief of staff.
Finn: Nice to meet you. [rubs Gummy's head]
Gummy: Nyaan! I'm sorry. I have not known a friendly touch in some time. You see, Xergiok loved to be a jerk to us...
[Flashback]
Xergiok: It's spanking time!!! Hiyahhh! Yeah!
[Spanks 3 Goblins]
[Flashback 2]
Xergiok: [Enjoying Sunset] Sigh. [Spanks Goblin] Yahhh!
Goblin: Ow! Ow!
[Flashback 3]
Goblin: Ah, heck, Maria, I need to ask you something, [Pulls out ring] Do you want to do this marriage thing with me?
Goblins: Awwww! [Goblin in the background:] Isn't that sweet?
Maria: Oh, my love, the answer is yes.
Xergiok: [Kicks ring, spanks the Goblin repeatedly] Boom! Hahaha! [To Maria] Congratulations.
Maria: Oh!!!
Xergiok: HA HA HA.
[End of Flashback]
Gummy: We need a good king to rule us, like you mayhaps?
Goblins: Yeah, yeah! [Background: "You should do it!"]
Jake: Yeah, be their king.
Finn: No, man, I'm an adventurer for life.
Goblin with Cane: If there isn't a king to not tell me to not start a riot, I could start a riot, then!
Goblin: No rules, baby! Start that riot!
Goblins: Whoo! Yeah! [Starts riot ]
Goblin: Flip this table!
Goblin with Hammer: No one can tell me no! [Hammers own hand] Aah!
Gummy: Please, Finn, [puppy eyes] we need a king.
Finn: Stop the riot!
Goblins: Huh?
Finn: I'll become your king! To save y'all, from yourselves.
Gummy: [Stands up] We have a new king!
Goblins: Woohoo! Yeah!
Goblin: [Puts crown on Finn's head]
Jake: Finn's gonna need a queen... I'll do it.
Goblins: [continuing cheering]
Outside the Throne Room
Gummy: Allow me to show you the grounds, Your Majesties.
Jake: Show me what we got, Gummy. Show it to me! [stretches head across body] Dude! I'm psyched!
Finn: Hahaha, yeah!
Gummy: The Goblin Birthing Pits, Your Majesties.
Goblin in the Pit: I'm being... born.
Finn: That's pretty neat.
Gummy: The Garden of Living Fountains.
Finn & Jake: Whoo! Awesome.
Gummy: The Royal Game Archive, complete with controller hats.
Finn & Jake: [Wearing controller hats] Ooooh.
Gummy: The Royal Dragon Stables.
Finn: [thinks about riding a dragon and saying, Ohhhhh! Hahaha!] Whoa!
Gummy: And finally, the royal bedroom, with king-sized bed for the royal couple.
Jake: Can you make that a bunk bed?
Gummy: Yes, my queen. Whisper Dan. [Claps]
Whisper Dan: [Cranks a wheel, which in turn cuts the bed in half with a giant knife. Some hands spring out of the wall to hold the top half above the bottom half.]
Jake: I call top. [jumps on top]
Finn: And I call...
Gummy: Wait! For you, great king, the Book of Royal Rules. [holding a book with lots of pages]
Finn: Hmmm. Sounds boring.
Gummy: Oh, no worries, my Liege. I'll read it to you.
Finn: Hey, Jake, want to stay awake and hear some rules?
Jake: [Immediately falls asleep. A lion and a goose sleep with him.]
Finn: Alright, lay it on me, Gummy.
Gummy: Introduction, colon, the 623 royal rules were established in moon year 16, in response to Elder Gorflox's repeated requests for an organized... [Finn falls asleep and two black and white tigers cover him as blankets] Awaken, Your Highness!
Jake: No way, dude. [rolls over and farts, waking the lion]
Gummy: Your Excellency! Let's go. We have much to do! 
Finn: Whoo!!
Gummy: [Leads Finn to another room] This is where you may perform your daily processes, my king [opens the door]
Finn: Whoooaa!!!! Look at that huge mirror... and it's painted baby blue—boy style.
Gummy: Come, sire, it is time to brush your teeth in the front of the "boy style" mirror. [clapping]
Finn: Whooo!!! Awesome! [takes the toothbrush]
Goblins around the sink: [gasp] Oh, no, no, no, Your Majesty! Let us brush your teeth
Finn: [Does a back flip] Yaaaah!! Whoa, ease up, dudes. Finn access only.
One goblin around the sink: Aaaah, he's a rule breaker! Don't spank us too hard. [bend over so Finn can spank them]
Gummy: Spare them, Your Majesty! Spank me instead! [bends over] Set my buttocks ablaze!
Finn: Guys, what are you talking about?
Gummy: Rule 1: The king shall not brush his own teeth... in the book of royal rules I read to you last night.
Finn: Oh! Oh. Guys, put your hams away.
All three goblins: Whaa??
Finn: I'm not gonna spank your hams. I'm not that kind of king!
Gummy: So then... we may brush your teeth, my lord?
Finn: You can brush my teeth... I guess.
All 3 goblins: Yaayyyy!!!!!! [Put 3 toothbrushes in his mouth and cuts to another scene]
Finn: This brunch looks great! Can't wait to dig in. [about to cut it]
Gummy: Uhhh, I will cut that, Your Highness.
Finn: Gummy, as king, I order you to let me cut it.
Gummy: I'm sorry, sire. The royal rules don't allow it.
Finn: I'm cutting it, Gummy! [about to cut it]
Gummy: No! [takes them away and cuts it]
Finn: [annoyed] Thank you, Gummy.
Gummy: Uhhhhh, a thousand pardons, my lord. You're not going to chew that, are you?
Finn: Yeah.
Gummy: I'm sorry, sire. The royal rules don't allow it.
Finn: Gummy, just let me do this. No one will know.
Gummy: I would know. [takes it off his fork, chews it up, and spits it out on Finn's plate]
Finn: Uhhhhhh, Jake, this is nuts.
Jake: Maybe, but rules are rules. [a goblin spits stuff out on Jake's plate]
Gummy: Master, eat your food. I chewed thoroughly and heated it to goblin body temperature.
Finn: I'm not hungry, Gummy.
Gummy: You look a little bit down. Would you like me to weep for you?
Finn: No, Gummy. It's just.... [the door burst open a goblin came in]
Goblin: Sire, sire!!!! There's trouble in town square. A thief!!
Finn: A thief? Hahaha, yes! I'll handle it! [takes out his sword]
Gummy: No, sire! The king is not allowed to fight. He must give a speech to the thief. That is the royal rule, my Liege. [Finn frowns and they go out on a balcony] There's the thief! [a guy trying to take a basket from an old lady goblin]
Thief: Give me them hot buns, lady!
Finn: Hey, thief!
A goblin: It's the new king. It's him! [everyone looks at him]
Finn: I got a speech for you—
Gummy: Nooooooo! [covers Finns mouth] The Royal Speaker must give the speech.
Finn: What.
Gummy: Ya see? [the royal speaker comes out on a balcony above them]
Royal Speech-taker: [Clears throat] Since the dawn of time, the balance of what is right and what is wrong has...
Thief: [looks back at old lady goblin and tries to get it again] Ha ha ha, I'll take this.
Gummy: Yes, you can feel it slowly working, eh?
Finn: [starts to get mad and takes out his sword] I can't let this go on. [jumps off and gets the basket] Hands off, thief!!
Thief: [gasps and backs away]
Finn: Ha!! Here you go, old lady. [gives her the basket]
Old lady: Oh, no, the new king! Just as cruel as the last king.
Finn: I—you—what?
Another goblin: Oh, king, we beg you not to slay the old lady. [Finn turns around] Aaaah!!! [goblins murmur in fear]
Finn: No, wait.
Old lady: Don't slay me! You may keep the hot buns, Your Majesty! [on the ground]
Another goblin: I'm ready for my spanking, Mr. Xergiok part two.
Rest of group: We're ready [bending over for their spanking] for our spankings, sire.
Finn: [sighs] ♪I just want to help y'all as much as I can, and y'all just keep showing me your goblin hams. [rides on a goblin] When I became king, I didn't think y'all would show me your rears, but I'll accept my boring fate, and shed this tear... [wipes off tear] 'cause I can't seem to cure you of your groundless fears.♪
Gummy: No. No more spankings... [Finn enters] Aaaahh!!!!
Finn: Gummy, don't be afraid. I'm gonna stick to the rules now, okay?
Gummy: My lord, I'm sorry, y-you haven't heard? Xergiok is returning with an evil army. Come look through the scope! [Finn gets off the goblin he was riding] You see? [he sees an army of Earclopses led by Xergiok]
Xergiok: Prepare to destroy them all!
Gummy: [passes out] Ohhh...
Finn: [looks through the telescope and gasps] If I defeat Xergiok as king, I can prove to the goblins that an active king can be a good king, but I can't let them know until it's all over. Stay fainted, Gummy. [goes out door] Ooooooooh! Whisper Dan, have you seen Jake?
Whisper Dan: [cranks a wheel, opening a hatch]
Jake: I'm in here.
Finn: Xergiok's back with an army of Earclopses. Let's bust them up.
Jake: pbbbbbbbbbbbbb. All right, man, how do we do this?
Finn: Hmmmmmmm. [looks at Whisper Dan]
[They start running.]
Jake: What if they figure it out?
Finn: No way, man.
[Back at the castle they put a box over Whisper Dan's head to make him look like Finn.]
Gummy: I'm going to be honest with you, king Finn. When I'm scared, I feel most safe in your lap.
[Meanwhile, Finn and Jake join the goblin soldiers facing the army of Earclopses]
Xergiok: Line up for you spankings, goblins! [the goblins get scared]
One goblin: Ohhhhh, too late—in my pants.
Finn: Jake, the goblins can't see me being unkingly. I need a disguise.
Jake: Jump in my mouth. [Finn does so and Jake makes Jakesuit]
Xergiok: Who among you has the courage to face Xergiok?
Finn: Shut your kissin' hole, Xergiok! It's time for a beatin'.
Xergiok: I salute you, foolish warrior! You can be my personal sla—[Finn in Jakesuit claps in the Earclops' ear, and the Earclops lands on Xergiok. Finn claps in more Earclopses' ears, causing them to fall.]
Finn: [into megaphone] wowowowowowowowowoowowoow! [the other Earclopses fall down from the loud sound]
Xergiok: How in the world? [Jakesuit gets in front of Xergiok]
Finn: Dude, no one uses Earclopses in a battle without earplugs.
Xergiok: [does vanishing spell and appears above them] Eat this! [Throws a fireball at them. Finn hits it away with his sword, which hits a rock. Xergiok shoots three more fireballs; two miss, but one Finn hits with his sword, which almost hits Xergiok] Whoa! [teleports in front of them] Ha ha, you missed me— [the fireball hits him; he drops his wand, which Finn picks up and eats]
Goblins: [cheering] [they pick up Finn and Jake and take them into the castle]
Gummy: Oh, great king, with the help of a brave soldier, you thwarted the evil Xergiok. [a goblin raises Whisper Dan's hand]
Goblins: Hurrah!!! [the goblin raises and lowers Whisper Dan's arm]
Finn: C'mon, dude, lets get out of here.
Jake: [sighs] Alright. [they walk home]
Finn: Well, looks like they got the king they wanted, buddy.
Jake: Yep.
Finn: And we're going home to adventure.
Jake: Mmhmm.
Finn: High five us, dude. [Finn does one hand and Jake does the other hand and they clap together] Hey, Jake?
Jake: Wha?
Finn: Why do the insides of you smell like vanilla?
Jake: Ohh, uh, a wizard put a curse on me.
Finn: Huh, neat.

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "The Suitor" from season 5, which aired on May 20, 2013.

Characters
Princess Bubblegum
Peppermint Butler
Braco
Finn
Jake
Gumball Guardian
Guardian Angel
Princess Bubblegum Bot
The Beast
The Morrow
Ogdoad
Cinnamon Bun
Braco's father
Mr. Cupcake
Lion
Music
None
Locations
Candy Kingdom
Vapor Swamps
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[The episode begins in the Candy Kingdom where Peppermint Butler is summoning a demon with Cinnamon Bun, who is tied upside down, in the Lich's old Amber containment chamber. The Guardian Angel, a bull, and a lion are beside him.]
Peppermint Butler: [Makes chanting sounds] Ogdoad, master of Level 8 shadow world, the winning vessel issues forth its pure essence.
Cinnamon Bun: [Laughs] Aha aha aha...
Peppermint Butler: [Eats two drops of Cinnamon Bun's dripping sticky dough, then his eyes starts to glow.] You must overtake the vessel as night overtakes the day. By your very nature, you cannot deny my will.
[After Cinnamon Bun spins one last time, Ogdoad takes over his body.]
Ogdoad: Hello, what jazz is this? [Gasps] Peppermint Butler! That's the last straw! I will fill you with the shadow of a thousand brown portals!
Peppermint Butler: Oh, no, Ogdoad! You are mine!
[One of the Gumball Guardians suddenly goes to check on Peppermint Butler]
Gumball Guardian: Peanut Butler, bleh, Peppermint Butler, cease these dark magic activities [Grabs Peppermint Butler out on the tree].
Ogdoad: Hey! Let me go first! I got stuff to do today!
Peppermint Butler: [Standing on the Gumball Guardian's hand] What'd ya do that for?!
Gumball Guardian: You neglect your duties to the princess. She has been in her lab for nine weeks. She needs to get out, socialize. Look, [Shows Peppermint Butler the suitors who has been waiting in line near Princess Bubblegum's lab.] her suitors, her faithful suitors, waiting for a chance to share her burdens.
Peppermint Butler: No, man! She won't date those old bags.
Gumball Guardian: You must try. [Puts Peppermint Butler inside where the suitors are] The Candy Kingdom worries for its leader, and it worries for you, dark one.
Peppermint Butler: [Sighs then walks down the line of suitors] Alright, you guys. All you guys are gross. How long have you been waiting to court the princess?
Suitor #1: 87 years.
Suitor #2: 120 years!
Suitor #3: I'm Gerald.
Peppermint Butler: Geez! How long have you been here, Krusty? [Points at Krusty]
Krusty: [Raises fist] Three hundred years, so what? It's not too late, right, boys?
All the suitors: [chanting] It's not too late! Take me on a date! It's my right! Princess all night—
Peppermint Butler: Shush! [Points to Braco] What's your deal?
Braco: I'm Braco, and I was born to court the Princess Bubblegum.
Peppermint Butler: How old are you?]
Braco: 21 years. I inherited my father's place in line after his ascension.
Braco's father: [Raises hand] Hey.
Peppermint Butler: And you want to court the princess?
Braco: Yes, [Puts his hands on his chest] my heart instructs me so.
Peppermint Butler: Alright, buddy, I'm giving you a shot.
[The suitors begin complaining.]
Peppermint Butler: But it won't be easy.
Braco: I was born for this. Love will win on this day.
Peppermint Butler: [He and Braco go inside Princess Bubblegum's lab.] Sounds good, man.
[Peppermint Butler and Braco proceed into her lab, where Princess Bubblegum is seen sleeping with a pizza box on her head.]
Peppermint Butler: Prubs!
Princess Bubblegum: [Wakes up] Hey, what? [Removes the pizza on her face] Who's that?
Peppermint Butler: This is Braco.
Braco: [Sweating] Son of Loghan, who was begat by Hobus.
Princess Bubblegum: [Writing notes] Okay, yeah?
Braco: [Nervously]I want to take you... on a date.
Princess Bubblegum: [Shocked] Thank you, Braco. That's very sweet, but no.
Peppermint Butler: Princess this lab reeks like brown mist; it's unhealthy. You've got to get outside and do some research on boys [Points Braco who is surprise].
Princess Bubblegum: [Shocked]That is way out of line, Peps, and you guys are donking up my research! [Begins knocking stuff off her table] Hello! Donk, donk!
Braco: Princess, I love you! I-I love you so much it hurts. [PB stands and goes near him] The pain it—Huh?
Princess Bubblegum: [Points some kind of laser pointer on Braco's eye] Hmmm, what you're feeling is called "infatuation." The pain is the product of you overvaluing a projected, imaginary relationship with me.
Braco: No, Princess! What I feel is real! Meet me in the garden tonight [Runs toward the balcony] and unlock the mystery [jumps off balcony] of meee!
Princess Bubblegum: Braco!
Braco: [Lying on top of Mr. Cupcake] Come to me tonight.
Princess Bubblegum: Okay Braco, but just for research, alright?
Braco: Yes, Princess.
Peppermint Butler: Good job, man! You take it from here.
[The scene shifts to the garden where two candy persons are cutting the trees.]
Candy Gardener #1: Yo, who's that with PB?
Candy Gardener #2: That's that Braco guy.
Candy Gardener #1: Are they on a date?
Candy Gardener #2: No, brah, the princess don't date.
Braco: [Has Princess Bubblegum's device connected to his forehead] Oh, look, [Picks up a rose] a miracle of nature like you.
Princess Bubblegum: Now hand it to me... [Braco does so] hmmm. [Looks at her device] Okay, I have what I need for now.
Braco: Uh-huh.
Princess Bubblegum: [Calls Morrow]
The Morrow: Screech! [Glides down towards PB as she jumps on her back and flew her to the castle] Screech!
Braco: [On his knees] Aww, [Sheds a tear] N-Nope, no. No tears for Braco! What did she say? "I have what I need for now." So she will see me again! [Stands up] I shall not falter, Papa! [Runs away off-screen].
[The scene now changes to Braco walking down stairs with some coffins.]
Braco: [He is walking down the stairs with him saying the things he is writing on his diary in the background] Dear personal diary, in a consequence of my latest romantic misfortune, [Grabs torch] I decided to consult the man who knew best about her majesty, [Opens his grandfather's coffin who is holding the book "Mind Games"] father's father. Amongst his dearest possessions, he kept a book containing every secret of seduction through superficiality. [Grabs the book]
[The scene then changes to Braco, who is now wearing the suit and holding the book.]
Braco: The art of "peacocking." [Braco grabs his grandfather's hat as the scene changes.]
[The scene now changes into some kind of restaurant with some Candy People hanging out.]
Princess Bubblegum: [Doing some research then suddenly stops] Hi, Braco. Nice... hat.
Braco: I know right. [Starts to move around while touching his hat] I am "peacocking" you to rally your attention.
Princess Bubblegum: Mhmmmmm [Taking notes].
Braco: Ummm, so what's that on your head?
Princess Bubblegum: [Looks at her head for a second] My crown?
Braco: [Sweating] Oh, uhh—
Princess Bubblegum: [Fires an X-ray gun at Braco].
Braco: [In pain] Oww.
Princess Bubblegum: Hmmm [Runs off].
Braco: [Still in pain] Princess! Ahhh.
[The scene changes to Braco's room , he is writing on his diary and it is raining outside.]
Braco: Dear personal diary, I am in terrible pain. [Sheds a tear and throws the hat of his grandfather out the window] AAAAAAAHH! She is in her castle somewhere, a lonely heart. Do not fear, Princess; [Slaps himself] I won't let you down [Closes the windows].
[The scene goes to Princess Bubblegum's lab where Peppermint Butler announces the arrival of Finn and Jake through a speaker.]
Peppermint Butler: Princess, Finn and Jake are here as requested.
Princess Bubblegum: Hey, guys.
Finn: Hey, PB, [Sits down] what's up?
Princess Bubblegum: [Took out a remote from her lab coat] This is a soul stone. [Lights turn off] I need one for something I'm working on. Of course, it's really rare, but my scanners found one. It's in the Vapor Swamps. [The lights turn on] I printed the map with all the detail.
Finn: PB, who's the new guy?
Princess Bubblegum: What? [Turns around]
Finn: Hey, man. [Gets the map]
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, that's Braco, a suitor of mine.
Finn: Oh, cool. That's cool—you're dating, that's coool. See ya, Princess.
[The scene now goes to Finn and Jake whose now walking away from the Candy Kingdom.]
Finn: What'd ya think of that Braco guy? I mean, he seems kinda weird [Faces Jake] and passive and baby lambish [Jake panics and is trying to tell Finn that Braco is behind them] and too unheroic for Peebs. [Looks behind him and is shocked] And then I smashed that peach!
Braco: [On his knees] Jake and Finn, I seek your aid. I need to ask you for that map, therewith I can bring the soul stone to Bubblegum. Then she'll love me!
Finn: That road you're on leads to nowhere. [Hands the map to Braco]
Braco: Oh, oh, [Runs off into the distance] thank you!
[The next scene now goes to the Vapor Swamps where Braco hitches a ride to get there.]
Driver: [Stopping cart] Huu-ah! This is how far I go.
Braco: [Getting off the cart]
Driver: Hurry, man, GET OFF! [Goes away]
[Braco goes off to find the soul stone. He climbs down a cliff, but falls and rips his shirt.]
Braco: Ah! Oh! Uhhh. [Stands up then proceeds to walk past a giant insect monster]
Giant Insect Monster: Hey, I see you! [Slices Braco's bag open]
[Braco proceeds to find the soul stone. He then finds the fire pit like in the map that has a key. Stares a little at the key then jumps in the pit.]
Braco: Oddsbodikins! [Jumps in the fire pit] AHHHHH!
[As Braco got the key and got out, he has a big burn mark on his face, both hands and feet, and mostly bald and injured.
Braco: [Removes the cloth on his face] Uhhh. [Happily looks at the key]
[The next scene is where Braco was walking to find the soul stone. As he is walking, a person suddenly opens his eyes as Braco walks past him. Braco makes it to where the soul stone is hidden.]
Braco: [Unlocks the seal of where the soul stone it hidden] The soul stone. This journey has come to an end. [Grabs the soul stone and produces a bright light]
[As the light fades away, the guardians of the soul stone appear and attack him, but misses and hit the other guardian instead]
Guardian #1: AHHHHHH! YOU BROKE MY HANDS!
[The other guardian, who broke the guardian's hand, attacks Braco once more and hits him, which sends him flying towards a rock.]
The Beast: ["angrily'] STOP!
The Three Guardians: The Beast! [Kneel down]
Braco: [coughs]
The Beast: [Jumps towards Braco] RAAAAWR! Why have you stolen my treasure, boy?!
Braco: [Stands up] For the one I love.
The Beast: Huh. Take the stone.
[The scene changes to Princess Bubblegum, who is experimenting under a microscope.]
Princess Bubblegum: Hmmm.
Braco: [Covers PB's eyes] Guess who.
Princess Bubblegum: [sighs] Braco. Ehhh, what happened to you?
Braco: Oh, look, can it be? [Pretends to grab the soul stone from PB's hair] It's a soul stone!
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, yeah, sorry, but I don't need that anymore. I just finished programming a proper simulation of a soul. In fact, this is much easier to manipulate than a real one. [turns to see that Braco is gone] Braco?
[The scene goes to Braco, who is writing on his personal diary.]
Braco: Hmmm, [Puts the pen on his diary and closes it. And then he grabs a hammer as he breaks the soul stone, out of which a soul escapes, throws his diary and his teapot off the table, and breaks his ink jar] WHY WON'T SHE LOVE ME?! [A Gumball Guardian grabs him through the window] Ahhh!
[The scene goes again to Peppermint Butler, who is still talking to Ogdoad.]
Ogdoad: Set me free, you tranch!
Peppermint Butler: Give me the key to the shadow realm!
Braco: Ahhhh!
Gumball Guardian: You said you were going to handle this. You are doing a bad job.
Peppermint Butler: [sighs] Alright, I got this. Peace. [The Gumball Guardian leaves] What's up, man? PB is not in to you?
Braco: Yeah, man, I'm throwing the towel.
Peppermint Butler: Whoa, come on. PB's a tough nut, but don't trip out.
Braco: Then you must help me... to crack the nut. [Lies down]
Peppermint Butler: No problem, man. [Sits on his body] We'll use magic, shadow demon magic!
Ogdoad: Say what?
Peppermint Butler: For your freedom, a spell.
Ogdoad: Yes.
Peppermint Butler: Make this man-noodle Braco into a walking love magnet!
Ogdoad: [Evil laugh] He he he he, this I can do, but can you pay the price, Braco?
Peppermint Butler: The price is your freedom, man.
Ogdoad: This price lies outside of our arrangement. To receive, you must pay!
Peppermint Butler: Hmmm, alright, well, maybe no dark magic. [Ogdoad laughing in the backround]
Braco: I'll pay any price... for love!
Ogdoad: [Continues to laugh and blasts him with a dark magic spell] SWAZAA!
Braco: Waaahhh! [Began to transform].
Peppermint Butler: Release!
Cinnamon Bun: Uhhh, who's that? Huh, what?
Braco: [Makes groaning noises and his voice and appearance changes like he and a demon combined] Am I a walking love magnet?
Peppermint Butler: Well, you paid the price, no doubt, and I wanna have your babies.
Braco: To the princess, then! [Leaves the tree]
Peppermint Butler: No, wait! What about meee?!
[The scene goes to PB where she is talking and asking some questions to a robot that look like her she made.]
Princess Bubblegum: And what's your number-one priority? [Hands the laser pointer to P-bot]
Princess Bubblegum Bot: To find someone to share my life with.
Princess Bubblegum: Awesome, he he he. [Takes some notes] You ready to go on some dates?
Princess Bubblegum Bot: Uh, yeah, who should I date?
Princess Bubblegum: There's a guy named Braco who's really nice.
Princess Bubblegum Bot: Ooh, where is he?
Braco: I'm here!
Princess Bubblegum: Braco? What happened to you?!
Braco: I paid the price for love, was it worth it? Do you love me?
Princess Bubblegum: Yes, I love you.
Braco: Then marry me! We'll travel the world, have adventures, make the babes, get fat and weird, and float up to 50th Dead World, right?
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, Braco, I don't want any of that mess. I do love you, but it's the undifferentiated love I feel for all candy citizens. I couldn't permit one of my citizens to suffer the way I saw you suffering over me. And so I made you this. Meet my doppelganger, P-Bot.
[P-Bot stands up]
Braco: Uhhh, this feels super-wrong.
Princess Bubblegum Bot: Oh, Braco, [Kisses him on the cheek] let's get out of this smelly lab.
Braco: [Excited] Okay! [Carries P-bot and ran away to the balcony] Thank you, Princess! [Jumps over the balcony] Woohoo!
Princess Bubblegum Bot: Woohoo!
Princess Bubblegum: You're welcome, my love [Drops a tear].
Peppermint Butler: [Suddenly shows up when the Gumball Guardian puts him near PB] Where is he? Where's Braco?!
Princess Bubblegum: I let him go, Peps. I knew he couldn't be happy without me so I built him a robo-wife.
Peppermint Butler: You should have given him to me! [Slaps her]


Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "The Thin Yellow Line" from season 7, which aired on March 19, 2016.

Characters
Banana Guard
Finn
Jake
Princess Bubblegum
Music
None
Locations
Candy Kingdom
This transcript is complete, needs formatting.


Transcript

I'm tired of"Pilgrims of the land."

I hate that board game.

You're just saying that becausepep but beat you every time.

It's just pilgriming around.There's no point.

There point is buildingand developing holdings

While tradingand acquiring resources.

Yeah, well,nobody ate my guac.

This is homemade,broham.

This ain't no store guac.

You know I love your guac.

Hmm.

[ smooches ] magnifique.

No, this is bad.

Maybe you don't get art.

It's disrespectfulto the kingdom's holdings.

[ gasps ]it's fresh.

[ paintbrush scratching ]

[ gasps ]

[ gasps ]

That's illegal!

And beautiful.

[ panting ]

What?

Yah!

Aw.

‐oh, hi.‐hey.

‐hey, stop.‐no. Wait.

Eh.

[ indistinct conversations ]

Stop!

Hey!

Huh?

Hi.

Hello.

You already grabbed me.

You sure?

Hmm.

This...This is...

‐delinquent vandalism?‐a beautiful statement?

...Very interesting.

Go back to the barracks

And find out which banana guardis responsible for this.

Why don't you justgo and ask them yourself?

The banana guards are reallyafraid of getting into trouble.

They love me, but I thinkthey're secretly scared of me.

Here. You can slip in duringthe changing of the guards.

[ bush rustling ]

Not yet.

[ watch ticks ]

Three, two, one.

[ door clanks ]

[ all grunting ]

10 whipped cream pies.

Oh!

[ clatter ]

[ bugle playing ]

That's enough,banana guard 12.

Okay, everyone,time for morning calisthenics.

Jump for old colonel.

[ chuckles ] yes. Good.

[ banana guards grunting ]whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

All right,now, that's enough.

It's time for daily worship.

Gaze upon the divineand terrible countenance.

[ banana guards "Ooh" ]

Please, almighty princess,forgive us.

[ all speak indistinctly ]

Sorry, pb.

Yeah, man.Me, too, prubs.

Come on, bro.Just 10 more reppies.

[ sighs ]

How the hankare we gonna find out

Which one of themis the graffiti fiend?

[ grunts ]that's easy, man.

We'll lure him out of hidingwith an irresistible temptation,

Then trap him.

Watch and learn,rookie.

[ slurps ]good sesh, bro.

Yeah, brothers!

We're all brothers,you know,

Fighting crimesand making rhymes, right?

[ laughs ]

But also how about makinga little crime ourselves, right?

I mean,how do we know about crime

If we neverdone one before?

‐am I right?‐that makes sense.

Why don't we meet over by thatbig, blank wall later tonight

Bring a little paint, and seewhere things go from there, eh?

[ chuckles ]

I don't see anybody, jake.

They'll be here.Don't worry none.

My plan is good.

Both: aah! What the...?

There they are![ crying ]

Those guys wanted tocommit crimes!

No, we ‐‐[ whap! ]

[ both grunt ]

[ sighs ]

We caughtthe crime‐inals!

Oh, I just got that.

Good job, boys.

Just leave them to me.

What the heck, finn?

I was just trying toshake the bushes, you know?

Lure them out of hidingwith an irresistible ‐‐

Oh, hold up.I already did this bit.

Well, you got to be more subtlenext time.

What next time?They know our faces now.

Banana guards, please welcomethese new recruits.

‐hello.‐hello.

Okay, subtle.

Maybe we should split upand just look around ‐‐

Cover more groundthat way.

Now, that's somedetective thinking, finn.

[ neigh ]

What the...? Horse?

Hey,man is there a horse in ‐‐

Hmm?

‐hey, what was that?‐nothing.

Swore I heard a ‐‐

[ neigh ]wha?

[ drawer clanks ]files.

What?

All files.

Please go away.

Mm. Okay.

[ neigh ]

I want back in there now!Come on!

I love you.

Eugh.

[ feet screech ]hey, did you see a‐a ‐‐

A something come by here?

No.Just me and this door here.

Ooh, yeah. Showers.

Sweet, hot showerto get my head back on straight.

[ banana guard vocalizing ]

Oh, that heavenly singing.

Hey,who's singing in there?!

[ singing stops ]

I like your... Song.

[ valve squeaks ]

[ zoom! ]

[ door clanks ]

‐now, hold on a second.‐I love you.

Get out of here right now,you.

[ neigh ]

[ groans ] some kind ofconspiracy is afoot,

But how deepdoes this rabbit hole goooo?

[ indistinct conversations ]

[ chuckles ]

Hey, man,that's not bad.

It's not that great.

No, it's good, man.

Maybe, though,add some shading

Around where the headshadows the neck.

Make sure it's obvious wherethe light source is coming from.

It'll help give the drawingmore volume and depth.

Whoa.You're really good at art, man.

[ thinking ] art.

Could this be the guy?

Gotcha.

Well, bye.

Oh, oh, uh, uh,wait a minute.

Mister...?

Banana guard 16.

You sure know a lot about artand stuff.

Yeah.

Do you have some art of your owni could look off of

And get, um, I don't know,inspiration from?

Inspiration.

Follow me.

[ vent clanks ]

In here.

I found this walled off areawhile cleaning one day.

I like to use it as my,uh, my studio, I guess.

Maybe thiswill inspire you.

[ gasps ]

Oh, my glob.These are gorgeous.

Hey, thanks.

Is this why you've been paintingoutside walls, banana guard 16?

Uh...I just needed more space

To expressmy artistic impulses.

[ neigh ]

This stuff is great.

You should hang itin a gallery.

No. Princess bubblegumwould hate that.

Banana guards are justsupposed to...Guard.

She's take me apartto find out what went wrong.

Nah. She's nice, dude.

Nice?Don't you know nothing?

She's an unknowable goddess.[ thunder crashes ]

When the first candy peoplerose against her,

She transformed theminto hideous monsters.

Her own brother, neddy,

She imprisoned himbeneath the great tree.

And the rattleball boys?

She iced all those guys.

She's amazing,and she's flipping scary.

But nice.

I never show anybodythis place.

If they found me out,

Who knows what dark and terriblefate would await me.

But I don't know, man.

I trust you.

We're kindred artistic souls.

Totes.

Ha‐ha! Busted!

Slam!

Jake!

Got him in his hidey‐hole.

Good work, finn.

You set me up.

[ thinking ]man, banana guarding is rough.

Hmm.One rando genetic mutation,

And any one of those dudes wouldbe in the same boat as bg‐16.

[ gasps ] the same boat.

Oops!

Oh, sorry, man.There you go.

Hey, wait.That's not the same ‐‐

[ bugle plays ]

Banana guard 16,step forward.

Sorry, pb.

I goofed up.I think we lost him.

I'm banana guard 16.

Aw, dude. Come on.

Punish me.

I am ready.

No! I am banana guard 16.

I am banana guard 16.

‐I'm banana guard 16.‐I'm banana guard 16.

Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa!

I'm banana guard 16.

[ all gasp ]

I'm not gonna punish you,banana guard 16.

You're not?

Of course not.

Your muralsare so beautiful.

I want you to paint onein the banquet hall.

The princess spared him.

She's so merciful.

Make way!

Oh, merciful princess.

Uh...

Thank you for sparingyour lowly servant.

[ banana guardsspeaking indistinctly ]

Buh‐buh‐buh.No, no, no.

I'm just a person.

I've done things in the past,things I'm not proud of.

But today,I'm here to celebrate.

Oh!

Princess...

Mm‐hmm?

...I love you.

Wow.

[ neigh ]

[ applause ]

My banana guardsare so talented.

I grew thesehi‐da‐roponically.

And I can actually playreally good.

[ bugle plays ]

[ vocalizing ]

Um, princess?

Yes?

I don't have a special talent.

That's okay, too.

Hooray!

I'm tired of"Pilgrims of the land."

I hate that board game.

You're just saying that becausepep but beat you every time.

It's just pilgriming around.There's no point.

There point is buildingand developing holdings

While tradingand acquiring resources.

Yeah, well,nobody ate my guac.

This is homemade,broham.

This ain't no store guac.

You know I love your guac.

Hmm.

[ smooches ] magnifique.

No, this is bad.

Maybe you don't get art.

It's disrespectfulto the kingdom's holdings.

[ gasps ]it's fresh.

[ paintbrush scratching ]

[ gasps ]

[ gasps ]

That's illegal!

And beautiful.

[ panting ]

What?

Yah!

Aw.

‐oh, hi.‐hey.

‐hey, stop.‐no. Wait.

Eh.

[ indistinct conversations ]

Stop!

Hey!

Huh?

Hi.

Hello.

You already grabbed me.

You sure?

Hmm.

This...This is...

‐delinquent vandalism?‐a beautiful statement?

...Very interesting.

Go back to the barracks

And find out which banana guardis responsible for this.

Why don't you justgo and ask them yourself?

The banana guards are reallyafraid of getting into trouble.

They love me, but I thinkthey're secretly scared of me.

Here. You can slip in duringthe changing of the guards.

[ bush rustling ]

Not yet.

[ watch ticks ]

Three, two, one.

[ door clanks ]

[ all grunting ]

10 whipped cream pies.

Oh!

[ clatter ]

[ bugle playing ]

That's enough,banana guard 12.

Okay, everyone,time for morning calisthenics.

Jump for old colonel.

[ chuckles ] yes. Good.

[ banana guards grunting ]whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

All right,now, that's enough.

It's time for daily worship.

Gaze upon the divineand terrible countenance.

[ banana guards "Ooh" ]

Please, almighty princess,forgive us.

[ all speak indistinctly ]

Sorry, pb.

Yeah, man.Me, too, prubs.

Come on, bro.Just 10 more reppies.

[ sighs ]

How the hankare we gonna find out

Which one of themis the graffiti fiend?

[ grunts ]that's easy, man.

We'll lure him out of hidingwith an irresistible temptation,

Then trap him.

Watch and learn,rookie.

[ slurps ]good sesh, bro.

Yeah, brothers!

We're all brothers,you know,

Fighting crimesand making rhymes, right?

[ laughs ]

But also how about makinga little crime ourselves, right?

I mean,how do we know about crime

If we neverdone one before?

‐am I right?‐that makes sense.

Why don't we meet over by thatbig, blank wall later tonight

Bring a little paint, and seewhere things go from there, eh?

[ chuckles ]

I don't see anybody, jake.

They'll be here.Don't worry none.

My plan is good.

Both: aah! What the...?

There they are![ crying ]

Those guys wanted tocommit crimes!

No, we ‐‐[ whap! ]

[ both grunt ]

[ sighs ]

We caughtthe crime‐inals!

Oh, I just got that.

Good job, boys.

Just leave them to me.

What the heck, finn?

I was just trying toshake the bushes, you know?

Lure them out of hidingwith an irresistible ‐‐

Oh, hold up.I already did this bit.

Well, you got to be more subtlenext time.

What next time?They know our faces now.

Banana guards, please welcomethese new recruits.

‐hello.‐hello.

Okay, subtle.

Maybe we should split upand just look around ‐‐

Cover more groundthat way.

Now, that's somedetective thinking, finn.

[ neigh ]

What the...? Horse?

Hey,man is there a horse in ‐‐

Hmm?

‐hey, what was that?‐nothing.

Swore I heard a ‐‐

[ neigh ]wha?

[ drawer clanks ]files.

What?

All files.

Please go away.

Mm. Okay.

[ neigh ]

I want back in there now!Come on!

I love you.

Eugh.

[ feet screech ]hey, did you see a‐a ‐‐

A something come by here?

No.Just me and this door here.

Ooh, yeah. Showers.

Sweet, hot showerto get my head back on straight.

[ banana guard vocalizing ]

Oh, that heavenly singing.

Hey,who's singing in there?!

[ singing stops ]

I like your... Song.

[ valve squeaks ]

[ zoom! ]

[ door clanks ]

‐now, hold on a second.‐I love you.

Get out of here right now,you.

[ neigh ]

[ groans ] some kind ofconspiracy is afoot,

But how deepdoes this rabbit hole goooo?

[ indistinct conversations ]

[ chuckles ]

Hey, man,that's not bad.

It's not that great.

No, it's good, man.

Maybe, though,add some shading

Around where the headshadows the neck.

Make sure it's obvious wherethe light source is coming from.

It'll help give the drawingmore volume and depth.

Whoa.You're really good at art, man.

[ thinking ] art.

Could this be the guy?

Gotcha.

Well, bye.

Oh, oh, uh, uh,wait a minute.

Mister...?

Banana guard 16.

You sure know a lot about artand stuff.

Yeah.

Do you have some art of your owni could look off of

And get, um, I don't know,inspiration from?

Inspiration.

Follow me.

[ vent clanks ]

In here.

I found this walled off areawhile cleaning one day.

I like to use it as my,uh, my studio, I guess.

Maybe thiswill inspire you.

[ gasps ]

Oh, my glob.These are gorgeous.

Hey, thanks.

Is this why you've been paintingoutside walls, banana guard 16?

Uh...I just needed more space

To expressmy artistic impulses.

[ neigh ]

This stuff is great.

You should hang itin a gallery.

No. Princess bubblegumwould hate that.

Banana guards are justsupposed to...Guard.

She's take me apartto find out what went wrong.

Nah. She's nice, dude.

Nice?Don't you know nothing?

She's an unknowable goddess.[ thunder crashes ]

When the first candy peoplerose against her,

She transformed theminto hideous monsters.

Her own brother, neddy,

She imprisoned himbeneath the great tree.

And the rattleball boys?

She iced all those guys.

She's amazing,and she's flipping scary.

But nice.

I never show anybodythis place.

If they found me out,

Who knows what dark and terriblefate would await me.

But I don't know, man.

I trust you.

We're kindred artistic souls.

Totes.

Ha‐ha! Busted!

Slam!

Jake!

Got him in his hidey‐hole.

Good work, finn.

You set me up.

[ thinking ]man, banana guarding is rough.

Hmm.One rando genetic mutation,

And any one of those dudes wouldbe in the same boat as bg‐16.

[ gasps ] the same boat.

Oops!

Oh, sorry, man.There you go.

Hey, wait.That's not the same ‐‐

[ bugle plays ]

Banana guard 16,step forward.

Sorry, pb.

I goofed up.I think we lost him.

I'm banana guard 16.

Aw, dude. Come on.

Punish me.

I am ready.

No! I am banana guard 16.

I am banana guard 16.

‐I'm banana guard 16.‐I'm banana guard 16.

Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa!

I'm banana guard 16.

[ all gasp ]

I'm not gonna punish you,banana guard 16.

You're not?

Of course not.

Your muralsare so beautiful.

I want you to paint onein the banquet hall.

The princess spared him.

She's so merciful.

Make way!

Oh, merciful princess.

Uh...

Thank you for sparingyour lowly servant.

[ banana guardsspeaking indistinctly ]

Buh‐buh‐buh.No, no, no.

I'm just a person.

I've done things in the past,things I'm not proud of.

But today,I'm here to celebrate.

Oh!

Princess...

Mm‐hmm?

...I love you.

Wow.

[ neigh ]

[ applause ]

My banana guardsare so talented.

I grew thesehi‐da‐roponically.

And I can actually playreally good.

[ bugle plays ]

[ vocalizing ]

Um, princess?

Yes?

I don't have a special talent.

That's okay, too.

Hooray!

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "The Tower" from season 6, which aired on May 5, 2014.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Princess Bubblegum
BMO
Carroll
Music
Baby's Building a Tower into Space
Locations
Tree Fort
Candy Kingdom
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[In the Tree Fort, Finn is trying to open the freezer with his new candy arm.]
Finn: [humming] [grunts] [opens it with his left arm] Oh! [rummages around] Parm, parm, parm. [takes out some cheese] Asiago's like parm. [Resumes humming and walks to the stove. He accidentally smashes his right arm through the table.] Whoopsies. [blows splinters off cheese] [chuckles] Okay, now easy does it.
[He picks up a box of spaghetti with his left hand, peels back the box with his right hand, and grasps the spaghetti too tightly, breaking the strands. He drops the spaghetti into a pot of boiling water, picks up a wooden spoon, and starts stirring aggressively. The pot falls off the stove.]
Finn: Ohh!
[He knocks a jar of tomato sauce off the table and turns around, breaking the wooden spoon. He tries to pick up the jar off the floor, but he pushes his arm through the floorboards, and the jar explodes its contents all over him.]
Finn: [growls sarcastically] Thanks a lot, Dad!
[His arm suddenly explodes, and the screen goes white.]
Jake: Finn? [reaches downstairs] What's going on? [turns his head] Is the spaghetti all—whoa! [stretches towards Finn] Finn, what happened?
Finn: I... messed up the spaghetti, [rubs his head] and then I got mad, and PB's candy arm exploded.
Jake: [scoffs] Man, I knew that arm was bogus.
Finn: Yeah, it wasn't the greatest. Sorry about the spaghetti, though.
Jake: Man, don't worry about that. [walks Finn to the couch] You just went through some outrageous beeswax from losing your favorite arm and et cetera. You can't just expect to bounce right back to normal.
Finn: I can't?
Jake: Nah, man. Listen. [grabs two fake arms] All these princesses donating all these gross fake arms—they mean well, [throws both fake arms in the air] but they're throwing you off your game! You got to go at your own pace. If you listen [opens fold of skin around forehead] deep in your melon heart... [melon heart starts beating] that's where the real instructions are.
Finn: [starts thinking] My melon wants to punch my dad in the face and steal his arm.
Jake: [chuckles] Well, those things are bad, [grabs bag from table] so they can't be the real instructions, but you keep listening. Me—I'm going to go to the spaghetti store and buy a new mop head. I'll be back soon. Just remember—listen to your melon heart. [walks down ladder]
[Screen goes to outside where Finn is lying on his back looking up at the sky]
Finn: [sighs] Melon heart... melon heart... man, I don't know. It'd be so easy if I could just go find him—my dad that is. That portal he went through after ripping off my favorite arm went right to outer space. And outer space is up there somewhere... I'm told. Maybe Banana Man could help me build a rocket or something... [starts building a small rock pile] or some stairs or... something, something, something... or, or, or. [notices the rock pile up he made and a telekinetic arm] [Finn sits up and studies the arm and where it's connected to] Wow, it's like a—like a—like a magic Finn arm. [touches arm] She's powerful. You must've exploded the candy arm before and made the rock pile just know. It's almost like I'm trying to tell myself something, like a message from my melon heart.
[Screen cuts to Jake humming and walking by a tower with Princess Bubblegum and a Banana Guard.]
Princess Bubblegum: [Bubblegum sees Jake] Jake, Jake! Oh, I'm so glad you're here.
Jake: Afternoon Princess. What's that you're building?
Princess Bubblegum: Wait, you don't know?
Jake: I might.
Princess Bubblegum: [Bubblegum pulls out a note and hands it to Jake] Here, look. It was taped to the tower.
Jake: [Jake reads the note] Jake, I'm going to space to punch my dad and steal his arm. Back Soon -Finn [End of note] Wow, what the he?
Princess Bubblegum: My biggest powerometer back at the castle was flipping all the way out. [She lifts up a device that projects a hologram of Finn's telekinetic arm ] It looks like Finn somehow manifested a telekinetic electro-emotional prosthesis.
Jake: Word. Word.
Princess Bubblegum: With this much raw power he could be a danger to himself or others. So I've quarantined the area till I can coax him down.
Jake: Pfft. TMLO Princess.
Princess Bubblegum: What does that mean?
Jake: That means lay off. Finn's feeling this one out solo style. Give the kid a chance.
[Screen cuts to an apple which is cut in half as a cube of dirt rises up from the ground and floats away. Other cube-like objects like begin to float with it as well like tree bark, chest etc. One log lifts up and leaves the deer that was in it behind. The deer is picked up by the dirt cube with half an apple on it. The cube objects all float in a line past Finn and Jake's Tree Fort to the tower. The screen pans up the tower following the cube-like objects as they rise to the top. The tower is composed of stone, wood, candy, fire etc. All the while Finn sings.]
Finn: [Singing] Daddy's got an arm and baby's gonna harm his arm by tearing it off his dad. [Finn is at the top of the tower stacking the cube-like objects with his telekinetic arm to build the tower.] Baby's building a tower into space. Space is where he's gonna find his dad. [Finn places the block with the terrified deer and apple] Daddy's got an arm and [Finn eats the apple] baby's gonna harm his arm by tearing it off his dad. [The deer starts to climb down the tower.] Baby's building a tower into space. Space is where he's gonna find his dad. Daddy's got an arm, and baby's gonna harm his arm by tearing it off his dad.
[Finn sticks his head into a cloud room.]
Carroll: Ahh!
Finn: Oh, hi.
Carroll: [She is a cloud person who's home Finn has invaded. She holds a cloud gun at Finn.] Get out of my house or I'm going to face blaaaast you.
Finn: Hi.
[Carroll shoots Finn with electricity causing her house to float away.]
Finn: Waah.
Carroll: [Opens the door to her house and kicks it] Yep, yeah. I know you. You're one of those swimmers right? A reeeal swim nut.
Finn: What? No, I'm Finn. [Shakes off ash from electric blast]
Carroll: Well you can't swim in me. Not anymore, I'm not water. You can't get me up your nooooose. [Points to nose]
Finn: [Starts building again] Okay, I'm going to keep going.
Carroll: I'm going to keep going, into here. [Closes door]
Finn: [Jump cuts of Finn building higher] Oh, baby's a tower into space. Space where he's gonna find his dad.
[Screen cuts to Jake in a robe walking to the tower.]
Jake: [Shakes from cold and yells up to Finn] Goodnight buddy, I'm proud of you.
[Whimpering deer finally gets down from tower. A few cuts denote time passing. The tower now includes pieces of the ice kingdom including penguins.]
Finn: [Still building tower, he sings tiredly] Baby's building a tower into space, to tear off his dad's arm. [Penguins wake up] From like where that round of the arm bone meets that weird flat bone on the top of the back. Gonna pull that until it comes off. Baby's building a tower of revenge...
Carroll: Hey kid. [Her house floats to Finn] It's me again. Carroll, my name's Carroll.
Finn: Finn.
Carroll: Finn, look I'm sorry about blasting you yesterday. Hey man, are you really gonna do those things?
Finn: [Still building] Uh, yeah, for revenge. I think it'll feel good.
Carroll: I get it, I get it. But let me tell you something. I used to be water. Like a pond or something real wet. I used to hate people swimming in me, [Sits down and pulls legs together to sit cross-legged] kicking and stuff. So what did I do? I evaporated, I got myself out of there.
Finn: You should have pulled off their legs.
Carroll: No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Listen, you have to stop obsessing about revenge. [Legs unfold] Umph. [Folds legs together again] Be like me and run away, you have to run away and never stop hating your old life. [Legs unfold] You gotta really dwell on it. Ah!
Finn: What was that?
Carroll: I just thought about my anxieties and it's like my mind hand touched a hot memory stove.
Finn: Hmm.
Carroll: Ah!
Finn: Interesting. Oh hey, what are your thoughts on melon hearts?
Carroll: I don't know what you're talking about. Alright then, I guess I'll see you later. [Cloud home drifts off]
[The wind shifts Finn's tower and knocks an ice block off. Screen cuts to Jake reading a book next to the tower and BMO whistling.]
BMO: Hey Jake, where's... [Ice block hits BMO, who climbs out of the ground a moment later.] Where's Finn?
Jake: Finn's just working some stuff out, [yells] AND IT'S HEALTHY!
Princess Bubblegum: [Working on a machine]It's not healthy, it's bizarre and he could get hurt!
Jake: Feelings hurt!
Princess Bubblegum: Eeeeah.
Jake: Eeeeeeeeeah.
BMO: Eeah.
[Finn is at the top of the tower which is now only blocks stacked on each other. He is at the edge of space and is gasping for breath (being at such a high elevation - he should've packed a spacesuit)]
Carroll: [Standing below on her cloud house.] Finn! Hey what's it like up there? [Black circles appear and begin to grow and cover her up.] I figured I could turn into spaces, or something.
[Finn looks at his hands and begins to hallucinate that they are stretching and shrinking. He sees that he is a dozen feet away from a portal. He gets excited and starts flailing, which causes some of the blocks beneath him to fall away and burn up.]
Finn: [Finn lies on his back and sees a light approach and surround him.] Daaaad!? [Now Finn is lying in a bed in an unknown room.] Ah. Oh man. My nog master. [He looks around and sees another bed that has been lived in.] Hello? [He walks through an automatic door.] Hell-oh! [Finn sees his father Martin in the room watching T.V. Finn starts giggling as he approaches him.] Hey, hey dad?
Martin: Huh? Oh good, you're awake.
Finn: [Finn punches Martin with his telekinetic arm and it grows huge and spiked.] Gotcha! Ha, ha, hee, hee, hee, hee. [He starts to tug at Martin's arm.] Give, give it. Give me the... give me give it. Give me the...
Martin: Oh, my favorite arm.
Finn: [Sighs and sits down.] Butts. Butts.
Princess Bubblegum: Didn't help much did it.
Finn: No. Wait, what?
Princess Bubblegum: Bong Bong. [She turns on the lights revealing that she was wearing a suit pretending to be Martin. She takes off the mask and has a bruised eye.] Sorry buddy.
Finn: PB? Wait, where am I?
Princess Bubblegum: We're in the Candy Kingdom fallout shelter. [Shot outside reveals the light from before was PB's ship.] I brought you here after you passed out on the tower. You were hallucinating like crazy so it was really easy to trick you. I figured you'd thank me later after learning your lesson.
Finn: Right, right.
Princess Bubblegum: And look, the arm is gone too. See? [The telekinetic arm is gone leaving the just the flower.] So what do you think?
Finn: Hmm. [Closes his eyes and thinks.] Yeah, okay. Thanks Princess.
[Back at the tower Jake and the deer are sleeping. Jake has sauce over his mouth from eating some nearby spaghetti. Finn's shadow looms over them and the deer wakes up and runs away.]
Jake: Oh, hey buddy you're back. How are you feeling?
Finn: Um, neutral I guess. I don't want to punch my dad anymore.
Jake: Ha, Ha! That's great! [Points at Finn's head.] You can always trust the old melon heart to get you through. [Looks at tower.] So I guess we won't be needing this thing anymore. You wanna do the honors?
Finn: [Looks up at tower] Yes I do.
[Finn simply removes a plank of wood from the bottom, causing the tower to collapses side ways destroying a large chuck of PB's castle and continuing onward, to the shock of Finn and Jake. Oops.]
Princess Bubblegum: [screams] MY ARM!!!

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "The Vault" from season 5, which aired on September 16, 2013.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Princess Bubblegum
Shoko
BMO
Gumball Guardians
Bath Boy Gang
Mr. Cream Puff
Music
None
Locations
Tree Fort
Candy Kingdom
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode starts off in the Tree Fort with pots and pans crashing. Finn is stirring a bowl with nothing in it. Something growls and green tentacles come towards Finn.]
Finn: Wha—?
[Finn steps back and the stove melts, turning into a blue creature with green hair. The creature smiles.]
Finn: Wha—?!
[The scene goes to Jake, who is sound asleep. In the background, you can hear Finn scream for help.]
Jake: What? Finn?!
[The scene goes back to Finn, where the blue creature is engulfing him.]
Jake: I'm coming! [Jake stretches from his bed to downstairs.]
Finn: She's got me! She's got me!
[Jake sees Finn asleep on the floor, kicking in the air.]
Jake: [sighs] Yo, bro, you're sleepwalking again! Wake up! [He slaps Finn.]
Finn: Whoa. Jake? Was I...?
Jake: Yes, Finn. Again. Every time youse is screaming about "She's got me!" and all that.
Finn: She's got... Wha?
Jake: Wait, you don't remember? You just woke up, man! Recall it, baby! Come on.
[Finn closes his eyes in frustration, trying to remember. He starts to punch each side of his head multiple times.]
Jake: That's too much; don't punch yourself.
Finn: Eh, it's gone. I don't know.
Jake: [sighs] [He grabs Finn.] You're repressin' the memory, dude!
Finn: I'm what?
Jake: You're hiding whatever she is in a mental vault.
Finn: Oh, yeah. The vault. That's where the stuff I can't handle goes. Kerplunk.
Jake: Okay, so you even know you're doing it? [He lets go of Finn.]
Finn: Yeah. [laughs.]
Jake: Listen, we gotta find out who this lady is. We gotta open the vault a little.
Finn: No, sir.
Jake: This is just gonna keep happening, man.
Finn: It's alright. I'm not hurting anybody.
Jake: Finn, for reals.
Finn: [Finn's entire body shivers and then stops.] NO!
Jake: Alright. Chill, chill. Don't sweat it, man. It's not even a thing.
Finn: Cool.
Jake: Why don't you clean up the kitchen now?
Finn: Okay. I'm sorry I did that.
Jake: It's alright. It's only, like, the fifth room you've train-wrecked this month.
[Finn and Jake walk away from each other.]
[Scene cuts to Finn on the sofa while Jake is carrying BMO.]
Jake: Wow, that was fast.
Finn: Yup.
Jake: While you were doing that, I downloaded a new game on BMO.
Finn: There's a cricket in here.
Jake: [Jake places BMO on the table and sits next to Finn, giving him the controller.] Huh?
Finn: What is it?
Jake: I don't know. Lady said it's good.
Finn: Hmmm. She likes those games where you're, like, collecting materials to make stationery.
Jake: Naw, this is different. [Jake looks off to the side, unsure.] It's different.
Finn: A'ight, let's peep it.
[Finn presses a button. On BMO'S screen it says: Regression Simulator Press Start.]
Finn: Regression Simulator? Uh, okay.
[Finn presses the start button.]
Finn: Start.
[A red hexagon swirls 360 degrees. An unknown male voice starts talking.]
Male Voice: Welcome, adventurer.
[Finn seems shocked while Jake sits next to him, covering his eyes.]
Finn: Whoa.
Male Voice: I am the Hypno-Priest. I will be your guide.
[The scene shows Finn mindless with the red spiral reflecting in his eyes.]
Male Voice: Deep into your subconscious mind. Follow me now, adventurer.
Finn: [gasps] The vault.
[Finn walks up to the spiral.]
Jake: Go in there, man! Don't be scurred.
[A door forms and Finn walks through it. Jake's eyes are still closed.]
Jake: What do you see?
Finn: I see... my past lives.
[A comet flies by.]
Finn: I was a comet...
[A butterfly is shown, sitting on a flower.]
Finn: A butterfly...
[A pink object is shown.]
Finn: A thing... I don't know what that is. Some kind of shape? Or a doodoo in another dimension?
[The scene goes to Jake. He opens his right eye but with his hand still covering it.]
Jake: Do you remember anything about the scary lady?
[Finn squints his eyes.]
Finn: Scary lady?
[He thinks for a second and closes his eyes.]
Finn: Yeah. I was her! Except she was a chubby tiger.
[A white tiger with blue eyes is seen running.]
Finn: No, no, no, wait, wait, wait. She was riding a tiger, and she wasn't scary.
[A black haired girl with green skin is seen riding a tiger. She is wearing a short green dress with a dagger strapped to her chest. She is missing her right arm. The tiger runs up some white steps to a building. The door opens for them by a green skinned man wearing a shower cap.]
Boss: Hey, girl.
[The girl walks up to a man in the tub. He is known as the boss.]
Boss: Sniffin' around for that chedda?
Shoko: You know it. Got any work for me?
Boss: I might could, but it's a top-shelf shakedown. Know what I'm saying?
Shoko: I can step to that.
Boss: There's a rival camp down river. The leader's got some magic omelette, you know? [eats eye cucumbers] Mmm. You know? The kind you wear around your neck.
Shoko: I think it's pronounced "amulet."
Boss: Oh, don't get fresh with me, girlie. I talk good. Anyway, when I get my hands on that omelet, whoo-hoo! Forget about everything, baby. I'll be the biggest cheese in creation.
Shoko: Sounds cool. I'll take the job
Boss: Shake on it.
[The boss extends his hand. Shoko shakes it.]
Boss: You pull this off, and I'll let you join my gang.
Shoko: Uh... that's okay. I'll just work for coin.
Boss: And, on the other hand, so to speak, if you screw up or chicken out, you're out of the game. Permanently. [He pretends to slit his throat with his finger.] Pretend my finger's a knife.
[Shoko forcefully lets go of his hand and gives a disgusted look. She rides her tiger to the Candy Kingdom, which is currently under construction.]
Shoko: Play dead.
[Her tiger lays his head on the grass, playfully.]
Shoko: Deader.
[Her tiger falls on its back, with its paws up in the air, and its eyes closed. Shoko screams and hits herself on the head with a rock, knocking herself out.]
Banana Guard: Ah! Another attack!
[The Banana Guard takes out a horn and blows it. A mysterious figure with a purple cloak jumps down from a crane to the Banana Guard.]
Banana Guard: My leader! Another attack!
[The figure removes the cloak, revealing it is Princess Bubblegum. She takes out her telescope.]
Princess Bubblegum: Bring them inside.
[Shoko is seen lying in a bed, with her tiger sleeping next to her on the floor. She wakes up and rubs her head.]
Princess Bubblegum: Hey, you're up!
[Princess Bubblegum carries bread, soup, and olives on a tray for Shoko.]
Princess Bubblegum: I thought you might be hungry.
[She sets the tray on the table and takes a seat in a chair.]
Princess Bubblegum: So, who knocked you out?
[Shoko starts eating her bread.]
Shoko: Bath Boy Gang.
Princess Bubblegum: Ugh! I hate those boys!
Shoko: Yeah, they stole everything I had, but that's okay. My parents always told me that simple possessions aren't the most important things in life.
Princess Bubblegum: Word 'em up.
Shoko: [Puts her hand on her heart] They told me "all you really need is a good computer."
Princess Bubblegum: Amen. Wait, what?!
Shoko: They traded my arm to some tranch for a computer.
Princess Bubblegum: They what?!
[Shoko looks left and right, confused.]
Shoko: What?
Princess Bubblegum: Parents should protect their children!
Shoko: What? Really?
[Shoko looks at her missing arm and touches it.]
Shoko: Do you have any kids?
[The scene changes to the Candy Kingdom being built.]
Princess Bubblegum: All the Candy People are like my children, except young Mr. Cream Puff... he's like my boyfriend. Anyway, protecting my people is the most important thing to me. That's why I've got to take down the Bath Boy Gang.
Shoko: You think you can do that?
Princess Bubblegum: I got a plan—a secret, awesome plan. In the meantime, I've gotta cover this radioactive river with candy. Wanna help?
[Shoko nods, eagerly. Afterwards, Shoko and Princess Bubblegum are seen carrying two buckets on their shoulders.]
Princess Bubblegum: Thanks for pitching in, Shoko! You can stay here as long as you want.
[Shoko smiles. Suddenly, a Bath Boy gang member appears from the bushes.]
Bath Boy: Psst! Psst! Shoko!
Shoko: What are you doing here?!
Bath Boy: I'm spyin' on you. Wait 'til I tell boss that you quit the life for a cruddy day job!
Shoko: I'm gaining her trust, you momo. Say... you can help me.
Bath Boy: Huh?
[Shoko starts screaming.]
Shoko: Stay away from me you gang boy! Ahhhhh!
Princess Bubblegum: [gasps] A Bath Boy!
Bath Boy: What're you doing?!
Shoko: Be cool!
[Shoko kicks both of her buckets into the Bath Boy's face, hits him in the stomach with the stick, and lets her tiger push him off the cliff.]
Princess Bubblegum: That was bananamas! Where'd you learn to fight like that?
Shoko: My parents took me to a dojo when I was little... they never came back.
Princess Bubblegum: Wow. Your parents are the worst... hey, come with me. I wanna show you something.
[Shoko, her tiger, and Princess Bubblegum walk into a tent.]
Princess Bubblegum: My secret project is in here.
[Shoko gazes on two Gumball Guardians.]
Shoko: Whoa... what are they?
Princess Bubblegum: The Gumball Guardians. Wanna help me finish them?
Shoko: Yeah!
[Princess Bubblegum starts working on the Gumball Guardians, with Shoko giving her various tools, including a duck.]
Princess Bubblegum: That's it! There's just one last step.
[Princess Bubblegum takes off her amulet, and inserts it into a gumball machine's coin slot. The machine glows and then explodes, and the Gumball Guardians wake up.]
Princess Bubblegum: Hello.
Gumball Guardians: [In unison] Hello, mother!
Princess Bubblegum: Y'all go guard now, and don't let nobody mess with my stuff!
Princess Bubblegum: [To Shoko] Hey, guess what, thanks for helping me make those guys.
Shoko: I like feeling handy.
Princess Bubblegum: I want to repay you for your help.
Shoko: Oh, yeah? You gonna give me that amulet, maybe?
Princess Bubblegum: [laughs] No. No, dude, I made you a thing.
[Princess Bubblegum claps, to which a young Peppermint Butler responds by clumsily bringing a gold-colored box.]
Princess Bubblegun: That's it. You can do it.
Shoko: You made me a man servant?
Princess Bubblegum: [to Shoko] No! In the box.
[Shoko opens the box, and gasps with a look of surprise on her face. There is a mechanical arm inside.]
Shoko: Oh, no...
Princess Bubblegum: What do you mean "Oh, no"? I made you an arm! It's a dang plug 'n' play, girl.
Shoko: No, it's awesome... I can't believe it.
Princess Bubblegum: That's right, I'm a technical wonder-child.
Shoko: Yeah, I know. [She tears up.] I'm sorry, I gotta go to my room for no reason.
Princess Bubblegum: Okay! I thought we could do some two-arm stuff, but... uh, it's cool!
[Shoko returns to her room, with her tiger lying on the floor. She opens the box, and plugs in her new mechanical arm. She then remembers the Bath Boy leader's threat.]
Bath Boy Gang Leader [flashback]: Pretend my finger's a knife.
Shoko: [sighs] I'm sorry, Princess Bubblegum...
[The scene changes to Princess Bubblegum sleeping on her bed.]
Gumball Guardian: Are you okay, princess?
Princess Bubblegum: Ah, jeez, you're so loud!
Gumball Guardian: Are you in danger?
Princess Bubblegum: No! Don't just guard me! You need to protect everyone!
Gumball Guardian: Okay.
[The Gumball Guardian walks away, while Princess Bubblegum goes back to sleep. Shoko then sneaks up to her, about to nervously take her amulet. However, she shortly gets interrupted by a Gumball Guardian.]
Gumball Guardian: I knew it. Princess, you are getting jacked.
[Shoko quickly grabs the amulet and starts running away.]
Princess Bubblegum: Wha-hut? Whoa, hey!
Gumball Guardian: Halt!
[The Gumball Guardian fires lasers from his eyes, hitting the area where Shoko was about to drop down from.]
Shoko: Ahhhhhhhh!
[Shoko falls into the radioactive river.]
Princess Bubblegum: Get her out of there, quick!
Gumball Guardians: Yes, mom.
[One of the Gumball Guardians places his hand into the river, which appears to have melted when he pulls it out.]
Gumball Guardian: Uhhh...
Princess Bubblegum: Alright. Take a break for the night.
[Princess Bubblegum frowns and runs away. Shoko's tiger lies down beside the river.]
[BMO displays an "END OF SESSION" message. Finn gasps and wakes up.]
Jake: How you doin', buddy?
Finn: The past was to be reckoned with.
Jake: That's cool. Whachu' gonna do about it?
[Finn goes to the telephone, and starts dialing.]
Princess Bubblegum: [In German] Hallo, Bubblegum hier... [in English] atonement? Alright, Finn, I'm on my way.
[Finn puts the telephone down, and remembers one last scene from The Vault.]
[A horribly mutated version of Shoko pops out of the river, scaring her tiger away. She leaves her mechanical arm behind, while crawling towards a hill. She rests on a tree sapling, with the amulet in hand.]
Shoko: Ahhh... look at that. I got a new arm. That would be cool if I weren't about hit my reset button...
[Shoko lays her head on the ground, and the scene pans out to show the sunrise. It then switches to Finn's Tree Fort. Princess Bubblegum is shown entering Finn's house.]
Finn: Hey, hey. This way.
[Finn and Princess Bubblegum walk towards the end of the kitchen. Finn flips over the oven.
Jake: What was th—aww, no. [covers himself with his blanket] Dog-drangit, Finn...
[Finn breaks open the wooden planks on the floor, revealing the same ghostly Shoko from before, who gives Finn the amulet.]
Finn: Okay, here you go.
[Finn gives Princess Bubblegum the amulet.]
Princess Bubblegum: Whoa, what?! My amulet?! Wait a second... [gasps] Is that...?
Finn: It's me, Shoko! And PB, you're like a bazillion years old. You're not freaking nineteen! What the heck?!
[Princess Bubblegum gives a small, half-hearted laugh.]
Finn: Weirdo.
[Shoko gives Finn a thumbs up, no longer in her ghostly, mutated form.]
Finn: Heh. My vault feels lighter.

The episode ends.

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "The Visitor" from season 6, which aired on February 5th, 2015.

Characters
Finn
Martin
Villagers
Music
None
Locations
Tree Fort
Village
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[It's nighttime at the Tree Fort. Jake, Neptr, a Sea Lard, and Finn are sound asleep.]
Finn: [smacks lips] [sighs contentedly]
[A comet passes over the Tree Fort, crashing somewhere beyond the Ice Kingdom.]
[Finn opens his eyes. The comet nudges his head to get his attention. It is revealed he is at the bottom of the ocean. The comet wags its tail.]
Baby Finn: That's the comet you're supposed to follow.
[Finn looks to his left and sees his younger self sitting beside him.]
Finn: Right. Right. I knew that. [picks up baby Finn and follows the comet]
Baby Finn: Hey, be careful, okay? Hold on tight.
Finn: It's okay. I won't ever let you go. [in his thoughts] That's... true.
[They continue following the comet. It swims into a crevice and shines light.]
Finn: Wow. Already? That was fast.
Baby Finn: Yep. We're here. It's time to wake up now.
Finn: What? Now?
Baby Finn: Yep.
Finn: Like, right now?
Baby Finn: Ye—
[Finn wakes up, severely dehydrated. He finds himself on a hill by a dead tree.]
Finn: [coughs] Ah. Where am I? [sees the crash site of a space ship] What the heck? Is that the comet? [sees a tiny collection of teepees by a miniature water tower] And a little farming village? How long have I been walking?
[A vulture perches on the tree.]
Vulture: Man, two whole days—at least!
Finn: Wow. I need some water. [heads for village]
Vulture: No, wait—ah... jeez.
Finn: [Walking through a plough field] Hmm... Fields are lookin' a little sparse. [looking at a dying corn corp] Kinda runty... I wonder if this village even has any wat—oh, snap! I see some!
[Finn runs in to the village huffing and kneels exhausted before the water tower. A villager is beside the water tower.]
Finn: Excuse me, sir. Can I have some water? I've been sleepwalking for days.
[The villager nods and gestures towards the water tower.]
Finn: Haha, awesome. [Finn drinks water making sounds] Haha! Heck yeah! Thanks, little friend! You just totally saved my life. No pun intended. What's the matter? Can't talk? Oh, or are you guys comet boys? From up in there? Listen, I'm no expert, but I think y'all are gonna need a lot more corn. [Pointing to a dying corn corp] And it's suppose to stand straight up-like. Or maybe comet boys only need just, like, a little bit of limp corn?
The villager: No, I'm a regular guy. I'm not just supposed to talk to strangers.
Mom: [offscreen] Lionel, what'd I tell you about talking to strangers? You get your butt inside this instant!
[Lionel, the villager, covers his mouth and bounces away.]
Tree spirit: [in a metallic voice] HUMAN BOY!
Finn: What the?
Tree spirit: THE TREE SPIRIT DOES NOT PERMIT FREELOADERS! EITHER HELP FETCH THE ESCAPE POD ENGINE OR KINDLY MOVE ALONG!
Finn: Dad?
[Finn stands up and goes to climb the tree.]
Tree spirit: Wait, wait! What are you doing? DON'T COME OVER HERE.
[Finn pokes his head inside a treehouse in the tree. Inside the treehouse, Martin is chewing a egg from a bird nest]
Finn: Dad?
Martin: [Does a spit-take with feathers] Finn! What the heck are you doing here?
Finn: [Simultaneously] Dad! What the heck are you doing here?
Finn: What? You were just yelling at me.
Martin: No, no, no, that was the tree spirit—commander of all trees, bringer of hard times.
Finn: Dad.
Martin: You're not falling for it, huh? Well, it was worth a try.
[Finn looks at Martin's armless right sleeve, which is knotted.]
Martin: You know those little guys down there, they'll do anything for the tree spirit. I've got them fetching parts to fix my escape pod, instead of planting their fields. Isn't that sweet?
Finn: Dad, your arm.
Martin: Oh, this? Haha, yeah. When my ship crashed I got shot out of the window. I knocked a kite of the air, then caught my arm in a woodpecker hole.
Finn: Whoa.
Martin: But, it's cool, you know. Arms come and go. It's family that's important. [winks] Speaking of arms, though, I see you got yourself a brand spanking new one. How about that!
Finn: Oh. Yeah. I got it from my PB dream sword.
Martin: Uh-huh. Neat.
Finn: Actually, for a while there, I thought if I ever saw you again, I was gonna tear your arm off.
Martin: Well, shoot, who could blame you? Yeah. But you definitely don't feel that way anymore, right?
Finn: No, no, it's okay now.
Martin: [spreads his arms, revealing his intact right arm] Haha! Great! How about a hug?
[Martin tries to hug Finn, but Finn grunts and pushes him away.]
Finn: What the heck, Dad! Is everything you say a lie?
Martin: No, no, of course not!
Finn: Well, is there any way I can tell the difference?
Martin: Ha ha, I hope not!
[ringing sound offscreen]
Martin: Hot dang! Hold that thought! Those little guys are back with the engine bulb for my pod. 'Scuse me.
[Martin takes his megaphone and speaks through the treehouse door]
Martin: [in tree spirit voice] I AM SENDING FORTH MY HOLY EMISSARY, MARTIN MERTENS, AND HIS REGULAR SON, FINN. DON'T FORGET TO DO WHATEVER MARTIN TELLS YOU.
[Finn and Martin are standing on the plowed fields. Martin is directing some villagers who are carrying a round engine part.]
Martin: Almost there. Little further. Aha, little further. Keep it coming. There you go. A li-i-ittle further. A-a-and stop. [villagers throw down the part and collapse] Fantastic work, boys, absolutely fantastic.
Finn: Holy stonk, Dad! You're messing 'em all up. [Finn kneels and brushes off a villager] This is why you are lying to them? So they'll mess themselves up for you?
Martin: What! No, no, no, look! They love it, see? [He kneels and tickles a villager] Goochy goochy goo. Goochy goochy! [The villager giggles and nuzzles into crooks of Martin's arm] They're helping a poor old stranded man in need. You like to help people, don't ya? I'd do it myself if I could, but I'm too strong to fit through the service hatches. Come on, give me a chance. [Martin stands up and attaches the piece in the engine. The villager falls from his arms] They're gonna fetch me one last piece, and you and I can watch 'em do it. Then I'll be outta your hair by tomorrow morning.
Finn: Oh. Right.
Martin: Yeah, don't worry. I know I'm cramping your style down here. Am I right? Huh?
Finn: Uh... yeah. Yeah, I-I guess...
Martin: Sure I am! Now let's go fetch that piece.
[Martin, Finn and the villagers go near the crashed ship.]
Finn: It's really warm down here.
Martin: Well, yeah, son. That's just the ship cooking. One thing about this ship, it cooks!
Finn: Should it be cooking?
Martin: Nah, but that's just real life. [to the villagers] Okay, babies! I need this piece. [showing a drawing of it] It's a steering wheel. It's in the steering room. [the tunnel is full of crackling and burning wires. One of the villagers sighs.] Last one in breaks tree spirit's heart!
Finn: Wait, wait, wai-wai-wait! You don't have to go in there if you don't want to!
Villager with eyepatch: Nah, I think we want to.
[The villagers go in. Finn gives a sour look to Martin.]
Martin: [smoothing his back hair] Okay, I know, I know. Listen, that's the last piece of pod, right? Well, I promise I'll make it up to little boogers tonight. [smiles and grabs Finn's head playfully] Haha, come here!
[At night, the villagers are having party.]
Martin: [walking through them] Live it up, pals! This is your night. [towards some villages near the escape pod] Hey, hey, careful with the finish. That buggy is ready to blast! [They back off. Martin drinks water from the water tower in his hand.] Yo, party animals! Still hungry?
One of the villagers: [Shrugs] Mmm.
Martin: Come on, tree spirit says! [uproots the barn, as corns spills out on the villages] Scoop it till you poop it. Let's get grrro-o-oss!
[Finn looks at him from a distant, until one of the villagers talks to him]
The villager: Finn?
Finn: Oh, sorry. So you guys wanna learn another one? [The villager nods] Ok, watch this.[Finn shows them a cool snap. The villager, having no fingers, only moves its arms.] Heh, cute. Uh, hey! [glances at Martin] So, you guys really believe in the tree spirit?
Villager: Eh, not really, I guess. We're kind of just looking to help out.
Finn: Hmm.
Martin: Hey! It's Finn with the grin! Mind if I sit down? [sits down with his legs around Finn] Haha! Look at this! You ever see someone sit like this?
Finn: I guess not. Hey, Martin?
Martin: Yeah.
Finn: Uh, I think I really need some answers to stuff—like where did I come from or who's my mom?
Martin: Haha! Whoops. [sighs] Okay, uh, long story short—you were born on a... boat... I guess. Like a... banana boat.
[Flashback begins. Thunderclouds roll over a boat as it rises and falls on the waves.]
Martin: In the middle of the ocean. So... all kinds of stuff tried to eat you—[Martin kicks a shark in the nose.] whales and fish... squids... [Martin spears a squid.] uh, there was a tiger... [Martin hits a tiger with a plank.] and... seaweeds. [A wave buries Finn in a pile of seaweed.] The sea's weeds.
Baby Finn: [babbles]
[Flashback ends.]
Martin: Your mom was... okay? I don't know. Talking about it stresses me out. Maybe later.
[Flashback resumes.]
Martin: So one day, I got called on a dangerous mission— [A giant ship shines light on the stranded boat.] no, like a dangerous life choice, two roads diverging in the night and all that.
[A villager falls asleep in Finn's pack.]
Martin: And I couldn't bring you along. I always planned to come back for you, but I didn't. That's... true. The end! [beat] Look out! [clamps Finn between his legs]
[At dawn the next day, Finn and the fattened villagers are sleeping in the field. A vulture flies circles over them.]
Villager: Everything is ruined. Everyone is fat.
[Suddenly, part of the ship explodes and ejects a flaming piece at the ground.]
Finn: Aah! [gasps] [sees Martin by his escape pod] Martin! [runs to him]
Martin: [to himself] Again? [to Finn] Oh, good morning, sweetie!
Finn: Martin, are you leaving?!
Martin: I absolutely gotta, kid. I got pressures on me, stuff you wouldn't understand.
Finn: But what about the villagers?! That ship looks like it's gonna blow up!
Martin: Uh... maybe. I don't know. Maybe it won't blow up. I've seen 100 things weirder than a ship not blowing up.
Finn: Oh, Dad! I need to go shut it off!
Martin: Okay, okay, wait! Wait. [entering pod] If you're gonna turn it off, you gotta pull the heat dump toggle in the engine core. It was too snug for me to get to, and those little guys aren't strong enough. Hmm. Hey, I could wait for you. Maybe we could go into space together.
Finn: Why didn't you tell me about the heat dump in the first place?!
Martin: I don't know... Wink!
Finn: Daaaaah! [pulls a lever in the escape pod, launching it]
Martin: What the—
[Finn runs to the spaceship and crawls inside until he reaches the engine core.]
Finn: Heat dump! [tries to pull lever to no avail] Too... stuck!
Villager: [leaving Finn's pack] Ohhhh, no. This is new to me. Mm... [hugs Finn]
Finn: [growls] [pulls lever with all his strength]
[The ship instantly starts cooling down. Finn leaves the ship through a hatch on the top and waves to the villagers on the ground, who stand up and wave back. The wind blows over the villagers' empty teepees.]
Finn: Man, you know what's weird? That wasn't even a comet that crashed back there. [carrying villagers over fallen tree bridge] So, then, what was that dream about? I don't get my brain. Okay, when we get back to the tree house, let me do the talking.

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "The Wild Hunt" from season 10, which aired on September 17, 2017.

Characters
Banana Guards
Grumbo
Jake
Finn
Fern
Princess Bubblegum
Huntress Wizard
Gumbald
Music
None
Locations
Candy Kingdom
Grumbo's lair
The ziggurat
This transcript is complete (needs proofreading).


Transcript

[The episode opens at the Royal Candy Vault in the Candy Kingdom. It is night time. Two Banana Guards stand watch outside the dormitory.]
Right Guard: I'm scared it'll come back tonight.
Left Guard: Me too.
Right Guard: Can we hold hands?
Left Guard: I need my hand to hold my spear.
Right Guard: Why don't you use your other hand?
Left Guard: Oh, that's a good idea. [He holds out his hand.]
Right Guard: But... I need this hand to hold my spear.
Left Guard: Use your other one.
Right Guard: [Tries to reach the other guard's left hand with his own left hand.] Aw, it won't reach.
Left Guard: Oh no.
Right Guard: Wait! [He turns around to face the wall so that they can hold each other's left hands.]
Left Guard: Oh-
Both guards: [Together] Oh!
Left Guard: Hooray.
Right Guard: [Facing the wall] This is less scary because now I won't see the monster coming.
[A growling is heard. The guard facing the wall hears it, but the guard on the left doesn't because he has been distracted by his own spear.]
Left Guard: Wow. You know, I just noticed these things have rings on the end. It must be for blowing bubbles. [Twirls spear.]
[They both scream as they are snatched away by the hand of a monster. There is a slurping sound and they go quiet. Brown ooze begins to seep towards the dormitory entrance, followed by the monster itself. It pushes the doors open, where there are many banana guards sleeping in bunks. It grabs one of them.]
Banana Guard: Huh? [Screams] It's back!
[The monster hisses and spits ooze onto the guard's face, muffling him. He grabs another guard and does the same.]
Banana Guard: Huh?
[The monster grabs a third guard, but it shapeshifts and is revealed to be Jake the Dog in disguise.]
Jake: Surprise! [He bites the monster's hand and latches on.] Finn, get in here! [He and the monster continue fighting.]
[Finn sits up from one of the bunks. He is also in a banana guard disguise.]
Finn: Hmm. Okay. Yeah! [He draws his sword.] Sic em, Jake! Ha! [He jumps down from the bunk onto the monster's chest, where Jake has it pinned down.]
Jake: Feeling good, buddy?
Finn: I'm good. But this chump's about to get slain!
Jake: [Struggling to keep the monster's arms restrained.] Slay him quick. He's got crazy devil strength!
Finn: No prob. Here comes the slay...
[As Finn looks into the monster's eyes, he hallucinates the face of Fern superimposed over it.]
Fern face: Don't kill me, Finn.
Finn: Um... Here I go! [Unconvincing enthusiasm] Mathematical!
Jake: Finn, are you doing the thing?
Fern face: I'm your friend. I'm you.
Finn: Jake, maybe you should slay this guy?
Jake: Aw, dude, you are doing the thing again!
Fern face: I'm you!
[The sound of a weed whacker begins to grow in volume.]
Jake: Slay him!
[Suddenly, the scene cuts to a flashback. A time card reads "That morning." Finn and Princess Bubblegum are walking through the Candy Kingdom together, both wearing baseball kit.]
Princess Bubblegum: Thanks again for coming out to coach. The jamboree's always a big morale boost for the troops.
Finn: Yeah. It's, uh, a nice distraction.
Princess Bubblegum: Hmm. So how are you holding up after all the Fern stuff?
Finn: It's been a rough month, PB. I know Fern was an angry guy who tried to kill me, but I still feel awful about the way he went. It's really messing with me.
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, Finn, I'm so sorry. Death is no laughing mat- [She suddenly slips on an oversized banana peel and comedically falls to the ground. She examines the sticker on the banana peel.] Banana guard number 216?! Oh my glob, he's dead! [She sees more peels, covered in brown ooze.] This is a banana fudge massacre!
[A group of banana guards approach them in a panic.]
Banana Guards: [Together] Princess?! Princess?!
Princess Bubblegum: Guys, what happened?!
Banana Guard: A terrible monster kidnapped squadron five!
Another Banana Guard: It looked like a banana, but it peeled other bananas!
All: [Together] Traitor! Traitor! Traitor! Traitor! Traitor, traitor!
Princess Bubblegum: A banana and fudge monster?! That's candy tech. Okay, who's behind this? [She turns to Finn.] Finn! I need you and Jake to guard the barracks tonight. If this creep comes back and lays a finger on my guards, you show no mercy.
Finn: Um... Yeah, I'll... do my best.
[The flashback ends. Finn is still poised to strike down the monster. The buzzing of the weed whacker continues.]
Jake: Finn! Finn, stop showing mercy!
[The monster manages to break Jake's grip and frees its hands, then kicks Finn off its chest.]
Finn: Oh, no! I dinked it!
[The monster roars and shrieks at them, and then breaks through a wall and flees into the night. All the banana guards leap down from their bunks and begin running away in a panic. Jake is lying deflated on the ground.]
Finn: Jake, I'm sorry! I- I couldn't do it!
Jake: [Pained] Love you forever, man, but your guilt's hurting the team dynamics.
Finn: I know. I'm gonna go make it right! [He exits in pursuit of the monster.]
Jake: Cool. I'm gonna make peace with my aging body.
[Finn watches the monster run away into the night. He shakes himself and sets off in pursuit. He catches up, climbs onto the back of the monster's neck, and raises his sword.]
Finn: No mercy this time, banana boy! I don't care why you're doing this or if you have a... a tragic past. [Fern's face appears again] I don't care! I'm hard like that.
Fern face: Don't kill me, Finn.
Finn: [Growls] Nope!
[He gives up, taking his sword away from the monster's neck. The monster notices him and screeches.]
Finn: Oh, gross!
[The monster headbutts him off its neck and into some nearby bushes.]
Finn: What the heck is my problem?!
[The monster turns and spits fudge at him.]
Finn: Aw, fudge!
[It seems like the fudge is going to hit Finn, but it is deflected by a mysterious projectile and lands on the monster's own face.]
Finn: Huh?! How'd I do that?!
[The monster retreats. Huntress Wizard suddenly appears next to Finn, hanging upside down from a tree.]
Huntress Wizard: Um, it's getting away.
Finn: Aah! Oh, Huntress Wizard!
Huntress Wizard: Hey, Finn. [She uses a magic arrow to create a vine in the direction of the monster.] Come on! After that booger!
[Finn climbs onto her back and Huntress Wizard hops onto the vine, going in pursuit of the monster again.]
Finn: Thanks for the save, HW.
Huntress Wizard: Mm-hmm.
Finn: You're chasing that grabby banana too, huh?
Huntress Wizard: I'm hunting it. It's an invasive species that's been destroying the local ecosystem with its nasty hot fudge. It's name is the Grumbo. It's a name that I made up just now... because you can't hunt what you can't name.
Finn: Yeah, makes sense.
Huntress Wizard: Hmm.
Finn: [Small talking] So how you been?
Huntress Wizard: Finn, I saw you falter back there. Why did you hesitate before you dealt the final blow?
Finn: [Sighs] It keeps happening since I aced Fern. Every time I'm about to wail on some monster, I remember seeing Fern go kaboom... and the guilt paralyzes me. I can't seem to final blow anybody.
[A flashback to Fern's death is shown while Finn talks.]
Huntress Wizard: I see. Okay, let's vanquish your mental block. Because I'll need your help to defeat the Grumbo. It's a two-huntress job.
Finn: The second huntress is me.
Huntress Wizard: Yes.
[Huntress Wizard leaps down from the vine, startling a fat squirrel which is eating the fudge left behind by the Grumbo.]
Huntress Wizard: The trail goes gold here. I mean, the fudge is still hot, but that squirrel dude just ate most of it.
Finn: [Climbing off her back.] What? No! Ugh, I should have struck when I had the chance! Or not struck Fern when I didn't have the chance? Ugh! I don't even know anymore.
Huntress Wizard: This is just me talking, but it sounds like Fern was already headed down a dark road. Sounds like he was a bad version of yourself that you had to destroy in order to become an even tighter version of yourself. Does that sounds about right?
[They hear a distant whimpering and follow it to a cave.]
Huntress Wizard: Looks like we got some hot fudge on our hands. Okay, let's review our roles. When I take out its legs, you strike the underbelly. Got it?
[Huntress Wizard manifests a javelin, and Finn draws his sword. They enter the cave.]
Finn: I can do this. I'm 90% sure I can do this. Gonna slice right through that sweet Fern face.
Huntress Wizard: Shh!
[The whimpering continues, and the Grumbo can be heard snoring. Finn and Huntress Wizard find it asleep, hanging from the roof of the cave.]
Huntress Wizard: Ready?
Finn: [Unconvincingly] Yes.
[Huntress hurls her javelin at the Grumbo, but it wakes up and dodges the attack. It drops to the floor to face its attackers.]
Huntress Wizard: Duck - I guess.
Finn: Huh?
[Huntress Wizard avoids the Grumbo's headbutt, but Finn fails to react and is thrown across the room. Huntress runs up to the creature and kicks it in the chin.]
Huntress Wizard: Bicycle kick!
[She manifests an arrow with rope and uses it to bind the Grumbo's legs together. It crashes to the floor.]
Huntress Wizard: Now, Finn! Coop-degrassi!
Finn: Okay, time to final blow it!
[He leaps onto the Grumbo's neck with a battlecry and raises his sword. Once again, Fern's face appears.]
Fern face: Finn, don't you love me?
Finn: [To Huntress] Uh, can we maybe switch roles?
Huntress Wizard: [Struggling to keep the Grumbo bound] Not again.
[The Grumbo punches Finn away and catapults Huntress Wizard into a wall. The vines binding its legs discorporate.]
Finn: Oops! Oops. Oops. Oops!
[The Grumbo spits fudge at Finn. He leaps over the projectile and it sears his lower regions.]
Finn: [High pitch voice] HW, let's come back and try tomorrow!
Huntress Wizard: [To herself] Okay...
[She throws another javelin at the Grumbo, distracting it from its attack against Finn. She stands T-posed, allowing it to charge at her.]
Finn: Huntress Wizard, get out of the way!
[Huntress Wizard remains where she is, watching the creature approach and doing nothing in response.]
Finn: Think, think, think! [Growls] Okay, if I can't fix my mind, I gotta fool it. [He points his sword at Huntress Wizard and thinks to himself.] Attack. Attack. Attack.
[Fern's face appears superimposed over Huntress Wizard's.]
Fern face: Finn, help me.
Finn: I'll save you, buddy.
[Finn chases the monster and finally sinks his sword into its underbelly. It screeches and collapses, its huge body finally coming to rest just inches from Huntress Wizard's face. Fern pulls his sword from its belly with a grunt. The Grumbo's body bursts, covering Finn, Huntress, and the cave in banana goop. Finn's sword disintegrates from being covered in hot fudge.]
Finn: I did it. Sorry I almost got you killed.
Huntress Wizard: It's cool. It's totally cool. I knew you just needed a push. That's why I very smartly pretended to throw myself in harm's way. [She take's Finn's hand and helps him up.]
Finn: No, actually, that's not what did it.
Huntress Wizard: Yeah, right. We both know you're totally in love with me.
[Finn smiles, and they kiss. When Finn opens his eyes, Fern is superimposed over Huntress Wizard's face again, and he gives a high pitched scream. A group of peeled banana guards emerge from another part of the cave, groaning.]
Banana Guard: Finn? Are you here to rescue us? Oh, glob! There's someone else here too!
Another Guard: I don't have my peel! Don't look, don't look anyone! [The banana guards continue indistinctly, embarrassed.]
Finn: It's okay, guys. Huntress Wizard is into natchy living.
Huntress Wizard: Weird. These Grumbo remains are 100% artificial candy flesh - like straight out of a lab.
Finn: I wonder who made him.
[A camera watches them from above. The scene changes to the ziggurat.]
Mysterious character: Who indeed? Who is the brilliant puppet master working tirelessly behind the scenes, completely unfazed by this minor, minor setback? [He crosses out a picture of the Grumbo.] Why, it's me - Uncle G. Ready yourself, Princezzin! Your boy hero will be no match for my next creation.
[An unknown monster is seen twitching in a tank.]

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "The Witch's Garden" from season 1, which aired on June 7, 2010.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Witch
Gary the Mermaid Queen
Music
None
Locations
Witch's garden
Tree Fort
River of Junk
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode begins with a frog carrying a crown walking with Finn and Jake following behind.]
Jake: Dude... how long are we gonna follow this frog?
Finn: I just wanna see 'im put on that crown.
[The frog walks through the bars of a locked gate.]
Finn & Jake: [Running towards the gate] Wooow!
Jake: It looks cool in there!
Finn: [Pointing to lock on gate] Too bad we don't have the key to this.
Jake: What're you talkin' about? [Indicating his legs] I got two keys right here!
[Finn laughs and gets on Jake's back. Jake stretches over the wall of the garden.]
Finn: Whoo-hoo!
[Finn and Jake land inside the garden.]
Jake: Wow! Look at this place!
Finn: Jake. Are these donuts?
Jake: They look like donuts.
Finn: But maybe they're poisonous donuts! [Jake begins sniffing one of the donuts on the bush.] Yeah! Sniff it, Jake! Suck up those toxins!
[Jake sniffs it thoroughly.]
Jake: Wait a second... I don't know what poison smells like.
Witch: Hey! [She strains towards Finn and Jake on her cane.] [Lifting her cane] Razzamafoo!
[She switches places with Finn and Jake.]
Jake: Hey!
Finn: What gives?!
Witch: You ate one of my donuts!
Jake: No, I didn't. I just sniffed it.
Witch: RAAAAAGH!! You're lying! The stink of magic dog lips is everywhere!
Finn: Holy slug, lady! Calm down!
Jake: Listen, Mrs. Witch.
Witch: I never married!
Jake: Well, I never ate your donuts.
Witch: You... you're eating one right now!
Jake: [Mouth full] No, I'm not! [Noticing he is holding a donut] Whoa-hoa! Hm... That's weird... I don't even remember grabbing this. My subconscious must be hungry, huh? Huh... whatever. [Finishes donut]
Witch: [Convulses angrily] MAGICUS NOMORICUS!
Jake: Uh-oh. [Gets blasted]
Finn: AAH! [The magic smoke makes him and Jake cough.] Dude, are you okay?
Jake: Yeah... I think so. Just a little chilly. [Noticing he is in his underwear] WHOA!
Witch: Ahahahahahehehe!
Finn: What did she do to you?
Witch: I stripped him of his magical powers!
Finn: For stealing one of your billions of donuts?!
Jake: Yeah, it's not like I killed your husband or somethin'.
Witch: [Livid] I AM NOT MARRIED!
Finn: The point is you overreacted.
Jake: And what gives? [Pointing to his nipple] I used to have like eight more of these things.
Witch: The only way I'll give back your powers is if you admit your error and say you're sorry and mean it! ...'Cause I can tell the difference.
Jake: Well, you can forget it because you're the one who's wrong! [To Finn] ...Right?
Finn: Total support, dude.
Witch: [Convulsing angrily] RRRRAAAARRGH!! [Waving her cane] Go-backicus-from-whence-you-came-icus!
Finn: Aw, now you're just makin' these up!
[He and Jake disappear.]
Witch: [Rubbing one of the donuts] Are you alright, my... my donut pretties? Heh heh... Wait a second. YOU'RE A BAGEL! LIARS! LIARS EVERYWHERE! [The bagel becomes "stripped." Scene shifts to the Tree Fort.]
Finn: There's gotta be a way to get your powers back! Where'd they come from, anyway? Were you born with them? Or... did you have a freak industrial accident?!
Jake: Ha. That takes me back. Let me just... [deep voice] remember. [A memory bubble appears above his head.] I see a memory. When I was just a pupster... I'm rollin' around in a mud puddle, and I'm just... lovin's it. Oh, no! [The bubble explodes. Jake pants from exhaustion.] Whoo... Remembering is hard work.
Finn: What happened next?!
Jake: Oh. Um... I went into the mud, and... I guess I became a magic dog?
Finn: Okay! Then our course is clear! We'll roll you in every mud puddle in Ooo until we find the one that'll restore your powers.
Jake: [Lying down] That's nuts, man. You got any idea of how many mud puddles are in the land of Ooo? Four? Maybe even five?
Finn: Jake, come on! We've always been lucky, buddy! Maybe the first mud puddle we find will be the right one!
Jake: Nonsense... but I like it!
Finn: [Jumping out window] Then away! Hyuh! Whoo-hoo!
Jake: Yeah, let's do it!
[Finn lands on his feet; Jake lands on his face with a thud.]
Finn: Oh, my gosh!
Jake: I forgot that I don't have magic powers anymore. How do we search for the mud without my powers?
Finn: We run! Run like energetic little boys! [Finn runs quickly away.]
Jake: [To himself] This whole time, I thought running was some sort of... leg magic. [Jake begins trudging along. Before long, he gets tired.] Huh... Look at me. I'm runnin'! [Pants heavily; the camera gets ahead of him as he slows down.] Oh, no... [Thud; camera pans back to Jake.] [Out of breath] Running... is... evil...
Finn: Come on, lazy bones!
Jake: It's too hard!
Finn: I guess you could ride on my backpack.
Jake: [Straining] I can't reach. [Finn bends backwards; Jake grabs on to Finn's neck.] You good, Finn?
Finn: [Choking] You're... strangling me... a little, is all.
[Scene transition to the River of Junk.]
Finn: Look there! Across the River of Junk! There's an ideal mud puddle.
Jake: I'll stretch into a boat! [Strains then farts] I'm startin' to really miss that old magic of mine.
Finn: We can swim this river easy! [Jumps into river] Come on, Jake! [Swims across, leaving Jake behind]
Jake: [To himself] Man, that looks exhausting.
[A projection of Jake's subconscious appears on a piece of furniture in the river.]
Jake's subconscious: You're right, Jake. It is exhausting.
Jake: [Gasp] What are you?!
Jake's subconscious: I'm your subconscious!
Jake: Okay, what are you doing here?
Jake's subconscious: I'm here to tell you that what you're feeling deep down inside is true! It is way too hard to swim across the river. It's easier to wear a hat. [Handing Jake a hat] Here! Have a hat!
Jake: [Donning the hat] Ha ha!
Jake & his subconscious: Yeah-hea-hea-hea! Heh heh!
Jake: Man, I'm glad I met you.
Finn: Jake! Stop talking to yourself! Cross over already!
Jake: Uh, I can't swim that river, dude. My subconscious says it's too hard. Check out this hat, though.
Finn: [Growls] What's wrong with that guy? [To Jake] Then just wait for me there!
[Finn dives down and begins gathering various things. When he grabs a trash can lid, a large eye is uncovered and it opens. Finn re-surfaces and begins building something, mumbling to himself and visibly annoyed. "Ergh, stupid..."]
Jake: Whatcha workin' on, Finn? [Finn continues constructing a catapult from the junk, still mumbling angrily to himself. "... have to do everything!"] Look at you! Doin' stuff! [Finn pulls down the catapult lever.] Oh, is it a chair? [Jake gets on the platform.] A chair for my butt—? [Finn releases the lever, launching Jake all the way to the other side of the river and into the mud puddle.] Mud-venture!
Finn: Did it work?!
Jake: Oh, yeah! I can feel this workin'! In fact, you should roll in the mud with me, Finn! We can both be magic!
Finn: YEAAAAH! [Joins Jake in the mud. They laugh and roll around in it.] This isn't working at all.
Jake: This isn't the right mud. I was just really hopin' this was over and done.
Finn: [Sigh] Okay... Then let's just go find another mud puddle.
Jake: Actually... I'm feeling kinda chubby-tired. Can't we do this tomorrow?
Finn: Agh! This is stupid! Just go back to the witch and apologize and get your powers back!
Jake: Never! I'd rather be powerless forever then apologize! I'm lazy but prideful.
Finn: [Angrily] YOU'RE NOT EVEN TRYING, MAN! [Knocks Jake's hat off] First, you won't run, [Stuttering] a-and now you keep—and... a-and no matter what, I ju—you...
Jake: Adventuring is too much hard work for a bro without his powers.
Finn: But you are an adventurer.
Jake: Nah, from now on, I'm just your regular old dog. ...Ironic given my current man-baby body.
[Something big emerges from the river; Finn and Jake gasp. A giant pile of junk emerges and a giant living fish skeleton pops out of it.]
Gary: Behold the beautiful mermaid of the river. [Finn retches.] Which one of you mortals wants to mate with [Gesturing over her body] all this? Heh heh heh...
Finn: Oh, um... How do I say, "You're the grossest thing ever," without offending you?
Gary: RAAAAAARGH!!
[Gary angrily conjures up a fireball.]
Jake: I'll scare her off, Finn! [Barks at her]
[Gary blasts them but they evade.]
Finn: How do we beat power like that?!
Jake: Finn! I've got an idea!
Finn: What is it, buddy??
Jake: Rub my belly! Yeah, I'm one of those kinda dogs.
[Finn growls angrily.]
Finn: [Charging Gary] YAAAAH!
[Gary evades his attack and spits a black substance on him, knocking him out. Gary cackles.]
Jake: Finn? [Gary takes him to her nest.] Finn! Come on, Finn! You gotta save yourself! I'm just a dog! Aw, man. Oh, geez... Okay. Then I'm back on the team! [Attempts to climb tree] I'll save you!
Finn: Jake? [Giant eggs around him are beginning to hatch.]
Jake: Don't worry! [He fails to climb the tree.] Hey, Finn... Can you help me to get up there?
[The Hatchlings hatch.]
Hatchlings: Hungry! Hungry! Hungry!
Jake: [Desperate noise] If only I had my powers back!
Witch [In Jake's memory]: The only way I'll give back your powers is if—
Jake: I know, I know! I have to apologize to that Witch.
[Scene transition to the Witch's garden. The Witch is planting a cupcake.]
Witch: [To cupcake] Oh, you're doing so well... and I hate you so much!!
Jake: [At gate] Hey! [He's straining to get past the gate, but he's too fat.] Witch! I need my powers back! So I'm sorry! I'm so sorry I ate your donut!
Witch: Razzamafoo.
[Jake appears in front of the Witch.]
Jake: [Straining sounds] ...Oh. [Stops straining] So do I get my powers back?!
Witch: Mmm... Apology denied.
Jake: What?! Why?!
Witch: Because you took too long. Now you have to apologize while doing a variety of humiliating things.
Jake: No way, Jose!
Jake's subconscious: Come on, dude. It's the only way to save Finn.
Witch: Who is that?!
Jake: He's my subconscious.
Witch: Then he has to do it too.
Jake's subconscious: Aw...
[Scene transition. Jake is dancing with his subconscious with flowers in his underwear.]
Jake: I, Jake the dog, while slow-dancing with my subconscious, with flowers in my underwear, do humbly apologize...
Witch: [Starts shooting with video camera] Wait, wait. Start over.
Jake: You're recording this?!
Witch: It's for my newsletter.
Jake: No way. I have my dignity.
Witch: Then guess what, cool guy? You can forget about getting your powers back... EVER!!
Jake: [To his subconscious] Oh, no, dude! What do we do now?
[His subconscious starts coughing and falls over.]
Jake's subconscious: I'm dyin', Jake.
Jake: Wha?!
Witch: Hm. He says he's dying. Let that be a lesson to all you cupcakes. [Trembles] Hah...
Jake: Why are you dying, bro?
Jake's subconscious: Because... I'm the subconscious of your old magical self. [Coughs] Goodbye, Jake...
Jake: No! No! [Starts crying]
Witch: So I've finally broken you.
Jake: Yeah! [Sobs] If only... I were a humbler guy, my subconscious would be alive, and my best bud wouldn't be trapped in a mermaid's nest!
Witch: YES! GLOAT, GLOAT, GLOAT! Alright, I think you've learned your lesson. [Kindly] I forgive you.
[Jake regains his fur.]
Jake: [Magically stretching his arms] My powers! How can I ever thank— [Swipes her magic cane away] Ha! Got your cane!
Witch: WHAAA! OOF! [Falls over] [Jake grabs yet another donut and eats it. His subconscious, now well, gets on his back and they both flee.] But didn't you learn your lesson?!?
Jake: NOPE!!! [He and his subconscious laugh.]
[Scene transition back to the nest. Finn wakes up.]
Hatchlings: Hungry! Hungry!
[Finn screams.]
Gary: Remember to save the brain for dessert.
[The Hatchlings move towards Finn. Finn trembles in terror.]
Jake: Honey, I'm back! How about a big kiss? [Jake kisses her with great force, knocking Gary back into the river.] [To Hatchlings, in a cutesy voice] You guys are so cute! I could just maul you to death!
[The Hatchlings run away.]
Finn: Jake! [Hugs Jake's face] I never should have doubted you!
Jake: Well, I'm glad you learned your lesson: that in a crunch, there's nothin' I wouldn't do for ya.
Finn: Ahhh, so is that how you got your powers back? You apologized to the witch?
Jake: Uh... [Sweats profusely] No way! I must have found the right... mud puddle! Yeah... I don't remember. Heh... eh-heh... [Blabbers lips with relief as the episode ends.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Three Buckets" from season 9, which aired on July 21, 2017.

Characters
Jake
Fern
BMO
Neptr
Finn
Princess Bubblegum (recording)
Gumbald (unnamed)
Music
None
Locations
Tree House
The ziggurat
This transcript is complete (needs proofreading).


Transcript

[The episode opens at the Tree House.]
Jake: [Shouting] Finn?
"Finn": [Suddenly standing behind him.] Yo.
Jake: Oh, hey. Me and BMO are heading over to the vuvuzela store in the Music Kingdom. You want to come with? I got to get a new vuvuzela. Somebody keeps smashing my old one. [He pulls out a snapped vuvuzela and blows into it pathetically. BMO screams in terror at this horrible sound]
BMO: I can't bear this burden any longer! It was me! I'm the vuvuzela smasher!
Jake: BMO, how could you?
Neptr: No, it was me! I'm the vuvuzela smasher.
Jake: Neptr?!
"Finn": No, I'm the vuvuzela smasher.
Jake: All right, all right. Well, I'm still getting one. You coming?
"Finn": Nah, me and Fi- ...Fern are supposed to clean out the chicken coop today. And if anyone tries to stop me, I'll slash their flipping faces off.
Jake: True, true. Okay, well, I'll see you later then. Come on, BMO.
[Jake and BMO exit down the ladder. Neptr exits too.]
BMO: [From downstairs] Jake, I'm sorry! I really am the smasher!
Jake: [From downstairs] Ah, don't sweat it buddy.
[Suddenly, a second Finn pokes his head in from upstairs.]
Finn: [Laughs] Holy cow! Fern, that was perfect! [He jumps down.] Hyup! You're getting new powers like every day now. Let me see you do Jake - no, wait, Ice King! Do Ice King!
Fern: Ha, nah, man. [He shakes himself and his Finn disguise disappears.] Imitating uncool people infects you with their loserishness.
Finn: Oh. Yeah, that rings true. [He holds up a red bucket.] It's too bad you didn't develop any coop-poop-scooping skills. That coop is incredibly disgusting.
Fern: Actually, about that, I was thinking that, instead, maybe you and I could explore some secret ruins I found.
Finn: Secret ruins?! Sweet! Maybe we can still catch up with Jake and BMO! Or maybe Neptr could come! Hey, Neptr, you want to go on an adventure, buddy?!
Neptr: [From another room]Oh my glob! Hold on!
Fern: Actually, I was thinking maybe just you and me would go. Spend some quality time together, Finn and Fern style.
Finn: Yeah, okay. That actually even sounds like something Jake would want us to do. [Chuckles] Forget it, Neptr! [Singing] ♪ Dungeon surprise, right before my eyes, what a surprise, the dungeon surprise. ♪
[As Finn is leaving, Fern's eyes briefly change into someone else's, and he stares menacingly. The scene changes. Finn and Fern are walking through a savannah, playing rock paper scissors. They keep picking the same thing.]
Finn and Fern: [Together] One, two, three - shoot! Rock! One, two, three - shoot! Scissors!
Finn: [Chuckles] This is so weird. I can't tell if it's boring or fun.
Fern: Well, I can. It's boring. I want the thrill of victory! Who wants to be the same all the time?
Finn: Come on, man! You know you love it! Come on! One, two, three... Come on!
Fern: [Sighs]
Finn and Fern: [Together] One, two, three - shoot!
Fern: Rock.
Finn: Paper.
Fern: What?!
Finn: Whoa! I won this time.
Fern: What? But that's not fair! [Growls] Why is nothing ever fair?
Finn: Hey, Fern, it's just a game. Don't be so weird.
Fern: Don't-! ...Don't call me that.
Finn: [Inhales sharply, sensing he has crossed a line.] Sorry.
Fern: Ah, it's okay. That stuff won't mean a thing. I mean, that stuff don't mean a thing. Hey, come on, we're almost there! [Handsprings away] Whoop, whoop, whoop!
Finn: Hey, wait up! [Handsprings after him] Whoop, whoop!
Fern: [Continuous handspringing] Whoop, whoop whoop!
Finn and Fern: [Both] Whoop, whoop, whoop! Whoop, whoop!
Fern: [Stops in front of a cliff face.] Look, we're here!
Finn: Where? I just see a bunch of rock, swear to glob.
Fern: But check this out. [He pulls a key from his pocket.]
Finn: Whoa! Magic key!
Fern: I had to chop up a bunch of stubborn so-and-sos to get my hands on this baby. [He inserts the key into a rune engraved in the rock, and a magical entrance opens.]
Finn: Dang. You've been busy.
[They enter. Behind the rock wall is a ziggurat.]
Finn: Wow, would you look at that! They hid this ziggurat in the cliff side. Amazing!
Fern: Yeah, I poked around in there a bit, but-
Finn: Dut, dut, dut! No spoilers!
Fern: No, I know. I didn't go past the first level. I was saving it to do together.
Finn: Sweet. [They reach the top of the ziggurat, where a pole leads down into an entrance.] Whoa, what is that, a fitness pole? [He begins swinging around the pole.] Hey ya, hey ya, hey ya!
Fern: Come on. [They both slide down the pole.] This way. [Fern begins leading Finn towards a room.]
Finn: Hey, Fern, wait up. Hey, I just want to say that it's really cool that you're into this stuff. You know - that we have so much in common. It feels almost like we're real brothers, right? Or even closer.
Fern: [Is silent for a moment.] I think that's the treasure chamber down there. Why don't you go check it out? I want to study these interesting carvings. [He pretends to be interested in the carvings.] Hmm. Fascinating.
Finn: Oh. Uh, okay. I guess just holler if you need me. [He enters the chamber with a sigh.] Hey, what's this? [There are some items in the chamber.] Contemporary chair, contemporary trash, contemporary meatloaf? Hey, bad news, Fern. It looks like we've got a squatter situation here.
[Fern pulls out the key. His eyes glow menacingly again.]
Finn: I think they got the treasure, but they left some meatloaf behind. The good news is I know a meatloaf dealer-
[Fern inserts the key into a rune and a stone door slides shut, trapping Finn inside the chamber.]
Finn: What the? Fern? [He knocks on the stone door.] Fern? [He tries to push the door without success.] Uh, Fern? I think maybe the wind blew the door shut. An "act of nature", I would presume.
Fern: I'm sorry. I don't actually know how to make meatloaf. That's just a pan of dirt.
Finn: Well, that's okay. I don't know how to either! ...Fern, please open the door.
[Fern pushes out a single brick so that they can talk to each other more easily.]
Fern: This is where you live now. You'll be fine.
Finn: What?! Fern, what about Jake and BMO - my home?
Fern: It's been your home long enough. It's Fern's turn. I think I'm going to be a really great Finn. Hey, do you know who my favorite is? It's Neptr. I'm a Neptr guy! I'll be back in a month with a new bucket of trash. Later! [He replaces the brick.]
Finn: Fern!? [He tries to fly kick the door but it doesn't budge.] I've been double-crossed by grass Finn! I don't like being abandoned! I'm sensitive to it! [He groans and sits on the chair irritantly.] Mmm! [Sighs] It's too hot! [He rolls his shirt up above his belly, then begins to rummage through his backpack, groaning and muttering.] There's got to be something useful in here.
[He pulls out the red bucket from earlier and compares it to the blue bucket of trash on the floor. With a yell, he tries barging down the door again, still to no avail.]
Finn: You'll be back in a month?! With a new bucket of trash?! It's hot! There's no air in here! I need air! I need air!
[There is a whirring sound. His robotic arm has turned into a fan.]
Finn: Wha? [Examining his arm.] Oh! A microphone. There's some dried ketchup on it. [He sucks the ketchup.] Uh, hello.
[The arm beeps, and a pre-recorded hologram of Princess Bubblegum is projected from it.]
Princess Bubblegum: Hi, Finn! You're still asleep after your fight with Susan. But when you wake up, I'm sure you'll have fun discovering everything your new arm can do. And Finn, sincerely, thank you for defending our kingdom again. Oh. Someone else wants to thank you, too. [She walks out of frame and then holds up her hand, pretending it is a face. She puts on a voice.] Thank you, Finn! [Laughs, continues in normal voice] I don't know. Okay, um... Welcome, Finn!
[The video feed ends and a menu appears showing all of the arm's functions, including the fan which Finn was just using.]
Finn: Huh.
[Finn scrolls through the functions until he finds a rock drill.]
Finn: Yes!
[He scrolls some more and finds a "weed whacker". The scene changes. Fern, disguised as Finn, is walking away from the ziggurat, carrying a bunch of flowers. A buzzing is heard, and the real Finn suddenly runs at him from behind.]
Fern: Huh?
Finn: You donked up! [Tackles him.]
Fern: Aah! [Shakes off the disguise.] How did you get out? [He throws Finn off himself.]
[The two of them spar. Finn slices into Fern's back with the weed whacker.]
Fern: Hey!
[Fern headlocks Finn, but Finn manages to break it and throws him aside. Fern's eyes change for a brief moment.]
Finn: What do you think you're doing?!
Princess Bubblegum (Finn's arm): I'm weed whacking.
Fern: You've been Finn long enough! It's my turn. [He growls and leaps at Finn. Finn dodges.]
Finn: Fern, smarten up!
Fern: [With glowing eyes] Nuh-uh!
Finn: [Taken aback] What are you?
Princess Bubblegum (Finn's arm): A weed whacker.
[Fern hisses and draws his sword. He strikes at Finn, who catches the blade in the fingers of his bionic arm. They begin to duel. Finn strikes Fern and mows a chunk of his head. Fern hisses and slashes back at Finn, leaving a shallow gash in his belly.]
Finn: My belzer!
[Fern tackles Finn to the ground. He has his sword at Finn's neck, while Finn's weed whacker arm is lodged in Fern's belly without enough power to spin.]
Fern: [Laughs]
Finn: Fern, if things are going down the way I think they're going down, please tell Jake I love him.
Fern: That doesn't matter. I love him!
Finn: I know you do, Fern. Listen, we can stop this and just go home together. All this lying and fighting, it doesn't have to end like this. Today doesn't have to have this kind of... finality.
Princess Bubblegum (Finn's arm): [Mishearing him] Fatality!
[The weed whacker suddenly gets a burst of torque and fully enters into Fern's belly. Fern's face twists disturbingly as the blades spin inside him, and eventually, he bursts into a cloud of grass, which falls down onto Finn and the surrounding landscape. The scene changes back to the Tree Fort. Jake and BMO are back, and BMO is trying to break Jake's new vuvuzela. The door is heard.]
Jake: Hey, boys! Y'all have fun out there? [He turns around and sees Finn covered in scratches and grass stains, and suddenly shifts to a much more serious tone.] Wait, what happened?
[Finn opens his mouth to speak, but no words come out.]
BMO: [Happily] I know that look. You just killed someone! [Blows vuvuzela.]
[Finn breaks into tears. Jake and BMO go to comfort him. The scene goes back to the grasslands outside the ziggurat. A mysterious individual is gathering Fern's remains into a yellow bucket.]
Mysterious individual: Almost done, champ. There you go. [He picks up the bucket.] You looking for an uncle?

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Time Sandwich" from season 5, which aired on September 9, 2013.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Magic Man
BMO
Princess Bubblegum
Marceline
Music
None
Locations
Tree Fort
Grass Lands
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[Finn and BMO are walking around the Tree Fort with blindfolds on. Their arms are outstretched with their hands clasped together and their index fingers pointing like guns. Their fingers meet and press against each other's. BMO's push past Finn's.]
BMO: Ha-ha! I win!
[BMO and Finn take their blindfolds off as Jake walks in carrying groceries.]
Finn: Oh, hey, man.
Jake: You and BMO play Finger Spread quietly. I need to get into the zone. [walks over to the window and looks up] I am ready to receive instruction from the realm of creation above me for the sandwich I am about to conceive. I am open; use me.
[Jake turns on some classical music and starts dancing. He takes a deep breath. The scene cuts to him washing vegetables and then sharpening knives.]
Jake: [sharpening knives] One, two, three, four, five, six. [putting herbs on a steak] Rosemary, thyme. [puts the steak in a bag, seals it, and places it in a pot of hot water] Sous-vide. Keep that at 135 degrees. [cuts a loaf of bread in half and uses a blowtorch to toast the inside] All right, now we're gettin' somewhere. [places each ingredient on the bread as he says their names] Cream cheese! Pickles from my boy Prismo! And some dill! [grabs a bird from the windowsill] Diced boiled eggs! Bird from the window! Yeah, baby, now we're rollin'! Whoo!
[Finn and BMO climb up the ladder to the kitchen.]
Jake: Common cucumber! Sliced Roma tomato. Sweet yellow onion—organic. [tears up] Oh, almost done. [wipes tears away and puts them in the sandwich] Tears for salt. Meat prepared sous-vide. ♪Bacon.♪ [holds up a lobster] You're the most important part. [He puts the lobster in a pot of boiling water, and its soul escapes. Jake shoos it onto the sandwich.] Lobster soul. [puts on the top piece of bread, completing the sandwich and causing it to glow blue] It's amazing! Ohhh, [falls backwards, and Jake and BMO catch him] this is the greatest sandwich I've ever made!
Finn: Is it glowing?
[The three get up and walk to the sandwich.]
Jake: You guys want some?
Finn: It's cool, man. I know you want to eat the whole thing, and I'm cool with that.
Jake: Thank you. [Jake picks up his sandwich, and is about to eat it when a shower of sparks comes from the other side of the room, and Magic Man appears. Jake then gasps.] Magic Man!
Magic Man: Magic dog! I'll take some sandwich!
Jake: You stay away from my woman! Eh, my sandwich!
Magic Man: [scratching his chin] Hmm... yeah, I could do that... or... wait, wait! [he conjures a portal that allows him to grab Jake's sandwich]
Jake: Sandwiche! Mijo! Magic Man! My sandwich!
Magic Man: That's a good-looking sandwich.
Jake: What are you gonna do with it? Something gross?
Magic Man: [breathes on the sandwich] It's got my germs, so it's mine now.
Jake: NOOOO! [stretches his arms toward Magic Man]
Magic Man: Dead arms! [casts a spell]
[Jake's arms become limp and fall to the floor.]
Jake: [groaning] Give it back, you animal!
Magic Man: Look, if you really want your sandwich, you'll have to solve my little riddle. [punches the "Timeless" clock and moves the hands] When your face shows 7:20, when green leaves turn brown, the only way forward is down. Then you'll see, the wetter, the better.
Jake: That's not even a riddle! It's wordplay, at best!
Magic Man: You try and come up with something on the spot! It's hard! [makes a portal and slaps Jake through it]
Jake: Ow!
Magic Man: Now to savor the moment. [crashes through the wall] [in mid-fall] It's just you and me, baby. [moves sandwich toward his open mouth and snaps his fingers, creating a slow-mo sphere]
Jake: What the?
Finn: Jake, wait!
Jake: [growls] What's he doin' in there? Why did he freeze himself with my sandwich?
Finn: He's not frozen. He's super slow-mozin', motion. Look.
[Camera zooms in on Magic Man's mouth, where some saliva drips in slow-mo.]
Jake: Aww, that's gross!
Finn: Well, let's go grab it before he hits the ground, which is when I assume he'll take a bite.
Jake: Yeah, okay.
Finn: Hmm. [pats sphere and puts his arm in it] Feels like cold spaghetti. [puts his head in]
[Jake follows suit.]
Finn: [slow-mo] Oh... hey, Jake.
Jake: [slow-mo] Hey, Finn.
[Outside, the clouds move by quickly, showing that time is only slowed inside the sphere.]
Jake: [slow-mo] How long have we been in here?
Finn: [slow-mo] I don't know.
Jake: [slow-mo] Retreat!
[The two slowly pull themselves out and gasp for air. BMO has joined them.]
Finn: Whoa, how long were we in there?
BMO: Five hours.
Jake: Five hours?! [stretches around the sphere to see Magic Man] He's halfway to hittin' the ground... which is when he'll bite my sandwich, probably.
BMO: Yes.
Jake: [groans]
Finn: [scoldingly] BMO!
BMO: I agree that is when he will probably take a bite.
Finn: You're not helping.
BMO: Oh, you need help? I can help. [screen turns to a green spiral] Processing.
Jake: Must be his new software.
BMO: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. [face returns to normal] Ding! I have the solution, Jake.
Jake: What?! BMO, are you serious?
BMO: Yes, this plan will work.
Jake: Yes!
BMO: But we have to hurry.
Jake: Yes!
Finn: Alright, BMO!
[They run inside, come out with some wood, and start building a ramp. Jake hammers a nail, pausing to look at his sandwich, which is now closer to Magic Man's mouth. Jake resumes hammering at a quicker pace. Finn sets up a camera, as BMO gets to the top of the ramp with its skateboard.]
Finn: Wait, wait, wait. BMO, are you just making a skateboard video?
BMO: No, Finn. This is the plan.
Jake: Are you sure?
BMO: Jake, you will have your sandwich back before my board hits the ground.
Jake: Okay, BMO.
BMO: Yay, BMO! [skateboards down the ramp and gets airborne] This is iiiii... [lands in the sphere and starts slowly falling]
Jake: He lied to me.
Finn: Relax. [takes a phone out of his pack] I'm calling Princess Bubblegum. It's ringing.
Jake: [sighs] Maybe I should just make another one. [goes inside, turns on the radio again, and dances limply] [sighs deeply] Eh, okay. Let's do this. I can make another awesome sandwich. Creation realm, inspire me once again! [looks out the window at storm clouds, and the wind chimes fall] [uncertainly] Okay.
[Outside, Princess Bubblegum is using a device to inspect the time bubble.]
Finn: Thanks again for coming, Prubbles.
Princess Bubblegum: Of course, Finn. Once you explained about Jake's sandwich, I had to. [pulls device out of sphere]
Finn: So, how's it looking?
Princess Bubblegum: I'm picking up major levels here.
Finn: Of magic?
Princess Bubblegum: Molasses.
Finn: Oh.
[They start walking over to some Banana Guards holding missiles.]
Princess Bubblegum: He's using a molasses-based super-covalent subatomic bond, slowing down anything that enters its field, but only if the molasses is at room temperature. Hmm, this one. [takes a missile from a Banana Guard] My molasses warmer will get things moving.
[She moves a level on the missile, causing a smaller missile to shoot out of the bigger missile. She presses some buttons on her watch, and the smaller missile drops an angry bear-shaped bomb, which goes inside the sphere and explodes behind BMO.]
BMO: [slow-mo] ...iiiiiiiii...
Princess Bubblegum: Well, I'm out of ideas. [activates a holo-phone]
Finn: Who ya calling?
Princess Bubblegum: Marceline.
Finn: The vampire queen?!
[Inside, Jake has two pieces of bread and a wilted leaf of lettuce.]
Jake: Oh... maybe... maybe it's just as good! [puts the sandwich together and takes a bite] Blech! [spits it out and throws the sandwich on the floor] It's terrible! [starting to cry] Dang you, Magic Man! You took my one and only! [takes a bag and heads outside]
[Marceline has now joined them.]
Princess Bubblegum: See, I think the molasses must be protected by some sort of chemical—
Marceline: Oh, hey, Jake. How you holding up?
Jake: Not too well. BMO looks cool, though.
BMO: [slow-mo] ...iiiiiiii...
Jake: [sighs]
Marceline: Don't be sad.
Princess Bubblegum: Yeah, Marceline's got a great plan.
Finn: Yeah, man!
Jake: What's your plan?
Marceline: [transforms into a winged beast] Demon juice! [jumps up] [growls] [lands in the sphere behind BMO]
BMO: ...iiiiiiiii...
[Jake takes some candles out of the bag and lights them.]
Finn: Hey, man. What are you doing?
Jake: I'm lighting these candles so I can move on with the grieving process. I made them with the leftover bacon fat from my sand—[sobs]
Finn: I am not giving up. [takes out phone] Let's see. Who should I call? Ice King? Shelby? Tree Trunks?
Jake: Tree Trunks?! No, man, don't call Tree Trunks! What's she gonna do, bake an apple pie?! Don't you get it?! It's over. It's over, and I've never been so sad. And you know what? I got to deal with it. [walks into sphere but does not slow down]
Finn: Jake, look!
Jake: Hmm? What? But how?
Finn: Because you've never been this sad! That's what Magic Man meant by your face showing 7:20, or as some people call it, a sad face.
Jake: What?! Nobody [begins to slow down] calls it that.
Finn: Nope! No! Don't get judgmental.
Princess Bubblegum: Stay sad.
Jake: Right. [walks deeper into the sphere] [sobbing] Magic Man, I'm gonna sock you in the head! [punches his palm] [laughs] [starts slowing down again]
Finn: Jake, every time you get happy, you slow down! Stay sad, man! Make yourself sad!
Jake: Uh... okay!
[He imagines his funeral, with Lady Rainicorn crying over his grave.]
Lady Rainicorn: 제이이이이크!(Jaaake!) [sobs]
Mr. Cupcake: [patting her] It's okay, Lady. You gotta let go. He's gone now. Let me take you out for a coffee... get your mind off things.
[Time card: AFTER COFFEE]
[Mr. Cupcake arrives at Lady Rainicorn's house in his sports car. Lady Rainicorn gets out of the car.]
Lady Rainicorn: 컵케이크 씨, 정말 고마워요. 당신은, 정말 좋은 친구예요. ( Mr. Cupcake, Thank you . You're really a good friend.
Mr. Cupcake: Hey, Lady, I'm here for you. Don't you ever forget that.
[Lady Rainicorn smiles and Mr. Cupcake raises his eyebrows twice.]
Jake: Hey, Mr. Cupcake, you stay away [starts slowing down] from Lady!
Finn: No, man! Stay sad! Make yourself sad!
Jake: Uh...
[He imagines Mr. Cupcake at his grave.]
Mr. Cupcake: I, I love you, Jake. We should have hung out more.
Jake: What? Um, I love you too, Mr. Cupcake. I didn't want to hang because I thought Lady was into your muscles. And I thought if we'd hung out, you'd sweet-talk her and take her from me.
Mr. Cupcake: What? I would never. I've got so much respect for you.
Jake: Dude, I have so much respect for you! I try to be like you in some aspects of my life! Look, if something were to happen to me, and I wasn't here anymore, I'd want you to take care of Lady and the kids.
Mr. Cupcake: That means so much to me. [cries] I wish we had more time together.
Jake: [tearing up] Me, too! [crying] [now running through the sphere]
Finn: Yeah, Jake! The wetter, the better! Keep crying!
Jake: I'm sorry, Mr. Cupcake! [punches Magic Man and catches his sandwich]
[The sphere disappears, the missile explodes, and pieces of wood hit Magic Man. Marceline then lands on her elbow on him, and BMO skateboards over his face.]
BMO: Boardslide!
Jake: [sobbing] Ah-haaaaa! [holds up sandwich]
Princess Bubblegum: Yay!
Jake: I got you, baby. [takes a bite] [with mouth full] This sandwich is so good!

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "To Cut a Woman's Hair" from season 2, which aired on January 10, 2011.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Mrs. Yoder (bird)
Tree Witch
Muscle Princess
Lumpy Space Princess
Princess Beautiful
Princess Bubblegum
Simon (ladybug)
Music
None
Locations
Grass Lands
A graveyard
Candy Kingdom
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode starts off in a forest with Finn feeding baby birds in a nest by chewing an apple first; the birds are chirping.]
Finn: Blah-la-luh. Hey, Jake, give me some of that apple.
Jake: Coming up. [Jake does a wave with his left arm then stretches his right arm up to Finn handing him the apple. Finn starts chewing the apple.] I know what you're thinking about.
Finn: [Muffled because of the apple in his mouth] Huh?
Jake: Kissin' Princess Bubblegum on the mouth!
[Finn spits the chewed-up apple to the baby birds.]
Finn: [Spits and with nervousness in his voice] No, I'm not! And... I wouldn't even do that ever.
Jake: Yeah, you would. You're just bad at talking to ladies.
Finn: Hmmph. [Continues feeding birds] Ehggg-uh-ya-uh. Uh, should I keep going, Mrs. Yoder?
Mrs. Yoder: [The mother bird's upper beak was bound up] No, Finn, that's plenty. Thank you.
Finn: Okay. [Throws away apple] Let us know if you need anything else. Hyah!
Mrs. Yoder: You two are heroes!
[Finn jumps off the tree and spins around a branch to land swiftly on the ground.]
Finn: [Landing] Hunh.
Jake: Come on, dude.
Finn: Hey! Do you hear that? She called us heroes!
Jake: [Chuckles] Yeah, I heard.
[A bush starts rustling; Finn and Jake both spot the moving bush and look shocked.]
Finn and Jake: Huh?
[The Tree Witch pops out of the bush.]
Tree Witch: Hey! How's it going?! [Brushes the bush off her dress.] Ugh! Is that true, what the bird said? You guys are heroes?
Finn: Why were you hiding in that shrub?
Tree Witch: Oh, I wasn't hiding. I'm a Tree Witch. I can turn into trees and shrubs and bushes and stuff. Check it out.
[She holds out her arms and they grow into mini trees. She then turns them back to normal.]
Jake: [Bored] Bleh.
Tree Witch: So listen, I need you two heroes to get me a lock of princess hair. [Scratches armpit then sniffs]
Finn: Why do you need princess hair?
Tree Witch: Why? 'Cause I have a balding problem! What, are you, blind? [Pats bald head] [Louder] Are You blind!?
Finn and Jake: No, we're not blind. [They nervously talk over each other.] I had no idea... I don't know...
Tree Witch: Anyway, I need the princess hair so I can put it on my head. [Sticks her head out] And then I'll be beautiful.
Finn: Oh, well, uh, we know lots of princesses.
[Jake stops him from talking and laughs nervously.]
Jake: [To the Tree Witch] Uh, can you, um, give us a minute?
Tree Witch: Yeah, okay.
Jake: [Whispering to Finn] Dude, I don't think we should help her.
Finn: [Whispering] Why not?
Jake: 'Cause she's a witch!
Finn: Maybe she's a good witch.
Jake: Her? Are you kidding? Come on, look at her! [She turns her finger into a Venus fly trap and it swallows a butterfly.] If she was good, she wouldn't be so ugly.
Tree Witch: Are you guys still talking?!
Finn: So what do we do? Tell her we can't help her 'cause she's ugly?
Jake: No, man! She'll kill us or put a freaky curse on us or something. [Glances at her] Let me get rid of her with some of my world-famous smoove talking. [He walks over to the Tree Witch.] [Smooth talking with romantic music in the background] Hey. Sorry about that, girl. [Lies down] Ahh. You don't mind if I take a load off, do you?
Tree Witch: What were you guys talking about?
Jake: How pretty you are.
Tree Witch: Huh?
Jake: We were just saying someone as pretty as you doesn't even need a full head of hair. [Finn bends down next to him.] Isn't that right, buddy?
Finn: Uh, yeah, totally!
Tree Witch: Nuh-unh! [Giggles]
Jake: Girl, if I didn't already have a G.F., I'd be on you like butter on toast!
[Tree Witch lies down on ground next to Jake.]
Tree Witch: [Seductively] I don't mind if you have a G.F.
Jake: Oh. Umm…
Finn: Dude, I don't think it's working.
Jake: Yeah, I think I'm making things worse.
[Tree Witch touches Jake's leg.]
Jake: Ah-ah-ahhh!
Tree Witch: Hey.
Jake: What?
Tree Witch: How would you... court me?
Jake: Um... spaghetti dinner?
Tree Witch: Hmm.
Finn: Look, Lady, we can't help you get princess hair.
Tree Witch: Why not?
Finn: Because... we only help when someone's in danger. [Jake smiles at Finn's logic.]
Tree Witch: Oh! Well, why didn't you say so?
[The Tree Witch stands up and clears her throat. She grunts and uses magical powers to pick up Jake.]
Jake: Hey... uh... what's—?! Yaaah! Hey!
[She places him on the ground then sits on him.]
Tree Witch: There. Now someone's in danger.
Jake: I told you she was evil!
Finn: Grrrrrr.... Yaah!
[Finn gets angry and charges at the Tree Witch. He jumps to attack her, but she deflects him with a force field.]
Tree Witch: What, you forget I'm a witch?
Finn: Maybe.
Tree Witch: Well, maybe you should get me some princess hair, so maybe your friend doesn't get sucked into my bottomless bottom!
[Jake starts getting pulled into her bottom.]
Jake: Nyuh! Get some princess hair!!
Finn: All right, fine! [Starts to leave]
Tree Witch': Wait! Uh, you... you can't tell anyone why you need it.
Finn: What? Why?
Tree Witch: I don't want anyone to know I have a balding problem.
Finn: O...kay. [Walks away]
[Scene changes to show Finn looking at castle.]
Finn: It's Princess Muscles's castle! [Runs to door and knocks]
[Muscle Princess picks up the door from the inside and throws it away.]
Muscle Princess: Hi, Finn.
Finn: Uh, hey, Princess Muscles.
Muscle Princess: What brings you by?
Finn: Um, you were the nearest princess, and I need a lock of your hair.
[Muscle Princess looks away and blushes.]
Muscle Princess: I understand.
Finn: You do?
Muscle Princess: Mm-hmm. [Starts to hug Finn]
[Finn screams and falls through her arms onto the ground.]
Finn: Aah! What are you doing?
Muscle Princess: Trying to give you a hug.
Finn: Why? I want hair, not hug!
Muscle Princess: Oh, I see. You want to take things slo-o-o-w.
Finn: No! I--I'm here to save you! From your hair! It looks really bad. Cut it off, quick!
Muscle Princess: Of course it looks bad. If I had beautiful, shiny hair, no one would look at my muscles. [Starts punching Finn around] Come back when you wanna get serious about loving me!
[She slams the door back into place. Screen now shows Finn lying on the ground beat up and bruised.]
Finn: I am terrible at talking to ladies.
[Scene changes to Finn wandering around a forest.]
Finn: Hmm... Where's a princess? Princess?... Princess... Princess... Who's that? [Lumpy Space Princess is sleeping at a hobo camp.] It's Lumpy Space Princess. [Finn looks around confused at the trash he sees around her.] Does she... live in the woods now?
Lumpy Space Princess: [Sleep-talking] G-G-Get away from my camp! I'll cut you! Hrm. I'm never gonna go back home.
Finn: Huh. Wait. Does she even have hair? [Finn gets really close to Lumpy Space Princess, the wind blowing and revealing her body covered in very short purple hair.] She does! Well... hair is hair.
[He pulls out a pair of scissors. Lumpy Space Princess wakes up in the middle of him clipping her hair.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Oh, my Glob! What the stuff are you doing?! Why are you cutting my lumps?!
Finn: Because they're, uh... So--
Lumpy Space Princess: [Gasps] I knew you liked me.
Finn: No, I don't! I-I'm just stopping by because--
Lumpy Space Princess: Just admit it, Lover Boy! You can't resist me! Well, if you want these lumps, you gotta put a ring on it! Where's my ring?! [Finn does a high-pitch scream and runs away.] I knew you liked me, Finn. That's why you're running! Get in touch with your feelings, babe!
[Finn is now running through a dark, ominous graveyard.]
Finn: What am I gonna do? Huh? A graveyard? Yes! There's got to be a hairy princess in there that won't think I'm hitting on her![Finn goes around all the tombstones.] Princess? Princess? Princess? Ugh! Come on! Bingo! [He stops at a grave stone and starts reading what it says.] "Here lies Princess Beautiful. She was so beautiful." Hey, that's perfect! And sort of macabre. Oh, well. [Finn starts digging up the grave.] Aha! [He reaches the casket and opens it.]
Princess Beautiful: Hi, Finn.
Finn: Ohh!
[Finn moves her skull around checking to see if she has any hair.]
Princess Beautiful: What? What are you -- Please stop.
[Finn climbs out of the hole followed by Princess Beautiful.]
Finn: Where's her hair?!
Princess Beautiful: Thanks, Finn. [Leaves]
[Finn pushes away grass from the bottom of the tombstone so he can read the rest of what it says.]
Finn: "Here lies Princess Beautiful. She was so beautiful, but died of baldness?!" Dang it!
[Scene shifts to the Tree Witch and Jake, who is even deeper in her bottom.]
Tree Witch: [Mumbling to herself] I'm gonna look so beautiful... Invited to all the parties.
Finn: [Arriving] Jake! Jake! I'm sorry, man. Getting princess hair is -- is impossible! They all just think I'm in love with them! Ugh! I can't do it. You're gonna have to spend the rest of your life in this witch's butt.
Jake: Noooo!
Tree Witch: Eh! Quiet down! I'm daydreaming!
Jake: [Whispering] Dude, if they think you like them, then use that. Embrace it! Find the least terrible princess you can, play her some music, cook her a meal, smoove talk her until she likes you. And then get the hair!
Finn: Wait. You mean like go on a date?
Jake: Marry a princess if you need to! Just get her hair! Aaaah!
[Jake's head gets sucked into her butt.]
Finn: Jake!
Jake: [Muffled] Go get the hair!
Finn: Okay! Hold on!
[Scene shifts to the Candy Kingdom.]
Finn: Princess Bubblegum!
[Finn is holding an ax, standing in front of Princess Bubblegum, who is watering her plants.]
Princess Bubblegum: Hi, Finn!
Finn: Uh... I need you to come with me!
Princess Bubblegum: Why? I'm watering right now.
[Finn smacks the water can out of her hand.]
Finn: Just come on. We don't have much time!
[They enter an open spot in the woods with a pot of boiling water in the middle.]
Princess Bubblegum: What is this, Finn?
Finn: We're gonna have a spaghetti dinner.
Princess Bubblegum: Whoa! Really? Where do we sit?
[Finn immediately goes off yelling and chops down a tree.]
Princess Bubblegum: Um, Finn?
[Finn then chops up the tree even more to creates seats for both of them.]
Finn: Put your butt here! Hurry!
Princess Bubblegum: Oh. [She does.]
[Finn pulls a fancy table cloth from his backpack along with silverware, dishes, and a candle and places it all on the stump. He then turns to a ladybug with a violin.]
Finn: Hey, Simon, make it romantic. [He pays him a dollar; Simon starts playing his violin. Finn then goes to the boiling pot of water and pulls the spaghetti out with his bare hands.] Oww! Here, shove this in your mouth! It's hot!
[He drops the spaghetti on the table.]
Princess Bubblegum: Finn, I don't understand--
Finn: Please, Princess! Just stick it in your mouth!
Princess Bubblegum: Well, okay. [Fills her mouth with a big spoonful of spaghetti] [Chomping] You're lucky I love spaghetti!
Finn: Um, Princess... do you like me?
Princess Bubblegum: [Gasps in surprise] Finn, of course I like you.
Finn: Really?
Princess Bubblegum: Yeah!
Finn: Yes! Now give me some of your hair!
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, Finn, that's sweet. Sure, I'll give you some of my hair. [Tears of a piece of her hair] Here. Take it, you cutie.
[Finn jumps on the table knocking everything off.]
Finn: Thank you, Princess Bubblegum!! [Quickly runs away]
Princess Bubblegum: My spaghetti!
[Scene shifts back to the Tree Witch sitting on Jake. It is now dawn.]
Tree Witch: My cat had kittens... and I'm thinking of naming one "Little Whiner." What do you think? Is that a good name?
[Finn appears holding Princess Bubblegum's hair.]
Finn: Totally did it! Genuine princess hair. You hear that, Jake?
Jake: [Muffled] Just give it to her, already!!
Finn: All right, lady, a deal is a deal.
[Finn hands her the hair and she gasps in excitement, but then frowns.]
Tree Witch: Ahh! This isn't hair! It's bubblegum!
Jake: What?!
[Finn takes the hair back and licks it.]
Finn: It is bubblegum!
Tree Witch: Well, I guess you failed. Say goodbye to your dog.
[She clutches her fist and starts pulling what's left of Jake into her bottom.]
Jake: Aaaah!
Finn: WAAIT!
Tree Witch: What?
Finn: If I learned anything today, it's that I'm awesome at talking to ladies! And, lady, you are crazy ugly!
Tree Witch: [The Tree Witch does an almost silent gasp.] Wha-a-a-t?
Jake: Duuuude!
Finn: Having beautiful hair isn't gonna get you anywhere, because you're ugly, inside and out, so ugly I want to throw up.
Jake: Duuuude!
Finn: No one will ever find you beautiful. everrr! And it's got nothing to do with the ol' chrome dome. It has to do with what's in here. [Points to his heart.] Can you get off my friend now?
Jake: [Crying] Du-hu-huuude...
Tree Witch: He's right.
Jake: Huh?
Tree Witch: Well, don't get me wrong. I know I'm ugly. And evil. [She stands up, letting Jake free.] But I thought if I had some beautiful hair, I could learn how to love myself.
[Tree Witch starts to sob.]
Finn: Gee... I feel kind of bad.
Jake: I don't.
Finn: Hey, witch! Does it have to be princess hair?
Tree Witch: No. Just beautiful hair.
Finn: Well then, check this out! [Finn removes his hat, revealing an enormous amount of golden hair that seems to be flowing in the wind.] HA HA-A-A-A-A-A!!!
[Tree Witch and Jake both gasp in awe.]
Tree Witch: You'd really give me your hair?
Finn: Sure!
[A second passes on screen and Finn appears with no hair at all. The Tree Witch is now wearing his hair like a wig.]
Tree Witch: [Excited] So... how do I look?
Finn: Totally beautiful. [He puts his hat back on.] inside and out!
Tree Witch: Thank you, Finn. And now to use my hair for evil.
Finn: [terrified] What?!
Tree Witch: 'Cause I'm evil!! [Evilly laughs] What did you want from me? [She starts to run away but trips on her new hair. She moans in pain.] Ohh -- Oh, no. I think I fractured a branch.
[The episode ends with Finn and Jake laughing at the Tree Witch]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Too Old" from season 5, which aired on August 12, 2013.

Characters
Finn
Princess Bubblegum
Earl of Lemongrab
Lemongrab 2
Lemonhope
Jake
Lemon People
Music
Lemonhope's Song
Locations
Castle Lemongrab
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[Episode starts at Castle Lemongrab. A gatekeeper is comparing Finn's passport picture to Princess Bubblegum.]
Princess Bubblegum: The other one. [switches passports for the gatekeeper]
Gatekeeper: [grunts]
[Scene switches to Finn, who is talking to Jake on an old-fashioned telephone.]
Jake: [on phone] Finn? Finn?
Finn: Sorry.
Jake: Finn, I'm bored. Are you sure Princess Bubblegum doesn't like me anymore?
Finn: Yeah. That's what she said.
Jake: Sounds weird. Are you lying so you can do this dinner thing alone with Bubblegum?
Finn: No way!
Jake: I don't know if this is a good idea after your break-up with Flame Princess. PB is out of your age range, anyway.
Finn: No way, man, I got no expectates. Whatever happens happens.
Princess Bubblegum: [off-screen] Hey Finn! Let's go.
Finn: Lates, bro. [to Princess Bubblegum] Comin'!
[Two gatekeepers open the doors to Castle Lemongrab.]
Finn: Hey-ey, things got fancy around here.
[Finn and Princess Bubblegum walk into a stagecoach. The driver throws a whip at the Lemon Camel.]
Princess Bubblegum: Thanks again for coming to Castle Lemongrab with me, Finn. I kinda hate these diplomatic dinners. Also, I think the Lemongrabs are getting weirder.
Finn: Oh, uh, you know me—pretty good with weird stuff.
Princess Bubblegum: It's just a shame that Jake didn't wanna come. I love Jake.
Finn: Yeah. We all love Jake. [scoots closer to Princess Bubblegum]
[Inside the Castle, an orange Lemon Child blows a horn.]
Orange Lemon Child: Announcing arrival o' Princest Bubblegah and little boy!
[A Lemon Child on a trapeze falls to the ground behind Finn and Princess Bubblegum. Footsteps can be heard as the Lemon Children in the entrance hall gasp.]
Lemongrab: Princess! [grunts]
Finn and Princess Bubblegum: Holy—
Lemongrab: Oh, so pleased and gracious to welcome you to our sophisticated society! [bows] Bow.
Lemongrab 2: Yes, welcome—
Lemongrab: [screams] NO! Do it now!
[A small Lemon Child in a cupboard, while holding a bell, screams until his skin peels off.]
Lemon Head: It's... dinner time! [rings a bell]
[Scene changes to the castle's dining hall. Lemon Children, Finn, and Princess Bubblegum are eating dinner. Duke Suck-Lemon is in between Finn and Princess Bubblegum, so he switches their name cards. Duke Suck-Lemon switches places with Finn.]
Finn: Yo, Peebs. How's your lemon?
Princess Bubblegum: Finn, this is mega-weird. Something's happened to the two Lemongrabs. They used to be exactly the same.
Lemongrab: [to Lemongrab 2] No, you're floating too high! [hits Lemongrab 2 with a chicken leg and forces him to float lower] It's time for the floor show!
Finn: Hey, princess! Look who happens to carry a flute with him. [pulls out his flute from his pack]
Lemongrab: No! Lemons only! Floor show!
[Up on stage, a humanoid Lemon Child screams repeatedly while a dog-like Lemon Child exits a dog house and starts slapping itself.]
Lemongrab: Do it better! [pulls out a remote and presses a red button]
[The Lemon Children onstage get shocked. The dog-like Lemon Child slaps itself faster while the humanoid Lemon Child screams louder and at a higher pitch. Lemongrab laughs and takes a piece of bread from a green Lemon Child sitting next to him. The green Lemon Child whines. Lemongrab 2 gives it half of his bread.]
Lemongrab: WHAT?! UNACCEPTABLE!
Lemongrab 2: Hmm. Acceptable.
Lemongrab: What?! UNACCEPTABLE!
Lemongrab 2: [mutters] Acceptable.
Lemongrab: UNACCEPTABLE!
Princess Bubblegum: Ugh, I can't watch this any more. Excuse me, Finn. [gets up]
Finn: Okay. Let me know if you get lonely!
[Scene changes to a dark hallway. Princess Bubblegum looks at the walls, which have numerous cracks in them.]
Princess Bubblegum: Man, this place is fallin' apart. Huh?
[Music can be heard coming from far off. She opens a door and sees Badlemonnohope playing a harp.]
Lemonhope: [sings Lemonhope's Song] Oh, hi.
[While Lemonhope is singing, the Lemongrabs fly to where the music is coming from.]
Princess Bubblegum: What's your name, little boy?
Lemonhope: My name is Badlemon Nohope, but you can call me Lemonhope.
[The Lemongrabs burst into the room. Lemongrab breaks Lemonhope's harp and Lemongrab 2 turns on the light. Finn also enters.]
Lemongrab: That noise! That ugly lemon and his ugly noise! [kicks Lemonhope]
Princess Bubblegum: Hey! By all accounts, this is a brilliant and sensitive little boy.
Lemonhope: Thank you, mistress.
Princess Bubblegum: I'm taking Lemonhope back to the Candy Kingdom and enrolling him in a school for gifted children.
Lemongrab: No. He needs to stay here. [kicks Lemonhope again and tucks him under his arm] I hope you'll still be joining us for dessert.]
Princess Bubblegum: [grunts] We need to free that darling boy. Maybe there's something in the Candy Kingdom-Lemon Earldom treaty. I don't think there is.
Finn: What about a prank?
Princess Bubblegum: Finn, what are you talking about?
Finn: Mmm, I don't know. Maybe if we prank Lemongrab, like, just right, they'll let us take that guy home? Yeah. Prank.
Princess Bubblegum: I don't see how that's going to help us at all.
Finn: Pranks, like old times.
Princess Bubblegum: Finn, no, that's really—hmm... okay, yeah! We'll pull a prank. Like old times.
[Scene changes to kitchen. Finn opens a refrigerator and grabs some baking soda. Princess Bubblegum opens a cupboard and gets some vinegar. They put their items on a table with plates of yellow pudding.]
Finn: Okay. [cracks knuckles] Puddin' [makes two holes in the pudding and pours baking soda into one] Bakin' soder. [pours vinegar into the other] Vinegar. [closes holes] And the bait. [puts a sign on it that reads "Special for Big Lemongrab"] Now when Lemongrab stirs his pud [imitates explosion noises] splode-cano.
Princess Bubblegum: [laughs] Pretty smart, dude.
[Finn blushes. They high five. Finn rubs his finger against Princess Bubblegum's]
Princess Bubblegum: Hey!
[Scene switches to dining hall. A waiter puts the prank pudding in front of Lemongrab. He takes out glasses and bends over to read what the sign says. He removes the sign.]
Lemongrab: Ah, my pud! I'm going to enjoy this pud. I'm really looking forward to this pud. [dips spoon in pudding as a small amount of white foam comes out from the pudding] Oh, what is this?
Finn: A-ha! Now give us back Lemonhope or prepare for mo' pranks!
Lemongrab: Dungeon!
[Scene switches to a jail cell. Finn, Princess Bubblegum, and Lemonhope are inside of it.]
Finn: [sighs] Guess I must admit. One would have a hard time claiming that to have been a pretty good plan. Sorry, PB.
Princess Bubblegum: No, no. Your plan was great, Finn. [opening Finn's pack] See? What's this? Huh? [takes out Finn's flute] Your flute. Wow, now Lemonhope can play it and the Lemongrabs will come open the door to smash the flute and we can all escape! Really great work, Finn.
Finn: Oh.
Princess Bubblegum: Here, Lemonhope. Now will you play something for us? Something beautiful?
Lemonhope: Yes, mistress. [plays screeching sounds on flute while Finn and Princess Bubblegum wince]
Princess Bubblegum: Let me help you with—Lemonhope!
Lemonhope: [runs to other side of the room] I was sharp at the harp, now it's my turn to learn the flute to boot! [plays screeching sounds on flute while Finn grunts]
[Lemongrabs enter the room where the cell is located, muttering happily and dancing. Princess Bubblegum and Finn stare in awe. Lemongrab 2 opens the cell door.]
Lemongrab 2: Come, one and all, and join the dance!
Lemongrab: [screams] How dare you? How dare you release my prisoners? Soft Lemongrab! Softer than an old graham cracker! YOU'RE SOFT!! [Lemongrab tackles and eats Lemongrab 2 and Finn stays behind to watch. He sees Lemongrab finishing off Lemongrab 2.]
Finn: Yike! [runs off]
[Scene switches to Lemon Castle's courtyard. Finn and Princess Bubblegum runs from the entrance hall to the exit. The door is barred.]
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, no! We're locked in. Finn, give me your phone, I'm calling Jake!
Finn: What? No! Let's, um... we could do another prank! I brought some of your super-spicy hot sauce! Ah, so spice!
Princess Bubblegum: Finn, this is serious!
Finn: But, my other plan worked.
Princess Bubblegum: Finn, your other plan failed, which was part of my plan, which worked.
Finn: Your plan? But I thought we were having fun together.
Princess Bubblegum: Finn, I have citizens who need me. I can't always treat everything like a little boy game.
Finn: Oh. Yeah, no, that's cool.
Lemonhope: Mistress! Mistress, look! Something scary is happening now!
Lemongrab: [standing on a window balcony] How dare you? How dare you? After all I've done for you?! You try to steal my Lemonhope away?! You're too old, princess. Too old for pranks. Too old! [smashes part of balcony] I've tried imprisoning! I've tried reconditioning! You leave me no choice. Lemon Children! [pressing button on remote control and shocking the Lemon Children] Go forth! Go forth now!
Lemon Children: Sorry, sir.
Finn: Get to safety, princess! I'll hold 'em off.
Princess Bubblegum: What?
Three-pronged Lemon Child: Sorry, sir! [tackles Finn]
[A gang of Lemon Children repeatedly hit Finn while apologizing. Princess Bubblegum grabs him out of the dogpile.]
Finn: Wait, so do you not like any games, or just little boy games?
Princess Bubblegum: Finn...
[Lemongrab laughs. He then starts making retching noises as Lemongrab 2 emerges from his mouth.]
Lemongrab 2: Lemon brothers! Stop! Stop and listen! [presses button sequence on remote that breaks the Lemon Children's shock collars off] It has cost me much, but I have learned that lemon need not squeeze lemon to survive. Lemonhope, go forth, grow strong, and return for us!
[Lemon Children chant "Hope" as they lift Finn, Princess Bubblegum, and Lemonhope out of the castle. Lemonhope looks back one last time at Lemongrab before Princess Bubblegum jumps off the wall with him in her arms.]
[Scene changes to Finn, Princess Bubblegum, and Lemonhope walking to the Candy Kingdom,]
Princess Bubblegum: You're going to love the Candy Kingdom, Lemonhope. You're learn all about playing, and play-math, and learning all day long, and you'll never get yelled at. Unless you drink my soda from out of the fridge.
Lemonhope: Yes, mistress.
[Finn calls Jake.]
Jake: Yo, man, how's it going? Terrible?
Finn: Well, yeah, mostly. But I think I learned something.
Jake: Go on.
Finn: Well, I'm thinkin' maybe age isn't just a number. Maybe older people, like, really are different. Y'know? Like, less fun inside.
Jake: So whatcha saying here?
Finn: I'm saying I think I really sponked up. I gotta patch things up with Flame Princess.
Jake: Oh, dang! Didn't you hear? She's got a new boyfriend already!
Finn: What?!
Jake: [laughs] Man, I'm just kidding. [laughs with Finn] She might, though.

Episode ends.

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Too Young" from season 3, which aired on August 8, 2011.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Princess Bubblegum
Lemongrab
Starchie
Peppermint Butler
Candy People
Music
None
Locations
Candy Kingdom
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[The episode begins at the Candy Castle. The camera zooms in as Princess Bubblegum speaks in voice over.]
Princess Bubblegum: Finn? Finn? Finn! Where are you? I need you to try this!
[Finn is waiting outside Princess Bubblegum's room, looking inside]
Finn: I'll be there in a sec! [takes phone from backpack, calls Jake]
Jake: What's the status?
Finn: Good, man!
Jake: Nice! Seal the deal, bro!
Finn: [laughs nervously] Okay, man! Whatevs!
Jake: You can do it, you hear me?! [quickly] I'm playin' BMO—call me later, bye! [hangs up]
BMO: How's Finn's date?
Jake: I think it's goin' good.
BMO: Unlike your game, boiiiii!
Jake: Where's the key to the tower, BMO?! Tell me! AAAGH!
[Return to Candy Castle]
Finn: Okay, Finn. She's 13; you're 13. Just have fun! Be yourself. [raises arms above head in robotic way] Wooooo!
[Continues saying "wooo" as he walks over to Princess Bubblegum, and sits down beside her. She is wearing science goggles and tinkering around with potions.]
Finn: What's that? Are you trying to make yourself 18 again?
Princess Bubblegum: Nah. This is an instant bath serum. It makes you sweat cleaning agents.
Finn: I don't bathe. I want that!
[takes potion, guzzles it down. Face turns red, and he screams.]
Finn: WAAAUGH! Hot, hot, oh—WAAAAUGH! Oh... so spice! So spice!
Princess Bubblegum: [kneels down beside Finn and touches him playfully] YOU'RE so spice!
Manfried: Bwaaa bwaaa bwaaaaaa! [imitating trumpet] Announcing the arrival of the Earl of Lemongrab!
[Lemongrab, on Lemon Camel, enters castle gate, frowning. He sees Cinnamon Bun swinging from a trapeze]
Cinnamon Bun: Heh hah hah- AAAAUGH! Oof! Ha ha ha!
[Cinnamon Bun falls from trapeze, landing on the floor with a loud "splat" and sending sticky dough flying. He laughs and tries to scoop it back up into his belly]
Earl of Lemongrab: This castle is... in... UNACCEPTABLE CONDITIIIIOOOON! UNACCEPTABLLLEEE!
[Candy people mutter among themselves, wondering who this strange yelling man is]
Earl of Lemongrab: [points into the room] Thirty days in the dungeon!
Cinnamon Bun: [still on floor] For who?
Earl of Lemongrab: Everyone in this ROOM! [raises his arms up over his head, and his eyes widen] MMMLLUUUUUGH!!!
[Princess Bubblegum and Finn rush to the scene]
Princess Bubblegum: Wait, wait! You can't give orders like that! I'm in charge here, Lemongrab!
Earl of Lemongrab: [eyes widen again nervously, he points at Princess Bubblegum] TOO YOUNG! TOO YOUNG TO RULE THE KINGDOM!
[Finn jumps up and scoldingly slaps Lemongrab on the hand]
Finn: Watch your manners with the princess--!
Earl of Lemongrab: [cuts Finn off, holding his hand] HHHHUUUUOOOOOOOOOOOH?!
Finn: What the huh?
Earl of Lemongrab: MMMM! [purses lips] HAH! [gasps, and begins rubbing his sore hand] I am next in line to thee throne! Sooo... I will be in charge... UNTIL PRINCESS BUBBLEGUM turns... 18 again!
Finn: That's bunk! Right, Preebos?
Princess Bubblegum: No... He is rightful ruler under kingdom law. It's complicated. [looks down in shame] I created Lemongrab.
Finn: [gasps]
Princess Bubblegum: He was the first of my experiments gone wrong...
[Flashback to Lemongrab's creation. 18 year old Princess Bubblegum is looming over a bed/table, on which is lying Lemongrab, who doesn't have a face. She sticks a nose on him in the manner of someone sticking a carrot nose onto a snowman. The princess reaches for a vial on a nearby table, and pours the liquid onto Lemongrab's face. Features start to form, and he gains a mouth and a pair of closed eyes. Suddenly, his eyes snap open in fright, and he groans loudly.]
Earl of Lemongrab: Nnnnnnuh!
[He sits up quickly, and frantically flaps his arms at Princess Bubblegum]
Earl of Lemongrab: Gaaaaaah!
[His eyes roll back into his head, leaving only the whites exposed as he screams.]
Earl of Lemongrab: EEEEEEAAAAAAGH!
Princess Bubblegum: [looking mortified and frightened, she gasps]
[The scene returns to the castle at present day, and young Princess Bubblegum continues]
Princess Bubblegum: ... And now that I'm younger than him, he inherits the right to the throne.
Earl of Lemongrab: IF ANYONE NEEDS ME I'LL BE TAKING A NAP! A...a-a-and CLEAN this place up or dungeon! THREE HOURS DUNGEON!
Starchie: Who are you talking to?!
[Lemongrab suddenly points at Starchie accusingly, and the candy people gasp]
Earl of Lemongrab: THREE! HOURS! DUNGEON!
Starchie: [clenches fists and screams in outrage/defeat] NNNNOOOOOOOO!!!
[Lemongrab leaves the room with a blank expression on his face]
Finn: We'll see you in a few hours... okay, Starchie?
Starchie: [walking away dejectedly] Yeah, right... If Starchie ever survives that long...
Princess Bubblegum: Finn, this is dirt balls! We gotta do something to make him leave!
Finn: Yeah... like pranking him up his face!
Princess Bubblegum: Hey, yeah! And I have the perfect prank! C'mon, Finn!
[She takes Finn's hand, and they run off]
[The next scene shows Lemongrab, sleeping peacefully in a small, dark room of the Candy Castle. Finn and Princess Bubblegum loom beside his bed and smile at him mischievously. The kids stick two corks into Lemongrab's "ears" to prevent him from hearing their activities. He continues sleeping as they work. They set up an elaborate Rube Goldberg-esque prank in the room, do a fist-bump, and leave. Lemongrab's alarm goes off, setting off the last part of the prank. The prank causes a ping-pong ball to gently bump into Lemongrab's forehead. He sleepily opens his eyes, to see a large note saying "YOU REALLY SMELL LIKE DOG BUNS" beside him.]
Earl of Lemongrab: [sleepily] Huh? [reaches over to nightstand, puts on reading glasses, squints, and keeps his hand on the side of his glasses as he reads to himself] "You... really... smell... like... ... dog buns"...?
[Clenches fists in outrage, widens eyes, and opens mouth up wide to emit a long, cracking scream that continuously rises in pitch until it becomes a girlish shriek]
Earl of Lemongrab: NNNUUUUuuuuuooooooooooOOOOOOOOUUUUUUGGGGHHH!!!
[The next scene is in the hallway of the Candy Castle. The candy people are lined up beside the wall as Lemongrab paces nervously, with Peppermint Butler by his side.]
Earl of Lemongrab: Well, well, well... IS THIS EVERYONE, THEN?!
Peppermint Butler: Yes, all the castle staff.
Earl of Lemongrab: Sooo which one of yooou WAS it?! Who did... the THING?!
Upside-Down Ice Cream Cone: The... thing?
Earl of Lemongrab: [clenches fists angrily] FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU-- [eyes widen]—UUUMMMM!!! [unpockets the Dog Buns note, and unfolds it, showing it to the Candy People. He points at it, trembling frantically] THE THING, THE THING!!!
Peppermint Butler: Hey, man! Calm down! [gently tugging on the leg of Lemongrab's jumpsuit] It's just a prank, man! For laughs!
Earl of Lemongrab: Prank? F... for... laughs? [looking confused] Yes, of course... Just a harmless prank... f-for laughs... Ahhh... [bursts into a wide, jovial grin, then suddenly looks startled, and begins laughing, with the same startled expression, as his head bounces with every laugh as strange squishing noises play over the soundtrack] HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH- OH! HAOAHOAHAOAHOAHAOAHAOHAO
[The candy people look frightened]
Peppermint Butler: Heh, heh...
Earl of Lemongrab: [continued] HAHAHAOAHAHAOAAHA- [facial expression returns to his usual blank one, and he abruptly stops laughing. He turns to Peppermint Butler and says quickly:] Twelve years dungeon. [turns to Candy People] All of you—dungeon! Seven years, no trials! [shakes head disapprovingly] C'mon... LET'S MOVE IT!!!
[Princess Bubblegum and Finn, hiding behind the wall]
Princess Bubblegum: [sighs] I don't think that worked out too math, Finn.
Finn: What? No, no! He just needs some more prankin's to finish the job! He'll leave the kingdom. Let's try it my way this time, okay?
Princess Bubblegum: Okay!
[She grips his hand.]
[Cut to the next scene, where Finn and Princess Bubblegum are in her room, cutting up sheets to make ghost costumes. They exchange smiles, and put on the sheets. The two run out of the room, waving their arms and whooping loudly. Lemongrab is standing in the hallway, minding his own business. As he sees the little ghost pranksters, he turns his head with mild curiosity. Instead of scaring him, Finn suddenly delivers a hard little punch to Lemongrab's tummy]
Earl of Lemongrab: OOF!
[He doubles over in pain, holding his sore belly and wincing. Princess Bubblegum pushes him onto the floor. The sound of glass breaking plays over the soundtrack as Lemongrab falls to the ground, curled up in a fetal position, while Finn and Princess Bubblegum run away happily]
Earl of Lemongrab: [whimpers softly, as fat tears stream from his eyes] Cough, cough! [he continues to cry pitifully, obviously in much pain] Oooooh... [He suddenly looks up with a smile on his face at Princess Bubblegum and Finn as they run off, and laughs a broken, cracking laugh, triumphantly raising his fist into the air] Ha, ha-ha... GOOD ONE! [coughs a terrible-sounding cough into his fist, and cringes again, then looks up at the pranksters with another smile] Keep 'em coming! I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE!!! Ho... ha... Ah-ah-oooow!
[Lemongrab doubles over again, still crying and moaning loudly. Finn and Princess Bubblegum, still wearing the ghost costumes, run off down the hallway, grinning as Lemongrab's pained cries fade away]
Finn: I got a new plan!
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, yeah? What?
[Scene changes to the rooftop. Finn and Princess Bubblegum are sitting side by side on the roof.]
Finn: We'll work together and use that serum you made. The one that was "Ah! So Spice!" And spice-bomb him non-stop 'till his butt falls out! How's that sound?
Princess Bubblegum: [sighs, and smiles contentedly, leaning her head on Finn's shoulder]
Finn: Hoooo! [exhaling nervously, his cheeks red with blush]
[Scene changes to a small room in the Candy Castle that appears to be under construction, with half-painted walls and unopened cardboard boxes everywhere. Lemongrab is seated at a small table. Peppermint Butler approaches him, holding a golden platter of food covered by a silver dome.]
Peppermint Butler: Thank you for releasing me early from the dungeon, Master Lemongrab.
Earl of Lemongrab: I determine what is early, and what is late, Mr. Peppermint! [Closes his eyes and makes a slight bowing gesture to his butler]
Peppermint Butler: Yes, Your Earlness.
Earl of Lemongrab: Also... I don't know where food comes from! [points at Peppermint Butler]
Peppermint Butler: My Lord, food comes from Ma--
Earl of Lemongrab: AHHHHtatatataNO!! That's why I am royal and you are servile!
[Princess Bubblegum and Finn are hiding in the ceiling, watching Lemongrab and Peppermint Butler converse]
Finn: You ready to pour the stuff?
Princess Bubblegum: Yeah! I made it super-hot this time!
Finn: Wait 'till he opens the lid!
Peppermint Butler: Behold: a plate of mashed carrots, flavor--
[A drop of spicy serum falls into Peppermint Butler's eye, and he screams]
Princess Bubblegum: Shoot!
Peppermint Butler: HHHHAAAAAAA!!! HAAAAAAA! HAAAAAAA!!!! AAAAAAAGHAAA!!!!!
Finn: Shh!
[Peppermint Butler throws lid aside.]
Earl of Lemongrab: [screaming] STOP SCREAMING!!! WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING?!
Peppermint Butler: Because I'm excited by this meal I made!
[drop of serum lands in carrots, Peppermint Butler rubs his eye, and Lemongrab calms down.]
Earl of Lemongrab: Me, too. I'm excited, too.
[Lemongrab grabs a fist full of mashed carrots and pops it into his mouth. Something's wrong- his eyes widen, and he looks sickened, his face quickly turning a vibrant, dark shade of red. Suddenly, he projectile-vomits the carrots into Peppermint Butler's face, and starts screaming]
Earl of Lemongrab: HHHHUUUUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
[Still screaming, Lemongrab stands up, blinded by pain, and starts walking away unsteadily, only to approach the window and fall out of the tower. He falls quickly through the air, still red-faced and screaming. Surprised Princess Bubblegum, Peppermint Butler, and Finn watch Lemongrab fall into the ground heavily, his whole head smashed into the earth. Lemongrab pries himself up and gasps for air, shoveling handfuls of dirt into his burning mouth. His face quickly turns a healthy yellow again.]
Peppermint Butler: He's eating the dirt! SPICE IT NOW!
[Princess Bubblegum drips 2 drops of serum into the dirt, and Lemongrab's face reddens again as he screams, bolts upright, and begins running away. Candy people look at him nonchalantly as he runs through the castle grounds, screaming in agony.]
Peppermint Butler: He's heading for the orchard!
[Lemongrab, screaming and whooping loudly, shakily approaches an apple tree, resting his hands on his knees for a moment, obviously exhausted. He feebly reaches his hand up to the tree, in which Finn, Peppermint Butler, and Princess Bubblegum are hiding.]
Earl of Lemongrab: Apple!
[The earl jumps up to get an apple. He gets one, but the weight on the branch causes him to fall down onto his back. He moans. His falling causes the tree branch to shake, and Peppermint Butler is jostled out. Peppermint Butler falls into Lemongrab's mouth. The earl grabs Peppermint Butler and begins sucking on him to relieve the spice. His face turns yellow once again, and he smacks his lips a few times. He continues lying on the grass, looking straight up at the tree branch.]
Earl of Lemongrab: Mmmm!
Finn: Heh, heh... heh! [laughs nervously, as Lemongrab spots him and Princess Bubblegum]
Earl of Lemongrab: OOOOOONE MILLION YEEEEEEEARS, DUNGEON!!!!
[The scene cuts to the dungeon, where the castle staff, Finn, Princess Bubblegum, and Peppermint Butler are imprisoned.]
Finn: Maybe if we... set his butt on fire.
Princess Bubblegum: No, Finn... There's only one way. I just didn't want to have to do it. If I change myself back to my real age, I can reclaim the throne.
Finn: What? No! I mean... you can do that?
Princess Bubblegum: [nods solemnly]
Finn: Then... why did you wait so long?
Princess Bubblegum: Because being 13 again is... Bloobaloobie!
Finn: Hm?
Princess Bubblegum: While being 18 is all plock dumps and wagglezags... I never really get to act like a kid. But, it's okay. Really. My people need me, and that comes first!
Finn: Yeaaah...
Princess Bubblegum: First thing we need is more candy flesh to increase my biomass. But I need my lab equipment to engineer it.
Peppermint Butler: Not necessarily, milady!
[Peppermint Butler and the Candy People take candy flesh from their own bodies and offer it to the young princess, who looks visibly touched by this gesture. She gasps.]
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, thank you! Thank you, all! Okay... Next we need a bonding agent.
Finn: Princess? I think I can help.
[Finn licks all of the candy flesh as it is handed to him, and sticks it to Princess Bubblegum.]
Finn: Finished!
Princess Bubblegum: There's one last thing we need. [starts to blush] Only the heat from a whopping love hug can catalyze the re-age-ifying process.
Finn: [holds Princess Bubblegum's hands, then also blushes] Are you ready, Princess?
Princess Bubblegum: Yes, Finn. But... first, I just want to say how much fun I've had hanging out with you.
Finn: Me, too!
Princess Bubblegum: And I... I wish I could stay... like this, with you, but--
Finn: I... I know, Princess.
[Finn and Princess Bubblegum stop blushing, hug, then kiss. The screen fills with sparkles, which dissolve to reveal that Finn is hugging 18 year old Princess Bubblegum's waist, his face pressed gently against her pelvis.]
Princess Bubblegum: 'Scuse, me, Finn. [Gently nudges Finn aside, and approaches the dungeon door] Yo, Earl!
Earl of Lemongrab: [from far away] WHAAAAAT?!
Princess Bubblegum: Hey! You're fired, ya BUTT!
Earl of Lemongrab: HHHHHRRRRRGGGRRRUUGGHHH!!!!!
[Scene cuts to outside of Candy Castle. Lemongrab is riding away on Lemon Horse, obviously too upset to speak comprehensibly, and muttering to himself in a sulky manner. Princess Bubblegum and Finn sit on the stairs, watching the dejected earl go back home to Lemongrab.]
Princess Bubblegum: I'm so glad everything's back to normal. Thanks for all your help, Finn.
Finn: Oh- you're welcome! But... uhm...
Princess Bubblegum: What is it, Finn?
Finn: Well, ah... Do you... do you wanna hug some more?
Princess Bubblegum: What? Finn, you silly! That was, like, five years ago! You really gotta move on.
Finn: Oh- yeah, yeah... Sorry...
Princess Bubblegum: Such a silly boy.
[The princess walks away, leaving Finn alone. He sighs, and his phone rings. Finn answers sadly.]
Finn: Hello?
Jake: Hey, man! What's the status?
Finn: Bad news, man... I... I got dumped.
Jake: Awww. I'm sorry, Finn. But look, man. Lemme share with you a little secret on how to win the heart of a princess. It's not easy, but ya have to be persistent. You might have to defeat a demon lord, and warp through several worlds.
[As he speaks, BMO's video game shows the actions being carried out.]
Jake: But once you do, you walk up the wizard stairs, and produce your magic key you got in a water world and unlock the chamber door. Then, walk right up to the princess, and give her a smooch.
[The video game characters kiss, and the words "You Win" light up the screen.]
Jake: Yesss! [triumphantly] Does that make sense?
Finn: Yeah, man. I see what you're sayin'. Thanks, Jake.
Jake: Mmm-hmm.
[Finn hangs up, and looks up at the tower, where Princess Bubblegum is on the balcony, her hair blowing in the breeze.]
Finn: [to himself] Go up the wizard steps.
Episode ends.
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Tree Trunks" from season 1, which aired on April 12, 2010.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Tree Trunks
Sign Zombies
Brain Beast
Wall of Flesh
Crystal Guardian
Skeleton Butterfly
Music
None
Locations
Tree Trunks' house
Scary Dark Forest
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode begins with Finn and Jake waving around swords, cutting apples, and wearing apples on their heads]
Finn and Jake: Swords! Yeah, swords! Whoo!
Tree Trunks: [scolds Finn and Jake] Oh, men and their swords... You boys, stop horsing around with my apples!
Both Finn and Jake: Aw,Tree Trunks!
Tree Trunks: Now, come on over! I baked y'all an apple pie.
Finn: Yeah, apple pie!
Jake: Whooo-hoo-hoo!
Finn: I'm gonna eat it all before you even GET there! [runs away laughing]
Jake: Noooooo!
[Tree Trunks sets the pie down on a table]
Finn: Apple pie!
Jake: [blocking Finn] Don't let him eat it all!
Tree Trunks: [chuckles] Now, you boys sit down and behave yourselves. Oh!
[A fly lands on her apple pie and flies away]
Tree Trunks: Shoo, fly! Get off my apple pie! Huh! [dramatically] A fly landed on my pie. That's no good. [She throws it away.] Bye-bye.
Finn: Why are you throwing the pie away?
[A bunch of flies fly in and fly around the pie; Finn and Jake groan in disgust]
Tree Trunks: Flies wanted it, they can have it.
Tree Trunks: Anyways, don't y'all worry 'cause the new pie is coming in the wag of a lamb's tail.
Finn and Jake: New pie?
Finn: Woohoo! Pie, yeah!
Jake: Yeah! Wowowowowo
Tree Trunks: Here you are.
Finn: Wow.
Tree Trunks : Come on, go ahead.
[Finn and Jake eat Tree Trunk's delicious apple pie]
Tree Trunks: What you think?
Jake: Best apple pie ever!
Tree Trunks: Oh, Jake, thank you, but that ain't the best apple pie.
Finn: What are you talking about, Tree Trunks? What can be better than your apple pie?
Jake: You ate all the pie...
Tree Trunks: Finn, what would you do if you could do anything?
Finn: Anything? Well, I'd catch a shooting star, travel to outer space and fight space monsters!
Jake: I'd carve my face on the moon so the moon would look like my face!
Finn: What would you do, Tree Trunks?
Tree Trunks: I would go pick an apple.
Finn: ...Lame.
[Jake slaps Finn]
Finn: I'm sorry. I mean, it's just you pick apples every day.
Tree Trunks: This apple ain't like the apples that I pick. They say it's the apple of apples; rarest kind of all. Legends call it the Crystal Gem Apple.
[Jake spits tea at Finn]
Jake: That sounds awesome!
Finn: Where is it?
Tree Trunks: I've heard that it grows at the deepest end of the Evil Dark Forest.
Finn: Whoo! Tree Trunks you gotta go pick that apple!
Jake: YEAH!
Tree Trunks: What? Me? Oh, no I'm just a cute little elephant. I'm not cut out for adventuring.
Finn: Tree Trunks! This is your dream! Think about eating that apple with your own mouth.
Jake: Or your trunk.
Finn: Imagine the flavor.
Jake: And your satisfied face.
Tree Trunks: Really? You think I can handle the Scary Dark Forest?
Finn: Yeah, and we'll help you.
Jake: We love you, Tree Trunks.
Tree Trunks: Okay. I'll do it. Call me... Adventurer Tree Trunks.
[Adventure Time Screen comes with Tree Trunks as the sword]
Finn & Jake : Yeah, Tree Trunks!
Tree Trunks: I love being so high up from the ground!
Jake: Psst, I can take you even higher on my shoulders.
Finn: No, Jake. She has a weak heart.
Jake: Oh, yeah.
[They step into flesh]
Finn: Ewww, why is this ground all squishy?
Jake: Whatever it is, I'm liking it. Oh, yeah!
Tree Trunks: I wanna try!
Finn: Okay. I'm cool with you letting you do whatever you want.
Tree Trunks: Heeheehee! It's like some cookie dough!
[An eye comes up and stares at Tree Trunks]
Tree Trunks: Oh, hello there.
Finn: Uhh, Tree Trunks, stay away from that.
[The Wall of Flesh attacks Finn and Jake]
Finn: Ugh, you're gonna get it, wall of flesh.
[Finn and Jake attack the monster]
Tree Trunks: An eye and a mouth. Well, I think I got the perfect thing for him or her... stickers!
Finn: Careful, Tree Trunks, this thing is evil.
Tree Trunks: Here's a rainbow sticker, and here's a scratch-and-sniff sticker. Smells just like a pickle. Oh, and this one is a holographic unicorn, but it doesn't have a horn.
[The monster grabs Tree Trunks]
Tree Trunks: Oh, now, whatcha doing?
Finn: Huh? Tree Trunks!
[Finn cuts off the wall's arm before it could eat Tree Trunks]
[The wall returns to hide in the tree]
Jake: Whoo!
Finn: You better stay in that tree, baby. Um, Tree Trunks were you putting stickers on that evil monster?
Tree Trunks: Yes, I thought it needed some tender love and affection. Oh, what a pretty butterfly!
[Tree Trunks follows the butterfly]
Finn: Tree Trunks? Ugh. Jake, I just realized that Tree Trunks is old and bonkers. We can't take her through this Evil Dark Forest.
Jake: Nah, she'll be fine.
Finn: But the monsters?
Jake: It's fine. It's fine!
Finn: Are you sure? 'Cause she has zero adventurer training.
Jake: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's fine, she'll be fine, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine.
Finn: [laughs] Maybe it is fine. Tree Trunks?
Jake: Where'd she go?
Finn: Tree Trunks!
Finn: We gotta find her, Jake! Tree Trunks!
Jake: Where are you, Tree Trunks?
[Tree Trunks sets up a picnic with the butterfly]
Tree Trunks: And here's your teacup, and here's my teacup.
[Evil sign posts follow Tree Trunks]
Finn & Jake: Tree Trunks! [Gasp]
Tree Trunks: And here's your sandwich. Oops, you dropped it.
Finn: Tree Trunks, run!
Tree Trunks: Oh, hey, Finn.
Jake: Hiya!
Finn: Time to call your mamas, evil sign posts.
[Finn & Jake fight the sign posts]
Tree Trunks: Patience, boys. There's enough tea for everyone.
Finn: Errr...
[Evil sign posts Grabs Tree Trunks]
[Finn grabs and protects Tree Trunks]
Finn: NO!
Tree Trunks: Oh, Finn. What a nice hug.
[Finn gets jacked up]
Finn: I'm not hugging you! I'm trying to save your life! There's too many!!
Jake: Finn?!
[Jake smashes all of the sign posts]
Tree Trunks: Oh, Finn. That tea party was crummier than a big old biscuit.
Finn: Errrr. Tree Trunks, I'm all jacked up because of you. Look at my jacked up face!
Tree Trunks: Are you mad at me?
Finn: No, I'm not mad. You're too super-cute for me to be mad at you, and you're a top notch adventurer. Now, let's go find and eat the heck out of that crystal gem apple together.
[A Snake Armed Ruby Brain Beast appears]
Finn: Dang it!
Jake: You go fight—I'll keep Tree Trunks out of trouble.
Finn: Awesome.
Tree Trunks: J-Jake I think Finn is getting jacked up again.
Jake: Yeah, Finn can handle it. He's 12.
Tree Trunks: I think I know a way to help him out.
Jake: Uhh, you should stay here, Tree Trunks.
Tree Trunks: But I thought Finn told me that I was a top notch adventurer. And my adventurer instincts tell me to seduce that tentacle critter with my womanly charms and elephant prowess.
Jake: Uhh, no way.
[Off-screen Tree Trunks kissed Jake on his face many times]
[Tree Trunks tries to seduce the Brain Beast]
Finn: Uh, what are you doing here, Tree Trunks?
Tree Trunks: I'm helping you by tempting this guy with my body.
Finn: It's not a guy, Tree Trunks! It's a Snake Armed Ruby Brain Beast!
Tree Trunks: Even brain beasts get lonely, Finn!
Finn: Jake! You were supposed to watch her!
Jake: She got passed me, man. I tried to stop her, but she overpowered me.
Finn: GET her out of here!
Jake: Huh?
[Jake grabs the snake arms]
Jake: Finn, kill it!
Finn: I can't find it's magic gem weak spot!
[The Brain Beast turns to his back]
Finn: Oh, there it is.
Tree Trunks: I did it! I helped! I'm the sexiest adventurer in the world!
Finn: Tree Trunks!! You're not an adventurer! You nearly got yourself killed again! Do you wanna die, Tree Trunks?! Is that what you think adventurers do?! Die and make all their friends feel terrible 'cause they couldn't save them?!
[Tree Trunks cries]
Jake: Whoa, man.
Tree Trunks: I'm going home now.
Finn: Ugh... Tree Trunks. Tree Trunks!
Tree Trunks: Don't follow me. Oh, Finn... You shouldn't yell at cuties that just wanna help you. OH!
Finn: Man, I feel horrible. I was only yelling because I care about her safety.
Jake: That's what happens when you care too much, dude.
Tree Trunks: OH!
[Finn and Jake ran after Tree Trunks]
Finn and Jake: Tree Trunks! Huh!
Tree Trunks: Finn, I found the crystal gem apple.
Finn: Woohoo!
Jake: You're the man, Tree Trunks!
Finn: Tree Trunks, I'm a huge butt guy for getting mad at you. I'm a huge fart. I was only upset because... I love you and I don't wanna see you get hurt.
Tree Trunks: That's precious, Finn, and I'll accept your apology if you let me kiss your cheek.
Finn: Uhhhh, I don't know, I--
Jake: Whoa! Let her kiss your cheek, man. It's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
Crystal Guardian Jake: Whoa! Let her kiss your cheek, man. It's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
Crystal Guardian Finn: Uhhhh, I don't know...
Finn: A crystal guardian! Tree Trunks, stay out of the monster battle this time. I don't want you getting hurt.
Tree Trunks: Alright, I promise I will.
Finn: Radical! Back off you!
Crystal Guardian Finn: Back off you!
Finn: Stop copying me! Grrah!
Crystal Guardian Finn: Stop copying me! Grrah!
[After the collision of their fists, Finn pulls his back in pain]
Finn: Ahhhh! A-a-oww..
Jake: Finn! Graw!
Crystal Guardian Jake: Graw!
[After the collision of headbutts, Jake gets hurt]
Jake: Ow! Ow.
Finn: He's copying everything we do.
Tree Trunks: Hey! It's my butterfly-friend. That's precious.
Jake: Whoo! Shake it, Tree Trunks!
Crystal Guardian Jake: Whoo! Shake it, Tree Trunks!
Finn: Gem-clam! Let's beat it up while it's copying Tree Trunks! Yaah!
Jake: Crud, this is barf dude.
Finn: Oh, man, I'm a total moron! We gotta fight this one Tree Trunks style.
Jake: I'll get the make up.
[Later, after putting on make up]
Finn: Hey! Crystal Guardian, are you okay with Tree Trunks taking a bite of that apple?
Jake: I'm okay with it.
Crystal Guardian Jake: I'm okay with it.
Jake: And I'm stupid.
Crystal Guardian Jake: And I'm stupid.
Jake: Heh-heh, you heard the guardian, TT. Bite that thing.
Tree Trunks: Okay!
Finn: Whoo! How's it taste, Tree Trunks?
Jake: Yeah! How is it?

 

[Tree Trunks eventually explodes, leaving Finn, Jake, and the Crystal Guardian shocked in horror. After the shocking disappearance, Tree Trunks is seen walking in front of a crystal background. The episode ends.]


This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Trouble in Lumpy Space" from season 1, which aired on April 5, 2010.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Lumpy Space Princess
Princess Bubblegum
Brad
Lumpy Space King
Lumpy Space Queen
Melissa
Glasses
Lenny
Monty
Music
None
Locations
Candy Kingdom
Lumpy Space
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode begins at Princess Bubblegum's Mallow Tea Ceremony. She, Finn, Jake, Lumpy Space Princess, and Hot Dog Princess are there.]
Finn: [bouncing:] Whoop! Huh?
Jake: [bouncing:] Whoop!
Lumpy Space Princess: [floating:] Whoopiiieee...
Princess Bubblegum: Cheers, Lumpy Space Princess.
[Everyone cheers.]
Jake: Bouncing!
Finn: Princess, this tea party sucks in a big way! But thanks for the invite!
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, don't worry, Finn. The Mallow Tea Ceremony takes years to master.
Finn: Princess! I think I just now mastered it! [Tea splashes in his face.] One more bounce. [Bounces down] Alright! [Hits the ground] Unh! Tea partying's hard, huh, Jake?
Jake: [Hits the ground] Oof! Yes!
Lumpy Space Princess: What?! No way! It's super easy!
Finn: Lumpy Space Princess, you big faker! You're floating, not bouncing!
Lumpy Space Princess: Fine. I'll prove it. [She stops floating] Huh? Ah! Oh, no! [Bounces down] Oh, snap! [She lands with her teeth on Jake's leg.]
Jake: AAAAAGH!
Lumpy Space Princess: [Muffled:] Oh. Sorry I bit your leg.
Jake: You're still biting me!!
Lumpy Space Princess: Oh, my gosh. Oh, right. Sorry.
Finn: Dude! Your leg!
Jake: This is... new. It's nothin' ominous, though. Just a bump.
Lumpy Space Princess: Nah, that's no bump. It's the early stage of the lumps.
Finn: Is it serious?
Lumpy Space Princess: It just means he's changing into a Lumpy Space guy, on account of my bite. It's just like, um, y'know... werewolf rules? [Imitating a werewolf] Ar, rawr rawr rawr rawr rawr rawr!
Finn: Oh, no!
Jake: What? You think I'm gonna turn all lumpy like her? Get outta here. [Arm suddenly lumps up] Wha? Finn, I think I'm freakin' out!
Finn: Calm down, bud! I'll... I'll sock the lumpiness outta ya!
[Teacup falls on the ground and shatters.]
Princess Bubblegum: Hey, now! [Bouncing down] Royal intervention! Surely there must be an antidote to the lumps.
Lumpy Space Princess: Yeah. There's an antidote, but you have to go all the way to Lumpy Space to get it. And Jake has to use it by sunset.
Princess Bubblegum: What happens if he doesn't take the antidote by sunset?
Lumpy Space Princess: He'll be lumpy, like, forever.
Finn: LSP, please! Can you tell us how to reach Lumpy Space?
Lumpy Space Princess: Yeah, I mean, there's a portal nearby. I can show you whenever.
Finn and Jake: [Exiting with Lumpy Space Princess] Take us now! Take us now!
Princess Bubblegum: [Intestines grumble] I should not have drunk that much tea! [Runs off]
Lumpy Space Princess: Don't go telling everyone about this portal or whatever. It's kind of a secret.
[Finn and Jake look around.]
Finn: Where is it?
Lumpy Space Princess: Portal's that Frog and mushroom.
[Frog jumps on mushroom with a ribbit.]
Frog: Password, please.
Lumpy Space Princess: [yells] Whatevers2009!!
Frog: Good day, Princess. Is your father okay with you entering Lumpy Space with two... [puffs out his chest] non-Lumpers?
Finn: [Whispering to Lumpy Space Princess] Just say yes! Yes, yes, yes!
Lumpy Space Princess: Yeah, whatever, fine.
[The frog extends its tongue to the three and sucks them into his mouth, transporting them to Lumpy Space.]
[Scene changes to Lumpy Space. Finn is thrown toward a lumpy cloud where LSP and Jake are waiting for him.]
Finn: AAAAH!! Whoa... Lumpy Space. So, where's the antidote?
Lumpy Space Princess: Hold it. First, you should check out my house. It's, like, kind of lame, but way less lame than, like, your house.
Jake: Uh, could you skip to the part where you tell us where the antidote is?
Lumpy Space Princess: It's up there at Makeout Point.
Finn: That's so close! We can run there in no... [Camera pans up, revealing that Makeout Point is across an abyss.] ...time. Aww, what?!! It's, like, a million-mile fall into space!
Lumpy Space Princess: Yeah. You have to travel by car in my world, or else you'll fall into the Lumpy Abyss.
Lumpy Space King: Daughter!! Have you brought smooth people into our domain?!
Lumpy Space Princess: I had to, Dad... I'm trying to help them, so don't lumping yell at me!
Lumpy Space Queen: WHAT DID YOU SAY?! What did you just say?!?
Lumpy Space Princess: I SAID, "LUMP OFF," MOM!!! [yells gibberish angrily, then pants heavily]
Finn: Uh...
Lumpy Space Princess: [To Finn:] WHAT?!?!
Finn: Vroom vroom??
Lumpy Space Princess: Oh, yeah. [To parents:] I need to borrow the car.
Lumpy Space King: You have made your mother cry for the last time, daughter! You are hereby banned from using the royal car!! [walks inside house and slams the door]
Lumpy Space Princess: Shucks! I lumping hate them! I'm really, really sorry, Finn. But I can't help you because my parents are horrible idiots.
Finn: Don't you know anyone else with a car?
Lumpy Space Princess: My friend Melissa has a car. But she's dating my ex-boyfriend Brad.
Finn: [frustrated] Call her NOW.
Lumpy Space Princess: Hmm. [pulls out cellphone] [LSP says to her phone:] Call BFF 66.
[Elsewhere, Melissa's phone rings.]
Melissa: [answering] Hello?
Lumpy Space Princess: Hey, Melissa. What's up?
Finn: What's she saying?
Lumpy Space Princess: [whispering to Finn] I'm asking her, jeez! Melissa, just listen!
Melissa: Have you forgotten what day it is?
Lumpy Space Princess: Melissa. I'm trying to help out some friends.
Melissa: Tonight is the weekly Promcoming Dance!
Lumpy Space Princess: Oh, Glob. I forgot.
Finn: What'd she say?
Lumpy Space Princess: Tonight is the weekly Promcoming Dance! [To Melissa, in excitement:] It's gonna be so flipping awesome!
Finn: [exasperated] LSP, we don't have time for this. Ask for the ride, LSP.
Lumpy Space Princess: Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh—[Finn takes the cellphone] [LSP continues to say oh a couple of times until she realizes her phone is missing] Wha?!
Finn: [To Melissa, imitating Lumpy Space Princess:] Melissa, [Lumpy Space Princess tries to retrieve her phone while Finn continues.] you should totally drive us to Makeout Point to make out with hot boys!
Melissa: LSP, you're so baaaaad... be there in a sec!
Finn: Biyah. [hangs up]
Lumpy Space Princess: Hmm. [takes phone back]
Finn: [Normal voice:] Sorry. But Jake's lumpiness is worsening!
Jake: Actually, I think I'm beating it back with sheer willpower! [Part of his head bulges up.] [flatly:] Oh, my. [Forces lump back into body]
Lumpy Space Princess: Yeah, whatever. Just don't mess with my phone again.
[Melissa arrives on her car.]
Melissa: Hi!
[Melissa drives into Finn, knocking him over.]
Finn: Ugh... OKAY! Let's go, let's go, let's go!!
[They ride off, and Melissa's "SXY-LMP" liscense plate is revealed. Electronic music plays.]
Jake: Aw, Finn, this music ducks, right? [suddenly in a lumpy accent:] Ah. I love this song. We should totally TP Shandala's house! [in normal voice:] Gracious! That was terrible! Finn, if you can't save me from the lumps... if I do turn... if I become lumpy like them, I want you to—
Finn: [while embracing Jake:] It's not gonna come to that. But if it does, I'll bury you beneath the nicest, most shadiest tree!
Jake: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm saying that if I go totally lumpy, then I want you to get used to lumpy Jake. What did you think I was sayin'?
Finn: Oh, um... [awkwardly] Heh heh. [angrily towards Melissa:] CAN'T THIS CAR GO ANY FASTER?!
Melissa: We're already here! Hi, Finn.
Lumpy Space Princess: We've been here for, like, five minutes.
Finn: Finally! Huh? This doesn't look like Makeout Point.
Melissa: This is Brad's house. You wanted a ride to Makeout Point? You think I want to make out with you?!
Finn: Uh...
Melissa: [blushing] Well, maybe I do, but... wait. [angrily:] I HAVE A BOYFRIEND, FINN!! [throws Finn down]
Finn: LSP, we gotta hurry! Jake's running out of time!
Lumpy Space Princess: Hey. This is hard for me, too. I mean, I used to eat chili cheese fries with Brad... so there's gonna be a lot of romantic tension on this ride!
Brad: Hey.
Melissa: Oh, Braaaaad... [giggles]
Brad: You miss me yet, LSP?
Lumpy Space Princess: [sullenly:] Scooch over, Finn. I'm gonna sit in the back.
[Scene changes to when they arrive at Makeout Point]
Lumpy Space Princess: This is it.
[Melissa parks the car.]
Finn: Let's go!
Lumpy Space Princess: Wait. Watch yourself, Finn. The guys who use the antidote up here are notorious for being... [whispering:] smooth posers.
Finn: What does that mean?
Lumpy Space Princess: It just means what it means. Hurry. Get the antidote so we can get outta here.
Finn: Thanks, LSP.
Lumpy Space Princess: BUUUUMPS.
Jake: Um... bumps.
Finn: Uh, yeah, bumps.
[Jake's skin bulges up more.]
Jake: Aw, man!
[They hurry over and come to three Lumpy Space People, Glasses, Monty, and Lenny.]
Finn: Hey, guys. Lookin' smooth!
Glasses: Really? You think we're smooth?
Finn: Well, mostly you in the center, but yeah!
Monty: Why are you sucking up to us?
Finn: My best friend needs an antidote for lumpiness.
Lenny: Chyah, lumpiness suuucks. Hey, Monty, time's up, sphere-hog! [Lenny pushes Monty off an sphere he was sitting on. Monty becomes lumpy.] My turn! [Lenny sits on the sphere and becomes smooth.]
Finn: So the antidote is in that orb you were sitting on!
Lenny: This orb is the antidote, bruh.
Finn: Can my friend borrow it?
Lenny: Yeah, sure, as long as you give it right back. [Tosses Finn the sphere and becomes lumpy]
Finn: Hammacow. Thanks, fellas.
[Lumpy Space Princess enters.]
Lumpy Space Princess: What's taking so long? Did those smooth-heads give you the orb already, or what?
[Lenny takes the sphere back.]
Finn: Wait!!
Lenny: Is this another friend of yours?
Lumpy Space Princess: What do you care? Just give 'em the antidote already, and stop being such a poser.
Monty: Sorry, kid. [exiting with Lenny and Glasses:] We changed our minds.
Finn: Why did you have to say all those rude things to them?!
Lumpy Space Princess: What? I was helping you.
Finn: [sarcastically:] Thanks a lot! [sincerely:] They were right about to hand over the antidote!
Lumpy Space Princess: [bitterly:] You're welcome a lot.
Finn: You insulted them! And they got mad! And now Jake's gonna be lumpy forever! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!
Lumpy Space Princess: Wow. Now I know how you really feel. I was just trying to help, but whatever. [raising her voice:] No. No, not whatever! I know I mess things up sometimes, but I'm really trying! And you're supposed to be my friend! [tearing up] Not like the fake ones I have here! So do what you want! I'm going to Promcoming! Are you coming or not, Lumpy Jake?
Jake: No. Because no matter how messed up and lumpy I get, this guy never turns his back on me! [Completely transforms into a Lumpy Space person.] Oh, yah. Right behind ya. Just gotta turn my back on this guy. [Literally does so then exits]
Finn: JAKE! IT'S ALMOST SUNSET!! [to himself:] Jake... I didn't save him... I... [Yells wildly and angrily and then punches the ground repeatedly.] I'LL KILL YOU, LUMPY SPAAAAAACE!!
Monty: Jam on, man!
Finn: Huh? I thought you guys left!
Monty: We were drawn back by your plaintive wail. We dig your directionless fury.
Finn: Um, thanks.
Monty: Respect. Here. [Tosses Finn the sphere.] Take it. Win your girl back!
Finn: Yeah, there's no girl. But there is still time to save Jake! Do you guys know where Promcoming is?
Monty: Promcoming takes place way down on that land-lump.
Finn: Awesome. Do any of y'all have wheels?
Monty: Nah. We were all ditched here just like you.
Finn: Well... you think I can make it to that land-lump if I jumped off this cliff?
Monty: You kidding?! A smoothie like you will plummet right into the eternal void!
Finn: What if I was lumpy? Could I float over?
Lenny: No, no! It's too dangerous!
Glasses: I'd say there's a 50/50 chance of you making it!
Finn: That's good enough for me. Now bite me!!
[The three respond in disbelief all at once, then Finn forces them to bite him.]
Finn: [turning lumpy exceedingly quickly:] Yes! I can feel the multiple bites accelerating the lumpification process! I'm starting to float!
Lenny: Don't jump, guy!!
Finn: I have to! For my buddy. [Jumps.] RAAAAAAGH!!!!
Glasses: Wow. He's insane.
[Finn successfully lands through the roof of Promcoming.]
Finn: Ah, I made it! And there he is!
Jake: Yeah! Promcoming! Yeah! Cool!
Finn: Jake! I'm mostly lumpy now! And I totally think you should sit on this sphere!
Jake: No!
[Finn tries to force him to sit on it to no avail.]
Finn: Sit on it!
Jake: [Slaps sphere down] No!!
Finn: Please, Jake! You're my best friend! Just sit on the sphere!
Jake: Chyah! I remember you! You're just a smoothie wannabe lumpy poser!
Finn: Sit on it!! Before I turn completely lumpy!!
Jake: NO!!
Finn: Oh, no! I can feel the lumpiness... about to consume me!! [Fully transforms into a Lumpy Space person.] Oh, yah. Being lumpy's the best.
Jake: Hey. Stop talkin' to yourself, dumb guy. Take your ball and get outta here.
Finn: Fine. I don't want you to have it anyway.
Jake: So I can't have it now, eh?
Finn: That's right. It's mine.
Jake: GIMME THAT BALL!!
Finn: NO! You can't have it!
Jake: I want it! Give it to me!
Finn: You want it that bad? Go get it, then!
Jake: Bumps, bi— [Sits on the sphere and turns back to normal.] [gasps] Oh, I'm not lumpy anymore! Oh, no. Finn buddy! You gotta sit on this!
Finn: No! You can't make me! Smooth—OOF! [Runs into a muscular Lumpy Space person and gets knocked out.]
Jake: Finn! Hey, Finn! Hey, buddy! Finn
Finn: [waking up:] Huh?
Jake: Hey, dude. We made it.
Finn: Man... There's something cold under my butt. [Noticing sphere:] Oh! [laughs] The antidote! Just in time, too! LSP, I'm sorry I blew up at you before. I didn't mean it. I was just really stressed out.
Lumpy Space Princess: You know, it's fine. You and Jake can make it up to me by dancing this last dance with me.
Finn: Sounds good to me. Whaddaya say, Jake?
Jake: [Lumpy voice:] That sounds totally lame.
[Everyone gasps]
Jake: [Normal voice, laughs] I'm just kidding. Let's dance!
[Everyone resumes dancing and the episode ends]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Two Swords" from season 8, which aired on January 23, 2017.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Fern (unnamed until "Do No Harm")
Princess Bubblegum
Susan Strong
BMO
Grass Demon
Finn Sword
Banana Guards
Nurse Pound Cake
Rattleballs (cameo)
Bandit Princess (flashback)
Music
None
Locations
Candy Kingdom hospital
Beach (flashback)
Box Kingdom (flashback)
Tree Fort
This transcript is incomplete.


Transcript

[ Imitating siren ]


[ Creak! ]

[ Screams ]

Bubblegum:Okay, how about now?

[ Clang ]Finn: Yeah, I can feel it.

But there's a little delay.

Hmm.

How about now?[ Clang ]

Now I felt itbefore you hit me.

Whoa! Really?!

Ha ha!Just kidding!

It's fine.It's fine.

Come on, now.This is serious.

And expensive.

I've been workingon this new arm

since the last timethis happened,

so please don't blow it upso fast this time.

[ Chuckles ]We'll see.

Honestly, though,

this doesn't even feelthat weird now.

I mean, maybe it's 'causeit already happened

once before,but, I don't know.

It feels like normal,I guess.

[ Banana Guard clears throat ]

I mean, I knowit's "serious."

[ Groans ]Jake and Susanand Rattleballs

all gotpretty banged up.

But for me,I guess it's like...

I don't know.It feels right or something.

What's weird, though,is that grass guy.

Kinda rubs methe wrong way, that one.

Yes ‐‐ the mysteriousgrass guy.

Tell me againwhat happened

with the two of youthis morning.

[ Inhales,exhales deeply ]

Okay, so,as you know...

after Susan had gone crazyand kicked Jake's butt,

my grass arm got steamedand kicked her butt.

Then it ran offand merged butts

with my Finn Sword...

and turnedinto this guy,

and he startstalking smack!

Mah! Maaaaah!

What?!

Mah! Mah!

Hey, man,you stay back!

Eeyuh!Muh eeyuh!

Muh eeyuh!

Hey! I‐I saidstay back, man!

I seen what you didto Susan!

[ Groaning ]

[ Straining ]Susan's...cells...are on fire.

Susah!Susah?!

Hey!

[ Panting ]Stop!

[ Both grunting ]

Both: You leave her alone,you weirdo!

Both: Susan's my friend!

Fruh...

freh...

Friend.

What?!

Huh?

I said, "What?"What did you say?

"Whu?"

Oh. Okay.

My ears weren't workingbefore, for some reason.

Or my mouth.

[ Chuckles ]Sorry about that.

Also, why are youdressed like me?

Get a life, man.

What?!

You're dressed like me,man! Geez!

Anyway, you just keep your handsoff of Susan, guy.

Susan?Can you hear me?

It's Finn.

Susan?

Owwww!

No touch.

[ Gasps ]Finn: Oh. Sorry.

[ Susan groaning ]You keep your handsoff of my friend!

What are you on abou‐‐

Aaah! Whoa!

[ Thud ]Oof!

Don't worry, Susan!

[ Both grunting ]

All right, all right! Enough!Truce, truce!

[ Groans ]

[ Both panting ]

Sorry, dawg, but I can'tlet you hurt Susan.

[ Growls ]

I wasn't gonnahurt her!

I was protecting herfrom you!

Me? But...I'm Finn Mertens, man.

I'm 100% hero.Everyone knows that.

What?!I'm Finn Mertens!

Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Sorry, man.

I mean, I'm flattered,but...come on.

No, you come on!

Jake: Finn!

Hold on, buddy!I'm coming!

[ Inhales deeply ]


Jake! Boy, am I gladto see you!

This bozo keeps sayinghe's me.

Why don't youset him straight

and tell himwho the real Finn is.

That one.

What?

Yeah, I don't knowwhat you are.

Some kind ofdemon‐plant thing, probably.

But I ‐‐

Beating upon my poor brother

like some kind of demon!

[ Gasps ]Yeah!

Show us your true form,demon!

Yeah, show us!

Both: [ Chanting ]Show us! Show us!

Show us! Show us!

[ Chuckles ]

[ Grunts ] Oof!

Whoa!


Yeah, it's a real messout here.

We're gonna needthe huge ambulance.

Yeah, no.

No.

No, the huge ‐‐

No.

Put Banana Guard number 2on the phone.

Well, go get him!

All right, all right.

I think I've heardjust about enoughhhhh...

to know that I needto hear that all over again.

Why don't youtake it from the top?

Okay, so,as you know...


♪♪


Hey, BMO.

[ Screams ]

[ Gasping, whimpering ]

[ Rapid footsteps ]

BMO?

[ Pop! ]

Oh, hey!My nose is back.

[ Sniffing ]

Mmm!Stinks good in here.

[ Sniffs ]

It's gotthat "big boy" musk.

Socks, trash, butt ‐‐all the stinks of home.

Ha!Hey, what are you doing?

Get out of here!Ha!


Man, I remember that day.


That was when BMOlost control of the tank.


[ Chuckles ]

Oh.

Mm‐hmm.

Ha!

Aw.


Bandit Princess:Hey! Give me that!


What the crease?!

You gonna get it now,dude!

That's the Grass Sword!

Hyah!


What the hey?

Oh, no.

No, no, no.

[ Groans ]

I hate this.

I liked it before.

[ Spider humming ]


Who are you?

Oh, you know ‐‐a curse.

An emissary from beyond.

Some kindof grass octopus spider.

[ Screams ]Grass Demon!

You're making me nervous,dude.

No!No, no, no!

Don't worryabout me.

[ Straining ]I am worrying about you!

Dude, stop this!

It's okay. I justgotta do something here.

One sec.

Okay, just one more[Muffled] second.


So, how are you today?

I'm good.

I want out of here,though.

I've pretty much doneall I can do in here.

You and me, we could doa lot better out there.

I want out, too.

Let's do it.

Wait ‐‐ do you meanout of the swordor out of the cocoon?


[ Chuckles ]Okay. I get it.

When we get out of here,let me do the talking.


[ Groans ]

And then you asked meto take it from the top.

So...that guy is definitely

an alternate‐realityevil doppelganger, right?

Huh.

No.

He's not evenfrom a different timeline.

Finn, he's just you.

Yeah, you say that,but I'm me.

So he's ‐‐[ Telephone rings ]


BMO?

[ Shattering ]News flash, hotshot ‐‐

you're in the house,and you're made out of grass,

and you're breaking my china,and I'm scared!

What?!

This grass guy'sscaring BMO!

Let's get him!

Waaaaaaaaah!


I've got a crushon Jake.

[ Old‐timey music playing ]


Oh, no, no, no.

I...can't...get...anything right!

[ Screams ]


[ Music continues, muted ]

[ Music slows ]

Jake: Hey, weedy!

Hey.

Just let me suck arounda bit, okay, man?

No way, buster!

You're hurting BMO!

I'm okay!

Geeeeeeet outta here!

Come on, Finn!

Jake, uh, I'm stillprocessing all this.

Jake: United front!

Okay.


[ Groans ]

You scare BMO,

you muck upmy mom's records,

you waste my br‐‐

You wastemy breakfast syr‐‐

Breakfast syrup!

Hey!

Look at mewhen I'm mad!

Look at my eyes!They're mad!

And they have to lookin your ‐‐

Hey! They have to lookin your eyes!

Take my angerinto your face!

You're a fraud!

You thinkyou can fake Jake?

You can't fake Jake!

Cake, rake, lake,hamburger steak!

Oh, man!

[ Inhales deeply ]

Oh!


[ Panting ]

You're a chum‐bait!

Jake, no!

It's for fishing, BMO!

It's somethingthat fishermen use!

And he is one!He's a chum‐bait!

Finn: Hey!


Grass‐me, do you wanta Finn cake?

But...

only Finnsget Finn cakes.

That's true.


[ Sniffs ]

Wait.

[ Sniffs deeply ]


That's that good sugary trash,like a big boy likes.

Oh, geez.

I reallyfell off the horse here.

Maybe I'm notwho I am.

Sure we are.

[ Chuckles ]Weird days, man.

Give me a minuteto catch up.

[ Sniffles ]

Hey, you gonna eatthat BMO cake?

[ Tink! ]


[ Kch! Kch! Kch! ]

My hands are still tackyfrom breakfast syrup.

Hey, do you thinkGrass Finn's loco?

I think he'll be okay.

He just needs a place to crashwhile he figures some stuff out.

Okay.

[ Snoring ]


[ Snoring ]

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Up a Tree" from season 5, which aired on November 26, 2012.

Characters
Finn
Squirrel
Jake
Lady Rainicorn
The Porcupine
Lenny the Beaver
The Owl
Music
None
Locations
Grass Lands
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[Lady, Jake, and Finn are walking into an open field with a picnic blanket and basket]
Lady Rainicorn

: [While walking] 으음, 내 임산부 배에 시원한 바람 쐬니까 좋다! ("Hmm. It's so good to get some fresh air on my pregnant belly!")

[Finn and Jake set down the blanket and Jake helps to coil Lady like a snake on top of it]
Finn & Jake: [Finn pulls out three mugs] Ohhhh! [Finn pulls out a plate of cookies] Ahhh!
Finn: [He pulls out a Frisbee] Oh! Oh, man! My throwing and catching disc! Jake! Wanna play throw-n-catch throwing a catching disc?!
Jake: Ha ha! Yeah man!
Finn & Jake: [Chanting] Throw-n-catch! Throw-n-catch!
Jake: [Running away] I call being dog and you be human!
Finn: [Following Jake] Alright
[Finn and Jake both run away from the picnic saying "yeah" and "wooo"]
Jake: Dog! Dog Dog Dog Dog!
Finn: You mean "bark."
Jake: What? Oh yeah. [chuckles] Bark! Bark Bark Bark Bark! [Chuckles]
Finn: [Over emphatically] Hello, I am a human. Hello, I am a human.
[They stop near a tree in the field]
Jake: Ready! Bark!
Finn: [Waving Jake to back up] Back up a little! [Jake complies] [Finn waves him back two more times] [Finn gives Jake a thumbs up] And now for the perfect throw! [Does a mock warm-up throw and various stretches] Ah, oh, hammies. [Steps back] [Runs forward] Peeeeerfeeeeeeect Throoooooow!
Jake: [The disk flies up to the top of an extremely tall tree] [chuckles] More like the perfect blow! That blew.
Finn: Aw, come on! That was the wind! The wind blows!
Jake: [Jake stretches to the top of the tree] Hey, you want me to grab it?
Finn: Naw, I'll get it!
Jake: Okay, but it's right here
Finn: [In a Southwestern accent] Sometimes a man [Dramatic pause] just has to retrieve his own disc. [Starts towards the tree]
Jake: [Jake is running towards Finn and vice versa] [As they pass, a hand from Jake's back high fives Finn] Good luck buddy!
Finn: Thanks!
[Finn runs up to the tree and looks up. He tries to grab onto a low branch, but it breaks and he falls a short distance. He immediately gets up and tries again. He walks a short distance around the tree and stops to look up again. He turns around and blows a raspberry. As he covers his eyes, a porcupine crawls out on a higher up branch.]
Porcupine: Oh, well hello there my friend. What are you doing?
Finn: I'm trying to get to the top of this tree to get my disc.
Porcupine: Oh, well maybe I can help! [He rolls into a spiky ball and rolls down the tree] Sit on me.
Finn: Uhhhh, What?
Porcupine: [Soft chuckle] Well sit on my needles and the shock will boost you high up into the air! [Chuckles] Sit on me, its okedo-its fine, go ahead.
Finn: I don't think that kinda thing really works, actually.
Porcupine: You can do it if you believe in yourself! Sit on me.
Finn: [Looks up and waves him off] No. [He turns around and begins to walk away]
Porcupine: Oooh, alriight, I'll shooow you! [He walks closer and then jumps into Finn's buns]
Finn: [Does the girlish scream from "Burning Low"] Ouch! [He swats away the porcupine, but two quills remain in his butt]
Porcupine: Sorry! I thought that would work. [chuckles remorsefully] [He rolls back up the tree to the same branch] [sighs quickly] I'm just no help at all. [Returns to hole in tree]
Finn: Ooch! [Removes quills] Hmmm. [He begins climbing the tree like a peg wall with the quills] [When he reaches the branch, he shouts into the hole] See! Ya did help! [He continues climbing]
Finn: [He continues climbing and pauses from exhaustion] Poooooped! [He climbs a short ways and lays on a large branch] [sighs] Pooooooped!
Squirrel: Oh I apologize for staring, [Finn looks over and says "Hmmm?"] but I've never seen a chipmunk as big as you
Finn: [laughs] I'm not a chipmunk! I'm a human boy! I'm trying to climb the tree, I'm trying to get my disc back. But for now I'm takin' a break, because I am pooooped!
Squirrel: You should eat an apple to reinvigorate your climbing ability. [Points to an apple above his head]
Finn: No thanks, I'm good, just gonna rest my meat hooks. [sighs]
Squirrel: [The squirrel climbs up and retrieves the apple and jumps down in front of Finn with it] Huh? Huh? [He offers him the apple, but Finn silently refuses] [The squirrel persist and Finn tries to push him back] [Finn grunts and the apple is forced into his mouth]
Squirrel: [The squirrel jumps off of him and the apple falls away] [He shrinks and spits out the apple] Aw, that apple was cursed or something. I'm sorry, I didn't know. Oh, dear I ruined your day and now you'll never get your disc.
Finn: Naw, it's okay. I've been in worse situations. And even though I'm tiny, I do feel invigorated.
Squirrel: Oh, good! What a relief! [His eyes shift away momentarily] Best of luck to you! [He climbs away]
Finn: Bye! Bye! [He turns around and kicks the apple away] Choo Choo! [He picks up the quills and looks up] Ya can't stop the train! Tree! [He begins climbing again, but when he takes a short break, one of the quills breaks. He looks startled and continues climbing] [He takes a break on a similar large branch and looks up to see the full extent of the tree shrouded in clouds. He looks back down at the broken quills and tosses them aside] Woof. [He puts his face down]
Jake: [Jake stretches up to Finn] Wohoah! You're tiny!
Finn: I ate a magic apple by mistake.
Jake: Uhh! No wonder it's been takin' so long! Need any help?
Finn: Nah, I got it.
Jake: Okay, well, I'm gonna walk Lady home. I'll be back later. Don't eat any more magic apples. Silly.
Finn: Yeah. No I won't. [Jake stretches away] I don't plan to.
Jake: [Jake runs over to lady who is packing up the basket and kisses her] Thank you for packing.
Lady Rainicorn: 천만에. ("Don't mention it.")
Jake: You should take it easy.
Lady Rainicorn:  괜찮아. ("It's fine.")
Jake: No, no, let's get you back.
Finn: [Looks up at the clouded tree as the fog clears showing how tall it is] Blegh! DISC! [He continues to climb. As he climbs, the background and mood of the shot changes to show that he is climbing over several portions of the tree] [Regular tree, Scarred tree, Windy tree, Worm-infested tree, and Butterfly covered tree] [Butterflies wipe across the screen and the very top of the tree is shown]
Finn: [He pops up out of the foliage] Woooo! [Looks around] Where's my dingus? [Retreats back into the tree]
Finn: [He is now on a branch with the squirrel a little ways into the background coiling some kite string attached to a kite] Hey! Hey, buddy! Hey, have you seen [The shot moves to the squirrel with Finn in the background. Therefore, Finn is much quieter] my disc! Hey, I'm over here! Hey!
Squirrel: [humming]
Finn: [While the squirrel talks over him] Hey! I'm over here! Have you seen my disc?
Squirrel: [singing] Wrap it up good so I don't trip and fall on my face like the last time.
Finn: Heeey! [The squirrel goes inside] Musta could not heard me. [He begins jumping from small branch to small branch towards the hole] Doing, doing, doing. [Now at the hole] Hey squirrel! [He looks up to see a doorway illuminated and voice coming from within]
Owl: [Finn is running up the stairs] I think we all agree, the human must be stopped! [In a Southwestern drawl]
Finn: [He stops running at the top] Woah!
Owl: [Various grunts and mumbles] Squirrel! What happened with the apple?
Squirrel: [Finn creeps towards the doorway] Well, I made sure he ate that apple like you guys told me to do, but get this! [The scene now shows a small wood platform with a glowing green skull at the center. Two squirrels, two woodpeckers, an owl, a chipmunk, a beaver, and a porcupine all sit around it] It made him smaller! I think it mighta been cursed you guys!
Owl: Well a-course it was cursed! We're tryin' to stop the human! [The squirrel looks confused] [sighs] [He puts a hand on his forehand] Look, just do me a kindness and go get me some more nut milk. [The squirrel backs out from the circle to get it] Come on fellas! I feel like I'm the only one comin' up with ideas here, Lenny! How do you think we should stop the human?
Lenny the Beaver: Uuum… Maybe uh, trapdoor! Sometin' like that, with gravity! [Finn is leaning into the doorway]
Owl: Hey, yeah! We could put like a rug over it!
Finn: [Finn looks up on top of a pile in the corner and sees his disc] [gasp] My disc! [All the animals turn and gasp] Uuuh, It's okay, III'm a chipmunk.
All the animals: [Chanting and staring] In the tree, part of the tree.
Squirrel: [Finn begins to run, but bumps into the squirrel with the nut milk] Sorry.
All the animals: In the tree, part of the tree. In the tree, part of the tree. In the tree, part of the tree.
Lenny: [While the others chant] Yaaaaaaaa! [Lifts up an acorn and knocks Finn out with it]
Finn: [Finn is on the floor inside a jail cell with the squirrel on guard outside] [groans] Huh? [Finn walks up to the bars]
Squirrel: What?
Finn: Uuuh, I didn't say anything. [The squirrel looks away] [Pause] What are they gonna do to me?
Squirrel: What?
Finn: [Louder than before] What are they gonna do-
Squirrel: I'm not allowed to talk to you. [Finn looks down] [Pause] Anyone and anything that winds up in the tree becomes part of the tree forever and ever. In the tree, part of the tree.
Finn: So does that mean I'm a prisoner forever?
Squirrel: Well yes. And no. Are you a prisoner? Yes. Will you ever be free? No. In the tree, part of the tree. It's very simple.
Finn: Doesn't that mean that you can't leave the tree either?
Squirrel: No I- Well yes and no. Am I allowed to leave the tree? No. Have I already left the tree? Am I miles away from the tree right now flying around like the flying squirrel that I am? Yes! In my mind! In- my- mind! [Turns and looks wistfully out the window at the clouds]
Finn: [Looking concerned] Do you like it here?
Squirrel: Yeah! [Shrugging] Well, yes and no. Do I like the nuts and acorns? Yes. Do I like it when they put me down and say mean things like "You're not a flying squirrel, you're just a regular squirrel! Nyaah!"? No. Do I wanna fly away from this place now? Yes. Would I make a break for it if I had a buddy to break out with? Yes.
Finn: Hey buddy.
Squirrel: What?
Finn: [Steps through the somewhat wide bars] Let's get outta here. [The squirrel looks elated, now Finn is riding the squirrel as he runs through the hallways. Now back in the meeting room, the woodpecker is telling the owl something and the owl is chuckling along with the others. Finn is slowly lowered towards his disc by the squirrel] I got it!


Owl: What are you doing regular, nonflying squirrel? Put that back! [The squirrel blows a raspberry at him] [gasps] How dare you! [Finn and the squirrel run away laughing] Well alright! Everybody after those…two!
Finn: [Him and the squirrel run out of the tree onto the branch. Finn is walking on his own now] Okay! I'm gonna throw the disc alongside the branch the we'll jump on it and fly away!
Squirrel: Yeah!
Finn: Perfect! Throw! [The disc flies straight, but then veers off like the first time] Sooo, It's a- It's a good thing you're a flying squirrel. Huh.
Squirrel: Well yes and no. [Chanting is heard behind then and the squirrel rotates his head making a cracking sound]
Finn: [He grabs the squirrel and drags him to the side of the branch in front of him, kicks him off, and jumps after him] [As he's falling] Peace ooooout! [They are falling extremely fast now] Okay! Activate your squirrel flaps!
Squirrel: Flaps? No, I just have regular squirrel arms!
Finn and the Squirrel: [They fall a little farther through the clouds and see the ground] Aaaaaaah!
Squirrel: Oh! No- [The disc flies under them and takes them with it]
Finn: Hey! We're flying! [He and the squirrel are on top of the disc flying across the landscape.]
Squirrel: Oohoho-Oh yeah! [laughs]
Finn: Wooo! [They glide along looking at the landscape and wave to the not so hidden snail] Hey look! There's Jake! [He points down towards Lady's house] Jake! [He waves]
Jake: [Finn muffles "Jake!" Jake is mixing pickles and ice cream into a bowl on account of Lady. Finn and the squirrel fly by the window and he yells "Jake!" again] [long gasp] [He whispers] The perfect throw! [Jake waves to Finn and Finn waves back]
[Finn and the squirrel fly off into the sunset]

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Vamps About" from season 7, which aired on November 17, 2015.

Characters
Marceline
Bonnibel
Finn
Jake
Peppermint Butler
Vampires
Vampire King
The Hierophant
The Empress
The Fool
The Moon
Music
None
Locations
Forest
Gumbald's Cabin
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[In a forest, a group of vampires are playing instruments.]
Fool: Hey, this is nuts, right? [floats over to Vampire King] Look, I've got both my teeth. [points] Look! I lost one in a box turtle once. Also, I used to be dead.
[The Vampire King grabs him and sucks his tooth out of his mouth.]
Vampire King: Mwah! [spits out tooth, which hits Fool in the eye] Fool, this is life. Get a hot dog if you can't take the bun.
Empress: Pah! It tastes different here. Where are we? It's like we fell asleep on a raft and woke up in strange seas.
Hierophant: Hmph! "Fell asleep"? We died. The demon Marceline staked us all. Why are we back? How did it happen? Listen—I dunno and I don't care. We're alive and I'm going to get eating.
Empress: Ugh.
Fool: [tries to put tooth back] Ahhh... Does anyone have any milk for this? [to cow] Do you, like, carry milk?
Cow: Moo!
[Vampire King places his hand on the cow's head.]
Cow: Moo?
Empress: This is well and good for you, Hierophant, all you ever needed was a forest and something hot to chew on.
[The Hierophant gnaws on his balalaika.]
Empress: Where are the comforts of the old hive? The minions... the blood... the good blood with the gold leaf flaked into it.
Vampire King: The gold leaf was stupid. It didn't taste like anything.
Empress: We had standards! It doesn't matter when we are or where we are, because... we are. We must start rebuilding our realm. There's life here, and I bet it's pathetic.
[The Vampire King starts dancing with the cow and humming.]
Empress: We march in, we take control, and we rebuild the hive! My king, are you listening?
Fool: I dunno. Like... [yawns] What if we just got a loft downtown?
[The Empress shoots a beam from the gem on her forehead at The Fool.]
Fool: Whoops, I'm hypnotized. [slaps himself] Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh!
[He falls on The Moon headfirst, his hat damaging her head. She shakes him off, and her head regenerates.]
Fool: [laughs] Good old backwards egg!
Cow: Ugh. Ugh! I don't like to dance. I'm a wallflower.
[Vampire King bites the cow.]
Cow: Oh! Ugh.
Hierophant: My king, surely you agree that this is our chance to go back to our old ways. Surely diverging from the old ways is what made us vulnerable the first time. Surely—[groans]
[Vampire King telepathically constricts The Hierophant and levitates him.]
Vampire King: "Surely"?! Surely? Shirley J. Temple! [releases Hierophant]
Hierophant: Oh! [lands with a thud]
Vampire King: I am your king, and I say it's a new era! Old-fashioned ideas have no place here.
[The Hierophant transforms into a boar.]
Hierophant: [growls] Do what you like! I know what's right. [runs off]
Empress: If you're going to caterwaul like this, then I may as well start building my army. Hasta luego, turds. [walks off and disappears]
[The Moon backs away into the forest, leaving a trail of bubbles. The Vampire King is still dancing with the cow, and The Fool is playing a drum.]
Cow: Oh... gettin' dizzy...
[A tiny Jake emerges from underneath a leaf, terrified and gasping for breath. He runs off.]
Finn: You sure the sun's not hurting you at all?
Marceline: No, this is great. I can even feel my skin aging.
Jake: Huff! Cow Teeth and Shirley temple Aaaaaaah! I ran into some vampires! They were being weird as crabs! Do you know these oily doilies, Marceline?
Marceline: What?! No! I'm cured! It is weird though that it's happening at about the same time I got un-gunked. I gotta go see Bonnie. Ow! Oh yeah, guess I'm walkin'. No mo' powers.
Finn: Didn't your daddy give you demon powers?
Marceline: My Dad never gave me squat! Well, just some soul-sucking skills. Remember this?
Jake: Aah! My soul! [Marceline chuckles] Ugh, even though I got my soul sucked, I'll still give you a ride to Bonnie's because I'm good.
Marceline: Bonnie, I don't get it. Jake's talking about vamps at the same time you fixed me, and there can't be any still around!
Bubblegum: Well, clearly something's creeping around.
Marceline: Okay, what about the paste you took out of me? That should be all that is left that's vampiric in the modern world.
Bubblegum: It's all over there, safely in the safety bucket. What?! Pep But, what'd you do with the gunk?!
Peppermint Butler: Hold on, I'm working.
Jake: Okay. There was one that looked like if a baby-snake was a baby-baby.
Jake: Nah, that's not right. There was another one that looked like if an ant hill were a girl.
Jake: Nah, that's not right. There's one of them that looked like a wet uncle.
Jake: Nah, that's not right. There was a lady who looked like black drapes on a cake pop.
Jake: Nah, that's not right. There was also one that looked like an angry stop sign coming out of a loaf of bread.
Jake: Nah, that's not oh, actually that one's pretty close.
Marceline: What?!
Vampire King: You can stop this now, Marceline, it's not too late. You've got power now. I see it. But you haven't paid a price. It's making you crazy. Marceline, there's no one left but me. Would you wipe out an entire species?
Marceline: For the last time, yes! That is literally my entire plan!
Vampire King: So be it then.
Marceline: Uh Duh.
Vampire King: I gave you a chance, Marcel
Marceline: Blah, blah, blah, blah!
Vampire King: You know, Marceline, there's still another way.
Marceline: Give it a rest already!
Vampire King: No another 'nother way To save my people.
Marceline: Wait! Noooo!
Marceline: This is really bad. These guys They're heavy hitters. If they get back to full strength, they'll tear this world apart.
Bubblegum: What's the plan, Marceline? How do we fight them?
Peppermint Butler: [Exaggeratedly clears throat] If I may Strong enough for an ultravampire But made for a vampire.
All: Wow.
Finn: Look, Jake, a two-pronged stake And a stake boomerang.
Peppermint Butler: Yes, and what's this behind your ear? A super garlic bomb!
Bubblegum: What the heck, Peps? Why do you have all this vampire junk lying around?
Peppermint Butler: I have these high-tech weapons painstakingly stockpiled in case a certain frenemy of yours decides to turn on us someday.
Bubblegum: Peps!
Marceline: No no, he's right. I could've snapped and done you all in at any time.
Jake: Ugh!
Marceline: The cave is totally empty. No sign of anyone.
Finn: Phew!
Bubblegum: Nothing going on out here either. Maybe we should all fan out Look for tracks.
Finn: Or clues.
Marceline: All right. But everyone be careful. Even in their mushy state, these guys'll crack up ya sacrum.
Jake: Gross.
Bubblegum: Don't worry about us, Marceline.
Finn: Yeah, we're ready for anything.
Marceline: Can't smell nuthin' no more. Ugh! Ahh. Crud.
Finn: Whoops.
Peppermint Butler: Oh no, my bomb!
Marceline: Hey guys, why don't y'all head back to the cabin? I'm gonna try to put together a profile, you know Forensically.
Bubblegum: Okay, Marceline, sounds good. Come on, boys, let's get you cleaned up.
Marceline: I know you're in there, you skunk. You butt. You stain. You
Marceline: Hey. Long time no see.
Vampire King: Indeed.
Fool: Hey! Marceline! Look at me! I'm all grown up now! I ate a chicken, Marceline.
Marceline: I see you're getting your strength back.
Vampire King: Yes, not long now.
Marceline: Well don't get your hopes up.
Fool: Pbht! Pbht!
Marceline: Things are different now. The humans are long gone.
Vampire King: Someone's smelling a bit human herself these days. Anyway, you don't need to worry, I've changed, as well. I only eat animals now. Just like everyone else.
Cow: Ugh. Huh?
Vampire King: Does that mean we can be friends now, Marceline?
Marceline: It doesn't matter how you pretend to change. You've done enough already to get staked a thousand times over. You're monsters. You'll always be
Fool: Smell my feet, Marceline. I promise you won't regret it. Oooh! Ohhhh Your loss.
Vampire King: You know, the others won't be so easy, Marceline.
Marceline: Well how 'bout you?
Vampire King: It doesn't have to be like this.
Marceline: Those are some pretty frou-frou last words.
Marceline: You've lost a step! I'm not even gonna need my powers.
Vampire King: I'm surprised, Marceline.
Marceline: What now?
Vampire King: Surprised you have the time to play around while the empress makes her way to the land of ice and snow.
Marceline: Simon. Crud!
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Varmints" from season 7, which aired on November 3, 2015.

Characters
Bonnibel
Marceline
Varmints
Music
None
Locations
Candy Kingdom
Gumbald's Cabin
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[It is nighttime in the Candy Kingdom. Marceline is flying to Princess Bubblegum's castle.]
Marceline: [humming a tune]
[She lands in the window of Princess Bubblegum's bedroom and knocks.]
Marceline: Knock, knock. Yo, Peebs, you want to make a midnight Squeez-E-Mart run? I'm gonna drink the red from out the customers' bloodshot eyes. [chuckles] Psych. I'll probably just get a slushie.
[no response]
Marceline: Bubblegum? Bonnibel! [touches sleeping figure]
[The figure rolls over, revealing that it is the King of Ooo.]
King of Ooo: Wha—?
Marceline: [screams]
King of Ooo: [screams]
Marceline: [screams]
King of Ooo: [screaming morphs into singing]
Marceline: Ugh! What are you doing here?!
King of Ooo: [stands up] Be not afraid, child. It is I, the one true princess of Ooo!
Marceline: Where's Bubblegum?! [swipes claw, slashing pillow open]
King of Ooo: [chuckles] Whoa! Relax! [jumping on bed] Bubblegum is fine, just fine... and deposed! And powerless! So crushed by defeat was she that the tyrant exiled herself to a sad cabin on the shores of Lake Butterscotch—technically still Candy Kingdom territory. But in my mercy, I've allowed her to remain.
Marceline: You're the princess?! Since when?
King of Ooo: Well, by the reckoning of my new Torontian calendar, Ooo's official calendar, uh, two glorious months.
Marceline: Two months? But—then why didn't she t—[growls] Bubblegum! [flies out the window]


King of Ooo: Tell Bubblegum I wear her nightgown! Tell everyone!



[It is nighttime at Princess Bubblegum's cabin. Marceline hurtles towards the ground and lands in front of Princess Bubblegum on the porch.]
Marceline: [growls] BONNIE!
Princess Bubblegum: Marceline. What up?
Marceline: Ugh. Why didn't you tell me you got throne-jacked! I gotta hear it from that wax fraud!
Peppermint Butler: [shotgun cocks] Be cool, Marceline. Let's all be real cool.
Princess Bubblegum: Give us a minute, Peppermint Butler.
Peppermint Butler: Hmm. [runs off] Hup hup hup hup...
Marceline: Well?
Princess Bubblegum: I didn't get jacked. I quit. But yeah, alright, I should have told you. I was just [sigh] embarrassed. And it all happened so fast. I'm still trying to sort things out, see things rationally.
Marceline: Huh. Well, you could have talked to me about it.
[Marceline flies over to sit next to Princess Bubblegum.]
Princess Bubblegum: [scoffs] Yeah, 'cause you're so dang rational. Ha ha. I'm sorry, that's mean. I'm trying to be less mean. That's why I'm starting fresh with a new kingdom out here. Just me, Pep But, some pretty stars. Ugh, and of course, some varmints.
Marceline: Varmints?
Princess Bubblegum: Varmints! [stands] Raiding my pumpkin patch. Every dang night! [kicks half-eaten pumpkin] After all my sweet bio-engineering? The nerve of these varmints. Not tonight! [sits]
Marceline: [whistles] So, how long you gonna sit out here for?
Princess Bubblegum: Long as it takes. [shotgun cocks]
Marceline: Uh, alright, yeah! Let's get these varmints.
Princess Bubblegum: Um...yeah.


[Later at Princess Bubblegum's cabin.]
Marceline: [makes fart noises with mouth] These must be pretty good pumpkins, huh?
Princess Bubblegum: They're citizens of my garden kingdom. 100% loyal garden citizens.
Marceline: [chuckles] That reminds me -- so I was in the grocery kingdom last Sunday, 'cause free samples, you know. They had these, like, shrimp cocktail dealies. So good. I was sucking the sauce off them and hucking the shrimp at the ceiling. I kept going back for more and more samples, I could not stop myself. I don't know, man. The shrimp must have gone bad or something, 'cause all that red came right back up. Still invisible and yakking red all down the produce isle. It was awesome.
Princess Bubblegum: [chuckles] Hey, you remember that one time --
[Rustling is heard coming from the pumpkin patch.]
Princess Bubblegum: [gasps] [shotgun cocks] Hey!
[Varmints appear, growling.]
Princess Bubblegum: Varmints! After them! [shooting and running] Varmint hole! Ah, nuh-unh! A ding dang varmint hole. I can't believe my sweeps didn't find it.
Marceline: Well you found it now. So, what next?
Princess Bubblegum: [muffled] Next? We dig.
[Princess Bubblegum blasts the varmint hole. Her and Marceline walk down into the abandoned rock candy mines.]


Princess Bubblegum: Hmm. This looks like a delivery tunnel from the old rock-candy mines.
Marceline: Huh! We haven't been down here in hundreds of years. Remember when I'd get you out of those stinky Cheese Kingdom trade meetings and we'd sneak down here and spray-paint the walls?
Princess Bubblegum: Um, I am pretty sure it was me who found you vandalizing my property.
Marceline: [Laughs] Yeah, but I got you to tag something, didn't I? I bet I could find it. Here, come on. We used to follow the mine car rails, cracking jokes, telling stories... Whoa! The broken bridge! Remember? You jumped across this! You were so scared.
Princess Bubblegum: Mmm, I think I was just trying to prove something.
Marceline: Bonnibel Bubblegum, always so prepared.
Princess Bubblegum: Yeah, I have to be "always so prepared." We can't all just "wing it." I didn't have to always worry about so many things, you know? The Candy Kingdom used to be so small, so manageable. But then it kept growing and growing, and there was always some new disaster to prepare against.
Marceline: Is that why you stopped talking to me?
Princess Bubblegum: No, I...


[creature growling]


Marceline: [growls, hisses]
Princess Bubblegum: Bring it, ya darn pumpkin munchers!
Marceline: It's a freaking mother varmint!
Princess Bubblegum: Ugh! Marcy, cover me!
Marceline: No problem.


Princess Bubblegum: Marceline! Look out!
Marceline: Huh?
Princess Bubblegum: She's going to bring the whole tunnel down!


Princess Bubblegum: My snapback!
Marceline: In there!


Marceline: You got any more gadgets?
Princess Bubblegum: Umm... Some bandages, a pen, unpaid internet bill, and a strawberry lip balm.
Marceline: [slurps] Ah.
Princess Bubblegum: Maybe we can find something useful around... Oh!
Marceline: Your tag! We actually found it. Man, your handwriting hasn't changed at all. [chuckles] Still as prissy and prim as... What?
Princess Bubblegum: [sobs]
Marceline: Hey, hey, whoa. Wait, I didn't mean... I like your handwriting. I think it's realy pretty.
Princess Bubblegum: It's... it's not that... I lost my hat.
Marceline: We can get you another hat.
Princess Bubblegum: I lost my hat, lost my home, lost my people. I can't even keep darn varmints out of my pumpkin patch!
Marceline: Oh, Bonnie, you're...
Princess Bubblegum: I tried. I really, really tried. I just... I thought that if I shut everything out and just focused on work, it would all be okay, but look where that landed me. All I managed to do was push everyone away. I pushed you away. I'm sorry, Marceline. I've been a real dinger to you.
Marceline: Come on. What are you even apologizing for?


Marceline: Uh, how about we not get buried under a metric ton of rock-candy rubble?
Princess Bubblegum: The field generator! Aw, geez! Okay, uh, maybe I can rig up a graffiti bomb or a rudimentary rock-candy cannon or... what?
Marceline: This time, I'm prepared. I've been watching these dudes pretty close. I think I can varmint-style dig us through the wall. It's just a shame about your tag, I don't want to mess it up.
Princess Bubblegum: Nah, it's good, I think. Mess it up.
Marceline: Dig, dig, dig, dig, dig!
Princess Bubblegum: Yo, varmints! You hungry? I'll eat you! I'll eat your mom! I'll eat your eggs! I'll... Whoop!


Marceline: Thanks. [slurps] Boing!
Princess Bubblegum: I'm crazy tired, Marceline. I think I have been for a long time. [sighs] But those varmints are still out there, waiting.
Marceline: Eh, worry about it tomorrow. I'll keep a lookout tonight. I'll watch the heck out of this pumpkin patch. Come on.
Princess Bubblegum: [yawning] Well, okay. Maybe for a bit. Don't let me sleep too long. Promise to wake me up in 15 minutes.
Marceline: I promise.


Peppermint Butler: Uh, can I come back now?


[End of the episode.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Vault of Bones" from season 5, which aired on February 25, 2013.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Flame Princess
Flame King
Music
"Dungeon Crawl"
Locations
Tree Fort
The Vault of Bones
This transcript is complete. Only minor edits are needed.


Transcript

[The episode starts off with Jake putting water in a teapot to make tea while Finn and Flame Princess are playing cards. Flame Princess sighs.]
Finn: What's up?
Flame Princess: Nothing, I don't know.
[Flame Princess continues to look at her cards and Finn comes up and stares at Flame Princess in her face, and both of them start laughing.]
Jake: If anybody wants tea, it will be ready in a few minutes.
[Jake heats up the tea on the stove, Jake waits for the tea to be ready when suddenly the tea lights up in flames and Flame King swooshes over to Flame Princess.]
Flame King: Evil...evil...evil...evil...evil!
[Flame Princess looks at Flame King.]
Jake: Whoa, Flame King!
Flame Princess: Father!
[Flame Princess gets embarrassed.]
Flame King: Oh, well, uh... Sorry, I... thought my daughter was alone... Well, I'll just be going now. Nice teapot.
[Flame King vanishes and the teapot is left charred and black.]
Jake: Ooh!
Finn: What was that?
Jake: He was saying "evil, evil, evil" over and over again.
Finn: Yeah, I heard.
Jake: Well, I wasn't sure if you heard him 'cause he was whispering.
Finn: Yeah, I heard. 
Flame Princess: Ugh, he's so annoying.
Jake: Well, I was just trying to help.
Flame Princess: Oh, not you, Jake, my dad. I always catch him whispering stuff in my ear while I'm not paying attention. He keeps saying I'm evil.
[Finn stands up on the table.]
Finn: Whoa, you best not be believing that whack bunk. I bet he's trying to make your life bad, so you'll think you're evil. But you're really not!
Flame Princess: How can I know for sure?
Finn: Dungeons.
Flame Princess: What?
Finn: Let's have a good time in a dungeon or something, that always clears my head that reminds me what's what.
Flame Princess: And that will make me good?
Finn: No, that will show you not to worry so much, because you're already good in here.
[Finn puts a finger to his chest, looking for his heart.]
Flame Princess: Ok, yeah, let's do it.
Finn: Dungeons!
[Finn puts up his fist.]
Flame Princess: Dungeons!
[Flame Princess puts her fist up also and they start laughing again.]
Jake: Chamomile tea!
[Finn and Flame Princess look at Jake and laughing again and running away to find the dungeon and Jake sits down and takes a sip of the tea and moves back of the sofa. Meanwhile, Finn is finding secret door switches in the jungle in order to lead Flame Princess to a dungeon, Finn looks under a rock then, pulls on the vines of the leaves.]
Flame Princess: Is this how you look for a dungeon?
Finn: Yeah... a lot of times the entrances are hidden, so you gotta look under rocks and stuff for a secret switch.
[Finn feels the wood of a trunk and knocks on it.]
Finn: Sometimes it takes a while... Hmm.
Flame Princess: I'll just use my heat sense.
[Flame Princess, then spins around the forest to get a signal on a secret switch to a dungeon.]
Flame Princess: That tree over there is not made of wood.
Finn: Really?
[The two run over there to the tree.]
Finn: Yes!
[Finn climbs on the tree and pulls the switch on the branch and a skull shaped hole opens up from a giant rock. The two of them go down to the dungeon. There are skeletons and skulls lying everywhere. Finn finds a gauntlet on the ground.]
Finn: Ooh... gauntlet.
Flame Princess: Thanks for taking me out Finn.
Finn: No prob, Bob, light this for me, will ya? [She does so.]
Flame Princess: Oh, sure. Um... do we need a torch? I'm sort of made of fire.
Finn: Oh...well, I guess torches are just cool for dungeons, you know?
Flame Princess: Oh, okay.
Finn: Yeah...I like to hang on to it.
Flame Princess: Boy, this place is creepy!
Finn: Really? I feel like it's trying too hard. Gold piece! [Grabs a gold piece he found on the ground and puts it in his pocket]
Flame Princess: Oh, you mean, like, with all the skulls? 
Finn: Whoa! Whoa!
[They come across a skeleton fishing with his right arm. The skeleton turns at the sound of their voices and drops his arm into the black water.]
Flame Princess: What?
Boney: Hey! What are you doing here?
Flame Princess: Burning you alive!
Finn: Haha no, no, wait a sec. Sorry, one second.
Boney: Sure.
Finn: He might have an important loot on him, so we don't wanna just burn him up; plus it's a little cruel even for an evil guy, check this out. [Threatens him with his sword] RRRAAA, you're gonna surrender!
[Boney and Finn yell at each other for a while]
Boney: Okay, okay, I surrender!!!
Finn: I shall grant thee clemency! If you do the splits! Do the splits!
Boney: I-I can't-I can't do the splits.
Finn: Do the splits, thou milk-livered maggot pie!
Boney: Okay, okay...Ow, ow, ow! [Does the splits]
Finn: See, a lot of times you can overpower these guys with confidence.
Flame Princess: Neat!
Finn: Got any loot on ya?
Boney: Just this map. It'll-it'll help you.
Finn: Ha! See? This would've been burned!
Flame Princess: Yeah, no, that makes sense.
Finn: What else you got?!
Boney:  Yeah! Uh, uh, there's a treasure chest in the corner, please stop yelling.
Finn: Hah, hah! I knew it. [The chest won't open] Oh, cram it to the butternuts, it's locked!
Boney: Aahh! I don't know were the keys is, please don't yell!
Finn: Hahaha, alright. We can come back to that later. [To FP] Hey, are you having fun?
Flame Princess: Mhm.
Boney: I- I'll just stay here.
[Finn and FP are walking]
Flame Princess: [starts running] Race you to the next monster!
Finn: WHOA, whoa!
Flame Princess: What?
Finn: [chuckles] That's not how you do things in a dungeon. You gotta sneak.
Flame Princess: Sneak?
Finn: Like this. [Starts walking and crouches. FP follows behind and does the same] And you gotta look around. [He does so.] [They reach a wall and Finn stops FP. Finn peeks from the corner and sees a bigger skeleton guard. The camera shifts to the chandelier and to the rope holding it.]
Finn: [whispers] Ok, this guy's too big to intimidate, but I have a plan. First, you shoot some fire at that rope, the chandelier falls, we distract the monster and we run in. Element surprise.
Flame Princess: [Whispers] Wow.
Finn: You ready?
Flame Princess: Yeah.
Finn: [Takes a step and retracts] Before we go in, how good are you at quietly throwing a tiny bit of fire?
Flame Princess: Uhh... what?
Finn: Like on a scale of 1 to 100, how good are you at quietly throwing a tiny bit of fire at a rope 50 feet away?
Flame Princess: Uhh...
Finn: Scale of 1 to 100.
Flame Princess: [Thinks] 42.
Finn: [Normal voice] 42?!
Flame Princess: [Whispers] Well, I don't know! I've never rated myself before.
Finn: [Whispers] Well, that's cool, that's cool. Just try to hit that rope.
[Flame Princess shoots a small amount of fire accurately at the rope. It catches on fire and it breaks, therefore the chandelier falls, too. Finn and Flame Princess come in running and Finn swings at the guard with his sword, but goes right through it. He waves his arm through it and realizes it's a hologram.]
Flame Princess: Are you okay?
Finn: Yeah, I'm good. it's a hologram.
Flame Princess: Oh. Neat. So, uhh, should we keep going?
Finn: Yeah, although it does raise the question. Why would someone go through the trouble of setting up a hologram? Unless... they've hidden something in this room? [Crouches down on the floor and starts looking.]
[Flame Princess goes off to the side, sits down and sighs. She finds a pebble, throws it in the air, and shoots it with a bit of fire.]
Finn: [sees FP sleeping] Hey, wake up.
Flame Princess: I was meditating. [Stands up]
Finn: Look what I found. [Holds up a key.]
Flame Princess: A key!
[Finn raises his eyebrows multiple times]
Flame Princess: We have to go back?
Finn: We don't have to, we get to! Come on. [walks away.]
[Boney is looking for his missing arm in the water. He hears Finn singing Dungeon Crawl and hurries back to his position and does the splits.]
Finn: See? That didn't take long at all. Now we get treasure.
Flame Princess: Okay.
Finn: [Sticks key through the keyhole and doesn't open] Nope. This key's for something else. Haha. Oh, well. [Continues singing.]
Flame Princess: [Thinking] Jeez. This is kinda boring. At least he's walking fast.
[Finn looks back at FP and gestures for her to follow. He points at the floor.]
Finn: See? That's where I found the key.
[He starts crawling and finds a hole in the wall. Finn and Flame Princess look inside and sees a bigger cage with a keyhole. Finn gives her the key and she crawls through the hole. She walks over to the cage and Finn gives her a thumbs up. As soon as FP fits the key through the keyhole, it opens and a skeleton comes out, which startles FP.]
Finn: Snapdragons!!
Snapdragon: Take my place, take my place! Take my- [Flame Princess stumbles back and burns it in defense.]
Flame Princess: Scatter fire! [Sends four bolts of fire that meet in the middle and burn the cage completely to ashes. She sighs.]
Finn: No, no, we shake them down first, remember?
Flame Princess: He... wanted me to take his place.
Finn: [Rummages through pile of ashes] Man. Ooh, hold on. [Finds another key and holds it up.] Ha ha! It's another key! Now we get to go back to the beginning! [Runs.] Whoohoo!
Flame Princess: Finn, I'm not having any fun.
Finn: [Stops running] What? Why?
Flame Princess: Well, you keep wanting me to do things your way. But I don't like doing things your way. Is that because I am evil?
Finn: What? No, wait, that's... no! Uhh, hey, you know what? Let's do things your way.
Flame Princess: Really?
Finn: Yeah. I've been acting an uncouth lout, m'lady. [Throws torch in the water] Okay, so there's a door over there. What do you wanna do?
Flame Princess: I... burn it down. [Makes a Flame Sword and marks a big X on the door. Finn looks unsure as she breaks through the door.]
Finn: Okay, that worked. Now what do you do...
Flame Princess: [Runs and shoots fire at random places] RRAAAAAGGGHHH!!
Finn: Uhh... [Scared] Good- good job, FP.
Flame Princess: Thanks, FTH! Haa! [Shoots more fire. Goo skulls start appearing. FP rushes to the door.] Ughh, doors! Burn, burn, burn! [She is stopped by a Goo Skull.] Huh? Ugh.
Finn: Oh, Sham man. It's the legion of Goo Skulls! Uh, how do you defend?
Flame Princess: Uhh... snake fire!! [Her fire ignites their goo and destroys them.]
Finn: Fire burn goo.
Flame Princess: Yes! Feel my flames, puny worms! [Laughing] The power of destruction!
Finn: Woh. [Giant Goo Skull comes out from behind Finn and grabs him] [Terrified] Whoa! Flame Princess!!
Flame Princess: Huh? [turns around in normal state and sees Finn being taken away by a Giant Goo Skull]
Finn: Ahh!!!
[Flame Princess Angry]
[She ascends from a hole and see Finn and the Giant Goo Skull.]
Finn: [Being spun around by goo] Help me! But don't use fire because you'll- mphh! [Muffled by the goo]
Flame Princess: Release him or feel the wrath of the Princess of Flames!
[Giant Goo Skull blows raspberry]
Flame Princess: Very well.
[Flame Princess charges at the Giant Goo Skull]
[Finn screaming under the goo, terrified]
Flame Princess: [Stops just in front of the Giant Goo Skull] Do the splits! Do the splits, thou milk-livered maggot pie! [Grabbing Finn's demon sword and yelling] [Giant Goo Skull does the splits] [Using Finn's demon sword to free Finn from a goo]
Finn: Hot Daniel! Flame Princess. I thought you were going to burn me alive.
Flame Princess: No way! I'd never do that to my boyfriend. [Finn blushes]
[Later at the hill during sunset]
Flame Princess: Ha, thanks Finn. That was a really awesome experience.
Finn: Dungeons totes clear your head, right?
Flame Princess: [Agreeing] I forget how good it feels to destroy stuff.
Finn: [Confused] Uhhhh.....
Flame Princess: I mean, like evil stuff.
Finn: Oh yeah, cool.
Flame Princess: We should go again sometimes. Do you know any other dungeons?
Finn: Maybe next time we should just go to like... a farmer's market.
Flame Princess: And burn it.
Finn: Hmm, try this key.
[Flame Princess succeeds in unlocking the chest and shocked.]
Finn: What is it?
[A mysterious butt-shaped creature wakes up and winks at Flame Princess.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Video Makers" from season 2, which aired on April 18, 2011.

Characters
Finn
Jake
BMO
Princess Bubblegum
Marceline
Lumpy Space Princess
Lady Rainicorn
Shelby
Tree Trunks
Slime Princess
Music
Friends
Locations
Grass Lands
Tree Fort
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode starts in the Tree Fort; Finn and Jake are laughing; Finn is pouring drinks into cups]
Jake: Don't forget LSP's diet cola.
Finn: I won't. I really do love Finn and Jake Movie Club.
[They walk into the living room where Princess Bubblegum, BMO, Lady Rainicorn, Marceline, Tree Trunks, Shelby and Lumpy Space Princess are hanging out]
Finn: Okay, everybody. Apple juice for Tree Trunks. [She takes the juice] Diet soda for LSP.
Lumpy Space Princess: [Taking the soda] Ehh.
Finn: What did you order, PB?
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, I brought my own. [Shows a drink that has a face]
Finn: Huh.
Jake: Ice latte for my lady. [Gives Lady her drink]
Finn: Tomato juice for Marceline. [Gives it to Marceline, who's floating in midair]
Marceline: Thanks, Finn.
Finn: Hot cocoa for BMO.
BMO: [Takes the cocoa] This does compute.
Finn: And finally, a thimble of milk for Shelby, the worm who lives in Jake's viola.
Shelby: You can just call me Shelby.
Finn: Jake...
Jake: We're so excited that you could be here tonight for Finn and Jake's Movie Club's feature presentation...
[Finn shuffles himself by Jake]
Finn & Jake: Heat Signature 3.
Marceline: Oh, with the submarine?
Princess Bubblegum: Sounds great.
Lady Rainicorn: 재밌겠는데? (It looks like funny)
Lumpy Space Princess: Get on with it!
[BMO puts the movie in a hologram and it begins playing, LSP flies over to Finn and Jake]
LSP: Princess Bubblegum's in my seat.
Finn: We decided last time: No reserved seating. First come, first served.
[Princess Bubblegum, lying in the chair, shrugs at Lumpy Space Princess]
LSP: Grr. [Sips her drink]
[A copyright warning comes up on the screen]
Princess Bubblegum: What's that?
Finn: Just stuff that comes at the beginning of the movies.
Jake: Yeah, that's on all the movies we dig up.
Princess Bubblegum: I don't know. It seems pretty important, Finn.
Finn: Alright, let's take a look.
[Finn an Jake go up to the screen]
Jake: Pause, BMO.
Finn & Jake: "Warning. Federal law provides severe and criminal penalties for the unauthorized exhibition of copyrighted motion pictures."
[Finn and Jake look nervous; the scene cuts to Finn and Jake putting everyone out]
Finn: Alright, well, goodbye.
Jake: Sorry we had to cancel. [They close the door]
Finn: We've been showing these films unauthorized.
Jake: But these movies are before the Great Mushroom War.
Finn: We should still respect authority, mang.
[The members of Finn and Jake Movie Club are yelling outside; Finn opens the door]
Finn: Yeah?
Princess Bubblegum: Are we meeting next week to watch a movie?
Finn: Uhh... Uh, yeah. Maybe. I think so.
LSP: Finn, don't cancel movie club! I've literally been having the time of my life.
Lady Rainicorn: 아, 너무 좋았는데. ("Oh, I enjoyed that so much!")
Finn: Calm down, y'all. We're gonna have Finn and Jake Movie Club next week for sure. Jake and I just have to find a movie without that warning.
[The club members are happy and leave]
Jake: Dude, we've never found a movie without that warning.
Finn: We're not gonna find a movie, Jake.
[In the Tree Fort's treasure room, Finn is digging through a pile of gold coins]
Jake: Well, what are we gonna do?
Finn: [Finds a camera and gasps] We're gonna make one!
Jake: Wowp!
[Cut to the next scene; in a clearing, BMO has the camera on his head and Finn and Jake have megaphones made of paper]
Finn & Jake: Movie filming time!
Finn: Okay, BMO. Turn to your right, and start filming.
Jake: Start to truck in. Keep going. Keep truckin' in, BMO.
[BMO goes up to a couple of Candy People]
Candy People: Huh?
Finn: That was awesome, BMO.
Jake: Yeah. Fantastic, super.
[Next, they are following Lollipop Girl kicking a glass ball]
Jake: Don't lose her, BMO!
Finn: Front shot! Front shot! Film the clouds. Don't forget the little one.
[BMO zooms in on the little one. Next scene, they are filming a marshmallow water a garden]
Jake: BMO! BMO, you're gonna miss it! Over there to your right.
[Cinnamon Bun jumps over a bucket laughing]
[Next scene, Mr. Candy Cane is rolling coins down a brick wall by a river]
Finn: Oh, we're gonna miss it. Hurry, BMO!
[Mr. Candy Cane flicks another coin and BMO follows it]
Finn: Don't lose it. Oh, it looks like it's gonna fall. Follow it!
Jake: Look over there. Across the river.
Finn: BMO, forget about the coin. Film that over there!
[Two Candy People are using sticks to hold up a strawberry over another Candy Person's mouth]
Finn: Zoom in. [BMO does] Weird. Let's get some more footage.
[They get clips of Cinnamon Bun smashing a wood block with a hammer, Tall Cupcake painting Mr. Candy Cane, Cinnamon Roll whistling, a Candy Person girl spinning around, a Candy Person picnic, Red Ice Cream Sandwich chewing gum, a blue cupcake punching a giant book, and finally, a Ice Cream Man putting hats on instruments, the scene changes to Finn and Jake watching the clip on BMO at the Tree Fort]
[In the clip]
Ice Cream: Like that?
Finn & Jake: Yeah, perfect.
Ice Cream: Are you, are you sure?
Finn & Jake: Yeah, look great.
Ice Cream: W-w-wait. How about this?
Finn & Jake: That's even better!
[Clip ends]
Finn: Uhh, what do you think?
Jake: I don't get it. It's just a bunch of random junk.
Finn: Yeah, I'm not engaged. I need to see something that reflects life as it is, but, you know, entertaining.
Jake: Yeah, like a romantic comedy.
Finn: Exactly. An action adventure.
Jake: Wait, that's not what I said.
Finn: Let's get to filming!
[At a waterfall, Slime Princess at the top of the waterfall]
Finn: [Through his megaphone] Okay, Slime Princess! In this scene, you're gonna leap over to that vine, swim over the crocodiles, do a triple flip with a full twist and land clean. Don't fall in the water, or you'll get eaten alive. Action!
[Slime Princess jumps and falls into the water where crocodiles leap at her, Finn and Jake are mouth agape, a crocodile rises out of the water with Slime Princess kissing its snout]
Finn: No! No smooching! Cut.
Jake: I thought it was great.
Finn: No, we can't use any of it.
Jake: I think we should use all of it.
Finn: No, not all. We should throw away the parts where Slime Princess was smoochin'. That was dumb.
Jake: What?
Finn: Duuuumb-ah. [Pronouncing the "b"]
[In a clearing, Lumpy Space Princess and Peppermint Butler are at a picnic setting]
Jake: Okay, you're having a picnic, you're in love but you can't admit it. So you're having a playful food fight. And action.
[Peppermint Butler throws a piece of cake at Lumpy Space Princess]
LSP: Why did you do that?
[Lumpy Space Princess throws macaroni and cheese at Peppermint Butler; he throws ice cream at her and it becomes an all out food fight]
Jake: Cut! Cut! Cut! Cut, that was not what I wanted!
Finn: That was awesome! We need to shoot more stuff like that.
Jake: [Sigh] What's next?
[In the next scene, BMO is in a hole by a frog tied to a chariot, Finn is positioning the frog and adjusting the camera; Princess Bubblegum is standing on the side of the frog]
Finn: Okay PB, move back a little. [She does] Stop. [Repositions the frog and the chariot]
Princess Bubblegum: Finn.
Finn: Yeah.
Princess Bubblegum: How does this work?
Finn: Umm, Jake's gonna get the frog to hop toward him [Jake is standing with a stick with a fly tied to it] and when he does, you're gonna run along side the chariot and it's gonna look like you're driving it.
Princess Bubblegum: Okay.
Jake: Hey, Finn.
Finn: Yeah.
Jake: How 'bout when the chariot takes off, she says something like, "Mmm, check, please."
Finn: What? No, that's terrible. [Jake looks annoyed] And action!
[Jake put the fly in front of the frog and it shoots its tongue at the fly and the tongue's recoil causes it to fall back on the chariot, breaking it, and the frog hops away]
Princess Bubblegum: Check, please...?
Finn: Hah, Jake. You... you brought the fly in too close!
Jake: I'm sorry.
Finn: Well, help me catch 'im.
[They chase after the frog]
Jake: Well, I thought it was funny.
Finn: This isn't a comedy!
Jake: Not the way you're shootin' it.
Finn: Look, just help me catch this guy.
Jake: All right, but after this we do my part.
[In a wedding scene]
Jake: [Through a megaphone] Okay, everyone. It's been a long day. A lot of... [Chuckles] A lot of running around, chasing frogs [chuckles again]. But we are makin' a movie, and this is the big wedding scene. Mr. Cupcake, you're playing Todd Johnson.
Mr. Cupcake: Yes.
Jake: And Lady, you confess that you never loved Todd Johnson and that you were just trying to win a bet with your snooty socialite friends.
Lady Rainicorn: 알았어, 제이크. ("Okay, Jake.")
Jake: And then, you both realize you do love each other and you both say "I do." And then Shelby, you say...
Shelby: Check, please.
Jake: Heh, heh, heh. Yeah. Don't forget to look right at the camera and slap your cheeks like this. [Slaps his cheeks] And 1, 2, 3 action!
[Shelby stares angrily at Jake since he doesn't have hands to slap his cheeks]
Shelby: Do you, Todd Johnson, take this Rainicorn to be your lawfully married wife?
[Mr. Cupcake starts to flex his eyebrows; Lady giggles and blushes; Mr. Cupcake begins to flex and pose his muscles; Jake looks uncomfortable]
Jake: Lady! Cut! Cut, cut, cut! [To Mr. Cupcake] I didn't tell you to flex out!
Lady Rainicorn: [Rubs Jake's head] 자기야, 흥분하지 마. ("Don't take it seriously, honey.")
Jake: No, I don't like the way he's flexing at you.
Mr. Cupcake: I don't hear her complaining.
Jake: Why you... GAAH!
[Jake tackles Mr. Cupcake, the camera switches to Shelby as sounds of a fight can be heard]
Shelby: Check, please.
[In the Tree Fort]
Finn: How much longer till you finish editing, BMO?
BMO: About twenty hours.
Finn: Twenty hours?!
BMO: Yeah, you guys shot a lot of footage. About twenty hours.
Finn: Jake, let's talk about our movie.
Jake: Okay.
Finn: I think we shot a lot of great stuff.
Jake: Uh-huh.
Finn: But I'm thinkin' only half of it is usable.
Jake: Me, too.
Finn: Really?
Jake: Yeah, I was just thinking that.
Finn: That's great!
Jake: I know.
Finn: You actually agree it's an action adventure!
Jake: Yep, it—wait! No!
Finn: What?
Jake: Romantic comedy!
Finn: What?!
Jake: What do you mean "what"?!
Finn: Who's right, BMO?
Jake: Yeah, me or Finn?
[BMO clicks a button on himself, his face is replaced by a message: "BACK IN 5 MINUTES"]
Finn: We'll ask him when he wakes up.
Jake: Why wait? [Pulls out a pen and paper and begins writing] "Dear BMO, Please use only the best footage when cutting the movie. Love, Jake."
[Finn takes the pen and paper]
Finn: "And Finn."
Jake: See you at the movie club, then.
Finn: Oh, I'll be there.
Jake: As will I.
Finn: As will I, as well.
[They both leave; BMO's face pops back on the screen]
[At the movie club, the club members and everyone who took part in the movie are present]
LSP: Yes. Oh, yes. Oh, I can't wait. Oh, I can't wait!
Jake: Heh heh. Alright, thanks again everyone for coming to... [Singing] movie night! I hope y'all are in the mood to laugh.
Finn: I hope y'all are ready to be on the edge of your seats for tonight's action adventure film.
Jake: It's, ahh, it's more of a romantic comedy. Right, BMO?
BMO: Eeee...
Finn: Well, I guess we'll see!
Jake: Yeah, I guess we will. Start the movie, BMO.
[The club members clap and look nervous; Finn and Jake go to their seats]
LSP: [Whispering] It's a little awkward.
[BMO sighs and presses a button on itself and its face shoots out rays of light; the crowd is impressed; electricity goes through a cord from BMO to a holograph player; the logo "A BFF Production" appears]
LSP: [Whispering] Oh, my gosh!
[BMO sings "Friends" and plays clips of Finn and Jake and the video ends; the club applauds]
Finn: BMO's right. Fighting over this movie junk is dumb. I'm sorry, man.
Jake: Me too, dude.
[Finn and Jake hug]
LSP: Oh, my gosh, you guys. I can't wait till next week's movie club.
BMO: Check, please.
Jake: That's a good one, BMO!
[Everyone laughs and the episode ends]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Wake Up" from season 6, which aired on April 21, 2014.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Prismo
The Lich
Martin
Cosmic Owl
Party God
Death
Peppermint Butler
Grob Gob Glob Grod
Nymph
Clock Face
Snail
Shelby
Cloud People
Citadel Guardian
Music
None
Locations
Time Room
Tree Fort
Crystal Citadel
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode begins in the Time Room, where a variety of people can be seen. After that, the camera zooms into Grob Gob Glob Grod asking a Nymph on a date.]
Grob Gob Glob Grod: Denise, we have concluded you're an interesting and conventionally hot woman. My siblings and I would like to request a date with you. Are you available for a date with: Glob on Saturday, Grod on Friday, Grob on Thursday or Gob on Sunday? Please select your dates now.
[Denise looks unhappy; the take switches to the Cosmic Owl in the hot tub while Party God joins in]
Party God: Ahhh-rooo! That's nice.
[Two cloud people throw toilet paper rolls on The Lich]
Cloud kid 1: Eat it, Lich!
Cloud Kid 2: Eat it, Lich!
Both: Woooh!
[The camera focuses on Jake who is eating cheese crackers at the snack table through a red cup, making loud eating noises. He dips his cup in the cheese cracker bowl for more but it is empty]
Jake: What?! No more crackers? Eeeee. [He runs over to Prismo] Prismo! Prismo! Hey man, Hey!
Prismo: Heeeey.
Jake: Bad news, you ran out of cheese crackers.
Prismo: What! No.
Jake: Yeah, man, what are you going to do about it? [Jake shakes his cup]
Prismo: Jaaake. [laughs] I'm Prismo the wish master. We can have all the cheesy crackers we want.[Prismo materializes five bowls of cheese crackers onto the floor around Jake. Jake laughs and starts to eat from each of the bowls]
Jake: Prismo, you make me happy, Prismo.
Prismo: [shyly] Oh, stop.
Jake: I'm always smiling when I'm around you. I just noticed that. I always am.
Prismo: I'm always smiling when I'm around you, too.
Jake: [giggles] This feels so good.
[Peppermint Butler and Death walk to Jake and Prismo]
Both Prismo and Jake: Peppermint Butler! Death!
Jake: What's up.
Peppermint Butler: Hey umm, those guys are doing selfies on The Lich.[The camera goes towards the Lich with Grob Gob Glob Grod taking a selfie on him] Is that safe?
Grob Gob Glob Grod: Definitely going to send these to Denise.
Prismo: Oh yeah, it's fine, he's harmless.
Peppermint Butler: Yeah, but why isn't he killing everyone in the room right now? Controlling our minds, making us rip each others eyes out while we buttercup one another?
Prismo: Well, The Lich's primary function is to cause mass death. And since he can't do that while he is trapped in my Time Room, [zooms in to The Lich with Grob Gob Glob Grod taking numerous selfies on him still] he's stuck in a standstill, like a machine without a purpose.
Peppermint Butler: I am so scared right now.
Death: Yikes.
Jake: Aw, don't worry, he ain't gonna hurt nobody.
[Jake stretches his body over and puts his red cup on The Lich's head]
Jake: Ha! You got a cup on your head. Ha-ha, you dingus! [laughs] See, he's docile as a lamb.
Peppermint Butler: [perks up] Hmm. Well, okay, then I guess I can go for a selfie, too.
Jake: Yeah, man, make your dreams come true.
[Death and Peppermint Butler leave in laughter]
Jake: Oh, what time is it? [looks around] Hey, yo, Clock Face, what time is it?!
[Clock face looks over to Jake then checks his wrist watch
Clock Face: It's 12:30.
Jake: Aw, boo to that! Yo, Prismo I gotta get back before Finn realizes I'm not home. He gets worried if I stay out too long.
Prismo: All right, later, dude.
Jake: Laters.
[Jake materializes to the treehouse. It is nighttime in the Land of Ooo. He walks up the stairs sneakingly. Finn is lying awake on his bed with seaweed on him. Jake tries to walk past Finn.]
Finn: Jake, where were you?
Jake: [nervously] I was, umm, in the, uh... All right, man, I'm gonna come clean. I've been doing a lot of partying at Prismo's lately.
[The camera zooms in on Finn he is faced calmly, then zooms out]
Jake: Come on, man! I don't even take Lady up there.
[The camera zooms in on Finn, still calm]
Finn: Dude, I found out my human dad is still alive.
Jake: Whoa, what?
Finn: [sits up on bed] He's at some place called the Citadel.
Jake: Whoa. [Jake sits beside the bed with Finn] Are you gonna go see him?
Finn: I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't. Maybe there's a good reason why he didn't raise me. Like, he was probably captured by thieves and kept a slave for years.
Jake: Yeah, or maybe he was ambushed in the wild and hid you so you wouldn't be captured, too.
Finn: Yeah, maybe it's better not to rock the boat.
Jake: But... it might also be good to find out if you have any genetic risk factors or allergies or whatever. Plus, you get to see what you'll look as an old guy. Could be cool.
Finn: Heh. I guess it would be okay to meet him, just to know what I'll look like.
Jake: Cool. Oh! If we hurry, Prismo might be still partying.
[Jake gets the folded note from Prismo that was in his lower back. He presses the "-P." and it materializes Jake and Finn from the tree house. Back at the Time Room, the party is over; Prismo and the Cosmic Owl Owl are sitting with a game of Card Wars]
Cosmic Owl: Come on, just one more game.
Prismo: I don't know, mang, I was just gonna clean up and crash out.
[Finn and Jake materialize into the Time Room.]
Cosmic Owl: [he jumps up and down] Oh, yeah! More players! 
[Prismo sighs]
Cosmic Owl: You guys wanna play some Card Wars?
Jake: [waits] No. Prismo, we need to get to the Citadel.
Prismo: Whoa! You guys do not wanna go there. Seriously. [A remote materializes beside Prismo's hand] Check this out. [A screen appears at the side of the time room showing the Citadel and examples of cosmic crimes as Prismo talks] The Citadel is a nasty-sized prison. Only the worst of the worst end up there. Real stink faces. These guys are the pits—the armpits.
Finn: Hey, my dad must be like the warden there.
Jake: I know you can't grant Finn and me any more wishes. So, we brought Shelby along to wish on our behalf.
[Shelby is on Jake's hand]
Shelby: Hello.
Prismo: Oh, look at that, a little guy.
Shelby: So, I wish for ... a pony for my GF!
Prismo: Done.
Jake: [upset] Shelby!
Shelby: Sorry, dudes. My girl's been hounding me for a pony for months. I'm gonna get mad points for this. [Shelby's flip phone rings and he opens it with his teeth] [On the phone] Oh, hi! So you got it? That's great! You like him? Uh huh ... you gonna name him what? Speedboat? Yeah, that's a good one. [As Shelby is on the phone he crawls into Jake's ear]
Jake: [sadly] Dang, Shelby.
Prismo: A wish wouldn't have worked anyway. You can only get to The Citadel committing a cosmic crime.
Jake: So, what do we gotta do? Rob a cosmic bank? Steal a space baby? 
Cosmic Owl: [starts to pick up his game of Card Wars] Oh, uh, I just remembered I gotta go home. Gotta groom my feathers [He moves towards the door at Prismo's feet] Goodbye! Goodbye! [he flies out]
Prismo: Listen, if you guys are serious about this, [short breath] all you gotta do is find a certain sleeping old man and bring him here.
Jake: That's it? 
Prismo: Yep. He's on one of those floating islands out there. It kind of looks like an upside-down duck.
Jake: That doesn't seem much of a crime.
Prismo: Yeah, but that's all there is to it. [quietly] For now.
Jake: What?
Prismo: Check it out! I got gifts for you guys.
[A regular penlight materializes in front of Finn and he takes it]
Finn: Ha, cool it's a penlight. [He starts flashing it around saying "pizoo, ziiuo, vroom"] Jake, don't look directly me in the—Aaah!
Jake: [He is shining a brighter, larger penlight in Finn's face] Oh, oh, sorry.
[Jake turns his penlight to a softer setting like Finns. Both Jake and Finn make noises and point the pens at each other]
Prismo: [clears throat]
Jake: Come on, Finn let's go find this old guy.
Prismo: Oh! One last thing, dudes. [softly] Whatever you do, don't wake him up. [quietly] Okay, you can go now.
[Finn and Jake leave the Time Room. Finn jumps on the islands while Jake stretches]
Finn: [while flashing the penlight] Pew! Pew!
[Jake stands with Finn on the island he is on]
Finn: You ever wonder what happened to make a place all wrecked up like this?
Jake: Nope. Hey, upside-down duck! 
[The camera quickly pans to the island with the duck faced right side up and a little hut faced upside-down]
Jake: No, wait, it's right side up.
[The island quickly turns around upside-down]
Jake: Aha!
[Jake turns into stairs that Finn runs up onto the island. They both go to the hut]
Jake: [He makes his hand large and knocks loudly as he talks loudly] Hey! Get out here, old man!
Finn: [whispering] Dude, shh. Don't wake him up.
Jake: [shrinks head only speaking softly still knocking relatively loud] Hey, get out here, old man.
[Jake shrinks and grows in through the keyhole and let Finn in]
Finn: Pizow! [His penlight shines on the old man who is on a bed covered in his hair except for his bald spot the man turns over in his sleep]
Finn: Old man.
[Jake stretches himself under the bed while saying "beep, beep, beep ..." Than the old man turns over and opens his mouth and a nightmare version of Prismo comes out of his mouth]
Jake: [whispering] Uh oh! [The nightmare version of Prismo comes out of his mouth and scratches the wall] Finn, a little help?
Finn: Bizzow
[Finn shines his penlight on the nightmare version of Prismo and it breaks like glass. Another nightmare comes out of his mouth and Jake looks at his penlight]
Jake: Gizzow
[Jake destroys the other nightmare version of Prismo and Finn climbs onto Jake]
Finn: Let's hoof it!
[Jake gets out of the hut and jumps from one island to the other. The old man starts to move in his sleep]
Finn: Jake, don't jostle the package.
[Three nightmare versions of Prismo start to come out of the old mans mouth and start to chase than try to attack Finn making screeches]
Finn: Yahct! [He jumps and destroys them as well with his penlight] All right! [Finn landed on the old mans stomach and thousands of nightmare versions of Prismo come out of the old mans mouth. Finn tries to destroy them with his penlight]
Finn: There's too many of them!
Jake: Let's see here.
[Jake looks at his penlight and the dial says "flashlight" and "supernova" and he sets it to supernova. Soon they are covered in a black ball then a bright flash of light appears destroying all the nightmare versions of Prismo and they arrive to the Time room]
Prismo: Oh, hey, your back.
Jake: [normally] Dude's got serious night terrors. 
Finn: [normally] What now, Prismo?
[Prismo looks at the old man for a couple beats]
Prismo: Okay, wake him up.
Both Finn and Jake: What?!
Prismo: Yeah, [soft] I just wanted one last look at myself.
Finn: Wait, this old man is you?
Prismo: That's right: Prismo is nothing than dream of a wrinkly old man. Man, I've gotten a lot hairier, but also balder? Tell me how that makes any sense. I'm like a big ol' hairy raisin.
Jake: So, wait, what happens to him when we wake him up?
Prismo: Poof! I'm a goner. Thus ends mighty Prismo.
Jake: [sadly] Prismo.
Prismo: Killing a wish master is a cosmic crime. Once I'm dead, the guardian will show up and take you to The Citadel.
Finn: I don't think seeing my dad is worth sacrificing your life
Prismo: Ah, don't worry. As soon as my corporeal body falls back asleep again, [to himself] in a thousand years, [out loud] I'll be back.
Jake: You sure about this?
Prismo: Hold on, let me take one last look around.
[The camera pans around the room showing, left to right, old man Prismo in his bed, The Lich, Finn, Jake, a puddle, and Christmas lights lingering on the ceiling than the camera zooms in on Prismo]
Prismo: Huh, thought I'd own more stuff by now. Okay, let's do it!
Jake: Still feels like a bad idea, man.
Prismo: Pssh! What could go wrong?
[The Lich looks up, smacks away Finn and Jake. Then he picks up old man Prismo.]
The Lich: Wake up.
[The Lich shakes old man Prismo awake]
Prismo: Wa—Wait, I've changed my mind—[gasp
[Prismo is off from the walls—his dream self has died.]
Jake: Prismo, don't worry! I'll put the old man to sleep and get you back!
Finn: Dude! That means The Lich jacked our entry into The Citadel.
Jake: Aw, no man, how are you gonna see your dad?!
Old man Prismo: Hello? Who are you guys? Could any of you strangers tell me how to go home? I'm done with my nap.
Jake: Old man Prismo.
[The Lich stares at old man Prismo who he is still holding]
Old man Prismo: I just woke up from my nap, but I'm ready to go back to bed. I'd like to go home and take a nap.
Jake: No, old man Prismo, don't talk to him.
[The Lich holds Old man Prismo over him]
Old man Prismo: Are you my son?
[The Lich exhales a deadly black gas into old man Prismo's nostrils. Old man Prismo gasps and, in a grotesque display of gut-wrenching horror, turns to ash, undone by the Lich's unholy death magick. Thus ends mighty Prismo indeed.]
Jake: Old man Prismo! No! [he inhales deeply]
[Enraged by the Lich taking Prismo's life, Jake stretches into a big buff version of himself. The Lich has done it now...]

 LICH!! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!!

[He starts punching his knuckles in a berserker rage. The Lich, proud of the life he has recently taken, starts to laugh evilly and mockingly. The cosmic crime—murdering a Wishmaster—committed, a space hole materializes like a television flickering on in the Time room, beyond it a Guardian from the Citadel, which, with a closed-eyed, emotionless face, does its duty as jailer and warden as it fires off its forehead crystallizer beam to cage the Lich in a frozen crystal, cutting off his laughter. Such is the justice of the Cosmic Guard. Jake stretches back to his normal state. The Guardian grabs the crystallized Lich, bound for the Citadel to rot in crystallostasis for the rest of eternity.]
Finn: Oh, dang! I think they're going to the Citadel! I'M COMING, DADDEEEEEEE!
[And with that, Finn charges full speed towards the recently crystalized Lich and therefore the space hole leading to the Citadel which, in turn, leads to his father, Mr. Mertens. The moment of truth—the moment the human boy adventurer had waited for all his life—has come. It's now or never for Finn...]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Walnuts & Rain" from season 6, which aired on March 5, 2015.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Huge King
Food Boys
Seven
Bruce Mangosteen
Music
7718's Rap
Locations
Forest
Huge Kingdom
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[Finn and Jake are walking through a forest at night.]
Finn: And when that salsa cloud had you by the tail...?
Jake: Ha ha, yeah. And I swung him around into that golden cactus?
Finn: [Laughs] Man, that was algebraic.
Jake: Yeah, man, that adventure was tight.
Finn: Yeah.
Jake: I can't wait to get back home, though.
Finn: Yeah, me, too!
Jake: I need some sleep—
Finn: I'm gonna play some Battle Wars with Neptr on BMO for an hour, then work on that flier for PB's laser recital and catch up on my correspondence with my pen pal Danny Gladiolas from over in Maryville.
Jake: [Nods] Great minds. [Points to head]
Finn: And then next what I'm gonna do is I'm— whoop! [Disappears down a hole]
Jake: Finn? [Runs towards the hole] Finn! [Hits head on branch] Ohh! [Groans, stumbles backwards, and falls into another hole] Oh...
[Finn wakes up to the sound of marching. He opens his eyes to see a line of Food Boys carrying empty trays.]
Finn: What the...?
[Finn walks to the edge of the huge chair he's standing on and looks out at the room. Several food boys are seen carrying food, preparing food, and tending to a cuckoo clock.]
Finn: Man, where's this supposed to be?
[Chomping and munching can be heard. Finn turns to look for the source of the sound. A Huge King is being fed by the tiny food boys.]
Finn: Uh, excuse me? Sir?
Huge King: Hmm? Oh! You're awake! Oh, that's wonderful!
Finn: Oh, thanks. Hey, where am I, anyway?
Huge King: Why, this is the famed Kingdom of Huge, of course. Heh. You fell through that crack in my ceiling and landed in a normal-sized pie.
Finn: Mm-hmm. Well, my friend up top is probs pretty worried about me, so I'd best get going. Can you give me a boost back up to that crack or whatever?
Huge King: Oh-ho-ho! No, no, no. Don't be silly, child. Your friend must be on his way to find you right now. You should wait for him here, or you could miss each other.
Finn: Hmm. I guess that does make sense.
Huge King: Of course! Besides, you're just in time to witness the chiming of my wondrous clock! It's set to do its chiming in merely an hour's time!
[The clock bears the inscription "IN TOIL WE KRIMBER."]
Finn: [To himself,] "Krimber"?
Huge King: Come! Food boys! Shower our guest with the kindnesses of Huge! We will await the clock's chiming in style and comfort.
[Finn sits and a food boy presents him with a cake. He grabs a bit and starts to eat it.]
Huge King: Dig in, child! There's always more to come!
[The food boy moves on, and another presents Finn with a plate of apple scruffs.]
Finn: Mmm. Oh! Apple scruffs!
Huge King: Just wait 'till you see my clock!
[Jake wakes up to see a bear with a candle on his head and bells strung around him whistling and playing cards (Freecell) with himself on a platform suspended by what appear to be parachutes. Close-up on a glass jar of water with a metal ladle in it, followed by the bear's card game with a green book titled "Dividing The Day" next to it.]
Bear: Ahh, good, you're awake. [Gets up and walks toward Jake] Good good good good good. How you feelin'?
Jake: Ohh... [Rubs head] My--my cabbage aches a little... What happened?
Bear: [Sits down] Well, here I was, playing some Freecell, and then, wow! You fell down the hole, bounced off parachute #2, and landed on three ol' walnuts.
Jake: Parachute? Hole? Walnuts? Fell down, wait! [Gets up] You mean we're falling right now? [Stretches up and to the left] Thanks for your help, buddy, but I gotta go.
Bear: [Grabs onto Jake as his feet leave the platform] Woah, hold up! [Jake's reached the wall with Bear holding on] What's your hurry?
Jake: My friend's still up top. He could be looking for me. Or, he could be in trouble and every second I'm down here I'm falling further away. I gotta get back.
Bear: Uhhh, I think that's a pretty bad idea. You were unconscious while you were falling, remember? So you mighta been falling for weeks, or even months. [Platform falls further away] Trust me, it's possible. This is a very deep hole. If you try to climb out, you could run out of food.
Jake: But, I've got to do something.
Bear: I feel like you should probably not starve to death, so that when your friend comes looking, you're still alive.
Jake: Mmm. You know I think you're right! [Stretches down to the platform] Finn is a pretty heroic kid, I gotta admit. He'll probably be here in half a gif.
Bear: Oh, good, good. Well 'till then, please, make yourself at home. Here, [takes a walnut from under his hat,] have a walnut.
Jake: [Takes the walnut] Thanks, man. I'm Jake, by the way.
Seven: Hi, Jake. I'm Seven-seven-one-eight. Strange name, I know, but I'm pretty sure. See, I carved it in the floor when I first got down here so I wouldn't forget.
[He points out the inscription. It reads "7718" from Seven's perspective, but looks like "BILL" from Jake's.]
But you can call me Seven for short.
[Back in the Huge Kingdom the clock begins to chime when a bronze hunter shoots an arrow into a bronze turkey.]
Huge King: Oh! [Claps and laughs] Oh! So marvelous!
[The food boys have stopped moving to watch. The clock spins so that the turkey and hunter disappear through one door, and out of the other comes a pair of figures who each hammer an anvil in turn.]
Huge King: [Pulls at his face] Oh! [Throws his arms out and laughs] Ooh-hoo-hoo! Ah-ha-ha!
[The clock turns again, and in place of the anvil comes a woman holding her hands over her ears while two infants cry and bounce on either side of her.]
Huge King: Oh. Oh my, oh my. [Laughing]
Finn: [Stands up.] Well, that was actually pretty cool, but I should probably get going.
Huge King: Wh-a-a-a-at?! But, how can you leave now? [Waves a hand at the clock] The clock is set to chime again in merely an hour's time!
Finn: I feel like Jake should've been here by now. I mean, what if he's lost, or--or hurt?
Huge King: But... this is not the Huge Kingdom Way.
Finn: [Uses the food boys' ladder to get down from the chair] Sorry man. I've got my mind made up.
Huge King: [Gasps]
Finn: Thanks for the food, though!
Huge King: Food boys! [Points] Seize the child!
[The food boys obey, grabbing Finn off of the ladder while he yells in protest. They drag him back onto the chair. Finn's face turns bright red.]
Huge King: I'm sorry son, but this is for your own good. If you just stay put, all you need will come to you in time, like it has unto me. But, you must sit, you must wait. [The food boys tie Finn up with a huge spaghetti noodle] Yes, yes tie him up with normal spaghetti and bring him food, yes! [Laughs]
[A food boy runs up to Finn and flings a turkey at him from his serving tray. The line continues to move.]
Huge King: Soon you will see, my boy! All good things come to those who wait.
[The clock continues to tick on the far side of the room.]
[Whistling can be heard as a horse-drawn wagon comes into view, moving down a trail in the forest. The wagon is being driven by Seven, who wears nothing.]
Seven [voiceover]: It started out as a day like any other. I was a door-to-door sales bear specializing in candles and playing cards, making my way to the Candy Kingdom like I'd done 200 times before.
[The horse shivers, alarmed by something unseen. It shakes its head and starts into a full run.]
Seven [voiceover]: I guess my horse got stung by a bee or something, 'cause all of a sudden he just skronked the math out. We went off-road and I got thrown back into my wagon.
[The cart bounces, and Seven is thrown into the wagon as he said. A moment later he peeks out of the stopped wagon. The entire vehicle is stuck in the middle of a hole in the ground. The horse looks in, blushing. The wagon sinks at a steady rate.]
Seven [voiceover]: When the shaking stopped I crawled out, only to find I was wedged deep in a hole and sinking fast. I had just enough time to rig up a parachute...
[He pulls the cover off of the wagon frame and ties the ends just before the wagon falls freely into the hole. The horse in the opening shrink above him.]
Seven [voiceover]: ...And I've been falling ever since. Sometimes walnuts would fall into the hole, and sometimes rain.
[A walnut falls onto Seven's head. Later he turns his head up into the rain, eyes closed.]
Seven: And I guess that was enough.
Jake: [Eating walnuts on his stomach] Mm. So how did you pass the time?
Seven: Well, for a long time I just waited to be rescued.
Seven [flashback]: [Hugging his knees] 599 Mississippi... 3,600 Mississippi... [Opens his eyes wide as though startled]
Seven [voiceover]: But that was crazy boring.
Seven: [In the present,] So then I got really into Freecell and things got a lot better.
Jake: Freecell?
Seven: Yeah, it's like Solitaire but there's very few unsolvable shuffles.
Jake: Mm.
Seven: It's a great game, great game. I really love it. [A beat] But it's nice, you know, to have someone I can play Freecell alongside of.
Jake: Yeah, man. You know, also, I know some other card games we could play. You know, together.
Seven: [Gasps, blushes, stifles a giggle with one hand] I forgot there were games like that!
[Both laugh, Seven falling backwards and kicking his legs in the air.]
Huge King: And then, there was another time--This was several years back--The clock chimed early, and I thought, "oh boy, here we go." But it turned out, one of the food boys had simply gotten wedged under... Finn!
[Finn, his tongue sticking out while he thought hard until now, turns to Huge King.]]
Finn: Huh?
Huge King: Are you listening?!
Finn: Of course. Food boy in the clock.
Huge King: Huh. Yes. [Turns back to the clock] Anyway, as I was saying, one of the food boys had gotten himself wedged in the...
Finn: [Thinking,] All right buddy, let's run through this again. 'Cause we're only gonna get one sht.
[The air ripples as we move to Finn's imagined future. The clock strikes midnight and begins to chime.]
Finn [voiceover]: When the clock strikes 12, I beckon kindly to yonder food boys.
Finn: Hey, you guys like clean jokes?
[The pair of food boys come closer to listen. One is carrying cake on a tray, which Finn bites and spits into each of the food boys' mouths.]
Finn [voiceover]: Then chuck some delicious food in their mouths. Having never before known generosity, they'll immediately make me their leader and undo my spaghetti.
[The food boys untie Finn and stand back. He frees his arms victoriously.]
Finn: Ha ha!
Finn [voiceover]: Then, with a perfectly timed serving tray, I'll deflect the hunter bot's brass arrow.
[Finn throws a tray like a frizbee at the clock. It flies between the hunter and turkey at the right moment so that the arrow is deflected.]
Finn [voiceover]: Swift but delicate, the arrow will gain heft via the chandelier bat's filched asparagus.
[A bat carrying an asparagus stalk much bigger than itself drops the vegetable when the brass arrow pierces it. The arrow continues to fly with the asparagus held by its shaft. Back in the present, Finn looks focused on his thoughts.]
Finn: [Thinking,] Meanwhile, the serving tray from before has entered phase two, sending Ken Mangosteen careening into the clean silverware.
[In Finn's imagination the serving tray sweeps under Ken's feet and continues, sending him into a pile of silverware. A spoon lands in front of Finn's chair, and he does a flip and lands upright on the end of its stem.]
Finn [voiceover]: But also, the asparagus arrow has caused a domino thing of food to happen, culminating in a huge lemon falling.
[The asparagus and arrow hit a box of dehydrated mashed potatoes, knocking it back and causing the mentioned domino effect. The lemon at the end of the shelf falls to land on the head of the spoon, catapulting Finn into the air and through the hole in the ceiling. He spins gracefull in the air, surrounded by a sparkling bubble effect.]
Finn [voiceover]: It's not a perfect plan, but with a little luck, I think it's got a good chance.
[The clock chimes in the present now, and Finn smiles.]
Finn: Hey, you guys like clean jokes?
[The food boys come over as planned. Finn spits cake into their mouths and they untie him.]
Finn: Ha ha!
Huge King: What the--Food boys, sieze the child!
[Finn runs and jumps over his chair's armrest onto the ground with a grunt. He hurries to a ladder as the food boys on the floor chase him.]
Huge King: Finn?! Finn! There's nowhere to run, Finn. You know you'll never escape. [Laughs]
Finn: [Reaches the top of the ladder and stops.] I'm not trying to escape anymore! [Runs down the shelf] I'm gonna murder your stupid clock, you psycho!
[The chandelier bat flies into Finn with the asparagus stalk. He pushes them away.]
Huge King: [Gasps] No!
Finn: Yup!
[Huge King growls and struggles to get out of his chair. It takes a supreme effort, but he finally breaks free with a grunt and, panting, races across the room to stop Finn.
Finn is on the shelf still, fighting four food boys. He throws one off of the shelf before he notices Huge King's approach. Huge King tries to grab Finn, but Finn jumps from the shelf onto another ladder before he can.
Huge King then puts a foot down on one of the food boys and slips. He shouts as he falls onto his back with an impact that shakes the whole room. Finn sees this, then starts to climb the ladder.
He gasps as three food boys climb down the same ladder in his direction. The closest one hisses. Finn jumps and lands back on the ladder hard, breaking it in half. The food boys fall and Finn lands on his hands and knees on the shelf.
Huge King gets up behind Finn, growling. Finn gets to his feet and runs across the remainder of the bookshelf with Huge King in pursuit, breathing hard. Huge King stops to catch his breath, one hand on his knee and the other on his chest.
Finn jumps from the shelf onto the vent hood over the stove. The clock hangs from the front of the hood. Huge King can only watch, panting and coughing, as Finn makes his way across the hood and slides back behind the clock.
Wedged in the small space between the clock and the hood, Finn grunts until he can kick his legs out, causing the clock to fall. His hands scrape as he catches the hood to keep from falling himself.]
Huge King: Nooooo!
[The clock hits a pot on the stove as it falls in slow motion, knocking it over and sending water spilling out over the stovetop. Huge King watches in horror as the clock hits the floor, breaking apart in an explosion of gears and springs. The water puts out the fires on all of the stove.
Above the vent hood the chimney rises a way, then turns into an unwalled tunnel. Far above Jake, now wearing a card skirt and crown like Seven's, beat-boxes while Seven raps.]
Seven: ♪Crazy interest, Accumulate, Figures, Bigger interest
♪Capital time, Forgotten like, Stars and naysayers, Cards and barbs
[The parachutes begin to fall, slowly at first.]
Seven: ♪Warm scarves, To the hot house, Take your... socks off...
[The platform falls quickly now. Jake and Seven scream as they fall with the platform down through the vent hood, landing on the water-covered surface of the stove. Jake groans and sits up, rubbing his head. Finn is gripped in Huge King's giant hand.]
Finn: [Gasps] Jake!
Jake: [Looks up] Oh! Hey, Finn! Who's your new friend?
Finn: He's not my friend, he's bad! He kidnapped the heck out of me!
Jake: [Gasps] Why you...
Huge King: [Smugly,] What are you gonna do about it? Maybe I'll go ahead and kidnap you t--!
[He's cut off as Jake stretches his fist, making it gigantic and punching Huge King in the face. Finn laughs as he falls through the air, still in Huge King's hand.]
Finn: Whoo!
[In the daylight above ground, Finn and Seven ride on Jake's back out of the forest. Seven is no longer wearing his cards, but still wears a bell as a necklace. He turns his face to the sun and sighs happily.]
Finn: Hey, Seven. Now that you're out of that hole, what's the first thing you want to do?
Seven: Hmm... Oh! I want a giant flipping hot dog. Mmm!
Finn: Yeugh. [Turns to face forward] Don't you know those things are made out of, like, the grossest junk?
Seven: Man, I don't give a toot!

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Water Park Prank" from season 6, which aired on May 21, 2015.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Ice King
Lifeguard
Gunter
Snail
Princess Bubblegum
Princess B'Onangutan
Music
"Finn's Underwear Song"
"Trunked Up"
Locations
Wet Pipes Water Park
This transcript is complete, needs formatting.


Transcript

Jake: These anti-fog goggles work a treat.

Finn: Yeah, but now they stink of dog breath. Guess what, though? When we get to the water park, I'm gonna be ready in super-quick time, because look I'm already wearing my swim trunks!

Jake: I knew there was something different about you today. Oh, wait. Did you remember to pack your usual shorts and underwear for getting changed into after the water park?

Finn: Carry on without me. I'll take a shortcut through the toadstool fields and get there before you!

Jake: Heh, heh. I may have stinky dog breath, but at least I don't have to concern myself with underwear.

Finn: At first I had no underwear But this time, I brought underwear I'm glad I remembered my underweaaaar! Oof! Because I feel creepy without it!

Princess Bubblegum: Well done for remembering your underwear, Finn

Finn: It's a long story. You see, I forgot to bring shorts and underwear for after the water park, but then I went home and I got some.

Princess Bubblegum: Oh, that's where I'm going. I take swimming lessons at the water park. Where's Jake?

Finn: He's probably nearly there by now. [Princess B'Onangutan crying] Aww, don't cry. He'll be fine on his own till we get there.

Princess Bubblegum: It's not me. Look!

[Princess Orangutan crying]

Princess Bubblegum: Princess Orangutan, what's wrong?

Princess B'Onangutan: Well, I'd been playing all morning when I noticed this puddle. I only wanted to rest and cool my legs down. But when I brought them back out of the water, they were covered in daddy-sad-heads!

Finn: Yuck! Can't you just spin your legs around and send them all flying?

Princess B'Onangutan: I can't. I'm too sad.

Princess Bubblegum: Daddy-sad-heads secrete a tear toxin that makes the host too sad to get rid of them, even though all it would take is a good shake.

Finn: Don't worry, Princess! I've got the perfect tool for the job. And I'm already in my swim trunks.

Princess Bubblegum: No, wait! Don't go in the water!


Ooh![ clang! ]

[ crying ]why am I crying?

I just told you,it's a tear toxin.

Were you not listening?

I was half-listening.

[ clang ]

Did you hear the part

About how they just needa good shake to get rid of?

Yeah, but I don't wantto shake them.

What if I hurt them?[ sniffles ]

Maybe they'll just haveto stay on forever.

[ finn and princess orangutansobbing ]

[ groans ]

Ugh!This is miserable.

I know.I use visualization techniques

With my swimming studentsall the time.

But I alreadyknow how to swim.

I know,but what if you visualize

The daddy-sad-heads as littlejingling bells or something?

And if you ring them,it'll cheer everybody up.

I don't see how a jingling bellwould cheer anybody up,

But I'll give it a try.

Jingle, jingle.

Nope, it didn't work.Next plan?

Okay,let's do this properly.

Shut your eyes and --keep that thing away from me!

Okay.When you open your eyes,

You're going to bethe court jester

In the courtof king daddy-sad-head,

And he's really sad.

[ moans sadly ]

So he needs you to do a dancein your funny jingle suit

To cheer him up, okay?

[ sniffles ]um, okay.

[ jingle! Jingle! Jingle! ]

Mm.I think it's working!

[ laughs ]

That's great, finn.Keep it up!

Come with me, your majesty.Hup!Hey, where are you --

How do you like your newjingling jester chair?

[ both laugh ]

[ jingling ]

Ooh!

[ thud! ]

That visualization techniqueworked a treat!

Glad I could beof service.

Finn, as a tokenof my gratitude,

Please accept this reward.

It's a magic coin that canturn into any value

Of any currency you want.

Oh, cool!

Will it work in the lockersat the water park?

Well, yeah,I suppose so, but --

Nice one.Chuck it over.

Whoops!

Oh, wait.Jake's been waiting for ages.

What if he gives up on meand goes home?

Well, I can give you a liftif you're not afraid of flying.

Here I come, jake!

Don't give up on meand go hoooome!

Don't worry about me, guys.I'm happy to walk.

[ rider screams ]

What's taking finn so long?

Tell you what, he's got seven --six more minutes,

And then I'm just headingin there without him.

I mean, I can't be expected tosit here all day waiting for --

Finn: hey, jake!Ah, here he comes now.

Sorry I'm late.Uh!

I had to go --thanks again, finn.

Bye!No problem.See you later!

Yeah, I had to rescueprincess orangutan there.

But guess what?She gave me a reward

That's going to come invery handy very soon.

Ohhh.

[ locks click ]

[ both giggle nervously ]

Look, I brought ustwo gold coins

So we can havea locker each.

No way!Oww!What the heck?!

Sorry! I was just tryingto stop you putting the coin in

Before I showed youmy magical item.

Well, I hopeit's a healing item

After you just crimped my wristwith a metal door!

No, look.

It's a magic tokenthat can fit in any slot.

Watch.

[ magical tinkling,coin clinks ]

We've saved ourselvestwo gold coins on lockers.

Well, not really, 'causethe lockers give youthe coins back, anyway.

Yeah, but this way only oneof us has to carry a key.

Yeah, but if we lock my locker,then lock my key in your locker,

We would only haveto carry one key,

But we'd still havea whole locker each.

Yeah, but could we just usethe reward I earned

For being so brave and rescuinga princess, please?

Okay, fine.

Thanks very much.[ tink! ]

[ coins jingle ]

[ groans ]

[ ting! ]

[ chanting ] water slide!Water slide! Water slide!

[ whistle blows ]

No running on poolside,guys.

And we askthat all pool users

Take a quick showeron the way in.

Cheers, guys.

Hey, guess what, dude?

See that big pileof ginger hair

And dirty bubblesclogging the drain?

Yeah?

Well, that's your favorite snackof all time!

Yuck!No way, bro!

That's your favorite snackof all time!

Yuck! No way!

Yes, way!

Blech! Yuck!

[ both laughing ]

Ginger hair.That's gross.

[ chanting ] water slide!Water slide! Water sliiiide!

[ footsteps ]

Okay, let's have one morego on the slide,

Then I am turning this waterpark into a frozen water park.

And if anyonedoesn't like it, tough.

Hey, ice king. Hey, ice king.

Oh! Uh...Ha ha.

I didn't recognize you two therein your swimwear.

[ laughs nervously ]

Listen, guys, you'll getno trouble from me today.

I'm just enjoying a relaxingday off, okay?

Okay.

[ static crackles ]

Prank, prank, prank!Idea for prank!

Details for a prank!

[ laughs ]

Ahem!

Uh-oh!I've just lost my nerve.

Excuse me.Comin' through.

Ha ha, what a wimp.

Good! Now kick, kick, kick,kick, kick, kick, kick, kick!

Can I borrow one of these?Thank you!

Can I take one of these?Thank you.

[ splash! ]

[ whistle blows ]

Right, off you go.

Um, I just needto work up my courage.

[ breathing heavily ]

What a pairof absolute cowards.

[ chuckles ]

[ splash! ]

[ clang! Clang! Clang! ]

Okay, found my courage.

Aqua brakes!

[ both laugh ]

Okay, dude.You inflate yourself,

But wait tilli'm out of the --

[ thunk! ]

[ splash! Thud! ]

[ whistle blows ]right. Next.

Okay, you ready?

[ echoing ]here we goooo!

Hey!What just happened?

[ whistle blows ]

Could I ask you not to climbback up the slide, sir?

Just ride it all the wayto the bottom. Thanks.

I didn't do anything!

One minutei was on my way down,

And the nexti'm back up here!

All right, let's try that oneagain, shall we?

Here we goooo!

[ bounce! ]

Now, hold on a minute.[ whistle blows ]

It's too dark to see,but there must be a --

A trampoline or something

Stuck in the tunnelbouncing me back up.

Very funny, sir.I think I would've noticed

Someone bringing a trampolineinto the slide.

Listen, you've gotone more chance

To slide down properly,okay?

There areother people waiting.

What's the big hold up?[ giggles ]

What are you laughing at?

You're something to dowith this!

It's them!Where's that dog?

He can, like, go stretchyand turn into things.

I don't knowwhat you're talking about.

Jake's up there sittingin the viewing gallery.

Look.And he's reading a pamphlet.

[ giggles ]

Hmmm...

Keep your eyeson that dog.

Here we go.

[ bounce! ]

[ echoing ] oh, come on!

Dog didn't movea muscle, sir.

Let's seeif it works for me.Hey!

Here comes finn![ whistle blows ]

No runningand no queue jumping!

[ finn and jake laugh ]

[ splash! ]

Nice work with the pamphlet,by the way.

[ chuckles ]it was just an extra detail.

I'll go get ridof the decoy.

[ creak! ]

[ chortles ]

Well, that boy didn't seem tohave any trouble sliding down.

Did you miss us?

[ finn and jake laugh ]

I don't now how you did it,

But you'd better own upand stop making a fool of me!

[ whistle blows ]

Right! That's it!

I can't have you assaultingother pool users.

I'm afraid I'm gonna have to askyou to leave now, sir.

Well, I'm afraid I'm gonna haveto ask you to freeze now, sir!

Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

[ fizzling ]what?

Hey, the water's turned myfingers too pruny to do magic!

[ static crackles ]come in.

Yeah, there's an old guylost the plot

At the top of the slide.

I'm gettingthe duty manager involved.

Fine, get him involved!

But I'm not leaving until youcarry out a full investigation

Of this slide and questionthat pair as prime suspects!

Sorry, got to fly!

Jake:ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

[ whistle blows ]no sliding on the stairs!

For goodness sake!

Are you aboutready to go, jake?

Yeah, just need to fold upmy towel.

And a lifetime ban means we'llbe keeping a picture of you

Behind receptionin case you try to come back.

Well, why don't you blowthat picture up poster sized,

Frame it on the wall,

And add a touch of classto this dump!

Ha ha!That's good one.

Oh, if you like that one,you'll love this one!

That's your favorite snackof all time!

[ squelch! ]

[ splat! ]

Man:get him out of here!

[ ice king laughs evilly ]

[ sizzling ]

Both: thanks, sun!

Did you guys have funat the water park?

Yes and no.But mostly yes.

Did you teachany kids to swim?

As a matter of fact --[ finn groans ]

Are you okay, finn?

Yeah, sorry.

This orangutan hairis inside my hood.

I need to flush them outin that puddle.

No, wait![ splash! ]

That's the same puddlefrom before!

[ grunts ]look, guys!

My new court-jesterhat arrived!

But it feelsa bit too tight.

Jingle, jingle!

[ laughing ]

[ all gasp ]

[ crying ]

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Web Weirdos" from season 4, which aired on April 16, 2012.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Barb
Ed
Music
None
Locations
Wilderness
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The scene shows a few odd trees next to a mountain in an open shot, there are some clouds visible in the background. Finn and Jake round the mountain's corner into the shot and look at one another knowingly. Jake jumps to one tree and across to the base of the mountain, doing creative jumps and swirls with his powers all the way.]
Finn: [excitedly] Stunts! [Finn then does a slow, cautious summersault] Hi-ya! [he weakly jumps off a tree and starts to climb the mountain side before carefully going back down. He climbs a small piece of wreckage and jumps off it, and starts running towards Jake offscreen] Yeah!
Jake: Yo, Finn, look what I found! [Jake is on a giant spiderweb] A vertical trampoline! It's sticky!
Finn: Dude, it's a spider web.
Jake: Ohh. Well, cut me out, yo!
Finn: No way, I'll stunt you out! Whoah! [He jumps at the web and gets stuck] ...I was thinking something else would happen.
Jake: You got anything sharp?
Finn: The only sharp thing I had was my fingernails, but you made me cut them.
Jake: They were too long, Finn.
[Scene cuts to a flashback of Finn petting Jake on a couch at the Tree Fort, a ripping noise is made]
Jake: Augh! You broke the skin, dude!
Finn: I guess my fingernails are really loaaeaeuAAAAHH--! [Finn looks at his hand which has grotesquely long fingernails and Jake starts screaming]
[Scene cuts back to the web]
Finn: Oh, yeah. Sorry.
Jake: It's cool, man.
Finn: Can you... stretch us out of here?
[Jake tries to use his powers, but wears himself out quickly]
Jake: I'm gonna take a nap while you grow out your fingernails. We'll make our escape when I wake up.
Bug: You'll never escape! [view shifts down revealing a Bug and a Fly are also stuck in the web] We'll all die in the web.
Fly: That's the circle of life.
Finn: That's not a circle. That's, like, a straight line.
Bug: We don't make the rules, man.
Finn: Well, don't just give up.
Bug and Fly in unison: The spiders are back!
Fly: Try to stay calm. Greet your fate with dignity.
[Both bugs start screaming and flailing around helplessly]
Finn: We gotta go, Jake! Jake!
[Scene shows two huge spiders crawling down into the valley, moving towards the web with Finn and Jake]
Barb: So what? You're not talking to me now?
Ed: No, I'm just tired of setting traps all day, solo-style.
Barb: Why are you mad?
Ed: I just said I was tired.
Barb: But you're acting like you're mad.
Ed: I'm not mad. Oh, look, food... that I caught... in my web... for us.
Barb: I spin webs, too, Ed.
Ed: Yeah, I know.
Barb: I try just as hard as you.
Ed: Well, go ahead then. Wrap them up for laters. [Barb looks shocked and looks down] What's wrong, Barb?
Finn: What's going on there, Jake? [Jake snores, still asleep]
Barb: I can't! You think I'm gross when I spin my web!
Ed: What?
Barb: I can see it on your face! Tell me that you don't!
Ed: Uhh... I uh... You tell me, you don't find me gross!
Barb: Oh, get stuffed, Ed! [She starts sobbing and walks away]
[Ed gasps]
Finn: You guys are sad. [Ed starts wrapping the still sleeping Jake with web, the web coming out makes a farting noise] Ugh! What is that sound? Sick, dude! She makes that sound, too?
Ed: Yeah, I guess, but she never does it in front of me. [Ed finishes wrapping Jake] Anyway, it's not gross when guys do it.
Finn: Dude, that's not cool. You need to think about what you say and how that affects your lady.
Ed: How about how she affects me? I love her, man.
Jake: [Jake drowsily begins to waken] Oh, snap, how long was I out?
Ed: Can someone tell me why we fight, why she treats me like all I do is make her feel bad? Tell me, Glob, why don't you ever answer me!?
Bug: It's hard to step outside of yourself when you're enmeshed with another being. [Noticing Bug talking, Ed opens his mouth revealing sharp teeth and picks him up]. Oh, Grod! It's over! It's over!!
Finn: Wait!
Ed: What?
Finn: Umm... [Bug is panicking inside Ed's mouth] Right now, we gotta real-talk about your girlfriend.
Ed: I don't real-talk with my food.
Finn: Uhh... [Finn tries to get out of the web for a moment] We real-talk now, or you're going to be as single as your stinky web squirter!
Ed: Yeah, right. You just wanna get out of my web. All you ever want to do is escape! You're always, like, in cahoots, makin' plans not to be food.
Finn: I'm not in cahoots!
Ed: So okay, eat your friend here. [Ed holds Bug towards Finn]
Finn: [Finn thinks for a second] Okay.
Bug: No, man! What?! Where's your heart?! Look inside yourself! This isn't you!
Finn: [whispers] I'm gonna fake eat you, man.
Bug: [whispers] Oh. Word.
Bug: [scene shows Finn's teeth not touching Bug] Noooo! Oh, my guts! My guts everywhere! Agh, how could you!
Ed: [Ed climbs off the web] Okay, man, you've earned my trust. So, let's do this. Real-talk me, bro! [Ed puts his ear towards Finn's mouth]
Finn: [mumbles] Okay, first off, then, how you're going about this isn't working. Am I right?
Ed: Ugh, yeah. It's not working. My way sucks.
Finn: [mumbles] Cool, now we've gotta do damage control. Healing the negs energy at the source.
Ed: Yes, heal the neg-jerseys in me.
Finn: [mumbles] Alright, uhh...
[Jake whispers mostly nondescript words to Finn]
Finn: [mumbles] Go find Barb a present. That'll fix the first neg. Can you do that?
Ed: Yeah, I can find her a present. If you think that'll help. I don't think it will, but what do I know, I'm just a big ol' dummy who does everything wrong... [Ed crawls away]
Bug: Whee!
Finn: You're free! [Bug falls back in the web and gets caught again] Aw, man.
Jake: It's okay, Finn. You bought us some time.
Finn: Yeah, think fast, what can we use?
[The camera pans back and forth of their view in a small valley]
Jake: There's nothing! Just a bunch of nature.
Finn: I have a dumb idea.
[Scene cuts to Ed searching the woods]
Ed: [Ed sighs] Get her a present. Harumph. When was the last time she got me a present? What would she want, anyway? How do I know, we never talk. Jeez, what happened to my life? All my friends are gone. They all got kids now. I don't have kids. All I have is Barb. And she... [he sounds like he's about to cry] treats me like a--a dingus! Wha... Oh, cool! A sword! [Ed approaches the body of a dead knight with a Glowing sword] Wow, neat! [the blade lights on fire as Ed holds it] It's magic or something! We can hang this up over our mantle and snuggle by the fire, huh, like we--like we used to! I'm gonna fix us, Barb! Fix us!
[Scene cuts back to Ed's web]
Jake: Alright, one... two... three!
[Finn spits into the air and narrowly misses a passing bird]
Bird 1: Yo what?
Finn: Shoot!
Jake: Here comes another one. One two three!
Bird 2: My eyes! Agh!! [The bird falls through the air into Finn's hand]
Finn: Ha ha, yes! Finally! [The scene widens showing dozens of spit covered birds surrounding the web]
Jake: Good job! Last chance for life. Break out!
Finn: [Finn starts cutting the web using the bird's beak] Yeah, you mommy!
Barb: Hey, what's going on here! [Barb is now overlooking the web]
Finn: Nothing. [The bird escapes Finn's hand] Oh, crab apples!
Barb: Where's Ed?
Finn: Oh, uh, he's getting you an "I'm sorry" gift.
Jake: He feels crazy about making you cry.
Barb: He does? Really?
Ed: Barb! Barb!
Barb: Ed?
Ed: Barb, look! Damage control! Check it out! I wrapped it up and everything!
Barb: Oh, Ed, I can't believe it!
Ed: Yeah! Come on, open it!
Barb: I really just, it's just so unlike you to-- [Barb holds the sword and her expression drops] What's this?
Ed: It's a sword! I found it in the woods!
Barb: In the woods?
Ed: Yeah, it's magical, though. Check out the blade!
Barb: You got this for you, Ed.
Ed: No, I got it for us! For snuggles by the fire!
Barb: We are never gonna snuggles until you learn to appreciate me! [She points the sword at his face]
Ed: Oh, really? Well, I guess we're never gonna eat again either 'cause I catch the food, and your butt is dysfunctional! Eeh-ya! [He grabs the sword from Barb and cuts everyone out of the web] Go! Run away, food! We don't need you apparently! [The bugs start flying away]
Bug: Just break up, you guys!
Fly: Do it for you!
Ed: Now what are you gonna eat? Huh, Barb?
Barb: [Close up of Barb's angry face] I'm gonna eat you!
Finn: Yo, that's wrong!
Barb: Who cares!
[The two spiders start fighting and rolling around; Finn picks up Jake and starts running away]
Jake: We're free!
[Ed is screaming as Barb beats him up in the background, Finn stops running]
Jake: Oh, no. You got that look on your face. You going back to help that fool?
Finn: His wife's gonna eat him!
Jake: Spider marriage is complicated. Sometimes, you just gotta mind your own biz.
Ed: [in the distance] Oh, help, somebody help me!
Jake: Ugh... Go with Glob.
[Finn runs offscreen; scene shifts to Ed being beaten up by Barb]
Ed: Mercy!
[Barb punches him a few times and hisses, then crawls over to his body and prepares to bite his head as he doesn't fight back. She is then hit by a tree and the scene shows it was Finn swinging it like a bat]
Barb: You little twerp! Are you stupid or something?
Finn: Yeah, I'm stupid. But I know something real. You shouldn't eat your husband!
[Barb grabs him and pins him to the wall. As Finn tries to fight back she pins each of his limbs until he has nothing to attack with and she starts to move her mouth towards his face. She then starts convulsing and screaming in apparent pain]
Jake: [Jake rolls next to Finn] Yo, smoothin' things out?
Finn: Not exactly...
Ed: [Ed crawls towards the screaming Barb] Barb! Barb! What's wrong, my love? [She continues screaming and her eyes turn red. The back bulb of her body bursts revealing a white sac and she stops screaming] Okay ...
[The white sac bursts and thousands of tiny spiders start flowing from it like a black fountain]
Finn: What is happening!?
Jake: Something we're not supposed to see.
Barb: Oh, Ed. We're parents!
Finn: Aw, sick!
Ed: I think there's hope for us, Barb.
Barb: We can make a new start, as a family. [They kiss]
Jake: Nice.
Finn: Think they're gonna make it?
Jake: Love like theirs will always find a way. It'll crawl all up over you and drain your body fluids, poisoning you slowly until you pass out. [Finn starts screaming and flailing his arms] Circle of life, Finn... circle of life.
[The scene closes with the egg sac still releasing thousands of tiny spiders and Finn screaming while the still wrapped-up Jake accepts his fate in the pile of baby spiders.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "We Fixed a Truck" from season 5, which aired on October 21, 2013.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Banana Man
BMO
Princess Bubblegum
Starchie
Banana Guards
Female Banana Guard
Ice King
Music
"Oh, It's Just My Luck!"
"Hanging Out Forever"
"Manlorette Party"
Locations
Tree Fort
Grass Lands
Breakfast Kingdom
Candy Kingdom
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode begins in the Grass Lands. Finn is pushing a truck and sings "Oh, It's Just My Luck!" He arrives at the Tree Fort and honks the truck's horn.]
Finn: JAKE, WAKE UP! I FOUND A TRUCK!
Jake: [opens an upstairs window] What?
BMO: What's happening?
Jake: Whoa! [picks up BMO and stretches them down to Finn] Where did ya get this baby? [rubs truck]
Finn: I found it in the woods. I named it "Hot Daniel." Anyway, I figured we could do some pretty sick stuff with it.
Jake: Oh, yeah? Like what?
Finn: Hmm. I don't know. Launch it off some ramps, maybe get it going thirty miles per hour, crank the wheel into a gnar right-hander, spray dirt everywhere like a big hurkin' dirt wave?
Jake: Yeah, buddy! [gives thumbs up] Nice! Let's crank this beast up.
Finn: Can't—engine's busted, I think.
Jake: Nuts. BMO, you know anything about cars?
[BMO's screen displays a flashlight waving back and forth above a progress bar labeled "SEARCHING." When the search completes, a buzzer sounds and "∅ RESULTS RETURNED" is displayed.]
BMO: Nope.
Finn: Hmm. Maybe... [shouts to upstairs window] Ice King, you know anything about cars?
Ice King: Nope. Not a car guy—too confusing. Got better things to do with my life.
Finn: Hmm.
Jake: Wait... I know someone who's good with mechanics.
[Scene changes to Banana Man running toward them while carrying a radio and a six-pack.]
Banana Man: Hey! Hey, guys! Hi!
Jake: Hey, Banana Man.
Banana Man: Wow! I haven't seen you fellas since you destroyed my home, my land, and my rocket.
Finn: Aw, jeez, yeah. Sorry, Banana Man—just sorta happened.
Banana Man: Don't worry about it! Feh! Bygones! I'm just excited you called me over. We're neighbors. We should help each other out. I got the soda and the jams.
Finn, Jake, & BMO: Cool!
Banana Man: [opens hood] I see the problem. The top of your engine is gone, specifically, the cylinder head.
Finn: Hm. Okay. That word sounds cool... but what does it mean?
Banana Man: Let me explain. [backs up as the background changes to a diagram] The cylinder head is the top to the cylinder block. [points to cylinder head] Think of the cylinder head as an airtight lid to your engine that regulates air, fuel, and exhaust.
Finn: Okay. Cool. Informative. [whispers to Jake] What is he pointing at?
Banana Man: Now this lid is important because it works to get fuel into your engine. [clears throat] You see, your engine has cylinders, and these cylinders are pistons. When the piston in the cylinder moves down, it creates a vacuum, pulling in fuel from the intake.
BMO: You mean an air-fuel mixture?
Banana Man: That's right, BMO. [puts a sticker on it] Have a gold star, dear.
BMO: Yay! BMO is so pretty and smart!
Banana Man: Then the piston returns to the top, compressing the air-fuel mixture. Then a spark plug fires off, creating an explosion, driving the piston back down, powering the engine. [clears throat]
Finn: Sweet. So where's the cylinder head, then?
Banana Man: Hmm. Well, sometimes people store parts they're working on in the car. [walks over to the bed of the truck and finds the part] Ah! Bingo! [brings it to Finn and Jake] Found it.
Finn: Yeah! Drive time!
Banana Man: Well... n-not quite. We don't know why they took the cylinder head off. Uh, it could be cracked, the gasket head could be warped, the rod bearings could have damage from water—you see, that's the cool thing about cars. [clears throat] One tiny little thing messes everything else up so nothing works! So it's up to us to figure it out!
Finn: Cool.
Jake: Yeah, alright.
[Banana Man places his radio on top of the truck and turns it on. A montage begins while "Hanging Out Forever" plays, and the four fix various parts of the truck. They watch the sunset while drinking soda.]
Jake: Whoo. I'm bushed. You guys wanna pick this up again in the mornin'?
Finn: Sure.
Banana Man: Sounds good!
BMO: Not BMO. This grease monkey's torqued up on automotive styles. [crush can on head] Yeah, [throws can] boyee!
Finn: Okay, BMO. Good night, Banana Man.
Banana Man: Have a good evening, gents.
[The three walk off as BMO replaces its batteries and gets out a blowtorch and mask.]
BMO: Time for the night shift. [turns on blowtorch]
Starchie (on radio): It's ten past the hour, and this is Graveyard Shift, hosted by me, Starchie the Gravedigger, your weekly five-hour dose of all the strange haints, phantasmagoria, and phenomena I see working in the Candy Kingdom Graveyard. Hello, caller. You're on the Graveyard Shift.
Banana Guard (on radio): What? Am I—oh, hi! Um, longtime listener, first-time caller. So, uh, I think Princess Bubblegum has been replaced by, like, a lizard person.
BMO: A lizard? [starts drawing a picture]
Banana Guard: Yeah, a lizard. I love your show.
Starchie: Oh, Starchie is very interested in this topic. What led you to this discovery, caller?
BMO: [laughs] They are wrong! You look more like a hippo than a lizard.
Banana Guard: Well, um, my friend is a very highly-placed official in the Candy Kingdom, and I've noticed—
Banana Man: Hi, BMO.
BMO: [yelps] Stay back, lizard!
Banana Man: Sorry, BMO. I-I didn't mean to startle you. I couldn't sleep. I kept thinking about the truck... and biodiesel! Oh, and I figured out what's wrong with the engine block. So what are you working on?
BMO: Aerodynamics.
Banana Man: Swe-e-e-et! You know, it's been really nice hanging with you fellas and working on the car. [pats the roof of the truck] It gets a little lonely at my space-age banana dome.
BMO: You don't have a girlfriend?
Banana Man: No. I-I don't want to be alone, but... I've gotten pretty good at it. I putter around the house, keeping busy with my little projects. But it would be nice to find someone.
[BMO puts the star sticker on Banana Man's forehead.]
Starchie: Hold up. Princess? Is that you? [click] Ah, spooky.
[BMO and Banana Man look up at the stars, and the scene changes to morning with Banana Man sleeping in the truck. Finn arrives with some coffee.]
Finn: Yo, BMO. Coffee.
BMO: Thank you. ["drinks" it]
Finn: Car looks nice, BMO.
Jake: Yeah.
Banana Man: [snores] [wakes up] Uh! Ah! I fixed it! Are we best friends yet?! Oh. Oh, hey. I-I fixed it.
Finn: [gives thumbs up] N-i-i-i-i-i-ice.
Banana Man: I discovered the cylinder head was warped so I went to the junkyard and got a new one. [brings it out] Bingo.
Finn: Whoo.
[Another montage begins while the "Manlorette Party" song plays, and the four continue working on the truck. They go to the Breakfast Kingdom to get some cooking grease, pour it into a jug with some milk, and Jake shakes it.]
Jake: Biodiesel.
[They pour the fuel into the tank, take off the roof of the truck, and Jake puts some plants in the bed as the song ends. Banana Man takes a deep, nervous breath, puts the key into ignition, turns it, and pushes a red button. The engine turns over, and the truck spits out some black smoke from the exhaust pipe.]
Finn, Jake, BMO, and Banana Man: Yeah!
[They drive toward the Candy Kingdom while going off a ramp and making "dirt waves."]
Finn: Awesome!
Banana Man: [laughs] [sees a female Banana Guard] Yow-ee-wow. [stops truck] She's beautiful.
Jake: Well, then go over and talk to her.
BMO: Yeah, come on, Banana Man! You're lonely!
Banana Man: Oh, no, that's okay. Having someone to love takes up time I could use to work on stuff.
Jake: That's the craziest thing I ever heard. [stretches his arm to the wheel and his foot to the gas pedal and drives the truck over to the guard] Pardon me, miss. My friend here is super smart, and he rebuilt this truck.
BMO: He's very smart and very single!
Female Banana Guard: [uncertainly] Okay...
Jake: Anyway, his name is Banana Man. If you like what you see, give him a call.
[They drive into the Candy Kingdom while spraying dirt in the guard's face.]
Female Banana Guard: [growls angrily]
[They stop to let a mob of Candy People chasing Princess Bubblegum pass by.]
Princess Bubblegum: He-e-e-elp m-e-e-e-e-e-e!
Finn: We gotta save Bubblegum!
BMO: No, Finn! She's a lizard!
Jake: You gotta stop listening to all those conspiracy shows. [twists his head] They twist up your noodle so you can't tell what's real.
[They follow the mob. Jake stretches his arms in front of the truck and separates the crowd so they can drive through.]
Finn: Look, there she is!
Jake: [picks up Princess Bubblegum and places her in the bed of the truck] You want some tea?
Princess Bubblegum: [pants] Sure!
[The teapot whistles, and Jake pours some tea.]
Princess Bubblegum: Thanks, Jake.
Finn: So, what's up with the angry mob, PB?
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, they think I've been replaced with an evil lizard replicant. It's sheer nonsense.
BMO: [holding a bug] Eat this bug!
["Princess Bubblegum" grabs it with her tongue, eats it, hisses, and begins transforming.]
Finn, Jake, & BMO: [scream]
[Jake pushes the lizard out of the back of the truck.]
Lizard: [roars] [starts destroying the Princess Bubblegum's castle]
Finn: [turns the car around] Punch it, 'Nana Man!
[Banana Man floors the gas pedal. Finn stands on the hood of the car as it approaches the lizard. He takes off Banana Man's peel and throws it under the front wheel of the truck, causing it to spin rapidly. The truck hits a ramp and launches toward the lizard as the four eject from the truck. Jake grabs the others and transforms into a ball to protect them.]
Princess Bubblegum: [comes out of a manhole and sees Jake bouncing by] What the fridge?
[The flaming remains of the truck fall toward her, but she gets out of the way. Jake unfolds himself as a crowd a Candy People surround them and murmur appreciatively.]
Princess Bubblegum: Finn, Jake! Reptilian synthoid replicants are trying to take over the kingdom!
Finn: Yeah. We know.
BMO: Kill it!
Princess Bubblegum: No, no! I'm the real one!
BMO: [crosses arms] Hmm...
Female Banana Guard: Hey, speedy. [pokes Banana Man with staff] You're comin' with me.
Banana Man: What? Really?
Female Banana Guard: Mm-hmm... 'cause you ain't got enough peel on that 'nanner! You're under arrest for public indecency!
[Scene changes to Banana Man, in cuffs, being taken away. The female Banana Guard gooses him. Finn, Jake, and Princess Bubblegum wave goodbye.]
Jake: Bye, Banana Man!
BMO: [cries] It's not fair!
Princess Bubblegum: It's okay, BMO. It's a very mild offense.
BMO: It's not like that! Hot Daniel is dead!
[Finn and Jake close their eyes and give thumbs up.]

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "What Have You Done?" from season 1, which aired on September 13, 2010.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Princess Bubblegum
Ice King
Lady Rainicorn
Music
None
Locations
Ice Kingdom
Candy Kingdom Hospital
Candy Kingdom
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[Finn and Jake are in the Ice Kingdom, sneaking past a penguin guard]
Finn: Our secret mission to capture the Ice King is underway. Though I probably shouldn’t say stuff like that out loud.
[Ice King is in bed solving a puzzle and mumbling when his doorbell rings and goes to the front door]
Ice King: [Singing] Who is it? [Starts shooting ice lightning] Zap zap zap zap zap zap zap! [Sees a can on the ground] Ooh, someone left me a gift. Peanut brittle? But I'm on a diet. [Shakes can, snickers and opens the can; Jake pops out and takes his crown]
Jake: Should have stuck to your diet!
Ice King: [Throws can on the ground] Oahh! Finn, you have destroyed my faith in canned peanut brittle! Zap! [Nothing happens] Oh, no, my crown has all my powers in it!
Finn: [Tackles Ice King with a giant wrapper strip] Wrap attack!
[Jake is holding Ice King, who is bound, gagged, and struggling]
Jake: [In baby talk] How about I swaddle you up like a sweet baby.
[Jake wraps the Ice King up even more, who struggles all the more]
Finn: We finally captured the Ice King!
Jake: [With Ice King tied to his back] Why'd we do this again?
Finn: Princess explained it all when she sent us on the mission, remember?
[Flashback to the Tree Fort where Finn and Jake are talking to Princess Bubblegum via hologram]
Princess Bubblegum: Go capture the Ice King, and bring him to me.
[Back in the present]
Jake: Hmm… That didn't really explain anything.
Finn: I'm sure she's got a good reason.
[In a dark and gloomy Candy Kingdom]
[Finn and Jake with the Ice King walk into the gloomy, fog covered streets]
Finn: Where is everybody?
Jake: Yeah, this place is deserted, except for that guy.
[Princess Bubblegum in a beak doctor mask comes walking towards them spraying fumigation gas]
Princess Bubblegum: Ich bin hier, Finn. ("I'm in here, Finn.")
[Finn and Jake scream; Princess Bubblegum takes off her mask and reveals herself]
Princess Bubblegum: It's me, the princess. Did you bring him?
Finn: Sure did.
[Jake shows Ice King, who mumbles, and Princess Bubblegum smiles]
Finn: So, what did the Ice King do to—
Princess Bubblegum: [cutting him off] Ah-bababap! No time! Now quickly, with me!
[They go to Princess Bubblegum's castle and walk up to a wall]
Princess Bubblegum: Ttubllaw!
[Stone face appears on the wall]
Stonesy: What's the password?
[Princess Bubblegum squeezes his cheeks]
Stonesy: [Laughs] Oh, you got me! [Opens his mouth into a doorway]
Finn & Jake: Secret door!
Princess Bubblegum: This stairway leads to the dungeon where we'll toss that lousy Ice King!
Finn: What awful thing did he do to get tossed in there?
Princess Bubblegum: Chhh, he didn't do anything. Not a thing.
Finn: Wha?
Princess Bubblegum: It's a long story, Finn. You see, the Ice King…
Manfried: [Over an intercom] Princess Bubblegum, you're needed at once in the Grand Hall.
Princess Bubblegum: No! I need more time! [Flips over a table]
Manfried: [Hanging over on a tree with a bullhorn] Gosh, I'm sorry.
Princess Bubblegum: Alright, alright, I have to go. You two just guard the Ice King until I return [Creepily] and be prepared to make him howl with pain.
Finn: You got it, princess!
[They go to the dungeon, an owl flies overhead as Finn, Jake, and Ice King stand around a table]
Ice King: Oh, this is a total rook!
Jake: Settle down, prisoner! We gotta record your belongings. One magical crown, [Whispers to Finn] probably stolen.
Ice King: I didn't steal it! I made that item! …Made it with the magic that I stole! So hand it over, or I'll strike menacing poses at you! [Starts striking poses and Finn sprays him with a hose]
Finn: Cool it, inmate! [The water begins to whip Ice King]
[Ice King is in a jail cell with only two bars]
Ice King: These bars can't hold me forever! Hey there's only like two of 'em. You fools have no business guarding prisoners.
[Finn and Jake are putting on helmets]
Finn: Oh, yeah?! Well how 'bout these helmets we found? And we got the Oculus of Rehabilitation!
Ice King: Hmm?
[Ice King looks up and there is a giant eye looking at him]
Oculus: Be better!
Finn: And the shelf of penitence!
[Ice King's crown is on a shelf sobbing with water coming from under it]
Ice King's crown: [Sobbing] I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…
Ice King: How about you just hand me my crown. I'll create some ice bars.
Jake: [Running with the crown] Okay!
Finn: No, Jake! It's a trick.
Ice King: I'm toying with you, ha ha, psychologically. [laughs]
[Finn and Jake have built a full set of bars for the jail cell]
Finn: Finished!
Ice King: So what am I being charged with?
Finn: Umm…
Jake: Five counts of jerkateering. Ha!
Finn: Yeah, what does it matter?
Ice King: Gah! Of course it matters! The way things work is first, I transgress your meaningless rules and then you maliciously persecute me!
Finn: That makes sense. You do bad stuff, we punish you.
Ice King: [Pokes Finn's face] Fool! You have disrupted that order, for—are you ready for this?—I have committed no recent crime!
Finn: Really? Umm…
Ice King: [Laughs] I'm rockin' your worldview!
Finn: Jake, he is starting to convince me we're doing a bad thing.
Jake: Dude, [Licks him] be calmed by my saliva and think of all the terrible things he's done.
Finn: Yeah… yeah! You're still a jerk that deserves to be in jail.
Ice King: Oh, yeah? You know who really deserves to be in jail? I will show you the true jerks! [Pulls out a mirrored covered with a blanket behind his jail cell bunk bed] Behold! [Lifts the blank off the mirror but in doing so extinguish the candle in the cell]
Finn: Uhh, it's too dark.
Ice King: Behold! [Brings the mirror into the light but it shatters at the bottom when he slams it on the floor] Wha, Behold! [Holds it in the air but it falls apart, Ice King groans and gasps and walks up to the cell bars with a mirror piece in his hand and puts it in Finn and Jake's faces] Behold the true jerks!
Finn: The jerks are us? Jake, am I going crazy? It seems like the Ice King is right about this. But if he's in the right, that means we're in…
Jake: The Candy Kingdom!
Finn: No, it means much, much worse.
[Turns to the jail cell where Ice King is in bed and opens the door]
Finn: On your feet.
Ice King: [Gets out of bed] Is it time for my hour in the yard, boss?
Finn: No, we're letting you go. We decided that it's wrong to imprison you.
Ice King: This is a trick, huh?
Finn: Get out of here before I change my mind!
Ice King: [Walking out of the cell] There must be someone waiting outside to beat me. Ooh, is that my crown over there? [Goes offscreen]
Jake: [Sighs] I'm glad that's all taken care of.
Finn: No, quite yet.
[Finn goes into the cell and pull Jake inside with him and closes the door]
Jake: Awww…
Finn: Sorry, but since we're the bad guys this time, we gotta go to jail.
Jake: This sucks.
Ice King: Hey!
[Finn shrieks]
Ice King: Get out of my room!
Finn: You're still he— [stutters] …Just get out of here, man!
Ice King: So, you're really breaking me out?
Finn: Like I said, it's wrong to imprison you.
Ice King: [Tearing up] You mean, you believe me? Oh, can it be? Has all the hatred between us transmuted into something more? A friendship? A best friendship. [Sticks out fist for a fist tap] Knucks? [Finn slaps his fist away] Oh, ho ho, slaps in disgust, eh? Let's call them "Slappy D's"! Okay, see you later, my bosoms!
Finn: I am no man's bosom.
Ice King: Cast "Detect Secret Door"! [He shoots a magic blast and a tunnel opens under the stairway] Success! [Runs away into the tunnel] Wa ha ha ha!
[Just after he leaves, Princess Bubblegum pops out of a tunnel on the floor]
Princess Bubblegum: Sorry for the delay.
Jake: Man, there are a lot of secret door around here.
Princess Bubblegum: [Puts on pink iron gloves] And now, Ice King, prepare to howl with [Sees he's gone] pain?
Finn: Wow, she's so proud we did the right thing, she almost looks enraged.
Princess Bubblegum: [Takes off the gloves] Where is the Ice King?
[Outside Ice King is flying away]
Ice King: Finally! Freedom and friends FOREVER!!!
[Back in the dungeon]
Princess Bubblegum: What... have... you... DONE?!?! [Flips over a table and snarls]
Finn: What have we done?
[The cell door opens and Princess Bubblegum grab Finn and Jake]
Princess Bubblegum: I'LL SHOW YOU. [Carries them away]
[In the Grand Hall, Princess Bubblegum unveils a curtain]
Finn: AHHH!!!
[The room is full of Candy People, covered in ice and lying on cots, sick and spreading ice to other Candy People]
Starchie: Heah, even old Starchie's sick.
Princess Bubblegum: A plague of Freezer Burn Flu.
Finn: Ice King did this?
Princess Bubblegum: Well, yes and no.
[Flashback]
[In the Candy Kingdom]
Princess Bubblegum: [Narrating] It happened 3 days ago.
[Ice King flies overhead]
Ice King: Hey, hey, Princess, check out my new trick! [Starts rubbing flakes out of his beard] It's snowing it's snowing for you!
[Snow falls on the kingdom as the Candy People play in it]
Princess Bubblegum: [Narrating] We don't think he was trying to spread disease, but soon the entire kingdom was infect by his beard flakes.
[Candy People turn blue and shiver, Princess Bubblegum is in her room reading]
Princess Bubblegum: [Narrating] Through my research, I quickly discovered that the only way to cure my people was to obtain the pained howls of the Ice King himself.
[In the Ice Kingdom, Princess Bubblegum is riding Lady Rainicorn with a sound device over a mountain Ice King is on top of]
Princess Bubblegum: [Narrating] But when I pleaded with him directly…
Princess Bubblegum: Please, I beseech your aid. In the name of common decency!
Ice King: So let me get this straight… You're hitting on me.
Princess Bubblegum: No!
Lady Rainicorn: 으으, 웃기시네! 너는 우리 공주님과 판결 상대도 안 될 그런 가치없는 놈이야! ("Are you joking? You are not even worth my Lady's disdain.")
Ice King: I think I heard the word "Virile" in there. Oh, she is definitely hitting on me.
Princess Bubblegum: No!
Lady Rainicorn: 말도 안 돼! ("No!")
Ice King: Be gone, you biddies!
Princess Bubblegum: [Narrating] He had his chance to help and he did nothing!
Ice King: Oh, my gosh, she came to me this time.
[Flashback ends]
Princess Bubblegum: I had no choice but to try and take his wails by force.
Jake: By getting us to beat the tar out of him.
Finn: I can't just beat up the Ice King for nothing. That's against my alignment.
Princess Bubblegum: I know, I know. You're right. [Starts to cry]
Finn: But I'll get him to give up those howls. Voluntarily. I swear it.
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, thank you, Finn. I… [Cries]
Finn: [Places hand on her face] Shhhh…
[In the Ice Kingdom, Finn and Jake are running towards the Ice King's Castle]
Jake: Dude, how are we gonna get those howls?
Finn: Oh, I gotta plan to trick him, but you won't like it.
Jake: That sounds ominous. I don't like it!
[They enter the castle]
Finn: Ice King, come forth!
Ice King: I'm coming forth! Hee hee, is that the voice of friendship I hear? [Walks in the room with a board game] So, are you fellas ready for game night?
Finn: Game night? Well, that's weird.
Ice King: What? Why?
Finn: You do know how friends act, right? You've had friends before.
Ice King: I… yes?
Finn: Yeah, so you know how friends are always howling in pain for each other.
Ice King: Yeah… right! Everyone knows that! [Laughs awkwardly]
Finn: [Holds up the sound device] Will you howl for me, pal?
Ice King: Oooh, of course, friend. Awoo-hehehehe! Oh, I've got the sillies! I couldn't possibly without giggling uncontrollably. I'm just so giddy about you being here! [Laughs, falls on his back and grabs the bottom of his cloak and rocks back and forth] I'm a banana! [Laughs] Don't slip on me!
[A shrunken Jake jumps on Finn's shoulder]
Jake: We're out of options. Let's just beat it out of him.
Finn: No, Jake! We…
Ice King: [Gets up] Wait a sec, there's a bug on you, friend. Smack! [Smacks Jake and in doing so hits Finn]
Finn: Grrr… Biscuits, now's my chance!
Ice King: [Shuffling through the board game, picks up a game piece] You know, I carved these game pieces from my own teeth.
Finn: Boo hoo, boo hoo, boo hoo, boo hoo…
Ice King: Huh? Crying?!
Finn: Boo hoo. You hit me, Ice King. I don't think I could live any more knowing my best bosom hit me.
Ice King: I was only saving you from poo poo palms!
Finn: I'm dying because I know you care not for me. [Plays dead]
Ice King: No! No, my…my bosom! What hath I done?! My friend! [Picks up Finn] My only friend.
Jake: Hey, what about me?
Ice King: Why?! Why?! WHY?!!!
[The scream is so loud it reaches the Candy Kingdom, where the ice falls off the sickened Candy People]
Starchie: Starchie's feeling healthy again! [Grow muscles] A bit too healthy if you ask me.
[More Candy People are cured]
Princess Bubblegum: They're all getting better! Finn and Jake did it! Ich bin so glücklich, ich könnte, ich könnte… ("I'm so happy, I could, I could…") [Almost flips over a cot but faints on it]
[Back in the Ice Kingdom]
Ice King: WHY?!!!… Ah, well. Gunter! Dispose of Finn's carcass.
[Finn pops up]
Finn: [Sad] Harumph.
Jake: Good job! Those wails must have reached all the way to…
Finn: Did you see how fast he dropped my lifeless body? That's just mean.
Jake: Finn, if I came across your lifeless body, I'd clasp you dramatically for a kajillion years.
Finn: Thanks, man.
Jake: [Grows] Hey, why wait?! Play dead, Finn!
[Finn plays dead and jumps into Jake's arms and Jake hops away on the mountain tops toward the Candy Kingdom]
Jake: Why?! Heh heh heh heh. Why?! Heh heh heh heh. Why?!
[The episode ends with the Adventure Time logo]
Finn & Jake: Adventure time!
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "What is Life?" from season 1, which aired on June 14, 2010.

Characters
Finn
Ice King
Neptr
Music
"Never Ending Pie Song"
Locations
Tree Fort
Ice Kingdom
Grass Lands
Imagination Zone
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode begins with Finn playing video games on BMO. Jake enters with a bag of butter.]
Jake: Hey, man. [Chuckles deviously]
Finn: What's so funny?
Jake: Oh, you know, just takin' this garbage bag of butter... [Grunts] ...into the house. [Chuckles again]
Finn: Dude. That's not that funny. [Jake throws the garbage bag at Finn, splattering him with butter.] EAAH!!
Jake: HAHAHAHAHA!
Finn: Ohhh, butter pranked! I can't believe I didn't see that coming!
Jake: Heh, yeah, I'm a genius.
Finn: You have offended my honor, sir, and in so doing, you have awoken the pranking demon that sleeps in my pits! The demon is coming for you, mortal. It is going to prank you... so... HARD!
Jake: Whatever. I'm gonna take a day long nap. [Yawns and walks towards the door]
Finn: That's right, suckah! Go nap it up, for when you awake, the pranking demon will be upon you! [Jake shuts the door.] [To himself] Aww, man! Nothing's better than throwing a big bag of butter at someone! [Sighs] Gotta think! What's... a better prank... than butter?! Answer me, book! What's better than butter?! A unicorn. [Turns page] A treasure hunter! [Turns page] A battleship! [Turns page] A pie! [Turns page] A young girl in lo—Wait! Book, rewind! [Turns back a page] That's it! I'll throw never-ending pies at Jake's face forever! [Laughs evilly]
[The scene shifts to the cave of the fort, where Finn is building something and singing the Never Ending Pie Song.]
Finn: It's never-ending pie-throwing time! C'mon, dude! Turn on! [It doesn't respond.] Why isn't it working?! [Throws it] I'll never make a prank better than Jake's garbage bag full of butter. [Lightning strikes the machine]
Neptr: Ouch!
Finn: Holy stuff! It talked! Wow-cow-chow!
Neptr: Greeting, creator!
Finn: Oh, whoa! Hey, man!
Neptr: My name is Neptr, which stands for "Never-Ending Pie-Throwing Robot."
Finn: Oh, perfect! You're exactly the kind of robot I was trying to make!
Neptr: Creator, I am eager to commence the creation and propulsion of pies forever, but my pie-hucking appendage is... malfunctioning, and my oven lamp is cold, and my tank treads do not roll! They only do skids! Why, creator?! [Finn gasps.] Does it please you to watch me struggle?!
Finn: Neptr! Don't say stuff like that! Look, I know we just met, and you're probably goin' through a lot of personal stuff right now, but I really like you, Neptr, and I'm not gonna rest until you're working properly and throwing hot pie on my best friend's face. Together, we're gonna prank the poots out of Jake!
Neptr: Haha! I'll always love you, creator!
Finn: I know you will, Neptr. Now, all we need is more lightning power so you can be operating at full capacity! And I think I know just the dumb-hole who we can get some from.
[Scene transition—Neptr and Finn are floating in the Ice Kingdom via balloons.]
Neptr: Ooh, what beautiful piles of sugar!
Finn: Heh. No, Neptr. We call that snow.
Neptr: Snoooow??
Finn: UNH! [Crashes into the Ice King's lair, and balloons float up] Did y'all smack me into that mountain on purpose?
Balloons: Yeah!
Finn: Take note, Neptr. These guys are grade-A pranksters. You guys hang out in case we need a daring escape!
[Balloons all talk at once ["Yeah! Sure! Daring escape, yeah! Absolutely! We got your back!"] and Finn and Neptr enter the lair.]
One Balloon: I got his wallet. [All the balloons laugh.]
Finn: Just gotta sneak around until we find his lightning bolt stash.
Neptr: But, creator, is not breaking and entering wrong?
Finn: No, we're pranking and entering, which is awesome!
Neptr: Sneaking! We're sneaking...
Finn: [Whispering] Shush, Neptr!
Neptr: Sneaking...
Finn: Shh!
Neptr: Sneaking...
Finn: Neptr, you're gonna get us caught!
Neptr: Sneaking!
Ice King: Is that you, honey? [Finn runs away before he can see him.] How was your day at work? [Mock-female voice] Terrible! How could I possibly stand to be apart from you, the Ice King?! [Normal voice] You see, Gunter, that's how it would go if I actually had a wife.
Penguin: Wenk.
Ice King: Game time! [Activates Battle Babe.] Kill the frog! Kill the frog! C'mon! Oh, he's right in front of you! Lower! L—[Scoffs] Stupid lady. Kill it...
Neptr: Creator, if we get caught, I want you to know that I will always love you.
Finn: Shh! You already told me that! And we're not getting caught! We're gonna get you working so you can prank Jake! He could wake up from his nap at any second!
[Back at the Tree Fort]
Jake: I might wake up at any moment! Naaaah, I'm still asleep.
[Back at the Ice Kingdom]
Ice King: No, no! That frog is casting magic missiles on my babe! [Frustrated noise]
Finn: [Whispering to Neptr] Quickly! While he's distracted!
[Finn stealthily moves away.]
Ice King: No, c'mon, get out of the—UGH! Move!
Penguin: Wenk!
Ice King: Baaaugh! [Penguin waddles forward] This game cheats anyway! [Drops console, accidentally smashing it] LOOK WHAT YOU DID, GUNTER!!
[Finn slides behind an ice pillar.]
Finn: We're home free, Neptr.
Penguin: Wenk wenk wenk wenk wenk wenk wenk!
Ice King: What are you on about? You're starting to infuriate me... It's almost like you're trying to alert me—warn me about... I don't know, an intruder or something? Perhaps he's lurking in this very room, just outside my field of vision!
Penguin: Wenk wenk wenk wenk.
Ice King: Well, knock it off!!
Neptr: What'll we do, creator?
Finn: We're gonna prank 'im, Neptr. Hardcore.
Ice King: [Looking at reflection] Hmm. You're looking kinda fat, Gunter! Look at these arms! Fat fat fat! Daddy's little fattie! Oh, you'll never get a prom date with all that chub on your face, you know! [An ice spike lands on Ice King] Ooh! Oh, blast these melty ceilings!
Finn: Hee hee hee hee!
Neptr: Creator, you have shown me the joys of pranking! I cannot wait to throw pies infinitely at Jake's face!
[Finn begins to slide off the spike.]
Finn: The ceiling really is melty! [Falls] Whoa! Whoa! [Slides away with Neptr]
Ice King: What was that?
Finn: WAAAAH!
[Finn and Neptr take a screaming ride down the lair.]
Ice Toads: Alarm! Alarm! Alarm!
[Ice Bull comes down.]
Finn: Figs!
Ice King: Huh? An intruder! Maybe a beautiful princess like in my poems.
Finn: We've gotta find that lightning as fast as—
Neptr: Creator! Lightning!
Finn: It's a lightning-shaped door! And we're gonna smash right into it! Hold on, Neptr! I got a plan!
[Finn slides up the wall and the Ice Bull crashes into the door, shattering itself and knocking the door down.]
Neptr: That was a great plan!
Finn: Nah, that wasn't my plan. We got lucky!
Neptr: Are those my tickets to the gun show, creator?
Finn: Mm-hmm. You're gonna be fully functional just like I promised.
[Ice King enters with his ice-o-pede.]
Ice King: Whoa, ice-o-pede! Finn?! Oh, why can't you ever be a princess?! Ice-o-pede, attack! [Ice-o-pede bites Ice King.] Ice-o-pede, no! Aaah!
Finn: Let's grab some lightning and get outta here!
[Ice King destroys the machine holding the lightning.]
Ice King: Hahaha! Finish him off, my semi-loyal pet! [The ice-o-pede fires at Finn and makes him drop Neptr.] An innocent bystander?! ZAP!
Finn: Neptr! NOOOOO! [The ice magic reaches Neptr] NOOOOOO!—Oh, yeah. That's what we wanted to happen.
Neptr: Neptr is fully functional! Yay! [Laughs]
Finn: Neptr! Yeah!
[The ice-o-pede picks Finn up]
Ice King: Crush him! Crush him like you crushed me!!
Neptr: Creator?
Finn: Neptr! The pies! Pies!
Neptr: Oh, right!
[He throws three pies at the ice-o-pede. It roars and falls down.]
Ice King: Come on!
Finn: What was in those pies?!
Neptr: Just boysenberry. Hahaha. And also... poison.
Finn: [Thinking] Neptr's acting... different.
Balloons: Quick, Finn! Jump!
[Finn attempts to grab onto the balloons, but they make him miss and fall. Two balloons catch him before he hits the ground. The balloons laugh.]
Finn: Heh heh. You guys got me.
Ice King: [To himself as the duo escapes] Something about that robot I tried to kill fills me with... deep longing.
[Scene shifts to the Tree Fort.]
Finn: Thanks, guys. Your blood-oath is fulfilled.
Balloons: Yay! To the mesosphere!
One Balloon: Finally we can die!
Neptr: I am troubled, creator. Troubled by a sudden urge to... collect princesses.
Finn: Neptr, that's a heavy unsettling thing to say, but pull yourself together. We're about to prank Jake!
Neptr: [Sad] Uh-huh. Sure.
Finn: One... two...
Ice King: [Opening door] THREE!
Finn: Run, Neptr!!
Neptr: Oooh!
Finn: [Charging at Ice King] Hah! Hah! Hah! [Ice King freezes Finn.] Aw, man.
Ice King: I've come to take my son.
Finn: Your son?!
Ice King: Come to Papi, son. I won't attack you... unless provoked.
Finn: He's not your son! If anything, he's my son!
Ice King: It was my power that activated his full potential. Zzz. [Makes a small lightening bolt]
Neptr: Oooh...
Ice King: When you were struck by my lightening, you also became infused with my private particles. He wants to be with me, Finn!
Finn: No way! Neptr wants to help me prank Jake!
Neptr: I am torn! I am processing a love for both princesses and pranking!
Ice King: Don't worry, son. I'll show you the life you deserve! [Spins very quickly]
Finn: No! Neptr!
[The three transport to Ice King's Imagination Zone.]
Ice King: Yes! Now that we've entered my imagination zone, allow me to tantalize you with this! [Snaps; princesses appear.] Princesses! As my son, you will carry on the tradition of capturing ladies!
Neptr: Tell me more, Papi!
Finn: No, Neptr!
Ice King: I want a son who can do better than I. One who can succeed where I... have failed. You can mate with robot princesses!
Neptr: Can I still prank with Finn after?
Ice King: NO!! I'll show you what will happen if you hang out with Finn!
[A vision of Finn and Jake farting on Neptr appears.]
Imaginary Finn & Jake: Yeah! Pootin' on Neptr to the max!
[Vision disappears.]
Neptr: Haha! Yeah, I love Finn's pranks!
Ice King: NOOOOO!! [The three exit the Imagination Zone.] I'm through playing around, son. Who do you choose?
Finn: Come on, Neptr. Choose me, buddy. Choose pranks.
Neptr: I... uh, I... choose... Ice King!
Finn: WHAT?! You've gotta be flippin' kidding me!
Ice King: He made his choice! Get over it, crybaby!
Neptr: I'm not finished. I choose Ice King... to prank! Hardcore!
Ice King: [Angry] WHHHAAAAT— [Neptr launches a pie at Ice King.] Aah! My face! [Neptr and Finn laugh.] I birthed you and I can un-birth you!
Finn: NEVER!
Ice King: OOF! [Gets knocked out by Finn]
Neptr: Sleep well, Papi. In your Imagination Zone full of beautiful princesses.
Finn: You wanna prank Jake?
Neptr: It's why I was created.
Finn: Haha, okay. Let's gooooo! [Finn and Neptr go inside the Tree Fort.] Jake! Wake up!
Jake: [Tired] Ahhh, hey, du—AAAAAH!
[There are sounds of pies landing on Jake. The camera pans towards a knocked out Ice King; a tear drops down his cheek. Scene shifts to Ice King's imagination.]
Imaginary Neptr: Sun is going down. Shall we capture princesses now, Papi?
Ice King: No, let's just stay here a little longer, son.
Imaginary Neptr: I love you forever, Papi.
[Ice King brings Neptr closer, and the episode ends.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "What Was Missing" from season 3, which aired on September 26, 2011.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Marceline
Princess Bubblegum
BMO
Door Lord
Music
"I'm Just Your Problem"
"A Song About Noodles"
"Bubblegum's Blueprint track"
"My Best Friends in the World"
Locations
Candy Kingdom
Tree Fort
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[The episode starts out in the Tree Fort. Finn is squatting by a couch, looking around himself.]
Finn: Jake? BMO?
[He lifts a couch cushion and reveals a wad of gum stuck to the bottom of it; he pulls it off and starts to cuddle with it on the couch; Jake and BMO sneak out from behind the couch.]
Jake: Hey, man, what you doing?!
Finn: [Startled] Dude!
Jake: Don't worry, bro. We won't tell anyone about the private time you spend with your wad of Princess Bubblegum's hair.
Finn: [Blushing] You guys knew?
Jake: Finn, we're roommates. Which is why I'm gonna share my beloved keepsake with you.
[He goes and lifts up a floorboard and pulls out a blanket.]
Jake: Babadadaa! My old baby blanket.
[Suddenly a door unfolds in the side of the room and a Door Lord pops outs.]
Door Lord: Hmmm! Hmmhmmhmmhmm!
Finn: Who are you?
Door Lord: Hmm hmm hmm hmm!
[The Door Lord knocks over Jake and takes his baby blanket; Finn puts up his fists.]
Door Lord: Hmmhmmhmm.
[Door Lord takes Finn's wad of Princess Bubblegum's hair and BMO's controller.]
BMO: Noooo!
[Door Lord throws a key and another door unfolds, which he jumps through]
Door Lord: Hmmhmm!
Finn: Come on!
[They jump through the door]
[A candy child is playing with a toy train when the Door Lord pops in and steals it, with Finn and company in hot pursuit.]
Finn: I'll get your kid back, toy!
Door Lord: Hmmhmmph!
[Door Lord throws a key high in the air; it unfolds a door in midair and he jumps through it.]
Jake: That guy must do crazy squats.
[Finn and company enter through the door, and Princess Bubblegum is chasing the Door Lord through her castle when he opens another door and escapes.]
Princess Bubblegum: Get back here, you thieving Door Lord! You butt!
Finn: Come on, Bubblegum!
Princess Bubblegum: Finn?
[They enter Marceline's kitchen where sound of a conflict from her living room is heard; Marceline is fighting the Door Lord with her Ax bass then he opens another door and sunshine comes through it.]
[Marceline hisses and falls on the ground]
[Door Lord jumps through the door]
Finn: Marceline! Are you okay?!
Marceline: Yeah.
Finn: Don't worry. We'll get him.
[They go through the door and end up in Red Rock Pass; they chase the Door Lord until he pulls out another key and opens a giant gateway that closes before the group can enter it]
Finn: No! [Sighs] What? [Letters start to light up around the gate's frame] "This door shall yield to no command save for a song from a genuine band." What is this gripagrap?![citation needed]
Princess Bubblegum: It's the door of the Door Lord, Finn. We used to lock them up, but they kept breaking out. 'Cause they're Door Lords.
Marceline: [Wearing a sunhat and gloves] They broke out because you let them live.
Princess Bubblegum: [Angered grunt]
Finn: Hmm? The door said it will open for genuine band. Let's try and music this door open as a quintet.
Jake: Can I be the jerk it the band? 'Cause that's an important part of a band's success. [Shrinks face] Hmph.
Marceline: I know how to get through this door. We're gonna lay down a chill jam.
Finn: Hey. Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Marceline: Just keep it cool. Got that princess?
Princess Bubblegum: Hmph. [Grabs BMO]
BMO: Ohh! [Princess Bubblegum pulls off its face] Oh, my face!
[Princess Bubblegum starts to play with BMO like an instrument, BMO laughs]
Jake: Let's see if you hacks can keep up with my raw talent!
[Jake begins to play his viola and Finn begins to beatbox]
[The song I'm Just Your Problem begins]
[The door glows brightly as it comes close to opening]
Finn: It's working! Look at the door!
[The song ends as Marceline loses her focus]
Marceline: ...To bury you in the ground... and drink the blood from your... Ugh!
[Door stops glowing]
Marceline: [At Princess Bubblegum] Stop staring at me! Ugh, you threw me off!
Finn: Come on, everybody! Don't stop now. The door was responding to our music! I wonder what it liked or what was missing.
Jake: Well, I know what's missing. Talent. I'm getting out of here, you hacks! Talentless hacks! [Leaves]
Marceline: Yikes.
Finn: [Takes off his backpack] Maybe to be a genuine band we need to be nicer to each other and hang out as buds. [Pulls out a noodle cake] Let's take a noodle break. Come on, it will help!
[Marceline flies off]
Finn: No! Wait, don't go, too!
Marceline: I'm just gonna get stuff to cook that.
[Finn has already taken a bite of the noodle cake and puts his backpack back on]
Finn: Cook?
[Marceline flies back into the door from her house]
Princess Bubblegum: That was sweet what you said about being buds.
Finn: Mm-hmm. Thanks.
Marceline: [Returning with a hot plate] I'm back yo! Come here, baby. [BMO comes and Marceline sticks hot plate plug into BMO]
BMO: Oh.
[The sun goes down, Marceline takes off her sunhat and gloves, Finn sings A Song About Noodles and they laugh]
Princess Bubblegum: For our next attempt, I wanna be the lead.
Finn: Yeah! Sounds cool, my bud.
[Jake comes back dressed like a punk rocker]
Jake: Hmph!
Finn: Jake, you're back!
Jake: Shut yo' face. I came back for the music.
Princess Bubblegum: BMO, execute Sound Structure Alpha. [BMO begins to play a song] Marceline, begin playing triplet quavers in mixolydian mode.
Marceline: Alright, fine. [Begins to play her Ax bass] Wait, what's a quaver?
Princess Bubblegum: Now, Finn, vibrate your uvula by dampening and undampening your larynx.
Finn: Wha?
Princes Bubblegum: [Rubbing her neck, vibrating her voice] Go like this, silly.
Finn: Oh. [Does it] Whaaaa...
Princess Bubblegum: Okay, okay. Jake, are you gonna join in?
[Jake smashes his viola, Marceline looks agitated]
Princess Bubblegum: Everyone, just stick to my blueprints. [Gasps] [BMO catches fire]
BMO: Oohh...
Finn: [Sighs] One more time?
Princess Bubblegum: I may have, um... miscalculated.
Marceline: Ha! Looks like you aren't as perfect as you thought. Guess you can't judge me anymore.
Princess Bubblegum: I never said you had to be perfect!
Finn: Alright, time out, guys.
[Marceline spits on Princess Bubblegum causing her to recoil in shock and leave, with BMO following]
Finn: Princess! Princess, wait!
Marceline: [Hisses] Whatever, [Eyes start to water] Ugh! I'm outta here, too! [Leaves]
Finn: Marceline?
Jake: [Cries] You've all forgotten 'bout the music! I quit the band! [Runs away backwards] I'm just pretending!
Finn: Jake! Everybody! We can beat the Door Lord! ...Together.
[Finn sings "My Best Friends in the World," reunites the band, and opens the door of the Door Lord. Inside the Door Lord is eating a sandwich.]
Door Lord: [Spits out sandwich] Hmm? Hmmhmmhmm!
Finn: It's over, Door Lord.
Jake: So hand over our stuff.
Door Lord: Hmmhmmhmmhmm. Hmmhmmhmm hmmhmmhmmhmm hmmhmm hmmhmmhmmhmm. Hmm!
Finn: What's he trying to say?
Marceline: I totally get it. He may have stolen our treasures...
Princess Bubblegum: ...But by doing so, he showed us...
Jake: ...That the real treasure is friendship.
Door Lord: [Happy] Mmmhmmhmm! Mmmhmm hmmhmmhmm.
[The scene changes, the Door Lord has been beaten up and tied up]
Door Lord: Hmm...
Jake: Okay, here's that lock of Bubblegum's hair you love so much.
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, you.
Finn: [Sighs] Ah, yeesh.
Jake: And here's Jakey's blankey. [Puts it on his face] Here's your controller, BMO.
BMO: [Happily twirls it] Yippie ki-yi-yay!
Jake: Marceline, here's your rock shirt.
Marceline: Hey, that's not...
Princess Bubblegum: [Rushes towards it] It's mine! That's mine.
Marceline: You... kept the shirt I gave you?
Princess Bubblegum: Yeah. It, uh, means a lot to me.
Marceline: But you never wore it.
Princess Bubblegum: [Puts it on] Dude, I wear it all the time... as pajamas.
Finn: Wait, if that's Bubblegum's shirt, what are you missing, Marceline?
[Marceline is dead silent]
Finn: Wait a second, wait a second! You don't have a thing! You just wanted to hang out with us!
Marceline: No, I didn't!
Finn: No way, you're caught! I figured you out! [Laughs]
[Marceline turns into a monster]
Marceline: [Playfully] I'll kill you!
[The episode ends with Finn, Jake, and Princess Bubblegum running away pursued by Marceline all laughing.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Wheels" from season 8, which aired on January 24, 2017.

Characters
Jake
Kim Kil Whan
Bronwyn
Finn
Bronwyn's Friends
Teenage Bear
Kim Kil Whan's Employees
Princess Bubblegum (cameo)
Marceline (cameo)
Huntress Wizard (cameo)
Snail
Music
None
Locations
Unavailable
This transcript is complete, needs formatting.


Transcript

Yeah![ Chuckles ]

Whoo‐hoo!

[ Laughs ]

Yes.This is a hoot.

[ Cheering ]

And the winner of thethree‐legged race is...

not us!

[ Chuckles ]

But we ran a fair race,Kim Kil Whan.

Yes, quite.

Heh, heh.

Of course, we could havemurdered them,

but I was holding back.

I'm gladyou didn't show off, Dad.

Thanks.


[ Indistinct conversations ]

[ Clears throat ]

Thanks to my team of awesomelytalented sales associates

and also my father, Jake,who's visiting us this year...

this has beenthe most successful

animal sports/picnicsocializing event ever.

Uh, whoo‐hoo.

All: Whoo‐hoo!

Wow. Really nice deviled eggpresentation this year, Steve.

Mmm.

Dad, I'm gladyou stuck around.

I confess I had an ulteriormotive for inviting you.

I really need your adviceon something.

My advice?


Parenting advice.

I don't know how to dealwith my daughter, Bronwyn.

I havea granddaughter?

Psych, I knew that.

What's the problem, mijo.

Bronwyn is not doing wellat school.

She seems to be busy enoughwith homework when she's here,

but her grades are slipping.

And her teacher says she keepsfalling asleep at her desk.

Why is she so unengaged?

And how can I manageher towards financial success

if she's that unengaged?

I thought you might havesome insight

because of your teenagekind of lifestyle.


What say we rifle through herbiz next time she's out?

Well, I'm no snoop,

but I found these unusualgraphics in her recycling bin.

What do you make of these?

Oh.

Mm‐hmm.

Ahh.

What are you thinking?

Not sure yet.I'll have to sleep on it.

I'll let you know tomorrowif I think of anything.

Weird.


[ Bat squeaking ]


‐Whoo‐hoo![ Laughter ]

‐Yeah!‐Oh, man!


[ Cheering ]

[ Chanting ]Bronwyn! Bronwyn! Bronwyn!

Nice one, Bronwyn!

[ Whistling ]

Classic Bronwyn.

Hey, Bronwyn,isn't that your dad?

Nope.That's my granddad.

What?You here to bust me?

Nah,I'm just here to skate.

Yeah, okay.

Show me some moves.


Noice!

‐Yeah.‐Pretty good moves.

You're actually kinda cool,for a gwampa.

Thank you, thank you.

Thank you.I value your opinion.

[ Laughs ]That's a spot‐on KKW.

[ Laughs ] Yeah.

Um, that reminds me.

We're supposed to talk aboutgetting your grades up

in school or something.What?

We're worried about your,um,

financial success!

I knew it.

You're not cool!

You're just like Dad!‐What?

I mean, hey, I love your dad,but we're nothing alike.

It looks like this round grampsis a real square.

[ Laughter ]

I'm not a square.

But now I am.

Whoa! Radical!

[ Laughter ]

‐How'd you do that?‐Do another one!

I'm an old tree.

[ Laughter ]

An equestrian statue.

Jake, are you going tostay here all night?

What?They like me.

They like my ageless styleand everything.

Hmm.

But hark!What's that I hear?

[ Farts ]

Bronwyn beefed it.

[ Laughter ]

Y‐you're the fart.

What? No.

Old fart.

I'm cool!


Son, it's worsethan we thought.

Oh, Koo.Is it black magic?

A cursed ring?An investment scam?

Worse!

I tried real‐talkingwith Bronwyn last night,

and now she thinksI'm a square!

I feel like you're losing sightof the point here, Dad.

Pretty much everyonethinks I'm great, right?

Maybe stay awayfrom my daughter.

Don't worry, Son.

I won't rest until Bronwynrealizes how cool I am!

But what about...

[ Grumbles ]Dad.


‐I got this! I got this!‐Whoo‐hoo!

Oh, Glob!I don't!

[ Laughter ]

Jake: Fellow dudes!

Old cheeseballs is back.

Ow‐ow‐ow‐ow‐ow‐ow‐ow.

Check it out, kids!

I brought my roommate!He's 16!

That's so old.

Do something cool.

No, I'm sleep ‐‐Here, play your flute.

Kids love flute.

Wha‐‐[ Foomp! ]

[ Flute melody plays ]


Ugh.Is that solo flute?

Yo, that stinks nasty.

[ Booing ]Uh‐oh, kids hate flute.

But, they love mash‐ups!

[ Beatboxes ]

Whoa,Gwampa is turning it up!

[ Cheering ]

[ Chanting ]Jake! Jake! Jake!

Math![ Snoring ]

This dude don't givea dump.

Dang, you're, like,like a cool gwampa.

Yes!

[ Indistinct conversations ]

[ Squeaks ]

Hey, guys.

Have you ever heard musiclike this?


[ Gulp! ]

[ Coughing ]

Way to choke, Bron.

Yo, how about a duet?

[ Beatboxing ]

[ Coughing continues ]

[ Laughter ]

Even Gwampscan't save you, Bron!


B, why'd you stop?

They're laughing at me.

Hey, come on guys,don't bust on Bronwyn.

Bronwyn's cool.I can vouch for her.

Now let's allwatch me skate!

Whoo!

[ Laughter ]

Bronwyn: Weak!

[ Coughs ]

I can skate way better betterthan you, Jake.

Together: Ooooooh.


[ Electricity crackles ]


[ Thunder crashes ]

I challenge youto a thrash off.

[ Coughs ]

‐Ohh!‐Buh?

The winner is declaredundeniably cool.

The loser is bannedfrom the skate park.

I can live with that.

Whatever.

Dude, you're really gonna banyour own granddaughter

from her own skate park?

Man, I hope so.


Hmm.


Yeah, real cool.

Fox: Hey, it's time!


Nice!

[ Chanting ]Gwampa! Gwampa! Gwampa!

Bronwyn, did you seemy cool new hair?

Ugh.

Hey!

Welcome to Thrashland.

Are you two ready to thrash?

From here, you must skatethe entire length of the park.

First, grind down the ramp,

through the bar maze,

past the big‐armed worm,

through the junkyard,

over the log swamp,

and finally cross the finishat the bottomless pit of love.

[ All gasp ]

Hey, Jake,no weird magic biz.

Heh‐heh, same to you.

Remember, you're an instant fartif you eat it.

Take it away, flute man.


This is a terrible idea.


[ Rock music plays ]


Whoa ‐‐ oof!

[ Groans ]

[ Panting ]


Huh?


Oh, dang!I love you, Bronwyn!

Whoa, cool!Time to ice this cake!

Whoo!Jake, no!

It took me monthsto make that jump!

You're gonna biff it!

I won't biff it!

I'm the coolestguy aliiiiii‐‐


[ Thud! ]

[ Farts ]

Grandpa!

You're cool!You're cool!

Just please be okay, Grandpa!

Interference!

That means I win, right?

Dad!Dad?

Are you okay?I'm great.

She admitted it.


[ Groans ]

Whoo.

Jake!


Bronwyn...

look, I can see that skatingis important to you.

And you seemvery talented at it,

but you're still going to haveto pull it together in school.

Okay,I did get carried away.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, too.

I should havejust come to you myself,

instead of sendingyour cool grandfather.

I just thought you wouldn'tlisten to a square like me.

Nah, I mean you're not cool,but you're not uncool.

Kim Kil Whan!Bronwyn! Look at me!

[ Grunts ]

Time to go home.

Not the swan, that's wherethe pups came from.

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "When Wedding Bells Thaw" from season 1, which aired on June 28, 2010.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Ice King
Old Lady Princess
Music
Manlorette Party
Locations
Tree Fort
Grass Lands
Ice Kingdom
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[Music is heard in the Tree Fort where Jake is playing his viola and Finn is listening with a glazed expression and his mouth wide open.]
Jake: [Looks up and stops playing] Are you okay, dude?
Finn: Yeah, why?
Jake: You look bored.
Finn: Naw, that's just how I look when I'm listening to music.
Jake: Well good, because I'm about to kick it up a notch.
Finn: Bring it!
[Jake starts playing again, and Finn's expression slowly turns to the same expression. They then hear a knock at the door.]
Finn: [walks to the door, and hops on Jake] Who do you think it is?
Jake: Could be anybody. [stretches so that Finn can look out the window]
Finn: Hmm... I can't quite make it out. [Ice King turns his head]
Ice King: Eee!
Finn: Ahh! It's the Ice King!
Jake: The Ice King?!
Ice King: Think this is the right address, [takes note out of his beard] mmm is this, is this....
Finn: [bursting out door with a sword and kicks the Ice King down] Eiiiiaah!
Jake: Yeah! Kick his butt, dude!
[Finn attacks Ice King with his sword, but the Ice King uses his ice powers to hover in the air and fire ice at Finn.]
Finn: Eat my sword, Ice King! [throws his sword in the air and then throws it at the Ice King who uses his ice as a shield]
Finn: Aww.
Ice King: You can not defeat me, child!
Finn: I will, though! With a sweet kick! [throws himself in the air with his foot forward, but punches Ice king in the face at the last second] Psych! [The Ice King snuffs him with his beard and freezes his head then flings him on the ground.]
Jake: Whoo, hoo hoo!
Ice King: [his hand in a threatening position above Finn] Now I can kill you! Oh wait, wait, wait. I am so stupid! Silly Billy! I came by to tell you the good news!
Finn: What's the good news?
Ice King: I'm getting married... to someone who wants to marry me! 
[Finn and Jake both gasp]
Ice King: My betrothed is right over there! [waves to show them the Old Lady Princess, who is in a cart with some penguins] Hi, honey!
Old Lady Princess: Hey, cool guy.
Ice King: I'm a lucky guy—I didn't even have to kidnap this one! She fell in love with me the moment I slipped on her engagement ring! [wiggles his fingers in front of Finn and Jake]
Finn: Eww.
Old Lady Princess: [the penguins wheel her away] Bye-bye!
Ice King: The lady penguins are throwing her one of those "bachelorette" parties.
Jake: [To Finn] This is weird, dude.
Finn: Hmm... if you get married, what about capturing princesses?
Ice King: Oh well, no more capturing pretty princesses for this Ice King! [laughs]
Finn: Ohhh... [walking away] well, fare thee well, Ice King!
Ice King: Hmm?
Jake: Yeah, good luck with ye and thy creepy wedding.
Finn: We totally support your decision to stop capturing princesses! [closes door to Tree Fort, turns to Jake] I'm happy for him. [He hears knock at the door, he opens it to see Ice King is still there.]
Ice King: [laughs nervously] Sure wish someone would throw me a bachelorette party—oop, I mean, "man-lorette" party.
Finn: But we hate you.
Ice King: If you won't throw me man-lorette party, then I'll never have my last hurrah before buckling down with that battle axe! It'll drive me back to a life of stealing hot princesses! Is that what you want?!
Jake: No. No, no, no, no, no.
Finn: [to Jake] Dude, we gotta show him a good time and treat him right. Otherwise, he'll go back to imprisoning ladies! I-I can't have that! I—
Jake: [puts his finger over Finn's mouth] Shhh, I know. I know that you can't have that. Don't worry. [turns to Ice King] Alright, let's go party, Ice King.
Ice King: [giggles]
[A montage begins with Finn, Jake, and Ice King at a dance party with some Party Bears. A girl bear winks at him and he winks back, prompting Boy Bear to get angry. Ice King uses his magic to freeze him, after which Finn slaps the Ice King as punishment.]
[They are then shown at a bar with Tree People all around them. Ice King sips his drink but spits it out in disgust at the Tree Person next to him. The guy punches Ice King and Ice King uses his magic to blow him away. Finn slaps the Ice King again.]
[Finn and Jake are then seen floating down a river on a giant leaf with Ice King on a different leaf. Ice King does a cannonball next to them, splashing them with water and ending the montage.]
Ice King: [now in the Grass Lands] Best man-lorette party ever! [laughs and conjures a snowball]
Snowball: [laughs]
Ice King: [laughs]
Snowball: [laughs]
Ice King: Fah! [throws snowball at the ground, killing it] Hahahaha! Now I'm gonna go get married! Hehehehe! ♫I'm gonna get married!♪
Finn: [walking toward Tree Fort] Bye, Ice King! Good luck!
Jake: Have fun being married!
Finn: No more stealing princesses!
Ice King: Yeah--wait. No more s-stealing princesses? Wow.
Finn & Jake: [running back to him] What?!
Ice King: I didn't realize I'd have to give up stealing the ladies.
Jake: But you said you were fine with it!
Ice King: I know what I said, but, y'know, sometimes you say things and then you don't really mean them.
Jake: What? Are you serious?!
Ice King: I'm just not sure I wanna get married in such a hurry. What if she's just after my [pulls back his beard] Demonic Wishing Eye and Ghost pouch? [laughs maniacally]
Finn: We just took you out partying so that you could feel better about getting hitched!
Ice King: Maybe I'll just go back to capturing lots of girls. It's what I feel comfortable doing, y'know? Being free, wind at my back, lots of girls, kidnapping 'em.
Finn: [starting towards Ice King] Alright, here comes my double kick!
Jake: [holding him back] Finn, Finn, cool yourself, buddy. We need to get this guy married, remember?
Finn: Yeah, I remember.
Jake: Watch. [walking to Ice King] Let big brother handle this. [poking Ice King] Hey, Ice King? Don't be nervous. Marriage is the most beautiful thing that could ever happen to a jerk like you.
Ice King: Really? Why?
Jake: [starts sweating] "Why?" [walks back to Finn] Poots, that guy is good. Why? Why?
Finn: Jake—
Jake: Not now! [to himself] Why, why, why, why, why?
Ice King: My mind is made up—80% sure. No marriage.
Finn: Well, uh... don't you wanna grow old with somebody? Right? [pointing] Just like these old swans.
[Two old swans are shown kissing in a nearby pond.]
Ice King: Bleh, those stinky old swans. Huh?
[The male swan swallows the female one. He opens his mouth and the other one pokes out its head and laughs.]
Finn & Jake: What?!
Ice King: Ohhhh, now I get what you guys are trying to tell me! Marriage is a thing that allows me to capture a princess forever and let her live inside of me! [crying] Marriage is the most beautiful thing in the world!
Finn: Uhh... Yeah—I-I never—uhh... I guess it is. [to Jake] Jake, this is bad news, man! We gotta go tell him that he can't eat his wife!
Jake: Eh, let's cross that bridge when we get to it. Look how happy he is.
Ice King: The wedding? Back on—100%! [laughs and skips away]
Finn: [wipes sweat from brow] Phew!
Jake: All that's left is the lousy wedding. [fist bumps Finn]
Finn: I'm weddy for the wedding!
[Finn and Jake walk to the Ice King's Castle wearing black bow ties.]
Finn: Y'know, even though the Ice King is a wad, I'm pretty happy for him.
Jake: Uh-huh. This wedding looks lame, man. [Ice King is seen on a snow pyramid with some penguins and Snowman Priest] Be prepared to be bored outta your mind.
Finn: [laughs]
Ice King: Finn, Jake, you made it! [Ice King is shown tying up Old Lady Princess, who is wearing a veil] Come on up here. I'm almost finished tying up my bride.
Finn: Weird—and your bride is into that?
Ice King: This is a traditional wedding ritual for good luck in the Ice Kingdom. You see, she'll be hoisted up and then lowered down—and when she touches my beard from above, she will be my queen! [giggles]
Finn: Well... [shrugs] cool, man. I'm glad y'all are happy... being crazy together.
Ice King: Thank you! Excuse me as we finish preparing for the nuptials. 2, 4, 8, 16, 20, uh—
Snowman Priest: 32.
Ice King: Yes—32, 64, one hundred and—eh.
[Flower Girl Penguin lifts Old Lady Princess's veil and she opens her eyes.]
Finn: Huh? Her eyes are huge! I'm gonna go check 'em out. [sees Jake scratching his ear] And stop scratching your ear, man—it's gross.
Jake: It wasn't me—it was my foot, dude.
Finn: [walks up to princess] Whoa, you've got ridiculously large eyes, princess! Are you allergic to somethin'?
Old Lady Princess: [tearing up] No, Finn. I was just born like this.
Finn: Why are you crying?
Old Lady Princess: I'm not crying, Finn—my tear sac is broken!
[Camera zooms in on her eyes and an old lady behind bars can be seen in them.]
Old Lady in eye: Help me!
Finn: What?!
Old Lady Princess: I didn't say anything.
Old Lady in eye: The Ice King cursed me! You've gotta set me free. I would rather die than marry the Ice King!
Finn & Jake: [gasp]
Finn: He tricked me! And I was happy for that son of a toot!
Jake: [points] Look at her ring.
[Old Lady Princess is shown wearing a spiky ring made of ice.]
Ice King [flashback]: She fell in love with me the moment I slipped on her engagement ring.
Finn: That's what cursed her! Don't worry, princess. I'll remove this ring and save your life. [tries to pull off ring]
Ice King: No! She's my love boat! [zaps at them with ice magic but misses]
Finn: No, man. You cursed her. She hates you!
Ice King: Okay, that's your opinion! [gets ready to zap again]
Jake: Wait a minute! [sighs] So you knew she was cursed all along, which means you knew she wasn't trying to steal your Demonic Eye Junk or whatever, and you knew you had total control of her!
Ice King: Yeah, yes, that's right.
Jake: So then why did you make us go through all that junk about why marriage is worth stuff?!
Ice King: Oh, I don't know... I'm complicated—and spontaneous! [laughs] That's probably why she wants to marry me!
Jake: She wants to marry you because you brainwashed her!
Ice King: Silence! [shoots ice at them]
Finn & Jake: Whoa, wait! [the ice freezes their feet] Aw, man!
Ice King: It's time for the lowering ceremony! Hoist her up!
[Some penguins pull on the rope, lifting Old Lady Princess up into the air. Finn tries to break the ice holding his feet down.]
Ice King: Hehehehe! Commence the lowering!
[The Old Lady Princess starts being lowered slowly. Finn takes off his bow tie and uses it to break the ice.]
Ice King: Yes, nothing can stop me now.
Finn: Hyah! [punches Ice King, and they both fall off the pyramid] What is wrong with you, man?! [grabs Ice King's nose]
Ice King: Strangling the groom's nose at a wedding? [kicks Finn back up the pyramid] What's wrong with you?! You're the one that there's something wrong with!
[Finn lands at the top of the pyramid by the penguins that were holding the rope. They let go of the rope, dropping the Old Lady Princess. Jake catches her.]
Jake: Gotcha!
Old Lady in eye: Thanks, man
Jake: Hehe, no problem.
Finn: [getting up] Ehh.
Ice King: [walking up to him] I think you dropped something. [tosses a penguin at him] Catch! [freezes the penguin in midair]
Finn: Huh? [catches the penguin and sinks into the snow a couple feet]
[Ice King fires a bolt of ice at Jake.]
Jake: Whoa! [bolt freezes him]
Finn: Jake!
[Jake starts falling from the weight of the ice but takes the ring off of Old Lady Princess as he falls.]
Old Lady Princess: [eyes now normal-sized] Huh, what?
Finn: JAKE! [tries to lift the penguin] Grrrr. [Jake slides down next to him] Oh, hey.
Jake: Hey.
Finn: You got the ring off her finger?
Jake: Huh? Oh. Oh yeah. Now she's not hypnotized, but we're still frozen.
Finn: I got a plan.
Jake: Oh, good.
Ice King: Now, let's try that again. [to penguins] Lower her!
Old Lady Princess: [struggling with rope as she gets lowered] You lousy, butt-faced pig! I hate you!
Ice King: Here she comes. Yes, touch my beard, deary. Yes, that's right. Almost there...
Finn: Now!
Jake: [strains]
[Jake's finger touches Ice King's beard.]
Ice King: Oh! I'm married, right, snowman?
Snowman Priest: Yes, it's official.
Finn: It's official! You done married a dog, dude!
Ice King: What? What's that supposed to— [sees that the finger that touched his beard is actually Jake's] Oh no.
Finn & Jake: [laugh]
Jake: Wait, what the—? What am I laughin' about?
[Scene cuts to Tree Fort]
Finn: [sighs] And now everything's back to normal.
Jake: Well, I wouldn't say everything.
Ice King: [pounding on the door] Come on, guys. Help me celebrate my un-marriage.
Finn & Jake: [laugh]
Episode ends
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Whipple the Happy Dragon" from season 8, which aired on January 30, 2017.

Characters
Finn
Jake
BMO
Susan Strong
Whipple
Pirates
Joshua (hallucination)
Margaret (hallucination)
Guardian
Poisonous Jellyfish
Frieda (hallucination)
Princess Bubblegum (pictured)
Elephants
Ele-fly
Snail
Music
Ele-fly Call
Locations
H.M.S Sugar Spit
This transcript is complete, needs formatting.


Transcript

So...if that's where we started

and this is the water

and this is where the humans are,

then we must be aroooound...

here.

Jake: Oh, no! Giant Finn hand straight ahead!

[ Imitates crash ]

Jake!

That's not how you navigate, man.

Yeah, I know.

But, what do you expect?

I was afraid of the ocean for, like, forever.

Relax. I'm a regular sea dog.

Just gotta measure the angle of the sun

using my pocket sextant...

then do some super‐complicated calculations...

[ Mutters ]

...and some plotting.

And, voilà! We got a course ‐‐

straight through the Sea of Sure Death.

Susan, we've got a course!

Whoo!

Both: Whoo!

All: Whoo!

Susan feel alive.

Ahh!

Mm.

[ Dolphin chatters ][ Laughs ]

Cool.

♪ El‐le‐fly, el‐le‐fly,emerge from the chrysalis ♪

♪ Flyyyy ♪

[ Screaming ]

Someone!

[ Gasps ]

Majestic animal in distress!

Let's go! Let's go! Turn left!

That's gonna take us off course.

Uh, helping people comes first.

[ Screaming ]

[ Angry grumbling ]We don't like you!

You make us uncomfortable!

Susan does not thinkthis is a good idea.

What?!Yeah, Susan.

What if those people need to slay lizard to feed babies?

Yeah, man, then it'd be like

you're the slayer of babies.

[ Sighs ]So, it's up to Finn

to stop that ship all by his self.

Catapult me, Jake.

Sea lizard make scary storm magic.

[ People screaming ]

We're gonna die!

We deserved that.

See? Not good idea.

Hello! Yoo‐hoo!

Hi.

I just wanted to say I'm sorry about your boat.

I was just trying to get rid of those weirdos.

Sorry.

My name's Whipple, by the way.

Um, I'm Finn the human.

Susan.

And I'm the bad boy, Jake.

Were they after your shiny, shiny pelt, Whipple?

No, they saidI was annoying.

All: What?

That is so mean.

I don't know what it is.

I mean, I see those guys aroundall the time.

I thought they were cool.

Uh‐oh. I lost the sextant.

Does that mean we're lost?

It means I can't determine our current posi‐‐

Ooh! Ooh! Let me see!

You trying to get to this island?

Pssh, I know where that is. I can totally get you there.

Without instruments?

I got fish senses.

Yeah, okay. That sounds good.

Good lizard.

[ Gasps ]You guys are so cool!

You're cool, Mr. Navigator.

[ Giggles ]

Whipple, you're the greatest.

Okay, so, but here's the really clever part, okay?

Squirrel girl wakes up and realizes she's alone.

Squirrel boy never existed.

It was all a dream. Cool, right?

Whipple, you suck so much.

And I'm thinking the next novel in the series

will center around a married cat

who has an extra‐marital crush on a handsome ape, Stanley.

Or maybe Stanley's too close to "Dan Lee."

That's from my screenplay about a hot turtle couple

who go on a cross‐country road trip as a last resort

to save their marriage.

But then, they find out they're actually gophers.

Anyway, I'm really excited about my kids' book, too.

It's kind of a sad story about these anthropomorphic

salt and pepper shakers who've been BFFs for life,

but Pepper starts developing feelings for Salt,

and basically, Salt never

[muffled] returns them and ends up marrying

[normal]another guy, so Pepper

[muffled] starts writing stories to try to distract himself.

It's semi‐autobiographical ‐‐

Stooop!!

BMO?! BMO?!

You stowed away?

Who cares?!Give me the earplugs!

Both: Shh!

Wait. Are you guys wearing earplugs?

Uh...I mean, we were, but it was

'cause of the engine noise, not 'cause of you.

It is because of you!

BMO. He needs to be told.

No one wants to hear your ideas!

I see. I thought you guys were my friends,

but you're all just a bunch of haters!

[ All screaming ]

Nice one, Jake.

I don't want to be the boat, though.

Well...

you're the boat.

Yeah, I know.

Might as well go full sloop then.

All right. Jake‐boat away!

Away! Away!

Uh, dude, I got no idea where to head.

BMO, don't you have some kind of navigation app?

No.

Oh, wait. Yes, I do.

[ Plink! ]

What next, BMO?

Cap'N Nav app says look for a rock shaped like a chubby cat.

That looks like cat.

Full steam ahead.

[ Fart! ]

[ Laughter ]Not like that!

[ Gasps ]

Mom? Dad?

All: Whoa!

Jake, this is the wrong way!

What are you guys doing out there?

Jake‐boy, you gotta save your pop from the deadly sea!

I don't care for this cocktail party one bit, Joshua.

We got to save 'em.

What are you looking at?

Don't you see Mom and Dad?

All I see is sea weeds. You must be imagining it.

I'm not imagining it!

Uh‐oh! We are headed towards a scary thing!

Susan, help me push the boom.

[ Both grunting ]

No!

[ Strains ]

Use your core!

Both: Aaaaaah!

No!

Remember we love you!

Even though you're really letting us down.

Aah!

Hmm?

Yipes!

Jake keep talking about dog‐mom.

His belly's swarming with weird jellyfish.

They must be jacking up his perception.

[ Both gasping ]

Mommy, I'm coming for you!

Huh? What happened?

[ Gasps ]Who are you?

Hope you like to fly!

You okay?

Uh...Susan's head hurts,

but Susan's head always hurting these days.

All right. Just another minor setback.

BMO, which way?

Finn, I want to turn back.

What? We can't.

The annoying dragon wrecked our boat,

I got poisoned by jellyfish and saw our dead parents.

I don't see things deescalating.

It's just a small bump ‐‐

a‐a bunch of small bumps.

No dumb island can be worth the risk.

Maybe not. But I can't turn back.

This trip means a lot to you, huh?

Yeah.

Yeah, but why?

Do you want to find some humans and ditch us?

No! It's just...[ Sighs ]

Okay, look ‐‐I'm really happy in Ooo.

I love our mom and dad,

but I don't know squat about humans.

If I don't see this through, part of me will always be stuck

to that boom boom leaf where Mom found me...still alone.

I know exactly how you feel.

All: Aah!

You were here all this time?

Yeah, I was here all this time.

SorryI broke your boat.

Sorry we said you were annoying,

or sorry for not telling you you were annoying earlier.

If you're still set on going to that island,

you should know that that way is crazy dangerous.

I'm...I'm ready.

All: Us, too.

Then, I can use my air bladder to blow a mighty wind,

a real big wind that'll carry you over all the dangers.

How come you didn't do that earlier?

I thought we were having fun.

Also, they say no one's faced the island's colossus and lived.

What colossus?!

Beware. Beware the colossus of the deep.

That's not really an answer, but we will.

Here we go.

[ Inhales deeply ]Wait a minute!

Byeee!

(They fly over the Poison Reef)

Jake: Whoa!

(They fly over a strange gap in the ocean)

BMO: That's not right.

(They fly over spikes made of ???)

Aah!

Spooky.

But at least I don't see no colossus of the deep.

[ Laughter ]

Oh, my glob!

[ All screaming ]

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Whispers" from season 9, which aired on July 20, 2017.

Characters
Finn
Fern
Sweet P
Mr. Fox
The Lich
BMO
Jake
Music
None
Locations
Swamp
Tree House
Well of Power
This transcript is complete (needs proofreading).


Transcript

[The episode opens with Finn and Fern fishing in a river together. Finn puts a gummy worm on his fish hook]
Finn: Squish.
Fern: Photosynthesize! Photosynthesize! Photo-
Finn: You grabbing a snack, Fern?
Fern: Yeah. Water and light combine so I can make my own food. In case I don't catch anything.
Finn: Come on, man, don't be so dow- [Gasps] Hey, I got something!
Fern: Hey, I got something too!
[Finn is first to reel in his catch. It is a beautiful golden fish.]
Fern: Nice.
[Fern reels in his own catch. It is an evil-looking creature which growls and snaps its jaws at him.]
Fern: Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!
[Fern throws the entire fishing rod into the river and sighs. Finn hands him his own fishing rod.]
Finn: Pretty weird fish, huh?
Fern: That's me - the dude who dinks it up, just like I dinked it up when you left Ooo. I was supposed to protect it. Instead, it went all crazy. I didn't even help. I just covered myself in root beer and danced around like a dummy. I can't do anything right!
[While he is talking, flashbacks are seen to the elemental purification of Ooo.]
Finn: Hey, stop it. You need a squoze?
Fern: Yes.
[Finn squeezes Fern tightly.]
Fern: I feel better.
Finn: Sometimes being a good dude ain't about not dinking it. Learn from your dinks. Like, you know my first battle with a giant? I never told anybody this, but-
Fern: You boom-boomed in your shorts. I know. I have your memories.
Finn: Yeah, I boom-boomed. The point is I learned from it, and now I'm Finn. You got to learn how to be Fern.
[They hear a stomping coming from the trees.]
Finn and Fern: [Together] What's that sound?
Finn: Oh, I bet it's a monster. Let's fight this dude Fern's way.
Fern: [Drawing his sword] Yeah. Fern's way.
[Sweet P emerges from the treeline, screaming.]
Finn and Fern: [Together] Sweet P? [They both grab his leg as he passes.] Whoa!
[Sweet P runs straight through the river, dragging the two of them underwater and then up onto the opposite bank. They both climb further up Sweet P's body, who continues wailing the whole time.]
Finn: Okay, Fern, what do you think we should do next?
Fern: Mm, sever his tendons? [Draws his sword again.]
Finn: [Winces]
Fern: Before you say no, it would stop him from running.
Finn: We're gonna handle this librarian style. [Finn climbs up to Sweet P's head and whispers to him.] Shh. Librarian. [Kisses him.] Kiss. You can renew the book and bring it back next week.
Fern: [Quietly] Library style. Squo-o-oze.
[Fern hugs Sweet P tightly. He finally calms down, stops, and takes a seat on the floor.]
Sweet P: Mm.
Finn: Great thinking, Fern.
Fern: I just copied you. Is that thinking?
Finn: [Talking to Sweet P] What up, buttercup? Why you run, pork bun?
Sweet P: The monster!
Finn: Was it LSP?
Sweet P: [Shakes his head] The monster that whispers me bad thoughts.
[A flashback is shown. Sweet P is lying in bed. An indistinct whispering can be heard. Sweet P thinks he sees a monster at the end of his bed, and sits up screaming.]
Sweet P: [Narrating] Mommy and Daddy came to save me, but they said I was imagining things, which was true.
[Tree Trunks and Mr. Pig enter the room, remove the coat which Sweet P mistook for a monster, and put him back to bed. The indistinct whispering continues.]
Sweet P: [Narrating] But last night, I really did see it.
[Something scuttles across Sweet P's roof. He screams and runs out the house. The flashback ends.]
Sweet P: And I've been running and running since then.
Finn: Aww, Sweet P. It sounds like you might just be having bad dreams.
Sweet P: No, I only have one dream anymore.
[An image of the Lich is shown while the whispering continues.]
Finn: Uhh...
Fern: Uhh...
Sweet P: But the whisper monster is even scarier, saying stuff like, "Sweet P, you're bad. You always have been bad." I don't want to be bad. [He starts crying.]
Finn: Oh, you're not bad. You're super good. Now, let's get you home.
Fern: But it's getting late, and bogs are super dangerous to travel in at night. Your body will be preserved for thousands of years. No one will ever find you.
Sweet P: [Wailing]
Finn: Fern!
[The sun sets. Finn is on the phone to Tree Trunks.]
Finn: Okay, okay, we'll see you in the morning, Tree Trunks. [He hangs up.] All right, bedtime, Sweet P.
Fern: You want me to knock him out?
Finn: Er, not this time. How about a bedtime story?
Sweet P: Yes, please.
Finn: Once there was a kingdom of spaghetti.
Sweet P: Mmm.
[The scene cuts to later in the night. Finn, Fern, and Sweet P are all asleep.]
Finn: [Whispering in his sleep.] Punch, punch. Kiss, kiss.
Mysterious voice: Listen to your bones.
[Finn wakes up.]
Finn: [Whispering] Fern.
[Fern is grinding his teeth in his sleep.]
Finn: [Whispering] Fern!
[Fern awakens suddenly, waving his sword in the air with a gasp, then putting it away and sitting up.]
Fern: Hey. What's up?
Finn: [Whispering] I heard something. Can you see what it is with your tree senses?
Fern: I don't have those.
[They hear a rustling. Finn pulls out a torch and sweeps the treeline. He spots Mr. Fox walking with some grocery bags.]
Mr. Fox: Uh, can I help you?
Finn: Oh, sorry. We heard you scuttling around and thought-
Mr. Fox: What? You didn't hear me "scuttling around." Foxes are silent hunters. I mean, geez, do you know how rude that is? Ugh. Gonna be brooding about this all week.
Finn: Sorry, man.
Fern: Look.
[Finn shines the torch on Sweet P. A giant yellow hand-shaped creature is standing above him, whispering indistinctly.]
Finn: Aah! Get off him!
[Finn draws his sword and charges at the creature.]
Hand creature: Huh?
[The creature punches Finn and tries to escape. It is pinned by Fern.]
Fern: I got him!
Finn: Oh, no. I know where I've seen that thing before.
[A flashback is shown to the events in Farmworld, when Finn severed the Lich's hand and caused it to be duplicated across every dimension in the Multiverse. One of the duplicates appears inside the Tree House where it falls onto BMO.]
BMO: Huh?
Lich Hand: [Laughs evilly and jumps through a window]
[Finn and Jake teleport back from the Time Room.]
BMO: Finn, Jake!
Jake: What's shaking?
BMO: You will not believe what just happened.
[The flashback ends.]
Finn: It must've been the day that BMO found that little sailor hat. Hold him down, Fern! That hand is the flippin' Lich!
Fern: I know.
Lich Hand: [Chuckles evilly] Yes, child. I have returned once more to-
Finn: Bah! Bah! Bah! Bah! Evil! You're gonna get it for messing with our boy Sweet P.
Lich Hand: That vessel may appear harmless, but he came from me. Once I remind him of his legacy, The Lich shall reign once more. Isn't that right, son?
[Sweet P grabs Finn from behind, his eyes glowing a radioactive green.]
Finn: Aah!
Fern: Finn!
[The Lich Hand break's out of Fern's grip and scuttles away, laughing evilly.]
Fern: Ugh! I dinked it again!
[Sweet P is released from his trance. He lets go of Finn, who bends over panting.]
Sweet P: Why did Mr. Hand call me "son"? Was that my monster daddy?
Finn: Okay, delegate, delegate - Fern, stay here and guard Sweet P. I'm gonna try and catch up.
Fern: Don't trust me to guard anything. I'm a total scrub-up.
[Finn grabs Fern by the shoulders.]
Finn: [Quietly] Dude, there's already one Lich loose in Ooo. If Sweet P turns E-V-I-L tonight, there might be a second. I need you here. [He draws his sword and departs in pursuit of the Lich.] You got this!
Fern: [To himself] You got this.
The Lich (speaking through Sweet P): Quickly, while the boy is gone, we must seek out my Well of Power.
Sweet P: [Normal voice] No! Am I turning into a monster?
Fern: That's the working theory.
[The Lich Hand arrives at the Well of Power and enters through the subway entrance. Finn is on the phone as he chases.]
Jake: [From the phone] I can't come to the phone right now. I'm either hanging with Finn, my kids, my GF, or I'm dead. Bye! [Tone]
Finn: Hey man, hit me when you get this. [He hangs up and tuts.] Dude's missing a Lich fight. [He arrives at the subway entrance.] Okay, Lich. Get ready to die. Again. For, like, the fifth time!
[Finn enters the station.]
Finn: Oh, hey, it's this awful place.
[He spots the Lich Hand scuttling across the platform.]
Finn: Oh, you're tricky, huh?
[Finn follows the Lich Hand into a hole. He gracefully jumps from pipe to pipe, all the way to the bottom where the Well of Power lies. Indistinct whispering can be heard coming from it.]
Finn: I can hear you down there! Speak up, man. What?
[The Lich Hand rushes Finn from behind and bats him. He drops his sword and then falls into the well. He manages to grip the very edge and avoids falling all the way in. The well fills with bright green sludge.]
Lich Hand: [Chuckles evilly] You've bested me in many worlds, child, but I always return.
[The Lich Hand begins flicking at Finn's fingers, loosening his grip on the edge of the well.]
Finn: You're so evil it's boring. You're basic, man.
Lich Hand: Yes. While a mortal world doubts and questions, I know exactly what I am. I am the ceaseless wheel. The last scholar of GOLB. I am your doom.
[From Finn's perspective, only the Hand's shadow can be seen, projected onto the ceiling by the green light of the well. The shadow grows and morphs as the Lich speaks, taking on his original humanoid figure. Suddenly, Sweet P's voice is heard.]
Sweet P: Skull man!
The Lich: Huh?
Sweet P: I, too, am doom.
[Sweet P leaps down the hole from above, smashing most of the pipes and landing with a thud at the bottom. His shadow joins that of the Lich, projected on the ceiling.]
Finn: Hey, what's going on up there?
The Lich: [Laughs evilly] Child, you have failed. The vessel has turned. We reign now as twin kings of ruin.
Finn: Sweet P...
Sweet P: I'm not a king of ruin.
The Lich: What?
Sweet P: I am sweet. You're just a naughty hand.
The Lich: Beast, obey me! Obey- No!
[Sweet P tackles The Lich. The shadows fall out of Finn's view. He manages to regain his grip and climb up from the well, just in time to see that Sweet P has plunged Finn's sword into the Lich Hand.]
Finn: Eesh.
[With a groan, the Lich Hand bursts into a cloud of green faces like those produced by the Mushroom Bomb, which dissipate away. The liquid in the well recedes.]
Sweet P: Hooray!
Finn: You're a natural! But where's Fern?
Sweet P: He wouldn't let me follow you, so I knocked him out cold.
[The scene changes. Sweet P and Finn approach Fern, who is lying unconscious on the ground. He wakes up as they arrive.]
Finn: Yeah, I met my bio-dad once too. He wasn't evil incarnate, but he was kind of a crummy dude. TT and Mr. P love you. That's all that matters. Fern! Sweet P saved me and slew The Lich!
Fern: [Exasperated] That's great.
[Back at the Tree House, Jake is listening to Finn's voicemail. It turns out Finn forgot to hang up.]
Sweet P: [On voicemail] You're just a naughty hand.
The Lich: [On voicemail] Beast, obey me! Obey- No!
Automated voice: End of message. To repeat this message, press 7. To save...
Jake: Wha...?
[The scene changes back to Finn, Fern, and Sweet P, who are walking home together.]
Fern: [Thinking to himself] I don't get it. Why isn't it working out being myself? Finn's off having fun defeating losers. I can't even guard a baby.
[The inside of Fern's head is shown. The Grass Demon is latched to his inner self like a parasite.]
Fern: [Thinking to himself] It doesn't matter how hard I try. I'll always just be in the shadow of the real Finn. Unless I could become... [Out loud] the only Finn.
Finn: Uh, yeah, but that's a weird thing to call me.
[Fern shapeshifts his arm to take on Finn's skin tone, and pretends to crush Finn's head between his finger and thumb.]

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Who Would Win" from season 4, which aired on September 3, 2012.

Characters
Finn
Jake
The Farm
Marauders
The Train
Dream Warrior
Farm animals
Music
None
Locations
Unavailable
This transcript is complete.



Transcript

[The episode opens with Finn and Jake standing at the edge of a large canyon.]
Jake: What'cha think?
Finn: I can make that driz, no problem.
Jake: It's crazy far, man.
Finn: Naw, that's just a perspectal illusion. It looks far 'cause the cliff's lower.
Jake: Eh, go for it.
[Finn backs up, runs, and jumps into the canyon, making it about halfway across.]
Finn: Whoo! Shoot!
[Jake stretches arms to catch him and pulls him back up]
Finn: Almost.
Jake: Not really.
Finn: What? Watch me, fool! [jumps again] Hup. WAAAAAAH!
[Jake jumps down after him, grabs onto Finn's back, and shapeshifts like a flying squirrel. They fly out of the canyon and continue gliding.]
Finn: I did it! Psych. [smacks lips] Hey, you know what? This is cool, just having bro time for once.
Jake: What, like, no ladies?
Finn: Or dudes, or whatevs. It's just a chore sometimes.
Jake: Yeah, two people is mad efficient.
[They fly towards a lake with a barn half-submerged in the middle. Dozens of Marauders are climbing on it and yelling.]
Finn: Whoa.
Jake: It's a beach brawl!
Finn: Looks like they're trying to drown a barn.
Jake: That's not a barn. That's a dude!
[The Farm lifts his head and punches the water, sending Marauders washing up on the shore. Finn and Jake land nearby.]
Finn: Holy fizzle! [to a Marauder] What's goin' on here, tough boy? [sits on the Marauder's arm] What is that huge dude?
Marauder: He's the Farm, the legendary fighter of the Shiney Isles. I came here to participate in his open challenge, but this mother can't be beat!
The Farm: Give up, worms! My fight power is supreme! [punches water] I'm too freaking legendary for you! [drops Farm animals and punches a Marauder.]
Marauders: [chanting] Train, Train, Train, Train!
Finn: Whoa!
[The Train is shown on a nearby cliff.]
Marauder #1: I love you, the Train!
Marauder #2: You're almost as legendary as the Farm, the Train!
The Train: The Train is gonna smack you down on his tracks! Whoop! [jumps down from cliff into lake] Your caboose is mine! [runs toward the Farm] Choo-choo. Choo-choo!
Finn: Oh, my Glob.
The Train: [now under the Farm] Choooo!
[The Farm sits down on the Train and stands back up.]
The Train: Ow. My legs are backwards! Oh! [the Train kicks him ashore] Oh, you're mean! [farts]
Finn: Did you just die?
The Train: No... the Train will chug on. My friend makes bionic legs. I'll be better than before.
Finn: [gasps] I want bionic legs! Who's your friend?
The Train: Yeah, right. It's secret! [begins dragging himself away] Ah! Don't follow me. [continues] Oh! The Train can do this. [continues moaning]
Jake: You don't want bionic legs. It ain't natchy.
Finn: I don't care about natchy.
Jake: Let's discuss this later.
[Various beaten-up Marauders groan.]
The Farm: You guys wanna fight me?
Finn: [to Jake] You think we can beat him?
Jake: Yeah way, we can't! He's the ultimate!
Finn: But if we beat him, we'll be crazy legends.
Jake: Man, I already am a legend in other aspects of life. Third highest score in Kompy's Kastle, bro. [holds up three fingers] Third... in the Candy Kingdom.
Finn: Jake, that's your legend. This could be our legend. Brogend!
Jake: Okay. How are we gonna beat him, then?
Finn: Train!
Jake: He can't even walk.
Finn: No, man, train up, like, get ripped!
Jake: Yeah, I was just kiddin'. Let's destroy that guy! [points to the Farm]
Finn: We're comin' back for you, the Farm! After we train!
The Farm: [coughs] Yeah, that's cool.
Finn: We're gonna annihilate you, the Farm!
The Farm: Mm'kay.
Finn: I'm gonna do a finishing move on you! Alright! Yeah! [laughs] [runs off] C'mon, Jake!
Jake: [follows Finn] Whoof. [coughs]
[Montage begins with Finn doing the splits. Jake does them easily and continues stretching. Next, Finn does double dutch with Jake's stretched arm as Jake picks his nose. Then, Finn punches the air as Jake does a somersault.]
Finn: Hyah! Hyah!
Jake: Let's see your Chokey Brokey Style!
[Finn performs the move on Jake.]
Jake: [strangled] Nice one.
Finn: Yes!
Jake: Now watch my... Something Style. [closes his eyes and punches Finn]
[Jake's punches become weaker until they do not even connect.]
Finn: Huh?
[Video game music plays as Jake continues weakly punching in Finn's direction. Finn looks behind Jake and sees that Jake stretched his eyes to the back of his head and is playing a game.]
Finn: Jake, you're playing Kompy's Kastle?
Jake: Huh? Whoo! Uh... yes.
Finn: Winning this battle could take our reputation to a whole new level!
Jake: Look, I'm a full-grown dog of my own, and I need to play Kompy's Kastle every day so I can maintain my rank.
Finn: So, you don't care about fighting the Farm?
Jake: I never really take anything seriously... 'cept Kompy's Kastle.
Finn: Hi-yah! [karate chops Jake's game out of his hands]
Jake: KOMPYYYYY!
[Kompy appears behind the cracked screen alongside the words "Jake I've always had a crush on you." Then the screen goes black, and it starts to rain.]
Jake: I'm gonna break every bone in your body, then heal you later with that magical goo we got from the Cyclops' eye! [grows huge fists] AAAH! [smashes Finn]
Finn: Ouch.
Jake: [now giant-sized] [picks up Finn] Apologize!
Finn: [trying to escape Jake's grip] Never! [punches and grabs Jake's finger flesh]
Jake: I'm gonna turn up the juice!
Finn: [shaped Jake's flesh to look like Jake's face] And I'm gonna drink it! [punches the face]
Jake: [gasps] My little face!
[Finn climbs up Jake's arm, grabs onto Jake's eyeball, and starts smacking it. Jake brings his hand in, but Finn climbs on top of Jake's head, causing Jake to squish his own eye.]
Jake: Ouch! [punches his head where Finn is, but Finn climbs onto his nose] Ow. [punches his nose, but Finn jumps off] Oh! [starts spanking himself] Where are ya? Huh?
Finn: [laughs]
Jake: Huh? [sees Finn]
Finn: Apologize for not taking training seriously!
[Jake punches Finn, knocking him down. Jake tries to kick him, but misses. Finn runs into a fallen hollow tree.]
Jake: Come out, you chicken nug! [stretches into tree]
Finn: [turns around and punches Jake] Huh!
Jake: Ow.
[Finn keeps running as Jake tries to punch him. Finn falls into a hole in the tree and gets stuck. The tree is revealed to be bridging the canyon as Finn struggles to get out. Jake stretches past him and forms a row of dozens of feet on the bottom of his body. He then begins stretching backwards over Finn, as each foot kicks him in the face.]
Finn: [groans]
Jake: Apologize to Kompy's Kastle!
Finn: [weakly] No. You apologize for not taking training seriously.
[Jake grows huge, breaking the fallen tree and causing the two to fall. In midair, Finn hawks a loogie and spits in Jake's face.]
Jake: Ehh, gross!
[Finn kicks Jake, who hits the ground first. Finn then falls on top of Jake and rolls away. The tree then falls on Jake.]
Finn: [laughs]
Jake: [groans]
[Jake stretches out from underneath the tree, walks toward Finn, and tries to punch him. Finn grabs Jake's wrist and twists it repeatedly, turning it red.]
Jake: Ow! [pushes Finn down and slaps his head]
[Finn throws mud in Jake's eyes.]
Jake: AAH! My eyes! [wiping mud away] Cheap move, you butt rag!
Finn: You! You're the cheap move!
[Jake pulls down Finn's pants.]
Finn: Huh? Pants! [kicks Jake away] Huh!
Jake: Oh!
Finn: I'm really gonna wipe you now.
Jake: [growing his buttocks] Bring it on, bro! [squishes Finn underneath his buttocks]
Finn: [chomps]
Jake: OUCH! Ow! O-o-o-ow! No bities! [stretches to normal size] Grrrrr! [barks]
Finn: [pulling up his pants while walking away] I'm gonna down the Farm without you.
Jake: I'm gonna knock down the Farm just so you'll never know the taste of downing the Farm!
[Scene changes to the lake, where the Farm is sleeping.]
Finn: Yo, guess what? Guess what, homey? I put in the time. I'ma make you mine.
[The Farm wakes up and walks toward them.]
Finn: Yeah, that's right. Come and get this.
The Farm: [yawns] [smacks lips] So, what? Both at the same time? I'm cool. You gonna fight this, the Farm? [laughs] Okay.
Finn: Just me. I don't need this [points to Jake] clown-town.
Jake: The only way you're gonna win is if you use your cheap moves.
Finn: [yawns, falls asleep, and starts snoring]
Jake: Hey. [touching Finn's hair] Come on! You gotta fight the dude!
[The Farm punches Finn into the ground.]
Finn: Ah! I can't see! Walk me to the light!
Jake: Yeah, that's what you get.
[The Farm punches Jake into the ground, stands over them, and drops some farm animals on them. A wave washes them further away. Finn sees a cloud that looks like a car.]
Finn: [sleepily] Cloud looks like a car. [closes eyes]
[Finn and Jake wake up in a dream world surrounded by cars and a blue man.]
Dream Warrior: Awaken to your dream, Finn and Jake.
Finn: Whoa. Who are you?
Dream Warrior: I am the Dream Warrior. I've summoned you to hang with me in your together dream.
Finn: Are you gonna show us a move to beat the Farm?
Dream Warrior: First, listen. Then, wake up.
Finn: Alright.
Dream Warrior: I have cheap cars. My cars are che-e-eap.
Finn & Jake: [trance-like, with closed eyes] My cars are cheap.
Dream Warrior: But they drive bad when I turn out the lights! [punches a headlight]
Finn & Jake: Turn out the lights.
Dream Warrior: [now wearing green pants] These sweatpants have another name.
Finn & Jake: Another name.
Finn: Yeah. Don't you always call sweatpants "give-up-on-life pants," Jake?
Jake: I do, because peeps need to respect themselves when they leave the house... even if it's just for ice cream, or TP, or whatev.
Dream Warrior: [holding two gold apples] Two shiny golden apples, ripe enough to bite.
Finn & Jake: Bite.
Dream Warrior: [bites the apples] That's all I gotta say for now. Get lost.
Jake: What is going on here, Dream Warrior?
Finn: Yeah, what's this all about?
Dream Warrior: [sprays a hose at them] Nap's over, sorry.
Finn & Jake: Ow!
[Scene changes back to lake. Finn and Jake wake up.]
Finn: Whoa. That... was a good nap.
Jake: Hey, did you dream about Dream Warrior?
Finn: Yeah. What was he trying to tell us, exactly?
Jake: I don't know; I didn't get it. But listen, man. I'm sorry I got mad at you. Who cares about my high score at Kompy? It ain't important.
Finn: No, man. It is important. Being the third best at something is math and deserves respect. Not like I did to Kompy. Anyway, I think we both got cranky after all that training.
Jake: Well, good thing we're rested, 'cause now we can beat this beast.
Finn: Yeah. Oh, hey! Look!
[The beaten up Marauders return, cheering from the cliff.]
Jake: Dudes came back to watch us fight!
Finn: A'ight. This is it. Let's use what we learned in training.
Jake: Uh, all we did was fight dirty with cheap—wait.
Dream Warrior [flashback]: My cars are che-e—che-e-eap
Jake: Dream Warrior was telling us what cheap moves to use on the Farm! Headlights mean eyes!
Finn: Mud in the eyes!
Jake: Give-up-on-life pants!
Finn: [pants down] Pull down his pants like you did to moi!
Jake: Two golden apples!
Finn: Hm. I think I know what that means.
Jake: Well, sure. I can make a wild guess.
Finn: You ready, man?
Jake: Yeah, dude!
[They bump fists.]
Jake: [whispering] Put your pants on.
Finn: [deep voice] Okay.
[Finn piles mud onto Jake, who is shaped like a catapult. Jake flings the mud into the Farm's eyes. Finn then jumps onto Jake, who stretches up and pushes the barn up the Farm's body, exposing the Farm's buttocks. Finn and Jake then bite the buttocks, and the Farm falls down.]
Marauders: [cheering]
[Finn and Jake, each wearing a Medallion of Brogends, are lifted up by the Marauders. They high-five and clink their medals together.]

Episode ends

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Winter Light" from season 9, which aired on April 25, 2017.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Ice King
Carroll
Mr. Fox
Patience St. Pim
Snow Golem
Betty
Music
Blue Magic
Locations
Cloud Kingdom
Ice Kingdom
This transcript is complete but needs formatting.


Transcript

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Okay, fellas.

Using these blueprintsI acquired,

we're gonna take downPatient St. Pim

and rescue my new pal,Weird Lady.

But first,we have to crack through

the ice domethat covers the land,

avoid the Ice Kingdom peeps

who have all been turnedinto vicious ice mutants,

and sneak into the ice fortresswithout being ice‐detected.

We'll enter via the sewer line.

So, that's the only wayin and out.

I never said that.

"Can you help Captain Tastyfind the hidden" ‐‐

this is a place matfrom a seafood restaurant!

And this word searchis way too hard!

That's 'cause you ain't gotspy skills like me.

With me, it's like,"Who's that hot guy?

The Ice King?"


No, it's not.


We're floatingabove Ice World now.

Brr!

I made these sweatersand earmuffs for you guys.

They're bespoke!

And, they've got picturesof your best friend on them!

Finn: Thanks.

All right, men, we need ideasfor how to breach that dome.

It's imperviousto my skyhooks,

so we either burn, punch,or stab our way in.

Maybe there's some kind of weakpoint or secret entrance.

Right, right.

Hmm.

Good thinking.

Huh?

Aaaaaah!

Finn!


Oh, my glob!!Okay. Think, Finn.

What would Rattleballs do?

He would...draw his sword,find a stress line in the dome,

and strikelike a mighty scorpion!


Don't forget Ice King!


Turn into a parachute, Jake!

You got it!


[ Thud ]

Whoa.

Hold on. I got somethin'in the pack that'll help.

[ Objects rattling ]

Now, that's bespoke!

I never thought I'd think ofthe old ice kingdom as cheerful.

Brrr!It's a lot colder now, too.

I've got fur.

Take my sweater!


Whoa![ Laughs ]

Two Finns!

Huh?

[ Gasps ]

[ Screams ]


[ Breathing heavily ]

Oh! [ Whimpers ]

Huh? Huh?

[ Sniffles ]

Oh, I get it.

The top one's fake.

Okay, pals.This‐a‐way.


Y'all's inthe Ice King's crib now!


This is crazy.

It's like beingat the bottom of an ocean.

Yeah,I'm feeling pretty weird.


♪♪

Snow golem.


Ice clops.

"Ice to meet you."


Look out!

Huh?


[ Sled crashes ]


What are you doing?!

This is my ‐‐


This is my house!

Carroll!?

Finn?

You've been turnedinto ice!

You better believe it, bucko!

You seem in good spirits,though.

Everyone else is sadand kind of empty.

I feel great.It sure beats the sky.

Boy, was I ever getting sickof bein' a cloud!

Everyone looking at me,saying things like,

"I think that looks likea sailboat!"

"I think that lookslike a bird!"

I'm a woman!Ice Carroll!


Who are those other dudes?

This is Simon, the Ice King.

And this is my brother, Jake.Hello.

Do you want to come with us?We're on a secret mission.

Uh, that's really nice of you,actually.

Where are y'all going?

We're going to getPatient St. Pim.

She's in Simon's fortress,and she's, like,

ruined the whole worldand all our friends.

Oh. On second thought,I think I'm gonna stay here

and draw some elvesand stuff.

You draw elves?

Yes, I draw elves!It's what I like to do!


Aw, she seems a lot coolerthan we are.

♪♪


Whoa.

Your place got weird.


Lookin' good, Pengy!

‐Over here!‐Yup!

[ Ice shatters ]


It's not a sewer,but it will have to do.

♪♪

♪ It's a humid night ♪

♪ The moon is getting fullagain ♪

♪ Somewhere there's a slightfigure made of paraffin ♪

♪ And someone is turningits head ♪

♪ And someone is pullingits leg ♪

♪ It's maaaaaagic ♪


Jake?What's up with you?

[ Sobbing quietly ]

Oh, no.

Jake, you have an icicle.

You look like your kids.

[ Muttering ]My sweater.

Ah, back in my old basement,where it all began.

Psst!

I don't think this isa basement anymore.

Cool boy says what?

[ Clears throat ]

Welcome to the party, sir.

May I take your coat?

Uh, I guess?


I don't know what I'm gonna dowith this but, whatevs.

Ice Carroll: That's them!

The garbage who said they weregonna take you out!

Carroll!!

I'm sorry, Finn.

I've got a good thinggoing on here.

Patient St. Pim,undo this mess!

[ Growls ]

Raa!

Cool boy!

[ Shivering ]Fix our home, Patience!

[ Sighs ] Even if I feltlike it, I can't.

Let me show you.

The princesses and I arethe elementals incarnate,

but the others didn't wantto play with me.

They deniedtheir precious birthright.

So, I cast a mega‐spell

that tappedinto their true selves.

But the spell worked too well.

Instead of embracingtheir powers,

they were overrun by them.

I have distilled theminto something monstrous.

[ Monotone voice ]Monstrous ‐‐ like life itself.

Okay, that all tracks.

But what happened to Betty?

I used her as a magic batteryto power my spell.

My big, dumb spell.Ugh.

Enough of your mind games!

Tell us where you ‐‐Wait, is that shrimp?

Ooh, is there shrimp here?

Ooh hoo hoo hoo hoo![ Chomping ]

I planned this gorgeous balland shrimp buffet

to celebrate withthe other elementals,

but none of them came.


If you're so upset about this,you should fix it.

Fix it, don't fix it ‐‐

the universe is an abyssof suffering.

Y'all needto lighten up in here.


[ Murmuring ]

Brr.

[ Chomping ]

[ Gulp ]

[ Sighs ]

Aah!

Weird lady!

Raa![ Dishes shatter ]

[ Grunting ]


Best‐friends gang, retreat!


Ice King's ghosting, man.We gotta leave!

Everyone leaves except me.

I remember father made mestay at the table

until all the eggs were eaten.

Patience, let Jake go!

Jake is now partof my Ice Dominion.

He'll never leave here again.

Well, that sucks, and I hate it.

I'm just gonna take him anyway.

[ Sighs ]Whatever.

Achoos Goose.


The goose...is loose.

We've lost another friend,Achoos Goose.

There's no pointin having friends

because everythingwill...ends.


My mystic soup is greatfor combating ice magic.

You sure put a magical amountof pepper in it.

Nothing's changed sincewe got you out of there.

I guess Patience doesn't needyour magic to sustain it.

Yeah, I feel drainedlike a dirty bathtub.

Jake, how are you feeling?

This chicken soupdoes nothing

to warmthe coldness of my heart.

‐Are you serious?‐Just kidding!


Man, there's got to besomething we can do

about Patience's spell.

You know, ancient magicwas actually my major.

And there is one artifact

that could potentiallyhelp us ‐‐

a book called"The Enchiridion."

With that, I could formulatea counter‐spell, and‐‐

We can't help you there.We blew that thing up.

Uh, actually,I might have grabbed

another Enchiridionfrom Farmworld Dimension.

[ Gasps ]

This biz is crazy powerful,though.

Well, I'm a little crazy now,so I'm willing to try.

♪♪

[ Laughs ]

[ Laughing maniacally ]


[ Laughing ]

[ Both laughing ]


Phew.

What?

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Wizard Battle" from season 3, which aired on August 29, 2011.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Ice King

Grand Master Wizard
Abracadaniel
Wizards
Princess Bubblegum
Music
"Wizard Battle"
Locations
Wizard Battle colesseum
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode starts in the Wizard Battle stadium, Finn is walking through almost empty stands, singing "Wizard Battle"]
Finn: Jake.
[Jake is asleep on a seat; Finn crawls towards him]
Finn: [Whispering] Wizard Battle is starting soon!
Jake: [Pushes Finn away, groans] I know! We got here six hours early, you dork! Just wake me up when they start selling hot dogs. [sees that he is laying on a hot dog] Whoa! What do you know! [Eee gasp]
Finn: The wizards are arriving!
[The crowd cheers as the wizard walk in and kneel]
Finn: Whoo-hoo! Yeah!!!
Grand Master Wizard: [Offscreen] Ladies and gentlemen...
Finn: [Gasps repeatedly]
Grand Master Wizard: I am the Grand Master Wizard of Ceremonies. And now, the rules. Contestants will fight each other with spells from the eight schools of magic. [Science Whyzard enters] No science, Science Whyzard! [She leaves, Weapon Head enters] No weapons, Weapon Head! [Weapon Head pouts and takes of his weapon head and throws it into a pile of prohibited wizard stuff and makes fire from his hands] To enter Wizard Battle, you must be a wizard!
Finn: [Looking through binoculars] Whoo, wizard only allowed! Whoo. Whoo. Wh-...[Sees Ice King] Oh, what? Ice King!
Jake: Boo!
Finn: You're a contestant?!
Ice King: Mm-hmm. You guys come here to watch me win?
Finn: Phshoo, you're gonna lose, man.
Jake: You're a loser.
Ice King: Ha! I'm not gonna lose! I've got a foolproof plan for winning. [Whispers] I'm gonna cheat. [Laughs]
[The three are shadowed by a pink blimp]
Grand Master Wizard: And now L's and G's, witness the unveiling of this tournaments grand prize, [A curtain rises over the blimps cockpit revealing Princess Bubblegum] A kiss from Princess Bubblegum! [Princess Bubblegum starts posing with her lips as the crowds cheer] On the mouth!
[A small group of three Lady Wizards look displeased]
Lady Wizard #1: Boooo. Boo.
Brain Wizard: Hmm. Is it an open mouth kiss?
Grand Master Wizard: No!
Brain Wizard: Then I choose to exit the battle.
[Brain Wizard begins to leave, the Lady Wizards go "Yeah"]
Grand Master Wizard: No one is allowed to exit Wizard Battle! [Turns the four wizards into cats; the door closes] The doors are shut. [A barrier covers the stadium. A bird flies by but gets hit by the barrier] The sky barrier is in place. All of you will kiss the princess or die in battle.
Ice King: Ooh, I just can't wait to taste that sweet Bubblegum. [Flies off happy]
Finn: [blushing] Jake, we gotta enter the contest and stop Ice King.
Jake: But we're not wizards, man. What about the sanctity and honor of Wizard Battle?
Finn: I'd rather sanctify PB's lips.
Jake: Ooooh! You don't care about the Ice King. You just wanna kiss Princess Bubblegum.
Finn: No! I wanna save the princess!
Jake: Mm-hmm. Yeah, you do.
Finn: I do!
Jake: Yeah, you do.
Finn: Oh, shush! [Carries Jake off]
[They hop into the pile of wizard stuff and come out in disguise, Jake is cover by a red cloak and has his paws out wear the arm and legs should be and Finn has his head poking out of the head hole with a green hood and a blue eye mask]
Finn: Now, where's the Ice King.
[The wizards are warming up, Ice King is standing in a corner]
Jake: Over there!
Ice King: [Checking his breath] Oh, yeah.
Finn: We need a plan, man.
Jake: Okay. When the wizards start to battle, let's go hide behind that rock.
[It is sunset, Princess Bubblegum is still posing her lips]


Grand Master Wizard: By the rays of the setting sun, the battle of wizards has begun!


[Grand Master Wizard shoots a magic blast into the arena and the battle floor becomes covered in dust and magic spells, Finn and Jake dodge the spells and hide behind a rock, when the dust clears the wizards are gone as the light come on in the night]


Jake: Looks like everyone had the same plan.
[The wizards are hiding behind various objects]
Finn: What are they waiting for?
Abracadaniel: The opposites.
Finn: Huh?
[A small wizard crawls out from behind rock behind Finn]
Abracadaniel: The wizards with opposite powers will take each other on first.
Finn: And are you a wizard?
Abracadaniel: Yes. My name is Abracadaniel. [Tries to make a rainbow appear but can only keep it up for a few seconds]
Finn: Hi, Abracadaniel. My name is, uh, Magic... [Jake forms his hand into a fist] Fist.
Jake: [Pops his head out of the head hole] Whoa. This kid looks like a wimp.
Abracadaniel: Who's that?
Finn: He's my, uh, magic second head.
Abracadaniel: Well, he's right. [Sighs] I only entered this contest 'cause I thought the prize would be money. But it's just a kiss!
Finn: You mean, you don't care about kissing PB?
Abracadaniel: Blegh, no way. If I was the winner, I would turn my face so our lips [gasps] wouldn't touch and I would push Princess away. Turn and push, turn and push, turn and push...
Finn: [To Jake]
Abracadaniel: ...turn and push, turn and push. Well, I'm going back to my cave to wait for someone to kill me. Goodbye.
Finn: Wait! Abracadanny, don't you worry about a thing. I'm gonna protect you.
Abracadaniel: You will?
Finn: Yeah, man. Also, I have an idea for how you can help me save PB's lips.
Abracadaniel: Oh, okay.
[The sounds of a magic battle is heard, Ice King is fighting Flame Lord] Oh look, opposites are going to battle.
Ice King: Yeaah!
[In the battle Ice King brings out nunchucks and hits Flame Lord]
Finn: [Gasps] Cheating!
[Ice King hits Flame Lord unconscious]
Finn: He's using a weapon!
Jake: Why isn't the Grand Master Wizard seeing this?
[The Grand Master Wizard is playing with cats]
Ice King: Nun-chucks vanish! [The nun-chucks retract into his sleeve] Boo yah!
Finn: Now's my chance to stop him.
[The rock he is hiding behind opens its eyes and rises up]
Finn: Huwahh?!
Abracadaniel: Rock Wizard!
Rock Wizard: Arrgghh! Come to me, meteor shower! Rock Wizard compels you!
[The sky opens up and meteors fall]
Abracadaniel: Cantrip!
[Abracadaniel shoots a rainbow over Rock Wizard]
Rock Wizard: Huh?
[The rainbow disappears and the meteors fall; one lands on Abracadaniel]
Finn: [Gasp] No! [Finn dodges the meteors] Jake, two o' clock!
[Jake's arm smashes an incoming meteor, Abracadaniel appears behind them]
Finn: Okay, now to stop the [Sees Abracadaniel] Ice Kiiing...?
Abracadaniel: My body is squishy. That's how I survived.
Finn: Whoa! That's turbo amazing!
[Ice King is screaming fighting sound, shooting magic and twirling his nun-chucks, Huntress Wizard jumps behind him, blast at him, misses and jumps away as Ice King swings his nun-chucks at her]
Finn: Stay close to me, Abracadaniel.
[They run into the crowd of battling wizards and run into Cyclo. Abracadaniel shoots a rainbow at him and turns him pink]
Cyclo: What?! You turned me pink, bro!
[Jake punches Cyclo and knocks him out and he lands on top of another knocked out wizard]
[Grand Master Wizard is playing with a cat and looks at the arena again]
Grand Master Wizard: Three wizards remain. Time to get real. I wanna see some crazy wiz biz!
[The crowd starts chanting "wiz biz!"]
Ice King: Wiz biz! Wiz biz! Oh, I can almost taste those sweet lips. [Makes a make-out face; Abracadaniel cringes]
Finn: [Whispering] Quick, listen! Now's the time for you to help me. [Whispers in Abracadaniel's ear]
Ice King: Hey, guys. Guys? What are you whispering? Come on! I gotta a surprise for yous fools.
[They circle the Ice King]
Ice King: Yeah. That's right. Just a little closer. [Reaches into his sleeve] Ooh, what's in here? In my little sleevey hole? [Pulls out his nun-chucks]
Finn: [To Abracadaniel] Watch out, man.
Ice King: Whoo!
[Ice King swings his nun-chucks at Abracadaniel but he dodges]
Finn: You got this, Danny boy!
[Abracadaniel shoots a rainbow at the nun-chucks and turns them into a butterfly]
Ice King: My nun-chucks! Nooo!!
Abracadaniel: Yes! [Breathes hard] I did it! I really did it. I'm a true wizard.
[Jake gives him a thumbs up; the butterfly flies overhead]
Ice King: I have powers too, you butts! Yahh! Ice sword! [Creates an ice sword] Ice Shield! [Creates an ice shield]
[Ice King heads towards them]
Abracadaniel: Abracadaniel! [Shoots another rainbow at the butterfly and it turns back into the nunchucks]
Ice King: Wha? What you say? [Nunchucks fall on his head] B'oh! [Falls unconcious]
[The crowd cheers]
Finn: Good job, Danny. You're not a wimp anymore. You should feel pretty good.
Abracadaniel: I do. I feel real good.
Finn: I'm gonna forfeit now. I only wanted to stop the Ice King.
Jake: [Pops out of the shirt] Uh-uh.
Finn: I forfeit! I forfeit, everyone!
[Grand Master Wizard turns him into a cat; the crowd cheers]
Finn: Meow.
Jake: Whoa.
Grand Master Wizard: Abracadaniel wins! You are the greatest wizard in Ooo!
Abracadaniel: Oh, w-w-well thank you, Grand Master Wizard. I guess through this trial I have become a great wizard. I, I came here with no self-esteem and no chances, a will-o-wisp of a boy, but I walk out this arena a man. A confident man! Who deserves a kiss from a princess!
[Finn gasps and his Finn arms bursts out of the cat's front paws and he tears his way out of the cat, and he grabs Abracadaniel]
Finn: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
[Finn covers his mouth; Abracadaniel gets knocked out by Finn's scream]
Grand Master Wizard: It appears you have knocked out Abracadaniel using the most shameful of all magic, a power shriek. [The crowd grumbles in discontent] But since you are the last wizard, you are the winner of Wizard Battle. [The crowd cheers] Go get ready for your kiss, champ.
[In the locker room, Finn looks depressed]
Finn: [Sighs]
Jake: [Comes out from under the cloak] Wow, man.
Finn: What?
Jake: I've never heard you scream like that before. You were all like, "Nooo! No one kisses her but me!"
Finn: Yeah, okay! I want to kiss her, alright? You got me! The big secret is out! Okay, Jake. I like Princess Bubblegum! ARE YOU HAPPY, JAKE?!
[Jake has sad eyes as he lets out a tear]
Finn: Whoa, Jake. Don't cry, man. I'm not really mad at you.
[Jake looks happy as he sniffles a little and wipes a tear]


Finn: I'm just sick of having to hide my feelings all the driz. It's exhausting.


Jake: Then stop hiding you feelings, man! Go out there, and smooch it up! [His tail wags]
Finn: Heh heh. Yeah, alright, man.
[Footsteps are heard, Finn jumps back on top of Jake, Grand Master Wizard opens the locker room door]
Grand Master Wizard: You ready in there?
Finn: Yeah, I'm coming!
[Finn walks back out into the stadium where some of the wizards are watching, Ice King is still unconscious, and Princess Bubblegum stands in front of her blimp with Banana Guards by her side; Peppermint Butler is singing "Ultimate Prize Song" when Jake trips on Rock Wizard, who pops his head out of the ground]
Finn: Ooh, whoa!
["Magic Fist" is revealed to everyone; everyone gasps and mumbles in surprise]
Finn: Oh, dag.
Princess Bubblegum: What's going on here?
Finn: Uh, Ice King was cheating his way through Wizard Battle using nun-chucks, so Jake and I faked being wizards to save you from having to kiss him and we uh, [Sighs] I dishonored Wizard Battle.
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, Finn, ...you did all that for me? [Kisses Finn] That's for being sweet. [Slaps him] And that's for cheating. Finn, you know better than to ruin the sanctity of Wizard Battle. Wizards only, silly. Okay, everyone! Go home! Start getting ready for next year!
[The wizards grumbling, leave along with Princess Bubblegum]
Finn: Heh heh, oh, well.
Jake: Good job. You got the kiss, man.
Finn: Thanks, man. My face hurts a little.
[Jake puts his Finn's eye mask back on Finn's face]
Jake: Don't worry about that, 'cause you look totally cool right now.
Finn: Thanks, dude. [Puts the mask on Jake] Here, you try 'em.
Jake: Okay, am I cool now?
Finn: So fly.
Ice King: [Out of nowhere, wearing purple sunglasses] How 'bout me? Put me on the grid, scale of one to ten. One is "totally gross," ten is like, "Dang, Ice King. You look crazy sick."
[Finn and Jake give Ice King a dirty look as the episode ends]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Wizard" from season 1, which aired on May 10, 2010.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Bufo
Music
None
Locations
Wizard Village
Grand Hall of Wizardry
Grass Lands
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[The episode begins with Finn and Jake walking through the Grass Lands.]
Finn: Hey, Jake.
Jake: Yeah?
Finn: You ever wonder what a demon's heart looks like?
Jake: Of course, dude.
Finn: You ever wonder what a demon's heart tastes like?
Reaper: Hey, kid... You want some magic powers...? Magic powers for absolutely free...
Finn: Heck yeah!
Jake: [To Finn] Wait! Let's not be too rash! Just look at this guy! [The reaper chuckles menacingly.] Check out the sunken, lifeless eyes... The foul stench of decay... You know what that means?
Finn: Means he's evil, I guess.
Jake: Well, evil, sure... but mostly, he's unattractive, and unattractive people are desperate. You should haggle with him!
Finn: [To Reaper] Hey! I want more than just free powers! What else ya got?!
Reaper: Alright... Free magical powers and... [Pulling left arm off] Eh! And this keychain.
Finn: [Jumping excitedly] OH! OH! OH!
Jake: [Whispering] Play it cool, Finn.
Finn: Right. [To Reaper, faking] I begrudgingly accept your offer.
[Storm clouds begin to cluster above the reaper.]
Reaper: [Menacingly] Yes... Then the deal is struck! [Lightning flashes] WAHAHAHAHAHA! [Storm clouds abruptly go away.] You can pick up your powers right through that door. [A mystical, dangerous-looking portal suddenly appears next to him.] [Holding up a sign that says "FREE MAGICK"] This way...
[The Adventure Time logo spins onto the screen. The sword goes through the logo. The scene shifts to a realm in which there is a wizard training facility. Finn and Jake fall from the portal and land here.]
Finn: This place looks magical. You think this is where we get the powers?
[Door opens.]
Host: Yes, I do. [Emerging from door] Free powers for all. Want some?
Finn: Yeah! Are you the guy handing 'em out?
Host: You seek Bufo, the wizard!
Finn: So, where's that guy?
Host: [Indicating his person] He is here, of course.
Finn: Uh...
Jake: He's here... but he's not you.
Host: That's right.
Jake: [Making his fist bigger] We should beat 'im up until he starts makin' sense!
[The host shrinks in fear and expands his neck. Tadpoles emerge.]
Bufo: [All speaking simultaneously] We are Bufo!
Finn: Ohhhh...
Bufo: [One tadpole is lagging behind this time] So... you wish to be inducted into the ancient order of—[Only one tadpole speaking] Dang it, Leonard!! If we don't talk at the same time, nobody can understand us!
Tadpole: Sorry... geez...
Bufo: [All speaking simultaneously] Ahem... So... You want free wizard powers... Powers like... [Creating mystical energy blasts from the host's hands] these!
Finn & Jake: [Excitedly] Hahaha! Yeah! We want 'em! Give us the stuff!
Jake: Oh, boy!
Finn: Yes, we do! Can't wait!
Bufo: [Slowly retreating to the building] [Mysteriously] Then follow....
[Finn and Jake enthusiastically follow.]
Finn: Whoo-hoo!
Jake: Whoo!
Bufo: Behold the Grand Hall of Wizardry! [Camera pans to show wizard students training.] This is where young potentials train to become Ultimate Wizards! Most are not ready for the responsibility that comes with it.
Finn: [Cheerfully] I'm responsible, dude!
Jake: Yeah! So am I!
Finn: [Still cheerfully] That's a lie!
Jake: It is a lie... and I take full responsibility for it!
Bufo: Yes, yes... very responsible. Now I bestow upon you these wizard cloaks!
Finn & Jake: Whoa!
[They don the cloaks.]
Finn: Hey! This is a dress!
Jake: Yeah! And I am into it! It's, like, gossamer!
Finn: [He stuffs the bottom of the cloak into his shorts and unhoods.] This way I won't be embarrassed!
Bufo: Fine, fine. Now for every power that you accrue, [Creating star badges on cloak] you shall receive a star badge like these. [Pointing to big star on cloak] This final star betokens the rank of Ultimate Wizard!
[Finn and Jake gasp in awe.]
Finn: Mark me, Jake. I shall have that final star! [To Bufo] Where do we start?!
Bufo: Level 1—Dustomancy.
Finn: Yeah! Dustomancy! Whatever that is! Gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme!
Bufo: To receive this power, you must first... [Making two brooms appear] eat these brooms.
[He gives the brooms to Finn and Jake.]
Finn: Alright. [He and Jake begin.] Ah, wait! [Spits out splinters and sticks tongue out, showing splinters on tongue] This is gross!! Man, I can't eat this!
Jake: Yeah, you can! Do what I do! RAAAAWR!! [Increases size then eats broom with ease. He shrinks back to his normal size, but the broom remains the same size.] Oops. [Slightly increases size] Ah, there we go.
[A star forms on Jake's cloak. Finn and Jake make amazed noises.]
Finn: Whoooaaa! You got a star!
Jake: Haha! Observe my magics!
Finn: Wait, Jake! Don't use 'em until I finish my broom! [Gnaws furiously on broom. Scene transition; Finn and Jake are sitting on the floor. Finn's broom is almost completely eaten.] [Weakly] Last... bite... [Eats it]
[A star appears on Finn's cloak.]
Jake: [Rising up] Dude, you got your star, too!
Finn: [Rising up] WE'RE DUSTOMANCERS! [Strains trying to use powers] Nothing happened! This is a total ripoff!! Bufo! You tricked us! Stupid power doesn't even work!!
Bufo: Calm yourself, boy. [Strikes Finn] You are acting hysterical. Do you not see that you are using Dustomancy? Behold...
[A dust mote appears.]
Finn: I'm doing this? So... I have—
Bufo: Yes. Mastery over all dust motes. You can also read their emotions. For instance, this mote is very unhappy in his marriage.
Jake: Well, that's... sorta cool.
Finn: "Sorta" cool?!? THIS IS RADICAL!
Jake: Whoo, yeah! Force that enthusiasm!
Bufo: Are you ready for more magic?
Finn: We get more?!
Bufo: So much more... like Level 2... the power of... Shadowcery! [Makes blindfolds appear over Finn and Jake's eyes] You can't see through those, right?
Finn: Nope... Not at all.
Bufo: To gain provenance over the shadows, place your hands into [Making bowl of peeled grapes appear] this bowl!
Jake: [Slightly removing blindfold] What bowl?
Bufo: No! Cover your eyes!
Jake: [Annoyed] Mmmm, fine...
Bufo: Thrust your hands into this bowl... of eyeballs.
Finn: Eyeballs?!
Jake: Dude, it's okay. They're just peeled grapes.
Bufo: No! They're eyeballs... [Giggles mischievously. Finn and Jake feel the grapes and make disgusted noises.] Well done. You have groped the eyeballs fearlessly.
[Finn and Jake each get a new star on their cloaks.]
Finn: Another star! Yeah! Shadowcery... [He morphs his shadow into a three-dimensional form of a horse. The horse neighs.] Onward, my shadow steed! [Tries to jump on horse but phases through it] Huh?
Shadow Horse: No touchies. [Disappears]
Finn: Wizard powers are so cool... I want ALL THE STAR BADGES!!!
[A montage begins. On Level 3, Finn and Jake must balance pencils on their lips.]
Bufo: Excellent.
[Finn and Jake are rewarded with their third stars and the power of hair creation. Jake chuckles and makes himself a mustache. On Level 8, Finn and Jake spin coins by flicking them. Stars are rewarded.]
Bufo: Well done.
[Finn and Jake are rewarded with the power of mayonnaise creation. They feed themselves with mayonnaise. On the next challenge, Finn flips a hammer and is rewarded with a star; on the succeeding challenge, Jake puts an orange slice in his mouth to create a fake smile and is rewarded with a star. On the next challenge, Finn and Jake both balance themselves on tilted chairs. On Level 15, Jake is rewarded with Beauteous Wings. On Level 27, Finn is rewarded with the Vorpal Hand. On Level 31, Finn and Jake are granted the power of firework creation. They laugh and cheer as they blast fireworks into the night sky. The montage ends.]
Finn: All we're missing now is the big star! You ready to complete the set, man?
Jake: Nah, I'm good.
Finn: [In disbelief] WHAT?! How can you stop now??
Jake: Eh... I've got everything I need. A limitless supply of mayonnaise, this captivating new hairstyle... and I just learned the best spell of all!
Finn: What's that?
Jake: Sleep.
[Jake makes himself fall asleep by shooting himself with the spell.]
Finn: Aw... What a lame-o. [Walking up to Bufo] Bufo! I'm ready to get that big star!
Bufo: To tell true, the last power is not free.
Finn: Wha?? You can't do this to me, man! I've got no money!
Bufo: No, no cash. For the final star, you must take the pledge of ultimate responsibility.
Finn: [Nonchalantly] Okay. I'll take that pledge.
Bufo: Are you sure? Perhaps you are not sufficiently familiar with—
Finn: I'm ready!
Bufo: Well, there may be ramifications that you cannot—
Finn: [Impatiently] Just let me take that pledge, man!
Bufo: My word, I've never met someone so irresponsibly responsible. Very well, then. You must... grasp my hand.
Finn: That's it? [Does it] Easy! [He shines with a glorious light and screams. A big star glows on his cloak. Finn is now being pulled up by cables.] Huh? [Gasps] My big star!! Yes!! Wha-hoo! Yeah!! Wait, where am I?
Bufo: Direct your attention to the scale-model orb.
Finn: Huh? [Looks at viewing globe] Is that an asteroid heading for this very temple?
Bufo: Yes. It's been heading for this temple for 847 years. Only the magic of the ultimate wizards keeps it from getting any closer. Quickly, add your power to that of the orb.
Finn: Oh, okay. [Does it; the force of the blast pushes Finn backwards.] Whoa! I got it! Now what?
Bufo: Now I release the elder Jeremy from his pledge. Razzamafoo!
Jeremy: It's about time... [Gets teleported out of his station into the host's hand]
Bufo: And you take his place... for the rest of your natural life.
Finn: Awesome. ... Wait, what?!
Bufo: This is what you signed up for when you took the pledge of ultimate responsibility.
Finn: This is what all the wizard training was about?! [Stops supplying power to the orb] You tricked me!
Old Wizard: Young wizard! The asteroid approaches!
Finn: Oh, yeah. Sorry. [Supplies orb with power; the asteroid recedes.]
Bufo: I tricked you, of course... but would anyone really volunteer to do this? [Leaving] I'm out. [Shuts door]
Finn: Aw, man, this sucks. [Frustrated noise] Old people! There's gotta be a better way!
Old Wizard: Nope... This is how the ancient ones wanted it.
Finn: Yeah? I've got a younger idea! [Removes himself from station]
Old Wizard: You fool! Your newfangled thinking will get us all killed!
Finn: Youth culture forever! [Runs outside; spots the asteroid.] Whoa.
[Bufo seems to be putting Jeremy in a coffin while he is still alive.]
Bufo: Hey! Have you gone crazy?! Get back in the bouncy harness!
Finn: Sleep! [Fires spell]
Bufo: You are—! Uhh... [Falls asleep]
[Finn runs up and readies himself.]
Finn: Ultimate Wizardry, activate! [Nothing happens] ...Uh... Hm. Maybe my footing's off? [Adjusts footing; his fist begins glowing] There you go! [Finn begins his transformation.] I cast... Dragon Eyes! Tiger Claw! Vorpal Hand! Blazing Feet! Beauteous Wings! And finally... every other power I didn't mention by naaaame! With all my magics combined, I'm powerful enough to move the entire village out of the asteroid's path! [Finn uses his Ultimate Magical Hands to lift the village and strains himself. Jake (who is still sleeping) is tilted out of the main temple. Finn retracts his hand. The asteroid is approaching.] [Gasp] I need some help! Jake!! Awaken!! [Fires spell]
Jake: [Still sleeping] Reflect. [Reflects spell.]
[The spell hits a rock, and it becomes animate.]
Rock: Hey, I'm alive! What's that up there? [Noticing asteroid] AH! OH, NO!
Finn: Hah... My stupid young idea will be responsible for hundreds of deaths!
Old Wizard: [Unsympathetically] It sure will!
[Finn turns at his voice.]
Finn: Huh? Old wizards! You ditched your responsibilities to help me!
Old Wizard: What? No! We left so we wouldn't be killed by that asteroid!
Finn: [Slightly annoyed] Oh, okay, um, since you're here already, could you lend me a hand??
[The Old Wizards and Finn all use their Ultimate Magical Hands to move the village out of the meteor's path. When the meteor lands, a giant explosion occurs, destroying the clothes of the Old Wizards, Finn, and Jake. Jake wakes up.]
Jake: Huh??
[The village falls back down, as do Finn and the Old Wizards.]
Finn: Whoo-hoo! Nice job! Thanks to us, the village is saved. And we reclaimed a few of your twilight years!
Bufo: Don't forget to thank me. For this was my plan for all of these 847 years.
Finn: No way! Your plan was to dupe a succession of rubes into keeping the asteroid at bay!
Bufo: [Guilty] Perhaps you're right. No more giving out free powers. I hereby renounce all magic. [Bufo and the host cry. The host sits on the ground.] My life is oveeeeeer!
Finn: Chill, man. You don't have to quit your job.
Bufo: I don't?
Finn: Nah. Just don't take credit for ideas that aren't yours.
Bufo: Oh... okay... [Finn and Jake start leaving.] Good idea... [To himself] Glad I thought of it...
[Finn and Jake are walking.]
Reaper: Hey, naked kid. you want some free... Demon heart?!
Finn: Aw, ha ha ha haw, yeah!
Jake: Full circle!!
[The episode ends.]
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Wizards Only, Fools" from season 5, which aired on July 1, 2013.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Princess Bubblegum
Abracadaniel
Wizard Police
Music
none
Locations
Candy Kingdom Hospital
Candy Kingdom
Wizard City
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[Episode starts in the Candy Hospital. Princess Bubblegum is trying to inject Starchie with a serum.]
Starchie: Noooooo! Get away from me, you butchers!
Princess Bubblegum: Starchie, you have a cold. The cure is right here. Just let me-
Starchie: Starchie only takes magic!
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, come on.
Starchie: [Sneezes] Find me a wizard!
Princess Bubblegum: Nurse Pound Cake, hold Starchie while I administer the serum.
Nurse Pound Cake: [inhales sharply]
Princess Bubblegum: What?
Nurse Pound Cake: Look, I'm a nurse and all, but my uncle is a magic worker and he cured my sadness about my marriage.
Princess Bubblegum: [sighs] Listen, all magic is scientific principles presented like mystical hoo-doo, which is fun but it's sort of irresponsible. I got your magic right here, okay? And razzle dazzle! Flooby-doo! Zamabamafoo!
Starchie: Is that a real spell?
Princess Bubblegum: No, I'm making fun of spells.
Starchie: [tears in eyes] Princess, you're being really disrespectful of my beliefs!
Nurse Pound Cake: [tears in eyes] That was very close-minded!
[Both begin to cry]
Princess Bubblegum: Starchie, I just want to help.
[Sobbing continues]
Princess Bubblegum: All right! You want me to go to Wizard City and get you a cold spell?
[Starchie nods]
Princess Bubblegum: You still think I'm a jerk? [Starchie nods again] All right, sit tight.
[Princess Bubblegum walks out to where Finn and Jake are seated and waiting.]
Finn: How is he?
Princess Bubblegum: He's still sick.
[Finn and Jake groan]
Jake: Yo, that stinks! Tonight's part 3 of his graveyard secrets workshop.
Finn: Yeah, prubs, give him the mediçon.
Princess Bubblegum: He won't take it. He wants me to get him a cold spell from Wizard City.
Finn and Jake: Oh, okay.
Jake: That makes sense.
Princess Bubblegum: [Scoffs] dude, you guys! Really?
Jake: Yeah, I mean, magic's probably more natchy for your body in the long run.
Princess Bubblegum: [sighs] Have you two been to Wizard City?
Finn: Nope. "Wizards only."
Jake: Wizards don't play.
Finn: Trespassers get killed mad quick, like zap-zap.
Princess Bubblegum: Well, then what?
Finn: Let's stay home. Just kidding.
Princess Bubblegum: All right, meet me outside of Wizard City in your freshest wizard johns.
Starchie: [sneezes] H-hurry, princess.
[Scene changes to outside of Wizard City, which is a wall of rock. Finn and Jake are waiting for Princess Bubblegum to meet them.]
Finn: This is it?
Jake: Yeah, man, this is it.
Finn: Well, what's with the wall?
Jake: Wo-o-o-o-o-o-o-op! [Jake stretches over the wall to see what lies beyond.]
Finn: What's over there?
Jake: Nothing. Just more mountains. I think the wall knows we're not wizards.
Finn: But we can trick it, right?
Jake: How do you trick a wall?
Finn: Don't know, man. I give up.
Jake: For reals?
Finn: Yeah, I'm no good at this! [Finn walks away from wall. He suddenly turns around and runs head first into the wall.] Unh! Oof!
Jake: That was a nice try, man.
[Princess Bubblegum walks over.]
Princess Bubblegum: Guys, hold up! I got the password from the Ice King. Apparently, the barrier only responds to the voice of real wizards. [Princess Bubblegum brings out a tape recorder and plays it.]
Ice King: [on tape recorder:] No way! I'm no rat! I am bound by the sacred trust of esoteric knowledge!
Princess Bubblegum: Say the password, Ice King!
Ice King: You think I'll just hand you the keys to the city? I'd rather die.
Princess Bubblegum: Say the password.
Ice King: Ow! My pinky! [Princess bubblegum smiles nervously and shrugs] Ow. [sniffles] Thank you. [Finn blushes in embarrassment and Jake facepalms and shakes his head in disapproval] You know, no one has touched me in months. Could you touch me again?
Princess Bubblegum: Password! Now!!'
Ice King: Ow! Ohh! Ohh! "Wizards Rule!" THE PASSWORD IS WIZARDS RULE!" AAH--
[Princess Bubblegum stops the tape.]
Finn: Whoa. [The wall of rock fades away and reveals Wizard City behind it.] Powerful magicks.
Princess Bubblegum: Pshh! It's a vocal registry rigged to a vibration modulator. The wall's still there. It's just the density's all wobbled.
Jake: Boo.
[Finn, Jake, and Princess Bubblegum start walking inside Wizard City.]
Princess Bubblegum: Um...That's what it is, Jake.
Jake: All right, what am I, then? [Jake stretches so his stomach has a butterfly form.] This don't look like magic to you?
Princess Bubblegum: It looks like a mutation.
Jake: Boring.
Princess Bubblegum: Yeah, right. Just 'cause I know my shnoz. [looking around at the wizards in Wizard City] Look at these dopes. Half of these spells are all working on entanglement principles.
Finn: "Entanglement" is a spell where you get trapped in tree roots, and sometimes they spike out and hook your flesh, and you got to be like, "My body is clay, my spirit feels no pain." Then you chop your way out and kill the wizard!
Princess Bubblegum: That's not what I meant, but whatevs. Where's this magic shop?
Finn: These signs are weird. Let's ask somebody. Hey, dudes. [Finn walks over to talk to a group of wizard policemen he's spotted.] Yo, where's the--
Wizard Policeman: Stand back, citizen.
Finn: Yeesh. Okay. Who are these guys?
Princess Bubblegum: They're like the city po-po or something.
Wizard Policeman: [talking to a blue man] Stranson Doughblow, you are guilty of impersonating a wizard, as well as purchasing magic items from Ron James' Spell Palace.
Princess Bubblegum: Bingo.
Stranson Doughblow: Wait! I know some coin tricks!
Wizard Policeman: The sentence is... [Wizard Policeman lifts his bandanna over his eyes onto his forehead and shoots a laser from his eye. The laser turns Stranson into a wooden cane.]
Stranson Doughblow: Woaah!
[The Wizard Policeman bends down to pick up the cane.]
Finn: Oh, my shrah!
Princess Bubblegum: Come on.
Finn: You saw that, right?
[Finn, Jake, and Princess Bubblegum walk into the Spell Palace]
Ron James: Welcome, brothers! Sorry about that biz outside.
Princess Bubblegum: Ha ha ha! Oh, what a silly non-magic user, right?
[Ron James stares in silence for a second.]
Ron James: All right, bros. Ronny James got mad spells for wizards of all exps. No need for memorization, incantation, or hard-to-find bularoo. Just rip one of these babies open, and you'll be like, "ta-da!" We got a bottle-returns program and all that shwazaa. So, wha-za?
Jake: We need a spell for the cold.
Ron James: Heck, yeah, brah. I got something. [Ron James lifts a crystal bottle from under the counter] Oof! This baby right here — right here? — This is what you want, brothers.
Princess Bubblegum: How's it work?
Ron James: [with aggression] It works by magic. It's a spell.
Jake: Dude...
Princess Bubblegum: What? I'm curious. So, what's in it?
Ron James: It's my secret brew, dawg.
Princess Bubblegum: So you want to sell me a product with no information?
Ron James: [scowling at Princess Bubblegum] It's a cold spell.
Princess Bubblegum: Made from what?
Ron James: MAGIC.
Princess Bubblegum: What's the magic made out of, ding-dong?
Ron James: Y'all is fakes!
Finn: No, wait!
Ron James: [Ron James hits a button under his desk, which turns on an alarm, notifying the police of criminals.] Bam!
Wizard Policeman: You're busted!
Princess Bubblegum: Yoink! [Princess Bubblegum grabs the cold spell and dashes out of the window with Finn and Jake, hoping to get away from the police. They dash across ceilings of buildings in Wizard City and drop to the ground running. When the hit the ground, the policemen are still close behind them.] Dang. [They start running]
Finn: [while running:] Hey, Jake?
Jake: What?
Finn: Is PB straight-up naked right now?
Jake: Dude, don't make me feel any more awkward than I already do!
Princess Bubblegum: Dang! It's a dead end!
[A secret door in the wall opens up and Abracadaniel walks out, taking out the trash.]
Abracadaniel: [Whistling]
Finn and Jake: Abracadaniel!
Abracadaniel: Huh? Do I know you?
Finn: Dude, it's me, Finn! Quick, let us in!
Abracadaniel: Oh, guys, I don't know, that's not my place. I just work here and I-
Princess Bubblegum: Please!
Finn: Come on, man!
Jake: Shush!
Finn: [while pushing Abracadaniel, Princess Bubblegum and Jake inside the secret door] Come on, come on, come on, come on.
[The door closes behind them as the Wizard Police walk towards it.]
[Scene changes to inside the door. Bufo, the Laser Wizard, and the Forest Wizard are making plans to sacrifice Abracadaniel.]
Bufo: Yeah, when the lamb comes back, Laser Wizard puts him on the altar.
Forest Wizard: And then I extract his forehead, right, Bufo?
Ice King: [as a hologram on a bookshelf] Ooh!
Bufo: Right, yeah, that's the plan.
[An elevator clanks as the wizards hide their plans.]
Forest Wizard: What the blutt, Abracadaniel?!
Bufo: [grabbing his wand from his sleeve] What part of "secret society" don't you understand?
Jake: Whoa, whoa, whoa! We don't want trouble!
Finn: Just let us rest for a bit.
Laser Wizard: Oh, we gonna put you to rest. For good!
[Building rumbles. The Wizard Police drop from the ceiling and shoots a laser at the wizards.]
Wizard Policeman: You are guilty of harboring non-magic users!
Bufo: Barrier! [Bufo puts a force field around the three wizards.]
Forest Wizard: We need an exit!
Ice King [inhales sharply] Oh, boy.
Jake: [while hiding behind a bookshelf with Princess Bubblegum and Finn] That's what you get for asking a magician about his tricks, PB!
Bufo, the Forest Wizard, and the Laser Wizard: Ghosts of the warp-plane, grant us passage into your realm. [The three wizards vanish, leaving their clothes only. The policemen stop shooting their lasers.]
Abracadaniel: [hiding under a table] Hey, guys, wait for me!
Finn: Shush!
[A wizard policemen drops from the ceiling onto the table Abracadaniel was hiding under, crushing it and Abracadaniel. The other wizard policemen take the bookshelf Ice King was projected on and where Finn, Jake, and Princess Bubblegum were hiding and throw it.]
Ice King: Whoa!
Wizard Policeman: Receive your just punishment!
Princess Bubblegum: No! As ruler of the Candy Kingdom, I demand parley with the Grand Master Wizard!
[Scene changes to the Grand Master Wizard's palace. Inside, Finn, Jake, Princess Bubblegum, and Abracadaniel face the Grand Master Wizard. The Grand Master Wizard is sitting on a hovering bubble with a red watering can and a wizard staff with flies around it.]
Grand Master Wizard: Princess Bubblegum! For shame. And I'm very disappointed in you, [points at Abracadaniel with his water kettle and water pours from it.] Abracadaniel! However, Princess, since you have always been a dear friend to the wizard community, just say "Wizards Rule" and you're all free to go.
Abracadaniel: Wha-? Really?
Grand Master Wizard: [flicking his hair back and showing his ear, to show that he's listening.] Mmm?
Jake: Psst! Wizards rule!
Princess Bubblegum: No!
Grand Master Wizard: [coughs out a cat] Oh! [The Grand Master Wizard slips off his bubble, but catches it before he falls to the ground.]
Princess Bubblegum: [Finn puts her into a lock to keep her from harming the Grand Master Wizard] All magic is science! You just don't know what you're doing, so you call it magic! And, well.., it's.. ridiculous.
Grand Master Wizard: Wizard prison! All of you! Wizard prison!
Abracadaniel: Nooooooo!
[Princess Bubblegum seems adamant as the others share worried looks.]
[Scene changes to outside Wizard. It is dark outside with foreboding clouds. The prison is a dark brown color with windows emitting red light. Spotlights circle the entire building. Finn, Jake, Princess Bubblegum, and Abracadaniel are escorted in by some Wizard Police.]
Jake: Ridiculous, huh?
Abracadaniel: This isn't happening!
Wizrd Policeman: Ho! [hits Abracadaniel with his cane]
Abracadaniel: Ouch!
Criminal 1: Would you look at that?
Criminal 2: Somebody better start crying into my hand!
[A third criminal throws underwear at Finn's head.]
Finn: Ugh! That's sick!
Criminal 3: [sarcastic] You're right. I'm so ashamed. [throws another pair of underwear at Finn.]
Finn: Ugh!
Jake: [Jake stretches his arms into the cell to fight the criminal. The criminal stabs him with a fork.] Ouch! [The criminal starts laughing.]
Wizard Policeman: Come on! Move it! [He opens a cell door and points in it with his cane. He ushers Finn and Jake into it.] You two, in here! I got cells upstairs for Princess and Milkface.
Finn: [screaming into pillow] I got traumatized by those underpanties. [sighs] This sucks.
Jake: Hey, let's count the days. [Jake stretches his hands into a hammer and nail. He scratches in a tick mark.] One.
Finn: [Finn puts his head out of the cell door in between the bars.] Hey, PB, are you okay?
Princess Bubblegum: Yeah, I'm okay.
Jake: Sleep tight, Princess!
Princess Bubblegum: Good night. [mutters to self] Stupid wizards...
[Abracadaniel lowers his mirror so he can glance menacingly at PB, even though she is asleep.]
[Scene changes to the next day. We can hear Jake scratching in another tick mark and saying Two! We see Princess Bubblegum getting food from the prison's cafeteria.]
Finn: PB! Over here! [Finn motions Princess Bubblegum over to his and Jake's table. Princess Bubblegum smiles at them as Abracadaniel puts his leg out to trip her. She falls over and grunts.]
Finn: Whoa! [The prisoners scream in shock. Finn and Jake get up and Finn slams his food down.]
Abracadaniel: Bubblegum, I hereby challenge you to an honorable prison stabbing to the death!
Princess Bubblegum: BRING IT ON. [Princess Bubblegum grabs a claw that was in her soup and shoves it in the air menacingly.]
Finn: What?! Are you two crazy?!
Princess Bubblegum: I've had it with you silly wizards!
[A crowd gathers around the two. They start repeatedly chanting 'Fight!'. A criminal takes off his eyepatch and ties one of Abracadaniel's and Princess Bubblegum's hands to each other. They stare at each other menacingly.]
Finn: Jake, we have to do something!
[Princess Bubblegum and Abracadaniel start circling around each other. They both swat at each other with their weapons. Abracadaniel swipes at Princess Bubblegum, but she blocks it. She takes the force of the block and swats at Abracadaniel's hair. She cuts his hairband which makes his hair fall into his face. He swats at Princess Bubblegum and rips off a tiny piece of her hair. She kicks him to the ground, which rips the knot bonding them together.]
Finn: We need to get out of this.
Jake: Yeah, we still got to heal the snuffins out of Starchie with this little baby here. [Jake opens a compartment on himself and takes the cold spell out from earlier. He hands it to Finn.]
Finn: [looking at the bottle] All this for a cold spell. [He opens the bottle, which releases a blue, icy vapor.] What the-? Ice? [He closes the bottle.] Hmm.
Eyepatched Criminal: Hey, Milkface isn't dead! [Abracadaniel gets up and holds his hair out of his face.]
Abracadaniel: Strike me down and restore my honor.
Princess Bubblegum: No!!
Eyepatched Criminal: Sorry, but you have to kill him. Otherwise, we'll kill all of yous two both.
Finn: Peebs! Incoming! [Finn throws the cold spell at Princess Bubblegum.]
Princess Bubblegum: What?
Finn: It's a cold spell, not a cold spell.
Wizard Policeman: Prisoner, drop that contraband magic!
Princess Bubblegum: [Princess Bubblegum opens the cold spell to shoot icy winds at the policemen.] Whoa! [Icy winds and snow cover everything in the prison cafeteria as Princess Bubblegum stares in awe.]
Finn: Get down! [Scene changes to after the entire cafeteria is completely covered in ice. Jake has protected Finn and Princess Bubblegum by turning into an igloo. He morphs back into a dog form.]
Finn: Your magicks are powerful, PB.
Princess Bubblegum: Okay. Let's get out of here.
[Jake busts through the ice with a giant fist. He has a frozen Abracadaniel in his other hand as the three walk out of the prison.]
Finn: Poor Starchie. All that trouble and we couldn't get any magic for him.
Princess Bubblegum: Hmm. I've got an idea.
[Scene changes to Starchie's hospital room.]
Starchie: [moaning]
[Abracadaniel rises from one side of Starchie's bed. He uses his wand to create a rainbow over his head.]
Abracadaniel: Oooooo!
Starchie: Eh? Finally! Healing magic. Oh, I can feel it!
[From the other side of the bed, Finn grabs Starchie from behind.]
Starchie: No!
Princess Bubblegum: [lifting the serum] Rubeldubel dingeldongel-[Princess Bubblegum injects Starchie with the serum.] Pffrt!
Episode ends
This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "You Forgot Your Floaties" from season 6, which aired on June 1, 2015.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Magic Man
Betty Grof
Tiny Manticore
Grob Gob Glob Grod (in Magic Man's mind)
GOLB
Ice King
Gunter
Margles
Abracadaniel
Ron James
Huntress Wizard
Naked Wizard
Prismo
Snail
Music
What Remains
Locations
Magic Man's house
Land of Ooo
Grass Lands
This transcript is complete, but needs better editing.


Transcript

Finn: Glob's helmet coming in fast!

Jake: Yo, I'm zoomed in too far. Making me sick.

[ Both shout ] 

Finn: See it?

Jake: [ Burps ] Sees it!

[ Wind whistling ]

Jake: Whoa, good thing it sprinkled this morning, right? This tall, wet grass feels good on my legs. 

Finn: Huh, what? Who's that? 

Jake: I don't know. It looks like we should've skipped brunch. Early bird got the worm, and then the worm was his brunch.

Finn: Our brunch was sick.

Jake: Right. Now we got the calorie fuel to jump this fool.

Finn: Oh, my truth, dude! Is that Betty? 

Jake: Betty's dead.

Finn: Disappeared doesn't always mean dead.

Jake: Eh, you're right. She looks alive.

Finn: Alive and off the grid, snatching up glob remnants. I got a weird feeling in my fat basket. Like, what does she want with glob's helmet, and why has she got new glasses on?

Jake: What do we want with glob's helmet?

Finn: Dude, we're scavengers.

Jake: Is that what we are? Okay, stealth mode.

[ Distorted gulp ]

[ Distorted gag ]

Finn: Oh, no, man!

Jake: Magic man's house! Likely, he's got Betty under a mind-control spell! 

Finn: Shoot, man, I don't want to deal with this guy.

Jake: He's a tough adversary, but if we hide in the trees, pinpoint his location, maybe you can sever his spine before he can do his magic on us.

Magic Man: Good plan!

Jake: Get the spine! Whoa!

Magic Man: [ Laughs ] Whoa! [ Laughs ] Babies!

Finn: Ohh! There goes!

Magic Man: Shh, shh! Peace. [ Sniffs, sighs ] Like a red, raw trash hatch. [ Laughs ] You're in luck! Come on! You get to rule over my house while I'm gone for the rest of forever right here on my shelf of special friends, margles and tiny manticore.

Tiny Manticore: You promised me I would rule!

Magic Man: How can a coward rule the roost? You escaped once and came right back. How sad is that, huh?

Tiny Manticore: You gave me some kind of hostage syndrome! I need therapy!

Magic Man: Well, Finn and Jake are heroes, so try being more like them, why don't you? Peace! [ Chuckles ]

Tiny Manticore: Finn and Jake?! What did you do?! You monster! [ Growls ] I would do something if I could! You hear me, magic man?! You hear me?! 

Betty: What's all that yelling?

Magic Man: Little guy's sad to see me go. 

Betty: Well, there it is -- what remains of your brother,Glob. 

Magic Man: [ Singing ] What remains? Tell me what remains, some loser smashed out your brains... [ Abruptly returns to speaking voice] End of song.

Betty: So, this thing's really gonna transmute you into the new glob?

Magic Man: Of course, and then I'm gonna make it rain on Mars in a bad way. Fire up those ovens, honey! This is exciting!

Betty: A little sad though, right?

Magic Man: Which part?

Betty: Your brother blowing up in space. Doesn't that mess you up?

Magic Man: Nothing messes me up.

Betty: I don't believe that. Like, who is margles, and why is there a picture of her on your shelf? Something there connects to who you are and your magic.

Magic Man: Someone shines a light into my dark-wizard matter, a way to unclose the circuit of Magic... Madness... and Sadness.

Betty: That's right. M.M.S. Runs through all magic users. I hung out with scores of them, all displaying varying degrees of magic... madness... and sadness. Studying these symptoms could lead me to their underlying cause, and then I'll control the forces that hold sway over Simon.

Magic Man: I see.

Betty: You see what?

Magic Man: The coconut crab who swims in your neighbor's pool at night. Maybe Simon's in there, too. Who else holds their breath in there, Betty?

Betty: All magic users swim in the loomy gloom.

[ Cut to upstairs on the shelf ]

Tiny Manticore: Finn and Jake, if you can hear me, listen! There's a lady downstairs. She thinks she can save her BF, Simon, by finding the source of magic, but she ain't gonna find Jack squat! Magic man's using her! He's gonna make her a talking skateboard or something stupid like that! I can't help because I'm psychologically powerless! But you are heroes, and I believe in you! I believe! You hear me?! Please!

[ Gasps ]

Go Jake or...Finn! Which ever! Save her! Wait! No! Oh, Glob, I'm sorry! I didn't plan this out!

Magic Man: Whew! Good pump! Fire's ablaze! Pump to failure -- that's what weightlifters say.

Betty: So, what happens now? We sweat it out in a magic-induced trance. My essence marinates Glob's helmet with its ancient human DNA code, which should cause it to act as a sorcerer's stone for your transmutation into the Globhead. 

Magic Man: Which should allow me to activate my ancient martian transport.

Betty: Is this gonna change you? 

Magic Man: Will it change you? And will you be hungry after? Why don't you finish baking your famous bread, huh?

[ Cut to upstairs on the shelf ]

Tiny Manticore: This is your last chance! The dirt should break your fall, then it's up to you 'cause I'm ​useless. Go! Yes! ​

[ Laughs ]

Do it!

[ Cut back downstairs ]

Betty: Bread's going... ​  In. ​

Magic Man: Hurry up, Betty. All the answers to your theories as our spirits meld. ​

Betty: Okay, be right there! It's gonna get sweaty?

Magic Man: The more skin mist, the ​better.

Betty: So, you're not afraid of what I might see in you? ​

Magic Man: No, dumb-dumb. You imagined the lock before the key. ​You think this is the key, but it's a waste basket. ​  Flumes open! ​

[ Hissing ]

Betty: We'll see.

Magic Man: Smooth and gray as far as you ​can see. No life grows in me. Nothing to weed. Nothing to seed. Pure and perfect. Like the marble floors of a bank. You slide with no obstacles, forever blank. ​

[ Wind whistles ]

Betty: Whoa. It really is like he said.​ Sort of cool, though.

The key. Whoa.


[ Soft rumbling ]


Aha!

Bingo! Whoa!

[ Shouting indistinctly ] [ Gasps ]

85 00:06:39,233 --> 00:06:43,569  Margles? Open your eyes, margles.  Who's that?

86 00:06:43,571 --> 00:06:47,973  I'm magic man, and that's my sibling, glob.  [ Robotic voice ] Hi.

87 00:06:47,975 --> 00:06:52,645 Uh, could I talk to you a sec?  Okay. What's up?   That's ​ our new planetary

88 00:06:52,647 --> 00:06:57,149 defense system?  Yeah, margles.  Margles is your wife, dude.

89 00:06:57,151 --> 00:07:03,088  My wife was taken by golb.  [ Growls softly ]  This is like my tribute.

90 00:07:03,090 --> 00:07:07,660 I'm gonna install her right there on Olympus mons so she can protect us from golb.

91 00:07:07,662 --> 00:07:11,997  But you named her after your wife.  Yeah, but it stands for

92 00:07:11,999 --> 00:07:16,135 "magical automated resistance generating laser energy supplier."

93 00:07:16,137 --> 00:07:19,638  Come again?  Whatever. I wanted to call her margles.

94 00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:24,610  So, you used magic to make her, and you don't think your feelings for your lost wife

95 00:07:24,612 --> 00:07:29,081 might have compromised your spell programming?  No, that's crazy.

96 00:07:29,083 --> 00:07:33,452 Her appearance is just a  symbol ​  of margles. ​   Why do I feel like this is ​

97 00:07:33,454 --> 00:07:37,523  the worst idea ever? ​   What a great idea going on ​  this hike. ​

98 00:07:37,525 --> 00:07:43,529   Why didn't you magic us up? ​   Uh, I guess I wanted to know ​  more about you since I created ​

99 00:07:43,531 --> 00:07:49,301  you in a deep trance state. ​   All I am is in you, so know ​  yourself, magic man. ​

100 00:07:49,303 --> 00:07:53,706   Yeah, duh, okay. ​  To the top then! ​  Wa... ​

101 00:07:53,708 --> 00:07:58,110  Zaa! ​  Okay, then, ready to initiate ​  the install? ​

102 00:07:58,112 --> 00:08:01,380   Yes. ​   Wait, hold on. ​  You should come back down. ​

103 00:08:01,382 --> 00:08:06,051   I got to stop the second ​  coming of golb. ​   Uh, he's probably not coming ​

104 00:08:06,053 --> 00:08:09,388  back. ​  I wish he   would. ​  Maybe I would see   you ​ again --

105 00:08:09,390 --> 00:08:13,058 original you. I looked everywhere, you know.  So what?

106 00:08:13,060 --> 00:08:16,795  Every dimension, every dead world. I even wished you back in

107 00:08:16,797 --> 00:08:22,234 prismo's time room. [ Warbling ]  Balls, man, that has never

108 00:08:22,236 --> 00:08:27,573 happened before.  But you were gone, erased, only existing here...

109 00:08:27,575 --> 00:08:32,211 And  here. ​  For hundreds of years, I held ​  that sadness until my magic and ​

110 00:08:32,213 --> 00:08:37,750  science were strong enough to ​  create you from my nightmares. ​   Then let me do what you built ​

111 00:08:37,752 --> 00:08:41,587  me for. ​  [ Gasps ] ​   I take it back! ​

112 00:08:41,589 --> 00:08:46,425  Aah! ​  [ Rattling ] ​   Finn: [ Sighs ] ​

113 00:08:46,427 --> 00:08:50,562   [ Shouts ] ​   Don't activate, margles! ​  You came from   me,  so you got to​

114 00:08:50,564 --> 00:08:53,732 understand!  I came from... [ Distorted voice ] Your

115 00:08:53,734 --> 00:08:59,104 nightmares!  [ Screaming ] [ Electricity crackling ]

116 00:08:59,106 --> 00:09:03,342  Finn: [ Grunts ] [ Grunts ] [ Grunts ] Unh!

117 00:09:03,344 --> 00:09:07,713 [ Moaning ]  [ Gasps ]  [ Shouting indistinctly ]

118 00:09:07,715 --> 00:09:11,617 Ohh! Unh!  Finn: [ Shouting ]

119 00:09:11,619 --> 00:09:17,289  Unh!  [ Gasps ]  [ Moaning ]

120 00:09:17,291 --> 00:09:23,562 Oomph!  [ Grunts ] Wait, what's happening?!

121 00:09:23,564 --> 00:09:28,534 Aah!  Finn: [ Grunts ] [ Breathing heavily ]

122 00:09:28,536 --> 00:09:33,539 [ Hissing ]  [ Moans ] What the... Oh, look, the bread's alive.

123 00:09:33,541 --> 00:09:38,644 Betty, you see?!  I see a crab emerging from a dark pool.

124 00:09:38,646 --> 00:09:47,619  Oh, yeah? W-what does the crab say? [ Rumbling in distance ]

125 00:09:47,621 --> 00:09:54,593  Aaaaah! [ Cackling ] Laters!

126 00:09:54,595 --> 00:10:02,334  Whoa. My sadness is gone, and my -- ow!

127 00:10:02,336 --> 00:10:06,138 Hey!  Finn: Murm, muph, maph.  Do what?

128 00:10:06,140 --> 00:10:10,142  Finn: Murm, muph, maph.  Turn you back?  Finn: Meph!

129 00:10:10,144 --> 00:10:14,780  I can't. I think I'm just a normie now. Maybe someone in wizard city can

130 00:10:14,782 --> 00:10:17,182 help. Ow!  Finn: Maph, moh.

131 00:10:17,184 --> 00:10:18,851  Ow!

132 00:10:18,853 --> 00:10:27,192  Finn, is that you and Jake?  Finn: My, muh, mu, mimuh, mimuh.

133 00:10:27,194 --> 00:10:31,630  Fly you to wizard city? I can't!  Finn: Meh, moo, mam!

134 00:10:31,632 --> 00:10:38,537 Moo, mah, mu, uh!  [ Shouting ] Thank you, heroes!

135 00:10:38,539 --> 00:10:45,210 You helped me find my courage!  Finn: Mih, muh, mim, mo, muh. Normal Man: What do normies do? Get smoothies or something?

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "You Made Me" from season 4, which aired on August 27, 2012.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Earl of Lemongrab
Princess Bubblegum
Lemongrab 2
Pup Gang
Music
None
Locations
Candy Kingdom
Castle Lemongrab
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode begins at night, at the Candy Castle. Princess Bubblegum is in her laboratory with Finn, Jake, Peppermint Butler, and Crunchy. Finn is wearing an electronic helmet connected to a monitor, as is Crunchy. A bored Jake sleeps nearby.]
Princess Bubblegum: Okay. I'm going to lower the screen. Tell me what you see.
Finn: Crunchy, you look like a rainbow! It's beautiful! Can you guys see that?
Princess Bubblegum: Nope. Only you can see it because you're hooked up to the aura visualizer. But actually I'm lying. We can see everything you see on this screen. Now I'm gonna send that image into Crunchy.
Crunchy: Whoa!
Finn: The aura's gone!
Princess Bubblegum: Except... [lifts monitor away, aura is still visible around Crunchy] Crunchy's true essence manifested in the material plane!
Finn: I wanna see Peppermint Butler's aura!
Peppermint Butler: [chuckles] You don't wanna see that!
Finn: Yeah, we do! Right, Princess?
Princess Bubblegum: Sure, Finn! Just let me re-calibrate the device!
Jake: No! Bunk that, I'm tired! C'mon, Finn!
Finn: Oh, yeah. Yeah, me and Jake, we gotta peace out.
Finn & Jake: G'night!
[Finn and Jake walk down the dark hallway, to hear beeping noises coming from the Banana Guard's monitoring room. They curiously pop in.]
Finn: Hey- what's goin' on in here? Yo, guys!
Banana Guards: Hey, Finn!
Finn: Whoa, what's that? Security cams?
Banana Guard 1: Yeah, man! You gotta see some crazy stuff—
Banana Guard 2: Yo, shut up!
Banana Guard 1: Oh, shoot...
Finn & Jake: What?
Banana Guard 2: Nothin'!
Finn & Jake: What is it?
Banana Guards: Nothing!
Finn & Jake: Show us now!
Banana Guards: Show you what?
Finn & Jake: What you said!
Banana Guards: We didn't say nothin'!
Finn & Jake: Too late for take-backs! We practically know everything already! Now show us!
Banana Guard 1: Okay, but you can't tell anyone.
Banana Guard 2: Yeah, this is our weird secret.
Jake: Of course, dude!
Banana Guard 1: All right. Now look at monitor three. Can you see it?
Finn: Oh, yeah! That's, uh... Who is that?
Jake: That's Chocoberry. Why are you guys spyin' on Chocoberry?
Banana Guard 2: No, man! Look there, in the corner!
Finn: Who's that?
Banana Guard 1: Zoom in, dude!
Banana Guard 2: Plus, plus, plus, plus, plus, plus, plus, plus...
Finn: WAAAAAAAAAAAAUH! Lemongrab! What the—?
Banana Guard 1: This is our weird secret, okay? Remember that!
[Scene cuts to the Guard Room a few minutes into the future. In front of the monitors sits an angry Princess Bubblegum, flanked by a group of upset Candy People, who are shouting angrily.]
Princess Bubblegum: How long has this been going on?
Banana Guard 1: He's shown up every night for the past two weeks!
Banana Guard 2: He goes to different rooms and just stands there!
Princess Bubblegum: And you didn't tell me?!
Banana Guard 1: If we told you, then we knew you'd mess up our weird TV show!
Banana Guard 2: Banana guarding is boring!
Princess Bubblegum: I'm gonna talk to him.
Banana Guard 1: Oh, no! Ya see?!
Princess Bubblegum: Sorry, guys!
[Princess Bubblegum races down the hallway to Chocoberry's room, where she finds Lemongrab, standing by the window, looking suspicious.]
Princess Bubblegum: Lemongrab! [flicks on lightswitch]
Earl of Lemongrab: NNYUGH! [winces at light]
Princess Bubblegum: Why are you stalking my peeps?!
Earl of Lemongrab: I AM WITHIN MY RIGHTS!
Princess Bubblegum: Yeah, but what are you doing?! It's creepin' me out!
Earl of Lemongrab: ...Uh... I AM THE EARL...
Princess Bubblegum: ...Yeah?
Earl of Lemongrab: The earl... OF NOTHING!!! Ugh, nugh... [leans backwards and sticks head through window]
Princess Bubblegum: Wait! What do you mean "nothing"?
Earl of Lemongrab: CASTLE LEMONGRAB HAS NO CITIZENS! [points at the princess. As he yells, the candy people, Finn, and Jake watch the scene on the monitor] YEOOOU HAVE EXCESS CANDIES! YOU MUST DONATE! DOOONAAATE!!!
Starchie: In your dreams, you freak!
Princess Bubblegum: [to Lemongrab, who is now slithering out of the window like a snake] But you don't get along with others! I don't understand you, Lemongrab!
Earl of Lemongrab: No one... no one understands! I am alone! And you made me like this. [he slithers out of the window and falls to the ground below with a loud "Klang!"] YOU MADE ME! YOOOU MAAADE ME!!! [as he runs, he begins ripping off his clothes, letting them fly away in tattered shreds] YOU'RE... MY... GLOB! YOU'RE MY GLOB!
Princess Bubblegum: [Sighs and sadly presses her hands and face to the glass]
Finn: What are we gonna do?
Princess Bubblegum: Something totally bum-slops.
[The scene cuts to daytime. Princess Bubblegum has assembled her Candy People together for a meeting. They are all chanting in protest.]
Candy People: No, no, we won't go! No, no, we won't go! No, no...
Princess Bubblegum: Please, please! All I need is three healthy volunteers to move in with Lemongrab! He's all by himself with no one to govern!
Candy People: No, no, we won't go! No, no we won't go!
Princess Bubblegum: Come on, Mr. Cupcake! Just for a little while?
Mr. Cupcake: UUGH! [breaks own arm] I can't, Princess! My arm is broken!
Finn: Dude! You didn't have to do that...
Princess Bubblegum: Alright! What's it gonna take, people?!
Jamaica: Two things, Princess! Yeah, that's right! Back up, fools!
Princess Bubblegum: You got nerve showing your faces here, notorious Pup Gang!
Finn: Buncha bad apples!
Blombo: Back up, Finn! I'll take you out!
Toughy: We came out of hidin', 'cuz all y'alls is scareds of Lemon Man! But we ain't afraid! So we gots demands!
Princess Bubblegum: ...And what is that?
Jamaica: One—total amnesty for past crimes committed by the Pup Gang!
Princess Bubblegum: Mmmm... Granted.
Jake: Yo wait! They threw a basketball at my head one time! Are you gonna let that slide?!
Jamaica: We only did that 'cuz you're old!
Jake: You sacks! I'll rip your cups!
Princess Bubblegum: Jake, please! What is your second demand?
Toughy: We want the big cash money wad! Enough to provide for our delinquent mothers, so that hopefully they'll show us the love we always dreamed about in our sad, young lives!
Jake: Hmm.
Princess Bubblegum: I grant you the big cash money wad! Now off with you, to Castle Lemongrab!
[The scene cuts to the throne room of Castle Lemongrab, where the earl is seated before his three new subjects.]
Toughy: Yo, Lemongrease! We're gonna live here at Lemongrab now!
Earl of Lemongrab: Yes.
Jamaica: I'm Jamaica, and this is Toughy, and Blombo! [Blombo is dancing to his headphones]
Earl of Lemongrab: Blombo, what is that?
Jamaica: What?
Earl of Lemongrab: On Blombo's ears...
Jamaica: That's his headphones!
Earl of Lemongrab: BLOMBO! Take them off! Blombo, you must heed my INSTRUCTIONS! TAKE OFF YOUR THIIINGS!!!
Toughy: Whoa! Settle down, Lemongrease!
Earl of Lemongrab: I-I-I AM NOT GREASE! THIS IS UNACCEPTABUUUUUUUUUUUUU—
Blombo: [lifts headphone up on one ear] What? What's goin' on?
Earl of Lemongrab: All unfit citizens of Lemongrab must be RECONDITIONED!
Blombo: Man! Are you crazy?!
Earl of Lemongrab: YYYEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOUUUHHH [walks over to mirror, points at reflection] MMMEEEEEEEEEE [head rotates creepily, Pup Gang terrified] EEEEAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! I HAVE TO USE MY SOUND SWORD NOW!!! [unsheathes sword, and as camera zooms out, his shoes were missing while he shoots a sonic blast at the Pup Gang, who scream, and then are rendered unconscious. Blombo's headphones explode] IT'S A SOOOUND SWOOORD!!!
[Scene cuts to a small, darkened room. The Pup Gang gradually wake up to find themselves on the floor.]
Jamaica: You guys... What? Where are we?
Earl of Lemongrab: YEEEEEOU are in my reconditioning chamber! [He stands before a small table, on which is a lever] You will receive four to three units of juice now! [He pushes the lever forward, licking his lips, and the floor of the chamber electrocutes the Pup Gang. They scream, and the Earl looks on with wide-eyed, manic wonder.] Oooouuah!
[The scene cuts to Princess Bubblegum, who is viewing the bedrooms on the security cameras. She is looking into Crunchy's room, speaking into a microphone.]
Princess Bubblegum: Crunchy, wake up, Crunchy.
Crunchy: Aaagh... Glob? Is that you?
Finn: No sign of Lemongrab for three days! I think it worked!
Princess Bubblegum: Maybe... Let's keep looking. [Flips through various views, and finally sees Lemongrab standing before a sleeping Starchie, his hands clasped behind his back.] Awww, geez! [Princess Bubblegum leaves the monitor room and goes to Starchie's room.] Hey!
Earl of Lemongrab: [sleepily] Nhuh?
Princess Bubblegum: What happened to your new citizens?
Earl of Lemongrab: [sleepily and monotonously] They didn't understand my lemon stylez. I like this way better.
Princess Bubblegum: Hmmm... I wonder if you don't understand their candy stylez! C'mon, lemme show you something!
[The scene cuts to daytime. Princess Bubblegum, Lemongrab, and Crunchy are sitting on a bench beneath a billowy pink tree. Finn and Jake sit close by, watching contently.]
Princess Bubblegum: You see, Earl, candy people are mad special. [begins cuddling Crunchy] They need constant stroking, and snuggling...
Earl of Lemongrab: [groans nervously]
Princess Bubblegum: Ah! [baby-talks to Crunchy, who giggles with delight. Princess Bubblegum giggles, then hands Crunchy to Lemongrab.] Here. You try.
Earl of Lemongrab: MMMMN?! [delivers a sharp poke to the forehead of Crunchy, who smiles up at him and giggles] Uh... Goo goo? Uh... Goo? [Lemongrab begins grunting and shouting nervously, and begins batting Crunchy on the head. In a matter of seconds, Lemongrab is screaming in terror, smacking Crunchy and punching him on the head. Lemongrab lets out a high-pitched shriek of terror, bolts up, and throws Crunchy onto the ground] PUT YOU IN MY OVEN! IT'S GROOOSS!!! [Princess Bubblegum tends to the terrified and crying Crunchy] And who says YOUR way's right, anyway? I look in the lemon heart you gave me and see MYYY lemon way to act! And that MUST be right! [Finn and Jake glare at Lemongrab. Princess Bubblegum look at him nervously. Suddenly, Lemongrab lets out a loud, piercing shriek and begins to flail his arms like limp spaghetti noodles. He jumps onto the back of Lemon Camel, who until then had been sleeping peacefully.]
Lemon Camel: MOOO!!! [Lemon Camel leaps up, and Lemongrab rides away on the terrified creature.]
Finn: Man, that guy's a real D-list!
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, dear! His Candy Citizens!
Finn: Let's crush this mess all accordingly!
Jake: Crazy lightbulb hardcore style!
Finn: Yeah!
Princess Bubblegum: No. He's my responsibility. I have to try to help him!
Finn: Okay, that's cool, too.
Jake: Hop on!
[Title music of "Burning Low" plays as princess Bubblegum, Jake, and Finn ride to Castle Lemongrab, and enter through the front door.]
Princess Bubblegum, Jake, and Finn: Lemongrab? Lemongrab!
Jake: No Lemongrab.
Finn: C'mon! Let's find the Pup Gang quick!
Princess Bubblegum: Wait. I have a plan. You guys go on ahead.
Finn: Okay, cool!
[Finn and Jake enter a dark hallway, and open a series of doors, to find left-handed catcher's mitts mounted on pedestals.]
Finn: What do you got, Jake?
Jake: Just an empty room with a catcher's mitt!
Finn: ...Weird.
Finn & Jake: [Gasp] Oh, no! [They open one door, to find the Pup Gang unconscious at the bottom of the Reconditioning Chamber. They desperately try to revive them. While trying to do so, Lemongrab steps into the room, and sees Finn and Jake. He abruptly closes the door on them, and walks over to his control panel to shock them, smiling gleefully and talking softly in a tranquil fury.]
Earl of Lemongrab: This is serious! Pup Gang got four units... Maaaybe... Maybe ten units for trespassers? [He shocks Finn, Jake, and the Pup Gang, who scream in agony. Jake lifts up his arm to reach them to the top of the chamber through the air vent.] YOU GOT TRICKS, HUH?! YOU GOTTA FALL DOWN SOMETIME! AND WHEN YOU DO, TWELVE UNITS!
Princess Bubblegum: Lemongrab, stop! Please! Earl, I can help you!
Earl of Lemongrab: NO! NO! NO MORE HELPING! [unsheathes Sound Sword] YOOOU'RE THE ONE WHO MADE ME THIS WAY! HOW CAN YOOOU HELP?! YOU WANNA UNLOAD YOUR PUNKEST BOYS ON ME?! AND TRYYY TO CHANGE MY WAYS?! YEH POISON! YEH POISON!!! [backs up the terrified princess into a corner] YOU NEED RECONDITIONING! [His eyes immediately grow to an enormous, manic size, as he swings his sword at the princess] RECONDITIIIIIION!!! YEEEEOOOOOOOUUUU!!!
Finn: Whoa! [Finn runs through the electric floor, breaks through the glass, and blocks the Sound Sword's swing from the princess, protecting her. Finn falls to the floor, unconscious.]
Earl of Lemongrab: Whoa, whoa, what the hey?!
Princess Bubblegum: Wait, Lemongrab, look! [Princess Bubblegum points to the door. A naked Lemongrab clone steps inside]
Lemongrab clone: Hello? Am I in the right room?
Earl of Lemongrab: NEEEEH! WHAT?! WHO'S THIS RIGAMAROLE?!
Lemongrab clone: I'm Lemongrab!
Earl of Lemongrab: O-oh!
Princess Bubblegum: I made him for you, in your pantry. For you to be with!
Earl of Lemongrab: [approaches Lemongrab clone cautiously] T-two Lemongrabs? Hmmm! [Lemongrab begins poking his clone all over his face and body. Soon after, the Lemongrab clone does the same to Lemongrab. When they're finished, they smile.] Hmmm... Yeah, okay!
Lemongrab clone: Yeah! [The Lemongrabs close their eyes and nuzzle their faces together, smiling and humming happily] All in favor of pardoning the prisoners?
Earl of Lemongrab: Aye!
Lemongrab clone: PARDONS FOR ALL!
[The scene cuts to the sunset. The Lemongrabs stand atop the castle side-by-side. The Lemongrab clone is now clothed in a white version of Lemongrab's outfit, and has a lemon pegasus. Princess Bubblegum, Jake, and Finn say good-bye to the Lemongrabs and wave to them as they leave the castle.]
Finn, Jake, and Princess Bubblegum: Good bye, Lemongrabs! [Waving]
Princess Bubblegum: Take care, boys!
Earl of Lemongrab: Yes! Yes, indeed! A-ha-ha! A lemon gives by taking...
Lemongrab clone: ...and cares by YELLING!
Earl of Lemongrab: Hmm!
Lemongrab clone: Hmm!
Earl of Lemongrab: Well, okay! STOP BY ANY TIIIME!!!
Lemongrab clone: BUT CALL FIRST!!!
Earl of Lemongrab: YES, GOOD-BYYYE!!!
[Episode ends]

Credits:

Website: Samie Bee (she/her) bensa.games

Methodology: I scraped AT fandom wiki using posix-builtins, I processed the data partially using regex and vim, and finally perform a linear search in javascript. If you supply a generic term such as "Bunny" multiple episodes will be listed. Avoid quotes that contain unpredictable punctuation.

Please expect the browser to lag for a second during search.

Artwork: https://codepen.io/afonsopacifer/

Transcripts: https://adventuretime.fandom.com/

Adventure Time: Pen Ward et Al